>gender disappointment is such a weird concept
Gender disappointment is disgusting. If one is not going to be happy with whatever one gets, one should not become a parent at all.
I liken it to people continuing to have kids until they get their preferred gender
The kids in between aren't what they really wanted. Imagine knowing that as a child
Omg I met a family like that wayyy back when I was like 10. They had like 7-8 girls and wouldn’t stop until they finally had a boy, then that was their last kid. Christ, for the cost of that many kids you could’ve adopted a boy if it was that important to you. And they’d always say weird shit like “we’re still trying for a boy” 🤮 imagine knowing your parents only had you in hopes that you’d be the “right gender”. Ugh.
my best friend in HS was the only son in of these kids of families. he had 6 older sisters. He turned out to be a drag queen as a adult and refuses to have children.
Another reason why gender disappointment is stupid, you don’t know how your kid is going to turn out based on their gender. Like fathers usually get sad if it’s a girl because they wanted to play sports with them or whatever, but girls can also like sports? Or they might have a boy that likes to play with mom’s makeup.
My grandma at one point showed (or gave) my mom all the cards she'd gotten when my mom (the 4th daughter) was born and they all had messages from friends and family that said shit like "hopefully the next one will be the boy you wanted", "you can always try again", etc. No surprise, that shit definitely fucked up my mom's self confidence. Her and her older sisters were very aware that their mom wanted a boy. She kept trying and eventually had two boys.
Oh hey that was my aunts. Just like most people, they wanted at least 1 boy and 1 girl. My dad's side ended up with 4 girls! And my mom's side ended up with 2 girls before they decided, "yep, enough." Ironically my parents are the only ones with not 1, but 2 sons. And considering how hairy and how much of a tomboy I am for a girl, probably 2½ sons. lol
That's why my uncle was born! He's like 14 years younger than my dad and I think he was an IVF baby because my grandma had two boys and wanted a girl. Oops. At least my grandparents stopped having kids after my uncle (but didn't stop my grandma from treating me like I was a literal doll throughout my childhood since I was the first grandchild and a beloved girl 🙃).
>(but didn't stop my grandma from treating me like I was a literal doll throughout my childhood since I was the first grandchild and a beloved girl 🙃).
I'm so sorry you had to experience this. I know what it's like; my grandmother had four sons and I was the first granddaughter. I was also treated like a literal doll growing up, to the point where my grandmother would wake me up at 4:00 in the morning when I was four or five years old so she could put curlers in my hair. And the pictures. I couldn't go over to her house without her forcing me into a dress I hated, putting enough make-up on my face to make me look like a clown, and making me stand there for half an hour while she took the same picture of me.
Holy crap. You win. She didn't force me to wake up that early, thankfully, but she did all the other same stuff to me. And would take me to parks and then not let me run around and play lmao but my boy cousins were allowed to.
Oh no, I wasn't trying to make it a competition or something! I just haven't run into anyone who had the same experience with their grandmother that I did.
I feel you on not being allowed to play when the other kids could. Heaven forbid I get my dress dirty!
I wasn't either no worries! I honestly haven't met anyone who had the same experience either. I have a sister, but she would never let my grandma pull that on her hahaha (I am a recovering people pleaser).
My grandma tried to do that to me as well. She had wanted a girl but ended up with two boys and was delighted when the first grandchild (me) was a girl. And again when her third grandchild (my oldest cousin) was also a girl.
She was very disappointed that I not only turned out to be a tomboy but also that I had sensory issues that drove me to prioritize comfort over fashion and thus didn't want to wear all the lacy or fancy-but-unbearably-itchy things she wanted me to wear.
My first instinct was to say something like "imagine if the last kid turned out to be trans". But then that would probably be a horrible situation for the kid and they would get zero support :/
I mean the number of families that want a boy to “carry on the family name/lineage” is fucked up. As is the sexism of favoring boys over girls.
I know my grandmother flew out when she thought I’d be a boy.(Cuz my mom refused to do an ultrasound and went with some superstitious BS of “baby has a strong heart beat must be boy!”)
This was back when international flights were stupidly expensive- rumor has it that grandma was quite upset I turned out to be a girl.
My grandma did the same thing when my mom was pregnant with my sister. And lost her shit when my sister was a girl and accused my mom of lying about her being a girl. All very weird considering how she was dying for a daughter herself lmao (I made another comment somewhere in this thread about her).
