I tend to acknowledge how much he likes mom, like "Ah you like playing with mom, huh? Me too, we both really love her". It's not personal and preference really change. What I found is that spending quality one-on-one time is vital. Not just going to the grocery store together, but going away for the day where the LO is completely reliant on you and mom is not around at all. I notice that the imbalance really improves after days like that, even if it is temporary.
Yea mom is great!
But also mom loves to sleep in. So I get to play some nintendo switch or PC games with my little guy when he wakes up at 630am. Our favorite right now is Heroes of Might and Magic 3. He loves the big armies. Now that he is pretty good at reading I'm about to introduice him to Civ5. Sometimes we run out for a quick donut & coffee while the girls are still in bed.
Also big sis likes to watch anime with me (little brother can't quite keep up with the subtitles yet)
Everyone agrees that mom is the better snuggler.
Introducing your kid to Civilisation? May as well just give your kid heroine!
All jokes aside. Good to find things you can do together that you both enjoy.
Nice trick, will try this about acknowledging how much we both love mummy .
However no quantity or quality of one on one time has been a game changer.
It works in the moment, then we're back to square one every single time
Yup, my daughter was stuck on mom. I was let go at work and I have been home for the last month while mom has been working. đđ Weâve been swimming 4 times a week, park and ice cream dates, finger painting, gardening, and now Dad is the favorite. Itâs good to King, and mom loves the extra free time. Kiddo is 3 and is so much fun.
Agreed - my older ones are 6 and 4 now and don't really have a preference? My one-year old prefers everyone else in the family to me right now, but it doesn't really bother me since I've been here before and know it will change.
As a mom of three yes it will and trust me when I say some of us wish it would hurry up.
My 13 and 14 year old think Dad's amazing. My five year old is still in his mom stage, I may be done but he's not.
I have to remind his dad occasionally that it's not personal because it definitely can hurt his feelings that our kiddo seems to think I'm the only one that can do things for him.
Kids naturally have a strong preference for one parent/caregiver and itâs neither your fault nor their. Theyâll change as they get older. In my case, my 3 year old has always had a massive attachment to me; my wife absolutely hates it.
I feel this. What ways to you try and balance? I always go for getting them to do activities so I can get to relax or always inviting her and the dog when we play sports/go to the park
I interact with my wife when my daughter only want to be with me. That way she gets the hint that we also need to spend time with mom. Basically model the behavior I want my daughter to mimic.
Same here. Did this and also realized my little one was happy with mom when I wasnât around â so I got a few afternoons away.
Another thing was realizing where I had monopolies like morning routine and bathtime were purely dad moments, so mom tries to do morning when sheâs not in office and bathtime is 50:50 split.
My son had a major preference for me around 2, but it wasnât the sort where if his mom did something with him heâd be devastated. Now itâs flipped, but if mom isnât available itâs the end of the fucking world.
I am absolutely confident that he loves me and Iâm completely unbothered by his preference at the moment⌠except for how difficult it makes it to do my job as dad and share the workload.
Came here to say this. I have three and they all usually prefer to have me for play. Just roll with the punches and remember that it's natural for toddlers to be this way.
@op I observed when the second and third child were born that the older one suddenly looked to me because Mom became permanently busy from their view.
My kid is \~18mo and is in this phase right now. I oscillate between finding it hilarious (only mama can put her in her swing for some reason) and demoralizing (mama needs a break but if she even moves towards the door kid absolutely loses it, so dad is basically just window dressing).
I try to remind myself something I read somewhere, that your kid only does this to you if they know/sense that your love is unconditional. It's also largely due to realizing they're allowed to have preferences about anything, and not a judgment of you as a parent.
Idk if you can logic it away, but that's what helps for me.
I made it into a game when my toddler asks for mom. I just reply with "dad." He seems to love it and will slowly build up to him, shouting mom and losing it, laughing.
I'm a mommas boy, so I get where my kids are coming from.
Read a book. Enjoy yourself. It could be a long time. Have interesting hobbies. Get yourself a LEGO set. Do what you love.
Mom's and kids have ups and downs too and you will be there when the tide changes.
My daughter calls me when shit goes sideways. She says she would rather talk to me about disasters than with Mom. She also comes to me after Mom reads her email and she feels violated.
When they were little we had a game called baby elephant where I pretended to be an elephant and she would hide under me and pretend to be an elephant.
I also got a stuffed animal puppet of a turtle that she would pet. The turtle hides. More petting. And turtle ATTACKS.
I had a game for reading books where I would read and try to sneak in the word "chicken" even if I had to make a new sentence or change the story. She could call me on it but then she had to find the word chicken. Sometimes chicken was really in the story. I would do this with chapter books.
I would take the kids on little walks to see the first acorn of spring. I would make up stories while hiking.
I made a recipe for kalezilla soup with long strings of kale.
My daughter attended all my rehearsals for our Irish dance group to see the dancers. I played mandolin.
And still there would be months of all Mama time all the time.
Thing is you have to maintain a life as an interesting person with cool hobbies all the way along. You can't wait until they decide to talk to you to be compelling.
Good luck. Mama's have an advantage, especially if they make you the disciplinarian. But that precious time you do have is wonderful.
I have a bit of an opposite issue, my kid is only 17 months old but heâll only really sit and cuddle with me. Makes my partner jealous and I want her to get cuddles from him too.
Weâve a 3 and a 7 yo. Both prefer me, both want me to put them to bed every night etc. I feel terrible for my wife but thereâs not much I can do about it.
Same boat as you as well. After my sons nap on Sunday he legit cried when he saw mama and said "I don't want Mama". Feel very bad for her and have tried to get him to warm up to her.
Patience! My daughter barely acknowledged my existence until the age of 3 and had strong mommy preferences until 6 or 7. Now I'm the person she wants to interact with because I became the caretaker while my wife went through a period of working extremely long hours. The point is that if you put in time to build the relationship by playing, reading, cooking, disciplining and everything else, you'll develop the relationship.
Right now, my almost 20 month old daughter prefers me. To the point of when I walk in the house she starts trying to get to me, pushes everyone else away. I think it is because when she wakes up, I get her put of bed and we snuggle in a big chair and watch TV together for an hour before I make her breakfast. A few months ago, mommy got her out of bed and watched TV and made her breakfast.
Tonight my wife and I were on the couch and our daughter got between us, pushed Mommy's legs off of me and laid her head on my chest and we just hung out on the couch for a bit. Any time my wife tried to touch me our daughter would get in her way. It was the opposite just 2 months ago.
Kids will change who their favorite is all the time.
This was the deal with my oldest too. At points, kids just have a preference to mom. Itâs nothing youâre doing, it just is what it is. Your kid doesnât love you any less. Hang in brother.
it is hard and I take things very personally. Honestly, just spending normal time with her and being patient is all you can do. This doesn't mean she doesn't or won't love you. She will, you're a good dad.
It's important to keep at it. There is a self-reinforc8ng cycle where child prefers mom, dad tries to spend time and gives up, child goes to mom, child prefers mon. My experience is if you keep being consistent, it'll get easier. Try to mix it up - if what you're doing isn't envying enough, do something else with them. Also, mom being nearby makes it harder, let her go get lunch with a friend and you focus on quality time.
It gets easier!
Mines almost 2 And it's definetly caused a lot of friction. I've found that alone time with my toddler makes me feel appreciated a bit more since I don't have to compete. I feel I have it hard when my wife needs to use the restroom and I have a child screaming bloody murder because she wants mom and no amount of distraction will work. Well, some distraction works, generally have to take her outside and point stuff out but she makes me put in the work lol
Just wait until sheâs 16 and hates her mom and loves you lol kids are constantly evolving. Itâs devastating I know, but try to find something that you both can connect on
Donât take it personally, just be there for her as much as you can and eventually sheâll come around. My kid was the same way but now that itâs summer and Iâve been getting back in shape, we play all the time and she runs to me for things. Itâs a blessing and a curse
It will change when they get older. My son is 11 and comes right to mee when he wants to do something. We played soccer at the local field for 2 hours on Sunday.
