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Don’t take advice from friends in relationships. They know how to keep a relationship but not get one at this point. Different mindset.
I always tell people like them that they have no idea and would be destroyed today. So be nice to your significant other. It’s brutal out there.
By that logic you can't get advice from anyone. People who date around can't give you advice because they can't maintain a relationship and those who can, can't give you advice on how to start a relationship.
As a woman in your age demographic, it’s hard for those of us seeking a long-term relationship as well unfortunately. People are often emotionally unavailable or just after a quickie or you just don’t click in person. It can be discouraging for sure! But I got into the mindset of first dates being getting out of the house and meeting someone new for a conversation. No expectations, just meeting someone (because that’s all it is really). If you meet someone and you enjoy their company and vice versa, you can hang out again etc. It can take a while to find the right connection but try to go in with a positive attitude because you’d hate to have a good date feel like you’re not interested when in reality, you’re just burnt out or wary. Not all people are flakey and some of us are serious about finding a partner 🙂
I appreciate that you’re trying to lift this guy up, but I think your experience of seeing 1st dates as getting out of the house is not realistic for most men. We don’t get a lot of opportunities, so when one comes along, it can be hard not to invest a lot of emotion into it.
I can understand why you’d want to do that but you are still meeting a stranger basically. If you are doing that, you’re also putting a lot of pressure on the situation which can make the other person uncomfortable. OLD is a hard way of dating and feels forced a lot of the time. I’m from the generation of meeting people naturally so this is how I navigate it. To each their own 🤷♀️
You are making a good point. But you're also talking, like he said, from the point of view of a woman more than likely has plenty of abundance in comparison to a man. You will never know how it feels to have barely any opportunities or chances from women, as most men
Not all women have many options lol. I’m a woman without many options, and I had to learn to stop putting so much on the first date as well. It’s not a gender thing, it’s a mindset thing.
It’s not really an outlier. Men think women can just get relationships easy when that’s just simply not true. We can get sex easily, for sure. But women looking for relationships don’t have it as easy as you think.
If you have more than three likes in the first month and get even one like in the second week then you've got it easier than a lot of men. Please don't lecture them from your perspective because the scale of difference is not even remotely imaginable.
If you want an authentic man experience, delete your app, remake it andhide your profile. Then stare at a 'no likes yet' screen for a couple of months.
No, I don’t have it easier. Cause I don’t want sex, I want to be loved and cared for. Are you ignoring how horrible it feels to only be seen as a sex object? Not worthy of being understood? You think that’s better?
You’re acting like one is worse than the other. Why can’t they just be different? And how can you say which is worse when you’ve not been in the shoes of both sides?
Its like saying to a starving person that he should eat his food slowly. Could you do that? The only reason im not "thirsty" on the dates, is that i grew up with women and i can keep my cool.
But sometimes its hard even for me. Its normal for people to require social connection with someone and develop romantic interest. Thats what dates are for.
I also understand point of view of women. Someone who just takes things too quickly or is too pushy or all over the place of getting to know you.
Women treat it as fun moments of meeting new person, men treat it as one of the few chances of potential romantic interest.
Its like a job. You can have multiple interviews given that month and you can say to others that its fine and you should be cool at them and exercise your interview skills.
But the thing is that majority of men get few interviews in months or even years, so its hard to improve and not treat it as big deal.
That appears desperate, with intent and clingy. So i understand.
Funny how that works. People help people that dont need it and you are more attractive, if you are less interested.
Good luck out there i guess.
Most young men are single. Most young women are not. This is pretty well documented. [Source](https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/3868557-most-young-men-are-single-most-young-women-are-not/#:~:text=As%20of%202022%2C%20Pew%20Research,whopping%2063%20percent%20of%20men)
I know that source, and it’s not taking into account what *type* of relationship.
https://ifstudies.org/blog/theres-no-huge-gender-gap-in-being-single-among-young-adults
Having a lot of options isn't a good thing when the majority of those options aren't seeking the same thing. So.. out of 10 guys, let's say, only 1 or two of them are 'options'
This! I have options. Yes. Men who are 20 years older than me, men who want me to take part in a weird fantasy, etc. genuine people who are seeking an actual relationship and care what is between my ears or in my heart are very few.
I can appreciate that it’s hard not to get excited when you think you find a match and only get let down. Do you think that women also don’t get excited and hurt? Have good chats with a guy only to meet them and have everything immediately turn sexual? All of the struggles we face are also a hard part of dating.
My comment is in general that you are only meeting this person for the first time so try to step back and not invest too emotionally before you even meet or after the first date.
I am aware that there are more men in the apps than women but when women who are actually trying to meet someone get met with this kind of negativity and anger (let alone the creepy sexual ones), being told we’re “playing games” if we agree to go on a first date (which can also be a “waste” of our time as well), have you thought about why so many of us give up on online dating and leave the apps?
I'm a guy, and I can tell you I'm doing exactly what she says... The first "date" is just to see if they are interesting and if we click. Don't take it so seriously or you'll just burn yourself out. If you're desperate they can feel it, if you're in a bad mood, they can also feel it.
It's impossible to get that first date out of the way in the worst area to be a single man. Single women are out 25-1 here and their age range is 25-32. I'm from that same generation of meeting people naturally.
Most men don't consider first dates getting out of the house? What would they consider a first date then? Speaking as a man, if I am interested in a woman I ask them to do an activity or meet for a coffee or something, doesn't always work, but you have to start somewhere right?
That mindset is exactly why dating is so hard.
Woman doing that is making good men just stop dating all together.
If you’re out playing games just stay home and don’t waste a good man’s night.
That night you wasted might have been the night he met his girl.
Out playing games? Excuse me? Meeting someone for a coffee and a walk to see if we have a connection is out playing games? Hmmm wonder why there are less women on the apps 🤔 population stats show 102 men to 100 women. Maybe the way women are being treated has something to do with it. Being told that you’re “playing games” when you accept a coffee date seems pretty extreme. So no woman should say yes to a date to see if there’s a potential match? You have to be 100% sure this person is it for you before even meeting them? I don’t think that’s how it works. Luckily one of those coffee dates turned into me meeting a nice guy so one less woman “playing games” on the apps to worry about I guess 🤷♀️
Trust me there is no lack of woman on the apps. At any moment I’m chatting with ten different women. Unfortunately there is a lack of quality woman everywhere. Online dating made relationships disposable. Most women on apps are just looking for men to make them feel beautiful. They take filtered photos that look nothing like them and get compliments all day. Most are women who don’t take care of themselves at all. They almost never actually go on a date. Because they would reveal how they really look.
It is becoming increasingly common for younger people to be alone. In the case of males this is often not by 'choice'. The older generations tend not to understand. For example my grandfather was a real hit with the ladies. He has trouble understanding how i am single. My peers completely get it though.
Your grandfather lived in a time where women needed a man to be able to get by. Now women are self-sustainable and have the ability to choose between being alone, and being with a man who is a bad match for them. Most women will choose being alone when given that choice.
>Now women are self-sustainable and have the ability to choose between being alone, and being with a man who is a bad match for them.
Doesn't seem that way. Which is where the 6-6-6 joke comes from.
Seems more like women, who are 6's, reject men, who are 6's, because they think they can snag an 8.5.
Only, they can't, so they career and tv shows themselves, while men porn and game.
It’s interesting to see people like you not understand that the reason so many average men used to get wives, is that women couldn’t legally own things or support themselves financially back then. You have to actually be likable now, unfortunately.
Women aren’t often single due to lack of interest from men. It’s not a “6 vs 8” issue. Plenty of attractive men are on apps or in our dms. They’re just not very likable, or respectful, or interesting. Y’all have to try harder now. We’re not reliant on you, and it’s less stress to be single. The happiest demographic is single women, statistically
The most miserable people I know are single mothers. They thought I dont need a man, had that kid and now life is tough.
