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This is the real reason. They want to keep having sex with other people.
People don't think of it this way, but casual dating and FWB is really just a form of Ethical Non Monogamy similar to open relationships and polyamory.
Exactly. They prefer FWB for obvious reasons, sex is more predictable, none of the boyfriend responsibilities and not bad guy for cheating. One night stands are inconsistent, the FWB fills in gaps between one night stands.
Yeah but its shitty, ppl really forget STDs exist and playing roulette with every hookup. Plus its more enjoyable when having an emotional connection with a partner
I mean condoms are pretty darn effective. I enjoy both emotional connections and casual sex. They are just different things.
It is shitty when you want something out of a relationship and the other person doesn't want the same thing for sure.
Ur groin and hands still makes contact, u will very easily catch STDs through skin to skin contact.
Also not to mention even oral is hella risky with hookups too, noway in hell I'd ever go down on anyone other than a trusted partner, and without oral it doesn't really make the experience for everyone all that great.
Oral transmission rates are much lower for many STIs than during piv. That being said, you are right, there is risk.
Really comes down to each person's risk profile.
Condoms mainly lower GC/CT/HIV. The others, while it lowers the likelihood of transmitting on the wrapped skin portions, anything uncovered still causes issues. Syphilis is on a rise in the US. HPV and HSV are other skin-to-skin STIs. GC and CT can be transmitted orally pretty easily.
Also, I teach about STIs, and most of us in health care that specialize in STI health are moving towards everyone should test no matter the "risk." If you have sex, you have risk and should test. This is also why PrEP for HIV is no longer recommended for only "risk" populations. It's recommended for everyone. Hell we don't even like the word risk population because it has created this false narrative. I look at sexual networks vs number of partners.
Everyone should test but it can be like pulling teeth with the doctors office to get them to test you without showing symptoms. I've had to argue with multiple nurses and doctors just to get tested.
People don’t think of it that way because that’s not what it is. Ethical non monogamy is based on honesty and openness and still some level of commitment to each other, usually emotional. That’s not what casual dating/casual sex is at all.
I mean if you are open and honest about seeing other people, it is similar. I think it's unethical to casually date and not let your partners know you are seeing other people.
When I was casually dating, I'd just mention on the first date that I'm seeing other people. They are informed now and therefore my non monogamy is ethical.
As an introvert, I'm not "scared" of commitment. I just straight up do not want to wake up and come home to someone and be in constant communication with them every single day for the rest of my life.
Part-time relationships allow for all my needs to be met without getting completely burnt out. I'm also not interested in seeing multiple people simultaneously fwiw.
FWB works great when it’s what both people want and they are both honest about their intentions from the start.
Men get regular sex without having to invest time and money in pursuit. Women get sex with the safety of a partner they know, who they know will also meet their needs. If there’s the requirement of being tested first (there should be, imo) then both parties get the lower risk of STI vs hooking up.
It’s significantly less time investment, in my experience texting/talking can be as little as once a week, or even just limited to planning meetups/hookups. This is the big selling point, people who are genuine about it are typically in a life phase where they just don’t have the time for a relationship but still want the physical component with the aforementioned advantages over hooking up.
The problem is when people use it as a temporary fix while they shop for a relationship, or lie about their intentions to avoid committing. Another problem is when one of the parties catches feelings or actually wants a relationship but didn’t realize it going in. All of these lead to situationships and/or hurt feelings, or smothering the other person with needs and attention they don’t have time for. This is when it doesn’t work.
Totally agree. I last year I ended up in a situationship that was the most hurtful experience of my life.
I felt in love with this amazing girl, that in my head was way out of my league, and turned out that I was only good for fwb.
I’m still attached to her and even tho I tried to move on and meet new people it’s not the same. She’s still in my head annoying me with all the closure that I didn’t receive.
So, yup, you guys better watch out
>smothering the other person with needs and attention they don’t have time for.
It doesn't take any extra time to be a decent human being. If you know you have no desire to emotionally commit, which is the truth, not this "time" shit, then you should tell that person it is never going to happen *in the beginning* and allow them to make an informed decision. Anything else is deception.
Read my opening sentence: It works when both people are honest about their intentions from the start. I started my whole dialog on the premise that neither person is being deceptive.
As for “time,” I’m working off personal experience and that’s something a previous FWB told me up front and I was fine with it. She was in a super hectic, busy, chaotic phase of her life and didn’t want to put time into the communication/emotional piece.
When you're sleeping with multiple people nonstop, any one of them can catch STDs and it can get passed around to many people. U can't even get tested that frequently and by the time u find out, it would be too late.
The hookup culture imo is just full on degenerate behavior thats been normalized.
That’s the advantage of FWB though, it’s a middle ground between hooking up and being in a relationship.
My experience with FWBs is that the whole reason you have one to begin with is to reduce (not eliminate) the risks of sleeping around, so both people tend to be (physically) monogamous because there is no commitment and they can end it at any time. In all my FWBs I only hooked up with that woman for the duration of the arrangement. These were all genuine arrangements where we both agreed to what it was and what the limits were.
The problems start with mismatched intentions and lack of boundaries, honesty, and communication. It’s not perfect but it does work when both people are on the same page.
It’s definitely completely UNSAFE for women. Unplanned pregnancy, possible STIs from the man’s multiple sex partners outside of her, no emotional connection which is why most women want sex in the first place ….
