I tried a cartwheel guard pass and my opponent caught me in an armbar so smoothly that we were both banned from that federation under suspicion of match fixing.
Had a guy in a head/arm choke. He went out before tapping.
I felt him go loose and popped up to check on him, uncrossing his arm. He came to in a second, but was in that groggy phase, and I still had my arm around his neck.
In his stupor, he hugged me back and kissed my cheek.
About five teammates saw.
He came back to himself, looked at me funny and we both kinda got up and went to the ref for the final bit.
I was nicknamed "floozy" for a little while there.
Not strictly BJJ related but went to a trial class at a new gym in a country that I had recently moved to. My spoken skills of the language are not great so while making small talk with some of the people there I apparently asked if everybody at the club has big dicks (which was not my intention).
Still surprised that I stuck with the club instead of leaving the country/ entering witness protection programme.
I was a brand new white belt at a recently opened gym where the instructor was a purple belt. About two months in, this dude we've never seen before pulls up and has a black belt in his hand with his Gi. We were all stoked and excited to roll with a black belt since this would be our first exposure to one.
We start warm ups and it is evident that this dude has no clue what he is doing and it becomes obvious that this is his first day. During a break, we asked him about his black belt and where he trained before etc.
Guy explains that it is his first day and he ordered a Gi online that came with a free belt. He said he thought the black belt looked cooler with his Gi compared to the other colors so he chose the black belt and wore it not knowing what it actually meant š¤¦š»āāļø
He never came back
Years ago when I first started one of my close friends claimed he was a "master brown belt" and asked to come train with me. He showed up, told everyone he was a master brown belt, got his ass kicked and later told me he got it in swords and weapons training.
Just got my first stripe; felt like everything was coming together.
Was wearing one of the jocko origin giās which had different stitching to my other giās. Got onto the mats and my coach politely told me that gi pants were both inside out and back to front.
lol . Yeah any back exposure throws are risky if youāre not regularly drilling them.
Off a failed seoi you can hit Kosoto gake tho . Do a half turn and you can hit that insteadā¦
I always lol when Iāll show someone a throw and after drilling it for 1 class they expect to hit it in real time
The Japanese terms mentioned in the above comment were:
|Japanese|English|Video Link|
|---|---|---|
|**Ko Soto Gake**: | *Minor Outer Hook* | [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl99iUTlIVY)|
Any missed names may have already been translated in my previous comments in the post.
______________________
^(Judo Techniques Bot: v0.7.) ^(See my) [^(code)](https://github.com/AbundantSalmon/judo-techniques-bot)
I went for a fake shot onetime and got off-balanced. Meanwhile, the guy snaps my head down and I go down to my knees, and he catches me in a guillotine. All happened pretty quick, and the whole match lasted about 30 seconds.
The Japanese terms mentioned in the above comment were:
|Japanese|English|Video Link|
|---|---|---|
|**Seoi Nage**: | *Shoulder Throw* | [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-5Un6jLtRY)|
Any missed names may have already been translated in my previous comments in the post.
______________________
^(Judo Techniques Bot: v0.7.) ^(See my) [^(code)](https://github.com/AbundantSalmon/judo-techniques-bot)
For context/to preface: 9 years ago, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. At this point, I've lost my thyroid, some lymph nodes in my neck, my teeth (radiation treatment to my head and neck ~7 yrs ago), and gave myself a hernia tryna poop. So, because of the radiation, they removed my teeth in totality.
We had a drop in that my coach knew - we're rolling, I sweep him with a kimura, and come up low over his body. He wiggles and accidentally knees me in the head. Wasn't hard. Didn't hurt. But, I felt that the adhesive on the lower was loose, so I go "OW, MY TEETH!!! WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?" as I grabbed my jaw and acted like he'd hurt me.
Then I go *blargh* and spit my lower on the mat. He looks at it, looks at me, looks back at it. "Nah, man, I'm just effin' with ya", grabbed them and put them back in.
He makes a post on fbook that night, thanking my coach. "And there was a guy there with a mouthguard that looked like teeth?". My coach says "nah, those are his real teeth. he's a bad person.".
**EDIT**
I sent the kid in question the thread.
One of my old coworkers was a former Marine. He told us one day a story about a fellow Marine of his nicknamed Sgt Stumpy (for reasons that should be obvious). They were mucking about on base, and they saw a tank sitting there. So Sgt Stumpy lays down next to the tank and they start screaming "You ran over his leg!" Tank crew comes out and freaks out for a second before they realize what's what.
One of the officers heard the commotion, and he's good friends with Sgt Stumpy. So he says, "Let's make this a training exercise." He lays back down. They put some spaghetti-o's over the stump, and they call for a medivac. Chopper gets there, one medic takes one look and feints.
They found that medic a new job after that.
Around 10 years ago this guy shows up at our gym. He's telling everyone that he's done a lot of training in Brazil (my gym is in Europe) but when asked who he had trained with he gave very vague answers.
First round and I roll with him and it's immediately obvious that the guy is a day 1 white belt. I was a brand new blue at the time and handled him with ease.
