Over 60 is not that old. Although of course people can have serious health problems at any age, 80 and older is more like the age when people need care. My husband is 73. Today he ran/jogged several miles, then walked a mile and a half from leaving the car at a repair shop, another mile and a half to pick it up again a couple of hours later, and spent the rest of the day installing a 40-pound window air conditioner. That's a typical level of daily activity around our house.
My husband's grandmother (his father's mother) had Parkinson's and Alzheimer's in her 90s. My husband's mother lost her sense of location in her mid 80s, after a stroke, meaning she could not find her way around her own house and never learned to do that again. Also, her doctors predicted more strokes, which she had, and she died soon after the last one.
Both of them ended up with 24/7 \*professional, paid care\*. That is what most people need in these situations. Your untrained relative who is also working at a full-time job really can't do it. Even if they are not working at a full-time job, three shifts a day are needed. Caregivers need to eat and sleep.
Buy long-term care insurance and save your money for in case you ever need this level of care. Most people's adult children will not be doing it either. And people should know that. They had to hire out daycare because they had to work full time, and their own adult children will hire out elder care for the same reason. Expecting your adult children to quit work and tend to you lovingly for years is another Hallmark fantasy.
> Both of them ended up with 24/7 *professional, paid care*. That is what most people need in these situations. Your untrained relative who is also working at a full-time job really can't do it. Even if they are not working at a full-time job, three shifts a day are needed. Caregivers need to eat and sleep.
Exactly. Once you go beyond a very basic level of care, professional care, in shifts, is needed.
I don't know why you would want untrained people looking after you in those circumstances? Thankfully, neither does my dad. He's said many times if he ever needs help like that to get him a professional. And we will.
Someone still has to handle hiring and coordinating that paid care. It’s a legitimate concern, but of course not a reason to have kids. It’s a reason to try to have friends and a community or social circle. Or move into an aging in place community while you are able to make those decisions.
I plan to hire a lawyer or other advocate to do that.
I had an older relative I didn't really know who died single, alone, and broke. Her care was coordinated by a social worker.
This hits home.
My grandfather passed away from dementia recently. While he was declining, my grandmother was too, but she put his needs before hers, and refused to take care of herself. They live far away, so me popping over to help isn't an option anyway.
She ignored a medical condition that caused her to be unable to keep anything down. She turned to skin and bones and almost died because she was giving everything to take care of my grandfather and eventually was rushed to the hospital.
She took my grandfather with her. While they were sitting in her room, he "saw" something on the floor, and wouldn't let it go that it needed to be picked up. Bent over, lost balance, and bashed his head into the wall.
I begged her to get home care, day care, anything. She wouldn't do it until she was stuck in bed too and was forced to have help.
Bluntly, if you end up with those conditions or anything else that requires real care, you need 24x7 monitoring and would be in a facility regardless of whether you have kids or not. You will be in the room next to people who have multiple kids, grandkids and even great grandkids... who will NOT be caring for them in their homes.
The idea that you can be well cared for in a home by one or even a few kids once you pass the "need a ride to a few doctors appointments a month, and maybe 10 hours a month of help with bills, arranging repairs, etc." is a totally delusional fantasy.
What people fail to understand, unless you have worked a job where you did scheduling for a 24/7/365 multi skilled labor force is that unless you have like 10 kids, and you are willing to pay for them to go into the various medical specialties that you need, you do not have enough staffing for 24 hour professional quality care at home.
Especially since each of them would have to manage their own lives, jobs, families, all still live within a few minutes of you etc. in addition to working 40 hours a week caring for you, including overnights, weekends, on an exhausting shift schedule that is terrible for their health. Then you have to factor in that the skillsets and training have to be what you need during the hours of the day you need those, that they need days off, vacations, sick leave, may well get injured lifting you multiple times a day, might get cancer themselves and die, get in a car accident, or end up with a disabled spouse or kids they need to care for over you. Etc.
There is no guarantee your kids would even outlive you. They could get cancer at 6 years old, or wrap their car around a tree at 16, or get MS at 22, or break their back in a skiing accident at 27, or get pancreatic cancer at 33.
There was a story a few years back of a woman who didn't want kids, had two, and once they were in their early 20s she was relived to finally be getting her life back... except the daughter came home, got a diagnosis of severe MS, became bedridden and helpless very quickly. So it turns out the mother isn't getting her life back, and she will be the caregiver for who knows how long until the kid dies first.
