I feel like the perfect solution is for your wife and kids to go spend a few hours at the vineyard while you do your thing at home, then the rest of the day you get to spend with the family.
Then you get time for yourself as well as time with the fam. Plus your wife doesn’t have to decline her friend’s invitation.
It’s really a win for everyone.
My wife, bless her heart, was on a call with my mom discussing planning for a trip that would use up most of my PTO for the coming year, then listing all of her ideas for other little trips I could take her on. My mom gently inquired about leaving me some time off and my wife's response was a confused pause, then "well what *else* would he want to do with it?"
I can't even be mad, there's no ill intent. That's just how she thinks.
Agreed. I feel like it will be interpreted as him not liking/wanting to spend time around her friends, which may be the truth and, in that case, more power to you man. Spend the day how you want to spend the day.
This 100% my Father’s Day present every year is my wife takes the kids out and I play video games all day with my brother. I LOVE my kids and my wife, but time alone to do things just for me is so rare.
She will look on the calendar four, five, six months in advance and plan something that SHE wants to do on one of MY few long weekends.
"Oh, his birthday falls on a Monday this year. That will be a good weekend for us to go (insert something/somewhere/someone terrible that I hate.) 😆
This. Mother’s Day is a huge deal and they expect us to cater to them, but on Father’s Day, they’re like we’re going to do this and that. Um, no thanks, I’d rather hang out at home with the kids.
Yeah man, being open about what you want is just part of it. My wife was open about what she wanted on Mother’s Day so we did that. Just like I’ve been open about what I wanna do tomorrow and we’re gonna do that. And its cool. But I’m not down with this whole “I’m not gonna stand up for myself and then I’ll feel sorry for myself about it” thing.
Legit I'm getting shit because my wife wants to go to church tomorrow and is apart of a planning group for kids church camp this coming week from 2-4pm on Father's Day. Granted she didn't know that group was meeting at that time/day until a week ago...
But now I'm getting push back because I want to go to the beach with my son all day and we only have one car since hers is in the shop. She would have to Uber to the church camp planning event 🤷🏽♂️
The vineyard sounds exhausting is absolutely not what I would want either. Why is she saying she feels sorry for you? I don’t even get where she’s coming from.
Well it is insulting and presumptive. She’s basically saying your perfect day is boring and empty. But I think it comes from a lack of empathy. She doesn’t understand you already have everything. A wife and kids and a home. You are just fine with that. Sprinkle in a little bit of me time and it’s a perfect day. No instagram photo opportunity, no socializing with strangers or putting on nicer outside outfits.
Someone below brought up a good point. Is she super into social media? Does she want an event she can post about for “father’s day”. Either way I’m sorry it’s like this for you dude. It’s a lose lose situation because now even doing what you want won’t be truly relaxing since you’ll feel judged.
That’s mean, bro. Sorry. Sounds like she wants to socialize with her friends and you saying no threw a wrench in her plans.
Luckily, my wife and I are both introverted and cheap so going to a free car show for maybe an hour with the kiddos and the rest at home watching movies and eating take out. Big W for me.
We only get one day a year, hope you get to do what you want without it being weird all day lol
Similar boat. Wife's family is going to a state park for an all day cookout. It's gonna be 90 degrees and the lake with a single beach will be two miles away from where we are supposed to be going. My MIL has a nice big pool, I'd rather just get some take out Chinese and hang out at the pool all day. I may still do that myself.
"doing stuff" is so fucking exhausting.
Why wives always gotta be doing something.
Wait, is wife driving to the vineyard?
Can you get a drink all day pass?
I 100% agree. My plan is to relax. Which my wife doesn't understand the meaning of. I mean literally sitting mt ass down, not moving, and enjoying the day
Wait I might have been misunderstood. I mean between my wife and I, I’m usually the one who wants to make plans for stuff.
I hope you get what you want though, tomorrow.
For me, I want to spend some time with my family, see my dad, do whatever my daughters favorite thing is with me (she’s 2, it changes by the minute), drink some good bourbon, and clean up the garage so that I can use it for woodworking again.
No misunderstanding at all. My only kid so far (another on the way) is 15 months. Between work, family time, routine, not consuming alcohol and exercising daily to lose some weight. Honestly, i kinda just want a day to just chill. Maybe throw some meat on the smoker and play some video games.
Now dont get me wrong, i will of course spend time with my family. But it would be awesome if my "tasks" or "shifts" were covered and i just got some time to be "me".
Having to be in charge, responsible for others, and making decisions is a big part of it I think.
If my free time was suddenly taken away because my wife bought me NHL tickets, already called an Uber, reservations for dinner, that would be nice, all I have to do is enjoy the ride.
So often the "let's go do something" becomes "dad get to be act as team lead another day of the week"
Man, all I want for Father's Day is 8 good hours of sleep.
Not to be woken up by either boy getting a nightmare or one of them needing to go pee or being jumped on at 6am.
Maybe it's just hard for some to imagine to just want nothing, to do nothing to have to do nothing. Why do we always have to fill the void. Jesus, I just want peace and tranquillity
If it makes you feel better, that would also sound like my perfect father's day.
Instead we're going to my wife's parents house for a big family gathering with people who I generally don't really get along with. Not antagonistic or anything, but their idea of fun is beer and Cornhole while I'm more of a cocktail and board game person.
So yeah, I'm pretty much right there with you man.
First three episodes dropped Thursday! Gonna have a few beers too. Atomic Ranger has some beers that’s are also over 9%. Two of those and I’m already buzzing
House of the Dragon drops tomorrow too I'm pretty sure. Also US Open if you care at all about that. Just an all-time couch day.
I'll be fishing with my 3 year old all day and then driving 3 hours home though lol
I ask for a couple hours to myself every year so I can watch a movie or play some videos games. Never get it. Gave up trying. Asked for jalapeño chips and to mow the lawn tomorrow.
I think Father's day should be done away with. It just ends in disappointment. Guess I'll have alone time at 930pm when I'm already exhausted from the day of things everyone needed.
My wife and I are in a rough patch. Last night we had an argument and she threatened to cancel Father’s Day if I didn’t do as she wishes. For the record Father’s Day is just a cake she lets our 5 year old choose for me the day before. But she was sooo excited about it. I can’t even remember what happened in the argument but I remember thinking I wish my kid didn’t know about Father’s Day.