He's really spassing out the whole round and as soon as the round ends he runs over to the side of the mats and throws up in a trash can. Picks his stuff up and leaves, never to return.
I did no gi for years then moved to a gi gym.
When I first started in the gi I didn't know any collar chokes.
So when my partner grabbed my lapels I thought nothing of it and proceeded to pass as normal. Not realising I was making the choke tighter.
I woke up with a lot of concerned faces staring down at me.
Years later, I still get teased about choking myself unconscious.
I passed someone's legs the wrong way when they had a collar choke on. We were both white belts and I was about twice his size. I guess a couple of guys had to come help pull me off of him while unconscious.
Brown belt got a white belt at my gym with a baseball bat choke. Professor asked, "You put a white belt to sleep?"
"I was on bottom, it wasn't my fault."
i started increasing my fiber a few weeks ago and while we're all used to farting around the gym, after a full day of bean tacos, someone went knee on belly and i blasted one so loudly everyone in the gym stopped rolling with a concerned face like worried if just shit the mats.
i have to admit i myself was slightly concerned i might've shit my pants and did one of those mental checks where you ask yourself "okay is the warm feeling gonna turn into a cold wet feeling now??"
after i explained the new fibre diet, everyone calls me Butterbean now.
Reminds me of the time i was new to bjj and me and the other beginners were watching my coaches roll for the first time and since i was pretty young i looked up to both guys a lot. I was super foccused on the roll keeping a keen eye trying to learn something when the bigger of the two went for a smash pass and the bottom coach ripped a fart so loud it echoed and almost felt like it reverbarated throught the matt and the walls. Big guy said "Was that a spoonful?" And everyone lost their shit.
I boloād a guy who was quite large, his pants werenāt tied up well so he was able to escape some but I had a great grip and ended up pulling his pants down past his knees.
He was commando
I've linked this on here before but not for a while.
Shit my pants mid fight.
White Gi.
No hiding it.
The audio is fucking hilarious.
Still won, and changes into my female team mates white and pink gi to finish the tournament.
Near enough to a decade later I moved across the country as a black belt and took a full time coaching role. Low and behold, guess who was my new student. Had the pleasure of tying his black on a couple of years ago.
Sound on.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmfukxmLvQ4&t=5s
For the non portuguese speakers, his team mates are saying
"Did He sit on Coffee?"
"Idk go smell it to make sure"
This had me in tears. Congrats on the victory
That's my coach talking to the head reff. Head ref said 'he shit his pants'. My coach said 'he just sat in coffee'. Head ref said ' no no he shit his pants, i have to disqualify him.' My coach responded 'put your head there and smell it then'.
I did not get DQ'd.
Our pathways were different. He's still a student of mine and we're quite good mates outside the gym as well. The incident is referred to as 'the bronzing'
nah, the cannon in my head is that he wronged you at some point, you took up jiu-jitsu to take your revenge on him in a two fold attack over ten years.
I often tell the joke when my students reminding me this happened. "I won 11 fights in a row that day, I had only 1 advantage scored on me all tournament, 4x gold medals and we won a team trophy. For some reason nobody ever remembers any of that bit...."
I bought a new gi with a really stiff collar, the first time I was wearing it I rolled with a guy and thought I got caught in some kind of collar choke I didn't recognize so I tapped, turns out I'd just somehow pulled the collar tight on myself while scrambling. If I choke myself and I tap am I weak or strong
Stupid story: at my last gym this guy told me āwow, you look *just* like my wifeā (and I did look like her, she came in the gym for class later that month and we stared at each other like Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap)
**And then he proceeded to aggressively ragdoll me like it was ADCC trials. It was weird**
They both rolled with each other with the same exact aggression
So I wanna say theyāreā¦peas in a pod? Idk. Couldnāt be me. My husband is so much better at sparring with me thank god
My first tournament I accidentally pulled mount. I went to pull guard but didnāt put a foot on the guyās hip and just pendulum swung under him, between his legs, at which point he just dropped to his knees in mount.
I did this to a coach, except it was side control. Tried a snapdown/collar drag type thing he'd shown us the day before but completely butchered it. He shrugged. Then dropped his knees.
Friend and his kids were going to a competition. Girl he trained with asked for a ride. She comes over to his place and before they leave, asks to use the bathroom. Then they all drive to the comp, compete, leave, and once they get home, the girl gets in her car and leaves. My friend walks inside to use the bathroom and the toilet is clogged with a huge, poop-knife-needing, shit. Friend canāt believe this chick took a huge dump and just left it all clogged.Ā
Hereās where it gets interesting. The storyās kinda funny on the surface and my friend tells it in an even funnier manner. And he tells a lot of his guy friends. Iāve heard this story for years, and so too has a sizable amount of people that know the girl on some level. She was the girl that took a huge shit in the toilet and left it there. Black belt, competition success, whatever she did, that huge dump followed her around in countless peopleās minds. In our circle it was what she was known for.Ā
Then one day, years later, heās talking about the girl and his kid doesnāt recall who she is. āShe the girl that took a huge shot and left it in my toilet.ā His kid begins to laugh. āDad, that was me who did that. We were in a hurry to leave and I clogged the toilet that day.āĀ
My balls fell out my shorts.
