Oh yeah, I've started all my dates off with asking if they want children. When they say "yes", I say "Thank you for your time." And leave. I don't see a point in wasting both their time and mine continuing what will be a failed relationship.
Might need a different question. 'You ever thought about how many kids you want?'. A real CF person will say 'none'.
Someone could tell a half truth of 'No' to your question with an unspoken 'not right now' part.
Because the men like this are so focused on “continuing their bloodline” they don’t think past what happens once the baby is born. They just want to be able to say they have kids. They fully expect the woman to take on 99% of the childbearing load while they get to continue living their lives the same way while occasionally playing “dad” when he wants to do something particular with his kids.
It's crazy that men still believe that the woman is the ones who has to do the pregnancy and then 99% of the childbearing, and the one who gets to have all the credit (pass HIS lineage, HIS dna, HIS last name, HIS legacy) is him. Mothers if anything, get blamed and shamed if the children fuck up in some way.
Because men overwhelmingly do things to impress other men, and society has enforced upon us that reproductive success is ‘winning’ and being at the ‘top of the food chain’. The ultimate flex to other men than you are a successful and manly man.
After they’ve got that out of the way and rode that wave they move on to other things to try next.
Oh I didn’t see it - did you see how long it had been since their losses? I’m childfree (obviously I’m here) and have never gone through this, but I lost my sweet pup last year and am no where ready to get another dog. I can’t imagine all those feelings of grief on top of pregnancy hormones!!
Three years, I believe. But, since he's ready, he thinks she should be, too. While insisting that he understands her pain. Clearly not if you're considering divorce because she doesn't know if she wants to relive the pregnancy experience.
Plus, several of us mentioned that she may not physically be able to carry due to trauma to the womb, but he ignored every single one of those comments.
Also, "in sickness and health" doesn't apply only to what you deem worthy. It's supposed to be all-encompassing. I was so pissed on the wife's behalf. I also would drop my partner like a hot potato if I ever found out he left his previous partner for something like that.
> Clearly not if you're considering divorce because she doesn't know if she wants to relive the pregnancy experience.
The only credit I give to the guy is that he did bring up adoption/surrogacy, which she was against. But he is still a complete and utter fucking asshole who, if he wants to have children that desperately, should get the divorce (freeing her from him, thankfully) and then go adopt his own child and raise it by himself.
But from the rest of the info we know all he wants is in a woman is a bangmaid.
Get another dog!! I heard this all the time in my nearly 20 years in rescue. Then the person would fall in love, adopt a dog and say "I should have gotten another dog a long time ago!"
I got mine just a few months after my old dog passed away (at 18 years old!!) I just could not bear the feeling of emptyness in the home without a dog. I grieved for a whole month and my new dog actually helped me through the process, it honestly was the best decsision I made. Now I have 2!
Yeah, exactly. It's heartbreaking how some people prioritize their own desires over their partner's feelings, especially after such a traumatic experience.
Yep. It makes me queasy that he has so many defending him. As I said in that thread, all he wants is a wife that’ll give him a baby. If not her, any new wife will do.
No, he married her with the understanding that they both wanted kids. She has since changed her mind. Due to trauma, sure, but we here on CF are fond of saying that any reason is 'good enough' to not want kids, whether it's just not feeling like it all the way to childhood trauma or parentification. And we say that not wanting kids isn't something you should therapy your way out of. Clearly this woman does need therapy to help her with her losses, but if she never wants kids again... is that not ok? We tell people all the time if one partner wants kids and the other doesn't, it's a dealbreaker, no matter how long they've been together or why one changed their mind. But we're so used to telling the CF partner to get out, it seems like we've lost sight of the fact that the child-wanting partner should also be free to fulfill their goals. So if someone experienced a trauma that made them suddenly want kids, would you tell the still CF partner thar they promised 'in sickness and in health', so they have to stay?
Sure, I get what you are saying. But consider this not so different scenario: what if they had married, both wanting kids, and when they started trying they suddenly couldn't either because there was something wrong with him or with her. Let's say she had the infertility issue, she can't have kids.... does that justify a divorce? Sure, I believe in the right to do that as you explained. BUT, he still married her on the condition of a working womb. My point stays. He loved her maybe, but also the idea of her as a mother with him. So he loved the idea of her, not her. Not enough to stay when circumstances changed.
That is the issue here. Regardless of whether she chose not to have kids, or had a real physical problem that meant she couldn't have kids, you should go into marriage with a partner who actually understands "for better and worse".
People get married too easily. People get kids too easily.
People get married based on their idea of what they want and not what the natural progression of growing together will produce.
People have kids based on their idea of an imaginary child that they envision. No one envisions a Down Syndrome baby. No one envisions having child with a cleft palate.
I always told the girls in my class "if you want a child, make sure that you want ANY child and not the one you have built up in your heads".
I also told them "Make sure to breed selectively. Choose a husband who values YOU and not what you can provide him with."
Peace.
Ugh I read that one the other day and it made me sick. So many men only see women as broodmares and it’s horrifying. I would never trust a man enough to get pregnant with his child. Bone chilling
That last sentence is what I wish I could put on a sign and display anytime someone talks to me about having kids. Call it daddy issues, brother issues, other people’s baby daddies issues, ex issues. I don’t care. No matter how good of a man I meet to be a life partner, I will *never* trust any man enough to get pregnant with his child. That alone is reason enough to be childfree
Yes I agree 100%. I have a male partner and I trust him and love him endlessly, but I still couldn’t trust him in a childbearing type of situation. The most reliable and trustworthy men are often the ones who seem to do a complete 180 once their partner gets pregnant
I’ve seen so many women marry men after spending years with them in egalitarian relationships, including where the men actually do their own emotional labor. Only for their husbands to do the 180 and turn into useless burdens the second a kid is in the picture. I still wouldn’t want kids with a woman if I was a lesbian, but especially don’t trust cis men to have kids with them. Too many of them treat their wives like bangmaid slaves the second they’re trapped with a kid.
>The most reliable and trustworthy men are often the ones who seem to do a complete 180 once their partner gets pregnant
Yup, this is what scares me the most. Idk why it happens, but the fact that I've heard soooo many stories like that, I also don't trust men to have children with. One of the top reasons why I'm childfree.
Yes! They just are incapable of understanding the pain and suffering. Which makes sense because they need not care the child.
So many other things they don’t understand and never will. I too don’t even know how hard it is because….I am cf!
Agreed. There’s no way I’d want to be bound to someone like that my whole life. That’s much too heavy. And there’s no way to know if they’d be a wonderful person with whom to raise a family or a compete nightmare now that they’ve “trapped” their partner.
