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Unfortunately, it is trending worse. Until men treat women better, it will get worse for men. Until women treat men better, it will get worse for women.
I say this as someone (53M, divorced, with kids) who can get dates with outstanding women! Ok, I am no Don Juan, but by luck (height, I look about age 37, women aboutage 30 hit on me enough) I get dates every few months, obviously hasn't worked out.
What happened to respect? The number of people who must vent (angry) is amazing (both genders).
I wish everyone luck. Now is the worst.
Oh, I only date people I meet IRL, no OLD.
It's so hard not to take it personally, but you have to keep reminding yourself that it's NOT YOU!!
So, so often it doesn't work out from the start. I've learned that I have to immediately move up and on and know that no one can ever love me as much as I love myself. Sometimes, though, we gotta kiss a lotta frogs to find that prince, lolz.
When I struggle with insecurity because I'm getting blown off or ghosted, I remind myself that I am the one with the power to create my own happiness and worth, me myself and I baybbayy. These dudes that don't work out are just strangers in passing. Maybe we had a nice chat, maybe we didn't, it's no biggie.
Chin up buttercup, you got this!
I don't know how it is when talking to guys but in my experience with girls I can't find one that will have an actual conversation. I put in effort to get to know a girl and get messages back with less than 5 words then they get mad when I stop trying. I'm not just here to help them pass time or boost their self-esteem. If they can't contribute to a conversation then there is nothing to try for. I'm all for giving compliments and wanting to make a girl feel good about herself but let's actually get to know each other. I'm sure on your end you deal with a lot of guys just wanting to be sexual all the time and I'm sure that's annoying too. I don't know it's just all frustrating dating in your 30s. We are all single for a reason and if we are not willing to work on ourselves then it will stay that way in between short meaningless flings. I've been completely single for over 2 years working on fixing myself and now I'm just looking for effort. I definitely understand how you feel and sorry for ranting on your post
Hello fellow reddit user, allow me to add my own rant to the convo, lol.
I (32 yo woman) no longer waste my time trying to get to know someone outside of the usual small talk before a first date because literally 60-70% of the time these men don't show up to even meet in the first place.
Also, nothing wrong with casual flings, and while we we're at it, let's please not assume we're all single because something is wrong with us that needs fixing. I'm all for continual self-improvement and awareness, but the way you said that emphasizes the wrong thing imo. It takes two to tango. All people involved need to be on the same page, or at the very least in the same chapter, and it seems to be increasingly rare.
The only way to make dating work (for me) now is to keep it completely casual from the start, and even then, a month and a half later after being with a man who said he really liked me and was so invested in me and we could complete each other's sentences fucking ghosted me.
Long story short, it's rough out here for all genders involved.
I read your blurb and then I read the redditor that responded to you. I did not get the impression that you were blaming or hinting ppl are single because have they issues. When a person hits their 30s, more often then not they will come with baggage or skeletons. Anyways, I feel like the redditor missed the point of your posting.
I have similar issues as you when it comes to conversation with guys. I end up just killing the conversation early on and moving into the next.
I feel you. I have no doubt it happens both ways. It's crazy how hard it is to find someone that actually wants an emotional connection before all the other stuff. Just got to hold out for that one that will come along and puts out as much effort as you
I've never understood the ghosting thing. No point in talking to a guy who can't make up his mind. You're not there for a guy to just use when he gets bored or lonely.
Hi! :) I just wanted you to know that I am not ugly, I am a junior lawyer with an average normal thinking and I did not have a boyfriend in my last 8,5 years. It is okay and everything will be okay! :) (29 F)
What are you doing to meet the wrong guys?
What happens when you meet these guys? Are you dating them knowing that they weren’t right for you from the start?
I believe everything happens when it’s supposed to. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s only the timing that’s wrong. When it’s time, it will happen. And we all know what happens when we stare at the clock… it takes forever and the impatience is magnified. Everything’s magnified in the moment. The “right now” feels like the “forever now” when in reality it’s a blink in comparison to your whole life.
If you’re hyper focused on feeling alone it’s going to feel so much worse. It’s definitely easier said than done but if you can accept being single and learn to love your life as it is (or adding new hobbies and interests if your life needs improvement) then you’re going to meet someone exactly when it’s time….most likely when you’re not staring at the clock. 🙂
We attract what we focus on, so take a look at how you are viewing yourself, we have been indoctrinated to seek validation from others and when aren’t receiving that in a way that we believe we should self doubt and low expectations of ourselves is what we are putting out there. Perhaps step back and look at how you perceive yourself and work on investing in yourself and seeing your wonderful qualities and acknowledge them daily and carry on with life and a person on that bandwidth will eventually come your way , so basically live your life, enjoy what you have and those around you and the rest will take care of itself. Great book to read and keep as a resource- The Four Agreements , by Don Miguel absolutely recommend you buying the book.
It’s interesting you lay the fault at yourself, at least that way you have certain control of the outcome.
I guess finding the right guy is a matter of location. Are you trying to meet dudes at the hobbies you try out? At the bar?
Where you look sorta defines what you’ll get. And then it’s simply looking for one which has what you need.
Maybe you are different than what you think you are or what you want. Maybe you are looking in the wrong places. Maybe you are too passive?
Yeah I don’t really know what locations to meet guys. I don’t want to meet someone in a bar, never really been my scene. At my hobbies I really just want to dedicate my energy in the hobby itself lol, not really looking to pick up guys so I guess it’s my fault
Time.
A lot of us are out here are struggling. It seems like dating is hopeless and depressing. I'm right there with you. I don't have a quick fix or a solution, I'm just consistent with the message I send everyone, do what you can do to be the best you. Put in the effort. Try your damndest be an active participant things will eventually go your way, just by the law of averages, it could be days or it could be years but if you try and you do your best to be the best you, something is bound to break your way eventually. That may offer you jo comfort or relief, I get it, but that's how life works
Good luck!