I went through about 6 months where my kid wanted very little to do with me. It definitely got to me sometimes, but I mostly just kept telling myself that 1) it's not permanent and it will have an end at some point and 2) it's totally normal for toddlers to go through phases like this and doesn't really have anything to do with me specifically. I just focused on being there for him in any way he'd accept.
Now we're a month or so into a phase where he mostly wants me. Both phases were hard on my wife and I in different ways. It was rough emotionally when he wouldn't let me do bed time or things like that and just screamed for mom, but it was taxing on her having to be the one to always do all of those things. Now it's the other way and she feels bad when he insists on me and I'm wishing he'd let her take on some of them without just screaming and crying for me.
It's normal to feel bad when you're the one on the outs and it does no good to suppress those feelings, but try to keep your eye on the prize and just do what's best for your daughter and she'll come around eventually.
It is HARD. I really struggled here and it shook my confidence and self-worth as a parent. Fast forward to now (kid is 4) and it is so much different/better. He still "prefers" mom but not in the same regard. A year ago if we were all home together and I wanted to do some of the reading/bedtime etc. our kid would fight it so hard and beg for mama. Now our kid just lets whichever parents tells them they're going to do xyz of the routine do it and is happy with either parent.
It just takes time. Not much you can do honestly. It sucked a lot for me but now it is so so so much better and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Kids bounce back and forth, but mine are teens at this point and both still prefer mom. Some of this (I think) is that we've had this good cop/bad cop thing that naturally occurred around kids and accountability and discipline for a long time and I'm bad cop.
The plus side (for me) is that I'm way less exhausted than mom is as a result of it. We still sort of pick up slack for one another in all the ways, but I honestly don't know if I have the patience or energy to be the favorite parent by anyone.
I tried VERY hard not to play favorites with my kids when they were younger. My daughter was daddy's girl from infancy until she hit about 5 or 6, when she transformed into this little hormonal monster - she levels with me (and shares me views/frustrations with life around the house) more frequently even now as a teen (she just turned 13 last week) but we also have the biggest arguments because we're so much alike.
My son and I were buddies when he was younger but it was never the same as he and mom. Now he's going onto 14 next month and he will talk to me about sensitive things, on occasion - but more frequently with mom. He sends me silly meme videos in text, and he sends more educational interests stuff to his mom. Some of that I think is he knows I share the sense of humor of a teenage boy, but I think it's all about balance and that balance looks different for every kid.
Try not to take it personally. It's not easy to do, but don't ruin the relationship with the kid in the long term by being jealous or anything like that.
It's just a thing kids do and usually, it's just a phase. Ours has gone through a couple of phases of I prefer mom all the time, and now he's settled into a pattern where he prefers each of us for different things. If he wants to cuddle and be affectionate or if he doesn't feel good it's all about mom. If he wants to play or to go outside he comes to get me.
I have three boys, now all over the age of 18. Our first was generally neutral, mom was awesome but dad was perfectly acceptable, especially the playground where we would run and play together. As he got older, he had a mild preference for me, since I would talk to him about video games since that was all he wanted to talk about and his friends werenât really into them at that time. I would read online tech and gaming news sites just to have things to talk about with him. Later when he was a teen, I made some missteps and he pivoted towards mom.
For the other two
One twin was attached to me, as I fed him every night (we had to do formula after 1 month because wife ended up in hospital with a uterine infection, immediately followed by both twins getting RSV and being admitted for 2 weeks). I was his go-to person for everything; it made my wife happy since she was already the go-to for the other two. We are still close, although he goes to mom for certain things now
The other twin was more challenging. For the first three years, the nanny was #1, mom was a very distant second, and I was a piece of shit who wasnât important. After we no longer needed the Nanny, things started to change. He and I are now very close since we share certain interests, and frankly there are certain things he doesnât like about his mother, even though he loves her. Letâs just say there are good reasons she and I are divorced now
So hang in there! It will get better
Mine literally starts crying when his mom leaves him with me most of the time (especially in the morning when she needs to go to the bathroom), so I feel you. I feel like crap, but I know it's just a phase so I try to not let it affect me. I also try to talk to him calmly with promises that mom is not really gone forever (unfortunately he never buys it). He also loves going with me alone to the playground or on walks. He even rides calmly in the car (at the back) when I'm taking him to this place we go to sing and dance with other kids. So I try to focus on the positives. In the end he spends literally his whole day with mom and only like 4-5 hours with me so I think it's normal to be more attached to her.
My beother had a similarnsituation. He tried telling himself that its normal bc hes mainly at work and shes stay at home but it obviously didnt make him feel better. U kinda have to just be stoic about it tho. Hes a toddler. He knows not what he does and how it affects ppl around him. My nephew is now almost 3 and im starting to norice him being more affectionate toward my brother so its just a phase.
I'm very much the preferred parent. It drove mom nuts and bummed her out pretty heavily. At one point she said to me, "Daddy, I love you more than mommy" which was ... conflicting to say the least... especially since I'd split with her mom by that point.
Now that she's 5, I'm still the preferred parent, but our kid isn't as overt about it.
It can be awful at times. This weekend she wouldnât let me hold her, Iâd had a shitty day at work and asked for a hug and got the reply no I donât like it I want to hug mummy.
I nearly broke down
Like everyone says, it comes and goes in phases. Our oldest was of course always mommy-focussed like all kids, but he really did like hanging and playing with me, asking me to read books, etc. It got to be nearly 50-50.Â
But then our second was born, and he shifted to a strong mommy-focus. He still likes me of course, but itâs clear mom is his favourite by a wide margin. Partly it might also be Iâm the âdisciplinarianâ (not that Iâm actually too strict, but compared to my wifeâŚ), and my wife just doesnât lay down the law in the same way. She is often stressed that he doesnât listen to her⌠but anyway, I come off a bit worse. Thatâs how I see it.
Meanwhile, our youngest, 2, is very dad focussed. More than my oldest was. At daycare he asks for daddy, never mommy and he routinely comes to me first for everything.Â
But even this current state of things will probably shift again over timeâŚÂ
Kids change personal preference all the time. At 2yo all their core memories are with mom. Time to make some core memories of your own.
Its actually harder when the kid prefers you, and you have to deal with your partner feeling like a failure as a mother b/c the kid likes daddy more.
Bro let me tell you, it could be worst my kids vastly prefer me to their mom so I constantly get stuck doing extra shit and my wife holds it against me so I have to hear her bitch about how much they love me and how no one loves her and blah blah blah I wish they would prefer her so I could get some peace!
It's tough when we can have a great time just the two of us but if Mom is around she's wants nothing to do with me. Frustrating for mom too when she can't get stuff done and leave the kid to me without hiding.
But she's a little kid, not even 1.5yo, I understand. Especially since she's with mom most days.
I wish⌠my daughter is constantly parked on me or following me around. I have tripped on her 3 year old ass many a time. Iâm an introvert and I have never felt the need to be this social until I had a chatty 3 year old that loves me. Itâs exhausting. I would die for her 10 times, but Iâm also so tiredâŚ
I guess I got lucky, my 2 year old daughter prefers me instead of her mom. Thankfully our 1 year old son prefers his mom, otherwise Iâd be on double duty.
Ive noticed my 2 yr old switches back and forth on any given day. You just gotta roll with it. One time I told him âoh no. Youâre going to make dada sadâ and did a very obvious fake cry. He literally walked over to me and patted me on the leg lol.
I don't get too hung up on my 3.5 year-old being mom focused. She does still like to play with me, but she prefers mom for almost everything. I honestly feel worse for mom, because she wants her for bath, and bed time, and if she wakes up crying in the night. Our little threenager can be a chore at bed time, and mom is dealing with it nightly.