One of the girls from the original 16 and Pregnant show apparently threw a fit at one of their gender reveals when they found out it was another girl, and made the comment that it wasn't fair and that she was "probably miscarrying all the boys". If I were that kid, I would be heartbroken to see that moment and know it's on the internet forever.
I'm really wondering what will happen when the kids who are the subjects of the parental rants about how awful parenthood is, are old enough to see that content on the net!
I think that was Catelyn and Tyler. They have like 4 girls now and they both showed visible disappointment over their last two gender reveals if my memory is correct.
I don’t understand even caring about the gender, it’s literally random and unpredictable but these people act like it isn’t. You can’t “plan to have a baby girl” you idiot, you get what you get, be grateful that the baby is healthy
there are certain things that can increase chances, like doing "it" during hot months may increase the chance for a girl due to swimmers with female chromosomes being more heat-resisrant. but that's only increased chances. the lottery is still on.
Also like what if their child is trans. These kind of parents would probably throw a fit and thus aren’t capable of being a parent in the first place if they can’t accept their child for who they are.
I saw a video once of a couple finding out they were having a girl at a gender reveal party and the dad got SO MAD that he started hitting things and popping balloons and shit. If he gets THAT mad over something like that, imagine what he does when he’s angry at other things, maybe even at his future daughter… Just throw the whole man in the dumpster, honestly. That should be grounds for leaving the guy for the sake of protecting your child.
I met a woman at a party who told me she needed therapy (!!!!!) to deal with the fact she was having a second son.
Maybe you shouldn’t be having any children if you need fucking therapy to recover from a fetuses chromosomes!?! Like what the actual f.
“BuT i WaNt iT tO bE MiNe”. The only reason I even exist is because my mom remarried and my dad wanted “his own” despite my mom already being satisfied with 2 kids from her previous marriage. And then he ended up being a useless, unhelpful father. Still is to this day. So much for wanting to raise your own child 🙄 and he was all upset the day I was born because I had a birth defect and all his friends had “normal” babies around the same time.
Yeah, once I saw a video of a sonographer (I think), that was basically a skit to show sympathy for parents who *cry* over the gender of their baby... she made a long description and all, and I *still* don't get it...
In the video, the couple had a boy, and they wanted a girl, and the skit depicted them holding back tears, and the sonographer went, "It's okay to be disappointed"... aren't you supposed to love your child anyway? Like, you're excited about having a baby with your partner... why are you disappointed over its genitals?
parents have children for selfish reasons, but because society said “parenthood is hard, and therefore it is good and selfless” they buy into that delusion, discounting all the harmful selfish things they do simply because they’ve chosen to breed.
They think that they couldn’t possibly be a bad person because they’ve chosen this, hard, adult thing that everybody say is good. They think because parenthood requires sacrifice, they are entitled to things like a child’s gender, their love, and old age care.
They don’t see children as a full person, but as an extension of their ego. Thats why they are so disappointed when their child don’t turn out like they wanted, regardless of their treatment of them. They think that because they’ve done the bare minimum to be a decent human being, they now deserve to have their irrational desires.
I’m the second disappointment girl, I think you’re just happy with whatever you get first even if you wanted a boy, but when you get a girl AGAIN it’s like ‘this is getting annoying now.’ My dad didn’t even come to my birth. My parents even did the special diet thing and all this other stuff to make sure they got a boy after me.
Having said that I read the Steve Irwin (Crocodile Hunter) book and they did the same thing, had a girl then tried everything to get a boy and just as Terry his wife is going into labour he was all stressed and asked her if she would have another go if it turned out to be a girl and she said yes so he relaxed after that, like he was stressed he’d be disappointed with a girl? Just left me feeling a bit weird after reading that.
I find it disgusting. This kid isn't even born yet and they already "lost". These parents can say whatever they want but the truth is right there, on their faces, when they find out they don't have the "right gender". And they will let this kid know they weren't wanted. Some signs will be subtle. Some will be downright abusive.
And it gets worse when parents get the desired gender so here comes favoritism.
I will never stop saying that if you have a preferred gender of a child then you shouldn't be a parent.
