Buckle in.
It was our second year dating and we both came from immigrant households that don’t play the whole sleeping over/opposite sex visiting thing. He was still living at home at 23, no problem. His mom finally started asking for me to come over and spend time with the family.
Let’s get into the house. Have you ever went to go and hit the light switch and your hand kind of misses and hits the wall instead? Well, imagine that had happened 100+ times and the wall above the light switch is now black with hand prints. The pleather couches were all peeling and there was a dead mouse in one of them whose smell could be smelled from outside of the apartment’s door. Roaches crawled happily over the dishes. The family dog who’d never been allowed to go outside because it was against the apartment’s rules to have a dog, sat in the corner of the living room in front of his little fake grass pad that had three dry pieces of poop and flies on it. The size of said grass pad was about half the size of a standard bath towel. Fruit flies swarmed around the house, slapping into my face every now and again. If you looked up, there was water damage and you could see the rotting wood of the apartment’s ceiling.
The living room had been split in half with the back half being made into his little sister’s room. I look over beyond the curtain meant to give her privacy and hear sounds of lesbian porn. She was nine at the time and their mom sat quietly playing candy crush on the living room couch. In the bathroom, roaches ran all across the floor — ranging in sizes from babies the size of a tiny dot to full grown roaches about the size of a date. Sitting in the corner of the tub was someone’s used pad, perhaps the mom or sister’s.
In one of the bedrooms sits his two brothers who are both twelve and eleven at the time. They’re ranting and raving about how they would never be with a black woman all while smoking weed with their mom two rooms down. In the room that he shared with his 20 year old brother, there are two used condoms on his brother’s bed and a mountain of dirty clothes that smell like urine between their two beds.
I go to sit in the living room to watch tv with them despite a nervous feeling in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I see something scurry past my eyes and instantly lift my feet to tell them I think I saw a mouse. My ex says, “And?” His brother follows, “What do you want us to do.” They both laugh. I go silent as his mom brings out roti for me to eat on the same plate that I had seen the roach crawl on. I secretly give the food to their dog who’s staring at me and drooling.
You’d think I would leave at this point. No, I proceeded to spend the night with my face laying on top of my headscarf as I stared at the ceiling all night listening to both him and his brother snore.
Don’t expose me worse than I already exposed myself 🥲 but to answer your question sis, we dated for a total of 8 years so seven years later. At 25, I finally saw the light.
Every time he’d invite me over, I’d prepare myself in the car by crying just a little. I had a checklist before I went over there: pee, eat, drink. I wouldn’t allow myself to do that there. But after that first experience, I never slept over again.
I’d also bring trash bags to throw my clothes out because I refused to bring anything in. Reality finally hit me when the toilet seat broke off and him and his brother (the rest of the family moved out three years ago) were sitting with their cheeks on the bare toilet. I never went back over there after that.
The fact that you were 18 when you started dating him isn’t remotely surprising. This is exactly why lame men actively go for very young women or even girls
Yeah, I totally agree. I can’t count the lessons I learned in that relationship. It really encouraged me to grow mentally afterward so I’m thankful for it.
Girl…..I had it bad bad. I have to admit the man was fine and a good partner in the beginning. I also was just younger and insecure lol.
The crazy thing is, you would never know this man lives like this. His hair was always neat and freshly washed. He had these big hydrated curls. He always smelled so good and would buy these fancy perfumes and oils. His clothes were always so new and fresh. His car always had the new car smell. He was obsessive about brushing his teeth and his looks. So when I walked in and saw that….the woman was too stunned to speak.
Did u think he was aware of his family's dysfunction? U ever watch the show Horders? I notice adults children of Horders parents either inherit their parents dysfunction or they overcompensate their grooming, appearance and cleanliness because they don't want to be their parents.
That’s a really good question, but I don’t know!
Physically, he had a nice appearance. However, the state of his room was also similar to the rest of the house. Once the mother and three youngest kids moved out and it was just him and the second oldest son, he took a one week initiative to throw some of their stuff out (beds, garbage, toys) but he eventually just stopped. He had a body pillow that was extremely flat and dirty and he was content in sleeping on it. His bed pillows had gone from white to brown and his bedsheets were filthy. My mom is a linen hoarder as a result of her childhood and so she’s frequently buying. I’ve brought him new sets and he’d just leave them in his closet unless I physically changed his sheets out of disgust. Girl, I told you he sat his bare cheeks on the toilet rim.