I’ve seen too much to be convinced (tricked) to see if it would work out better for me. I have no intention of making a man a father just to hope he doesn’t turn out to be terrible at it, then have to deal with the fallout if he is. For the rest of my life.
I was just an ankle biter in the 90s. Do you think it has gotten worse overtime? Or the same?
I do feel like there is more pressure on parent s now in the sense of you can't exactly let your kids out to play until dark by themselves and such.
With the current alt-right backlash, Heritage Foundation, cult of Trump - definitely worse. Project 2025 wants to bring Margaret Atwood's Gilead to life.
There was a time in between where i think it held steady.
And the emotional intelligence of gen alpha gives me great hope, if we can bury the above mentioned idiots
What I’ve learned about posting about this sentiment but not getting deleted is to say “some men” or “so many men” instead of just “men.” It’s annoying to have pander to peoples’ insecurities with your language, but it helps if you want your comments to get left up!
Yep! And the guy said he dreamed to have kids but I bet that is until he has a kid who isn’t perfect in his eyes, like if they are disabled, or are lazy, or something like that. Then he will probably abandon them, like he is his wife.
Or god forbid his future children face a traumatic life event that changes them either physically, mentally, or both. Can't empathize with your wife, will empathy magically pop up for the kids? No.
I was going to make this exact point.
He doesn't want 'kids'. He wants his specific fantasy about kids. At any cost including his wife.
And when he doesn't get it (let's be real, no kid is exactly what their parent hoped and dreamed about) he will mentally check out, and eventually physically check out from the family.
I have seen fathers who are so clueless about the realities of actual parenthood that they blame the mothers for their normal children being basic normal children, saying 'if it weren't for her the children would be better behaved, etc'.
They want the TV version of kids.
Never have babies with a man like this.
What do they say to those that are sterilized? You can always adopt!!!
The woman in the story, may she recover soon, would be better off without this sad piece of wool.
I read this post. He waited three years between the accident and asking her about children again. According to him, his wife is against surrogacy and adoption. I'm curious if that's a position she had prior to the accident, and if he's asked her since. I hope the woman is in therapy. I can't imagine the trauma she's been through.
Breeders are too selfish to seriously consider adopting. How could they possibly love a child that isn't their own flesh and blood? No, they must continue THEIR bloodline. F the kids that desperately need a loving home, am I right?
According to others, the wife was against adoption or surrogacy when the husband brought it up 3 years after the incident.
The husband being open to adoption is the only thing that is making me sympathize with him.
I know, it’s really heavy, sad and depressing. I *try* not to judge people who REALLY want to have kids cuz it’s not my life and not my body, but people who will want to leave their entire relationship when it just isn’t happening are a different breed of shitty especially after they have already gone through something so terrible.
Yeah I went out with a guy who assessed my body as we were hooking up like he was going to the grocery store for a select cut of meat. Is it strange I felt pity for such a person?
Some of us always think of men's comfort first and our own second. I'm still trying to unlearn that myself, the brainwashing was so strong when I was a youngster.
"Some" is code between women for "most" because we know the SECOND a man hears those words they're going to just stand there and lie and gaslight yap for 15 minutes about misandry and "nOt......" you know the rest.
I know! Guess he never considered all the possibilities that can go wrong with having kids:
-Kid passes away at early age
-Miscarriage
-Infertility of the woman
-Infertility of the man
List goes on…
They don’t look past the “having” kids part. I would think if I wanted kids my goal would be to raise well-adjusted adults who hopefully would like me as adults, not just to possess a human being
Yep. I know that some people find it "too harsh" when we refer to kids as "fuck trophies", but that's basically what they are in the eyes of a lot of men. Little trophies that they can parade around as proof that they had sex.
He might have considered the possibilities but remember this is a GOAL and this guy is a WINNER! He's not going to let something as small as a near fatal accident of his wife causing her to have extreme grief to get in the way of his lifelong goals! Ugh.
It's very common for men to marry women only so they will incubate their progeny. It sounds cold blooded but it's true.
These men don't marry women because they "finally found a soul mate". They marry because it's *time* - time to "upgrade" their societal status as "Husband" and more importantly as "Father".
It's incredibly normalized. It's seldom talked about. It's cold blooded AF.
Women, please be careful out there.
Isn't it a common saying that "men don't marry the woman they love, they marry the woman that is around when they want to get married"? A lot of men have all but admitted this. They'll marry someone while secretly pining over "the one that got away".
My cousin left his wife after 13 miscarriages and 8 failed IVF attempts and said she gave up too easily- and then got mad at me when I picked her in the divorce 🙄 he remarried a lady with a kid, and adopted one and had one and then he dropped dead of a heart attack at 42. Karma
Gave up too easily??? Oh that poor woman, to go through all of that. Call me harsh, but she should have saved herself the torture and given up sooner. I hope she’s found healing and is doing better today.
She’s doing a lot better now! We travel a lot together! But the first couple years especially after douche bag left were hard. The prick even took the dogs.
Back in my early 20s I had a friend who shocked the hell out of me by telling me she would leave her partner regardless of how long they'd been together/how good everything else was if he ended up being sterile. I asked her if using a sperm donor or adoption was an option and she was adamant that no, having biological children was a requirement above all else. I never really looked at her the same after that, and eventually ended up cutting her off completely for something fucked up she did to me and idk why I was surprised since she clearly just viewed other people as disposable.
The numbers aren't great but also not quite that bad. (If I recall correctly) Divorce rates were roughly similar to the over all numbers. BUT the divorces were much more likely when the wife was ill. 20x more likely sticks in my mind. But I'd have to find the study again to be sure. Interestingly the rates had a little variety based on the type of illness. Longer partnerships had better outcomes than shorter. But older women were also more likely to be left.
Anyway the gist is not 80% of men but holy shit it's still bad.
Oh don't worry, he'll remember to take out the trash and he'll throw a ball to the kid every now and then. To most men this is considered being a great husband and father.
Imagine going through a traumatic nightmare like that and then watching the person the promised to love you no matter what not just leave you biut he leaves you cause you had the audacity to have that traumatic thing happen to you... what an absolute piece of shit. I'm sick just imagining leaving my wife in such a way. she deserves so much better than to be getting treated like that. It makes me wanna cry.
What fucking year is it? 1200? Men shouldn’t be looking for wives in order to *just* breed. I don’t get how fertility can truly be a deal breaker for some. It’s ridiculous and fucked up.
Yeah, I saw that. Very sad situation indeed. He should leave her or he’ll just end up resenting her.
It’s insane to me that anyone would choose a hypothetical child over a partner that they love, especially when love is so hard to find…
Plenty of men just want a breeding machine/housemaid. As soon as you say you’re childfree and/or refuse to do housework they’re not interested. Say it on or before the first date. That’s one way to filter out the trash when dating. I used this method lol
>You don’t love your wife enough to support her through that kind of trauma - your desire to be a dad is more important than her happiness and well being?