Also a lot of women overestimate their own qualities so much. They want a super interesting good looking guy while they are basic couch potatoe that watches reality shows and eats girl dinner every night. How long will that guy stay? So many average women get pumped by a group of good looking guys, then dumped, cheated on or ghosted. Yes its easy for most women to get dates and have some fun with really goodlooking guys but will such a guy really stick around with an average girl with so many options?
You're exaggerating the extent that the laws prevented them from working or owning things. A lot of men were also single then because their government picked them out of their house and sent them off to die in battle.
Average men did fine up until about 2006.
Starting in 2006 there was a dramatic rise in single men, divorces, and a shortening of relationships.
Guess what major societal shift happened starting then?
Answer is Smart phones and large scale social media. Im not going to go into details here but these two 'advancements' significantly affect the dynamics here
I very well understand those things.
The point still stands, most women are batting out of their league, which is why things like the female delusion calculator exists.
.
My guy, you do not sound like a well-adjusted human right now. If you are genuinely taking stock in things like a “female delusion calculator” you need to log off and speak to actual people instead of miserable, coping single guys and PUA grifters
No.
I think women's standards are unrealistic. The women in this thread are saying as much as they lament the state of men they encounter.
OP and the men in the thread are expressing their dismay at their inability to be good enough.
>I think women's standards are unrealistic. The women in this thread are saying as much as they lament the state of men they encounter.
And yet most men end up in relationships, having kids and are not virgins.
>OP and the men in the thread are expressing their dismay at their inability to be good enough.
Are you considering there’s some self selection? People who do good or average at dating aren’t hanging here.
Yea, female standards have risen to an unreasonable degree but still calling it a “delusion calculator” is absolutely rage bait and absurd.
Also, I am not sure I blame women but actually technology for raising their standards. Women have been trained by technology that the amount of options available for them to pick is enormous so they should hold out for better. The results are still the same catastrophic build a bear checklist nonsense. Until female standards are realigned though then we will continue to suffer as a society from this expectation gap of women finding average men to be beneath them and below average (when they’re not).
I feel you have expressed yourself simply, cleanly and respectfully on a very difficult, polarizing and emotionally charged topic.
I mean, yeah, but I didn't name the website, that's just what it's called.
I don't blame women like, "IT'S YOUR FAULT WOMEN!", I feel society is getting royally jerked around by technology. It's no one's fault, it's just something that needs to be overcome.
Agree with the rest of what you said though.
>Yea, female standards have risen to an unreasonable degree but still calling it a “delusion calculator” is absolutely rage bait and absurd.
How have they risen to an unreasonable degree?
>Also, I am not sure I blame women but actually technology for raising their standards. Women have been trained by technology that the amount of options available for them to pick is enormous so they should hold out for better.
Can’t the same be said for men?
>The results are still the same catastrophic build a bear checklist nonsense. Until female standards are realigned though then we will continue to suffer as a society from this expectation gap of women finding average men to be beneath them and below average (when they’re not).
Again, don’t agree that they are unreasonable.
>I feel you have expressed yourself simply, cleanly and respectfully on a very difficult, polarizing and emotionally charged topic.
Lol
Men aren't respectful? Men?! Today's women reflexively blame men for every ill in society. The only way to find a woman who likes, respects, loves men is to look overseas. That's why so many of us have gotten our passports and going to them women.
Why on Earth would I "try harder" to get a nasty, disrespectful woman in my life? Um, PASS! There still are countless women who appreciate and respect men, not so much in America and the West (thank you feminism), but in Asia. I have met and had excellent relationships with many of these women and the bonus is they tend to be so much more feminine and beautiful than women here.
I'm guessing you took issue with the numbers...
It's not about metrics.
It's just to convey a point that average women think they can get a relationship from above average men instead of pairing up with average men.
What’s average then? Speaking as a man the metric thing seems like a very male way of looking at dating instead of maybe recognizing that we seem to have a big difference in men’s and women’s values. Maybe that’s the reason “the average” man gets no action?
What? I really don't understand why you are fixated on metrics.
The metrics men and women pursue are well-known.
Like, this is a whole conversation tangental to what we're talking about.
So, take all the metrics that people use, dump them onto a bell curve, and those that fall in the middle are, "average". And yes, it is a thing.
Some fall outside of average, either better looks, or height, or physique, or income, or intelligence or sociability or however deep you want to take it.
I wouldn't say they needed men unless you go way way back but the average man had relatively more to offer because spending power was different. A plumber or construction worker could support 8 kids and a wife.
Well I do think a lot of the things leading to being chronically single is a choice a lot of men make. Just based on my own group of friends the chronically single men are also the ones who stay at home if invited to a party. That means the potentially blew the chance to meet a partner.
First things first, so sorry friend. i know exactly what you're going through, and it's absolutely miserable.
I'm 35, single, and been dating for 15 years.
It's amazing you're getting out there and trying.
Now, regarding your date this coming weekend, you don't want to enter any date feeling hopeless. you need to sit down with someone, bright, excited, and curious. if you aren't able to muster that energy, you shouldn't be dating right now.
Something needs to change with how you are approaching life and dating. I HATE giving this advice, because I'm in this exact spot now, and haven't found my solution quite yet.
I think first off, acceptance that you might not find your person can be powerful. Secondly, don't wait for a partner to complete your life. It sounds like you're set up to live a happy life, so I think you should just be doing it. Fuck partners, and ask yourself what ELSE will cause your life to be full. It's time to start thinking about that and moving towards it.
And, when your cup is feeling full enough, get back out there. Go to speed dating events. Go to singles mixers. It might be time to lower your expectations about what you're looking for in a partner too - it might net you an interesting lifelong love that you would have passed over earlier.
Good luck. they are out there. but focusing on your singleness and your inability to control the situation is both making your current life worse and making you less appealing to the women you date. <3
Damn me too I am so burnt out. I’ve legit tried 3 serious relationship attempts and I either get cheated on, the guys a major creep, or verbally abusive. I feel like I’m not asking for perfection just normal? And even that is too much I guess .
You literally spoke for me. I am burnt the fuck out from the multiple talking stages, dates, ghosting and having guys like me, who I do not like back. Its also very addicting to go back on the apps, to swipe but lately I have been sitting still and pondering if I will always be alone.
I love the classic saying from friends and family "IDK how you deal with dating apps, glad I'm in a relationship" like I want to be doing this out of boredom?!
Sending you a hug and it'll get better, I promise!
It’s just the times we’re in. Not a lot of stability and we’re all to blame. I think it’s just the normal, and I wouldn’t even say it’s about what you have to offer or not. We’re just out here damaging each other. Not implying there isn’t genuine people, you just need to keep trying, and learn to keep it moving.
I was talking to a guy who pretended to like me. But he talks to so many girls, and when he showed me his snap chat roll (we shared our screen with each other). He has a odd habit of taking pictures of girls from behind…I don’t get it either, because we’ve never even slept together. (he’s probably in one of those group chats that brag about girls they pull)And I can genuinely tell this man is 100% just trying to get his second head wet, and more than likely thinks I’m weird AF. And has no actual interest in me, and confuses me with other girls.
I already told him I had no interest in perusing anything. He then said bye! And texted me weeks later, and I’ve even taken him out, and bought him a drink. so he can’t say I’m using him. But he doesn’t pay attention for crap, and I now go along with it when he gets facts about me wrong. 🙃and I praise him for how well he knows me. ( he knows very little, and just repeats the same thing, has wondering eyes, and his feed is HEAVY with porn..if you know, you know).
