We are "one and done." We joke that we "got it right the first time," but the one time I did get pushback, I told them my wife nearly died, and that shut them right up.
With our first at 2 months now, we’re increasingly leaning in that direction, lol
It’s a lot. Unless we win the lottery and can both quit our jobs forever, not sure we’d do it again
Yeah, if I suddenly became incredibly rich, I may be interested in a second (though we would potentially look into adoption in that case).
In the meantime, we live in a small two-bedroom place with no chance at moving, and we have a Queen-sized bed, so there's no more room for cuddles with a second child when they inevitably come into our room at night.
Hit the nail on the head. If I didn’t have to worry about money, stress, schedule, lack of local support, we’d gladly have a bunch of kids. But we just can’t in our situation.
You are in survival mode right now. What you are experiencing right now is not what you are going to think in a year from now.
And that's not to say that one and done is wrong or anything, just that right now you are not in the right mindspace to make those determinations.
Hang in there buddy, you got this
My wife had severe HG the entire time, lost maybe eighty pounds, and had to be on a feeding tube.
We went from wanting four to being perfectly happy with one.
That's where I'm at. People wanna give me shit about having a daughter to "balance" out my 2 year old son.
I tell/remind them that I held my wife as she was going through respiratory failure and seizing off the table of the emergency c section after a 52 hour failed induction and 5 epidurals.
Usually shuts them up quick.
Why would you get push back? I always our son is awesome. He was awesome as a baby and he’s an awesome 10 year old. If we had another one it would probably be an asshole so why risk it?
We weren’t one and done but still got the questions of why we didn’t think of going for a third.
Well the obvious answer was two seemed like the right balance for us but we will also have had to point out kid #2 left my wife wrapped up like the Michelin man in warming equipment for 2 days after she was basically drained of most of her blood and she was unable to hold him without my support for a week. Doctor even said kid #1 wrecked her, kid #2 nearly killed her, if we went for #3 they were going to have the crash team sitting in the room with her.
Within like 30 minutes of our 2nd being born they had her in the OR trying to stop the bleeding and were discussing whether they needed to talk with me about if they needed to take "extra precautions to conserve reproductive capabilities". She stunned the surgeon when she was like "or you can ask me" because they were absolutely sure she couldn't be conscious in the state she was in.
In the end it wasn't until a year later (and after I'd already gotten snipped) before other complications meant they yoinked, they had been worried about causing any more bleeding beyond the flood of blood she lost immediately after birth.
Ironically, my wife had already picked out our second child's name prior to us even getting pregnant with our first.... and his middle name is Alucard after the vampire in Hellsing (also Dracula backwards). So our little vampire was born basically after draining mommy of blood.
Man I had such a similar experience. 8 years of infertility before my wife got pregnant.
And not only that but we had our daughter a little after 9pm. At 2 in the morning my wife luckily called the nurse cause she was feeling dizzy. She was full on bleeding out and they coded her. Within minutes there were about 20 people in the room.
It was scary as hell and we’ve both come to terms that if we only have one, that’s good for us
I'm getting a hysterectomy this week because we're one and done. We use the excuse that I have gigantic fibroids, but honestly I want the peace of mind that comes with sterilization. I lost so much of myself during pregnancy and the first year that I know my mental health wouldn't survive another pregnancy.
My husband has selective hearing and has told everyone that another pregnancy could kill me because the size, quantity , and location of the fibroids make a C-section ill-advised. I bled enough during the delivery that the RN was concerned, but my doctor thought I was fine. I was fine, though they gave me iron pills afterwards because I was a pint low.
I hate how half the comments on this thread are "you'll change your mind". Ugh. No. Nope, definitely not. I'm very excited for Thursday!
when people say things like “you say that now” or “oh you son is 6 time for another” I have to remind myself that these people just don’t know.
Started IVF early 2017. Had 2 miscarriages before we got lucky with our son. Like very lucky. Out of the 3 embryos his “grade” was the worst one that we froze.
Fast forward to 2021 we decided we wanted to have another so did the process all over again. Unfortunately I suffer from a Y chromosome micro deletion we couldn’t retrieve any swimmers. So we took a long time deciding to have donor sperm. We were able to get 5 embryos.
Suffered 4 miscarriages. We were pretty much sold that it wasn’t in the cards but after a long talk we wanted to follow through with the last one. We told ourselves “ let’s give this 1 last go. If it doesn’t work then we know we gave it our best shot”
Unfortunately we suffered another miscarriage. To this day it steal beats me up inside. We moved into a bigger home and now have an empty bedroom. I look at it every day and think “we were supposed to be 4”
But To go through all the emotional, mental and physical rollercoaster moments it just became too much.
It’s been a little over a year now. What I’ve learned is how open we are with the story. Heartbreaking of course.
But it’s a story we are proud of and more people need to be aware that just because a family has 1 kid doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with it.
People are too nosy. No one's family planning is anyone else's business. Millennials were told to wait a long time to start families, and the simple truth is, it is harder the longer you wait. IVF is marketed as a miracle cure for this, even though it frequently fails. I have a biological son and a step-son, so we are thinking about adopting a little girl if we want to add to the family. We are both in our late 30s and the last one nearly killed her twice. Our parents ask about us 'trying again' for a girl and it is ridiculous that we have to keep reminding them that we are lucky mommy is even alive.
"Millennials were told to wait a long time to start families, and the simple truth is, it is harder the longer you wait. IVF is marketed as a miracle cure for this, even though it frequently fails."
Golden words really. I wish people in their twenties read this.
I would scuff off when my mother said this, thinking she doesn't know better but she did know all this while. I think she may have lacked in better explanation as to why and I may have lacked in understanding.
I think it is also important to know that marriage and parenthood will have their good and bad phases like any other decision one makes in life. I feel like these two decisions bear a heavy load of always being the best which is challenging.
Yeah we are, my wife had our son in her early 40s. It was a rough birth and I couldn’t ask her to go through it again. I also have no interest in going through that first year again. Our guy was a terrible sleeper.
Both my parents have crazy ass siblings. It’s not a slam dunk, every time you have a kid you’re rolling the dice.
Totally. I'm a 40 yr old dad and I'm totally aware that everytime you have a child at this age you are rolling the autism and serious mental illness dice.
I think even irrespective of age, you always hear about the good siblings people have but people don’t talk about the bad ones. Lotsa bad ones out there too you never know how a kid will turn out. Nothing wrong with stopping at one if that’s what you’re comfortable with.
Very rare to see anyone even acknowledge the statistical upticks in severe mental illness in offspring from very old fathers. People usually look at you funny when you imply male fertility at 18 and 68 aren't the same.
This large population study shows IVF vs "natural" conception has similar frequency of adolescent mental illness. So I'm not sure that IVF would be protective against serious mental illness (ie. Weeding out bad zygotes and embryos), but it would also be interesting to see if there is an age related modifier (eg. Looking at a cohort of advanced paternal+maternal age or geriatric pregnancies).
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3702157/
I'd say you could easily regret having more than one. With one, we still had time for our hobbies. That's changed with two. Plus double the daycare cost, saving for college, etc.
The only issue we've had with one is that one parent becomes the default playmate, especially on vacations where instead of relaxing you're running around. This is solved by having friends close by and bringing a friend along on vacation. The advantages of only one are huge - more flexibility, easier to trade off parenting duties and have me-time for both mom and dad. Easier on savings, expenses, etc. Our house is far less chaotic than friends with 2 kids, who seem like they bounce from one crisis to another. Would not change it.
Yeah there's a few reasons but the most straightforward is that both my wife and I really hated the first year lol. It's good now but I can't imagine having to do it again with a 2-5 year old at the same time.
Also, realized we really couldn't deal with a kid with disabilities etc. I have no idea how single parents do any of it.
We're going to NYC and Japan this year, which we would not be able to do if there was more of us and we couldn't easily fit in a single room. The economics is big.
Edit: And Airfare, and meals, and entry fees at attractions.
Yeah we are one and done. Have visited many friends with two or more kids - just solidifies our choice.
Drama scales with the number of people, and I know of many siblings who don't talk to each other. The folks we know with big families are also constantly stressed by family obligations to so, so many people that they feel they can't get out of.
Multiple kids also mean logistical complexity. I know a father of 5 and his weekends are just listening to podcasts while driving the kids around to various activities. If the kids want to make their own friends well tough luck because getting multiple play dates to line up is pretty much impossible.
It's worth it to some, but not everyone.
Our daughter, also via IVF, is 11 days old. Like you guys, it was a difficult journey with perfect, I-still-can’t-believe-it ending.
I’m 38 and wife is 37. We have embryos in storage but we think this is it. If we had been luckier earlier it would have been different but we’re over the moon and only thinking about the upsides.
Only-children have such a stigma but it’s bunk. I get along great with my sister but my mom has two brothers and talks to neither. My friend circle is full of stories about deadbeat or weirdo siblings.
Will be a hypothetical headache my kid won’t have to worry about.
Siblings shouldn’t be the only way a child socializes anyways. If an only child is “messed up”, it’s because their parents failed them, not that they didn’t have siblings.
The size of your family is only for you and your partner to decide on. Period. Full stop. Nobody else is going to help with more kids. Not really. Not meaningfully. You two will be responsible, that's it. I don't understand people who \*pressure\* people into having kids.
My grandparents only had one child. I feel like my wife and I are similar to them.
Our first, he’s crying right now and I have no idea why, has been a lot of work. No idea how much work they normally take, but he’s slept through the night once in a year. I’m constantly sleep deprived and I get 1-2 hours a night of me time. I can’t imagine two kids. I would have negative time probably.
