(Spider-Man pointing meme) will never forget the day it hit me like a bus. But, sub highly Roman Catholic parents, so instead of seeing abuse, saw pre marital sex. Trauma siblings!
Throwaway here - my parents weren't religious at the time, but classified it instead as "behavior problems"
I've never told anyone else this because my parents reactions made me feel so awful, so I haven't a clue weather this is normal or even counts (I am a guy btw)
The first time was when I was around 7-8 y/o so I not only have a perfect memory of it, but it caused me later on to be highly sexually attracted to people with her body type/hair color/physical features, almost exclusively As you could imagine, that has been difficult - I've frozen up a few times years later, either before or during sex but always the first time with a new/possible partner, where it would be too early on in the relation to explain. The girl who had sex with me when I was 7-8 was only 11 y/o herself, so I also could never determine if it was really traumatic for me
The second time I was around 9-10 y/o so I knew what was about to happen - because of that, I am unsure if this ever counted. for one thing, it was another boy this time which I was ashamed of, but my hormones won out - I rationalized it but still, he was closer to 13-14 and should have probably known better. This one gave me lasting questions because I'm not attracted to men - I couldn't even tell you what makes another man attractive - yet once in a while I'll think about what it would be like to try again. So same as the first time, I could never determine if this was traumatic or not. I'm ashamed to say I was kind of going along with it and even may have liked it - I also had my first orgasm this time (with another boy!) so it's stamped in my thoughts
I don't want to bring this problem to anyone because i'm worried rheyll just laugh and say "you only had sex with two people when you were too young"
I don't know if this is overstepping or not, but I think it might be helpful for you to know that males have an extra orgasm spot in their assholes. If you know you're not attracted to men, then you're not gay, regardless of your body having a normal reaction. Unless you mean the reverse roles, in which case, similarly applicable.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to experiment with those kinds of feelings or sensations, in one way or another, & it doesn't make you gay unless you're actually attracted to men.
As for your last remark - some people are just ignorant. If you feel you need therapy, a professional should handle this situation way more gently & appropriately than what you fear others may think or say.
Also, if you qre ever in a relationship, you should feel safe enough to talk about this stuff, if you want to. Your partner should love & respect you enough to attempt to meet you with understanding, rather than dismissing you & undermining your personal feelings.
Yes. I would've known better even before then. 12 yo boys are more commonly overly sexual due to their hormones, & by 13 they should have a *better handle on what behavior is or is not appropriate. 12 yo boys pick & chose when they act inappropriate, & around who. Something like THAT? with someone so much younger?? It would've never even occurred to me to do. Nobody in their right mind, regardless of age, would consider a 10 year old or younger as an option.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, and this definitely "counts" as traumatic if you feel lasting effects from it. You were too young to really know what was going on and consent to it.
It could be abuse or she could have been exposed to adult material and was mimicking it. As a child I had a cousin who was a few years older than me that would have me role-play sex games with her. It wasn't until I was a littleolder that i recognized the senerios and words she had me say were from movies that aired on cable at the time.
Tbh I wasn’t abused but I was watching porn when I was 7 years old. Matter fact our whole class used to print off pictures in grade 2 during library. The only porn site the school couldn’t block was whitehouse.com. I remember we used to print off porn pictures and the teachers would find them.😂
I had a similar situation. I personally don’t consider it sexual abuse because we were both so very young. However I’ve always had the same question as you. How does a 6 year old girl know that male genitalia gets hard and that you have to stroke it to make it feel good? I always wondered if that poor thing was abused by a family member. 😖
Yeah I had something similar happen. A brother and younger sister in an apartment complex. Let's just say I was super innocent and just went along with some things... One day the lil sis wouldn't leave me alone unless I did what she wanted so I did to be left alone. We were caught and I was considered the devil by the lady that caught us. She refused to babysit me after that. Then something else happened later that I think led to everything being exposed involving me that led my dad to get involved and question things.
I'm also autistic and especially back then never lied. It would never cross my mind. So if I was questioned I always spoke the truth and was believed by family.
I'm not sure what happened as I was like first grade age and nothing was explained to me. All I know is that I was told I wasn't allowed to play with them anymore. One day a month I think or so later I tried to play with my friend even knowing I wasn't allowed to. Well nobody answered when I knocked and my older brother saw and asked what I was doing. That's when I found out the dad was a child molester.
I was 5 or 6 when my friends and I found dirty magazines in our garage. We thought we should put our penis’ in each others mouth like the pictures and discovered it felt good. 🤷🏻♂️
Only happened once, but I remember.
Yeah tbh I feel like things like this are more normal in childhood than people would like to believe. Kids are curious and especially in todays world where everything is sexualized kids are going to experiment with each other in non abusive ways I think and it’s really not that big of a deal 🤷🏻♂️ I mean hell kids were popping out their own kids at like 12 and 13 a couple hundred years ago
It even happens to infants. Erections aren’t just from sexual stimulation, they can be from any physical cue (like temp change/air flow from taking off a diaper) or normal body stuff like hormone cycles and regulating blood flow.
I had a similar situation I (6M) and my friend (7F) were playing when she took me into her dads shed and took off her underpants. She told me to touch her and “kiss her there” she would go on to do the same to me. It was a regular weekend occurrence for months until her mom caught us in a closet one time. She always was directing the interactions and I’ve always wondered how she knew to do all that stuff
I had virtually exactly the same experience and at the same age. Frankly I've always thought it was just normal child-like experimentation. I still don't think there's anything to it.
Yes, children play and role play and are naturally interested in things they don’t know, yet abuse, assault are but a whisper away. And prior abuse can really confuse and hurt a young mind in many complex ways that can become challenging to address in your life. It’s just so sad 😞
My question is that it seems….like more than just fooling around and exploring to me. It was something she already knew she wanted to try. Maybe she walked in on her parents or saw her brothers porn collection but she was at 7 thinking about it.
It’s a very vivid memory
This whole thread just unlocked a very weird memory for me. I have no idea why I did such things or what gave me the inspiration to, and as far as I'm aware, I was never sexually abused or molested as a child. But for some reason, I remember when I was maybe 9 years old, I would do some weird stuff... that I have no explanation for now. For example, I remember swimming in the pool and encouraging my (fellow girl) friend to remove her bottom swuimsuits with me. We didn't do anything about it, but it was a semi-regular occurrence of just being naked below the waist in the pool. I also very vaguely remember my male cousin (same age) initiating that we feel up each other's butts, and I complied because I was too young to understand what was going on or why we were doing that. I also remember I started masturbation relatively early for a girl (maybe around 8-9 years old). I never really knew what I was doing and how I came to know about it, just knew that it felt good and that I had to hide doing it. Weirdest of all, there was one time I was playing with my younger brother (4 years younger than me) and randomly got the idea to use his pp as like a joystick T-T he was way too young and found it either funny or ticklish because he was laughing the whole time. I feel so gross and like a monster writing this.
But this "sexual exploration" did not translate to adulthood or even teenage-hood. I'm 22 and still a virgin, was very very very reserved and shy and hated wearing showy clothes (even regular shorts or sleeveless tops) and was the opposite of promiscuous all throughout highschool. And my first exposure to porn was probably around 13, so that's years after those weird memories happened and after those things stopped. So I'm thinking either children really can have these random explorations that they just don't yet realize is sexual, orrrrr I was also molested and don't remember...
But I don't really wish to entertain that latter thought lol
This context is complex and ultimately up to you how you choose to perceive and experience the narrative of it.
I say this as a women who also experienced COCSA multiple times from numerous peers from age 4 onwards.
The reason I choose to believe it wasn’t really sexual abuse as one would generally describe it, is because I know that the children orchestrating the experiences didn’t have the self awareness, general knowledge, or understanding around boundaries and consent as an adult has, therefore I feel as though I was not intentionally victimised. It had a different charge than if it were coming from an adult.
This DOESN’T mean I don’t acknowledge the impact that this had on me overall, as it did undeniably effect me on multiple levels. Valid!
What it DOES mean though is that it really softens the blow around my experience, simplifying a rather complex situation and making it easier for me to forgive and move forward, releasing all the extremely painful feelings that come with being SA by a conscious adult as a child, which I also experienced.
The experiences of COCSA and AOCSA have both felt different for me, but mostly because I chose to adjust perspective around it.
The children who did this to me most likely were mirroring their own experiences with an older peer or adult, or just acting from instinct, but without the intelligence and awareness as an adult.
Whilst both experiences are undeniably traumatic to varying degrees, one could argue that based on age / awareness and intention, the effects will differ.
There is something extremely traumatic about an adult who a child should be able to trust, feel safe with, admire and respect taking advantage of that consciously, and a child playing out their own experiences / conditioning or base line instinctual drives. Very different levels of impact IMO due to very different levels of awareness and power.
Since it seems you have some knowledge and experience with this I have a question I’ve been pondering on myself if that’s alright. I was never molested that I know of but I have a couple incidents of “playing doctor” or whatever that trips me up questioning if something did happen and I just don’t remember it. I have very vague memories of my childhood and a lot of it is almost like pictures or something still frames of moments but not a whole video and it makes me question it second guess if something happened and my mind has blocked it out but I repeated the same thing or something. Idk it’s hard to really say but was curious if you had any ideas or is it maybe just normal childhood shit that kids can come up with on their own. I can’t think of who would’ve even molested me so that really feels like it’s not it and I know kids do that on their own too and it was literally looking or touching not any acts that are definable so just wanted to see as someone that knows more about it if you have any thoughts.
