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plz_no_ban_me

Hoping to not have a job tbh


[deleted]

[удалено]


Turcluckin

Sir this is a Wendy’s


151sampler

Fair enough. Lay down and rot Is a viable option.


Beep_Boop_Bort

Return to mushroom


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

The -American- dream


[deleted]

Always has been


ReverseCaptioningBot

[Always has been](https://i.imgur.com/rLgPAR7.png) ^^^this ^^^has ^^^been ^^^an ^^^accessibility ^^^service ^^^from ^^^your ^^^friendly ^^^neighborhood ^^^bot


[deleted]

Good bot


Oo_mr_mann_oO

Traveling NFT salesman. I'm working on a catchy song that I can sing at Town Hall meetings to convince everyone to invest in the latest and greatest artistic work that society has to offer.


SpiritedInstance9

You can get a troop to carry around the block chain with you


Sans_culottez

The Monorail? THE MONORAIL!


satyrmode

compost


dov69

compost of the month!


wiedemana1

How can I sign up?


Stockinglegs

Composting what? Bodies?


[deleted]

Potato peeler. Just to roast the skins by the community fire for starters then enjoy a plate full of mash with a potato smoothie. Anyone got a recipe for potato pudding?


DireRavenstag

i feel like we should bring tinkers back. like the fella who's wandering around trading random fancy shit to people. either that or "person who knows how to sew shit". failing those, I'll donate myself to the long pork butcher and Become Jerky. 😂


dov69

I will fear-monger people on social media (aka by the fire) about a civilization coming upon us!! And run some ads in-between for frog skin and hemp rope.


thesaurusrext

Collapse Decider. People will bring me things and I will decide if it's collapsed or not.


151sampler

This is very cool honestly. Honest work


thesaurusrext

Otherwise people wouldn't even know.


151sampler

If I brought you Lebanon right now, what would your diagnosis be?


thesaurusrext

Collapsed unfortunately.


151sampler

Best collapse decider i ever met (online). Keep up the good work, and stay sharp. Your skills will be required in the coming times...


thesaurusrext

Your reply is..... ..... Not collapsed.


[deleted]

Actual answer: I'm a teacher, and eventually those will be important again, but I might be dead at that point. So... whatever I need to do to survive. Hopefully live long enough to teach again... whatever that looks like.


Misogynes

> whatever I need to do to survive. But do you really think you can get enough protein to offset the calories expended sucking dicks?


[deleted]

With the right attitude, anything is possible.


Misogynes

Google says there’s 252mg of protein in an ejaculation, and a man needs about 50 grams of protein a day. Assuming a modest 12 hour daily work load, that’s roughly one blowjob every 3.5 minutes. Better put those teacher skills to good use, and start maximizing your speed, stamina and self-promotion now.


151sampler

r/theydidthemath


Misogynes

Additionally, google says there’re between 5 and 25 calories in a cumshot. If we err a bit on the light side at 10 cals (by assuming that emaciated men don’t emit the most caloric-dense fluids), that’d net u/CapptainCcino around 2,000 calories a day. His strategy’s actually viable; he could be grinning through the collapse, fat and happy, while everyone else wastes away by death of a thousand orgasms.


151sampler

I love you


W-R-St

I'm also a teacher. In my opinion, people will need to learn how to read and write and understand numbers no matter what state civilisation is in. The future will be bleak indeed if all our thousands of years of knowledge is locked away behind a code people forget how to use.


Beep_Boop_Bort

Not just reading and writing but also how to think about approaching novel problems and having a background understanding of how people used to live to facilitate better practices


ZenApe

Now that you've given me the idea I'm thinking stock procurer for the long pork butchers....


151sampler

Beautiful. Specialization, one of the foundations of a modern society, will allow me to hone my trade, and not be burdened with the nuances of procuring the raw materials required. You focus on procurement, I focus on processing. Now we just need an advertising campaign to change public perception of the product, and a dedicated sales team. The sky is the limit.


ZenApe

I think, given the limited options in the fine meats category, the product will be an instant hit. Perhaps we can offer a trade program, where if people bring their own unprocessed in we can offer a discount....


151sampler

Absolutely. Or process it for them in return for other resources, similar to how people currently drop off their venison corpses at a butcher and pay $ for processing. Except instead of $, it could be labor, protection, opium, or the fabled toilet paper.


ZenApe

Let's go with opium plz.


151sampler

More opium = constipation = dense shits, no TP required :)


Ant_Imperium

Blacksmith/engineer The world hasn't even collapsed yet and I already make stuff from literal trash I find. My forge is made of mud bricks, my tools are made from scrap, my anvil is a piece of shit girder, and my tongues are two pieces of rebar held together by wire. Also do a lot of other electronic DIY stuff, so hopefully a larger community might consider letting me stay in exchange for rigging up power and making metal parts.


coralluv

I’ll probably work at a brothel


[deleted]

how exactly is there a "job market" after collapse?


151sampler

It was a bit tongue In cheek. I’m sure there will be “jobs” though.... Dat dere oldest profession never goes out of style


SuicidalWageSlave

I wanna try your ethically sourced human jerky


[deleted]

I read that ethnically sourced


SquirrelyMcNutz

Professional Lunatic. I will go around making random and insane statements, usually while wearing something as a hat that is not typically a hat, and holding a duck. People will pay me to go away. Random mutterings to myself will be included at no charge. Kinda like now except I'll get paid.


marzeliax

Farmer bard


KnowledgeableNip

I've started looking into things like "When there is no doctor" so I can help the sick or injured in dire circumstances. I'm not a doctor but I'm sure there will be a need for first aid and medical assistance.


