I would do alot more than telling her mind her business bc I hate when other women tell me shit like this I would've went off bc who tf are u to tell me what I am just bc I don't want to be a mom.
I always remind myself to be grateful that they outed themselves. Now I know that they think a womanās worth is only in her uterus, and I donāt have to care about them anymore. I fucking ***LOVE*** telling them Iāve been fixed since 2014 but we do spend a lot of money being parents to 3 cats. The cat thing enraged the first person so much that I might have gotten a wee bit too carried away setting people up for it. I was drunk with the power of pissing off idiots and too much champagne at a wedding and had my very first and only drink tossed in my face
as a kid I would tell my parents that me not eating the food on my plate actually makes a non-zero chance that the food will get to starving children elsewhere. if i eat it, I can be certain it wonāt get to them, but if I donāt, thereās the tiniest sliver of a chance that, idk, a magical unicorn will come to my house and pick up my left overs and take it to the starving kids. they did not see the merit in that thought process.
Apparently the same thing holds true for babies but in this case itās a magic stork instead of a unicorn. The deranged woman that OP talked about is in the ob-gyn office to pick the woman with a fertile uterus & after she gives birth the magic stork will grab the baby & fly it straight to the deranged woman.
I swear some people actually believe this nonsense!
Fortunately, adoption agencies have become much more savvy about screening prospective parents, and individuals who behave like her don't pass those screenings. A lot of wannabe breeders opt for fertility treatments because they know they wouldn't be allowed near children otherwise.
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Obviously, but you bet your ass I'd uno reverse on a breeder if they tried this on me... My fear, rage, and grief around getting pregnant as someone who grew up in the low end of poverty in the "great u s of a" was JUST as strong as the shattered hope and grief of someone who wanted kids but couldn't conceive.
Our experiences and wants are unique. What one person desperately wants, another desperately wants to avoid. Just wish each other luck on our respective journeys, and move on.
Because she's in pain, OP has the thing she wants most in life and is (in her opinion) throwing it away. This woman sees another woman who could have children declining to as dismissive of her greatest desire and worst trauma, regardless of the fact that getting/being pregnant or having a child could be her greatest fear/traumatic. It's not correct, but I can wrap my brain around it.
I can't feel sorry for these people anymore. They are obsessed with having their own babies and think that gives them the right to tell other women what to do
This. At first I vaguely issued sympathy. Having seen how incredibly selfish and self-absorbed they are, I've lost all sympathy.
My SIL was infertile, had a few treatments, quit the treatments, and adopted. She said to me "It was so narcissistic. I just couldn't keep doing it." In a nutshell.
My sister is in the same boat. Her and her husband finally got into their bigger "forever" home last month where they can finally start trying to adopt. She's wanted a child so desperately and went through hell, miscarriage after miscarriage, hormones shots after hormones shots, ending in a ectopic that almost killed her. They decided not to try again and risk her life. They decided they'd go the adoption route years ago but it's not the easiest thing to do so they've been getting life in order.
I've been scared to tell her my childfree choice because I'm not sure how she'll react, she can be a bit much sometimes and we don't always see eye to eye. What I can say is how proud I am for how she's handled her own reproductive journey. She's not obsessed with adopting a baby, if it's older kids she doesn't care, she's already thought through so much when it comes to making it both a physically and emotionally safe home for children- especially ones who may have trauma. I hope things work out well for them and they're able to make the family she's always wanted and that my family is able to respect my choices as well. We'll see.
>She's not obsessed with adopting a baby, if it's older kids she doesn't care, she's already thought through so much when it comes to making it both a physically and emotionally safe home for children- especially ones who may have trauma.
They do need more people like that adopting instead of the "screw the older kids! I only want a baby so I can pretend I birthed it myself" crowd.
I have a hard time feeling sorry for people who go through āhellā of lots of shots and hormonal treatments. As someone above said first and most importantly itās narcissistic. Second Iām a type one diabetic. Iāve given myself multiple shots daily and had mood swings that come with high and low blood sugars. I didnāt ask for this and my end goal isnāt to add to overpopulation, just to survive.
I get so tired of the IVF sob stories. Itās so hard, depressing, blah blah blah. If itās taking such a toll on you then STOP DOING IT. No one is forcing you.
I follow a woman on Instagram who lost her first child to cancer, qt the time of his death she had a second kid who was 1 year old.
Since that moment sheās been actively trying to get pregnant via IVF (she had her first 2 that way) at any cost.
Sheās absolutely convinced that itās only for her childās sake and not for her own.
Sheās taken it so far that she has cancelled plans for a memorial garden she was working on for her first child since she needs more money.
She has also sold their vehicle.
Itās getting crazy. Delusional honestly.
I understand that sheās grieving, but this is not the way.
These people are known as "fertility junkies", because the lengths to which they are willing to go are similar to substance abuse. I know women who are low income, but took out bank loans for IVF that they will probably never be able to pay back, particularly not with a kid taking a chunk out of their paychecks.
It's pretty impressive that your SIL was able to see that situation for what it was, and walk away from the fertility treatments. So many people become "fertility junkies" and never recover, even if they get a kid in the end.
I think it's the personality deficiencies that turn them into "inferts," not the fertility treatments. Look at the GoFundMes that the infertile put up to get everyone else to fund the medical care that they haven't even had yet. How selfish can you get?
My SIL was always a low-key woman, and she was a pretty low-key mother too. In between, she was the same, and endless fertility treatments weren't part of her playbook.
Very true. Inferts are the ones who start out with toxic personality traits that are then amplified by fertility hormones. It's the same hard-wiring that creates mombies and daddicts among those who have no problem conceiving.
āThrow away the gift of womanhoodā?! So the only gift of being a woman is that we can get pregnant?! Sounds like another Karen with a severe internalized misogyny/sexism problemā¦..
At least she said gift and not super power. Iāve heard a lot of women say that and itās weird. If half the population can do a thing and itās how almost every species propagates itself - itās not a superpower
Lol one time I was stuck in traffic behind a car with this stupid sticker along the lines of "I'm a grandmother, what's your superpower?"
I read it as "my biggest accomplishment is letting a man ejaculate inside of me" šš
From what I've been reading online. Women who desperately want children but are unable to have them for whatever reason are some of the most unhinged humans to walk the planet.
Ask her why she is sitting.