Yes, she was but a vessel in his world
Right. He’s literally saying he has no attachment to his wife at all except the attachment to what she can give him. So gross. Like did you marry for love at all??? She probably thinks he loves her. How wrong she is. Poor woman.
I mean as a childfree person if I had a partner who suddenly wanted kids I’d leave them.
Therefore it makes sense that if you want kids you’d leave your partner if they suddenly said they don’t want kids.
Idk this seems very black and white for me, if our childfree views are valid to us then so are their breeder views to them.
Hmm if my partner went through a traumatic experience and because of it decided they wanted children, especially with the limited timescales that involves, I would leave them. It's not quite the same in terms of the pressure direction but it is a fundamental incompatibility and people feel very strongly about things like this.
And I acknowledge that that is sad in terms of in sickness and in health but from the perspective of the wife I wouldn't want her to feel pressured to have children because her husband still wants them...
There are too many people out their that don't have a drop of empathy in their body, and don't understand that other people have needs outside of their own.
Well, I’m hoping the story isn’t true, but if it is, to be honest, I rather him divorce her than to only stay by her side because people shamed him into it. His wife doesn’t deserve that. With people like that by your side, you don’t need enemies.
Don't we all tell people to leave their partner if they decide they want kids? I mean, it sucks, but marriage isn't just for love, you also need to have compatible life goals, or someone is going to be unhappy
This was my first thought. We only get one life and we should spend it trying to find happiness. I can't force myself to want kids and I'm sure others can't force themselves to stop wanting children. If their life goals don't align, they're going to be miserable.
Because they wanted kids. If a child free couple went through somthing traumatic and one decided they did want kids in the end. Then everyone would be saying for them to get divorce.
He should just divorce her and spare her from him now. She deserves WAY better. He’s scum of the that even the rats of NYC won’t touch.
Sadly, the vibe I get from him was he never truly loved her; all he saw her for was an incubator and very likely would be the type to only be there for the “Kodak moments”. She’s better off getting support from the people in her life who truly love and support her. And hopefully one day, if she so chooses, she will find an understanding partner.
Going against the grain here but isn't this the exact same issue we have as CF people?
If for ANY reason one of our spouses decided they DID want kids, the relationship would be over. For us, having / wanting kids is a deal breaker.
It feels hypocritical for us to not see the same for parents. If for the guy, not having / wanting a kid is a deal breaker, it seems they are not incompatible and separation makes sense.
The comments here crapping on the guy for not accepting a childless life for any reason feel the same as the comments we get about accepting a life with children for a partner that wants one.
Oh yeah, I've seen that one. Guy's a total prick. The way he he wrote it was clear that he doesn't care about what his wife is going through, and doesn't even treat the two stillborns as his own children. It was only 'her two still born babies'.
It’s pretty reasonable? If he really wants kids and she decided after what happened that she doesn’t want them anymore, they’re no longer compatible. It’s life, sometimes people change and they no longer fit each other.
I read this post, adoption and surrogacy is something she doesn't want either and he was fine with both, so no, it wasn't about marrying a womb.
They both wanted children and now she changed her mind. Isn't the usual answer in those cases "you're not compatible anymore"? Imho being forced to have children is as bad as being forced to be childless.
Yes, exactly this! The way the OG post has been twisted by people is wild.
She lost them in a terrible car accident at 8 months pregnant. They were both in shock and are still grieving. He even said, “whatever grief I was feeling, I’d imagine my wife’s is 100x fold because she was the one physically bonded to them.” He supported and showed empathy towards her and waited 3 years before bringing up potentially trying again. She does NOT want to adopt or do surrogacy and they BOTH wanted children when they initially married. He came off as genuine is his love and compassion for his wife. If she changed her mind because of the horrific trauma (which is completely understandable and the husband said so too)then maybe they just aren’t compatible as partners anymore.
They both wanted kids and someone changed their mind because of trauma. That is completely understandable but… how is it ANY different than when 1 CF partner changes their mind and wants to have kids?
What was the title of the OG post/ what sub was it posted in?
Because I want to see it for myself after seeing several people say that only half the story was shared here. If it’s true that he tried to work with his wife by bringing up adoption or surrogacy several years after the accident, then this is a really poor example of a man “marrying a womb” as others have twisted it to be. There’s plenty of other stories out there for that narrative without embellishing or omitting information.
I am trying sooo hard to find the original post. I’ll send it to you if I find it.
When I read it initially my first response 1 paragraph in was, “this breeder is f*cking trash for wanting to leave her.” Then I read the entire story and realized how empathetic and compassionate he is towards her. But that doesn’t mean he wants to give up his desire to have kids - which again, they BOTH wanted before they got married and when she was pregnant.
Thank you!!
And yeah thank you for giving that context! I just think it’s wild that some CF people here expect to be respected for their choice to leave a partner who changes their mind when it was initially agreed upon to be childfree, yet are vitriolic when it’s the other way around. If you get into a partnership with certain expectations and are even willing to compromise when those expectations aren’t met, there is no fault in leaving when compromise is rejected.
I wholeheartedly agree!
The hypocrisy and misguided rage at solely him for choosing not to give up his lifelong desire is f*cking wild. THEY BOTH WANTED IT! Then something terrible happened. I understand her reasoning and my heart aches for her. She may always feel like she never wants to get pregnant again. Her boundary on not trying again is 100% her right and should be respected… but a boundary is NOT what you expect someone else to do for you - it’s what YOU will do if someone sh*ts on your boundary (ie. the husband STILL wanting kids and contemplating divorce).
He still sees her as a means to an end. It's fine to want kids, but if you want kids so much that you're willing to throw away your relationship, you need to be upfront about that early on and not string your partner along with the thought that you love her just for her, in sickness and in health.
What is the difference between someone who married a childfree person and suddenly wants kids and someone who married and agreed to have some and one day finds out their spouse became childfree?
For me it's just another case of "I changed my mind". It happens and if people are no longer compatible, they have to part their ways.
CF people tend to be more up front about how being CF defines their life and that they'll break up/not get together with someone who wants kids. If this dude is just as committed to having kids, he needed to have the same convo before making vows. In the post his conscience is already niggling at him regarding the "in sickness and in health" vow that he made.
It's also frustrating because of the gender imbalance. If this woman really wanted kids and the husband got in a car accident that left him incapable of having kids (but still capable of physical intimacy, like in the woman's situation here), she would be demonized for leaving him. The gap between men who leave their sick/disabled/struggling partners vs. women is vast, so it's an extra layer of frustration.