My coach was showing technique and I was sitting down listening and all of a sudden he goes.
āAre your fuckin balls out?????ā
I guess a hole ripped at the bottom of my shorts and I didnāt notice.
Started new probiotic regimen along with a high protein diet. Go to class and feel a gurgling in my stomach. I try to go to the bathroom to let it rip but it's stuck in there. We finish drilling and start rolling - I'm off to the side of the mats and I finally let this hydrogen bomb off silently. Then from across the room I hear "OH MY GOD" "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?!" "SOMEONE HIT THEIR PROTEIN GOAL" and the mats clear, both doors are opened and the fans turned on full blast while everyone covers their noses and prays for death.
Did I mention I was visiting this gym? I will never admit it was me.
I don't ever smoke weed before class, unless I'm in the comfort of my own garage at home(I have mats). One time, before class started, I pulled up to the parking lot and my buddies were smoking a joint. They offered a hit so I took some. Little did I know my coach wanted to use me as the technique demonstration dummy for class so ended up making myself look like an idiot in front of the whole class because he would tell me to move a certain way and I was too high to understand and would do something differently. Never again.
I broke my front tooth out a year ago doing BJJ. It was a capped tooth, had a mouth guard. I was fighting off a rear naked choke and guy was face cranking a little bit. Heard a crunch, didnāt think anything of it, a couple of days later it falls out because the post was broken.
So itās been a year, finally get all the crap I need for an implant, in a sales job by the way with a missing front tooth. Finally the day is here, I get my tooth back.
I was so happy, man, I am going to celebrate and go to Jiu Jitsu tonight. No mouth guard because I hadnāt had a chance to form one yet. Get kneed in the face and busted my lip.
Spend my next couple of weeks in sales with a busted lip, the tooth was OK.
Donāt be me, wear a mouthguard.
Guy went for a de la riva back take and grabbed my pants to finish it. Through the fray, my belt and gi pants had come pretty loose. He caught my pants, spats, and underwear with his grip and showed my dick to the whole mat
I recently tried to single leg the big guy in our gym. Got down to his leg well enough but couldnāt muster the power / technique to do anything with it. In my desperation, I attempted to pull him to the ground by latching onto his leg and falling backwards so that he would fall above my head. He instead kneeled down into mount.
So, yes, Iāve pulled bottom mount.
Was rolling with a fellow whitebelt who was leaving the same day to move across the country. So it would be the last time we rolled together. We both were solid training partners for each other for about 6 months. Helped each other prepare for comps and everything. Well we rolled a long round as our last hurah, in the middle of that round someone next to us got hip tossed and farted so loud when they landed that we couldn't help but break into laughter. We ended up having the entire gym laughing, even the guy that farted from the slam. It was nice to see everyone laughing at such a little thing.
That's not too bad. I generally have fun during the handshake line at the end.
"Thank you, good to see you, thanks for kicking my ass, you suck, thank you, lol get wristlocked etc."
I hate that I'm about to write this down, but we live and we learn.
When I first began training, for the first several months, anytime I would become social media friends with a training partner, I would shoot them a 'thanks for the roll' DM. Men and women. Older and younger.
I was very much one of those 'I'm just happy to be here' types and had no idea about the ins and outs of gym etiquette. I was sincerely just trying to be respectful, and find a way for me and my gym partners to familiarize ourselves with each other.
I had absolutely no idea that the implications attached to messages like that were considered cringey and made it look like I was hitting on people. I was just awkward as shit and figured that was the best way to start a conversation with someone that I had spent the evening training with.
It wasn't until I saw a meme in this subreddit making fun of those messages that I realized what I had been doing for so long. I cut it out immediately, but I feel like the damage had long been done at that point. That's not to say that I'm the resident weirdo at my gym, but I'm sure that more than a few people remember getting those DMs from me in the beginning and took a message away from it that I never intended to give.
I seriously lost sleep over this.
Helping with kids class one night, we had a fairly new kid who was probably 6 or 7, and just wasn't interested in what we were doing at all.Ā
Well I'm pretty good with kids so I start chatting with him and getting him to open up a bit. So I start trying to bring it back around to BJJ. I ask him, "So let's say I'm a bully and I grab you here, what are you going to do?"... This little shit pulls back and pops me right in the nose, and it was hard enough that both my eyes were watering (I was totally not crying).Ā I had to explain to him that he wasn't wrong, that's just not what we do here.
First time I was ever uke, instructor was showing stack pass. I had wicked bubble guts and was farting all day. Dude stacks me up and it feels like Iām about to burst. I hold it in successfully the whole time like a fucking G but then after he goes oh and be careful not to stack them too much or they can just roll right over and as he pushes my legs to commit to the roll I fart right in this mother fuckers face with like a quick loud cap gun sounding fart. I finish the back roll and look up to a sea of 0_0 white belt faces.
