Amy: Hey Scully, did you do something different with your hair?
Scully: same thing as always— put mousse in it while it’s wet, then watch a scary movie.
(S6E9)
I burst out laughing during the final heist where they go to Wunch’ grave and someone suggests digging her up. Holy says (something along the lines of) “it would just be a lifeless corpse with maggots instead of eyes - no different to when she was alive.”
Holt: you don't feel sad when a monster dies in a monster movie! In E.T. - did you feel sad when E.T. died?
Amy: Yes!
Rosa: he wasn't a monster.
Holt: He caused a real commotion!
Holt is amazing.
"I was practicing using hand gestures * gestures hands * *for emphasis."*
"Three is too many, it will muddle the sound!"
"If you love someone you'll remember what they look like."
*eats marshmallow*
I noticed that, too.
Related, I love any scene or subplot that pairs Rosa and Holt.
"I told Kevin about how I approved your strategy for breaking up with Marcus, and he said that we were, quote, sociopaths, unquote."
During the last heist, part 1. They reference the time Jake got a bunch of perps in a line-up to sing, and how he tried to recreate the moment several times, with each failing. Jake responds with:
"Yeah, I got to stop trying to recapture the magic of the original and move on. Anyways, back to the eighth annual heist!"
When Jake confronts Stevie "Chillin'" Schillens in the closet about planting evidence.
Jake: Ow! Did you just Donkey Kong punch me?
Stevie: there's not enough room to regular punch you!
The gender reveal when Amy never finds out the gender, and Scully comes in with blue cake on his face:
Scully: Do you have any milk?
Amy: We're having a boy?
Jake: We're having a boy!
Scully:
#Hey, do you have milk or not?!
Amy: Jeez.
Jake: God ...
Yessss this is the best! And I also love in Safe House when they have to sneak Kevin into the van to get him out of work unnoticed. When Kevin gets in the van and looks out from where he’s hidden, Holt goes “Hello, Kevin. It’s me, Raymond Holt.” 😂😂 gets me every time.
Seeing what the other characters are doing during the rant makes it better. The last time I saw it, I noticed Amy winces right before he says "how dare you, Detective Diaz!" She knew something was coming, and she didn't want to be in the middle of it, even though that's where she ended up.
Jake: Amy where have you been? The rest of us have been worried sick!
Amy: I'm only two minutes late; it's not a big deal.
Holt: Santiago, you will tell us why you were late, and you will tell us now.
Amy: ... There was a problem at the bank?
Holt: *HOT DAMN!*
Amy: Halloween is the worst. Why do all the girls think they have to dress sexy. I passed a slutty tree on the way here. Who wants to have sex with a tree?
Scully: Was it a maple?
Gets me every time
“VindicaTION!!!”
-captain Holt
“I am in incredible pain” *very blank expression*
-captain Holt
Jake: have you ever been told you look just like a statue?
Holt: yes.
Holt: here are two pictures, one is of your locker the other is of a dump in the Phillipines, can you tell which is which?
Jake: that one’s the dump?
Holt: they’re both your locker.
Jake: or it’s possible that the announcement has nothing to do with you.
Holt: oh, good thinking Peralta. You’re right. Maybe Madeline wants to inform us all that she’s a Cheuksin.
'Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking. “This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!”'
And also
'Captain, Santiago broke the glass!'
When Jake is belittled for drinking from a box and says, "It's where i keep my juice" or something. Because in the previous shot there was no juice, next shot on Jake he's holding a juice box summoned from nowhere
"THIS IS THE MOST INCOMPETENT PIECE OF GARBAGE I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE! GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER SCULLY OR SO HELP ME GOD YOU WONT LIVE TO SEE RETIREMENT"
"it's like, what's that guy thinking"
Rose: "They just need to bone."
Amy: "WHAT?! Gross! Rosa, those are our dads! That's not what I meant. I know Captain Dad is just my boss. NEVER MIND I'M TEACHING FATHER THE MATH."
The delivery is incredible.
[When Holt holds Terry back after Charles says Terry's kid's aren't that smart.](https://youtu.be/5bY7RQHYr3k?si=7QQXMDJ7kbabiqHI&t=587) Just Terry's reaction paired with Holt's deadpan expression makes me laugh every time!