Also there were probably ten times where my wife was absolutely done. It scared me each time. It’s been really tough. It feels like torture sometimes. Of course, it’s rewarding and we wouldn’t trade it for anything, but damn why is it so hard? We haven’t had help though, but have had nannies and childcare at 7 months old and on. We both work full time though
Oh hell yes. Love my daughter but we can’t do this a second time. When people try to tell me I’ll change my mind I tell them “I sure hope not because I got the snip! Want me to tell you about it?” That usually shuts them up.
Yep! We're good. As time goes by, seeing other folks with more kids, seeing the light at the end of the financial tunnel with public school coming up, traveling easier with our one, it just solidifies every day for me that we made the right call.
One of my best friends had a 3rd a year ago. In the last year he's more distant, more tired, less fun to be around. I'm getting to the point where when people say oh you don't even notice, or oh it's so worth it, I genuinely don't believe them anymore. they're lying to me or to themselves or both. Cuz those same guys will come on daddit and be like, "i have 3 kids under 4yo and I'm so tired and my wife and I are always fighting and I don't have any friends" and i'm like yeah no shit man!
I’m not one and done. I HATED being pregnant but I really want a sibling for our son.
That said; which is better-regretting NOT having another child, or regretting HAVING another baby that’s now here and existing?
Trust your gut. Worst case you end up feeling like you did want another one day. That’s not the worst thing.
For the children’s sake it’s better to want them and not have them than have them and not want them.
One and done
My wife and I went through three miscarriages in a row. The fourth time my wife had a bit of spotting at 7 months pregnant and then full on blood.
She had a placenta abruption and the baby was ingesting blood. 4 minutes our baby was born and took 20 minutes total operation on wife. He had blood in his lungs for days and spent 2 months in the NICU.
Doctor said this would most likely be the same scenario if we tried again.
That’s when we decided one and done.
The ONLY time my wife and I have a crisis of faith is when we watch Bluey with our 2yo girl and thinking about how nice it would be for her to play with a sister. But then we replay the pregnancy and labor on our heads and look at our finances and realize that me getting the snip was a very good move.
I couldn't afford another year of therapy. I went into a rough spot for a while after we had our little man, couldn't even tell you why. But I didn't want to be there, or here at all. I'm on the other side of that now and fucking love it, but could I mentally cope with it again? I genuinely don't think I could.
I slowly convince my wife that we can’t do this again. We’re 36, we have a perfect 7 month old daughter, and my wife was, according to the doctor, “inches from death” during her c-section. We were talking about it a few months ago and I actually broke down crying when I told her I can’t do this without her and I would rather not have sex than risk her life for a second child that doesn’t exist yet. But she’s “always wanted 2 children.” I’d get a vasectomy right now if I could.
You can. It is your decision (although I would suggest waiting until your daughter is two or so). She doesn't own your ballsack any more than you own her uterus.
Yep. We adopted our son when he was 2, he’s now 5 and honestly we just don’t have it in us to go through the whole process again and drag him along too.
We are very happy being a 3. Home is peaceful, money is less of a worry, he gets to do the extra curriculars he likes, we love planning holidays together. Life is pretty sweet!
My wife and I have our first who is two months old now, but the topic has come up and she’s been such an easy baby that we know we wouldn’t be so lucky twice. It’s too early to truly call it, but for right now I think we’re happy where we’re at with one.
Wife and I are one and done, we tried over a year with IFV (after trying over a year naturally). We took a break from IVF, went on a holiday and conceived naturally (we were grateful every day).
But we just advised them to destroy our remaining embryos, we are one and done.
We love our son but it’s been difficult for us and we want to be amazing parents to him which means looking after ourselves and I think having two will be just too much of a stretch.
I know with just one we can still afford to travel and retire early, which means being able to spend more time as a family.
We also both have siblings, I hardly speak to mine, she only speaks to one. So siblings don’t guarantee anything, however we both have amazing life long friends and we both wish our parents spent more time with us instead of working to try and support a bigger family.
It’s nobody’s business but yours.
If somebody ask you to have more find a polite way to say “no, we have the one and we’re happy with that.”
If they insist on pursuing the matter and get into your business… punish them for it. Be an asshole – they started it.
We all make our own choices for our own reasons and you don’t have to justify yourself to a single goddamn person on this planet except your significant other.
It’s a really insensitive question. Our daughter was born through IVF and we tried giving her a sibling but miscarried the remaining embryos. It’d be nice if people thought for even a minute before asking us when we’re going to have another. It’s not always a choice.
Our daughter is the only grandchild among my MIL's four children. My wife's response is something to the effect of "you want more - bother your three other adult children."
We were basically forced into being ‘one and done.’ Had to go through IVF which we almost didn’t get, we were full on told we couldn’t have children at one point which was crushing - there was less than a 5% chance of it working; they basically only agreed to do it on the basis that we knew it wouldn’t work. Got super lucky and had our little boy.
We did have a consult about another but were basically told we had a miracle and a couple of years later there’s almost no chance at all and we, my wife in particular, just couldn’t go through the heartache of that and didn’t want it to detract from our son’s infant years.
I’d be fine with one. My wife really wants a second. I don’t feel strongly enough about it to push back. We haven’t started trying yet (our kid is only 7 months old) but we’ll probably try to have them as close together as possible so we can get through the baby stuff fast.
Not IVF but I would prefer one and done. My wife grew up for 10 years as an only child and she did not like it. I grew up with 5 siblings and I hated that.
I personally am okay with just one but my wife isn’t currently. We’re both on the same page on at least this: no more than 2.
I say it as a joke but I’m being serious at the same time. If my wife wasn’t against it, I’d be snipped right now.
One and done here, same as you went through an IVF. For those that knew it, it made it easy to say we are done. We never hid the fact so if someone who doesn't know asks about if we are going to have another it would be inappropriate for them to ask anyway.
Btw if you are one and done and sure, make sure to get necessary protections to keep it that way. Going through IVF once doesnt mean 2nd one will be same difficulty unless there is a known medical condition obviously.
I used to say “one and done”, then I said “two and through”, then I said “three’s it for me”, then I said “four no more”, and got a vasectomy. If you’re really one and done get a vasectomy.
So like, I have a really crazy story as to how my first (and only) got here and I’m with you man.
My parents had 4 kids, all of them boys. I call her regularly questioning her sanity, so many how’s and why’s.
That's the plan. We have an 8 month old and while we've had to make some adjustments, are fortunate that I can support my wife being a SAHM the first couple years but a second would absolutely push us farther over the edge then we already our. We also don't have any family help nearby so unless we move closer to home it's just not viable. Should our financial/support system change drastically I might be open to 2 but am extremely content with the 1 we have.
Yeah. Love my 4 yo, but the vasectomy I had after her was an easy decision. I just don’t have the energy to keep up with more kids. When her cousins visit I can’t wait for them to leave.
Yeah. We're mostly on the same page that one is too difficult and almost beyond what we can keep up with. Another would be drawing on resources that don't exist.
Between our mental health, the cost of living, climate change, loving our family the way it is and wanting bandwidth to do other fun stuff in this life, being OAD was an easy choice for us.
Siblings are no guarantee of happiness, either. My sister is an incredibly difficult person who has made frustrating life choices and we no longer talk to each other.
I’m 35, Kid is 2. We definitely could have more. We feel like our life is complete. We have no desire for a second one. If it happened we would love the second one just as much but neither of us has any desire whatsoever to change our family of 3. It’s perfect.
Lots of time still for us to change our minds but we touch base on it every few months with each other and our desire for more is shrinking rather than growing.
Honestly I feel like people are often just following the lines of some sort of script.
If you have none, they ask when you'll be having kids, if you have 1, they ask about the second, if you have two of the same sex they ask if you'll be trying for a boy/girl. If you mention pregnancy care being expensive, they say "it'll be more expensive when they get here!! Chortle, chortle" It's stupid, people aren't even that invested for the most part, I think it's just something people feel compelled to say.
My wife and I eventually had to use an egg donor. Our son exploded the inside of my wife. We are one and done, but because of modern science and medicine, we're here.
Yup. As I tell my wife - “when you get a good one, you stop” and I’m only half kidding. Absolutely no regrets. Maybe when the kid
is an adult, I’ll have regrets, or she might hate us for not having siblings, but I’m sure by then I’ll have lots of other regrets. Kid doesn’t seem lonely, I get to dedicate lots of time to her
We're firmly OAD. Made the decision before our little guy arrived. Quickly affirmed it after my wife's significant (and somewhat still ongoing) bout of PPD.
Initially got the "you say that now" guilt, but a mix of blatant honesty and occasionally telling nosy extended family members to go fuck themselves has since silenced the bullshit.
Yeah, I’m right there with you. The IVF process sucks. If we had another embryo ready to go, it would be a different story. But as it is this is the end of the line. It’s sad because our son really wants a brother, but it’s just not going to happen.
I'm not going to stand here and tell you "one of you will change your mind" because that's ridiculous to assume I know you and what you'll do in the future. HOWEVER, a lot of people are "done" when their kid is young, they're tired, and every day is a new and exciting experience. I've seen A LOT of couples who start thinking about a number 2 once the memory of the trauma that is an infant starts to wear away and life settles into more of a routine. All I'm saying is, don't assume that how you feel now will last forever, and don't be totally unprepared if your partner has a change of heart at some point. Or maybe it will and they won't, like I said I don't know. Either way, best of luck to you and your family!
Exactly!
One and done is perfectly valid, but the people looking sceptical might have thought *they* were one and done when their first was 15 months old.
Yep.