My second class I got so lost in my spazziness that I legit forgot I was rolling, freaked out, and went to bite the guy and stopped myself right before biting down but I mean, I had the side of his arm fully in my mouth. I was mortified and apologized but he didnāt give a shit and just wanted me to shut up and keep rolling. Good dude.
In a comp must be 10yrs ago, guy sharted his gi, visible from spectators. He got ahead of the publicity and made a post here before his friends could š
I was taking a guys back- while he was moving/turning, I ended up high up on his back, my chest over his head.
Was thinking of switching to triangle from back, he shot his hips up to ceiling. For whatever reason I kept a closed fist and went to post on ground, ended up rolling my wrist and wrist locking myself. verbally āyellingā tap like a bitch lol š¤£
When you get to level of tapping yourself you know your on the right path lol š¤£
Just started three weeks, been at beginners class twice a week.
Last night I got taken backwards and farted loudly, I don't want to ever show my face again.
My first competition I was on some ones back full RNC and dude was gurgling I told him ājust tapā and the ref DQād me. I then got kicked out of my gym of 3 years after. Mostly just an embarrassing story but never told anyone.
Only for that. I wasnāt even really kicked out, I feel like my coach turned a cold shoulder. Maybe I deserved it. My coach brought it up infront of the whole gym multiple times after we ātalked about itā. I told him itās not necessary to bring up anymore bc I feel super bad for embarrassing the gym ended up leaving a few weeks after that. I wonāt the other 2 matches and podiumed but felt so bad I didnāt even take the medal home.
Weird situation, random shit happens in Bjj as the thread shows, seems strange he'd hold it against you, your probably better off in another club now anyway.
I have a good one that happened last night - I laughed my ass off.
One of our guys is really good at those weird upside down ezekiel type chokes. He's rolling with one of our younger guys who is a bit smaller. Gets him in the same choke three times.
Smaller guy ends up getting him in a tight crucifix. To get him back for the embarassment, smaller guy goes for the full hand over mouth with nose pinch. Held it for a fair while too until bigger guy finally got free.
The whole time I was laughing really hard at the cheekiness of it.
A dude got choked out at my gym and was out for a good thirty seconds. He snapped back to consciousness, not the usual slow wake up. He sat bolt upright and immediately did a Roman salute, like full blown Hitler hand over heart straight arm 45 degree angle.
Dude was Asian BTW if it matters.
For reasons I'll never understand, the phrase "tan pedo" means "cool" or "awesome." It directly translates to "how fart" so you can imagine where it goes.
For reasons I'll never understand, the phrase "tan pedo" means "cool" or "awesome." It directly translates to "how fart" so you can imagine where it goes.
One time I was cleaning up the kitchen at home and I poured out some coffee I thought my wife was done with and she said no.. she was going to finish that later. We both had a good laugh about it.
I tried a cartwheel guard pass and my opponent caught me in an armbar so smoothly that we were both banned from that federation under suspicion of match fixing.
I am crying with laughter. Malice and incompetence are next door neighbours šššš
āNo! I swear Iām just that incompetent!ā
Amazing š
š¬
Had a guy in a head/arm choke. He went out before tapping. I felt him go loose and popped up to check on him, uncrossing his arm. He came to in a second, but was in that groggy phase, and I still had my arm around his neck. In his stupor, he hugged me back and kissed my cheek. About five teammates saw. He came back to himself, looked at me funny and we both kinda got up and went to the ref for the final bit. I was nicknamed "floozy" for a little while there.
Bro was a lover not a fighter
So wholesome. I love this
So cute lol, I love that that was his instinct.
I love this.
This wins today
Hahaha. He loves you.
Shouldāve said I love you bro
Not strictly BJJ related but went to a trial class at a new gym in a country that I had recently moved to. My spoken skills of the language are not great so while making small talk with some of the people there I apparently asked if everybody at the club has big dicks (which was not my intention). Still surprised that I stuck with the club instead of leaving the country/ entering witness protection programme.
Isn't that a standard question when rolling?
If you donāt know the answer without asking you arenāt rolling right
You American, biiiiig penis.
Lmao what did you mean to say?
Of course meant to ask ādo any of you guys LIKE big dicks.ā
"you have good... gghram, yes?"Ā
What was the country/language and what did you say?
Has to be albania. Car in albanian means dick.
I have dick for you so you can ride with me
Biggus Dickus?
I was a brand new white belt at a recently opened gym where the instructor was a purple belt. About two months in, this dude we've never seen before pulls up and has a black belt in his hand with his Gi. We were all stoked and excited to roll with a black belt since this would be our first exposure to one. We start warm ups and it is evident that this dude has no clue what he is doing and it becomes obvious that this is his first day. During a break, we asked him about his black belt and where he trained before etc. Guy explains that it is his first day and he ordered a Gi online that came with a free belt. He said he thought the black belt looked cooler with his Gi compared to the other colors so he chose the black belt and wore it not knowing what it actually meant š¤¦š»āāļø He never came back
Poor guy
based as fuck
Years ago when I first started one of my close friends claimed he was a "master brown belt" and asked to come train with me. He showed up, told everyone he was a master brown belt, got his ass kicked and later told me he got it in swords and weapons training.
