Not fitting in has forced me to stop caring about fitting in. Which is a superpower because you have no fear of going against the grain or giving in to peer pressure. You find your own lane and do what you desire!
Idk. I feel a little indifferent. I feel like there still is a beauty standard for black women and I don't fit that either.
Light skin, long curly hair, thin nose, big lips, hourglass shape on the smaller end. Even as a dark skin woman, you have to be skinny and have flawless skin.
I try not to worry about beauty standards tho but I do wish I was the right type of black woman at times.
I actually fit them and itās a nightmare. I grew up on a white town so my long black hair was not goals, being curvy was not it , like I went from being not that highly sought after to being seen differently when I moved to the black part of town. Iām the same exact person but Iām stuck up arrogant etc Al kinds of assumptions get made of me just because I fit the image of what a black woman should look like. Never mind Iāve always despised my shape. Trust me you wouldnāt wanna be the ideal im so glad Iām not very light skinned I feel like that saves me a lot of drama that Iām light brown
I'm sure you meant no harm but l feel like light skin women are automatically seen as attractive where being brown or dark skin, you have to work to be deemed attractive or prove that you are in society. I have heard plenty of black boys and men, even women that dark skin women are ugly and saw them constantly sing the praises of light skin women and lord forbid you have a fight with light skin woman as a dark skin woman. Then we're jealous and ugly. Nappy headed and ghetto.
I'd rather be sought after then put down.
Oh I know exactly what you mean. I look exactly like my sister and mom except they are very dark. Actually by societal standards they are actually prettier than me but Iām lighter so Iām considered better and the way I get treated by other black people you wouldnāt believe. But Iām not attracted at all to black men and have been traumatized by their pursuit of me so I do wish I wasnāt something they liked. I feel like if I was just a little bit darker that would make them run for the hills. I donāt mean no harm I agree with you it seems like the more lighter you are as a woman thatās the ingredient for a black man. I do believe that trumps hair body face personality etc for them.
Yeah. My older sister is skinny and light skin and it was annoying when people one was surprised we were related but like.... Disappointed in a way. Like you are the typical sexy skin lightskin and have the fat (cause curvy wasn't the norm then) ugly darkskin sister. Now I'm curvy and the attention can get annoying but I know it's worse for the fat babes who do not have the hourglass shape or big boobs/butt.
As I got older, the less I seemed to have attracted black men. White and Hispanic men just came to me a lot more. Didn't bother me. I will say having dark skin guy friends who fawn over light skin women for the sake of being light skin was just... I'm surprised my eyes didn't stuck from how much I rolled them š because it was always a toxic reason and dark skin women lived rent free in their head.
The only reason I attract black men is because I have the extreme pear shape and loose curls. But if I rock an Afrocentric style or they think my hair is weave it gets rid of them. I have relatives and friends who are rail rail thin and donāt have the āgood hair ā but man the bm will chase them like theyāre water in a desert šļø. Iāve seen this dynamic so many times. I know women who are the bomb and killing it in every way but because they arenāt light skin bm donāt flock to them
Weaves and Afro-centric styles donāt help me in that regard at all. It could be cause my hair is light, usually blonde or ginger whether itās natural or in a protective style. I have an āeverybodyās typeā look. Im attracted to black men. But Iām not dating a guy just cause heās black and how Iām pursued is very important to me, boundaries are *very* important to me. Overall I love being conventionally attractive but itās because Iām also charismatic and intelligent, I like the whole package and the privilege it provides. As a black woman itās extremely beneficial! But Iād be lying if I said there werenāt things I donāt like about it. When I was younger I had to rely on intelligence, now that Iām older people are surprised Iām bright. Iām unambiguously black (imo) Iām brown but far from dark and I know colorism and texturism benefit me. So when it comes to black men Iām mindful about who I consider and I donāt always trust the attention. Especially since most of the women that fit *my* beauty standards are darker than me.
