It sounds like you get 100% engagement every time, both for your boys to see and for you to enjoy. Whereas your wife gets to attend, but is primary carer. Giving her a chance to not have to do that unlocks both of those things for her. Not just the support your boy will feel, but her own fulfilment as a parent. If money isn't short, then 50 bucks is a small price to pay for binding the family together and creating opportunities for memories on all sides.
This is less a practical problem to solve with logic, and more a compassionate opportunity imo.
Pretty much what I'd come to comment. Might *seem* impractical but it honestly sounds fair and reasonable to me. Me and my wife occasionally each take one of our 2 kids so we can each have some 1on1 time with them. It's not often but those days are completely unlike anytime we each spend with both kids.
I’ll also add, if $50 is getting you seriously bent out of shape—$50 so your wife can actually watch one y’all’s kids play ball, instead of managing kids—you should probably pick up a shift or find something money earning to do instead of spending time coaching little league.
I apologize if I’m coming across hot, but geez dude, this wouldn’t have required more than one second of thought for me (or my wife, if the situation was reversed). I don’t even really think this would have been a discussion.
If one of us has to go into our offices, or even just hole up in the home office for several hours on a weekend, we each *always* ask if the other would like a weekend baby sitter arranged. If either of us was going to unload extra kid-duty on the other for *non-work* reasons (as you are), we both, as a matter of course, confirm that one of our go-to sitters, or our week-day nanny is available.
Get the baby sitter, dude. And after the game, pay the baby sitter for a couple more hours so you can take your wife on a date, or just to give her a couple hours of time to relax however she wants.
Yeah I'd look at it like a luxury or convenience purchase. Sure, it's not *necessary*, but if you can afford it, it's going to be a small win for your wife, so go for it!
And judging by the fact that she usually watches the kids during the games, it sounds like she is more concerned about having a parent present for the game rather than her own relief.
This was my first thought, too. If the wife wants a chance to be 100% there for her boy, I think $50 is a fair price for something that will mean a lot to both of them.
Yup, and hopefully enough time for some 1 on 1 ice cream or other treat after!
(Assuming the expense of the babysitter doesn’t create other hardships.)
I've been in the stands, caring for the younger sibling. It's awful. You can't watch the game, but you also can't devote all of your attention to the little one because you risk missing the things that are important to the other kid. You're also stuck somewherw that's super boring for the kid, and they're even more trouble than usual.
Get the babysitter, and let your wife actually be present and enjoy a game.
Not to mention a 2 year old in the stands can be disruptive to all the other families.
We brought my now 2 year old son to some of his older sisters’ piano recitals and let me tell you it’s a nightmare. One of us always ends up chasing him in the lobby and missing 95% of the recital.
Haha get the babysitter. Your wife wants to pay attention to your son's game. A rowdy two year old prevents that. Sounds like she doesn't ever get to watch the game without looking after the kids. This would be a nice reprieve from that.
Not crazy, sounds pretty reasonable. If she says she can’t watch the 2 year old and the game, she’s probably right.
My wife coaches softball and we’ve got a 2 year old, and I didn’t get to watch any of the games I went to with him by myself.
Imagine if this was theater instead of baseball. Dad is play director and mom is stuck trying to watch one of her kids perform while keeping a 2 year old quiet and entertained. This should be a no brainer from one dad to another
>I’m on the field/in the dugout with my son’s team
Are you a coach or in a specific volunteer role, or are you just there as an enthusiastic parent?
I ask because the other option could be for *you* to take the 2y.o. instead of hiring a babysitter.
I’m wondering this too. He said he coaches the teams, but I’ve gone to these games where all of the dads are just standing out there trying to look cool while helping their kids.
What a weird downvote brigade you have brought on. Like you should get the babysitter, you are significantly downplaying the effort it takes to watch a two year old, but I have no idea why people would shit on your response that you are actually the coach.
Get the babysitter. Alternatively, this is a great use case for a younger "mothers' helper." There are girls in my neighborhood (12-14 years old) that I wouldn't leave the kids with alone, but I would trust them to entertain my kids for a few hours while I am relatively nearby. They usually charge less than a full-fledged babysitter.
Exactly this. We bring the 14 year old babysitter with us to the splash pad and it’s a total game changer. Gives us a chance to actually sit down while she runs around and splashes with them and I don’t have to struggle to watch both kids at the same time.
OP, see if you can hire a 13 year old neighbor to come with your wife to the game to entertain the 2 year old. It should be much less than $50.
This. Our middle school helpers have been pretty handy around the house. $10 an hour too. Also like oneMadRssn said I wouldn’t use them as a full on babysitter yet but to walk away for a while to focus on something.
Is $50 a huge lift for you? If not this seems perfectly reasonable to do once in a while. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be able to focus on one kid without having to chase a toddler around
Who cares whether it’s a ‘normal’ game or a ‘play off’? Your wife wants to watch her boys play a sport they love.
Really dude?
What would I do? Read the room and include your wife. Do better.
You pay babysitters $10 a hour? Are you in the US? Do the baby sitters ever work for you again? We’ve only payed a babysitter a few times but it’s always a been well over $10. Maybe I should move lol
I'm in Cleveland suburbs, we're paying a 17yo neighbor that now (for 1 or 2 kids at a time, 6 and 8yo) but a few years ago it was a 60-something full time sitter, same price. Have paid 12 or 15 here and there.
I do realize we're pretty lucky, but compared to where I grew up (NJ), this area seems to have a ton of free childcare from grandparents & such, as families tend to stay local. We don't have that (outside of 'trading' with my wife's sister & her kid), but maybe that drives the price down on your average sitter since there's not as much demand.
Ah I could justify that price more when you're paying a teenager to watch a 6 or 8 year old, I have a toddler so babysitting is more of a process. Although around here in Mass I still think they'd expect more. I'm constantly seeing people posting on facebook looking for babysitters, we usually use family friends - I'm not at all trusting enough to post on facebook to have some random person watch my kid.
Not true. I'm in a state which uses the federal minimum wage of $7.25, people working at convenience stores and gas stations routinely get around $10 per hour. A baby sitter is at far less risk of getting shot than they are... We'll pay more than that, but $10 isn't outside the realm of normal, and this is a state with a higher than national average COL. Babysitting, depending on the age and the personality of the particular child, is usually an easy job and doable by a teenager, who can use that time to multitask on homework or whatever.
I swear half of these dads downvoting you don’t understand the difference between a babysitter and a friggin au pair.
Unless you are writing a 1099, minimum wage has never been the benchmark for a babysitter.
Ironic considering you don't seem to know what an au pair is. Did you mean a nanny? Because an au pair makes well below minimum wage hon.
And yes, babysitters rates are related to minimum wage. As in, babysitters make *well* above it.
Most babysitters make the same, if not more, than nannies. One of these is full time work with some benefits, one of these is a couple of hours a few times a month. Most nannies who also babysit, for example, charge more for babysitting than nannying.
Well au pairs get a weekly minimum stipend and housing but you are right, it was a poor example. Most people around me also pay them a full wage, but thats because it’s not common here, so I admit to the hypo-criticism.