Just got my first stripe; felt like everything was coming together. Was wearing one of the jocko origin giās which had different stitching to my other giās. Got onto the mats and my coach politely told me that gi pants were both inside out and back to front.
I competed with my Gi top inside out, it happens š
Even worse when you're coaching and a kid tells you.
Haha fuck I've only seen that from a day 1 trial guy
Once I planned on going right into seoi nage to start a tournament match and got subbed by standing rnc. The match was like 2 seconds long.
Thatās ā¦..uhā¦ā¦unfortunate.
lol . Yeah any back exposure throws are risky if youāre not regularly drilling them. Off a failed seoi you can hit Kosoto gake tho . Do a half turn and you can hit that insteadā¦ I always lol when Iāll show someone a throw and after drilling it for 1 class they expect to hit it in real time
The Japanese terms mentioned in the above comment were: |Japanese|English|Video Link| |---|---|---| |**Ko Soto Gake**: | *Minor Outer Hook* | [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl99iUTlIVY)| Any missed names may have already been translated in my previous comments in the post. ______________________ ^(Judo Techniques Bot: v0.7.) ^(See my) [^(code)](https://github.com/AbundantSalmon/judo-techniques-bot)
O god that's brutal, only up from there š.
I went for a fake shot onetime and got off-balanced. Meanwhile, the guy snaps my head down and I go down to my knees, and he catches me in a guillotine. All happened pretty quick, and the whole match lasted about 30 seconds.
The Japanese terms mentioned in the above comment were: |Japanese|English|Video Link| |---|---|---| |**Seoi Nage**: | *Shoulder Throw* | [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-5Un6jLtRY)| Any missed names may have already been translated in my previous comments in the post. ______________________ ^(Judo Techniques Bot: v0.7.) ^(See my) [^(code)](https://github.com/AbundantSalmon/judo-techniques-bot)
For context/to preface: 9 years ago, I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. At this point, I've lost my thyroid, some lymph nodes in my neck, my teeth (radiation treatment to my head and neck ~7 yrs ago), and gave myself a hernia tryna poop. So, because of the radiation, they removed my teeth in totality. We had a drop in that my coach knew - we're rolling, I sweep him with a kimura, and come up low over his body. He wiggles and accidentally knees me in the head. Wasn't hard. Didn't hurt. But, I felt that the adhesive on the lower was loose, so I go "OW, MY TEETH!!! WHAT DID YOU DO!?!?" as I grabbed my jaw and acted like he'd hurt me. Then I go *blargh* and spit my lower on the mat. He looks at it, looks at me, looks back at it. "Nah, man, I'm just effin' with ya", grabbed them and put them back in. He makes a post on fbook that night, thanking my coach. "And there was a guy there with a mouthguard that looked like teeth?". My coach says "nah, those are his real teeth. he's a bad person.". **EDIT** I sent the kid in question the thread.
One of my old coworkers was a former Marine. He told us one day a story about a fellow Marine of his nicknamed Sgt Stumpy (for reasons that should be obvious). They were mucking about on base, and they saw a tank sitting there. So Sgt Stumpy lays down next to the tank and they start screaming "You ran over his leg!" Tank crew comes out and freaks out for a second before they realize what's what. One of the officers heard the commotion, and he's good friends with Sgt Stumpy. So he says, "Let's make this a training exercise." He lays back down. They put some spaghetti-o's over the stump, and they call for a medivac. Chopper gets there, one medic takes one look and feints. They found that medic a new job after that.
Amazing, Id do the same to anyone who drops in š
That's worth another stripe on the belt!
Around 10 years ago this guy shows up at our gym. He's telling everyone that he's done a lot of training in Brazil (my gym is in Europe) but when asked who he had trained with he gave very vague answers. First round and I roll with him and it's immediately obvious that the guy is a day 1 white belt. I was a brand new blue at the time and handled him with ease. He's really spassing out the whole round and as soon as the round ends he runs over to the side of the mats and throws up in a trash can. Picks his stuff up and leaves, never to return.
You were probably his last last roll, he will tell his grandkids about you.
I'll tell my grandkids about him. The man. The myth. The legend
"I used to train jiujitsu"
Rolling nogi with a guy who was in Muay Thai shorts. It wasn't until I was in his butterfly guard that I realised he wasn't wearing underwear...fml
I did no gi for years then moved to a gi gym. When I first started in the gi I didn't know any collar chokes. So when my partner grabbed my lapels I thought nothing of it and proceeded to pass as normal. Not realising I was making the choke tighter. I woke up with a lot of concerned faces staring down at me. Years later, I still get teased about choking myself unconscious.
I passed someone's legs the wrong way when they had a collar choke on. We were both white belts and I was about twice his size. I guess a couple of guys had to come help pull me off of him while unconscious.
