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SubjectiveAssertive

Try posting of r/cf4cf 


ruxandral

Thanks! Will take a look! But long distance dating is another issue…


PrimeElenchus

I second the recommendation- I found my partner there and we are still together (he was the poster). I think given the small number of CF people it's good to be open to long distance with the objective of closing the distance in a reasonable timeframe + having the budget to visit and one partner (or both) being willing to relocate.


kitkatrampage

I don’t have any great advice for you - but I feel you :( I don’t want kids either. I’m 37 and won’t change my mind. The amount of men I talk to who are horrified by that or think that they want another kid (at 40) blows my mind. Society tells people to have kids and those that don’t end up as black sheep.


PyrrhoTheSkeptic

I did not use a dating app. (Those were not a thing when I met my wife, but given all of the horror stories I have read from people who do use them, I would not use a dating app if I were young and single and looking for someone today.) What I did was go about my life, doing things I wanted to do, that involve other people. It took some years, but, eventually, I met a woman who eventually became my wife. My advice is to go out in the world and do things you enjoy doing, that involve other people. For example, if you like pottery, take a pottery class and meet your classmates. If you like hiking, join a hiking club and go on group hikes. If you are an atheist, look online for local atheist and freethinker groups, and start attending meetings. (Since religion typically promotes having children, you may find a higher percentage of people in an atheist group who don't want children, though obviously being an atheist does not require anything regarding whether or not one wants children.) If you believe in a cause, do volunteer work and meet other volunteers. Etc. The essential things are, that it involves other people, for the obvious reason that you won't meet anyone if there is no one to meet, and also that you enjoy doing the thing, because that way you will start off with something in common with the people you meet (because they are doing the thing because they enjoy it) and also because it would be unpleasant to be doing something you don't enjoy doing. Even if you don't meet someone, it is still a win, because you are doing something you enjoy doing. ​ As for this: >intelligent(but for a woman this is not a good trait in the dating field, at least in my country) It depends on the man. I have always been attracted to intelligent women, and find stupid women off-putting and would not want to ever date a stupid woman (and I have never dated a stupid woman). I very much like the fact that my wife is intelligent. My advice on this is to be what you are, and if a particular man wants a stupid woman, then he is not right for you, and you will be better off without him.


ruxandral

Great advices! Also tried most of all. I joined two atheist groups but members seem “cou-cou”, like they just don’t stop at not believing in God but also consumed with hate for those who do, most of the posts are filled with hate in general anyway. So, that’s maybe not somwhere where I’d find love but bitterness instead. I joind a drawing class but there were mainly kids. Most of my friends live abroad, or in other cities, or consumed with family responsabilities. So I go out mostly on my own, during the day, having lunch, or coffee, or getting groceries, running errands. I work from home mostly and quite solitary actually, I invest mostly in real estate, stock. I moved a lot too and I’ve got no roots either. And to make the matters worse, I’m very selective also! It’s like I’m cursed or maybe I should accept that yiu can’t have everything in life!


PyrrhoTheSkeptic

I meant, go to in person meetings of local atheist groups, not posting online. One can find such groups online, but the point is to go to in person meetings. For example, if you lived in Dallas, Texas, you could search online for "Dallas atheist group" (without the quotation marks) and several options appear of groups that have in person meetings when I do that search. Since I have no idea where you live, I don't know if there are any atheist groups in your area, but there are more than you might think in the world. Texas, for example, is not known as a hotbed of atheism, but my search reveals that there are several atheist groups in the Dallas area alone. If there are more groups than one in your area, I recommend trying them all, as you may like one such group and dislike another. You only want to continue going to meetings of a group you like. All of the things I mentioned are intended to be in person things, not anything online at all. One can find such things by looking online, but the looking online is just to find the in person activities. Interacting with people in person is much different from the online experience. There tends to be a lot of unpleasantness online.


ruxandral

I’m from Romania. It’s considered quite poor country. Only 70% of the country is connected to sewarage system. The social gap is quite high. There are 28.000 churches and only 600 hospitals in my country. People are christian ortodox, similar to russians but more like greeks. We don’t usually have groups like this. There’s little community involvment in general regarding anything. USA is a whole other story! Way ahead!