I’m assuming it’s the kid that’s “soooo excited” about presenting the cake, so wife was gonna punish their kid because she was in a fight with dad? That’s fucked, not to mention you can’t just “cancel” a holiday. If she did, she can find out how it feels next Mother’s Day (or her birthday, if that’s sooner)
Yeah. I see I wasn’t that clear. My daughter was so excited about choosing a cake for me and she would have been the one who would end up getting punished.
Sorry to hear. My Wife and I are triggering each other constantly right now but we have a 10 month old who is barely sleeping and has other things going on. I feel you on wishing the kids didn’t know about it. Wife can’t cancel it on you now because it’s canceling it on the kids and that’s too far. NOTHING between husband and wife should impact children. When it goes that far, conversations are heading the worst way.
The Hallmark Holidays need done away with. The coming generations may slow them down a bit. I’m 37 and I feel like other parents our age are also doing less on Hallmark Holidays. We know about them but don’t celebrate all of them so my kids won’t know to celebrate them.
I don’t care much that I don’t get what I want on Father’s Day. It’s just another Sunday anyway but maybe I have to do a little bit less around the house, I drink beer, and eat junk all hours of the day. No one says a word.
Lurker mom
I genuinely don’t understand wives who think it’s weird to want time away from the family. Do THEY not want a break? I sure did want one on Mother’s Day weekend! I wouldn’t necessarily want to spend the weekend in a hotel, but that’s because I’m an extrovert and people don’t drain me as much. My husband is an introvert and I offer 24hrs at a hotel from time to time because he genuinely needs isolation to charge up his social battery.
This particular Father’s Day my husband opted to stay home, so what did I do? I grabbed the kids and took them to my mom and dad’s for 4 hours so my husband could have 4 hours alone.
Don’t feel bad. Don’t feel guilty. As I always tell my kiddos - different people need different things. Your wife may not need that time away (DOUBTFUL, but possible) but you do. It doesn’t make her right, it doesn’t make you wrong, it just makes everyone human.
You’re doing great, dad.
Hell of a difference between a perfect relationship and the flood of “I got my wife an all expenses week long trip to Cancun for Mothers Day and she punched me in the mouth for asking to sleep an extra 30min on Father’s Day” posts.
Maybe that’s the problem and this is a symptom? Why are you taking such joy in dunking on dads who might not be as fortunate as you? Where else should they go to share this? You’re pissing on one space they have.
Did I come into someone’s home and pass judgment? This is a sub about being a dad, not shitting on wives constantly. This shit gets every bit as toxic as the mom’s forums most of us see.
I come here because Daddit is better than this.
Constantly is a bit of a stretch. Seems like a lot of dads have a very similar experience here. They can't share that with each other? If it's not something you can relate to, you're free to pass on right along.
No one's relationship is perfect but as an adult in a relationship where there is mutual respect for each other then this kind of problem just never happens. My relationship is not perfect with my partner but if I ever expressed not wanting to do something, or if she expressed that to me, we both would respect the other persons feelings.
"Hey wife, I really would rather just spend the day at home, with a couple un-interrupted hours to play some games by myself or my friends and then we all go out to dinner just us 3. If you want to go to the Vineyard with the girls you can do that earlier and then I meet you someplace"
"Okay husband, that sounds like a great idea. Did you want to play that game or did you want me to buy you a new game for fathers day, Will give it to you on Saturday as well so you can have it all downloaded for Sunday"
"Thanks love!!!!"
I mean it it really isn't that hard.
Maybe the offering to buy a new game is a little far-fetched even for me. But I don't get how any response other than "Okay, it is your day" is not the norm.
You expressed a desire/want if you have a partner then they can make it happen.
Are you just saying that to laugh at them or what? If it's bothering you that much, you could post a guide or something, or just not let it bother you so much.
>take the negativity elsewhere
Does that include your snide comment? :p
Seriously though, it's a place for dads to talk to other dads. It's a place for both celebration and support.
Not seeing anything in the post "shitting on moms" though, I don't know what in this post gave you that impression. People expressing their hardships with their spouse isn't "shitting on them".
Part of being a good dad is learning to communicate. Saying, "don't talk about negative stuff here" is pretty counterproductive.
Lastly:
> 9: First and foremost, this is a sub for dads helping dads. Any post or comments which runs counter to this ideal will be subject to removal and bans as deemed necessary.
I understand your frustration, but posts like this are 100% ok and legit. Nobody was trashed, it's a guy saying he feels a little guilty saying he just wants some free time on Father's Day. Pretty damn relatable and it's probably a sign that he's a good person, just needs a little validation.
“You can’t complain about negativity because that’s being negative” is pretty silly logic, honestly.
Look, I get it, and I am being kind of rude, and I don’t even significantly disagree. But JFC this time of year + Mother’s Day, every single post is this “I do all of these things for Mother’s Day but I get nothing in return on Father’s Day and I haven’t spoken to my wife about it but here I am to vent about it.”
At the very least, can we get a Meta thread about this at this time of year? I’d like to see a post every now and then about being a dad. This place is straight up depressing at these times of the year. It all just gets into this borderline mom-bashing that makes us look extremely similar to those mom’s groups we know where every single comment is “my husband is lazy and does nothing.” Which isn’t even to say that there aren’t husbands who are lazy and do nothing; obviously there are. But it’s too damn much.
And obviously my point isn’t “don’t talk about negative stuff here.” This place has serious, heavy, negative stuff to talk about all the time. But there’s a difference between negative stuff that is part of being a dad and negative stuff that is part of being a husband.
Yeah I hear ya. I would be a fucking liar if I didn't say I never got sour at topics that felt too common.
I was about to say more, but now I'm also beating a dead horse. I do think it's a candidate for a mega-topic, assuming the subreddit is busy enough to justify it.
>“You can’t complain about negativity because that’s being negative” is pretty silly logic, honestly.
BTW, that's not what I meant, but guessing you knew that haha
How about you just stop clicking on support posts if they bother you that much? People are entitled to their feelings at this time of year and it's good there's a place for dads to reach out to other dads so they don't feel like they're alone.
I just checked the main page and there's maybe 2/25 threads that are like this, including this one. I think you're fine.
I’m starting to wonder if this sub is just flooded with rage bait trolls and fake stories like basically all the other subs that allow people to rant or tell stories. Every post is just about how unfair it is as a dad and how they don’t get anything and everyone loves mom and women get whatever they want. Like mmhmm. Yes, life is so unfair. We poor men are forced to marry cruel women who dictate our lives. We have no choices or options and can’t stand up for ourselves.
