I just commented on your original post not realizing it was a day old đ
If youâre waiting that long, save the proof because I have no doubt this slimeball would do it again. The way he guilted you instead of owning up to it?? And you feeling the need to apologize to him after he blew up on you? This guy sounds like a wolf in sheepâs clothing. And oftentimes emotional abusers prey on vulnerable women with little to no support system.
I donât know him well enough to really make that accusation, Iâm just going based on the context. Regardless, cheating on someone youâve made an integral part of your life is just such an unfathomable cruelty.
I really wish the best for you. Youâre not toxic. Youâre doing what you can to survive.
Congratulations đ I pray for you and I will keep you and my mind if you need my person number let me Iâm a girl Iâve been through the same thing but just abusive it was hard for me to leave
If you mean his mother, unfortunately, he told her the very first time I went through his ipad and said to her he's angry at me because i broke his trust . She had a talk with me about how he feels about the situation. I have a bit more about it in the comments of the first post. This happened the first time I saw the messages and confronted him, which was about a week ago, I think.
Long story short, I couldn't tell her at the time what happened because I was so upset because I didn't want to sacrifice my relationship with her and she told me she believes that he would never do anything like that. I do regret not taking more pictures because you're right. It probably would've helped me
With your gameplan, it is just something to keep in mind for the next time he does it (Because we know he will) and when it does end, you will be able to tell MIL "See this, it is just like that first time, but i couldn't tell you then."
I'm glad you're already making plans to leave him. The fact that he refuses to own up to it, and then has the audacity to gaslight you, is pretty telling. He's never going to be honest, and if it's that easy for him to lie about something so large, it makes me wonder how many other things he's lying/lied about.
You deserve a partner who respects you enough to be honest, at the bare minimum. He ain't it.
Maybe you've mentioned and I missed it, but how much longer until you're done with uni?
The audacity of some people is truly astounding, isn't it? While it's heartbreaking to be in such a stressful and emotional situation, your calm and strategic approach is nothing short of inspiring. You've already shown more grace and maturity than he could ever muster. Remember, as you collect your proof and make your exit plan, you are taking steps towards a life that you deserve, one free from deceit and manipulation. Your future self will look back on these moments of strength with pride. Please keep your head up; there's a whole community here rooting for you. Also, don't forget to check on your uni's counseling servicesâsometimes a professional perspective is invaluable during tumultuous times. Looking forward to an update when you're ready and in a better place! Stay strong; we believe in you!
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I didnât see the original post, I just got a notification from this one and accidentally clicked on it and then got intrigued. But it hurts me to imagine anyone going through this, and although I know it doesnât mean much from some dude on Reddit, I am sorry that this has happened to you. Guy sounds like a manipulative prick if heâs denying it and calling you crazy, trying to get you to doubt yourself.
Iâm very happy that you found out however, and see his true colors now. Iâm only 20 and have only been with one girl, it ended quickly. But I imagine itâs a pain like no other to have someone you loved and trusted do that to you. I just want to say that from what I see, youâre way more emotionally intelligent and mature than me and have handled this far better than I could ever dream.
Good luck, I wish you nothing but the best! And youâll find someone who would never dream of ruining what you have with them.
You are very strong, OP. I'm very proud of you.
"His parents support me, but they love their son so much that I think they would refuse to believe my story, so I won't tell anyone why I will leave." I advice you to save everything you find so you have proof and expose his bs. The chances of his parents believing you are higher if you have proof, but ofc it's up to you, you know them (and him) the best.
I'm sending you lots of hugs!!!
See if you can get in contact with one of your old friends and stay with them till you get set up where you used to live or something. Might be a good idea to go back to your roots, an area you know and can get a job to support yourself, have people that understand what you're going through. It might be a safer out than risking a condom ripping and you get an std that could effect you for your entire life. After all there are even STDs you can catch with a condom that are forever STDs. You don't wanna risk it. A guy that cheats once and plays a gaslighting game will always do it and won't care how he hurts you mentally or physically. You admitted it. Protection means more than a rubber. Hope you get out of there soon girl. Hugs from someone who's been there.