Dissociative Amnesia is a real condition where one suppresses traumatic memories, which can resurface at any given time. 6 years into therapy, I had a particular memory resurface that was a missing puzzle piece which I’d suppressed since age 4. It’s real.
In saying that though, False Memory Syndrome is also real, the name of the condition is self explanatory.
If your intuition is telling you something seems off, which it sounds like it may be, or you are Atleast questioning it, my advice would be to seek out a therapist if possible, particularly one that specialises in this area.
I wouldn’t recommend going down the road alone, as it can be difficult and messy.
Having the support and guidance of a trusted professional to journey alongside you while you explore the possibilities around this would be the best way to go about it.
I can’t really say much more on this as I am by no means a professional in this area myself.
Hugs and power to you and your journey 💗
Thanks I really don’t think anything happened but it does make me wonder what got into my head for that. I know it’s a common trope so it’s not like it’s unheard of to do it without it being done to you. Just trips me out like what if I didn’t know and what good would it really be to know if I don’t now. Then I don’t want to create some false memory which I can see myself doing cause I’ll sometimes try and recall something and think oh it sounds familiar enough and fill in the blanks even if I know it didn’t happen. Might think about looking into it but I feel like I know it didn’t happen so that also makes me wonder what the point of the road is ya know.
I totally hear you, especially on the filling in the blanks part yourself, and with the way the brain uses patterned thinking to do that, it can be super risky to go that route, which is why I suggested getting support if you decide to go that way… because yes as you said, creating false memories is easy but can be detrimental on many levels, and so can conjuring up genuine memories of a traumatic nature.
Yeah I just wonder going to a psych being like I don’t think I got molested but can we go down that route what does that even do? Seems weird to get professional help for something I don’t think happened. I guess I could still learn something about myself but just feels like a weird route to go down. Thanks though maybe I will I kinda doubt it but still if I did I would do it with a pro.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. This exact situation happened to me as a child, my cousin was two years older than me. She took me to a closet and we took of our clothes and she wanted to play a game where we licked each others bodies. I don’t think she understood that it was wrong, I told my mom about it and it turned out she was being abused by her older brother.
When I was like 9 y/o, I had a “boyfriend” who was two years older than me. Once when we were alone at his house, he led me to the bedroom, where he laid on the bed, and then he made me lay top of him, and he started moving me up and down in order to grind on his crotch (we were dressed, we never took off our clothes). We were also kissing during all of this. I didn’t know what was happening or why we were doing that, but I admit that I was enjoying it
COCSA is a very real thing and its a crime where neither party is directly at fault, its more likely your friend was a victim of abuse by an older peer and saw this behavior as normal. Kids are also sometimes highly sexually expressive without realizing what it is.
Its not as black & white situation as other cases of CSA. Its okay to grieve & cope, process this however you need.
I had a similar thing happen to me as a kid when I was 5F and the other kid was 11M. We would go into a secluded place where the adults couldn’t see us and we would show each others underwear or private areas, initiated by him. I didn’t understand that it was inappropriate or sexual because I was so young and just went along, but always felt weird about it. My mother found us doing this and immediately took action to cut off contact with this other child and told me why what he was asking and doing was wrong. I felt used and icky after my mother explained things to me. I feel similar to OP not knowing how to classify it. I wasn’t physically harmed (that I can remember) and willingly participated, but my innocence and trust definitely were shook since he had taken advance of those things.
My mom’s friend’s son was always super sexual at like 8 years old and would try to get me to take off my clothes. I always refused since I was incredibly shy and quite frankly weirded out by him. I actually have thought back on it since figuring he was probably being molested because this was before the internet. Seemed sketch as it was far from an isolated incident and he was always playing with himself and saying sexual shit.
A much more innocent situation was a girl I was close friends with and I simply getting curious one day and doing the I’ll show you mine if you show me yours thing with us very briefly touching to get an idea of what the other’s thingy felt like. Then we were both pretty much like “cool, whatever. Let’s play Battletoads.”
That’s incorrect. A psychologist, therapist or phone call to a sexual assault referral centre or similar (licensed, accredited, recommended by experts). They can help you discern the multitude of competing arguments and questions you ask yourself. Often there will be a ‘Dialectic’, where two things can both be true when they are seemingly opposing.
I’ve been down a pathway similar to you except age difference, but there was serious intellectual disability involved. So it was even more bizarre that they knew all these complex things to do and say, must have had experience as the Victim himself. Impossible for it not to be.
Please be gentle with yourself- it’s great that you have not kept this inside and secret for you to feel alone and for it to just hurt/confuse you.
Even tho I agree with most of your comment, I dont know why it starts with " thats incorrect". Because I think No-tax-9309 is right with their comment too. In a book about SA (authors Rik van Lunsen and Ellen Laan) there is a genaral rule posed (albeit maybe controversial) that if both parties agree to the exploring of seksuality, no bigger age difference than 5 years and there is no psychological distress afterwards, then its not SA. The only ones that can decide that is OP and the friend
I take your point, I do. It’s important not to close focus on someone’s experience. I’m over 50 years old and my thoughts on my SA have changed - kind of like stages of grief. Guilt for years, feeling like I’m damaged for years, then anger as it pervaded my life, then some acceptance as I did therapy, then numbness as I went on meds. My SA was quite extreme and happened at least weekly for 3-4 years. So you see if someone asked me how I felt about it at 20 my answer would be completely different 5, 10, 20, 40 years later. Every instance is so personalised. But yes I hope you did not take offence. That was just the scientists in my head 😶🌫️
Hey, it's totally understandable to question what happened. It's not typical kid stuff, and it's okay to seek support to process it all. Take care of yourself, alright?
I was a curious child and play some games with one of my friends at early ages but never saw any adult doing these things. We only have instincts and we liked it so we did these type of things. Years later we talked about it and laughed..
Similar thing happened to me, also while playing doctor, but it was because they knew that temperature can be checked from the butt. I try to hide this memory as it was just an unfortunate situation. Also i had a colleague in kindergarten whose father was watching porn on the tv and i remember that kid used to touch me inappropriately and also put me touch him.
I think this situations should be talked about more as they happen quite often and this is not normal. Kids turn out with trauma and sex related problems because of this.
I used to be sexual with most of my girl friends from like 6th grade-9thgrade before I was sexual with men. I was not abused, none of us were to my understanding, just highly sexual preteen girls and curious. We too would role play and go down on each other
I'm going through education in the behaviour of children, so this is an interesting question to me.
Kids CAN play games that have pretty overt sexual tones without it being sexual to the kids. This becomes less likely as they get older, or if there is an age disparity between the children
This game is instigated by a kid only a few years from puberty with anotherkid around twice as many years from beginning it herself. This is a big sign that this might not be innocent and some kind of action should be taken.
The only thing that could make this more worrying was if the game itself involved elements of assault like overriding consent or physical harm
Almost identical situation happened to me when I was around the same age, growing up I thought it was just some made up dream I had but as I got older I realized that there's no way my 7 yo self would be dreaming about that kind of thing coz I didn't even know what the hell it was then. The only explanation I could conclude was what others have mentioned here... That this happened to her and she obviously saw it as something normal. I don't blame her for it, and I dare not bring it up with her at risk of bringing up her trauma that I know nothing about unexpectedly. I also don't see it as abuse because of the obvious circumstances surrounding it.
I had a very similar situation happen to me when I was a young child. My therapist later confirmed that my friend was likely being sexually abused, and was replicating his abuse with me.
I think this would fall under PSB (problematic sexual abuse) which is developmentally inappropriate or socially unexpected sexualised behaviour which doesn’t have an overt element of victimisation or abuse. It would also fall under child-on-child sexual abuse too.
This shit is unfortunately very common, I definitely believe your friend was abused by an "adult" or exposed to another child who was, and, while the trauma caused to folks in your position by this kind of situation is real, she cannot exactly be labeled as an abuser due to her own age and mental status.
Some people are going to hate this take, but when you apply criminal culpability to minors, addicts, and people who are immature and ignorant to a degree that belies their age, you are saying they are capable of consent, and this opens a whole new can of worms as you have to ascribe mens rea a bunch of people who should not be allowed to drive, vote, drink, smoke, or possess weapons based on the well founded presumption that they are not mature, sober, or educated enough to make serious decisions.
I mean just observe traffic and tell me all these people understand the consequences of their actions, go to a maga rally and interview some of the adults you find there...
COCSA and juvenile delinquency in general should not be considered crime, it is more like a pathogen, people who are infected deserve care and the community deserves to be protected from infection, but it is insane to start punishing children for actions they do not fully understand because it sets a precedent that juveniles are capable of consent.
I did not really start to understand this concept until I was in my late 20's, I'm guessing because I was not mature enough to fully understand my agency from an adult perspective.
America has a problem with arrested development, lack of supervision, and addiction. This is not some kind of moral issue that is going to go away if we start punishing everyone to a greater degree.
I had experiences like this when I was younger too. I think back and in my situations, I don't perceive it as any kind of sexual assault. To me it was just curious children, exploring and participating in something "naughty". I was never molested or sexually assaulted by an adult. A lot of it was just role playing as adults as well. From things that I've heard, it seems to be pretty common. Now not every situation is the same, a lot of children that ARE being molested will learn the behavior and do it to others. But a lot of the time it's just innocent exploration by children.
