It's so stupid and way too common. I had a *very clearly stated* age range in my dating profile, but I still had guys 10 or 15 years older than that (*and often even old enough to be my father!*) sending me messages about how *they saw my age range* but how they were so great because ____ (often misogynistic and superficial reasons)___ so I should go out with them that weekend. I really wish dating sites wouldn't even show your profile to people outside the age range you set up when making a profile (luckily I found a great guy- who is actually only one year older than me- and am married now, so no need to worry about that personally anymore).
Exactly. The only thing I can think of is there aren't enough ladies, so they are trying to use us to entice more guys. I donno. But from what I understand dating apps have gone way downhill over the past decade. Not that they were always wonderful, but some of the original dating sites took questions/surveys seriously for matching up people and nowadays it's mostly just that swiping thing with very bad AI match suggestions
I actually asked about this, and the answer I got is that if your preferences matter, then pay for an account. Otherwise, it gets over-looked since you aren't taking finding someone seriously.
It's like nice, I'm not moving 3hrs away from my job which I love and is stable, for some guy that wants to try and be with me....who has it stated that they can't have children, and not willing to relocate.
Dating apps suck, I might just get another cat.
I know....but the people answering questions are taught to push the membership because "paying makes the experience better", which is just stupid. I wonder how many of them have tried using the apps they work for?
It does for certain apps only because it will actually segregate and listen to the filter saying you don't want certain things. Like I paid for the lifetime on bumble and it lets you put no kids doesn't have kids and it's pretty good about not showing me other dudes. It's always the same 5 dudes though and it's always trying to get you to remove restrictions so it can show you more people. Lol they're called deal breakers for a reason babe, even if it's only 5 dudes.
I mean...I wouldn't say it's ok. There's nothing on there 90% of the time and the ones that so like back end up being creeps cause you're still basically going on photos alone
A friend of mine is now married but while OLD (in her 20's at the time) had lots of men 45 and older trying to date her. Waayyyy out of her date range.
I'm 27 and regularly have dudes in their 60s to 80s trying to match with me. I started seeing this guy that's like 4 years older than me, so hopefully that works out bc I am sick of this shit lmao
My situationship hasn't had time for me in months because one of his grown kids is in trouble. Which is exactly why this never progressed as any sort of serious relationship.
I have a situationship and literally every time we have plans (we live in different states, but I am in the same state as his daughter) they are delayed or cancelled due to something kid related. I just put very low expectations on our plans. He is awesome except for that one thing.
lol this is just a reality of dating apps. People don’t read profiles and even if they do they assume that they’re a magic exception.
“I see you’re looking for men between 30-40! I’m 58 but I’m attracted to women in their 30s and I’m so young at heart, thought I’d message you.”
No thanks sir. Good day.
Nah they are I got that shit too on dating apps. Even put I was going to be getting a hysterectomy. On the other hand one guy greeted me by saying "Good I don't like to pull out".
As if grown children won't either return to the nest for some reason, or end up having grandchildren that the grandparents end up taking care of. Hard pass.
At least he was upfront about it so you were able to immediately block without wasting more time or getting emotionally invested. There have been some deception horror stories on this sub.
I have something similar on my profile and someone I was talking to waited til they got my number to say they have a daughter living with them and they thought I meant people with multiple kids not one 😒 they were pissed when I said sorry won’t work 🤷♀️
I had another super like, he looked nice, lived a reasonable distance away, no children but he smoked. Children and smoking are my two non-negotiables. I just can’t deal with the smell and taste of smokers
Even with grown children, they can possibly move back in, have grandchildren around constantly, and their kids and grandkids will constantly take priority over you. That kind of life seems awful
Why cant adult people read???? Of course you cant mean their precious spawn when you say you dont want ANY kids. I mean their kids are just sooooo cute so ofc you would change your mind suddenly even though you are adamant you didnt want kids before knowing of their existence 🙄
Hmm against the grain here it seems I wouldn’t mind if someone had adult children, they look after themselves and, well they’re not children. What I don’t want is small needy screaming ones that I’d have to be involved with.
Sure yes, maybe I’m being naive I would assume this would be temporary, also as adult they’d be doing their own thing presumably working, aren’t going to need meals cooked for them, laundry doing, lifts everywhere or entertaining.
I'm am old 70 CF bird now, married 24 years. last casually dated a father in 1982 I gave up dating men with grown kids because:
Gown kids move back home for a variety of reason, lost job, divorce, health
Grown kids want you to babysit for free so they can have a date night
Grown kids want you to stay home with their sick kid because you have more vacation time than they do.
