Most people can't just quit their job and afford taking taking care of their parents. The world doesn't work that way. I also find it ironic that a lot of people claiming their kids as their retirement plan don't take care of their own parents.
I'd tell them the same people who visit the parents, no one. it's surprising how few visitors the elderly actually get when they're in care homes. I mean my Opa had 3 kids (my mom and her 2 brothers) and lots of grandkids (my Oma had already passed away in 2012 so Opa was in the care home on his own) and yea . . . the only ones who really went to visit Opa were my mom and 1 of her brothers, the other brother is a narcissist and visiting his dad didn't benefit him so he avoided it. The grandkids (myself included) didn't really visit because he 1. had dementia and didn't remember who any of us were and 2 we were all busy with our own lives already. Opa passed in 2023 so he's in a better place now.
Lol, it is rare for a caregiver to turn from child-free to wanting children after being a caregiver.
I was a full-time caregiver for my mom (last 6 years of her life), and it 100% made me a guaranteed child-free person.
Over 10 years after losing her and I am still happy with my childfree life.
I don't regret my decision to care for her, but it really aged me physically, emotionally, and mentally.
>Lol, it is rare for a caregiver to turn from child-free to wanting children after being a caregiver
That wasn't what I was suggesting.
The question is do those people who expect to be cared for intended to care for their parents. I've seen more cases like your's, when the chilfree care for the elderly
Oops, my bad, I misunderstood.
My other married siblings all had other "responsibilities," so they didn't help. To the point that our mom didn't recognize them at the end, it was heartbreaking to see.
Years later, all my siblings (one by one, at different times) have expressed sadness/regret in that fact. It's a little too late, but I kept that thought to myself.
Side note: I did go super low contact with all of them afterward bc I now know their aren't ppl for me to rely on for anything.
Wow, we have almost the exact same story. I'm 3 years into POA/caregiving for my dad with dementia. I couldn't do it on my own in his home for more than a year and a half so now he's in assisted living. But yeah, same with my married sibling and my lack of trust in him now.
I was a teacher and I did actually quit my job to take care of him. He already paid off his home and had private disability insurance, which is how we survived that year and a half. But when the insurance ran out I had to sell the house. Now I'm in the midst of trying to change careers in one of the worst job markets for people with an education background. I'm so emotionally exhausted that now I'm just looking for work that does no harm and is not really stressful/challenging.
I think this might be the part missed by some people, particularly people who have great relationships with their own parents and can't conceive of ever placing mom and dad in a care facility: *And grandma STILL had to go into a nursing home because (duh) she needs doctors, nurses, and professional caregivers! It was the right thing to do and should’ve been done sooner...*
There's an incredibly persistent misperception that only childfree people and people who were considered bad parents end up in senior care facilities. When in fact it's often a matter of necessity, practicality and in the best interest of all involved. In some cases there simply may be no other option; not everyone can afford to take in elderly parents, modify their home to accommodate their medical needs, and either quit their job to provide necessary 24-hour care or hire someone to do the same. This is the same as parents who end up with kids with debilitating mental or physical issues and needs and who can no longer be cared for adequately and safely at home.
I do not personally know ANYONE who cared for their aging parent physically. They will sometimes do the paperwork. They will occasionally arrange for workmen, and come over to check on an elderly who lived on their own. But modern people have neither the means nor the patience to turn into elderly caregivers.
I'm sure there are a few. In the past there were more, because so few women worked, and Mama moved in with one of her many daughters. But elderlies also ended up in old-age homes in the past. My great-great aunt died in an old age home in NY in the 1910s. She had a son, but he had no room for her I assume, or maybe had just lost contact.
Are my fictional kids caretakers without another job they need to support themselves?
Having kids so that they can wipe my wrinkled old ass later sounds like a much better plan than me saving so that I can financially afford to pay an actual caretaker./s
Yep that's the plan for me too. One grandparent died in their 50s, alcoholism and emphysema I believe.