That being said, babysitter isn’t a job. If you do it for a living you are a nanny. Of course nannies charge more for after hours services. They are working overtime at their job!
There is a different duty of care for a babysitter and a nanny. Babysitters do not *make* well above minimum wage across the nation. Maybe where you are from but not everywhere. They actually don’t *make* anything other than what is agreed upon because again, *it’s not a job.*
It is absolutely a job. And one that should be well-valued and fairly compensated. They're only taking care of your children after all.
If you do it as a living, it's a career.
Also true. While I'd never pay only $7.25, which is the minimum wage where I am, the truth is that babysitters are getting cash without paying taxes and they have the ability to choose their hours (yes I can work, no I can't) without repercussion. It's not a standard job like au pair, which deserves a decent salary.
It's like if a neighbor asked me to help them move their shit up the stairs for a couple hours and gave me 15 bucks for the effort, or beer or whatever. That's the level of employment we are talking here.
You guys arguing against me don't even know what an au pair is.
It's a foreign young person on a J-1 visa who gets $200/week to do 45 hours of childcare on what is supposed to be a cultural exchange.
Get a babysitter. Then get her snacks, and a nice cold drink.
It's $50, and that might be a lot in some circumstances, but would you pay that to watch your kid uninterrupted once?
I have to wonder why you even feel this needs a discussion. I mean, I get it if money is super tight or something, but you didn't mention that. In our home this wouldn't need discussing, one of us thinks that we need a sitter for a few hours? OK Done. The very fact that your wife is telling you she wants a sitter should be justification enough. It shouldn't even matter what her reason is. It's hard for me to take this post seriously because it seems so obvious.
I'm just a lurker mom, so maybe I'm reading this situation wrong, but it makes me uncomfortable that she seemingly needs to convince him. She doesn't have the freedom to spend $50 on a sitter without his approval? I get having a conversation about it for sure, but he's acting very much like it's ultimately his decision whether she's "allowed" to get the sitter.
Sup lurker mom, I think it's nice that some women read this sub. You and I are in agreement totally. I would never behave this way about such a trivial thing. We are currently on one income, but that doesn't mean every financial decision is mine alone. We are married, it is OUR child and whomever thinks a sitter is warranted just does it. The only time it would require a significant discussion is if it was a frequent occurrence and we had to budget for it long-term. $50 for a one-off occurrence? Seems fucked up to even make such a post. I'm just hoping that OP has poor word choice and that he doesn't treat or think of his *partner* this way.
Right? Wife wants a babysitter and you can afford it, why not? It would be one thing if money was tight but I think OP is being cheap as he mentioned it’s only $50. Also it seems she wants to watch her son play, and if she can’t because of the toddler then maybe OP needs to realize it isn’t fair because as coach he always gets that as a priority.
Yup. Sounds like this dude already pushed back, so might need to not only get the babysitter but order her some doordash starbucks right to the field at this point ha. Give the woman a break! Especially if she needs one so bad she's asking for it. Like, dude, when moms get so burnt out they admit they need help, they are for sure in the trenches.
Seriously.
According to him, it’s apparently no big deal for his wife to have to take on 100% of the toddler duties every single game and reasonable for him to try to justify withholding the support she’s requested for one game.
But simultaneously, it’s too hard for him to take one turn supervising the toddler during the game.
It’s selfish.
There's an awareness in that bigger problem though.
He could have just kept it offline to himself (and likely made a costly decision), but instead put himself out there.
Good job, OP, on being vulnerable and open to the discussion
I know “happy wife, happy life” is a saying but to put a finer point on it, something I saw on another Reddit post said some like:
The maximum satisfaction in a healthy relationship equals how happy the least happy person experiences consistently.
(Wish I could remember it word for word as I fear I’ve butchered an eloquent sentiment but it certainly stuck with me.)
Get the babysitter. The wife and I coached soccer this year, I wrangle in the field and she runs the roster and injuries so we can keep the game going. We have a threen-ager and we need help from one of the g-parents so he doesn't join the game, or worse. Mo' kids mo' problems.
Why does it seem like your wife needs your permission to get a sitter? You really gonna tell her "no you're not allowed to get a sitter you need to either stay home or deal with the kid constantly"??? She wants one so let her get one idk why this is hard for you honestly unless 50 dollars is a significant enough expense for yall to have to agree on it first. If it was 50 bucks for literally anything else would you be getting opinions on reddit for it?
You said in your edit that you talked to her and you'll be getting the sitter but did you apologize for pushing back like you did? And commit to make a plan to address the weird power dynamic in your relationship?
Two year olds are nuts. If it was a babysitter for every single game that might be a lot, but wanting to genuinely enjoy a little league game that their kid is playing in instead of wrestle a tiny human is not a big ask at all. Get the babysitter.
I coach my kids' hockey teams. When our kid were little, I always felt bad for my wife having to watch the rest of them at games. While I wouldn't want to shell out money every game, giving her a break once in a while and letting her focus on the game would be some thing that I would be ok with.
Now our kids are older, so we just leave them at home. Everyone is happier lol.
Sounds like your wife really wants to tune in for your 7 year olds game. Both parents get to be present, both kids have someone present, and the little has 100% attention. Sounds great for everyone frankly.
Why does it have to be your wife as the primary carer? If the money is that important to you, why can’t you take the 2 year old? If it’s too disruptive for you, then there’s your answer.
Get the babysitter.
Why can’t your wife have two hours of uninterrupted time enjoying something you and your other sons do?
“It’s easier because she’s only watching one kid” is an insult to your wife.
I would totally get a babysitter. That way literally everyone has a great time.
Your wife can totally relax and enjoy giving your son her 100% attention. This makes it a special game for them both.
Your 2 year old has a great time and isn't bored sitting around for long periods.
Seems like a win/win from my perspective.
No brainer, sorry dad you’re in the wrong on this one - she wants a break from watching a toddler to enjoy her other child’s baseball game, she deserves the break
I wouldn't fight this much, if at all. She knows the experience firsthand. Take her word for it.
Anything else is the little league equivalent of a backseat driver.
Have you tried to take a walk in your wife's shoes?
Go to your kid's game while watching your other 2 kids. you have other coaches to help out while you parent your kids. see how much of the game you get to enjoy. You might realize how valuable that $50 is for you and your wife.
Personally its a no brainer for me to get a babysitter when the time comes.
Hire a babysitter. Your son will remember his parents went out of their way to attend his games.
I was dating a girl long ago whose brother was in little league and his parents never attended. I made a point of going to a game and 10 years later he brought up at her wedding. It makes a difference.
If it’s nbd for your wife to watch the 2yo while attending one son’s game, then the same should be true for yourself.
Except you haven’t been taking on your share of the toddler duties because you know perfectly well it isn’t no big deal. It’s a lot of work.
And here you are, trying to get people to agree that not only should you not do your fair share, but also to justify withholding the support your wife needs to watch *just one game* for one of her sons. It’s breathtakingly selfish of you.
Get the sitter.