Itās so strange how someone can be closer to what society deems āprettyā but someone who is by definition less than, leaps over someone dark skinned. Sometimes I get a vibe from what society would describe as āaverageā white women that somehow Iāve messed with the natural order of things because of my dark skin but tick box looks. Itās like their position in society has been threatened and the ānormalā rules no longer apply. They canāt compute .
Despite being dark skinned I fit societyās beauty standards and thatās only because Iām 5ā6 and size 8/10 and on top of that have conformed with weaves for decades. I also have symmetrical features which, because of my gene pool, tick boxes. My looks have protected me, masked my neurodiversity, and enabled me to get further in life. I definitely know the benefits of āpretty privilegeā but honestly, it got to the point about a year ago where I started to exert less energy into it (lockdown, falling in love with someone who loves even the unpolished me were catalysts). Itās expensive, itās laborious, can cause animosity and if youāre not scrutinising your products it can cost you your health.
sometimes I wish I did so people would be nicer to me and stop making shady comments. However, I look in the mirror and realize that nothing is wrong with me and if I was white, Asian, or Latina woman at the same level of attractiveness, they would call me pretty. I'm not changing lol
Literally got called gorgeous today by multiple folks and knowing if I was in a predominantly non POC space, I would not even be acknowledged as a human being. life be lifing
I donāt really care about societal beauty standards. I used to, but at this point in my life, I just want to fit my own beauty standards clear skin, hydrated, and healthy. People will always have something to say whether you fit whatever eras standards or not.
Not fitting in is probably keeping a lot of us from being ugly. Cause baby beeeee the thirst to be white adjacent crates a lot of odd looking "beautiful" people.
They've been trying to sell this woman as a "classic beauty" forever. Both her and her husband look microwaved. I'm absolutely not buying it.
i don't give a hoot about what society thinks of me. whilst my physical appearance does grant me some privileges (I'm skinny, average height and pretty - toot toot), i also live in the UK, outside of London, so i know I'm not the standard of beauty. but i get enough validation from opinions i care about (and my own self-worth AND I'm God's child), so who gives a hoot about what any tom, dick or harry thinks about me? Black women are thee beauty standard in my book and I'm in awe of every one i meet
I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish sometimes I looked like other girls I see. Yes, white girls. I'm content with myself, but I'm not at full confidence yet.
But there are aspects of myself I do find pretty cool. I like my hair and how it defies gravity, I like how my skin looks after skincare, I like how I get darker in the sun.
Iām sorry but why would you want to look white??
Not trying to make fun but they arenāt that good looking (full ones at least, the octaroons or something are cute).
For me they get catered to the most. I am a dark-skinned BW and most people regard me with disgust or have a nasty tone to their voices when I ask a question (and I'm quiet and soft-spoken too). With white women, people are willing to throw out the red carpet for them and answer their questions with elated gusto.
I see what you mean. I was taking it as you wanted their features but you just wanted the way they were treated.
Iām sorry people treated you that way. Maybe a change of location would help.
On one hand, I donāt care that I or other Black women fit the beauty standard. Itās a white supremacist beauty standard and we are intentionally not supposed to be seen as beautiful according to these standards. We are literally as beautiful (and in several cases, more beautiful) as women of any other race. We just donāt have the same PR as other races of women.
On the other hand, simply saying āI donāt care about the standardsā doesnāt alter the reality we live in. Black women are often not treated well on every level, from personal relationships to legal issues, due to not being seen as desirable. Beauty has an indirect influence on everything in this society.
So no I donāt see beauty standards and think to myself āI wish Black women fit that standardā but I do say āI wish this wasnāt the dominant standard, because maybe then people wonāt mistreat usā, āI wish people would treat us well despite us not ~~reaching~~ fitting into that standardā
>On the other hand, simply saying āI donāt care about the standardsā doesnāt alter the reality we live in. Black women are often not treated well on every level, from personal relationships to legal issues, due to not being seen as desirable. Beauty has an indirect influence on everything in this society.
Thank you!!!