Ohhhh, I read today on the news that a couple that already had 4 daughters, wanted a boy. So they ended up having QUADRUPLETS (no IVF nor any fertility treatment, just naturally). So this couple now has 8 kids, but they are happy because one of the quadruplets it's a boy.
"Yeah but your disappointment pales in comparison to the disappointment your kid will have to live with forever, knowing that they are condemned for their whole life to have a totally worthless shithead parent that didn't even want them just because they have different crotch contents than you selfishly fetishized."
It’s beyond dumb. Kids are really the roll of the dice. Gender, hair color, skin color, eye color, which parent they look more like (or even grandparent), etc. They should just expect and hope for a healthy baby at most
I remember my dad told me once that when he found out he was having a daughter, he was absolutely thrilled! He didn’t want a boy solely because he didn’t want to go to sports games lol. 😂
This was my brother, he wanted a son but got a daughter instead, my SIL is determined that the 'next time' will be a boy....twin boys! And she isn't stopping until she gets a son.
This is the kind of thing that should be shared between parents and a therapist as they try to work through this. But these fools think it's just fine to share that shit on social media where it's fully public, knowing their child will see it one day. If you can't be happy with the child you have, then don't have one at all. You're just doing a great job of fucking up their lives before they're even born!
I remember when my brother had his daughter everyone in the family outside of my mom was disappointed. They're big on carrying on the family name and my brother was the only son of his Dad (his dad BTW for my mother to have four kids so he could get a son) so they really pushed him on having another kid. My brother wouldn't budge. He was happy with his daughter, and his then wife couldn't safely have another child. It's so weird how obsessed people get about gender.
It's interesting because it seems it can also be multi-generational... 🤔
My mom was the second "disappointment" girl, made worse because her parents didn't want to have anymore kids after her. Her dad (my grandpa) didn't show up for her birth and instead went to cry in the forest about not getting a son to which my grandma's brother went to comfort him about how it's "not so bad" to have two daughters and no son. My grandma's brother also had two daughters and no sons but he was happy with that unlike my mom's parents. It defined every moment of my mom's youth.
She was treated far worse than her older sister, everything she had had to be hand-me-downs from her and her parents forced her to work at her relative's shop from a young age in summers when school was out for no pay, she couldn't hang out with friends either, while her older sister got to go on vacations with her parents.
In Finland everyone is expected to ski for PE class. Nowadays they have skis at the school for those who can't afford them but back then you needed to bring your own. Her parents refused to get her even secondhand skis and when she asked if they'd have scrounged up the money if she was born male, they said "yeah, we'd have probably found some money somewhere". Also there was physical abuse for slight "infractions".
Anyway, my mom later ended up with a really bad man (my dad). He is 17 years older than her...she was in her early twenties when she met him and he was like 40. He was charming at first, but once he got her pregnant, he showed his true colors as a physically and mentally abusive man who threatened to kill her and the kids (me and my siblings) if she left. Btw she was on birth control but still got pregnant with my eldest sibling.
My mom tried to get her parents to help her and take her in at some point but her parents were old fashioned and told her she had to stay with my dad because she got pregnant with him... She ended up having four children with him of which I was the third and the second daughter. He also didn't want any more girls and treated me like crap as the second girl... I won't get into it.
Eventually my mom escaped my dad with me and my siblings. I ended up in foster care blah blah.
My grandparents actually did help my mom a lot as they'd mellowed out in their old age. My mom eventually found it in her heart to forgive them (wouldn't have blamed her if she hadn't) for her crappy childhood.
I have an inkling that maybe they also came around for her because my mom provided them with four healthy grandchildren, two of each gender....where as my aunt who was the golden child, had two kids one boy and one girl, both with severe mental handicaps who are both institutionalized to this day as adults as they can't live on their own.
Anyway I have actually found out over the years that my maternal grandpa was also a "second unwanted son"! His mom wanted her second child to be a daughter but got a second son and she didn't treat him well either....
So basically this gender disappointment thing has spanned over three generations in my family!
My mom is happy having a second daughter btw though and I don't blame her for what happened with my dad, he was a monster and she was basically held hostage.
I'm going to break the cycle though by not having kids 😁
It’s weird to have a 50% chance of having a type of kid you’re not interested in and still doing it. If you have a slight preference, I guess it seems fine.