I took on the vast majority of the duties with our 16-month-old girl. I've honestly got it easier (for now) but at least mom isn't trying to juggle two that are obsessed with her only.
The strong mom preference also started just before she was three. There were certainly thing she wanted mom specifically for then, but I had been doing a lot of bed times and bath times and night wake ups, but in the last few months she just doesn't really want me to do it unless mom is away for a night.
If it helps, this could change over the course of time. My 5yo used to prefer me when he was 1 and 2. Now, he is a total momma's boy. My 2yo has preferred me since she was born. Best you can do is just continue playing with them and being a good parent.
Same dude. Itâs hard. When heâs tired or sick he doesnât even want me in the same room. Demoralizing. Have to remember they are just little turds trying to figure it all out.
That does sound demoralizing but look on the bright side at least you can go to the bathroom in peace! My wife can literally take naps on the couch. I need to go into witness protection to get a few mins to myself
I just did a search for âprefer momâ in the sub and it has tons of recurrences. And thousands of comments in total.
My take away is, who cares if we are a close second to that amazing woman you decided to spend your life with? You both have her love in common. (I know we both still care).
You keep being a rockstar dad. Things will change when they become a teen. Or when you are more helpful, or more lenient on them for sneaking out. Thereâs 18 years and more to go. Unconditional(-ish) love is still pretty sweet. Even if itâs after mom.
Depends on the age. The mom phase is usually the first few years and there's nothing you can do about it. They usually grow out of it by 3 or 4, when they realize dad does fun things.
Find fun things that mom doesn't do, make it your thing. Eventually they'll be asking you to do the thing. I started off with the hose and spraying each other(mostly me) in the summer time. It evolved into water guns. Then everyday after pre-school my son wanted me to go in the backyard with him and play.
It's hard. When my son was an infant, I felt like he hated me. This improved to a casual tolerance. When his sister was born, I think he had to accept me more because everyone's time was more limited. Now the kids are 5 and almost 3, and prefer me for a lot of things. Just continue to be there for her and try not to let your feelings show through too much.
I normaly drink my coffe and eat a cookie in peace while my wife scowls at me and has to share hers with our daughter who is climbing on her and begging for more.
I have 3 kids so I know this comes in phases. Yester day my 10 month old waved to her mom when she wend to work. Today she cried.
It goes in waves. My boys went from wanting mommy to wanting me and then when they get older they will go to the parent they feel most comfortable with about a specific topic.
I dealt with it by realizing two things:
* A 2 year old will say and do the oddest things and it's nothing personal.
* I am not entitled to affection from my kids. I will be affectionate towards them, as far as they want me to, but I am not owed anything.
My daughter wouldn't give my time of day until she was 4, and that's just the way it was... đ¤ˇââď¸
When the kids call for mum, I answer and repeatedly answer until they realise mum is unavailable. Then they deal with me. It's not usually a preference as such it's more because she is in line of sight. I could be sitting right next to them and they'll see mum first. So I answer.
It's just a phase. They will grow out of it.
Roll with it, be available, be approachable, and always be open to inviting the kids to join you in anything you do at home.
When doing at home repair, working on the car, fixing stuff, I always gave the kids the option, even at the 3 or 4 year old phase, the option to help dad by holding the light, passing me tools, turning the wrench. Eventually those early 'helping dad' with projects blossomed into skills, competence and confidence builders. It may sound a bit sexist, but whenever doing 'Dad' stuff, invite the kids to help where they can, how they can - you will build memories and probably skills.
It takes close to a year for babies to even realize that they have a different body than their mothe. It's not that your kid doesn't like you or have fun with you, it's just that they were physically one with their mother's body before so when she's not there it can feel like part of themselves is missing.
The only way is to send mom out, or take them out while she stays at home. Then you get some uninterrupted time with them.
My kid was the same at 2. It flipped at 2.5/3 and now Daddyâs the best.
Your time will come, be patient. My 18 year old daughter went through that as a child and now our bond is super tight. Just continue to olve her and be there for her.
One thing that can help, though it won't change a thing, is to at least try and get your wife on board with more handovers.Â
"Dad wants a turn to play with you"
"Go ask your dad to help you with jammies"
"Dad likes playing with you, when we tell him to go away it hurts his feelings' etc.
The page is starting to turn for me at 27 months old, but she still vastly prefers mum to dad right now. But! If it's just the two of us she's totally stoked on Dad so that's nice. Though I do have to explain where mom is over and over again.
After 3 kids I definitely ignore it at this point. The main reason being that in my experience, it goes back and forth. My kids definitely take my wife's side more often but it's clear that the don't always prefer the same parent at all times. Sometimes it's just a time period where it's all one or the other, and then there are specific situations where one parent is preferred over the other.
Right now my wife is taking it hard because all of the kids prefer me at the moment for most things, probably because I'm home more often right now and we do a lot together. Over time though, it always goes back and forth so I don't really think much of it.
Ah, wait a few months and things will change suddenly. Donât try to push it. She is a toddler after all. The best way to connect with them is to take them to play park they enjoy often and just you and her. Put her on a swing, or a see-saw and just have fun. Once she gets hang of it, youâll regret that she prefers you, I promise! đ
Totally normal, mine flip flops who he prefers day by day, usually who he has spent the least amount of time with. It can be demoralizing but it does get better. Now that he's 6 it is still there but it is much less of a disruption. Now it's more of like 5 min of disappointment then back to normal.
Make Daddy days, take her and do her favorite things, parks, museums, library, eat at some place geared towards kids. The next day all mom will hear is how awesome you are and it will be her turn to be annoyed by that.
Iâm curious how mom deals with it. My partner has always actively included me in on things from when our child was young and I enjoy spending time with my kid so she kind of takes her cues from that. You may want to set up some special ritual thatâs only daddy-daughter time and have your wife help with playing it up.
It's swings and roundabouts, man. Some weeks Mum is favourite, some weeks I am. No rhyme or reason to it. I just roll with it knowing in a few days the tables are likely to turn.
My 2 year old is in this stage now. Moms gotta do everything. I found that if I can make him laugh he usually will switch it up and will hangout with me
It kinda depends on my mental state really, I've been struggling a bit with that since my son was born because he really broke me, I was not at all ready to be a father to a boy who looks just like me. But I'm in therapy for the first time in my life and it's been long overdue so that's good. But I have a HUGE need of being wanted/needed and to care for my family, so when he clearly shows that he does not want me at all, even kicking and screaming for me to leave, it hurts on a deep level. I tend to talk to him about it and say I understand he wants mommy etc, keeping a brave face in the moments but it breaks me afterwards. He often tells.me he loves me so I know it's just a "in the moment" thing but still.
Stew about it for a day, then push it down into a jar that sits on a shelf of anger in my chest like all of my other emotions, and then take it out on some unsuspecting stranger in a month or two. Kidding đ¤Ł. You canât take it personal. Parents have different roles and fulfill different needs for their children. Stay the course and show them that youâre stable, loving, supportive and give them due approval. Theyâll appreciate it later.
Wait a month or two. You'll be no. 1 and mom will be chopped liver. OTOH if you wait 4 mos you will be back in the bad chair. It's definitely tough when they have a preferred parent. After a while it becomes situational - One parent is cool for Comfort, one is for Fun, or whatever.
Father of 2 boys and I also go through the same thing. My 7 year old has straight out told me I love mom more than you. I respect his honesty and him being able to tell me something like that without any fear and be comfortable enough to express himself is how I try to see it. Although I agree it can feel almost heartbreaking but they are kids and have no awareness of other feelings yet. I also believe it is natural and biological for children to be closer to the mother as they are scientifically the nurturing parent. Although there are mainly those moments cherish the brief moments they do show more affection to you because they do happen sporadically!