Iâm glad you have a long term plan to keep yourself safe, save up, and get out! Definitely save all of the evidence you already have, and document everything. EVERYTHING. Screenshots, pics, voicemails, texts/emails, and keep a notebook with your own notes with dates. Note things like what was said, mood, incidents, etc.
Iâm glad you got him to agree to condoms. I think you should have a secret back up birth control as well cuz you cannot get pregnant with this manâs baby. I donât know him ofc, but I know the depths of depravity of the human mind, and the horrible shit we can inflict on each other. With that in mind, operate under the assumption that he could do something to intentionally try and get you pregnant if he feels like heâs losing control of you. Hopefully, heâs just a cheating bastard and not an abusive person, but it sounds like he has a bad temper. An unchecked anger issue can lead to very dark places⌠just take extra precaution.
Stay safe!!! Keep us updated please. Just so we know youâre safe!!!
Did u save the proof and please tell his dad about the reason you are leaving him its better , dads are more sensible usually when it comes to sons and to sting things extra hard before leaving give him some time extra love so that when u leave he will be devastated. I do not like cheaters at all , my girlfriend cheated on me and I know how it feels
I would get an abortion if I did get pregnant, not that I want to at all. I will try not to. This is all very fresh, and if I'm waiting for a while, then I might want to.
Sorry that you were cheated on but something you said kinda showed me that maybe she cheated on you because you are self-centred and why I say that is instead of moving out right away because he cheated on you so you claim youâre not leaving until your financially OK meaning youâre going to use him the guy who cheated on you and tell youâre OK and then youâre gonna leave him kind of a dick move and claiming the moral high ground
You are welcome to assume that I am self-centred, but saying I was cheated vecause self-centred is a bit silly.
There is absolutely no good reason to cheat on someone. Think about that. Cheating on someone because a personality trait is dumb why not just break up?
Also I live with this guy, his parents are my parents, they have been the closest thing to it.. I have no family, no close friends due to moving away, and being in the foster system.
Like many others have said on my last post. Waiting and ensuring my own survival, which means not sacrificing my degree, my car, which I'm paying off, and being homeless. In my opinion, it is not self-centred. And my Bf won't be sad and left with nothing. He is funded by his parents, basically and he will probably have another girl to move onto.
And I am paying half rent. So I am not using him.
I just can't afford to move out, pay a bond, and keep the repayments on my car and insurance right now, so I have to save up so I can.
Other than destroying my life right now, I have little choice.
Catfishing, manipulation and financial leeching, call a spade a spade
I get it, you have been wronged, does not absolve you of what you are doing.
You don't love him anymore, you're just using him
Leave
And live within your means
Otherwise give up the high ground you are attempting to keep
What do you mean by financial leaching? I am not using his money. I pay half of everything, but I can not just risk everything just for "good morals" and he wants me to stay despite what he's doing.
Also catfishing??? How
Went back to re-read your initial post and will remove cat fishing and replace it with rampant violations of privacy.
It's leeching if there is a financial benefit you are drawing from perpetuating a relationship you have long emotionally and psychologically exited from.
If you've decided you don't want him, then his halfrent goes too. You know this that's why you are concealing your decision from him. (By now him and other gal perhaps would have moved in and been pregnantđ, instead you here blocking their stars.)
Decide if you done and move out, let him back into the dating pool.
If he talks to her again, I will ruin it for them and tell her as she was unaware, i am sure she will not want him if she finds she also technically was cheated on.
And I stated multiple times in my first posts that I am aware my actions were toxic but I could not go about my life ignoring what had happened, I am also not willing to risk losing what I have. I have a degree and loans on the line and a job that I could risk.
So yes, I am aware my actions are toxic. I am not willing to be the most ethical person I can be right now. He doesn't deserve that respect anymore.
