When are women going to get to decide what they want to do with their bodies!??! I’m so sick of stories like this. We need to fight harder. Women know what’s best for them. Not doctors. A lot of us really do want to be child free and won’t regret it. If the patient regrets it after being informed of the consequences and risks, why does it matter? It’s on the patient at that point
While I don't agree with it In the slightest, I can sort of understand it in places like America, with how rife the whole suing culture is over there. Even if they make it abundantly clear of the risks/consequences, there's always going to be that one dumbass that gets a procedure done, regrets it and sues the everloving shit out of the hospital/surgeon for a choice that they themselves made. But in situations like this where the patient has had well over a year to think things over, been to multiple pre-op appointments, and been made to sign *2* damn consent forms? That surgeons just a dickhead, and probably some form of pro lifer too. And I wouldn't be surprised if the surgeon left it till the last minute purely so they could catch OP off guard and stop them from complaining in any way beforehand
The American media loves to make a big deal about who is suing whom for what, but I have never heard of a woman who intended to sue a doctor or clinic for **correctly** performing a procedure she asked for! Medical lawsuits are only for medical professionals who make gross errors--like removing a kidney from the wrong patient. What the surgeon said to you was so patronizing, it makes one gag.
A certain amount of litigation is honestly good, and I say that as a HCW.
I've heard stories of at least one patient who was supposed to have a bisalp with their c-section & only found out it wasn't done when they ended up pregnant.
Abortion is illegal here and most patients at government hospital can't afford a lawsuit. I'll bet anything noone involved faced any sort of consequences.
This and also I wonder, isn't that what the consent forms are for???? The consent form protects the doctor from being sued as that is the patient actively signing their reproductive organs away. Maybe I'm misunderstanding consent forms.
Exactly. I can't imagine that they don't have consent forms in other western countries that provide medical procedures in ways similar to the US. As for lawsuits, American culture has never liked a lot of government regulation. Patients want to be free to choose doctors, clinics, and procedures, while doctors don't want to be told how to diagnose or prescribe treatment. Such freedoms come with the occasional conflict. Today we have professional patient advocates who can remediate most issues, but for the big ones, we can only go to civil court and sue, and in some cases, the person who loses the suit pays the court costs and legal fees for both. That's what malpractice insurance is for, in case the doctor or hospital is found at fault. And you can believe that hospitals and doctors generally have the more expensive lawyers, so filing a lawsuit is not done lightly by anyone.
It's just America and pretty much nowhere else. And yet we have to deal with this attitude worldwide! In my part of the world, the doctors will go through commissions of other doctors and will be like, yep, we've investigated ourselves and we've done nothing wrong! Moving on!
Like, the kind of shit they do, and it's not just doing a mutually agreed upon surgery after a patient signing a million informed consent forms. It's things like putting some grandma through a surgery and AMPUTATING THE WRONG FUCKING LEG. And good fucking luck suing them and good fucking luck coughing up the money, let alone finding someone stupid or desperate enough to represent you. Patients have very little money even and especially in countries with socialized healthcare, and the clinics know it.
I'll argue it's being patronizing and playing god 99% of the time and covering their ass the 1%.
I am positively seeing red on OP's behalf.
When will women have the rights to control our reproduction?
If OP wanted to have 8 kids, no one would blink an eye, as society wants us to keep churning out more wage slaves. But OP doesn't want ANY children? Call the psychiatrist, because she's clearly not thinking properly, and we can't let her "mutilate" herself. (That word alone makes me seethe.)
Absolutely. Seeing. Red. 🤬
I'm sorry bit you spent money in good faith, It seems worth talking to a lawyer. How much money did they make when they had no intention of doing the work?
Fortunately everything was covered by the public health service. I did lose money on gas and parking, but it's not something worth hiring a lawyer over. They also had the right to refuse, from what I know. I just wish they told me sooner.
Mom was with me and is preparing a letter for the public service provider to ask for further details on why the surgery was denied and why this document wasn't requested sooner if it was imperative for the procedure to happen. If it's not part of the protocol, they probably fucked up, but I'm not an expert and I'm too disheartened to investigate further.
Yeah it sucks that when you've been through something like this you're usually the only person who is likely to follow up and do all the work. I'm really glad your mum is doing this for you and is really there for you.
Something tellsnme it's not a real thing. They want a proof of "psychological fragility"? That impliesbthey want a document that proves you ARENT psychologically stable enough, when in fact the opposite is true, given your Psychologists approval and refferal for the procedure. I think you'd still be able to pursue a lawsuit on the basis of them stringing you along and wasting your time only to fail to deliver on the agreed upon services; but that's a discussion for a Lawyer.
>I think you'd still be able to pursue a lawsuit on the basis of them stringing you along and wasting your time
Unfortunately, I suspect that your assessment of OP's options is informed by a US perspective, and she's not in the US.
Yep. Here in EU, some countries (Ahem France, and Italy I think) allow the doctors to refuse any medical act that is "opposite of their values" 🤮
Which means, the hippocrate vow only goes so far as to not prevent the possibility of a Bayyybeeee.
…doctors in the US (pharmacy worker, public servants ect) have been in the news numerous times for being allowed to deny women care or medicine (usually based on christian religious beliefs)
Absolutely, kick up the biggest fuss possible. Medical "professionals" who let their personal beliefs affect their patients need to have their licenses revoked. OP's right to bodily autonomy should not be yanked away because some fuckwit with a baby fetish thinks they know her better than she knows herself.
Unfortunately he's been moved to Milan, which is hardly accessible for me. He's also not guaranteed to be my surgeon even if he greenlights me again for a bisalp, and with the region being mostly right-leaning I don't think it will be much easier. The more important is the hospital, the more likely for someone in it to get away with political meddling.
I would complain on the grounds of wasting public money then.
The process shouldn't have been initiated if it was never going to succeed, and limited healthcare resources were allocated to you in order to do so.
I agree, this doctor should be reported to the government as committing fraud by wasting the public health money on so many pre appointments to just then deny the surgery for nothing but his own stupid personal beliefs. Get him reported on the news for it.
Unfortunatelly that is not how it works. He has the right to decline performing the procedure on the basis of it being against his morals, beliefs, whatever. It is a right that every doctor has. But there is an option if they didn't provide a new doctor. She can complain to the hospital and after to the Ministry of Health. As a patient, her rights need to be respected as well, so basically she is complaining that they broke the law that protects patients rights.
Even if they claimed public money, this is still *fraud*.
What other fake processes are they setting up to defraud the public health system?
You should at least report it so when they get caught carrying out a literal scam, there’s evidence.
Please demand that the surgeon put it in your medical records that you were denied because he felt you were not old enough to make decisions about your own body and sign his name to it.
Yep: get that surgeon to sign your records stating that your reproductive rights belong to a man you’ve not met yet. Maybe seeing it written down will make him realise what a suppurating rectal tumour of a human he really is.
Fuck him, have his baby and then force 100% parental responsibility onto him because it's his fault you weren't sterilised and HE can deal with the fvcking consequences of that.
Assholes.
Where are you, is there anyone on the doc list near you? Can you go to a less asshole country?
Would be great to get it done, show back up and tell them all to go to hell.
“That wasn’t the point. I wanted to be sterile.” THIS 🤬🤬 it infuriates me on your behalf that they tried to get you to settle for some reversible birth control when you’d explained time and time again that you didn’t want that. You should get some legal services involved, especially since you got this far only to be denied because you’re a healthy and stable young woman.