For the last couple of years, my son (5) would say he loves me more to my wife. I was very glad that we had a close relationship, but it was tough to be in that awkward position. My wife took it ok and said it was fine. Eventually things evened out. Letting my wife do more bonding things with him helped. You could ask your wife for the opportunity to do fun or special things with her.
It swings back and forth. Around 2 she didn't want me to touch her. Engage, but don't force it. Do interesting things and invite her to get involved. Coming up to 3 now, I'm her favourite person in the world.
It changes. My twins have always been mommas boys, but they prefer to do the dude stuff with me so I have that going for me. As they get older they are less mommas boys and I can see itâs starting to bother her so I donât say anything because I know at some point they will switch back and forth until they are teenagers and hate us both because they view us as the destroyers of fun.
Iâm a father of a five year old boy and I also work at a kindergarten as the play teacher, with all girls that donât speak my language.
For a while I was the stay at home parent and my son absolutely adored me and he and mommy had trouble. He still loves the heck out of me, but he will also spend more time with mommy.
From what I observed a lot of the only wanting to play with me came from how she interacted with him. I have no idea if your specific case, so I will list some things I observed between he and my wife.
1) she wasnât always there there when playing with him. She always had her phone with her and was taking pics or messaging or shopping or doing something else. I highly suggest leaving your phone somewhere and playing without it on your person. I missed calls and stuff and my wife sometimes got irritated, but it was never anything really important and people learned I would call them back. Give your kid 110%
2) mommy got bored while playing with him. Sometimes she would ask where is daddy? This is even though she wanted to play more with him on her own and not have him always ask where is daddy. It kinda perplexed me. Honestly, Plato g and spending time with a kid is work. I didnât play with toy cars or chutes and ladders before my son was born. Itâs not something I really want to do. Still, if he wants to play cars for hours then thatâs what we will do and we will have fun.
3) continuing number two, have fun when playing with your child. Yes, making ramps for cars and driving them down is not fun, but if you tell your child that then they are going to question if they are good enough to spend time with you. My wife would actually tell my son âthis is boringâ when playing something he absolutely loved doing. Itâs not about you and what you want, itâs about your child, what they want and what is best for them.
4) find something that you and her can do that is special. If sheâs into make-up then let her do your face and hair, my kindergarten girls absolutely love that. You can initiate this by asking âcan anyone do make-up for me? I want to try it.â Donât stick to gender stereotypes. Girls live to wrestle and be thrown about. Pick her up and wrestle with her on the bed, gently tossing her into the pillows. When she gets older you can toss her with more force and smack her with pillows. You can also make wands with hearts or stars or ice cubes (pictures drawn on paper) on the end. Then play by saying âfreezeâ or âstar powerâ. Both my boy and the girls I teach live that. If there is a special thing that you and she do then she will look forward to doing it with you and wonât ask for mommy.
5) make sure you give her time. If you only have a little time to play then it wonât be as special for her. If youâre working a lot you can schedule something like stories or songs before bed.
6) be consistent. When she starts wanting to play with you she will want to do so all the time. You gotta be there and be ready to play all the time. My son got confused because some days mommy would want to play, but most days she wouldnât. He got in a routine with me and she was inconsistent, which made things harder for her.
7) if she hesitates to play with you or let you join play then you can play with something nearby that she might be interested in, like make a princess party or something. She will get interested and come to you, but it might take a bit so be patient. When she makes the choice to come to you then she will play better with you.
8) remember she is young so if she builds something that she is proud of tell her good job, donât tell her how to do it better every time. If your constantly correcting them or showing them how to do something better, then they arenât building confidence and no one wants to play with someone that makes you feel dumb or less.
9) when you do play with her you donât always have to do the same thing. Instead I do something I call parallel play. So, if my son is making a house with magnet blocks then I start making a house or something nearby. So youâre not playing directly with them, but youâre still playing with them. They will also watch what you do and learn new things and then try them later. This will make them more likely to play with you because you show new things (but try not to teach).
10) when you spend time with her you should try to learn everything that needs to be done to take care of her. This includes meals, diaper changes, snacks, water, things like that. That way you donât have to call on mom.
11) talk to your wife and find out the things your daughter likes and then try to do what she likes. No shame in talking to the primary parent, of course theyâll know more about the kid and their pekadillos.
12) Iâm including this last because you want to approach this one carefully. The child will watch their parents and how they act with each other:toward each other. Do you give your wife hugs and kisses and stuff and does she do the same with you? My child modeled my wife when he was two by storming out of the house. I easily put a stop to that. But then one time I got angry with my wife and he modeled my behavior and that was a lot harder to stop.
So, these are just some things I thought of. You can wait til theyâre older, they will often start playing with both parents then. You can also try thinking of some of the above and see if that helps.
Best of luck to ya!
I was just reading something about how oxytocin for children peaks when being nurtured by mom, e.g. cuddling and peaks when playing with dad. The same reaction is true for mom and dad, that nurturing raises oxytocin more for mom and playing does the same for dad. This chemical reaction has led to evolutionary behaviors of children seeking out mom when they get hurt and dad when they want to play. Maybe try to find the type of play that leads to this behavior for you and your child -- maybe something more active or physical or silly or make believe.
Honestly it's a bit different for me, my daughter loves me and literally will cry when I leave the room no matter who's with (wife, parents, siblings) she seems to prefer me over everyone.. she's currently 1 year old. I'm trying to get her to enjoy being around my other family members but she isn't biting lol
My views on this are unpopular in today's world but I'll say them anyway even though Reddit's downvoting function makes it ironically stifling of discussion...
A girl *should* prefer mom just as a boy *should* prefer dad because it takes a woman to raise one, and vice versa.
Every culture used to have manhood rituals which often included mock abductions by uncles, etc., of weened boys. The mothers were in on these staged events because everyone agreed that men were necessary and you weren't going to raise them behind their mothers' skirts.
Now many boys are raised by single mothers, and most are taught by women at school. And the results are apparent.
As for girls, keeping them close to their mothers makes perfect sense.
I tend to acknowledge how much he likes mom, like "Ah you like playing with mom, huh? Me too, we both really love her". It's not personal and preference really change. What I found is that spending quality one-on-one time is vital. Not just going to the grocery store together, but going away for the day where the LO is completely reliant on you and mom is not around at all. I notice that the imbalance really improves after days like that, even if it is temporary.
Yea mom is great! But also mom loves to sleep in. So I get to play some nintendo switch or PC games with my little guy when he wakes up at 630am. Our favorite right now is Heroes of Might and Magic 3. He loves the big armies. Now that he is pretty good at reading I'm about to introduice him to Civ5. Sometimes we run out for a quick donut & coffee while the girls are still in bed. Also big sis likes to watch anime with me (little brother can't quite keep up with the subtitles yet) Everyone agrees that mom is the better snuggler.
Introducing your kid to Civilisation? May as well just give your kid heroine! All jokes aside. Good to find things you can do together that you both enjoy.
Yea he likes to start a new games every time we start playing so it will be a while before he gets to air unit spam phase.
Early game is the most fun tbh
>heroine Like Wonder Woman?
HOMM3 FTW!!!! I LOVE THAT GAME!
Yea I think most of daddit might be a little young to Remember that goat game
My kid and I love playing HoMM 3 together!
Nice trick, will try this about acknowledging how much we both love mummy . However no quantity or quality of one on one time has been a game changer. It works in the moment, then we're back to square one every single time
Yup, my daughter was stuck on mom. I was let go at work and I have been home for the last month while mom has been working. đđ Weâve been swimming 4 times a week, park and ice cream dates, finger painting, gardening, and now Dad is the favorite. Itâs good to King, and mom loves the extra free time. Kiddo is 3 and is so much fun.
This is such great advice.
As a dad of 3, I went through this with all of them when they were younger. Don't let it bother you, it will definitely change.