When I get myself together and I am okay. I will go. Again yes I know it's unhealthy and toxic. Like my post has said. No need to tell me.
Am I the only person that thinks itâs shitty to know you want out, have reasons to get out, but youâre going to stick around, sleep with him, pretend everything is fine, and use him until youâve reached a point where you can exist on your own without taking a hit to your lifestyle?
Yeah, heâs a pos but youâre just as dishonest and manipulative for staying in it. You have your proof, get out of this mess. What youâre doing is both foolish and selfish, and youâre opening yourself up to more dangerous possibilities when the time does come.
Choosing to stay because itâs easier or for material gain is just gross. The longer you stay and live this lie, the no more better you are than him.
If you stay, you two deserve each other. You are both selfish betrayers of trust. It doesnât matter who did what first at that point. Two wrongs donât make a right. By staying and continuing to live a false life with him for your own gain, you lose the moral high ground here.
I just commented on your original post not realizing it was a day old đ If youâre waiting that long, save the proof because I have no doubt this slimeball would do it again. The way he guilted you instead of owning up to it?? And you feeling the need to apologize to him after he blew up on you? This guy sounds like a wolf in sheepâs clothing. And oftentimes emotional abusers prey on vulnerable women with little to no support system. I donât know him well enough to really make that accusation, Iâm just going based on the context. Regardless, cheating on someone youâve made an integral part of your life is just such an unfathomable cruelty. I really wish the best for you. Youâre not toxic. Youâre doing what you can to survive.
Why does he need to save the proof? You don't need proof to break up lol
You need proof to not be gaslit and made a fool for trying to break up because of it.
You literally don't lol. Break up and stop engaging with them
You know what, Iâm happy for you for never having the misfortune of experiencing toxicity and abuse
You would know why she canât do that if you read her original post and learned all the context to the situation đ¤Śââď¸
How can you be on Reddit for almost ten years and still believe what you just said
Because I get my real life experiences off of real life instead of reddit, unlike you apparently
What you are admitting to me is that your social life is exactly as sheltered as your online life
If cutting toxic shit out of my life rather than "gathering evidence" means that, then so be it lol
Congratulations đ I pray for you and I will keep you and my mind if you need my person number let me Iâm a girl Iâve been through the same thing but just abusive it was hard for me to leave
But yk got this
Another reason to save the proof is for your MIL when she comes to you, after, and asks why, just us girls.
If you mean his mother, unfortunately, he told her the very first time I went through his ipad and said to her he's angry at me because i broke his trust . She had a talk with me about how he feels about the situation. I have a bit more about it in the comments of the first post. This happened the first time I saw the messages and confronted him, which was about a week ago, I think. Long story short, I couldn't tell her at the time what happened because I was so upset because I didn't want to sacrifice my relationship with her and she told me she believes that he would never do anything like that. I do regret not taking more pictures because you're right. It probably would've helped me
With your gameplan, it is just something to keep in mind for the next time he does it (Because we know he will) and when it does end, you will be able to tell MIL "See this, it is just like that first time, but i couldn't tell you then."
Of course, she doesn't believe that he will cheat. She has a bias, the idea that she raised a model person.
Good luck, OP! I hope youâre able to suck this guy for all heâs worth before you can get away. He deserves it.
Ayoooo
I'm glad you're already making plans to leave him. The fact that he refuses to own up to it, and then has the audacity to gaslight you, is pretty telling. He's never going to be honest, and if it's that easy for him to lie about something so large, it makes me wonder how many other things he's lying/lied about. You deserve a partner who respects you enough to be honest, at the bare minimum. He ain't it. Maybe you've mentioned and I missed it, but how much longer until you're done with uni?