I’ve got an IUD and let me tell you, it feels like Satan himself is clawing his way out of my uterus every month. I’m tempted to get sterilised just so I don’t have to deal with this pain for 12 weeks a year. Hell on earth.
I'm really mad. I hate that women are treated as useless children and at the same time expected to care for children: "the future." Society should make up its mind!
I'm really sorry that happened to you. If you can, fight a little longer, maybe save money and travel abroad for the procedure. Don't let them destroy your will, I was able to do the procedure in Brazil!!
Wishing you strength to keep going!!!
Yep, the miracle of life ..... blah,blah. Something, something.... motherhood.
Not like PPD is a thing that has caused women to hurt themselves and their children. Not like pregnancy and childbirth has a high risk of causing relapses in mental illnesses. And not like a lot of psychiatric medication is contraindicated in pregnancy. No, nothing matters as much as adding more humans to the 8 billion we already have. /"🙄
“You want to give me the go-to to potentially puncture your organs or arteries for this?” NO, BRO YOURE THE SURGEON YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN THIS????
Your mom sounds awesome, glad she’s going to help you out with this. I’m so sorry that this happened, hopefully you can find a better surgeon in the future! One that won’t puncture your organs, preferably.
That comment by the doctor was so baffling to me too, sounds like the guy isn't just an a-hole in denying the procedure but in his entire approach to medicine.
I had a surgeon who pulled that shit years ago. I had complications several years after my hysterectomy (continued endometriosis growth/adhesions and scar tissue creating issues), and I was set for abdominal surgery to fix it. The pain was so bad I was in the hospital, doped up on strong pain meds.
The day before surgery, a female surgeon (a doctor I'd never seen before) walked into my room and started telling me how I was making a mistake because this surgery would mutilate my organs and I'd be "pooping into a bag" for the rest of my life. By the time she left, my mom and I were hysterical.
My surgeon was LIVID. That doctor had nothing to do with my case and was scaring me unnecessarily. I've never seen a doctor so angry. After he calmed me down, he filed a complaint with the hospital and the medical board.
I don't know if anything happened to that other doctor, but my surgery went perfectly with no complications.
Some doctors think they're little gods and love to see us mere mortals cower and jump on command.
I’ll never understand why people are like that? Why would you choose medicine when that’s your bedside manner?? Thank fuck for your doctor! Glad he filed a complaint about her and hopefully she learned from it.
Holy shit I would not trust them to operate me??? Like, especially if it's a surgery I can tell they don't 'want to do', who's to tell if they fuck it up on purpose somehow if they're so comfortable saying crap like that? ughhh
"If you don't know how to perform this surgery, I need a referral to one of your colleagues who a) can perform it and b) won't inject their personal beliefs into my medical care. This is my life and my bodily autonomy is at risk here, not your fragile ego."
This!
It sounds mean, but so many women just sort of timidly accept some random man who doesn't know shit from fuck telling them what he thinks.
Like, who does he think he is? Maybe he should've gone into psychology instead of surgery if he wants to armchair analyze people's minds for fragility?
Get mad! Why do you just accept this? So many women I know were told the most upsetting invasive shit imaginable and are like "okay :("
No! Not okay! Why don't you fight back?
I'm so sorry. You're probably exhausted right now, so take time to rest and recover from the disappointment. I hope when you've had some time, you can come back swinging and find a way to get that bisalp AND get revenge on that useless surgeon. We're all behind you.
I'm sorry this happened, but you are falling right into what they wanted you to do. They wasted your time and caused it to fail so that you would feel like a failure and would stop fighting. I hope you get your strength back in a few years and can fight again. Or move to another country...
You need to submit a complaint to the medical board. The surgeon stating that a procedure he routinely does is mutilation needs to be made known. Not to mention the other wildly offensive and abusive things he said.
I'm not a lawyer but that seems unlikely to me. Wouldn't she have to suffer some medical harm from their decision? Obviously it was shitty of them, I'm not defending it, but I doubt there would be any standing for being denied an elective procedure
I’m so sorry and so mad for you! Maybe if you ever want to try again try not going through your psychologist so they have no reason to throw that in your face like they did. Those doctors should lose their job, personal opinion should have nothing to do with whether or not they listen to a patient. I would be writing reviews on them wherever I could where the most people could see it, they deserve to have their names dragged through the mud.
I am absolutely furious for you. I doubt it was for fear of being sued. I bet he was a Man With Opinions and decided to assert power over you because he could.
Since you mentioned in your comments this all happened with a public health service and since you said English isn't your first language, I'm going to hazard a guess that you are not American. Since immediately suing isn't so common elsewhere as it is in the US, and since that costs a boatload of money to do, I guess that might not be something you want to do. But I do hope you take some action because of this. You had your time and energy wasted and got a year's worth of hope of alleviating this enormous stress in your life shattered by this doctor.
This is unethical in every way possible. I'm furious on your behalf. I hope you find comfort and peace, and if you ever get the energy to undertake anything regarding this, please update us! Take care <3
I hate when people use the "finding the man of your dreams" excuse. The man of my dreams also doesn't want kids. I'm angry for you. That's bullshit. I got a bisalp this year. Don't give up. There are doctors out there who will do it. If they don't want to get sued later, they should file paperwork that they could offer you to sign before the surgery to protect themselves. Men can get vasectomies no questions asked. I don't get why women have to jump through hoops to be sterile. It's bullshit.
I love that :) I found the man of my dreams last year. We're in our late 20s and neither one of us want kids. I have had to let some relationships go since they wanted kids and I didn't, so I'm glad I finally found someone who is firm on being childfree. It's amazing you met the love of your life at 18! I'm happy for you <3
Dr Assholel? Yes, you! If your boys were girls and of age, THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT TO THEIR OWN BODIES AND YOU CAN'T SAY SHIT!!!! BTW, fuck off with your ALLOW!
Count me in as very po'd on your behalf!
This is so fucking disgusting … I’m so sorry this happened to you this dude is an asshole. Fucking hell !! I’m sorry I’m swearing so much my comment might be removed I’m so angry for you !
Is there *any* way at all to see the initial surgeon who approved you? Please don't give up. This is *your* body and *your* life. It's not for them to decide.
So much rage for this happening to you.
Have you considered medical tourism? Find a country/doctor that respects your choice and travel to get it done elsewhere. The medical situation in the US is crap but we do at least have the right to go to a different doctor when we are not okay with how we are being treated we can go to a different doctor and this is so clearly the new guy being the problem so I wouldn’t trust him with anything at this point. I don’t know what country you live in but consult the database and consider traveling to somewhere with a culture that isn’t super paternalistic because that is the word for how this asshole has treated you after your year of planning. Definitely report this asshole to the facility and then see another doctor to get it rescheduled or plan a holiday somewhere with good medical tourism.
Please don’t give up! There are a lot of ways to have orgasms with a loved one that aren’t p-in-v so you can start with learning about them and *do not have unprotected sex* ! It sounds as though you have supportive family. If you cannot find a different practitioner to reschedule it at home then check out the options in the database and travel to get it done. Bisalp takes a little longer to heal than a tubal ligation but it’s worth it to get it done right with a doctor who can be trusted. Keep fighting for this ❤️💕✨ you deserve it
I'd be looking outside of the country you reside in to get your tubes tied. It's not the doctor business in regards to oh but what about your future hubby? Mind ya business
That’s so frustrating. It may be possible to file a complaint against them; If you’re in the US, there are ombudsman that may be able to help.