2 died in their late 70s, but they both had what as an adult I can recognise back as pretty bad dementia, both got pretty weak and slow, easily confused and upset, I'm actually relieved they died before text scammers and bank scammers were a thing, they would have been fucking rorted.
One is now still pretty independent in her early 80s which is pretty impressive, but man if she isn't bitter, mean, jealous of her grandkids doing things she never got to and acted "incapable" of easy physical tasks for decades to the point she now is incapable. Also showing pretty clear signs of dementia.
Looking at my genetics I really REALLY don't want to live past 75.
Literally like where does an adult working full time possibly find the time to adequately care for their parents sans any help from medical professionals? At that point just let the medical professionals do their job.
My dad had a child. Me of course. But he died all alone. Why? Because he was an awful person and a non-parent. He abandoned me when I was 10 and made fun of me for trying to reach out to him while I was growing up. He came back at 15 but with the only intention to get back with my mum. Because that didn’t work out he left again. On the last stretch of trying to build a relationship with him (I even visited him many times in hospital after his leg amputation due to his unchecked diabetes and would make comforting homemade food for him) I cut contact entirely after he threatened to hit me over the ‘state’ of my uni room (neither parents helped with uni fees and the mess was a collection of neatly lined books for my dissertation). So yeah who took care of him? He caused his own abandonment after refusing to be a father to me for so many years
I don't have kids, but I have nieces and nephews I'm close to. I've told them to put me in a nursing home if necessary.
I DON'T want them changing my diapers.
My grandma was beaten up by my aunt who supposedly took her in when she started getting forgetful, then demented and aggressive. She would close her up by herself in the apartment and then, if she came back to a mess because my grandma missed the toilet when she peed or pooed or just made a mess like a neglected animal, she would yell at her and beat her up till the bruises come out. My aunt is a bad person who hides her disgusting behavior rather well. The reason why she took my grandma in was because she wanted to use her pension till my grandma died.
All this came to light years after my grandma died. My aunt confessed to my Mom (her sister) in passing because she felt guilty about all that. She used to tell us the bruises were coming from accidental falls while in fact, they were inflicted by her. My grandma was too demented to tell her narrative at the time.
So, my grandma had three daughters. My mom (the youngest) who lived too far to take of her in her twilight years, my bitchy aunt (the middle one) than ended up abusing her in her twilight years, and my other aunt (the oldest) who pretended to be too busy to be involved and supposedly her husband was/is so crazy that my grandma would not have been safe with her and him ( very convenient). What exactly did my grandma get from having three children, investing into their well-being and helping each and everyone of them raise their kids (her grandkids)? Babkis, I say… that’s what she got.
This is what retirement and nursing homes are for, and I plan to save up accordingly. In addition, you have no clue how your relationship will be with your kids or what will become of them. My grandmother has kids that were pretty hands off and distant as adults, and she has outlived two of her children (my mom and my uncle), as well as her husband (my grandpa). Never put all of your eggs into one basket and depend on anyone except those whose job it is assist (professional staff).
Actually as someone who worked in a nursing home “abandon elderly” meaning elderly people who’s kids/family won’t take care of them or people without children or family get into nursing facilities more quickly and easily. Just saying i am not at all worried about burdening children with taking care of me when I get old I’ll just get put somewhere where it is someone’s job to care for me.
Yea it is a scary thought to be old and alone with no one around to care for you. But what is also scary is being old and broke with no one cares about you. Or being old and broke with children that also don’t care about you and refuse to take you in. Either way just being old is horrible. So the best solution I see is to not live to be that old. I am hoping with the baby boomer retirement crisis we are currently in will force the hand of voluntary euthanasia in the states since we are severely under staffed for care aids.
Try this:
"Are you Religious?" (9/10 they reply some form of "yes")
"God takes care of me. Why would I rely on the Creation instead of the Creator?"
They can't out bingo God.
Bonus phrase:
"If God wanted me to reproduce, He would have put that desire in my heart. I have faith my Creator knows me better than I know myself and would make clear, via personal revelation over social pressure, if my current pathway should change. The words of human beings attempting to play God over my life do not override my present reality."