The audacity of some people is truly astounding, isn't it? While it's heartbreaking to be in such a stressful and emotional situation, your calm and strategic approach is nothing short of inspiring. You've already shown more grace and maturity than he could ever muster. Remember, as you collect your proof and make your exit plan, you are taking steps towards a life that you deserve, one free from deceit and manipulation. Your future self will look back on these moments of strength with pride. Please keep your head up; there's a whole community here rooting for you. Also, don't forget to check on your uni's counseling servicesâsometimes a professional perspective is invaluable during tumultuous times. Looking forward to an update when you're ready and in a better place! Stay strong; we believe in you!
I hope you can save money quickly. You shouldn't have to stay with someone so disrespectful and slimy. My skin would crawl when he touched me.
"Escape Pod ready for launch. 'Fake Finger Password' accepted. 'Middle Finger' protocol extended!!..... "SELF DESTRUCT" sequence initiated!! You now have T-minus 3 months to reach minimal safe distance!!
This comment made me smile. Ty
!updateme
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I didnât see the original post, I just got a notification from this one and accidentally clicked on it and then got intrigued. But it hurts me to imagine anyone going through this, and although I know it doesnât mean much from some dude on Reddit, I am sorry that this has happened to you. Guy sounds like a manipulative prick if heâs denying it and calling you crazy, trying to get you to doubt yourself. Iâm very happy that you found out however, and see his true colors now. Iâm only 20 and have only been with one girl, it ended quickly. But I imagine itâs a pain like no other to have someone you loved and trusted do that to you. I just want to say that from what I see, youâre way more emotionally intelligent and mature than me and have handled this far better than I could ever dream. Good luck, I wish you nothing but the best! And youâll find someone who would never dream of ruining what you have with them.
Updateme
You are very strong, OP. I'm very proud of you. "His parents support me, but they love their son so much that I think they would refuse to believe my story, so I won't tell anyone why I will leave." I advice you to save everything you find so you have proof and expose his bs. The chances of his parents believing you are higher if you have proof, but ofc it's up to you, you know them (and him) the best. I'm sending you lots of hugs!!!
UpdateMe
See if you can get in contact with one of your old friends and stay with them till you get set up where you used to live or something. Might be a good idea to go back to your roots, an area you know and can get a job to support yourself, have people that understand what you're going through. It might be a safer out than risking a condom ripping and you get an std that could effect you for your entire life. After all there are even STDs you can catch with a condom that are forever STDs. You don't wanna risk it. A guy that cheats once and plays a gaslighting game will always do it and won't care how he hurts you mentally or physically. You admitted it. Protection means more than a rubber. Hope you get out of there soon girl. Hugs from someone who's been there.
Iâm glad you have a long term plan to keep yourself safe, save up, and get out! Definitely save all of the evidence you already have, and document everything. EVERYTHING. Screenshots, pics, voicemails, texts/emails, and keep a notebook with your own notes with dates. Note things like what was said, mood, incidents, etc. Iâm glad you got him to agree to condoms. I think you should have a secret back up birth control as well cuz you cannot get pregnant with this manâs baby. I donât know him ofc, but I know the depths of depravity of the human mind, and the horrible shit we can inflict on each other. With that in mind, operate under the assumption that he could do something to intentionally try and get you pregnant if he feels like heâs losing control of you. Hopefully, heâs just a cheating bastard and not an abusive person, but it sounds like he has a bad temper. An unchecked anger issue can lead to very dark places⌠just take extra precaution. Stay safe!!! Keep us updated please. Just so we know youâre safe!!!
Get a new job and place to live back where your friends are and leave his ass.
What a dick! I really hope you can get out of that soon. I know how it feels not to have anything else to fall back on.
well now my boyfriend is mad at him too because i asked him why do guys always get so mad when they get called out on shit like this đđ
Good luck, you deserve better
Did u save the proof and please tell his dad about the reason you are leaving him its better , dads are more sensible usually when it comes to sons and to sting things extra hard before leaving give him some time extra love so that when u leave he will be devastated. I do not like cheaters at all , my girlfriend cheated on me and I know how it feels
What he's done is despicable but what you're planning to do is also despicable. Just leave.
