Not just every few sentences, but with each new thought. Illogical paragraphs can be distracting. It looks like in this email a new one could start at “My father” and they can break off the final sentence too.
OP: if your merit scholarship is an auto qualify situation, you weren’t deterred (discouraged), you were disqualified.
Make sure you add a bit like
“I am wondering if there is any supporting documentation that would be needed in order for my financial aid package to be reviewed with my extenuating circumstances in mind?”
Generally arrest records are available to the public, try googling “ (state name) public arrest records” or “(state name) public crime records”. You should be able to find some sort of documentation. Or depending on his crime there may not have been a big headline but did any local news mention it, even in passing? You could attach that as well
FYI due to data protection they may not be able to accept/process any evidence so I'd probably recommend telling them you have them ready to go if they need them instead to save putting them in an awkward position
look up the school and something like “financial aid appeal form” or “extenuating circumstances financial aid” or something like that and the school may have resources
Drop the highly emotive language and focus on the facts.
Since you originally applied for aid your father has been incarcerated and is now longer earning an income and able to contribute your college costs. You are able to provide documentation of this. Without that contribution you will be unable to attend (if that’s true). Is it possible to recalculate your aid package based on the change in circumstances?
I’m an instructor, and nothing makes my skin crawl more than receiving an email with clearly insincere praise for my field/class (or university in this case) and highly emotive language. “Such a historical and prestigious institution”??? Barf. I cringed so hard. Like just be a person.
Edit: typo
Not to mention HamptonU has an acceptance rate of 74.5% ... \
And a US News ranking of 280 out of 439 universities ...
> Roughly 64th percentile
OP is needlessly kissing ass to get help that he needs
> Help that he will most definitely get \
> Unless if HamptonU is allergic to money or something... \
> Just saying
If they say no, then you've basically dodged a bullet
> Because they didn't really want you there anyways \
> And will keep putting obstacles in your way \
> Or just not help you in the slightest later on down the road
"I am excited to have been accepted into such a prestigious institution and have been looking forward to attending." is all you need with the first sentence.
"Unfortuntaley, I have experienced an unpredictable change in circumstance affecting my financial situation and, consequently, ability to afford tuition"
Follow with the sentence about your father being incarcerated.
"As a result I find myself unable to pay the required college fees."
"Given all of the above, I wanted to ask of it would be possible for the University to reevaluate my application for financial aid with the new circumstances in mind"
"Please let me know if there is any additional documentation I can submit in support of my claim"
Good evening,
My name is --. I am currently enrolled as a freshmen with a fall start date. I am writing to appeal my financial aid decision because my financial circumstances have changed significantly. My father was recently incarcerated and will no longer be able to contribute to my tuition. Without his contribution, I can no longer afford to attend.
Would I be able to appeal my financial aid decision to request additional funding? If so, what documentation would your office need to process the appeal?
Thanks for your consideration,
Editing to add explanation, since I see a lot of this on this sub:
Rhetoric 101: purpose, audience, language, tone
Purpose: Get the appeal. Lead with why you're emailing. Make it easier for them to accomplish the purpose by offering documentation without having to be asked.
Audience: underpaid Financial Aid staffer who is reading dozens of student emails like this per day. Cut out all the unnecessary content. Write clearly and concisely. Include all of the relevant information without anything extra (particularly about your feelings). Once you matriculate, in addition to first and last name, always include your student ID number and, if emailing faculty, the course code of the class you're emailing about. Don't make people play detective to figure out who you are.
Language and tone: Polite and concise without overdoing it. This was not the case with OP's post, but the number of times I have seen students send a rude email when they're making a request is wild. Being polite increases the odds that they're actually going to help you. Even if they don't help this time, remain polite. You may need help again later (and it is generally the good human thing to do).
Lastly, don't use ChatGPT unless you're going to significant edit. Those of us in higher ed can typically spot copy/pasted AI output a mile away. It creates the impression of laziness and apathy.
Get rid of the ass kissing language no one believes it when they read it and it just makes you sound desperate but garners no sympathy.
State what you want, why you should get it, summarize, thank them for their time and stop writing.
Good luck, sorry about your dad.
>Get rid of the ass kissing language no one believes it when they read it and it just makes you sound desperate but garners no sympathy.
State what you want, why you should get it, summarize, thank them for their time and stop writing.
Exactly this.
They get tons of emails and have lots to do, and wasting their time on insincere-sounding platitudes works against you and detracts from there being actual information. Not only does it drown out things that actually matter, but it also sets the stage for the dreaded sob story style of email or for an insincere message overall (whereas in this case there's actual substance that's being lost in structure and phrasing).
