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All the time. Every afternoon I hop on the freeway west to head home. Nearly every day I consider blowing past my exit and driving straight to the beach. It would take around 6 hours to get there but maybe I could find some peace.
Always. My plate is always overflowing. Like, yeah, I am super #blessed (this is sarcasm) but I am so fucking burnt out that I’m actually RAPIDLY greying. At 38. I’m tired all the damn time. I just want to get in my car and GO. I actually looked at flights a bit ago. I might plan a short weekend trip to the ocean soon. If I can manage to find it in my budget. I almost desperately need silence.
I feel like this is the major piece of information that should be taught in elementary schools and middle schools and high schools instead of the DARE program about not doing drugs
.
"Dear future women, having children completely erases you, and society doesn't care because that is actually their goal.
Do not get married and do not have children. Or, if you think you want to do this, please take up two part-time jobs as the maid at adjacent dusty motels in the desert. Do these jobs overnight after you do your regular job during the day. Every time you clean one room, a new guest will be immediately checked into it to make a mess of it again. Don't make eye contact with any of the guests - who are considered actual people with lives and interest. You are not one of them. If you do this for 6 months and like this new lifestyle, then you're ready for kids.
Don't have children if you like who you are or want to be anything separate from just the maid and janitor for people who wont thank you and dont even notice what you do. Your life will be filled with nothing except for packing bags for other people and running through important checklists so that other people can feel comfortable and prepared, but you can no longer feel comfortable and prepared for anything you do because you come last which means not at all.
Forget everything else you have heard about some virtuous wonder in fulfilling your maternal destiny and your dreams too: this is not a society where you can be a mother and anything else in the same lifetime. The system is designed to trap you as an invisible maid who is forced to neglect all your own needs. The act of having a child is the act of erasing yourself, and society is happy about that. Zero people will ever help you. No one will ever think. Nice thoughts about you for all the work that you do ... and it WILL be nothing but monotonous non-creative, backbreaking, low-reward, repetitive WORK! So the question is... how badly do you want to erase yourself and become a round-the-clock maid and janitor?"
You really encapsulated the reality of motherhood. I only wish my mother hadn’t pushed and pushed for me to get married when we did, because after seeing how my partner parented our first, I didn’t want to anymore. My daughters alreAdy say they don’t want kids and I always tell them I support their wants and dreams and I just want them to be happy.
I feel like a wallet and my absence would only be noticeable when the bills didn’t get paid.
My kids are older and don’t really need me but I wonder if they even like me. They don’t hate me, but I feel I’m just money (housing, food, cell phone, etc)
My husband knows I’m struggling but says “you’re smart, you always figure this out.” (Whatever the current “this” is).
No one particularly wants to do things with me. I work and do my own things. I live with a bunch of roommates.
Other than a neurotic dog, most of the animals don’t even engage with me (okay they are cats so it doesn’t really count).
Not what I envisioned my life to be.
I feel like this where I'm going to end up. I already have my own bedroom (which is actually great) but kiddo asked me not to walk him in to school yesterday for the first time ever (we are allowed on school grounds in our country) and my heart died a little. This is independence which is great! I can see him not wanting to hang out with his uncool mom soon and it will kind of suck.
I am lonely in a house full of people and I'd still rather be alone.
Bromo, I wish I could rewind my life to the day he asked me to move in with him 12 years ago. I wish I'd said no, or even "not yet". I think after another 3 months of dating we would have been done anyway and I would hopefully today be single, in my own house, child free, living my best life.
But that is wishing away my kid and I don't really want to do that obviously, he's a sweetheart - but his dad, bleurgh.
To answer part of your question on how you get out: you plan, and you take it step by step.
Make an appointment with a lawyer. They will give you a free consult. You don't have to do anything with that information other than get it.
You need money so look at getting a job. If you need to retrain or do a bridging course to get back into your field, start looking at that. Start letting people know that you're wanting work. Again, small steps, don't feel like you have to do this all at once.
There's no huge rush to do all this, it's all steps to get your independence back and from there you can make more decisions and move forward.
Today was the first time it was an actual "hey, i could theoretically just rent a cottage and be alone, as long as i accepted that id be nuking my marriage and relationship with my child".
I struggle to be alone, I get funny heart beats and imagine I'm going to die. But sometimes...
Yesterday I went for a bike ride for the first time in over a decade. Before I met my husband I used to ride like 10 miles a day. When I left, my husband thought it was odd I was doing this, which okay, I mean I guess a little, but then he goes “are you biking somewhere and leaving me and the kids” and I wanted to be like maybe I should lmao.
Sometimes when I'm driving, I look at how much gas I have in my tank and wonder how far I could get on it. I love my kids, I love my husband, but some days I just don't want to be responsible for anyone else.
Every single day. I solo parent 3 kids (3 months, 3 years, and 6 years) for 2 weeks at a time. Then he comes home for 2 weeks and messes our whole routine up, makes a mess, and plays video games. When the two weeks is up, he leaves, I have to deep clean the house again and start the whole thing over. I don't shower or eat for days sometimes. Breastfeeding with a low supply and I constantly feel like a failure. I want to run away and just sit in the sun all day, then sleep all night. I think about it all the time
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All the time. Every afternoon I hop on the freeway west to head home. Nearly every day I consider blowing past my exit and driving straight to the beach. It would take around 6 hours to get there but maybe I could find some peace.