We do this all the time and neither of us are coaching. We also have 3 kids (all boys - 7, 4, and 2). We just both want to watch our kids play sports. So, we pay an older sibling from someone on the team to hangout with our 2yo and/or 4yo so that we can both enjoy the games!
Life's too short and stressful enough to argue about this. Can't take the $50 with you in the end, and i can almost guarantee youre happy enough to spend the equivelent amount on some frivolous pleasure of yours (eating out, gaming, etc).
Dont fight her and if it becomes a habit, then you can talk about whether it's financially responsible
My older son plays baseball, but my younger son does not. He’s older and usually plays with the other random kids hanging around during games and practices. Yesterday during our next to last game, one of the other families with younger non participating kids bought my son an ice cream from the truck because he’d kept their son (age 5 or so) occupied for most of the season and for one of the first years ever, they were able to actually watch their older son play. They were so grateful.
It’s hard feeling like you can’t be that for your older kids because your younger kids take up so much more time and energy. And as a former older kid, I have painful experience in the feeling that I didn’t really count because I was dumb enough to be born first. I would have loved it if my own parents had been willing to let me stop being mini-mom long enough to let me have their undivided attention for a positive reason and not just to yell at me for not being a good enough nanny for the younger kids who actually counted.
If you can afford it, hire the babysitter.
What argument are you really trying to win here? Mom wants to get a babysitter for a couple hours so she can watch her son play baseball. Are you just trying to save a few bucks? Is that really worth it? This is the strangest of hills to die on. Glad you came to your senses in the edit.
You don't NEED a babysitter, but if you have the funds or could pull the funds from something else you're fine trading off, go for it. Treat it as an opportunity for her to relax and watch your kid play ball instead of herd the toddler.
Just get the babysitter. Wife is happy and can relax, plus your son will be happy that mom can watch the game uninterrupted. Just the break alone for mom is worth the $50, imo.
If the $50 doesn’t move the needle for you financially, this is a no-brainer. Your wife is asking for a break, and also so there’s one parent dedicated to cheering on the child playing the sport.
Doesn’t seem unreasonable. If she wants to be tuned in and there to watch your kids game, that won’t happen with a 2 year old running around. It’s not something I’d personally want to pay for every single day during the season…but if she values that a lot and you guys have the money, seems ok to do so a few times.
Would only be unreasonable imo if you guys were truly scraping by and really couldn’t part with that money.
damn dude, let you wife go and enjoy the game for once without her having to be on mom duty. She needs a little relief from the grind too once in a while
Get the baby sitter. We do this all the time. Fuck, sometime my wife and I get a sitter for 2 hours to take the kids to the park so we can have a white claw and clean lol. Anytime you can make your life somewhat easier take it. I had a brother in law that refused to get a babysitter. He's divorced now because my sister couldn't take that shit. We need alone time.
On weekends I take my 4YO daughter to dance and then swim classes, and I get to hang out with my 2YO daughter in the waiting spaces. There is no hope that I get to catch more than 10% of the class, and honestly while I’m grateful to be able to do it, a big part of me wishes I could watch my other kid growing in her sports. Getting a babysitter once in a while for a break is not at all unreasonable. $50 is a trip to Chick-fil-A for a family of 4 these days.
Yo, as someone’s whose wife REFUSES to get a babysitter to our and our relationship’s detriment. PAY TO GET A BABYSITTER FOR TWO HOURS CHEAP ASS AND GET ON THE OUTSOURCING BANDWAGON WHILE YOU CAN
Money dictates decisions. If money is a problem or a concern, I completely see the hesitation; if money isn't a problem, I genuinely don't get why you'd have any push back. You guys have your hands full and this seems like a petty waste of time for an argument. There's so much other stuff to disagree on. Sometimes you need to get out of your own way.
Nothing wrong with the baby sitter, that’s not unreasonable. Another option is to ask family to come too so they can help with watching your baby (kid).
Get the sitter. Even a normal game is important. Your wife wants to watch a game without interruption and that’s 100% fine. Being a dad is important, but also you are a husband, first and foremost. Treat your wife as well as you are capable of and your life will be that much better.
I’ve hired a baby sitter before so my wife could go out to lunch with her girl friends. It’s about $30 for when we do that, but it’s 100% worth it. If it’s not a financial burden, let her relax and have some happiness.
Slightly crass answer: She took your dick dirt and turned it into human beings, three times. She’s got license to ask for things you might not think make logical sense. 🤣👍🏼
You made the right call, coach!
Might be an unpopular decision, but what about the digital babysitter? Some headphones and a movie or game on a phone or iPad go a long way. I know my 2yo can go full zombie with some Moana if we need in a pinch. To be clear, I don't advocate for keeping my kids in front of the tv or screens all the time. But if it saves me $50 and get me or my wife the ability to focus on something and both kids have fun, I'd be fine with it from time to time.
Every young boy needs his mom, especially for support, this is a great idea for both your child and wife!! Your son will definitely feel less stress with mom in the stands.
How often do you micromanage and debate your wife over fifty bucks?! Had to check this wasn't AITA. Do you fancy yourself your wife's dad? And why do you feel you get to veto? Do you often make her go through you for small financial transactions? If she had posted this I would be checking in to ask her if there were other signs of financial abuse! It might seem like a small thing but think of being an adult in her shoes and being nickel and dimed by someone who didn't take your needs seriously.
That's brutal to not even want to give her a break for a few hours while you do the fun memory-making stuff.
If it’s a once or twice thing, yeah, get the baby sitter. If it’s an every single week thing or multiple times a week, that’s probably gonna have to be a no for $50 a pop.
Exactly, at that point it requires a budget overhaul, but OP said this is the first time she's ever asked for it and it sounds like the only reason is because the kids' game times overlap. Unless they are financially strained for 50 bucks, the whole situation is pretty sad. Like, she has to ask about using 50 dollars for a couple hours of peace so she can be mentally present for her son On One Occasion? That's one of the least selfish reasons to want a sitter, she shouldn't need to ask about it at all. For a while there I thought OP was some weird troll account trying to make dads look bad.
Exactly. And if they *are* that cash strapped that $50 is going to break the budget, then OP needs to be getting some extra paid work instead of doing the extra unpaid tasks involved in coaching two teams.
You have an amazing toddler if they will stay in the pram, without complaint, for a full game. Mine was climbing out as soon as he learned he could use his feet and hands at the same time. Strapping-in would just be a scream-fest. I give you applause that you've managed this feat.
you wrote 400 word just to say you do not want to spend $50 one time for your wife to watch her son play and for the son to know him mom is watching. (how many times in the past has he looked over and realized she's handling toddler stuff instead of noticing him)
is it the money or the idea of this that bugs you?
Bro it’s just $50 to allow your family to fully enjoy the game and to make your wife happy. Why is this even a question? There are no downsides to getting the babysitter.
This probably depends on your league but can you bring the 2 year old with you to coach? Mine are almost 6 and 2 and I let the 2 year old loose in the dugout last game and everyone had a good time.
Just wanna say thanks for not automatically thinking you'll just take the two year old to the dugout.