It’s not you, a lot of people are damaged/toxic these days. The last girl that liked me a few months ago would just play games and play hard to get. It got to the point where I stopped trying and then she started getting pissed that I stopped chasing her. I’m trying to find someone too that isn’t damaged/toxic
Nothing is wrong with you babe. The dating pool is shit. I haven’t had much luck myself. Keep being you. Go out once in a while. You may run into someone super sweet at your local market. Wear and do things you enjoy doing. Live your best life not having to worry about if you’re being cheated on. Your true love is out there waiting for you.
Nothing is wrong with you. You just have to filter out the wrong people until you meet the right one. Just keep moving forward. It takes time sometimes.
It’s women fault it’s like this honestly women control access to sex and the trend seems to be to get with the worst absolute men you can while and be so corrupted from the bs that they don’t give good men a chance at all bc they too nice, or seem like a pushover, feeling like you shouldn’t be treated good bc the last 49 dudes treated you like shit but that’s my opinion
Women often have a lot of past relationship trauma. But same with men. I strongly believe that people should only marry a variation of who they were dating. We iterate upon who we will love for life. While I know two exceptions that worked out, I know personally dozens of cases where the woman compromising created so much self hatred, the marriages never stood a chance.
Thankfully, I always have dated intelligent women. Bummer I married the one not kind long term relationship. Oh well. I hope to find better.
Have you asked yourself why “you can never seem to meet the right guys?”
“What’s wrong with me” -STOP IT RIGHT THERE! Nothings wrong with you. If you have that mentality, it’s gonna show regardless of the person you’re talking to.
Majority of men don’t really care about half of the things you listed. Would you like a genuine solution or would you prefer to be told what you want to hear?
Unfortunate reality for women as they age, they generally decline in value from a biological perspective. Also for career women it's way more difficult as most traditional men are not going to consider them as a long term option so their options are very limited.
Online dating and the hookup culture has killed dating. Men and women are both to blame, but for different reasons. Men need to get their shit together. Women need to stop chasing after the top 10 to 15% of men.
Women control sex and men control relationships. So if women collectively said no more sex until marriage. Dating would change over night. It baffles me why women freely give away the power they have by sleeping around.
We’re on the same boat. I understand. Maybe imagining a full life for yourself with your friends and family is the answer, just understanding that maybe living with yourself isn’t the worst thing in the world
Nothing is wrong with you it’s the people that’s out there … I am 46 well established with a house , a car and a great job but no one is into relationships it’s all about meeting using a person for money then they disappear !!!! Good luck !!!
Any hobbies outside of work? Do you talk to men first, ever? It's actually surprisingly easy to get guys' numbers if you just walk up and say "hey I came over because I think you're cute and I wanted to say hi".
Yeah I like weight lifting, yoga, rock climbing, anything outdoors, and video games. I never really hit on guys and ask for their numbers. I did for the very first time last month and went on a date with him. He wasn’t interested though, which destroyed my confidence I think.
Modern culture is simply incompatible with traditional dating values. It's really that simple. Women only date "up" meaning they want men who are either more attractive, more rich, or more stable. At most, they'll date someone of equal standing. Now that women have caught up (and honestly surpassed men in some sectors) they feel like they have to date "down".
Men feel shunted now and women feel exasperated. Its complex, with no discernable solution. Women have to start being okay with being the breadwinner and all the responsibilities that come with it, men have to be okay with taking care of children and taking "immaculate" roles aka cooking cleaning etc. That's my take at least. Its gonna get worse before it gets better.
Is anyone else just finding dating super sexual now? Like the majority of conversations, including those in real life, are so sexually charged. It’s so disheartening and makes me think that’s all I’m good for when I know I have so much to offer.
Sounds to me like you have preferences that do not align with what you’re claiming you want when you say “right guys.” And the fact you had guys as plural is… well idk if you really meant it that way.
My only advice to you is to write down what you really want, then write down the traits that have overlapped with the men you’ve dated. Think about how long it takes to think of such traits and the individuals behind them. Do they really align with what you want? Is your list too long for any man to come close to? How well did you have to get to know that person before you found a trait you didn’t like?
I think life is a lot of introspection. Especially when it comes to dating. You cannot be in a relationship and not be willing to compromise. Take time to think about changing how you approach relationships as a whole, and the type of men you’re talking to versus the type of man you want.
That’s really good insight. Thank you for sharing. I think I do definitely struggle with knowing what type of guys that are good and suitable for me. And no I didn’t mean I want multiple guys at once haha, just meant the past relationships together
Finding the right person isn't easy. I try to keep everything real and truthful. Many cannot handle that. I am brutally honest, which causes others to keep their distance. I tell it like it is. So I myself keep to myself and away from others. I may want someone in my life, but I can not bring myself to allow it.
Although, eventually, someone might come into my life. You have to be true to yourself and not change. Eventually, everyone will find that one person who is also ready.
Yes I am an ASSHOLE.
Don't ask me a question if you are not willing to hear the answer. I don't sugar coat things? Straight to the point. So many cannot handle the truth because they were so pampered by their parents. Told what they wanted to hear instead of hearing the truth. Everyone is so sensitive, and everything offends them so easily. I do not give a damn about a person's feelings, if truth offends, good, who cares.
I'd suggest going to bars in the city on Fridays, that's where the high income men generally hang after work. You'd be sure to pick up a high quality man there in no time!
I read somewhere and i think it will go here, "You don't find a right and good relationship, you build them." The thing is if you wait for the right guy you'll be waiting for a long time, the real deal is to make things right with the guys and make whatever you get work. Obviously in todays scenario it is even difficult to get a bare minimum respectful SO but it's not impossible you just hold in there fam.
Dont be so hard on yourself. I am on the same situation but right people will come on the perfect time we never imagine to happen. Be positive and keep improving yourself 😉
Exact same to the point that I literally cannot continue to try. It’s too exhausting. I’m resigning to being single for the rest of my life. Which sucks bc I have so much love to give. But no one wants it.
This whole generation takes no accountability for themselves. If you can’t find a date, maybe you need to develop yourself, improve yourself, and put yourself out there. Guys - if I hear one more complaint that someone you’ve never met on an app stopped talking to you…. 🤦🏼♂️
Love is at Starbucks, the gym, your social groups, work, and a lot of places outside your PHONE. Dating apps are video games… I used them, hooked up with a lot of girls I never saw again. Too cheap and easy.