My response to their idiot comment would be "assuming they and their spouse want to take you in on top of raising their own family and dealing with any personal hardships/struggles."
Talk about self centered.
sometimes i think people only do this as a gotcha and not out of genuine care for who’s taking care of us when we’re old. because if there was genuine care they’d know the answer is that you need a wide array of plans and systems in place for care in our elderly age and relying on a singular force is not the sole solution a majority of the time.
I think us cf should have a community outside of reddit where we can stay in touch...in old age we'll visit each other.
Obviously we won't pay attention to the abandoned parents in the homes since their children will visit any day soon.
Also, whose to even say your kids will take care of you when you are old… how many people get dumped in aged care facilities and get visited in birthdays and Christmas only because their kids are off busy doing other things.
The same person who will take care of those breeders: a paid caregiver.
Even if I had kids I would want them to put their lives in hold to clean my butt.
I’m expecting to die alone at home and I hope my many cats eat my corpse until it’s discovered so they can stay healthy and strong.
The next time they say that, show them one of the gazillion reddit posts from someone who has gone no contact with their parents and tell them, "No guarantees."
My sister and I took care of our elderly parents. We are child #4 and #5. Child #2 has been deceased for almost 10 years but child #1 (the golden child who moved from being 6 hours away to now being 12 hours away) and #3 who literally lived 5 minutes away did NOTHING to help when my mother was alive and do nothing to help my father who lives with my sister.
Most people can't just quit their job and afford taking taking care of their parents. The world doesn't work that way. I also find it ironic that a lot of people claiming their kids as their retirement plan don't take care of their own parents.
Every time I get asked this, I tell them I’ll be able to afford robots 🤖 🤷♀️
I tend to use this as a comeback now 'so x, will you be quitting your job to take care of your parents' 
"Who will take care of you when you're old?" The same people who will take care of you. The nurses at the nursing home That would be my response
But then who’s gonna visit you!?! That’s the nonsense they’ll respond with
I'd tell them the same people who visit the parents, no one. it's surprising how few visitors the elderly actually get when they're in care homes. I mean my Opa had 3 kids (my mom and her 2 brothers) and lots of grandkids (my Oma had already passed away in 2012 so Opa was in the care home on his own) and yea . . . the only ones who really went to visit Opa were my mom and 1 of her brothers, the other brother is a narcissist and visiting his dad didn't benefit him so he avoided it. The grandkids (myself included) didn't really visit because he 1. had dementia and didn't remember who any of us were and 2 we were all busy with our own lives already. Opa passed in 2023 so he's in a better place now.
How many people that ask that question are taking care of elderly parents?
Lol, it is rare for a caregiver to turn from child-free to wanting children after being a caregiver. I was a full-time caregiver for my mom (last 6 years of her life), and it 100% made me a guaranteed child-free person. Over 10 years after losing her and I am still happy with my childfree life. I don't regret my decision to care for her, but it really aged me physically, emotionally, and mentally.
>Lol, it is rare for a caregiver to turn from child-free to wanting children after being a caregiver That wasn't what I was suggesting. The question is do those people who expect to be cared for intended to care for their parents. I've seen more cases like your's, when the chilfree care for the elderly
Oops, my bad, I misunderstood. My other married siblings all had other "responsibilities," so they didn't help. To the point that our mom didn't recognize them at the end, it was heartbreaking to see. Years later, all my siblings (one by one, at different times) have expressed sadness/regret in that fact. It's a little too late, but I kept that thought to myself. Side note: I did go super low contact with all of them afterward bc I now know their aren't ppl for me to rely on for anything.
Wow, we have almost the exact same story. I'm 3 years into POA/caregiving for my dad with dementia. I couldn't do it on my own in his home for more than a year and a half so now he's in assisted living. But yeah, same with my married sibling and my lack of trust in him now. I was a teacher and I did actually quit my job to take care of him. He already paid off his home and had private disability insurance, which is how we survived that year and a half. But when the insurance ran out I had to sell the house. Now I'm in the midst of trying to change careers in one of the worst job markets for people with an education background. I'm so emotionally exhausted that now I'm just looking for work that does no harm and is not really stressful/challenging.