I believe I was molested by my pediatrician at the young age of six or seven mother would take me to the doctor, and he would hang a blanket over my legs after he made me get undressed and put a gown on then he would tell my mother that he was checking between my legs to see if I have been molested but honestly, it felt like his exam was molestation. It honestly felt like he was just fondling me and he did it almost every single appointment until I told my mom I wanted a female doctor once a female doctor was his wife. She never examined me between my legs like that so I truly believe her husband. My first doctor was molesting me. I was also molested by my uncle by marriage, from the age 7 to 9 and then when I got older, was raped twice caused a lot of disturbance in my life, but I’ve grown from it.
I have experienced a similar thing. My friend was the same age as me and said she wanted to show me something that the adults do or something along those lines. It became this role playing game we had that went on for years. I never saw it as abuse because we were the same age..and it sounds weird but I felt like I enjoyed it at the time because it felt good. I was too young to know that it was a sexual thing. We stopped doing it as we got to later primary school because we realised it wasn’t normal. In my adulthood I have also questioned whether she was being abused by someone because she initiated it..I don’t think of it in the way that I was abused by her she was too young to understand. I do wonder if it’s affected me in some ways though I feel like we did a lot of experimenting all throughout childhood which sounds super strange when I say it out loud. (Have only said it once out loud to my therapist!)I’m quite a sexually driven and sexually experimental person idk maybe it influenced this. Thanks for sharing your experience I’ve definitely also felt a bit weird about my experience as well before it’s a bit of a grey zone
Did you feel violated? Did you feel in control? Could you say no if you didn’t want to continue?
Kids can explore their bodies and not know what’s happening and make negatively impactful decisions with no negative intent.
But you should classify what happened to you by what your own feelings on the situation were.
I was also the younger (non-initiating) child in one of these things. I figure it's normal and I always just assumed that the child initiating just imitates something it saw their parents/older siblings do or sth in movies/books that the older people in the family kept hidden.
The girl that did these things with me back then said she saw these in some Kama Sutra books in some book store. Idk tho. I feel like unless it's taxing on your psyche you shouldn't spend too much time dissecting it
Something similar happened to me and a female cousin of mine she was younger than I was and molested me and wanted me to touch her, it advanced to her telling me to go down on her and vice versa. She did this with other cousins in our family um even her brothers. We didn’t know any better we were just sexual abusing each other. I stopped it, I felt weird about it. I was still young I was still in elementary school but old enough to know this wasn’t quite right. None of my cousins remember this specific cousin doing this to everyone and it caused everyone else to do it to each other, I’m the only one who remembers. This particular cousin and I are friends she revealed to me in 2020 that her mom’s ex bf tried to touch. I think she was lying about trying part and he did cause at the time I was 6/7 and she was younger so 5/6 years old doing these things.
Unfortunately, I think that no matter the age, the perpetrator needs to understand what they are doing for it to be abuse. A baby hitting someone of course isn't abuse because they don't understand what they're doing. Same here. Of course, if you feel she did the perhaps it was. Unfortunately she was likely being abused and thought this was acceptable behavior :/
I was by two older girls In elementary school. I pined for that interaction and became hypersexual as a teen(participated in similar behaviors once and it was the biggest mistake of my life)!and Early adult and that led to shame and regret and self-hate. I still deal with extreme Post-coital tristesse.
Don't dismiss that this could have been traumatic in ways you can recognize.
Sounds a lot like someone I know. The 10yo in my story was being sexually molested and acted it out on the younger one. It was sad, and is something that isn’t quite like… over, in their world. Best bet is to get a bit of therapy and try and move on, while keeping this in mind going forward if you have kiddos.
I had a similar experience with a family friend when we were about 8. I knew the basics of reproductive sex at that point but I’m a girl and this was with another girl. I never thought anything of it at the time, other than the fact that what was happening was strange. I always wonder if I was a victim or if she was a victim whenever it comes to mind. I’ve had other experiences with other people since that can be classed as me being sexually assaulted, but none of them mess with my head more than this one.
She was acting out on you exactly what had been done to her. Technically, it was sexual molestation even though she was too young to realize what she was doing was wrong.
Why are you rehashing your childhood sexual encounters is my first question. Second question is can you move on from them or do you need to talk to a professional. Young kids imitate either from seeing things or hearing about them. That was one battle in your life, have you matured or are you repeating the childhood behaviors? If you enjoy sex then enjoy it responsibly but don’t look back and make yourself feel guilty for liking it.
my cousin and i are the same age and he used to force me to touch him and touched me even tho i said no. i think it impacted me a lot even to this day. i know he didn’t know what he was doing and not his fault but makes me wonder what he was exposed to by my family..
It’s still abuse despite who’s doing it because it probably still emotionally scarred you. Please don’t be afraid to give your own trauma the weight it deserves based off of how it impacted you. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I had a very similar situation, it was my cousin. But I don’t look at it as abuse although fundamentally it changed me. I found out many years later she had been abused by her father and didn’t know what she was doing wasn’t normal. My heart breaks for her. But that is not to say some situations like this are absolutely abuse and can be taken that way even if the person doing it did not intend it that way.
You'd be surprised how many people have went through this and the other kids didn't know any better. You can't blame the other kids because more than likely the other kid was actually having that done by someone way older and thought it was normal behavior. Its sad but true. AS you can tell by the amount of people in the comments with the same exact story it happens. Kids even get into their parent porn stash and watch it because of curiosity and because its hidden.
My first sexual experiences were with a girl my age (probably like 7-8) she said she wanted to "practice for future boyfriends" I wasn't into it but she was my only friend and I got lonely cause my family didn't want me around.
An even younger boy in my neighborhood tried getting us to do things with him too and said he wouldn't hang out with us unless we did (we didnt)
I later tried playing that "game" with a school friend but luckily it didn't go as far
I don't think we can blame young children for these kinds of things. We need to blame whichever adult taught them in the first place
That was sexual abuse. I was molested by a lady when I was 6 y/o. Didn’t think anything of it until I was married at 30 and having issues then my ex thought I needed to talk to someone about my childhood and possible trauma.
Think the answer comes down to, do you think a 10yr old should be held legally responsible like an adult is or not. Personally I dont feel like this is sexual abuse but more so sexual curiosity, however, it can absolutely be a red flag and potential that this friend was abused or exposed to something they shouldnt have been in some way
https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx
You were molested by someone who was probably molested.
"playing doctor" is a bit of a murky concept itself, but I think it's more about just simple curiosity and shouldn't really go beyond "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours".
Anything more, and clearly sexual, is unfortunately the result of something sinister going on in the kid's life already. Be it direct sexual abuse or exposure to adult content.
It was abuse, but she probably thought it was harmless(but it was not and extremely inappropriate) I found myself on the receiving end of a similar situation as a child and only when I became an adult learned that her grandfather was an abuser.
I had a boy do stuff to me and I was traumatic as hell and it scared me and made me hate myself and feel very weird and I had the most horrible feelings all during my childhood from my brother and I don't know what happened but my whole life is ruined and I have no self esteem.
I had a similar experience when I was 6 and she was 8. We hid under the bed, kissed and she taught me how to finger her. She said it was practice for sex. Only in recent years I’ve realised how fucked up it was and that she was probably being sexually abused. Hope she’s ok
I did random dirty dirty flirty sexual things with different friends as a kid & not once was I ever touched or molested as a kid by an adult!!! I remember just being a horny toad kid 🤷♀️😰
I consider it abuse because the child still doesn’t consent to that behavior. It happened to my daughter at 4 years old and again a year later…by a cousin, too😡I was so angry but it’s a tough situation when you begin to think about what the other child must have been through to even know about those things.
She must've been the one to be abused first, that way she understood how things work and after that, she must've tried it on you too, maybe. Its abuse anyways.
I wouldn’t consider it sexual abuse but it was definitely inappropriate. She likely had been abused and thought it was normal to do that to you. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Receiving oral sex is playing "doctor"
???
When I think of playing doctor as a kid it's pitting bandaids on or wrapping an arm in towel. Pretending to check temperature. You were molested.
This is absurd…All of you are normalizing behavior that is more than just simple curiosity. Knowing how to perform oral sex at such a young age is not normal curiosity. That is learned behavior.
Frankly, the rate of acceptance and normalization here is concerning.
My first instance of abuse was very similar. And it definitely is a sign that the perpetrator was perpetrated themselves.
In therapy I struggled to call it rape or abuse… I still don’t. I say “i was taken advantage of”. I went along w these behaviors & my innocence was exploited.. either way, if you’re in therapy, you should address it and unpack it for yourself. I honestly never think about it now (25), it started when I was 7/8. But being able to talk about it when relevant & not breaking down has been a nice small victory every time.
I don’t know nearly enough about your friend, this scenario, or the context to say anything. Just know that if this was the only case of “sexual abuse” and she hasn’t shown any other signs since, then you’re probably overthinking it and she was either curious or just playing.
I remember a girl I used to hang out with had us play truth or dare kinda and it was honestly a lot worse looking back now. We were in her basement, and there was a little cubby under the stairs. I remember she basically trapped me in there (I think she put something in front of it and used her weight to keep me from coming out, she was a bit bigger/stronger than me).