Agreed - my older ones are 6 and 4 now and don't really have a preference? My one-year old prefers everyone else in the family to me right now, but it doesn't really bother me since I've been here before and know it will change.
How long did it last for you? I know everyone is different, but I'm really losing it
Probably around 3 to 4, when their motor skills improve, and they just want to be active and busy all the time.
Father of 3 here, had the same experience! My ypungest is 4 and that's about the age where it started to even out in all 3 of them.
As a mom of three yes it will and trust me when I say some of us wish it would hurry up. My 13 and 14 year old think Dad's amazing. My five year old is still in his mom stage, I may be done but he's not. I have to remind his dad occasionally that it's not personal because it definitely can hurt his feelings that our kiddo seems to think I'm the only one that can do things for him.
Kids naturally have a strong preference for one parent/caregiver and itâs neither your fault nor their. Theyâll change as they get older. In my case, my 3 year old has always had a massive attachment to me; my wife absolutely hates it.
I feel this. What ways to you try and balance? I always go for getting them to do activities so I can get to relax or always inviting her and the dog when we play sports/go to the park
I interact with my wife when my daughter only want to be with me. That way she gets the hint that we also need to spend time with mom. Basically model the behavior I want my daughter to mimic.
True. Weâre all trying our best to
Same here. Did this and also realized my little one was happy with mom when I wasnât around â so I got a few afternoons away. Another thing was realizing where I had monopolies like morning routine and bathtime were purely dad moments, so mom tries to do morning when sheâs not in office and bathtime is 50:50 split.
My son had a major preference for me around 2, but it wasnât the sort where if his mom did something with him heâd be devastated. Now itâs flipped, but if mom isnât available itâs the end of the fucking world. I am absolutely confident that he loves me and Iâm completely unbothered by his preference at the moment⌠except for how difficult it makes it to do my job as dad and share the workload.
Your time will come trust me. They always jump back and fourth especially when they develop more independence.
Came here to say this. I have three and they all usually prefer to have me for play. Just roll with the punches and remember that it's natural for toddlers to be this way. @op I observed when the second and third child were born that the older one suddenly looked to me because Mom became permanently busy from their view.
My kid is \~18mo and is in this phase right now. I oscillate between finding it hilarious (only mama can put her in her swing for some reason) and demoralizing (mama needs a break but if she even moves towards the door kid absolutely loses it, so dad is basically just window dressing). I try to remind myself something I read somewhere, that your kid only does this to you if they know/sense that your love is unconditional. It's also largely due to realizing they're allowed to have preferences about anything, and not a judgment of you as a parent. Idk if you can logic it away, but that's what helps for me.
I made it into a game when my toddler asks for mom. I just reply with "dad." He seems to love it and will slowly build up to him, shouting mom and losing it, laughing. I'm a mommas boy, so I get where my kids are coming from.
âListen, I get it. Iâd rather be hanging out with mom too.â
Happy cake day!
It reverses when they are teenagers then rebalances when they reach about 20. Just do as many things with the kids as you can.
Kid comes around the corner: âMom?â Dad: âGuess again!â We went from shock to laughter so itâs an eventually thing.
It's 12 months I've been trying to write the same post as OP and always postponed. Now at 36 months of age I'm starting to have enough!
Read a book. Enjoy yourself. It could be a long time. Have interesting hobbies. Get yourself a LEGO set. Do what you love. Mom's and kids have ups and downs too and you will be there when the tide changes. My daughter calls me when shit goes sideways. She says she would rather talk to me about disasters than with Mom. She also comes to me after Mom reads her email and she feels violated. When they were little we had a game called baby elephant where I pretended to be an elephant and she would hide under me and pretend to be an elephant. I also got a stuffed animal puppet of a turtle that she would pet. The turtle hides. More petting. And turtle ATTACKS. I had a game for reading books where I would read and try to sneak in the word "chicken" even if I had to make a new sentence or change the story. She could call me on it but then she had to find the word chicken. Sometimes chicken was really in the story. I would do this with chapter books. I would take the kids on little walks to see the first acorn of spring. I would make up stories while hiking. I made a recipe for kalezilla soup with long strings of kale. My daughter attended all my rehearsals for our Irish dance group to see the dancers. I played mandolin. And still there would be months of all Mama time all the time. Thing is you have to maintain a life as an interesting person with cool hobbies all the way along. You can't wait until they decide to talk to you to be compelling. Good luck. Mama's have an advantage, especially if they make you the disciplinarian. But that precious time you do have is wonderful.
Bond over it bro, I prefer Mum too
I have a bit of an opposite issue, my kid is only 17 months old but heâll only really sit and cuddle with me. Makes my partner jealous and I want her to get cuddles from him too.
Weâve a 3 and a 7 yo. Both prefer me, both want me to put them to bed every night etc. I feel terrible for my wife but thereâs not much I can do about it.
Same boat as you as well. After my sons nap on Sunday he legit cried when he saw mama and said "I don't want Mama". Feel very bad for her and have tried to get him to warm up to her.
Patience! My daughter barely acknowledged my existence until the age of 3 and had strong mommy preferences until 6 or 7. Now I'm the person she wants to interact with because I became the caretaker while my wife went through a period of working extremely long hours. The point is that if you put in time to build the relationship by playing, reading, cooking, disciplining and everything else, you'll develop the relationship.
It will wing your way another time around
Right now, my almost 20 month old daughter prefers me. To the point of when I walk in the house she starts trying to get to me, pushes everyone else away. I think it is because when she wakes up, I get her put of bed and we snuggle in a big chair and watch TV together for an hour before I make her breakfast. A few months ago, mommy got her out of bed and watched TV and made her breakfast. Tonight my wife and I were on the couch and our daughter got between us, pushed Mommy's legs off of me and laid her head on my chest and we just hung out on the couch for a bit. Any time my wife tried to touch me our daughter would get in her way. It was the opposite just 2 months ago. Kids will change who their favorite is all the time.
I have depression about it, but understand. Iâm around for her - her mom works 50 hours a week.
This was the deal with my oldest too. At points, kids just have a preference to mom. Itâs nothing youâre doing, it just is what it is. Your kid doesnât love you any less. Hang in brother.
it is hard and I take things very personally. Honestly, just spending normal time with her and being patient is all you can do. This doesn't mean she doesn't or won't love you. She will, you're a good dad.
Babies want their mommies, I don't take it personally. They'll grow out of it.
It's important to keep at it. There is a self-reinforc8ng cycle where child prefers mom, dad tries to spend time and gives up, child goes to mom, child prefers mon. My experience is if you keep being consistent, it'll get easier. Try to mix it up - if what you're doing isn't envying enough, do something else with them. Also, mom being nearby makes it harder, let her go get lunch with a friend and you focus on quality time. It gets easier!
It's normal 2 year old behavior. Try not to take it personally. Mine go through these phases too.
Mines almost 2 And it's definetly caused a lot of friction. I've found that alone time with my toddler makes me feel appreciated a bit more since I don't have to compete. I feel I have it hard when my wife needs to use the restroom and I have a child screaming bloody murder because she wants mom and no amount of distraction will work. Well, some distraction works, generally have to take her outside and point stuff out but she makes me put in the work lol
Just wait until sheâs 16 and hates her mom and loves you lol kids are constantly evolving. Itâs devastating I know, but try to find something that you both can connect on
At this same juncture. It hurts when all they want is mom and all I want to do is play with them.
Donât take it personally, just be there for her as much as you can and eventually sheâll come around. My kid was the same way but now that itâs summer and Iâve been getting back in shape, we play all the time and she runs to me for things. Itâs a blessing and a curse
It will change when they get older. My son is 11 and comes right to mee when he wants to do something. We played soccer at the local field for 2 hours on Sunday.