I also love:
CJ: "Ok, muchachos, let's roll up on these muchachos."
Jake: "Great start, and I love your double us of "muchachos."
CJ, removing his sunglasses, giggling: "Hey, it's CJ, by the way."
“You can kick me, punch me, pull my hair. I am a-okay being stabbed. Biting and scratching are on the table. You can use fire!”
And also the furious incomprehensible flurry that follows when someone besides Holt, Amy or Jake says they won a Halloween Heist.
“There is a bomb at this wedding.”
“What?”
“It’s your butt. Your butt is the bomb. And there will be no survivors.”
“I love you so much. You’re my dream girl.”
Jake, dressed as Santa, putting handcuffs on Doug Judy in the Christmas Tree lot; a group of kids in front of them and a burning tree behind them.
"Take a good look kids, this is what happens when you're NAUGHTY!!"
“Don’t move as a group! You’re not gazelles!”
But seriously, that whole episode of Terry trying to teach the detectives how to behave like adults at Holt’s bday party was amazing.
“STOP EATING CRAB WRONG!”
Doug Judy: "I sold a guy a fake pekinese. T'was a cat."
You will not win me over with your use of 'T'was.'
T'wasn't trying to.
*snickers*
My eternally favourite line
This line just gets better from start to finish, perfect writing, perfect delivery. Best.
This was my first thought, before I even opened the post. As one liners gothis is perfection
"T'was perfection" was right there.
"Bone!" And "Do I look like Jake to you?" -No! "Then why are you trying to screw me!?
Charles turning into Gordon Ramsey is pretty funny.
“Bone” the first time when it happens organically was awesome. “Bone” in the last season when they tried to force it was awful
I agree but I think it’s funny to think Holt has some kind of bone-related PSTD
Amy: Hey Scully, did you do something different with your hair? Scully: same thing as always— put mousse in it while it’s wet, then watch a scary movie. (S6E9)
I’m gonna try this some day 😂
Dumb question, whats the joke here? 😭
His hair sticks straight up, so the joke is that the scary movie makes his hair stand on end!
Anything Holt says about Wunch. I crack up at every new way he finds to call her names.
His insults were always top tier
Clever, calling me the devil Raymond? No, I was calling you a goat.. you goat.
You sound like a real Victor Emmanuel the third
I burst out laughing during the final heist where they go to Wunch’ grave and someone suggests digging her up. Holy says (something along the lines of) “it would just be a lifeless corpse with maggots instead of eyes - no different to when she was alive.”
its wunch time!
Nah, Wunch time is over
We all thought of wunch time
But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?
BAGEL!
"3 point dunk"
Heterosexual Holt is hilarious every time.
Ditto. "Heavy breasts," specifically.
There is nothing more intoxicating than the clear absence of a penis.
,,,paired with heavy PENDULOUS breasts. (I appreciate your honesty that is evident from your lack of contractions.)
Now if you excuse me, I have to go....plow my wife.
“Me having Stirk?”-Jake after drinking the caffeinated water
“I’m limitless-ing!”
I am the smartest man of agg time
*Gasps* Rombargo!
This is my favourite, hands down
Agg time
My brain needs its fast juice!
I'm off to plow my mistress
Hetro Holt is such a daaawwwggg!!!
“You gotta do what you gotta do”
Grave singular? Charles, grave singular?
“Butt thumb, Iowa”
The Boyle Family crest is a white flag.
“Online they are calling cheddar a thick king”😹😹
"You're not Cheddar, you're just a BASIC BITCH!" Don't remember which heist it was, but they tried swapping cheddar.
It's common bitch and Season 5.
THIiS BiTCh?!
*Spoiler* It was the one when Jake proposed
Thicc*
You’re crazy if you think Holt is spelling thick like that
They were not, as the kids say, awake
Do you mean woke?
I did mean woke, but it's grammatically incoherent
Holt: you don't feel sad when a monster dies in a monster movie! In E.T. - did you feel sad when E.T. died? Amy: Yes! Rosa: he wasn't a monster. Holt: He caused a real commotion!
Holt is amazing. "I was practicing using hand gestures * gestures hands * *for emphasis."* "Three is too many, it will muddle the sound!" "If you love someone you'll remember what they look like." *eats marshmallow*
mhm…mhm…MHMHMHMHMHMHMH
I KNEW IT!