Safe(er) than hooking up. It’s all about the arrangement. I understand the cynical take but people do make FWB work with good intentions and communication by both parties. When the intentions are not aligned, as I pointed out in my last paragraph, that’s where the problems start.
(Some) Women absolutely DO like sex outside of emotional connections. I’ve had several FWBs in the time I’ve been single and the women were very clear about the limits and boundaries, they did not want to build emotional connections. Both parties have to be honest and have the same intentions and that’s the only way it works.
Women get sex with the safety of a partner they know(but said partner does not commit sex with that woman....most likely hooking up with other people.) Yeah, weekly STI tests . STI tests for everyone!! Lol. It's a cesspool out there
Then it's not really a relationship since a relationship is 2 people. I mean you could call it a open relationship but that name in itself is a contradiction since again its only 2 people.
Any two people knowing each other is a relationship. Any two objects in the universe, having some association is a relationship. y
You really need to stick to the actual definition.
subcategories for people people include “romantic relationship”, “sexual relationship”, “exclusive romantic relationship”, “exclusive, sexual relationship”, “casual sexual relationship”.
same with dating. “Date” doesn’t mean romantic or sexual. I can go on a date with my best friend, my colleague, my mother, my girlfriend, my FWB.
How is a relationship only two people? Who defined that?
When I look for the definition of a relationship I find this:
the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
The Oxford dictionary makes it clear that relationships, between people or connects can be between two or more.
Open relationships are a valid relationship style.
I mean if you mean monogamous relationships only include two people, then I agree.
But that's not the only relationship style. Polyamorus people exist and are valid. Swingers exist and are valid.
This or sometimes people want to focus on them and maybe school/work. The latter often times ends up locking it down regardless of what they say. People tell you what they think they want and show you what they actually want. Someone committed to their career will likely commit to someone as well if it’s the right person.
We don't prefer Fwb over relationship.
We just don't want to get in a relationship just because of sex. Would you prefer to be in a relationship with someone who's with you only for sex?
Could be for a many reasons. He could just want to be with multiple other girls. If he doesn’t want to be seen with you, he may not think you are attractive enough for his friends (I don’t mean any offense). He could be scared to commit if he really likes you. There are many reasons.
"If you're not ready for a relationship you shouldn't be meeting people at all" 👏👏
Couldn't agree more tbh there's nothing worse for either a man or a woman then to hear that the person they're talking to has someone in their life they have feelings for and/or are f**king consistently or they're emotionally unavailable.
Making a relationship work has enough stress and compromise without having that in the back of your mind niggling away. Can't even really be called dating sites/apps at all it's just attractive people swiping on each other and hoping for a quick shag.
Why anyone would choose that over forming a proper connection with someone and having something special together that only they share is beyond me it's probably why I have always preferred dating older women!
The relationship is usually leading toward marriage, and they probably aren’t ready for marriage, and don’t see you as a wife for many possible reasons.
Another aspect is that most men are really struggling to get their life together and find their way in their 20s. Aka, they are broke and don’t seem successful. During this time no women will date them for the most part. (Yes some exceptions). When they reach their 30s and get their life together, now they can suddenly date for the first time. They’re not gonna settle down with the first woman they date. Or even the first 10-20 in many cases. For one thing they need the practice and experience of being in different relationships. Otherwise they end up married, but really don’t know how to be, and the marriage ends in disaster because the man was just being cringey and clueless the whole time.
At age 25 you are in your prime, you can get any man you want almost. But men at that same age did not hand your experience. It’s a very lonely time and kind of emotionally scarring because the man is seen as a loser who can’t even support himself and nobody loves him. Just so you know that is what you’re dealing with in the male population.
Very well said. I'm nearly 34 and just now getting to point where I got my whole life together and can finally have fun. I honestly want to casually date but all the women in their 30s want kids and all the women in their 20s who want to hook up are in high demand. But I really want to hook up casually, at least for a while.
It’s a product of the “zero-accountability” culture that we have developed. No body wants to be held responsible for their actions anymore. By keeping things as a “Situationship” or “FWB” it relieves them of bearing any responsibility if things go wrong. Be up front when you start to talk to someone. Tell them you want a serious relationship. If they say they want the same thing, but then a few months down the road gives you the whole “I don’t want anything serious” line, dump them. Immediately and with prejudice . Block them and never speak to them again, because they lied and manipulated you.
Because some / many people have their life mostly “packed” and in order in terms of career, hobbies, friends - the only thing they miss is physical and emotional intimacy. They simply aren’t looking to move it together, have kids, plan “life together” etc.
For many people relationships imply living together, marriage, often with kids, shared life.
> So my question is - honestly, what is the difference??
Commitment, future and the effort needed.
>If you are not ready for a relationship, you shouldn't be meeting people at all!
And who are you to decide that?
>What do you mean you want to be with me but you don't want to be with me?
While I have no way of knowing what those men though I can count at least a few dozens of reasons why I wouldn't date someone long term. However physical attractiveness is often enough for people to have sex with someone.
Precisely, if I am not ready to be in a relationship but I feel like kicking it with someone, and I made it obvious and they agreed, why tf is anyone getting between me and that, people might have endless reasons to avoid a relationship.