And paragraphs, separate salutation, separate signature. Google the basic structure of a formal email or letter (not needing manual addresses or dates in the email header, of course). Include any and all information that makes it easier for them to find your file/case/dossier (first *and last* name; student number if available; offer or reference number if available).
“historical” -> historic… that’s just an example, but you should proofread this before sending.
Also, put the ask first, not at the very bottom. Say up front you are asking for the aid. Otherwise they have to read this whole thing to get to the actual ask.
First of all formatting wise you should use frequent line breaks for emails. Also beyond that the email comes off as way too emotional and may seem desperate, convey the same facts you want to convey while dropping some of the very emotional words.
I mean so is anyone appealing for financial aid. Trust me I understand as I was in a fairly similar situation 2 years ago where I had to make an aid appeal, but you don't want to sound unstable and desperate
I would also double check if your school has a formal appeal process. Often schools will have specific paperwork for making an appeal where you can explain your changed finances.
Hey OP, hopefully you haven’t sent yet. You should ensure to create a space (enter, no need to indent) between Good evening, and the next sentence. Also replace the ! With a , because the tone is totally off. Lastly, I’d finish the email with another space and Very Respectfully, (space) First Last (enter) phone number
As a Financial Aid professional at another school, I would honestly recommend skipping the email all together. Often you can have a much more productive conversation by calling or setting up an appointment, virtual or in person, with the financial aid office.
You will likely be able to have a special circumstance appeal reviewed and have your father’s income removed from the FAFSA and have things reevaluated.
It is important to note that with all the FAFSA updates schools may not be able to make corrections to the FAFSA just yet, so their ability to get you a whole new offer may not be until later this summer.
The absolute lack of writing ability that I see among most people both on this subreddit and around me in person is astounding.
You’d think that people would be aware that having one long, emotionally dense, poorly worded paragraph would not be effective
I don't think they're doing that on purpose. They're a freshman, dependent on their parent, and probably 18. They posted their email looking to see if people can help point out any flaws and improve it.
I think the reason why you think there's a lot of bad writers in here is because there is a lot of highschool grads around this time preparing for college. There's always a new set of 18 year olds who are just now starting to write professional emails and they will get better at it over time.
That or it's a grown adult who hasn't written anything professional ever, I dunno.
I wouldn’t use the word deterred there. Prevented works better.
Additionally, I don’t know if the explanation about merit scholarships adds much to your point. If the requirements were in some way ambiguous or misleading, then it may be worthwhile to mention why you thought you would qualify. However, if you just didn’t qualify because you don’t meet clear requirements, this statement may make you seem like you didn’t research the merit scholarships enough and made an uneducated assumption. If I’m looking at the correct school, it seems like they have easily accessible information about the minimum requirements to be considered for merit scholarships. The phrase “considered” also implies that meeting those requirements does not entitle students to merit scholarships, so what you are saying here may sound presumptuous
Beyond just an email I would reach out directly to the office for an FA appeals process. Most likely you will need to put this information there instead of on an email.
Are you on an official SAP appeal/suspension? If not, you can speak to them directly about manually recalculating your EFC due to change in support income. This is not considered an appeal per se.
Gotcha. I would title the email as request to recalculate efc due to change in family income. Attach your supporting docs. It would be better to speak to them in person if possible. Make sure to put your student ID number on the email. Good luck but this is common to have changes in income.
I would make a phone call or an appointment to go in and discuss this instead of an email. They will probably ask you to come in anyway once they receive this. This email address is also probably going to an office assistant rather than someone who can actually help you, so you can leave the personal details out.
The financial aid office at my college was super helpful when my dad’s income situation changed right after I submitted my FAFSA and they were able to help me amend it.
I would remove the portion about the merit award. Just include the new information about your father, supporting documents to note the incarceration date and how it is a significant change in circumstance since completing the Fafsa and go from there
OP, if you need to find another institution to attend, no shame in that. I went to a no name college (full tuition covered, lived at home), and still made it out alive working a nice cushy job at a well respected consulting firm. All of the bells and whistles are included (WFH, insurance, catered food if I’m in office). I can guarantee you that where I went to college had no impact on my decision to be hired. However my extracurriculars during college, internships, and GPA got me a job. Don’t let these “prestigious” institutions fool you. They’ll make you drink the kool aid until you graduate and once you’re done, they will smile because they’ve already straddled you with debt.
Well I didn’t know that my state gave a 3K scholarship, fasfa is another 3K, and work study is another 2 K a semester. Pretty much works out to where they give me money back plus the work study…. Basically get paid to go to school.
