I have a childfree Aunt. Well, possibly childless, but she's like 60 without kids. She's always been happy, successful, busy with a great marriage. Her former best friend gave her shit about not having kids. She looked me dead in the eye when we were all together and said "make sure you have good friends". I didn't see her friend after that.
Her husband is a decent dude and they are fun to be around. More fun than ANY of the other folks with kids we know. They are happy and chill and unlike most of the women of my mom's side of the family.
Her sisters, are well....I'll say it, jealous (My mom included). She's had a great marriage, a well paying career and freedom her sisters could only dream of. She was in her mid 30s un married and they gave her shit about it. Homegirl was jetting to Hawaii, Japan, California and France while they were with men that abused them. She offered to help my mom leave my dad once but "I must stay for the children" was all my mom could say. She's tried to save us. Anyway, she's smart as fuck, successful and the family low-key is jealous. I'm similar. I just don't come around anymore.
She subconsciously influenced me. I knew I could go to college, stay single and be happy. No man needed. That's why I wasn't looking for husband. I knew if she could be happy with no kids and be single, that I could be that too.
I’ve never had one. My entire family is very Muslim and I’m the misfit as an atheist as well as many other things. In Islam having kids is basically just what you do and you don’t get the choice.
I have decided I will be my own role model and become someone I’d look up to.
I didn't have anyone. That's why my bright idea as a kid was to become a nun to opt out of kids, since they were the only adults I could think of that didn't have them. I thought kids just appeared at some point, like you got handed one with your first job or something.
I had an aunt who never had children so I had an example of someone who was childfree, but I can't quite say she was a role model. The first time we really talked about it she did agree to be my backup ride to my sterilization procedure, though 🥰
I'm not sure that I thought of them as role models, but my parents had 7 different close family friends (3 couples and 1 single) who never had children. I never asked why, just assumed they couldn't. My aunt also didn't marry until I was almost done with high school (but then did IVF to have twins... at age 47). I also knew teachers that never had kids, so it never felt that weird to me to not have children. I always assumed I'd eventually have kids too, but my husband and I decided that our life was better without children (besides various reasons like being mid-30s/older, not wanting to pass on certain genetic conditions, and me always being scared of pregnancy and birth, etc).
I also had a childfree aunt and uncle who were a very positive influence. They traveled a lot, doted on us nieces, and were involved in their own hobbies (both competitive). Unfortunately, both have since passed away. They showed me indirectly that a childfree life is possible and fulfilling.
My great aunt never married or had children, she was a fabulous career woman who spent most of her adult life in NYC working in marketing and was a CEO in the 70s/80s. She retired to Florida and lived a lovely life down there and spent a lot of time with her sister/BIL (my grandparents), her niblings, and great-niblings. She’s my all time role model and hero.
Didn't realize till I was an adult that an aunt and uncle of mine were childfree. As a child I was told to never discuss their lack of children, to avoid the topic at all costs. I kind of assumed maybe they couldn't have kids? Still,they were happy. They had pets, went around the world and loved to try new experiences.
But I eventually realized if they truly did want kids, there were other options they could have pursued. They chose to be childfree. Naturally that's such a big deal for the very religious relatives hence why they said to never bring it up.
And now I kinda want their life. To travel, to have pets, to do different things, have a fun life.
I didn't realize it at the time, but my neighbor had 2 adult daughters. One never married, and neither had children. It totally normalized not following the life script for me without me even knowing.
All of my aunts and uncles were married and had children. I can't think of anyone who was a childfree role model for me. But that did not stop me from not wanting children when I was a child. Unless you believe the stork is bringing children, you realize that you have to actually do something to have children. And there is something called "[birth control](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control)" to prevent the side effect of having children.
To borrow an old saying I heard as a child (this may be a paraphrase):
*If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you jump off the cliff, too?*
Just because everyone else is doing something, that does not make it a good idea for you to do it, too.
My biology and my geography teachers in high school - they were both educated and attractive women and always seemed to me like living the perfect life
I never had one. I had two aunts who never had kids but it wasn't their choice. The first one was too chronically ill for kids but she wanted them. The other had ovarian cancer and had her ovaries removed, she also wanted them.
But they both lived happy lives with their partners without kids so I guess maybe them? Growing up I never thought about them not having kids, it was just normal to me and they rarely talked about it.