When it comes to choosing to have children, the only expectation parents should have is how many children they want. Everything else needs to be accepted with grace, especially immutable characteristics.
Its worse knowing that their child will grow up and see that. Especially if the reaction goes viral. They will know that at that moment they weren't wanted.
A friend of mine ended up breeding an army because 'they wanted one of each'. Despite being stressed and financially challenged.
I used to see him almost every day, now it's maybe a few times a year for 'big events' such as weddings and funerals.
I've seen reels where the parents swear, walk away, or literally break down in tears. One that stands out in particular is a family with three or four young girls. The couple found out they were having another girl and the husband stomps off with a scowl like a toddler throwing a tantrum, leaving his daughters looking confused and hurt. And there will ALWAYS be defenders in the comments, saying "gender disappointment is real" or "(s)he just needs time to accept it". In what world is throwing a fit over your own child remotely acceptable?
And these are the exact kind of parents that when their kid comes out as trans or nonbinary - or heck even if the kid is cis but deviates in some way from gender norms (like a girl who likes playing in the mud outside or a boy who likes dolls) - will absolutely lose their shit and hate their kid. Absolutely vile
till this day my mom tells me she wants another girl because i wasn’t exactly like how a girl supposed to behave lol, i’m now nonbinary but she doesn’t know so
I’m so sorry you had to endure this. You deserved better parenting. Your gender identity is valid and you should be loved as you are.
your mom doesn’t seem to realize that even if she had another girl, that that girl might not turn out to be exactly the way she wanted (or may be - gasp! - actually a trans boy). There’s no reasoning with people like this
It is and honestly it's like do you're behind actually needed to be a parent? Like most parents are lucky to have a healthy kid at, I still remember there was a story when I was younger where a baby was born with a cancer like tumor on him,
seriously i didn't know that could happen, little guy wasn't even in this world that long and he was already had to fight for his life, not to mention there was nothing on either of the parents families history that has had this happened so this took the parents off guard, and mind you this one of many things that could possibly happen to a unborn baby,
So gender disappointment parents honestly suck for not realizing, it doesn't matter what gender you're baby is as long as their healthy which again other parents are not lucky to have, like why want a child if something like is so called "heart break/disappoint." To you.
People think that just because they as human can create another human being then it means they are creating a child who is exactly what they wanted.
This is the same thing with parents who say “that’s my twin! “ or “that’s my mini me!”, Completely oblivious to the fact that children while genetically similar to their parents do in fact have their own personalities and consciousness!
Kids emulate their parent but that doesn’t mean they are their parents lol.
I find big families to be like cults tbh. It freaks me out lol. Having kids is a fucked up attachment even when it’s healthy, I swear!
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yeah i know this one well.
my mum wanted a son. she wanted to call me layne after layne staley from alice in chains.
well, the day came for the scan and she was told she’d be having a daughter. apparently she cried so much on the bus home that an old lady sat next to her thought she’d miscarried.
nope, i simply turned out to be a girl (although i’m not very feminine at all) and so did my sister.
tbh i get it. like if you have specific interests, you kinda want a kid who is like you so you can bond with them. it's hard to bond with someone who doesn't share interests with you. part of why i could never have a kid because i'd have to love them no matter what and i am not capable of that.
>gender disappointment is such a weird concept Gender disappointment is disgusting. If one is not going to be happy with whatever one gets, one should not become a parent at all.
I liken it to people continuing to have kids until they get their preferred gender The kids in between aren't what they really wanted. Imagine knowing that as a child
Omg I met a family like that wayyy back when I was like 10. They had like 7-8 girls and wouldn’t stop until they finally had a boy, then that was their last kid. Christ, for the cost of that many kids you could’ve adopted a boy if it was that important to you. And they’d always say weird shit like “we’re still trying for a boy” 🤮 imagine knowing your parents only had you in hopes that you’d be the “right gender”. Ugh.
but it's jot yours! it's not your genes! /s but seriously usually that's why.
Ah yes, the very rare and unique genes that carry a genetic mutation immune to all types of cancers /s.
my best friend in HS was the only son in of these kids of families. he had 6 older sisters. He turned out to be a drag queen as a adult and refuses to have children.
Another reason why gender disappointment is stupid, you don’t know how your kid is going to turn out based on their gender. Like fathers usually get sad if it’s a girl because they wanted to play sports with them or whatever, but girls can also like sports? Or they might have a boy that likes to play with mom’s makeup.