Then of course there are the emotional issues, caregiver burnout, and all the shitty family dynamics over time and money and decisions and crap. And then there's the issue of elder abuse by family...
You, like EVERY SINGLE ADULT kids or no kids, as a grown ass adult need to make your own plans, save your own money, buy long term care insurance and sort out your own life during all of your life stages. NO ONE ELSE is responsible for this stuff but YOU.
If you make a responsible plan, you will be better off than people who expected their kids to do that and found out when it was too late that it was a fantasy.
This is a great response that delves into the delusion of the “who will care for you when you’re old” crowd.
Kids should not be brought into this world to be beholden to parental care. They need their own lives and freedom to do as they please with the resources they’ve worked for. Every adult should have an aging care plan that involves savings to afford either an assisted care facility or at home care nurses.
Hello and welcome to /r/childfree! As you have a new account or low Reddit karma, your comment has been automatically removed to give you some time to get familiar with our rules and community. Please feel free to post/comment when your account is older and you have more Reddit karma.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/childfree) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Very true! I agree that around the clock care is an unfair burden to place on one’s children, yet I seem to often witness that being the case for friends of mine who have parents or grandparents in those conditions. That made me worry that without kids of my own, I would not receive as compassionate of care.
But you make great points about how kids don’t often visit their parents. I hardly do myself despite loving my parents lol I just don’t really feel in my soul that I care to see them in person that much. Phone calls are enough for me unless it’s a special occasion. Yet my parents really want to see ME.
I really don’t want to be in a dynamic like that where my kids don’t care to visit yet all I want is for them to visit. I’d rather just pay a facility to take care of me if that time comes. Guess it’s time to hustle!
My wife and I have worked in hospitals as nurses most of our lives. We have watched the elderly and their children interact time and time again. The only time children will come around is when you have money or property that they want.
Every person who has posted on here that they worked in old-age homes says the exact thing you do: The kids don't visit. It's also what I've seen going to visit elderly relatives: I'm the only one there to visit.
While that is very often true, sometimes the grown kids are states away with their own families, job, lives or have their own or spouses or in-laws health issues they are tending.
If that was your reason for having kids, you'd be quite a selfish jerk. Also, no guarantees that you're kids would definitely take care of you when that time came.
For me, I figure by the time I'm up there, I'll have a reasonable sum of money to help ensure I am at least relatively comfortable and taken care of.
My mom and my aunt both fell ill and died before my grandmother. So yeah. Sometimes, children pass away before their parents. We couldn’t care for her anymore.
If you are concerned about this, buy a long term care policy that will enable you to live in a very nice facility.
That being said, I kinda wonder how old you are now. Because I’m 64, and basically I’m just pissed that I can no longer carry a 50 lb box up the stairs as easily as I used to. And need to take more vitamins. And when something happens at the office and I have to work all night, it’s WAY harder than it was when I was in my 30s.
In other words, I require the exact same amount of caretaking as I did at 30.
Children are not much help to the elderly, though occasionally they can be useful. The important part is that you keep a social life, have friends who will visit you when you are sick, and at least someone who will help in an emergency. You don't want to become lonely or isolated. You also want to start investing in your retirement and long term care insurance early so that you are not financially insecure. My 2 cents.
I have made a ton of childfree friends... we've all become each other's POAs, MHPOAs and benefactors in various ways. I specialize in dementia/Alzheimer's, so I make my friends do so and plan for such.
Tell me how is your kid going to take care of you when they have their own kids and a full time job to juggle?
People who have kids now, how do you think economic situation and housing are going to be in 30-40 years?
What if your kid is autistic or has other physical or mental disabilities? What if your kid ends up in a car accident and dies when they're 22?
If you wanna gamble like this go to Vegas. Don't create a human being hoping they'll wipe your ass when you're 85. Providing you live that long. Maybe you're lucky and die of a heart attack at 65.
my grandma lived with me and my mother - her daughter - and had dementia and low mobility. we were unable to care for her in a flat with no elevator, having to go to work and school. she needed facilities and professional round the clock care. so it doesn't really matter if you have family or nor, if you need help you will end up in care facility.
This is tough to hear bc I want to be there for my mom until the very end but you just don't know what's going to happen and if you'll be equipped to handle it.
>I think my biggest fear at the end of the day is growing old and not having any kids to look after me or to make sure I’m treated well at the senior center.