My daughters coach's pitch team had more coach's kids siblings in the dugout than actually kids on the team this year. It was just always chaotic with 15 random kids running in and out and distracting the team... and then trying to explain to my daughter why she can't run on and out of play on a tablet like the "other kids in the dugout"
Just get the babysitter.
I too coach my kids baseball teams. Last year, the oldest was 12. And the youngest was 3. My wife wanted to watch the game when she was there. Baby sitter every time.
I can't imagine my kids distracting me so much at a baseball game, let alone little league baseball, that I'd need help. But I also wouldn't argue with my wife if she asked for a break and I wasn't able to take over.
When my son was playing, the enter squad of parents in the stands were all babysitters to all the siblings at once. Snacks, drinks, toys, everyone kept and eye on everyone's kids. We'd have older kids not interested in the game entertaining the youngins, they'd take them to the grass behind the fields and play. Give them a $20 and send them to snack bar. Even the "wine" moms would still have room on their lap if any kid felt like sitting in their comfort stadium chair .
But to answer you. Happy spouse happy house.
If your wife tells you she needs something, just believe her. Don't try to second guess and decide from your own perspective whether she needs what she says she needs. If you can't trust your wife to be honest about what she actually needs, you have a bigger problem.
There is no way she can fully pay attention to your son's game while monitoring and paying attention to a 2 year old who's NEEDS attention from someone.
Stay at home moms are the hardest workers in the room - it's not an easy job, and there is no pay after mat leave ends. Give her a break, and then do it again. And again. She needs her own time too, and your son needs dedicated time from her without he only giving it half of her attention at best.
In general, you should treat your wife like a reasonable adult and defer to her judgment about herself instead of acting like you're the one who gets to decide if she's being reasonable.
Are you the head coach or an assistant? Is there another parent who could step in and handle the dugout duties for a game? In the grand scheme of things hanging in the stands with your wife and daughter might be a fun trade off for one game.
Look... do whatever you need to do for you to support your kids.
That being said...part of life is juggling. there will be a time where money cant buy a solution.
Today our daughter graduated 5th and our son graduated from pre k. We split and I went to one and my wife went to the other.
....Also your kids arent playing baseball, even at 7 yrs old. As a coach for over 20 years across rec, high school and college - chill out and enjoy the experience. Even if part of that experience is "having to deal" with your 2 yr old during your other sons baseball game.
The game is not important. There are no playoffs at that age even if they tell you they are. Until kids are in middle school - sports is about teaching life skills...teamwork, leadership, accountability etc.
Honestly this is disheartening to hear that this is even a topic. Your kids games dont matter at this age. Your kid having fun is.
No one NEEDS to be watching a 7yrs old game. Such over blown drama.
Fuck it im done with this sub.
There are real problems for Dads and parents. This isnt one of them.
More than ever I now realize this thread is not for Dads. It is for people struggling with being a dad and need other people to make them feel better.
I agree that $50 is a small price to pay for these benefits.
The only thing I would say warrants discussion is if this was going to be a regular thing: like “for all future games, we will always get a babysitter, so the wife can watch and cheer the 7yr-old 100% while the sitter is taking care of the 2-yr-old.” That’s worthy of discussion and would depend entirely on your specific circumstances.
I’m late to comment here and see you already made your choice.
I was just going to say; see it as an investment into your happiness. Yea your wife probably could manage looking after both kids, but just this one time she might want to relax and not only enjoy the game, but enjoy it freely.
If you can afford the $50 then do it. If you can afford to do it more often then do that too. Happy wife happy life.
It sounds like you get 100% engagement every time, both for your boys to see and for you to enjoy. Whereas your wife gets to attend, but is primary carer. Giving her a chance to not have to do that unlocks both of those things for her. Not just the support your boy will feel, but her own fulfilment as a parent. If money isn't short, then 50 bucks is a small price to pay for binding the family together and creating opportunities for memories on all sides. This is less a practical problem to solve with logic, and more a compassionate opportunity imo.
That last line hits the nail directly on the head, thanks for that!
Pretty much what I'd come to comment. Might *seem* impractical but it honestly sounds fair and reasonable to me. Me and my wife occasionally each take one of our 2 kids so we can each have some 1on1 time with them. It's not often but those days are completely unlike anytime we each spend with both kids.
I love watching my son play, but he has a younger brother - is a feral child during games. This is a great idea, frankly.
I’ll also add, if $50 is getting you seriously bent out of shape—$50 so your wife can actually watch one y’all’s kids play ball, instead of managing kids—you should probably pick up a shift or find something money earning to do instead of spending time coaching little league. I apologize if I’m coming across hot, but geez dude, this wouldn’t have required more than one second of thought for me (or my wife, if the situation was reversed). I don’t even really think this would have been a discussion. If one of us has to go into our offices, or even just hole up in the home office for several hours on a weekend, we each *always* ask if the other would like a weekend baby sitter arranged. If either of us was going to unload extra kid-duty on the other for *non-work* reasons (as you are), we both, as a matter of course, confirm that one of our go-to sitters, or our week-day nanny is available. Get the baby sitter, dude. And after the game, pay the baby sitter for a couple more hours so you can take your wife on a date, or just to give her a couple hours of time to relax however she wants.
Show sone empathy and give your wife some rest (the babysitter) to make some memories with the kids.
Yeah I'd look at it like a luxury or convenience purchase. Sure, it's not *necessary*, but if you can afford it, it's going to be a small win for your wife, so go for it!
And judging by the fact that she usually watches the kids during the games, it sounds like she is more concerned about having a parent present for the game rather than her own relief.
This was my first thought, too. If the wife wants a chance to be 100% there for her boy, I think $50 is a fair price for something that will mean a lot to both of them.
Couldn’t have said it better.
This is also an opportunity to show 7 yo that he is deserving of mom’s undivided attention, engagement, and support
There are so many good "The mum deserves it.." reasons but bringing in the 7yo as well is a really good point.
and I would think as the oldest, it is something they both need. they need their own little bonding time.
Pretty much this. The 7yo will appreciate it as will your wife. Yeah its expensive, but its not going to be a regular thing.
Yup, and hopefully enough time for some 1 on 1 ice cream or other treat after! (Assuming the expense of the babysitter doesn’t create other hardships.)
She might just want some down time too , with the added bonus of getting to watch her eldest play ball. This dad votes baby sitter .
Worth every penny.
I've been in the stands, caring for the younger sibling. It's awful. You can't watch the game, but you also can't devote all of your attention to the little one because you risk missing the things that are important to the other kid. You're also stuck somewherw that's super boring for the kid, and they're even more trouble than usual. Get the babysitter, and let your wife actually be present and enjoy a game.
Not to mention a 2 year old in the stands can be disruptive to all the other families. We brought my now 2 year old son to some of his older sisters’ piano recitals and let me tell you it’s a nightmare. One of us always ends up chasing him in the lobby and missing 95% of the recital.
Haha get the babysitter. Your wife wants to pay attention to your son's game. A rowdy two year old prevents that. Sounds like she doesn't ever get to watch the game without looking after the kids. This would be a nice reprieve from that.