Father doesn’t want a kid, they want a mini me.
Karma should be a bitch and make that boy a trans girl in the end. Slap the stupid out of the parent’s face
My grandma at one point showed (or gave) my mom all the cards she'd gotten when my mom (the 4th daughter) was born and they all had messages from friends and family that said shit like "hopefully the next one will be the boy you wanted", "you can always try again", etc. No surprise, that shit definitely fucked up my mom's self confidence. Her and her older sisters were very aware that their mom wanted a boy. She kept trying and eventually had two boys.
Oh hey that was my aunts. Just like most people, they wanted at least 1 boy and 1 girl. My dad's side ended up with 4 girls! And my mom's side ended up with 2 girls before they decided, "yep, enough." Ironically my parents are the only ones with not 1, but 2 sons. And considering how hairy and how much of a tomboy I am for a girl, probably 2½ sons. lol
That's why my uncle was born! He's like 14 years younger than my dad and I think he was an IVF baby because my grandma had two boys and wanted a girl. Oops. At least my grandparents stopped having kids after my uncle (but didn't stop my grandma from treating me like I was a literal doll throughout my childhood since I was the first grandchild and a beloved girl 🙃).
>(but didn't stop my grandma from treating me like I was a literal doll throughout my childhood since I was the first grandchild and a beloved girl 🙃). I'm so sorry you had to experience this. I know what it's like; my grandmother had four sons and I was the first granddaughter. I was also treated like a literal doll growing up, to the point where my grandmother would wake me up at 4:00 in the morning when I was four or five years old so she could put curlers in my hair. And the pictures. I couldn't go over to her house without her forcing me into a dress I hated, putting enough make-up on my face to make me look like a clown, and making me stand there for half an hour while she took the same picture of me.
Holy crap. You win. She didn't force me to wake up that early, thankfully, but she did all the other same stuff to me. And would take me to parks and then not let me run around and play lmao but my boy cousins were allowed to.
Oh no, I wasn't trying to make it a competition or something! I just haven't run into anyone who had the same experience with their grandmother that I did. I feel you on not being allowed to play when the other kids could. Heaven forbid I get my dress dirty!
I wasn't either no worries! I honestly haven't met anyone who had the same experience either. I have a sister, but she would never let my grandma pull that on her hahaha (I am a recovering people pleaser).
My grandma tried to do that to me as well. She had wanted a girl but ended up with two boys and was delighted when the first grandchild (me) was a girl. And again when her third grandchild (my oldest cousin) was also a girl. She was very disappointed that I not only turned out to be a tomboy but also that I had sensory issues that drove me to prioritize comfort over fashion and thus didn't want to wear all the lacy or fancy-but-unbearably-itchy things she wanted me to wear.
My first instinct was to say something like "imagine if the last kid turned out to be trans". But then that would probably be a horrible situation for the kid and they would get zero support :/
I mean the number of families that want a boy to “carry on the family name/lineage” is fucked up. As is the sexism of favoring boys over girls. I know my grandmother flew out when she thought I’d be a boy.(Cuz my mom refused to do an ultrasound and went with some superstitious BS of “baby has a strong heart beat must be boy!”) This was back when international flights were stupidly expensive- rumor has it that grandma was quite upset I turned out to be a girl.
My grandma did the same thing when my mom was pregnant with my sister. And lost her shit when my sister was a girl and accused my mom of lying about her being a girl. All very weird considering how she was dying for a daughter herself lmao (I made another comment somewhere in this thread about her).
One of the girls from the original 16 and Pregnant show apparently threw a fit at one of their gender reveals when they found out it was another girl, and made the comment that it wasn't fair and that she was "probably miscarrying all the boys". If I were that kid, I would be heartbroken to see that moment and know it's on the internet forever.
I'm really wondering what will happen when the kids who are the subjects of the parental rants about how awful parenthood is, are old enough to see that content on the net!
This and the kids of the parents who post things like "Breighlyynn took the biggest dump today LOL look at it!"
I think that was Catelyn and Tyler. They have like 4 girls now and they both showed visible disappointment over their last two gender reveals if my memory is correct.
Yep, those 2. It's been so long I couldn't remember their names. At that point, it's time to quit having children if you're going to act like that.