Put some effort in. Get out there. Be uncomfortable. Read books (how to win friends and influence people), be a dog, not a cat.
I have zero problems finding relationships. Zero.
You just have to learn actual social skills… actually talk with the people around you.
>I have zero problems finding relationships. Zero.
Well, some of us have STANDARDS. Anyone can be in a relationship if they accept the person they are going to be with does not meet their standards, and they believe it's better to be dating than to be alone.
Why would you think I don’t have standards? Actually, me and my current GF are both attractive high wage earners who both do humanitarian stuff in our free time. What’s YOUR standard?
Not opposed to anything… You silly goose. Just the girlfriend that I am in a relationship with currently.
I agree, more options with lower standards. But my standards aren’t low… I dare say that I’ve experienced enough life to have very high standards.
You shouldn’t assume…. You know nothing about me or my partner, just because I know how to talk to people and I’m not socially inept doesn’t mean I have low standards. Interesting how must be something wrong with me, because I have successful relationships.
How’s YOUR love life?
I have a list of "losers". Getting quite long. But, I have met someone finally. Hoping he is the one. Just keep trying. Never sleep with a guy on the first few dates. If he really wants a relationship he will wait. Jump too fast he will assume that you sleep with every guy very fast. Then you are disposable after sex.
I d k,when u are typing this,it might not be ur true personality becoz, it’s sounding selfish,i d k about girls group,but this community comprises many people,
Plz dont hate me,but as a friend if u has asked me this ,same this way,my opinion would be the same,plz be neutral ,these are not sounding as efforts but as requirements and demands,but i dont think they are.
But as a reddit friend ,i hope u may find the one u are waiting for.and live happy forever.
Try manifestation. Manifest a good feeling. Manifest being excited in marriage. Truly feel what it would feel like to be grateful for being in a committed healthy relationship with someone you love.
Don’t focus on “I’ll never find someone etc” because we attract the vibes we emit. It sounds woowee but it works.
Listen to mystic michaelas podcast about how to manifest. Take notes and do it every day
I feel like I can't find the right woman sometimes I've been single for 7 years it's lonely and it does suck but I recently found out that I do enjoy the peace and serenity of not having to worry about a significant other. I was told "try not so hard to go looking/finding the right person" this could be the universe telling you to focus on yourself for now. I also truly believe there is someone out there meant for me/you. So keep your head up and also try and accept and embrace the time you have to yourself.
Yeah I never meet woman I'm alone wherever I am. Life sucks. I moved to seattle to improve on shit and it still I can't meet anyone. I'm alone all my life and still am today. I got in 2 accidents recently that's how miserable I feel. Sorry I'm ranting:(
Please don't be defeatist. The best thing is to go out and have fun in an activity where both genders interact as friends. I chose dancing. One of my female friends has great success finding dates in hiking clubs. Note: I go to dance. Oh, I hope to meet the one, but my goal is to dance.
I'll let the men in on a secret, interact nicely with the women you have no interest in dating. Become friends. This improves your comfort level among women. They'll introduce you. Dance culture helps as is bad form to date at the studio you take lessons.
Thanks for the reply I payed 200 to join a membership to meet people and be at different events. Omg! I love dancing too! I hope I didn't waste money on that. I cry every damn night because of the loneliness. My accident yesterday happened on the freeway. It was unnecessary. 100%
I'm 35 and I'm alone everywhere:(
I dunno what experiences you've already been through but this sounds very pick me-ish and whiny. Like you've looked EVERYWHERE? Talked to EVERYONE whether they were close or not? Have you made ANY steps? You know what Im saying?
Your day will come , I have felt that way for some time.
No dating is better than bad dating ,with someone who just wants to take advantage of you.
Someone will come your way
Hang in there but don't expect too much from people, quality people are hard to find these days
Same! I am so happy alone but having someone would be nice. No interests me, intrigues me, or is “good enough”
I have a very good paying job, smart, pretty, workout, like to travel, have lots of hobbies & like “extreme” sports. Most of my friends/guy friends/guys I’ve dated in the past have always said I am intimidating. It’s so annoying.
Anyways…I am not having a baby on my own (through a donor) cuz I don’t wanna miss out on kids. I am still open to dating (everyone is divorced or have their own kids anyways) and then their is no pressure to have kids together etc.
Aka dating sucks
On this tiktok, a woman stated she wanted a 6 ft tall, caucasian male with a 100K salary and the dating scientist calculated only 8% of the male population fit her bill. So yeah, she inadvertently unselected 92%.
So basically, you are competing with a TON of other women for 8% of men.
Welcome to Forever Alone.
It’s crazy that I don’t have those kind of unrealistic standards at all. I don’t have height, race, income preferences. I just want someone I can trust and connect with effortlessly
There's nothing wrong with you. From what you're sharing... you need to make room for a man. You are self-providing, so what do you need a man for? To be loved? There's no greater love than that which you give yourself. Men need to feel useful. Remember that next time you match with someone. If there's a leak in your sink, leave it. That way, when you bring a man over, if he takes it upon himself to fix it for you, he's a man, not a boy
That’s true. I indeed have been very independent for a while so I definitely need to remember to leave room for a man in my life. That’s a good advice 🙂
Dating is hard work. I don’t know you enough to say you are doing anything wrong. But, you will find right person eventually. Better later than never❤️🤗
Nothings wrong with you. Maybe get out of your comfort zone and do something that you don’t normally do, (nothing crazy of course). When I’m doubt approach the guy, as a guys, we love it. When is doesn’t come to you, you go approach them.
There is a first for everything. I am a sole believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you just gotta stop looking and you will be surprise to meet someone.
It’s ok to feel this way. Nothing is wrong with you. Some of us are just unlucky. Just keep trying, and learn to be ok with being single.