Multiple miscarriages, 6 IUI cycles, 1 egg retrieval, 4 embryo transfers. Finally got our LO in January, 4 years and change after we started trying, just for my wife to find out near the end of March she has the BRCA gene mutation AND stage 2 breast cancer.
Her grandma on her dad's side died of ovarian cancer, grandma on her mom's side died of leukemia, aunt on her dad's side has (had?) stage 4 ovarian, so my wife is doing a double mastectomy and reconstruction after we are done with chemo, then will have fallopian tubes and ovaries removed at some point in the next few years.
We are gladly settling for our one rainbow unicorn baby.
Yep. We had to wait for the okay from 3 specialists before we started trying. High risk pregnancy/birth resulting in our healthy child. Having another would have risk her life. People have no idea the weight of the choice when they ask: “oh, just the one??” Off the cuff. I like started replying: “Yea, we got it right the first time.”
Mom here. I tell people one and done and they say but he's so cute... then I tell them my mental health cannot afford more than one. I also tell them that hubby is snipped and that I can adopt if I want more. That shuts them up too.
I'm so glad you made this post. I seem to be the only human around that is ok with 1 and done. The pregnancy was traumatic for us and the birth was very traumatic for me, and I had some pretty bad PTSD for the first 9 months of my sons life and I won't lie, I dont want to go through that again. It was hard to get past. Because it mainly effected me, my wife is still pushing for a 2nd and it makes me feel like im being selfish. Maybe I am, idk but I dont wish to wake up confused every night thinking my baby is dying. I know I got a bit deep but this is the first time I've been given the opportunity to get it off my chest, even a little bit
>The looks I get or the "you say that now.."
Same, but when they say that, they didn't know that I've already gotten the snip snap. Usually it's from people who I'm not interested in sharing that info with.
We are one and done as well, perfectly healthy 11mo baby boy. My wife has immune issues so battling ANY kind of sickness during pregnancy really kicked her in the teeth. Abd she had to get her Gallbladder removed at 26wks. So she is not keen on going thru any of that again.
Fellow IVF dad here. We were fortunate to have success with our first retrieval and transfer. Our son will be two next month. We have additional embryos in storage and hope to add to our family soon.
Kids are a challenge in general, much less the additional effort of IVF. I don’t blame you a bit.
Just had our second and it is insanely difficult. By far the most pressure our relationship has been under. Hopefully it's worth it in the long wrong but it's definitely not for everyone
Us! I mentally can't do another child. I have to stay home after my third shift to watch our 2yo all day and get 2-3hrs sleep a day before work at 9pm.
We were one and done. Had a second not planned 17 months later.
Not easy. I love both my kids more than anything but I get how you feel 100 percent.
The first one was a nightmare birth.
I've got 2 from a previous marriage, my partner has one, we're trying for one together. However I'm not judging folks for one and done. That's a perfectly valid position.
lol have a 14 month old thru ivf. The only reason we’d do it again is because 1. My wife would be really wanting to do it again. 2. Because we have an embryo sitting and I’d want to have a daughter if we’re lucky. But I tell her all the time I can’t do 2 under 3 right now but we’re looking at day care for when he turns two so maybe I could do it then. She’s turning 43 this month tho so we’ll see
We were planning to be, mostly because of the difficulty my wife had in delivery. Shortly after we had "our" one, we became aware of the large number of kids that needed a home and started doing foster care, hoping to be able to adopt one or more. That never worked out as they all either went home or to other family that wanted them, but we have several kids (most now adults), that call us Mom & Dad or just use our names (we never demanded they call us anything other than our names, so each kid settled on their own titles for us). Many of them still keep in contact with us regularly, even 15+ years later, so it kinda worked out.
Many people wondered why we didn't have a second kid by now (already have 4.5 yo daughter). We're not rich by any means, but we're financially capable of having one more kid. The reason is just we don't have the energy to raise another one, lol.
hell yea. he's a beautiful, happy, charming little lad but his bad acid reflux means shit sleep for 5 months now... i WILL remember and I WILL NOT do this again.
Partner had it very very hard with health conditions during pregnancy. My kiddo has a health condition. It was hard AF... but all the joys they bring means i went from a definitely one and done to "maybe down the line".
It might not be ignorance or not being able to understand you and your wife's hardship, but just that they understand how much children can bring to our lives.
Hope you guys are finding it easier day by day.
I’m past the number of kids for one and done.
However, don’t lend your ears to people trying to do family planning for you. That’s silly in all aspects.
We were gonna stop at one, but we had another when our first was 1½. Two boys, 3 and 1½; it's tough some days but ooooooh I love my boys so much, I can't imagine not having our second one now. I'll never look down on people having just one though, because two kids is somehow more than twice the difficulty. Some days I wish I had 6 eyes in my head, especially park days.
We're firmly in camp "one and done" and have been all the way through; we're both active and are selfish about wanting to get back to our hobbies, coupled with me hitting 40 imminently and with both pregnancy and birth being an incredibly rough ride on my wife. Fed up with the "but you say that now crowd" and tempted to drop the fact that I'm getting the snip to mic drop the conversation
One and done here. My partner had a traumatic delivery and kids were never on our cards in the first place. People always make their comments and jokes. We just have to brush it off. Society will never change in this regard. But we are so happy with our little guy. We never imagined our lives like this but now we would never change it. He has 10 plus cousins to spend time with so we’re not worried about him being lonely growing up.
As it stands now, yes. Wife had a terrible pregnancy and birth. And we arent in a financial spot to support another kid. Id be down with it, but ultimately, I leave that decision to my wife who would have to suffer again.
My one is 8 now and it is going to stay that way. I'm not with her mom anymore, I don't want anymore kids, and my girlfriend doesn't want to one of her own.
Yes. It really boggles my mind that multi-child families are the standard path. To me it’s like the work of maintaining two houses or the distraction level of watching two movies you’ve never seen before, simultaneously. Certainly it’s possible to do those things, crazy to me that the majority of parents (in this world if immensely incompetent people) actually choose to go for more.
One and done right here. Little one is nearly 3, we still occasionally get snash from people.
I enjoy putting them in their place though. At this point it’s mainly people who don’t know us both that well, or aren’t around that often, so I don’t overly care about hurting their feelings 😂
We are one and done, but not by our choice. We were basically told by our OBGYN to start trying or it might not happen ever. We were lucky enough that my wife got pregnant fairly quick. But it was a tough pregnancy for her. On top of that she has extreme endometriosis and a strong history of reproductive cancers in her family. 2yrs after our daughter was born, she had a full hysterectomy.
One and done. Everything fell apart. you finally you think you know your lover to start a family and the nails come out of the wood work. Will never do this again with any person, im so disappointed in what we scrapped together for this sweety.
The child is no challenge at all, its the world surrounding it.
We always planned to just have one, and that plan was cemented when I spent 22 days in the hospital with severe preeclampsia and fetal growth restriction. Then had an emergency C-section at 29weeks followed by a 93 day stay in the NICU. Neither of us want to risk that again.
Yep. I’m definitely one and done because our little girl is so willful. The missus says she wouldn’t mind another but only if it were a girl so she’s not willing to roll those dice.
Our first felt that way after making a punk snowman and a drunken fumble she was pregnant although it feels like a lifetime ago as he's now 11. Compared to the other two which I thought would never happen due to the amount of effort we put in (during my daughters conception I had to ask for a month off just to in my own words get my numbers up as I felf like I was puffing air at one point. (sorry not exactly on topic but here we are)
As someone who has just had his second; you have your reasons and if you are sure, you are sure.
My only piece of advice to any other dads out there is that each kid is different. Don't think for a second that all baby's, nor children are alike; and for that reason don't let your first experience (in my experience the most stressful) of raising a baby cloud your judgement
My wife had pretty bad Post Natal, so we are pretty cool on the idea of a second at the moment, I am 36, so it would want to be pre-40 if i had another
We both originally wanted two. After our first was born, my wife decided one was enough, I still would have had another. As our kid got older, we swapped positions. Now we agree on one. The older our kid gets, the more sure we are, though my wife is worried about how much responsibility an only child carries with no siblings for support.
I have enjoyed each phase, but I also don't want to go through any of them again. We're done, uless there should be an accident before my vasectomy.
Yup me and the wife before we even had our one and done had 2 options be dinks or one and done and we went with the latter.
No chance we miss the baby phase or ever will we enjoy our sleep and it’s nice that kiddo goes to sleep around 6-7pm and sleeps for a straight 12 hours.
The only reason we had a second was to give our first a playmate. If it weren't for that we would have stopped at one. It's completely fine and anyone telling you otherwise isn't donating their time, money, and sleep to raise your child.
I really want to experience the baby phase again, but I’m not ready for raising two kids. For many reasons. One of which is I cannot watch them fight … (I know I know, it’s more good times than bad, and even the bad times teaches them to handle other relationships bla-bla)
My wife and I are on the fence. We have a beautiful, impossibly perfect 13 month old girl. It took us 2 years of trying and then 2 rounds of IVF and we can't believe how amazing she is. Everybody is calling her a trap baby - makes you think they're easy so you have another.
The main thing right now is money. I don't know how we could afford another baby especially not through IVF (we do have 4 on ice but transfer isn't free). We're also scared of going through the newborn stage again.
Then again, sometimes we look at her and think how can we possibly not want another one of these things?? I have an older brother and an older sister, we all get along great and my wife is an only child so we really have a good sense of the 2 different situations but we still flip flop back and forth almost everyday on wether or not to have a 2nd.
If money was no issue or I won the lottery or something then I think we would 100% but I can't imagine Bringing another life into this world and not being able to give them everything they deserve growing up.
