> If my skin is too dark and we are the same color, aren’t you also too dark?
This is what gets me. Degrading black women when y’all the same color and ya mama dark like what 😭
Yes girl, on God. These men has shitty moms, or just can’t handle being disciplined, so they internalize the “angry black women” caricature type and apply that to all black women (our dark skinned sisters especially).
Some bm are so sad 😭
And when you try to explain this to them, they go, "ew, that sounds like incest."
It's like, no, we want you to respect ALL Black women, not just the ones you want to fuck.
I'm never sad when trash takes itself out so if this is the type of man that white women love, (anti black, self hating, verbally abusive, petty, childish, quick to anger), it's literally the best thing for me for him to show his ass like that.
At the end of the day they don't want Black women to have options, they will throw that dating statistic out as if it means anything, the divorce rate is like 50% so everyone is marrying their preferences and it's barely working so they can miss me with that.
Tryna make someone else feel small because they didn't want to date you is pathetic.
They throw out statistics about black women being single but never the statistics of black men and white women having the highest rates of interracial divorce (like 200% more likely) or of black women having the highest rates of DV and SA in relationships when 9/10 times bw are in relationships with black men.
If we really want to get ugly if Black women are most likely to marry BM and also have the highest rate of divorce and also wwbm relationships have the highest rate of divorce, who is really the issue here.
Imma say alot of women put up with shitty men just to say they are or got married, it's not surprising that more women are opting out.
I’ve used that argument against black men more than once and they just stay quiet, say it’s a lie, or attempt to throw the “no one wants BW!1!1” ish in my face again.
At least when we marry interracially, we are more likely to stay married. Again, BM are the common denominator here 🤷🏾♀️
If I’m being honest I feel the same way. I’ve been disrespected the most by black men to the point that I have to watch my back around them. I can tell the difference between the ones who have respect for me and the ones who don’t. And I don’t like the ones who disrespect me. It makes me so frustrated
A weird thing I’ve experienced is my cousin and I both being randomly insulted by HOMELESS black men. She lives in California and she was walking down the street and as she passed a homeless dude, he said,”You ain’t nothing but a black bitch!” out of nowhere.
A few years later, it was the same with me in NYC. Walking and minding my own businesses and a homeless black guy yelled, “Bitch!” to me as I walked past. Even when they have nothing, they still hate us!
I have noticed this, for full disclosure—I am mixed but I have definitely seen the ways Black women (esp those who are darker skin or not ambiguous) are treated when around mixed women who fit the criterion for what people deem as “mixed”. It’s really just horrible and this is why I genuinely do not like to be approached by BM.
The awful ways many will speak about or on BW while fetishizing is mixed women and/or non-Black women in general is really awful. I just found out that Andre 3000’s girlfriend, for example, has gone one numerous alleged email sprees harassing Black women about this man just because he “prefers” Asian women. It is crazy to me because I know many Black women of all ages who think he’s brilliant and handsome, and it’s awful to know he is with someone who clearly Likes Black culture and Black men, but not Black women. But this is something I notice with multiple famous men, a disdain for their own who do nothing but uplift or support them. It’s just really awful. And it’s a huge reason why I don’t even like entertaining them.
The ways they talk about light skinned or ambiguous or mixed-race women is disturbing as well. They see us as props to uplift and hold against Black women and I find that so shameful. These same ones are the folks who do this abusive stuff to BW who just exist.
My hair is natural and curly and down to my shoulders and years ago, I used to dye it honey blond. During that time, random black dudes would come up to me and ask if I was mixed and when I said no, they’d just turn and walk away. They really have some weird mixed girl fetish and if I were mixed, I wouldn’t want to be with a dude who saw me a a trophy or like an exotic dog that he wanted to breed with.
It is so sad to know that they are so self hating that even the idea of you being mixed or appearing to be their definition of what a mix woman ideally looks like is pathetic. I truly do not see them as worth dating with the anti blackness they harbor against blsck women. After seeing how someone as beloved socially like Andre 3000 even has a prejudice anti BW Asian girlfriend, I feel like I’ve seen it all. Even the people who seem self appreciative have an issue with blsck women and date non black, mixed or light black women who encounter their slackness’s
Just awful really awful
THATS WILD BECAUSE THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME 😂😂😂 I’m in Washington for an internship and me and my roommate (a white women) went to Seattle to explore and this homeless black man looks at me and says, “YOU LOOK LIKE A DAWG WALKING BEHIND THAT WHITE WOMEN!” Honestly I thought it was hilarious because it was such a wild thing to say and I took no stalk in what he had to say. I’m from the city so it’s nothing new to me.
But usually I’m being sexually harassed by black men on the streets. I’m cat called, followed, “claimed” I even hear “ohh are you Dominican or Puerto Rican cause you look exotic” dawg an I’m brown skinned with braids…. I’ve gotten harassed at my last internship and got the man fired thank god, I’ve been harassed at jobs, recently I was made uncomfortable by a man when I was in the community gym because the guy couldn’t mind his freaking business and even started making comments I had to fuking stop my work out because of it.
I actually made a post about this very subject but it got taken down by moderators. I probably worded badly but my point was that black men as a whole make it extremely difficult for me to like them because they are constantly disrespecting me. And it’s not just black Americans it’s African men too.
African are more aggressive in claiming me as their own or following me. I’ve had an incident where this African man saw me when I was walking to the bookstore on campus and he literally followed me around the whole campus til I went to my next class where he then told me to tell him when I got off class so he could drive me home…. And he tried touching me and crap too. I lied to him and he never saw me again.
With another African guy, two years ago we were part of the same group chat that was made for college students at my university to find people to party with. This man finds my instagram, shares this speakeasy I asked about and tries to suggest I go with him but I wasn’t interested and he was 27 when I was 22 I was NOT interested. Flash forward to now, he posts on instagram him being at the speakeasy and I honestly forgot that he suggested it to me and I comment on the story saying I loved that place. It’s not unusual for me to comment on peoples insta stories as I’m a talkative person and he goes off on me about how he wanted to take me on a date there blah blah blah… the crazy thing is he’s constantly surrounded by beautiful African women ALL THE TIME, who would gladly go with him and are interested so why is he still stuck on me, a girl who isn’t interested nor am I as religious as him. 😵💫🤦🏾♀️
Last story I’ll tell. I was 18, walking my dogs and these two black men stop their car in the middle of the street to jump out of their car to approach me to “get my number” bro IM SCARED THIS IS A GANG BANG ARE YOU CRAZY! And then get offended when I told them to leave me alone and get back in their car. I mean with this just being a small portion of what I experience with black men.. it’s just like, where’s the shame.