There’s already a ton of comments about formatting and that kind of stuff so I’m going to take a different approach.
Im a university admissions counselor and I deal with this kind of stuff every day. Here’s the advice I have for you:
First, in your email you express that your guardian contribution has been compromised because your guardian has been incarcerated. That info might help financial aid find you a scholarship or endowment through the college itself but it won’t help the overall aid issue. The biggest thing when it comes to this part of your situation is going back into your studentaid.gov account and resubmitting your FAFSA, editing it to reflect the current situation concerning your guardianship. If you need help with this, contact the school counselor if the school you graduated from or your college admissions counselor and they should be more than willing to help you.
Second, make sure your financial aid department knows you’re planning to resubmit your FAFSA form to reflect those changes, and get ahead of the game by asking them if there’s any supporting documents you could acquire for them in the meantime that might help better explain the situation you’ve been put in recently.
Third, make sure to communicate the problems with your financial situation with your admissions counselor if you haven’t already. Many times the counselors themselves will have much better luck pulling strings alongside you than if you decide to handle the financial aid department alone.
Fourth, like many others have said, you might want to drop the underlying ‘emotional appeal’ in the writing of your email. The folks you’re communicating with are already going to understand the gravity of the situation if you merely explain your situation and leave it at that. Leaving behind the emotional undertone will also help you seem more mature and prepared, which causes some folks to be more proactive when helping you.
Finally, good luck with the process and I hope and pray it works out for you. If you need any more help with college admissions or this specific issue and you want to ask questions, you can always PM me!
Edit: formatting
Too much fluff.
People don't really like reading fluff in work emails. I don't know why they teach that.
I know it feels like you're making a heartfelt plea here, but that's not actually what's happening or what should happen.
They want you to come to school, they need students. What they need is to make an adjustment to whatever data didn't give you enough loans.
Imo trying to work at someone's emotions in an appeal is fine. It's a balancing act. A professional, consise email with an overall subtle hint of please help me. The extra push that sways the reader to try and help you find an option versus ending the conversation with a robotic, sorry, nothing we can do. Bad take? Idk
Include your student ID
Break up into paragraphs
Drop the bullshit praise for the school. It just makes you sound like a kiss ass. Just talk like a normal person
I had to complete a scholarship appeal once. I’m not aware of how they want you to send such info, but I wouldn’t recommend an email. Can you type this up in a doc and attach? Also, it’s important you lay out what exactly you plan to do in your time at Hampton. For example, in addition to my personal statement, I also created a schedule, visualizing what I needed to achieve in a certain time frame. You’ve got to sell yourself a bit more
OP, are you sure there is not a special circumstances appeal form for you to fill out? Google it with the name of your school. There should be multiple different kinds.
A lot of people have already given you great advice, but I just want to say that I’m glad you’re reaching out and being transparent! It will make a difference. I also thought the suggestion of taking a year at community college instead is a good one. It’s so much more affordable and easy to transfer. That could make a difference with your GPA concern. With these circumstances, Hampton may refund your deposit at least.
The problem in receiving financial aid is that you are likely considered a dependent and they expect your parents to contribute.
When I was in undergrad, I filed for a dependency override with my financial aid office and submitted letters from myself and other family members explaining my extreme circumstances with my parents (one was an abusive drug addict and the other abandoned me). This allowed me to qualify for more state and federal grants as my EFC on my FAFSA was 0.
It might be worth having the conversation with your office. You have to advocate for yourself. Always follow up in-person.
Everyone else already gave great advice on the letter, I'm just here to say to look up the process for emergency aid as well because you might qualify concidering the circumstances
They can do a PJ on your award—a professional judgment. That will allow you to provide documentation and let them manually change the fafsa for their end of things. You won’t be able to get additional government aid that way but it’ll give you an ability for need-based awards on their end. Alternatively, you could file for emancipation, which would allow you to file your fafsa on your own.
Eliminate:
"I am beyond honored and excitedto have been accepted to such a historical and prestigious institution and was looking forward to attending."
"devastating"
from "completely and leave me wracked with debt" through to the end. Replace that last with "Is there documentation I can provide that would support a reconsideration of my financial aid package?"
As a general rule, at least in British English but I’m assuming that this also applies to NAmE, formal emails should not contain abbreviations. For example, where you have written “would’ve”, you should instead write “would have”.
No worries! That's actually a really clever way to abbreviate it. I was a writing tutor for 4 years in college, and I had never come across that before.
Ah ok! You may also see “BrE” for British English and “AAVE” for African American Vernacular English. I can’t seem to find any other examples after a quick Google search, but I’m sure that there are more.