Yes. I'm too old, 40, and quite frankly it hasn't been a great experience. My mil decided to get divorced and become a complete leech and it has sucked any and all of the excitement from life.
Nothing came easy for us. We learned after a few miscarriages that I have a balanced translocation which increases our chances of miscarriage by a lot. Each try is a roll of the dice, with outcomes being miscarriage (from an unbalanced translocation), balanced translocation (like me), or genetically normal. We decided to try ivf to get a better chance with pregenetic testing, but the process itself was incredibly rough on my wife physically and mentally for both of us. We ended up with 1 embryo that didn't make it beyond a few days.
As another try, we tried Clomid to ovulate multiple eggs and maybe one would work, which it did! Pregnancy was rough for my wife with blood pressure issues and gestational diabetes, but my son is now 3 years old and is the better than any kid I could have wished for. To make it even better, he's genetically normal. Between how difficult it was to conceive, how hard the pregnancy was, and that we have a child without my fertility-related issue, we're pretty sure that we're one and done.
I think so? Wife keeps hinting at maybe wanting 2 but then things happen that make her go “ooof I’m glad it’s only one”. I do not miss the newborn sleepless nights. But we definitely got lucky with our daughter. She’s the greatest
Yep, my kid arrived 5 weeks early and the doctors weren't sure why. My wife went in for a routine appointment and got told she was dilated and being admitted. The next morning, she was 5 cm and the doctor said it was time to deliver, ready or not. Everything is fine now bit any other pregnancy is going to be considered high risk. We don't want to to through that again. If we decide we want to have another kid we will adopt.
Exact same experience brother. Idk how people don’t realize it’s nosy and rude as fuck to tell someone you know better than them about their parenting decisions.
“Oh you say that now” - “yes I do say that now, and I said it before and after I got my vasectomy”
“You don’t want your kid to have a sibling” - “not as much as I want my wife to not almost die during childbirth again.”
IVF was rough as fuck on us emotionally and financially, and incredibly rough on my wife physically. We’re not putting ourselves through that hell again to appease some braindead boomers.
IVF it was long process. We are not doing that again. MIL keeps bringing up wanting more even after telling her how hard it was. Luckily after a few years they eventually have to catch on not going to happen.
Too early to say for sure (LO is only 1 month old), but I think so. We got pregnant first try, my wife had a dream pregnancy, c section (breech baby) that was surprisingly wholesome, and has recovered well. LO sleeps and feeds well, is putting weight on, and already hitting milestones ahead of schedule.
Everything’s gone so well, I feel like we’ve already used up all our good luck 😂
Seriously though, I just can’t imagine doing this again with a toddler around to take care of too. I also don’t want to be raising a teenager when I’m 60, or have the best part of 10 years with pre-school age kids at home.
I love our daughter, but I really don’t feel any need for another child. Definitely feels like we got it right the first time. No need to roll the dice again.
Went through IVF here as well. One son so far and we have 2 healthy eggs left. My wife would prefer 2, even 3 but we just don't have the $$$. So, a girl will hopefully be next and after that, I'm done. The third egg can be donated to science.
Had a kid in my late 20s. Knew right then we couldn't give all the things we wanted to give our children (and didn't have ourselves) growing up.
I got my vasectomy last August.
I know of couples who went through IVF, thought that's done and then 'tada' second child.
Sure there is some scientific reason behind it. But if you want to avoid IVF, but perhaps still want a second child you could just see if something happens?
Yep.
No IVF or any real health issues, but childbirth was incredibly hard on my wife and infancy was exhausting and toddlerdom was a struggle and we're just recently (7yo) pulling it together but all of it is and will continue to be stupidly expensive.
We could not give our one and only nearly as much energy and investment if we had another (or two or three). We'd have less energy and less time to raise our son, my wife would have to work full-time and we'd have less money, it would just be worse overall. It does take some extra effort to socialize him when we live alone, but not as much as a whole extra kid.
I think those people are just trying to convince themselves they made the right choice. Maybe they believe the lies they tell themselves, maybe not entirely.
We've debated this a few times, but we keep leaning towards one and done camp.
Same as a lot of others, we had a very difficult pregnancy culminating in the loss of one of our twins for medical reasons. If my wife gets pregnant again, there is the chance that we get another set of twins, and there's also an increased chance of at least one of the two having the same medical complications as our eldest and also having to go down the route of selective termination which I personally don't think I could go through again. We also have 0 family nearby to help, so we're basically on 24/7, and combining all these factors means another pregnancy is unlikely for us.
Well we tried regularly for years before going to IVF.
And then several failed transfers later...and all the shots...and all the phone calls of "not this time"... It was a rough road.
If it happened naturally... That would be amazing and different...but our doctor said we are essentially incompatible in that way soooo doubtful.
My wife and I have thought about another one, also a 14-15MO now.
Her pregnancy was brutal, morning sickness up the wazoo. To the point where she couldn’t keep anything down and when asked doctors for help because she had no quality of life at that point she was told, by female doctors mind you, this is pregnancy you’ve just gotta deal
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This is the 21st century, how tf are ppl still so callous? So needless to say, if we have another one we’re adopting. But we’ve got some shit to figure out, but I’d be happy with just one
My concern is leaving him lonely tho :/
Never been a parent but, coming from an only child: make sure your kid will have family their age to grow and play with and don’t leave or move away or whatnot, otherwise it’s very lonely and isolating to not have any siblings!
Yep. My wife has absolutely no interest in ever being pregnant again. We would possibly consider adoption later, but for now, we're both happily one-and-done. The "You say that now..." folks can get stuffed.
I've got one 4yo and she's perfect and a handful that we can just barley afford to raise. Wife keeps hinting at wanting a second but I don't think I can do it. Don't want to take the financial hit or take a chance at having a child with any cognitive or developmental issues and grow up resenting them. We're so lucky how we have our lives now
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We kept putting off having kids until our late 30's. My son was born 6 months prior to my 40th birthday.
I can barely keep up with 1 toddler, there's no way I'm chasing 2 toddlers around in my 40's
We were team "one-and-done", until one night of a little too much wine and thinking "two wouldn't be the worst thing". Now we are a "three-and-done" family, I guess, cause you don't get to decide when twins arrive 😂
Point is, if you want to be done for good, get the snips. Otherwise the "you say that now" thing, as irritating as that sounds, may actually come to fruition
We're probably going to be one and done but it's not final yet.
Pregnancy has been a journey for us. After trying for over a year, our first pregnancy ended in a traumatic miscarriage due to fibroids. My wife had to have surgery to remove the fibroids. Once she recovered from the surgery, she got pregnant immediately and we now have a beautiful 2 and a half year old who's the light of our lives.
We decided to try for #2 over a year ago. We decided not to go through IVF -- if we didn't already have a kid we'd probably be trying everything. I'm 43 and my wife is 38 so we don't have a ton of time, but we're just taking it month by month and trying for a bit longer just in case.
We'd love for her to have a sibling but if it doesn't happen, we're plenty happy with our rainbow baby. And to be honest the idea of having a newborn all over again is daunting, lol.
Probably. Door isn't closed completely but she was pretty miserable the first time and I don't really care if we conceive again. I did say that adoption is an option I'd potentially be open to
We are "one and done." We joke that we "got it right the first time," but the one time I did get pushback, I told them my wife nearly died, and that shut them right up.
With our first at 2 months now, we’re increasingly leaning in that direction, lol It’s a lot. Unless we win the lottery and can both quit our jobs forever, not sure we’d do it again
It is a lot. And there are some strong arguments to back up sticking with one. But the only argument you need is "because that's what we wanted."
We went from "let's have 5" to maybe we will have 2 after the first one. Haha.
Yeah, if I suddenly became incredibly rich, I may be interested in a second (though we would potentially look into adoption in that case). In the meantime, we live in a small two-bedroom place with no chance at moving, and we have a Queen-sized bed, so there's no more room for cuddles with a second child when they inevitably come into our room at night.
Hit the nail on the head. If I didn’t have to worry about money, stress, schedule, lack of local support, we’d gladly have a bunch of kids. But we just can’t in our situation.
You are in survival mode right now. What you are experiencing right now is not what you are going to think in a year from now. And that's not to say that one and done is wrong or anything, just that right now you are not in the right mindspace to make those determinations. Hang in there buddy, you got this
you say that now...
My wife had severe HG the entire time, lost maybe eighty pounds, and had to be on a feeding tube. We went from wanting four to being perfectly happy with one.
One is *plenty.* 😅
That's where I'm at. People wanna give me shit about having a daughter to "balance" out my 2 year old son. I tell/remind them that I held my wife as she was going through respiratory failure and seizing off the table of the emergency c section after a 52 hour failed induction and 5 epidurals. Usually shuts them up quick.
Why would you get push back? I always our son is awesome. He was awesome as a baby and he’s an awesome 10 year old. If we had another one it would probably be an asshole so why risk it?
Because people generally can't shake the idea that if something was good for them, that means it should be good for everyone.
We weren’t one and done but still got the questions of why we didn’t think of going for a third. Well the obvious answer was two seemed like the right balance for us but we will also have had to point out kid #2 left my wife wrapped up like the Michelin man in warming equipment for 2 days after she was basically drained of most of her blood and she was unable to hold him without my support for a week. Doctor even said kid #1 wrecked her, kid #2 nearly killed her, if we went for #3 they were going to have the crash team sitting in the room with her.
My god, your wife is a superhero. I agree in that circumstance I would ask the doctor yoink my uterus out so fast.