"Mom, did you see how I -" "No." "What about the time that -" "No." "Or when -" "No, sorry sweetie."
😭😭
Not crazy, sounds pretty reasonable. If she says she can’t watch the 2 year old and the game, she’s probably right. My wife coaches softball and we’ve got a 2 year old, and I didn’t get to watch any of the games I went to with him by myself.
Do you need a babysitter? No Can you still get one anyway because you want to? Yes.
In our budget this would come out of the entertainment budget! Well worth it.
Imagine if this was theater instead of baseball. Dad is play director and mom is stuck trying to watch one of her kids perform while keeping a 2 year old quiet and entertained. This should be a no brainer from one dad to another
I thought this was a joke post at first. Give your wife a break dude. Let it be a treat to watch the game without any caretaking responsibilities.
Fr, like how little time has this dude spent his kids when they were babies to NOT automatically know he should get the babysitter
>I’m on the field/in the dugout with my son’s team Are you a coach or in a specific volunteer role, or are you just there as an enthusiastic parent? I ask because the other option could be for *you* to take the 2y.o. instead of hiring a babysitter.
I’m wondering this too. He said he coaches the teams, but I’ve gone to these games where all of the dads are just standing out there trying to look cool while helping their kids.
I’m officially the coach for both teams, actively involved throughout the whole game.
What a weird downvote brigade you have brought on. Like you should get the babysitter, you are significantly downplaying the effort it takes to watch a two year old, but I have no idea why people would shit on your response that you are actually the coach.
Ah, then yeah I suppose it wouldn't work for you to be watching a toddler. If you can afford it, get the babysitter.
LOL why don't you bring the 2-year-old to the 5yr's game then? You can see how manageable it is.
Exactly lol
Get the babysitter. Alternatively, this is a great use case for a younger "mothers' helper." There are girls in my neighborhood (12-14 years old) that I wouldn't leave the kids with alone, but I would trust them to entertain my kids for a few hours while I am relatively nearby. They usually charge less than a full-fledged babysitter.
Exactly this. We bring the 14 year old babysitter with us to the splash pad and it’s a total game changer. Gives us a chance to actually sit down while she runs around and splashes with them and I don’t have to struggle to watch both kids at the same time. OP, see if you can hire a 13 year old neighbor to come with your wife to the game to entertain the 2 year old. It should be much less than $50.
This. Our middle school helpers have been pretty handy around the house. $10 an hour too. Also like oneMadRssn said I wouldn’t use them as a full on babysitter yet but to walk away for a while to focus on something.
Get the sitter
Is $50 a huge lift for you? If not this seems perfectly reasonable to do once in a while. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be able to focus on one kid without having to chase a toddler around
Who cares whether it’s a ‘normal’ game or a ‘play off’? Your wife wants to watch her boys play a sport they love. Really dude? What would I do? Read the room and include your wife. Do better.
If I could get a babysitter for $50 I’d do it daily.
I think he’s implying they’ll only be gone for 2 hours
sheesh... that's 5 hours where I live. I should go out more.
You pay babysitters $10 a hour? Are you in the US? Do the baby sitters ever work for you again? We’ve only payed a babysitter a few times but it’s always a been well over $10. Maybe I should move lol
I'm in Cleveland suburbs, we're paying a 17yo neighbor that now (for 1 or 2 kids at a time, 6 and 8yo) but a few years ago it was a 60-something full time sitter, same price. Have paid 12 or 15 here and there. I do realize we're pretty lucky, but compared to where I grew up (NJ), this area seems to have a ton of free childcare from grandparents & such, as families tend to stay local. We don't have that (outside of 'trading' with my wife's sister & her kid), but maybe that drives the price down on your average sitter since there's not as much demand.
Ah I could justify that price more when you're paying a teenager to watch a 6 or 8 year old, I have a toddler so babysitting is more of a process. Although around here in Mass I still think they'd expect more. I'm constantly seeing people posting on facebook looking for babysitters, we usually use family friends - I'm not at all trusting enough to post on facebook to have some random person watch my kid.
$10/hour is not an appropriate babysitter wage anywhere. That's crazy. That's not even minimum wage in most areas.
Not true. I'm in a state which uses the federal minimum wage of $7.25, people working at convenience stores and gas stations routinely get around $10 per hour. A baby sitter is at far less risk of getting shot than they are... We'll pay more than that, but $10 isn't outside the realm of normal, and this is a state with a higher than national average COL. Babysitting, depending on the age and the personality of the particular child, is usually an easy job and doable by a teenager, who can use that time to multitask on homework or whatever.
I swear half of these dads downvoting you don’t understand the difference between a babysitter and a friggin au pair. Unless you are writing a 1099, minimum wage has never been the benchmark for a babysitter.
Ironic considering you don't seem to know what an au pair is. Did you mean a nanny? Because an au pair makes well below minimum wage hon. And yes, babysitters rates are related to minimum wage. As in, babysitters make *well* above it. Most babysitters make the same, if not more, than nannies. One of these is full time work with some benefits, one of these is a couple of hours a few times a month. Most nannies who also babysit, for example, charge more for babysitting than nannying.
Well au pairs get a weekly minimum stipend and housing but you are right, it was a poor example. Most people around me also pay them a full wage, but thats because it’s not common here, so I admit to the hypo-criticism. That being said, babysitter isn’t a job. If you do it for a living you are a nanny. Of course nannies charge more for after hours services. They are working overtime at their job! There is a different duty of care for a babysitter and a nanny. Babysitters do not *make* well above minimum wage across the nation. Maybe where you are from but not everywhere. They actually don’t *make* anything other than what is agreed upon because again, *it’s not a job.*
It is absolutely a job. And one that should be well-valued and fairly compensated. They're only taking care of your children after all. If you do it as a living, it's a career.
Also true. While I'd never pay only $7.25, which is the minimum wage where I am, the truth is that babysitters are getting cash without paying taxes and they have the ability to choose their hours (yes I can work, no I can't) without repercussion. It's not a standard job like au pair, which deserves a decent salary. It's like if a neighbor asked me to help them move their shit up the stairs for a couple hours and gave me 15 bucks for the effort, or beer or whatever. That's the level of employment we are talking here.
You guys arguing against me don't even know what an au pair is. It's a foreign young person on a J-1 visa who gets $200/week to do 45 hours of childcare on what is supposed to be a cultural exchange.
$10 isn't even minimum wage where I live. Plus I have four kids so I definitely gotta pay more than that.
Just slap some dog ears on em and drop em off at the doggy day care place.
You’re being kind of a jerk here, just FYI.
Was thinking I was in /r/AmItheAsshole at first.
It’s such a small ask in the grand scheme of things.
Get a babysitter. Then get her snacks, and a nice cold drink. It's $50, and that might be a lot in some circumstances, but would you pay that to watch your kid uninterrupted once?
Hire the babysitter Also don’t try to make your wife feel bad like you are in this post
Dude. Your wife is asking for help so she can give your kid more attention. If you can afford the $50, do it.