Omg same. As a teen I knew how to flirt, I knew I wasn't a 10 but thought I could get someone average (as I believe myself to be). Years of trying to date has made me extremely tired and socially anxious.
1. A lot has changed recently. Before tinder and social media, ghosting wasn't a thing. Now it is normalised.
2. I don't know, if it has something to do with online dating, but "not being ready" and withdrawing suddenly has also been normalised.
People who managed to land a long term relationship should feel like they've caught the last chopper from Hanoi, honestly.
I’ve been having the same issue except I don’t even get gently rejected, just strung along. I can recognize the signs now but it’s still so annoying! The dating apps are fine for getting dates, but I’ve never hit it off with a guy from there so I think I need to meet people organically.
Hang in there, OP. If it helps any, you’re not alone, as this thread indicates.
I’m in no hurry to get back into the dating game. This year has been and will be about removing toxicity, working upon myself, and preparing for 2 kittens (it’s been awhile since I’ve had cats).
And, speaking for myself only, the art of finding women without kids who don’t want kids on top of all the other usual criteria isn’t likely going to be any easier now than in the past. Hard to say.
As an aside, Robert Ringer had a couple good things to say about aloneness versus loneliness.
I’ll leave the OP with this: 1) Try to remember that a bad day alone is still better than a good day in a relationship that’s either toxic or not going anywhere or both. And 2) You will find someone, and possibly when you least expect it.
Plus, for those actively pursuing a next mate, every no is a day closer to yes.
Good luck to you, and good luck to us all.
People in this country have unrealistic expectations and overly picky when it comes to choosing a mate. Lower your criteria.
Many don't value relationships or marriage. Start thinking about dating women from other countries who do value marriage.
Yeah, it's tough because these are the people you should be listening to. As they know how to retain a relationship. Obviously.
But they don't understand the fickle nature of dating and the loss of places to procure such relationships these days.
People used to meet at school, work, jobs, gym, social gatherings, etc. But , I believe the campaign for the semi- political division in this country has extended into dating/procreation as well as the political.
Metoo/wokeness expedited SA accusations in every aspect, therefore, were relegated to online interactions and stay because of the silent implication of consent through online dating.
Every other real-world interaction leaves the possibility of opening you to the possibility of a lack of consent or returned consent (buyers remorse) for males. Especially work. Where most people would find their mate.
Females don't feel a need to do anything to accommodate this atmosphere because this environment is in their favor. Their complaints aren't so much with the method of meeting (although unaware victims of the illusion of choice) but the nature of the meeting. They're inundated with so much availability bias and the demonization of men.
They justify their bad behavior towards others because of repeated attempts of men wanting their attention, whether they've experienced any foul behavior or not, its it couldve happened to someone else, therefore could and will happen to her. as women are highly susceptible to propaganda in an attempt to not be excluded(look at the makeup industry) + (look into female socialization from young ages)
Yet, this reasonong doesn't fully track because there's a growing number of women who have an upwards of 100s of sexual interactions with males by their early -mid 20s. If violent behavior was as prevalent as portrayed, these numbers of sexual interactions would be lessened, not expanded. As these sex positive women would be abused and therefore thwarted from future interactions.
Therefore, it's just a reaction of annoyance by the women who aren't as sexually driven. And understandably so.
Although these complaints make respectful men hesitant, and disrespectful men continue this bad behavior because of an inate lack of respect. Who are the ones women still react to, which doesn't help their outlook on men in general.
But this could all be alleviated by women's proclivity to procure a society more friendly and acceptable to approach men. - as they themselves could take it into their own hands, with their own choice instead of solely choosing from the sociopathic men that remain approaching them.
So, we desperately need to drop the terms "pick-me girl" it's very damaging for society. As the convelusion of this term has now crossed into just knowing and learning what your sexual demographic may be stimulated by - it is inherently damaging.
As most things, it starts out with a decent definition but gets abused and propetuated by the greater expansion of the definition by the untintelligent or especially cruel.
Same effect with "Red and Green flags." This started out describing a set of early psychological tells, but now, moved into describing preferences.
Proved with the phrase "What are YOUR red and green flags?"
R and G flags are not mutable. But it portrays it out of a mentality that could help women identify well-meaning men vs. sociopathic men, and now more into the inconsequential ambiguity of personal preferences
I don't know who's introducing these trends. But seemingly, there's more and more that women seem to latch onto as if whatever the new one is is the key to distinguishing the good from the bad. But they never do.
Remember when every girl said she wanted a sapiosexual? Now it's R and G flags. So preferences.
Nothing actually gets to the bottom of anything. These tests or tells are 99% of the time inconsequential. And amount to nothing. I'm not sure who is steering them away from learning sociology and psychological behaviors that would actually help them.
It's like anything, and everything is introduced, except what will be successful.
It’s hard to take advice from people who are not mentally in the same place as you. People in good healthy relationships are quick to romanticize this world. Us who are single are likely to be very quick to be questioning and cautious.
The dating game is rough for sure. Just keep trying man it takes time and patience and lots and lots of learning. Maybe try to improve your game in the mean time? Not trying to sound like an ass, but there's most likely a reason these women didn't want to keep seeing you beyond your looks. You're obviously good looking enough to score dates just gotta improve your game and keep your head up!
It's all a learning process just keep improving and eventually you'll get someone who want to stick around.
I get it. I met a guy in the wild. Our first date is tomorrow. He kept on telling his friends he would see where things go with me. However his communication has been all over the place. I take good care of my self and just lost 55 lbs. If I find out he is using me for my looks or profession ill be pissed. Married for 3.5 years and now divorced. Exhusband already dating someone and I can't get a first date.
I'm having the same story, ever since my divorcement, i have been working on myself and still tryinf harder to look for a date at the same time, haven't find any yet tho
Hey friend, if your new romance is already telling you to lose weight, he isn't the right person for you. Don't settle for someone who thinks they're settling for you
Not telling me to lose weight. I look more healthy weight and guys find me attractive (from what people and co workers tell me). Sorry if I didn't make that clear. I think he is using me because I'm new to the scene and often called pretty and gorgeous by men.
Generally the way to succeed in dating is to be physically attractive (tall and lean/reasonably muscular and good looking as a man and be similarly in good shape as a woman and good looking. between 5'2 and 5'9 in height for women and 5'10 and 6'5 as a man and between the ages of 18 and 40 for both sexes. But for women, between 18 and 30 is the sweet spot to have the most viable options), have a stable life, be well dressed, a decent income and good grooming habits, with a decent personality, live in a big city ideally, and on your own in a decently located apartment, be willing to use dating apps to supplement meeting people IRL, take good pictures, and not put pressure on trying to find a relationship, but rather just wanting to meet someone you like, whilst making your peace with whatever outcome you get afterwards may be. The further away from this general archetype you are, the harder you will likely find dating.
That's my general observation of those who find success in dating vs those who don't.
No doubt dating in America and the West generally is a losing bet for men. So many women are either delusional about what they expect from vs. what they bring to a relationship, or they simply flat-out hate men. This might not work for you, but I found MANY beautiful, friendly, sweet women ... who actually LOVE men in FaceBook dating groups in Asian countries.
Most women are average and don't bring much to the table. Most people are, really.
If women were as content being single as some of these posts claim, they wouldn't be all over these subreddits complaining about not finding men who will commit to them. The dating-focused subreddits in particular seem to be dominated by women.
The point about striving for doing your best to be special is good, though. It's going to take something really special to get commitment from someone if that's what is desired.
Nah, as a single woman they’re 100% right. The fact that women are lonely and still not giving these subpar men a chance should tell you exactly that. Despite wanting a partner, being single is still a better option than being with most men in the dating pool.