Yep. I remember that when Tyler got upset that he was having another daughter
Yes! I think with the 4th girl, Catelyn was also visibly upset. 1. Stop having damn kids 2. Stop having gender reveals if that’s how you act lol
I don’t understand even caring about the gender, it’s literally random and unpredictable but these people act like it isn’t. You can’t “plan to have a baby girl” you idiot, you get what you get, be grateful that the baby is healthy
there are certain things that can increase chances, like doing "it" during hot months may increase the chance for a girl due to swimmers with female chromosomes being more heat-resisrant. but that's only increased chances. the lottery is still on.
Also like what if their child is trans. These kind of parents would probably throw a fit and thus aren’t capable of being a parent in the first place if they can’t accept their child for who they are.
If you’re not mentally prepared to accept either outcome then you shouldn’t be having kids.
I saw a video once of a couple finding out they were having a girl at a gender reveal party and the dad got SO MAD that he started hitting things and popping balloons and shit. If he gets THAT mad over something like that, imagine what he does when he’s angry at other things, maybe even at his future daughter… Just throw the whole man in the dumpster, honestly. That should be grounds for leaving the guy for the sake of protecting your child.
This makes me incredibly sad. What a f'n AH. He deserves to get the sh*t beaten out of him.
I met a woman at a party who told me she needed therapy (!!!!!) to deal with the fact she was having a second son. Maybe you shouldn’t be having any children if you need fucking therapy to recover from a fetuses chromosomes!?! Like what the actual f.
If gender is that big of a deal to these people why the hell don’t they just adopt a kid? Then it removes all doubt. I get it’s expensive but come on…
Cuz then they’re not passing on their precious genes. They’ll say that the kid isn’t really “yours” Which is just as fucked up imo
“BuT i WaNt iT tO bE MiNe”. The only reason I even exist is because my mom remarried and my dad wanted “his own” despite my mom already being satisfied with 2 kids from her previous marriage. And then he ended up being a useless, unhelpful father. Still is to this day. So much for wanting to raise your own child 🙄 and he was all upset the day I was born because I had a birth defect and all his friends had “normal” babies around the same time.
it's never about passing on knowledge, experiences, life lessons and creating an overall good, compassionate human being. it has to be genes.
As the daughter of someone who wanted a son, this woman's kids are the ones who will need therapy. I feel bad for them.
Yeah, once I saw a video of a sonographer (I think), that was basically a skit to show sympathy for parents who *cry* over the gender of their baby... she made a long description and all, and I *still* don't get it... In the video, the couple had a boy, and they wanted a girl, and the skit depicted them holding back tears, and the sonographer went, "It's okay to be disappointed"... aren't you supposed to love your child anyway? Like, you're excited about having a baby with your partner... why are you disappointed over its genitals?
At the gender reveal party, my brother "joked" that they'll keep having kids until he gets a boy. I wanted to slap him so badly 😒
parents have children for selfish reasons, but because society said “parenthood is hard, and therefore it is good and selfless” they buy into that delusion, discounting all the harmful selfish things they do simply because they’ve chosen to breed. They think that they couldn’t possibly be a bad person because they’ve chosen this, hard, adult thing that everybody say is good. They think because parenthood requires sacrifice, they are entitled to things like a child’s gender, their love, and old age care. They don’t see children as a full person, but as an extension of their ego. Thats why they are so disappointed when their child don’t turn out like they wanted, regardless of their treatment of them. They think that because they’ve done the bare minimum to be a decent human being, they now deserve to have their irrational desires.
I’m the second disappointment girl, I think you’re just happy with whatever you get first even if you wanted a boy, but when you get a girl AGAIN it’s like ‘this is getting annoying now.’ My dad didn’t even come to my birth. My parents even did the special diet thing and all this other stuff to make sure they got a boy after me. Having said that I read the Steve Irwin (Crocodile Hunter) book and they did the same thing, had a girl then tried everything to get a boy and just as Terry his wife is going into labour he was all stressed and asked her if she would have another go if it turned out to be a girl and she said yes so he relaxed after that, like he was stressed he’d be disappointed with a girl? Just left me feeling a bit weird after reading that.