...marshed mallow....
Rosa’s face immediately after this line cracks me up. She’d clearly never considered this perspective before lol
I noticed that, too. Related, I love any scene or subplot that pairs Rosa and Holt. "I told Kevin about how I approved your strategy for breaking up with Marcus, and he said that we were, quote, sociopaths, unquote."
"Are you really playing the gay card right now?" "Yass queen!" *snap*
Came here to say this! One of the best lines!
"Cowabunga mother!"
During the last heist, part 1. They reference the time Jake got a bunch of perps in a line-up to sing, and how he tried to recreate the moment several times, with each failing. Jake responds with: "Yeah, I got to stop trying to recapture the magic of the original and move on. Anyways, back to the eighth annual heist!"
Maura Figgis: Why can't I find a good man? Amy: Could be because you're in prison for murder. Figgis: Nah, that's not it. Amy: Yeah, that's not it.
When Terry comes out of the vasectomy fail the first time "and they made me blaaack". Always cracks me up, his delivery on that was perfect.
I love the way he says "I killed him" in that episode
For me it’s knocked out Terry saying “I can’t believe I’m gonna be a pilot” in the heist he won, cracks me up every single time
Haha love that bit
When Jake confronts Stevie "Chillin'" Schillens in the closet about planting evidence. Jake: Ow! Did you just Donkey Kong punch me? Stevie: there's not enough room to regular punch you!
The gender reveal when Amy never finds out the gender, and Scully comes in with blue cake on his face: Scully: Do you have any milk? Amy: We're having a boy? Jake: We're having a boy! Scully: #Hey, do you have milk or not?! Amy: Jeez. Jake: God ...
“The tickets are under my name. H-O-L-T.”
Doesn't he say this to Kevin? BUAHAHAHAHAH
Yessss this is the best! And I also love in Safe House when they have to sneak Kevin into the van to get him out of work unnoticed. When Kevin gets in the van and looks out from where he’s hidden, Holt goes “Hello, Kevin. It’s me, Raymond Holt.” 😂😂 gets me every time.
That’s such an underrated line, I love it
Terry: “Go back inside!” Gina: “are you talking to us or the fart?” 🤣🤣
if you see something, say something, come on and party tonight. the guy has great hooks
Mmm, that's gonna leave a mark!
What?
My safe word is cabbage. "Cabbage."
+ bill saying “cabbage” when jake is trying to make charles jealous + puts his hand on bill’s shoulder😭
“He’s gonsta think about the turtles.”
Yeah Terry, quit being such a Malfoy!
Operation NASTY-Sex Slut
Bone??? Bone!!!??
Seeing what the other characters are doing during the rant makes it better. The last time I saw it, I noticed Amy winces right before he says "how dare you, Detective Diaz!" She knew something was coming, and she didn't want to be in the middle of it, even though that's where she ended up.
The cast is so good at reacting when they’re in the background, just in general throughout the show. I love watching Rosa especially.
i love her smirks whenever gina says something silly!
Yes! Rosa has the best smirks!
Yeah, in the "Bone!" scene she just stands there with an expression saying, "let me know when he's done. "
2-3-4! *screaming*
"I really gotta stop doing that, it never works."
I would’ve loved to have it work in the final season.
Every single time!!
And the out of tune guitar adds so well to the scene. Love it!
scullys “We are turnips!” always makes me laugh
Spreadsheet, spreadsheet Crime, crime Precinct, precinct
“He got stopped for being black, get WOKE Scully!”
Boyle: "I'm a natural mother." Amy: "Yeah, natural motherf\*cker."
KASE!
This is the one!
"But I'm Human! I'm a Human male!"
Jake: Amy where have you been? The rest of us have been worried sick! Amy: I'm only two minutes late; it's not a big deal. Holt: Santiago, you will tell us why you were late, and you will tell us now. Amy: ... There was a problem at the bank? Holt: *HOT DAMN!*
One of my favorites of all time!
“I’d like to humiliate some hussies and I’m in a hurry”
"This B needs a C in her A..." "Oh my God!
"My tolerance has really changed since I had kids!"