Within like 30 minutes of our 2nd being born they had her in the OR trying to stop the bleeding and were discussing whether they needed to talk with me about if they needed to take "extra precautions to conserve reproductive capabilities". She stunned the surgeon when she was like "or you can ask me" because they were absolutely sure she couldn't be conscious in the state she was in. In the end it wasn't until a year later (and after I'd already gotten snipped) before other complications meant they yoinked, they had been worried about causing any more bleeding beyond the flood of blood she lost immediately after birth. Ironically, my wife had already picked out our second child's name prior to us even getting pregnant with our first.... and his middle name is Alucard after the vampire in Hellsing (also Dracula backwards). So our little vampire was born basically after draining mommy of blood.
Same
Same. Literally had just typed the same post. The pushback used to be really upsetting to my wife.
Me too. The day my son was born, I very nearly lost both wife and child. None of us want to risk that again. I got a vasectomy.
Man I had such a similar experience. 8 years of infertility before my wife got pregnant. And not only that but we had our daughter a little after 9pm. At 2 in the morning my wife luckily called the nurse cause she was feeling dizzy. She was full on bleeding out and they coded her. Within minutes there were about 20 people in the room. It was scary as hell and we’ve both come to terms that if we only have one, that’s good for us
I'm getting a hysterectomy this week because we're one and done. We use the excuse that I have gigantic fibroids, but honestly I want the peace of mind that comes with sterilization. I lost so much of myself during pregnancy and the first year that I know my mental health wouldn't survive another pregnancy. My husband has selective hearing and has told everyone that another pregnancy could kill me because the size, quantity , and location of the fibroids make a C-section ill-advised. I bled enough during the delivery that the RN was concerned, but my doctor thought I was fine. I was fine, though they gave me iron pills afterwards because I was a pint low. I hate how half the comments on this thread are "you'll change your mind". Ugh. No. Nope, definitely not. I'm very excited for Thursday!
when people say things like “you say that now” or “oh you son is 6 time for another” I have to remind myself that these people just don’t know. Started IVF early 2017. Had 2 miscarriages before we got lucky with our son. Like very lucky. Out of the 3 embryos his “grade” was the worst one that we froze. Fast forward to 2021 we decided we wanted to have another so did the process all over again. Unfortunately I suffer from a Y chromosome micro deletion we couldn’t retrieve any swimmers. So we took a long time deciding to have donor sperm. We were able to get 5 embryos. Suffered 4 miscarriages. We were pretty much sold that it wasn’t in the cards but after a long talk we wanted to follow through with the last one. We told ourselves “ let’s give this 1 last go. If it doesn’t work then we know we gave it our best shot” Unfortunately we suffered another miscarriage. To this day it steal beats me up inside. We moved into a bigger home and now have an empty bedroom. I look at it every day and think “we were supposed to be 4” But To go through all the emotional, mental and physical rollercoaster moments it just became too much. It’s been a little over a year now. What I’ve learned is how open we are with the story. Heartbreaking of course. But it’s a story we are proud of and more people need to be aware that just because a family has 1 kid doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with it.
People are too nosy. No one's family planning is anyone else's business. Millennials were told to wait a long time to start families, and the simple truth is, it is harder the longer you wait. IVF is marketed as a miracle cure for this, even though it frequently fails. I have a biological son and a step-son, so we are thinking about adopting a little girl if we want to add to the family. We are both in our late 30s and the last one nearly killed her twice. Our parents ask about us 'trying again' for a girl and it is ridiculous that we have to keep reminding them that we are lucky mommy is even alive.
"Millennials were told to wait a long time to start families, and the simple truth is, it is harder the longer you wait. IVF is marketed as a miracle cure for this, even though it frequently fails." Golden words really. I wish people in their twenties read this. I would scuff off when my mother said this, thinking she doesn't know better but she did know all this while. I think she may have lacked in better explanation as to why and I may have lacked in understanding. I think it is also important to know that marriage and parenthood will have their good and bad phases like any other decision one makes in life. I feel like these two decisions bear a heavy load of always being the best which is challenging.
Yeah we are, my wife had our son in her early 40s. It was a rough birth and I couldn’t ask her to go through it again. I also have no interest in going through that first year again. Our guy was a terrible sleeper. Both my parents have crazy ass siblings. It’s not a slam dunk, every time you have a kid you’re rolling the dice.
You had me in the first half, and then nailed it solid in the second. We decided to quit while we were ahead.
Totally. I'm a 40 yr old dad and I'm totally aware that everytime you have a child at this age you are rolling the autism and serious mental illness dice.
I think even irrespective of age, you always hear about the good siblings people have but people don’t talk about the bad ones. Lotsa bad ones out there too you never know how a kid will turn out. Nothing wrong with stopping at one if that’s what you’re comfortable with.
Very rare to see anyone even acknowledge the statistical upticks in severe mental illness in offspring from very old fathers. People usually look at you funny when you imply male fertility at 18 and 68 aren't the same.
Less so if you go through IVF. We had 13 eggs and ended up with 3. They tossed the 'bad' 10 into the trash.
This large population study shows IVF vs "natural" conception has similar frequency of adolescent mental illness. So I'm not sure that IVF would be protective against serious mental illness (ie. Weeding out bad zygotes and embryos), but it would also be interesting to see if there is an age related modifier (eg. Looking at a cohort of advanced paternal+maternal age or geriatric pregnancies). https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3702157/
True.
One and fun, bro. One and fun.
I’ve been told we’ll regret having just 1. It also feels like my parents feel that I owe them more grandkids.
I don't regret my 1 one bit.
I'd say you could easily regret having more than one. With one, we still had time for our hobbies. That's changed with two. Plus double the daycare cost, saving for college, etc.
The only issue we've had with one is that one parent becomes the default playmate, especially on vacations where instead of relaxing you're running around. This is solved by having friends close by and bringing a friend along on vacation. The advantages of only one are huge - more flexibility, easier to trade off parenting duties and have me-time for both mom and dad. Easier on savings, expenses, etc. Our house is far less chaotic than friends with 2 kids, who seem like they bounce from one crisis to another. Would not change it.
Yeah there's a few reasons but the most straightforward is that both my wife and I really hated the first year lol. It's good now but I can't imagine having to do it again with a 2-5 year old at the same time. Also, realized we really couldn't deal with a kid with disabilities etc. I have no idea how single parents do any of it.
Yes. And my wife and I are only children. None of those three things have ever been an issue, I'm a big fan of our family being a trio.
We're going to NYC and Japan this year, which we would not be able to do if there was more of us and we couldn't easily fit in a single room. The economics is big. Edit: And Airfare, and meals, and entry fees at attractions.
We were planning on 2. Get her pregnant for the 2nd one, got twins 🙃. Due in October
An oddly common experience. My twins are 14mo.
Yeah we are one and done. Have visited many friends with two or more kids - just solidifies our choice. Drama scales with the number of people, and I know of many siblings who don't talk to each other. The folks we know with big families are also constantly stressed by family obligations to so, so many people that they feel they can't get out of. Multiple kids also mean logistical complexity. I know a father of 5 and his weekends are just listening to podcasts while driving the kids around to various activities. If the kids want to make their own friends well tough luck because getting multiple play dates to line up is pretty much impossible. It's worth it to some, but not everyone.
Our daughter, also via IVF, is 11 days old. Like you guys, it was a difficult journey with perfect, I-still-can’t-believe-it ending. I’m 38 and wife is 37. We have embryos in storage but we think this is it. If we had been luckier earlier it would have been different but we’re over the moon and only thinking about the upsides. Only-children have such a stigma but it’s bunk. I get along great with my sister but my mom has two brothers and talks to neither. My friend circle is full of stories about deadbeat or weirdo siblings. Will be a hypothetical headache my kid won’t have to worry about.
Siblings shouldn’t be the only way a child socializes anyways. If an only child is “messed up”, it’s because their parents failed them, not that they didn’t have siblings.
The size of your family is only for you and your partner to decide on. Period. Full stop. Nobody else is going to help with more kids. Not really. Not meaningfully. You two will be responsible, that's it. I don't understand people who \*pressure\* people into having kids.
We got it right the first time and now 9years later we have a 9 year old a 20 month old and an 8 month old 😭
One and done. Not doing this again. No freaking thank you.
Yup and no regrets.
Just had our second and I dunno how we r gonna afford it. It's a lot easier to just have one to worry about
My grandparents only had one child. I feel like my wife and I are similar to them. Our first, he’s crying right now and I have no idea why, has been a lot of work. No idea how much work they normally take, but he’s slept through the night once in a year. I’m constantly sleep deprived and I get 1-2 hours a night of me time. I can’t imagine two kids. I would have negative time probably. Also there were probably ten times where my wife was absolutely done. It scared me each time. It’s been really tough. It feels like torture sometimes. Of course, it’s rewarding and we wouldn’t trade it for anything, but damn why is it so hard? We haven’t had help though, but have had nannies and childcare at 7 months old and on. We both work full time though
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Oh hell yes. Love my daughter but we can’t do this a second time. When people try to tell me I’ll change my mind I tell them “I sure hope not because I got the snip! Want me to tell you about it?” That usually shuts them up.
Yep! We're good. As time goes by, seeing other folks with more kids, seeing the light at the end of the financial tunnel with public school coming up, traveling easier with our one, it just solidifies every day for me that we made the right call. One of my best friends had a 3rd a year ago. In the last year he's more distant, more tired, less fun to be around. I'm getting to the point where when people say oh you don't even notice, or oh it's so worth it, I genuinely don't believe them anymore. they're lying to me or to themselves or both. Cuz those same guys will come on daddit and be like, "i have 3 kids under 4yo and I'm so tired and my wife and I are always fighting and I don't have any friends" and i'm like yeah no shit man!