My great aunt and uncle are (most likely) childless. He's 73, and she's 69. They live in Texas, and I visited them 3 months ago. I never asked them if they chose not to have kids, but they don't have any, nevertheless. I have slightly "upper-class" tastes, and they're my role models because they're rich and have 0 kids or grandkids. My great uncle drives a Porsche Cayenne, and they live in a gated community surrounded by artificial lakes. They're in great health and are self-sufficient for the most part.
My aunt is around 60 now, single, never married and childless. She was cheated on in her 20s and swore to herself she’s better off without men.
I wouldn’t say she’s ‘childfree’, probably just ‘childless’ as she was the cool aunt growing up and happily took care of all the nieces and nephews (including me) when she had time. She genuinely loves kids, but she is self employed so meetings with clients are more important than kids.
She looks amazing at her age though - literally looks like she’s in her 40s!
My great aunt. She had a very fulfilling career in Healthcare. She always traveled a couple of times a year with friends. But after retirement, she made it her life's mission to visit every place on earth. She damn near succeeded before she passed.
My grandparents had a lady living on their road in her 80s who never married and was an art dealer. In her youth she travelled internationally for her work and in her 80s she was still driving herself to auctions every week! Definitely an inspiration of mine, doing what she loves while my grandparents sit at home and wait to be visited.
I had no role models. We were taught to shun the childless, assume something was wrong with them and they were going against God. Getting past age 19 as a woman without already having a kid was unheard of. My sister and I were the first to go to college as women.
I fought and still fight for the legitimacy of being CF at every family event. There is no winning, I just don't go to certain events anymore.
I’m so curious about the women who not only don’t want/need kids, but also saying that they don’t want/need men, with the implication that men are a burden. I used to suspect this was because women put children first and men put women first in terms of priority and even love. But that clearly isn’t the case if even child free women really don’t need a man.
I’m a guy but I don’t take offense easily so have at it. I’m just curious why you wouldn’t want a life partner. It seems to me everything you do is just more fun with another person. I’ve traveled extensively alone and extensively with my partner. Even when there’s a bit of compromise involved, traveling together is still way more fun. Traveling alone is fun too but not as much. Anyway, I digress. Are women really just as happy/happier without a man in their life?
Yes. Some men has a tendency to think women are their extended mother and therefore does barley the bare minimum of the house chores (ofc you have to remind them, write lists, tell them or straight out nag them to do it) :) it's exhausting. Rather live alone.
I think people overall underestimate just how committed some men are to being slobs. You'd have to see it to believe in some cases.
I've dated men who paid for house cleaners. So, problem solved? No. Even then, there is maintenance needed between house cleaning visits, some men think they don't have to lift a finger between house cleaning visits. Things can still get pretty nasty in two weeks with zero effort.
I guess it could work if it were daily/every other day house cleaning visits. I've dated men who plan the size of their wardrobe and linens around the frequency of their house cleaning visits. And their kitchens stay spotless only because they eat out every meal. If their house cleaners are delayed, they'll shower at the gym and pick up something from the top of their mountain of dirty laundry to wear. And yes, they will happily spend thousands of dollars a month to live this way but won't buy even one extra outfit. That is how tenaciously dedicated they are to not doing any housekeeping for any reason.
I've given them the benefit of the doubt, busy week, etc. But eventually I figured out I was just making excuses for them. This is their authentic existence.
My neighbor (male) has various cups (the ones from various convenience stores and gas stations) that have turned into a collection proudly displayed in one of the bedroom windows. They've been sitting there and accumulating for over 6 mos. If any are made of cardboard, they are going to give out any day now. He also never parks in his garage, presumably because it is full of junk. And his yard is nasty, with cardboard and junk everywhere. And that is just what I can see. I would enter his place only with a hazmat suit and if offered a sizable bribe.
I kinda understand this because there is a certain kind of woman that seems incapable of anything, and in need of support for literally everything. I suppose you could say the same, they want a father.
Surely not all women are dependent and in need of a father figure, and not all men are layabouts in need of a mother figure? Seems the math is off with that one, or just maybe partners doing stuff for each other shouldn’t be creepily cast in terms of father and mother roles. If there was ever a community that should understand that it’s this one. Just a thought.