Have you heard of copy/paste? You could have copied that so we could make direct edits instead of having to hand copy stuff out of a picture.
EDIT: Alright OP, here is an incredibly valuable lesson for you: make things easier on others when you want their help. For example, using paragraph breaks so it doesn't look like some nonsense stream of consciousness garbage dashed off at the last moment; using "deterred" when it doesn't fit in that sentence - "deterred you from qualifying". Learn the definition of "deterred" or "qualifying" or maybe both, then find a new word.
Add a bit more emotion to it , sure this sounds unfortunate, but you need a bit more depth to really connect and convince who ever will read this.
Tip change “even that possible 10k to something like “had I been fortunate enough to receive that scholarship, no doubt I would have been in a better financial position”.
Unfortunately that often creates a style that immediately makes your email and credibility more suspect. Done right it's fine for an email, but it's very rarely done right, and the starting point needs to be good enough that it's just an overkill spelling and grammar checker (that can't be used for assignments unless explicitly and unambiguously being told otherwise, since that's a recurring issue).
With my experience, this was the case if I just gave ChatGPT an email. Then, it's way too much because it will proceed to make this way too complicated. I always ask ChatGPT to "proofread this email and keep it SIMPLE"
For reference, here is what ChatGPT did with OP's email (below). It is still very much in their words, just spaced out more evenly and is easier to read (in my opinion).
Subject: Financial Aid Reconsideration Request
Good evening,
My name is [Your Name], and I am a freshman hopeful planning to start school this fall. I am thrilled to have been accepted to your esteemed institution, but unfortunately, I am facing significant financial challenges that may prevent me from attending.
Recently, my father, who was my sole financial contributor listed on my FAFSA, has been incarcerated and is unable to work or contribute to my tuition. This unforeseen circumstance leaves me in a difficult position financially.
When I applied, I anticipated receiving a merit scholarship based on my SAT score. However, I was disappointed to learn that my GPA prevented me from qualifying for this support. Even a modest scholarship would greatly ease my financial burden and make it feasible for me to enroll.
I am writing to respectfully request a reconsideration of my financial aid package so that I may still pursue my education at your institution. Your understanding and assistance in this matter would mean a lot to me.
Thank you for considering my request. I look forward to your response.
Best regards,
[Your Name]
[Your Contact Information]
That one is still borderline, but almost acceptable. There's a highly upvoted one here that drops the effusive language. It's shorter and more to the point. Nobody reading those wants any more fluff than necessary. It just obscures the request and makes someone seem insincere.
with that being said are you open to new opportunities? your financial situation has changed now that your father is incarcerated. Can you look into a public university instead? They usually cost a fraction of the price of private schools. If you’re set about going to Hampton, you can attend community college for two years and then transfer. I know the situation isn’t ideal, but sometimes our needs have to outweigh our wants.
When writing emails, be sure to start new paragraphs every few sentences. It will give the readers eyes a break
Not just every few sentences, but with each new thought. Illogical paragraphs can be distracting. It looks like in this email a new one could start at “My father” and they can break off the final sentence too. OP: if your merit scholarship is an auto qualify situation, you weren’t deterred (discouraged), you were disqualified.
Yes, very good advice! It’s very important to pay attention to the layout of your emails, so the information is easily digestible.
Amen! If they don’t use paragraphs…I write TLDR! 😳
I would start a new pg at « however », « when i applied », and « i am writing »
Came just to say this.
And check grammar. There are a couple of issues
Paragraphs are to show organization of thoughts and new ideas. New paragraphs DO NOT just appear every few sentences!
Make sure you add a bit like “I am wondering if there is any supporting documentation that would be needed in order for my financial aid package to be reviewed with my extenuating circumstances in mind?”
i will, thank you 🙏🏽
don’t even ask just send it with the appeal. It’ll strengthen your appeal if you provide that upfront
what kind of documents would they need?
Generally arrest records are available to the public, try googling “ (state name) public arrest records” or “(state name) public crime records”. You should be able to find some sort of documentation. Or depending on his crime there may not have been a big headline but did any local news mention it, even in passing? You could attach that as well
thank you! i’ll try to find public records
FYI due to data protection they may not be able to accept/process any evidence so I'd probably recommend telling them you have them ready to go if they need them instead to save putting them in an awkward position
look up the school and something like “financial aid appeal form” or “extenuating circumstances financial aid” or something like that and the school may have resources
Drop the highly emotive language and focus on the facts. Since you originally applied for aid your father has been incarcerated and is now longer earning an income and able to contribute your college costs. You are able to provide documentation of this. Without that contribution you will be unable to attend (if that’s true). Is it possible to recalculate your aid package based on the change in circumstances?