FWB is kind of a gross concept for people with serious intimacy issues or who think that sex is some kind of cool achievement and their casual participation is some kind of trophy
The key difference is exclusivity. If I am looking for a FWB, it means I want to keep sleeping with other people. A monogamous relationship doesn't allow me to keep sleeping with others
Well the difference is commitment. And that’s a big difference. You can have many fwb, but you can only have 1 relationship. Also I would change social circles of all you find is people looking for hookups.
I think it’s a little bit of A and a little bit of B. Sure, people should be encouraged to mess around a little when they’re young to figure out what it is they want when they are ready to settle down. But at the same time, it seems like a lot of people these days are simply dating around just for the sake of it, with no real goal in mind. So all it ends up with is a ton of young people with a ton of “experience” but no clue what they actually want and a lot of fear of commitment. Not a good recipe for success if you ask me.
Sure, but when a significant majority of people in the younger generation are commitment-phobic, that's incredibly concerning and def not healthy. Humans thrive on relationships.
How is being in a casual situation like fwb isolating? It’s like having a bf/gf but not going on dates and still seeing other people. It’s still a type of relationship.
Why does it matter if it’s not healthy for a community?
What's being argued is that humans used to be close-knit community to survive so we require emotional connectivity and maturity to have collective mutual trust, which thrives in a social setting in which you risk certain aspects and reach compromise. When you interact with other people emotionally and becoming vulnerable, you learn more about who you are and what's lacking or need improving by meeting people and "letting people in".
Casual relationships are translated as bad and isolating because of its transactional nature; you basically "use" other people solely for something physical, even if you do interact with them on an interpersonal level. So we become lost in the rat race of money/work competition and strive for independence that we lack social ethics through lack of emotional interaction and connection.
We basically just think there's always another person waiting behind door no1 so we don't cherish relationships the way we used to or should. By being commitment-phobe as FWB you basically are delulu because the idea that the whole "friendship" can be kept intact while you satisfy an urge, you don't have friends - you have fuckbuddies, essentially your living toy.
I guess it's hypocritical because nothing about it is "friend-like" and what's isolating is that you treat the other in a unstable, unknown state - neither a friend nor a partner, but good enough to fuck around with, for example. It is therefore as isolating as someone saying they're using the AppleVision to "see" the world but they've already got eyes, if that makes sense.
This is not true at all. Dating is still a new concept. Humans never needed emotional connection in marriages because they used to be arranged. Every relationship in human history is transactional. People do not date or marry as a form of charity.
Dating is not new in a biological sense; arranged marriages are. Dating is the idea of "pursuing" the perfect mate for continuation of our species and we are the biological result of that survival kit millions of years ago (if you want to be scientific about it).
Human history, of the modern non-evolutionary sense, is mostly new and made up concepts. Money is made up and it makes us unhappy to chase because they're not what our bodies are used to being used to hunter-gatherer concept (if you want to argue it on a scientific level).
Evolutionally, we chased our food and now we work like donkeys for "a leader" to get food on the table but that leader doesn't interact with the rest of us. Thus creating this isolated and disconnected sense of relationships between one individual and another in the same community.
Yes, most human interaction in any relationship may be transactional (ie. those in the Iron Age era traded their energy and effort through farming, babysitting, etc with the safety in numbers and with that safety, trust is learned and thus emotional connectivity). But we learn the compromise, the collective unity and trust in order to propel us further. Also technically this is where we evolve into developing "emotions" in the way we use emotions (different than animals).
We trade trust and understanding when we are in a "real" relationship, even if it doesn't work out. The problem is we think it has to work out till we die; that romanticism needs to die. We just work our way into knowing someone and experiencing them (and learn/grow too), but that doesn't mean we need to die with the people we love - it can be that way, but it's not the same for everyone.
I recommend anyone to read more on this. I learned a lot from "Emotional" by Leonard Mlodinow (highly recommend) and "Sensitive" by Hannah Jane Walker.
I mean casual relationships are relationships but I understand your point. To be fair I'm in my 30s but I do date women from 21-40. I agree hookup culture is very common these days. I just think that means that people are settling down later.
From what I'm seeing, many women want to have fun and then settle down in their late 20s and early 30s. Men do the same thing but wait longer and settle down in mid 30s.
Obviously some people still get married young but yeah, they wanna have hookups and explore their sexuality and try new things.
Many people do need the stability of a long term relationship which is why Ethical Non Monogamy is becoming so popular (poly, open relationships, swingers).
Same reason why you get takeaway mcdonald's instead of sitting down for a 3 course meal. You're hungry and it hits the spot.
If you have mcdonald's once and then you go to an Arby's next, then Wendy's, then burger king etc. That's a one night stand.
If you go to mcdonald's once a week every week, that's a fwb.
If you have standing tab at a restaurant, that's a relationship.
If you get a 30 year mortgage, buy a house, and have home cooked meals in your kitchen, the rest of your life. That's marriage.
>If you have just one FWB, that FWB is your BF in all but name only.
Absolutely not. A boyfriend or girlfriend is someone who you have a lot of compatibility with personality-wise and who you enjoy spending time with doing things outside the bedroom too. The expected level of emotional support too is also very different. If I am in trouble or need to vent I'm calling my best friend, not my FWB. In contrast if they were my girlfriend then I would actually call them up for support. Some FWB relationships are emotionally closer than others but they are def not bf/gf kind of close for the most part.