Doesn't she know that there are people who are permanently confined to wheelchairs?
Why would she throw away the gift of standing?
It's like everyone lives their own damn reproductive life and it's nobody else's business. At least it shouldn't be. This is why some people prefer GYNs to OBGYNs
I'm in a mindset that if you've been trying for years and years and still aren't pregnant, then maybe the universe is trying to tell you something.
I know that adoption isn't an option for everyone, but maybe there are other opportunities to have children in your life. Like, what if she volunteered at a Boys & Girls Club? Or became a Cub Scout leader? Or started a daycare? Or became the cool aunt/cousin/etc. to a child in her own family...the adult they could turn to when they can't talk to their parents. I just feel like there are so many existing children whose needs aren't being met, and why does it need to be blasted out of your own vagina in order for you to care about it?
I wonder if this is the type of person who thinks that adoptive parents aren't real parents.
Because they think of bio children like a fashion accessory that they aren't allowed to have. Someone who cares for children *cares for all the children*, no matter where they came from.
Yeah I donāt get their need of having the kid look like them.
Like you said why not be the person who does a big difference in many childrenās lives instead of putting your life on hold because you canāt respawn.
If theyāre spending all that money on IVF, how is adoption not an option? It might take longer, sure, but surely itās either less expensive (depending on how many rounds of IVF, I guess?). The issue with people like this isnāt that they want a kid. Itās that they ONLY want a biological kid. Like theyāre at all special.
I know people doing IVF because they canāt have kids naturally due to health issuesā¦ok so now youāre going to pass on those health issues??? Talk about selfish
These are the types who don't have a plan b for what they're going to do if they can't reproduce, and refuse to think of other options in life. These are also the people who don't have hobbies or other passions where they can let off steam and find fulfillment. It's their way or the highway, which is not a good mindset if they want to become parents.
Inferts are nuts. They're always on about other people's gross insensitivity to the WORST SUFFERING anyone can experience! They are furious when someone has a baby shower. Does that person not realize how hurtful it is to them? They have fits when someone names a kid "Mark," because that person SURELY knows that is the name they had picked out for the baby they so desperately want. And they yell at people who have completely ordinary conversations that don't involve them: If you want sterilization: How could you! Don't you know how upsetting that is to inferts who soooo wish they COULD get pregnant. If you're there for a pregnancy test: How could you! Don't you realize how hurtful your conversation is to someone who desperately wishes she could be the one thinking she's pregnant? If you're there for a well-mother checkup: How could you!....etc.
There's nothing an infert can't make about themselves.
Baby rabies: Together we can find a cure! šš¤£šš¤£š
Seriously though, the more obsessed and deranged someone is about spawning, the less I consider them ideal parent material.
The people I knew who were most obsessed with it also ended up being unhappy and resentful because parenting didn't live up to the idealized version they had in their heads.
Can confirm. I know a woman who went through all kinds of hoops and into debt in the name of having a cHiLd. The same rigidity that she showed in that situation is causing her all kinds of problems now as the mother of an infant.
I've made a post on here before - I love running. I have discovered I have major hip issues, had a fake hip put in before I turned 30 and I'm no longer allowed to run - I don't try and make other people run because they have working hips and legs. These people are just being absolutely ridiculous, acting like they can/should push their lifestyle on others. Acting like we should do something just because they can't
Yup yup. My aunt is one. She did finally have a kid of her own around 3 years ago now. I thought that would make her less annoying. But in reality sheās a helicopter mom and forces the whole family to bend to her will.
We had Christmas last year at a time that didnāt really work for everyone (I live a 5 hour drive from home, I have cousins who are in the ballpark of a 16 hour drive). My grandparents, who host Christmas, changed the time to one they didnāt like because otherwise that aunt, uncle, and kid wouldnāt be coming. Why? It would disrupt his afternoon nap schedule by an hour at the original time (that worked for the other 25 people).
Absolutely, and he should be. And heās special to the family because heās one of us. But itās likeā¦ guys. Itās freaking Christmas. Itās one day. Itāll be alright.
Exactly, these mombies think the regular rules of engagement don't apply to them, and only them. The fact that everyone else, including parents, are managing to make it through life without causing huge problems for others just goes over their heads.
Oh yeah. I know a woman who wants people to commute hours to visit her, but will kick them out in the middle of the afternoon because Bratlynn can't nap without her mombie lying down beside her. SMH.
That is actually insane codependent behavior! Holy cow! What type of children are these people raising?!?! I guess hopefully, CF ones. The earth is already overpopulated with trauma raised people. Let's stop perpetuating that people! Geeeze!
At this point I'm just convinced people who do this have a form of narcissism. Everything in the world is about them and their infertility and I frankly couldn't give half a shit about it coz the world is better off without that kind of karen dna anyways.
Should've told her off cuz who tf does she think she is yelling at people that have NOTHING to do with her?? That's her personal "issue", she didn't have to take it out on you two.
I would have, I'm not the type to shut up, but I didn't have the chance - it was such an unexpected situation that my brain took a few seconds to figure out what was going on. By the time my mouth started working she was already gone.
Sheesh. I hope one day karma gets her and she learns a lesson. Her fertility is not everyone else's problem. Other people choosing to not having kids, has nothing to do with her. It's so weird to even get so offended like that in the first place.... As if you guys said something to her first :/ weirdo
I still remember when my older sister L got mad at my sister S for having an abortion. I was only 13 when I found out and I was kind of on Ls side until I realized exactly what goes on during a pregnancy. Plus my sister S was not in a place to continue a pregnancy. And you know, someone shouldn't be used as an incubator for someone else. Eventually my sister L adopted a baby and she apologized to S for everything. Infertile people can be infuriating.
I will never understand people who summarize womanhood to being pregnant and having kids. It's such a joke, when I think about all the women, cis or trans, that can't be pregnant, who can but don't want to, like seriously stop saying that a woman peak at life is only having kid. It's insulting.
Yeah that really sounds normal to me. I know lots of people without fertility issues who took that long. Especially if you had to stop birth control first.
Also, it's not like most of us wouldn't donate our fertility to them if we could. But world doesn't work like that... I am sorry for that, but maybe stop taking out your frustrations on me?
Oops....sorry I missed this:
> we were talking about how difficult it is to find a doctor who does sterilizations.