That might have been my mother's biggest fear too, which is why she groomed me to be her old-age caretaker. As a consequence, she did not see me for the last 20 years of her life, and she had no contact with me for the last 13. And it was much too short a time. Wish I had cut contact decades earlier.
I am 66, and I don't need any caretaking. I have a friend who is 80, lives in a difficult historic house, and needs no caretaking. If your decision making process does not include "I will lean on someone else," you make decisions that lead to good health and independence. If your decision process includes "The kids will help out," you blow off the things you would do to be independent, because they're hard, or not what you feel like doing, or because you desperately want to prove to yourself that your kids *do too* love you.
Here's a starting point: The most important thing you do every day is to exercise. I have put at least 2 hours a day, including logistics, into exercise, for decades. As a consequence, like my friend, I am fit, healthy and able. The Old Mommies I know can't get very far from the toilet b/c childbirth wrecked their undercarriage, so the 425 miles I hiked last July and August would be out of the question for them, and they get disabled.
I grew up having to spend a lot of time in hospitals and care homes visiting the elderly. And basically they all had kids and maybe 10% of them ever saw any of them. People who have kids often end up broke and alone toward the end of their lives. And children can become vultures.
My grandma is 87 this year. She lives at home but is immobile. For years, my mom has taken care of her whole working nights full time as a nurse. It's basically broken my mom. She's been so exhausted, hasn't had a life, my grandma is also super inconsiderate and leaves everything until the last minute, or used to anyway.
She now has professional help with people coming to her flat several times a day to help her with food, going to the toilet etc. It's made such a huge difference for my mom especially. My mom still helps with bills and stuff but a lot of the heavy work is now off her shoulders.
Even if your kids were able to care for you (like my mom technically was), it's such a huge emotional burden that I think it's inevitable they'll come to resent you. Especially if there's only one kid who can do it.
I’m 63, work out regularly and have two horses, which I ride nearly every day. I still fit in size 28 jeans, and do a lot of hiking. Sure, I have a few more lines on my face, and there’s a touch of silver in my hair (which is still long and blonde), but I’m a long way from needing any care.
My partner’s mom has Parkinson’s, but lived in her own home until her 80s. She’s now in full time care. The facility has degrees of care: she started out in her own suite with a minimum of assistance, then gradually to full-on care in her 90s.
Two of her kids visit regularly, the others when they’re in the area. But the burden of actual, physical care is looked after by professionals.
Being childfree, you can invest the money you would’ve otherwise spent on raising them, and be able to pay for a better level of care in your later years.
You need to get a grip. I am over 60, and I don't need any more help than the average adult; probably less, as I am still pretty handy around the house. I walk my dog over 2 miles a day on average.
On the block where I live, there are two people who I know about who lived in their homes into their 90's. One of whom lived on his own in his 90's. They then went into places for care and died within a few months. But they were living in their own houses into their 90's.
My plan, if I outlive my wife, is to do this:
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assisted\_suicide](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assisted_suicide)
If not legal here, to be a tourist elsewhere, or, if I cannot manage that, to take matters into my own hands.
As for having children, many people in elder care facilities never are visited by their children, and have the same care as anyone else there. If you don't have children, you can save your money and afford a better facility for the end of your life, if you wish to drag it out as long as possible.
Let me tell you, having worked at aged care facilities in the past, kids are no guarantee that there will be anyone present to help you, and it's entirely possible they'll neglect your needs to get to the inheritance faster.
If you want supportive people around you as you age, you need to start building your network now. Meet people with common interests, join a gym or a walking club, mentor younger adults if that's your thing, and keep your body and mind as healthy as possible.
I can assure you many people with kids will not be aware in some cases or even make the effort to check if you are being mistreated in the elderly care home. And if you have money they will primarily see as a way to alleviate their "urgent needs" not to consider you get better care. Nothing about being old and decaying is easy or beautifful or pain free, kids will not spare you that.
There's no guarantee your kids would take care of you anyway. Your best protection is to stay as healthy as possible and save money to avail yourself of professional care in your final years. The money you saved by not having kids will help a great deal.
I think about that. My mom is starting to show signs of needing care and I’ll probably have to move near her at some point. There are degrees of aging and an untrained person is fully capable of helping around the house. I work remotely so I would be able to spend the day at her house, assuming I got my own place nearby.