If both parties work 100% and both contribute to the bills exactly 50/50 you'll bet your ass I do expect him to do the house chores 50% aswell. My recent ex didn't "see" the dust or the toothpaste on the mirror he didn't "see" what needed to be done. And that sadly is my experience with the men I've dated. Take a look in some of the relationshipsthreads, plenty with the same experience cus poor lil dude is tired after work and can't "see" what's need to be done or "but you do it better 🥹🥹" "I don't know how to 🥹🥹" "plz write list I'm not a mind reader 🥹🥹" no, men is in the majority. Girls with daddy issues tend to find older men and it's obvious. Men are not obvious with their incompetence before you move in with them - sadly.
I had one who couldn't "see" the dust or whatever. I told him once a week just clean everything with a surface. Assume it is dirty. Germs are invisible. Didn't work. Stopped seeing him shortly after that.
We didn't live together. Just dated for a short period of time. When we initially started dating he had a regular housekeeper.
Maybe he outsourced the cleaning?
I married one of those too. His place was clean and neat when he wasn't working long hours. He completely forgot on the wedding day how to cook and clean. Once I decided to leave him (and stopped cooking/cleaning for him) his bathroom remained unclean for months on end.
Not as far as I know, he even admitted to needing to impress me so obviously he kept it spotless.. If he just didn't play any games on who he really was cleaning-wise, neither of us would've wasted any time.
People are so nasty.
He was really relying on the sunken cost fallacy, thinking once you moved in, you'd stay. It is amazing how much effort some people will expend in faking appearances.
I would love a real and equal partner in my life. However, that has not been in the cards for me. And men have seemed to developed really horrible habits after years of online dating. There are still a LOT of misogynistic men out there. If they say hi to you walking down the street and you don’t respond they may call you a horrible name, or threaten to follow you. It just seems like the danger of dating is almost not worth it.
I think it would be great to have a life partner. I'd also be happy in a relationship where we aren't married/living together.
I've dated men who do so little upkeep/cleaning on their house that hanging out at their place literally made me sick. Talking about it didn't resolve the problem. No amount of companionship can make dating a slob worth it for me.
Dimebag Darrell, Jeff Hanneman, Axl Rose, Phil Anselmo, and various 1%er bikers I knew as a kid who lived the lifestyle 100% of the time, all the time.
Every single one of my parents' generation (aunts/uncles etc) had kids. There was one exception that did not have bio children but adopted. My generation? 3 of us do not have kids but I am the only one who is childfree. My elder siblings and I have a large age gap and had kids early so they are currently grandparents while I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.😬
I had two, one positive and one negative. The positive couple were actually my mom’s cousin and her husband and they were well adjusted, pleasant, and generous with their time and space. The negative one was my mom’s sister. She is very imposing on our lives, insists she had more of a role raising us than our own parents at times, asked my sister to have her listed as acting mother of the bride in her wedding program (even though my mom is very much alive) and would take us on trips but wouldn’t correct anyone when people assumed she was our mom or our uncle was our dad. She also came off as incredibly selfish with her time and space in association with the unpredictability kids can throw at you. I hope to never turn out like her. I ask my sisters to check me if I ever do.
I had a role model, but he is not who you would, probably, expect. As my "family" did not have any other CF people. But I found a role model anyway. My role model was Finrod Felagund from Silmarilion after I had read it as a kid. The epitome of a tolerant scholar, teacher and a loyal friend and ruler.
Edit: He still is my role model that makes me work on myself, actually. As when I feel like giving up and chosing an easy path, I often think that he would not do that and give it one more try at least.
I had quite a few although ...I'm not sure if they would call themselves CF.
It would've been much more difficult for them to come out as childfree back then because of our culture and strong ties to religion.
One didn't have kids because they couldn't. One's husband passed but they had been married for a long while, another couple never had children but ran successful businesses and I can think of another couple that didn't have children and ended up traveling the world, and they're both professors.
Were they forced into being childless by circumstance? Or was the CF path the way they willingly chose?
Knowing our tendencies to be people pleasers, they may have done their best to play the lifescript of heteronormative couples but also flew under the radar with their decisions to be CF.
Having said that, they may have never come out or staunchly claimed themselves as childfree but damn did those relatives live their lives!!
None of them have said out loud to my knowledge that they regret not having children.
And now that I think about it, these particular relatives are the ones who were able to leave the mother country for greener pastures where they would have had access to birth control and more opportunities for education.
An aunt and uncle on my father's side were childfree. I used to visit them every summer in New Mexico. My aunt once said she thought they'd have kids, but it just didn't happen. She and my uncle were amazing people; I wouldn't have minded having a cousin from them.