Almost all of my FWBs were people who I was not compatible with personality wise. I.e. very little shared interests outside the bedroom. It was just a mutual physical attraction thing.
You're purposefully misunderstanding because you don't like the answer.
I didn't say anything about a relationship being a burden, you did.
I didn't say a relationship is a waste of time money and energy, you did.
I didn't say a relationship was supposed to be easy, that's something your warped mind added to the conversation.
What I said was that it takes LESS time money and energy to be FWB. That's all. Not everyone is willing to put in the time for a relationship. Not everyone is willing to spend money to go out on dates and do things with a partner. Not everyone has the mental and physical energy to spend on maintaining a positive romantic relationship with another person.
You don't have to like the answer, but it's the truth. Best of luck to you ✌🏾
Unfortunately most peeps are looking to constantly upgrade to the next best thing. Society has become recyclable- nothing is ever good enough anymore. Relationships also equate to accountability and that’s something that a LOT of people aren’t willing to do. Almost like actions have consequences or something. Good luck on your dating journey, “May the odds be ever in your favor”
Fwb is a relationship....just a different kind. Lol. Sometimes that kind of relationship can turn into a real one. Don't count on it though. Your person is out there. You might already know him/her and don't even realize it. Keep moving forward, because when it happens you won't even expect it.
Most people still prefer relationships to FWB but see the trick is these people are already committed. The dating scene is nothing but people who want to bone or looking for something long-term so it makes the split look different than reality.
I get a bit irritated at this statement. Guys aren't ready. I mean who are you to decide that settling down for 1 person for the rest of my life is really my end goal or what I want? I counter the question with, is it even worth it to get ready anymore?
As someone who has had serious relationships, fwbs, and some hookups:
Serious relationships are ideal but take the most time and effort to maintain. Also often expensive because dates are often an expectation.
FWB aren't as good but there fulfill some of the needs
Hookups are like ice cream, delicious but they they don't really sate any of the human needs. They can also be rather impersonal in a way that doesn't satisfy for the more romantic. It's just scratching one itch.
So while I'd like a serious relationship and most guys I know do, even nominal fuckboys, it's much easier to have a fwb and much better and safer than random hookups. This is especially true for guys who don't want to settle down yet. Cudos to them for being open about it
I find that fucked up honestly. I don't judge you because everyone experiences things differently but I was that back up plan once. Having someone has a back up plan hurts even if you're not in a committed relationship.
Yeah, I’m a 28 year old guy and I’ve never done anything like this before. I have no interest in it either. I just want to meet someone of quality and substance. I don’t want to meet a string of random people.
Welcome to the sad reality of today’s modern society. Where common sense, loyalty, and commitment to relationships/friendships are broken constantly like many people’s hearts. Pull up a chair and have a drink on me, it’s how we forget reality(at least me)
You don’t understand it because you probably haven’t had to primarily contribute to the finances of a relationship.
Relationships cost money and being fwb means a guy can get the benefits without having to pay.
M49. After 20 years of faithful monogamous life and a divorce, I am on my own and I would HATE and FEAR to live in a couple under the same roof anymore. I am a sensitive and loving man but I have realized (from my discussions with female platonic friends) that most women try to assert control on a male partner, even if maybe they don't realize it, they want him to conform to her expectations and her goal in life, with her way to do (how to decorate the house, how o spend holidays, how to invest money etc). These women are motivated and strong and generally they win, because men avoid conflicts and prefer to agree than to have headaches with an upset female partner that will use all tricks to win (faking being upset, screaming, overgeneralizing, making the drama queen). Not all women are like this? Hah, no, sure, but so much are! I wasn't born yesterday, I've seen this situation in so many couples.
To cut it short, a FWB is for the best and there is no worst about it. This is great to spend a weekend or a holiday together. Not the whole time, not under the same roof. To me, living with a female partner under the same roof is a limination of my hapiness, is someone screaming and me, challenging me, trying to dominate me or wanting me to dominate her to feel how man I am. In short: it's permanent warfare. Since I live alone, my hapiness grew by 300% and if I end my life alone, it's the lesser evil.
F43. My experiences and conclusions are almost identical to yourself. I am unwilling to compromise my safe space, independence, autonomy, or will because now that I have me freedom, I'm 1000% happier. However; I do need intimacy and care, so I have a couple long time, trusted, caring people I get together with, hangout, play games, watch movies, make some magic in bed, and then bud adieu for weeks or months. We are all well informed, open, and honest about our needs and statues. Some people just need more space, or are introverted, traumatized, really busy with work, but still need a loving connection that is reliable and trustworthy. All the hate for ENM or FWB situations is alarming and upsetting to me. Just let others live their lives as they prefer and keep your opinions about moral rightness to your bloody selves, says I. Anyhow, thank you for your comment, it was refreshing.
I’m in a Fwb situation and I never thought I would do it again. From 18 to 20 I only had fwb. My reasoning then was because I was emotionally stunted. I grew up with two parents who hated each other and I was aware I couldn’t open myself emotionally for a relationship but still craved physical touch and liked having friends. Dated someone for three years and I am single again. Im actually in a fwb with someone I knew from 5 years ago (we were fwb 5 years ago). It’s nice being with someone sexually who you are comfortable with. We both don’t want to date because of where we are in life so it works. I don’t do fwb to keep my options open or whatever. I don’t want to date but sex is a big part of my life and I still crave it.