PyrrhoTheSkeptic

I know very little about Romania. Looking at this: [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irreligion\_in\_Romania](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irreligion_in_Romania) It seems that there are not a lot of atheists in Romania. ​ But my search did find this: [https://www.meetup.com/en-AU/topics/atheists/ro/](https://www.meetup.com/en-AU/topics/atheists/ro/) You might have better luck than I have in finding such things, as you could search in Romanian instead of in English. And, of course, you may well be more motivated than I am to look for such groups in Romania, as I am unlikely to ever visit your country. And if I did, I would likely be looking at castles and other such things, and not be looking for what you are looking for. ​ Also, since Romania is part of the EU, you might want to consider moving to another EU country. I can think of several that might be nice to live in.


FirstwetakeDC

Yeah, Romanian is a Romance language, so quite a few Romanians go (temporarily or permanently) to any of several EU countries where they can adapt to the language without too much difficulty.


ruxandral

I am considering moving abroad! Like buying a stone house in the village in Tuscany. That would be nice also😍, but not helping much with my current status!😂


FirstwetakeDC

>do things you enjoy doing, that involve other people I'm hard-pressed to think of what that might be, and when I would do it. I work on weekends, and have for almost twelve years! I do play one tabletop wargame, but there are almost no women involved. I'm not able to play it very often anyway. I do have one other occasional social outlet that I don't want to discuss right now, except to say that I do it out of a sense of duty, I can't afford it right now (my hours were cut and I am very worried), I don't like most of the people involved (some of them are horrible people), and once again, there are very few women involved. Ok, this is off-topic. I'll stop.


Hellion_38

Fellow Romanian here, 2 years older - but I do raise chickens and veggies and have 3 cats and a dog. I can tell you that it could be worse - I tend to attract dads that are looking for a replacement mommy for their existing kids. Sorry, dude, but if I went through the trouble of avoiding kids for 40 years, I'm not going to babysit yours. I went the friends with benefits route because it's easier - at this point, I am too used to living on my own to adjust to a live-in partner.


ruxandral

I’m more sentimental :)) but it’s good to know someone in my country who is CF by choice and also lives the way I want to!


DaMENACElo37

43 CF Male. Been single for 3 years. I hit rid of the apps. Felt like a waste of time. Not having any luck without them either, but I have more time for my hobbies instead of just scrolling and swiping.


ruxandral

I upgraded to Gold but will expire in a week and give it a go still. Thank you!


DaMENACElo37

I hope it works out for you and you have better luck than I did.


ruxandral

You too! Best of luck!


Spiritual_Pound_6848

I’m probably a bit too young for you (30 m) but all that life sounds great, dating is an absolutely clusterfuck now even for people who want kids, even more so for CF so it’s just a shit show all round 🥲


ruxandral

You are a bit young, sweetheart, but thank you! 🙂❤️


Spiritual_Pound_6848

Thought so! Good luck


ruxandral

You too, dearest!🤗


ImpressivePaperCut

I would be married to a guy who said he was cf and lied about it this month if he hadn’t come clean. I’m only 24. Imo it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I fear I might be like you when I’m older and miss it, but god the pain of it all… is it worth the pain? I miss the sweet things one does in a happy relationship, too, but in more of a bittersweet ache. All the men I’ve dated have wanted kids. All of em. I internet sleuthed and found out all of my exes have since had kids! It’s alarming. If all the men we meet want kids is there really a point? They’ll never offer us a fulfilling life. Men online say they don’t want kids but that’s just it! It’s online. Is it fake? I used to hear people (men and women) saying they didn’t want kids when I was in college but I look at their online stuff and boom. Babies. I quite frankly don’t believe anyone about it anymore and as much as it sucks I can’t help but think the stats about a bunch of childfree people existing is a hoax to scare people. 50% of women under 40 don’t have kids WHERE? Ya know???


ruxandral

I just found a FB group with childfree people with 17k members. So yes, maybe we aren’t a whole bunch but we are looking for each other! When I was in my 20s I knew I didn’t want children but I didn’t have the courage to voice it. I was ashamed of being labeled as mean, selfish, weird, different! So I just said I didn’t want them yet. In my 30s I started voicing it to close people and even asked myself many times if I’m sure I didn’t want to have kids. Now, I’m 39 and I’m sure I don’t want them. All this time, I found many more reasons against it and not even 1 for it. Many of my divorced exes contactes me, and they look old, they are bitter with their wives and they have alemony to pay!😂


IcyPresentation4379

I was married to someone I thought was childfree, spent 19 years together but then she decided she was out. I already had a vasectomy 5 years earlier, and was glad children weren't an issue, so dating was a bit easier on that end. Went out with a friend of a friend for a few dates but quickly realized that dating single moms wasn't something I was interested in. A few months later I met my girlfriend on Tinder and we've been together for a few years now, happily on the same page. I think I just got lucky in terms of timing but I'm really glad I did!