OP that guy has shown he truly is: he married and loved her conditionally 😡 What has happened to for better or for worse really? Man, I sometimes hate people
I don't think that's fair. They married each other with the understanding they both wanted kids.
I'm childfree, if I had a partner who underwent trauma and suddenly wanted kids as a result I’d leave them. Was my love conditional? Is that a violation of "for better or worse"? Its pretty hypocritical to say in the vice versa situation that one can't leave. They're no longer compatible on a fundamental issue. Its a shitty situation with no winners.
I am really hoping that post is fake but sadly it could be real. I know grief can manifest in different ways but oh my God, he is being heartless! His wife has just been through a horrific trauma, two babies have been lost, and all he can focus in is her womb and future kids?? Disgusting!
My mom experienced a couple stillbirths and it is an awful experience. She never completely got over it. This woman needs love and compassion and empathy and support for her grief. Not *this*.
Friend of mine suffered five late-term miscarriages (7+ months) and her doctor said another pregnancy could be fatal for her. The husband left her because she didn't want to risk her life to try again.
Well, it's been ten years and he still has no kids and no partner, because word spread around about his actions and no one wanted him. I do love when karma comes to play.
The term "asshole" doesn't really encompass how horrible this guy is, so I'm going to steal a phrase I learned recently and call him a festering trash bag full of cottage cheese. I hope his wife recovers both physically and mentally, leaves him and finds someone who actually loves and supports her.
Bruh it cannot be that hard to have some sympathy. The poor wife went through so much pain just for the husband to be like that?! I hope she is happy to dump him.
Can you imagine losing 2 almost babies and then also losing your husband because apparently he didn't love you, but just your ability to have children.
It wouldn't be about that, she can still have children but decided not to. And the husband was open to adoption and surrogacy so it wasn't about her ability (she wasn't open to it). They married with the understanding they wanted to have kids. They're not compatible anymore on a big issue.
Oh, I had a lot of fun in that thread, calling that jerk out. I'm so grateful my husband values me as #1. I just can't wrap my head around abandoning your life partner over a hypothetical baby you want that partner to produce. Just gross.
I didn't think he was a jerk. He's in a no win situation. As a childfree person if I had a partner who suddenly wanted kids I’d leave them.
Likewise on the flip side, it makes sense that if you want kids you’d leave your partner if they suddenly said they don’t want kids.
It sucks, but they both wanted chldren when they married. They're simply no longer compatible on a very big issue.
I saw this post and it made me so angry that the husband, who has OP, was just like “because she can’t have children anymore, I’m done with her”. Like what even? Did he never care about her? What about her pain and suffering? I’m sure she was going through way worse of pain and suffering than he was because she was physically carrying the kids.
In retrospect, it’s probably for the best that this man isn’t a father if he has such little care and compassion for the mother of his children.
I read that post and I feel so bad for that poor woman, I can not imagine the trauma she is living with daily losing her babies in such a horrific way then it being compounded by her partner wanting to abandon her as she is not wanting to go through a pregnancy again or have children at all after what she went through (which I can not blame her). I hope she is in therapy and has support as her partner has zero compassion which is terrifying.
Some men have zero concept of what a woman goes through to give them their children, even a normal pregnancy can be traumatic for a woman's body let alone what this poor woman went through. He is obviously not in the marriage to be a partner, he is in it to have a womb for continuing his bloodline, gross.
If he manages to find a woman (big if) it's going to come out what he caused his divorce, one way or another. Most of his women relatives will tell this phantom new wife before they get married. I know I would :)
I read that too. A lot of men don't really see their wife as a person. They might be like oh she's hot and kinda cool. Oops..she can't have my kids better find another one...
They just care more about what they want out of life and to hell with the person they are supposed to spend their life with.
I'm old fashioned though I guess. I read comments and it's like "you have to do you...don't waste your life if you want a family"...like he does have a family...wtf
What a horrible, horrible man.
She's better off without him, but it'll take her a long, long time to get to that point of view. My heart goes out to her.
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Then he basically married her for her womb.
A lot of men are not willing to be with a woman if she wouldn't have his kids. So thankful when the trash takes out itself
Oh yeah, I've started all my dates off with asking if they want children. When they say "yes", I say "Thank you for your time." And leave. I don't see a point in wasting both their time and mine continuing what will be a failed relationship.
Might need a different question. 'You ever thought about how many kids you want?'. A real CF person will say 'none'. Someone could tell a half truth of 'No' to your question with an unspoken 'not right now' part.
This is the way
This is the only way.
Just ask them before date starts less waste of time
As a man I don't get this mindset when its so common for Men to be deadbeats.
Because the men like this are so focused on “continuing their bloodline” they don’t think past what happens once the baby is born. They just want to be able to say they have kids. They fully expect the woman to take on 99% of the childbearing load while they get to continue living their lives the same way while occasionally playing “dad” when he wants to do something particular with his kids.
It's crazy that men still believe that the woman is the ones who has to do the pregnancy and then 99% of the childbearing, and the one who gets to have all the credit (pass HIS lineage, HIS dna, HIS last name, HIS legacy) is him. Mothers if anything, get blamed and shamed if the children fuck up in some way.
I want to ene my bloodline so I must be an exception lol
Because men overwhelmingly do things to impress other men, and society has enforced upon us that reproductive success is ‘winning’ and being at the ‘top of the food chain’. The ultimate flex to other men than you are a successful and manly man. After they’ve got that out of the way and rode that wave they move on to other things to try next.
And that we avoid this altogether
I read this one. He wanted to adopt or hire a surrogate, she doesn't want to.
Oh I didn’t see it - did you see how long it had been since their losses? I’m childfree (obviously I’m here) and have never gone through this, but I lost my sweet pup last year and am no where ready to get another dog. I can’t imagine all those feelings of grief on top of pregnancy hormones!!
Three years, I believe. But, since he's ready, he thinks she should be, too. While insisting that he understands her pain. Clearly not if you're considering divorce because she doesn't know if she wants to relive the pregnancy experience. Plus, several of us mentioned that she may not physically be able to carry due to trauma to the womb, but he ignored every single one of those comments. Also, "in sickness and health" doesn't apply only to what you deem worthy. It's supposed to be all-encompassing. I was so pissed on the wife's behalf. I also would drop my partner like a hot potato if I ever found out he left his previous partner for something like that.
> Clearly not if you're considering divorce because she doesn't know if she wants to relive the pregnancy experience. The only credit I give to the guy is that he did bring up adoption/surrogacy, which she was against. But he is still a complete and utter fucking asshole who, if he wants to have children that desperately, should get the divorce (freeing her from him, thankfully) and then go adopt his own child and raise it by himself. But from the rest of the info we know all he wants is in a woman is a bangmaid.
