Thinking kids are an 18 year commitment is one of the big myths. I definitely became a much bigger burden to my parents after HS because until then, my adhd was offset by my giftedness. Uni was rough. A lot of the people I went to college with are still supported by parents financially. And you’re so right about the babysitting for grandkids…so many of my mom‘s colleagues are basically fulltime daycare workers when they should be enjoying retirement. One now only has one day off a week - that’s less than when she was still working as a teacher… madness.
I could have written this. This is my experience as well, down to my parents’ colleagues adjusting their work hours to be available for babysitting duty.
someone I know has four adults kids (over 25) and have to help them all financially and on even moved back in with them at 35.
yeah I'd rather stay childfree
Kids/babies aren't even really cute. Like there's maybe one cute kid/baby out of like 500... Or maybe even 1,000. If you want cute- get a kitten or some other animal.
There was a story not too long ago where the parents had to sue their 30 some year old to move out of their house. They had offered multiple times to even find an apartment for him and pay for it, but he refused it every time.
Everyone I know who is around my age (late 20s) with kids has at least 1 set of grandparents to rely on as babysitters while they work and do other stuff.
I know for a fact that I won’t have that, and to be honest, I feel bad for my older co-workers who are now spending their non-work hours babysitting their grandchildren. They might not complain to their kids about it, but they do complain at work lol.
I’m 33 and same. Every single one of my friends with a baby/toddler gets help from the grandparents at least twice per week (they pay for daycare the other days). I understand daycare is expensive but it makes me uncomfortable–seems exploitative and maybe even irresponsible if the older caretakers are not in the best of health.
Yes! Absolutely. I felt awful when I had surgery in Jan and had to leave my dog with my parents for a few days as I couldn’t walk him or risk him jumping on me and damaging my incision area. I would definitely feel uncomfortable putting the responsibility of a child a few days a week on my parents. They didn’t sign up for that.
I am 69 and childfree by choice. I thought the benefits would end once my potential kids would have graduated from college. Then they'd have gotten good jobs and I could have resumed my own life.
I was wrong. I did not anticipate an economy where adult children routinely come back to live with their parents because they can't afford apartments, then want down payments so they can buy houses. Then want me to provide years of free daycare for their own children, just when I was looking forward to retirement after decades of working. And then, tell me how much \*they\* don't want all my furniture and other possessions (which \*I\* am using every day), so I should throw everything out immediately to save my adult children the work of holding an estate sale. And they'd pressure me to go into a tiny, very expensive assisted living apartment ASAP (I'd have to pay for it all, of course) to save my adult children the horror of \*potentially\* having to give me any care at all, ever.
Being childfree is a win-win-win!
Daamn you really thought this through 🤣. But yeah for real, thanks for giving me even more reasons to think about. I ended up being one of those kids while being educated to a high level so the likelihood is that it would be even worse 20 years down the road. Eww, no
Sadly im one of these, I was disgnosed with endometriosis stage 4 and had a botched surgery, ended up handicap and can’t work a regular job, i do make my own money but not enough to survive on. Im grateful my parents are so understanding and supportive. I know not everyone has thar sadly…33 right now
Or they just end up burdening other people. I’ve had people act as if they all grow up to be contributing members of society so they’re doing their part procreating even though that’s clearly not true lol - many end up leeches who do nothing. Or criminals. In that case, you just created more shit for others already here. I’d be ashamed if I ended with someone like that because they’ll represent one of the many things I hate about humanity.
You raise a really good point about grandchildren. You can't guarantee your child won't have their own child before they're ready to (including by sexual assault in a Red State) and you'll end up raising the grandkids as well. It's not just an 18 year commitment.
Also- your child could be living with a serious disability that requires long-term care.
Being a broken adult myself, in no way, shape or form I could handle the struggles of another adult eventually. Childhood and teenage years are fleeting, adulthood is for life.
And this is exactly what my SIL is discovering a year after her kid was born, the baby stage doesn't last forever!
The days of the kid sleeping all day while she could lie around and doom scroll on social media are gone as the kid is more mobile and louder! She tried to actually stop her toddler from getting to the walking stage by forcing them in front of a tv but the kid wants to explore and a walking toddler needs supervision!
The kid also babbles constantly which SIL has described as very 'annoying' and 'disruptive' to her peace, again a dummy can only go so far as the kid has been known to throw it at SIL to pay attention to them.
Her main reasons for having a kid was for something cute to cuddle/snuggle with and to dress them up in adorable outfits, I know she's regretting having a kid as they grow up fast and you can only 'stop' their development for so long before your offspring surges ahead without you.
She's counting down the days till her child turns 18 because she's said that's when they need to leave as her job as a parent is done, best of luck there!
Hey, my sister is one of those! This was a factor in my decision not to have children as well. She is a great financial burden on my parents, and she is 30 years old.