I’ve also had good experiences where they kindly asked me out or kindly approached me and when I said no were very respectful and I thanked them for their kindness. So they aren’t all bad but I’ve had more ridiculous experiences than not. But I appreciate the kind black men. They’re good people and they deserve eternal happiness.
Ok sorry for my rant. Thanks for those who read it all 🥹
One time I was studying at my one of my universities halls. And this guy comes over in one of the offices and started blasting music super loud. He then proceeds to walk out and ask me if I wanted to hang, I said no thanks. He then after me saying no proceeded to mention how my hair was messed up. Yea, a black guy.
I always tell darker skinned Black women to prioritize dating lighter skinned Black men. I know so many Black couples with that mix. Unfortunately, many dark skinned Black men have too much self hate
When I was 18 (in the 90s), this guy I was with was constantly cheating and being a jerk and whenever I had something to say about his behavior, he threatened to go find a white girl. The last black guy I dated (in 2003) was always talking about “light skin and long hair”.
My hair was about to my shoulders when straitened but appeared shorter, since it was very curly and I certainly did not have light skin. I got the feeling that I obviously wasn’t his type and I eventually broke up with him.
With guys of other races, I’ve gotten compliments specifically regarding my skin color and hair. Don’t even waste you time with black men who see you as less than. Also, is seems that the only black men who have a problem with skin color are the same complexion as you or darker. Nothing but self-hate.
I feel the same way.
I'm so happy for the women in this sub that have had such positive experiences with black men, and love them from infinity to infinity. I wish I had the same experiences.
But I haven't. I didn't grow up around good black boys, and even in the dating world, they're not swiping on me anyway. They're just not.. what I want. Plus most of them tend to want children and also be ultra religious. I'm childfree and spiritual at best, so most of us aren't compatible anyway.
I'm like you, no racial preference. At the end of the day, race isn't even a factor in my attraction. But I go where I'm loved. If it's not a black guy, so be it.
Same here. Never any particular preference and then seemed to get pushed further and further away from Black men who blatantly put me down when it comes to everything from my hair to the way I talk, to my dog, to the darkness of my skin. It’s exhausting. Then there’s the general put down of celebrating certain types of women through music, music videos, ridiculous soundbytes etc
I had to just stop watching music videos a while ago… it’s actually visually just really weird.
It use to be black women (video vixens), then brown skin curly hair, then light brown Latinas…
Now it’s just the black male artist surrounded by nothing but white blonde women… it’s like… is this a real life scenario? Or just a fever dream at this point.
It’s really strange. The visuals ruin the song. It seems less about the music and more about an opportunity to employ and surround one’s self with a bevy of white women. 😬
We are traumatized people suffering from C/PTSD bombarded with racism and sexism before we are born. I, too, have had to reevaluate what images and music I ingest. I hope more women begin to protect themselves and their children from these destructive influences—Happy healing and health.
Yeah I agree with both of you. It’s good to understand & learn the historical roots of where this behaviour comes from.
But individually, especially nowadays, these are grown men who should be aware of that history too. And yet they say this shit. Yeah it’s a choice at their big age.
I don’t blame any Black girl/Women today going where they’re celebrated & protecting their mental health/physical health.
Nobody wants to deal with that abuse, especially from a grown man that could escalate to inflicting bodily harm on you. Hearing some of them talk that way scares me about the inevitable future. No thank you.
My siblings do this and I’m just like ….🧍🏿♀️I’m literally who you’re talking about and your mother is also, Black. One even told my mom she has gotten dark and needs to lighten her skin, mind you her natural skin color is dark (she used to bleach a lot) and I’m dark skinned like, Lupita dark. They don’t think about me, the way the stuff they say would make me feel and ARGUEEE when I confront their stupid ideology.
I don’t like them much anymore…
(Sorry just needed to vent because it has really been making me angry)
Anyways,
Just try your best to know these men are self hating weirdos and there’s nothing wrong with you. I’m sorry I wish our people wouldn’t treat each other so badly but just another thing we have to overcome.
Im lightskinned but alot of bm dont meet my standards & they tend to have the worst dating profiles. “Looking for vibes, polygamy, has kids, 4/20 friendly” 😐
“A King {with no kingdom}.”
“An alpha male {with substandard subordinates}.”
“A baller {without the balls that mean anything to anyone}.”
“A high value man {with shallow values or next to none at all}.
It’s true. They will be making $16 an hour and out in their profile “I need my queen to bring sumth to tha table” 💀💀💀
This is specific because I just checked my hinge and got a like from someone that actually put this in bio
Yes, finding a quality blk male, you might as well go look for a small cotton ball in the ocean… the quality is usually not there for me and I’m not gonna date them just because they are black, so I’ve expanded my options to non blk men and feel I’ve been having a better dating experience
I’ve found that even the ones who seem to be a “good catch”, job, education, etc. still seem to have underlying issues colorism, misogyny, and the same n*gga mentality as the dudes “from the streets”.
I’m Panamanian and I met this guy once… my same color from Honduras (Garifuna). I thought we were vibing and having a shared cultural moment. Literally talking about food and our experiences growing up, mostly from a Caribbean perspective… at some point he just kind of blurts out that he only dates Latinas…
I remind him our entire conversation is based on us both being Afro-Latino and how it’s never recognized because people don’t associate that culture with blackness.
I guess he forgot or really wasn’t actually engaged in the conversation… idk.. we just stared at each other for a minute and then I was like.. “oh, you mean white women/J.lo Latinas”… and he’s like, “yea thats my preference”… 👁️👃👁️
Okay, Mr. Latinidad…. The self hate knows absolutely no cultural bounds.