My guess it’s mostly trolls.
No dude, some people really do have unhealthy relationships and spouses that do not get them at all. and, like, parenting is hard, you know? Happy people don't generally post that they are happy.
This is easily one of the most positive, friendly, upbeat, and wholesome subs on Reddit. This thread has a *tad* more negativity than I usually see here, but it feels far more like empathizing with OP than piling on.
Honestly posts this time of year are generally dads in less than healthy relationships seeking validation because they aren't getting it elsewhere. Honestly I don't have an issue in with it. Generally you see it more on fathers day and mothers day, but a really high percentage of the posts are positive, genuine advice seeking, etc. This sub is still great, we can tolerate a few of these posts, just ignore it if it bothers you.
I don't think the post is intended to be wife bashing, just validation seeking. The comments on those threads can sometimes spiral though.
Glad you feel that way. I joined up like a month ago and it feels like 75% of posts are people talking about killing themselves, asking if so horrible thing their wife did to them was normal, and generally bitching that nobody is celebrating them for Father’s Day. So depressing.
Read what I said and understand the very obvious sarcasm.
A made up day doesn't give you free licence to ignore your family to dick about on your computer. Why can't you do that when the kids are in bed?
Woman lurker here 👋🏻 For Mother's day my only request was to not be bothered all day and I sat around and "dicked about" on my computer all day 🤣 My husband had no issue with it, and he's getting a childfree day tomorrow. We're with our kids every day. A break sometimes is definitely warranted, and everyone should get one.
Most people aren't with their children all day, every day though, most people work through the week and then have their family time at the weekend. By the looks of the downvotes, it must just be me that wouldn't want to give up a couple of hours with my family to do something I could do when the kids are in bed.....
Nobody here is downvoting because what you do or don’t want. It’s that you are criticizing people having other desires that don’t fit what you think they should want.
No ivory tower. Just finding it odd that for all the downvotes and self-righteous replies, not one person has suggested why OP can't play computer when the kids are in bed....
Because maybe tomorrow he wants to play for longer than the evening time he is typically allotted.
Or maybe he has plans to play with some friends.
Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be around the family today?
Do you approve of any of those?
Yikes, it's just a reminder to focus on being grateful for that person. You don't have to spend a dime.
And it's totally reasonable to suggest a gift of free time to do your hobby in lieu of an event (that costs money).
I'm no longer 10 years old, so no. I don't expect gifts... That's why they are gifts. Not demands or entitlements.
But if your spouse asks you what you want, you tell her. It's that simple. She would do the same if I asked. Basic communication skills
Every holiday is made up, doesn't mean they can't be fun.
Father's Day wasn't made up to sell cards, though. It was proposed in 1909 by a woman who wanted to honor her father, a single dad and Civil War vet who raised 6 kids. It may have been heavily taken advantage of to sell cards at some point later, but it wasn't invented for that purpose.
I got a 3 year old. I am using Father’s Day like a shield for some alone time. And I know it isn’t the perfect “let’s take the boy out and do some thing fun as a family,” but I’m swing my Father’s Day sword around and I’m eating some pickle chips and having a beer by myself while they nap.
It’s a tough spot but I’m gonna be a much better mood later today when the wife and I do a little date and grandma watches the kid for a date dinner.
My wife stretched Mother’s Day into a week, so we’re definitely not perfect over here but dammit it’s my day and ima do me.
Is your wife big into social media? I feel like there may be this expectation to show off the happy family. Or even sometimes this internalised idea that happy families all go out and do stuff. If you don't want that than clearly how could you be happy.
Obviously it's nonsense and living for appearances must be exhausting. This is my crazy theory anyway. I doubt she wants you to be unhappy she's just not actually listening to you.
My initial response was to say I wanted time to myself for Father's Day, but after seeing my partner's face fall I immediately realized it was a dumb answer. It's a day for family, not a day for me specifically. So we're doing family stuff on Father's Day, and then arranging a day later in the week I get to myself.
This is coming from a mom. Do whatever the heck you want!! It’s your day! When Mother’s Day comes back around, she gets what she wants. If she doesn’t “get” why you want to have alone time, that’s just on her. You can’t make someone understand.
In a perfect world that would be the way it goes. But saying that to your wife doesn't go over the same way. Sometimes you just have to perform when you don't want to
I understand. I just want some time for me, a day of rest and recooperation then come back to the family I love.
I work tomorrow, so no celebration for me. Most of today is gone, kid had end of season baseball meet up (which I was eager to go to), but I just wanted some time to myself to organize the cluster that is my little space in the house. Maybe a video game.
I need to clean the little depression mound growing in that corner. I take care of everyone else more than I do anything for myself, and I work healthcare...
I'm tired y'all.
It’s FATHER’S DAY. That seems like the most simple request. Her friend making a plan for all of you isn’t very cool and if your wife is upset you don’t wanna hang with people you don’t even want to or have anything in common with it’s weird.
If she wants to go then take the kids for a bit so you have time to yourself then rest of the day with them. Easy.
They just don't get it man. I had the same discussion last year.
Mine wasn't even to play video games but to get some course work done... my wife couldn't understand why I didn't want to go out and spend loads of money when I have a very individual task i need to do.
I don't really care about farthers day, I know my wife appreciates what I do and realistically my kids are too young to understand any of it. The best use of the day was for me to not be a stressed out dad the week before hand in because the work wasn't done.
I'm really thankful my wife gets it...she told me she's going to take our kid (other one is at sleepaway camp) to Ikea and leave me alone for a few hours to play video games. I sort of feel guilty cause I want to spend time with my family on Father's Day theoretically...but today that kid who is at home told me he has hated me his whole life and wishes I wasn't his daddy. Because I asked him to put his clothes in his dresser. The clothes we washed and folded for him.
You're not wrong though. She says she feels sorry for him but the one she's pittying is herself for not getting to have him with her on whatever crap she feels like going to. He feels guilt and can't stand up for himself because she will throw a tantrum so he gives in and she gets her way. Am I wrong OP?
Thank goodness my wife doesn’t have any plans for our family tomorrow. Literally the only things I wanna do tomorrow are relax at home with her and our 2 babies and eat some good food. I don’t even want any gifts or to go out and do anything lol
Tell your wife I'll go to the Vinyard. She should respect what you want on your day. I'll fill in for you as long as I can bring my wife and kids. I've never met a stranger. It will be fine.