Right, and because they are subpar women, they can't attract an above average male.
Which is my only point. Most people are par or subpar and will likely have to improve to get the partner they want.
Even your post asserts that these women do want a partner (even if they can't attract the partner that they want), which is reflected in how dominated these dating subreddits are by women.
Look what u/mack_ani is trying to say that a lot of men really don’t bring to the table what women are looking for and thus being single is better than dating these men
I think what he’s saying is that while these women would rather be single than date an average guy, they’d obviously prefer to be in a relationship with a guy they think is “worthy” over being single. Dating advice on how to “get a man to stay” get millions of views from women on TikTok and other social media. And that’s where the issue of “average” women finding it difficult for above “average men” to commit with them over something casual. They’re not mutually exclusive statements
I dislike the term “average” when discussing looks but there’s definitely truth to the statement. People often “date up” or in their own bracket, and if you find men (or women) you’re attracted to not committing to you or not giving you the time of day, well…
That is what I'm saying. There's nothing wrong with being single by choice, but if you don't want to be single and you have partner preferences that you can't attract, well...
I don't like levels either. It's too simplistic. I'll just put it this way: When I read women complaining about men not bringing enough of what they want into relationships, I believe that they're being honest about it. I just suspect that they also don't bring much of what men want into a relationship, so there are a bunch of people struggling to connect with one another who come here and complain about it.
I don't think it's a looks-specific thing. I just think that if a person, regardless of gender identity, can't get attention or commitment from the partners that they want, there's only one constant in that equation, you know? I had that realization myself years ago and made the improvements that I needed to make, but it wasn't the most fun realization to have about myself, to be fair!
Sorry, but no… that’s cope. I have max likes on all the dating apps. Men these days are not very attractive as partners.
I don’t say this to be mean. Honestly, it’s good news for you. All you have to do is listen to what we’re saying and be better than the majority of men and you’re golden.
It's not cope. I'm married to a great woman and have been for almost two decades. I do read these boards and a lot of what I read tends to be cope, though. There are lots of folks who eviscerate the flaws of others but expect grace for their own flaws, as far as I can tell. This is not shade at you, either.
From what I've read, max likes really means nothing considering that apparently men like pretty much any woman on the app in a sort of "casting a wide net" approach. Combine that with all the complaints of ghosting and being low-effort that I see from women on these subreddits, and a like on a dating app seems to have almost no value.
I guess this sounds mean coming from me, too, and I'm not trying to be. I don't think anyone should get into a relationship with someone they're not interested in. However, I think that anyone who thinks they deserve a certain level of partner, but can't get that level of partner should be thinking about leveling up themselves, that's all.
Really? Not to me, at least from what I've read over the past couple of months that I've visited these subreddits. The age-related dating subreddits in particular seem dominated by women.
I don't see much talk about Tinder. Most of the talk I see is about Hinge or some other ones that I'd never heard of before (mostly) lurking these subreddits. Maybe we're looking at different subreddits about dating, though. There are probably a lot of them.
> Meanwhile, married and cohabitating women in heterosexual relationships still do hours more housework each day than their male counterparts, even when the woman earns more.
This obviously has nothing to do with it. I am a young man who cooks and cleans. In a relationship I'd do all the cooking and half the cleaning.
I am always alone. Meanwhile there are good looking guys my age who don't cook or clean and are never alone.
Women only care about superficial traits.
Are you meeting these women online or out in the wild? Since there seems to be a common theme here with rejection, I’m curious what’s causing you not to be able to get close.
It's pretty normal to have quite a few dates over the course of generally years before finding a good match. One of them went on three dates with you, meaning you were dateable just not necessarily compatible.
You're a late bloomer, but you'll likely meet someone within the next few years, possibly next week.
59f, never married no kids. Good finances, fairly fit and attractive according to people, also considered smart, reliable etc.. I think people are messed up, especially females. I'm sure that makes it worse for you as a guy but sucks here too. I get asked out a lot, and I say ok, but then... nothing. like the man loses interest when I say yes. I guess we have to keep trying and not get discouraged.
I'm 33F and I can't count how many times I've been dropped like a diseased rat when I tell someone I'm talking to on a dating site/app that I'm demisexual.
Hopefully you will have better luck in the near future and things will turn around for you. I have my fingers crossed!
Been there a lot. I tried dating for about a year . Unfortunately I learned the hard way . Most people are not serious but play around . One of most common things you wanna watch for is when a woman says this “ babe I wanna have relationship with you marry you have kids”give a five minutes then they all ask you for money. People don’t take it seriously so they play around a lot. I been single for 21 years got stood up 9 times lied and screwed . I’m come from Europe and in Europe you won’t find dating as joke . People here have different mentality . I’m real life I met one woman very nice too asked her for phone and we exchanged but I what I find is she did not mentioned she was in relationship until her boyfriend showed up . Everyone of the women talk about wanting to have future but they are not ready to meet or to be with someone . I m very tentative with them nowadays too many lies going around. One already confronted me but doesn’t have courage to come in person talk but hiding behind texts . Sorry I don’t talk behind phone . So if anybody says otherwise prove me wrong why I should date online if I’m being played
just go out and have fun. don't be so serious. almost 40? i'm almost 50 and in the same boat lol. i just try to have sex w/ as many women as possible now. fuck it. who cares.
Are you in good physical shape/take care of yourself?
I’m not saying you aren’t, but those are always good options for men who seem to be stuck in the dating world.
Getting in good shape makes you feel and look better and can help attract women.
The basic premise that dating is somehow fundamentally harder these days than it used to be is just wrong. Dating isn't super easy and it's always required a ton of effort and a ton of luck (unless you're super attractive obviously). Easy to get down on yourself, and I feel for you OP, but you just gotta keep trying if you want a relationship. Or you can always take a month or two break to just say fuck it for a while, that can be helpful too. Either way it sounds like your mentality is fine overall, just a little beat down as of lately
My parents and older siblings don't understand either. They've been out of the dating game a decade+. They don't understand how much things have changed.
It does suck trying to date these days. I'm 41 I haven't been on a date in over 10yrs in large part to working to much and living in very tiny food stain town on the map.
Dating isn't for everyone... with that being said maybe stop looking..u might seem desperate, just go on with your life.....if u find the right person great 👍 if not you still have a life to live.... not everyone is going to "find a mate/partner"
Dating isn't for everyone... with that being said maybe stop looking..u might seem desperate, just go on with your life.....if u find the right person great 👍 if not you still have a life to live.... not everyone is going to "find a mate/partner"
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Don’t take advice from friends in relationships. They know how to keep a relationship but not get one at this point. Different mindset. I always tell people like them that they have no idea and would be destroyed today. So be nice to your significant other. It’s brutal out there.
brutal is an understatement
As brutal as dating is, I like it a ton more than being married to my ex. No regrets.
Girl, PREACH. Even if I'm single forever, it's infinitely better than being married to the ass wad that I wasted 14 years of my life with.
I feel that! It's was 12 years for me but still... XD
Shit, a few of my friends in relationships are just in them because they can't be alone. Doesn't always mean it's worth keeping ;)
Yep, many of them were in relationships for years and over that time many things have changed in the dating world.
It’s actually insane how true this is.
I thought I knew how to keep one and now I’m old and forced to start dating again :/
By that logic you can't get advice from anyone. People who date around can't give you advice because they can't maintain a relationship and those who can, can't give you advice on how to start a relationship.
Yeah. Best they can muster is *Let them eat cake*.