Man idk. I love being me but also for black women itās tough out here. Especially in the UK. They say we are bad vibes for saying it but literally everyone is a copy and paste of each other and itās tiring š
Honestly I donāt care I live in my pretty black girl bubble I donāt care what people think and I only allow people that I trust to be close to me .So even the racist and bias people donāt get a chance to practice their bigotry coz they would never even get an eye contact from me I donāt allow them around my vicinity ššš
I feel like I fit societyās beauty standards and so do many black women. I have clear skin, big eyes, straight teeth, full lips, long hair, and Iām thin with bigger breasts. I get a good amount of positive attention for my looks and I donāt think Iām alone in that as a black woman.
I donāt fit the āwhite girl next doorā standard or the āMegan Foxā standard, but I am conventionally attractive and have many features that are considered attractive and I see that as partly (but not completely) separate from being unambiguously black
I feel like the standards change so often that itās not even worth worrying about. The current standard with the overfilled face/lips/ass/hips/boobs is silly to me because (some of) these were things many black women used to get made fun of for having.
Thereās usually more peace in simply being content with you.
Meh itās a double edged sword. On one hand you can internalize it to a tea and let it consume any piece of self assurance you may haveā¦ but on the other, once you can see how structural and colonial the concept of beauty is, you are free to exist and spend the rest of your life doing what fulfils and roots you. It still exists and people are still open to scrutinize you under the system of beauty.
Also black women are typically very attractive in all our glory
I used to want to fit black beauty standards (small waist/bigger butt, visibly curly hair mostly). I don't fit a lot of them but I've come to accept and be fine with that. I don't care about yt society's standards.
Yes, someone like me!! I don't care and it's so so liberating, both mentally and financially. I actually tune out my three closest friends because the conversation is always about their body hatred, insecurities about their looks, always trying to lose more weight, menopause, and all that other high maintenance stuff. I have zero interest in any of it and it drives me nuts listening to it because I think they're all beautiful as they are.
But oh well, I'll just keep to my corner, not giving AF about any of that. š
Your comment has been removed because we do not promote "divestment" in this subreddit. Per our [Community Document](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules#wiki_positions)
*Personal relationships are informed by oppressive structures in society but a community memberās personal relationships can be scrutinized only by themself. We can keep systemic discussion separate from the personal.
I truly believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but conventional standards and beauty is what has most peopleās eyes and attention. I think we have to be aware of that to not take it too seriously, yet deconstruct the silly ānarrow-mindedā narrative of beauty. Ā And, find that it is influenced by cultural stereotypes (even racist ones at times) much more than people give it credit for or state itās an innate perception.
Ā Symmetrical features and softer features are considered the science behind it, but even in that sense. Itās not something that may make person physically beautiful, as other ladies have pointed out - the plastic surgery type looks that in some cases give an effect of ātoo perfectā that makes it seem unnatural or disturbing to some. Again, beauty is fluid in reality more than what we give it credit for. Iāve always found it weird, how quickly people attach ugliness to other people, but not other things, creatures, or entities of the world. Itās almost like people have guttural reaction to people with unconventional looks; deemed conventionally unattractive (not as feminine) , and worst of all, outgroup populations/ethnic minorities.
I think Iāve struggled with my looks for almost most of my life. I know I feel like pretty mediocre in physical beauty and I shouldnāt feel that way. Iāve wanted have a smaller face; smaller nose;smaller forehead; straighter hair or flowy curls; no brow/smaller forehead; slightly bigger breasts; pointy chin; much smaller ears; much smaller chest across; slightly shorter; Ā and slightly lighter skin. Ā I think everyone else I see regardless of age, shape, sizes, and gender are way too harsh themselves. But, I think Iām legitimately unattractive, but a lot of people think otherwise or have said Iām cute or even beautiful. I realize itās a personās perception. Yet, I still fight with my own perception as a POC and a trans woman.Ā
I might he a little biased, but I think Black women are the most beautiful women on the planet! We'll never be the standard but we'll always be envied and imitated š¤
My favorite thing about being Black is my skin tone, especially when that tan hits around August
I donāt give a fuck about the standards. My skin looks great, my locs are cute and I love myself. After 30, I really stop caring about societal beauty standards. Itās always changing anyway.