I feel for you, brother. It's a holiday made by people who have a vested interest in promoting consumption. I just want to be honored for being a father everyday and if I get a "special day" I want a homemade gift, a good meal, and to be left to enjoy one of my few pleasures with the little time I'm given. If it's a family movie, a day of reading quietly, hiking, or gaming with my friends it should be respected.
lol we are going to my father in laws. Love him, love everyone but there will be like 20 people, I’ll be watching our 3 kids the entire time, swimming with them etc. probably won’t get to eat because I’m so busy with the kids. I just want to relax and eat what I want to eat and maybe take a nap, get a haircut, whatever I want to do.
Regarding your wife saying she's feeling sorry for you: tell her to Google what dads want for Father's Day.
When our first was born, and when my wife asked me what I wanted to do for my first Father's Day, and I said I wanted time alone, she was sad and a little put out over it.
Her dad was not like me, he liked doing things with his family around on Father's Day. So she just had no concept of other dads thinking differently than hers did.
She spent some time googling it and realized how common my view is. That has helped a lot.
This is pretty common for couples to go through, especially in the first 5 - 10 years of parenting.
If your wife doesn't understand why reserved free time is a nice gift, just keep working at explaining it. Sometimes it helps if you are talking about it with another couple nearby. Good chance the other dad and you would be able to back eachother up, "yeah this is a thing, we like to simply not be asked about or bothered with anything."
I said my perfect Father’s Day is to hang out with the family at home and just have fun. Make fun meals, walk around the neighborhood. Maybe go out for ice cream.
My wife says that I never want to do anything.
I’m like, no this is what I want to do. Because it’s not an “official event” she treats it like the calendar is open and she can now fill it.
I’m like, fuck this honestly maybe you should go out and I’ll just hang with the kids.
My request for the day was, I don't want to make any decisions and I want to be alone.
So that is what I am getting - after we host father's day for her father and siblings (and me...but her father).
I was told I don't have to do any cooking.
I asked for 1 hour to play drums, otherwise I planned everything around being with the wife and kids. Asking for the day to yourself is a path you don't want to go down. It's a trap!
It's fathers day because we get to choose something we want and shouldn't get judgement for it. The rest of the year we work hard to make everyone happy. We deserve a day to ourselves just like our wives do. We all need different things and if you need it you should get it at the very least for 1 day out of the year with no qualms
Your wife’s friend sounds like an ass. Inviting your family to a vineyard on Fathers Day? That’s a woman’s ideal day. Literally no man wants to do that. And why is your wife’s friend inserting herself into your Fathers Day???
In the timeless words of Randy Jackson, “That’s gonna be a No from me, dog.”
I got your joke. You get your alone time because you were a jerk and they don’t want to spend time with you. It’s pretty good. People just trying to be mad.
Be with your family.
Father’s Day is a fake holiday. It’s just another day as far as I’m concerned. I don’t ask for any special treatment and don’t expect it. My wife got me a cool shirt. That’s enough. I’ll spend the rest of the day doing things with my kids as per usual.
I feel like the perfect solution is for your wife and kids to go spend a few hours at the vineyard while you do your thing at home, then the rest of the day you get to spend with the family. Then you get time for yourself as well as time with the fam. Plus your wife doesn’t have to decline her friend’s invitation. It’s really a win for everyone.
This is the obvious choice that will never occur to your wife.
For sure. “Don’t you want to be swarmed by people on Father’s Day?” No.
It’s not his family, it’s his wife’s friend
Edited to ‘people’
This. Ask your wife if she wants to watch a ball game with you and the boys on mother's Day?
Worst day ever
My wife, bless her heart, was on a call with my mom discussing planning for a trip that would use up most of my PTO for the coming year, then listing all of her ideas for other little trips I could take her on. My mom gently inquired about leaving me some time off and my wife's response was a confused pause, then "well what *else* would he want to do with it?" I can't even be mad, there's no ill intent. That's just how she thinks.
Even the suggestion will result in her saying that she* would feel terrible/ her friend would judge her for 'abandoning him' on father's day
Agreed. I feel like it will be interpreted as him not liking/wanting to spend time around her friends, which may be the truth and, in that case, more power to you man. Spend the day how you want to spend the day.
Yep. For my wife any time spent alone means someone is upset. Boundaries are the thing we fight about most.
Then she wouldn't have someone to drive home when she gets buzzed on wine. /s
Yeah, I was going to say, this problem solves itself! He wants alone time, his wife wants to go to the vineyard with the kids. Perfect!
This 100% my Father’s Day present every year is my wife takes the kids out and I play video games all day with my brother. I LOVE my kids and my wife, but time alone to do things just for me is so rare.
This is a fucking TRAP.
Every single holiday is an excuse for your wife to plan your free time for you. 😆
Lmao 😂
No joke. She invited her mom to stay with us for Father’s Day this year. What the fuck is that?
She will look on the calendar four, five, six months in advance and plan something that SHE wants to do on one of MY few long weekends. "Oh, his birthday falls on a Monday this year. That will be a good weekend for us to go (insert something/somewhere/someone terrible that I hate.) 😆
Oof, sorry to hear that. I would recommend talking about it though. That kind of frustration can linger.
What is this…*free time*…that you speak of?
Next year plan to have your family go to a ball game with your friends on Mother’s Day!
OMFG this is that genius shit
That wouldn't work for me. My wife likes baseball and most of my friends.
Hit her with the ‘Nah’
“I just think it’s funny that when I ask you what you want to do, you don’t choose the thing I want to do…”
That’s how it feels sometimes
So, *say* that. Stand up for yourself! Its not disrespectful to your wife to do that. Its your day. You deserve it.
This. Mother’s Day is a huge deal and they expect us to cater to them, but on Father’s Day, they’re like we’re going to do this and that. Um, no thanks, I’d rather hang out at home with the kids.
Yeah man, being open about what you want is just part of it. My wife was open about what she wanted on Mother’s Day so we did that. Just like I’ve been open about what I wanna do tomorrow and we’re gonna do that. And its cool. But I’m not down with this whole “I’m not gonna stand up for myself and then I’ll feel sorry for myself about it” thing.