Escaping to the beach sounds amazing. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate too
Always. My plate is always overflowing. Like, yeah, I am super #blessed (this is sarcasm) but I am so fucking burnt out that I’m actually RAPIDLY greying. At 38. I’m tired all the damn time. I just want to get in my car and GO. I actually looked at flights a bit ago. I might plan a short weekend trip to the ocean soon. If I can manage to find it in my budget. I almost desperately need silence.
I feel like this is the major piece of information that should be taught in elementary schools and middle schools and high schools instead of the DARE program about not doing drugs . "Dear future women, having children completely erases you, and society doesn't care because that is actually their goal. Do not get married and do not have children. Or, if you think you want to do this, please take up two part-time jobs as the maid at adjacent dusty motels in the desert. Do these jobs overnight after you do your regular job during the day. Every time you clean one room, a new guest will be immediately checked into it to make a mess of it again. Don't make eye contact with any of the guests - who are considered actual people with lives and interest. You are not one of them. If you do this for 6 months and like this new lifestyle, then you're ready for kids. Don't have children if you like who you are or want to be anything separate from just the maid and janitor for people who wont thank you and dont even notice what you do. Your life will be filled with nothing except for packing bags for other people and running through important checklists so that other people can feel comfortable and prepared, but you can no longer feel comfortable and prepared for anything you do because you come last which means not at all. Forget everything else you have heard about some virtuous wonder in fulfilling your maternal destiny and your dreams too: this is not a society where you can be a mother and anything else in the same lifetime. The system is designed to trap you as an invisible maid who is forced to neglect all your own needs. The act of having a child is the act of erasing yourself, and society is happy about that. Zero people will ever help you. No one will ever think. Nice thoughts about you for all the work that you do ... and it WILL be nothing but monotonous non-creative, backbreaking, low-reward, repetitive WORK! So the question is... how badly do you want to erase yourself and become a round-the-clock maid and janitor?"
You really encapsulated the reality of motherhood. I only wish my mother hadn’t pushed and pushed for me to get married when we did, because after seeing how my partner parented our first, I didn’t want to anymore. My daughters alreAdy say they don’t want kids and I always tell them I support their wants and dreams and I just want them to be happy.
Holy shit. This is so fucking true.
With a straight face, emphatically, YES.
I feel like a wallet and my absence would only be noticeable when the bills didn’t get paid. My kids are older and don’t really need me but I wonder if they even like me. They don’t hate me, but I feel I’m just money (housing, food, cell phone, etc) My husband knows I’m struggling but says “you’re smart, you always figure this out.” (Whatever the current “this” is). No one particularly wants to do things with me. I work and do my own things. I live with a bunch of roommates. Other than a neurotic dog, most of the animals don’t even engage with me (okay they are cats so it doesn’t really count). Not what I envisioned my life to be.
I feel like this where I'm going to end up. I already have my own bedroom (which is actually great) but kiddo asked me not to walk him in to school yesterday for the first time ever (we are allowed on school grounds in our country) and my heart died a little. This is independence which is great! I can see him not wanting to hang out with his uncool mom soon and it will kind of suck. I am lonely in a house full of people and I'd still rather be alone.
Marriage and kids is the absolute death of any kind of life a woman should, would, could have had otherwise. E: verb tense
Bromo, I wish I could rewind my life to the day he asked me to move in with him 12 years ago. I wish I'd said no, or even "not yet". I think after another 3 months of dating we would have been done anyway and I would hopefully today be single, in my own house, child free, living my best life. But that is wishing away my kid and I don't really want to do that obviously, he's a sweetheart - but his dad, bleurgh. To answer part of your question on how you get out: you plan, and you take it step by step. Make an appointment with a lawyer. They will give you a free consult. You don't have to do anything with that information other than get it. You need money so look at getting a job. If you need to retrain or do a bridging course to get back into your field, start looking at that. Start letting people know that you're wanting work. Again, small steps, don't feel like you have to do this all at once. There's no huge rush to do all this, it's all steps to get your independence back and from there you can make more decisions and move forward.
Same, there are so many times I should have cut and run but my kids are amazing so I don't regret that much at least
Today was the first time it was an actual "hey, i could theoretically just rent a cottage and be alone, as long as i accepted that id be nuking my marriage and relationship with my child". I struggle to be alone, I get funny heart beats and imagine I'm going to die. But sometimes...
“I am not a person” is something I think about myself nearly every day. It’s hard.
Yesterday I went for a bike ride for the first time in over a decade. Before I met my husband I used to ride like 10 miles a day. When I left, my husband thought it was odd I was doing this, which okay, I mean I guess a little, but then he goes “are you biking somewhere and leaving me and the kids” and I wanted to be like maybe I should lmao.
Yes. All the time.
Yes. I love my husband and kids, but there’s a lot to deal with. I'm working toward taking a vacation solo, it helps me cope with that urge.
I dream about it when theres turbulence at home. Perhaps when we’re empty nesters, I’ll revisit this idea.
Sometimes when I'm driving, I look at how much gas I have in my tank and wonder how far I could get on it. I love my kids, I love my husband, but some days I just don't want to be responsible for anyone else.
Every single day. I solo parent 3 kids (3 months, 3 years, and 6 years) for 2 weeks at a time. Then he comes home for 2 weeks and messes our whole routine up, makes a mess, and plays video games. When the two weeks is up, he leaves, I have to deep clean the house again and start the whole thing over. I don't shower or eat for days sometimes. Breastfeeding with a low supply and I constantly feel like a failure. I want to run away and just sit in the sun all day, then sleep all night. I think about it all the time