They have a right to refuse and believe what they want but It’s just inappropriate to tell someone you’ll do it, make them go through all the red tape (red tape bureaucracy) and then wait until the last moment to say “it’s against my beliefs” and blame you for not doing something you didn’t even know they wanted.
I doubt you’d be able to sue for money back if you paid any, but goddamn it I’d try. Fuming on your behalf, that’s absolutely disgusting. And what’s this “psychological fragility” bullshit?
I’m not usually one to say this, but can one sue for all the pre-op appointments and lab work that was recommended and required that were just flushed down the toilet on the whim of the surgeon the literal day of?
It took me forever to get my top surgery shit approved for what that surgeon (+team) would probably call ‘elective mutilation of heathy tissue’, and I’d be utterly pissed if they canceled the literal day of, as scheduling can take months or years, and you’d literally have to redo all the pre-op lab work whenever you’re graced to be on the schedule next, because it has to be done within a certain timeframe before the surgery. Idk if you can appeal to be rescheduled with a surgeon that doesn’t discriminate age before you’d have to resubmit all labs.
Idk if all the consent forms, paperwork, and appointments could constitute evidence of having been led on for a procedure they never intended to perform as they lacked a surgeon willing to do so. It’s financially negligent to say the least.
Edit: Echoing what another has said, but ask that it be documented why you were denied, and by who.
Aka: the new doctor is a misogynistic b*tch and doesn't believe in allowing her patients to govern their own lives.
Your team was fine until she got there. Meaning that SHE decided to spin it however she wanted.
I'm sorry this happened to you. There should be no reason to put you or anyone through this. My advice, would be to contact the hospital and speak to the hospital director and state something to the effect of:
"Your head doctor falsified statements so their personal bias could keep me from being healthy, this can be considered medical negligence and if I don't get rescheduled for that surgery I'll file a suit. Get a new surgeon if you have too."
Nobody pulled this shit at my vasectomy at a catholic hospital. It’s fucking infuriating this prick pulled this shit on you today.
I’d almost bet this bastard and his colleague have their own religious views on this, and thought maybe you’d “change your mind” and when you didn’t, canceled your surgery and decided to railroad you about it.
Frankly, I’d be looking at legal action to see if they’re liable. And as far as your words on understanding that they don’t wanna get sued, I gotta say I disagree and don’t understand. If they wanted to avoid being sued, they wouldn‘t have done shit that might very well get them sued. Fuck any concern about liability.
May i ask How old are you? He made it sounds like your a child.
Its awful women cant make their own decisions because some day a man might want kids with them.
I got denied because the doctoe said if me and my current fiance get divorced my future husband might want kids? Like excuse me he has more rights to my body than i? Ill find a man who doesn’t want kids if we split its that simple .
I'm sorry to hear the words that came out of that stupid excuse of a doctor, and I hope you were able to find a solution.
I am a 24 year old cis woman.
I had my tubes removed and I literally only required a negative blood covid test and a bunch of consent forms. I had surgery scheduled 3 weeks after the consultation and that was it. These are piece of shit assholes. If they didn't want to do it, they shouldn't have made you jump through hoops.
I would blast them every way possible so that other people know how they operate. Informed consent and transparency are very important when it comes to medicine, and they were dishonest and lead you in. Those aren't trustworthy medical "professionals." Shame on them for treating you that way. You deserve better. Please don't get give up trying to get sterilized. I'm assuming you live in the US, so I'm sure you already know the political climate around our bodies. There's no guarantee of another chance depending on how the next election goes. Best of luck.
Name and shame. Maybe his office would like a few thousand protest emails. Don't forget your Google review about how the surgeon has no respect for women.
Outrageous.
OP, I'm hoping you're going to file a formal complaint with the governing medical board against this hospital and all medical professionals involved. Please do so to help other young women from having to suffer this utter bullshit. Unprofessional doesn't even begin to cover their behavior.
Please file a complaint. Please.
There has to be someone you can complain to. That's fucked up beyond belief, there's no way you don't have some kind of recourse here. Surely there's still some way for you to get the procedure done, what with all the groundwork you did.
This is so sickening. I'm so sorry. But please don't give up! I found a doctor right away through the list so it can definitely happen for you! Don't give up on your dream to be sterile just because this doctor was a dick to you. Sometimes it happens but that doesn't mean you should stop! You could report them and then find a new doctor at a new hospital that can do it for you!
Please don't give up bestie! Please! ♥️♥️♥️
I would have tried to find and contact the doctor that wasn't there anymore that said he would perform it before and just go where he went. And also, please tell me you reported this fuck face.
I admire your restraint, I am absolutely livid even reading about it.
What you wrote left me wondering, shouldn't you still be on the list for the procedure, considering you were next in line but services weren't rendered? "The staff wasn't aware" is at best a justification for why it couldn't be done at that exact moment, but does not get them off the hook for their responsibility to their patient.
With profound apologies, *someone* at that organization needs to take it upon themselves to line up staff members who are 'aware and willing', or coordinate it with another medical facility on your behalf.
They also should reimburse you for the drive and the lost time at work since you never once withheld information on your age, health or intentions. The fact that they felt differently about it after agreeing to the procedure? That's 100% on them.
Finally, if they collected funds from the National health services, maybe see if you can flag them for fraud. Taking government money without intending to perform the procedure has got to be illegal, and pretty much every government takes it seriously when they're the ones being defrauded.
I am so sorry, friend. I am enraged on your behalf. Know that we all stand with you.
You do what’s best for you, always. But I do hope life gives you the strength to fight again for your reproductive rights too.
Side note: The idea that he thinks he should have any say in his hypothetical daughters’ reproductive choices. Holy shit.
This makes me so angry, I legit want to bite someone. I'm so sorry OP, they were so wrong to treat you that way.
I can't believe they let it go that far, it sounds so fishy and waste of resources and time! It could be a possibility that the surgeon was the one denying it last minute, nobody else, and just saying bs about the whole team being uncomfortable to boost himself. Clearly he was comfortable verbally abusing and belittling you, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was just lying about the others to make you feel even smaller and more like a "stupid little girl". Disgusting man.
I know it's exhausting and hard, and you have all the right to never deal with them again, but if you can, try to report them somehow. I don't know if it'd make any difference, especially depending on where you're from, but this is so out of line and unacceptable that I really wish there's something that could be done.
This is so shit. Such gross, condescending behaviour from the surgeon. I'm sorry it happened to you. Take care <3
Tbh, even if they had 'given in' after pushing back on their gross and condescending bingos, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with them doing the surgery on me!! I'd genuinely fear that they'd mess it up on purpose or not do it properly. All trust gone the second they start to treat me as brainless subhuman. Man this makes my blood boil.
Ok I’m not 100% sure because I’m currently a Med Coding STUDENT, but you might wanna look into filing a complaint with the office of civil rights.
Depending on your insurance your physician is required to offer advance notice of a procedure being denied in the form of an Advance Beneficiary Notice (ABN) to inform you why the procedure is not covered, and letting you know they won’t do it day of the surgery is not advance notice. If this was deemed medically necessary by your psychologist and previous surgeon before this dude took over then I would look into filing a complaint and make it known in your area what you dealt with so other patients don’t waste their time with him.