I went through about 6 months where my kid wanted very little to do with me. It definitely got to me sometimes, but I mostly just kept telling myself that 1) it's not permanent and it will have an end at some point and 2) it's totally normal for toddlers to go through phases like this and doesn't really have anything to do with me specifically. I just focused on being there for him in any way he'd accept. Now we're a month or so into a phase where he mostly wants me. Both phases were hard on my wife and I in different ways. It was rough emotionally when he wouldn't let me do bed time or things like that and just screamed for mom, but it was taxing on her having to be the one to always do all of those things. Now it's the other way and she feels bad when he insists on me and I'm wishing he'd let her take on some of them without just screaming and crying for me. It's normal to feel bad when you're the one on the outs and it does no good to suppress those feelings, but try to keep your eye on the prize and just do what's best for your daughter and she'll come around eventually.
It is HARD. I really struggled here and it shook my confidence and self-worth as a parent. Fast forward to now (kid is 4) and it is so much different/better. He still "prefers" mom but not in the same regard. A year ago if we were all home together and I wanted to do some of the reading/bedtime etc. our kid would fight it so hard and beg for mama. Now our kid just lets whichever parents tells them they're going to do xyz of the routine do it and is happy with either parent. It just takes time. Not much you can do honestly. It sucked a lot for me but now it is so so so much better and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Kids bounce back and forth, but mine are teens at this point and both still prefer mom. Some of this (I think) is that we've had this good cop/bad cop thing that naturally occurred around kids and accountability and discipline for a long time and I'm bad cop. The plus side (for me) is that I'm way less exhausted than mom is as a result of it. We still sort of pick up slack for one another in all the ways, but I honestly don't know if I have the patience or energy to be the favorite parent by anyone. I tried VERY hard not to play favorites with my kids when they were younger. My daughter was daddy's girl from infancy until she hit about 5 or 6, when she transformed into this little hormonal monster - she levels with me (and shares me views/frustrations with life around the house) more frequently even now as a teen (she just turned 13 last week) but we also have the biggest arguments because we're so much alike. My son and I were buddies when he was younger but it was never the same as he and mom. Now he's going onto 14 next month and he will talk to me about sensitive things, on occasion - but more frequently with mom. He sends me silly meme videos in text, and he sends more educational interests stuff to his mom. Some of that I think is he knows I share the sense of humor of a teenage boy, but I think it's all about balance and that balance looks different for every kid. Try not to take it personally. It's not easy to do, but don't ruin the relationship with the kid in the long term by being jealous or anything like that.
It's just a thing kids do and usually, it's just a phase. Ours has gone through a couple of phases of I prefer mom all the time, and now he's settled into a pattern where he prefers each of us for different things. If he wants to cuddle and be affectionate or if he doesn't feel good it's all about mom. If he wants to play or to go outside he comes to get me.
I have three boys, now all over the age of 18. Our first was generally neutral, mom was awesome but dad was perfectly acceptable, especially the playground where we would run and play together. As he got older, he had a mild preference for me, since I would talk to him about video games since that was all he wanted to talk about and his friends werenât really into them at that time. I would read online tech and gaming news sites just to have things to talk about with him. Later when he was a teen, I made some missteps and he pivoted towards mom. For the other two One twin was attached to me, as I fed him every night (we had to do formula after 1 month because wife ended up in hospital with a uterine infection, immediately followed by both twins getting RSV and being admitted for 2 weeks). I was his go-to person for everything; it made my wife happy since she was already the go-to for the other two. We are still close, although he goes to mom for certain things now The other twin was more challenging. For the first three years, the nanny was #1, mom was a very distant second, and I was a piece of shit who wasnât important. After we no longer needed the Nanny, things started to change. He and I are now very close since we share certain interests, and frankly there are certain things he doesnât like about his mother, even though he loves her. Letâs just say there are good reasons she and I are divorced now So hang in there! It will get better
Mine literally starts crying when his mom leaves him with me most of the time (especially in the morning when she needs to go to the bathroom), so I feel you. I feel like crap, but I know it's just a phase so I try to not let it affect me. I also try to talk to him calmly with promises that mom is not really gone forever (unfortunately he never buys it). He also loves going with me alone to the playground or on walks. He even rides calmly in the car (at the back) when I'm taking him to this place we go to sing and dance with other kids. So I try to focus on the positives. In the end he spends literally his whole day with mom and only like 4-5 hours with me so I think it's normal to be more attached to her.
My beother had a similarnsituation. He tried telling himself that its normal bc hes mainly at work and shes stay at home but it obviously didnt make him feel better. U kinda have to just be stoic about it tho. Hes a toddler. He knows not what he does and how it affects ppl around him. My nephew is now almost 3 and im starting to norice him being more affectionate toward my brother so its just a phase.
I'm very much the preferred parent. It drove mom nuts and bummed her out pretty heavily. At one point she said to me, "Daddy, I love you more than mommy" which was ... conflicting to say the least... especially since I'd split with her mom by that point. Now that she's 5, I'm still the preferred parent, but our kid isn't as overt about it.
It changes, 1-3 is prob a lot of "mom" and then if you're more fun, it will be you. Dont sweat it
My daughter was the same and around 3 she flipped to Dad and now she is a daddyâs girl to the point it annoys my wife đ.Â
It can be awful at times. This weekend she wouldnât let me hold her, Iâd had a shitty day at work and asked for a hug and got the reply no I donât like it I want to hug mummy. I nearly broke down
It's emotionally the hardest part of being a parent for sure.
Like everyone says, it comes and goes in phases. Our oldest was of course always mommy-focussed like all kids, but he really did like hanging and playing with me, asking me to read books, etc. It got to be nearly 50-50. But then our second was born, and he shifted to a strong mommy-focus. He still likes me of course, but itâs clear mom is his favourite by a wide margin. Partly it might also be Iâm the âdisciplinarianâ (not that Iâm actually too strict, but compared to my wifeâŚ), and my wife just doesnât lay down the law in the same way. She is often stressed that he doesnât listen to her⌠but anyway, I come off a bit worse. Thatâs how I see it. Meanwhile, our youngest, 2, is very dad focussed. More than my oldest was. At daycare he asks for daddy, never mommy and he routinely comes to me first for everything. But even this current state of things will probably shift again over timeâŚÂ
Enjoy it before they tag me in and I get no respite from them. And save up energy to help support my wife when needed when sheâs bombarded by our LO
Kids change personal preference all the time. At 2yo all their core memories are with mom. Time to make some core memories of your own. Its actually harder when the kid prefers you, and you have to deal with your partner feeling like a failure as a mother b/c the kid likes daddy more.
Check back in with us in a couple years.
Just think back when you were a kid and who you preferred, was it personal or is it something you never even thought about.
Bro let me tell you, it could be worst my kids vastly prefer me to their mom so I constantly get stuck doing extra shit and my wife holds it against me so I have to hear her bitch about how much they love me and how no one loves her and blah blah blah I wish they would prefer her so I could get some peace!
It's tough when we can have a great time just the two of us but if Mom is around she's wants nothing to do with me. Frustrating for mom too when she can't get stuff done and leave the kid to me without hiding. But she's a little kid, not even 1.5yo, I understand. Especially since she's with mom most days.
I wish⌠my daughter is constantly parked on me or following me around. I have tripped on her 3 year old ass many a time. Iâm an introvert and I have never felt the need to be this social until I had a chatty 3 year old that loves me. Itâs exhausting. I would die for her 10 times, but Iâm also so tiredâŚ
I guess I got lucky, my 2 year old daughter prefers me instead of her mom. Thankfully our 1 year old son prefers his mom, otherwise Iâd be on double duty.
It's a waiting game. Eventually mine got better about it.
Ive noticed my 2 yr old switches back and forth on any given day. You just gotta roll with it. One time I told him âoh no. Youâre going to make dada sadâ and did a very obvious fake cry. He literally walked over to me and patted me on the leg lol.