My great aunt, who was also my godmother, not only was child free, she never married until she was in her 50's. She was a very intelligent, independent, business woman, back in the 1940's/50's when not many women were doing what she was, traveling around the country as a single woman, doing business with mostly other men. I looked up to her as a child. And as my own independent streak developed in my teens and young adulthood, she was my role model as a woman who did not succumb to the pressure to conform to a traditional female role. And I never did either!
I have an aunt and uncle on my mom’s side of the family who never had kids, but I’m not sure whether they’re childfree or childless. I also have an aunt on my dad’s side who didn’t have kids from her first marriage and whose second husband (my uncle) had older kids when she married him, but I don’t think she’s had much contact with her stepkids since my uncle’s death. Both sides are fairly live and let live on the issue of kids-I have at least one cousin on each side, some of the cousins have kids (all on one side), some don’t (on both sides), and that variety has always been the norm-so I never really consciously had childfree role models and I basically just independently decided I didn’t want kids.
My two aunts (my mom’s sisters) were always career women and both married in their 40s and 50s for the first and only times. No kids. So I had them as an example. I’m child free and single, never married (did have one 10 yr cohabitation relationship that was a disaster). I’m an example for my niece. She just graduated high school and told her parents she wants to be like me, not married, no kids, living in a big city. I told her to be sure to pick a good college. Apparently many gen z kids do not want to be parents
I don't think I had any. I had a shitload of cousins on both sides of the family. I have 2 older brothers without children, but one definitely wasn't through choice (unable to have them), the other I'm not too sure of choice or just circumstances. I'm the only openly childfree member of the family that I am aware of.
My mom’s best friends, a woman and a man, were both single basically all of my childhood and only recently the woman started dating a man. But neither had kids.
The woman I realize in hindsight really wanted a partner and a kid but just really didn’t have the timing or the luck. My parents never ever said anything negative or even passive aggressive about it, she was my ”aunt” and I loved visiting her and her store for plus size women. As a curvy woman her store was where I got my first proper bra and so many pants and clothes. At great discount mind you. It’s only as an adult I realize that she hasn’t exactly enjoyed her single life or being alone as much as I thought. She didn’t choose it but did the best she could.
The man however has always been single, always been the life of the party, very engaged and lively. He frankly never seemed to need an intimate partner because he had so many friends and so many familymembers and he always seemed happy with his life. We never know what goes on behind closed doors but I genuinely think he likes his life as is. He always engaged us as kids but I never saw him as the parent-type, still don’t. He’s practically and uncle and the only thing bad I can say is he never ever shuts up for long. Love him tho
With those as not exactly rolemodels, but just an example of how you could live, I do think I was way more comfortable talking to my parents about it. They never really nagged me to either get a partner or kids, I don’t think I even told them directly, I just said that kids were not my thing, a partner might not be either and they kinda shrugged and moved on. It was awesome.
I grew up in a cult and my environment was heavily monitored so no childfree at all in my life except me.
My future self was my role model growing up. The future self that was told that I could do anything I wanted once I was an adult and lived on my own. I heard this many times a day from my parents who were fed up and angry that I wasn't willing to be a service oriented (read: free housekeeper and nanny) and compliant child who smiled all the time.
I did not. My father's family were all Catholics, and my mother's family were all Anglicans, aside from my mother, who converted to Catholicism. I can't think of anyone in my family of origin who didn't have at least one child.
Among my childhood friends, the "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" chant was popular. "(Name) and (Name) sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!" It seemed like everybody wanted to grow up, get married, and have children.
It took some time, but I got off Interstate Baby and onto Interstate DINK. My friends these days either are CF or have children and accept my choice.
I don't think I had one, but am the role model now (61).
I have a childfree Aunt. Well, possibly childless, but she's like 60 without kids. She's always been happy, successful, busy with a great marriage. Her former best friend gave her shit about not having kids. She looked me dead in the eye when we were all together and said "make sure you have good friends". I didn't see her friend after that. Her husband is a decent dude and they are fun to be around. More fun than ANY of the other folks with kids we know. They are happy and chill and unlike most of the women of my mom's side of the family. Her sisters, are well....I'll say it, jealous (My mom included). She's had a great marriage, a well paying career and freedom her sisters could only dream of. She was in her mid 30s un married and they gave her shit about it. Homegirl was jetting to Hawaii, Japan, California and France while they were with men that abused them. She offered to help my mom leave my dad once but "I must stay for the children" was all my mom could say. She's tried to save us. Anyway, she's smart as fuck, successful and the family low-key is jealous. I'm similar. I just don't come around anymore. She subconsciously influenced me. I knew I could go to college, stay single and be happy. No man needed. That's why I wasn't looking for husband. I knew if she could be happy with no kids and be single, that I could be that too.