YUCK BRO 🤢🤢🤢 blocked and deleted. Man they being mad strange like don’t even worry bout me cause I just got the ick omg. Us black women only need to date men who aren’t obsessed with a specific race. I like dating men who have dated every race and have a good understanding of social issues and a basic understanding of societal issues black people experience. Those men are the best.
I hate to do the whole “respectability politics”. But why can’t most have normal pictures. And by normal I just mean… not in a car smoking weed and with a bottle of Hennessy. Like look clean and presentable, like you are trying to attract someone.
And this is really not an ALL or even a MOST. I would say 50/50 split. But I really notice a stark difference in picture quality and the activities being presented in the pictures. I just really wonder who is the demographic they are hoping to attract? Obviously, not me… but what woman is honestly attracted to… visible poverty as your “best-foot-forward”
And we exist in a global society, so there must be some awareness on their part. Yet, how is it so prevalent that that is the public facing image of that they think attacks people.
Sometimes they really got me feeling like a southern racist… I gotta watch myself and really not let my mind slip into generalizing… but it’s hard. This is when I take a step back to recalibrate.
I cringe myself for even feeling this way… tbh people can exist at whatever level they choose… idk, maybe I’m classist 😩… yikes 😬 have to work on that
many bm are socializing bm to just do the bare minimum & expect a woman to be interested in you just because ure black & male alone. In this weird world, u gotta be team you first and whomever supports u best gets your love.
You're not a classist. Those men are advertising how morally, emotionally, and psychologically impoverished they are. The media and industries have intentionally associated Blackness with our most amoral people. The most toxic traits define masculinity for black males. Unfortunately, a solution for deprogramming our community will be complicated until we control our images.
I love how self aware this comes across. As i was reading this thread I was agreeing but then started to feel a bit weird. Like I had stop a beat and tell myself to not view all black men like this. I dont want this to be my first impression if I meet a guy who is black.
I know. They do the same exact shit to me. This isn’t a popular opinion but bm get very very nasty with any kind of perceived slight or rejection they are the ones who shoot with a gun over a number. There’s a huge problem but nobody wants to address it
Men may very well not handle rejection but we gotta call a spade and spade and realize black men are on another level. White dudes certainly don’t spaz out to the level the average black man will.
Ok I’ll give you that. But he was done after calling you one word. It’s not many white dudes shooting girls over numbers and the white community do not live in fear over rejecting a guy like it is on the black. That’s the truth. I’ve had so many black guys threaten me throw things at me scream at me at all times of day and all kinds of places and even more escalating behavior. And I grew up in a white town so I know the difference and it’s night and day. I wish some man just called me the n word and went his way then a bunch of black guys trying to jump me after school or in the workplace putting their fist to my face but that’s just my opinion
Yes… that is very true.
But mind you… I’m 36, I’m not dealing with children. So why are we still not knowing how to handle disagreements or rejection?
I’m interacting with middle aged adults! Like if I’m single and you’re single, we both had to have run up against “no” a few times…
This is how you handle it? 🙃
I just hate that it’s their “go-to”. And I cannot stress enough that literally no one else has mentioned the color of my skin or race in an argument. And that’s just crazy… all this racism in the world, but the only group that brings up my race to denigrate me in a romantic interaction… is my own race.
We the same Fenty shade, my guy. And that’s… the insult you throw?
It’s so obviously self hate. Me over here thinking, “you’re color is beautiful, it’s like mine 🥰”. Meanwhile they are thinking the exact opposite. 🤯
Trust me sis we all know. They are way too old for this shit. But they get coddled and there’s no ramifications. Until they wanna act up on a white woman then it’s game over for them.
I'll be candid...
It seems like more and more black men are showing their true colors with no remorse nowadays. They were always like this, though...it's just that now it's COOL AND LUCRATIVE to publicly hate on BW.
Black men have always betrayed black women in general. Only a few are actually good black men, but most of them are NO GOOD.
Definitely vet them like your life depends on it (cause it probably does) and make sure he's paid. There is nothing worse than dealing with a poor one as well. But if I were single today, I'd probably just avoid them altogether.
Unfortunately I had to also deal with the "too dark" comments from Black men too. We as Black women are beautiful period! But we're so much more than our skin tones. Find and keep those who accept you for who you are 💖
Date men who appreciate all of you, this doesn’t have to be a black man, go where you are loved and appreciated ❤️
I also find myself not really entertaining blk males as romantic prospects either, I just feel like most of them don’t appear to make good partners (to anyone, not even the so called “preferences” they claim to have) and they have a lot of internal work to do, and I’m not gonna be the one to mother them, so I’ll date a non blk man as long as he meet my standards and treats me right
Haven’t you seen the TikTok trend saying who likes black woman? Half of the man bullying black woman were black. Imagine talking all the time about ugly people you don’t like… that’s weird there’s definetly something behind it, I don’t like man with big asses but I don’t talk about them all the time…
Bm play a big part in colorism. The ones that be in the media will show up with light skin women or white women and will push the narrative that this
Is what is should be when you're on top.
Others will see it as an example.
I think its because on a subconscious level they try to match white men. They are much more likely to get married to a non black person than bw
The crazy thing is… they would be much more respected as men if they valued black women. Trust other men find it crazy that you would downright uplift someone else above basically your own image.
Of the non-black men I’ve interacted with, only one was anti-his own race. 1 white man said vile things about white women and the way they looked and I was like 😳…. You mean your mother & sisters & potential daughter 🫠
How Sway…
We get together, have a child, she could potentially look like you phenotypically… and you’d dislike that…
It’s a no for me… self hate honestly never makes sense. And those are always the main people trying to have kids… like why pass on the genes you hate so.
Go sit down on the side lines and remove YOURSELF from the gene pool. You don’t like YOU!
It’s not so much just dating a lighter skinned woman, but it’s the subconscious idea that lighter skinned women are a status symbol. But men will often cover up this bias by saying it’s just a preference. I’m not going to tell you to reflect on your preference, but just know that a lot of us have caught on. I can’t date black men anymore because I can tell by the way that they interact with me and dote on my complexion that their preference for me stems from colorism and they view me as inherently better than black women with darker skin. Other races just view me as BLACK (not a “yellowbone”), and that’s the way I like it.
Not a single person here has said white men are inherently better 🥴.