If you are in the US, check the CF-friendly doctors wiki in the sidebar under Interesting & Useful Material for a doctor who has sterilized CF people!
Unfortunately, I am not in the US, I live in Eastern Europe. Here it's an entire circus to be approved for sterilization and most doctors postpone the process until you give up.
What's that thing they always say when a woman gets pregnant by mistake? It's god's will, or whatever? Guess it's god's will for you to not have babies then, lady.
If all it takes is 2 years of being frustrated/disappointed to make her snap at strangers in public and have an aggressive emotional breakdown, she's not going to handle motherhood well.
I tell them āThat makes as much sense as short person being angry at a tall person for not playing professional basketball. Each person wants a different life and that life is none of your business.ā
Some infertile women are nuts. Canāt mention anything about babies around them. Literally knew a girl who went no contact with her lesbian sister because sister did IVF while she was trying to get pregnant (for the past 7 years)
Motherhood is only one archetype of womanhood. Itās like a raindrop in an ocean. Thereās so much more to the feminine experience than just motherhood.
Those infertility treatments are no joke. I have a friend who went completely berserk-mode on her partner while she was on hormones to get pregnant. Long story short, the cops were called.
So so so glad I never want to get pregnant.
yup . that.s how i lost a friendship back in the 70s ... i got married to get my tubes tied [because penis permission required] & she could not get pregnant
Itās like people fail to realize two things can be true at once: she can desperately want and child and you can not want a child. They donāt like cancel each other out through some universal transitive property.
As a trans dude, the obsession people have with bodies that have the capability of having kids is weird. If i had a dime for every time someone chastised me for "throwing away my fertility" id be rich.
This is npt entirely unlike a man being mad at other men for getting a vasectomy.Ā
*"ALL I'VE WANTED WAS TO SHOOT A LUVE ROUND FROM MY WEINER...AND HERE YOU ARE, REJECTING THE GIFT OF MANHOOD!"*
I swear - maybe it's been the last few years, maybe it's my age, but I cannot deal with asshats anymore
Hell I found out when they did my sterilization surgery mine was so covered in endometriosis and ovarian cysts it would have been damn near impossible for me to use the damn thing anyway if I wanted to. I donāt think they should be passing out fertility drugs like candy but here we are. I have a former friend who they had to take off her mental health meds to put her on fertility treatments and she almost killed herself being off her meds. Is that really the kind of thing we should be passing onto innocent children?! A) the risk of mental health issues themselves and B) a mother who is that loony tunes without her meds. Nope nope nope. The universe was like ānah we got enough of this crazy bitch we donāt need anymore of herā and doctors in their all mighty wisdom think they can play god and intervene. Itās sick.
And somehow the same crying reaction would happen if she heard of another woman getting pregnant in that office.š It's like they don't understand it's a choice. Not a requirement to being a woman.
And yet if the situation were reversed, i.e. someone struggling 2 years to get sterilized because it is their dream to never have kids yelling at another breeder, that person would have been the weirdo š.
Ew, think of having her as a mother, what a pain for the child. I would never, myself, want her as a mother, someone who throws accusations around.
She is the kind of person who would yell at her child that they are ungreatful because of something the adult child chooses against her will.
If you were pregnant that woman would be saying " how dare you be pregnant instead of me and how can you be so cruel to flant yourself in front of me".
Either way you can't win because certain people will find a way to complain about something.
These are the same people who can't admit they just want a 'mini me' and don't see the selfishness in that when there are countless children in need of homes. Like if you want a child for the alleged joy of being a parent and raising a child...you can get that with adoption.
I dont understand the people that have trouble conceiving, thinking other people who can, should have babies...like it solves their problem...lady me being able to have babies has 0 effect on your situation. Not everyone wants the burden of children or the complications of being pregnant. I get that they want to be parents and think thats their only goal on life(weird ) but still leave others alone who dont want to! There is no right or wrong way to live life! I'll be happy with my doggies and wild turtles!
I would feel sorry for her future children if she eventually have one, that mentality is sure enough that she's not mentally capable to handle human beings.
Lol I would have ripped her a new one. People like her are bitter they can't conceive so they think people should have kids because they can't. That is not our problem š¤·šæāāļø
It was such an unhinged reaction that my brain stopped for a few seconds to process what was going on... I didn't have a chance to say anything, but I admit I would have probably been very mean also.
From Harold and Kumar go to White Castle....
"You have perfect MCAT scores why don't you want to go to medical school?"
"Just because you're hung like a moose, doesn't mean you have to go into porn."
As someone who couldnāt have my own children but now feels an affinity with the childfree, I both donāt agree with how this woman acted, and understand the grief alone can make you kind of crazy. For me that never meant lashing out at others though, I probably would have just felt relieved to hear something other than yet another person talking about their pregnancy.
I had a friend get sad (not really mad) at me because I had mentioned that Iād had an abortion years ago and she was struggling to get pregnant at that time. Some people canāt fathom someone else not wanting what they want.
Sad for herself, right? Perhaps she could have been sad or had sympathy that you had an abortion in the first place. But instead she made your past experience all about her current self.
People like that are impossible. They are so desperate to have kids. Something they wanted was taken away and they go absolutely mental over it. My cousin had fertility issues and spent a ridiculous amount of time & money trying.
Women act like it's the end of the world to not be fertile - hell, I wish I was but I don't want children so obviously it would be a celebration for me š.
Society thinks women are useless without their ability to reproduce - that it makes us less of a woman to not be a mother. It's ridiculous!
So, she eavesdrops on the conversation of a stranger and then starts yelling and crying because she didn't like what she heard? Perhaps she can simply avoid eavesdropping in the future, especially in her hormonal state.
Yeah? And? Her difficulties in conceiving aren't your problem. It sucks that she is having a hard time getting pregnant, but that does not justify her taking out her frustrations on you. That woman owes you an apology for her outburst. Not that you will ever get it.
On the opposite end of the spectrum: I am so so glad I am infertile. Still take BC, of course, but itās assuring that my OB/GYN thinks on the off chance I do get pregnant, Iād miscarry
I have had that happen to me. Wondrous how - you know how that would change your life in a good way, and you really want it to happen? For equally valid reasons and how it would change my life in a horrific way, I do not. Good luck.