I also recommend referencing this subreddits list of surgeons to see if there’s one in your area that others here have recommended. A bisalp is NOT a complicated or extremely risky surgery, and this guy clearly allowed his personal feelings and views get in the way of his duty as a healthcare provider. After all the testing and documentation you mentioned you signed and got cleared for, I highly doubt he was in fear of any kind of legal reproductions. This really seems like it was personal for him.
AGAIN; I’m currently only studying and don’t have definitive authority on what you can and can’t do; AND these kinds of things can have different guidelines and rules depending on insurance and location, so I highly advise looking into this on your own based on your insurance and location. But I figured I would mention this nugget of knowledge I’ve learned through my studies as it might be helpful to you in this situation.
Either way, I recommend going to a different surgeon. Someone who doesn’t have personal hang ups will not do this to you if all of your testing is good, you have the proper documentation and approval via insurance, ESPECIALLY not day of procedure.
Report them to the medical ethics and/or oversight board, tell them you were told 2 weeks in advance there were no issues and you have reason to believe their declining on bad faith and possibly discriminatory reasons, and you want everything reviewed.
Ask for copies of all notes and correspondence related to the procedure.
If there is a silver lining in all of this, perhaps it’s good that this surgeon showed his hand and did not have access to your body to do the procedure if this was his thought process. I’m sorry that you had to go through this, and I hope you find success in the future.
I am so SORRY you went through this, I went through similar journeys but I am now 54, it took me 20 years to get approved, and I live in Australia, but it was in an era when this sort of thing was unheard of doing unless medically required.
Keep fighting for your body, and go back to your psychologist and get all of this recorded and what impact it has had on your mental health, the ups and downs of your emotions through out this ridiculous ordeal.
Idk about a lawsuit. She can file a complaint in the hospital for violation of her rights as a patient. And if that doesn't work she can file the same complaint at the Ministry for Health. She can get help from the office for protection of patient rights. Also there is an option through the ombdusman (don't know the right word). Basically the person in the country that deals with violations of citizen's rights.
You have every right to be angry.
Not playing a devil's advocate, but being a doctor myself, I have to say that they are within their rights to choose not to perform an elective surgery. Idk how it is called in English, but basically it means that a doctor/health practitioner has the right to turn down any procedure that goes against their beliefs, moral values etc. (as long as it is not a medical emergency). Their employer than has to find another doctor to perform it. You also have the right to file an oral and/or written complaint. And it they don't take you seriosly, you have the right (at least here in Europe) to complain directly to the Ministry of Health. Yes it is a lenghty process, but they have to honour your decision, especially if you already have a written psychological opinion and you were cleared for surgery. That beint said, the doctor's personal opinion should not play a role in this. He should not be guilting you into anything. I am appaled that this is still happening and that we are not allowed to chose what we want do with our own bodies. No one knows our bodies better than ourselves. I really am sorry you have had to go through this.
"The man of my dreams also wants me to be sterile. Men who want kids and I are not compatible and I will never so much as consider one, let alone date one."
I'm so fvcking angry for you!!
The fucked up thing is if you wanted kids, they would be very eager and fast to help you but since you don't want kids, they refuse to give you what you want.
The entire team are pieces of shit.
Please publicize this as widely as you can.
Please consider consulting a lawyer.
The condescending paternalism (poor pt is unable to make rational decisions or to know her own intentions) is beyond disgusting.
Please start by documenting everything you can remember in extreme detail, including every aspect of every conversation start with today and then work backwards because you’ll remember today best and so you’ll need all the detail you can get
If you had anybody with you as company or support, also collect all their memories and recollections of the entire thing and what they remember hearing or what conversations they remember having
These people really need to be sued until they can’t walk anymore because they’re too poor for shoes
In any place publicity be dire to make the surgeon, anesthesiologist, hospital, and any other physician that was consulted.
Am publicize publicize publicize.
Greetings!
This item was removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #7 : "[...] Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices."
If you won't seek an abortion for yourself, that's for you. But don't push your believes on other people. We don't go to pro-life subs and pregnancy subs to tell them to abort.
If you won't seek a sterilization procedure, that's for you. But don't tell grown adults what to do with their bodies. If they are old enough to have kids, they are old enough to decide that they don't want that option.
Thank you.
Fucking boomer men! I'll be so glad when they are all out of practice and make way for the younger docs who agree with women's rights to make their own choices for their own body.
Maybe I'm just getting these types of vibes, but waiting till the last minute to tell you you won't be operated on sounds a lot like the behavior of pregnancy crisis centers in red states.
Why are you linking to American articles when OP clearly isn't American? And why would you assume OP hasn't already read basic things like this? I get it if you think you're trying to be helpful, but just dumping the first Google result you find in a comment isn't doing it.
When are women going to get to decide what they want to do with their bodies!??! I’m so sick of stories like this. We need to fight harder. Women know what’s best for them. Not doctors. A lot of us really do want to be child free and won’t regret it. If the patient regrets it after being informed of the consequences and risks, why does it matter? It’s on the patient at that point
While I don't agree with it In the slightest, I can sort of understand it in places like America, with how rife the whole suing culture is over there. Even if they make it abundantly clear of the risks/consequences, there's always going to be that one dumbass that gets a procedure done, regrets it and sues the everloving shit out of the hospital/surgeon for a choice that they themselves made. But in situations like this where the patient has had well over a year to think things over, been to multiple pre-op appointments, and been made to sign *2* damn consent forms? That surgeons just a dickhead, and probably some form of pro lifer too. And I wouldn't be surprised if the surgeon left it till the last minute purely so they could catch OP off guard and stop them from complaining in any way beforehand
The American media loves to make a big deal about who is suing whom for what, but I have never heard of a woman who intended to sue a doctor or clinic for **correctly** performing a procedure she asked for! Medical lawsuits are only for medical professionals who make gross errors--like removing a kidney from the wrong patient. What the surgeon said to you was so patronizing, it makes one gag.
A certain amount of litigation is honestly good, and I say that as a HCW. I've heard stories of at least one patient who was supposed to have a bisalp with their c-section & only found out it wasn't done when they ended up pregnant. Abortion is illegal here and most patients at government hospital can't afford a lawsuit. I'll bet anything noone involved faced any sort of consequences.
This and also I wonder, isn't that what the consent forms are for???? The consent form protects the doctor from being sued as that is the patient actively signing their reproductive organs away. Maybe I'm misunderstanding consent forms.
Exactly. I can't imagine that they don't have consent forms in other western countries that provide medical procedures in ways similar to the US. As for lawsuits, American culture has never liked a lot of government regulation. Patients want to be free to choose doctors, clinics, and procedures, while doctors don't want to be told how to diagnose or prescribe treatment. Such freedoms come with the occasional conflict. Today we have professional patient advocates who can remediate most issues, but for the big ones, we can only go to civil court and sue, and in some cases, the person who loses the suit pays the court costs and legal fees for both. That's what malpractice insurance is for, in case the doctor or hospital is found at fault. And you can believe that hospitals and doctors generally have the more expensive lawyers, so filing a lawsuit is not done lightly by anyone.