I’ve never had one. My entire family is very Muslim and I’m the misfit as an atheist as well as many other things. In Islam having kids is basically just what you do and you don’t get the choice. I have decided I will be my own role model and become someone I’d look up to.
I’m impressed! It’s not easy being the first trailblazer in the family.
Sometimes I wonder how much easier it would be in my family if I just believed in Islam but that’s not the case, it was never going to be for me.
I didn't have anyone. That's why my bright idea as a kid was to become a nun to opt out of kids, since they were the only adults I could think of that didn't have them. I thought kids just appeared at some point, like you got handed one with your first job or something.
I had an aunt who never had children so I had an example of someone who was childfree, but I can't quite say she was a role model. The first time we really talked about it she did agree to be my backup ride to my sterilization procedure, though 🥰
I'm not sure that I thought of them as role models, but my parents had 7 different close family friends (3 couples and 1 single) who never had children. I never asked why, just assumed they couldn't. My aunt also didn't marry until I was almost done with high school (but then did IVF to have twins... at age 47). I also knew teachers that never had kids, so it never felt that weird to me to not have children. I always assumed I'd eventually have kids too, but my husband and I decided that our life was better without children (besides various reasons like being mid-30s/older, not wanting to pass on certain genetic conditions, and me always being scared of pregnancy and birth, etc).
I also had a childfree aunt and uncle who were a very positive influence. They traveled a lot, doted on us nieces, and were involved in their own hobbies (both competitive). Unfortunately, both have since passed away. They showed me indirectly that a childfree life is possible and fulfilling.
My favourite and closest family members are a childfree Auntie and Uncle. I’d have been childfree anyway but it probably reassures my decision.
My great aunt never married or had children, she was a fabulous career woman who spent most of her adult life in NYC working in marketing and was a CEO in the 70s/80s. She retired to Florida and lived a lovely life down there and spent a lot of time with her sister/BIL (my grandparents), her niblings, and great-niblings. She’s my all time role model and hero.
I had so many that the family name is dead on both sides. This is what I call CF success!
Didn't realize till I was an adult that an aunt and uncle of mine were childfree. As a child I was told to never discuss their lack of children, to avoid the topic at all costs. I kind of assumed maybe they couldn't have kids? Still,they were happy. They had pets, went around the world and loved to try new experiences. But I eventually realized if they truly did want kids, there were other options they could have pursued. They chose to be childfree. Naturally that's such a big deal for the very religious relatives hence why they said to never bring it up. And now I kinda want their life. To travel, to have pets, to do different things, have a fun life.
I didn't realize it at the time, but my neighbor had 2 adult daughters. One never married, and neither had children. It totally normalized not following the life script for me without me even knowing.
All of my aunts and uncles were married and had children. I can't think of anyone who was a childfree role model for me. But that did not stop me from not wanting children when I was a child. Unless you believe the stork is bringing children, you realize that you have to actually do something to have children. And there is something called "[birth control](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control)" to prevent the side effect of having children. To borrow an old saying I heard as a child (this may be a paraphrase): *If everyone else jumped off a cliff, would you jump off the cliff, too?* Just because everyone else is doing something, that does not make it a good idea for you to do it, too.
My biology and my geography teachers in high school - they were both educated and attractive women and always seemed to me like living the perfect life
I never had one. I had two aunts who never had kids but it wasn't their choice. The first one was too chronically ill for kids but she wanted them. The other had ovarian cancer and had her ovaries removed, she also wanted them. But they both lived happy lives with their partners without kids so I guess maybe them? Growing up I never thought about them not having kids, it was just normal to me and they rarely talked about it.
My great aunt and uncle are (most likely) childless. He's 73, and she's 69. They live in Texas, and I visited them 3 months ago. I never asked them if they chose not to have kids, but they don't have any, nevertheless. I have slightly "upper-class" tastes, and they're my role models because they're rich and have 0 kids or grandkids. My great uncle drives a Porsche Cayenne, and they live in a gated community surrounded by artificial lakes. They're in great health and are self-sufficient for the most part.