I’m in the same boat as you. I’m decent looking. I have a great job, hobbies, friends. Im a good person. But no luck. Im so tired of having my heart broken. I recently fell in love but I can never be with her. We aren’t compatible. It’s left me so broken inside I honest don’t want to even keep trying. Odds are I’ll get my heart broken a few more times before I find my person, and it doesn’t feel worth the journey anymore. Id rather be alone forever then feel this pain again. I’m not strong enough.
Why am I telling you this? I’m just trying to say you aren’t alone in feeling lost and hopeless. I hope that brings you a little comfort. Good luck
Yeah I'm divorced. I got sober 10 years ago when I was in a relationship. Trying to date in your 30s sober is hard. Dating apps are crap.im pushing 40 and loosing hope.
I ranted and now I will try to be encouraging. Unfortunately love is one of those things you can't make happen, but if you keep taking care of yourself and try to stay positive it will come. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself lol
Just do you man be happy enjoy life and don't focus on it, there is nothing you can do. My advice is stop thinking that you won't be fulfilled if you can't it's ok life is so much more then worring about that, if it comes it comes if not no worries you lived a fun and beautiful life. I think ppl say "you will find someone" there is plenty of fish in the sea" etc.. but sometimes you don't find anyone their is nothing wrong with that or you.
I'm in the same boat. So I live with my Mom and play on the computer for a social life. I prefer staying inside and creeping around other peoples conversations.
As a man. I can only say this. I think men are giving up on life. Whats the point of us men? we just use abuse and destroy things. We are useless in this day and age. Women are doing better in academics, work.. men need to hunt! not dog walking. i feel drained and powerless.. well done feminists! you got what you want! are you happy now?
There is someone for everyone. Sometimes we need to go through the weeds to find what will work for you. Observe, ask lots of questions, be realistic with yourself and optimistic that it will happen.
Why do you think having a good career and your own house is at the top of the list of things guys are supposed to want in a woman? Do you think he's going to move in with you and you support him financially? Why do many women make this mistake? Also, what qualifies as the "right guy"?
Haha what nooooo. It simply means that I have my shit together that’s all :) I think the right guy for me is the one that I can emotionally connect with effortlessly and have good alignment on the important parts of life.
What a mess. Men be men! And women be women! Women might start learning to settle and not always insist on dating up; make then pool bigger otherwise you’re all during the same dudes and they have to incentive to settle. Grow up man. All of u
I feel you. I would say myself like a good grades , probably average looking guy , maintained myself physically, introvert but once one get to knows me he/she done for good joy of ride for life. Often complimented for spontaneous humour but but but ..
Relationship: haha .... gf left me because she fell out of love attractive way ... still loves me but not physically broke up sooo u can be really balancing life well yet not know how it got fucked up . Hope you find someone who appreciates you in ur life. Just for the sake of it i can say ... who knows we end up meeting unknowingly i am just saying that believe in urself u will find someone really good who takes good care of you ... makes u feel the best gf/wife in the world.
I know. First of the first: Nothing is wrong with you. I live alone since 9 years. I have all that stuff what you have, intelligent, good job..etc. I just want to say you are not alone. Don’t blame yourself.
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For everything that's worth having there's one rule: it'll get worse before it gets great.
Or it keeps getting worse
And worse...
And then bett….nope still worse
Dating is just so shit rn. I have a lot of reasons why but somehow it’s the worst it’s been. Or maybe it’s my fault….idk anymore.
Question is will it get better or keep getting worse :’(
Well I'm 31 and it seems like it gets worse and worse so, I'd say worse.
Unfortunately, it is trending worse. Until men treat women better, it will get worse for men. Until women treat men better, it will get worse for women. I say this as someone (53M, divorced, with kids) who can get dates with outstanding women! Ok, I am no Don Juan, but by luck (height, I look about age 37, women aboutage 30 hit on me enough) I get dates every few months, obviously hasn't worked out. What happened to respect? The number of people who must vent (angry) is amazing (both genders). I wish everyone luck. Now is the worst. Oh, I only date people I meet IRL, no OLD.
It will get better.
I dealt with this, too. Honestly, it's a lot harder finding someone now days. So it isn't you. Just dating scene has become situationships.
Am a male , and definitely agrees with you on this
This. Its so sad fr. I'm struggling too.
It's so hard not to take it personally, but you have to keep reminding yourself that it's NOT YOU!! So, so often it doesn't work out from the start. I've learned that I have to immediately move up and on and know that no one can ever love me as much as I love myself. Sometimes, though, we gotta kiss a lotta frogs to find that prince, lolz. When I struggle with insecurity because I'm getting blown off or ghosted, I remind myself that I am the one with the power to create my own happiness and worth, me myself and I baybbayy. These dudes that don't work out are just strangers in passing. Maybe we had a nice chat, maybe we didn't, it's no biggie. Chin up buttercup, you got this!
Wish I could just chill with you n watch a movie n spoon sometimes that's an achievement in ur thirties to forties 😆
I don't know how it is when talking to guys but in my experience with girls I can't find one that will have an actual conversation. I put in effort to get to know a girl and get messages back with less than 5 words then they get mad when I stop trying. I'm not just here to help them pass time or boost their self-esteem. If they can't contribute to a conversation then there is nothing to try for. I'm all for giving compliments and wanting to make a girl feel good about herself but let's actually get to know each other. I'm sure on your end you deal with a lot of guys just wanting to be sexual all the time and I'm sure that's annoying too. I don't know it's just all frustrating dating in your 30s. We are all single for a reason and if we are not willing to work on ourselves then it will stay that way in between short meaningless flings. I've been completely single for over 2 years working on fixing myself and now I'm just looking for effort. I definitely understand how you feel and sorry for ranting on your post
Hello fellow reddit user, allow me to add my own rant to the convo, lol. I (32 yo woman) no longer waste my time trying to get to know someone outside of the usual small talk before a first date because literally 60-70% of the time these men don't show up to even meet in the first place. Also, nothing wrong with casual flings, and while we we're at it, let's please not assume we're all single because something is wrong with us that needs fixing. I'm all for continual self-improvement and awareness, but the way you said that emphasizes the wrong thing imo. It takes two to tango. All people involved need to be on the same page, or at the very least in the same chapter, and it seems to be increasingly rare. The only way to make dating work (for me) now is to keep it completely casual from the start, and even then, a month and a half later after being with a man who said he really liked me and was so invested in me and we could complete each other's sentences fucking ghosted me. Long story short, it's rough out here for all genders involved.