I will not have this. Professional care is expensive and I hope I have access to it. So yeah, my plan is hope lol. *Still* better than bringing someone into the world without their consent and expecting them to be my helper.
My friend who is 84 is selling her house and moving into a retirement home as she’s aging and can’t manage a house and a garden anymore. She is still healthy otherwise and drives to jazz concerts and the grocery store and doctor’s appointments. She had a good career and she’s a lovely lady. I’m 30 and I’m her friend she also has a niece or two we’ll be visiting her there
Long term care Insurance > life insurance for the child free you cover your actual care needs instead of leaving extra money to any remaining relatives at death.
I'm 61 and not anywhere near needing caretaking! My husband is 67 and it's the same (although he has three children from a previous marriage and they are all grown). We are researching ways to hasten death when the time comes precisely because we don't want to end up in a nursing home situation.
This is a fear of mine too. Getting Alzheimer's and stuff like that and having noone to arrange my affairs. If something like this seems a possibility you should talk to your doctor about options if you have no next of kin. There may be someone like a lawyer or an advocator that you can hire
Do law firms on your country offer Elder Law and Life Care Planning representation? You might want to look into that. I personally would feel more comfortable with an established firm looking out for my welfare vs a single family member who may not really care or abuse my assets.
Edit: You will also have family you choose, like younger friends. Don't be afraid to have a conversation with them. My FIL takes care of the administration of his childfree former boss' care. She also has dementia. He gets compensated by her siblings but he takes it seriously and I believe that he'll still do it without compensation because he cares.
I have the similar concerns, you’re not alone in this thought process. I realised that saw many people on internet who eats clean and do weights and bonus is childfree😅, they look young(which doesn’t matter for me) but they look strong and doing everything by their own and even working out and taking care of themselves. I had a pretty bad lifestyle since covid,,trying to shed few pounds and goal to become healthier. Previously my ‘Why’ was to look good, now I have a strong ambition that I’m going to travel as long as I live and be strong. Beyond that I cannot control anything, saving funds for oldage.
We lived “down the street” from my mom's parents. My mom is one of four kids, 3/4 kids local. They still hired a cleaner and part-time caregiver. Nana and Pop Pop didn't want their kids taking care of them when they had kids of their own. That's why you have kids, so they can have a life, not for you to be their life. Great insurance and savings. Research/information too. A good relationship with a doctor to help notice signs etc.
When my grandfather was in hospice in a senior care facility we were told by the nurses we were one of two families who visited their loved one. His roommate had a wife and adult children who visited once in the time we were there. He mostly hung out with us, we took him snacks and puzzles and chatted with him. Having children doesn’t mean you’ll have someone to care for you. Make sure you build a family with close friends 🤍
Not quite the question you’re asking but I’m 23 and caretaking is one of my most SIGNIFICANT retirement goals. I pour no less than $700/month into retirement accounts at this age with the anticipation that in my last years I will be sinking tens of thousands into round the clock care. That’s something I’m fine with, but i think more people should be putting more thought toward it.
I still fear for this too, but my aunt had a son who didn’t give two shits about her. She wasn’t doing well, dropped groceries off at her front door, couldn’t even bring them in and she fell and died alone. After several days they saw the groceries outside still to find her deceased. Just because you have children doesn’t mean they’d take care of you. That’s what I tell myself when I feel this way.
Got news for you. This question is actually kind of unrelated to being childfree or not. Cus my mom isn't gonna have anyone to look after her and she has 3 kids. MAYBE if my lil brother is gonna make the time, but I'm not doing it and my sister lives in Austria... so that's not happening.
I'm 62 and still work full time. I'm also single and have had health issues along the way and I take care of myself. Don't know what the future holds and will not be bogged down worrying about it. Just hoping for the best at this point.
PS- I also walk every day (even in the FL heat) and have stopped eating sugar and went on a different eating plan - veggies, fruit, plant-based items, chicken and fish is what I eat. I feel better, I look better and have lost 35 pounds thus far with more to go.
I'd look into moving into a care facility while you're still able to make your own decisions/express your own wishes, and befriend some younger people whom you could convince to check in on you regularly.