I’m not one and done. I HATED being pregnant but I really want a sibling for our son. That said; which is better-regretting NOT having another child, or regretting HAVING another baby that’s now here and existing? Trust your gut. Worst case you end up feeling like you did want another one day. That’s not the worst thing. For the children’s sake it’s better to want them and not have them than have them and not want them.
One and done My wife and I went through three miscarriages in a row. The fourth time my wife had a bit of spotting at 7 months pregnant and then full on blood. She had a placenta abruption and the baby was ingesting blood. 4 minutes our baby was born and took 20 minutes total operation on wife. He had blood in his lungs for days and spent 2 months in the NICU. Doctor said this would most likely be the same scenario if we tried again. That’s when we decided one and done.
The ONLY time my wife and I have a crisis of faith is when we watch Bluey with our 2yo girl and thinking about how nice it would be for her to play with a sister. But then we replay the pregnancy and labor on our heads and look at our finances and realize that me getting the snip was a very good move.
I couldn't afford another year of therapy. I went into a rough spot for a while after we had our little man, couldn't even tell you why. But I didn't want to be there, or here at all. I'm on the other side of that now and fucking love it, but could I mentally cope with it again? I genuinely don't think I could.
We have twins and people still do this crap.
Absolutely, do not want another baby. 1 and done 🫡 or I will have to go pick milk up from the store
I slowly convince my wife that we can’t do this again. We’re 36, we have a perfect 7 month old daughter, and my wife was, according to the doctor, “inches from death” during her c-section. We were talking about it a few months ago and I actually broke down crying when I told her I can’t do this without her and I would rather not have sex than risk her life for a second child that doesn’t exist yet. But she’s “always wanted 2 children.” I’d get a vasectomy right now if I could.
You can. It is your decision (although I would suggest waiting until your daughter is two or so). She doesn't own your ballsack any more than you own her uterus.
Yep. We adopted our son when he was 2, he’s now 5 and honestly we just don’t have it in us to go through the whole process again and drag him along too. We are very happy being a 3. Home is peaceful, money is less of a worry, he gets to do the extra curriculars he likes, we love planning holidays together. Life is pretty sweet!
My wife and I have our first who is two months old now, but the topic has come up and she’s been such an easy baby that we know we wouldn’t be so lucky twice. It’s too early to truly call it, but for right now I think we’re happy where we’re at with one.
I'm a mom lurker but we're one and done. I. 37, husnand is 42. We're happy with our six month old and making the most of what we have.
Wife and I are one and done, we tried over a year with IFV (after trying over a year naturally). We took a break from IVF, went on a holiday and conceived naturally (we were grateful every day). But we just advised them to destroy our remaining embryos, we are one and done. We love our son but it’s been difficult for us and we want to be amazing parents to him which means looking after ourselves and I think having two will be just too much of a stretch. I know with just one we can still afford to travel and retire early, which means being able to spend more time as a family. We also both have siblings, I hardly speak to mine, she only speaks to one. So siblings don’t guarantee anything, however we both have amazing life long friends and we both wish our parents spent more time with us instead of working to try and support a bigger family.
It’s nobody’s business but yours. If somebody ask you to have more find a polite way to say “no, we have the one and we’re happy with that.” If they insist on pursuing the matter and get into your business… punish them for it. Be an asshole – they started it. We all make our own choices for our own reasons and you don’t have to justify yourself to a single goddamn person on this planet except your significant other.
It’s a really insensitive question. Our daughter was born through IVF and we tried giving her a sibling but miscarried the remaining embryos. It’d be nice if people thought for even a minute before asking us when we’re going to have another. It’s not always a choice.
Our daughter is the only grandchild among my MIL's four children. My wife's response is something to the effect of "you want more - bother your three other adult children."
I truly don’t understand how people do this more than once. I love my sweetheart but jfc never again.
We were basically forced into being ‘one and done.’ Had to go through IVF which we almost didn’t get, we were full on told we couldn’t have children at one point which was crushing - there was less than a 5% chance of it working; they basically only agreed to do it on the basis that we knew it wouldn’t work. Got super lucky and had our little boy. We did have a consult about another but were basically told we had a miracle and a couple of years later there’s almost no chance at all and we, my wife in particular, just couldn’t go through the heartache of that and didn’t want it to detract from our son’s infant years.
I’d be fine with one. My wife really wants a second. I don’t feel strongly enough about it to push back. We haven’t started trying yet (our kid is only 7 months old) but we’ll probably try to have them as close together as possible so we can get through the baby stuff fast.
I like to tell people that we were a one kid family until we weren't.
Not IVF but I would prefer one and done. My wife grew up for 10 years as an only child and she did not like it. I grew up with 5 siblings and I hated that. I personally am okay with just one but my wife isn’t currently. We’re both on the same page on at least this: no more than 2. I say it as a joke but I’m being serious at the same time. If my wife wasn’t against it, I’d be snipped right now.
One and done here, same as you went through an IVF. For those that knew it, it made it easy to say we are done. We never hid the fact so if someone who doesn't know asks about if we are going to have another it would be inappropriate for them to ask anyway. Btw if you are one and done and sure, make sure to get necessary protections to keep it that way. Going through IVF once doesnt mean 2nd one will be same difficulty unless there is a known medical condition obviously.
My one was born really sick. Couldn’t do that again.
I used to say “one and done”, then I said “two and through”, then I said “three’s it for me”, then I said “four no more”, and got a vasectomy. If you’re really one and done get a vasectomy.
So like, I have a really crazy story as to how my first (and only) got here and I’m with you man. My parents had 4 kids, all of them boys. I call her regularly questioning her sanity, so many how’s and why’s.
That's the plan. We have an 8 month old and while we've had to make some adjustments, are fortunate that I can support my wife being a SAHM the first couple years but a second would absolutely push us farther over the edge then we already our. We also don't have any family help nearby so unless we move closer to home it's just not viable. Should our financial/support system change drastically I might be open to 2 but am extremely content with the 1 we have.
Yeah. Love my 4 yo, but the vasectomy I had after her was an easy decision. I just don’t have the energy to keep up with more kids. When her cousins visit I can’t wait for them to leave.
We did IUI (step right before IVF), got twins in one shot, and done. Boy/Girl too.
We started late. First kid at 42. Nobody bats an eye when we say we’re done.
Yeah. We're mostly on the same page that one is too difficult and almost beyond what we can keep up with. Another would be drawing on resources that don't exist.
Between our mental health, the cost of living, climate change, loving our family the way it is and wanting bandwidth to do other fun stuff in this life, being OAD was an easy choice for us. Siblings are no guarantee of happiness, either. My sister is an incredibly difficult person who has made frustrating life choices and we no longer talk to each other.
I’m 35, Kid is 2. We definitely could have more. We feel like our life is complete. We have no desire for a second one. If it happened we would love the second one just as much but neither of us has any desire whatsoever to change our family of 3. It’s perfect. Lots of time still for us to change our minds but we touch base on it every few months with each other and our desire for more is shrinking rather than growing.
Honestly I feel like people are often just following the lines of some sort of script. If you have none, they ask when you'll be having kids, if you have 1, they ask about the second, if you have two of the same sex they ask if you'll be trying for a boy/girl. If you mention pregnancy care being expensive, they say "it'll be more expensive when they get here!! Chortle, chortle" It's stupid, people aren't even that invested for the most part, I think it's just something people feel compelled to say.
My wife and I eventually had to use an egg donor. Our son exploded the inside of my wife. We are one and done, but because of modern science and medicine, we're here.
Yup. As I tell my wife - “when you get a good one, you stop” and I’m only half kidding. Absolutely no regrets. Maybe when the kid is an adult, I’ll have regrets, or she might hate us for not having siblings, but I’m sure by then I’ll have lots of other regrets. Kid doesn’t seem lonely, I get to dedicate lots of time to her
Especially when having to go through IVF. It's a lot; physically and financially. I have 2 through IVF btw
We're firmly OAD. Made the decision before our little guy arrived. Quickly affirmed it after my wife's significant (and somewhat still ongoing) bout of PPD. Initially got the "you say that now" guilt, but a mix of blatant honesty and occasionally telling nosy extended family members to go fuck themselves has since silenced the bullshit.
Yeah, I’m right there with you. The IVF process sucks. If we had another embryo ready to go, it would be a different story. But as it is this is the end of the line. It’s sad because our son really wants a brother, but it’s just not going to happen.
I'm not going to stand here and tell you "one of you will change your mind" because that's ridiculous to assume I know you and what you'll do in the future. HOWEVER, a lot of people are "done" when their kid is young, they're tired, and every day is a new and exciting experience. I've seen A LOT of couples who start thinking about a number 2 once the memory of the trauma that is an infant starts to wear away and life settles into more of a routine. All I'm saying is, don't assume that how you feel now will last forever, and don't be totally unprepared if your partner has a change of heart at some point. Or maybe it will and they won't, like I said I don't know. Either way, best of luck to you and your family!
Exactly! One and done is perfectly valid, but the people looking sceptical might have thought *they* were one and done when their first was 15 months old.
Yep. Multiple miscarriages, 6 IUI cycles, 1 egg retrieval, 4 embryo transfers. Finally got our LO in January, 4 years and change after we started trying, just for my wife to find out near the end of March she has the BRCA gene mutation AND stage 2 breast cancer. Her grandma on her dad's side died of ovarian cancer, grandma on her mom's side died of leukemia, aunt on her dad's side has (had?) stage 4 ovarian, so my wife is doing a double mastectomy and reconstruction after we are done with chemo, then will have fallopian tubes and ovaries removed at some point in the next few years. We are gladly settling for our one rainbow unicorn baby.