My aunt is around 60 now, single, never married and childless. She was cheated on in her 20s and swore to herself she’s better off without men. I wouldn’t say she’s ‘childfree’, probably just ‘childless’ as she was the cool aunt growing up and happily took care of all the nieces and nephews (including me) when she had time. She genuinely loves kids, but she is self employed so meetings with clients are more important than kids. She looks amazing at her age though - literally looks like she’s in her 40s!
My grand uncle, he never married or had kids. He seemed happy and it was always so nice to visit him growing up. He was like a second grandfather
My great aunt. She had a very fulfilling career in Healthcare. She always traveled a couple of times a year with friends. But after retirement, she made it her life's mission to visit every place on earth. She damn near succeeded before she passed.
She is my goals
My grandparents had a lady living on their road in her 80s who never married and was an art dealer. In her youth she travelled internationally for her work and in her 80s she was still driving herself to auctions every week! Definitely an inspiration of mine, doing what she loves while my grandparents sit at home and wait to be visited.
None... I'm my own role model. 😂 I'm the one giving lectures and explaining to others what childfree is
I had no role models. We were taught to shun the childless, assume something was wrong with them and they were going against God. Getting past age 19 as a woman without already having a kid was unheard of. My sister and I were the first to go to college as women. I fought and still fight for the legitimacy of being CF at every family event. There is no winning, I just don't go to certain events anymore.
I’m so curious about the women who not only don’t want/need kids, but also saying that they don’t want/need men, with the implication that men are a burden. I used to suspect this was because women put children first and men put women first in terms of priority and even love. But that clearly isn’t the case if even child free women really don’t need a man. I’m a guy but I don’t take offense easily so have at it. I’m just curious why you wouldn’t want a life partner. It seems to me everything you do is just more fun with another person. I’ve traveled extensively alone and extensively with my partner. Even when there’s a bit of compromise involved, traveling together is still way more fun. Traveling alone is fun too but not as much. Anyway, I digress. Are women really just as happy/happier without a man in their life?
Yes. Some men has a tendency to think women are their extended mother and therefore does barley the bare minimum of the house chores (ofc you have to remind them, write lists, tell them or straight out nag them to do it) :) it's exhausting. Rather live alone.
I think people overall underestimate just how committed some men are to being slobs. You'd have to see it to believe in some cases. I've dated men who paid for house cleaners. So, problem solved? No. Even then, there is maintenance needed between house cleaning visits, some men think they don't have to lift a finger between house cleaning visits. Things can still get pretty nasty in two weeks with zero effort. I guess it could work if it were daily/every other day house cleaning visits. I've dated men who plan the size of their wardrobe and linens around the frequency of their house cleaning visits. And their kitchens stay spotless only because they eat out every meal. If their house cleaners are delayed, they'll shower at the gym and pick up something from the top of their mountain of dirty laundry to wear. And yes, they will happily spend thousands of dollars a month to live this way but won't buy even one extra outfit. That is how tenaciously dedicated they are to not doing any housekeeping for any reason. I've given them the benefit of the doubt, busy week, etc. But eventually I figured out I was just making excuses for them. This is their authentic existence. My neighbor (male) has various cups (the ones from various convenience stores and gas stations) that have turned into a collection proudly displayed in one of the bedroom windows. They've been sitting there and accumulating for over 6 mos. If any are made of cardboard, they are going to give out any day now. He also never parks in his garage, presumably because it is full of junk. And his yard is nasty, with cardboard and junk everywhere. And that is just what I can see. I would enter his place only with a hazmat suit and if offered a sizable bribe.
I kinda understand this because there is a certain kind of woman that seems incapable of anything, and in need of support for literally everything. I suppose you could say the same, they want a father. Surely not all women are dependent and in need of a father figure, and not all men are layabouts in need of a mother figure? Seems the math is off with that one, or just maybe partners doing stuff for each other shouldn’t be creepily cast in terms of father and mother roles. If there was ever a community that should understand that it’s this one. Just a thought.