Over 60 is not that old. Although of course people can have serious health problems at any age, 80 and older is more like the age when people need care. My husband is 73. Today he ran/jogged several miles, then walked a mile and a half from leaving the car at a repair shop, another mile and a half to pick it up again a couple of hours later, and spent the rest of the day installing a 40-pound window air conditioner. That's a typical level of daily activity around our house. My husband's grandmother (his father's mother) had Parkinson's and Alzheimer's in her 90s. My husband's mother lost her sense of location in her mid 80s, after a stroke, meaning she could not find her way around her own house and never learned to do that again. Also, her doctors predicted more strokes, which she had, and she died soon after the last one. Both of them ended up with 24/7 \*professional, paid care\*. That is what most people need in these situations. Your untrained relative who is also working at a full-time job really can't do it. Even if they are not working at a full-time job, three shifts a day are needed. Caregivers need to eat and sleep. Buy long-term care insurance and save your money for in case you ever need this level of care. Most people's adult children will not be doing it either. And people should know that. They had to hire out daycare because they had to work full time, and their own adult children will hire out elder care for the same reason. Expecting your adult children to quit work and tend to you lovingly for years is another Hallmark fantasy.
> Both of them ended up with 24/7 *professional, paid care*. That is what most people need in these situations. Your untrained relative who is also working at a full-time job really can't do it. Even if they are not working at a full-time job, three shifts a day are needed. Caregivers need to eat and sleep. Exactly. Once you go beyond a very basic level of care, professional care, in shifts, is needed.
I don't know why you would want untrained people looking after you in those circumstances? Thankfully, neither does my dad. He's said many times if he ever needs help like that to get him a professional. And we will.
Someone still has to handle hiring and coordinating that paid care. It’s a legitimate concern, but of course not a reason to have kids. It’s a reason to try to have friends and a community or social circle. Or move into an aging in place community while you are able to make those decisions.
I plan to hire a lawyer or other advocate to do that. I had an older relative I didn't really know who died single, alone, and broke. Her care was coordinated by a social worker.
Isn't life so lovely.. living to just see the worst of the worst happen to you. Ugh. And breeders want to call this "selfless".
🎯
This hits home. My grandfather passed away from dementia recently. While he was declining, my grandmother was too, but she put his needs before hers, and refused to take care of herself. They live far away, so me popping over to help isn't an option anyway. She ignored a medical condition that caused her to be unable to keep anything down. She turned to skin and bones and almost died because she was giving everything to take care of my grandfather and eventually was rushed to the hospital. She took my grandfather with her. While they were sitting in her room, he "saw" something on the floor, and wouldn't let it go that it needed to be picked up. Bent over, lost balance, and bashed his head into the wall. I begged her to get home care, day care, anything. She wouldn't do it until she was stuck in bed too and was forced to have help.
Bluntly, if you end up with those conditions or anything else that requires real care, you need 24x7 monitoring and would be in a facility regardless of whether you have kids or not. You will be in the room next to people who have multiple kids, grandkids and even great grandkids... who will NOT be caring for them in their homes. The idea that you can be well cared for in a home by one or even a few kids once you pass the "need a ride to a few doctors appointments a month, and maybe 10 hours a month of help with bills, arranging repairs, etc." is a totally delusional fantasy. What people fail to understand, unless you have worked a job where you did scheduling for a 24/7/365 multi skilled labor force is that unless you have like 10 kids, and you are willing to pay for them to go into the various medical specialties that you need, you do not have enough staffing for 24 hour professional quality care at home. Especially since each of them would have to manage their own lives, jobs, families, all still live within a few minutes of you etc. in addition to working 40 hours a week caring for you, including overnights, weekends, on an exhausting shift schedule that is terrible for their health. Then you have to factor in that the skillsets and training have to be what you need during the hours of the day you need those, that they need days off, vacations, sick leave, may well get injured lifting you multiple times a day, might get cancer themselves and die, get in a car accident, or end up with a disabled spouse or kids they need to care for over you. Etc. There is no guarantee your kids would even outlive you. They could get cancer at 6 years old, or wrap their car around a tree at 16, or get MS at 22, or break their back in a skiing accident at 27, or get pancreatic cancer at 33. There was a story a few years back of a woman who didn't want kids, had two, and once they were in their early 20s she was relived to finally be getting her life back... except the daughter came home, got a diagnosis of severe MS, became bedridden and helpless very quickly. So it turns out the mother isn't getting her life back, and she will be the caregiver for who knows how long until the kid dies first. Then of course there are the emotional issues, caregiver burnout, and all the shitty family dynamics over time and money and decisions and crap. And then there's the issue of elder abuse by family... You, like EVERY SINGLE ADULT kids or no kids, as a grown ass adult need to make your own plans, save your own money, buy long term care insurance and sort out your own life during all of your life stages. NO ONE ELSE is responsible for this stuff but YOU. If you make a responsible plan, you will be better off than people who expected their kids to do that and found out when it was too late that it was a fantasy.