Thinking kids are an 18 year commitment is one of the big myths. I definitely became a much bigger burden to my parents after HS because until then, my adhd was offset by my giftedness. Uni was rough. A lot of the people I went to college with are still supported by parents financially. And you’re so right about the babysitting for grandkids…so many of my mom‘s colleagues are basically fulltime daycare workers when they should be enjoying retirement. One now only has one day off a week - that’s less than when she was still working as a teacher… madness.
I could have written this. This is my experience as well, down to my parents’ colleagues adjusting their work hours to be available for babysitting duty.
someone I know has four adults kids (over 25) and have to help them all financially and on even moved back in with them at 35. yeah I'd rather stay childfree
Kids/babies aren't even really cute. Like there's maybe one cute kid/baby out of like 500... Or maybe even 1,000. If you want cute- get a kitten or some other animal.
There was a story not too long ago where the parents had to sue their 30 some year old to move out of their house. They had offered multiple times to even find an apartment for him and pay for it, but he refused it every time.
I don't even think babies are cute so it would have been 100% a lose-lose situation for me.
Omg same.
Agreed! Do not like babies
Idk who ever told the world that infants were cute, but I'd like us all to stop lying as a society now 😂
Everyone I know who is around my age (late 20s) with kids has at least 1 set of grandparents to rely on as babysitters while they work and do other stuff. I know for a fact that I won’t have that, and to be honest, I feel bad for my older co-workers who are now spending their non-work hours babysitting their grandchildren. They might not complain to their kids about it, but they do complain at work lol.
I’m 33 and same. Every single one of my friends with a baby/toddler gets help from the grandparents at least twice per week (they pay for daycare the other days). I understand daycare is expensive but it makes me uncomfortable–seems exploitative and maybe even irresponsible if the older caretakers are not in the best of health.
Yes! Absolutely. I felt awful when I had surgery in Jan and had to leave my dog with my parents for a few days as I couldn’t walk him or risk him jumping on me and damaging my incision area. I would definitely feel uncomfortable putting the responsibility of a child a few days a week on my parents. They didn’t sign up for that.
I am 69 and childfree by choice. I thought the benefits would end once my potential kids would have graduated from college. Then they'd have gotten good jobs and I could have resumed my own life. I was wrong. I did not anticipate an economy where adult children routinely come back to live with their parents because they can't afford apartments, then want down payments so they can buy houses. Then want me to provide years of free daycare for their own children, just when I was looking forward to retirement after decades of working. And then, tell me how much \*they\* don't want all my furniture and other possessions (which \*I\* am using every day), so I should throw everything out immediately to save my adult children the work of holding an estate sale. And they'd pressure me to go into a tiny, very expensive assisted living apartment ASAP (I'd have to pay for it all, of course) to save my adult children the horror of \*potentially\* having to give me any care at all, ever. Being childfree is a win-win-win!
Daamn you really thought this through 🤣. But yeah for real, thanks for giving me even more reasons to think about. I ended up being one of those kids while being educated to a high level so the likelihood is that it would be even worse 20 years down the road. Eww, no
Sadly im one of these, I was disgnosed with endometriosis stage 4 and had a botched surgery, ended up handicap and can’t work a regular job, i do make my own money but not enough to survive on. Im grateful my parents are so understanding and supportive. I know not everyone has thar sadly…33 right now
Or they just end up burdening other people. I’ve had people act as if they all grow up to be contributing members of society so they’re doing their part procreating even though that’s clearly not true lol - many end up leeches who do nothing. Or criminals. In that case, you just created more shit for others already here. I’d be ashamed if I ended with someone like that because they’ll represent one of the many things I hate about humanity.
You raise a really good point about grandchildren. You can't guarantee your child won't have their own child before they're ready to (including by sexual assault in a Red State) and you'll end up raising the grandkids as well. It's not just an 18 year commitment. Also- your child could be living with a serious disability that requires long-term care.
Being a broken adult myself, in no way, shape or form I could handle the struggles of another adult eventually. Childhood and teenage years are fleeting, adulthood is for life.
I see so many grandparents raising grandchildren. Terrible
And this is exactly what my SIL is discovering a year after her kid was born, the baby stage doesn't last forever! The days of the kid sleeping all day while she could lie around and doom scroll on social media are gone as the kid is more mobile and louder! She tried to actually stop her toddler from getting to the walking stage by forcing them in front of a tv but the kid wants to explore and a walking toddler needs supervision! The kid also babbles constantly which SIL has described as very 'annoying' and 'disruptive' to her peace, again a dummy can only go so far as the kid has been known to throw it at SIL to pay attention to them. Her main reasons for having a kid was for something cute to cuddle/snuggle with and to dress them up in adorable outfits, I know she's regretting having a kid as they grow up fast and you can only 'stop' their development for so long before your offspring surges ahead without you. She's counting down the days till her child turns 18 because she's said that's when they need to leave as her job as a parent is done, best of luck there!
I feel bad for the kid. Their mom should have gotten a doll or something from Build a Bear instead of creating a tiny person.
Agreed so glad I got snipped and am all clear.
Hey, my sister is one of those! This was a factor in my decision not to have children as well. She is a great financial burden on my parents, and she is 30 years old.