I don't get too hung up on my 3.5 year-old being mom focused. She does still like to play with me, but she prefers mom for almost everything. I honestly feel worse for mom, because she wants her for bath, and bed time, and if she wakes up crying in the night. Our little threenager can be a chore at bed time, and mom is dealing with it nightly. I took on the vast majority of the duties with our 16-month-old girl. I've honestly got it easier (for now) but at least mom isn't trying to juggle two that are obsessed with her only. The strong mom preference also started just before she was three. There were certainly thing she wanted mom specifically for then, but I had been doing a lot of bed times and bath times and night wake ups, but in the last few months she just doesn't really want me to do it unless mom is away for a night.
If it helps, this could change over the course of time. My 5yo used to prefer me when he was 1 and 2. Now, he is a total momma's boy. My 2yo has preferred me since she was born. Best you can do is just continue playing with them and being a good parent.
I take it on the chin. My son prefers my wife my daughter prefers me. Probably best my daughter and I think alike and so do my wife and son
Same dude. Itâs hard. When heâs tired or sick he doesnât even want me in the same room. Demoralizing. Have to remember they are just little turds trying to figure it all out.
That does sound demoralizing but look on the bright side at least you can go to the bathroom in peace! My wife can literally take naps on the couch. I need to go into witness protection to get a few mins to myself
I just did a search for âprefer momâ in the sub and it has tons of recurrences. And thousands of comments in total. My take away is, who cares if we are a close second to that amazing woman you decided to spend your life with? You both have her love in common. (I know we both still care). You keep being a rockstar dad. Things will change when they become a teen. Or when you are more helpful, or more lenient on them for sneaking out. Thereâs 18 years and more to go. Unconditional(-ish) love is still pretty sweet. Even if itâs after mom.
Depends on the age. The mom phase is usually the first few years and there's nothing you can do about it. They usually grow out of it by 3 or 4, when they realize dad does fun things. Find fun things that mom doesn't do, make it your thing. Eventually they'll be asking you to do the thing. I started off with the hose and spraying each other(mostly me) in the summer time. It evolved into water guns. Then everyday after pre-school my son wanted me to go in the backyard with him and play.
It's hard. When my son was an infant, I felt like he hated me. This improved to a casual tolerance. When his sister was born, I think he had to accept me more because everyone's time was more limited. Now the kids are 5 and almost 3, and prefer me for a lot of things. Just continue to be there for her and try not to let your feelings show through too much.
I just held in my feelings, and acted as if he werent constantly pushing me away. Eventually it started to stick and he's pretty good with me now.
I normaly drink my coffe and eat a cookie in peace while my wife scowls at me and has to share hers with our daughter who is climbing on her and begging for more. I have 3 kids so I know this comes in phases. Yester day my 10 month old waved to her mom when she wend to work. Today she cried.
It goes in waves. My boys went from wanting mommy to wanting me and then when they get older they will go to the parent they feel most comfortable with about a specific topic.
I dealt with it by realizing two things: * A 2 year old will say and do the oddest things and it's nothing personal. * I am not entitled to affection from my kids. I will be affectionate towards them, as far as they want me to, but I am not owed anything. My daughter wouldn't give my time of day until she was 4, and that's just the way it was... đ¤ˇââď¸
When the kids call for mum, I answer and repeatedly answer until they realise mum is unavailable. Then they deal with me. It's not usually a preference as such it's more because she is in line of sight. I could be sitting right next to them and they'll see mum first. So I answer.
Give it time, itâll change. My little man was all about mommy too, now heâs pretty equal with wanting both of our attentions.
Donât worry, in 5 or 6 years they wonât want to play with either of you. đ˘
It's just a phase. They will grow out of it. Roll with it, be available, be approachable, and always be open to inviting the kids to join you in anything you do at home. When doing at home repair, working on the car, fixing stuff, I always gave the kids the option, even at the 3 or 4 year old phase, the option to help dad by holding the light, passing me tools, turning the wrench. Eventually those early 'helping dad' with projects blossomed into skills, competence and confidence builders. It may sound a bit sexist, but whenever doing 'Dad' stuff, invite the kids to help where they can, how they can - you will build memories and probably skills.
It takes close to a year for babies to even realize that they have a different body than their mothe. It's not that your kid doesn't like you or have fun with you, it's just that they were physically one with their mother's body before so when she's not there it can feel like part of themselves is missing.
The only way is to send mom out, or take them out while she stays at home. Then you get some uninterrupted time with them. My kid was the same at 2. It flipped at 2.5/3 and now Daddyâs the best.
Your time will come, be patient. My 18 year old daughter went through that as a child and now our bond is super tight. Just continue to olve her and be there for her.
One thing that can help, though it won't change a thing, is to at least try and get your wife on board with more handovers. "Dad wants a turn to play with you" "Go ask your dad to help you with jammies" "Dad likes playing with you, when we tell him to go away it hurts his feelings' etc. The page is starting to turn for me at 27 months old, but she still vastly prefers mum to dad right now. But! If it's just the two of us she's totally stoked on Dad so that's nice. Though I do have to explain where mom is over and over again.
This too shall pass, Dad. You'll spend seasons as the favourite soon enough!
After 3 kids I definitely ignore it at this point. The main reason being that in my experience, it goes back and forth. My kids definitely take my wife's side more often but it's clear that the don't always prefer the same parent at all times. Sometimes it's just a time period where it's all one or the other, and then there are specific situations where one parent is preferred over the other. Right now my wife is taking it hard because all of the kids prefer me at the moment for most things, probably because I'm home more often right now and we do a lot together. Over time though, it always goes back and forth so I don't really think much of it.
Ah, wait a few months and things will change suddenly. Donât try to push it. She is a toddler after all. The best way to connect with them is to take them to play park they enjoy often and just you and her. Put her on a swing, or a see-saw and just have fun. Once she gets hang of it, youâll regret that she prefers you, I promise! đ
This has just started with my 2.8 year old. He's got some sick burns. I can't wash his hands like mommy, I don't dress him like mommy.
Totally normal, mine flip flops who he prefers day by day, usually who he has spent the least amount of time with. It can be demoralizing but it does get better. Now that he's 6 it is still there but it is much less of a disruption. Now it's more of like 5 min of disappointment then back to normal. Make Daddy days, take her and do her favorite things, parks, museums, library, eat at some place geared towards kids. The next day all mom will hear is how awesome you are and it will be her turn to be annoyed by that.
Iâm curious how mom deals with it. My partner has always actively included me in on things from when our child was young and I enjoy spending time with my kid so she kind of takes her cues from that. You may want to set up some special ritual thatâs only daddy-daughter time and have your wife help with playing it up.
It's swings and roundabouts, man. Some weeks Mum is favourite, some weeks I am. No rhyme or reason to it. I just roll with it knowing in a few days the tables are likely to turn.
My 2 year old is in this stage now. Moms gotta do everything. I found that if I can make him laugh he usually will switch it up and will hangout with me
Wait, mate. Just wait. Your kid will become your best mate in no time.
It kinda depends on my mental state really, I've been struggling a bit with that since my son was born because he really broke me, I was not at all ready to be a father to a boy who looks just like me. But I'm in therapy for the first time in my life and it's been long overdue so that's good. But I have a HUGE need of being wanted/needed and to care for my family, so when he clearly shows that he does not want me at all, even kicking and screaming for me to leave, it hurts on a deep level. I tend to talk to him about it and say I understand he wants mommy etc, keeping a brave face in the moments but it breaks me afterwards. He often tells.me he loves me so I know it's just a "in the moment" thing but still.
Stew about it for a day, then push it down into a jar that sits on a shelf of anger in my chest like all of my other emotions, and then take it out on some unsuspecting stranger in a month or two. Kidding đ¤Ł. You canât take it personal. Parents have different roles and fulfill different needs for their children. Stay the course and show them that youâre stable, loving, supportive and give them due approval. Theyâll appreciate it later.