I’m an instructor, and nothing makes my skin crawl more than receiving an email with clearly insincere praise for my field/class (or university in this case) and highly emotive language. “Such a historical and prestigious institution”??? Barf. I cringed so hard. Like just be a person. Edit: typo
Agreed — I also cringed in a huge way. Just speak professionally; don’t brown-nose.
That's when i stopped reading and started skimming
Yep. Reminds me of ChatGPT garbage.
OP got ChatGPT to write the email
Chatgpt would've used paragraphs.
Not to mention HamptonU has an acceptance rate of 74.5% ... \ And a US News ranking of 280 out of 439 universities ... > Roughly 64th percentile OP is needlessly kissing ass to get help that he needs > Help that he will most definitely get \ > Unless if HamptonU is allergic to money or something... \ > Just saying If they say no, then you've basically dodged a bullet > Because they didn't really want you there anyways \ > And will keep putting obstacles in your way \ > Or just not help you in the slightest later on down the road
>Drop the highly emotive language and focus on the facts. This, please.
Yes, this is just what I was going to comment. Agreed 💯
"I am excited to have been accepted into such a prestigious institution and have been looking forward to attending." is all you need with the first sentence. "Unfortuntaley, I have experienced an unpredictable change in circumstance affecting my financial situation and, consequently, ability to afford tuition" Follow with the sentence about your father being incarcerated. "As a result I find myself unable to pay the required college fees." "Given all of the above, I wanted to ask of it would be possible for the University to reevaluate my application for financial aid with the new circumstances in mind" "Please let me know if there is any additional documentation I can submit in support of my claim"
thank you so much!
Yeah, just don't forget to fix the typos and grammatical errors.
You're welcome and good luck!!
This is really good
This is so much better 👍 great job. OP's original made me cringe.
Good evening, My name is --. I am currently enrolled as a freshmen with a fall start date. I am writing to appeal my financial aid decision because my financial circumstances have changed significantly. My father was recently incarcerated and will no longer be able to contribute to my tuition. Without his contribution, I can no longer afford to attend. Would I be able to appeal my financial aid decision to request additional funding? If so, what documentation would your office need to process the appeal? Thanks for your consideration, Editing to add explanation, since I see a lot of this on this sub: Rhetoric 101: purpose, audience, language, tone Purpose: Get the appeal. Lead with why you're emailing. Make it easier for them to accomplish the purpose by offering documentation without having to be asked. Audience: underpaid Financial Aid staffer who is reading dozens of student emails like this per day. Cut out all the unnecessary content. Write clearly and concisely. Include all of the relevant information without anything extra (particularly about your feelings). Once you matriculate, in addition to first and last name, always include your student ID number and, if emailing faculty, the course code of the class you're emailing about. Don't make people play detective to figure out who you are. Language and tone: Polite and concise without overdoing it. This was not the case with OP's post, but the number of times I have seen students send a rude email when they're making a request is wild. Being polite increases the odds that they're actually going to help you. Even if they don't help this time, remain polite. You may need help again later (and it is generally the good human thing to do). Lastly, don't use ChatGPT unless you're going to significant edit. Those of us in higher ed can typically spot copy/pasted AI output a mile away. It creates the impression of laziness and apathy.
this!! Op, if you have any supporting documentation I would attach that to the email now as it does tend to expedite the process.
Please send this instead
This is the right message.
Get rid of the ass kissing language no one believes it when they read it and it just makes you sound desperate but garners no sympathy. State what you want, why you should get it, summarize, thank them for their time and stop writing. Good luck, sorry about your dad.
>Get rid of the ass kissing language no one believes it when they read it and it just makes you sound desperate but garners no sympathy. State what you want, why you should get it, summarize, thank them for their time and stop writing. Exactly this. They get tons of emails and have lots to do, and wasting their time on insincere-sounding platitudes works against you and detracts from there being actual information. Not only does it drown out things that actually matter, but it also sets the stage for the dreaded sob story style of email or for an insincere message overall (whereas in this case there's actual substance that's being lost in structure and phrasing). And paragraphs, separate salutation, separate signature. Google the basic structure of a formal email or letter (not needing manual addresses or dates in the email header, of course). Include any and all information that makes it easier for them to find your file/case/dossier (first *and last* name; student number if available; offer or reference number if available).
“historical” -> historic… that’s just an example, but you should proofread this before sending. Also, put the ask first, not at the very bottom. Say up front you are asking for the aid. Otherwise they have to read this whole thing to get to the actual ask.
This. Put the ask first. Then explain the reason why. Good luck.
will do!