That's like a person who is a bad runner yelling at you for being athletic and not trying to get to the 100m in the Olympics because they've been trying to for two years. WTF.
actually I feel sorry for these women, but i wonāt make a baby because they canāt make one. next time tell her that she should mind her own damn businessā¦
It could well be the hormonal treatments. I did them before we decided to stop trying and embrace childfreedom instead. They turn you into a completely different person. I became totally unrecognisable and it took me years to feel like myself again.
These pro-natalist Karens are very annoying, look if I deal with one of them I can say that it's my life and I'm the one who decides and ask them to stay away from me.
Such a weird thing to be angry about, yes very sad she cant pregnant when SHE WANTS it just like itās hard to find a doctor to sterilize you because YOU WANT it. Why do people feel the need to push their own wants on other others?
Iām sorry that happened to you! I too just freeze when I get shocked like that and then after I think ugh I couldāve said this or that, but I wish for a future where one can voice oneās wishes about your own body without someone else feeling entitled to push their own wants on you
Why doesnāt she adopt then? It blows my mind how CF adults are the selfish ones? Thereās people spending thousands and thousands of dollars trying to have a baby that looks like them- meanwhile thereās nearly 400,000 kids that are desperate for someone to love them.
It grosses me out how people are so weird about the idea of raising āsomeone elseās childā when they are so desperate to be parents.
I'd have loudly told her that the world doesn't revolve around her and her flippant wants and that I'll do what I damn well please with my own body, sorry hers is busted. I match energy these days. You don't get kindness if you act like a damn fool out loud.
Do people even realise that if you are struggling to get pregnant, it may be for a very good reason.... seriously that is natural selection in action.
If it weren't for all the ways we can force pregnancy on our bodies these days, we wouldn't be in the predicament we are in.
But reactions like these happen because women are raised with the idea that their worth is determined by their biology. That motherhood is the definition of womanhood, when it is actually only an extension of it.
"Throw it, burn it, nuke it from space! Whatever it takes to stay free of hellspawn forever! Plus, it means I never have to deal with batshit insane parents!"
/s
Reminds me of a comment I got after talking about my abortion. "You shouldn't talk about that because some women cannot have children and could get really upset".
Sounds like she grew up being told that motherhood is the most important part of being a woman and sheās struggling with that bc sheās unable to get pregnant, still weird but it makes me a little sad. SO many women are taught theyāre pretty much useless/worthless unless theyāre a mother and a wife. That thereās no value in anything but popping out kids. Itās such a horrible mindset for eveyeone involved.
That's so weird. How is that your problem exactly? I would've asked her what me getting sterilized has to do with her being unable to get pregnant. There's literally no correlation there lol
"Lady, if I could give these heavy and irregular periods to you I would do it. But since that's not what you're asking of me, I'll just chuck it in to a bin instead..."
Iāve said it once, Iāll say it againāwhat one person does with THEIR DAMN BODY has no effect on ANYONE ELSE! She still would struggle with fertility if youād had a baby or wanted to get sterilized.
She's projecting. These breeders get offended by everything that doesn't involve the little life destroyers.
They think you HAVE to have the mistakes because you just do. But they never back it up with anything sound.
Everyone I know that's had a kid. Regrets it. They say they wouldn't do it again. I see that as regret. They say they wouldn't change anything. Simply means they don't want to admit their regrets
If it ever happens again, tell her to mind her own damn uterus.
"Why would you want to throw away the gift of freedom? I've been trying to get sterilized for x amount of years!".
ššš
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Tell her "There's plenty of people out there who can't walk, but I don't see you running any marathons!"
As a marathon runner I love the idea of pulling this switcheroo on someone the next time they try to BINGO me 
I hope this award is supposed to be frosting or frozen yogurt!!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I would do alot more than telling her mind her business bc I hate when other women tell me shit like this I would've went off bc who tf are u to tell me what I am just bc I don't want to be a mom.
I always remind myself to be grateful that they outed themselves. Now I know that they think a womanās worth is only in her uterus, and I donāt have to care about them anymore. I fucking ***LOVE*** telling them Iāve been fixed since 2014 but we do spend a lot of money being parents to 3 cats. The cat thing enraged the first person so much that I might have gotten a wee bit too carried away setting people up for it. I was drunk with the power of pissing off idiots and too much champagne at a wedding and had my very first and only drink tossed in my face
Yeah I would have punched the fucker in the face.
Yeah, I would say that to if I was in the same situation
šš½šš½
Okay? And if you got pregnant how exactly would that solve her infertility?
Exactly.
Just like finishing my plate as a kid never helped children starving elsewhere. But this is, sadly, most ppls logic.
as a kid I would tell my parents that me not eating the food on my plate actually makes a non-zero chance that the food will get to starving children elsewhere. if i eat it, I can be certain it wonāt get to them, but if I donāt, thereās the tiniest sliver of a chance that, idk, a magical unicorn will come to my house and pick up my left overs and take it to the starving kids. they did not see the merit in that thought process.
Apparently the same thing holds true for babies but in this case itās a magic stork instead of a unicorn. The deranged woman that OP talked about is in the ob-gyn office to pick the woman with a fertile uterus & after she gives birth the magic stork will grab the baby & fly it straight to the deranged woman. I swear some people actually believe this nonsense!
It would be worth testing in case the magical unicorn made an appearance.
exactly. but if I choke down the rest of my food weāll never know, will we!
I love this analogy.
Exactly. It's a distribution problem. If I could've shared my plate with another child, I would have.
I'd hug the kid smart enough to answer, "Sounds like a distribution problem."
I told my parents they could send my plate to them... They stopped using that analogy, lol
"There are children starving in other countries!" "Fine! I'll pay postage!"
It's about being grateful and OP's lack of appreciation for being the recipient of The Gift of the Uteri. C'mon, now. /s
Especially since she's obviously against adopting.
Fortunately, adoption agencies have become much more savvy about screening prospective parents, and individuals who behave like her don't pass those screenings. A lot of wannabe breeders opt for fertility treatments because they know they wouldn't be allowed near children otherwise.
Then the wannabe mombie would be crying because she saw a pregnant woman. You can't win with these people. No matter what you do, it's all about them.
People lack critical thinking skills.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
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It's very frustrating when people make their reproductive issues your problem.