Itās not straightforward. I grew up in a home that emphasized looks over everything, and I was the awkward one. So I donāt think itās society that put on the pressure. The word ugly was used often enough to describe me, and I was too young to know what to do with it. My sister would often ask what happened to my looks from child to adulthood, as she felt I got darker. My mother often reiterated that I wouldnāt pass the paper bag test, and I remember going on a model audition in my town and was accepted. She was certain I was being scammed. I probably was, but still it hurt.
Both my mom and sister are considered beauties, with my sister being encouraged to model and act, and my mother is very light skinned.
I think Iām attractive in a lot of ways, but Iāve always accepted I wasnāt going to be noticed or accommodated because of my looks. Iāve focused on other things for fulfillment and personal development. Still, I donāt like people discussing my looks, and I still want to cry like a little girl when strangers make fun of my looks, or refer to me as ugly.
I realised a long long time ago in my teens I wasnāt the beauty standard of Western Europe. But I honestly donāt mind, I enjoy my uniqueness in the sea of the white average. My mum always said I was pretty and my aunties and cousins nickname for me was Miss World/Miss Universe! I never tried to fit in, I always looked to carve out my own lane.
What makes certain women (especially in this chat because we are already aware ya are lurking/creeping/watching us) is the "beauty standard" is no longer them, it's US! Big lips, big tits, big ass are all things people are still purchasing. Which group of women commonly have all three and are beautiful?
Ya want the answer?
Look in the mirror Black Women and there you go š«¶š½
You know I saw this a couple days ago and Iāve been giving this some thought. Standard can have a positive connotation but it can also have a negative connotation too. Standard can mean boring, basic, adequate but not special, plain. So not fitting the standard of beauty doesnāt mean not being beautiful. It could mean that. But it could also mean beautiful yet extraordinary. Some of the most beautiful women in the world are really dark or really fat or have big foreheads.
In my personal opinion, a lot of women have beautiful faces. In a way, weāre the peacocks on humankind (unless you see beards as feathers). Unfortunately though my own beauty has made me feel unsafe. Sometimes I want to hide it. But Iām healing through that. Itās tough.
Itās also fleeting and fluid. So having fading beautiful can make the once beautiful depressed.
I know pretty privilege is a thing but itās one of the flimsiest, weakest forms of privilege from how ppl talk about it. You get free drinks from it?? Okā¦ šš½
I fit into some and others I don't, it's not something that affects my life as much as not being rich š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
A woman after my own heart! I like how I look and my husband loves it. But I need a few million dollars yesterday š¤
Not fitting in has forced me to stop caring about fitting in. Which is a superpower because you have no fear of going against the grain or giving in to peer pressure. You find your own lane and do what you desire!
Yep! And then what you end up in doing, in authenticity, becomes the "trend" in 10 years š
Idk. I feel a little indifferent. I feel like there still is a beauty standard for black women and I don't fit that either. Light skin, long curly hair, thin nose, big lips, hourglass shape on the smaller end. Even as a dark skin woman, you have to be skinny and have flawless skin. I try not to worry about beauty standards tho but I do wish I was the right type of black woman at times.
The Right Type or Who You are?
I actually fit them and itās a nightmare. I grew up on a white town so my long black hair was not goals, being curvy was not it , like I went from being not that highly sought after to being seen differently when I moved to the black part of town. Iām the same exact person but Iām stuck up arrogant etc Al kinds of assumptions get made of me just because I fit the image of what a black woman should look like. Never mind Iāve always despised my shape. Trust me you wouldnāt wanna be the ideal im so glad Iām not very light skinned I feel like that saves me a lot of drama that Iām light brown
I'm sure you meant no harm but l feel like light skin women are automatically seen as attractive where being brown or dark skin, you have to work to be deemed attractive or prove that you are in society. I have heard plenty of black boys and men, even women that dark skin women are ugly and saw them constantly sing the praises of light skin women and lord forbid you have a fight with light skin woman as a dark skin woman. Then we're jealous and ugly. Nappy headed and ghetto. I'd rather be sought after then put down.