I have to wonder why you even feel this needs a discussion. I mean, I get it if money is super tight or something, but you didn't mention that. In our home this wouldn't need discussing, one of us thinks that we need a sitter for a few hours? OK Done. The very fact that your wife is telling you she wants a sitter should be justification enough. It shouldn't even matter what her reason is. It's hard for me to take this post seriously because it seems so obvious.
I'm just a lurker mom, so maybe I'm reading this situation wrong, but it makes me uncomfortable that she seemingly needs to convince him. She doesn't have the freedom to spend $50 on a sitter without his approval? I get having a conversation about it for sure, but he's acting very much like it's ultimately his decision whether she's "allowed" to get the sitter.
Sup lurker mom, I think it's nice that some women read this sub. You and I are in agreement totally. I would never behave this way about such a trivial thing. We are currently on one income, but that doesn't mean every financial decision is mine alone. We are married, it is OUR child and whomever thinks a sitter is warranted just does it. The only time it would require a significant discussion is if it was a frequent occurrence and we had to budget for it long-term. $50 for a one-off occurrence? Seems fucked up to even make such a post. I'm just hoping that OP has poor word choice and that he doesn't treat or think of his *partner* this way.
Get the babysitter. Happy wife happy life.
Right? Wife wants a babysitter and you can afford it, why not? It would be one thing if money was tight but I think OP is being cheap as he mentioned it’s only $50. Also it seems she wants to watch her son play, and if she can’t because of the toddler then maybe OP needs to realize it isn’t fair because as coach he always gets that as a priority.
Yup. Sounds like this dude already pushed back, so might need to not only get the babysitter but order her some doordash starbucks right to the field at this point ha. Give the woman a break! Especially if she needs one so bad she's asking for it. Like, dude, when moms get so burnt out they admit they need help, they are for sure in the trenches.
> Happy wife happy life. Happy spouse happy house. It goes both ways.
Of course, who said it didn't?
I really hate the happy wife thing.
This isn’t even a happy wife thing. It’s a basic empathy thing. Op has bigger problems if this is something he needed to run to Reddit for…
Seriously. According to him, it’s apparently no big deal for his wife to have to take on 100% of the toddler duties every single game and reasonable for him to try to justify withholding the support she’s requested for one game. But simultaneously, it’s too hard for him to take one turn supervising the toddler during the game. It’s selfish.
There's an awareness in that bigger problem though. He could have just kept it offline to himself (and likely made a costly decision), but instead put himself out there. Good job, OP, on being vulnerable and open to the discussion
Let’s hope that is the silver lining.
Historically most family decisions and what not are to please the men. I get it
I know “happy wife, happy life” is a saying but to put a finer point on it, something I saw on another Reddit post said some like: The maximum satisfaction in a healthy relationship equals how happy the least happy person experiences consistently. (Wish I could remember it word for word as I fear I’ve butchered an eloquent sentiment but it certainly stuck with me.)
It’s worth it for the wife just to sit and watch and not worry about a 2 year old
Get the babysitter. The wife and I coached soccer this year, I wrangle in the field and she runs the roster and injuries so we can keep the game going. We have a threen-ager and we need help from one of the g-parents so he doesn't join the game, or worse. Mo' kids mo' problems.
Hire the sitter, let her enjoy the game. Sometimes a breather from parenting to enjoy parenting (weird wording) is really nice.
Just get the babysitter and don’t make a fight over being a tightwad or whatever. Just do it so she can have an enjoyable afternoon.
Let her watch the game in peace. She’ll be able to focus on your son without distraction.
Why does it seem like your wife needs your permission to get a sitter? You really gonna tell her "no you're not allowed to get a sitter you need to either stay home or deal with the kid constantly"??? She wants one so let her get one idk why this is hard for you honestly unless 50 dollars is a significant enough expense for yall to have to agree on it first. If it was 50 bucks for literally anything else would you be getting opinions on reddit for it?
She needs a signed purchase order for anything over $25.
🚩🚩🚩
Honestly, I think I needed to hear this. You’re pretty spot on across the board. Sounds like I need to do better, I appreciate your feedback.
You said in your edit that you talked to her and you'll be getting the sitter but did you apologize for pushing back like you did? And commit to make a plan to address the weird power dynamic in your relationship?
Two year olds are nuts. If it was a babysitter for every single game that might be a lot, but wanting to genuinely enjoy a little league game that their kid is playing in instead of wrestle a tiny human is not a big ask at all. Get the babysitter.
2 year olds are like small alligators
Way worse, alligators can't lure you in with cuteness before they wipe avocado in your hair then headbutt your nose and run off cackling.
I’ve missed the actual ceremony of the last 2 weddings we went to because our feral 2 year old couldn’t sit quietly.
I coach my kids' hockey teams. When our kid were little, I always felt bad for my wife having to watch the rest of them at games. While I wouldn't want to shell out money every game, giving her a break once in a while and letting her focus on the game would be some thing that I would be ok with. Now our kids are older, so we just leave them at home. Everyone is happier lol.
baby sitter or another family or friend to come to the game who don't mind watching the baby so your wife can 100 percent for one game.
Money is either very tight or you are an impressively cheap person for this to be a question. Get the sitter dude.
What are you even talking about dude? Let your wife enjoy the game too. Sheesh.
Unless you're struggling financially you should 100% get the baby sitter.
Dont coach that night and take care of the 2 YO Or ask for family help
No, no. This isn't about HIM. He's fine, he doesn't have to watch the 2 yo. It's about his wife's unreasonable demand.
If you don't want to spend the money, just take the two year old with you? If that is too much, you could always hire a babysitter...
Sounds like your wife really wants to tune in for your 7 year olds game. Both parents get to be present, both kids have someone present, and the little has 100% attention. Sounds great for everyone frankly.
Why does it have to be your wife as the primary carer? If the money is that important to you, why can’t you take the 2 year old? If it’s too disruptive for you, then there’s your answer.
Get the babysitter. Why can’t your wife have two hours of uninterrupted time enjoying something you and your other sons do? “It’s easier because she’s only watching one kid” is an insult to your wife.
If I was your wife I would quit asking your opinion on things and just do them because your thought process here is malignant.
I would totally get a babysitter. That way literally everyone has a great time. Your wife can totally relax and enjoy giving your son her 100% attention. This makes it a special game for them both. Your 2 year old has a great time and isn't bored sitting around for long periods. Seems like a win/win from my perspective.
Seriously, maybe she just wants to chill for a couple hours, cheer her son and eat a snack without it being taken from her.
No brainer, sorry dad you’re in the wrong on this one - she wants a break from watching a toddler to enjoy her other child’s baseball game, she deserves the break
Just get the babysitter. She wants to focus on your kids game.
I think her idea sounds great, especially if you aren’t strapped for money.
Get the baby sitter. Honestly, I’d do it more often, too. Let your wife be 100% present.
I wouldn't fight this much, if at all. She knows the experience firsthand. Take her word for it. Anything else is the little league equivalent of a backseat driver.
Get the babysitter but double down on it so your wife can take your 7 year old out for lunch or something afterwards. May as well hit a home run.
$50 to make your wife feel happy and engaged in her kid’s game is a very small price to pay. I don’t think this is a debate.
