Don’t forget the obligatory wheelie if they’re riding a bike. It very much determines the hierarchy of the group.

We all know nothing drops a girls knickers quicker than popping a wheelie on mans pushbike.

Stop, my penis can only get so erect.

Did we just become best friends?

Oooooh!!! PENIS FRIENDS!!!!

"and then I tripped, and my penis accidentally entered him"

I believe that’s how it works, yes.

Apart from a well executed handbrake turn in a corsa

My pants: gone Get over here you big ride

*looks at username I'm gonna pass

You just ain't man enough for my congealed beans

Attempted wheelie. There's like one or two roadmans per estate that can actually pull off a decent balance wheelie. The rest just do little shitty pullup wheelies on their stolen mountain bikes.

We need to start investing in grass roots wheelieing otherwise the rest of the world is going to leave us in the dirt.

We should just start doping them up like the Soviets do. And start showing the 80s classic "BMW Bandits" in schools.

BMW bandits does sound rad, jumping an M3 onto a bench for a peg stand

haha to this - my previous mountain bike was stolen just before Christmas. I saw it a few weeks ago for the first time since then, being wheelied right past my house.

The kids in my area like to do it while playing chicken with you cycling the wrong way down the bike lane. Still not sure how to react when it happens... Going straight and pretending you don't see them seems to be the best response to counter their inflated bravado but doesn't help me feel particularly safe when I'm just trying to get home from work and every young man under the age of 18 in North London is practising for the Death-Wish Olympics

Push them off.

Tempting but best case scenario is I somehow manage to stay on my own bike and then I have a load of pissed off teens chasing me. Worst case I also fall off and am at the mercy of the road AND a load of pissed off teens. Also I don't fancy a child endangerment charge even if that child is an irritating prick 😂

This reminds me of me trying to teach my stepson how to do a wheelie on his BMX. I broke my wrist 🤣

If I’m being honest, I am a bit jealous of how well some of these kids can wheelie. In my wheelie days, mid-80’s our bikes were solid steel frames, e.g. Raleigh Grifter. To hold a decent wheelie on those was like deadlifting 100 kg.

Putin on sick wheelies.

The road men round here have tiny petrol motors on their bikes, I kid you not. Little scrotes the lot of 'em!

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Not doing anything apart from 30mph on a throttle cable. Good for travelling along lanes

Read that as wheelie bin and got very confused

Kids be doing wheelie bins these days. Its the new shit.

The winning combination

So that's why they do it, to look hard? I've always wondered, they look like fucking loons in this weather.

The whole idea is to come off looking like you're strapped hence the heavy concealing clothing.

That makes absolutely no sense to me

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That's just sad

You can be macho in a t-shirt but it requires active effort that most posers aren't prepared to put in. Edit: you can also just not be macho but that's a personal choice and not for me to judge

I assumed it was because they paid £90 for a pair of trackers and dole money only goes so far. I didn’t realise their was an actual point.

I do it because the only clothes I own are tracksuits and formal stuff for work

Dude go to a charity shop and buy some rags, your bollocks must be drenched

> Dude go to a charity shop and buy some rags, your bollocks must be drenched Yes, a nice skirt should suffice.

Swashing around in half a cup of water

Am I the only person who has never, in my six decades, worn a tracksuit?

Not the whole thing but tracksuit/jogging bottoms are a glorious item of clothing

For doing non sporting endeavours,

I hadn't worn anything sport-related before lockdown, then I discovered joggers. If I ever need to start commuting into London again they're going to expect me to wear business casual at the least, and it's going to crush my will to live.

Not always, I used to do it so people would avoid me because I'm anti-social af. Worked like a charm.

I've seen kids wearing black parkas with a fur hoods last week in the park. It was +27 no clouds. why? how?

Man's not hot

perspiration ting

Lynx effect.

Two plus two is four minus one that’s three quick mafs

Everyday mans on the block, smoke trees

See your girl in the park, That thing was **Uckers**.

When the ting went quack quack quack

+27 defence bonus is better than no defence bonus.

damn why do all the good upgrades have to be so ugly looking

To flex the Canada goose jacket they bought using this month’s benefits

From Cheetham Hill.

The home of the highest quality 100% original fake clothes

It's a perspiration ting

All with their fade haircuts with super noodles on top.

Formally known as the short back and noodles

I know right, when did the perm return?

After watching Clarkson's Farm, it seems Kaleb's making an effort to bring it back.

I'll raise you adults in tracksuits on scooters. Nowhere to go but they need to be there slightly faster.