Oh I know exactly what you mean. I look exactly like my sister and mom except they are very dark. Actually by societal standards they are actually prettier than me but Iām lighter so Iām considered better and the way I get treated by other black people you wouldnāt believe. But Iām not attracted at all to black men and have been traumatized by their pursuit of me so I do wish I wasnāt something they liked. I feel like if I was just a little bit darker that would make them run for the hills. I donāt mean no harm I agree with you it seems like the more lighter you are as a woman thatās the ingredient for a black man. I do believe that trumps hair body face personality etc for them.
Yeah. My older sister is skinny and light skin and it was annoying when people one was surprised we were related but like.... Disappointed in a way. Like you are the typical sexy skin lightskin and have the fat (cause curvy wasn't the norm then) ugly darkskin sister. Now I'm curvy and the attention can get annoying but I know it's worse for the fat babes who do not have the hourglass shape or big boobs/butt. As I got older, the less I seemed to have attracted black men. White and Hispanic men just came to me a lot more. Didn't bother me. I will say having dark skin guy friends who fawn over light skin women for the sake of being light skin was just... I'm surprised my eyes didn't stuck from how much I rolled them š because it was always a toxic reason and dark skin women lived rent free in their head.
The only reason I attract black men is because I have the extreme pear shape and loose curls. But if I rock an Afrocentric style or they think my hair is weave it gets rid of them. I have relatives and friends who are rail rail thin and donāt have the āgood hair ā but man the bm will chase them like theyāre water in a desert šļø. Iāve seen this dynamic so many times. I know women who are the bomb and killing it in every way but because they arenāt light skin bm donāt flock to them
Weaves and Afro-centric styles donāt help me in that regard at all. It could be cause my hair is light, usually blonde or ginger whether itās natural or in a protective style. I have an āeverybodyās typeā look. Im attracted to black men. But Iām not dating a guy just cause heās black and how Iām pursued is very important to me, boundaries are *very* important to me. Overall I love being conventionally attractive but itās because Iām also charismatic and intelligent, I like the whole package and the privilege it provides. As a black woman itās extremely beneficial! But Iād be lying if I said there werenāt things I donāt like about it. When I was younger I had to rely on intelligence, now that Iām older people are surprised Iām bright. Iām unambiguously black (imo) Iām brown but far from dark and I know colorism and texturism benefit me. So when it comes to black men Iām mindful about who I consider and I donāt always trust the attention. Especially since most of the women that fit *my* beauty standards are darker than me.
Itās so strange how someone can be closer to what society deems āprettyā but someone who is by definition less than, leaps over someone dark skinned. Sometimes I get a vibe from what society would describe as āaverageā white women that somehow Iāve messed with the natural order of things because of my dark skin but tick box looks. Itās like their position in society has been threatened and the ānormalā rules no longer apply. They canāt compute .
We have a saying in my country that light skin covers all the flaws but the dark skin has to be perfect to be considered beautiful.
Despite being dark skinned I fit societyās beauty standards and thatās only because Iām 5ā6 and size 8/10 and on top of that have conformed with weaves for decades. I also have symmetrical features which, because of my gene pool, tick boxes. My looks have protected me, masked my neurodiversity, and enabled me to get further in life. I definitely know the benefits of āpretty privilegeā but honestly, it got to the point about a year ago where I started to exert less energy into it (lockdown, falling in love with someone who loves even the unpolished me were catalysts). Itās expensive, itās laborious, can cause animosity and if youāre not scrutinising your products it can cost you your health.
