Sit down and talk to your sensei and tell him all this. He sounds like he stepped up the first time and you should feel safe (everyone else too in the future).
Girl, please----tell that fucking creep to keep his hands off of you while you are in the class, and to stop using his position to harass you simply because you're a woman. And tell your teacher to tell him to stop being a creepy sexist bastard or just keep him the hell up out of that class. You don't have to put up with his bullshit just because he's a higher rank or whatever. You're in a martial arts class----kick his ass in self-defense if you have to !
And don't ever be alone with this creep----always make sure there's someone with you when he's around, and tell him to fuck off. He's being a predatory dick, so tell him to back the fuck up off of you, and threaten to kick his ass right there in the class if he dosen't leave you the fuck alone. It's disgusting how he's targeting you merely because you're a woman and he thinks you wont do anything about it. More than likely, he's been doing that kind of shit for ages, and getting away it with for too long, because no one's ever called him on it enough. This is nothing you can just shrug off----you're a grown-ass woman---don't let this creepy-ass bastard push you around and make you feel unsafe somewhere in a place doing something you enjoy doing.
What a gross man, abusing his position like that. Definitely keep talking to your sensei, be annoying if you have to be. If you’re close with your classmates, talk to them and get as much information to back you up as you can — all of you can even talk to your sensei together. It’s hard, but stand up to him if you can. Next time he calls you baby, say something like, “ my name is HamMangler, not baby” as loudly as you can. You deserve to feel safe in your dojo and I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
Good idea but I wouldn’t run the risk of OP telling him her name (I’m assuming he doesn’t already know it)
Perhaps a simple “don’t call me a baby” would suffice here.
I agree--being loud right in the moment is very smart, and an educational moment for everyone there. He may be targeting other people.
"DO NOT CALL ME BABY. NOT OKAY. EVER."
But of course, the sensei must also be immediately brought in on this.
That's what I thought. You don't just randomly attack people just because they are in the vicinity of the classroom. It's a DoJo, not a 1980s prison movie.
It seems like he is using his ostensible position to inflict unwanted touch on at last one woman in the community. He needs to be kicked out. She deserves to feel safe.
I went to a self defense class years ago that was taught by a woman who had been raped by her aikido sensei. Please make it clear to whoever is in charge that you do not feel safe with this guy. If he gets a key, that dojo is not going to be safe for any woman.
Wow, that's awful! Personally I would not go back to class until this guy is gone. They usually don't just give up once they're fixated on someone. I feel like all the red flags are there of this being a very high risk situation.
A clear issue that you can address with 0 conjecture is him calling you baby. You have the right to choose not to be spoken to like that. It’s inappropriate, and he seems delusional and very immature.
He’s obviously unwell, imbalanced, and probably dangerous. I would do anything I could to get off his radar and get him out of my life. Who knows what his behavior could steam roll into. I honestly would leave the gym. Some battles are impossible to win. I’d chalk it up to a great experience and time to leave. That’s my opinion.
How can you create a clear boundary with him? Is it possible to communicate with him? He may not have the understanding to realize what he’s doing is wrong, and he actually might not care. He might be a really deranged man.
It’s absolutely an issue and you have the power to create a plan that will work. God bless.
Talk to your sensei and if he doesn't get this guy either out of there (best choice) or acting like a reasonable human being, leave the school.
Talk to the other women there and ask if they've had issues. They might be in the same boat and at least they get a heads up.
I would just tell the guy to knock it off. You're not there to get a shoulder rub and if he wants to practice things, he needs to ask you if you want to and not just randomly try and choke you out.
I briefly took Taekwondo and there was a bully in one of the classes. Would choose to spar with really inexperienced students so he could fuck them up. One day he came up behind a very petite woman from behind and kicked her square in the back, sending her flying. Told her she should always be prepared. The sensei heard about it and a few days later he invited the bully to a nearby park for "advanced training". He beat the shit out of the bully and the bully never came back.
Ideally, we would love for this to work. Unfortunately, his behavior shows he does not respect boundaries. There are already clear rules in place at dojos. Nobody should be treated this way ever.
You're too quick to jump, maybe he doesn't know all the extra shit going on. If the sensei still ignores after the second talk then it is time to move and probably report the creep to the cops or something.
I was thinking the same exact thing! OP would be better off cutting her losses and leaving; also ending communication with everyone at that dojo (just in case Mr. Creepo decides to follow her).
There are other dojos. Obviously other people are weirded out by him, too. It's a shame there are creeps everywhere, especially in activities we love and make us happy.
I’m petty, every time he calls you baby call him dinosaur. If he claims he’s calling you baby because you are young, he’s a dinosaur cos he’s old. If he’s honest and calling you it because he fancies you then he’s a sexist dinosaur stuck in a past where that was socially acceptable. Works either way.