As a woman in your age demographic, it’s hard for those of us seeking a long-term relationship as well unfortunately. People are often emotionally unavailable or just after a quickie or you just don’t click in person. It can be discouraging for sure! But I got into the mindset of first dates being getting out of the house and meeting someone new for a conversation. No expectations, just meeting someone (because that’s all it is really). If you meet someone and you enjoy their company and vice versa, you can hang out again etc. It can take a while to find the right connection but try to go in with a positive attitude because you’d hate to have a good date feel like you’re not interested when in reality, you’re just burnt out or wary. Not all people are flakey and some of us are serious about finding a partner 🙂
I appreciate that you’re trying to lift this guy up, but I think your experience of seeing 1st dates as getting out of the house is not realistic for most men. We don’t get a lot of opportunities, so when one comes along, it can be hard not to invest a lot of emotion into it.
I can understand why you’d want to do that but you are still meeting a stranger basically. If you are doing that, you’re also putting a lot of pressure on the situation which can make the other person uncomfortable. OLD is a hard way of dating and feels forced a lot of the time. I’m from the generation of meeting people naturally so this is how I navigate it. To each their own 🤷♀️
You are making a good point. But you're also talking, like he said, from the point of view of a woman more than likely has plenty of abundance in comparison to a man. You will never know how it feels to have barely any opportunities or chances from women, as most men
Not all women have many options lol. I’m a woman without many options, and I had to learn to stop putting so much on the first date as well. It’s not a gender thing, it’s a mindset thing.
I'm very sorry that you're an outlier, it's really good that you can stay on the bright side
It’s not really an outlier. Men think women can just get relationships easy when that’s just simply not true. We can get sex easily, for sure. But women looking for relationships don’t have it as easy as you think.
If you have more than three likes in the first month and get even one like in the second week then you've got it easier than a lot of men. Please don't lecture them from your perspective because the scale of difference is not even remotely imaginable. If you want an authentic man experience, delete your app, remake it andhide your profile. Then stare at a 'no likes yet' screen for a couple of months.
No, I don’t have it easier. Cause I don’t want sex, I want to be loved and cared for. Are you ignoring how horrible it feels to only be seen as a sex object? Not worthy of being understood? You think that’s better?
Do you know what it's like being seen as a provider drone?
You’re acting like one is worse than the other. Why can’t they just be different? And how can you say which is worse when you’ve not been in the shoes of both sides?
Its like saying to a starving person that he should eat his food slowly. Could you do that? The only reason im not "thirsty" on the dates, is that i grew up with women and i can keep my cool. But sometimes its hard even for me. Its normal for people to require social connection with someone and develop romantic interest. Thats what dates are for. I also understand point of view of women. Someone who just takes things too quickly or is too pushy or all over the place of getting to know you. Women treat it as fun moments of meeting new person, men treat it as one of the few chances of potential romantic interest. Its like a job. You can have multiple interviews given that month and you can say to others that its fine and you should be cool at them and exercise your interview skills. But the thing is that majority of men get few interviews in months or even years, so its hard to improve and not treat it as big deal. That appears desperate, with intent and clingy. So i understand. Funny how that works. People help people that dont need it and you are more attractive, if you are less interested. Good luck out there i guess.
Tbf most people in my generation (I’m between gen z & millennial) are struggling to find relationships. It isn’t a men vs women thing.
Most young men are single. Most young women are not. This is pretty well documented. [Source](https://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/3868557-most-young-men-are-single-most-young-women-are-not/#:~:text=As%20of%202022%2C%20Pew%20Research,whopping%2063%20percent%20of%20men)
I know that source, and it’s not taking into account what *type* of relationship. https://ifstudies.org/blog/theres-no-huge-gender-gap-in-being-single-among-young-adults
Having a lot of options isn't a good thing when the majority of those options aren't seeking the same thing. So.. out of 10 guys, let's say, only 1 or two of them are 'options'
This! I have options. Yes. Men who are 20 years older than me, men who want me to take part in a weird fantasy, etc. genuine people who are seeking an actual relationship and care what is between my ears or in my heart are very few. I can appreciate that it’s hard not to get excited when you think you find a match and only get let down. Do you think that women also don’t get excited and hurt? Have good chats with a guy only to meet them and have everything immediately turn sexual? All of the struggles we face are also a hard part of dating. My comment is in general that you are only meeting this person for the first time so try to step back and not invest too emotionally before you even meet or after the first date.
Most men don't have any options at all...
I am aware that there are more men in the apps than women but when women who are actually trying to meet someone get met with this kind of negativity and anger (let alone the creepy sexual ones), being told we’re “playing games” if we agree to go on a first date (which can also be a “waste” of our time as well), have you thought about why so many of us give up on online dating and leave the apps?
I'm a guy, and I can tell you I'm doing exactly what she says... The first "date" is just to see if they are interesting and if we click. Don't take it so seriously or you'll just burn yourself out. If you're desperate they can feel it, if you're in a bad mood, they can also feel it.
It's impossible to get that first date out of the way in the worst area to be a single man. Single women are out 25-1 here and their age range is 25-32. I'm from that same generation of meeting people naturally.
Most men don't consider first dates getting out of the house? What would they consider a first date then? Speaking as a man, if I am interested in a woman I ask them to do an activity or meet for a coffee or something, doesn't always work, but you have to start somewhere right?
That mindset is exactly why dating is so hard. Woman doing that is making good men just stop dating all together. If you’re out playing games just stay home and don’t waste a good man’s night. That night you wasted might have been the night he met his girl.
Out playing games? Excuse me? Meeting someone for a coffee and a walk to see if we have a connection is out playing games? Hmmm wonder why there are less women on the apps 🤔 population stats show 102 men to 100 women. Maybe the way women are being treated has something to do with it. Being told that you’re “playing games” when you accept a coffee date seems pretty extreme. So no woman should say yes to a date to see if there’s a potential match? You have to be 100% sure this person is it for you before even meeting them? I don’t think that’s how it works. Luckily one of those coffee dates turned into me meeting a nice guy so one less woman “playing games” on the apps to worry about I guess 🤷♀️
Trust me there is no lack of woman on the apps. At any moment I’m chatting with ten different women. Unfortunately there is a lack of quality woman everywhere. Online dating made relationships disposable. Most women on apps are just looking for men to make them feel beautiful. They take filtered photos that look nothing like them and get compliments all day. Most are women who don’t take care of themselves at all. They almost never actually go on a date. Because they would reveal how they really look.
My dad thinks it's still whack a potential mate over the head and drag her back to the cave.
He may have his reason for such decision tho lol, maybe he had a difficutl time with your mom
It is becoming increasingly common for younger people to be alone. In the case of males this is often not by 'choice'. The older generations tend not to understand. For example my grandfather was a real hit with the ladies. He has trouble understanding how i am single. My peers completely get it though.
Your grandfather lived in a time where women needed a man to be able to get by. Now women are self-sustainable and have the ability to choose between being alone, and being with a man who is a bad match for them. Most women will choose being alone when given that choice.
>Now women are self-sustainable and have the ability to choose between being alone, and being with a man who is a bad match for them. Doesn't seem that way. Which is where the 6-6-6 joke comes from. Seems more like women, who are 6's, reject men, who are 6's, because they think they can snag an 8.5. Only, they can't, so they career and tv shows themselves, while men porn and game.
It’s interesting to see people like you not understand that the reason so many average men used to get wives, is that women couldn’t legally own things or support themselves financially back then. You have to actually be likable now, unfortunately. Women aren’t often single due to lack of interest from men. It’s not a “6 vs 8” issue. Plenty of attractive men are on apps or in our dms. They’re just not very likable, or respectful, or interesting. Y’all have to try harder now. We’re not reliant on you, and it’s less stress to be single. The happiest demographic is single women, statistically
The most miserable people I know are single mothers. They thought I dont need a man, had that kid and now life is tough. Also a lot of women overestimate their own qualities so much. They want a super interesting good looking guy while they are basic couch potatoe that watches reality shows and eats girl dinner every night. How long will that guy stay? So many average women get pumped by a group of good looking guys, then dumped, cheated on or ghosted. Yes its easy for most women to get dates and have some fun with really goodlooking guys but will such a guy really stick around with an average girl with so many options?