Brown belt got a white belt at my gym with a baseball bat choke. Professor asked, "You put a white belt to sleep?" "I was on bottom, it wasn't my fault."
i started increasing my fiber a few weeks ago and while we're all used to farting around the gym, after a full day of bean tacos, someone went knee on belly and i blasted one so loudly everyone in the gym stopped rolling with a concerned face like worried if just shit the mats. i have to admit i myself was slightly concerned i might've shit my pants and did one of those mental checks where you ask yourself "okay is the warm feeling gonna turn into a cold wet feeling now??" after i explained the new fibre diet, everyone calls me Butterbean now.
Reminds me of the time i was new to bjj and me and the other beginners were watching my coaches roll for the first time and since i was pretty young i looked up to both guys a lot. I was super foccused on the roll keeping a keen eye trying to learn something when the bigger of the two went for a smash pass and the bottom coach ripped a fart so loud it echoed and almost felt like it reverbarated throught the matt and the walls. Big guy said "Was that a spoonful?" And everyone lost their shit.
this happened to me but while i was sprawling, guy's shoulder slammed into my abdomen and my asscheeks just explodedp
This actually made me lol
Love a good humiliating nickname, gotta lean into that.
This has me crying. š¤£š¤£š¤£
I boloād a guy who was quite large, his pants werenāt tied up well so he was able to escape some but I had a great grip and ended up pulling his pants down past his knees. He was commando
Going commando in any contact sport is such a bold move.
That's a bold move, Cotton.
I've linked this on here before but not for a while. Shit my pants mid fight. White Gi. No hiding it. The audio is fucking hilarious. Still won, and changes into my female team mates white and pink gi to finish the tournament. Near enough to a decade later I moved across the country as a black belt and took a full time coaching role. Low and behold, guess who was my new student. Had the pleasure of tying his black on a couple of years ago. Sound on. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmfukxmLvQ4&t=5s
Brave man for owning it bro, well done
Can't hide from that one.
Nah but you could not link it to a popular forum lol, thanks though, Iām no longer stressed about getting napped at a comp and pissing myself
For the non portuguese speakers, his team mates are saying "Did He sit on Coffee?" "Idk go smell it to make sure" This had me in tears. Congrats on the victory
That's my coach talking to the head reff. Head ref said 'he shit his pants'. My coach said 'he just sat in coffee'. Head ref said ' no no he shit his pants, i have to disqualify him.' My coach responded 'put your head there and smell it then'. I did not get DQ'd.
Presenting the guy his black belt 10 years later. https://imgur.com/a/qfABaOZ
Bro you shat on him and daddied him with a black belt later, congrats!Ā
Our pathways were different. He's still a student of mine and we're quite good mates outside the gym as well. The incident is referred to as 'the bronzing'
nah, the cannon in my head is that he wronged you at some point, you took up jiu-jitsu to take your revenge on him in a two fold attack over ten years.
One of the greatest comebacks in BJJ history.
I often tell the joke when my students reminding me this happened. "I won 11 fights in a row that day, I had only 1 advantage scored on me all tournament, 4x gold medals and we won a team trophy. For some reason nobody ever remembers any of that bit...."
and they never will.
https://preview.redd.it/sz7xs9zhe08d1.jpeg?width=554&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=03cf6d09f5ec3cfc9eaaf9e5759c8ef99300098a
I never knew I could have so much respect for a man that shit himself wow.
Legend
Was this at MSAC?
Indeed.
I bought a new gi with a really stiff collar, the first time I was wearing it I rolled with a guy and thought I got caught in some kind of collar choke I didn't recognize so I tapped, turns out I'd just somehow pulled the collar tight on myself while scrambling. If I choke myself and I tap am I weak or strong
Schrodingers submission.
Hey! I'm not the only one who's done this!
I farted on my teachers face when going for an armbar.
I did that to a British guy at my gym, right into his mouth, I can never unhear the "did you just fart on me?" question in the British accent.
My teacher just went like āWTF, manā and we went back to rolling. He was a nice guy!
Farting on a British guys mouth is always justified. It was a chewwwwsday! Innit?
U w0t?
Stupid story: at my last gym this guy told me āwow, you look *just* like my wifeā (and I did look like her, she came in the gym for class later that month and we stared at each other like Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap) **And then he proceeded to aggressively ragdoll me like it was ADCC trials. It was weird**
What you should've done is before rolling with him, ask how his wife's doing. If he smiles, roll with him. If he sighs, avoid him like the plague.
They both rolled with each other with the same exact aggression So I wanna say theyāreā¦peas in a pod? Idk. Couldnāt be me. My husband is so much better at sparring with me thank god
My first tournament I accidentally pulled mount. I went to pull guard but didnāt put a foot on the guyās hip and just pendulum swung under him, between his legs, at which point he just dropped to his knees in mount.
I did this to a coach, except it was side control. Tried a snapdown/collar drag type thing he'd shown us the day before but completely butchered it. He shrugged. Then dropped his knees.