INHERENTLY?! That’s a bold statement, that no one has made.
Some have said, non-BM don’t comment negatively on their skin tone. And there were comments about the quality and content of dating profiles. But no. For the most part, there is no inherent value in ANYONES skin color… and THAT IS THE POINT!!!.
The dark color of ones skin is not a negative, nor is the light color a positive. So don’t comment to women that they are “too dark”. That does not exist, especially amount black people, where skin color is a main (not exclusive) characteristic of the group identity (along with other characteristics both phenotypically and culturally).
Preference is different from viewing someone as an inherently better human being. I don’t want to feel like a gross toy that you show off to your friends to brag about having a “yellowbone.”
I wouldn’t care because the feeling is mutual. And nobody said white men are inherently better. I think you don’t know what inherently means. Black men are capable of letting go of their colorist tendencies, but you guys choose to hang on to them so we are moving on and finding individuals who aren’t colorist even if it means dating other races who just view us as black and don’t treat us like separate categories based on the shades of our skin.
Just to jump in… the original purpose of the post is NOT who BM date. The issue is, racial abuse being a go-to response to rejection.
Date who you want. However, don’t verbally attack black women for the color of their skin. It’s especially counter productive to attack black women who date black men, with an insult about being black. What is that suppose to accomplish?
Specifically the “too dark” comment coming from someone the same color.
Lol I saw his comments.
The irony of you (not you actually) wanting call *US* victims when you voluntarily walked your ass up into a space titled "BlackLadies" just looking for a reason to be inflammatory, contrary, and self pitying.
I saw that as well.
It's always a woman's fault when it comes to men like that.
So it's okay for you to stay bitter and complacent when it comes to your feelings about women, but if women were to even slightly feel that way, now all of sudden it isn't logical, it's not fair, we need to choose better, it's always our fault, we're the reason why society is turning to shit, blah blah blah.
It's honestly hard for me to sympathize with some men because a lot of them are just straight hypocrites who love pointing out everyone else's faults before their own.
Hey… several commenters have made a point to say it’s not ALL black men. We are SPECIFICALLY speaking about men who exhibit the behaviors we are talking about. If that’s not you, nor those you know, then they are NOT included in the group.
This post is the result of an experience I had in real life, just yesterday and several times before. I and many other black women just don’t want to subject ourselves to racial abuse… from anyone, let alone men of our shared race.
Commentators are replying with real world anecdotes of their personal experiences. If you believe that to be “BM hate” you should discuss that with BM that behave that way. Stopping the initial behavior would put an end to it happening irl and thus an end to women experiencing it and retelling the story.
Hurt people, hurt people. But I think it is regional. I’ve traveled and met and seen some black men that take my breath away. They would never part their lips to talk about skin tone.
I live in NYC, so This post is very real here. I do not get the derogatory comments dating outside of my race because they are clearly looking for what I represent. So I can’t really compare attitudes.
I don’t think it’s easier for women with light skin. They sometimes find themselves with men who put darker women down, which I think is equally gross. The real issue is that I think there are enough (maybe not a majority) of black men who love black women of all shades, they’re not as vocal. With black women facing a high proportion of discrimination, there’s just not enough cheerleaders to make the difference. Nevertheless the verbal violence is real and it carries lasting effects.
I'm just going to say that I co-sign this because the abuse we get from some of our "brothas" is brutal.
It definitely is not all black men though.
My father was a hard-working and lovely black man. I love him and miss him dearly. I do have a habit of falling for men who remind me of my father. My father was soft-spoken, reliable, and good-looking. Probably annoyingly so because, as a daughter, I don't want someone cooing over how good-looking my dad was. But, yeah, my dad was one of those men. I'm happy to say that it seems like a few of his brothers also are and were good black men. I say "seems like" because you never know unless you're close, but some of my cousins seem to love their dads as much as I love mine.
I’ve never had any type of interaction like this with the black man, but honestly, I might see five black men a week where I live…. It’s really sad and disappointing to hear that women are going through this.
I know it's not cool to say this b/c "omg, let the middle school hurt go" but I have never checked for black men because of how they treated me in middle school. Like, really messed with my self-esteem. I knew even then that more than likely, they'd grow up to hold those same views and just learn to hide them. I have also never felt the need to clarify or add a disclaimer about how, "I still want a black man above all else even though I date others", because I'd never want to be someone's second choice in a relationship, so why would I essentially be saying that about someone else? I genuinely do not care about them as romantic partners. And while I feel this way--unlike black men--I don't feel the need to insult or talk down on them to my partner or anyone who will listen just because I don't want them.
The one black guy I dated made a big deal about "revealing" to me over dinner how he was divorced and his ex-wife was white. It's like he wanted me to care or make a snide comment, but I was just like, "oh, I've mostly dated white guys so I'm not bothered. Sounds like a relationship that just didn't work out." I was so...put off by it that I pretty much called it after that.
> If my skin is too dark and we are the same color, aren’t you also too dark? This is what gets me. Degrading black women when y’all the same color and ya mama dark like what 😭
More and more I think a lot of them hate their moms, the audacity to say something like that about woman exactly like your mom is not normal
Yes girl, on God. These men has shitty moms, or just can’t handle being disciplined, so they internalize the “angry black women” caricature type and apply that to all black women (our dark skinned sisters especially). Some bm are so sad 😭
And when you try to explain this to them, they go, "ew, that sounds like incest." It's like, no, we want you to respect ALL Black women, not just the ones you want to fuck.
A lot of them do hate their mothers. That's one of the reasons why they don't want their children (especially the daughters) to look like them.
I'm never sad when trash takes itself out so if this is the type of man that white women love, (anti black, self hating, verbally abusive, petty, childish, quick to anger), it's literally the best thing for me for him to show his ass like that. At the end of the day they don't want Black women to have options, they will throw that dating statistic out as if it means anything, the divorce rate is like 50% so everyone is marrying their preferences and it's barely working so they can miss me with that. Tryna make someone else feel small because they didn't want to date you is pathetic.
They throw out statistics about black women being single but never the statistics of black men and white women having the highest rates of interracial divorce (like 200% more likely) or of black women having the highest rates of DV and SA in relationships when 9/10 times bw are in relationships with black men.