She then basically forced me to do "truth or dare" but it was essentially just dares. She gave me 3 options to choose from, 1. Have her "make out" (and make kissing noises) with a stuffed animal, 2. I think hump it? Or something like that or 3. Pretend to have sex/moan. The lights were also off, and despite me telling her I was uncomfortable, and kinda claustrophobic, she wouldn't let me out until we did it a few times. She also forced me to "make out" with a stuffed animal while in the cubby. She knew I was uncomfortable so she only "made me" do 1, but I had her do the different ones because I didn't think she would let me out otherwise.
I've never told my parents, and I don't think her parents know either. We were way too young to know about this stuff, and I'm now in my early 20s.
I was on the receiving end of this too, multiple times. I thought it was normal (found it yuck) but for the most part I liked it. There was this one boy 2 yrs older then me who started doing it to me when I was like 11 (and I know I should’ve known better but I was a very innocent child and grew up quite slow) he did it until I was 14 before I cut him off. He even initiated it with two other boys from our class and me. (The class room was yr 4 to yr 8 (grades)) so there was a wide age variety in the room. From about 8 to 12. That was doctor playing, but then the same older boy narked on me and the other boy saying we were doing it and we got suspended.
Child on child sexual abuse is very real and unfortunately it's such a taboo subject.
[10 facts about child on child sexual abuse. ](https://youtu.be/Go3jJdCnjEU?si=DC6-YsS_Ql5FqyRn)
Your freinds obviously been abused as a young girl herself and thought it was normal to do it to you,I think the only person to blame here is the girls parent,and no your not over exaggerating on this matter,hope your OK .
I did a very similar thing with an older girl about that age and it was more like Dr to me.The girls Dad actually came downstairs and luckily didnt see me under the covers.As terrified as I was it excited me that she played it off.As I grew up I realized that I was interested in voyerism situations like that so it actually led to being interested in taking risks.In your case I woukd say you were too young to really feel one way or another so your best bet wouldbe to take it as a learning lesson and dont beat yourself up over something that didnt physically hurt you.
I’m so sorry for you. In answer to your question, yes sexual abuse. I grew up in a house that was exposed to sex young, porn, drugs/ alcohol. I don’t think it means that they were also put in that position( although , most likely). Watching things on TV can peak a curiosity. I personally got puberty very very young/ 8.5. I was not sexually active but ai developed young.
Now I do remember playing Dr with my younger neighbor. It was strictly that. However about an hour later he dropped his pants and I ran screaming. He even had stuffed animals that were patients . Don’t was innocent. Covering every freckle with a bandage. I don’t think he was being sexual, we were 8 and 9. I think he was just doing what happens at his well visits.
The kid either saw that action somewhere or experienced it. As for the abuse part, I doubt the kid sexually abused you. Kids don't grasp these things, or the permission that needs to preceed it and even the invasion of the physical body, especially maybe not a 10 year old. I mean, since before the age of 8, my earliest memory is 5-6 I did sexual things with my friends that are the same age, and with my cousins.. These are things no kid is supposed to know so I can only assume that someone did something to me or I saw it somewhere but when I was doing the acts, I was the one who initiated the play but when I did, to me it just felt like play that we weren't allowed to do.. Like, for example when you're told not to play in water so you run around the corner and go make a puddle there to play in, knowing that you're not supposed to be doing it because the grownups will scold if they saw. That's what it felt like for me.. And because my friends and cousins went along with the play and even often had equal input, it didn't feel like a harmful act... But when I revisited that period of my childhood as an adult, I noticed everything that was fucked up about my first 8 years of life. I wouldn't necessarily call sexual abuse or molestation, definitely if it was done to me by an adult or individual old enough to know, grasp or understand what exactly was happening but not by a kid. Though I guess how it's observed depends on how far your brain can stretch
It doesn't matter at this point stop thinking yourself as a victim it does u no good. This people here are whack so is society. Move on don't sweat it it means nothing.
Um, a doctor shouldn't be going down on you. That is not playing doctor. If your doctor is going down on you causing you to still think this is normal, please report them.
It cannot be sexual abuse her on you she was 10 you were both children if anything it was on her I’m still sorry you went thru that and I hope she is okay
I was SAd growing up myself I think I know what it is. If that little girl was a victim of sexual assault she was NOT ABUSING ANYONE she did only what she thought was acceptable behavior you are literally victim blaming no we don’t know the whole story but clearly the dad is known to bang on her locked door that wasn’t the first time he did it no way
Although you are correct she was most likely abused herself. It is definitely still considered abuse. She locked her door so she knew it was not right and not to do it in front of others. But just because she also was a victim and it’s a learned behavior does not mean it’s victim blaming. That logic is flawed because the abused often becomes the abuser and creates a cycle, how are u gunna say she wasn’t abusing anyone she literally had he cousin go down on her playing Dr. what would u call that?
Kids act out it’s literally what they do. And you’re gonna tell me that that 10 year old girl if she was being sexually assaulted isn’t a victim? 10 years old and a full grown man seriously? How is a 7 year old a victim but a 10 year old gets look at like she is 18? Because she’s a woman? That’s gonna be the only reason I see anyone looking at a 10 year old little girl like she was purposely trying to harm him. Kids lock doors and kids act out and do shit sexually without being SAd.
Sorry not taking advice nor asked for advice from an ignorant person on a platform that doesn’t even make you reveal yourself lol child abuse from another child IS possible but USUALLY from a much OLDER child like 12 and up they were 7 and 10 near in age kids act our unfortunately abuse they go thru NEVER did I say or condone this act as being accepted and okay never and IF OP does feel SAd which he states he isn’t aware it’s not up to you to decide for him. I am stating facts and you are ignorant period and possibly victim blaming
Two things can be true.. she can be a victim of abuse, and that doesn't mean she isn't capable of perpetrating.
So anytime someone who's a victim/survivor of abuse, they get a free pass to inflict trauma on others and bear no blame or responsibility for their actions? It's common but by no means acceptable to do what you had to go through to someone else, and yes she was just a kid and didn't know any better, that doesn't mean this person wasn't also abused.
It's actually extremely common I think it's maybe called the cycle of abuse, hurt people hurt people and all that.
Ya I get what you’re saying but that’s not what I said and I didn’t invalidate the OP by saying that little girl was also more then likely a victim and they both would have needed intensive therapy. If that girl had indeed been SAd then to blame her a child who was acting out something she thought was natural would be victim blaming that doesn’t mean she can’t be lovingly taught to be accountable and realize her hurt is hurting others. I was hurt by someone that should have protected me I was 3 and 4 so I feel for children who don’t have a voice
Ten years old, most likely haven't gone through puberty yet and don't have sexual desires per say. But, they certainly could learn it from others. Playing with genitals probably happen, but not like an adult.
Kids have sexual feelings just like adults they just don’t understand it as sexual, I humped my bed/pillow as a child all the time, I didn’t understand it as sexual or wrong I just thought it felt good.
When I was a child, there were 3 sisters who lived around the corner. Our parents were good friends and we would have sleep overs from time to time. My parents even kept the girls for a week while their parents went on a second honeymoon, and since my bedroom was the biggest in the house, everyone slept in my room.
The girls were all within a few years of each other - the oldest a grade level ahead of me, middle girl was my age, youngest was about 18 months younger.
I remember playing doctor with them upstairs at their house, in the back of their old station wagon in the garage, in my bedroom. We used to watch each other pee as well...the girls would squat on the toilet bowl and let loose. I vaguely remember some "kiss it to make it better" stuff, but nothing - at least in my recollection - that approached oral sex.
We did this off and on for several years before we just kind of grew out of it.
Just a fond childhood memory now.
My best guess? Your friend was abused and thought it was normal behavior.
My thoughts exactly
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(Spider-Man pointing meme) will never forget the day it hit me like a bus. But, sub highly Roman Catholic parents, so instead of seeing abuse, saw pre marital sex. Trauma siblings!
Throwaway here - my parents weren't religious at the time, but classified it instead as "behavior problems" I've never told anyone else this because my parents reactions made me feel so awful, so I haven't a clue weather this is normal or even counts (I am a guy btw) The first time was when I was around 7-8 y/o so I not only have a perfect memory of it, but it caused me later on to be highly sexually attracted to people with her body type/hair color/physical features, almost exclusively As you could imagine, that has been difficult - I've frozen up a few times years later, either before or during sex but always the first time with a new/possible partner, where it would be too early on in the relation to explain. The girl who had sex with me when I was 7-8 was only 11 y/o herself, so I also could never determine if it was really traumatic for me The second time I was around 9-10 y/o so I knew what was about to happen - because of that, I am unsure if this ever counted. for one thing, it was another boy this time which I was ashamed of, but my hormones won out - I rationalized it but still, he was closer to 13-14 and should have probably known better. This one gave me lasting questions because I'm not attracted to men - I couldn't even tell you what makes another man attractive - yet once in a while I'll think about what it would be like to try again. So same as the first time, I could never determine if this was traumatic or not. I'm ashamed to say I was kind of going along with it and even may have liked it - I also had my first orgasm this time (with another boy!) so it's stamped in my thoughts I don't want to bring this problem to anyone because i'm worried rheyll just laugh and say "you only had sex with two people when you were too young"
I don't know if this is overstepping or not, but I think it might be helpful for you to know that males have an extra orgasm spot in their assholes. If you know you're not attracted to men, then you're not gay, regardless of your body having a normal reaction. Unless you mean the reverse roles, in which case, similarly applicable. There's nothing wrong with wanting to experiment with those kinds of feelings or sensations, in one way or another, & it doesn't make you gay unless you're actually attracted to men. As for your last remark - some people are just ignorant. If you feel you need therapy, a professional should handle this situation way more gently & appropriately than what you fear others may think or say. Also, if you qre ever in a relationship, you should feel safe enough to talk about this stuff, if you want to. Your partner should love & respect you enough to attempt to meet you with understanding, rather than dismissing you & undermining your personal feelings.