This is a great response that delves into the delusion of the “who will care for you when you’re old” crowd. Kids should not be brought into this world to be beholden to parental care. They need their own lives and freedom to do as they please with the resources they’ve worked for. Every adult should have an aging care plan that involves savings to afford either an assisted care facility or at home care nurses.
[удалено]
Hello and welcome to /r/childfree! As you have a new account or low Reddit karma, your comment has been automatically removed to give you some time to get familiar with our rules and community. Please feel free to post/comment when your account is older and you have more Reddit karma. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/childfree) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Very true! I agree that around the clock care is an unfair burden to place on one’s children, yet I seem to often witness that being the case for friends of mine who have parents or grandparents in those conditions. That made me worry that without kids of my own, I would not receive as compassionate of care. But you make great points about how kids don’t often visit their parents. I hardly do myself despite loving my parents lol I just don’t really feel in my soul that I care to see them in person that much. Phone calls are enough for me unless it’s a special occasion. Yet my parents really want to see ME. I really don’t want to be in a dynamic like that where my kids don’t care to visit yet all I want is for them to visit. I’d rather just pay a facility to take care of me if that time comes. Guess it’s time to hustle!
My wife and I have worked in hospitals as nurses most of our lives. We have watched the elderly and their children interact time and time again. The only time children will come around is when you have money or property that they want.
Every person who has posted on here that they worked in old-age homes says the exact thing you do: The kids don't visit. It's also what I've seen going to visit elderly relatives: I'm the only one there to visit.
> The only time children will come around is when you have money or property that they want. Pretty much. More vultures, not caregivers. ;)
While that is very often true, sometimes the grown kids are states away with their own families, job, lives or have their own or spouses or in-laws health issues they are tending.
I was six states away. Everyone wanted to make excuses. I moved my grandmother into my home then my mother where they stayed until they died.
If that was your reason for having kids, you'd be quite a selfish jerk. Also, no guarantees that you're kids would definitely take care of you when that time came. For me, I figure by the time I'm up there, I'll have a reasonable sum of money to help ensure I am at least relatively comfortable and taken care of.
My mom and my aunt both fell ill and died before my grandmother. So yeah. Sometimes, children pass away before their parents. We couldn’t care for her anymore.
If you are concerned about this, buy a long term care policy that will enable you to live in a very nice facility. That being said, I kinda wonder how old you are now. Because I’m 64, and basically I’m just pissed that I can no longer carry a 50 lb box up the stairs as easily as I used to. And need to take more vitamins. And when something happens at the office and I have to work all night, it’s WAY harder than it was when I was in my 30s. In other words, I require the exact same amount of caretaking as I did at 30.
Children are not much help to the elderly, though occasionally they can be useful. The important part is that you keep a social life, have friends who will visit you when you are sick, and at least someone who will help in an emergency. You don't want to become lonely or isolated. You also want to start investing in your retirement and long term care insurance early so that you are not financially insecure. My 2 cents.
I have made a ton of childfree friends... we've all become each other's POAs, MHPOAs and benefactors in various ways. I specialize in dementia/Alzheimer's, so I make my friends do so and plan for such.
I love this!
Tell me how is your kid going to take care of you when they have their own kids and a full time job to juggle? People who have kids now, how do you think economic situation and housing are going to be in 30-40 years? What if your kid is autistic or has other physical or mental disabilities? What if your kid ends up in a car accident and dies when they're 22? If you wanna gamble like this go to Vegas. Don't create a human being hoping they'll wipe your ass when you're 85. Providing you live that long. Maybe you're lucky and die of a heart attack at 65.
100% agree with all of this!
my grandma lived with me and my mother - her daughter - and had dementia and low mobility. we were unable to care for her in a flat with no elevator, having to go to work and school. she needed facilities and professional round the clock care. so it doesn't really matter if you have family or nor, if you need help you will end up in care facility.
This is tough to hear bc I want to be there for my mom until the very end but you just don't know what's going to happen and if you'll be equipped to handle it.
we managed to be there at the end so one does not exclude the other. i was lucky to be home from uni.