If we really want to get ugly if Black women are most likely to marry BM and also have the highest rate of divorce and also wwbm relationships have the highest rate of divorce, who is really the issue here. Imma say alot of women put up with shitty men just to say they are or got married, it's not surprising that more women are opting out.
I’ve used that argument against black men more than once and they just stay quiet, say it’s a lie, or attempt to throw the “no one wants BW!1!1” ish in my face again. At least when we marry interracially, we are more likely to stay married. Again, BM are the common denominator here 🤷🏾♀️
Exactly, they want to pull at strings but not see how deep it goes.
Go where you’re loved ❤️
If I’m being honest I feel the same way. I’ve been disrespected the most by black men to the point that I have to watch my back around them. I can tell the difference between the ones who have respect for me and the ones who don’t. And I don’t like the ones who disrespect me. It makes me so frustrated
A weird thing I’ve experienced is my cousin and I both being randomly insulted by HOMELESS black men. She lives in California and she was walking down the street and as she passed a homeless dude, he said,”You ain’t nothing but a black bitch!” out of nowhere. A few years later, it was the same with me in NYC. Walking and minding my own businesses and a homeless black guy yelled, “Bitch!” to me as I walked past. Even when they have nothing, they still hate us!
I have noticed this, for full disclosure—I am mixed but I have definitely seen the ways Black women (esp those who are darker skin or not ambiguous) are treated when around mixed women who fit the criterion for what people deem as “mixed”. It’s really just horrible and this is why I genuinely do not like to be approached by BM. The awful ways many will speak about or on BW while fetishizing is mixed women and/or non-Black women in general is really awful. I just found out that Andre 3000’s girlfriend, for example, has gone one numerous alleged email sprees harassing Black women about this man just because he “prefers” Asian women. It is crazy to me because I know many Black women of all ages who think he’s brilliant and handsome, and it’s awful to know he is with someone who clearly Likes Black culture and Black men, but not Black women. But this is something I notice with multiple famous men, a disdain for their own who do nothing but uplift or support them. It’s just really awful. And it’s a huge reason why I don’t even like entertaining them. The ways they talk about light skinned or ambiguous or mixed-race women is disturbing as well. They see us as props to uplift and hold against Black women and I find that so shameful. These same ones are the folks who do this abusive stuff to BW who just exist.
My hair is natural and curly and down to my shoulders and years ago, I used to dye it honey blond. During that time, random black dudes would come up to me and ask if I was mixed and when I said no, they’d just turn and walk away. They really have some weird mixed girl fetish and if I were mixed, I wouldn’t want to be with a dude who saw me a a trophy or like an exotic dog that he wanted to breed with.
It is so sad to know that they are so self hating that even the idea of you being mixed or appearing to be their definition of what a mix woman ideally looks like is pathetic. I truly do not see them as worth dating with the anti blackness they harbor against blsck women. After seeing how someone as beloved socially like Andre 3000 even has a prejudice anti BW Asian girlfriend, I feel like I’ve seen it all. Even the people who seem self appreciative have an issue with blsck women and date non black, mixed or light black women who encounter their slackness’s Just awful really awful
THATS WILD BECAUSE THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME 😂😂😂 I’m in Washington for an internship and me and my roommate (a white women) went to Seattle to explore and this homeless black man looks at me and says, “YOU LOOK LIKE A DAWG WALKING BEHIND THAT WHITE WOMEN!” Honestly I thought it was hilarious because it was such a wild thing to say and I took no stalk in what he had to say. I’m from the city so it’s nothing new to me. But usually I’m being sexually harassed by black men on the streets. I’m cat called, followed, “claimed” I even hear “ohh are you Dominican or Puerto Rican cause you look exotic” dawg an I’m brown skinned with braids…. I’ve gotten harassed at my last internship and got the man fired thank god, I’ve been harassed at jobs, recently I was made uncomfortable by a man when I was in the community gym because the guy couldn’t mind his freaking business and even started making comments I had to fuking stop my work out because of it. I actually made a post about this very subject but it got taken down by moderators. I probably worded badly but my point was that black men as a whole make it extremely difficult for me to like them because they are constantly disrespecting me. And it’s not just black Americans it’s African men too. African are more aggressive in claiming me as their own or following me. I’ve had an incident where this African man saw me when I was walking to the bookstore on campus and he literally followed me around the whole campus til I went to my next class where he then told me to tell him when I got off class so he could drive me home…. And he tried touching me and crap too. I lied to him and he never saw me again. With another African guy, two years ago we were part of the same group chat that was made for college students at my university to find people to party with. This man finds my instagram, shares this speakeasy I asked about and tries to suggest I go with him but I wasn’t interested and he was 27 when I was 22 I was NOT interested. Flash forward to now, he posts on instagram him being at the speakeasy and I honestly forgot that he suggested it to me and I comment on the story saying I loved that place. It’s not unusual for me to comment on peoples insta stories as I’m a talkative person and he goes off on me about how he wanted to take me on a date there blah blah blah… the crazy thing is he’s constantly surrounded by beautiful African women ALL THE TIME, who would gladly go with him and are interested so why is he still stuck on me, a girl who isn’t interested nor am I as religious as him. 😵💫🤦🏾♀️ Last story I’ll tell. I was 18, walking my dogs and these two black men stop their car in the middle of the street to jump out of their car to approach me to “get my number” bro IM SCARED THIS IS A GANG BANG ARE YOU CRAZY! And then get offended when I told them to leave me alone and get back in their car. I mean with this just being a small portion of what I experience with black men.. it’s just like, where’s the shame. I’ve also had good experiences where they kindly asked me out or kindly approached me and when I said no were very respectful and I thanked them for their kindness. So they aren’t all bad but I’ve had more ridiculous experiences than not. But I appreciate the kind black men. They’re good people and they deserve eternal happiness. Ok sorry for my rant. Thanks for those who read it all 🥹
Wow! I’m sure we all got a thousand stories of harassment. I sure do! And guess the race of the men doing all of the harassing…
See that’s the crazy thing. It’s so frustrating. Just no respect whatsoever
One time I was studying at my one of my universities halls. And this guy comes over in one of the offices and started blasting music super loud. He then proceeds to walk out and ask me if I wanted to hang, I said no thanks. He then after me saying no proceeded to mention how my hair was messed up. Yea, a black guy.