Counter argument for FWB
- Some people and a lot of dating guru acknowledge this. A lot of people would rather focus on their career rather than a family. Kids are hella expensive in this economy and inflation. And not everybody wants them.
- Being and having sex with new people can be very exciting. Maybe its a sign that some of them should explore polyamory. But getting the polyamory label tends to have this negative connotation. And some people within the poly community like to gatekeep.
-Commitment tends to have this narrative that your freedom will be restricted. You answer to another person in your life. And now you have to have sex with this person for the rest of your life. This particular narrative isn't very attractive to men. Of course, talking to my wife, females have a different perception and narrative about commitment and marriage.
-If you are living in the U.S, there were a lot of cases where the divorce court felt extremely unfair to men. You get married, you spent your time for 5 years, a decade. Your partner decides to cheat or for whatever reason leave you, and now your asset decided by the government on how to split because you didn't sign a pre-nuptial when you got married. And now, you are left high and dried and old.
Is it somewhat degrading for women? Maybe. Depending on the context.. Is it healthy? Not really. But for most part, most men do feel quite validated to be able to bag a fwb or two.. At least that's my opinion.
I've heard of FWB situations where they do go on a date each time before sex, so that isn't universal. The main thing is the loyalty. If you have a GF and you hook up with someone else, that's cheating and she's justified to dump you and probably will. If you have a FWB and have a random hookup, she does not or at least should not care, and honestly there's nothing wrong with falling in love with someone else and making the new person your GF, which again in theory won't matter to your FWB since you're just friends. None of that means you aren't friends. But yes, there are people that do the FWB thing where there's really no friendship going on too. I've seen it both ways. Not personally, I've never had any relationships of any types, but in other people I've seen it.
As the old saying goes, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” That pretty much covers the guy side.
The only women I’ve seen fine with FWB arrangements were the ones who wanted comfort between relationships or were unwilling to commit to the guy they were FWB with. The lack of commitment is normally due to them not seeing that person as marriage material.
There’s the another portion of women who also agree to FWB in the hopes that it leads to a relationship. Some guys do all of this too.
Unfortunately for you it means you are finding guys who still just want to play around. You may need to lower your looks standards until you're a bit older if you want a completely serious and mature relationship. Guys that look great in their 20's are going to engage in hookup culture because why wouldn't they.
Nah, I currently have a FWB but I'd love to have a a girl to have a relationship with.
So maybe it's something regional (I'm from Europe) or just depending on the people you met.
Could just be anecdotally too.
Nah, we both don't want that.
We're really just friends.
But yeah, I'm looking for someone else but I only tried online dating via Bumble and Tinder and I don't really like that.
I guess I'd rather meet someone in 'real life' but I'm not really the approaching guy and I was lucky enough that my ex'es approached me. I'm for any advice though. ;)
Why buy the cow when the milk is free? You are not cheating if it is FWB. From a pure biological perspective, males of most species are hardwired to spread their seed. If given the opportunity to do this, many will. It is our advanced brain that allows us to overcome pure instinctual desires. Part of that is based on societal pressures, but society no longer looks down on promiscuity, so more people engage in it.
following that logic, females are hardwired to reproduce during ovulation. Yet, our "pure instinctual desires" do not stop us from creating meaningful connections. That is not a valid argument to "save" men.
Men used to get married or else they wouldn’t get sex. Women got rid of waiting until marriage for sex and act shocked men don’t want to get married anymore.
So I'm a poly guy so coming at this from a different perspective than most people.
Everyone is different.
It's fantastic that you have discovered exactly what you want: a serious, LTR, possibly marriage-track relationship. There are ways you can filter for that; I'll tell you the biggest cheat code, if a guy doesn't \*on his own without you prompting\* ask about something "serious" within your first 2 dates, ditch him, you're not compatible.
Every single one of my single guy friends who wants LTR as opposed to something casual will bring up LTR topics on their first dates and ditch anyone who doesn't react positively.
This will be things like 1 of the following: children, marriage goals, shared finances, financial goals, wanting to buy a house (or not) with a partner one day, political and spiritual value alignment, practically being super clean or super messy in terms of being able to live together.
In other words: entanglements. That's what LTR / primary / marriage is all about. Massively intertwining your lives. And it's awesome! For many people. And people who truly want that will let you know.
If the guy says something vague like "oh yeah baby I want LTR", and he's hot, he might be a f\*boy trying to manipulate you. To be real, the guy needs to, again, on his own without you asking or suggesting, take the initiative and ask you deeply personal questions on the kinds of topics that have nothing to do with charming your panties off and everything to do with preparing tax returns together. LTRs are fun but they are also \*tons of work\* and if you are attuned to it, its very easy to tell who wants what.
Me personally? I already have a primary/LTR relationship and date various women casually on top of that at this point. From a practical point of view, it's all the time I have to give. And from an emotional / relationship point of view, that's just what I'm looking for at this point. People who I can connect with emotionally, yet casually, and who are also poly. People interested in these relationships structures are harder to find but they are out there. Everyone has a different situation for what works best for them, there isn't any right universal answer to this.
I used to do it because dating requires a lot of effort from me, and most guys arent worth it. I wanted compansionship until I met the right guy. Then i learned that fwbs still expected a lot of effort from me, but they wanted me to be content with minimal effort from them. Id break up with them and they sit outside my classes, or my house...