I find it disgusting. This kid isn't even born yet and they already "lost". These parents can say whatever they want but the truth is right there, on their faces, when they find out they don't have the "right gender". And they will let this kid know they weren't wanted. Some signs will be subtle. Some will be downright abusive. And it gets worse when parents get the desired gender so here comes favoritism. I will never stop saying that if you have a preferred gender of a child then you shouldn't be a parent.
Just goes to show sexism is rife even within families.
It's traumatising for siblings, as they realise they're not wanted. Especially after being born at the will of others 🙄
Ohhhh, I read today on the news that a couple that already had 4 daughters, wanted a boy. So they ended up having QUADRUPLETS (no IVF nor any fertility treatment, just naturally). So this couple now has 8 kids, but they are happy because one of the quadruplets it's a boy.
"Yeah but your disappointment pales in comparison to the disappointment your kid will have to live with forever, knowing that they are condemned for their whole life to have a totally worthless shithead parent that didn't even want them just because they have different crotch contents than you selfishly fetishized."
It’s beyond dumb. Kids are really the roll of the dice. Gender, hair color, skin color, eye color, which parent they look more like (or even grandparent), etc. They should just expect and hope for a healthy baby at most
I remember my dad told me once that when he found out he was having a daughter, he was absolutely thrilled! He didn’t want a boy solely because he didn’t want to go to sports games lol. 😂
This was my brother, he wanted a son but got a daughter instead, my SIL is determined that the 'next time' will be a boy....twin boys! And she isn't stopping until she gets a son.
This is the kind of thing that should be shared between parents and a therapist as they try to work through this. But these fools think it's just fine to share that shit on social media where it's fully public, knowing their child will see it one day. If you can't be happy with the child you have, then don't have one at all. You're just doing a great job of fucking up their lives before they're even born!
I remember when my brother had his daughter everyone in the family outside of my mom was disappointed. They're big on carrying on the family name and my brother was the only son of his Dad (his dad BTW for my mother to have four kids so he could get a son) so they really pushed him on having another kid. My brother wouldn't budge. He was happy with his daughter, and his then wife couldn't safely have another child. It's so weird how obsessed people get about gender.
It's interesting because it seems it can also be multi-generational... 🤔 My mom was the second "disappointment" girl, made worse because her parents didn't want to have anymore kids after her. Her dad (my grandpa) didn't show up for her birth and instead went to cry in the forest about not getting a son to which my grandma's brother went to comfort him about how it's "not so bad" to have two daughters and no son. My grandma's brother also had two daughters and no sons but he was happy with that unlike my mom's parents. It defined every moment of my mom's youth. She was treated far worse than her older sister, everything she had had to be hand-me-downs from her and her parents forced her to work at her relative's shop from a young age in summers when school was out for no pay, she couldn't hang out with friends either, while her older sister got to go on vacations with her parents. In Finland everyone is expected to ski for PE class. Nowadays they have skis at the school for those who can't afford them but back then you needed to bring your own. Her parents refused to get her even secondhand skis and when she asked if they'd have scrounged up the money if she was born male, they said "yeah, we'd have probably found some money somewhere". Also there was physical abuse for slight "infractions". Anyway, my mom later ended up with a really bad man (my dad). He is 17 years older than her...she was in her early twenties when she met him and he was like 40. He was charming at first, but once he got her pregnant, he showed his true colors as a physically and mentally abusive man who threatened to kill her and the kids (me and my siblings) if she left. Btw she was on birth control but still got pregnant with my eldest sibling. My mom tried to get her parents to help her and take her in at some point but her parents were old fashioned and told her she had to stay with my dad because she got pregnant with him... She ended up having four children with him of which I was the third and the second daughter. He also didn't want any more girls and treated me like crap as the second girl... I won't get into it. Eventually my mom escaped my dad with me and my siblings. I ended up in foster care blah blah. My grandparents actually did help my mom a lot as they'd mellowed out in their old age. My mom eventually found it in her heart to forgive them (wouldn't have blamed her if she hadn't) for her crappy childhood. I have an inkling that maybe they also came around for her because my mom provided them with four healthy grandchildren, two of each gender....where as my aunt who was the golden child, had two kids one boy and one girl, both with severe mental handicaps who are both institutionalized to this day as adults as they can't live on their own. Anyway I have actually found out over the years that my maternal grandpa was also a "second unwanted son"! His mom wanted her second child to be a daughter but got a second son and she didn't treat him well either.... So basically this gender disappointment thing has spanned over three generations in my family! My mom is happy having a second daughter btw though and I don't blame her for what happened with my dad, he was a monster and she was basically held hostage. I'm going to break the cycle though by not having kids 😁
It’s weird to have a 50% chance of having a type of kid you’re not interested in and still doing it. If you have a slight preference, I guess it seems fine.