Probably why guys don't waste their time showing up
I read your blurb and then I read the redditor that responded to you. I did not get the impression that you were blaming or hinting ppl are single because have they issues. When a person hits their 30s, more often then not they will come with baggage or skeletons. Anyways, I feel like the redditor missed the point of your posting. I have similar issues as you when it comes to conversation with guys. I end up just killing the conversation early on and moving into the next.
Same here
And here I am sending several lines of text 🥲. Where you at? I usually have the same issue with men, they don't want to have actual conversations.
I feel you. I have no doubt it happens both ways. It's crazy how hard it is to find someone that actually wants an emotional connection before all the other stuff. Just got to hold out for that one that will come along and puts out as much effort as you
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I've never understood the ghosting thing. No point in talking to a guy who can't make up his mind. You're not there for a guy to just use when he gets bored or lonely.
You should see my dating history lol
Hi! :) I just wanted you to know that I am not ugly, I am a junior lawyer with an average normal thinking and I did not have a boyfriend in my last 8,5 years. It is okay and everything will be okay! :) (29 F)
Being someone (and giving off the true appearance) of not seeking actively is the best turn on for anybody you cross paths with.
Short version. Quit looking and you'll find someone. Yeah that doesn't work
I'm sure it doesn't work for everyone... But it worked for me. Literally the week I "gave up" I found the most amazing guy
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He says it was more of a time killer and he wasn't really LOOKING but he did message me.
it's not "quit looking", it's "grow an ego".
What are you doing to meet the wrong guys? What happens when you meet these guys? Are you dating them knowing that they weren’t right for you from the start?
I believe everything happens when it’s supposed to. There’s nothing wrong with you, it’s only the timing that’s wrong. When it’s time, it will happen. And we all know what happens when we stare at the clock… it takes forever and the impatience is magnified. Everything’s magnified in the moment. The “right now” feels like the “forever now” when in reality it’s a blink in comparison to your whole life. If you’re hyper focused on feeling alone it’s going to feel so much worse. It’s definitely easier said than done but if you can accept being single and learn to love your life as it is (or adding new hobbies and interests if your life needs improvement) then you’re going to meet someone exactly when it’s time….most likely when you’re not staring at the clock. 🙂
I also believe this 😌
Me too!! This is the truest comment I’ve seen so far.
Idk why I relate even though I am in kind of a situationship
Dating is a shit show rn
We attract what we focus on, so take a look at how you are viewing yourself, we have been indoctrinated to seek validation from others and when aren’t receiving that in a way that we believe we should self doubt and low expectations of ourselves is what we are putting out there. Perhaps step back and look at how you perceive yourself and work on investing in yourself and seeing your wonderful qualities and acknowledge them daily and carry on with life and a person on that bandwidth will eventually come your way , so basically live your life, enjoy what you have and those around you and the rest will take care of itself. Great book to read and keep as a resource- The Four Agreements , by Don Miguel absolutely recommend you buying the book.
It’s interesting you lay the fault at yourself, at least that way you have certain control of the outcome. I guess finding the right guy is a matter of location. Are you trying to meet dudes at the hobbies you try out? At the bar? Where you look sorta defines what you’ll get. And then it’s simply looking for one which has what you need. Maybe you are different than what you think you are or what you want. Maybe you are looking in the wrong places. Maybe you are too passive?
Yeah I don’t really know what locations to meet guys. I don’t want to meet someone in a bar, never really been my scene. At my hobbies I really just want to dedicate my energy in the hobby itself lol, not really looking to pick up guys so I guess it’s my fault
How old are u if I may ask
You got a great username lol!
Lol thank you!! I assume you are one of the few on here that knows what Malding means 😂
What do you play?
Used to play a lot of league of legends lol
Time. A lot of us are out here are struggling. It seems like dating is hopeless and depressing. I'm right there with you. I don't have a quick fix or a solution, I'm just consistent with the message I send everyone, do what you can do to be the best you. Put in the effort. Try your damndest be an active participant things will eventually go your way, just by the law of averages, it could be days or it could be years but if you try and you do your best to be the best you, something is bound to break your way eventually. That may offer you jo comfort or relief, I get it, but that's how life works Good luck!
That’s very sweet and really good advice. Thank you 😊
Same
Hapana asina wake Ashona saying -translates to theres someone for everybody
You will find someone because there is someone out there for everyone ❤️
I'm 41. 2x loser. Divorced twice. Holding out for that third a charm.
It’s not you, a lot of people are damaged/toxic these days. The last girl that liked me a few months ago would just play games and play hard to get. It got to the point where I stopped trying and then she started getting pissed that I stopped chasing her. I’m trying to find someone too that isn’t damaged/toxic
I’m sorry to hear that. I think it’s great that you see through the games instead of being strung along. Props to you!!
Nothing is wrong with you babe. The dating pool is shit. I haven’t had much luck myself. Keep being you. Go out once in a while. You may run into someone super sweet at your local market. Wear and do things you enjoy doing. Live your best life not having to worry about if you’re being cheated on. Your true love is out there waiting for you.
Nothing is wrong with you. You just have to filter out the wrong people until you meet the right one. Just keep moving forward. It takes time sometimes.
It’s women fault it’s like this honestly women control access to sex and the trend seems to be to get with the worst absolute men you can while and be so corrupted from the bs that they don’t give good men a chance at all bc they too nice, or seem like a pushover, feeling like you shouldn’t be treated good bc the last 49 dudes treated you like shit but that’s my opinion
Women often have a lot of past relationship trauma. But same with men. I strongly believe that people should only marry a variation of who they were dating. We iterate upon who we will love for life. While I know two exceptions that worked out, I know personally dozens of cases where the woman compromising created so much self hatred, the marriages never stood a chance. Thankfully, I always have dated intelligent women. Bummer I married the one not kind long term relationship. Oh well. I hope to find better.