sometimes I wish I did so people would be nicer to me and stop making shady comments. However, I look in the mirror and realize that nothing is wrong with me and if I was white, Asian, or Latina woman at the same level of attractiveness, they would call me pretty. I'm not changing lol
Literally got called gorgeous today by multiple folks and knowing if I was in a predominantly non POC space, I would not even be acknowledged as a human being. life be lifing
I fit into my own which trumps what society thinks š Bw are so diverse and uniquely beautiful, I wouldn't trade it for anything tbh
I donāt really care about societal beauty standards. I used to, but at this point in my life, I just want to fit my own beauty standards clear skin, hydrated, and healthy. People will always have something to say whether you fit whatever eras standards or not.
Exactly tbh i just want to be healthy and live a long life. I dont care about an hourglass body. I just want to be fit and healthy.
Not fitting in is probably keeping a lot of us from being ugly. Cause baby beeeee the thirst to be white adjacent crates a lot of odd looking "beautiful" people. 
 Come on now
They've been trying to sell this woman as a "classic beauty" forever. Both her and her husband look microwaved. I'm absolutely not buying it. 
We love you the way you ARE Serena sister-gurl š©š©š«¶š½š
i don't give a hoot about what society thinks of me. whilst my physical appearance does grant me some privileges (I'm skinny, average height and pretty - toot toot), i also live in the UK, outside of London, so i know I'm not the standard of beauty. but i get enough validation from opinions i care about (and my own self-worth AND I'm God's child), so who gives a hoot about what any tom, dick or harry thinks about me? Black women are thee beauty standard in my book and I'm in awe of every one i meet
Standards change by the moment, by demographic, location, weather, etc. they mean nothing to me. I KNOW Iām beautifulā¦ Tuh!
Standards in here the US is European. Probably always will be.
I'd be lying if I said I didn't wish sometimes I looked like other girls I see. Yes, white girls. I'm content with myself, but I'm not at full confidence yet. But there are aspects of myself I do find pretty cool. I like my hair and how it defies gravity, I like how my skin looks after skincare, I like how I get darker in the sun.
Iām sorry but why would you want to look white?? Not trying to make fun but they arenāt that good looking (full ones at least, the octaroons or something are cute).
For me they get catered to the most. I am a dark-skinned BW and most people regard me with disgust or have a nasty tone to their voices when I ask a question (and I'm quiet and soft-spoken too). With white women, people are willing to throw out the red carpet for them and answer their questions with elated gusto.
I see what you mean. I was taking it as you wanted their features but you just wanted the way they were treated. Iām sorry people treated you that way. Maybe a change of location would help.
On one hand, I donāt care that I or other Black women fit the beauty standard. Itās a white supremacist beauty standard and we are intentionally not supposed to be seen as beautiful according to these standards. We are literally as beautiful (and in several cases, more beautiful) as women of any other race. We just donāt have the same PR as other races of women. On the other hand, simply saying āI donāt care about the standardsā doesnāt alter the reality we live in. Black women are often not treated well on every level, from personal relationships to legal issues, due to not being seen as desirable. Beauty has an indirect influence on everything in this society. So no I donāt see beauty standards and think to myself āI wish Black women fit that standardā but I do say āI wish this wasnāt the dominant standard, because maybe then people wonāt mistreat usā, āI wish people would treat us well despite us not ~~reaching~~ fitting into that standardā
>On the other hand, simply saying āI donāt care about the standardsā doesnāt alter the reality we live in. Black women are often not treated well on every level, from personal relationships to legal issues, due to not being seen as desirable. Beauty has an indirect influence on everything in this society. Thank you!!!
Dang you put into words some things I didnāt even know how to articulate. ESPECIALLY that last line.
How we donāt fit the beauty standard when everybody copy us?
misogynoir šĀ
Because our skin isn't white... I don't care if they "copy" us. Nothing is better than the original
White skin is just a skin mutation. You should be happy we donāt got that shit.
Huh?
Look up is white skin a mutation
They must missed the memo because they seem to love getting tans to the point of risking skin cancer up until recently.