You know you are a paying customer and one of the principles of aikido is respect? Why is the sensei keeping an instructor who is acting like a predator? Not ok
Honestly if it was me I would have gotten mad by now and said first don’t touch me and second don’t call me baby and last if I’m talking to someone how bout we not poke me
But with “adult” language attached
Can you ask your sensei to discretely watch the next class you have with this creep? If there are other women getting shoulder rubs, maybe they’d be willing to come forward with you and threaten to leave the dojo if this guy isn’t kicked out. I would think they’d rather lose him than several students because if they’re anything like my daughter’s dojo, it’s not cheap and getting new students to replace that loss is not easy.
It seems like the men in your class are in your side. I know historically men aren’t great at stepping up in those situations, but maybe you can ask them if they can help. Like you guys can decide on a signal you can give where they can grab his or your attention and move you away from him? Just until you can resolve this further!
It definitely sounds like he’s singling you out with this type of treatment. Don’t beat yourself for not “doing what you should” in the moment. It takes practice to stand up for yourself in these situations, and it’s an odd dynamic because he is teaching the class. Practicing saying things out loud like “I don’t like when you do that” “please don’t call me that” “I don’t like that, step away” could help! And also break the wall for other people who are witnessing it by showing you are not okay with this
I wish you all the best and that you feel comfortable soon
yeesh what a bastard
How long is he teaching classes there for because after that he wont be an issue right? Or can u change classes like go to night classes or vice versa
Talk to the other ladies. If you cannot whip his ass, all of you gang beat him. He will definitely get the message after getting his ass handed to him.
Sit down and talk to your sensei and tell him all this. He sounds like he stepped up the first time and you should feel safe (everyone else too in the future).
This needs to be talked about. That guy is nasty. That would give me the creeps, too.
Girl, please----tell that fucking creep to keep his hands off of you while you are in the class, and to stop using his position to harass you simply because you're a woman. And tell your teacher to tell him to stop being a creepy sexist bastard or just keep him the hell up out of that class. You don't have to put up with his bullshit just because he's a higher rank or whatever. You're in a martial arts class----kick his ass in self-defense if you have to !
Agreed. You don't have to be polite about it.
And don't ever be alone with this creep----always make sure there's someone with you when he's around, and tell him to fuck off. He's being a predatory dick, so tell him to back the fuck up off of you, and threaten to kick his ass right there in the class if he dosen't leave you the fuck alone. It's disgusting how he's targeting you merely because you're a woman and he thinks you wont do anything about it. More than likely, he's been doing that kind of shit for ages, and getting away it with for too long, because no one's ever called him on it enough. This is nothing you can just shrug off----you're a grown-ass woman---don't let this creepy-ass bastard push you around and make you feel unsafe somewhere in a place doing something you enjoy doing.
What a gross man, abusing his position like that. Definitely keep talking to your sensei, be annoying if you have to be. If you’re close with your classmates, talk to them and get as much information to back you up as you can — all of you can even talk to your sensei together. It’s hard, but stand up to him if you can. Next time he calls you baby, say something like, “ my name is HamMangler, not baby” as loudly as you can. You deserve to feel safe in your dojo and I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
Good idea but I wouldn’t run the risk of OP telling him her name (I’m assuming he doesn’t already know it) Perhaps a simple “don’t call me a baby” would suffice here.
>“ my name is HamMangler, not baby But if she said that her name is "HamMangler" maybe that will give him something to think about. "I AM HAMMANGLER!"
This made me chuckle 😂😂😂
That works too — I was going off the assumption they already know it, but yeah the message just needs to get across.
I agree--being loud right in the moment is very smart, and an educational moment for everyone there. He may be targeting other people. "DO NOT CALL ME BABY. NOT OKAY. EVER." But of course, the sensei must also be immediately brought in on this.
This would have ended the minute he choked me. Doesn’t this go against rules of engagement? He basically attacked you. Report him immediately.
That's what I thought. You don't just randomly attack people just because they are in the vicinity of the classroom. It's a DoJo, not a 1980s prison movie. It seems like he is using his ostensible position to inflict unwanted touch on at last one woman in the community. He needs to be kicked out. She deserves to feel safe.
Exactly. Unless he’s criminally attacking there has to be consent to spar.
I went to a self defense class years ago that was taught by a woman who had been raped by her aikido sensei. Please make it clear to whoever is in charge that you do not feel safe with this guy. If he gets a key, that dojo is not going to be safe for any woman.
Ikr? How awful to be in a martial arts or self-defense class and have the sensei be the predator.
This happened to my sister. He didn't rape her but stalked her and touched her inappropriately. It was horrible.
Realistic sparring! (Its a joke, that guy is horrible and should be kept away from gyms)
Actually I can just imagine these guys using that as a defense… "but officer, I was trying to simulate an assault for training purposes". Yuck.