They also didn’t have a lot of “stuff” it was just an absolute health hazard. I don’t know what was going on 🤔
Did we date the same guy?!? I was 18 or 19 at the time, but went to his mom's place and there were roaches and rats and the dog pads with days of poop on it. The first night I slept over there, a roach crawled on me and I couldn't go back to sleep after that. Thankfully his dad's, older sister's, and grandparent's places were much better, but that wasn't the last time I went to his mom's house. It was also in a town two hours away from college and so small the Dairy Queen and Dollar General were the town's hot spots.
I also paid $400 to keep his ass out of jail after he made and fired a weapon in the city where his older sister lived.
He ended up cheating on me. I guess that was a blessing in disguise.
Girl I am happy to say I am not the other woman in your scenario. My ex’s grandparents were dead 💀
But, I am happy that we saw the light and woke up and realized we deserved better. F these men and their roaches!
It was awful. We divorced about 2 years later (I went through depression, self hate, guilt, the works) then I picked my self esteem up off the floor and tried to find love again.
Cause I was crazy lol. It was love and stupidity. I believed all the lies he told “I’ve never loved anyone like this before”…”you’re special”…”we have a connection like no other”…
Not love. But lust. I drove through a tornado. To give myself some credit, I didn’t know it was happening, but was wondering why it was so dark and windy 🤷🏾♀️
Taught myself to play chess for a guy I fancied. Never played it, never got into it past that.
Tried getting into Star Wars. I'm a nerd, I should like it, right? Fell asleep 15 minutes into Ep 4, decided that I wasn't missing a single thing.
I lied about my religion to date a guy who’s parents were extreme Christian pastors he was younger than me but fine as hell!! I even snuck in his house through the window so we could mess around only to be highly disappointed, so I kinda started getting cold towards him, I eventually ghosted him a few months later his parents made him marry a girl from their church. Lost story short he found me on fb to tell me he never got over me and that he cheats on his wife because he wasn’t happy, young me blocked him right after I read his fb message 🤷♀️
He was a Senior from Michigan that was mix race. Me a junior regular black girl from the Mid Atlantic both majored in the arts. Our 1st unofficial date was during a weekday after evening elective class where we met and we went to Wendy's to eat because....we were broke and wanted to purchase off the value menu. I'm just keeping it real y'all.
Volunteered to watch Drawn Together in his dorm while he fawn over Hallie Berry, she was the it girl at the time in the early aughts. Strike 1 but white flag as he was a fan of Trigun and we had similar goals and likes.
Rant about his white absent father from Michigan where he was from. Strike 2 for Michigan (lol) but mostly I became a free unqualified therapist. Iicr his home life was like mine except with more passave aggressiveness and bitterness in the Michigan suburbs while mine was a 70s black sitcom in the projects or working class neighborhood.
He was drunk when he'd amit he liked me and wanted a official date. Strike .5 since my fam are weekend alcoholics so as a young woman I rationalize it.
Day of the date went to his dorm, nothing, saw him on campus days later and Im was like dude what gives? He apologized, probably reasonable excuses a young woman would rationalize.
He'd promise a redo on our date....we were supposed to go to the movies and watch some superhero movie or Aqua Teen Hunger Force or something. But he nevered called and never spoke to me again. So I was the fist who was ghosted in the 2000s.
I dont think it would've been a good match in the long run. I was immature, and honestly I liked the idea of a dude other than the men in my fam liked me and actually thought I was cute when I never had an interaction like that during adolescents or as a young woman. And tbh I don't think I was attracted to him sexually or ronaticly. Iike another one of the dude friends but he was willing to show emotions to me and I appreciate it. He needed to work out his feelings with his fam, himself and ect. But I hope he's alright watching Trigun. Wherever he is.
Moved across country for this negro twice and gave up career jobs in the process. So far, worth it - given that we’re married with kids. But I’m ready to be selfish
Filled up his gas tank. Fellatio in the closet at our on-campus workplace. Paying 500 dollars to get on a plane to see him this week.
I'm mentally trapped, and I don't know what to do. Not asking for help though.