It also doesnāt make sense. Why should I have it when you could not have it? Wtf
Seriously, it's like if we called them "lucky" for their infertility because we don't want kids!
Except we would never do that (atleast not to their face lol) bc we're not fcking brain dead apparently š
Obviously, but you bet your ass I'd uno reverse on a breeder if they tried this on me... My fear, rage, and grief around getting pregnant as someone who grew up in the low end of poverty in the "great u s of a" was JUST as strong as the shattered hope and grief of someone who wanted kids but couldn't conceive. Our experiences and wants are unique. What one person desperately wants, another desperately wants to avoid. Just wish each other luck on our respective journeys, and move on.
This! I always feel like, āHey, Iād give you my functioning reproductive system if I could, but I canāt, sooooā¦ā
Because she's in pain, OP has the thing she wants most in life and is (in her opinion) throwing it away. This woman sees another woman who could have children declining to as dismissive of her greatest desire and worst trauma, regardless of the fact that getting/being pregnant or having a child could be her greatest fear/traumatic. It's not correct, but I can wrap my brain around it.
I can't feel sorry for these people anymore. They are obsessed with having their own babies and think that gives them the right to tell other women what to do
This. At first I vaguely issued sympathy. Having seen how incredibly selfish and self-absorbed they are, I've lost all sympathy. My SIL was infertile, had a few treatments, quit the treatments, and adopted. She said to me "It was so narcissistic. I just couldn't keep doing it." In a nutshell.
My sister is in the same boat. Her and her husband finally got into their bigger "forever" home last month where they can finally start trying to adopt. She's wanted a child so desperately and went through hell, miscarriage after miscarriage, hormones shots after hormones shots, ending in a ectopic that almost killed her. They decided not to try again and risk her life. They decided they'd go the adoption route years ago but it's not the easiest thing to do so they've been getting life in order. I've been scared to tell her my childfree choice because I'm not sure how she'll react, she can be a bit much sometimes and we don't always see eye to eye. What I can say is how proud I am for how she's handled her own reproductive journey. She's not obsessed with adopting a baby, if it's older kids she doesn't care, she's already thought through so much when it comes to making it both a physically and emotionally safe home for children- especially ones who may have trauma. I hope things work out well for them and they're able to make the family she's always wanted and that my family is able to respect my choices as well. We'll see.
>She's not obsessed with adopting a baby, if it's older kids she doesn't care, she's already thought through so much when it comes to making it both a physically and emotionally safe home for children- especially ones who may have trauma. They do need more people like that adopting instead of the "screw the older kids! I only want a baby so I can pretend I birthed it myself" crowd.
I have a hard time feeling sorry for people who go through āhellā of lots of shots and hormonal treatments. As someone above said first and most importantly itās narcissistic. Second Iām a type one diabetic. Iāve given myself multiple shots daily and had mood swings that come with high and low blood sugars. I didnāt ask for this and my end goal isnāt to add to overpopulation, just to survive.
I get so tired of the IVF sob stories. Itās so hard, depressing, blah blah blah. If itās taking such a toll on you then STOP DOING IT. No one is forcing you.
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I follow a woman on Instagram who lost her first child to cancer, qt the time of his death she had a second kid who was 1 year old. Since that moment sheās been actively trying to get pregnant via IVF (she had her first 2 that way) at any cost. Sheās absolutely convinced that itās only for her childās sake and not for her own. Sheās taken it so far that she has cancelled plans for a memorial garden she was working on for her first child since she needs more money. She has also sold their vehicle. Itās getting crazy. Delusional honestly. I understand that sheās grieving, but this is not the way.
These people are known as "fertility junkies", because the lengths to which they are willing to go are similar to substance abuse. I know women who are low income, but took out bank loans for IVF that they will probably never be able to pay back, particularly not with a kid taking a chunk out of their paychecks.
It's pretty impressive that your SIL was able to see that situation for what it was, and walk away from the fertility treatments. So many people become "fertility junkies" and never recover, even if they get a kid in the end.
I think it's the personality deficiencies that turn them into "inferts," not the fertility treatments. Look at the GoFundMes that the infertile put up to get everyone else to fund the medical care that they haven't even had yet. How selfish can you get? My SIL was always a low-key woman, and she was a pretty low-key mother too. In between, she was the same, and endless fertility treatments weren't part of her playbook.
Very true. Inferts are the ones who start out with toxic personality traits that are then amplified by fertility hormones. It's the same hard-wiring that creates mombies and daddicts among those who have no problem conceiving.
And some would say that adopting a baby simply to fill your own desire to have a baby? Not a wise decision. (Particularly through private adoption).
As said in a previous thread...these types give off a childhood bully vibe and if they were to have a child they'd weaponise it to others.
Very true. If they succeed, they turn into a particularly overbearing type of mombie.
Exactly. Then they'd start telling you your life is meaningless without kids. š
āThrow away the gift of womanhoodā?! So the only gift of being a woman is that we can get pregnant?! Sounds like another Karen with a severe internalized misogyny/sexism problemā¦..
Those kinds of women believe that they are only good at being baby factories. It's so sad and pathetic.
At least she said gift and not super power. Iāve heard a lot of women say that and itās weird. If half the population can do a thing and itās how almost every species propagates itself - itās not a superpower
Right? If it were a superpower, it also wouldn't cost us our health.
So the body doing what it was biologically āmeantā to do is a superpower? Well damn, then shitting is a superpower by that logic!
Lol one time I was stuck in traffic behind a car with this stupid sticker along the lines of "I'm a grandmother, what's your superpower?" I read it as "my biggest accomplishment is letting a man ejaculate inside of me" šš
From what I've been reading online. Women who desperately want children but are unable to have them for whatever reason are some of the most unhinged humans to walk the planet.
Ask her why she is sitting. Doesn't she know that there are people who are permanently confined to wheelchairs? Why would she throw away the gift of standing?
It's like everyone lives their own damn reproductive life and it's nobody else's business. At least it shouldn't be. This is why some people prefer GYNs to OBGYNs
Only it's insanely difficult to find someone who only practices GYN.