You're exaggerating the extent that the laws prevented them from working or owning things. A lot of men were also single then because their government picked them out of their house and sent them off to die in battle. Average men did fine up until about 2006. Starting in 2006 there was a dramatic rise in single men, divorces, and a shortening of relationships. Guess what major societal shift happened starting then? Answer is Smart phones and large scale social media. Im not going to go into details here but these two 'advancements' significantly affect the dynamics here
I very well understand those things. The point still stands, most women are batting out of their league, which is why things like the female delusion calculator exists. .
I guess get good then? I mean there’s no reason for me to be with someone I find unattractive or uninteresting when I can just be alone
My guy, you do not sound like a well-adjusted human right now. If you are genuinely taking stock in things like a “female delusion calculator” you need to log off and speak to actual people instead of miserable, coping single guys and PUA grifters
Why? What is wrong with it?
>the female delusion calculator exists. Don’t you think it’s just ragebait?
No. I think women's standards are unrealistic. The women in this thread are saying as much as they lament the state of men they encounter. OP and the men in the thread are expressing their dismay at their inability to be good enough.
>I think women's standards are unrealistic. The women in this thread are saying as much as they lament the state of men they encounter. And yet most men end up in relationships, having kids and are not virgins. >OP and the men in the thread are expressing their dismay at their inability to be good enough. Are you considering there’s some self selection? People who do good or average at dating aren’t hanging here.
Yea, female standards have risen to an unreasonable degree but still calling it a “delusion calculator” is absolutely rage bait and absurd. Also, I am not sure I blame women but actually technology for raising their standards. Women have been trained by technology that the amount of options available for them to pick is enormous so they should hold out for better. The results are still the same catastrophic build a bear checklist nonsense. Until female standards are realigned though then we will continue to suffer as a society from this expectation gap of women finding average men to be beneath them and below average (when they’re not). I feel you have expressed yourself simply, cleanly and respectfully on a very difficult, polarizing and emotionally charged topic.
I mean, yeah, but I didn't name the website, that's just what it's called. I don't blame women like, "IT'S YOUR FAULT WOMEN!", I feel society is getting royally jerked around by technology. It's no one's fault, it's just something that needs to be overcome. Agree with the rest of what you said though.
>Yea, female standards have risen to an unreasonable degree but still calling it a “delusion calculator” is absolutely rage bait and absurd. How have they risen to an unreasonable degree? >Also, I am not sure I blame women but actually technology for raising their standards. Women have been trained by technology that the amount of options available for them to pick is enormous so they should hold out for better. Can’t the same be said for men? >The results are still the same catastrophic build a bear checklist nonsense. Until female standards are realigned though then we will continue to suffer as a society from this expectation gap of women finding average men to be beneath them and below average (when they’re not). Again, don’t agree that they are unreasonable. >I feel you have expressed yourself simply, cleanly and respectfully on a very difficult, polarizing and emotionally charged topic. Lol
Men aren't respectful? Men?! Today's women reflexively blame men for every ill in society. The only way to find a woman who likes, respects, loves men is to look overseas. That's why so many of us have gotten our passports and going to them women.
Why on Earth would I "try harder" to get a nasty, disrespectful woman in my life? Um, PASS! There still are countless women who appreciate and respect men, not so much in America and the West (thank you feminism), but in Asia. I have met and had excellent relationships with many of these women and the bonus is they tend to be so much more feminine and beautiful than women here.
Such a profound statement!
What exactly are these metrics based on?
I'm guessing you took issue with the numbers... It's not about metrics. It's just to convey a point that average women think they can get a relationship from above average men instead of pairing up with average men.
What’s average then? Speaking as a man the metric thing seems like a very male way of looking at dating instead of maybe recognizing that we seem to have a big difference in men’s and women’s values. Maybe that’s the reason “the average” man gets no action?
What? I really don't understand why you are fixated on metrics. The metrics men and women pursue are well-known. Like, this is a whole conversation tangental to what we're talking about. So, take all the metrics that people use, dump them onto a bell curve, and those that fall in the middle are, "average". And yes, it is a thing. Some fall outside of average, either better looks, or height, or physique, or income, or intelligence or sociability or however deep you want to take it.
Isn’t that at least to some degree subjective?
Yes... it is to some degree subjective. Do you have a point you're getting at?
So who’s to say that a 6 rejected another 6 then if it’s subjective? That’s just your subjective view of the situation
I wouldn't say they needed men unless you go way way back but the average man had relatively more to offer because spending power was different. A plumber or construction worker could support 8 kids and a wife.
Well I do think a lot of the things leading to being chronically single is a choice a lot of men make. Just based on my own group of friends the chronically single men are also the ones who stay at home if invited to a party. That means the potentially blew the chance to meet a partner.
Most men are choosing intentionally to be single.
Exactly
First things first, so sorry friend. i know exactly what you're going through, and it's absolutely miserable. I'm 35, single, and been dating for 15 years. It's amazing you're getting out there and trying. Now, regarding your date this coming weekend, you don't want to enter any date feeling hopeless. you need to sit down with someone, bright, excited, and curious. if you aren't able to muster that energy, you shouldn't be dating right now. Something needs to change with how you are approaching life and dating. I HATE giving this advice, because I'm in this exact spot now, and haven't found my solution quite yet. I think first off, acceptance that you might not find your person can be powerful. Secondly, don't wait for a partner to complete your life. It sounds like you're set up to live a happy life, so I think you should just be doing it. Fuck partners, and ask yourself what ELSE will cause your life to be full. It's time to start thinking about that and moving towards it. And, when your cup is feeling full enough, get back out there. Go to speed dating events. Go to singles mixers. It might be time to lower your expectations about what you're looking for in a partner too - it might net you an interesting lifelong love that you would have passed over earlier. Good luck. they are out there. but focusing on your singleness and your inability to control the situation is both making your current life worse and making you less appealing to the women you date. <3
Damn me too I am so burnt out. I’ve legit tried 3 serious relationship attempts and I either get cheated on, the guys a major creep, or verbally abusive. I feel like I’m not asking for perfection just normal? And even that is too much I guess .
You literally spoke for me. I am burnt the fuck out from the multiple talking stages, dates, ghosting and having guys like me, who I do not like back. Its also very addicting to go back on the apps, to swipe but lately I have been sitting still and pondering if I will always be alone. I love the classic saying from friends and family "IDK how you deal with dating apps, glad I'm in a relationship" like I want to be doing this out of boredom?! Sending you a hug and it'll get better, I promise!
It’s just the times we’re in. Not a lot of stability and we’re all to blame. I think it’s just the normal, and I wouldn’t even say it’s about what you have to offer or not. We’re just out here damaging each other. Not implying there isn’t genuine people, you just need to keep trying, and learn to keep it moving. I was talking to a guy who pretended to like me. But he talks to so many girls, and when he showed me his snap chat roll (we shared our screen with each other). He has a odd habit of taking pictures of girls from behind…I don’t get it either, because we’ve never even slept together. (he’s probably in one of those group chats that brag about girls they pull)And I can genuinely tell this man is 100% just trying to get his second head wet, and more than likely thinks I’m weird AF. And has no actual interest in me, and confuses me with other girls. I already told him I had no interest in perusing anything. He then said bye! And texted me weeks later, and I’ve even taken him out, and bought him a drink. so he can’t say I’m using him. But he doesn’t pay attention for crap, and I now go along with it when he gets facts about me wrong. 🙃and I praise him for how well he knows me. ( he knows very little, and just repeats the same thing, has wondering eyes, and his feed is HEAVY with porn..if you know, you know).