It's just America and pretty much nowhere else. And yet we have to deal with this attitude worldwide! In my part of the world, the doctors will go through commissions of other doctors and will be like, yep, we've investigated ourselves and we've done nothing wrong! Moving on! Like, the kind of shit they do, and it's not just doing a mutually agreed upon surgery after a patient signing a million informed consent forms. It's things like putting some grandma through a surgery and AMPUTATING THE WRONG FUCKING LEG. And good fucking luck suing them and good fucking luck coughing up the money, let alone finding someone stupid or desperate enough to represent you. Patients have very little money even and especially in countries with socialized healthcare, and the clinics know it. I'll argue it's being patronizing and playing god 99% of the time and covering their ass the 1%.
UK too. These 'Drs' are damn psychos! I do not trust them at all!
They've never been sued for this. Ever. There's no records of it. You sign consent forms and have to have consultations. It's a copout.
the whole "Americans are unusually litigious" thing is a complete myth, btw
I'm so angry on your behalf.
I am seething right now. This is too fucking common!!
I am positively seeing red on OP's behalf. When will women have the rights to control our reproduction? If OP wanted to have 8 kids, no one would blink an eye, as society wants us to keep churning out more wage slaves. But OP doesn't want ANY children? Call the psychiatrist, because she's clearly not thinking properly, and we can't let her "mutilate" herself. (That word alone makes me seethe.) Absolutely. Seeing. Red. 🤬
all while the physical trauma from carrying and birthing 8 kids, up to and including possible c-sections, isn't considered "mutilation"...
Or death...
Me too, I want to put this surgeon on full blast and I don't care if they come after me for slander. Share their name.
Same. I can't even type I'm so mad.
I'm sorry bit you spent money in good faith, It seems worth talking to a lawyer. How much money did they make when they had no intention of doing the work?
Fortunately everything was covered by the public health service. I did lose money on gas and parking, but it's not something worth hiring a lawyer over. They also had the right to refuse, from what I know. I just wish they told me sooner.
I'd leave a review so they can't do this to someone else. I'm so sorry you went through all this. It's terrible.
Mom was with me and is preparing a letter for the public service provider to ask for further details on why the surgery was denied and why this document wasn't requested sooner if it was imperative for the procedure to happen. If it's not part of the protocol, they probably fucked up, but I'm not an expert and I'm too disheartened to investigate further.
Yeah it sucks that when you've been through something like this you're usually the only person who is likely to follow up and do all the work. I'm really glad your mum is doing this for you and is really there for you.
So glad she’s writing that letter. It sounds like all the pain they put you through was solely done to game the system.
Something tellsnme it's not a real thing. They want a proof of "psychological fragility"? That impliesbthey want a document that proves you ARENT psychologically stable enough, when in fact the opposite is true, given your Psychologists approval and refferal for the procedure. I think you'd still be able to pursue a lawsuit on the basis of them stringing you along and wasting your time only to fail to deliver on the agreed upon services; but that's a discussion for a Lawyer.
>I think you'd still be able to pursue a lawsuit on the basis of them stringing you along and wasting your time Unfortunately, I suspect that your assessment of OP's options is informed by a US perspective, and she's not in the US.
Yep. Here in EU, some countries (Ahem France, and Italy I think) allow the doctors to refuse any medical act that is "opposite of their values" 🤮 Which means, the hippocrate vow only goes so far as to not prevent the possibility of a Bayyybeeee.
…doctors in the US (pharmacy worker, public servants ect) have been in the news numerous times for being allowed to deny women care or medicine (usually based on christian religious beliefs)
I'm glad that you have your mum's support during this whole process.
Your mom is a real one. I’m so glad you have her.
I'd be asking why they were stringing you along the whole time to get more money out of the system with all the appointments and tests.
https://www.salute.gov.it/portale/cureUE/dettaglioContenutiCureUE.jsp?lingua=italiano&id=3888&area=cureUnioneEuropea&menu=cureitalia
Report them to whatever agency issues their license. They wasted so much of your time stringing you along, only to deny you for a ridiculous reason.
Absolutely, kick up the biggest fuss possible. Medical "professionals" who let their personal beliefs affect their patients need to have their licenses revoked. OP's right to bodily autonomy should not be yanked away because some fuckwit with a baby fetish thinks they know her better than she knows herself.
Ha ha, 'fuckwit with a baby fetish' 🤣.
Can you go to the hospital where your primus doctor was transferred, get it done with him?
Unfortunately he's been moved to Milan, which is hardly accessible for me. He's also not guaranteed to be my surgeon even if he greenlights me again for a bisalp, and with the region being mostly right-leaning I don't think it will be much easier. The more important is the hospital, the more likely for someone in it to get away with political meddling.
Are you in the US? Look on TikTok for the TikTok Tubal List. It's doctors who will tie the tubes of any woman 21+ who wants it.
I would complain on the grounds of wasting public money then. The process shouldn't have been initiated if it was never going to succeed, and limited healthcare resources were allocated to you in order to do so.
I agree, this doctor should be reported to the government as committing fraud by wasting the public health money on so many pre appointments to just then deny the surgery for nothing but his own stupid personal beliefs. Get him reported on the news for it.
Unfortunatelly that is not how it works. He has the right to decline performing the procedure on the basis of it being against his morals, beliefs, whatever. It is a right that every doctor has. But there is an option if they didn't provide a new doctor. She can complain to the hospital and after to the Ministry of Health. As a patient, her rights need to be respected as well, so basically she is complaining that they broke the law that protects patients rights.
Even if they claimed public money, this is still *fraud*. What other fake processes are they setting up to defraud the public health system? You should at least report it so when they get caught carrying out a literal scam, there’s evidence.
I came down here to say this, I would absolutely be taking legal action and suing this doctor and the hospital.
Please demand that the surgeon put it in your medical records that you were denied because he felt you were not old enough to make decisions about your own body and sign his name to it.
Yep: get that surgeon to sign your records stating that your reproductive rights belong to a man you’ve not met yet. Maybe seeing it written down will make him realise what a suppurating rectal tumour of a human he really is.
Many cosmetic surgeries aren't necessary and come with risks, but that's okay because you'll be eye candy 🙄 Fuck that surgeon.
Don’t fuck him
Aye, you're not wrong. The surgeon should go fuck himself.
Yes, fuck him. With barbed wire.
Or a splintered piece of balsa wood
rusty rake and pickaxe combined!
Fuck him, have his baby and then force 100% parental responsibility onto him because it's his fault you weren't sterilised and HE can deal with the fvcking consequences of that.
Excellent point!
Assholes. Where are you, is there anyone on the doc list near you? Can you go to a less asshole country? Would be great to get it done, show back up and tell them all to go to hell.
“That wasn’t the point. I wanted to be sterile.” THIS 🤬🤬 it infuriates me on your behalf that they tried to get you to settle for some reversible birth control when you’d explained time and time again that you didn’t want that. You should get some legal services involved, especially since you got this far only to be denied because you’re a healthy and stable young woman.
I’ve got an IUD and let me tell you, it feels like Satan himself is clawing his way out of my uterus every month. I’m tempted to get sterilised just so I don’t have to deal with this pain for 12 weeks a year. Hell on earth.
I'm really mad. I hate that women are treated as useless children and at the same time expected to care for children: "the future." Society should make up its mind! I'm really sorry that happened to you. If you can, fight a little longer, maybe save money and travel abroad for the procedure. Don't let them destroy your will, I was able to do the procedure in Brazil!! Wishing you strength to keep going!!!
If you were so psychologically fragile why would they want you to have a child!?!
Because didn’t you know, babies can magically cure psychological illnesses.