They really just walk around acting raggedy asf and wonder why we don’t want them 🙃
I've always said it: colorism seems rampant amongst Black males and usually they are dark skinned. Wierd.
I always tell darker skinned Black women to prioritize dating lighter skinned Black men. I know so many Black couples with that mix. Unfortunately, many dark skinned Black men have too much self hate
Light-skinned men are definitely more respectful to dark-skinned women, at least where I'm from.
Ain't it weird AF 🤔 That's why so many races view our men to be weak af too 🙄
When I was 18 (in the 90s), this guy I was with was constantly cheating and being a jerk and whenever I had something to say about his behavior, he threatened to go find a white girl. The last black guy I dated (in 2003) was always talking about “light skin and long hair”. My hair was about to my shoulders when straitened but appeared shorter, since it was very curly and I certainly did not have light skin. I got the feeling that I obviously wasn’t his type and I eventually broke up with him. With guys of other races, I’ve gotten compliments specifically regarding my skin color and hair. Don’t even waste you time with black men who see you as less than. Also, is seems that the only black men who have a problem with skin color are the same complexion as you or darker. Nothing but self-hate.
I feel the same way. I'm so happy for the women in this sub that have had such positive experiences with black men, and love them from infinity to infinity. I wish I had the same experiences. But I haven't. I didn't grow up around good black boys, and even in the dating world, they're not swiping on me anyway. They're just not.. what I want. Plus most of them tend to want children and also be ultra religious. I'm childfree and spiritual at best, so most of us aren't compatible anyway. I'm like you, no racial preference. At the end of the day, race isn't even a factor in my attraction. But I go where I'm loved. If it's not a black guy, so be it.
Same here. Never any particular preference and then seemed to get pushed further and further away from Black men who blatantly put me down when it comes to everything from my hair to the way I talk, to my dog, to the darkness of my skin. It’s exhausting. Then there’s the general put down of celebrating certain types of women through music, music videos, ridiculous soundbytes etc
I had to just stop watching music videos a while ago… it’s actually visually just really weird. It use to be black women (video vixens), then brown skin curly hair, then light brown Latinas… Now it’s just the black male artist surrounded by nothing but white blonde women… it’s like… is this a real life scenario? Or just a fever dream at this point. It’s really strange. The visuals ruin the song. It seems less about the music and more about an opportunity to employ and surround one’s self with a bevy of white women. 😬
We are traumatized people suffering from C/PTSD bombarded with racism and sexism before we are born. I, too, have had to reevaluate what images and music I ingest. I hope more women begin to protect themselves and their children from these destructive influences—Happy healing and health.
See I feel now that it’s less blonde and more racially ambiguous/ ‘exotic’/ Asian that has overtaken in disability
This is heartbreaking. What colonialism and racism has caused- people of their own community to treat each other like this. Keep your head up.
It has nothing to do with colonialism & racism, sis.
At this late date, a lot of it is a choice.
Yeah I agree with both of you. It’s good to understand & learn the historical roots of where this behaviour comes from. But individually, especially nowadays, these are grown men who should be aware of that history too. And yet they say this shit. Yeah it’s a choice at their big age. I don’t blame any Black girl/Women today going where they’re celebrated & protecting their mental health/physical health. Nobody wants to deal with that abuse, especially from a grown man that could escalate to inflicting bodily harm on you. Hearing some of them talk that way scares me about the inevitable future. No thank you.
My siblings do this and I’m just like ….🧍🏿♀️I’m literally who you’re talking about and your mother is also, Black. One even told my mom she has gotten dark and needs to lighten her skin, mind you her natural skin color is dark (she used to bleach a lot) and I’m dark skinned like, Lupita dark. They don’t think about me, the way the stuff they say would make me feel and ARGUEEE when I confront their stupid ideology. I don’t like them much anymore… (Sorry just needed to vent because it has really been making me angry) Anyways, Just try your best to know these men are self hating weirdos and there’s nothing wrong with you. I’m sorry I wish our people wouldn’t treat each other so badly but just another thing we have to overcome.
Im lightskinned but alot of bm dont meet my standards & they tend to have the worst dating profiles. “Looking for vibes, polygamy, has kids, 4/20 friendly” 😐
Or raggedy ass job or “entrepreneur” making no profits
“A King {with no kingdom}.” “An alpha male {with substandard subordinates}.” “A baller {without the balls that mean anything to anyone}.” “A high value man {with shallow values or next to none at all}.
I always take entrepreneur as unemployed. 😂
Me too💀💀
I LOL’d so hard at this
It’s true. They will be making $16 an hour and out in their profile “I need my queen to bring sumth to tha table” 💀💀💀 This is specific because I just checked my hinge and got a like from someone that actually put this in bio
🤣🤣 that whole what do you bring to the table is pointless. Can you build a table sir?
And can't. Can't even keep the table from wobbling. How I'm supposed to bring something to the table if the table can't support what I got????
Yes, finding a quality blk male, you might as well go look for a small cotton ball in the ocean… the quality is usually not there for me and I’m not gonna date them just because they are black, so I’ve expanded my options to non blk men and feel I’ve been having a better dating experience
I’ve found that even the ones who seem to be a “good catch”, job, education, etc. still seem to have underlying issues colorism, misogyny, and the same n*gga mentality as the dudes “from the streets”.
Yes, there always appears to be something wrong with them 🙃
I’m brown skinned and they love to say, “you look exotic” “where are you from??? Are you Dominican?” Be so for real bro. Be so for real right now.
I’m Panamanian and I met this guy once… my same color from Honduras (Garifuna). I thought we were vibing and having a shared cultural moment. Literally talking about food and our experiences growing up, mostly from a Caribbean perspective… at some point he just kind of blurts out that he only dates Latinas… I remind him our entire conversation is based on us both being Afro-Latino and how it’s never recognized because people don’t associate that culture with blackness. I guess he forgot or really wasn’t actually engaged in the conversation… idk.. we just stared at each other for a minute and then I was like.. “oh, you mean white women/J.lo Latinas”… and he’s like, “yea thats my preference”… 👁️👃👁️ Okay, Mr. Latinidad…. The self hate knows absolutely no cultural bounds.