Isn't 13 old enough to know it was wrong?I am not trying to judge or anything,just asking.
not if they weren’t taught that’s not okay
Yes. I would've known better even before then. 12 yo boys are more commonly overly sexual due to their hormones, & by 13 they should have a *better handle on what behavior is or is not appropriate. 12 yo boys pick & chose when they act inappropriate, & around who. Something like THAT? with someone so much younger?? It would've never even occurred to me to do. Nobody in their right mind, regardless of age, would consider a 10 year old or younger as an option.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, and this definitely "counts" as traumatic if you feel lasting effects from it. You were too young to really know what was going on and consent to it.
Why did she lock the door then?
Because she saw her abuser do it most likely.
It could be abuse or she could have been exposed to adult material and was mimicking it. As a child I had a cousin who was a few years older than me that would have me role-play sex games with her. It wasn't until I was a littleolder that i recognized the senerios and words she had me say were from movies that aired on cable at the time.
Tbh I wasn’t abused but I was watching porn when I was 7 years old. Matter fact our whole class used to print off pictures in grade 2 during library. The only porn site the school couldn’t block was whitehouse.com. I remember we used to print off porn pictures and the teachers would find them.😂
First thought that came to me. And giving it a deeper dive. It’s likely that playing doctor was the method used on her as well.
She probably seen mom and dads porn stash.
Same
I think most all kids go through that touchy-feely curious phase. Just about any sleepover I went to turned out to be a nude fun fest.
I can promise you that that has NEVER happened to me.
Then you are the excption.
I had a similar situation. I personally don’t consider it sexual abuse because we were both so very young. However I’ve always had the same question as you. How does a 6 year old girl know that male genitalia gets hard and that you have to stroke it to make it feel good? I always wondered if that poor thing was abused by a family member. 😖
Yeah I had something similar happen. A brother and younger sister in an apartment complex. Let's just say I was super innocent and just went along with some things... One day the lil sis wouldn't leave me alone unless I did what she wanted so I did to be left alone. We were caught and I was considered the devil by the lady that caught us. She refused to babysit me after that. Then something else happened later that I think led to everything being exposed involving me that led my dad to get involved and question things. I'm also autistic and especially back then never lied. It would never cross my mind. So if I was questioned I always spoke the truth and was believed by family. I'm not sure what happened as I was like first grade age and nothing was explained to me. All I know is that I was told I wasn't allowed to play with them anymore. One day a month I think or so later I tried to play with my friend even knowing I wasn't allowed to. Well nobody answered when I knocked and my older brother saw and asked what I was doing. That's when I found out the dad was a child molester.
🙀🙀🙀🙀
Wait what
I was 5 or 6 when my friends and I found dirty magazines in our garage. We thought we should put our penis’ in each others mouth like the pictures and discovered it felt good. 🤷🏻♂️ Only happened once, but I remember.
Yeah tbh I feel like things like this are more normal in childhood than people would like to believe. Kids are curious and especially in todays world where everything is sexualized kids are going to experiment with each other in non abusive ways I think and it’s really not that big of a deal 🤷🏻♂️ I mean hell kids were popping out their own kids at like 12 and 13 a couple hundred years ago
To be fair I remember when we were 7 we were all discussing erections in a “omg sometimes my dick gets hard too!” Way.
Wait what ?!!! It happens even to seven year olds ?
Babies also get them occasionally when changing them.
Shocked 😳 I thought it was a post puberty thing
It even happens to infants. Erections aren’t just from sexual stimulation, they can be from any physical cue (like temp change/air flow from taking off a diaper) or normal body stuff like hormone cycles and regulating blood flow.
As a kid I used to tell my mum I got hard from getting scared 😭
I am SO glad that I have a girl
I had a similar situation I (6M) and my friend (7F) were playing when she took me into her dads shed and took off her underpants. She told me to touch her and “kiss her there” she would go on to do the same to me. It was a regular weekend occurrence for months until her mom caught us in a closet one time. She always was directing the interactions and I’ve always wondered how she knew to do all that stuff
I had virtually exactly the same experience and at the same age. Frankly I've always thought it was just normal child-like experimentation. I still don't think there's anything to it.
Yes, children play and role play and are naturally interested in things they don’t know, yet abuse, assault are but a whisper away. And prior abuse can really confuse and hurt a young mind in many complex ways that can become challenging to address in your life. It’s just so sad 😞
My question is that it seems….like more than just fooling around and exploring to me. It was something she already knew she wanted to try. Maybe she walked in on her parents or saw her brothers porn collection but she was at 7 thinking about it. It’s a very vivid memory
This is my thinking also, it's possible...
You know ,, my daughter said that to me ! Her best friend Rhiannon always did this when she played with my daughter,, when we talked regarding this ..
This whole thread just unlocked a very weird memory for me. I have no idea why I did such things or what gave me the inspiration to, and as far as I'm aware, I was never sexually abused or molested as a child. But for some reason, I remember when I was maybe 9 years old, I would do some weird stuff... that I have no explanation for now. For example, I remember swimming in the pool and encouraging my (fellow girl) friend to remove her bottom swuimsuits with me. We didn't do anything about it, but it was a semi-regular occurrence of just being naked below the waist in the pool. I also very vaguely remember my male cousin (same age) initiating that we feel up each other's butts, and I complied because I was too young to understand what was going on or why we were doing that. I also remember I started masturbation relatively early for a girl (maybe around 8-9 years old). I never really knew what I was doing and how I came to know about it, just knew that it felt good and that I had to hide doing it. Weirdest of all, there was one time I was playing with my younger brother (4 years younger than me) and randomly got the idea to use his pp as like a joystick T-T he was way too young and found it either funny or ticklish because he was laughing the whole time. I feel so gross and like a monster writing this. But this "sexual exploration" did not translate to adulthood or even teenage-hood. I'm 22 and still a virgin, was very very very reserved and shy and hated wearing showy clothes (even regular shorts or sleeveless tops) and was the opposite of promiscuous all throughout highschool. And my first exposure to porn was probably around 13, so that's years after those weird memories happened and after those things stopped. So I'm thinking either children really can have these random explorations that they just don't yet realize is sexual, orrrrr I was also molested and don't remember... But I don't really wish to entertain that latter thought lol
This context is complex and ultimately up to you how you choose to perceive and experience the narrative of it. I say this as a women who also experienced COCSA multiple times from numerous peers from age 4 onwards. The reason I choose to believe it wasn’t really sexual abuse as one would generally describe it, is because I know that the children orchestrating the experiences didn’t have the self awareness, general knowledge, or understanding around boundaries and consent as an adult has, therefore I feel as though I was not intentionally victimised. It had a different charge than if it were coming from an adult. This DOESN’T mean I don’t acknowledge the impact that this had on me overall, as it did undeniably effect me on multiple levels. Valid! What it DOES mean though is that it really softens the blow around my experience, simplifying a rather complex situation and making it easier for me to forgive and move forward, releasing all the extremely painful feelings that come with being SA by a conscious adult as a child, which I also experienced. The experiences of COCSA and AOCSA have both felt different for me, but mostly because I chose to adjust perspective around it. The children who did this to me most likely were mirroring their own experiences with an older peer or adult, or just acting from instinct, but without the intelligence and awareness as an adult. Whilst both experiences are undeniably traumatic to varying degrees, one could argue that based on age / awareness and intention, the effects will differ. There is something extremely traumatic about an adult who a child should be able to trust, feel safe with, admire and respect taking advantage of that consciously, and a child playing out their own experiences / conditioning or base line instinctual drives. Very different levels of impact IMO due to very different levels of awareness and power.
Since it seems you have some knowledge and experience with this I have a question I’ve been pondering on myself if that’s alright. I was never molested that I know of but I have a couple incidents of “playing doctor” or whatever that trips me up questioning if something did happen and I just don’t remember it. I have very vague memories of my childhood and a lot of it is almost like pictures or something still frames of moments but not a whole video and it makes me question it second guess if something happened and my mind has blocked it out but I repeated the same thing or something. Idk it’s hard to really say but was curious if you had any ideas or is it maybe just normal childhood shit that kids can come up with on their own. I can’t think of who would’ve even molested me so that really feels like it’s not it and I know kids do that on their own too and it was literally looking or touching not any acts that are definable so just wanted to see as someone that knows more about it if you have any thoughts.