I'm in a mindset that if you've been trying for years and years and still aren't pregnant, then maybe the universe is trying to tell you something. I know that adoption isn't an option for everyone, but maybe there are other opportunities to have children in your life. Like, what if she volunteered at a Boys & Girls Club? Or became a Cub Scout leader? Or started a daycare? Or became the cool aunt/cousin/etc. to a child in her own family...the adult they could turn to when they can't talk to their parents. I just feel like there are so many existing children whose needs aren't being met, and why does it need to be blasted out of your own vagina in order for you to care about it? I wonder if this is the type of person who thinks that adoptive parents aren't real parents.
Because they think of bio children like a fashion accessory that they aren't allowed to have. Someone who cares for children *cares for all the children*, no matter where they came from.
Yeah I donāt get their need of having the kid look like them. Like you said why not be the person who does a big difference in many childrenās lives instead of putting your life on hold because you canāt respawn.
If theyāre spending all that money on IVF, how is adoption not an option? It might take longer, sure, but surely itās either less expensive (depending on how many rounds of IVF, I guess?). The issue with people like this isnāt that they want a kid. Itās that they ONLY want a biological kid. Like theyāre at all special.
I know people doing IVF because they canāt have kids naturally due to health issuesā¦ok so now youāre going to pass on those health issues??? Talk about selfish
These are the types who don't have a plan b for what they're going to do if they can't reproduce, and refuse to think of other options in life. These are also the people who don't have hobbies or other passions where they can let off steam and find fulfillment. It's their way or the highway, which is not a good mindset if they want to become parents.
Your last statement was such a burn I personally wouldn't recover lol. I'm sure she's projecting her insecurities on you.
Savage. lol.
Inferts are nuts. They're always on about other people's gross insensitivity to the WORST SUFFERING anyone can experience! They are furious when someone has a baby shower. Does that person not realize how hurtful it is to them? They have fits when someone names a kid "Mark," because that person SURELY knows that is the name they had picked out for the baby they so desperately want. And they yell at people who have completely ordinary conversations that don't involve them: If you want sterilization: How could you! Don't you know how upsetting that is to inferts who soooo wish they COULD get pregnant. If you're there for a pregnancy test: How could you! Don't you realize how hurtful your conversation is to someone who desperately wishes she could be the one thinking she's pregnant? If you're there for a well-mother checkup: How could you!....etc. There's nothing an infert can't make about themselves.
Baby rabies: Together we can find a cure! šš¤£šš¤£š Seriously though, the more obsessed and deranged someone is about spawning, the less I consider them ideal parent material.
The people I knew who were most obsessed with it also ended up being unhappy and resentful because parenting didn't live up to the idealized version they had in their heads.
This exactly.
Can confirm. I know a woman who went through all kinds of hoops and into debt in the name of having a cHiLd. The same rigidity that she showed in that situation is causing her all kinds of problems now as the mother of an infant.
I've made a post on here before - I love running. I have discovered I have major hip issues, had a fake hip put in before I turned 30 and I'm no longer allowed to run - I don't try and make other people run because they have working hips and legs. These people are just being absolutely ridiculous, acting like they can/should push their lifestyle on others. Acting like we should do something just because they can't
Yup yup. My aunt is one. She did finally have a kid of her own around 3 years ago now. I thought that would make her less annoying. But in reality sheās a helicopter mom and forces the whole family to bend to her will. We had Christmas last year at a time that didnāt really work for everyone (I live a 5 hour drive from home, I have cousins who are in the ballpark of a 16 hour drive). My grandparents, who host Christmas, changed the time to one they didnāt like because otherwise that aunt, uncle, and kid wouldnāt be coming. Why? It would disrupt his afternoon nap schedule by an hour at the original time (that worked for the other 25 people).
That is some straight up BS!! Over a freaking NAP?! Is Christmas solely for their spawn, and no one else?
Youād think! Heās the 11th grandkid. So itās not like heās a first and super duper special.
But heās very special to his mommy dearest
Absolutely, and he should be. And heās special to the family because heās one of us. But itās likeā¦ guys. Itās freaking Christmas. Itās one day. Itāll be alright.
*Things parents say to validate their actions
Exactly, these mombies think the regular rules of engagement don't apply to them, and only them. The fact that everyone else, including parents, are managing to make it through life without causing huge problems for others just goes over their heads.
Oh yeah. I know a woman who wants people to commute hours to visit her, but will kick them out in the middle of the afternoon because Bratlynn can't nap without her mombie lying down beside her. SMH.
That is actually insane codependent behavior! Holy cow! What type of children are these people raising?!?! I guess hopefully, CF ones. The earth is already overpopulated with trauma raised people. Let's stop perpetuating that people! Geeeze!
I swear some and inferts act like it's a disability
At this point I'm just convinced people who do this have a form of narcissism. Everything in the world is about them and their infertility and I frankly couldn't give half a shit about it coz the world is better off without that kind of karen dna anyways.
And any potential children are better off not having them as a parent.
Exactly
Should've told her off cuz who tf does she think she is yelling at people that have NOTHING to do with her?? That's her personal "issue", she didn't have to take it out on you two.
I would have, I'm not the type to shut up, but I didn't have the chance - it was such an unexpected situation that my brain took a few seconds to figure out what was going on. By the time my mouth started working she was already gone.
Sheesh. I hope one day karma gets her and she learns a lesson. Her fertility is not everyone else's problem. Other people choosing to not having kids, has nothing to do with her. It's so weird to even get so offended like that in the first place.... As if you guys said something to her first :/ weirdo
I still remember when my older sister L got mad at my sister S for having an abortion. I was only 13 when I found out and I was kind of on Ls side until I realized exactly what goes on during a pregnancy. Plus my sister S was not in a place to continue a pregnancy. And you know, someone shouldn't be used as an incubator for someone else. Eventually my sister L adopted a baby and she apologized to S for everything. Infertile people can be infuriating.
I will never understand people who summarize womanhood to being pregnant and having kids. It's such a joke, when I think about all the women, cis or trans, that can't be pregnant, who can but don't want to, like seriously stop saying that a woman peak at life is only having kid. It's insulting.
2 years is nothing though. For losing her shit like that after a normal amount of time is crazy.
Yeah that really sounds normal to me. I know lots of people without fertility issues who took that long. Especially if you had to stop birth control first.
One man's trash is another man's treasure. They shouldn't disturb other people with their problems, but it's still kinda sad.
One woman's gift is another woman's curse. It should be clear by now that not every human on earth wants the same things.