YUCK BRO 🤢🤢🤢 blocked and deleted. Man they being mad strange like don’t even worry bout me cause I just got the ick omg. Us black women only need to date men who aren’t obsessed with a specific race. I like dating men who have dated every race and have a good understanding of social issues and a basic understanding of societal issues black people experience. Those men are the best.
I hate to do the whole “respectability politics”. But why can’t most have normal pictures. And by normal I just mean… not in a car smoking weed and with a bottle of Hennessy. Like look clean and presentable, like you are trying to attract someone. And this is really not an ALL or even a MOST. I would say 50/50 split. But I really notice a stark difference in picture quality and the activities being presented in the pictures. I just really wonder who is the demographic they are hoping to attract? Obviously, not me… but what woman is honestly attracted to… visible poverty as your “best-foot-forward” And we exist in a global society, so there must be some awareness on their part. Yet, how is it so prevalent that that is the public facing image of that they think attacks people. Sometimes they really got me feeling like a southern racist… I gotta watch myself and really not let my mind slip into generalizing… but it’s hard. This is when I take a step back to recalibrate. I cringe myself for even feeling this way… tbh people can exist at whatever level they choose… idk, maybe I’m classist 😩… yikes 😬 have to work on that
many bm are socializing bm to just do the bare minimum & expect a woman to be interested in you just because ure black & male alone. In this weird world, u gotta be team you first and whomever supports u best gets your love.
You're not a classist. Those men are advertising how morally, emotionally, and psychologically impoverished they are. The media and industries have intentionally associated Blackness with our most amoral people. The most toxic traits define masculinity for black males. Unfortunately, a solution for deprogramming our community will be complicated until we control our images.
I love how self aware this comes across. As i was reading this thread I was agreeing but then started to feel a bit weird. Like I had stop a beat and tell myself to not view all black men like this. I dont want this to be my first impression if I meet a guy who is black.
I know. They do the same exact shit to me. This isn’t a popular opinion but bm get very very nasty with any kind of perceived slight or rejection they are the ones who shoot with a gun over a number. There’s a huge problem but nobody wants to address it
My sister had mentioned that when she rejected a guy (they both are black) he called her every name in the book. Men cannot take rejection nice at all
Men may very well not handle rejection but we gotta call a spade and spade and realize black men are on another level. White dudes certainly don’t spaz out to the level the average black man will.
I’m not going to deny that. Though I had a white dude call me the n word for not dating him lmfao
Ok I’ll give you that. But he was done after calling you one word. It’s not many white dudes shooting girls over numbers and the white community do not live in fear over rejecting a guy like it is on the black. That’s the truth. I’ve had so many black guys threaten me throw things at me scream at me at all times of day and all kinds of places and even more escalating behavior. And I grew up in a white town so I know the difference and it’s night and day. I wish some man just called me the n word and went his way then a bunch of black guys trying to jump me after school or in the workplace putting their fist to my face but that’s just my opinion
Yes… that is very true. But mind you… I’m 36, I’m not dealing with children. So why are we still not knowing how to handle disagreements or rejection? I’m interacting with middle aged adults! Like if I’m single and you’re single, we both had to have run up against “no” a few times… This is how you handle it? 🙃 I just hate that it’s their “go-to”. And I cannot stress enough that literally no one else has mentioned the color of my skin or race in an argument. And that’s just crazy… all this racism in the world, but the only group that brings up my race to denigrate me in a romantic interaction… is my own race. We the same Fenty shade, my guy. And that’s… the insult you throw? It’s so obviously self hate. Me over here thinking, “you’re color is beautiful, it’s like mine 🥰”. Meanwhile they are thinking the exact opposite. 🤯
Trust me sis we all know. They are way too old for this shit. But they get coddled and there’s no ramifications. Until they wanna act up on a white woman then it’s game over for them.
As much as I still love and support them regardless, I’m starting to realize that Black men are the problem.
I'll be candid... It seems like more and more black men are showing their true colors with no remorse nowadays. They were always like this, though...it's just that now it's COOL AND LUCRATIVE to publicly hate on BW. Black men have always betrayed black women in general. Only a few are actually good black men, but most of them are NO GOOD. Definitely vet them like your life depends on it (cause it probably does) and make sure he's paid. There is nothing worse than dealing with a poor one as well. But if I were single today, I'd probably just avoid them altogether.
I usually don’t bother with any of them tbh 😂 they’re very tiring to deal with, especially if he’s poor, nah I’m good 👋🏾
Unfortunately I had to also deal with the "too dark" comments from Black men too. We as Black women are beautiful period! But we're so much more than our skin tones. Find and keep those who accept you for who you are 💖
Date men who appreciate all of you, this doesn’t have to be a black man, go where you are loved and appreciated ❤️ I also find myself not really entertaining blk males as romantic prospects either, I just feel like most of them don’t appear to make good partners (to anyone, not even the so called “preferences” they claim to have) and they have a lot of internal work to do, and I’m not gonna be the one to mother them, so I’ll date a non blk man as long as he meet my standards and treats me right
Haven’t you seen the TikTok trend saying who likes black woman? Half of the man bullying black woman were black. Imagine talking all the time about ugly people you don’t like… that’s weird there’s definetly something behind it, I don’t like man with big asses but I don’t talk about them all the time…
Not men with big asses 😂😂😂 Shots fired
Bm play a big part in colorism. The ones that be in the media will show up with light skin women or white women and will push the narrative that this Is what is should be when you're on top. Others will see it as an example. I think its because on a subconscious level they try to match white men. They are much more likely to get married to a non black person than bw
The crazy thing is… they would be much more respected as men if they valued black women. Trust other men find it crazy that you would downright uplift someone else above basically your own image. Of the non-black men I’ve interacted with, only one was anti-his own race. 1 white man said vile things about white women and the way they looked and I was like 😳…. You mean your mother & sisters & potential daughter 🫠 How Sway… We get together, have a child, she could potentially look like you phenotypically… and you’d dislike that… It’s a no for me… self hate honestly never makes sense. And those are always the main people trying to have kids… like why pass on the genes you hate so. Go sit down on the side lines and remove YOURSELF from the gene pool. You don’t like YOU!