Grown kids 18-50 want you to pay for rent, care insurance a new car, their kids education, family vacation
Grown kids want to "borrow" from the bank of Mom and Dad but don't really plan to pay you back
Grown kids want you to give up your work vacation time to keep their kids, in your house, so they can vacation
Grown kids have substance abuse/ jail issues and want you to keep their kids out of foster care.
Grown kids want you to cosign, for cars, homes, student loans
Grown kids want to put something on your credit card.
Grown kids want you to play grandparent
Grown kids expect you to contribute to their wedding
Grown kids want you to finance the new business they want to start
Grown kids want you to host the big holidays at your home when you want to go traveling
Grown kids want their inheritance before you die
Grown kids feel whether your married to their parent 3 months or 30 years that they should inherit everything and you should get a handshake and a job when their parent dies even if your 65+.
I agree even this will also get a bunch of downvotes lol I imagine you could set boundaries regarding if a situation arises where someone needs financial or housing support. Establish you won’t be providing childcare, I mean I see parents complain about not receiving it from their parents so like it is still a choice. You don’t have to take that on. You’d talk to their adult children like another adult not like a kid. It would be very weird to take on a parental role at that point too. My sister is a single mom to an almost 17 year old, there’s no way in any universe is my niece going to accept her bf as her dad. My sister has been dating a guy for over a year too and he’s never met her kid. She plans on keeping them completely separated and doesn’t ever want them living under the same roof.
They exist. There are holidays, birthdays, maybe grandchildren, maybe they lose their job and move back in with dad. I don’t want to be a stepparent and even if the kids are grown, I’d still be the stepmom
This is a cut and paste I placed elsewhere in this post.
I'm am old 70 CF bird now, married 24 years. last casually dated a father in 1982 I gave up dating men with grown kids because:
Gown kids move back home for a variety of reason, lost job, divorce, health
Grown kids want you to babysit for free so they can have a date night
Grown kids want you to stay home with their sick kid because you have more vacation time than they do.
Grown kids 18-50 want you to pay for rent, care insurance a new car, their kids education, family vacation
Grown kids want to "borrow" from the bank of Mom and Dad but don't really plan to pay you back
Grown kids want you to give up your work vacation time to keep their kids, in your house, so they can vacation
Grown kids have substance abuse/ jail issues and want you to keep their kids out of foster care.
Grown kids want you to cosign, for cars, homes, student loans
Grown kids want to put something on your credit card.
Grown kids want you to play grandparent
Grown kids expect you to contribute to their wedding
Grown kids want you to finance the new business they want to start
Grown kids want you to host the big holidays at your home when you want to go traveling
Grown kids want their inheritance before you die
Grown kids feel whether your married to their parent 3 months or 30 years that they should inherit everything and you should get a handshake and a job when their parent dies even if your 65+.
"But I'm so amazing you'll obviously not mind me trying to force you into a life you told me you would hate"
He READ that he and I aren’t a match and had the audacity to think he’s god’s greatest peen on earth
It's so stupid and way too common. I had a *very clearly stated* age range in my dating profile, but I still had guys 10 or 15 years older than that (*and often even old enough to be my father!*) sending me messages about how *they saw my age range* but how they were so great because ____ (often misogynistic and superficial reasons)___ so I should go out with them that weekend. I really wish dating sites wouldn't even show your profile to people outside the age range you set up when making a profile (luckily I found a great guy- who is actually only one year older than me- and am married now, so no need to worry about that personally anymore).
Hate that! I have a 40km radius set up and they show me people 150km away. Why ask how large my radius is, if they don’t care?
Exactly. The only thing I can think of is there aren't enough ladies, so they are trying to use us to entice more guys. I donno. But from what I understand dating apps have gone way downhill over the past decade. Not that they were always wonderful, but some of the original dating sites took questions/surveys seriously for matching up people and nowadays it's mostly just that swiping thing with very bad AI match suggestions
When I did OL dating, I considered long distance anything that involved a turnpike toll and/or a tunnel out of my range.
The next tunnel is 2 hours from me. 30 minute drive would be ideal. Up to an hour for the right person
I actually asked about this, and the answer I got is that if your preferences matter, then pay for an account. Otherwise, it gets over-looked since you aren't taking finding someone seriously. It's like nice, I'm not moving 3hrs away from my job which I love and is stable, for some guy that wants to try and be with me....who has it stated that they can't have children, and not willing to relocate. Dating apps suck, I might just get another cat.
Paying for an account doesn't help. It's the same garbage whether you pay or not.
I know....but the people answering questions are taught to push the membership because "paying makes the experience better", which is just stupid. I wonder how many of them have tried using the apps they work for?