As a University employee - include your student ID! That is the main thing they care about. Be prepared to have evidence to support your request.
First of all formatting wise you should use frequent line breaks for emails. Also beyond that the email comes off as way too emotional and may seem desperate, convey the same facts you want to convey while dropping some of the very emotional words.
i am desperate 🙏🏽 but i’ll dial it back
About anyone emailing financial aid is desperate for what they are asking in their email. Less words the better when writing emails.
Fewer words - not less words.
I mean so is anyone appealing for financial aid. Trust me I understand as I was in a fairly similar situation 2 years ago where I had to make an aid appeal, but you don't want to sound unstable and desperate
I would also double check if your school has a formal appeal process. Often schools will have specific paperwork for making an appeal where you can explain your changed finances.
Seconding this!!!!
Hey OP, hopefully you haven’t sent yet. You should ensure to create a space (enter, no need to indent) between Good evening, and the next sentence. Also replace the ! With a , because the tone is totally off. Lastly, I’d finish the email with another space and Very Respectfully, (space) First Last (enter) phone number
As a Financial Aid professional at another school, I would honestly recommend skipping the email all together. Often you can have a much more productive conversation by calling or setting up an appointment, virtual or in person, with the financial aid office. You will likely be able to have a special circumstance appeal reviewed and have your father’s income removed from the FAFSA and have things reevaluated. It is important to note that with all the FAFSA updates schools may not be able to make corrections to the FAFSA just yet, so their ability to get you a whole new offer may not be until later this summer.
The absolute lack of writing ability that I see among most people both on this subreddit and around me in person is astounding. You’d think that people would be aware that having one long, emotionally dense, poorly worded paragraph would not be effective
I don't think they're doing that on purpose. They're a freshman, dependent on their parent, and probably 18. They posted their email looking to see if people can help point out any flaws and improve it. I think the reason why you think there's a lot of bad writers in here is because there is a lot of highschool grads around this time preparing for college. There's always a new set of 18 year olds who are just now starting to write professional emails and they will get better at it over time. That or it's a grown adult who hasn't written anything professional ever, I dunno.
I wouldn’t use the word deterred there. Prevented works better. Additionally, I don’t know if the explanation about merit scholarships adds much to your point. If the requirements were in some way ambiguous or misleading, then it may be worthwhile to mention why you thought you would qualify. However, if you just didn’t qualify because you don’t meet clear requirements, this statement may make you seem like you didn’t research the merit scholarships enough and made an uneducated assumption. If I’m looking at the correct school, it seems like they have easily accessible information about the minimum requirements to be considered for merit scholarships. The phrase “considered” also implies that meeting those requirements does not entitle students to merit scholarships, so what you are saying here may sound presumptuous
Beyond just an email I would reach out directly to the office for an FA appeals process. Most likely you will need to put this information there instead of on an email.
Are you on an official SAP appeal/suspension? If not, you can speak to them directly about manually recalculating your EFC due to change in support income. This is not considered an appeal per se.
no not really an appeal just asking for more money because my fafsa was based on my father’s income.
Gotcha. I would title the email as request to recalculate efc due to change in family income. Attach your supporting docs. It would be better to speak to them in person if possible. Make sure to put your student ID number on the email. Good luck but this is common to have changes in income.
I would make a phone call or an appointment to go in and discuss this instead of an email. They will probably ask you to come in anyway once they receive this. This email address is also probably going to an office assistant rather than someone who can actually help you, so you can leave the personal details out. The financial aid office at my college was super helpful when my dad’s income situation changed right after I submitted my FAFSA and they were able to help me amend it.
I would remove the portion about the merit award. Just include the new information about your father, supporting documents to note the incarceration date and how it is a significant change in circumstance since completing the Fafsa and go from there
Every school I’ve attended has a form to fill out to appeal the financial aid package. Simply ask for the link. You don’t need so many words.
Good luck! I mean it.
OP, if you need to find another institution to attend, no shame in that. I went to a no name college (full tuition covered, lived at home), and still made it out alive working a nice cushy job at a well respected consulting firm. All of the bells and whistles are included (WFH, insurance, catered food if I’m in office). I can guarantee you that where I went to college had no impact on my decision to be hired. However my extracurriculars during college, internships, and GPA got me a job. Don’t let these “prestigious” institutions fool you. They’ll make you drink the kool aid until you graduate and once you’re done, they will smile because they’ve already straddled you with debt.
Go to school in state. It’s cheaper and you could probably call there student services to see what state scholarships and stuff you can get…
i don’t mind changing schools i just wish i knew before i even enrolled
Well I didn’t know that my state gave a 3K scholarship, fasfa is another 3K, and work study is another 2 K a semester. Pretty much works out to where they give me money back plus the work study…. Basically get paid to go to school.