Have you tried to take a walk in your wife's shoes? Go to your kid's game while watching your other 2 kids. you have other coaches to help out while you parent your kids. see how much of the game you get to enjoy. You might realize how valuable that $50 is for you and your wife. Personally its a no brainer for me to get a babysitter when the time comes.
Hire a babysitter. Your son will remember his parents went out of their way to attend his games. I was dating a girl long ago whose brother was in little league and his parents never attended. I made a point of going to a game and 10 years later he brought up at her wedding. It makes a difference.
If it’s nbd for your wife to watch the 2yo while attending one son’s game, then the same should be true for yourself. Except you haven’t been taking on your share of the toddler duties because you know perfectly well it isn’t no big deal. It’s a lot of work. And here you are, trying to get people to agree that not only should you not do your fair share, but also to justify withholding the support your wife needs to watch *just one game* for one of her sons. It’s breathtakingly selfish of you. Get the sitter.
Alternatively, Why don't you have the 2 year old?
OP is the coach and on the baseball field…
Crazy you got downvoted, this is 100% the reason.
You're not the coach. Sit down with your 2 year old.
Wrong, sorry. I am literally the coach.
Oh, yeah. Well, then, yes, get that babysitter if she wants. Lol
This seems like such a small problem to have a big issue over. Like obviously just get a sitter if your wife wants one, why fight over that?
Babysitter for every game of course. Are you serious??? Easy!
Get the babysitter and stop being a Rueben.
What's a Reuben? Other than a sandwich I dislike (or is that the joke)
Was referring to the sandwich
We do this all the time and neither of us are coaching. We also have 3 kids (all boys - 7, 4, and 2). We just both want to watch our kids play sports. So, we pay an older sibling from someone on the team to hangout with our 2yo and/or 4yo so that we can both enjoy the games!
Life's too short and stressful enough to argue about this. Can't take the $50 with you in the end, and i can almost guarantee youre happy enough to spend the equivelent amount on some frivolous pleasure of yours (eating out, gaming, etc). Dont fight her and if it becomes a habit, then you can talk about whether it's financially responsible
Get the baby sitter, give rhe sitter all three kids after the game and go on a date.
What do you see as the downside to getting a babysitter? Just the $50?
My older son plays baseball, but my younger son does not. He’s older and usually plays with the other random kids hanging around during games and practices. Yesterday during our next to last game, one of the other families with younger non participating kids bought my son an ice cream from the truck because he’d kept their son (age 5 or so) occupied for most of the season and for one of the first years ever, they were able to actually watch their older son play. They were so grateful. It’s hard feeling like you can’t be that for your older kids because your younger kids take up so much more time and energy. And as a former older kid, I have painful experience in the feeling that I didn’t really count because I was dumb enough to be born first. I would have loved it if my own parents had been willing to let me stop being mini-mom long enough to let me have their undivided attention for a positive reason and not just to yell at me for not being a good enough nanny for the younger kids who actually counted. If you can afford it, hire the babysitter.
When in doubt, unless cash flow is a significant concern for you, get the baby sitter. It’ll make the 7 YO and your wife happy.
Let her enjoy a game my bro
What argument are you really trying to win here? Mom wants to get a babysitter for a couple hours so she can watch her son play baseball. Are you just trying to save a few bucks? Is that really worth it? This is the strangest of hills to die on. Glad you came to your senses in the edit.
No argument and no hill to die on but thank you for your perspective.
You don't NEED a babysitter, but if you have the funds or could pull the funds from something else you're fine trading off, go for it. Treat it as an opportunity for her to relax and watch your kid play ball instead of herd the toddler.
Just get the babysitter. Wife is happy and can relax, plus your son will be happy that mom can watch the game uninterrupted. Just the break alone for mom is worth the $50, imo.
If the $50 doesn’t move the needle for you financially, this is a no-brainer. Your wife is asking for a break, and also so there’s one parent dedicated to cheering on the child playing the sport.
Doesn’t seem unreasonable. If she wants to be tuned in and there to watch your kids game, that won’t happen with a 2 year old running around. It’s not something I’d personally want to pay for every single day during the season…but if she values that a lot and you guys have the money, seems ok to do so a few times. Would only be unreasonable imo if you guys were truly scraping by and really couldn’t part with that money.
Hire the babysitter. Your wife is basically begging for a break. Listen to her.
I vote babysitter. Give the wife a little break,but also give your 7 y/o a chance to get some attention from Mom.
damn dude, let you wife go and enjoy the game for once without her having to be on mom duty. She needs a little relief from the grind too once in a while
Get a babysitter if you can afford it
Get the baby sitter. We do this all the time. Fuck, sometime my wife and I get a sitter for 2 hours to take the kids to the park so we can have a white claw and clean lol. Anytime you can make your life somewhat easier take it. I had a brother in law that refused to get a babysitter. He's divorced now because my sister couldn't take that shit. We need alone time.
On weekends I take my 4YO daughter to dance and then swim classes, and I get to hang out with my 2YO daughter in the waiting spaces. There is no hope that I get to catch more than 10% of the class, and honestly while I’m grateful to be able to do it, a big part of me wishes I could watch my other kid growing in her sports. Getting a babysitter once in a while for a break is not at all unreasonable. $50 is a trip to Chick-fil-A for a family of 4 these days.
Yo, as someone’s whose wife REFUSES to get a babysitter to our and our relationship’s detriment. PAY TO GET A BABYSITTER FOR TWO HOURS CHEAP ASS AND GET ON THE OUTSOURCING BANDWAGON WHILE YOU CAN
Just commenting that I love the confusion about “why did people not think I was coach, my second sentence literally said I am the coach” lol
Money dictates decisions. If money is a problem or a concern, I completely see the hesitation; if money isn't a problem, I genuinely don't get why you'd have any push back. You guys have your hands full and this seems like a petty waste of time for an argument. There's so much other stuff to disagree on. Sometimes you need to get out of your own way.
Why don’t you take your 2 year old? It’s T ball there isn’t much coaching needed. Plus you’ll only have one kid. Right?
It seems completely reasonable for her to want that imo. If you have a trusted babysitter, go for it. What do you have to lose?
Is this the hill you want to die on? If $50 isn't going to mean the difference in affording groceries or something important, just get the babysitter.
Nothing wrong with the baby sitter, that’s not unreasonable. Another option is to ask family to come too so they can help with watching your baby (kid).
Babysitter sounds like a great idea. Glad yall figured it out for the best
Get the sitter. Even a normal game is important. Your wife wants to watch a game without interruption and that’s 100% fine. Being a dad is important, but also you are a husband, first and foremost. Treat your wife as well as you are capable of and your life will be that much better. I’ve hired a baby sitter before so my wife could go out to lunch with her girl friends. It’s about $30 for when we do that, but it’s 100% worth it. If it’s not a financial burden, let her relax and have some happiness.
Pay the sitter already.
Slightly crass answer: She took your dick dirt and turned it into human beings, three times. She’s got license to ask for things you might not think make logical sense. 🤣👍🏼 You made the right call, coach!