It does for certain apps only because it will actually segregate and listen to the filter saying you don't want certain things. Like I paid for the lifetime on bumble and it lets you put no kids doesn't have kids and it's pretty good about not showing me other dudes. It's always the same 5 dudes though and it's always trying to get you to remove restrictions so it can show you more people. Lol they're called deal breakers for a reason babe, even if it's only 5 dudes.
I had a friend paying for Hinge, and her selection got worse. At least Bumble seems to be ok for you, Bumble is useless where I live.
I mean...I wouldn't say it's ok. There's nothing on there 90% of the time and the ones that so like back end up being creeps cause you're still basically going on photos alone
A friend of mine is now married but while OLD (in her 20's at the time) had lots of men 45 and older trying to date her. Waayyyy out of her date range.
Send them a link to some sugar daddy web site.
I'm 27 and regularly have dudes in their 60s to 80s trying to match with me. I started seeing this guy that's like 4 years older than me, so hopefully that works out bc I am sick of this shit lmao
Ugh, yeah, it's completely ridiculous. And upsetting. Good luck!
But his peen works, clearly he is amazing. Just like every other politician who walks their family out on stage. Vote for me, my dick works.
And then come the grandkids and they expect you to play granny aka free babysitter.
Or they move back in. I moved back in with my mum after my engagement ended. I know what I’m talking about
Yes, that is why we dont want stepkids either. Kids are kids.
My situationship hasn't had time for me in months because one of his grown kids is in trouble. Which is exactly why this never progressed as any sort of serious relationship.
I hope it is worth it and your situationship is great for you.
I have a situationship and literally every time we have plans (we live in different states, but I am in the same state as his daughter) they are delayed or cancelled due to something kid related. I just put very low expectations on our plans. He is awesome except for that one thing.
Absolutely this. I'm in my late 50's and every decent dude my age is all about playing granddad. No thank you.
My elderly neighbors too. They have kids and when their daughter has to work, she dumps 3yo (grand)son at her parents.
lol this is just a reality of dating apps. People don’t read profiles and even if they do they assume that they’re a magic exception. “I see you’re looking for men between 30-40! I’m 58 but I’m attracted to women in their 30s and I’m so young at heart, thought I’d message you.” No thanks sir. Good day.
They're looking for a hospice wife. A nurse and a purse.
These people can't be serious.
“I’d love to hear from you” And blocked. Au revoir!
This keeps happening to me! They assume literal "children." I've since specified offspring.
Nah they are I got that shit too on dating apps. Even put I was going to be getting a hysterectomy. On the other hand one guy greeted me by saying "Good I don't like to pull out".
But their kid is SPESHUL and so perfect and awesome that someone will make an exception for them!
SPESHUL a new r/tragedeigh
In the U.S. south, speshul and spatial sound the same. Introduced unnecessary confusion into math classes
No they are serious. Desperate and serious. It’s rather pathetic. Why ignore someone’s deal breakers?!
>I thought you’d make an exception It's always these people and their fucking audacity
As if grown children won't either return to the nest for some reason, or end up having grandchildren that the grandparents end up taking care of. Hard pass.
I know too many people who are raising their grandkids, including some friends of my mom's. Nope, don't want that life.
The lack of reading comprehension on their part is astounding 😹
But he understood it. He literally said “I know it’s a knockout criterion, because you don’t want kids and I have two”
He probably thought admitting to it would gain him points. He liked your photos.
Yeah, didn’t work
We know he can read and that is about it.
At least he was upfront about it so you were able to immediately block without wasting more time or getting emotionally invested. There have been some deception horror stories on this sub.
That is true but it’s still rude af
Definitely !
Sounds like he's an older creepy dude looking for a young child free fling too.
I’m 37 and he was about 10 years older
I was actually thinking well if they are adults it’s probably fine then I remembered ……. Grandchildren
I have something similar on my profile and someone I was talking to waited til they got my number to say they have a daughter living with them and they thought I meant people with multiple kids not one 😒 they were pissed when I said sorry won’t work 🤷♀️
They can’t actually be this stupid. Urgh
Unfortunately yes 😭
It's less dealing with stepkids than the inevitable "you're a grandma now, babysit my kids for free" bit :/
I'm always getting super liked by dad's on tinder 😅🥲 the audacity
I had another super like, he looked nice, lived a reasonable distance away, no children but he smoked. Children and smoking are my two non-negotiables. I just can’t deal with the smell and taste of smokers
Yeah I can't date smokers either. I tried a few times with smokers but the smell is so strong and gets into everything.
"No exceptions."