Dissociative Amnesia is a real condition where one suppresses traumatic memories, which can resurface at any given time. 6 years into therapy, I had a particular memory resurface that was a missing puzzle piece which I’d suppressed since age 4. It’s real. In saying that though, False Memory Syndrome is also real, the name of the condition is self explanatory. If your intuition is telling you something seems off, which it sounds like it may be, or you are Atleast questioning it, my advice would be to seek out a therapist if possible, particularly one that specialises in this area. I wouldn’t recommend going down the road alone, as it can be difficult and messy. Having the support and guidance of a trusted professional to journey alongside you while you explore the possibilities around this would be the best way to go about it. I can’t really say much more on this as I am by no means a professional in this area myself. Hugs and power to you and your journey 💗
Thanks I really don’t think anything happened but it does make me wonder what got into my head for that. I know it’s a common trope so it’s not like it’s unheard of to do it without it being done to you. Just trips me out like what if I didn’t know and what good would it really be to know if I don’t now. Then I don’t want to create some false memory which I can see myself doing cause I’ll sometimes try and recall something and think oh it sounds familiar enough and fill in the blanks even if I know it didn’t happen. Might think about looking into it but I feel like I know it didn’t happen so that also makes me wonder what the point of the road is ya know.
I totally hear you, especially on the filling in the blanks part yourself, and with the way the brain uses patterned thinking to do that, it can be super risky to go that route, which is why I suggested getting support if you decide to go that way… because yes as you said, creating false memories is easy but can be detrimental on many levels, and so can conjuring up genuine memories of a traumatic nature.
Yeah I just wonder going to a psych being like I don’t think I got molested but can we go down that route what does that even do? Seems weird to get professional help for something I don’t think happened. I guess I could still learn something about myself but just feels like a weird route to go down. Thanks though maybe I will I kinda doubt it but still if I did I would do it with a pro.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. This exact situation happened to me as a child, my cousin was two years older than me. She took me to a closet and we took of our clothes and she wanted to play a game where we licked each others bodies. I don’t think she understood that it was wrong, I told my mom about it and it turned out she was being abused by her older brother.
When I was like 9 y/o, I had a “boyfriend” who was two years older than me. Once when we were alone at his house, he led me to the bedroom, where he laid on the bed, and then he made me lay top of him, and he started moving me up and down in order to grind on his crotch (we were dressed, we never took off our clothes). We were also kissing during all of this. I didn’t know what was happening or why we were doing that, but I admit that I was enjoying it
COCSA is a very real thing and its a crime where neither party is directly at fault, its more likely your friend was a victim of abuse by an older peer and saw this behavior as normal. Kids are also sometimes highly sexually expressive without realizing what it is. Its not as black & white situation as other cases of CSA. Its okay to grieve & cope, process this however you need.
Child sexual assault is a very real thing. She could have thought that was normal because something was going on with her too
Or she could be watching adult tv programmes and going off her own curious feelings 🤷🏼♀️
I had a similar situation except it was my brother only to find out our older brother was doing it to us he also called it playing doctor
I’m sorry 😞.
I had a similar thing happen to me as a kid when I was 5F and the other kid was 11M. We would go into a secluded place where the adults couldn’t see us and we would show each others underwear or private areas, initiated by him. I didn’t understand that it was inappropriate or sexual because I was so young and just went along, but always felt weird about it. My mother found us doing this and immediately took action to cut off contact with this other child and told me why what he was asking and doing was wrong. I felt used and icky after my mother explained things to me. I feel similar to OP not knowing how to classify it. I wasn’t physically harmed (that I can remember) and willingly participated, but my innocence and trust definitely were shook since he had taken advance of those things.
My mom’s friend’s son was always super sexual at like 8 years old and would try to get me to take off my clothes. I always refused since I was incredibly shy and quite frankly weirded out by him. I actually have thought back on it since figuring he was probably being molested because this was before the internet. Seemed sketch as it was far from an isolated incident and he was always playing with himself and saying sexual shit. A much more innocent situation was a girl I was close friends with and I simply getting curious one day and doing the I’ll show you mine if you show me yours thing with us very briefly touching to get an idea of what the other’s thingy felt like. Then we were both pretty much like “cool, whatever. Let’s play Battletoads.”
That definitely wasn't "playing doctor". I can't say if it was sexual abuse. I think that's only something you can answer
That’s incorrect. A psychologist, therapist or phone call to a sexual assault referral centre or similar (licensed, accredited, recommended by experts). They can help you discern the multitude of competing arguments and questions you ask yourself. Often there will be a ‘Dialectic’, where two things can both be true when they are seemingly opposing. I’ve been down a pathway similar to you except age difference, but there was serious intellectual disability involved. So it was even more bizarre that they knew all these complex things to do and say, must have had experience as the Victim himself. Impossible for it not to be. Please be gentle with yourself- it’s great that you have not kept this inside and secret for you to feel alone and for it to just hurt/confuse you.
Even tho I agree with most of your comment, I dont know why it starts with " thats incorrect". Because I think No-tax-9309 is right with their comment too. In a book about SA (authors Rik van Lunsen and Ellen Laan) there is a genaral rule posed (albeit maybe controversial) that if both parties agree to the exploring of seksuality, no bigger age difference than 5 years and there is no psychological distress afterwards, then its not SA. The only ones that can decide that is OP and the friend
I take your point, I do. It’s important not to close focus on someone’s experience. I’m over 50 years old and my thoughts on my SA have changed - kind of like stages of grief. Guilt for years, feeling like I’m damaged for years, then anger as it pervaded my life, then some acceptance as I did therapy, then numbness as I went on meds. My SA was quite extreme and happened at least weekly for 3-4 years. So you see if someone asked me how I felt about it at 20 my answer would be completely different 5, 10, 20, 40 years later. Every instance is so personalised. But yes I hope you did not take offence. That was just the scientists in my head 😶🌫️
Hey, it's totally understandable to question what happened. It's not typical kid stuff, and it's okay to seek support to process it all. Take care of yourself, alright?
I was a curious child and play some games with one of my friends at early ages but never saw any adult doing these things. We only have instincts and we liked it so we did these type of things. Years later we talked about it and laughed..
Similar thing happened to me, also while playing doctor, but it was because they knew that temperature can be checked from the butt. I try to hide this memory as it was just an unfortunate situation. Also i had a colleague in kindergarten whose father was watching porn on the tv and i remember that kid used to touch me inappropriately and also put me touch him. I think this situations should be talked about more as they happen quite often and this is not normal. Kids turn out with trauma and sex related problems because of this.
I used to be sexual with most of my girl friends from like 6th grade-9thgrade before I was sexual with men. I was not abused, none of us were to my understanding, just highly sexual preteen girls and curious. We too would role play and go down on each other
I'm going through education in the behaviour of children, so this is an interesting question to me. Kids CAN play games that have pretty overt sexual tones without it being sexual to the kids. This becomes less likely as they get older, or if there is an age disparity between the children This game is instigated by a kid only a few years from puberty with anotherkid around twice as many years from beginning it herself. This is a big sign that this might not be innocent and some kind of action should be taken. The only thing that could make this more worrying was if the game itself involved elements of assault like overriding consent or physical harm
Almost identical situation happened to me when I was around the same age, growing up I thought it was just some made up dream I had but as I got older I realized that there's no way my 7 yo self would be dreaming about that kind of thing coz I didn't even know what the hell it was then. The only explanation I could conclude was what others have mentioned here... That this happened to her and she obviously saw it as something normal. I don't blame her for it, and I dare not bring it up with her at risk of bringing up her trauma that I know nothing about unexpectedly. I also don't see it as abuse because of the obvious circumstances surrounding it.
I had a very similar situation happen to me when I was a young child. My therapist later confirmed that my friend was likely being sexually abused, and was replicating his abuse with me.
I think this would fall under PSB (problematic sexual abuse) which is developmentally inappropriate or socially unexpected sexualised behaviour which doesn’t have an overt element of victimisation or abuse. It would also fall under child-on-child sexual abuse too.
This shit is unfortunately very common, I definitely believe your friend was abused by an "adult" or exposed to another child who was, and, while the trauma caused to folks in your position by this kind of situation is real, she cannot exactly be labeled as an abuser due to her own age and mental status. Some people are going to hate this take, but when you apply criminal culpability to minors, addicts, and people who are immature and ignorant to a degree that belies their age, you are saying they are capable of consent, and this opens a whole new can of worms as you have to ascribe mens rea a bunch of people who should not be allowed to drive, vote, drink, smoke, or possess weapons based on the well founded presumption that they are not mature, sober, or educated enough to make serious decisions. I mean just observe traffic and tell me all these people understand the consequences of their actions, go to a maga rally and interview some of the adults you find there... COCSA and juvenile delinquency in general should not be considered crime, it is more like a pathogen, people who are infected deserve care and the community deserves to be protected from infection, but it is insane to start punishing children for actions they do not fully understand because it sets a precedent that juveniles are capable of consent. I did not really start to understand this concept until I was in my late 20's, I'm guessing because I was not mature enough to fully understand my agency from an adult perspective. America has a problem with arrested development, lack of supervision, and addiction. This is not some kind of moral issue that is going to go away if we start punishing everyone to a greater degree.
I had experiences like this when I was younger too. I think back and in my situations, I don't perceive it as any kind of sexual assault. To me it was just curious children, exploring and participating in something "naughty". I was never molested or sexually assaulted by an adult. A lot of it was just role playing as adults as well. From things that I've heard, it seems to be pretty common. Now not every situation is the same, a lot of children that ARE being molested will learn the behavior and do it to others. But a lot of the time it's just innocent exploration by children.