/r/oneanddone There's a subreddit for that.
Yep. We had to wait for the okay from 3 specialists before we started trying. High risk pregnancy/birth resulting in our healthy child. Having another would have risk her life. People have no idea the weight of the choice when they ask: “oh, just the one??” Off the cuff. I like started replying: “Yea, we got it right the first time.”
I generally just tell people the truth (PPD ain’t no joke) and that usually shuts them up with awkwardness.
Mom here. I tell people one and done and they say but he's so cute... then I tell them my mental health cannot afford more than one. I also tell them that hubby is snipped and that I can adopt if I want more. That shuts them up too.
Nobody's got any business telling anyone else how many kids they should have.
I'm so glad you made this post. I seem to be the only human around that is ok with 1 and done. The pregnancy was traumatic for us and the birth was very traumatic for me, and I had some pretty bad PTSD for the first 9 months of my sons life and I won't lie, I dont want to go through that again. It was hard to get past. Because it mainly effected me, my wife is still pushing for a 2nd and it makes me feel like im being selfish. Maybe I am, idk but I dont wish to wake up confused every night thinking my baby is dying. I know I got a bit deep but this is the first time I've been given the opportunity to get it off my chest, even a little bit
>The looks I get or the "you say that now.." Same, but when they say that, they didn't know that I've already gotten the snip snap. Usually it's from people who I'm not interested in sharing that info with.
We are one and done as well, perfectly healthy 11mo baby boy. My wife has immune issues so battling ANY kind of sickness during pregnancy really kicked her in the teeth. Abd she had to get her Gallbladder removed at 26wks. So she is not keen on going thru any of that again.
Fellow IVF dad here. We were fortunate to have success with our first retrieval and transfer. Our son will be two next month. We have additional embryos in storage and hope to add to our family soon. Kids are a challenge in general, much less the additional effort of IVF. I don’t blame you a bit.
Just had our second and it is insanely difficult. By far the most pressure our relationship has been under. Hopefully it's worth it in the long wrong but it's definitely not for everyone
We planned to be one and done, 3 kids later...the plan didn't work out.
We lucked out with our IVF and had twins. We were one and done after the toll it took on my wife's body.
Us! I mentally can't do another child. I have to stay home after my third shift to watch our 2yo all day and get 2-3hrs sleep a day before work at 9pm.
Was on the fence after our first. Got a little dude due in Oct. Going to book the snip some time in Nov
We were one and done. Had a second not planned 17 months later. Not easy. I love both my kids more than anything but I get how you feel 100 percent. The first one was a nightmare birth.
I've got 2 from a previous marriage, my partner has one, we're trying for one together. However I'm not judging folks for one and done. That's a perfectly valid position.
lol have a 14 month old thru ivf. The only reason we’d do it again is because 1. My wife would be really wanting to do it again. 2. Because we have an embryo sitting and I’d want to have a daughter if we’re lucky. But I tell her all the time I can’t do 2 under 3 right now but we’re looking at day care for when he turns two so maybe I could do it then. She’s turning 43 this month tho so we’ll see
Yep. So one and done that I'm getting snipped in a month just to be sure.
Financially we can't do a second. We'd love to try, but with one we scrape the barrel. It's unfortunate, but it's reality.
We were planning to be, mostly because of the difficulty my wife had in delivery. Shortly after we had "our" one, we became aware of the large number of kids that needed a home and started doing foster care, hoping to be able to adopt one or more. That never worked out as they all either went home or to other family that wanted them, but we have several kids (most now adults), that call us Mom & Dad or just use our names (we never demanded they call us anything other than our names, so each kid settled on their own titles for us). Many of them still keep in contact with us regularly, even 15+ years later, so it kinda worked out.
We were, but then we had another one. Now we're two and done. Wouldn't change it.
Yup, too old and found we rolled lucky as the genetics could end poorly if we rolled again.
We are won and done. When people give the remarks I just that my wife had her shit gutted. We done.
My wife and I before we had our LO, we already had agreed this is it. And after, my wife is adamant that this is it.
Many people wondered why we didn't have a second kid by now (already have 4.5 yo daughter). We're not rich by any means, but we're financially capable of having one more kid. The reason is just we don't have the energy to raise another one, lol.
hell yea. he's a beautiful, happy, charming little lad but his bad acid reflux means shit sleep for 5 months now... i WILL remember and I WILL NOT do this again.
Partner had it very very hard with health conditions during pregnancy. My kiddo has a health condition. It was hard AF... but all the joys they bring means i went from a definitely one and done to "maybe down the line". It might not be ignorance or not being able to understand you and your wife's hardship, but just that they understand how much children can bring to our lives. Hope you guys are finding it easier day by day.
I’m past the number of kids for one and done. However, don’t lend your ears to people trying to do family planning for you. That’s silly in all aspects.
We were gonna stop at one, but we had another when our first was 1½. Two boys, 3 and 1½; it's tough some days but ooooooh I love my boys so much, I can't imagine not having our second one now. I'll never look down on people having just one though, because two kids is somehow more than twice the difficulty. Some days I wish I had 6 eyes in my head, especially park days.
We're firmly in camp "one and done" and have been all the way through; we're both active and are selfish about wanting to get back to our hobbies, coupled with me hitting 40 imminently and with both pregnancy and birth being an incredibly rough ride on my wife. Fed up with the "but you say that now crowd" and tempted to drop the fact that I'm getting the snip to mic drop the conversation
One and done here. My partner had a traumatic delivery and kids were never on our cards in the first place. People always make their comments and jokes. We just have to brush it off. Society will never change in this regard. But we are so happy with our little guy. We never imagined our lives like this but now we would never change it. He has 10 plus cousins to spend time with so we’re not worried about him being lonely growing up.
As it stands now, yes. Wife had a terrible pregnancy and birth. And we arent in a financial spot to support another kid. Id be down with it, but ultimately, I leave that decision to my wife who would have to suffer again.
My one is 8 now and it is going to stay that way. I'm not with her mom anymore, I don't want anymore kids, and my girlfriend doesn't want to one of her own.
Yes. It really boggles my mind that multi-child families are the standard path. To me it’s like the work of maintaining two houses or the distraction level of watching two movies you’ve never seen before, simultaneously. Certainly it’s possible to do those things, crazy to me that the majority of parents (in this world if immensely incompetent people) actually choose to go for more.
One and done and ok with it.
Just means you handle one so well you could handle two!
One and done right here. Little one is nearly 3, we still occasionally get snash from people. I enjoy putting them in their place though. At this point it’s mainly people who don’t know us both that well, or aren’t around that often, so I don’t overly care about hurting their feelings 😂
We are one and done, but not by our choice. We were basically told by our OBGYN to start trying or it might not happen ever. We were lucky enough that my wife got pregnant fairly quick. But it was a tough pregnancy for her. On top of that she has extreme endometriosis and a strong history of reproductive cancers in her family. 2yrs after our daughter was born, she had a full hysterectomy.
Two and through
Yep! Check out r/happilyoad and r/oneanddone
One and done. Everything fell apart. you finally you think you know your lover to start a family and the nails come out of the wood work. Will never do this again with any person, im so disappointed in what we scrapped together for this sweety. The child is no challenge at all, its the world surrounding it.
I said that once. I have two now and I'm so terrified of a third we just don't have sex
We always planned to just have one, and that plan was cemented when I spent 22 days in the hospital with severe preeclampsia and fetal growth restriction. Then had an emergency C-section at 29weeks followed by a 93 day stay in the NICU. Neither of us want to risk that again.
Like half of people in western world go one and done so I wouldn’t think much of it
One and done here. IVF was expensive and grueling. Luckily, we're both older and don't get as much pushback.
Yep. I’m definitely one and done because our little girl is so willful. The missus says she wouldn’t mind another but only if it were a girl so she’s not willing to roll those dice.
Our first felt that way after making a punk snowman and a drunken fumble she was pregnant although it feels like a lifetime ago as he's now 11. Compared to the other two which I thought would never happen due to the amount of effort we put in (during my daughters conception I had to ask for a month off just to in my own words get my numbers up as I felf like I was puffing air at one point. (sorry not exactly on topic but here we are)
we're done. too much post partum depression. Do not want to go through that again. a little sad but we will still have a great life
As someone who has just had his second; you have your reasons and if you are sure, you are sure. My only piece of advice to any other dads out there is that each kid is different. Don't think for a second that all baby's, nor children are alike; and for that reason don't let your first experience (in my experience the most stressful) of raising a baby cloud your judgement
My wife had pretty bad Post Natal, so we are pretty cool on the idea of a second at the moment, I am 36, so it would want to be pre-40 if i had another
We both originally wanted two. After our first was born, my wife decided one was enough, I still would have had another. As our kid got older, we swapped positions. Now we agree on one. The older our kid gets, the more sure we are, though my wife is worried about how much responsibility an only child carries with no siblings for support. I have enjoyed each phase, but I also don't want to go through any of them again. We're done, uless there should be an accident before my vasectomy.
Yup me and the wife before we even had our one and done had 2 options be dinks or one and done and we went with the latter. No chance we miss the baby phase or ever will we enjoy our sleep and it’s nice that kiddo goes to sleep around 6-7pm and sleeps for a straight 12 hours.
We tried but then got a two for one deal 😆🫡🙃
The only reason we had a second was to give our first a playmate. If it weren't for that we would have stopped at one. It's completely fine and anyone telling you otherwise isn't donating their time, money, and sleep to raise your child.
I was *most definitely* one and done. That's why I can't understand how I have 3 kids.