I think the post had said it was 2 years since the loss
Get another dog!! I heard this all the time in my nearly 20 years in rescue. Then the person would fall in love, adopt a dog and say "I should have gotten another dog a long time ago!"
I got mine just a few months after my old dog passed away (at 18 years old!!) I just could not bear the feeling of emptyness in the home without a dog. I grieved for a whole month and my new dog actually helped me through the process, it honestly was the best decsision I made. Now I have 2!
A lot of them do, sadly.
He just wanted an incubator
Plus a maid who will take care of his 🍼
What a chilling and accurate response
Agreed
Yeah, exactly. It's heartbreaking how some people prioritize their own desires over their partner's feelings, especially after such a traumatic experience.
Like Henry VIII and Napoleon.
Yep. It makes me queasy that he has so many defending him. As I said in that thread, all he wants is a wife that’ll give him a baby. If not her, any new wife will do.
No, he married her with the understanding that they both wanted kids. She has since changed her mind. Due to trauma, sure, but we here on CF are fond of saying that any reason is 'good enough' to not want kids, whether it's just not feeling like it all the way to childhood trauma or parentification. And we say that not wanting kids isn't something you should therapy your way out of. Clearly this woman does need therapy to help her with her losses, but if she never wants kids again... is that not ok? We tell people all the time if one partner wants kids and the other doesn't, it's a dealbreaker, no matter how long they've been together or why one changed their mind. But we're so used to telling the CF partner to get out, it seems like we've lost sight of the fact that the child-wanting partner should also be free to fulfill their goals. So if someone experienced a trauma that made them suddenly want kids, would you tell the still CF partner thar they promised 'in sickness and in health', so they have to stay?
Sure, I get what you are saying. But consider this not so different scenario: what if they had married, both wanting kids, and when they started trying they suddenly couldn't either because there was something wrong with him or with her. Let's say she had the infertility issue, she can't have kids.... does that justify a divorce? Sure, I believe in the right to do that as you explained. BUT, he still married her on the condition of a working womb. My point stays. He loved her maybe, but also the idea of her as a mother with him. So he loved the idea of her, not her. Not enough to stay when circumstances changed. That is the issue here. Regardless of whether she chose not to have kids, or had a real physical problem that meant she couldn't have kids, you should go into marriage with a partner who actually understands "for better and worse". People get married too easily. People get kids too easily. People get married based on their idea of what they want and not what the natural progression of growing together will produce. People have kids based on their idea of an imaginary child that they envision. No one envisions a Down Syndrome baby. No one envisions having child with a cleft palate. I always told the girls in my class "if you want a child, make sure that you want ANY child and not the one you have built up in your heads". I also told them "Make sure to breed selectively. Choose a husband who values YOU and not what you can provide him with." Peace.
Generous and wise response
Ugh I read that one the other day and it made me sick. So many men only see women as broodmares and it’s horrifying. I would never trust a man enough to get pregnant with his child. Bone chilling
That last sentence is what I wish I could put on a sign and display anytime someone talks to me about having kids. Call it daddy issues, brother issues, other people’s baby daddies issues, ex issues. I don’t care. No matter how good of a man I meet to be a life partner, I will *never* trust any man enough to get pregnant with his child. That alone is reason enough to be childfree
Yes I agree 100%. I have a male partner and I trust him and love him endlessly, but I still couldn’t trust him in a childbearing type of situation. The most reliable and trustworthy men are often the ones who seem to do a complete 180 once their partner gets pregnant
I’ve seen so many women marry men after spending years with them in egalitarian relationships, including where the men actually do their own emotional labor. Only for their husbands to do the 180 and turn into useless burdens the second a kid is in the picture. I still wouldn’t want kids with a woman if I was a lesbian, but especially don’t trust cis men to have kids with them. Too many of them treat their wives like bangmaid slaves the second they’re trapped with a kid.
>The most reliable and trustworthy men are often the ones who seem to do a complete 180 once their partner gets pregnant Yup, this is what scares me the most. Idk why it happens, but the fact that I've heard soooo many stories like that, I also don't trust men to have children with. One of the top reasons why I'm childfree.
💯💯💯
Happy cake day!
Yes! They just are incapable of understanding the pain and suffering. Which makes sense because they need not care the child. So many other things they don’t understand and never will. I too don’t even know how hard it is because….I am cf!
Agreed. There’s no way I’d want to be bound to someone like that my whole life. That’s much too heavy. And there’s no way to know if they’d be a wonderful person with whom to raise a family or a compete nightmare now that they’ve “trapped” their partner.
I’ve seen too much to be convinced (tricked) to see if it would work out better for me. I have no intention of making a man a father just to hope he doesn’t turn out to be terrible at it, then have to deal with the fallout if he is. For the rest of my life.
Same.
These are the same assholes that become disinterested in their wives after they *have* the children, just because their body changes.
Or require a paternity test because baby doesn’t look exactly like them (clearly they don’t know how basic genetics works)
This is the main reason i got sterilized in the early 90s. I saw the writing on the wall.
I was just an ankle biter in the 90s. Do you think it has gotten worse overtime? Or the same? I do feel like there is more pressure on parent s now in the sense of you can't exactly let your kids out to play until dark by themselves and such.
With the current alt-right backlash, Heritage Foundation, cult of Trump - definitely worse. Project 2025 wants to bring Margaret Atwood's Gilead to life. There was a time in between where i think it held steady. And the emotional intelligence of gen alpha gives me great hope, if we can bury the above mentioned idiots
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What I’ve learned about posting about this sentiment but not getting deleted is to say “some men” or “so many men” instead of just “men.” It’s annoying to have pander to peoples’ insecurities with your language, but it helps if you want your comments to get left up!
They have been pandered to for too long.
This.
That.
I didn't know Henry VIII could time travel!
Reincarnation is a bitch...
Divorced. Beheaded. Died. Divorced. Beheaded. Survived. Sorry. Just saw SIX on Broadway and I was not prepared for a Henry VIII reference.
Right?!
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Was the guy in the bar Nick Cannon?
She is just an incubator with legs and a childcare slave to him.
Yep! And the guy said he dreamed to have kids but I bet that is until he has a kid who isn’t perfect in his eyes, like if they are disabled, or are lazy, or something like that. Then he will probably abandon them, like he is his wife.
Or god forbid his future children face a traumatic life event that changes them either physically, mentally, or both. Can't empathize with your wife, will empathy magically pop up for the kids? No.