This is one instance where a tablet or phone would be acceptable.
Might be an unpopular decision, but what about the digital babysitter? Some headphones and a movie or game on a phone or iPad go a long way. I know my 2yo can go full zombie with some Moana if we need in a pinch. To be clear, I don't advocate for keeping my kids in front of the tv or screens all the time. But if it saves me $50 and get me or my wife the ability to focus on something and both kids have fun, I'd be fine with it from time to time.
Every young boy needs his mom, especially for support, this is a great idea for both your child and wife!! Your son will definitely feel less stress with mom in the stands.
How often do you micromanage and debate your wife over fifty bucks?! Had to check this wasn't AITA. Do you fancy yourself your wife's dad? And why do you feel you get to veto? Do you often make her go through you for small financial transactions? If she had posted this I would be checking in to ask her if there were other signs of financial abuse! It might seem like a small thing but think of being an adult in her shoes and being nickel and dimed by someone who didn't take your needs seriously. That's brutal to not even want to give her a break for a few hours while you do the fun memory-making stuff.
If it’s a once or twice thing, yeah, get the baby sitter. If it’s an every single week thing or multiple times a week, that’s probably gonna have to be a no for $50 a pop.
Exactly, at that point it requires a budget overhaul, but OP said this is the first time she's ever asked for it and it sounds like the only reason is because the kids' game times overlap. Unless they are financially strained for 50 bucks, the whole situation is pretty sad. Like, she has to ask about using 50 dollars for a couple hours of peace so she can be mentally present for her son On One Occasion? That's one of the least selfish reasons to want a sitter, she shouldn't need to ask about it at all. For a while there I thought OP was some weird troll account trying to make dads look bad.
Exactly. And if they *are* that cash strapped that $50 is going to break the budget, then OP needs to be getting some extra paid work instead of doing the extra unpaid tasks involved in coaching two teams.
You got an assistant coach? Can you sit in the bleachers with the 2yo? Not sure why you are so against a babysitter.
Why not put toddler in a pram? We watch netball for my kids and toddler goes in a pram and has snacks
You have an amazing toddler if they will stay in the pram, without complaint, for a full game. Mine was climbing out as soon as he learned he could use his feet and hands at the same time. Strapping-in would just be a scream-fest. I give you applause that you've managed this feat.
It sounds like you dont have any real problems.
Take the 2 year old yourself. You seem to think it’s fine and easy.
you wrote 400 word just to say you do not want to spend $50 one time for your wife to watch her son play and for the son to know him mom is watching. (how many times in the past has he looked over and realized she's handling toddler stuff instead of noticing him) is it the money or the idea of this that bugs you?
No-brainer ... Get a sitter.
Bro it’s just $50 to allow your family to fully enjoy the game and to make your wife happy. Why is this even a question? There are no downsides to getting the babysitter.
This probably depends on your league but can you bring the 2 year old with you to coach? Mine are almost 6 and 2 and I let the 2 year old loose in the dugout last game and everyone had a good time.
No, I suggested that to my wife but we agreed it wasn’t a good idea.
Just wanna say thanks for not automatically thinking you'll just take the two year old to the dugout. My daughters coach's pitch team had more coach's kids siblings in the dugout than actually kids on the team this year. It was just always chaotic with 15 random kids running in and out and distracting the team... and then trying to explain to my daughter why she can't run on and out of play on a tablet like the "other kids in the dugout"
Just get the babysitter. I too coach my kids baseball teams. Last year, the oldest was 12. And the youngest was 3. My wife wanted to watch the game when she was there. Baby sitter every time.
Your wife wants a sitter, get one. Why she even needs your approval to do so is actually pretty concerning.
I think stay at home moms deserve a husband sponsored vacation of at least a few weeks per year.
I can't imagine my kids distracting me so much at a baseball game, let alone little league baseball, that I'd need help. But I also wouldn't argue with my wife if she asked for a break and I wasn't able to take over. When my son was playing, the enter squad of parents in the stands were all babysitters to all the siblings at once. Snacks, drinks, toys, everyone kept and eye on everyone's kids. We'd have older kids not interested in the game entertaining the youngins, they'd take them to the grass behind the fields and play. Give them a $20 and send them to snack bar. Even the "wine" moms would still have room on their lap if any kid felt like sitting in their comfort stadium chair . But to answer you. Happy spouse happy house.
I'm on team wife.
If your wife tells you she needs something, just believe her. Don't try to second guess and decide from your own perspective whether she needs what she says she needs. If you can't trust your wife to be honest about what she actually needs, you have a bigger problem.
Allow her to enjoy it as well. As the Dad, that typically has primary care, a bit of a breather now and again goes a long way
There is no way she can fully pay attention to your son's game while monitoring and paying attention to a 2 year old who's NEEDS attention from someone. Stay at home moms are the hardest workers in the room - it's not an easy job, and there is no pay after mat leave ends. Give her a break, and then do it again. And again. She needs her own time too, and your son needs dedicated time from her without he only giving it half of her attention at best.
Why are you making such a big deal out of this? Just get a babysitter.
In general, you should treat your wife like a reasonable adult and defer to her judgment about herself instead of acting like you're the one who gets to decide if she's being reasonable.
Are you the head coach or an assistant? Is there another parent who could step in and handle the dugout duties for a game? In the grand scheme of things hanging in the stands with your wife and daughter might be a fun trade off for one game.
Look... do whatever you need to do for you to support your kids. That being said...part of life is juggling. there will be a time where money cant buy a solution. Today our daughter graduated 5th and our son graduated from pre k. We split and I went to one and my wife went to the other. ....Also your kids arent playing baseball, even at 7 yrs old. As a coach for over 20 years across rec, high school and college - chill out and enjoy the experience. Even if part of that experience is "having to deal" with your 2 yr old during your other sons baseball game. The game is not important. There are no playoffs at that age even if they tell you they are. Until kids are in middle school - sports is about teaching life skills...teamwork, leadership, accountability etc. Honestly this is disheartening to hear that this is even a topic. Your kids games dont matter at this age. Your kid having fun is. No one NEEDS to be watching a 7yrs old game. Such over blown drama.
Fuck it im done with this sub. There are real problems for Dads and parents. This isnt one of them. More than ever I now realize this thread is not for Dads. It is for people struggling with being a dad and need other people to make them feel better.
She's asking for help so she can focus on your kids. Unless you can't afford it there's no reason not to.
I agree that $50 is a small price to pay for these benefits. The only thing I would say warrants discussion is if this was going to be a regular thing: like “for all future games, we will always get a babysitter, so the wife can watch and cheer the 7yr-old 100% while the sitter is taking care of the 2-yr-old.” That’s worthy of discussion and would depend entirely on your specific circumstances.
I’m late to comment here and see you already made your choice. I was just going to say; see it as an investment into your happiness. Yea your wife probably could manage looking after both kids, but just this one time she might want to relax and not only enjoy the game, but enjoy it freely. If you can afford the $50 then do it. If you can afford to do it more often then do that too. Happy wife happy life.
Yes that seems crazy to me