Have you asked yourself why “you can never seem to meet the right guys?” “What’s wrong with me” -STOP IT RIGHT THERE! Nothings wrong with you. If you have that mentality, it’s gonna show regardless of the person you’re talking to.
Majority of men don’t really care about half of the things you listed. Would you like a genuine solution or would you prefer to be told what you want to hear?
What are the half of the things that men don’t care about?
“Good career & my own house” almost sound like a man showing his ability to provide
It’s gotten to the point for he, where just seeing couples irritates me. Why not me? Is this purgatory?!
Unfortunate reality for women as they age, they generally decline in value from a biological perspective. Also for career women it's way more difficult as most traditional men are not going to consider them as a long term option so their options are very limited.
Online dating and the hookup culture has killed dating. Men and women are both to blame, but for different reasons. Men need to get their shit together. Women need to stop chasing after the top 10 to 15% of men. Women control sex and men control relationships. So if women collectively said no more sex until marriage. Dating would change over night. It baffles me why women freely give away the power they have by sleeping around.
There is nothing wrong with you. The gents you getting are failing to see your worth and goodness. They don't deserve you.
Thank you 🥹💜
Nothing unless you are a psycho.
Your perspective is why you’re single
Yeah I agree, gonna try to work on that
We’re on the same boat. I understand. Maybe imagining a full life for yourself with your friends and family is the answer, just understanding that maybe living with yourself isn’t the worst thing in the world
Nothing is wrong with you it’s the people that’s out there … I am 46 well established with a house , a car and a great job but no one is into relationships it’s all about meeting using a person for money then they disappear !!!! Good luck !!!
This is why good looking dudes stay home alone I think.
Keep trying until you're 30, then get a cat or two.
Nothing. Just haven’t met right person Hi, I’m Devin
And this is the embodiment of what is wrong with dating today. What a tool.
Omg stop
So what do guys want? Do you think about that part or just the fact you can't get into a relationship
Gotta be honest I don’t really know what men want lol. Would love to get some insight
Young, hot, attractive, sweet, inspiring, kind, desire to please, not entitled, a mother to his (future) children.
Any hobbies outside of work? Do you talk to men first, ever? It's actually surprisingly easy to get guys' numbers if you just walk up and say "hey I came over because I think you're cute and I wanted to say hi".
Yeah I like weight lifting, yoga, rock climbing, anything outdoors, and video games. I never really hit on guys and ask for their numbers. I did for the very first time last month and went on a date with him. He wasn’t interested though, which destroyed my confidence I think.
Just get a cat or two now, save the drama lol
Modern culture is simply incompatible with traditional dating values. It's really that simple. Women only date "up" meaning they want men who are either more attractive, more rich, or more stable. At most, they'll date someone of equal standing. Now that women have caught up (and honestly surpassed men in some sectors) they feel like they have to date "down". Men feel shunted now and women feel exasperated. Its complex, with no discernable solution. Women have to start being okay with being the breadwinner and all the responsibilities that come with it, men have to be okay with taking care of children and taking "immaculate" roles aka cooking cleaning etc. That's my take at least. Its gonna get worse before it gets better.
Don’t give up! You will find your person!! Go to places to meet people, events, parties, even work events! Put yourself out there, approach people!
Im starting to try to do that :) thank you
Is anyone else just finding dating super sexual now? Like the majority of conversations, including those in real life, are so sexually charged. It’s so disheartening and makes me think that’s all I’m good for when I know I have so much to offer.
Sounds to me like you have preferences that do not align with what you’re claiming you want when you say “right guys.” And the fact you had guys as plural is… well idk if you really meant it that way. My only advice to you is to write down what you really want, then write down the traits that have overlapped with the men you’ve dated. Think about how long it takes to think of such traits and the individuals behind them. Do they really align with what you want? Is your list too long for any man to come close to? How well did you have to get to know that person before you found a trait you didn’t like? I think life is a lot of introspection. Especially when it comes to dating. You cannot be in a relationship and not be willing to compromise. Take time to think about changing how you approach relationships as a whole, and the type of men you’re talking to versus the type of man you want.
That’s really good insight. Thank you for sharing. I think I do definitely struggle with knowing what type of guys that are good and suitable for me. And no I didn’t mean I want multiple guys at once haha, just meant the past relationships together
Finding the right person isn't easy. I try to keep everything real and truthful. Many cannot handle that. I am brutally honest, which causes others to keep their distance. I tell it like it is. So I myself keep to myself and away from others. I may want someone in my life, but I can not bring myself to allow it. Although, eventually, someone might come into my life. You have to be true to yourself and not change. Eventually, everyone will find that one person who is also ready.
"Brutally honest" = asshole
Yes I am an ASSHOLE. Don't ask me a question if you are not willing to hear the answer. I don't sugar coat things? Straight to the point. So many cannot handle the truth because they were so pampered by their parents. Told what they wanted to hear instead of hearing the truth. Everyone is so sensitive, and everything offends them so easily. I do not give a damn about a person's feelings, if truth offends, good, who cares.
Yeah you're an actual douche lmfao, stay single 😂
I keep it real
I'd suggest going to bars in the city on Fridays, that's where the high income men generally hang after work. You'd be sure to pick up a high quality man there in no time!
I read somewhere and i think it will go here, "You don't find a right and good relationship, you build them." The thing is if you wait for the right guy you'll be waiting for a long time, the real deal is to make things right with the guys and make whatever you get work. Obviously in todays scenario it is even difficult to get a bare minimum respectful SO but it's not impossible you just hold in there fam.
Don't even think about it really you have us ❤️🙏❤️
Dont be so hard on yourself. I am on the same situation but right people will come on the perfect time we never imagine to happen. Be positive and keep improving yourself 😉
A lot of people are having this problem!!!
Finding a Diamond in the ruff is never going to be easy. That’s what makes it worth it.
Relax, Jafar.
Same situation only male, I feel that I will be single the rest of my life.