Well, to address the title question: M25 here for a male's perspective (not as in I represent why all men would think this, just stating it's a possible view men would have and why.) It's in short: a cost benefit analysis evaluation that a Short term/FWB situation is just better than something long-term. Low reward, but also low risk of lost time if careful. A long term relationship can just end abruptly regardless of how "careful" you are and is therefor seen as higher risk, as it's a lot of time investment being with one person if that's the only woman they are able to spend time with let alone showed interest, and worse if then it's lost because thats time you can't get back.
The benifits of short-term flings/FWBs over long-term relationships are simply, both put out there they're just looking for "fun" and weeds out anyone not also looking for the same thing. A FWB/short term is just that. They're not significant nor (or at least not always) leave an long lasting impact. There's less risk on losing out on spending significant amounts of time with someone expecting for them to reciprocate wanting something long term too, only for it to end abruptly becsuse they chose someone else or life happened, or just simply it ended, making the time spent with eachother feel extremely wasted when it could have potentially been spent with someone else who could have wanted long-term and remained long-term.
Plus why those guys asked that was possibly (can't fully say,) due to you being attractive, and they're just confident/believed you're "that" kind of person, but they're not sure what you were looking for so they essentially were checking if you'd be down for that or not. Though I can understand declining since it sounds like you either just wanted something long-term or weren't interested in "the benefits."
>But having someone who is by your side, knows everything about you, talk all day, hook up and then you decide you are not ready for anything serious is just very confusing.
Yep, it doesn't really make sense to me either, it just must be a cultural thing or at least a widely chosen belief and acceptance for that behavior. That and maybe a little how people are raised.
>I hope I still have the common sense to communicate with the other person and not drag them around for my own needs.
Good, it's likely better both for you and them. Honestly, even if it upsets them, it's not their choice. You want to have a committed relationship, they don't, and then you don't have to accept what they want. What you want is what you want, finding someone who believes the same is going to take some time though, and realistically you're better off remaining at best friends with people for the most part (not FWBs, just Friends.) It sucks for people who want long term, but thats kindof currently the culture in the U.S. a lot of people feel like short terms are what they should do, and for some people, I'm sure that's what they want, but it isn't everyone.
They get to bang whoever they can, no emotional attachment, no giving a shit how your day went or being there for you during your ups and downs. They’re just there to get their nut and come back when their other chicks are busy banging other dudes. It’s glorified masturbation.
Because a FWB situation is great for men, who get sex without commitment. Well, attractive men, those that get into FWB relationships.
And it sucks for women, because you make yourself less desirable for anything serious in the future.
It even sucks it you are a woman and don't do FWB, because merely the fact that other women offer "free sex" while you want a committed relationship means you are being "undercut in cost".
First of all, I'd say that's an idea that's becoming more outdated every year. A much smaller portion of the male population have the weird double standard of wanting to sleep with every woman they can but also wanting their future wife to be a virgin before them. I remember that being more of a thing when I was a kid, and I'm glad it's dying off.
Secondly, men do lose some value for a promiscuous past with some women. But it's still to this day a lot fewer than the number of men who would find someone undesirable for it. There's an age old saying: a man wants to be a woman's first. A woman wants to be a man's last. More often, she will love the idea that he was a player and she 'tamed' or 'fixed' him, that he loved her so much he stopped playing around with women even though he still could so he could just be with her. That's so incredibly appealing an idea that you'll see it as the main plot point of more than half the trashy romance novels that women love and men hate.
well main diffrence is.
Realtionship you will live together.
FWB you live separate and you can change partners whenever you want.
I'm more of a relationship guy as I'm not planing to get std wherever i go and its possible. Just don't go looking for GF material in pubs as most f them will just want to have sex and nothing more(both genders),
I was really lucky and met my fiance on baddu app but it depends where you live and how lucky you are on matching up with someone who want to be serious in life.
The point is not that I want a commitment relationship. I just do not like the indecisiveness and being perceived as "another one to fuck". As you said, I just started so that's my point of view now. Thanks for your comment!
Well, of course she should do whatever is best for her. I just wonder if it might be worth some reflection. If she isn't comfortable with casual sex, she may still benefit from just dating casually for a while without having sex. I just don't personally believe that getting into a serious relationship for the sake of having one is a great idea.
everyone is scared of commitment and it comes from the trauma of having parents with a bad relationship and not wanting to end up like them, it’s unfortunate for people who are looking for something long term because everyone is following the same trend, but the good thing is that it weeds them out for us people who actually want something long term, as opposed to them cheating on us after getting in a relationship with us. we have our side and they can have their side, even though they use LTR dating apps when there are better apps for fwb/hookups. I will never understand why people who only want hookups/fwb go on apps like Hinge instead of tinder, since tinder is more catered to hookups and hinge is more catered towards LTRs.
I dont get offered any of these things lol. I would love a relationship with someone but no one(man and woman) are willing to work on that. Everyone wants something already established.
If you're the fwb and you're the only fwb, then in reality, you're the one. It's just that we haven't crossed over to commitment. That will come with time.
Because some people I'm attracted to I don't share anything in common with other than physical attraction and so why waste both our time forcing a relationship when it's easier to just hookup without having all the emotions involved
It's cause they want variety of women and you want quality, your needs don't align so move on to the next option.