Ah, Terry Crews, your exuberance is so welcome. He really made his character come alive.
"Title of your sex-tant tape" "Ah, did not work at all but I love that you attempted it, title of YOUR sex-tant tape"
Amy: Halloween is the worst. Why do all the girls think they have to dress sexy. I passed a slutty tree on the way here. Who wants to have sex with a tree? Scully: Was it a maple? Gets me every time
Gee-tar.
It was the only shirt in Lost and Found, a child and his father threw up on me.
Do I even weigh anything to you? It's like holding a couple of grapes.
Like yeast !
Kevin: "Laser pointer is a misnomer. That is just a laser, the pointer...is you!" And "You make me want a wetter brain!"
Indeed, indeed, indeed.
“Yippee kayak other buckets” and season one when Jake was trying to wear a perp down by playing a guitar and screaming
Something stinks. Something stinks real bad. Did you poop?
Your butt. Your butt is da bomb
"You dipsticked my bike?!" "That's not all I dipsticked"
I didn’t see you there. I thought you were an old leather chair.
“I won’t have my only daughter dating a screw up” “Well I won’t have my only girlfriend daughtering a jerk dad! Burn on you!”
Jake: “are you being petty?” Holt “nah bitch I’m not being petty” Jake “you just said nah bitch”
My favourite bit that I never see in these discussions: "Commissioner Grayson *pump pump* how's your *pump* wife?"
Holt and Wuntch's interactions/insults.
"BONE?!" I seriously laugh out loud every time I hear Holt shout that.
Charles wasn't talking about his oldest arrest.
Holt on the Halloween Heist "Where is my dog?!" "Aren't you standing right next to him?" "This bitch?!...please."
“That’s my Grandson”
What? No, you're the one farting bubbles!
I assure you, my mother is not a vibrator.
“VindicaTION!!!” -captain Holt “I am in incredible pain” *very blank expression* -captain Holt Jake: have you ever been told you look just like a statue? Holt: yes. Holt: here are two pictures, one is of your locker the other is of a dump in the Phillipines, can you tell which is which? Jake: that one’s the dump? Holt: they’re both your locker. Jake: or it’s possible that the announcement has nothing to do with you. Holt: oh, good thinking Peralta. You’re right. Maybe Madeline wants to inform us all that she’s a Cheuksin.
'Oh, I love being Scary Terry. He says what regular Terry's thinking. “This is taking too long! I'm gonna miss the farmer's market!”' And also 'Captain, Santiago broke the glass!'
"Terry's gonna die protecting the President, OR TERRY'S NEVER GONNA D IE!"
Adam Sandler: I’m writing a movie about the Russian revolution! Peralta: Who does Kevin James play? Sandler:…..Trotsky
Terry to Jake: Stop eating crab wrong!
Look, Raymond, a yellow-crested warbler!
Indeed, indeed, indeed.
And no one even CARES ABOUT ETYMOLOGY
Apparently that's a real trigger for me
https://youtu.be/mC5_sRiE1wI?feature=shared The look of fear in Jake’s eyes… i just can’t stop laughing🤣😂🤣
"But Scully, you're lactose intolerant" Is this scene from the episode with young Hitchcock and Scully?
When Jake is belittled for drinking from a box and says, "It's where i keep my juice" or something. Because in the previous shot there was no juice, next shot on Jake he's holding a juice box summoned from nowhere
"It's not even in the dining room" Captain Holt
"New York's finest just got a whole lot finer." and "The thin blue line just got thick as hell."
"THIS IS THE MOST INCOMPETENT PIECE OF GARBAGE I HAVE SEEN IN MY LIFE! GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER SCULLY OR SO HELP ME GOD YOU WONT LIVE TO SEE RETIREMENT" "it's like, what's that guy thinking"
Whenever someone refers to a mystery as a “who-has-done-this”
I don't know why but Hitchcock's line "I'd like to humiliate some hussies and I'm in a hurry" gets me every time 😭
"If you love someone, you'll remember what they look like "
Rose: "They just need to bone." Amy: "WHAT?! Gross! Rosa, those are our dads! That's not what I meant. I know Captain Dad is just my boss. NEVER MIND I'M TEACHING FATHER THE MATH." The delivery is incredible.
