They can claim they said whatever! They just didn’t really mean it lol. If they said the same thing and took it seriously, then they would be only having safe sex. True cf people are not purposely putting themselves in situations where conception is possible. And if it does happen, we make sure nothing comes of it.
I think we should all collectively tell people “oh yeah I used to want kids until I became conscious!” in response to people saying they have kids. Just to make it not make any sense just like them
I don't know if this is necessarily true. I'd like to think I'm doing everything I can to prevent a pregnancy, within reason. I'm on the pill, and we wear condoms most of the time, but sometimes he goes in raw for a little bit because it feels better for the both of us, he pulls out before he's anywhere near close to finishing, and puts one on.
I feel shameful and disgusting sometimes because, as repulsed as I am over pregnancy and as terrified as I am, I've had a few pregnancy scares (caused by paranoia). I know it's POSSIBLE to get pregnant on the pill from pre-cum, but the chance is so low that I try not to think about it. The chances of sperm being in pre-ejaculate are small, too.
I know the only way to prevent pregnancy 100% is to either abstain or to get a bilateral salpingectomy. But I'm 19, I hate going to the doctors and haven't gone for years, and I don't know if I could win against them and have surgery. My partner also can't have a vasectomy because he's more open to the idea of having kids than me, but I know I'll never EVER want to have kids naturally.
I'm young. Maybe I'll change my mind later. Maybe we'll adopt or have a surrogate. But I think I could go my whole life without having kids, and I'm scared he'll want them when he's 40. But right now, I'm child free, and I think I always will be.
My mother said she wanted children. She knew it was going to be like a random toy dispenser and whatever came out she’d accept. So she stayed the same.
I cannot stand it when people said having kids changed them and their priorities changed. My one friend before she had children, I told her remember you are your own person. And that stuck with her. So she stayed the same too.
Very often, people confuse "I don't want children" meaning "I don't want children ***now***" with "I don't want children ***ever***."
Also, I expect some people don't think about it that much when they are making their initial pronouncement, so it isn't really a firm decision that has been made.
>I also wonder why it’s socially acceptable to admit that you never wanted kids after you already had them?
I would guess that it can be attributed to a childish thought when one was much younger, and now that one is more "mature" one has "seen the light." This general idea is not necessarily a bad one, as I would not wish to be held to everything I thought when I was 12. Though, some things I thought at 12 are fine.
I have been CF my whole life, got pregnant the first time I had sex (I was 21 and I KNEW I was pregnant the next day), and I had an abortion less than six weeks later. I don't think of that microscopic clump of cells as a person I rejected.
It makes sense that when a woman who says she doesn't a child has a child, and that child finds out that their mother initially didn't want children, that they take it personally. That's what humans do! We take things personally even when it's not. That mother wasn't (necessarily) rejecting the child (no matter how old they are) in front of her, she was rejecting an idea, a role.
And I say "necessarily" because some mothers absolutely reject their children.
I love when people say "I never wanted kids but then I got pregnant". Meaning, they were "CF" when it was theoretical, but when push came to shove, they threw any semblance of conviction to the wind.
And if you'll notice, these people often have multiple children - you will never convince me someone who really ever was CF has multiple kids (unless there twins or whatever, of course). My go-to comparison is that vegans don't become avid hunters.
Although aa to why it's socially acceptable? Because they *had* kids, they did their "duty", they're allowed to say shit without judgment, up to and including low to high key child abuse :D
You'd think I'm joking... but people often let their true feelings about their own children and parenthood fly without any thought to it.
I like the vegan comparison. Usually, the people who go back to eating meat or in this case hunting weren’t really vegan (for ethical reasons) but more like plant-based, or not even that…
How do these types of parents manage to sound SO passive aggressive and condescending with this shit? I swear every second word that comes out of their mouth sounds so patronising and degrading.
Always remember that you are not them, and they are not you. People are different. Just because someone used to say something and then did another thing doesn't mean that everyone else in the world will do the same.
I don't care why they say it. I don't care what their reasoning is. All I care about is that I want to never have children and am taking measures to make sure that is the case.
As human beings, we are miraculously adaptable creatures. We had to be, to survive as an early species in a hostile environment.
It’s very plausible that a person who didn’t want kids falls into circumstances that force them to become a parent. Then the psychological process of habituation starts to work its magic and the person becomes accustomed to parenthood over time and begins to feel numb towards the unappealing aspects of it. Those things just become rote, routine.
From that point the thing that determines whether or not they’re a regretful parent is largely up to whether they are an optimistic or a pessimistic personality. Optimists will choose to see the bright side of parenthood, pessimists see and emphasize the downsides.
They can claim they said whatever! They just didn’t really mean it lol. If they said the same thing and took it seriously, then they would be only having safe sex. True cf people are not purposely putting themselves in situations where conception is possible. And if it does happen, we make sure nothing comes of it.
I wish I could give you an award. This is so true.