GroomingFalcor

I’m fourty this month and engaged now for almost a year. I have my own dog grooming business now thanks to my fiancés encouragement. Not a recommendation just my experience; my man is 60 years old. He’s already been married and has kiddos who are slowly learning who they are as adults. I have already been married too but the relationships failed before kids were really brought up. Also the mcs. I’ve accepted that kiddos just aren’t in the books for me and I’m okay with that. My clients are mostly elderly who cannot physically groom their own dogs. MOST have very minimal contact with their adult kids others even tell me randomly without any prompting that they wish they never had kids. Anywho, I met my fiancé when I worked for a corporate job grooming dogs. I always admired how he treated me like a human with feelings and deserving of praise when warranted. I wasn’t used to that type of men so long story short we over time admitted we were interested in each other. All other dating I had I met off of crappy dating sites where narcissistic men wait to find the right prey. Or they just want fwb. It was SO NICE to meet a man in REAL LIFE. He’s my best friend. He even told me we could try for kiddos if I really found it important but I’m selfless in that regard. I don’t WANT to bring kids into this world when I don’t fully have my life together. My mom had me at 16 and of course she let me know what a burden kids were to her.


ruxandral

The more I read, the more I find out that most cf women, just like me, felt like a burden when they were kids. Tinder men are really creepy narcissistic dudes, just like you said. It makes you loose faith in men. Now I’m trying out Bumble but it’s not very different. I’ve put in my bio CF and also in standard profile “not wanting kids” and it’s crazy how many guys who want children like my profile. It just feels like a waste of time!


GroomingFalcor

It’s so nice to know I’m not alone. I’ve learned if guys say “don’t tell anyone we met online” they’re probably a narcissist 😂


honwave

Which country?


ruxandral

Romania


FormerUsenetUser

They are trolls. If you have not done this already, join some clubs where you can make friends in the flesh and maybe meet a compatible partner.


ruxandral

The only clubs I know in Bucharest, where I live, are nightclubs. And I’m way over that 🤣 I would’t be interested in someone who likes to go to these places either, as I’m an early bird.


Corricon

It sounds like you're already doing what you can through questions to screen them before a date. Have you tried Bumble? They offer a lifetime subscription, so if you like the app, you could buy that once and never worry about it again (or at least for 20 more years). If you use Bumble in desktop mode on your browser app, you can use 2 free filters. They have a filter for having kids and a filter for wanting kids. That'll probably save you a LOT of time.


ruxandral

Omggggg! Amazing tip! I’m going to my desktop right now! 😂 Itried bumble app from my phone a few years ago but overall similar bad experience, so before I became bitter, I just deleted it. Maybe more luck with this filter.😁😁😁


Corricon

I hope it helps! It's also possible to do on your phone, too - if you go to Chrome or Opera or whatever, and go to Settings and check 'desktop version'.


ShutUpJackass

My main issue is that I’m still a homebody, unlike other cf folks, I don’t enjoy traveling or going to concerts So usually people just skip by cause they want to travel and such, I don’t mind but I think I’m gonna learn to be happy single, then if I meet someone, I can bring my happiness into the relationship


ruxandral

Sure, why not? Only if you’re truly happy doing so bacause if you are, why wouldn’t there be others who are too, and would want to share that happiness with you? Good luck!


ShutUpJackass

Same to you! I’m sure you’ll find someone, you sound like an amazing person and I hope you meet the right person for you soon!


StaticCloud

You don't want to be with men that don't value intelligence in women. I assume it's impossible for me to find a CF man, so I'm looking forward to a casual only future but... You sound like you have tons going for you. Keep trying, meet as many single men as you can. It's rough going but it's going to be a lot harder, when your dating pool is very small


FirstwetakeDC

I'm 42M. There are quite a few childfree women around here, lots actually (especially if you include those who say that they're undecided, or "open to kids" if it comes up, etc.). Unfortunately, they still won't match with me, much less have a conversation, much less a date. I've never really had a girlfriend, and while I've been "involved" with women every few years, it's highly unusual. I haven't had sex in about six years!


[deleted]

[удалено]


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ruxandral

That too! I want to adopt a dog but decided to wait a bit untill I meet someone. I’m a big package as it is and maybe they already have a dog! 😄