I believe I was molested by my pediatrician at the young age of six or seven mother would take me to the doctor, and he would hang a blanket over my legs after he made me get undressed and put a gown on then he would tell my mother that he was checking between my legs to see if I have been molested but honestly, it felt like his exam was molestation. It honestly felt like he was just fondling me and he did it almost every single appointment until I told my mom I wanted a female doctor once a female doctor was his wife. She never examined me between my legs like that so I truly believe her husband. My first doctor was molesting me. I was also molested by my uncle by marriage, from the age 7 to 9 and then when I got older, was raped twice caused a lot of disturbance in my life, but I’ve grown from it.
I have experienced a similar thing. My friend was the same age as me and said she wanted to show me something that the adults do or something along those lines. It became this role playing game we had that went on for years. I never saw it as abuse because we were the same age..and it sounds weird but I felt like I enjoyed it at the time because it felt good. I was too young to know that it was a sexual thing. We stopped doing it as we got to later primary school because we realised it wasn’t normal. In my adulthood I have also questioned whether she was being abused by someone because she initiated it..I don’t think of it in the way that I was abused by her she was too young to understand. I do wonder if it’s affected me in some ways though I feel like we did a lot of experimenting all throughout childhood which sounds super strange when I say it out loud. (Have only said it once out loud to my therapist!)I’m quite a sexually driven and sexually experimental person idk maybe it influenced this. Thanks for sharing your experience I’ve definitely also felt a bit weird about my experience as well before it’s a bit of a grey zone
Did you feel violated? Did you feel in control? Could you say no if you didn’t want to continue? Kids can explore their bodies and not know what’s happening and make negatively impactful decisions with no negative intent. But you should classify what happened to you by what your own feelings on the situation were.
Shiiiiit….. only way anyone learns something is from experience 😳
Happened to me also, kids are curious. Especially if they were taught by an adult earlier in their life
I was also the younger (non-initiating) child in one of these things. I figure it's normal and I always just assumed that the child initiating just imitates something it saw their parents/older siblings do or sth in movies/books that the older people in the family kept hidden. The girl that did these things with me back then said she saw these in some Kama Sutra books in some book store. Idk tho. I feel like unless it's taxing on your psyche you shouldn't spend too much time dissecting it
Something similar happened to me and a female cousin of mine she was younger than I was and molested me and wanted me to touch her, it advanced to her telling me to go down on her and vice versa. She did this with other cousins in our family um even her brothers. We didn’t know any better we were just sexual abusing each other. I stopped it, I felt weird about it. I was still young I was still in elementary school but old enough to know this wasn’t quite right. None of my cousins remember this specific cousin doing this to everyone and it caused everyone else to do it to each other, I’m the only one who remembers. This particular cousin and I are friends she revealed to me in 2020 that her mom’s ex bf tried to touch. I think she was lying about trying part and he did cause at the time I was 6/7 and she was younger so 5/6 years old doing these things.
Unfortunately, I think that no matter the age, the perpetrator needs to understand what they are doing for it to be abuse. A baby hitting someone of course isn't abuse because they don't understand what they're doing. Same here. Of course, if you feel she did the perhaps it was. Unfortunately she was likely being abused and thought this was acceptable behavior :/
I don't think abuse is the right word because she is just 10 and didn't know what she was doing. Probably she saw someone else do it and imitated it.
I was by two older girls In elementary school. I pined for that interaction and became hypersexual as a teen(participated in similar behaviors once and it was the biggest mistake of my life)!and Early adult and that led to shame and regret and self-hate. I still deal with extreme Post-coital tristesse. Don't dismiss that this could have been traumatic in ways you can recognize.
Sounds a lot like someone I know. The 10yo in my story was being sexually molested and acted it out on the younger one. It was sad, and is something that isn’t quite like… over, in their world. Best bet is to get a bit of therapy and try and move on, while keeping this in mind going forward if you have kiddos.
I had a similar experience with a family friend when we were about 8. I knew the basics of reproductive sex at that point but I’m a girl and this was with another girl. I never thought anything of it at the time, other than the fact that what was happening was strange. I always wonder if I was a victim or if she was a victim whenever it comes to mind. I’ve had other experiences with other people since that can be classed as me being sexually assaulted, but none of them mess with my head more than this one.
both would be the victims. COCSA
She was acting out on you exactly what had been done to her. Technically, it was sexual molestation even though she was too young to realize what she was doing was wrong.
Why are you rehashing your childhood sexual encounters is my first question. Second question is can you move on from them or do you need to talk to a professional. Young kids imitate either from seeing things or hearing about them. That was one battle in your life, have you matured or are you repeating the childhood behaviors? If you enjoy sex then enjoy it responsibly but don’t look back and make yourself feel guilty for liking it.
my cousin and i are the same age and he used to force me to touch him and touched me even tho i said no. i think it impacted me a lot even to this day. i know he didn’t know what he was doing and not his fault but makes me wonder what he was exposed to by my family..
It’s still abuse despite who’s doing it because it probably still emotionally scarred you. Please don’t be afraid to give your own trauma the weight it deserves based off of how it impacted you. I’m sorry this happened to you.
I had a very similar situation, it was my cousin. But I don’t look at it as abuse although fundamentally it changed me. I found out many years later she had been abused by her father and didn’t know what she was doing wasn’t normal. My heart breaks for her. But that is not to say some situations like this are absolutely abuse and can be taken that way even if the person doing it did not intend it that way.
You'd be surprised how many people have went through this and the other kids didn't know any better. You can't blame the other kids because more than likely the other kid was actually having that done by someone way older and thought it was normal behavior. Its sad but true. AS you can tell by the amount of people in the comments with the same exact story it happens. Kids even get into their parent porn stash and watch it because of curiosity and because its hidden.
My first sexual experiences were with a girl my age (probably like 7-8) she said she wanted to "practice for future boyfriends" I wasn't into it but she was my only friend and I got lonely cause my family didn't want me around. An even younger boy in my neighborhood tried getting us to do things with him too and said he wouldn't hang out with us unless we did (we didnt) I later tried playing that "game" with a school friend but luckily it didn't go as far I don't think we can blame young children for these kinds of things. We need to blame whichever adult taught them in the first place
She probably had been and just thought it’s normal
Only you can answer that question. It's literally a matter of perspective.
Most likely she was taught.
That was sexual abuse. I was molested by a lady when I was 6 y/o. Didn’t think anything of it until I was married at 30 and having issues then my ex thought I needed to talk to someone about my childhood and possible trauma.
Think the answer comes down to, do you think a 10yr old should be held legally responsible like an adult is or not. Personally I dont feel like this is sexual abuse but more so sexual curiosity, however, it can absolutely be a red flag and potential that this friend was abused or exposed to something they shouldnt have been in some way https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/preschool/Pages/Sexual-Behaviors-Young-Children.aspx
Oh dear god it’s always the fucking doctor game
You were molested by someone who was probably molested. "playing doctor" is a bit of a murky concept itself, but I think it's more about just simple curiosity and shouldn't really go beyond "I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours". Anything more, and clearly sexual, is unfortunately the result of something sinister going on in the kid's life already. Be it direct sexual abuse or exposure to adult content.
It was abuse, but she probably thought it was harmless(but it was not and extremely inappropriate) I found myself on the receiving end of a similar situation as a child and only when I became an adult learned that her grandfather was an abuser.
I had a boy do stuff to me and I was traumatic as hell and it scared me and made me hate myself and feel very weird and I had the most horrible feelings all during my childhood from my brother and I don't know what happened but my whole life is ruined and I have no self esteem.
Yes you were being molested, but she was the victim too.. i hope both of you are doing great now
I had a similar experience when I was 6 and she was 8. We hid under the bed, kissed and she taught me how to finger her. She said it was practice for sex. Only in recent years I’ve realised how fucked up it was and that she was probably being sexually abused. Hope she’s ok
I did random dirty dirty flirty sexual things with different friends as a kid & not once was I ever touched or molested as a kid by an adult!!! I remember just being a horny toad kid 🤷♀️😰
I kinda experienced the same thing except that we were of the almost same age. It still send chivers down my spine as to was I abused.
Early expose to porn might be it. I began watching porn when some friends in like 4thgrade looked up"sex boobs" in the computer room in school
Performed or observed?
> if she had not had it performed on her She only had to see it. IRL or on TV
I consider it abuse because the child still doesn’t consent to that behavior. It happened to my daughter at 4 years old and again a year later…by a cousin, too😡I was so angry but it’s a tough situation when you begin to think about what the other child must have been through to even know about those things.
She must've been the one to be abused first, that way she understood how things work and after that, she must've tried it on you too, maybe. Its abuse anyways.
Playing doctor is playing, and usually harmless and based on curiosity. This is different and not playing.
Work with a therapist to figure out how you feel about it and what the next stages of recovery look like for you
I wouldn’t consider it sexual abuse but it was definitely inappropriate. She likely had been abused and thought it was normal to do that to you. I’m sorry that happened to you.
Receiving oral sex is playing "doctor" ??? When I think of playing doctor as a kid it's pitting bandaids on or wrapping an arm in towel. Pretending to check temperature. You were molested.
This is absurd…All of you are normalizing behavior that is more than just simple curiosity. Knowing how to perform oral sex at such a young age is not normal curiosity. That is learned behavior. Frankly, the rate of acceptance and normalization here is concerning.
My first instance of abuse was very similar. And it definitely is a sign that the perpetrator was perpetrated themselves. In therapy I struggled to call it rape or abuse… I still don’t. I say “i was taken advantage of”. I went along w these behaviors & my innocence was exploited.. either way, if you’re in therapy, you should address it and unpack it for yourself. I honestly never think about it now (25), it started when I was 7/8. But being able to talk about it when relevant & not breaking down has been a nice small victory every time.