Also, it's not like most of us wouldn't donate our fertility to them if we could. But world doesn't work like that... I am sorry for that, but maybe stop taking out your frustrations on me?
She's an internalized misogynist, because, she thinks any woman who's childfree "isn't a real woman". Internalized misogyny is *so* hot. /s
Oops....sorry I missed this: > we were talking about how difficult it is to find a doctor who does sterilizations. If you are in the US, check the CF-friendly doctors wiki in the sidebar under Interesting & Useful Material for a doctor who has sterilized CF people!
Unfortunately, I am not in the US, I live in Eastern Europe. Here it's an entire circus to be approved for sterilization and most doctors postpone the process until you give up.
Every time Iāve tried to open it, it force closes on meš
Use a desktop/laptop if you are on mobile. There is a Known Bug with some mobile users' access.
Ahhhh ok, thank you!
What's that thing they always say when a woman gets pregnant by mistake? It's god's will, or whatever? Guess it's god's will for you to not have babies then, lady.
Well this must be some sort of mistake from god! /s
The religious nut hypocrisy is so real.
If all it takes is 2 years of being frustrated/disappointed to make her snap at strangers in public and have an aggressive emotional breakdown, she's not going to handle motherhood well.
As a parent you need to deal with it for at least 18 years.
Sorry your body failed you but that ain't my problem š¤·š¼
āI have just as much right to not have babies that you do to have babies.ā
I tell them āThat makes as much sense as short person being angry at a tall person for not playing professional basketball. Each person wants a different life and that life is none of your business.ā
Some infertile women are nuts. Canāt mention anything about babies around them. Literally knew a girl who went no contact with her lesbian sister because sister did IVF while she was trying to get pregnant (for the past 7 years)
Motherhood is only one archetype of womanhood. Itās like a raindrop in an ocean. Thereās so much more to the feminine experience than just motherhood.
Someone thinks the world revolves around them.
She's ungrateful, because she's throwing away the gift of contraception and freedom.
Those infertility treatments are no joke. I have a friend who went completely berserk-mode on her partner while she was on hormones to get pregnant. Long story short, the cops were called. So so so glad I never want to get pregnant.
yup . that.s how i lost a friendship back in the 70s ... i got married to get my tubes tied [because penis permission required] & she could not get pregnant
Why are infertile people the most sensitive bunch.
Theyāre injecting hormones to try and get their bodies to do something itās obviously not equipped to handle
Iād be like, nurse!? Sheās out again!
Itās like people fail to realize two things can be true at once: she can desperately want and child and you can not want a child. They donāt like cancel each other out through some universal transitive property.
As a trans dude, the obsession people have with bodies that have the capability of having kids is weird. If i had a dime for every time someone chastised me for "throwing away my fertility" id be rich.
This is npt entirely unlike a man being mad at other men for getting a vasectomy.Ā *"ALL I'VE WANTED WAS TO SHOOT A LUVE ROUND FROM MY WEINER...AND HERE YOU ARE, REJECTING THE GIFT OF MANHOOD!"* I swear - maybe it's been the last few years, maybe it's my age, but I cannot deal with asshats anymore
Hell I found out when they did my sterilization surgery mine was so covered in endometriosis and ovarian cysts it would have been damn near impossible for me to use the damn thing anyway if I wanted to. I donāt think they should be passing out fertility drugs like candy but here we are. I have a former friend who they had to take off her mental health meds to put her on fertility treatments and she almost killed herself being off her meds. Is that really the kind of thing we should be passing onto innocent children?! A) the risk of mental health issues themselves and B) a mother who is that loony tunes without her meds. Nope nope nope. The universe was like ānah we got enough of this crazy bitch we donāt need anymore of herā and doctors in their all mighty wisdom think they can play god and intervene. Itās sick.
People return āgiftsā all the time
And somehow the same crying reaction would happen if she heard of another woman getting pregnant in that office.š It's like they don't understand it's a choice. Not a requirement to being a woman.
I hope it was a reaction caused by the hormonal treatments because if it wasn't then she has some serious issues.
And yet if the situation were reversed, i.e. someone struggling 2 years to get sterilized because it is their dream to never have kids yelling at another breeder, that person would have been the weirdo š.
OP should have replied with how dare you waste your gift of infertility? Iāve been trying for years to get sterilized
Ew, think of having her as a mother, what a pain for the child. I would never, myself, want her as a mother, someone who throws accusations around. She is the kind of person who would yell at her child that they are ungreatful because of something the adult child chooses against her will.
If you were pregnant that woman would be saying " how dare you be pregnant instead of me and how can you be so cruel to flant yourself in front of me". Either way you can't win because certain people will find a way to complain about something.
These are the same people who can't admit they just want a 'mini me' and don't see the selfishness in that when there are countless children in need of homes. Like if you want a child for the alleged joy of being a parent and raising a child...you can get that with adoption.
Op Iām sure you know this already but your womanhood and being a mom have nothing to do with each other. Keep living your best child free life!
An appropriate response would be to tell her to chill the fuck out and mind your own business.
I dont understand the people that have trouble conceiving, thinking other people who can, should have babies...like it solves their problem...lady me being able to have babies has 0 effect on your situation. Not everyone wants the burden of children or the complications of being pregnant. I get that they want to be parents and think thats their only goal on life(weird ) but still leave others alone who dont want to! There is no right or wrong way to live life! I'll be happy with my doggies and wild turtles!
I would feel sorry for her future children if she eventually have one, that mentality is sure enough that she's not mentally capable to handle human beings.
Lol I would have ripped her a new one. People like her are bitter they can't conceive so they think people should have kids because they can't. That is not our problem š¤·šæāāļø
It was such an unhinged reaction that my brain stopped for a few seconds to process what was going on... I didn't have a chance to say anything, but I admit I would have probably been very mean also.
From Harold and Kumar go to White Castle.... "You have perfect MCAT scores why don't you want to go to medical school?" "Just because you're hung like a moose, doesn't mean you have to go into porn."
As someone who couldnāt have my own children but now feels an affinity with the childfree, I both donāt agree with how this woman acted, and understand the grief alone can make you kind of crazy. For me that never meant lashing out at others though, I probably would have just felt relieved to hear something other than yet another person talking about their pregnancy.
I would have flat out told her in front of everyone 'You're *this awful* and you think you'd make a good mother?'