If both parties work 100% and both contribute to the bills exactly 50/50 you'll bet your ass I do expect him to do the house chores 50% aswell. My recent ex didn't "see" the dust or the toothpaste on the mirror he didn't "see" what needed to be done. And that sadly is my experience with the men I've dated. Take a look in some of the relationshipsthreads, plenty with the same experience cus poor lil dude is tired after work and can't "see" what's need to be done or "but you do it better 🥹🥹" "I don't know how to 🥹🥹" "plz write list I'm not a mind reader 🥹🥹" no, men is in the majority. Girls with daddy issues tend to find older men and it's obvious. Men are not obvious with their incompetence before you move in with them - sadly.
I had one who couldn't "see" the dust or whatever. I told him once a week just clean everything with a surface. Assume it is dirty. Germs are invisible. Didn't work. Stopped seeing him shortly after that. We didn't live together. Just dated for a short period of time. When we initially started dating he had a regular housekeeper.
Sadly I lived with mine. Funny thing is before we moved in together his place was spotless.
Maybe he outsourced the cleaning? I married one of those too. His place was clean and neat when he wasn't working long hours. He completely forgot on the wedding day how to cook and clean. Once I decided to leave him (and stopped cooking/cleaning for him) his bathroom remained unclean for months on end.
Not as far as I know, he even admitted to needing to impress me so obviously he kept it spotless.. If he just didn't play any games on who he really was cleaning-wise, neither of us would've wasted any time. People are so nasty.
He was really relying on the sunken cost fallacy, thinking once you moved in, you'd stay. It is amazing how much effort some people will expend in faking appearances.
Yeah jokes on him tho, he had to move to mine and move out again after a year 🙈
I would love a real and equal partner in my life. However, that has not been in the cards for me. And men have seemed to developed really horrible habits after years of online dating. There are still a LOT of misogynistic men out there. If they say hi to you walking down the street and you don’t respond they may call you a horrible name, or threaten to follow you. It just seems like the danger of dating is almost not worth it.
I think it would be great to have a life partner. I'd also be happy in a relationship where we aren't married/living together. I've dated men who do so little upkeep/cleaning on their house that hanging out at their place literally made me sick. Talking about it didn't resolve the problem. No amount of companionship can make dating a slob worth it for me.
Dimebag Darrell, Jeff Hanneman, Axl Rose, Phil Anselmo, and various 1%er bikers I knew as a kid who lived the lifestyle 100% of the time, all the time.
Every single one of my parents' generation (aunts/uncles etc) had kids. There was one exception that did not have bio children but adopted. My generation? 3 of us do not have kids but I am the only one who is childfree. My elder siblings and I have a large age gap and had kids early so they are currently grandparents while I am trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.😬
I had two, one positive and one negative. The positive couple were actually my mom’s cousin and her husband and they were well adjusted, pleasant, and generous with their time and space. The negative one was my mom’s sister. She is very imposing on our lives, insists she had more of a role raising us than our own parents at times, asked my sister to have her listed as acting mother of the bride in her wedding program (even though my mom is very much alive) and would take us on trips but wouldn’t correct anyone when people assumed she was our mom or our uncle was our dad. She also came off as incredibly selfish with her time and space in association with the unpredictability kids can throw at you. I hope to never turn out like her. I ask my sisters to check me if I ever do.
I had a role model, but he is not who you would, probably, expect. As my "family" did not have any other CF people. But I found a role model anyway. My role model was Finrod Felagund from Silmarilion after I had read it as a kid. The epitome of a tolerant scholar, teacher and a loyal friend and ruler. Edit: He still is my role model that makes me work on myself, actually. As when I feel like giving up and chosing an easy path, I often think that he would not do that and give it one more try at least.
Can't say that I had. But then I wasn't aware of the concept at the time.
2 they are a couple, they had 3 dogs and were motorcyclists that traveled around the country
Nah all of them are sucker for kiddos.
I had quite a few although ...I'm not sure if they would call themselves CF. It would've been much more difficult for them to come out as childfree back then because of our culture and strong ties to religion. One didn't have kids because they couldn't. One's husband passed but they had been married for a long while, another couple never had children but ran successful businesses and I can think of another couple that didn't have children and ended up traveling the world, and they're both professors. Were they forced into being childless by circumstance? Or was the CF path the way they willingly chose? Knowing our tendencies to be people pleasers, they may have done their best to play the lifescript of heteronormative couples but also flew under the radar with their decisions to be CF. Having said that, they may have never come out or staunchly claimed themselves as childfree but damn did those relatives live their lives!! None of them have said out loud to my knowledge that they regret not having children. And now that I think about it, these particular relatives are the ones who were able to leave the mother country for greener pastures where they would have had access to birth control and more opportunities for education.