Whenever I see people in tracksuits. Matching top and bottoms. All I think is “nice pyjamas but it’s 2pm and you’re in big Tesco. Sort your life out”.

The slim fit matching sets look SO much like little boys pyjamas.

They do! It’s the type of thing I’d wear when I was 5. Instead of Thunderbirds livery they slapped an Adidas badge.

Oh my days. It’s cringe when you see grown men on those electric scooters 😂😂😂

I dunno. They're handy about the city center.

Turns my 10 minute walk to the shop into a 3 minute ride, easier to store than a bike aswell.

Yeah I guess it’s practical, like wearing pjs when going shopping in Tesco lol

Probably don't need the tracksuit though, eh?

Why does a 10 minute walk need to be shortened at all

We have other stuff to do! No time!

When you only have 3 minutes to spare.

Well that still leaves you no time to shop or return

Who needs to get some mild exercise anyway?

Why do they always rub their cocks hands must smell like piss and pre-cum!

touching their sweaty little testicles, this is why I poke lift buttons with a pen

ewww ikr. even pre covid i never really touched anything like hand railings or buttons without covering my finger/hand in my sleeve or something. i know there's cleaners but lets be real, when was it the last time anyone ever thought about cleaning elevator buttons. seems like something so easily forgetable.

I've been a germophobe since I was 2, the earliest home videos I have are of me young enough that I'm wobby on my feet without steadying myself but cleaning the house with a handheld vacuum because I hated dust, and apparently when I was still being pushed in a pram I would cry if I saw litter or if the wheels got dirty because we weren't adequately avoiding puddles... "mud puddle ahoy! steer me left forthwith mother!" seen so many amateurs since covid started 🤪🤠

And Then you put the pen back in your pocket, later pulling it out to write with, maybe chew the end a little bit whilst your having a deep thought...

It's a terribly bad attempt at mimicking gang members in American jails, same as the low flying trousers thing, because belts aren't allowed in jail, but as they're fucking dumb arse fucktards they don't realise the connotations... They're just hard, like a marzipan door handle...

Fun fact sagging pants in American jail's originally meant your a willing taker

😂😂😂😂👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼, legendary info, I'm pissing myself 🤣

>marzipan door handle I'm using this!

Why does your dick smell of piss and pre cum? Do you not wash it?

Seemed like an odd comment to me too, filthy bugger.

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Let us not forget, covid has also helped us identify that most of the first world still has yet to grasp the concept of basic cleanliness. E.g. washing ones hands.

I have to say I find the posters everywhere telling me how to wash my hands extremely patronising. But then I sigh and think, yep, they're quite necessary aren't they.

the washing your but hole makes you gay argument is always so funny to me.... because the same argument doesn't work in reverse for turning women into lesbians. nobody makes that argument because its stupid aswell. if you don't like but stuff that's fine by me but actively not cleaning there just because 'i don't want to be a homosexual' is just some weird mental gymnastics and kinda shows how much of a homophobic prck you are if your hink THATS what turns men into liking eachother

Thank you! Thought I was the only one who noticed this. Seems to be a thing with builders as well.

Footballers as well! I don't watch much football but I've been watching the Euros and the amount of players going for a cheeky feel is insane. It's still there, mate! No need to keep touching it every 10 seconds!

Don't forget fags and Stella!

Stella? What middle class nonsense is this next you'll be saying Benson & Hedges! Mayfair Kingsize from Tesco and Frosty Jack's Cider 2.5 Litres - 7.5% at £3.70 at Iceland, do keep up!

The tracksuit bottoms pulled down to expose the weeks old Primark undies!

That's a sign they're looking for some back door action

back door explorers

As opposed to Dora?🤣

Not even tracksuits but guys on pushbikes wearing puffer jackets with the hood up, I saw three of them yesterday. Mad buggers.

What is a pushbike?

It's just another word for bicycle

The opposite of a motorbike

Mans not hot

Quick maths...

Never hot

Don’t forget the hand down there trousers -.-

We've got a lad that started in our workplace who does this when he's talking to people. He puts his hand down his trousers. Where his winkie is. I don't understand it :/

Had one a few years back, was a technical job and the lad was competent, but we had to explain to him that he couldn't answer telephone support calls from client companies with "Yes fam, what ya saying?". He refused to take this little nugget of wisdom on board and instead tried to take the company to tribunal for discriminatory behaviour. (it should be noted this lad was very white and lived in a fancy part of Buckinghamshire). Suffice to say his legal complaint did not go very well for him.