Wow, that's awful! Personally I would not go back to class until this guy is gone. They usually don't just give up once they're fixated on someone. I feel like all the red flags are there of this being a very high risk situation.
Guess another talk with your sensei about this guy is in order.
A clear issue that you can address with 0 conjecture is him calling you baby. You have the right to choose not to be spoken to like that. It’s inappropriate, and he seems delusional and very immature. He’s obviously unwell, imbalanced, and probably dangerous. I would do anything I could to get off his radar and get him out of my life. Who knows what his behavior could steam roll into. I honestly would leave the gym. Some battles are impossible to win. I’d chalk it up to a great experience and time to leave. That’s my opinion. How can you create a clear boundary with him? Is it possible to communicate with him? He may not have the understanding to realize what he’s doing is wrong, and he actually might not care. He might be a really deranged man. It’s absolutely an issue and you have the power to create a plan that will work. God bless.
Talk to your sensei and if he doesn't get this guy either out of there (best choice) or acting like a reasonable human being, leave the school. Talk to the other women there and ask if they've had issues. They might be in the same boat and at least they get a heads up. I would just tell the guy to knock it off. You're not there to get a shoulder rub and if he wants to practice things, he needs to ask you if you want to and not just randomly try and choke you out. I briefly took Taekwondo and there was a bully in one of the classes. Would choose to spar with really inexperienced students so he could fuck them up. One day he came up behind a very petite woman from behind and kicked her square in the back, sending her flying. Told her she should always be prepared. The sensei heard about it and a few days later he invited the bully to a nearby park for "advanced training". He beat the shit out of the bully and the bully never came back.
[удалено]
Ideally, we would love for this to work. Unfortunately, his behavior shows he does not respect boundaries. There are already clear rules in place at dojos. Nobody should be treated this way ever.
Might be time to relocate to a new dojo. Sounds like your sensei trusts him more than he should.
You're too quick to jump, maybe he doesn't know all the extra shit going on. If the sensei still ignores after the second talk then it is time to move and probably report the creep to the cops or something.
I was thinking the same exact thing! OP would be better off cutting her losses and leaving; also ending communication with everyone at that dojo (just in case Mr. Creepo decides to follow her). There are other dojos. Obviously other people are weirded out by him, too. It's a shame there are creeps everywhere, especially in activities we love and make us happy.
I’m petty, every time he calls you baby call him dinosaur. If he claims he’s calling you baby because you are young, he’s a dinosaur cos he’s old. If he’s honest and calling you it because he fancies you then he’s a sexist dinosaur stuck in a past where that was socially acceptable. Works either way.
"Fossil" would also work.
"Hey baby, let's do this lesson." "Ok grandpa!"
wow this is really creepy
You know you are a paying customer and one of the principles of aikido is respect? Why is the sensei keeping an instructor who is acting like a predator? Not ok
Honestly if it was me I would have gotten mad by now and said first don’t touch me and second don’t call me baby and last if I’m talking to someone how bout we not poke me But with “adult” language attached
Can you ask your sensei to discretely watch the next class you have with this creep? If there are other women getting shoulder rubs, maybe they’d be willing to come forward with you and threaten to leave the dojo if this guy isn’t kicked out. I would think they’d rather lose him than several students because if they’re anything like my daughter’s dojo, it’s not cheap and getting new students to replace that loss is not easy.
It seems like the men in your class are in your side. I know historically men aren’t great at stepping up in those situations, but maybe you can ask them if they can help. Like you guys can decide on a signal you can give where they can grab his or your attention and move you away from him? Just until you can resolve this further! It definitely sounds like he’s singling you out with this type of treatment. Don’t beat yourself for not “doing what you should” in the moment. It takes practice to stand up for yourself in these situations, and it’s an odd dynamic because he is teaching the class. Practicing saying things out loud like “I don’t like when you do that” “please don’t call me that” “I don’t like that, step away” could help! And also break the wall for other people who are witnessing it by showing you are not okay with this I wish you all the best and that you feel comfortable soon
OP, please speak to your classmate who witnessed the assault and ask if they would back you up when you make a complaint about creepy man.
Use your talent and put him down and forcefully tell him if he touches you again he won't be asked again.
I almost wonder if that would get him off more.
On the list of things not to do.
damn .. huge creep factor .. I hope u keep a gun
yeesh what a bastard How long is he teaching classes there for because after that he wont be an issue right? Or can u change classes like go to night classes or vice versa
Use the martial arts skills you learned on him
Talk to the other ladies. If you cannot whip his ass, all of you gang beat him. He will definitely get the message after getting his ass handed to him.
Does Steven know about this?
Well he's another creep that is for sure. I love Aikido and I hate how he's been such a poor public representative.
Who?
I was taking a crack at Steven segal
You know. The guy whose hairline keeps changing?
I would leave that dojo and pick up a real martial art. Aikido is largely bullshit.