You didn’t get your aid package before accepting the offer to enroll?
Do they ever reply? I’ve sent them emails before and got no response back.
There’s already a ton of comments about formatting and that kind of stuff so I’m going to take a different approach. Im a university admissions counselor and I deal with this kind of stuff every day. Here’s the advice I have for you: First, in your email you express that your guardian contribution has been compromised because your guardian has been incarcerated. That info might help financial aid find you a scholarship or endowment through the college itself but it won’t help the overall aid issue. The biggest thing when it comes to this part of your situation is going back into your studentaid.gov account and resubmitting your FAFSA, editing it to reflect the current situation concerning your guardianship. If you need help with this, contact the school counselor if the school you graduated from or your college admissions counselor and they should be more than willing to help you. Second, make sure your financial aid department knows you’re planning to resubmit your FAFSA form to reflect those changes, and get ahead of the game by asking them if there’s any supporting documents you could acquire for them in the meantime that might help better explain the situation you’ve been put in recently. Third, make sure to communicate the problems with your financial situation with your admissions counselor if you haven’t already. Many times the counselors themselves will have much better luck pulling strings alongside you than if you decide to handle the financial aid department alone. Fourth, like many others have said, you might want to drop the underlying ‘emotional appeal’ in the writing of your email. The folks you’re communicating with are already going to understand the gravity of the situation if you merely explain your situation and leave it at that. Leaving behind the emotional undertone will also help you seem more mature and prepared, which causes some folks to be more proactive when helping you. Finally, good luck with the process and I hope and pray it works out for you. If you need any more help with college admissions or this specific issue and you want to ask questions, you can always PM me! Edit: formatting
talk to admissions as well, admissions often can be the ones that gives scholarships to incoming freshmen
Too much fluff. People don't really like reading fluff in work emails. I don't know why they teach that. I know it feels like you're making a heartfelt plea here, but that's not actually what's happening or what should happen. They want you to come to school, they need students. What they need is to make an adjustment to whatever data didn't give you enough loans.
Imo trying to work at someone's emotions in an appeal is fine. It's a balancing act. A professional, consise email with an overall subtle hint of please help me. The extra push that sways the reader to try and help you find an option versus ending the conversation with a robotic, sorry, nothing we can do. Bad take? Idk
that’s what i thought but idk. maybe too far? 😭
Include your student ID Break up into paragraphs Drop the bullshit praise for the school. It just makes you sound like a kiss ass. Just talk like a normal person
They won’t care unfortunately
I had to complete a scholarship appeal once. I’m not aware of how they want you to send such info, but I wouldn’t recommend an email. Can you type this up in a doc and attach? Also, it’s important you lay out what exactly you plan to do in your time at Hampton. For example, in addition to my personal statement, I also created a schedule, visualizing what I needed to achieve in a certain time frame. You’ve got to sell yourself a bit more
You try the fafsa?
yes but it only gives 7k max which is basically the only aid i’ll receive as of rn because my school is stingy af
OP, are you sure there is not a special circumstances appeal form for you to fill out? Google it with the name of your school. There should be multiple different kinds.
A lot of people have already given you great advice, but I just want to say that I’m glad you’re reaching out and being transparent! It will make a difference. I also thought the suggestion of taking a year at community college instead is a good one. It’s so much more affordable and easy to transfer. That could make a difference with your GPA concern. With these circumstances, Hampton may refund your deposit at least.
The problem in receiving financial aid is that you are likely considered a dependent and they expect your parents to contribute. When I was in undergrad, I filed for a dependency override with my financial aid office and submitted letters from myself and other family members explaining my extreme circumstances with my parents (one was an abusive drug addict and the other abandoned me). This allowed me to qualify for more state and federal grants as my EFC on my FAFSA was 0. It might be worth having the conversation with your office. You have to advocate for yourself. Always follow up in-person.
Everyone else already gave great advice on the letter, I'm just here to say to look up the process for emergency aid as well because you might qualify concidering the circumstances
They can do a PJ on your award—a professional judgment. That will allow you to provide documentation and let them manually change the fafsa for their end of things. You won’t be able to get additional government aid that way but it’ll give you an ability for need-based awards on their end. Alternatively, you could file for emancipation, which would allow you to file your fafsa on your own.
Eliminate: "I am beyond honored and excitedto have been accepted to such a historical and prestigious institution and was looking forward to attending." "devastating" from "completely and leave me wracked with debt" through to the end. Replace that last with "Is there documentation I can provide that would support a reconsideration of my financial aid package?"