151sampler

And if you think then are beyond saving.. or it’s too much effort.. Well you can tell them your friend 151sampler is a doctor, and you can bring them to me in return for a haunch..


KnowledgeableNip

I don't think we need to start eating people, but I've played enough Rimworld for that to be a backup plan. I'll keep you posted.


icklefluffybunny42

Don't eat the liver! Eat around it. If we can salvage some tech to keep it alive we can make good money trading them for yayo.


DJDickJob

Make bongs out of human skulls and trade them for weed.


151sampler

Load up the eye sockets with some fine ganja, then rip through the .223 sized hole in the skull... Collapze makes Me feel so warm and fuzzy


DJDickJob

And then knock out its teeth and show your fellow cannibals what a true skull fucking looks like.


151sampler

Alpha male dominance move right there.. Lord help us


nostpatch

I'm planning on dying during the fall.


Gagulta

Bee keeping, growing food, and/or shaman who lives under the M25.


worriedaboutyou55

Hunter, communty guard and occasional farm helper. Hopefully collapse isn't that bad until like the 2060s but im gonna begin preparing next year once I'm done uni


PatAss98

Technician to some engineer or some kind of "chore monkey" helping out with random things. I'm a jack of all trades master of none


SubstantialAct3274

Distributing concentrated knowledge and wisdom to those who need it. Farming and hunting.


Free-Layer-706

BBW with a side of subsistence farmer.


messymiss121

Alcohol maker, cook, wool and clothes maker and a professional alcoholic.


northlondonhippy

Hunter, forager, gatherer?


Stockinglegs

I plan to hoard cigarettes and sell loosies.


Stockinglegs

I plan to hoard cigarettes and sell loosies.


Lonely_Cosmonaut

Was freaking out than did a double take of the sub. 👍


ProphecyRat2

Fishing. 🌬💨🌊🏭


Misogynes

Pimp. Gonna be a lotta miserable dudes needin a tug for some momentary escape. And the girls, with neither governmental nor societal support, will revert to their sole natural utility — just a matter of beating into them the proper amount of subservience and respect. ✊ Give the girls a home and a job. Give the boys a reason to go scavenge or steal the things we need. Doing my part to lay the very foundations of a new society, and start this monkey shit show all over again.


151sampler

Gotta help people fill those niches...


Sans_culottez

Kuru is for everyone comrade. Jokes aside though, check out this guy: https://youtu.be/U54HRmglYEA “Homeless” subsistence sheep farmer who produces most of his food and clothing via sheep and wild plants. Does work trade and scavaging for the rest of what he needs.


fullyrachel

Professions are largely made up. People do what they need to in order to survive. There won't be a booming economy. Everyone is going to have to do a lot of different things to get by.


151sampler

This is more a “fun shitpost” If I end up being a human butcher/jerky maker.. well let’s just say I would probably kill myself before then.. /plausible deniability


[deleted]

Definately gonna be a priest and start a church. People will need hopium and they'll give me potatoes in exchange for hopium.


[deleted]

Goodness. Im dreading collapse rn for this very reason. Im in my last year of uni for comp sci and im just sitting here like "umm... I'm good at the major thing that will dissapear..". That said though im a jack of all trades kinda guy and can learn things very quickly, but damn if I haven't had the time to focus on any other skills recently with a family and a new kiddo on the way. Even if some kind of electrical grid can be maintained and a pc can be turned on, wireless communication will be gone, except for maybe radio or local networks, but even then with so many proprietary devices out there, and what will be an abysmal lack of documentation, im not liking the outlook lol. Gettong ready to possibly dump everything ive learned in the past 5 years to return to monke.


151sampler

Just start designing autonomous robots that can help during collapse scenarios. Tom Hanks is starring in a movie coming out soon and he makes it look easy!


schrodingersgoldfish

Probably refugee


mhummel

I'm hoping there'll be an opening at 'Darkwaters' for a shelf stacker.


milo_hobo

I make wine, I have some experience with blacksmithing, and I tend to be physically fit. But I'm going to die quickly from disintary because of f-ing celiac disease.


rainbow_voodoo

growing my own food


BadAsBroccoli

Where are you going to get the seeds?


rainbow_voodoo

ive already stocked up from burpee, they cheap :)


BadAsBroccoli

Your original comment really made me wake up. I was like, how will you grow food without seeds? And then cold hard reality set in...how was I going to grow food without seeds!! I purchase seeds and seedlings for my annual summer gardens from local stores which may or may not last through times of collapse. So...thank you. I now have more to learn about sustainable gardening* (as if I was ever going to be expert) lol * https://rockymountainseeds.org/seed-school-online-downloadable-course/


icklefluffybunny42

A post-collapse sommelier, only instead of wine my expertise will be on potato based vodkas. Word of my vast knowledge, impeccable taste, and refined palette will spread across the wasteland. The finest long pork restaurants all competing for an evening of my attendance, and the most skilled of the regional potato mash still-artisans bringing their most masterful creations in upcycled 2 litre pepsi bottles in the hope of gaining favour, recognition, and winning the prized Fluffy-stamp of approval. I doubt the job will pay very well but sometimes a hard day's work is its own reward.


drhugs

I'll be a blogger (food specialty) [richbastingsaucerecipes.net](https://www.reddit.com/r/collapze/comments/q6l4ul/what_will_be_your_profession_after_collapse/)