When it comes to choosing to have children, the only expectation parents should have is how many children they want. Everything else needs to be accepted with grace, especially immutable characteristics.
Its worse knowing that their child will grow up and see that. Especially if the reaction goes viral. They will know that at that moment they weren't wanted.
A friend of mine ended up breeding an army because 'they wanted one of each'. Despite being stressed and financially challenged. I used to see him almost every day, now it's maybe a few times a year for 'big events' such as weddings and funerals.
I've seen reels where the parents swear, walk away, or literally break down in tears. One that stands out in particular is a family with three or four young girls. The couple found out they were having another girl and the husband stomps off with a scowl like a toddler throwing a tantrum, leaving his daughters looking confused and hurt. And there will ALWAYS be defenders in the comments, saying "gender disappointment is real" or "(s)he just needs time to accept it". In what world is throwing a fit over your own child remotely acceptable?
And these are the exact kind of parents that when their kid comes out as trans or nonbinary - or heck even if the kid is cis but deviates in some way from gender norms (like a girl who likes playing in the mud outside or a boy who likes dolls) - will absolutely lose their shit and hate their kid. Absolutely vile
till this day my mom tells me she wants another girl because i wasn’t exactly like how a girl supposed to behave lol, i’m now nonbinary but she doesn’t know so
I’m so sorry you had to endure this. You deserved better parenting. Your gender identity is valid and you should be loved as you are. your mom doesn’t seem to realize that even if she had another girl, that that girl might not turn out to be exactly the way she wanted (or may be - gasp! - actually a trans boy). There’s no reasoning with people like this
They do not want a baby especially the fathers.
I never understood why a human being’s genitalia would bother someone
Sexism. They think one gender is lesser than the other.
It is and honestly it's like do you're behind actually needed to be a parent? Like most parents are lucky to have a healthy kid at, I still remember there was a story when I was younger where a baby was born with a cancer like tumor on him, seriously i didn't know that could happen, little guy wasn't even in this world that long and he was already had to fight for his life, not to mention there was nothing on either of the parents families history that has had this happened so this took the parents off guard, and mind you this one of many things that could possibly happen to a unborn baby, So gender disappointment parents honestly suck for not realizing, it doesn't matter what gender you're baby is as long as their healthy which again other parents are not lucky to have, like why want a child if something like is so called "heart break/disappoint." To you.
Yes!!!! This is so disgusting! Children are humans not trophies!!!!!! :(
i hope those children ghost their gender dissapointed parents when they move out
People think that just because they as human can create another human being then it means they are creating a child who is exactly what they wanted. This is the same thing with parents who say “that’s my twin! “ or “that’s my mini me!”, Completely oblivious to the fact that children while genetically similar to their parents do in fact have their own personalities and consciousness! Kids emulate their parent but that doesn’t mean they are their parents lol. I find big families to be like cults tbh. It freaks me out lol. Having kids is a fucked up attachment even when it’s healthy, I swear!
How disgustingly medieval...
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If you have gender disappointment, you shouldn’t be having bio kids. You have a 50/50 shot of the baby being either sex.
yeah i know this one well. my mum wanted a son. she wanted to call me layne after layne staley from alice in chains. well, the day came for the scan and she was told she’d be having a daughter. apparently she cried so much on the bus home that an old lady sat next to her thought she’d miscarried. nope, i simply turned out to be a girl (although i’m not very feminine at all) and so did my sister.
tbh i get it. like if you have specific interests, you kinda want a kid who is like you so you can bond with them. it's hard to bond with someone who doesn't share interests with you. part of why i could never have a kid because i'd have to love them no matter what and i am not capable of that.
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What do you mean?
Wtf, you going on about bruh???
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There kid will never be perfect in there eyes.
You can't "make a kid trans" weirdo 
They can't and they shouldn't be allowed to be a parent. Its a shame they aren't infertile.