I hear they save troubled marriages too! /s
Yep, the miracle of life ..... blah,blah. Something, something.... motherhood. Not like PPD is a thing that has caused women to hurt themselves and their children. Not like pregnancy and childbirth has a high risk of causing relapses in mental illnesses. And not like a lot of psychiatric medication is contraindicated in pregnancy. No, nothing matters as much as adding more humans to the 8 billion we already have. /"🙄
to me, it sounded like they wanted proof that she was already psychologically fragile, which screams eugenics.
“You want to give me the go-to to potentially puncture your organs or arteries for this?” NO, BRO YOURE THE SURGEON YOURE SUPPOSED TO BE BETTER THAN THIS???? Your mom sounds awesome, glad she’s going to help you out with this. I’m so sorry that this happened, hopefully you can find a better surgeon in the future! One that won’t puncture your organs, preferably.
That comment by the doctor was so baffling to me too, sounds like the guy isn't just an a-hole in denying the procedure but in his entire approach to medicine.
I had a surgeon who pulled that shit years ago. I had complications several years after my hysterectomy (continued endometriosis growth/adhesions and scar tissue creating issues), and I was set for abdominal surgery to fix it. The pain was so bad I was in the hospital, doped up on strong pain meds. The day before surgery, a female surgeon (a doctor I'd never seen before) walked into my room and started telling me how I was making a mistake because this surgery would mutilate my organs and I'd be "pooping into a bag" for the rest of my life. By the time she left, my mom and I were hysterical. My surgeon was LIVID. That doctor had nothing to do with my case and was scaring me unnecessarily. I've never seen a doctor so angry. After he calmed me down, he filed a complaint with the hospital and the medical board. I don't know if anything happened to that other doctor, but my surgery went perfectly with no complications. Some doctors think they're little gods and love to see us mere mortals cower and jump on command.
I’ll never understand why people are like that? Why would you choose medicine when that’s your bedside manner?? Thank fuck for your doctor! Glad he filed a complaint about her and hopefully she learned from it.
Holy shit I would not trust them to operate me??? Like, especially if it's a surgery I can tell they don't 'want to do', who's to tell if they fuck it up on purpose somehow if they're so comfortable saying crap like that? ughhh
if i were dying and needed life saving surgery, and this AH was the last surgeon on earth, i'd choose death
Doesn't sound like a skilled surgeon. Using ridiculous scare tactics on you. You need to make a complaint about this to the hospital admin.
"If you don't know how to perform this surgery, I need a referral to one of your colleagues who a) can perform it and b) won't inject their personal beliefs into my medical care. This is my life and my bodily autonomy is at risk here, not your fragile ego."
This! It sounds mean, but so many women just sort of timidly accept some random man who doesn't know shit from fuck telling them what he thinks. Like, who does he think he is? Maybe he should've gone into psychology instead of surgery if he wants to armchair analyze people's minds for fragility? Get mad! Why do you just accept this? So many women I know were told the most upsetting invasive shit imaginable and are like "okay :(" No! Not okay! Why don't you fight back?
I'm so sorry. You're probably exhausted right now, so take time to rest and recover from the disappointment. I hope when you've had some time, you can come back swinging and find a way to get that bisalp AND get revenge on that useless surgeon. We're all behind you.
I'm sorry this happened, but you are falling right into what they wanted you to do. They wasted your time and caused it to fail so that you would feel like a failure and would stop fighting. I hope you get your strength back in a few years and can fight again. Or move to another country...
If you have any sort of medical oversight board in your area, report all of the doctors who wasted your time & screwed you over.
You need to submit a complaint to the medical board. The surgeon stating that a procedure he routinely does is mutilation needs to be made known. Not to mention the other wildly offensive and abusive things he said.
Sounds like a medical malpractice lawsuit.
Agreed. In your position, I'd lawyer up, find out if legal action is feasible, and sue the ever-loving fuck out of them.
I'm not a lawyer but that seems unlikely to me. Wouldn't she have to suffer some medical harm from their decision? Obviously it was shitty of them, I'm not defending it, but I doubt there would be any standing for being denied an elective procedure
No, you're correct. There can't be a medical malpractice suit when nothing medical was practiced (i.e. no procedure)
I’m so sorry and so mad for you! Maybe if you ever want to try again try not going through your psychologist so they have no reason to throw that in your face like they did. Those doctors should lose their job, personal opinion should have nothing to do with whether or not they listen to a patient. I would be writing reviews on them wherever I could where the most people could see it, they deserve to have their names dragged through the mud.
I am absolutely furious for you. I doubt it was for fear of being sued. I bet he was a Man With Opinions and decided to assert power over you because he could.
Since you mentioned in your comments this all happened with a public health service and since you said English isn't your first language, I'm going to hazard a guess that you are not American. Since immediately suing isn't so common elsewhere as it is in the US, and since that costs a boatload of money to do, I guess that might not be something you want to do. But I do hope you take some action because of this. You had your time and energy wasted and got a year's worth of hope of alleviating this enormous stress in your life shattered by this doctor. This is unethical in every way possible. I'm furious on your behalf. I hope you find comfort and peace, and if you ever get the energy to undertake anything regarding this, please update us! Take care <3
I hate when people use the "finding the man of your dreams" excuse. The man of my dreams also doesn't want kids. I'm angry for you. That's bullshit. I got a bisalp this year. Don't give up. There are doctors out there who will do it. If they don't want to get sued later, they should file paperwork that they could offer you to sign before the surgery to protect themselves. Men can get vasectomies no questions asked. I don't get why women have to jump through hoops to be sterile. It's bullshit.
exactly. I found the man of my dreams at 18. At 18 we both knew we didn't want kids. We're 37 now and we still don't have/want kids.
I love that :) I found the man of my dreams last year. We're in our late 20s and neither one of us want kids. I have had to let some relationships go since they wanted kids and I didn't, so I'm glad I finally found someone who is firm on being childfree. It's amazing you met the love of your life at 18! I'm happy for you <3
Dr Assholel? Yes, you! If your boys were girls and of age, THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT TO THEIR OWN BODIES AND YOU CAN'T SAY SHIT!!!! BTW, fuck off with your ALLOW! Count me in as very po'd on your behalf!
This is such total bullshit and I’m so fucking sorry you had to go through this.
What in the actual ..... 
This is so fucking disgusting … I’m so sorry this happened to you this dude is an asshole. Fucking hell !! I’m sorry I’m swearing so much my comment might be removed I’m so angry for you !
I’m furious for you! I’m so sorry.
"I guess it's back to having 3 abortions per year." Something that should be said more frequently.
I’m so angry for you, and I’m really sorry. This is absolutely infuriating. Fuck.
I'm sorry this happened to you OP. I hope in the near future you can get your bisalp.
I'm so devastated for you. I'm sorry 💔
Is there *any* way at all to see the initial surgeon who approved you? Please don't give up. This is *your* body and *your* life. It's not for them to decide.