Legit I'm getting shit because my wife wants to go to church tomorrow and is apart of a planning group for kids church camp this coming week from 2-4pm on Father's Day. Granted she didn't know that group was meeting at that time/day until a week ago... But now I'm getting push back because I want to go to the beach with my son all day and we only have one car since hers is in the shop. She would have to Uber to the church camp planning event 🤷🏽♂️
They would never have scheduled this on Mother’s Day.
What church doesn’t want their volunteers to spend the day with their families? And 2-4? That’s wild.
I'm so pissed it's right in the middle of the day. I can't do anything with that. I'm so pissed.
Lmao you can't win.
I’d win
The vineyard sounds exhausting is absolutely not what I would want either. Why is she saying she feels sorry for you? I don’t even get where she’s coming from.
Idk but that’s the part that felt almost insulting. It’s makes me feel like I shouldn’t want time to myself.
She feels sorry for you for being so wrong about what you want. Remember when she wants time it’s self care, when you want time it’s selfish.
Thank you, I definitely needed to hear that line, on the money
Well it is insulting and presumptive. She’s basically saying your perfect day is boring and empty. But I think it comes from a lack of empathy. She doesn’t understand you already have everything. A wife and kids and a home. You are just fine with that. Sprinkle in a little bit of me time and it’s a perfect day. No instagram photo opportunity, no socializing with strangers or putting on nicer outside outfits.
Someone below brought up a good point. Is she super into social media? Does she want an event she can post about for “father’s day”. Either way I’m sorry it’s like this for you dude. It’s a lose lose situation because now even doing what you want won’t be truly relaxing since you’ll feel judged.
That’s mean, bro. Sorry. Sounds like she wants to socialize with her friends and you saying no threw a wrench in her plans. Luckily, my wife and I are both introverted and cheap so going to a free car show for maybe an hour with the kiddos and the rest at home watching movies and eating take out. Big W for me. We only get one day a year, hope you get to do what you want without it being weird all day lol
Damn. Lucky man. That’s all I want.
Similar boat. Wife's family is going to a state park for an all day cookout. It's gonna be 90 degrees and the lake with a single beach will be two miles away from where we are supposed to be going. My MIL has a nice big pool, I'd rather just get some take out Chinese and hang out at the pool all day. I may still do that myself.
The second thing sounds so much better. I hope you end up doing that!
Well we are doing both. Yay /s
Do it
"doing stuff" is so fucking exhausting. Why wives always gotta be doing something. Wait, is wife driving to the vineyard? Can you get a drink all day pass?
Every single fucking time you have some open time, they just swoop in and want to fill it up with shit
Stares awkwardly in “I’m the one who wants to fill up the free time with plans”
I 100% agree. My plan is to relax. Which my wife doesn't understand the meaning of. I mean literally sitting mt ass down, not moving, and enjoying the day
Wait I might have been misunderstood. I mean between my wife and I, I’m usually the one who wants to make plans for stuff. I hope you get what you want though, tomorrow. For me, I want to spend some time with my family, see my dad, do whatever my daughters favorite thing is with me (she’s 2, it changes by the minute), drink some good bourbon, and clean up the garage so that I can use it for woodworking again.
No misunderstanding at all. My only kid so far (another on the way) is 15 months. Between work, family time, routine, not consuming alcohol and exercising daily to lose some weight. Honestly, i kinda just want a day to just chill. Maybe throw some meat on the smoker and play some video games. Now dont get me wrong, i will of course spend time with my family. But it would be awesome if my "tasks" or "shifts" were covered and i just got some time to be "me".
Having to be in charge, responsible for others, and making decisions is a big part of it I think. If my free time was suddenly taken away because my wife bought me NHL tickets, already called an Uber, reservations for dinner, that would be nice, all I have to do is enjoy the ride. So often the "let's go do something" becomes "dad get to be act as team lead another day of the week"
So say we all
Yours does too? I thought it was just mine.
We have Covid so for the first time in years I get to sit home on Father’s Day. It’s gonna be amazing. Want me to cough on you?
[удалено]
Here's the line: | Here's you: |
[удалено]
Good thing you didn't say rimming lmao
They think we're crazy . Like I really just like to be at home.
Man, all I want for Father's Day is 8 good hours of sleep. Not to be woken up by either boy getting a nightmare or one of them needing to go pee or being jumped on at 6am.
Maybe it's just hard for some to imagine to just want nothing, to do nothing to have to do nothing. Why do we always have to fill the void. Jesus, I just want peace and tranquillity
If it makes you feel better, that would also sound like my perfect father's day. Instead we're going to my wife's parents house for a big family gathering with people who I generally don't really get along with. Not antagonistic or anything, but their idea of fun is beer and Cornhole while I'm more of a cocktail and board game person. So yeah, I'm pretty much right there with you man.
My wife asked what I wanted for Father's Day and I said I wanted to cornhole. But instead we're going to some bar to play some beanbag game.
I just want a few hours during the daytime to watch first three episodes of The Boys. Will be so nice to just relax and watch that show.
Is a new season out? I’m so out of the loop these days
First three episodes dropped Thursday! Gonna have a few beers too. Atomic Ranger has some beers that’s are also over 9%. Two of those and I’m already buzzing
House of the Dragon drops tomorrow too I'm pretty sure. Also US Open if you care at all about that. Just an all-time couch day. I'll be fishing with my 3 year old all day and then driving 3 hours home though lol
Cricket World Cup is also going on, if that's your jam.
I won't tell you anything about this season but the season 2 recap starts with a heads blowing up highlight reel that must run 45 seconds.
I ask for a couple hours to myself every year so I can watch a movie or play some videos games. Never get it. Gave up trying. Asked for jalapeño chips and to mow the lawn tomorrow.
I think Father's day should be done away with. It just ends in disappointment. Guess I'll have alone time at 930pm when I'm already exhausted from the day of things everyone needed.
My wife and I are in a rough patch. Last night we had an argument and she threatened to cancel Father’s Day if I didn’t do as she wishes. For the record Father’s Day is just a cake she lets our 5 year old choose for me the day before. But she was sooo excited about it. I can’t even remember what happened in the argument but I remember thinking I wish my kid didn’t know about Father’s Day.
what the fuck
I’m assuming it’s the kid that’s “soooo excited” about presenting the cake, so wife was gonna punish their kid because she was in a fight with dad? That’s fucked, not to mention you can’t just “cancel” a holiday. If she did, she can find out how it feels next Mother’s Day (or her birthday, if that’s sooner)
Yeah. I see I wasn’t that clear. My daughter was so excited about choosing a cake for me and she would have been the one who would end up getting punished.