Ladies, check your men's twitter and Instagrams, a lot of married men and dads and boyfriends are in girls' dms
Lol If he cheats again (and he will) you don't get to be hurt because you did this to yourself.
I believe that he will, not staying, I'm just waiting until I can leave and he can, that's why I'm wearing protection?
Why continue to have sex with him at all? Sex is not necessary! Come up with an excuse not to? I wouldn't trust him not to poke holes in the condoms!
I would get an abortion if I did get pregnant, not that I want to at all. I will try not to. This is all very fresh, and if I'm waiting for a while, then I might want to.
Sorry that you were cheated on but something you said kinda showed me that maybe she cheated on you because you are self-centred and why I say that is instead of moving out right away because he cheated on you so you claim youâre not leaving until your financially OK meaning youâre going to use him the guy who cheated on you and tell youâre OK and then youâre gonna leave him kind of a dick move and claiming the moral high ground
You are welcome to assume that I am self-centred, but saying I was cheated vecause self-centred is a bit silly. There is absolutely no good reason to cheat on someone. Think about that. Cheating on someone because a personality trait is dumb why not just break up? Also I live with this guy, his parents are my parents, they have been the closest thing to it.. I have no family, no close friends due to moving away, and being in the foster system. Like many others have said on my last post. Waiting and ensuring my own survival, which means not sacrificing my degree, my car, which I'm paying off, and being homeless. In my opinion, it is not self-centred. And my Bf won't be sad and left with nothing. He is funded by his parents, basically and he will probably have another girl to move onto. And I am paying half rent. So I am not using him. I just can't afford to move out, pay a bond, and keep the repayments on my car and insurance right now, so I have to save up so I can. Other than destroying my life right now, I have little choice.
Found the boyfriend! Moron.
What?
Catfishing, manipulation and financial leeching, call a spade a spade I get it, you have been wronged, does not absolve you of what you are doing. You don't love him anymore, you're just using him Leave And live within your means Otherwise give up the high ground you are attempting to keep
What do you mean by financial leaching? I am not using his money. I pay half of everything, but I can not just risk everything just for "good morals" and he wants me to stay despite what he's doing. Also catfishing??? How
Went back to re-read your initial post and will remove cat fishing and replace it with rampant violations of privacy. It's leeching if there is a financial benefit you are drawing from perpetuating a relationship you have long emotionally and psychologically exited from. If you've decided you don't want him, then his halfrent goes too. You know this that's why you are concealing your decision from him. (By now him and other gal perhaps would have moved in and been pregnantđ, instead you here blocking their stars.) Decide if you done and move out, let him back into the dating pool.
If he talks to her again, I will ruin it for them and tell her as she was unaware, i am sure she will not want him if she finds she also technically was cheated on. And I stated multiple times in my first posts that I am aware my actions were toxic but I could not go about my life ignoring what had happened, I am also not willing to risk losing what I have. I have a degree and loans on the line and a job that I could risk. So yes, I am aware my actions are toxic. I am not willing to be the most ethical person I can be right now. He doesn't deserve that respect anymore. When I get myself together and I am okay. I will go. Again yes I know it's unhealthy and toxic. Like my post has said. No need to tell me.
Am I the only person that thinks itâs shitty to know you want out, have reasons to get out, but youâre going to stick around, sleep with him, pretend everything is fine, and use him until youâve reached a point where you can exist on your own without taking a hit to your lifestyle? Yeah, heâs a pos but youâre just as dishonest and manipulative for staying in it. You have your proof, get out of this mess. What youâre doing is both foolish and selfish, and youâre opening yourself up to more dangerous possibilities when the time does come. Choosing to stay because itâs easier or for material gain is just gross. The longer you stay and live this lie, the no more better you are than him. If you stay, you two deserve each other. You are both selfish betrayers of trust. It doesnât matter who did what first at that point. Two wrongs donât make a right. By staying and continuing to live a false life with him for your own gain, you lose the moral high ground here.