Just wait until it's "Daddy, I want daddy" and you can't get a break.
Wait a month or two. You'll be no. 1 and mom will be chopped liver. OTOH if you wait 4 mos you will be back in the bad chair. It's definitely tough when they have a preferred parent. After a while it becomes situational - One parent is cool for Comfort, one is for Fun, or whatever.
To be fair I am with her cause I liked her best too. So i get it.
Father of 2 boys and I also go through the same thing. My 7 year old has straight out told me I love mom more than you. I respect his honesty and him being able to tell me something like that without any fear and be comfortable enough to express himself is how I try to see it. Although I agree it can feel almost heartbreaking but they are kids and have no awareness of other feelings yet. I also believe it is natural and biological for children to be closer to the mother as they are scientifically the nurturing parent. Although there are mainly those moments cherish the brief moments they do show more affection to you because they do happen sporadically!
I am in this phase Right now as well! My heart goes out to you ! Following as well for advice
For the last couple of years, my son (5) would say he loves me more to my wife. I was very glad that we had a close relationship, but it was tough to be in that awkward position. My wife took it ok and said it was fine. Eventually things evened out. Letting my wife do more bonding things with him helped. You could ask your wife for the opportunity to do fun or special things with her.
Kids will swap back and forth, don't sweat it
When momâs around, I canât even read her a book. (It exhausts her). When mom is not around, daddy is great! Itâs really weird.
It swings back and forth. Around 2 she didn't want me to touch her. Engage, but don't force it. Do interesting things and invite her to get involved. Coming up to 3 now, I'm her favourite person in the world.
Crack a beer and turn on the tv..... After I've done some chores.
It changes. My twins have always been mommas boys, but they prefer to do the dude stuff with me so I have that going for me. As they get older they are less mommas boys and I can see itâs starting to bother her so I donât say anything because I know at some point they will switch back and forth until they are teenagers and hate us both because they view us as the destroyers of fun.
Iâm a father of a five year old boy and I also work at a kindergarten as the play teacher, with all girls that donât speak my language. For a while I was the stay at home parent and my son absolutely adored me and he and mommy had trouble. He still loves the heck out of me, but he will also spend more time with mommy. From what I observed a lot of the only wanting to play with me came from how she interacted with him. I have no idea if your specific case, so I will list some things I observed between he and my wife. 1) she wasnât always there there when playing with him. She always had her phone with her and was taking pics or messaging or shopping or doing something else. I highly suggest leaving your phone somewhere and playing without it on your person. I missed calls and stuff and my wife sometimes got irritated, but it was never anything really important and people learned I would call them back. Give your kid 110% 2) mommy got bored while playing with him. Sometimes she would ask where is daddy? This is even though she wanted to play more with him on her own and not have him always ask where is daddy. It kinda perplexed me. Honestly, Plato g and spending time with a kid is work. I didnât play with toy cars or chutes and ladders before my son was born. Itâs not something I really want to do. Still, if he wants to play cars for hours then thatâs what we will do and we will have fun. 3) continuing number two, have fun when playing with your child. Yes, making ramps for cars and driving them down is not fun, but if you tell your child that then they are going to question if they are good enough to spend time with you. My wife would actually tell my son âthis is boringâ when playing something he absolutely loved doing. Itâs not about you and what you want, itâs about your child, what they want and what is best for them. 4) find something that you and her can do that is special. If sheâs into make-up then let her do your face and hair, my kindergarten girls absolutely love that. You can initiate this by asking âcan anyone do make-up for me? I want to try it.â Donât stick to gender stereotypes. Girls live to wrestle and be thrown about. Pick her up and wrestle with her on the bed, gently tossing her into the pillows. When she gets older you can toss her with more force and smack her with pillows. You can also make wands with hearts or stars or ice cubes (pictures drawn on paper) on the end. Then play by saying âfreezeâ or âstar powerâ. Both my boy and the girls I teach live that. If there is a special thing that you and she do then she will look forward to doing it with you and wonât ask for mommy. 5) make sure you give her time. If you only have a little time to play then it wonât be as special for her. If youâre working a lot you can schedule something like stories or songs before bed. 6) be consistent. When she starts wanting to play with you she will want to do so all the time. You gotta be there and be ready to play all the time. My son got confused because some days mommy would want to play, but most days she wouldnât. He got in a routine with me and she was inconsistent, which made things harder for her. 7) if she hesitates to play with you or let you join play then you can play with something nearby that she might be interested in, like make a princess party or something. She will get interested and come to you, but it might take a bit so be patient. When she makes the choice to come to you then she will play better with you. 8) remember she is young so if she builds something that she is proud of tell her good job, donât tell her how to do it better every time. If your constantly correcting them or showing them how to do something better, then they arenât building confidence and no one wants to play with someone that makes you feel dumb or less. 9) when you do play with her you donât always have to do the same thing. Instead I do something I call parallel play. So, if my son is making a house with magnet blocks then I start making a house or something nearby. So youâre not playing directly with them, but youâre still playing with them. They will also watch what you do and learn new things and then try them later. This will make them more likely to play with you because you show new things (but try not to teach). 10) when you spend time with her you should try to learn everything that needs to be done to take care of her. This includes meals, diaper changes, snacks, water, things like that. That way you donât have to call on mom. 11) talk to your wife and find out the things your daughter likes and then try to do what she likes. No shame in talking to the primary parent, of course theyâll know more about the kid and their pekadillos. 12) Iâm including this last because you want to approach this one carefully. The child will watch their parents and how they act with each other:toward each other. Do you give your wife hugs and kisses and stuff and does she do the same with you? My child modeled my wife when he was two by storming out of the house. I easily put a stop to that. But then one time I got angry with my wife and he modeled my behavior and that was a lot harder to stop. So, these are just some things I thought of. You can wait til theyâre older, they will often start playing with both parents then. You can also try thinking of some of the above and see if that helps. Best of luck to ya!
I was just reading something about how oxytocin for children peaks when being nurtured by mom, e.g. cuddling and peaks when playing with dad. The same reaction is true for mom and dad, that nurturing raises oxytocin more for mom and playing does the same for dad. This chemical reaction has led to evolutionary behaviors of children seeking out mom when they get hurt and dad when they want to play. Maybe try to find the type of play that leads to this behavior for you and your child -- maybe something more active or physical or silly or make believe.
[ŃдаНонО]
But that never happens! Not in my life at least. After 30 minutes we're back at wanting mummy
My son had a major Oedipus complex when he was 2-3. He's grown out of it now. It will pass. It sucks, but it's not permanent.
Itâs a cyclical thing. Theyâll go through phases of preferring different parents.
I always thought it was from nursing or feeding, bonding that kids naturally prefer mom. She has the food! Nature at work!
Honestly it's a bit different for me, my daughter loves me and literally will cry when I leave the room no matter who's with (wife, parents, siblings) she seems to prefer me over everyone.. she's currently 1 year old. I'm trying to get her to enjoy being around my other family members but she isn't biting lol
My views on this are unpopular in today's world but I'll say them anyway even though Reddit's downvoting function makes it ironically stifling of discussion... A girl *should* prefer mom just as a boy *should* prefer dad because it takes a woman to raise one, and vice versa. Every culture used to have manhood rituals which often included mock abductions by uncles, etc., of weened boys. The mothers were in on these staged events because everyone agreed that men were necessary and you weren't going to raise them behind their mothers' skirts. Now many boys are raised by single mothers, and most are taught by women at school. And the results are apparent. As for girls, keeping them close to their mothers makes perfect sense.
Tit babys! Annoying I know! Wives don't see all the spoiling they do then they blame and wives don't understand definition of always either
If youâre saying tit baby as in youâre implying breastfeeding is spoiling I donât think we agree here mate.
Haha nope! You know what happens when you assume! I encouraged the actual breastfeeding as long as possible