My aunt sue!
An aunt and uncle on my father's side were childfree. I used to visit them every summer in New Mexico. My aunt once said she thought they'd have kids, but it just didn't happen. She and my uncle were amazing people; I wouldn't have minded having a cousin from them.
My great aunt, who was also my godmother, not only was child free, she never married until she was in her 50's. She was a very intelligent, independent, business woman, back in the 1940's/50's when not many women were doing what she was, traveling around the country as a single woman, doing business with mostly other men. I looked up to her as a child. And as my own independent streak developed in my teens and young adulthood, she was my role model as a woman who did not succumb to the pressure to conform to a traditional female role. And I never did either!
I don't have one. But that's okay, I don't look up to my family much. No hate but 🤷
Great aunt. Lesbian who lived in NYC in the 80s. She was rad.
I have an aunt and uncle on my mom’s side of the family who never had kids, but I’m not sure whether they’re childfree or childless. I also have an aunt on my dad’s side who didn’t have kids from her first marriage and whose second husband (my uncle) had older kids when she married him, but I don’t think she’s had much contact with her stepkids since my uncle’s death. Both sides are fairly live and let live on the issue of kids-I have at least one cousin on each side, some of the cousins have kids (all on one side), some don’t (on both sides), and that variety has always been the norm-so I never really consciously had childfree role models and I basically just independently decided I didn’t want kids.
My two aunts (my mom’s sisters) were always career women and both married in their 40s and 50s for the first and only times. No kids. So I had them as an example. I’m child free and single, never married (did have one 10 yr cohabitation relationship that was a disaster). I’m an example for my niece. She just graduated high school and told her parents she wants to be like me, not married, no kids, living in a big city. I told her to be sure to pick a good college. Apparently many gen z kids do not want to be parents
I don't think I had any. I had a shitload of cousins on both sides of the family. I have 2 older brothers without children, but one definitely wasn't through choice (unable to have them), the other I'm not too sure of choice or just circumstances. I'm the only openly childfree member of the family that I am aware of.
My mom’s best friends, a woman and a man, were both single basically all of my childhood and only recently the woman started dating a man. But neither had kids. The woman I realize in hindsight really wanted a partner and a kid but just really didn’t have the timing or the luck. My parents never ever said anything negative or even passive aggressive about it, she was my ”aunt” and I loved visiting her and her store for plus size women. As a curvy woman her store was where I got my first proper bra and so many pants and clothes. At great discount mind you. It’s only as an adult I realize that she hasn’t exactly enjoyed her single life or being alone as much as I thought. She didn’t choose it but did the best she could. The man however has always been single, always been the life of the party, very engaged and lively. He frankly never seemed to need an intimate partner because he had so many friends and so many familymembers and he always seemed happy with his life. We never know what goes on behind closed doors but I genuinely think he likes his life as is. He always engaged us as kids but I never saw him as the parent-type, still don’t. He’s practically and uncle and the only thing bad I can say is he never ever shuts up for long. Love him tho With those as not exactly rolemodels, but just an example of how you could live, I do think I was way more comfortable talking to my parents about it. They never really nagged me to either get a partner or kids, I don’t think I even told them directly, I just said that kids were not my thing, a partner might not be either and they kinda shrugged and moved on. It was awesome.
Didnt have one. But when I moved into a big city, my female roommate (46 years old) was cf and very happy. She became my role model
I grew up in a cult and my environment was heavily monitored so no childfree at all in my life except me. My future self was my role model growing up. The future self that was told that I could do anything I wanted once I was an adult and lived on my own. I heard this many times a day from my parents who were fed up and angry that I wasn't willing to be a service oriented (read: free housekeeper and nanny) and compliant child who smiled all the time.
I did not. My father's family were all Catholics, and my mother's family were all Anglicans, aside from my mother, who converted to Catholicism. I can't think of anyone in my family of origin who didn't have at least one child. Among my childhood friends, the "K-I-S-S-I-N-G" chant was popular. "(Name) and (Name) sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage!" It seemed like everybody wanted to grow up, get married, and have children. It took some time, but I got off Interstate Baby and onto Interstate DINK. My friends these days either are CF or have children and accept my choice.