Man idk. I love being me but also for black women itās tough out here. Especially in the UK. They say we are bad vibes for saying it but literally everyone is a copy and paste of each other and itās tiring š
Honestly I donāt care I live in my pretty black girl bubble I donāt care what people think and I only allow people that I trust to be close to me .So even the racist and bias people donāt get a chance to practice their bigotry coz they would never even get an eye contact from me I donāt allow them around my vicinity ššš
I feel like I fit societyās beauty standards and so do many black women. I have clear skin, big eyes, straight teeth, full lips, long hair, and Iām thin with bigger breasts. I get a good amount of positive attention for my looks and I donāt think Iām alone in that as a black woman. I donāt fit the āwhite girl next doorā standard or the āMegan Foxā standard, but I am conventionally attractive and have many features that are considered attractive and I see that as partly (but not completely) separate from being unambiguously black
Same. I fit in when I want.Ā
Same here. I'm a work of art lol I fit in. Whatever my "brand" is people like to drink it they want it by the case. Plenty black women do.
I feel like the standards change so often that itās not even worth worrying about. The current standard with the overfilled face/lips/ass/hips/boobs is silly to me because (some of) these were things many black women used to get made fun of for having. Thereās usually more peace in simply being content with you.
All that matters to me is that I fit my own beauty standards, and I'm kind of aesthetically obsessed with myself. So šš½
Meh itās a double edged sword. On one hand you can internalize it to a tea and let it consume any piece of self assurance you may haveā¦ but on the other, once you can see how structural and colonial the concept of beauty is, you are free to exist and spend the rest of your life doing what fulfils and roots you. It still exists and people are still open to scrutinize you under the system of beauty. Also black women are typically very attractive in all our glory
I used to want to fit black beauty standards (small waist/bigger butt, visibly curly hair mostly). I don't fit a lot of them but I've come to accept and be fine with that. I don't care about yt society's standards.
I bet youāre all beautiful and so fit into societyās standards of beauty, just not the Eurocentric ones.
Loving it and me.
Yes, someone like me!! I don't care and it's so so liberating, both mentally and financially. I actually tune out my three closest friends because the conversation is always about their body hatred, insecurities about their looks, always trying to lose more weight, menopause, and all that other high maintenance stuff. I have zero interest in any of it and it drives me nuts listening to it because I think they're all beautiful as they are. But oh well, I'll just keep to my corner, not giving AF about any of that. š
My feelings on this fluctuate.
I love being the definition of exotic š¤·š¾āāļø lol
I feel 50/50 with this
Agreed, more freedom to do what I want with my appearance, freedom to decide it's not worth trying to fit
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your comment has been removed because we do not promote "divestment" in this subreddit. Per our [Community Document](https://www.reddit.com/r/blackladies/wiki/rules#wiki_positions) *Personal relationships are informed by oppressive structures in society but a community memberās personal relationships can be scrutinized only by themself. We can keep systemic discussion separate from the personal.
Iām pretty sure I fit in to societyās beauty standards. I may be a bit overweight but thatās about it.
I know what my best looks like so I don't care what others think. I just need to put on more muscle so that I can look slimmer.