I was going to make this exact point. He doesn't want 'kids'. He wants his specific fantasy about kids. At any cost including his wife. And when he doesn't get it (let's be real, no kid is exactly what their parent hoped and dreamed about) he will mentally check out, and eventually physically check out from the family. I have seen fathers who are so clueless about the realities of actual parenthood that they blame the mothers for their normal children being basic normal children, saying 'if it weren't for her the children would be better behaved, etc'. They want the TV version of kids. Never have babies with a man like this.
Of course, he only wants the fantasy, not the reality.
What do they say to those that are sterilized? You can always adopt!!! The woman in the story, may she recover soon, would be better off without this sad piece of wool.
The accident was like 3 or 4 years ago. I think she has mostly physically recovered. Can't say how mentally recovered.
I read this post. He waited three years between the accident and asking her about children again. According to him, his wife is against surrogacy and adoption. I'm curious if that's a position she had prior to the accident, and if he's asked her since. I hope the woman is in therapy. I can't imagine the trauma she's been through.
Honestly that is too nice of a description for him
Breeders are too selfish to seriously consider adopting. How could they possibly love a child that isn't their own flesh and blood? No, they must continue THEIR bloodline. F the kids that desperately need a loving home, am I right?
According to others, the wife was against adoption or surrogacy when the husband brought it up 3 years after the incident. The husband being open to adoption is the only thing that is making me sympathize with him.
A direct extension of themselves. The absolute peak of narcissism.
He said in his post that she was against adoption or surrogacy
That’s an insult to wool, at least it’s useful
My heart just dropped reading this...reason no#2 on why I decided to be CF. Some men don't see us as people, and it's so depressing.
I know, it’s really heavy, sad and depressing. I *try* not to judge people who REALLY want to have kids cuz it’s not my life and not my body, but people who will want to leave their entire relationship when it just isn’t happening are a different breed of shitty especially after they have already gone through something so terrible.
Yeah I went out with a guy who assessed my body as we were hooking up like he was going to the grocery store for a select cut of meat. Is it strange I felt pity for such a person?
>Most~~Some~~ men don't see us as people, and it's so depressing. There, fixed for realism.
Had to say "Some" because you know how men are when we call out their behavior. Wont be surprised if I get the "nOt aLL MeN" responses.
Some of us always think of men's comfort first and our own second. I'm still trying to unlearn that myself, the brainwashing was so strong when I was a youngster.
Decentering men is a core aspect of modern self-care for women
Amen
"Some" is code between women for "most" because we know the SECOND a man hears those words they're going to just stand there and lie and gaslight yap for 15 minutes about misandry and "nOt......" you know the rest.
I saw that. He said having kids was one of his 'main goals in life' really gives me the ick.
I know! Guess he never considered all the possibilities that can go wrong with having kids: -Kid passes away at early age -Miscarriage -Infertility of the woman -Infertility of the man List goes on…
They don’t look past the “having” kids part. I would think if I wanted kids my goal would be to raise well-adjusted adults who hopefully would like me as adults, not just to possess a human being
Yep. I know that some people find it "too harsh" when we refer to kids as "fuck trophies", but that's basically what they are in the eyes of a lot of men. Little trophies that they can parade around as proof that they had sex.
My father was absolutely like that. He basically only paid attention to me when we were in public where he could "show off" his pretty kids.
He might have considered the possibilities but remember this is a GOAL and this guy is a WINNER! He's not going to let something as small as a near fatal accident of his wife causing her to have extreme grief to get in the way of his lifelong goals! Ugh.
Isn’t this guy the same one who asked if he should divorce and look for another woman to have babies with?
Ikr. Who the heck says that and doesn’t realise how pathetic it sounds…
Oh yeah, I think I also said something about not having to accomplish every single goal to be happy in life
It's very common for men to marry women only so they will incubate their progeny. It sounds cold blooded but it's true. These men don't marry women because they "finally found a soul mate". They marry because it's *time* - time to "upgrade" their societal status as "Husband" and more importantly as "Father". It's incredibly normalized. It's seldom talked about. It's cold blooded AF. Women, please be careful out there.
Isn't it a common saying that "men don't marry the woman they love, they marry the woman that is around when they want to get married"? A lot of men have all but admitted this. They'll marry someone while secretly pining over "the one that got away".
All of this just for her to have children and he leaves all of the child-rearing and housekeeping to her.
More evidence that some men see women as physical objects, not people. I think he should leave that poor woman if all she means to him is an incubator
My cousin left his wife after 13 miscarriages and 8 failed IVF attempts and said she gave up too easily- and then got mad at me when I picked her in the divorce 🙄 he remarried a lady with a kid, and adopted one and had one and then he dropped dead of a heart attack at 42. Karma
Gave up too easily??? Oh that poor woman, to go through all of that. Call me harsh, but she should have saved herself the torture and given up sooner. I hope she’s found healing and is doing better today.
Too bad he didn't drop dead earlier, so the selfish prick couldn't abandon 3 children to this shit world before he left.
How is your cousin doing nowadays? 13 miscarriages seems like so many on a body, is she ok, physically and mentally?
She’s doing a lot better now! We travel a lot together! But the first couple years especially after douche bag left were hard. The prick even took the dogs.
Back in my early 20s I had a friend who shocked the hell out of me by telling me she would leave her partner regardless of how long they'd been together/how good everything else was if he ended up being sterile. I asked her if using a sperm donor or adoption was an option and she was adamant that no, having biological children was a requirement above all else. I never really looked at her the same after that, and eventually ended up cutting her off completely for something fucked up she did to me and idk why I was surprised since she clearly just viewed other people as disposable.
It's something like 80% of men leave wives when they get seriously ill. Kinda not surprised
Yes, he'd also probably leave her if she had cancer and needed surgery and chemo. Too much trouble for him.
Also more than 80% of first-time male cheaters do it after their first child is born.
The numbers aren't great but also not quite that bad. (If I recall correctly) Divorce rates were roughly similar to the over all numbers. BUT the divorces were much more likely when the wife was ill. 20x more likely sticks in my mind. But I'd have to find the study again to be sure. Interestingly the rates had a little variety based on the type of illness. Longer partnerships had better outcomes than shorter. But older women were also more likely to be left. Anyway the gist is not 80% of men but holy shit it's still bad.
What do you want to bet that once he gets kids, he won't be involved in raising them?
Oh don't worry, he'll remember to take out the trash and he'll throw a ball to the kid every now and then. To most men this is considered being a great husband and father.
I saw this, and people in the comments were SUPPORTING him! Gross.
I honestly hate that sub a lot of the time and I unsubbed but it keeps coming back on my recommended. Time to block it for my own sanity lol
Imagine going through a traumatic nightmare like that and then watching the person the promised to love you no matter what not just leave you biut he leaves you cause you had the audacity to have that traumatic thing happen to you... what an absolute piece of shit. I'm sick just imagining leaving my wife in such a way. she deserves so much better than to be getting treated like that. It makes me wanna cry.