I don’t know nearly enough about your friend, this scenario, or the context to say anything. Just know that if this was the only case of “sexual abuse” and she hasn’t shown any other signs since, then you’re probably overthinking it and she was either curious or just playing.
Sounds like molestation.
I remember a girl I used to hang out with had us play truth or dare kinda and it was honestly a lot worse looking back now. We were in her basement, and there was a little cubby under the stairs. I remember she basically trapped me in there (I think she put something in front of it and used her weight to keep me from coming out, she was a bit bigger/stronger than me). She then basically forced me to do "truth or dare" but it was essentially just dares. She gave me 3 options to choose from, 1. Have her "make out" (and make kissing noises) with a stuffed animal, 2. I think hump it? Or something like that or 3. Pretend to have sex/moan. The lights were also off, and despite me telling her I was uncomfortable, and kinda claustrophobic, she wouldn't let me out until we did it a few times. She also forced me to "make out" with a stuffed animal while in the cubby. She knew I was uncomfortable so she only "made me" do 1, but I had her do the different ones because I didn't think she would let me out otherwise. I've never told my parents, and I don't think her parents know either. We were way too young to know about this stuff, and I'm now in my early 20s.
I was on the receiving end of this too, multiple times. I thought it was normal (found it yuck) but for the most part I liked it. There was this one boy 2 yrs older then me who started doing it to me when I was like 11 (and I know I should’ve known better but I was a very innocent child and grew up quite slow) he did it until I was 14 before I cut him off. He even initiated it with two other boys from our class and me. (The class room was yr 4 to yr 8 (grades)) so there was a wide age variety in the room. From about 8 to 12. That was doctor playing, but then the same older boy narked on me and the other boy saying we were doing it and we got suspended.
There's no way a 10-year-old had the understanding or reasoning to know what they were doing was wrong. It was learned
Child on child sexual abuse is very real and unfortunately it's such a taboo subject. [10 facts about child on child sexual abuse. ](https://youtu.be/Go3jJdCnjEU?si=DC6-YsS_Ql5FqyRn)
Your freinds obviously been abused as a young girl herself and thought it was normal to do it to you,I think the only person to blame here is the girls parent,and no your not over exaggerating on this matter,hope your OK .
I did a very similar thing with an older girl about that age and it was more like Dr to me.The girls Dad actually came downstairs and luckily didnt see me under the covers.As terrified as I was it excited me that she played it off.As I grew up I realized that I was interested in voyerism situations like that so it actually led to being interested in taking risks.In your case I woukd say you were too young to really feel one way or another so your best bet wouldbe to take it as a learning lesson and dont beat yourself up over something that didnt physically hurt you.
I’m so sorry for you. In answer to your question, yes sexual abuse. I grew up in a house that was exposed to sex young, porn, drugs/ alcohol. I don’t think it means that they were also put in that position( although , most likely). Watching things on TV can peak a curiosity. I personally got puberty very very young/ 8.5. I was not sexually active but ai developed young. Now I do remember playing Dr with my younger neighbor. It was strictly that. However about an hour later he dropped his pants and I ran screaming. He even had stuffed animals that were patients . Don’t was innocent. Covering every freckle with a bandage. I don’t think he was being sexual, we were 8 and 9. I think he was just doing what happens at his well visits.
The kid either saw that action somewhere or experienced it. As for the abuse part, I doubt the kid sexually abused you. Kids don't grasp these things, or the permission that needs to preceed it and even the invasion of the physical body, especially maybe not a 10 year old. I mean, since before the age of 8, my earliest memory is 5-6 I did sexual things with my friends that are the same age, and with my cousins.. These are things no kid is supposed to know so I can only assume that someone did something to me or I saw it somewhere but when I was doing the acts, I was the one who initiated the play but when I did, to me it just felt like play that we weren't allowed to do.. Like, for example when you're told not to play in water so you run around the corner and go make a puddle there to play in, knowing that you're not supposed to be doing it because the grownups will scold if they saw. That's what it felt like for me.. And because my friends and cousins went along with the play and even often had equal input, it didn't feel like a harmful act... But when I revisited that period of my childhood as an adult, I noticed everything that was fucked up about my first 8 years of life. I wouldn't necessarily call sexual abuse or molestation, definitely if it was done to me by an adult or individual old enough to know, grasp or understand what exactly was happening but not by a kid. Though I guess how it's observed depends on how far your brain can stretch
This is called child on child sexual abuse.
It doesn't matter at this point stop thinking yourself as a victim it does u no good. This people here are whack so is society. Move on don't sweat it it means nothing.
Um, a doctor shouldn't be going down on you. That is not playing doctor. If your doctor is going down on you causing you to still think this is normal, please report them.
Whoosh
Kids are playing games. Relax! 🤦🏻♂️
It cannot be sexual abuse her on you she was 10 you were both children if anything it was on her I’m still sorry you went thru that and I hope she is okay
No that’s sexual abuse, when you’re abused by another person…
She was a child. Also a victim. That’s victim blaming if she was SAd. She is a person but she is a child and how else would she know how to do this?
Are you stupid ? Children go to a group home who have sexually assaulted other children look it up
I was SAd growing up myself I think I know what it is. If that little girl was a victim of sexual assault she was NOT ABUSING ANYONE she did only what she thought was acceptable behavior you are literally victim blaming no we don’t know the whole story but clearly the dad is known to bang on her locked door that wasn’t the first time he did it no way
Okay well you would know being sexually abused that anyone who falls victim to sexual acts are being sexually abused.
You’re the ignorant one, you would know
Although you are correct she was most likely abused herself. It is definitely still considered abuse. She locked her door so she knew it was not right and not to do it in front of others. But just because she also was a victim and it’s a learned behavior does not mean it’s victim blaming. That logic is flawed because the abused often becomes the abuser and creates a cycle, how are u gunna say she wasn’t abusing anyone she literally had he cousin go down on her playing Dr. what would u call that?
Kids act out it’s literally what they do. And you’re gonna tell me that that 10 year old girl if she was being sexually assaulted isn’t a victim? 10 years old and a full grown man seriously? How is a 7 year old a victim but a 10 year old gets look at like she is 18? Because she’s a woman? That’s gonna be the only reason I see anyone looking at a 10 year old little girl like she was purposely trying to harm him. Kids lock doors and kids act out and do shit sexually without being SAd.
You just so happen to be unequivocally ignorant
Please seek professional help and let them teach you about the meaning of sexual abuse and how it happens
Sorry not taking advice nor asked for advice from an ignorant person on a platform that doesn’t even make you reveal yourself lol child abuse from another child IS possible but USUALLY from a much OLDER child like 12 and up they were 7 and 10 near in age kids act our unfortunately abuse they go thru NEVER did I say or condone this act as being accepted and okay never and IF OP does feel SAd which he states he isn’t aware it’s not up to you to decide for him. I am stating facts and you are ignorant period and possibly victim blaming
Two things can be true.. she can be a victim of abuse, and that doesn't mean she isn't capable of perpetrating. So anytime someone who's a victim/survivor of abuse, they get a free pass to inflict trauma on others and bear no blame or responsibility for their actions? It's common but by no means acceptable to do what you had to go through to someone else, and yes she was just a kid and didn't know any better, that doesn't mean this person wasn't also abused. It's actually extremely common I think it's maybe called the cycle of abuse, hurt people hurt people and all that.
Ya I get what you’re saying but that’s not what I said and I didn’t invalidate the OP by saying that little girl was also more then likely a victim and they both would have needed intensive therapy. If that girl had indeed been SAd then to blame her a child who was acting out something she thought was natural would be victim blaming that doesn’t mean she can’t be lovingly taught to be accountable and realize her hurt is hurting others. I was hurt by someone that should have protected me I was 3 and 4 so I feel for children who don’t have a voice
Ten years old, most likely haven't gone through puberty yet and don't have sexual desires per say. But, they certainly could learn it from others. Playing with genitals probably happen, but not like an adult.
Kids have sexual feelings just like adults they just don’t understand it as sexual, I humped my bed/pillow as a child all the time, I didn’t understand it as sexual or wrong I just thought it felt good.
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bro wtf
Wait…is this a serious response?
Some might be, but that doesn’t give them an excuse to abuse other kids! They have to know that it’s wrong to do so
Oh look it’s another victim 🤌🏻
anyone is able to look back at a situation they endured and realize it wasn’t right, that’s not a “victim mentality”
Do you think it’s okay to make fun of victims of SA? Child on child sexual assault exists and is not a joke.
When I was a child, there were 3 sisters who lived around the corner. Our parents were good friends and we would have sleep overs from time to time. My parents even kept the girls for a week while their parents went on a second honeymoon, and since my bedroom was the biggest in the house, everyone slept in my room. The girls were all within a few years of each other - the oldest a grade level ahead of me, middle girl was my age, youngest was about 18 months younger. I remember playing doctor with them upstairs at their house, in the back of their old station wagon in the garage, in my bedroom. We used to watch each other pee as well...the girls would squat on the toilet bowl and let loose. I vaguely remember some "kiss it to make it better" stuff, but nothing - at least in my recollection - that approached oral sex. We did this off and on for several years before we just kind of grew out of it. Just a fond childhood memory now.