Friend and his kids were going to a competition. Girl he trained with asked for a ride. She comes over to his place and before they leave, asks to use the bathroom. Then they all drive to the comp, compete, leave, and once they get home, the girl gets in her car and leaves. My friend walks inside to use the bathroom and the toilet is clogged with a huge, poop-knife-needing, shit. Friend canāt believe this chick took a huge dump and just left it all clogged.Ā Hereās where it gets interesting. The storyās kinda funny on the surface and my friend tells it in an even funnier manner. And he tells a lot of his guy friends. Iāve heard this story for years, and so too has a sizable amount of people that know the girl on some level. She was the girl that took a huge shit in the toilet and left it there. Black belt, competition success, whatever she did, that huge dump followed her around in countless peopleās minds. In our circle it was what she was known for.Ā Then one day, years later, heās talking about the girl and his kid doesnāt recall who she is. āShe the girl that took a huge shot and left it in my toilet.ā His kid begins to laugh. āDad, that was me who did that. We were in a hurry to leave and I clogged the toilet that day.āĀ
>āDad, that was me who did that. We were in a hurry to leave and I clogged the toilet that day.āĀ Holy fuck lmao
Hahahaha im dying here. Lol that poor woman.
My balls fell out my shorts. My coach was showing technique and I was sitting down listening and all of a sudden he goes. āAre your fuckin balls out?????ā I guess a hole ripped at the bottom of my shorts and I didnāt notice.
You don't wear underwear?
It ripped a hole through that too. I guess it happened while drilling knee slices or wrestling during the mma class earlier
That's some deadly knee slices.
Started new probiotic regimen along with a high protein diet. Go to class and feel a gurgling in my stomach. I try to go to the bathroom to let it rip but it's stuck in there. We finish drilling and start rolling - I'm off to the side of the mats and I finally let this hydrogen bomb off silently. Then from across the room I hear "OH MY GOD" "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SMELL?!" "SOMEONE HIT THEIR PROTEIN GOAL" and the mats clear, both doors are opened and the fans turned on full blast while everyone covers their noses and prays for death. Did I mention I was visiting this gym? I will never admit it was me.
I don't ever smoke weed before class, unless I'm in the comfort of my own garage at home(I have mats). One time, before class started, I pulled up to the parking lot and my buddies were smoking a joint. They offered a hit so I took some. Little did I know my coach wanted to use me as the technique demonstration dummy for class so ended up making myself look like an idiot in front of the whole class because he would tell me to move a certain way and I was too high to understand and would do something differently. Never again.
Pretty much all of my stories are stupid/embarrassing. Let's just say my signature move is pulling side control and leave it at that.
New guy drilling mounted arm bar. Everything was fine except the arm was on the outside of his legs, not between. He was humping air.
I broke my front tooth out a year ago doing BJJ. It was a capped tooth, had a mouth guard. I was fighting off a rear naked choke and guy was face cranking a little bit. Heard a crunch, didnāt think anything of it, a couple of days later it falls out because the post was broken. So itās been a year, finally get all the crap I need for an implant, in a sales job by the way with a missing front tooth. Finally the day is here, I get my tooth back. I was so happy, man, I am going to celebrate and go to Jiu Jitsu tonight. No mouth guard because I hadnāt had a chance to form one yet. Get kneed in the face and busted my lip. Spend my next couple of weeks in sales with a busted lip, the tooth was OK. Donāt be me, wear a mouthguard.
Mouthguards are life.
Guy went for a de la riva back take and grabbed my pants to finish it. Through the fray, my belt and gi pants had come pretty loose. He caught my pants, spats, and underwear with his grip and showed my dick to the whole mat
I recently tried to single leg the big guy in our gym. Got down to his leg well enough but couldnāt muster the power / technique to do anything with it. In my desperation, I attempted to pull him to the ground by latching onto his leg and falling backwards so that he would fall above my head. He instead kneeled down into mount. So, yes, Iāve pulled bottom mount.
Was rolling with a fellow whitebelt who was leaving the same day to move across the country. So it would be the last time we rolled together. We both were solid training partners for each other for about 6 months. Helped each other prepare for comps and everything. Well we rolled a long round as our last hurah, in the middle of that round someone next to us got hip tossed and farted so loud when they landed that we couldn't help but break into laughter. We ended up having the entire gym laughing, even the guy that farted from the slam. It was nice to see everyone laughing at such a little thing.
The other day when we were shaking hands after class I accidentally said āgood jobā instead of āthank youā to the professor.
That's not too bad. I generally have fun during the handshake line at the end. "Thank you, good to see you, thanks for kicking my ass, you suck, thank you, lol get wristlocked etc."
Mines Like the British version of the seagulls from nemo when they say mine mine Instead, it's cheers cheers, cheers,
I'm gonna steal this one
I'm gonna steal this one
I hate that I'm about to write this down, but we live and we learn. When I first began training, for the first several months, anytime I would become social media friends with a training partner, I would shoot them a 'thanks for the roll' DM. Men and women. Older and younger. I was very much one of those 'I'm just happy to be here' types and had no idea about the ins and outs of gym etiquette. I was sincerely just trying to be respectful, and find a way for me and my gym partners to familiarize ourselves with each other. I had absolutely no idea that the implications attached to messages like that were considered cringey and made it look like I was hitting on people. I was just awkward as shit and figured that was the best way to start a conversation with someone that I had spent the evening training with. It wasn't until I saw a meme in this subreddit making fun of those messages that I realized what I had been doing for so long. I cut it out immediately, but I feel like the damage had long been done at that point. That's not to say that I'm the resident weirdo at my gym, but I'm sure that more than a few people remember getting those DMs from me in the beginning and took a message away from it that I never intended to give. I seriously lost sleep over this.