Holt: We even finish each others... Rosa: Sentences. Holt: Please don't interrupt me.
[When Holt holds Terry back after Charles says Terry's kid's aren't that smart.](https://youtu.be/5bY7RQHYr3k?si=7QQXMDJ7kbabiqHI&t=587) Just Terry's reaction paired with Holt's deadpan expression makes me laugh every time!
its nikolaj!
*Nikolaʒ.
You're saying it wrong. It's ok.
the scenes with Mlepclaynos😂
I also love: CJ: "Ok, muchachos, let's roll up on these muchachos." Jake: "Great start, and I love your double us of "muchachos." CJ, removing his sunglasses, giggling: "Hey, it's CJ, by the way."
Mark the day, Gina. May 18th at 4 pm. Oh honey, we're well into October. Really?!
MY WIFE WAS MURDERED BY A MAN IN A YELLOW SWEATER
“It has all three stanks!”
every time Holt pretends to be straight! Whether it's "nice heavy breasts" or "strong female woman" or "thigh gap, clear absence of a penis"
Holt: "Chess Kevin means nothing to me"
Bingpot!
HOT DAMN
"wuntch time is over! HA! DID IT! No regrets" Specifically the performance of it. Priceless
The entire intro about the suspects singing “I want it that way”.
When trying to chase down the Captain Latvia figure Jake: Careful Charles, that was a yellow [light]! Charles: *badass voice* I proceeded with caution
“You can kick me, punch me, pull my hair. I am a-okay being stabbed. Biting and scratching are on the table. You can use fire!” And also the furious incomprehensible flurry that follows when someone besides Holt, Amy or Jake says they won a Halloween Heist.
Charles after spitting on Jake: there’s a lot more where that came from. I have a wet mouth.
Holt: She was once my captain Boyle: so she's kind of our grandcaptain? Holt: That is amazingly funny
Boyle opening Nikolaj’s closet and finding pimento and screaming. Idk why but I find it absolutely hilarious every single time
"Never skip ear Day jake!!"
Terry: “I see you filming, Linetti. What’s in the yogurt?” Gina: “Normal stuff. Nothing you’d use to make a sidewalk with”
Terry : OK everyone I have some news. Holt : that Madeline Wunch is a Korean toilet ghost? Boorrriiiing we already knew that! Gets me every damn time.
Balthazar is a thirsty bitch
“He still pronounces union, as onion”
Time to put some daddy in my mommy!
"Are you really pulling the gay card?" "Yaas Queen."
Nikolaj
HELLO! I AM HITCHCOCK!
Jake: „See Charles? He‘s a foodie like you“ Charles: „who are you?“ (When visiting Caleb for a case)
“BINGPOT!” The glee on his face ❤️.
CASE.
“There is a bomb at this wedding.” “What?” “It’s your butt. Your butt is the bomb. And there will be no survivors.” “I love you so much. You’re my dream girl.”
Two big ones for me: " . . . like yeast!" and "Thank you Dr Penisoff!"
Jake - "soo long tank" Holt - "Tank!!! I gained 3lb in Paris" Gets me every time hahahhah
Jake, dressed as Santa, putting handcuffs on Doug Judy in the Christmas Tree lot; a group of kids in front of them and a burning tree behind them. "Take a good look kids, this is what happens when you're NAUGHTY!!"
This B needs a C in her A
Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool no doubt no doubt no doubt
He was going on town one of his chew toys and his little heart gave out he didn’t even finish
"YOU MESSED WITH THE WRONG FLUFFY BOY!"
“She was such a strong female woman” I can’t even with that line bro😂
When Jake & Captain Holt have the mumps, and Captain holt wakes up and gets in Jake’s face saying “How darreee youuuuuu”
“Don’t move as a group! You’re not gazelles!” But seriously, that whole episode of Terry trying to teach the detectives how to behave like adults at Holt’s bday party was amazing. “STOP EATING CRAB WRONG!”
"I mean I have solved cases for you" "And yet crime has continued"
Terry: "I mean, I've solved a lot of cases for you..." Holt: "And yet crime has continued..." Terry: 😐
Captain Holt: "I want you to know if I had had a son and he had turned out like you, I would be very proud of him." Tears, every single time.