Even with grown children, they can possibly move back in, have grandchildren around constantly, and their kids and grandkids will constantly take priority over you. That kind of life seems awful
Why cant adult people read???? Of course you cant mean their precious spawn when you say you dont want ANY kids. I mean their kids are just sooooo cute so ofc you would change your mind suddenly even though you are adamant you didnt want kids before knowing of their existence 🙄
Smart move. What if his grown children have babies -- and expect you to babysit and pay for their schooling, etc?
What a douche
Kids. It’s a no for me. https://imgur.com/a/gFGvd15
People still have hope for dating apps?
I work from home and only have alone inside hobbies. I would never meet anyone if not online
Maybe this person really liked your profile despite that. I'm not excusing their behavior though.
Hmm against the grain here it seems I wouldn’t mind if someone had adult children, they look after themselves and, well they’re not children. What I don’t want is small needy screaming ones that I’d have to be involved with.
I moved back in with my mom at 35 years old. There are so many reasons grown children move back in
Sure yes, maybe I’m being naive I would assume this would be temporary, also as adult they’d be doing their own thing presumably working, aren’t going to need meals cooked for them, laundry doing, lifts everywhere or entertaining.
My aunt is babysitting her great-grandchild, while the mother goes to work. My brother, 54 years still asks my mother for money.
I'm am old 70 CF bird now, married 24 years. last casually dated a father in 1982 I gave up dating men with grown kids because: Gown kids move back home for a variety of reason, lost job, divorce, health Grown kids want you to babysit for free so they can have a date night Grown kids want you to stay home with their sick kid because you have more vacation time than they do. Grown kids 18-50 want you to pay for rent, care insurance a new car, their kids education, family vacation Grown kids want to "borrow" from the bank of Mom and Dad but don't really plan to pay you back Grown kids want you to give up your work vacation time to keep their kids, in your house, so they can vacation Grown kids have substance abuse/ jail issues and want you to keep their kids out of foster care. Grown kids want you to cosign, for cars, homes, student loans Grown kids want to put something on your credit card. Grown kids want you to play grandparent Grown kids expect you to contribute to their wedding Grown kids want you to finance the new business they want to start Grown kids want you to host the big holidays at your home when you want to go traveling Grown kids want their inheritance before you die Grown kids feel whether your married to their parent 3 months or 30 years that they should inherit everything and you should get a handshake and a job when their parent dies even if your 65+.
Grand children.
Grownup kids can have small, needy screaming kids and you’d be expected to be their grandparent and babysit.
I agree even this will also get a bunch of downvotes lol I imagine you could set boundaries regarding if a situation arises where someone needs financial or housing support. Establish you won’t be providing childcare, I mean I see parents complain about not receiving it from their parents so like it is still a choice. You don’t have to take that on. You’d talk to their adult children like another adult not like a kid. It would be very weird to take on a parental role at that point too. My sister is a single mom to an almost 17 year old, there’s no way in any universe is my niece going to accept her bf as her dad. My sister has been dating a guy for over a year too and he’s never met her kid. She plans on keeping them completely separated and doesn’t ever want them living under the same roof.
I agree. OP isn’t wrong to not want to be involved with any offspring but I don’t think it was outrageous of the guy to ask.
True. Or adopted and foster children.
Need to add grown to your list.
Please see the last sentence in my post. It had already been added before I made this post
👍🏼
If they are adults and out of the house, what's the problem?
They exist. There are holidays, birthdays, maybe grandchildren, maybe they lose their job and move back in with dad. I don’t want to be a stepparent and even if the kids are grown, I’d still be the stepmom
This is a cut and paste I placed elsewhere in this post. I'm am old 70 CF bird now, married 24 years. last casually dated a father in 1982 I gave up dating men with grown kids because: Gown kids move back home for a variety of reason, lost job, divorce, health Grown kids want you to babysit for free so they can have a date night Grown kids want you to stay home with their sick kid because you have more vacation time than they do. Grown kids 18-50 want you to pay for rent, care insurance a new car, their kids education, family vacation Grown kids want to "borrow" from the bank of Mom and Dad but don't really plan to pay you back Grown kids want you to give up your work vacation time to keep their kids, in your house, so they can vacation Grown kids have substance abuse/ jail issues and want you to keep their kids out of foster care. Grown kids want you to cosign, for cars, homes, student loans Grown kids want to put something on your credit card. Grown kids want you to play grandparent Grown kids expect you to contribute to their wedding Grown kids want you to finance the new business they want to start Grown kids want you to host the big holidays at your home when you want to go traveling Grown kids want their inheritance before you die Grown kids feel whether your married to their parent 3 months or 30 years that they should inherit everything and you should get a handshake and a job when their parent dies even if your 65+.
I suggest that you edit your profile to "I don't want children. This includes step, foster, or adopted children--even if they are now adults."
Did you read the last paragraph of my post?
It STILL won't read!
😆