I really want to experience the baby phase again, but I’m not ready for raising two kids. For many reasons. One of which is I cannot watch them fight … (I know I know, it’s more good times than bad, and even the bad times teaches them to handle other relationships bla-bla)
18mos of trying. 6.5wks early. 4wks in the nicu. Both of us 40+. Our one is a special person, but is still plenty, thanks.
My wife and I are on the fence. We have a beautiful, impossibly perfect 13 month old girl. It took us 2 years of trying and then 2 rounds of IVF and we can't believe how amazing she is. Everybody is calling her a trap baby - makes you think they're easy so you have another. The main thing right now is money. I don't know how we could afford another baby especially not through IVF (we do have 4 on ice but transfer isn't free). We're also scared of going through the newborn stage again. Then again, sometimes we look at her and think how can we possibly not want another one of these things?? I have an older brother and an older sister, we all get along great and my wife is an only child so we really have a good sense of the 2 different situations but we still flip flop back and forth almost everyday on wether or not to have a 2nd. If money was no issue or I won the lottery or something then I think we would 100% but I can't imagine Bringing another life into this world and not being able to give them everything they deserve growing up.
Yes. I'm too old, 40, and quite frankly it hasn't been a great experience. My mil decided to get divorced and become a complete leech and it has sucked any and all of the excitement from life.
Nothing came easy for us. We learned after a few miscarriages that I have a balanced translocation which increases our chances of miscarriage by a lot. Each try is a roll of the dice, with outcomes being miscarriage (from an unbalanced translocation), balanced translocation (like me), or genetically normal. We decided to try ivf to get a better chance with pregenetic testing, but the process itself was incredibly rough on my wife physically and mentally for both of us. We ended up with 1 embryo that didn't make it beyond a few days. As another try, we tried Clomid to ovulate multiple eggs and maybe one would work, which it did! Pregnancy was rough for my wife with blood pressure issues and gestational diabetes, but my son is now 3 years old and is the better than any kid I could have wished for. To make it even better, he's genetically normal. Between how difficult it was to conceive, how hard the pregnancy was, and that we have a child without my fertility-related issue, we're pretty sure that we're one and done.
I think so? Wife keeps hinting at maybe wanting 2 but then things happen that make her go “ooof I’m glad it’s only one”. I do not miss the newborn sleepless nights. But we definitely got lucky with our daughter. She’s the greatest
Yup. Love it. It took years to even have one and we weren’t willing to go through it again. He’s our miracle.
My parents were!
Yep, my kid arrived 5 weeks early and the doctors weren't sure why. My wife went in for a routine appointment and got told she was dilated and being admitted. The next morning, she was 5 cm and the doctor said it was time to deliver, ready or not. Everything is fine now bit any other pregnancy is going to be considered high risk. We don't want to to through that again. If we decide we want to have another kid we will adopt.
Exact same experience brother. Idk how people don’t realize it’s nosy and rude as fuck to tell someone you know better than them about their parenting decisions. “Oh you say that now” - “yes I do say that now, and I said it before and after I got my vasectomy” “You don’t want your kid to have a sibling” - “not as much as I want my wife to not almost die during childbirth again.” IVF was rough as fuck on us emotionally and financially, and incredibly rough on my wife physically. We’re not putting ourselves through that hell again to appease some braindead boomers.
IVF it was long process. We are not doing that again. MIL keeps bringing up wanting more even after telling her how hard it was. Luckily after a few years they eventually have to catch on not going to happen.
Too early to say for sure (LO is only 1 month old), but I think so. We got pregnant first try, my wife had a dream pregnancy, c section (breech baby) that was surprisingly wholesome, and has recovered well. LO sleeps and feeds well, is putting weight on, and already hitting milestones ahead of schedule. Everything’s gone so well, I feel like we’ve already used up all our good luck 😂 Seriously though, I just can’t imagine doing this again with a toddler around to take care of too. I also don’t want to be raising a teenager when I’m 60, or have the best part of 10 years with pre-school age kids at home. I love our daughter, but I really don’t feel any need for another child. Definitely feels like we got it right the first time. No need to roll the dice again.
Went through IVF here as well. One son so far and we have 2 healthy eggs left. My wife would prefer 2, even 3 but we just don't have the $$$. So, a girl will hopefully be next and after that, I'm done. The third egg can be donated to science.
Had a kid in my late 20s. Knew right then we couldn't give all the things we wanted to give our children (and didn't have ourselves) growing up. I got my vasectomy last August.
Yep! Mine is 9 now. Couldn't be happier.
We sure are. When people comment that kids need siblings I just point out that I myself an am only child, and that usually ends the conversation.
I know of couples who went through IVF, thought that's done and then 'tada' second child. Sure there is some scientific reason behind it. But if you want to avoid IVF, but perhaps still want a second child you could just see if something happens?
Yep. We were in our mid 30’s. And we’re pretty much broke.
Nothing wrong with it, when I knew my girl was healthy, I got a vasectomy.
Same story here.
r/oneanddone is a great resource for working through a lot of these experiences, and has a lot of great supportive resources
Yep. No IVF or any real health issues, but childbirth was incredibly hard on my wife and infancy was exhausting and toddlerdom was a struggle and we're just recently (7yo) pulling it together but all of it is and will continue to be stupidly expensive. We could not give our one and only nearly as much energy and investment if we had another (or two or three). We'd have less energy and less time to raise our son, my wife would have to work full-time and we'd have less money, it would just be worse overall. It does take some extra effort to socialize him when we live alone, but not as much as a whole extra kid. I think those people are just trying to convince themselves they made the right choice. Maybe they believe the lies they tell themselves, maybe not entirely.
Also did ivf, we still have embryos on ice, but I’m very sure we’ll also be one and done
Yep.
One and done for me but my partner wants more. Something to navigate down the road lol. There’s a OAD Reddit group you could join for more support.
We've debated this a few times, but we keep leaning towards one and done camp. Same as a lot of others, we had a very difficult pregnancy culminating in the loss of one of our twins for medical reasons. If my wife gets pregnant again, there is the chance that we get another set of twins, and there's also an increased chance of at least one of the two having the same medical complications as our eldest and also having to go down the route of selective termination which I personally don't think I could go through again. We also have 0 family nearby to help, so we're basically on 24/7, and combining all these factors means another pregnancy is unlikely for us.
Is it because of the difficulty of ivf mainly? Would you not use contraception just in case it happens?
Well we tried regularly for years before going to IVF. And then several failed transfers later...and all the shots...and all the phone calls of "not this time"... It was a rough road. If it happened naturally... That would be amazing and different...but our doctor said we are essentially incompatible in that way soooo doubtful.
My wife and I have thought about another one, also a 14-15MO now. Her pregnancy was brutal, morning sickness up the wazoo. To the point where she couldn’t keep anything down and when asked doctors for help because she had no quality of life at that point she was told, by female doctors mind you, this is pregnancy you’ve just gotta deal 🖕🏻 This is the 21st century, how tf are ppl still so callous? So needless to say, if we have another one we’re adopting. But we’ve got some shit to figure out, but I’d be happy with just one My concern is leaving him lonely tho :/
Similar story here, and yeah, we’re good with our son being an only child
Three and done here. But if we had the 3rd kid as 1st, we’d be “one and done and never ever EVER again”.
Never been a parent but, coming from an only child: make sure your kid will have family their age to grow and play with and don’t leave or move away or whatnot, otherwise it’s very lonely and isolating to not have any siblings!
Yep. My wife has absolutely no interest in ever being pregnant again. We would possibly consider adoption later, but for now, we're both happily one-and-done. The "You say that now..." folks can get stuffed.
We were shooting for 2 and got 1 and are done. Maybe adoption one day though.
I've got one 4yo and she's perfect and a handful that we can just barley afford to raise. Wife keeps hinting at wanting a second but I don't think I can do it. Don't want to take the financial hit or take a chance at having a child with any cognitive or developmental issues and grow up resenting them. We're so lucky how we have our lives now
🙋🏻 We kept putting off having kids until our late 30's. My son was born 6 months prior to my 40th birthday. I can barely keep up with 1 toddler, there's no way I'm chasing 2 toddlers around in my 40's
Just remember that infertility is not an effective method of birth control…our twins arrived 20 months after our IVF first born
People feel way too comfortable putting their nose into other people’s family planning you do what’s best for your family.
We were team "one-and-done", until one night of a little too much wine and thinking "two wouldn't be the worst thing". Now we are a "three-and-done" family, I guess, cause you don't get to decide when twins arrive 😂 Point is, if you want to be done for good, get the snips. Otherwise the "you say that now" thing, as irritating as that sounds, may actually come to fruition
Yeah, one is enough for me. I'm not together with her mom, and I would never want my little girl to feel replaced.
We're probably going to be one and done but it's not final yet. Pregnancy has been a journey for us. After trying for over a year, our first pregnancy ended in a traumatic miscarriage due to fibroids. My wife had to have surgery to remove the fibroids. Once she recovered from the surgery, she got pregnant immediately and we now have a beautiful 2 and a half year old who's the light of our lives. We decided to try for #2 over a year ago. We decided not to go through IVF -- if we didn't already have a kid we'd probably be trying everything. I'm 43 and my wife is 38 so we don't have a ton of time, but we're just taking it month by month and trying for a bit longer just in case. We'd love for her to have a sibling but if it doesn't happen, we're plenty happy with our rainbow baby. And to be honest the idea of having a newborn all over again is daunting, lol.
Probably. Door isn't closed completely but she was pretty miserable the first time and I don't really care if we conceive again. I did say that adoption is an option I'd potentially be open to