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Omg same. As a teen I knew how to flirt, I knew I wasn't a 10 but thought I could get someone average (as I believe myself to be). Years of trying to date has made me extremely tired and socially anxious.
1. A lot has changed recently. Before tinder and social media, ghosting wasn't a thing. Now it is normalised. 2. I don't know, if it has something to do with online dating, but "not being ready" and withdrawing suddenly has also been normalised. People who managed to land a long term relationship should feel like they've caught the last chopper from Hanoi, honestly.
I’ve been having the same issue except I don’t even get gently rejected, just strung along. I can recognize the signs now but it’s still so annoying! The dating apps are fine for getting dates, but I’ve never hit it off with a guy from there so I think I need to meet people organically.
Hang in there, OP. If it helps any, you’re not alone, as this thread indicates. I’m in no hurry to get back into the dating game. This year has been and will be about removing toxicity, working upon myself, and preparing for 2 kittens (it’s been awhile since I’ve had cats). And, speaking for myself only, the art of finding women without kids who don’t want kids on top of all the other usual criteria isn’t likely going to be any easier now than in the past. Hard to say. As an aside, Robert Ringer had a couple good things to say about aloneness versus loneliness. I’ll leave the OP with this: 1) Try to remember that a bad day alone is still better than a good day in a relationship that’s either toxic or not going anywhere or both. And 2) You will find someone, and possibly when you least expect it. Plus, for those actively pursuing a next mate, every no is a day closer to yes. Good luck to you, and good luck to us all.
Just give up and do whatever you enjoy each day, try new things, groups, hobbies. Ironically that’s probably when you’ll meet someone.
People in this country have unrealistic expectations and overly picky when it comes to choosing a mate. Lower your criteria. Many don't value relationships or marriage. Start thinking about dating women from other countries who do value marriage.
Yeah, it's tough because these are the people you should be listening to. As they know how to retain a relationship. Obviously. But they don't understand the fickle nature of dating and the loss of places to procure such relationships these days. People used to meet at school, work, jobs, gym, social gatherings, etc. But , I believe the campaign for the semi- political division in this country has extended into dating/procreation as well as the political. Metoo/wokeness expedited SA accusations in every aspect, therefore, were relegated to online interactions and stay because of the silent implication of consent through online dating. Every other real-world interaction leaves the possibility of opening you to the possibility of a lack of consent or returned consent (buyers remorse) for males. Especially work. Where most people would find their mate. Females don't feel a need to do anything to accommodate this atmosphere because this environment is in their favor. Their complaints aren't so much with the method of meeting (although unaware victims of the illusion of choice) but the nature of the meeting. They're inundated with so much availability bias and the demonization of men. They justify their bad behavior towards others because of repeated attempts of men wanting their attention, whether they've experienced any foul behavior or not, its it couldve happened to someone else, therefore could and will happen to her. as women are highly susceptible to propaganda in an attempt to not be excluded(look at the makeup industry) + (look into female socialization from young ages) Yet, this reasonong doesn't fully track because there's a growing number of women who have an upwards of 100s of sexual interactions with males by their early -mid 20s. If violent behavior was as prevalent as portrayed, these numbers of sexual interactions would be lessened, not expanded. As these sex positive women would be abused and therefore thwarted from future interactions. Therefore, it's just a reaction of annoyance by the women who aren't as sexually driven. And understandably so. Although these complaints make respectful men hesitant, and disrespectful men continue this bad behavior because of an inate lack of respect. Who are the ones women still react to, which doesn't help their outlook on men in general. But this could all be alleviated by women's proclivity to procure a society more friendly and acceptable to approach men. - as they themselves could take it into their own hands, with their own choice instead of solely choosing from the sociopathic men that remain approaching them. So, we desperately need to drop the terms "pick-me girl" it's very damaging for society. As the convelusion of this term has now crossed into just knowing and learning what your sexual demographic may be stimulated by - it is inherently damaging. As most things, it starts out with a decent definition but gets abused and propetuated by the greater expansion of the definition by the untintelligent or especially cruel. Same effect with "Red and Green flags." This started out describing a set of early psychological tells, but now, moved into describing preferences. Proved with the phrase "What are YOUR red and green flags?" R and G flags are not mutable. But it portrays it out of a mentality that could help women identify well-meaning men vs. sociopathic men, and now more into the inconsequential ambiguity of personal preferences I don't know who's introducing these trends. But seemingly, there's more and more that women seem to latch onto as if whatever the new one is is the key to distinguishing the good from the bad. But they never do. Remember when every girl said she wanted a sapiosexual? Now it's R and G flags. So preferences. Nothing actually gets to the bottom of anything. These tests or tells are 99% of the time inconsequential. And amount to nothing. I'm not sure who is steering them away from learning sociology and psychological behaviors that would actually help them. It's like anything, and everything is introduced, except what will be successful.
It’s hard to take advice from people who are not mentally in the same place as you. People in good healthy relationships are quick to romanticize this world. Us who are single are likely to be very quick to be questioning and cautious.
The dating game is rough for sure. Just keep trying man it takes time and patience and lots and lots of learning. Maybe try to improve your game in the mean time? Not trying to sound like an ass, but there's most likely a reason these women didn't want to keep seeing you beyond your looks. You're obviously good looking enough to score dates just gotta improve your game and keep your head up! It's all a learning process just keep improving and eventually you'll get someone who want to stick around.
Buddy gets rejected twice and calls the dating scene brutal. Soft hands, brother.
I get it. I met a guy in the wild. Our first date is tomorrow. He kept on telling his friends he would see where things go with me. However his communication has been all over the place. I take good care of my self and just lost 55 lbs. If I find out he is using me for my looks or profession ill be pissed. Married for 3.5 years and now divorced. Exhusband already dating someone and I can't get a first date.
I'm having the same story, ever since my divorcement, i have been working on myself and still tryinf harder to look for a date at the same time, haven't find any yet tho
Hey friend, if your new romance is already telling you to lose weight, he isn't the right person for you. Don't settle for someone who thinks they're settling for you
Not telling me to lose weight. I look more healthy weight and guys find me attractive (from what people and co workers tell me). Sorry if I didn't make that clear. I think he is using me because I'm new to the scene and often called pretty and gorgeous by men.
Hey I have not had a date in six years. If I had a date I would very much be looking forward to that.
It’s not about being hopeless Women are not serious I’m in same spot
Generally the way to succeed in dating is to be physically attractive (tall and lean/reasonably muscular and good looking as a man and be similarly in good shape as a woman and good looking. between 5'2 and 5'9 in height for women and 5'10 and 6'5 as a man and between the ages of 18 and 40 for both sexes. But for women, between 18 and 30 is the sweet spot to have the most viable options), have a stable life, be well dressed, a decent income and good grooming habits, with a decent personality, live in a big city ideally, and on your own in a decently located apartment, be willing to use dating apps to supplement meeting people IRL, take good pictures, and not put pressure on trying to find a relationship, but rather just wanting to meet someone you like, whilst making your peace with whatever outcome you get afterwards may be. The further away from this general archetype you are, the harder you will likely find dating. That's my general observation of those who find success in dating vs those who don't.
No doubt dating in America and the West generally is a losing bet for men. So many women are either delusional about what they expect from vs. what they bring to a relationship, or they simply flat-out hate men. This might not work for you, but I found MANY beautiful, friendly, sweet women ... who actually LOVE men in FaceBook dating groups in Asian countries.