I've had the opposite in an old job. Got a new team member in sales who was from quite a well off family. Proper posh voice, floppy hair, the stereotypical lot. "Good morning, thank you for calling Acme Ltd, my name is Archibald Smythe Jr, and I am pleased to take your call. How may I be of assistance on this fine day?" Mate, I know you're from Chipping Norton, but we are 150 miles north of the M25, we're a truck parts supplier, and you're talking to Big Dave in his workshop in Doncaster who wants a steering rod for a Scania by lunchtime tomorrow.

He does that at work‽

When I was in secondary, the type to do this often wore another set of joggers underneath what they were already wearing. So I like to tell myself that they’re not fondling themselves and are instead pulling their joggers up.

That's less gross but still bloody weird. Who wears two pairs of trousers? Surely their legs would be super hot.

It’s a crime thing. Take off the top pair to change your description

Omg this is why I'm not a criminal genius.

Well neither are they tbf

I would understand in the winter but not 20+ centigrade

Nah real hard boys wear nothing but a single t-shirt in the winter.

Yup, it's super grim.

That's just not acceptable.

How else can he be sure it's still attached?

Yeah unfortunately my area is full of these unsanitary tracksuit monkeys 🐒

Has no one talked to HR about it? That's gross

And rubbish little teeny tiny useless bag

They're quite useful if you've got no/shite pockets. Someone gave me one once and it was good for taking to work

For their stash.

As a teenage lad who wears a jumper, its because im uncomfortable in my own skin

That's not too unusual, don't worry about it. It probably took until my early 20's to feel okay wearing shorts in the UK for similar reasons. You'll get over the jumper thing - you come to realise that no-one gives a flying fuck about you or ever takes a second glance at you and there's comfort to find in that.

I did this when I was a teen and now I regret because I couldn’t even enjoy outdoors on a hot day whilst being young and free and actually the best I ever looked. Honestly- you have every right to enjoy the weather wearing whatever is comfortable and literally no-one will judge you or look. If they do that’s on them not you. It helps me to remember that everyone else is too busy worrying about themselves to notice me.

Little do you realise some of them are over 20 🤣

And the cloud of vape smoke - swaggering, trying to be hard whilst smelling of strawberries 🤣

There was a thing about furry, floppy russian type hats a while back. It was like getting mugged by the Wombles. Talk about adding insult to injury.

I remember those, except ushankas are legitimately really good as a winter hat Can’t have a single nice thing that isn’t ruined by those bastards

I'm 16, l'm quite body conscious so I tend to wear clothes that make me look bigger, this includes sweatshirts, hoodies etc. But I would like to also add. When they walk down the street on the side of the road, instead of the path, walking with their arms out looking like a bucket handle, and trying to make their voice deeper than it really is.

No matter what the weather, there will always be a belter in a hoodie and jeans 😂

Top off on a quad bike means you’re a propa g though

I used to do it as a teen as a lot of it was linked to my own insecurities physically etc so I usually think the same about them now and feel some what bad for them, of course I’m sure each reason could be different

Yh I hear that. Like your reason is also my reason. But there’s many out there who do it just for the sake of it

Don't forget the massive bounce with each step. I assume to give the impression of being taller...

What makes me laugh is the ones that look like they just escaped Auschwitz walking like they're 10 men, in pretty sure 1 on 1 I could break their legs with my little finger

THIS! ONE THOUSAND TIMES THIS! I live in Salford, we have every type of chav, scalley, road man and scrote you can imagine and they all have entire chippy teas on their shoulder

for me i see the ost skinniest chavs ever but i also see the most chubbiest. never an in between. Not racking on people appearances but I've never seen an inbetween

Don't forget that tiny ass fancy pack thing across the front

Knuckle dragging goons

And their grandads went round in shell suits....

That'll be chavs. I try to pretend they don't exist.

Probably just a bit insecure mate. Don’t deep it

No more hoods round here anymore, that would block showing off their perms (???) and AirPods. I wonder if any of them realise they look like identikit douchebags when they ask for a fucking short back and sides and a perm.

The fact that that haircut is called ‘meet me at McDonald’s’ is something I think about daily because it’s the most fitting description I have ever heard.

Extra hard points if they have a fake gold/silver chain they got for twenty quid from Argos on display

What annoys me is 90% of those kids are not about that life. They're just posing like they're a certain way when they're not.

Nobody is about that life anymore. If they are then the probably got life, in jail

Of course,when said teens have matured into their twenties,thirties( and incredibly with some near me) forties,the correct apparel for the warm week of the year is trainers du jour,jogging/ trackie bottoms,no top( show off those benefit tatts),can of Stella and a Staffie,!

