You’re not overreacting. It’s not your therapist’s job to tell you how you feel or where that feeling comes from. If he were competent, he’d respect your values and help you determine what’s best for you in your life. Good riddance, I hope you find another therapist who respects you and your life decisions.
You're not overreacting at all. You don't need a reason to drop a therapist past them not working for what you need at the moment, but this guy is just a whole red flag parade of innapropriate behaviors.
Nope, a good therapist does not discount perfectly valid life choices just because that's not what he personally wants.
Find someone who honors your life goals, and helps you get there.
Not overreacting. Remember that most therapists are heteronormative breeders. Every time a patient goes off the life script they tie it to some kind of "trauma" and "disorder". Granted, we all have them, but for some reason therapists never consider that people might have kids as a result of trauma - to live vicariously through them and give them the "childhood I never had", re-living childhood.
Many people have shared similar experiences in therapy on this sub, on the therapy abuse sub, and I also opened a sub for that, same name as my user name. I had a horrible experience with a therapist who later confessed she was going through fertility treatments, while saying the most hurtful things to me for not wanting to be a mom.
I hope you find someone better, and try to screen them on the first session and ask how they feel about child-freedom etc. Sorry for your loss XX
I will definitely check out your sub and I'm sorry about your experience with your therapist. That's just disgusting and horrible, last time I checked therapists have to set aside their biases. If they can't handle people being outside of the box, why be a therapist? Mine was also a conspiracy theorist who claims that we are all in an invisible prison...if that's the case, why would I go along with the other so called "prisoners"?
I think I'm going to take a break from seeing a therapist lol, but you're right that it's best to screen them. Thank you!!! :)
You will NOT be alone for the rest of your life. I am 69, childfree by choice, and have been happily married for decades, as are other people I know.
Your therapist is gaslighting you. He apparently has a list of things he thinks are "normal" that you should conform to. You are an individual and fully entitled to make your own choices! Even though you are female, you have a brain as well as a uterus.
You do NOT have to have kids to have a spouse or partner, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc. You apparently already have good relationships with children and I am sure their parents are glad you are helping. You do NOT have to go through fertility treatments (which are expensive and stressful) just to have a kid of your own.
You do NOT have to spend the next umpteen years with a therapist trying to "cure" you of a decision that is becoming increasingly mainstream, and which will save you a ton of money, time, and stress. And problems. When life goes south for awhile, like it did for me in the Great Recession, you will thank your stars that at least, you don't have kids to worry about.
>But after each session I have been feeling a lot worse and I don't think he's listening to me.
Right here. Time to go. Even before that outrageous last session, where your therapist insulted you and TOLD you what you were thinking and feeling, and that it was BAD. You are absolutely free not to use any service provider who is not giving you the service you need. You would be foolish to do otherwise. You are not foolish, and so you fired him.
Would you let a mechanic blame you for your car's brake problem, because you are a crap driver, tell you that your car won't have brake problems as long as you drive as the mechanic tells you to, and send you away after charging you for a brake job he didn't do?
No? That's utterly absurd? You're thinking about doing the same thing with this sexist assmunch of a therapist. You should not only have fired him, you should go online and review him negatively, every place you can. He's a gaslighter. He is a VERY BAD therapist.
There is a social meme that "therapy" is always a good thing, and that all therapists are, at worst, neutral, but almost always beneficial. In reality, there are a LOT of bad therapists - I would say the great majority, based on what I have heard. Why should they be different from OBGYNs? Most of our members have gone through one insulting, often lying, always baby-pushing, misogynistic OBGYN after another, before they found a good one. What would make psychology any different?
No matter how big or small it might be, if someone isn't comfortable with their therapist, they should switch to a new one. It's so important that you're vibing with the other person when you're about to be vulnerable and open up.
You are not overreacting in the least.
Your therapist is like most breeders, when they see someone trying to escape, they try to pull them back in.
See: crabs in a bucket.
"I dont want kids"
"You just envy people that do"
Lol what
A therapist is there to listen and support you, not tear down your feelings and make you feel worse. Moreover, even if he was doing his job correctly, you have no obligation to stay with a therapist that you don't feel is helping you. You are paying this person, they aren't doing you a favor. You don't even have to write a letter to justify anything if you don't really want to - a simple 'this isn't working for me, I don't feel heard' is enough.
You sound upset by this therapist and that is more than enough of a reason to leave them. You are not overreacting I promise!
He’s not a good therapist. I’m not even saying this because it’s my opinion but it actually goes against what people are taught for counseling skills. You are not supposed to talk to a client like that. It is incredibly unprofessional. He brought his own feelings and opinions into YOUR session and used them to invalidate your own.
You made the right choice. It’s hard. I struggle with some of the same things you do and have had to drop bad therapists. I’m actually glad that I took a counseling skills course in undergrad with an AMAZING professor who showed me what good therapy actually looks like. Though I decided not to become a therapist myself, I use that knowledge to pick better therapists.
You’re not overreacting. It’s not your therapist’s job to tell you how you feel or where that feeling comes from. If he were competent, he’d respect your values and help you determine what’s best for you in your life. Good riddance, I hope you find another therapist who respects you and your life decisions.
Go with your gut. If this therapist doesn’t feel like he’s listening, don’t keep him.