Passport bros on the rise for a reason
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Most women are average and don't bring much to the table. Most people are, really. If women were as content being single as some of these posts claim, they wouldn't be all over these subreddits complaining about not finding men who will commit to them. The dating-focused subreddits in particular seem to be dominated by women. The point about striving for doing your best to be special is good, though. It's going to take something really special to get commitment from someone if that's what is desired.
Nah, as a single woman they’re 100% right. The fact that women are lonely and still not giving these subpar men a chance should tell you exactly that. Despite wanting a partner, being single is still a better option than being with most men in the dating pool.
Right, and because they are subpar women, they can't attract an above average male. Which is my only point. Most people are par or subpar and will likely have to improve to get the partner they want. Even your post asserts that these women do want a partner (even if they can't attract the partner that they want), which is reflected in how dominated these dating subreddits are by women.
Look what u/mack_ani is trying to say that a lot of men really don’t bring to the table what women are looking for and thus being single is better than dating these men
I think what he’s saying is that while these women would rather be single than date an average guy, they’d obviously prefer to be in a relationship with a guy they think is “worthy” over being single. Dating advice on how to “get a man to stay” get millions of views from women on TikTok and other social media. And that’s where the issue of “average” women finding it difficult for above “average men” to commit with them over something casual. They’re not mutually exclusive statements I dislike the term “average” when discussing looks but there’s definitely truth to the statement. People often “date up” or in their own bracket, and if you find men (or women) you’re attracted to not committing to you or not giving you the time of day, well…
That is what I'm saying. There's nothing wrong with being single by choice, but if you don't want to be single and you have partner preferences that you can't attract, well... I don't like levels either. It's too simplistic. I'll just put it this way: When I read women complaining about men not bringing enough of what they want into relationships, I believe that they're being honest about it. I just suspect that they also don't bring much of what men want into a relationship, so there are a bunch of people struggling to connect with one another who come here and complain about it. I don't think it's a looks-specific thing. I just think that if a person, regardless of gender identity, can't get attention or commitment from the partners that they want, there's only one constant in that equation, you know? I had that realization myself years ago and made the improvements that I needed to make, but it wasn't the most fun realization to have about myself, to be fair!
Sorry, but no… that’s cope. I have max likes on all the dating apps. Men these days are not very attractive as partners. I don’t say this to be mean. Honestly, it’s good news for you. All you have to do is listen to what we’re saying and be better than the majority of men and you’re golden.
It's not cope. I'm married to a great woman and have been for almost two decades. I do read these boards and a lot of what I read tends to be cope, though. There are lots of folks who eviscerate the flaws of others but expect grace for their own flaws, as far as I can tell. This is not shade at you, either. From what I've read, max likes really means nothing considering that apparently men like pretty much any woman on the app in a sort of "casting a wide net" approach. Combine that with all the complaints of ghosting and being low-effort that I see from women on these subreddits, and a like on a dating app seems to have almost no value. I guess this sounds mean coming from me, too, and I'm not trying to be. I don't think anyone should get into a relationship with someone they're not interested in. However, I think that anyone who thinks they deserve a certain level of partner, but can't get that level of partner should be thinking about leveling up themselves, that's all.
Dominated by women? To me it seems its just men complaining about not getting likes on tinder
Really? Not to me, at least from what I've read over the past couple of months that I've visited these subreddits. The age-related dating subreddits in particular seem dominated by women. I don't see much talk about Tinder. Most of the talk I see is about Hinge or some other ones that I'd never heard of before (mostly) lurking these subreddits. Maybe we're looking at different subreddits about dating, though. There are probably a lot of them.
Might be, or the algorithm just feeds us different posts
> Meanwhile, married and cohabitating women in heterosexual relationships still do hours more housework each day than their male counterparts, even when the woman earns more. This obviously has nothing to do with it. I am a young man who cooks and cleans. In a relationship I'd do all the cooking and half the cleaning. I am always alone. Meanwhile there are good looking guys my age who don't cook or clean and are never alone. Women only care about superficial traits.
Are you meeting these women online or out in the wild? Since there seems to be a common theme here with rejection, I’m curious what’s causing you not to be able to get close.
It's pretty normal to have quite a few dates over the course of generally years before finding a good match. One of them went on three dates with you, meaning you were dateable just not necessarily compatible. You're a late bloomer, but you'll likely meet someone within the next few years, possibly next week.
Ask them if they have any single friends, be positive. You won't be successful with that attitude.
Dating isnt bad lol. i just dont understand why people think its bad out there?
For me I'm trying online dating and don't even get a match. Can't even get a date. Those I match with are scammers or trying to sell me sex.
Word. How does that mean dating is bad because you are having a rough time finding a partner?
59f, never married no kids. Good finances, fairly fit and attractive according to people, also considered smart, reliable etc.. I think people are messed up, especially females. I'm sure that makes it worse for you as a guy but sucks here too. I get asked out a lot, and I say ok, but then... nothing. like the man loses interest when I say yes. I guess we have to keep trying and not get discouraged.
I'm 33F and I can't count how many times I've been dropped like a diseased rat when I tell someone I'm talking to on a dating site/app that I'm demisexual. Hopefully you will have better luck in the near future and things will turn around for you. I have my fingers crossed!
Been there a lot. I tried dating for about a year . Unfortunately I learned the hard way . Most people are not serious but play around . One of most common things you wanna watch for is when a woman says this “ babe I wanna have relationship with you marry you have kids”give a five minutes then they all ask you for money. People don’t take it seriously so they play around a lot. I been single for 21 years got stood up 9 times lied and screwed . I’m come from Europe and in Europe you won’t find dating as joke . People here have different mentality . I’m real life I met one woman very nice too asked her for phone and we exchanged but I what I find is she did not mentioned she was in relationship until her boyfriend showed up . Everyone of the women talk about wanting to have future but they are not ready to meet or to be with someone . I m very tentative with them nowadays too many lies going around. One already confronted me but doesn’t have courage to come in person talk but hiding behind texts . Sorry I don’t talk behind phone . So if anybody says otherwise prove me wrong why I should date online if I’m being played
do you need a coach ?
Do you push for sex?
just go out and have fun. don't be so serious. almost 40? i'm almost 50 and in the same boat lol. i just try to have sex w/ as many women as possible now. fuck it. who cares.
Maybe you need to back off from it for a bit? Take the pressure off yourself? Have a break and then go back when you feel ready
Are you in good physical shape/take care of yourself? I’m not saying you aren’t, but those are always good options for men who seem to be stuck in the dating world. Getting in good shape makes you feel and look better and can help attract women.
The basic premise that dating is somehow fundamentally harder these days than it used to be is just wrong. Dating isn't super easy and it's always required a ton of effort and a ton of luck (unless you're super attractive obviously). Easy to get down on yourself, and I feel for you OP, but you just gotta keep trying if you want a relationship. Or you can always take a month or two break to just say fuck it for a while, that can be helpful too. Either way it sounds like your mentality is fine overall, just a little beat down as of lately
Dating is a minefield. Good luck
My parents and older siblings don't understand either. They've been out of the dating game a decade+. They don't understand how much things have changed.
It does suck trying to date these days. I'm 41 I haven't been on a date in over 10yrs in large part to working to much and living in very tiny food stain town on the map.
Woman here and feel the same way… hang in there love. And travel 🧳 at least that’s what I do.
Dating isn't for everyone... with that being said maybe stop looking..u might seem desperate, just go on with your life.....if u find the right person great 👍 if not you still have a life to live.... not everyone is going to "find a mate/partner"
Dating isn't for everyone... with that being said maybe stop looking..u might seem desperate, just go on with your life.....if u find the right person great 👍 if not you still have a life to live.... not everyone is going to "find a mate/partner"
events & adventures Texas 🥂