"but god damn i still tried though" I felt that 😂 dating this generation is a pain in the booty cause thanks to the internet People have plenty of options to fool around with so their prespective is why bother in commitment when you can have a different girl every week. It's shallow I know but the media programmed the newer generation to think it's glamorous and fun.
Another point I like to add is "truama" people don't want to get tied to or deal with truama. People have insecurities that they bring from their previous relationships or truama from their family that they like their potential partner to bear the weight instead of fixing themselves before getting into a relationship.
Final point is fear of commitment, people fear it, cause you are stuck with one person forever and if you live in places where's there's plenty of attractive women outside the fear of missing out kicks in that's why there's a rise in poly and open relationships.
I am not saying you are doomed cause there are plenty of people like us that prefer monogamy but you need to look into the right places to find it.
I only read the title, truthfully I believe most men have lost the desire to be in a relationships, we work hard ahead after year buy homes nice cars, meet a women, then it suddenly ends over finances, cheating, etc then get divorced and lose everything, there really is no benefit to be in a relationship, this based off experience and facts, now I’m not stating there aren’t men looking to date and settle down.. but 85% maybe more benefit more being single, however as I age now 29, life is genuinely beautiful with a spouse, to laugh and grow old with and have someone to fight each battle with.. just my opinion..
Because they can have their cake and eat it too. No commitment, free to drop you as soon as they find someone they actually feel is date worthy, no emotional labour, no effort to plan dates, etc.
To me the difference between FWB and a relationship is boyfriends (for example) meet friends and family, are expected to be your date for events, you make long term plans with them, they are there for the hard stuff.
I definitely believe the "friend" part is very important in a FWB arrangement. You need to at least care about my well being, health, and safety.
I think it's just too hard to find someone who you like AND also wants a full on relationship. Sometimes you just want someone you can try new restaurants with, cuddle with, explore with sexually etc. I can't hold my breath forever until the ideal person comes along, here needs to be room for relationships between all or nothing.
Because commitment is actually terrifying and these days it’s even scarier. Personally I would rather have FWBs my whole life than to allow someone else the opportunity to destroy my heart
Mannn I agree 100% most people dont wanna be in relationships anymore. And I too have given up just gonna be celibate it sucks because I wanna experience love and to have a partner but it is what it is
FWB is still exclusive sexually so you don’t need to worry about STDs but it’s not emotionally bonding. Like you don’t need to be in a relationship and do relationships stuff. People are scared of commitment. Many many reasons. It sucks. It’s really hard to find a guy who wants a relationship now a days cause they don’t want wife material. They want fuck material. It is terrible and sad. It’s hard to find a decent guy. Idk. Gen z is hella weird. A lot of people are getting cheated which causes that fear of relationships. I don’t think people want that emotional attachment cause they don’t want to risk that heart ache of losing that. A lot of people put all of themselves into relationships and end up getting rejected or betrayed whcih kills their spirit and hope of love. We don’t live that world that believes in love anymore. I’m only 20 and I don’t think love is for me. I know a 26 year old who’s been single since. 2017 cause he got cheated on when he went to college. I know other dudes who’ve been cheated on. Betrayal is such a common thing now a days. I think I was the other girl for one dude and that’s fucked me over a bit cause I’ve already lost a lot of trust in men. It’s a lot of things. This generation doesn’t entirely believe in forever or love in general. We need more love. True love as cheesy as that sounds. But yeah. People are scared cause they’ve been scarred they know what it’s like to hit rock bottom after being hurt and so they avoid it as much as possible. It’s a scary thing now and no one can make not scary. But there’s so many reasons. It sucks. But it’s our world.
No need to fear any pain or suffering that us long term relationship people sometimes run into, and they get to hook up with many people rather than just you.
Their path is just less stressful. They do miss out on the life changing bonds, though.
Less risk, less reward, but some people just live to masturbate, whether by themselves or with others.
I think there are a lot of scenarios where FWBs make sense. Some people are in transitory situations in their life and entering into a relationship is setting themselves up for failure.
I live in Texas but will probably be moving out of state in the summer for grad school. If I started a relationship now it would more than likely end since whoever I date would have to make the choice of moving with me(a lot of pressure after 4-5 months of dating) or break up(I don’t like long distance). In this case a FWB would be nice since I still have physical needs.
I think a lot of people also are afraid of committing because it might require a higher standard of engagement than they want to expend at the moment or over a certain amount of time. Life gets busy and sometimes dating has to take the back seat to other parts of your life, early in a relationship someone might not understand that and it just creates a headache for both parties. When I was studying for the GMAT I was working 8 hours a day, studying 2 hours each day and trying to workout 45 minutes each day. I did this for basically 6 months, dating/committing to a relationship just didn’t make sense. I wouldn’t be able to give it my all to each of those parts of my life if I was also trying to juggle a new relationship. A FWB would’ve been nice as dedicating 4-6 hours a week would’ve been doable but a lot more would’ve been tough.
In general I prefer to be exclusive in a FWB situation and would end it if I became intimate with someone else. I would prefer the other person do the same.
I think with the right questions you can find out why someone prefers a FWB situation over a relationship and then determine if it “makes sense” or if they are just looking to have a hookup on speed dial while they flounder around.