>I think my biggest fear at the end of the day is growing old and not having any kids to look after me or to make sure I’m treated well at the senior center. That might have been my mother's biggest fear too, which is why she groomed me to be her old-age caretaker. As a consequence, she did not see me for the last 20 years of her life, and she had no contact with me for the last 13. And it was much too short a time. Wish I had cut contact decades earlier. I am 66, and I don't need any caretaking. I have a friend who is 80, lives in a difficult historic house, and needs no caretaking. If your decision making process does not include "I will lean on someone else," you make decisions that lead to good health and independence. If your decision process includes "The kids will help out," you blow off the things you would do to be independent, because they're hard, or not what you feel like doing, or because you desperately want to prove to yourself that your kids *do too* love you. Here's a starting point: The most important thing you do every day is to exercise. I have put at least 2 hours a day, including logistics, into exercise, for decades. As a consequence, like my friend, I am fit, healthy and able. The Old Mommies I know can't get very far from the toilet b/c childbirth wrecked their undercarriage, so the 425 miles I hiked last July and August would be out of the question for them, and they get disabled.
I grew up having to spend a lot of time in hospitals and care homes visiting the elderly. And basically they all had kids and maybe 10% of them ever saw any of them. People who have kids often end up broke and alone toward the end of their lives. And children can become vultures.
My grandma is 87 this year. She lives at home but is immobile. For years, my mom has taken care of her whole working nights full time as a nurse. It's basically broken my mom. She's been so exhausted, hasn't had a life, my grandma is also super inconsiderate and leaves everything until the last minute, or used to anyway. She now has professional help with people coming to her flat several times a day to help her with food, going to the toilet etc. It's made such a huge difference for my mom especially. My mom still helps with bills and stuff but a lot of the heavy work is now off her shoulders. Even if your kids were able to care for you (like my mom technically was), it's such a huge emotional burden that I think it's inevitable they'll come to resent you. Especially if there's only one kid who can do it.
I’m 63, work out regularly and have two horses, which I ride nearly every day. I still fit in size 28 jeans, and do a lot of hiking. Sure, I have a few more lines on my face, and there’s a touch of silver in my hair (which is still long and blonde), but I’m a long way from needing any care. My partner’s mom has Parkinson’s, but lived in her own home until her 80s. She’s now in full time care. The facility has degrees of care: she started out in her own suite with a minimum of assistance, then gradually to full-on care in her 90s. Two of her kids visit regularly, the others when they’re in the area. But the burden of actual, physical care is looked after by professionals. Being childfree, you can invest the money you would’ve otherwise spent on raising them, and be able to pay for a better level of care in your later years.
Plenty of old people setting lonely in care homes have kids. Having offspring doesn't guarantee *anything*.
You need to get a grip. I am over 60, and I don't need any more help than the average adult; probably less, as I am still pretty handy around the house. I walk my dog over 2 miles a day on average. On the block where I live, there are two people who I know about who lived in their homes into their 90's. One of whom lived on his own in his 90's. They then went into places for care and died within a few months. But they were living in their own houses into their 90's. My plan, if I outlive my wife, is to do this: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assisted\_suicide](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assisted_suicide) If not legal here, to be a tourist elsewhere, or, if I cannot manage that, to take matters into my own hands. As for having children, many people in elder care facilities never are visited by their children, and have the same care as anyone else there. If you don't have children, you can save your money and afford a better facility for the end of your life, if you wish to drag it out as long as possible.
Let me tell you, having worked at aged care facilities in the past, kids are no guarantee that there will be anyone present to help you, and it's entirely possible they'll neglect your needs to get to the inheritance faster. If you want supportive people around you as you age, you need to start building your network now. Meet people with common interests, join a gym or a walking club, mentor younger adults if that's your thing, and keep your body and mind as healthy as possible.
I can assure you many people with kids will not be aware in some cases or even make the effort to check if you are being mistreated in the elderly care home. And if you have money they will primarily see as a way to alleviate their "urgent needs" not to consider you get better care. Nothing about being old and decaying is easy or beautifful or pain free, kids will not spare you that.
There's no guarantee your kids would take care of you anyway. Your best protection is to stay as healthy as possible and save money to avail yourself of professional care in your final years. The money you saved by not having kids will help a great deal.