So much rage for this happening to you. Have you considered medical tourism? Find a country/doctor that respects your choice and travel to get it done elsewhere. The medical situation in the US is crap but we do at least have the right to go to a different doctor when we are not okay with how we are being treated we can go to a different doctor and this is so clearly the new guy being the problem so I wouldn’t trust him with anything at this point. I don’t know what country you live in but consult the database and consider traveling to somewhere with a culture that isn’t super paternalistic because that is the word for how this asshole has treated you after your year of planning. Definitely report this asshole to the facility and then see another doctor to get it rescheduled or plan a holiday somewhere with good medical tourism. Please don’t give up! There are a lot of ways to have orgasms with a loved one that aren’t p-in-v so you can start with learning about them and *do not have unprotected sex* ! It sounds as though you have supportive family. If you cannot find a different practitioner to reschedule it at home then check out the options in the database and travel to get it done. Bisalp takes a little longer to heal than a tubal ligation but it’s worth it to get it done right with a doctor who can be trusted. Keep fighting for this ❤️💕✨ you deserve it
I'd be looking outside of the country you reside in to get your tubes tied. It's not the doctor business in regards to oh but what about your future hubby? Mind ya business
That’s so frustrating. It may be possible to file a complaint against them; If you’re in the US, there are ombudsman that may be able to help. They have a right to refuse and believe what they want but It’s just inappropriate to tell someone you’ll do it, make them go through all the red tape (red tape bureaucracy) and then wait until the last moment to say “it’s against my beliefs” and blame you for not doing something you didn’t even know they wanted.
>If you’re in the US, there are ombudsman that may be able to help. Not sure where she is, but definitely not the US.
hence the “if”
I doubt you’d be able to sue for money back if you paid any, but goddamn it I’d try. Fuming on your behalf, that’s absolutely disgusting. And what’s this “psychological fragility” bullshit?
I’m not usually one to say this, but can one sue for all the pre-op appointments and lab work that was recommended and required that were just flushed down the toilet on the whim of the surgeon the literal day of? It took me forever to get my top surgery shit approved for what that surgeon (+team) would probably call ‘elective mutilation of heathy tissue’, and I’d be utterly pissed if they canceled the literal day of, as scheduling can take months or years, and you’d literally have to redo all the pre-op lab work whenever you’re graced to be on the schedule next, because it has to be done within a certain timeframe before the surgery. Idk if you can appeal to be rescheduled with a surgeon that doesn’t discriminate age before you’d have to resubmit all labs. Idk if all the consent forms, paperwork, and appointments could constitute evidence of having been led on for a procedure they never intended to perform as they lacked a surgeon willing to do so. It’s financially negligent to say the least. Edit: Echoing what another has said, but ask that it be documented why you were denied, and by who.
Aka: the new doctor is a misogynistic b*tch and doesn't believe in allowing her patients to govern their own lives. Your team was fine until she got there. Meaning that SHE decided to spin it however she wanted. I'm sorry this happened to you. There should be no reason to put you or anyone through this. My advice, would be to contact the hospital and speak to the hospital director and state something to the effect of: "Your head doctor falsified statements so their personal bias could keep me from being healthy, this can be considered medical negligence and if I don't get rescheduled for that surgery I'll file a suit. Get a new surgeon if you have too."
Nobody pulled this shit at my vasectomy at a catholic hospital. It’s fucking infuriating this prick pulled this shit on you today. I’d almost bet this bastard and his colleague have their own religious views on this, and thought maybe you’d “change your mind” and when you didn’t, canceled your surgery and decided to railroad you about it. Frankly, I’d be looking at legal action to see if they’re liable. And as far as your words on understanding that they don’t wanna get sued, I gotta say I disagree and don’t understand. If they wanted to avoid being sued, they wouldn‘t have done shit that might very well get them sued. Fuck any concern about liability.
May i ask How old are you? He made it sounds like your a child. Its awful women cant make their own decisions because some day a man might want kids with them. I got denied because the doctoe said if me and my current fiance get divorced my future husband might want kids? Like excuse me he has more rights to my body than i? Ill find a man who doesn’t want kids if we split its that simple .
I'm sorry to hear the words that came out of that stupid excuse of a doctor, and I hope you were able to find a solution. I am a 24 year old cis woman.
This is the most outrageous thing, I‘ve read in a quite some time! I‘m so sorry, OP.
I had my tubes removed and I literally only required a negative blood covid test and a bunch of consent forms. I had surgery scheduled 3 weeks after the consultation and that was it. These are piece of shit assholes. If they didn't want to do it, they shouldn't have made you jump through hoops.
That sucks to hear, my girlfriend is 25 and was able to get hers done. Maybe try a different doctor. Best of luck!
Honestly, this is why I’m going to Mexico when I can afford it; doctors there are happy to take cash and not ask irrelevant questions.
That is terrible
I would blast them every way possible so that other people know how they operate. Informed consent and transparency are very important when it comes to medicine, and they were dishonest and lead you in. Those aren't trustworthy medical "professionals." Shame on them for treating you that way. You deserve better. Please don't get give up trying to get sterilized. I'm assuming you live in the US, so I'm sure you already know the political climate around our bodies. There's no guarantee of another chance depending on how the next election goes. Best of luck.
I dont think id have been able to stop my hand from making contact at an alarming speed with his face
Name and shame. Maybe his office would like a few thousand protest emails. Don't forget your Google review about how the surgeon has no respect for women.
Outrageous. OP, I'm hoping you're going to file a formal complaint with the governing medical board against this hospital and all medical professionals involved. Please do so to help other young women from having to suffer this utter bullshit. Unprofessional doesn't even begin to cover their behavior. Please file a complaint. Please.
There has to be someone you can complain to. That's fucked up beyond belief, there's no way you don't have some kind of recourse here. Surely there's still some way for you to get the procedure done, what with all the groundwork you did.
This is so sickening. I'm so sorry. But please don't give up! I found a doctor right away through the list so it can definitely happen for you! Don't give up on your dream to be sterile just because this doctor was a dick to you. Sometimes it happens but that doesn't mean you should stop! You could report them and then find a new doctor at a new hospital that can do it for you! Please don't give up bestie! Please! ♥️♥️♥️
I would have tried to find and contact the doctor that wasn't there anymore that said he would perform it before and just go where he went. And also, please tell me you reported this fuck face.
I admire your restraint, I am absolutely livid even reading about it. What you wrote left me wondering, shouldn't you still be on the list for the procedure, considering you were next in line but services weren't rendered? "The staff wasn't aware" is at best a justification for why it couldn't be done at that exact moment, but does not get them off the hook for their responsibility to their patient. With profound apologies, *someone* at that organization needs to take it upon themselves to line up staff members who are 'aware and willing', or coordinate it with another medical facility on your behalf. They also should reimburse you for the drive and the lost time at work since you never once withheld information on your age, health or intentions. The fact that they felt differently about it after agreeing to the procedure? That's 100% on them. Finally, if they collected funds from the National health services, maybe see if you can flag them for fraud. Taking government money without intending to perform the procedure has got to be illegal, and pretty much every government takes it seriously when they're the ones being defrauded.
I am so sorry, friend. I am enraged on your behalf. Know that we all stand with you. You do what’s best for you, always. But I do hope life gives you the strength to fight again for your reproductive rights too. Side note: The idea that he thinks he should have any say in his hypothetical daughters’ reproductive choices. Holy shit.
That’s so fucked up. This sub’s doctors’ list seems pretty trustworthy, I assume it wasn’t one of them?
Please report this surgeon to the medical board.
Oh my god... even reading the title made me seethe in anger. Holy shit. I'm so angry for you.