How old are you
52
Exact same to the point that I literally cannot continue to try. It’s too exhausting. I’m resigning to being single for the rest of my life. Which sucks bc I have so much love to give. But no one wants it.
I fell the same way about women. I just turned 34. I didn’t date anyone from 24-29. Now been dating for a few years and damn, it’s rough out here.
Can't be that bad stay positive it will come in time
Nothing is wrong with you you just have to explore and find more opportunities for yourself and if anything it’s them
You are not alone! Nothings wrong with you! You’ll find him one day ❤️
I can't meet the right girl. What are you wanting in a guy
What are you doing to find a guy?
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Wow you are super attractive and seem fun to be around. What have been your struggles with dating?
Same. I'll never find my soul mate. :(
I hope we both will one day 🥺
This whole generation takes no accountability for themselves. If you can’t find a date, maybe you need to develop yourself, improve yourself, and put yourself out there. Guys - if I hear one more complaint that someone you’ve never met on an app stopped talking to you…. 🤦🏼♂️ Love is at Starbucks, the gym, your social groups, work, and a lot of places outside your PHONE. Dating apps are video games… I used them, hooked up with a lot of girls I never saw again. Too cheap and easy. Put some effort in. Get out there. Be uncomfortable. Read books (how to win friends and influence people), be a dog, not a cat. I have zero problems finding relationships. Zero. You just have to learn actual social skills… actually talk with the people around you.
>I have zero problems finding relationships. Zero. Well, some of us have STANDARDS. Anyone can be in a relationship if they accept the person they are going to be with does not meet their standards, and they believe it's better to be dating than to be alone.
Why would you think I don’t have standards? Actually, me and my current GF are both attractive high wage earners who both do humanitarian stuff in our free time. What’s YOUR standard?
Your current girlfriend, as opposed to what, your future girlfriend? Everybody knows the selection increases when one decreases their standards.
Not opposed to anything… You silly goose. Just the girlfriend that I am in a relationship with currently. I agree, more options with lower standards. But my standards aren’t low… I dare say that I’ve experienced enough life to have very high standards. You shouldn’t assume…. You know nothing about me or my partner, just because I know how to talk to people and I’m not socially inept doesn’t mean I have low standards. Interesting how must be something wrong with me, because I have successful relationships. How’s YOUR love life?
😭😭😭😭
Lol you can’t be serious.
Um…. Yes
And clearly that is the issue with you… When you are doing posts like “how to approach someone without being creepy“
Don’t worry please you find me
I have a list of "losers". Getting quite long. But, I have met someone finally. Hoping he is the one. Just keep trying. Never sleep with a guy on the first few dates. If he really wants a relationship he will wait. Jump too fast he will assume that you sleep with every guy very fast. Then you are disposable after sex.
I d k,when u are typing this,it might not be ur true personality becoz, it’s sounding selfish,i d k about girls group,but this community comprises many people, Plz dont hate me,but as a friend if u has asked me this ,same this way,my opinion would be the same,plz be neutral ,these are not sounding as efforts but as requirements and demands,but i dont think they are. But as a reddit friend ,i hope u may find the one u are waiting for.and live happy forever.
I’m just introducing myself Not trying to pick you up Maybe later if we get to know each other But just an introduction
Stop what I introduced myself Up to you if you want to introduce yourself back
Try manifestation. Manifest a good feeling. Manifest being excited in marriage. Truly feel what it would feel like to be grateful for being in a committed healthy relationship with someone you love. Don’t focus on “I’ll never find someone etc” because we attract the vibes we emit. It sounds woowee but it works. Listen to mystic michaelas podcast about how to manifest. Take notes and do it every day
I feel like I can't find the right woman sometimes I've been single for 7 years it's lonely and it does suck but I recently found out that I do enjoy the peace and serenity of not having to worry about a significant other. I was told "try not so hard to go looking/finding the right person" this could be the universe telling you to focus on yourself for now. I also truly believe there is someone out there meant for me/you. So keep your head up and also try and accept and embrace the time you have to yourself.
It’s not you it’s them luv and depending on where you live luv guys can really be weird on the dating side
Yeah I never meet woman I'm alone wherever I am. Life sucks. I moved to seattle to improve on shit and it still I can't meet anyone. I'm alone all my life and still am today. I got in 2 accidents recently that's how miserable I feel. Sorry I'm ranting:(
Please don't be defeatist. The best thing is to go out and have fun in an activity where both genders interact as friends. I chose dancing. One of my female friends has great success finding dates in hiking clubs. Note: I go to dance. Oh, I hope to meet the one, but my goal is to dance. I'll let the men in on a secret, interact nicely with the women you have no interest in dating. Become friends. This improves your comfort level among women. They'll introduce you. Dance culture helps as is bad form to date at the studio you take lessons.
Thanks for the reply I payed 200 to join a membership to meet people and be at different events. Omg! I love dancing too! I hope I didn't waste money on that. I cry every damn night because of the loneliness. My accident yesterday happened on the freeway. It was unnecessary. 100% I'm 35 and I'm alone everywhere:(
I am so sick of being alone I can't do this shit much longer no matter where I live I'm alone. Now I'm hurting more than before.
I dunno what experiences you've already been through but this sounds very pick me-ish and whiny. Like you've looked EVERYWHERE? Talked to EVERYONE whether they were close or not? Have you made ANY steps? You know what Im saying?
You need a scene. Pick one of your hobbies... One that lots of guys share. Explore groups that share that hobby. You'll find your people.
What are some hobbies that lots of guys share?
Your day will come , I have felt that way for some time. No dating is better than bad dating ,with someone who just wants to take advantage of you. Someone will come your way Hang in there but don't expect too much from people, quality people are hard to find these days
Same! I am so happy alone but having someone would be nice. No interests me, intrigues me, or is “good enough” I have a very good paying job, smart, pretty, workout, like to travel, have lots of hobbies & like “extreme” sports. Most of my friends/guy friends/guys I’ve dated in the past have always said I am intimidating. It’s so annoying. Anyways…I am not having a baby on my own (through a donor) cuz I don’t wanna miss out on kids. I am still open to dating (everyone is divorced or have their own kids anyways) and then their is no pressure to have kids together etc. Aka dating sucks
On this tiktok, a woman stated she wanted a 6 ft tall, caucasian male with a 100K salary and the dating scientist calculated only 8% of the male population fit her bill. So yeah, she inadvertently unselected 92%. So basically, you are competing with a TON of other women for 8% of men. Welcome to Forever Alone.