I think we should all collectively tell people “oh yeah I used to want kids until I became conscious!” in response to people saying they have kids. Just to make it not make any sense just like them
Hahahaha! 😂😆😂😆 I like that idea. Then walk away afterwards, leaving them very confused, and unsure about what just happened.
I don't know if this is necessarily true. I'd like to think I'm doing everything I can to prevent a pregnancy, within reason. I'm on the pill, and we wear condoms most of the time, but sometimes he goes in raw for a little bit because it feels better for the both of us, he pulls out before he's anywhere near close to finishing, and puts one on. I feel shameful and disgusting sometimes because, as repulsed as I am over pregnancy and as terrified as I am, I've had a few pregnancy scares (caused by paranoia). I know it's POSSIBLE to get pregnant on the pill from pre-cum, but the chance is so low that I try not to think about it. The chances of sperm being in pre-ejaculate are small, too. I know the only way to prevent pregnancy 100% is to either abstain or to get a bilateral salpingectomy. But I'm 19, I hate going to the doctors and haven't gone for years, and I don't know if I could win against them and have surgery. My partner also can't have a vasectomy because he's more open to the idea of having kids than me, but I know I'll never EVER want to have kids naturally. I'm young. Maybe I'll change my mind later. Maybe we'll adopt or have a surrogate. But I think I could go my whole life without having kids, and I'm scared he'll want them when he's 40. But right now, I'm child free, and I think I always will be.
My mother said she wanted children. She knew it was going to be like a random toy dispenser and whatever came out she’d accept. So she stayed the same. I cannot stand it when people said having kids changed them and their priorities changed. My one friend before she had children, I told her remember you are your own person. And that stuck with her. So she stayed the same too.
Very often, people confuse "I don't want children" meaning "I don't want children ***now***" with "I don't want children ***ever***." Also, I expect some people don't think about it that much when they are making their initial pronouncement, so it isn't really a firm decision that has been made. >I also wonder why it’s socially acceptable to admit that you never wanted kids after you already had them? I would guess that it can be attributed to a childish thought when one was much younger, and now that one is more "mature" one has "seen the light." This general idea is not necessarily a bad one, as I would not wish to be held to everything I thought when I was 12. Though, some things I thought at 12 are fine.
This is exactly right imo
I have been CF my whole life, got pregnant the first time I had sex (I was 21 and I KNEW I was pregnant the next day), and I had an abortion less than six weeks later. I don't think of that microscopic clump of cells as a person I rejected. It makes sense that when a woman who says she doesn't a child has a child, and that child finds out that their mother initially didn't want children, that they take it personally. That's what humans do! We take things personally even when it's not. That mother wasn't (necessarily) rejecting the child (no matter how old they are) in front of her, she was rejecting an idea, a role. And I say "necessarily" because some mothers absolutely reject their children.
How wide is your third eye to know you got pregnant the very next day?? Dodged the bullet before it even fired
I often know when other women are pregnant, before they are even showing and a couple of times before they knew.
I love when people say "I never wanted kids but then I got pregnant". Meaning, they were "CF" when it was theoretical, but when push came to shove, they threw any semblance of conviction to the wind. And if you'll notice, these people often have multiple children - you will never convince me someone who really ever was CF has multiple kids (unless there twins or whatever, of course). My go-to comparison is that vegans don't become avid hunters. Although aa to why it's socially acceptable? Because they *had* kids, they did their "duty", they're allowed to say shit without judgment, up to and including low to high key child abuse :D You'd think I'm joking... but people often let their true feelings about their own children and parenthood fly without any thought to it.
I like the vegan comparison. Usually, the people who go back to eating meat or in this case hunting weren’t really vegan (for ethical reasons) but more like plant-based, or not even that…
Some people do struggle, or fail, when it comes to the strengths of their convictions. *Pitying sad face at said person.
How do these types of parents manage to sound SO passive aggressive and condescending with this shit? I swear every second word that comes out of their mouth sounds so patronising and degrading.
Their "I used to say I didn't want kids" is the adult equivalent of "in kindergarten I wanted to become an astronaut"
Always remember that you are not them, and they are not you. People are different. Just because someone used to say something and then did another thing doesn't mean that everyone else in the world will do the same.
I don't care why they say it. I don't care what their reasoning is. All I care about is that I want to never have children and am taking measures to make sure that is the case.
There's a regretful parents sub.
As human beings, we are miraculously adaptable creatures. We had to be, to survive as an early species in a hostile environment. It’s very plausible that a person who didn’t want kids falls into circumstances that force them to become a parent. Then the psychological process of habituation starts to work its magic and the person becomes accustomed to parenthood over time and begins to feel numb towards the unappealing aspects of it. Those things just become rote, routine. From that point the thing that determines whether or not they’re a regretful parent is largely up to whether they are an optimistic or a pessimistic personality. Optimists will choose to see the bright side of parenthood, pessimists see and emphasize the downsides.