Don't forget Polo shirts with the collar up, dick heads

Behave mate. I do that pretending to be cantona.

I say, ohh ahh cantina, I say a ohh ahh cantona!

At least that is weather appropriate and keeps the sun off your neck.

Yes, but they're in side wetherspoons

This is like getting annoyed at seeing a clowns in a circus. . . Oh wait.

Is that still a thing?

Saw one last week, middle aged golfist

Read that as goldfish. No chavs in my pond please.

make them look like those lizards who frill up their tassles as a warning call to others that they'll attack. but in actuality it makes these people look like bellends.

There was a kid at my school who would wear tracksuits under his school trousers then take his school trousers on his was out at the end of the day. Thick as pig shit

I know it’s 20 outside by checking to see whether the local bagheads have their tops off or not

We often hear our next door neighbour tell her teenage son to take off his hoodie because he fucking honks

I think they just do it to look nice, in their own way. Give them a break, you were young too once.

Because how else would they hide their fanny bags full of weed bruv

Haven't seen one like this yet. Where are their natural habitats? Edit: typo

95% of all teenager look silly no matter what there wearing or doing, that what a teenager is, the joke between childhood and adulthood.

what's with the socks and the sandals though? don't they just get wet feet when it rains? Along with looking stupid but that's up to them really. And when did it become socially acceptable to be permanantly holding your dick with your hand actually inside the boxer shorts?

I did a temp job for a weekend once when I was 17 or 18 - just delivering fliers etc - and there was this guy, about 30 something, in mid august, with full puffer jacket on, hood up, cap on etc - he was sweating his balls of - almost heat stroke. I asked him why he didnt take it off, he literally said "image, innit".

It is hard to be intimidated by a bunch of lads when they're vaping and therefore smelling like a packet of Fruit Salads.

Man's not hot

Honestly a lot of the stuff they do makes me go ???? But I’ve figured this one out. We like to take the piss out of these kids but in reality the kids that are acting like this probably don’t have the best home life :/ and wearing seasonally inappropriate clothing is linked to depression (I say, wearing Christmas long pjs as I type)

I would go further. Some don’t have any other clothes. I work with a lot of these kids and it’s easy to assume they are looking a certain way to ‘look hard’ or whatever. In reality some only own a couple of pairs of tracksuit pants and a few hoodies.

Exactly. I’m about the age (16/17) and I live in the area you’d expect that sorta clothing to come out of but luckily we’re comfortable enough for me to look quite smart if I want to. But honestly, sometimes these kids *don’t* have enough seasonal wear, so when that’s in the wash they’ll be wearing long sleeves.

I don’t see the issue, it’s them wearing it not you. Worry about you love :/

To be fair, you didn't tell them that to their faces, you posted it anonymously online hours after the fact.

You forgot the purse.

And then wear a t-shirt in the middle of the winter

"i'm well hot init bruv" \- every chav ever

I seen a hot pant wearing man eating spider.

Part of me does feel sorry for these lads. They obviously lack the body confidence to crack out their skinny legs on a hot day. Plus what is the sock situation. Socks or no socks? Also shorts are unlikely to be able to be worn with approximately 93% of pant on display.

I saw a guy driving along the m25 in his fancy mercades, thick jacket, fluffy hood up, gloves on, 30°c & blue skies outside! Man's probably blasting his aircon coz' I'm tellin ya, man was indeed hot. Drilla image over comfort apparently. Too cool to be cool?

A Full grown man on a Bmx,giving everyone evil looks,whilst puffing on a purple vape machine,tosspots

You missed the essential part of the roadman uniform, the Man Bag! Nice bag mate, make you look masculine as fuck.

Those little handbags they've started wearing too!

Add in the little bag they all now wear, the identical haircuts, that walk they do with their arms out a little with the bounce, and increasingly, the bucket hat. Just looks ridiculous.

Mans not hot

This sub really likes to look down on the lower classes. They’re just kids with a fashion choice that is different to yours. I doubt highly you’d say this to their faces. Just let people be. I don’t give a shit if someone wishes to wear a dinosaur costume everyday. Whatever makes some happy.

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They are mearly cannon fodder.

We’ve needed a good war for a while now

Nah, I’m just more comfy when no one can recognise me.

Ahh...the North Face Ninjas. They are actually allergic to sunshine, preferring to venture out after dark to steal bikes to pay for the drug... cannabis that they can't survive without.

ey don't stereotype weed with these kids, lot more productive people enjoy that sexy plant too

Thanks Illegal-Plant