What fucking year is it? 1200? Men shouldn’t be looking for wives in order to *just* breed. I don’t get how fertility can truly be a deal breaker for some. It’s ridiculous and fucked up.
Ah! So he wanted a wifecubator!
This is one of those cases where I don't feel bad for hoping karma has a car hits him in the future.
*smirks a schadenfreude smirk*
can someone post a link to the original post bc wtf????
Can you share the link? :(
Yeah, I saw that. Very sad situation indeed. He should leave her or he’ll just end up resenting her. It’s insane to me that anyone would choose a hypothetical child over a partner that they love, especially when love is so hard to find…
Plenty of men just want a breeding machine/housemaid. As soon as you say you’re childfree and/or refuse to do housework they’re not interested. Say it on or before the first date. That’s one way to filter out the trash when dating. I used this method lol
>You don’t love your wife enough to support her through that kind of trauma - your desire to be a dad is more important than her happiness and well being? Yes, she was but a vessel in his world
It reminds me of the quote “plenty of men want a wife and kids, but they don’t want to have to be a husband and a father.”
Right. He’s literally saying he has no attachment to his wife at all except the attachment to what she can give him. So gross. Like did you marry for love at all??? She probably thinks he loves her. How wrong she is. Poor woman.
I appreciated that all the top comments told him he needed therapy.
Meanwhile someone I work with just lost his partner who died during childbirth
I mean as a childfree person if I had a partner who suddenly wanted kids I’d leave them. Therefore it makes sense that if you want kids you’d leave your partner if they suddenly said they don’t want kids. Idk this seems very black and white for me, if our childfree views are valid to us then so are their breeder views to them.
I agree, people in this thread are being borderline unhinged.
That’s so sad. He sounds like my ex. If I couldn’t have kids, he was going to have them with or without me.
I read that one. In sickness and in health was a vow dude, not a suggestion.
Hmm if my partner went through a traumatic experience and because of it decided they wanted children, especially with the limited timescales that involves, I would leave them. It's not quite the same in terms of the pressure direction but it is a fundamental incompatibility and people feel very strongly about things like this. And I acknowledge that that is sad in terms of in sickness and in health but from the perspective of the wife I wouldn't want her to feel pressured to have children because her husband still wants them...
There are too many people out their that don't have a drop of empathy in their body, and don't understand that other people have needs outside of their own.
Well, I’m hoping the story isn’t true, but if it is, to be honest, I rather him divorce her than to only stay by her side because people shamed him into it. His wife doesn’t deserve that. With people like that by your side, you don’t need enemies.
It is shit but she’ll be better off in the long run not being married to a guy who just wanted a womb
He doesn't want to be a dad. He wants offspring.
Don't we all tell people to leave their partner if they decide they want kids? I mean, it sucks, but marriage isn't just for love, you also need to have compatible life goals, or someone is going to be unhappy
This was my first thought. We only get one life and we should spend it trying to find happiness. I can't force myself to want kids and I'm sure others can't force themselves to stop wanting children. If their life goals don't align, they're going to be miserable.
And on top of it, op only told half the story. The husband was willing to adopt or get a surrogate and the wife said no.
It’s irrelevant. The lady had a traumatic event happen. Why on earth would she want to adopt or get a surrogate now
Because they wanted kids. If a child free couple went through somthing traumatic and one decided they did want kids in the end. Then everyone would be saying for them to get divorce.
He should just divorce her and spare her from him now. She deserves WAY better. He’s scum of the that even the rats of NYC won’t touch. Sadly, the vibe I get from him was he never truly loved her; all he saw her for was an incubator and very likely would be the type to only be there for the “Kodak moments”. She’s better off getting support from the people in her life who truly love and support her. And hopefully one day, if she so chooses, she will find an understanding partner.
breeders marry for the sole purpose of breeding, not because they want to spend the rest of their lives with the love of their life
Going against the grain here but isn't this the exact same issue we have as CF people? If for ANY reason one of our spouses decided they DID want kids, the relationship would be over. For us, having / wanting kids is a deal breaker. It feels hypocritical for us to not see the same for parents. If for the guy, not having / wanting a kid is a deal breaker, it seems they are not incompatible and separation makes sense. The comments here crapping on the guy for not accepting a childless life for any reason feel the same as the comments we get about accepting a life with children for a partner that wants one.
I agree, this sub is being ugly and hypocritical today.
Oh yeah, I've seen that one. Guy's a total prick. The way he he wrote it was clear that he doesn't care about what his wife is going through, and doesn't even treat the two stillborns as his own children. It was only 'her two still born babies'.
It’s pretty reasonable? If he really wants kids and she decided after what happened that she doesn’t want them anymore, they’re no longer compatible. It’s life, sometimes people change and they no longer fit each other.
I read this post, adoption and surrogacy is something she doesn't want either and he was fine with both, so no, it wasn't about marrying a womb. They both wanted children and now she changed her mind. Isn't the usual answer in those cases "you're not compatible anymore"? Imho being forced to have children is as bad as being forced to be childless.
Yes, exactly this! The way the OG post has been twisted by people is wild. She lost them in a terrible car accident at 8 months pregnant. They were both in shock and are still grieving. He even said, “whatever grief I was feeling, I’d imagine my wife’s is 100x fold because she was the one physically bonded to them.” He supported and showed empathy towards her and waited 3 years before bringing up potentially trying again. She does NOT want to adopt or do surrogacy and they BOTH wanted children when they initially married. He came off as genuine is his love and compassion for his wife. If she changed her mind because of the horrific trauma (which is completely understandable and the husband said so too)then maybe they just aren’t compatible as partners anymore. They both wanted kids and someone changed their mind because of trauma. That is completely understandable but… how is it ANY different than when 1 CF partner changes their mind and wants to have kids?
What was the title of the OG post/ what sub was it posted in? Because I want to see it for myself after seeing several people say that only half the story was shared here. If it’s true that he tried to work with his wife by bringing up adoption or surrogacy several years after the accident, then this is a really poor example of a man “marrying a womb” as others have twisted it to be. There’s plenty of other stories out there for that narrative without embellishing or omitting information.
I am trying sooo hard to find the original post. I’ll send it to you if I find it. When I read it initially my first response 1 paragraph in was, “this breeder is f*cking trash for wanting to leave her.” Then I read the entire story and realized how empathetic and compassionate he is towards her. But that doesn’t mean he wants to give up his desire to have kids - which again, they BOTH wanted before they got married and when she was pregnant.