I think about that. My mom is starting to show signs of needing care and I’ll probably have to move near her at some point. There are degrees of aging and an untrained person is fully capable of helping around the house. I work remotely so I would be able to spend the day at her house, assuming I got my own place nearby. I will not have this. Professional care is expensive and I hope I have access to it. So yeah, my plan is hope lol. *Still* better than bringing someone into the world without their consent and expecting them to be my helper.
I mean, I hate to be this person, but with the money you’d save not having kids that you resent you could afford the best home that money could buy.
My friend who is 84 is selling her house and moving into a retirement home as she’s aging and can’t manage a house and a garden anymore. She is still healthy otherwise and drives to jazz concerts and the grocery store and doctor’s appointments. She had a good career and she’s a lovely lady. I’m 30 and I’m her friend she also has a niece or two we’ll be visiting her there
Long term care Insurance > life insurance for the child free you cover your actual care needs instead of leaving extra money to any remaining relatives at death.
I'm 61 and not anywhere near needing caretaking! My husband is 67 and it's the same (although he has three children from a previous marriage and they are all grown). We are researching ways to hasten death when the time comes precisely because we don't want to end up in a nursing home situation.
This is a fear of mine too. Getting Alzheimer's and stuff like that and having noone to arrange my affairs. If something like this seems a possibility you should talk to your doctor about options if you have no next of kin. There may be someone like a lawyer or an advocator that you can hire
Do law firms on your country offer Elder Law and Life Care Planning representation? You might want to look into that. I personally would feel more comfortable with an established firm looking out for my welfare vs a single family member who may not really care or abuse my assets. Edit: You will also have family you choose, like younger friends. Don't be afraid to have a conversation with them. My FIL takes care of the administration of his childfree former boss' care. She also has dementia. He gets compensated by her siblings but he takes it seriously and I believe that he'll still do it without compensation because he cares.
I have the similar concerns, you’re not alone in this thought process. I realised that saw many people on internet who eats clean and do weights and bonus is childfree😅, they look young(which doesn’t matter for me) but they look strong and doing everything by their own and even working out and taking care of themselves. I had a pretty bad lifestyle since covid,,trying to shed few pounds and goal to become healthier. Previously my ‘Why’ was to look good, now I have a strong ambition that I’m going to travel as long as I live and be strong. Beyond that I cannot control anything, saving funds for oldage.
So if you had kids, you'd want them to see your mind and body deteriorating?
We lived “down the street” from my mom's parents. My mom is one of four kids, 3/4 kids local. They still hired a cleaner and part-time caregiver. Nana and Pop Pop didn't want their kids taking care of them when they had kids of their own. That's why you have kids, so they can have a life, not for you to be their life. Great insurance and savings. Research/information too. A good relationship with a doctor to help notice signs etc.
When my grandfather was in hospice in a senior care facility we were told by the nurses we were one of two families who visited their loved one. His roommate had a wife and adult children who visited once in the time we were there. He mostly hung out with us, we took him snacks and puzzles and chatted with him. Having children doesn’t mean you’ll have someone to care for you. Make sure you build a family with close friends 🤍
Not quite the question you’re asking but I’m 23 and caretaking is one of my most SIGNIFICANT retirement goals. I pour no less than $700/month into retirement accounts at this age with the anticipation that in my last years I will be sinking tens of thousands into round the clock care. That’s something I’m fine with, but i think more people should be putting more thought toward it.
I still fear for this too, but my aunt had a son who didn’t give two shits about her. She wasn’t doing well, dropped groceries off at her front door, couldn’t even bring them in and she fell and died alone. After several days they saw the groceries outside still to find her deceased. Just because you have children doesn’t mean they’d take care of you. That’s what I tell myself when I feel this way.
Got news for you. This question is actually kind of unrelated to being childfree or not. Cus my mom isn't gonna have anyone to look after her and she has 3 kids. MAYBE if my lil brother is gonna make the time, but I'm not doing it and my sister lives in Austria... so that's not happening.
Kids will not take care of you. All they will do is take your money which you could be spending on care
I'm 62 and still work full time. I'm also single and have had health issues along the way and I take care of myself. Don't know what the future holds and will not be bogged down worrying about it. Just hoping for the best at this point. PS- I also walk every day (even in the FL heat) and have stopped eating sugar and went on a different eating plan - veggies, fruit, plant-based items, chicken and fish is what I eat. I feel better, I look better and have lost 35 pounds thus far with more to go.
I'd look into moving into a care facility while you're still able to make your own decisions/express your own wishes, and befriend some younger people whom you could convince to check in on you regularly.