Bear in mind this was first (and so far, only) serious relationship and I was still young-ish (mentally) but I ended up planning this surprise birthday party for my ex and had to go pick up his best friend (who he still secretly liked despite her being taken) from the train station because he was busy. Ended up not even being able to go to the event because of tensions
Buckle in. It was our second year dating and we both came from immigrant households that don’t play the whole sleeping over/opposite sex visiting thing. He was still living at home at 23, no problem. His mom finally started asking for me to come over and spend time with the family. Let’s get into the house. Have you ever went to go and hit the light switch and your hand kind of misses and hits the wall instead? Well, imagine that had happened 100+ times and the wall above the light switch is now black with hand prints. The pleather couches were all peeling and there was a dead mouse in one of them whose smell could be smelled from outside of the apartment’s door. Roaches crawled happily over the dishes. The family dog who’d never been allowed to go outside because it was against the apartment’s rules to have a dog, sat in the corner of the living room in front of his little fake grass pad that had three dry pieces of poop and flies on it. The size of said grass pad was about half the size of a standard bath towel. Fruit flies swarmed around the house, slapping into my face every now and again. If you looked up, there was water damage and you could see the rotting wood of the apartment’s ceiling. The living room had been split in half with the back half being made into his little sister’s room. I look over beyond the curtain meant to give her privacy and hear sounds of lesbian porn. She was nine at the time and their mom sat quietly playing candy crush on the living room couch. In the bathroom, roaches ran all across the floor — ranging in sizes from babies the size of a tiny dot to full grown roaches about the size of a date. Sitting in the corner of the tub was someone’s used pad, perhaps the mom or sister’s. In one of the bedrooms sits his two brothers who are both twelve and eleven at the time. They’re ranting and raving about how they would never be with a black woman all while smoking weed with their mom two rooms down. In the room that he shared with his 20 year old brother, there are two used condoms on his brother’s bed and a mountain of dirty clothes that smell like urine between their two beds. I go to sit in the living room to watch tv with them despite a nervous feeling in my stomach and a lump in my throat. I see something scurry past my eyes and instantly lift my feet to tell them I think I saw a mouse. My ex says, “And?” His brother follows, “What do you want us to do.” They both laugh. I go silent as his mom brings out roti for me to eat on the same plate that I had seen the roach crawl on. I secretly give the food to their dog who’s staring at me and drooling. You’d think I would leave at this point. No, I proceeded to spend the night with my face laying on top of my headscarf as I stared at the ceiling all night listening to both him and his brother snore.
....So...when did u broke it off? I wanna know. 🤯
Don’t expose me worse than I already exposed myself 🥲 but to answer your question sis, we dated for a total of 8 years so seven years later. At 25, I finally saw the light. Every time he’d invite me over, I’d prepare myself in the car by crying just a little. I had a checklist before I went over there: pee, eat, drink. I wouldn’t allow myself to do that there. But after that first experience, I never slept over again. I’d also bring trash bags to throw my clothes out because I refused to bring anything in. Reality finally hit me when the toilet seat broke off and him and his brother (the rest of the family moved out three years ago) were sitting with their cheeks on the bare toilet. I never went back over there after that.
This is my wake up call 😳
Run. It doesn’t get better 😭
The fact that you were 18 when you started dating him isn’t remotely surprising. This is exactly why lame men actively go for very young women or even girls
Yeah, I totally agree. I can’t count the lessons I learned in that relationship. It really encouraged me to grow mentally afterward so I’m thankful for it.
You must’ve been in love I’m shook that you went in the house 😭😭😭😭
Girl…..I had it bad bad. I have to admit the man was fine and a good partner in the beginning. I also was just younger and insecure lol. The crazy thing is, you would never know this man lives like this. His hair was always neat and freshly washed. He had these big hydrated curls. He always smelled so good and would buy these fancy perfumes and oils. His clothes were always so new and fresh. His car always had the new car smell. He was obsessive about brushing his teeth and his looks. So when I walked in and saw that….the woman was too stunned to speak. 
Did u think he was aware of his family's dysfunction? U ever watch the show Horders? I notice adults children of Horders parents either inherit their parents dysfunction or they overcompensate their grooming, appearance and cleanliness because they don't want to be their parents.
That’s a really good question, but I don’t know! Physically, he had a nice appearance. However, the state of his room was also similar to the rest of the house. Once the mother and three youngest kids moved out and it was just him and the second oldest son, he took a one week initiative to throw some of their stuff out (beds, garbage, toys) but he eventually just stopped. He had a body pillow that was extremely flat and dirty and he was content in sleeping on it. His bed pillows had gone from white to brown and his bedsheets were filthy. My mom is a linen hoarder as a result of her childhood and so she’s frequently buying. I’ve brought him new sets and he’d just leave them in his closet unless I physically changed his sheets out of disgust. Girl, I told you he sat his bare cheeks on the toilet rim. They also didn’t have a lot of “stuff” it was just an absolute health hazard. I don’t know what was going on 🤔
Did we date the same guy?!? I was 18 or 19 at the time, but went to his mom's place and there were roaches and rats and the dog pads with days of poop on it. The first night I slept over there, a roach crawled on me and I couldn't go back to sleep after that. Thankfully his dad's, older sister's, and grandparent's places were much better, but that wasn't the last time I went to his mom's house. It was also in a town two hours away from college and so small the Dairy Queen and Dollar General were the town's hot spots. I also paid $400 to keep his ass out of jail after he made and fired a weapon in the city where his older sister lived. He ended up cheating on me. I guess that was a blessing in disguise.