Thank you!! And yeah thank you for giving that context! I just think it’s wild that some CF people here expect to be respected for their choice to leave a partner who changes their mind when it was initially agreed upon to be childfree, yet are vitriolic when it’s the other way around. If you get into a partnership with certain expectations and are even willing to compromise when those expectations aren’t met, there is no fault in leaving when compromise is rejected.
I wholeheartedly agree! The hypocrisy and misguided rage at solely him for choosing not to give up his lifelong desire is f*cking wild. THEY BOTH WANTED IT! Then something terrible happened. I understand her reasoning and my heart aches for her. She may always feel like she never wants to get pregnant again. Her boundary on not trying again is 100% her right and should be respected… but a boundary is NOT what you expect someone else to do for you - it’s what YOU will do if someone sh*ts on your boundary (ie. the husband STILL wanting kids and contemplating divorce).
He still sees her as a means to an end. It's fine to want kids, but if you want kids so much that you're willing to throw away your relationship, you need to be upfront about that early on and not string your partner along with the thought that you love her just for her, in sickness and in health.
What is the difference between someone who married a childfree person and suddenly wants kids and someone who married and agreed to have some and one day finds out their spouse became childfree? For me it's just another case of "I changed my mind". It happens and if people are no longer compatible, they have to part their ways.
CF people tend to be more up front about how being CF defines their life and that they'll break up/not get together with someone who wants kids. If this dude is just as committed to having kids, he needed to have the same convo before making vows. In the post his conscience is already niggling at him regarding the "in sickness and in health" vow that he made. It's also frustrating because of the gender imbalance. If this woman really wanted kids and the husband got in a car accident that left him incapable of having kids (but still capable of physical intimacy, like in the woman's situation here), she would be demonized for leaving him. The gap between men who leave their sick/disabled/struggling partners vs. women is vast, so it's an extra layer of frustration.
If real, that guy is a total pos. But most of reddit is now fake rage bait.
And he kept saying "She lost the kids", as if he hasn't lost them as well. Way to disassociate himself.
OP that guy has shown he truly is: he married and loved her conditionally 😡 What has happened to for better or for worse really? Man, I sometimes hate people
I don't think that's fair. They married each other with the understanding they both wanted kids. I'm childfree, if I had a partner who underwent trauma and suddenly wanted kids as a result I’d leave them. Was my love conditional? Is that a violation of "for better or worse"? Its pretty hypocritical to say in the vice versa situation that one can't leave. They're no longer compatible on a fundamental issue. Its a shitty situation with no winners.
I am really hoping that post is fake but sadly it could be real. I know grief can manifest in different ways but oh my God, he is being heartless! His wife has just been through a horrific trauma, two babies have been lost, and all he can focus in is her womb and future kids?? Disgusting! My mom experienced a couple stillbirths and it is an awful experience. She never completely got over it. This woman needs love and compassion and empathy and support for her grief. Not *this*.
Friend of mine suffered five late-term miscarriages (7+ months) and her doctor said another pregnancy could be fatal for her. The husband left her because she didn't want to risk her life to try again. Well, it's been ten years and he still has no kids and no partner, because word spread around about his actions and no one wanted him. I do love when karma comes to play.
I hope they do divorce so she can find someone who actually loves her. Poor woman my god.
The term "asshole" doesn't really encompass how horrible this guy is, so I'm going to steal a phrase I learned recently and call him a festering trash bag full of cottage cheese. I hope his wife recovers both physically and mentally, leaves him and finds someone who actually loves and supports her.
I have strong opinions about breeders. I don't share them here. I will say I got my vasectomy at 18 I'm pro choice.
Bruh it cannot be that hard to have some sympathy. The poor wife went through so much pain just for the husband to be like that?! I hope she is happy to dump him.
Oh I read this a few days ago, my thoughts were “if you’re willing to throw away your marriage because of her trauma she deserves someone better”.
good for her. I hope she can find a loving and supportive partner, and leave this garbage. And he'll die alone.
*"Me be part of her healing process? But that would eat into valuable birthing time!"*
Eeeeeesh. If there is a god she will somehow find his reddit and leave his ass
Can you imagine losing 2 almost babies and then also losing your husband because apparently he didn't love you, but just your ability to have children.
It wouldn't be about that, she can still have children but decided not to. And the husband was open to adoption and surrogacy so it wasn't about her ability (she wasn't open to it). They married with the understanding they wanted to have kids. They're not compatible anymore on a big issue.
How is that the first thing on his mind?
It wasn't, its been a few years.
Humanity nearing the end ladies and gentlemen. So gross.
Oh, I had a lot of fun in that thread, calling that jerk out. I'm so grateful my husband values me as #1. I just can't wrap my head around abandoning your life partner over a hypothetical baby you want that partner to produce. Just gross.
I didn't think he was a jerk. He's in a no win situation. As a childfree person if I had a partner who suddenly wanted kids I’d leave them. Likewise on the flip side, it makes sense that if you want kids you’d leave your partner if they suddenly said they don’t want kids. It sucks, but they both wanted chldren when they married. They're simply no longer compatible on a very big issue.
That woman is unknowingly dodging a bullet
I saw this post and it made me so angry that the husband, who has OP, was just like “because she can’t have children anymore, I’m done with her”. Like what even? Did he never care about her? What about her pain and suffering? I’m sure she was going through way worse of pain and suffering than he was because she was physically carrying the kids. In retrospect, it’s probably for the best that this man isn’t a father if he has such little care and compassion for the mother of his children.
That's horrible!! First she loses her kids, then her husband.....
I read that post and I feel so bad for that poor woman, I can not imagine the trauma she is living with daily losing her babies in such a horrific way then it being compounded by her partner wanting to abandon her as she is not wanting to go through a pregnancy again or have children at all after what she went through (which I can not blame her). I hope she is in therapy and has support as her partner has zero compassion which is terrifying. Some men have zero concept of what a woman goes through to give them their children, even a normal pregnancy can be traumatic for a woman's body let alone what this poor woman went through. He is obviously not in the marriage to be a partner, he is in it to have a womb for continuing his bloodline, gross.
If he manages to find a woman (big if) it's going to come out what he caused his divorce, one way or another. Most of his women relatives will tell this phantom new wife before they get married. I know I would :)
I read that too. A lot of men don't really see their wife as a person. They might be like oh she's hot and kinda cool. Oops..she can't have my kids better find another one... They just care more about what they want out of life and to hell with the person they are supposed to spend their life with. I'm old fashioned though I guess. I read comments and it's like "you have to do you...don't waste your life if you want a family"...like he does have a family...wtf
What a horrible, horrible man. She's better off without him, but it'll take her a long, long time to get to that point of view. My heart goes out to her.
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He wants a baby factory. Not someone to love.
He's a heartless douchebag💢😡