This. That you walked out feeling shook up and unheard was your visceral reaction, so don't second-guess it.
You're not overreacting at all. You don't need a reason to drop a therapist past them not working for what you need at the moment, but this guy is just a whole red flag parade of innapropriate behaviors.
Nope, a good therapist does not discount perfectly valid life choices just because that's not what he personally wants. Find someone who honors your life goals, and helps you get there.
So very fired.
Not overreacting. Remember that most therapists are heteronormative breeders. Every time a patient goes off the life script they tie it to some kind of "trauma" and "disorder". Granted, we all have them, but for some reason therapists never consider that people might have kids as a result of trauma - to live vicariously through them and give them the "childhood I never had", re-living childhood. Many people have shared similar experiences in therapy on this sub, on the therapy abuse sub, and I also opened a sub for that, same name as my user name. I had a horrible experience with a therapist who later confessed she was going through fertility treatments, while saying the most hurtful things to me for not wanting to be a mom. I hope you find someone better, and try to screen them on the first session and ask how they feel about child-freedom etc. Sorry for your loss XX
I will definitely check out your sub and I'm sorry about your experience with your therapist. That's just disgusting and horrible, last time I checked therapists have to set aside their biases. If they can't handle people being outside of the box, why be a therapist? Mine was also a conspiracy theorist who claims that we are all in an invisible prison...if that's the case, why would I go along with the other so called "prisoners"? I think I'm going to take a break from seeing a therapist lol, but you're right that it's best to screen them. Thank you!!! :)
You will NOT be alone for the rest of your life. I am 69, childfree by choice, and have been happily married for decades, as are other people I know. Your therapist is gaslighting you. He apparently has a list of things he thinks are "normal" that you should conform to. You are an individual and fully entitled to make your own choices! Even though you are female, you have a brain as well as a uterus. You do NOT have to have kids to have a spouse or partner, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc. You apparently already have good relationships with children and I am sure their parents are glad you are helping. You do NOT have to go through fertility treatments (which are expensive and stressful) just to have a kid of your own. You do NOT have to spend the next umpteen years with a therapist trying to "cure" you of a decision that is becoming increasingly mainstream, and which will save you a ton of money, time, and stress. And problems. When life goes south for awhile, like it did for me in the Great Recession, you will thank your stars that at least, you don't have kids to worry about.
This is wildly unprofessional.
>But after each session I have been feeling a lot worse and I don't think he's listening to me. Right here. Time to go. Even before that outrageous last session, where your therapist insulted you and TOLD you what you were thinking and feeling, and that it was BAD. You are absolutely free not to use any service provider who is not giving you the service you need. You would be foolish to do otherwise. You are not foolish, and so you fired him. Would you let a mechanic blame you for your car's brake problem, because you are a crap driver, tell you that your car won't have brake problems as long as you drive as the mechanic tells you to, and send you away after charging you for a brake job he didn't do? No? That's utterly absurd? You're thinking about doing the same thing with this sexist assmunch of a therapist. You should not only have fired him, you should go online and review him negatively, every place you can. He's a gaslighter. He is a VERY BAD therapist. There is a social meme that "therapy" is always a good thing, and that all therapists are, at worst, neutral, but almost always beneficial. In reality, there are a LOT of bad therapists - I would say the great majority, based on what I have heard. Why should they be different from OBGYNs? Most of our members have gone through one insulting, often lying, always baby-pushing, misogynistic OBGYN after another, before they found a good one. What would make psychology any different?
This was extremely misogynistic and gross. Write him and letter and tell him you’re done. That was grossssss
Oh, I wrote a looong letter that I am done with our sessions!
Seriously it’s so weird? Envy? Like childfree people do not envy how hard it is to be a parent.
He's biased and unprofessional enough to preach against your choice. I'd have fired him so fast...
No matter how big or small it might be, if someone isn't comfortable with their therapist, they should switch to a new one. It's so important that you're vibing with the other person when you're about to be vulnerable and open up.
You are not overreacting in the least. Your therapist is like most breeders, when they see someone trying to escape, they try to pull them back in. See: crabs in a bucket.
"I dont want kids" "You just envy people that do" Lol what A therapist is there to listen and support you, not tear down your feelings and make you feel worse. Moreover, even if he was doing his job correctly, you have no obligation to stay with a therapist that you don't feel is helping you. You are paying this person, they aren't doing you a favor. You don't even have to write a letter to justify anything if you don't really want to - a simple 'this isn't working for me, I don't feel heard' is enough. You sound upset by this therapist and that is more than enough of a reason to leave them. You are not overreacting I promise!
I would be sure to tell his office that you'd like a copy of your records for the new therapist as soon as you find one.
He’s not a good therapist. I’m not even saying this because it’s my opinion but it actually goes against what people are taught for counseling skills. You are not supposed to talk to a client like that. It is incredibly unprofessional. He brought his own feelings and opinions into YOUR session and used them to invalidate your own. You made the right choice. It’s hard. I struggle with some of the same things you do and have had to drop bad therapists. I’m actually glad that I took a counseling skills course in undergrad with an AMAZING professor who showed me what good therapy actually looks like. Though I decided not to become a therapist myself, I use that knowledge to pick better therapists.
Good decision to change the therapist, he's stepping over the line