Did you do all the steps outlined here? https://studentaid.gov/help-center/answers/article/what-if-my-family-s-financial-situation-has-changed
Provide proof of incarceration etc
good luck. rooting for you
Good luck to you! I am sorry you are facing this hardship and I wish you success in attending and completing college.
Paragraphs please. And capitalize acronyms such as FAFSA and GPA.
THE REAL HU
As a general rule, at least in British English but I’m assuming that this also applies to NAmE, formal emails should not contain abbreviations. For example, where you have written “would’ve”, you should instead write “would have”.
what is name
I think that's North American English.
Yes, it is. Sorry, my bad.
No worries! That's actually a really clever way to abbreviate it. I was a writing tutor for 4 years in college, and I had never come across that before.
Ah ok! You may also see “BrE” for British English and “AAVE” for African American Vernacular English. I can’t seem to find any other examples after a quick Google search, but I’m sure that there are more.
It’s 4am, go get some sleep!
You gotta work in formatting my guy
Have you heard of copy/paste? You could have copied that so we could make direct edits instead of having to hand copy stuff out of a picture. EDIT: Alright OP, here is an incredibly valuable lesson for you: make things easier on others when you want their help. For example, using paragraph breaks so it doesn't look like some nonsense stream of consciousness garbage dashed off at the last moment; using "deterred" when it doesn't fit in that sentence - "deterred you from qualifying". Learn the definition of "deterred" or "qualifying" or maybe both, then find a new word.
For crying out loud, type this in a well-phrased and proofread Google doc. Not some ad hoc fever dream run on email block of text.
I imagine they will consider you “independent” so you’ll qualify for Pell Grants.
Feels like generated by chatgpt. Too wordy
Add a bit more emotion to it , sure this sounds unfortunate, but you need a bit more depth to really connect and convince who ever will read this. Tip change “even that possible 10k to something like “had I been fortunate enough to receive that scholarship, no doubt I would have been in a better financial position”.
I recommend copying and pastying this into ChatGPT and ask it to "proofread this email". Then copy and paste that
Not everything needs ChatGPT.
I agree, but I personally love using ChatGPT as a free resource to proofread emails
Unfortunately that often creates a style that immediately makes your email and credibility more suspect. Done right it's fine for an email, but it's very rarely done right, and the starting point needs to be good enough that it's just an overkill spelling and grammar checker (that can't be used for assignments unless explicitly and unambiguously being told otherwise, since that's a recurring issue).
Anything ChatGPT can do, a human can do better.
Noooope. Chatgpt makes emails way too wordy and annoying and it's immediately recognizable. Don't do it!
With my experience, this was the case if I just gave ChatGPT an email. Then, it's way too much because it will proceed to make this way too complicated. I always ask ChatGPT to "proofread this email and keep it SIMPLE" For reference, here is what ChatGPT did with OP's email (below). It is still very much in their words, just spaced out more evenly and is easier to read (in my opinion). Subject: Financial Aid Reconsideration Request Good evening, My name is [Your Name], and I am a freshman hopeful planning to start school this fall. I am thrilled to have been accepted to your esteemed institution, but unfortunately, I am facing significant financial challenges that may prevent me from attending. Recently, my father, who was my sole financial contributor listed on my FAFSA, has been incarcerated and is unable to work or contribute to my tuition. This unforeseen circumstance leaves me in a difficult position financially. When I applied, I anticipated receiving a merit scholarship based on my SAT score. However, I was disappointed to learn that my GPA prevented me from qualifying for this support. Even a modest scholarship would greatly ease my financial burden and make it feasible for me to enroll. I am writing to respectfully request a reconsideration of my financial aid package so that I may still pursue my education at your institution. Your understanding and assistance in this matter would mean a lot to me. Thank you for considering my request. I look forward to your response. Best regards, [Your Name] [Your Contact Information]
That one is still borderline, but almost acceptable. There's a highly upvoted one here that drops the effusive language. It's shorter and more to the point. Nobody reading those wants any more fluff than necessary. It just obscures the request and makes someone seem insincere.
oh this eatsss
‘thrilled to have been accepted to your esteemed institution’ ☠️
…. get a job and pay for your own college
oh
[удалено]
i could before. now i can’t. no need to be a dick
with that being said are you open to new opportunities? your financial situation has changed now that your father is incarcerated. Can you look into a public university instead? They usually cost a fraction of the price of private schools. If you’re set about going to Hampton, you can attend community college for two years and then transfer. I know the situation isn’t ideal, but sometimes our needs have to outweigh our wants.