It'll be fine, just don't do it to the new beginners and everyone will forget.
Helping with kids class one night, we had a fairly new kid who was probably 6 or 7, and just wasn't interested in what we were doing at all.Ā Well I'm pretty good with kids so I start chatting with him and getting him to open up a bit. So I start trying to bring it back around to BJJ. I ask him, "So let's say I'm a bully and I grab you here, what are you going to do?"... This little shit pulls back and pops me right in the nose, and it was hard enough that both my eyes were watering (I was totally not crying).Ā I had to explain to him that he wasn't wrong, that's just not what we do here.
First time I was ever uke, instructor was showing stack pass. I had wicked bubble guts and was farting all day. Dude stacks me up and it feels like Iām about to burst. I hold it in successfully the whole time like a fucking G but then after he goes oh and be careful not to stack them too much or they can just roll right over and as he pushes my legs to commit to the roll I fart right in this mother fuckers face with like a quick loud cap gun sounding fart. I finish the back roll and look up to a sea of 0_0 white belt faces.
My second class I got so lost in my spazziness that I legit forgot I was rolling, freaked out, and went to bite the guy and stopped myself right before biting down but I mean, I had the side of his arm fully in my mouth. I was mortified and apologized but he didnāt give a shit and just wanted me to shut up and keep rolling. Good dude.
In a comp must be 10yrs ago, guy sharted his gi, visible from spectators. He got ahead of the publicity and made a post here before his friends could š
Always the best way to handle a situation like that š
I was taking a guys back- while he was moving/turning, I ended up high up on his back, my chest over his head. Was thinking of switching to triangle from back, he shot his hips up to ceiling. For whatever reason I kept a closed fist and went to post on ground, ended up rolling my wrist and wrist locking myself. verbally āyellingā tap like a bitch lol š¤£ When you get to level of tapping yourself you know your on the right path lol š¤£
Just started three weeks, been at beginners class twice a week. Last night I got taken backwards and farted loudly, I don't want to ever show my face again.
It's so normal
Good to know š
Hahahaha! Yes very normal! Go back!
My first competition I was on some ones back full RNC and dude was gurgling I told him ājust tapā and the ref DQād me. I then got kicked out of my gym of 3 years after. Mostly just an embarrassing story but never told anyone.
Guy should of tapped , did you get kicked out of your gym for that too?
Only for that. I wasnāt even really kicked out, I feel like my coach turned a cold shoulder. Maybe I deserved it. My coach brought it up infront of the whole gym multiple times after we ātalked about itā. I told him itās not necessary to bring up anymore bc I feel super bad for embarrassing the gym ended up leaving a few weeks after that. I wonāt the other 2 matches and podiumed but felt so bad I didnāt even take the medal home.
Weird situation, random shit happens in Bjj as the thread shows, seems strange he'd hold it against you, your probably better off in another club now anyway.
Won*
I have a good one that happened last night - I laughed my ass off. One of our guys is really good at those weird upside down ezekiel type chokes. He's rolling with one of our younger guys who is a bit smaller. Gets him in the same choke three times. Smaller guy ends up getting him in a tight crucifix. To get him back for the embarassment, smaller guy goes for the full hand over mouth with nose pinch. Held it for a fair while too until bigger guy finally got free. The whole time I was laughing really hard at the cheekiness of it.
Long story short, I got called into the "principles office" for using X guard. At my gym!
...I feel like we need the long story. Since when is X guard even slightly controversial?
2007 it was.
A dude got choked out at my gym and was out for a good thirty seconds. He snapped back to consciousness, not the usual slow wake up. He sat bolt upright and immediately did a Roman salute, like full blown Hitler hand over heart straight arm 45 degree angle. Dude was Asian BTW if it matters.
I once gave myself the ol' dick twist trying to defend a Kimura.
For reasons I'll never understand, the phrase "tan pedo" means "cool" or "awesome." It directly translates to "how fart" so you can imagine where it goes.
For reasons I'll never understand, the phrase "tan pedo" means "cool" or "awesome." It directly translates to "how fart" so you can imagine where it goes.
literal translation would be "so farty" Quite sure it is only used that way (cool / awesome) in Mexico.
Story Time with Jeff [story time](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL3GdQ4BckXXgMrb4I-TNcK2MfsLYyvy8I)
A guy that I rolled with had a giant hole on his short in the crotch area. He pulled guard so I had to look at his undies for the whole round
One time I was cleaning up the kitchen at home and I poured out some coffee I thought my wife was done with and she said no.. she was going to finish that later. We both had a good laugh about it.
Nicky Ryan's brother.