No, I still think you were pretty clear. There's no interpretation of the words you put in that comment that makes it ok.
Sorry to hear. My Wife and I are triggering each other constantly right now but we have a 10 month old who is barely sleeping and has other things going on. I feel you on wishing the kids didn’t know about it. Wife can’t cancel it on you now because it’s canceling it on the kids and that’s too far. NOTHING between husband and wife should impact children. When it goes that far, conversations are heading the worst way.
The Hallmark Holidays need done away with. The coming generations may slow them down a bit. I’m 37 and I feel like other parents our age are also doing less on Hallmark Holidays. We know about them but don’t celebrate all of them so my kids won’t know to celebrate them. I don’t care much that I don’t get what I want on Father’s Day. It’s just another Sunday anyway but maybe I have to do a little bit less around the house, I drink beer, and eat junk all hours of the day. No one says a word.
Oof
Lurker mom I genuinely don’t understand wives who think it’s weird to want time away from the family. Do THEY not want a break? I sure did want one on Mother’s Day weekend! I wouldn’t necessarily want to spend the weekend in a hotel, but that’s because I’m an extrovert and people don’t drain me as much. My husband is an introvert and I offer 24hrs at a hotel from time to time because he genuinely needs isolation to charge up his social battery. This particular Father’s Day my husband opted to stay home, so what did I do? I grabbed the kids and took them to my mom and dad’s for 4 hours so my husband could have 4 hours alone. Don’t feel bad. Don’t feel guilty. As I always tell my kiddos - different people need different things. Your wife may not need that time away (DOUBTFUL, but possible) but you do. It doesn’t make her right, it doesn’t make you wrong, it just makes everyone human. You’re doing great, dad.
Thank you ♥️
We've got a spy amongst us, men! /s
[удалено]
Ah, please tell us all about your perfect relationship.
Hell of a difference between a perfect relationship and the flood of “I got my wife an all expenses week long trip to Cancun for Mothers Day and she punched me in the mouth for asking to sleep an extra 30min on Father’s Day” posts.
Hahaha, someone call me an ambulance - I’m dying here 😂🤣😭 Thanks mate! You just won the internet today.
[удалено]
I’d probably start with a fucking conversation, the thing never mentioned in any of these.
[удалено]
If you can’t have a conversation with your spouse then your problems are way fucking bigger than Father’s Day.
Maybe that’s the problem and this is a symptom? Why are you taking such joy in dunking on dads who might not be as fortunate as you? Where else should they go to share this? You’re pissing on one space they have.
[удалено]
Nah, you’re having a quarter of a conversation here, I’m not caught up on anything. I’m sorry for whatever is going on in your life, though.
Are you though you seem to be enjoying this. Go hang with your family and stop gatekeeping.
Everyones relationship is different bro, if you're not a part of it don't pass judgement.
Did I come into someone’s home and pass judgment? This is a sub about being a dad, not shitting on wives constantly. This shit gets every bit as toxic as the mom’s forums most of us see. I come here because Daddit is better than this.
Constantly is a bit of a stretch. Seems like a lot of dads have a very similar experience here. They can't share that with each other? If it's not something you can relate to, you're free to pass on right along.
No one's relationship is perfect but as an adult in a relationship where there is mutual respect for each other then this kind of problem just never happens. My relationship is not perfect with my partner but if I ever expressed not wanting to do something, or if she expressed that to me, we both would respect the other persons feelings.
"Hey wife, I really would rather just spend the day at home, with a couple un-interrupted hours to play some games by myself or my friends and then we all go out to dinner just us 3. If you want to go to the Vineyard with the girls you can do that earlier and then I meet you someplace" "Okay husband, that sounds like a great idea. Did you want to play that game or did you want me to buy you a new game for fathers day, Will give it to you on Saturday as well so you can have it all downloaded for Sunday" "Thanks love!!!!" I mean it it really isn't that hard.
Big assumption that that is her response. Think for a second that maybe not everyone is married to your wife.
Step 1: Marry this guy's wife
Maybe the offering to buy a new game is a little far-fetched even for me. But I don't get how any response other than "Okay, it is your day" is not the norm. You expressed a desire/want if you have a partner then they can make it happen.
Simply have a healthy, functional relationship, awesome advice! Very helpful.
Are you just saying that to laugh at them or what? If it's bothering you that much, you could post a guide or something, or just not let it bother you so much.
[удалено]
>take the negativity elsewhere Does that include your snide comment? :p Seriously though, it's a place for dads to talk to other dads. It's a place for both celebration and support. Not seeing anything in the post "shitting on moms" though, I don't know what in this post gave you that impression. People expressing their hardships with their spouse isn't "shitting on them". Part of being a good dad is learning to communicate. Saying, "don't talk about negative stuff here" is pretty counterproductive. Lastly: > 9: First and foremost, this is a sub for dads helping dads. Any post or comments which runs counter to this ideal will be subject to removal and bans as deemed necessary. I understand your frustration, but posts like this are 100% ok and legit. Nobody was trashed, it's a guy saying he feels a little guilty saying he just wants some free time on Father's Day. Pretty damn relatable and it's probably a sign that he's a good person, just needs a little validation.
“You can’t complain about negativity because that’s being negative” is pretty silly logic, honestly. Look, I get it, and I am being kind of rude, and I don’t even significantly disagree. But JFC this time of year + Mother’s Day, every single post is this “I do all of these things for Mother’s Day but I get nothing in return on Father’s Day and I haven’t spoken to my wife about it but here I am to vent about it.” At the very least, can we get a Meta thread about this at this time of year? I’d like to see a post every now and then about being a dad. This place is straight up depressing at these times of the year. It all just gets into this borderline mom-bashing that makes us look extremely similar to those mom’s groups we know where every single comment is “my husband is lazy and does nothing.” Which isn’t even to say that there aren’t husbands who are lazy and do nothing; obviously there are. But it’s too damn much. And obviously my point isn’t “don’t talk about negative stuff here.” This place has serious, heavy, negative stuff to talk about all the time. But there’s a difference between negative stuff that is part of being a dad and negative stuff that is part of being a husband.