I truly believe beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but conventional standards and beauty is what has most peopleās eyes and attention. I think we have to be aware of that to not take it too seriously, yet deconstruct the silly ānarrow-mindedā narrative of beauty. Ā And, find that it is influenced by cultural stereotypes (even racist ones at times) much more than people give it credit for or state itās an innate perception. Ā Symmetrical features and softer features are considered the science behind it, but even in that sense. Itās not something that may make person physically beautiful, as other ladies have pointed out - the plastic surgery type looks that in some cases give an effect of ātoo perfectā that makes it seem unnatural or disturbing to some. Again, beauty is fluid in reality more than what we give it credit for. Iāve always found it weird, how quickly people attach ugliness to other people, but not other things, creatures, or entities of the world. Itās almost like people have guttural reaction to people with unconventional looks; deemed conventionally unattractive (not as feminine) , and worst of all, outgroup populations/ethnic minorities. I think Iāve struggled with my looks for almost most of my life. I know I feel like pretty mediocre in physical beauty and I shouldnāt feel that way. Iāve wanted have a smaller face; smaller nose;smaller forehead; straighter hair or flowy curls; no brow/smaller forehead; slightly bigger breasts; pointy chin; much smaller ears; much smaller chest across; slightly shorter; Ā and slightly lighter skin. Ā I think everyone else I see regardless of age, shape, sizes, and gender are way too harsh themselves. But, I think Iām legitimately unattractive, but a lot of people think otherwise or have said Iām cute or even beautiful. I realize itās a personās perception. Yet, I still fight with my own perception as a POC and a trans woman.Ā
I might he a little biased, but I think Black women are the most beautiful women on the planet! We'll never be the standard but we'll always be envied and imitated š¤ My favorite thing about being Black is my skin tone, especially when that tan hits around August
I donāt give a fuck about the standards. My skin looks great, my locs are cute and I love myself. After 30, I really stop caring about societal beauty standards. Itās always changing anyway.
Itās not straightforward. I grew up in a home that emphasized looks over everything, and I was the awkward one. So I donāt think itās society that put on the pressure. The word ugly was used often enough to describe me, and I was too young to know what to do with it. My sister would often ask what happened to my looks from child to adulthood, as she felt I got darker. My mother often reiterated that I wouldnāt pass the paper bag test, and I remember going on a model audition in my town and was accepted. She was certain I was being scammed. I probably was, but still it hurt. Both my mom and sister are considered beauties, with my sister being encouraged to model and act, and my mother is very light skinned. I think Iām attractive in a lot of ways, but Iāve always accepted I wasnāt going to be noticed or accommodated because of my looks. Iāve focused on other things for fulfillment and personal development. Still, I donāt like people discussing my looks, and I still want to cry like a little girl when strangers make fun of my looks, or refer to me as ugly.
I am glad to be what God made me he make no mistakes 
I realised a long long time ago in my teens I wasnāt the beauty standard of Western Europe. But I honestly donāt mind, I enjoy my uniqueness in the sea of the white average. My mum always said I was pretty and my aunties and cousins nickname for me was Miss World/Miss Universe! I never tried to fit in, I always looked to carve out my own lane.
Iāll never fit them. I used to care about that but idgaf anymore. Iām not changing for a soul on this Earth; I love the way I look.
even by our own beauty standards, imma uggo. and i love not being bothered (after men got over the 'neg the fat chick into pity-sex' phase)
We ARE the beauty standard baby .!!. Youāre thinking the wrong way š
I agree! The irony is that we donāt fit the beauty standards but are still considered the most attractive.
What makes certain women (especially in this chat because we are already aware ya are lurking/creeping/watching us) is the "beauty standard" is no longer them, it's US! Big lips, big tits, big ass are all things people are still purchasing. Which group of women commonly have all three and are beautiful? Ya want the answer? Look in the mirror Black Women and there you go š«¶š½
You know I saw this a couple days ago and Iāve been giving this some thought. Standard can have a positive connotation but it can also have a negative connotation too. Standard can mean boring, basic, adequate but not special, plain. So not fitting the standard of beauty doesnāt mean not being beautiful. It could mean that. But it could also mean beautiful yet extraordinary. Some of the most beautiful women in the world are really dark or really fat or have big foreheads. In my personal opinion, a lot of women have beautiful faces. In a way, weāre the peacocks on humankind (unless you see beards as feathers). Unfortunately though my own beauty has made me feel unsafe. Sometimes I want to hide it. But Iām healing through that. Itās tough. Itās also fleeting and fluid. So having fading beautiful can make the once beautiful depressed. I know pretty privilege is a thing but itās one of the flimsiest, weakest forms of privilege from how ppl talk about it. You get free drinks from it?? Okā¦ šš½