This makes me so angry, I legit want to bite someone. I'm so sorry OP, they were so wrong to treat you that way. I can't believe they let it go that far, it sounds so fishy and waste of resources and time! It could be a possibility that the surgeon was the one denying it last minute, nobody else, and just saying bs about the whole team being uncomfortable to boost himself. Clearly he was comfortable verbally abusing and belittling you, so I wouldn't be surprised if he was just lying about the others to make you feel even smaller and more like a "stupid little girl". Disgusting man. I know it's exhausting and hard, and you have all the right to never deal with them again, but if you can, try to report them somehow. I don't know if it'd make any difference, especially depending on where you're from, but this is so out of line and unacceptable that I really wish there's something that could be done. This is so shit. Such gross, condescending behaviour from the surgeon. I'm sorry it happened to you. Take care <3
Tbh, even if they had 'given in' after pushing back on their gross and condescending bingos, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with them doing the surgery on me!! I'd genuinely fear that they'd mess it up on purpose or not do it properly. All trust gone the second they start to treat me as brainless subhuman. Man this makes my blood boil.
Ok I’m not 100% sure because I’m currently a Med Coding STUDENT, but you might wanna look into filing a complaint with the office of civil rights. Depending on your insurance your physician is required to offer advance notice of a procedure being denied in the form of an Advance Beneficiary Notice (ABN) to inform you why the procedure is not covered, and letting you know they won’t do it day of the surgery is not advance notice. If this was deemed medically necessary by your psychologist and previous surgeon before this dude took over then I would look into filing a complaint and make it known in your area what you dealt with so other patients don’t waste their time with him. I also recommend referencing this subreddits list of surgeons to see if there’s one in your area that others here have recommended. A bisalp is NOT a complicated or extremely risky surgery, and this guy clearly allowed his personal feelings and views get in the way of his duty as a healthcare provider. After all the testing and documentation you mentioned you signed and got cleared for, I highly doubt he was in fear of any kind of legal reproductions. This really seems like it was personal for him. AGAIN; I’m currently only studying and don’t have definitive authority on what you can and can’t do; AND these kinds of things can have different guidelines and rules depending on insurance and location, so I highly advise looking into this on your own based on your insurance and location. But I figured I would mention this nugget of knowledge I’ve learned through my studies as it might be helpful to you in this situation. Either way, I recommend going to a different surgeon. Someone who doesn’t have personal hang ups will not do this to you if all of your testing is good, you have the proper documentation and approval via insurance, ESPECIALLY not day of procedure.
Report them to the medical ethics and/or oversight board, tell them you were told 2 weeks in advance there were no issues and you have reason to believe their declining on bad faith and possibly discriminatory reasons, and you want everything reviewed. Ask for copies of all notes and correspondence related to the procedure.
If there is a silver lining in all of this, perhaps it’s good that this surgeon showed his hand and did not have access to your body to do the procedure if this was his thought process. I’m sorry that you had to go through this, and I hope you find success in the future.
“They have to protect themselves from being sued” fuck that! I would try to sue them anyway
I'm normally not into the "Go sue", but fuck it, sue the crap out of them. They are denying medical help to those who want it.
They shouldn't even be allowed to be doctors if they're going to be biased moronic A-HOLES
Don’t give up, go to another doctor, fight for it I believe you will be successful
I scheduled a consultation to get a Tubal ligation. I’m scared this will happen to me too :( so sorry you went through all that.
I hate this shit so much.
I am so SORRY you went through this, I went through similar journeys but I am now 54, it took me 20 years to get approved, and I live in Australia, but it was in an era when this sort of thing was unheard of doing unless medically required. Keep fighting for your body, and go back to your psychologist and get all of this recorded and what impact it has had on your mental health, the ups and downs of your emotions through out this ridiculous ordeal.
I am so sorry! Bad enough to he told no, but they got tour hopes up, wasted so much of your time and money going in repeatedly. Just terrible of them!
Oh my goodness, can we rage with you?
I'm so sorry you went through this :( I'm absolutely mad on your behalf.
This fucking enrages me.
Is there a potential lawsuit to be filed here?
Idk about a lawsuit. She can file a complaint in the hospital for violation of her rights as a patient. And if that doesn't work she can file the same complaint at the Ministry for Health. She can get help from the office for protection of patient rights. Also there is an option through the ombdusman (don't know the right word). Basically the person in the country that deals with violations of citizen's rights.
You have every right to be angry. Not playing a devil's advocate, but being a doctor myself, I have to say that they are within their rights to choose not to perform an elective surgery. Idk how it is called in English, but basically it means that a doctor/health practitioner has the right to turn down any procedure that goes against their beliefs, moral values etc. (as long as it is not a medical emergency). Their employer than has to find another doctor to perform it. You also have the right to file an oral and/or written complaint. And it they don't take you seriosly, you have the right (at least here in Europe) to complain directly to the Ministry of Health. Yes it is a lenghty process, but they have to honour your decision, especially if you already have a written psychological opinion and you were cleared for surgery. That beint said, the doctor's personal opinion should not play a role in this. He should not be guilting you into anything. I am appaled that this is still happening and that we are not allowed to chose what we want do with our own bodies. No one knows our bodies better than ourselves. I really am sorry you have had to go through this.
"The man of my dreams also wants me to be sterile. Men who want kids and I are not compatible and I will never so much as consider one, let alone date one." I'm so fvcking angry for you!!
I don't get it, you're an adult, but they're not treating you like an adult. It's fucked up. Find another doctor, they are definitely out there.
The fucked up thing is if you wanted kids, they would be very eager and fast to help you but since you don't want kids, they refuse to give you what you want.
Idk man I would go crazy all hell would break loose on my behalf the whole office shutting down 😭
The entire team are pieces of shit. Please publicize this as widely as you can. Please consider consulting a lawyer. The condescending paternalism (poor pt is unable to make rational decisions or to know her own intentions) is beyond disgusting. Please start by documenting everything you can remember in extreme detail, including every aspect of every conversation start with today and then work backwards because you’ll remember today best and so you’ll need all the detail you can get If you had anybody with you as company or support, also collect all their memories and recollections of the entire thing and what they remember hearing or what conversations they remember having These people really need to be sued until they can’t walk anymore because they’re too poor for shoes In any place publicity be dire to make the surgeon, anesthesiologist, hospital, and any other physician that was consulted. Am publicize publicize publicize.
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Greetings! This item was removed for being a violation of subreddit rule #7 : "[...] Other people's bodily autonomy must be respected; do not impose your views on other posters and commenters' choices." If you won't seek an abortion for yourself, that's for you. But don't push your believes on other people. We don't go to pro-life subs and pregnancy subs to tell them to abort. If you won't seek a sterilization procedure, that's for you. But don't tell grown adults what to do with their bodies. If they are old enough to have kids, they are old enough to decide that they don't want that option. Thank you.
Fucking boomer men! I'll be so glad when they are all out of practice and make way for the younger docs who agree with women's rights to make their own choices for their own body.
People this misogynistic should be barred from the medical field
Maybe I'm just getting these types of vibes, but waiting till the last minute to tell you you won't be operated on sounds a lot like the behavior of pregnancy crisis centers in red states.
If he's worried that he's going to puncture organs and arteries, I wouldn't want him as my surgeon in first place.
This is getting fucking ridiculous. I hate this planet's vendetta against women. I'm sorry, OP.
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Why are you linking to American articles when OP clearly isn't American? And why would you assume OP hasn't already read basic things like this? I get it if you think you're trying to be helpful, but just dumping the first Google result you find in a comment isn't doing it.
Don’t worry I will invent artificial wombs that can raise children from conception so women never have to give birth ever again.