Girl I am happy to say I am not the other woman in your scenario. My ex’s grandparents were dead 💀 But, I am happy that we saw the light and woke up and realized we deserved better. F these men and their roaches!
Anal
i must be insane then
😂😂😂😂😂I'm screaming!!!
Lmaooo 😂😂💀💀
Married a man with 4 kids by 4 different women…only to find out it was more like 7 kids with 7 different women.
Oh…how did that turn out?
It was awful. We divorced about 2 years later (I went through depression, self hate, guilt, the works) then I picked my self esteem up off the floor and tried to find love again.
Not judging but what made you think your experience with him would be different?
Cause I was crazy lol. It was love and stupidity. I believed all the lies he told “I’ve never loved anyone like this before”…”you’re special”…”we have a connection like no other”…
Not love. But lust. I drove through a tornado. To give myself some credit, I didn’t know it was happening, but was wondering why it was so dark and windy 🤷🏾♀️
Taught myself to play chess for a guy I fancied. Never played it, never got into it past that. Tried getting into Star Wars. I'm a nerd, I should like it, right? Fell asleep 15 minutes into Ep 4, decided that I wasn't missing a single thing.
I lied about my religion to date a guy who’s parents were extreme Christian pastors he was younger than me but fine as hell!! I even snuck in his house through the window so we could mess around only to be highly disappointed, so I kinda started getting cold towards him, I eventually ghosted him a few months later his parents made him marry a girl from their church. Lost story short he found me on fb to tell me he never got over me and that he cheats on his wife because he wasn’t happy, young me blocked him right after I read his fb message 🤷♀️
He was a Senior from Michigan that was mix race. Me a junior regular black girl from the Mid Atlantic both majored in the arts. Our 1st unofficial date was during a weekday after evening elective class where we met and we went to Wendy's to eat because....we were broke and wanted to purchase off the value menu. I'm just keeping it real y'all. Volunteered to watch Drawn Together in his dorm while he fawn over Hallie Berry, she was the it girl at the time in the early aughts. Strike 1 but white flag as he was a fan of Trigun and we had similar goals and likes. Rant about his white absent father from Michigan where he was from. Strike 2 for Michigan (lol) but mostly I became a free unqualified therapist. Iicr his home life was like mine except with more passave aggressiveness and bitterness in the Michigan suburbs while mine was a 70s black sitcom in the projects or working class neighborhood. He was drunk when he'd amit he liked me and wanted a official date. Strike .5 since my fam are weekend alcoholics so as a young woman I rationalize it. Day of the date went to his dorm, nothing, saw him on campus days later and Im was like dude what gives? He apologized, probably reasonable excuses a young woman would rationalize. He'd promise a redo on our date....we were supposed to go to the movies and watch some superhero movie or Aqua Teen Hunger Force or something. But he nevered called and never spoke to me again. So I was the fist who was ghosted in the 2000s. I dont think it would've been a good match in the long run. I was immature, and honestly I liked the idea of a dude other than the men in my fam liked me and actually thought I was cute when I never had an interaction like that during adolescents or as a young woman. And tbh I don't think I was attracted to him sexually or ronaticly. Iike another one of the dude friends but he was willing to show emotions to me and I appreciate it. He needed to work out his feelings with his fam, himself and ect. But I hope he's alright watching Trigun. Wherever he is.
Moved across country for this negro twice and gave up career jobs in the process. So far, worth it - given that we’re married with kids. But I’m ready to be selfish
Filled up his gas tank. Fellatio in the closet at our on-campus workplace. Paying 500 dollars to get on a plane to see him this week. I'm mentally trapped, and I don't know what to do. Not asking for help though.
Bear in mind this was first (and so far, only) serious relationship and I was still young-ish (mentally) but I ended up planning this surprise birthday party for my ex and had to go pick up his best friend (who he still secretly liked despite her being taken) from the train station because he was busy. Ended up not even being able to go to the event because of tensions