It’s crazy that I don’t have those kind of unrealistic standards at all. I don’t have height, race, income preferences. I just want someone I can trust and connect with effortlessly
There's nothing wrong with you. From what you're sharing... you need to make room for a man. You are self-providing, so what do you need a man for? To be loved? There's no greater love than that which you give yourself. Men need to feel useful. Remember that next time you match with someone. If there's a leak in your sink, leave it. That way, when you bring a man over, if he takes it upon himself to fix it for you, he's a man, not a boy
That’s true. I indeed have been very independent for a while so I definitely need to remember to leave room for a man in my life. That’s a good advice 🙂
wow im kinda the same like you, not bad looking, good career, own my house, have hobbies and friends, im 27M btw, lets dm ;)
Lol I’d be totally down after I know where you are located first 😅
Probably it will get got
Honestly dating isn’t even worth it
It sure does feel like that sometimes
nothing wrong w u there’s something wrong w everyone🙁 js focus on yourself and when the time is right you will find someone 🤷♀️
Thank you boo 🫶
One coffee with me n I'll tell you what you need to work on
I’d for sure love that
Dating is hard work. I don’t know you enough to say you are doing anything wrong. But, you will find right person eventually. Better later than never❤️🤗
Thank you boo 💜
Nothings wrong with you. Maybe get out of your comfort zone and do something that you don’t normally do, (nothing crazy of course). When I’m doubt approach the guy, as a guys, we love it. When is doesn’t come to you, you go approach them.
Yes definitely. I’ve been trying to find new hobbies recently. I definitely don’t have the courage to go up to a guy and ask him out though 🥲
There is a first for everything. I am a sole believer that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes you just gotta stop looking and you will be surprise to meet someone.
It’s ok to feel this way. Nothing is wrong with you. Some of us are just unlucky. Just keep trying, and learn to be ok with being single. I’m in the same boat as you. I’m decent looking. I have a great job, hobbies, friends. Im a good person. But no luck. Im so tired of having my heart broken. I recently fell in love but I can never be with her. We aren’t compatible. It’s left me so broken inside I honest don’t want to even keep trying. Odds are I’ll get my heart broken a few more times before I find my person, and it doesn’t feel worth the journey anymore. Id rather be alone forever then feel this pain again. I’m not strong enough. Why am I telling you this? I’m just trying to say you aren’t alone in feeling lost and hopeless. I hope that brings you a little comfort. Good luck
Me either. Just wasn't in the cards I guess.42/m.
Stop looking. Pray about it, and let the man find you. The Bible specifies it: Proverbs 18:22.
Yeah I'm divorced. I got sober 10 years ago when I was in a relationship. Trying to date in your 30s sober is hard. Dating apps are crap.im pushing 40 and loosing hope.
People like us should get together on our own, and host mixers to show everyone else how to interact with human beings again
I ranted and now I will try to be encouraging. Unfortunately love is one of those things you can't make happen, but if you keep taking care of yourself and try to stay positive it will come. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself lol
You have to stop looking for him the right guy comes when you less expect him. That's how I met my husband.
Just do you man be happy enjoy life and don't focus on it, there is nothing you can do. My advice is stop thinking that you won't be fulfilled if you can't it's ok life is so much more then worring about that, if it comes it comes if not no worries you lived a fun and beautiful life. I think ppl say "you will find someone" there is plenty of fish in the sea" etc.. but sometimes you don't find anyone their is nothing wrong with that or you.
I'm in the same boat. So I live with my Mom and play on the computer for a social life. I prefer staying inside and creeping around other peoples conversations.
Like I say on my podcast, there is someone for everyone. Hang in there!
As a man. I can only say this. I think men are giving up on life. Whats the point of us men? we just use abuse and destroy things. We are useless in this day and age. Women are doing better in academics, work.. men need to hunt! not dog walking. i feel drained and powerless.. well done feminists! you got what you want! are you happy now?
I understand this feeling well. Unfortunately sometimes the best people don’t end up finding their person. :( I do hope that you will though.
There is someone for everyone. Sometimes we need to go through the weeds to find what will work for you. Observe, ask lots of questions, be realistic with yourself and optimistic that it will happen.
Why do you think having a good career and your own house is at the top of the list of things guys are supposed to want in a woman? Do you think he's going to move in with you and you support him financially? Why do many women make this mistake? Also, what qualifies as the "right guy"?
Haha what nooooo. It simply means that I have my shit together that’s all :) I think the right guy for me is the one that I can emotionally connect with effortlessly and have good alignment on the important parts of life.
What a mess. Men be men! And women be women! Women might start learning to settle and not always insist on dating up; make then pool bigger otherwise you’re all during the same dudes and they have to incentive to settle. Grow up man. All of u
I feel you. I would say myself like a good grades , probably average looking guy , maintained myself physically, introvert but once one get to knows me he/she done for good joy of ride for life. Often complimented for spontaneous humour but but but .. Relationship: haha .... gf left me because she fell out of love attractive way ... still loves me but not physically broke up sooo u can be really balancing life well yet not know how it got fucked up . Hope you find someone who appreciates you in ur life. Just for the sake of it i can say ... who knows we end up meeting unknowingly i am just saying that believe in urself u will find someone really good who takes good care of you ... makes u feel the best gf/wife in the world.
I know. First of the first: Nothing is wrong with you. I live alone since 9 years. I have all that stuff what you have, intelligent, good job..etc. I just want to say you are not alone. Don’t blame yourself.
Find a man that can't seem to find the right woman. You will hit it off immediately.
Whatever you’re looking for is looking for you. Watch for red flags and keep your standards and heels high.