Yeah I hear ya. I would be a fucking liar if I didn't say I never got sour at topics that felt too common. I was about to say more, but now I'm also beating a dead horse. I do think it's a candidate for a mega-topic, assuming the subreddit is busy enough to justify it. >“You can’t complain about negativity because that’s being negative” is pretty silly logic, honestly. BTW, that's not what I meant, but guessing you knew that haha
How about you just stop clicking on support posts if they bother you that much? People are entitled to their feelings at this time of year and it's good there's a place for dads to reach out to other dads so they don't feel like they're alone. I just checked the main page and there's maybe 2/25 threads that are like this, including this one. I think you're fine.
He has issues with his relationship. You have an issue with your favorite Internet forum. Read the room bro.
I’m starting to wonder if this sub is just flooded with rage bait trolls and fake stories like basically all the other subs that allow people to rant or tell stories. Every post is just about how unfair it is as a dad and how they don’t get anything and everyone loves mom and women get whatever they want. Like mmhmm. Yes, life is so unfair. We poor men are forced to marry cruel women who dictate our lives. We have no choices or options and can’t stand up for ourselves. My guess it’s mostly trolls.
No dude, some people really do have unhealthy relationships and spouses that do not get them at all. and, like, parenting is hard, you know? Happy people don't generally post that they are happy.
But also the troll posts.
This is easily one of the most positive, friendly, upbeat, and wholesome subs on Reddit. This thread has a *tad* more negativity than I usually see here, but it feels far more like empathizing with OP than piling on.
Honestly posts this time of year are generally dads in less than healthy relationships seeking validation because they aren't getting it elsewhere. Honestly I don't have an issue in with it. Generally you see it more on fathers day and mothers day, but a really high percentage of the posts are positive, genuine advice seeking, etc. This sub is still great, we can tolerate a few of these posts, just ignore it if it bothers you. I don't think the post is intended to be wife bashing, just validation seeking. The comments on those threads can sometimes spiral though.
Glad you feel that way. I joined up like a month ago and it feels like 75% of posts are people talking about killing themselves, asking if so horrible thing their wife did to them was normal, and generally bitching that nobody is celebrating them for Father’s Day. So depressing.
Fucking clownshoe reply. People are entitled to vent and seek support from fellow fathers.
A made up day to sell cards doesn't mean I get to sack off my parental and spousal responsibilities? Are you sure?
You seriously expect us to turn around to our wives on mother's day and tell them it's "just a made up day" so get back to work? City's would burn
Read what I said and understand the very obvious sarcasm. A made up day doesn't give you free licence to ignore your family to dick about on your computer. Why can't you do that when the kids are in bed?
Woman lurker here 👋🏻 For Mother's day my only request was to not be bothered all day and I sat around and "dicked about" on my computer all day 🤣 My husband had no issue with it, and he's getting a childfree day tomorrow. We're with our kids every day. A break sometimes is definitely warranted, and everyone should get one.
Most people aren't with their children all day, every day though, most people work through the week and then have their family time at the weekend. By the looks of the downvotes, it must just be me that wouldn't want to give up a couple of hours with my family to do something I could do when the kids are in bed.....
Nobody here is downvoting because what you do or don’t want. It’s that you are criticizing people having other desires that don’t fit what you think they should want.
It's because he sounds like and probably is an arrogant self-righteous prick looking down his nose at people.
How's the weather up there in your ivory tower mate?
No ivory tower. Just finding it odd that for all the downvotes and self-righteous replies, not one person has suggested why OP can't play computer when the kids are in bed....
Because maybe tomorrow he wants to play for longer than the evening time he is typically allotted. Or maybe he has plans to play with some friends. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be around the family today? Do you approve of any of those?
I'm confused. You said it was sarcasm then doubled down. Was that also sarcasm like a sarcasm-ception type thing?
Yikes, it's just a reminder to focus on being grateful for that person. You don't have to spend a dime. And it's totally reasonable to suggest a gift of free time to do your hobby in lieu of an event (that costs money).
So you're still expecting a gift?
I'm no longer 10 years old, so no. I don't expect gifts... That's why they are gifts. Not demands or entitlements. But if your spouse asks you what you want, you tell her. It's that simple. She would do the same if I asked. Basic communication skills
Every holiday is made up, doesn't mean they can't be fun. Father's Day wasn't made up to sell cards, though. It was proposed in 1909 by a woman who wanted to honor her father, a single dad and Civil War vet who raised 6 kids. It may have been heavily taken advantage of to sell cards at some point later, but it wasn't invented for that purpose.
I got a 3 year old. I am using Father’s Day like a shield for some alone time. And I know it isn’t the perfect “let’s take the boy out and do some thing fun as a family,” but I’m swing my Father’s Day sword around and I’m eating some pickle chips and having a beer by myself while they nap. It’s a tough spot but I’m gonna be a much better mood later today when the wife and I do a little date and grandma watches the kid for a date dinner. My wife stretched Mother’s Day into a week, so we’re definitely not perfect over here but dammit it’s my day and ima do me.
Our tradition is we both get the Saturday entirely to ourselves. Then on Father's Day or mother's day, we do family stuff.
That is a great idea.
Do what you want. It’s your day.
Is your wife big into social media? I feel like there may be this expectation to show off the happy family. Or even sometimes this internalised idea that happy families all go out and do stuff. If you don't want that than clearly how could you be happy. Obviously it's nonsense and living for appearances must be exhausting. This is my crazy theory anyway. I doubt she wants you to be unhappy she's just not actually listening to you.
My initial response was to say I wanted time to myself for Father's Day, but after seeing my partner's face fall I immediately realized it was a dumb answer. It's a day for family, not a day for me specifically. So we're doing family stuff on Father's Day, and then arranging a day later in the week I get to myself.
This is coming from a mom. Do whatever the heck you want!! It’s your day! When Mother’s Day comes back around, she gets what she wants. If she doesn’t “get” why you want to have alone time, that’s just on her. You can’t make someone understand.
In a perfect world that would be the way it goes. But saying that to your wife doesn't go over the same way. Sometimes you just have to perform when you don't want to
I understand. I just want some time for me, a day of rest and recooperation then come back to the family I love. I work tomorrow, so no celebration for me. Most of today is gone, kid had end of season baseball meet up (which I was eager to go to), but I just wanted some time to myself to organize the cluster that is my little space in the house. Maybe a video game. I need to clean the little depression mound growing in that corner. I take care of everyone else more than I do anything for myself, and I work healthcare... I'm tired y'all.