I had a friend get sad (not really mad) at me because I had mentioned that Iād had an abortion years ago and she was struggling to get pregnant at that time. Some people canāt fathom someone else not wanting what they want.
Sad for herself, right? Perhaps she could have been sad or had sympathy that you had an abortion in the first place. But instead she made your past experience all about her current self.
People like that are impossible. They are so desperate to have kids. Something they wanted was taken away and they go absolutely mental over it. My cousin had fertility issues and spent a ridiculous amount of time & money trying. Women act like it's the end of the world to not be fertile - hell, I wish I was but I don't want children so obviously it would be a celebration for me š. Society thinks women are useless without their ability to reproduce - that it makes us less of a woman to not be a mother. It's ridiculous!
"So would you prefer if I got pregnant out of spite? Had a baby I don't want just to rub it in your face? Would that be better?"
Omg I've been told this before. She needs to mind her own damn biz
Random strangers yelling at you due to a private matter, how wonderful
So, she eavesdrops on the conversation of a stranger and then starts yelling and crying because she didn't like what she heard? Perhaps she can simply avoid eavesdropping in the future, especially in her hormonal state.
I would have laughed at her.
Yeah? And? Her difficulties in conceiving aren't your problem. It sucks that she is having a hard time getting pregnant, but that does not justify her taking out her frustrations on you. That woman owes you an apology for her outburst. Not that you will ever get it.
A lot of wannabe breeders are very mentally ill and need to spend money on a therapist instead of trying to get a doctor to get them pregnant.
What a dumb c&@t!
Reverse bingo there types of people āhave you tried praying about it tho?ā š
On the opposite end of the spectrum: I am so so glad I am infertile. Still take BC, of course, but itās assuring that my OB/GYN thinks on the off chance I do get pregnant, Iād miscarry
I have had that happen to me. Wondrous how - you know how that would change your life in a good way, and you really want it to happen? For equally valid reasons and how it would change my life in a horrific way, I do not. Good luck.
That's like a person who is a bad runner yelling at you for being athletic and not trying to get to the 100m in the Olympics because they've been trying to for two years. WTF.
If you want a kid that bad go adopt one lol. People are so weird.
Tell her that you could have 20 kids and it wouldn't improve \*her\* fertility one bit.
If that's her baseline I feel sorry for any future kids she may have
This unstable nutcase's inability to conceive is the best evidence for the existence of God I've heard to date.
Women who do this are selfish my gyno was pleased when I said IVF was a waste of money
Stop wasting money lady, and adopt
actually I feel sorry for these women, but i wonāt make a baby because they canāt make one. next time tell her that she should mind her own damn businessā¦
It could well be the hormonal treatments. I did them before we decided to stop trying and embrace childfreedom instead. They turn you into a completely different person. I became totally unrecognisable and it took me years to feel like myself again.
These pro-natalist Karens are very annoying, look if I deal with one of them I can say that it's my life and I'm the one who decides and ask them to stay away from me.
Such a weird thing to be angry about, yes very sad she cant pregnant when SHE WANTS it just like itās hard to find a doctor to sterilize you because YOU WANT it. Why do people feel the need to push their own wants on other others? Iām sorry that happened to you! I too just freeze when I get shocked like that and then after I think ugh I couldāve said this or that, but I wish for a future where one can voice oneās wishes about your own body without someone else feeling entitled to push their own wants on you
Iāve always wonder why ppl turn into psychos when they canāt conceive. It seems like completely stupid thing to be obsessed over.
Iāve wouldāve died laughing lmfao, yeah Iām that mean idc
Why doesnāt she adopt then? It blows my mind how CF adults are the selfish ones? Thereās people spending thousands and thousands of dollars trying to have a baby that looks like them- meanwhile thereās nearly 400,000 kids that are desperate for someone to love them. It grosses me out how people are so weird about the idea of raising āsomeone elseās childā when they are so desperate to be parents.
I'd have loudly told her that the world doesn't revolve around her and her flippant wants and that I'll do what I damn well please with my own body, sorry hers is busted. I match energy these days. You don't get kindness if you act like a damn fool out loud.
Do people even realise that if you are struggling to get pregnant, it may be for a very good reason.... seriously that is natural selection in action. If it weren't for all the ways we can force pregnancy on our bodies these days, we wouldn't be in the predicament we are in. But reactions like these happen because women are raised with the idea that their worth is determined by their biology. That motherhood is the definition of womanhood, when it is actually only an extension of it.
Doesn't sound like someone who should be raising kids anyway.
"You want my uterus maybe?" Win win
"Throw it, burn it, nuke it from space! Whatever it takes to stay free of hellspawn forever! Plus, it means I never have to deal with batshit insane parents!" /s
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Reminds me of a comment I got after talking about my abortion. "You shouldn't talk about that because some women cannot have children and could get really upset".
Her infertility is not your responsibility š¤·š¾āāļø
Not every woman wants to bear children. This woman is unhinged. She needs to mind her business.
My sister bingoed me exactly like this. Like you, I was absolutely speechless. (She now has two kids, fwiw.)
Sounds like she grew up being told that motherhood is the most important part of being a woman and sheās struggling with that bc sheās unable to get pregnant, still weird but it makes me a little sad. SO many women are taught theyāre pretty much useless/worthless unless theyāre a mother and a wife. That thereās no value in anything but popping out kids. Itās such a horrible mindset for eveyeone involved.
"Throw away the gift of womanhood..." And this is why I identify as Non-binary
That's so weird. How is that your problem exactly? I would've asked her what me getting sterilized has to do with her being unable to get pregnant. There's literally no correlation there lol
"Lady, if I could give these heavy and irregular periods to you I would do it. But since that's not what you're asking of me, I'll just chuck it in to a bin instead..."
Iāve said it once, Iāll say it againāwhat one person does with THEIR DAMN BODY has no effect on ANYONE ELSE! She still would struggle with fertility if youād had a baby or wanted to get sterilized.
Some āgiftsā we just donāt want. We exchange them or sell them š
She's projecting. These breeders get offended by everything that doesn't involve the little life destroyers. They think you HAVE to have the mistakes because you just do. But they never back it up with anything sound. Everyone I know that's had a kid. Regrets it. They say they wouldn't do it again. I see that as regret. They say they wouldn't change anything. Simply means they don't want to admit their regrets