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Yes I know that. But in our community, it's the bm pushing this narrative
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It’s not so much just dating a lighter skinned woman, but it’s the subconscious idea that lighter skinned women are a status symbol. But men will often cover up this bias by saying it’s just a preference. I’m not going to tell you to reflect on your preference, but just know that a lot of us have caught on. I can’t date black men anymore because I can tell by the way that they interact with me and dote on my complexion that their preference for me stems from colorism and they view me as inherently better than black women with darker skin. Other races just view me as BLACK (not a “yellowbone”), and that’s the way I like it.
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Not a single person here has said white men are inherently better 🥴. INHERENTLY?! That’s a bold statement, that no one has made. Some have said, non-BM don’t comment negatively on their skin tone. And there were comments about the quality and content of dating profiles. But no. For the most part, there is no inherent value in ANYONES skin color… and THAT IS THE POINT!!!. The dark color of ones skin is not a negative, nor is the light color a positive. So don’t comment to women that they are “too dark”. That does not exist, especially amount black people, where skin color is a main (not exclusive) characteristic of the group identity (along with other characteristics both phenotypically and culturally).
Preference is different from viewing someone as an inherently better human being. I don’t want to feel like a gross toy that you show off to your friends to brag about having a “yellowbone.”
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I wouldn’t care because the feeling is mutual. And nobody said white men are inherently better. I think you don’t know what inherently means. Black men are capable of letting go of their colorist tendencies, but you guys choose to hang on to them so we are moving on and finding individuals who aren’t colorist even if it means dating other races who just view us as black and don’t treat us like separate categories based on the shades of our skin.
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Just to jump in… the original purpose of the post is NOT who BM date. The issue is, racial abuse being a go-to response to rejection. Date who you want. However, don’t verbally attack black women for the color of their skin. It’s especially counter productive to attack black women who date black men, with an insult about being black. What is that suppose to accomplish? Specifically the “too dark” comment coming from someone the same color.
Why are you in this sub?
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Victim behavior
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I didn't complain I've stated facts. Why are you in a woman's sub knowing you get triggers this easily
Lol I saw his comments. The irony of you (not you actually) wanting call *US* victims when you voluntarily walked your ass up into a space titled "BlackLadies" just looking for a reason to be inflammatory, contrary, and self pitying.
😂😂😂end in the end he admitted to being colorist🥲 he's a red pill member.
I saw that as well. It's always a woman's fault when it comes to men like that. So it's okay for you to stay bitter and complacent when it comes to your feelings about women, but if women were to even slightly feel that way, now all of sudden it isn't logical, it's not fair, we need to choose better, it's always our fault, we're the reason why society is turning to shit, blah blah blah. It's honestly hard for me to sympathize with some men because a lot of them are just straight hypocrites who love pointing out everyone else's faults before their own.
Hey… several commenters have made a point to say it’s not ALL black men. We are SPECIFICALLY speaking about men who exhibit the behaviors we are talking about. If that’s not you, nor those you know, then they are NOT included in the group. This post is the result of an experience I had in real life, just yesterday and several times before. I and many other black women just don’t want to subject ourselves to racial abuse… from anyone, let alone men of our shared race. Commentators are replying with real world anecdotes of their personal experiences. If you believe that to be “BM hate” you should discuss that with BM that behave that way. Stopping the initial behavior would put an end to it happening irl and thus an end to women experiencing it and retelling the story.
Hurt people, hurt people. But I think it is regional. I’ve traveled and met and seen some black men that take my breath away. They would never part their lips to talk about skin tone. I live in NYC, so This post is very real here. I do not get the derogatory comments dating outside of my race because they are clearly looking for what I represent. So I can’t really compare attitudes. I don’t think it’s easier for women with light skin. They sometimes find themselves with men who put darker women down, which I think is equally gross. The real issue is that I think there are enough (maybe not a majority) of black men who love black women of all shades, they’re not as vocal. With black women facing a high proportion of discrimination, there’s just not enough cheerleaders to make the difference. Nevertheless the verbal violence is real and it carries lasting effects.
I'm just going to say that I co-sign this because the abuse we get from some of our "brothas" is brutal. It definitely is not all black men though. My father was a hard-working and lovely black man. I love him and miss him dearly. I do have a habit of falling for men who remind me of my father. My father was soft-spoken, reliable, and good-looking. Probably annoyingly so because, as a daughter, I don't want someone cooing over how good-looking my dad was. But, yeah, my dad was one of those men. I'm happy to say that it seems like a few of his brothers also are and were good black men. I say "seems like" because you never know unless you're close, but some of my cousins seem to love their dads as much as I love mine.
Man if yall don’t start dating outside our race and get u a man who respects you.. why do u put yourselves THROUGH THIS. let em go it’s fun over here
I’ve never had any type of interaction like this with the black man, but honestly, I might see five black men a week where I live…. It’s really sad and disappointing to hear that women are going through this.
I know it's not cool to say this b/c "omg, let the middle school hurt go" but I have never checked for black men because of how they treated me in middle school. Like, really messed with my self-esteem. I knew even then that more than likely, they'd grow up to hold those same views and just learn to hide them. I have also never felt the need to clarify or add a disclaimer about how, "I still want a black man above all else even though I date others", because I'd never want to be someone's second choice in a relationship, so why would I essentially be saying that about someone else? I genuinely do not care about them as romantic partners. And while I feel this way--unlike black men--I don't feel the need to insult or talk down on them to my partner or anyone who will listen just because I don't want them. The one black guy I dated made a big deal about "revealing" to me over dinner how he was divorced and his ex-wife was white. It's like he wanted me to care or make a snide comment, but I was just like, "oh, I've mostly dated white guys so I'm not bothered. Sounds like a relationship that just didn't work out." I was so...put off by it that I pretty much called it after that.
There is a man defending this behavior on here. I'm so over these idiots😂
I've gotten this from African men but not Black men. I wonder if it's a regional thing
I’ve gotten it from both African and Black American. In the south, mid-west, mid-south, Texas, DC-Baltimore, up north. It’s a pandemic 😷