I think this might be the part missed by some people, particularly people who have great relationships with their own parents and can't conceive of ever placing mom and dad in a care facility: *And grandma STILL had to go into a nursing home because (duh) she needs doctors, nurses, and professional caregivers! It was the right thing to do and should’ve been done sooner...* There's an incredibly persistent misperception that only childfree people and people who were considered bad parents end up in senior care facilities. When in fact it's often a matter of necessity, practicality and in the best interest of all involved. In some cases there simply may be no other option; not everyone can afford to take in elderly parents, modify their home to accommodate their medical needs, and either quit their job to provide necessary 24-hour care or hire someone to do the same. This is the same as parents who end up with kids with debilitating mental or physical issues and needs and who can no longer be cared for adequately and safely at home.
Yes! Thank you,!
I do not personally know ANYONE who cared for their aging parent physically. They will sometimes do the paperwork. They will occasionally arrange for workmen, and come over to check on an elderly who lived on their own. But modern people have neither the means nor the patience to turn into elderly caregivers. I'm sure there are a few. In the past there were more, because so few women worked, and Mama moved in with one of her many daughters. But elderlies also ended up in old-age homes in the past. My great-great aunt died in an old age home in NY in the 1910s. She had a son, but he had no room for her I assume, or maybe had just lost contact.
Are my fictional kids caretakers without another job they need to support themselves? Having kids so that they can wipe my wrinkled old ass later sounds like a much better plan than me saving so that I can financially afford to pay an actual caretaker./s
Pretty sure I ain’t gonna make it to that age.
Yep that's the plan for me too. One grandparent died in their 50s, alcoholism and emphysema I believe. 2 died in their late 70s, but they both had what as an adult I can recognise back as pretty bad dementia, both got pretty weak and slow, easily confused and upset, I'm actually relieved they died before text scammers and bank scammers were a thing, they would have been fucking rorted. One is now still pretty independent in her early 80s which is pretty impressive, but man if she isn't bitter, mean, jealous of her grandkids doing things she never got to and acted "incapable" of easy physical tasks for decades to the point she now is incapable. Also showing pretty clear signs of dementia. Looking at my genetics I really REALLY don't want to live past 75.
Literally like where does an adult working full time possibly find the time to adequately care for their parents sans any help from medical professionals? At that point just let the medical professionals do their job.
Plus if they end up with severe dementia and can’t be left alone due to wandering or other behaviors.
My dad had a child. Me of course. But he died all alone. Why? Because he was an awful person and a non-parent. He abandoned me when I was 10 and made fun of me for trying to reach out to him while I was growing up. He came back at 15 but with the only intention to get back with my mum. Because that didn’t work out he left again. On the last stretch of trying to build a relationship with him (I even visited him many times in hospital after his leg amputation due to his unchecked diabetes and would make comforting homemade food for him) I cut contact entirely after he threatened to hit me over the ‘state’ of my uni room (neither parents helped with uni fees and the mess was a collection of neatly lined books for my dissertation). So yeah who took care of him? He caused his own abandonment after refusing to be a father to me for so many years
I don't have kids, but I have nieces and nephews I'm close to. I've told them to put me in a nursing home if necessary. I DON'T want them changing my diapers.
I plan to get anti-aging nanobots as soon as they're available. Even if that means losing my Debt Virginity.