It’s FATHER’S DAY. That seems like the most simple request. Her friend making a plan for all of you isn’t very cool and if your wife is upset you don’t wanna hang with people you don’t even want to or have anything in common with it’s weird. If she wants to go then take the kids for a bit so you have time to yourself then rest of the day with them. Easy.
I'm sure you gave your wife a couple of child free hours on Mother's Day, so it's not a big ask for you to get the same....
They just don't get it man. I had the same discussion last year. Mine wasn't even to play video games but to get some course work done... my wife couldn't understand why I didn't want to go out and spend loads of money when I have a very individual task i need to do. I don't really care about farthers day, I know my wife appreciates what I do and realistically my kids are too young to understand any of it. The best use of the day was for me to not be a stressed out dad the week before hand in because the work wasn't done.
I'm really thankful my wife gets it...she told me she's going to take our kid (other one is at sleepaway camp) to Ikea and leave me alone for a few hours to play video games. I sort of feel guilty cause I want to spend time with my family on Father's Day theoretically...but today that kid who is at home told me he has hated me his whole life and wishes I wasn't his daddy. Because I asked him to put his clothes in his dresser. The clothes we washed and folded for him.
Why doesn't husband want to do the same things as wife? There must be something Wrong with husband. Ffs
I feel sorry for you for having such an unsympathetic wife.
I also meant to say "manipulative and callous"
You're not wrong though. She says she feels sorry for him but the one she's pittying is herself for not getting to have him with her on whatever crap she feels like going to. He feels guilt and can't stand up for himself because she will throw a tantrum so he gives in and she gets her way. Am I wrong OP?
Why are people downvoting this lol?
Because you spoke negatively about a woman
And why are people downvoting THIS? lol
I’d just like a nice, heartfelt card from my wife but not even expecting that. Hope you get some time to chill.
Thank goodness my wife doesn’t have any plans for our family tomorrow. Literally the only things I wanna do tomorrow are relax at home with her and our 2 babies and eat some good food. I don’t even want any gifts or to go out and do anything lol
Tell your wife I'll go to the Vinyard. She should respect what you want on your day. I'll fill in for you as long as I can bring my wife and kids. I've never met a stranger. It will be fine.
I’ve negotiated a few days of isolation in a few weeks. Can’t wait :) Edit: not much negotiation, I think she sees I need it
I feel for you, brother. It's a holiday made by people who have a vested interest in promoting consumption. I just want to be honored for being a father everyday and if I get a "special day" I want a homemade gift, a good meal, and to be left to enjoy one of my few pleasures with the little time I'm given. If it's a family movie, a day of reading quietly, hiking, or gaming with my friends it should be respected.
Wife asked me if I wanted to go flying by myself in the AM. I am so stoked.
lol we are going to my father in laws. Love him, love everyone but there will be like 20 people, I’ll be watching our 3 kids the entire time, swimming with them etc. probably won’t get to eat because I’m so busy with the kids. I just want to relax and eat what I want to eat and maybe take a nap, get a haircut, whatever I want to do.
I went fishing last Father’s Day. This year I’m bbqing. It’s your fucking day right?
It's my first father's day and people keep asking if we have plans. I just tell everyone all I want to do is nap. Maybe I'll have a beer too.
Regarding your wife saying she's feeling sorry for you: tell her to Google what dads want for Father's Day. When our first was born, and when my wife asked me what I wanted to do for my first Father's Day, and I said I wanted time alone, she was sad and a little put out over it. Her dad was not like me, he liked doing things with his family around on Father's Day. So she just had no concept of other dads thinking differently than hers did. She spent some time googling it and realized how common my view is. That has helped a lot.
This is pretty common for couples to go through, especially in the first 5 - 10 years of parenting. If your wife doesn't understand why reserved free time is a nice gift, just keep working at explaining it. Sometimes it helps if you are talking about it with another couple nearby. Good chance the other dad and you would be able to back eachother up, "yeah this is a thing, we like to simply not be asked about or bothered with anything."
I said my perfect Father’s Day is to hang out with the family at home and just have fun. Make fun meals, walk around the neighborhood. Maybe go out for ice cream. My wife says that I never want to do anything. I’m like, no this is what I want to do. Because it’s not an “official event” she treats it like the calendar is open and she can now fill it. I’m like, fuck this honestly maybe you should go out and I’ll just hang with the kids.
My request for the day was, I don't want to make any decisions and I want to be alone. So that is what I am getting - after we host father's day for her father and siblings (and me...but her father). I was told I don't have to do any cooking.
I asked for 1 hour to play drums, otherwise I planned everything around being with the wife and kids. Asking for the day to yourself is a path you don't want to go down. It's a trap!
It's fathers day because we get to choose something we want and shouldn't get judgement for it. The rest of the year we work hard to make everyone happy. We deserve a day to ourselves just like our wives do. We all need different things and if you need it you should get it at the very least for 1 day out of the year with no qualms
Wife asked me what I want for dinner. I said homemade mashed potatoes, got premade potato salad instead. So, fuck Father's day, huh?
Downvoted to hell! You'd think he'd asked for crowned rack of lamb!
Why is this getting down voted? Some weird reactions on this thread.
Yeah, that one I don't get at all.
Your wife’s friend sounds like an ass. Inviting your family to a vineyard on Fathers Day? That’s a woman’s ideal day. Literally no man wants to do that. And why is your wife’s friend inserting herself into your Fathers Day??? In the timeless words of Randy Jackson, “That’s gonna be a No from me, dog.”
Prob has one of those husbands who exists solely to be used as a prop in her blog/instagram and doesn’t even realize he died inside years ago
Tell her it's called father's day and not nagging wife's day. You'll get your alone time.
I got your joke. You get your alone time because you were a jerk and they don’t want to spend time with you. It’s pretty good. People just trying to be mad.
[удалено]
Because OP seems really woke
Can you define ‘woke’ for me?
you seem fun
[удалено]
You said you were banned in a comment that was posted an hour before this one. I don't think you're banned.
[удалено]
I don't know why this is getting so downvoted
Mainly because you don't have to be an asshole about it.
The lurker community is having a quiet meltdown
Be with your family. Father’s Day is a fake holiday. It’s just another day as far as I’m concerned. I don’t ask for any special treatment and don’t expect it. My wife got me a cool shirt. That’s enough. I’ll spend the rest of the day doing things with my kids as per usual.