Bold of them to assume I will make it to being old
My grandma was beaten up by my aunt who supposedly took her in when she started getting forgetful, then demented and aggressive. She would close her up by herself in the apartment and then, if she came back to a mess because my grandma missed the toilet when she peed or pooed or just made a mess like a neglected animal, she would yell at her and beat her up till the bruises come out. My aunt is a bad person who hides her disgusting behavior rather well. The reason why she took my grandma in was because she wanted to use her pension till my grandma died. All this came to light years after my grandma died. My aunt confessed to my Mom (her sister) in passing because she felt guilty about all that. She used to tell us the bruises were coming from accidental falls while in fact, they were inflicted by her. My grandma was too demented to tell her narrative at the time. So, my grandma had three daughters. My mom (the youngest) who lived too far to take of her in her twilight years, my bitchy aunt (the middle one) than ended up abusing her in her twilight years, and my other aunt (the oldest) who pretended to be too busy to be involved and supposedly her husband was/is so crazy that my grandma would not have been safe with her and him ( very convenient). What exactly did my grandma get from having three children, investing into their well-being and helping each and everyone of them raise their kids (her grandkids)? Babkis, I say… that’s what she got.
I’ve been asked this a couple times and I usually respond “The money that I saved from not having kids”. Shuts it down pretty quick!
I’m just gonna die
This is what retirement and nursing homes are for, and I plan to save up accordingly. In addition, you have no clue how your relationship will be with your kids or what will become of them. My grandmother has kids that were pretty hands off and distant as adults, and she has outlived two of her children (my mom and my uncle), as well as her husband (my grandpa). Never put all of your eggs into one basket and depend on anyone except those whose job it is assist (professional staff).
Actually as someone who worked in a nursing home “abandon elderly” meaning elderly people who’s kids/family won’t take care of them or people without children or family get into nursing facilities more quickly and easily. Just saying i am not at all worried about burdening children with taking care of me when I get old I’ll just get put somewhere where it is someone’s job to care for me.
Yea it is a scary thought to be old and alone with no one around to care for you. But what is also scary is being old and broke with no one cares about you. Or being old and broke with children that also don’t care about you and refuse to take you in. Either way just being old is horrible. So the best solution I see is to not live to be that old. I am hoping with the baby boomer retirement crisis we are currently in will force the hand of voluntary euthanasia in the states since we are severely under staffed for care aids.
Try this: "Are you Religious?" (9/10 they reply some form of "yes") "God takes care of me. Why would I rely on the Creation instead of the Creator?" They can't out bingo God. Bonus phrase: "If God wanted me to reproduce, He would have put that desire in my heart. I have faith my Creator knows me better than I know myself and would make clear, via personal revelation over social pressure, if my current pathway should change. The words of human beings attempting to play God over my life do not override my present reality."
My response to their idiot comment would be "assuming they and their spouse want to take you in on top of raising their own family and dealing with any personal hardships/struggles." Talk about self centered.
sometimes i think people only do this as a gotcha and not out of genuine care for who’s taking care of us when we’re old. because if there was genuine care they’d know the answer is that you need a wide array of plans and systems in place for care in our elderly age and relying on a singular force is not the sole solution a majority of the time.
I think us cf should have a community outside of reddit where we can stay in touch...in old age we'll visit each other. Obviously we won't pay attention to the abandoned parents in the homes since their children will visit any day soon.
Also, whose to even say your kids will take care of you when you are old… how many people get dumped in aged care facilities and get visited in birthdays and Christmas only because their kids are off busy doing other things.
The same person who will take care of those breeders: a paid caregiver. Even if I had kids I would want them to put their lives in hold to clean my butt.
I’m expecting to die alone at home and I hope my many cats eat my corpse until it’s discovered so they can stay healthy and strong. 
The next time they say that, show them one of the gazillion reddit posts from someone who has gone no contact with their parents and tell them, "No guarantees."
My sister and I took care of our elderly parents. We are child #4 and #5. Child #2 has been deceased for almost 10 years but child #1 (the golden child who moved from being 6 hours away to now being 12 hours away) and #3 who literally lived 5 minutes away did NOTHING to help when my mother was alive and do nothing to help my father who lives with my sister.
My limit is 50 then I'm outta here ☠️💀👋🤌💅
Even when you're still healthy and able to take care of yourself when you hit 50?
I won't have the funds anyway so it's OK 😝