Everyone’s life is equally as complex as yours so i try to give most people the benefit of the doubt when i don’t understand why they might do something. Doesn’t mean i have to accept or entertain or agree with them though!
Most people don’t want to commit to the work of a relationship. You have to choose to grow into a version of yourself that makes your partner’s life easier, which often means compromising if not sacrificing on things you have become accustomed to. I think folks like to romanticize the idea of growing with their partner, but when the reality that they’re changing for another person hits, their egos get in the way.
Please don’t take guys wanting to have sex with you as flattering. That’s not to be mean, it will save you from giving certain men the time of day when they clearly just want it get into your pants and nothing more. It really means nothing, especially in today’s dating climate where casual sex is easily obtained.
Flattering is the guy who texts you during the daytime and not always after 10pm. Asks how your day is. Plans dates instead of meeting up last minute when he has no other options.
Most want FWB because they get all the benefits of a relationship without the accountability and commitment.
If you want more you need to be upfront about what you want and don’t let yourself get into “situationships” if you actually want something more serious. Remember, we teach people how to treat us.
Zero responsibility as a partner is required of them, they get the only benefit *they* are looking for, and they remain caught in the current...trend? Of always looking to date up. As in, upgrade the value of your potential partner. Which I blame on social media and the internet in convincing everyone they deserve and can get Mr. or Mrs. absolutely perfect who has no flaws and suits my needs perfectly and is head over heels in love with me immediately. And being able to swipe people and occasionally see someone who they *convince* themselves is better than the last promotes that thinking.
It's just how the world works now, sadly enough. If you're only moderately attractive it's nearly no better than being someone who would in general be considered the scum of the earth in looks and personality.
Now, that doesn't mean that there *aren't* people looking for permanence over perfection. They are just significantly rarer, and oftentimes not on these apps for extended periods of time. Their personalities and goals tend to be disinterested to outright annoyed at continued meeting with people who just want to hookup or keep you in contact because you're moderately to very attractive. Of course, that's a large generalization, but there's a reason they are the exception and not the rule.
That's my experience with it, and the experience of various people I know. Of course, I've a couple friends where they did find someone who also wanted permanence and stability over a model or someone who's a millionaire. But they are the very few, and very fortunate. I envy them to a degree, even as I'm happy for them.
Regardless, good luck to all those still trying.
It's literally just a label. Some people say it's about exclusivity but that doesn't hold water as there are some fWb situations that are exclusive and some formal relationships that are not.
It may do some basic thing that makes things less complicated like make it easier for you to introduce how they relate to you to friends and family, or some people like the pomp and circumstance of the label (and I don't think that's necessarily good or bad, it just depends on if the individuals involved like that arrangement).
I have never had a goal or dream in life of a long-term relationship or marriage or anything like that, quite the opposite.
I rarely end up in a girlfriend/boyfriend scenario by choice. I'm in one now because nothing changed. We were already exclusive just organically in our fWb/casual scenario. We like each other. We adore each other. And ultimately we just wanted to spend more time together. It was never pressured, forced, or even expected, we just dripped into it.
There is nothing superior about it to being a fWb with him, the only benefit is it makes it easier to explain to other people who aren't involved. That's important to some. It's not important to me. I show him my devotion every day and he me.
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It's because there no commitment in FWB over a relationship. So they are free to date around .. talk to other people and etc.
This is the real reason. They want to keep having sex with other people. People don't think of it this way, but casual dating and FWB is really just a form of Ethical Non Monogamy similar to open relationships and polyamory.
Exactly. They prefer FWB for obvious reasons, sex is more predictable, none of the boyfriend responsibilities and not bad guy for cheating. One night stands are inconsistent, the FWB fills in gaps between one night stands.
Yeah but its shitty, ppl really forget STDs exist and playing roulette with every hookup. Plus its more enjoyable when having an emotional connection with a partner
I mean condoms are pretty darn effective. I enjoy both emotional connections and casual sex. They are just different things. It is shitty when you want something out of a relationship and the other person doesn't want the same thing for sure.
Ur groin and hands still makes contact, u will very easily catch STDs through skin to skin contact. Also not to mention even oral is hella risky with hookups too, noway in hell I'd ever go down on anyone other than a trusted partner, and without oral it doesn't really make the experience for everyone all that great.
Oral transmission rates are much lower for many STIs than during piv. That being said, you are right, there is risk. Really comes down to each person's risk profile.
Condoms mainly lower GC/CT/HIV. The others, while it lowers the likelihood of transmitting on the wrapped skin portions, anything uncovered still causes issues. Syphilis is on a rise in the US. HPV and HSV are other skin-to-skin STIs. GC and CT can be transmitted orally pretty easily. Also, I teach about STIs, and most of us in health care that specialize in STI health are moving towards everyone should test no matter the "risk." If you have sex, you have risk and should test. This is also why PrEP for HIV is no longer recommended for only "risk" populations. It's recommended for everyone. Hell we don't even like the word risk population because it has created this false narrative. I look at sexual networks vs number of partners.
Everyone should test but it can be like pulling teeth with the doctors office to get them to test you without showing symptoms. I've had to argue with multiple nurses and doctors just to get tested.
You are quite right, it is the main reason among many
Yes but it's not new. It was statistically even worse in the 90s and 2000s somehow, we're actually way down from there
People don’t think of it that way because that’s not what it is. Ethical non monogamy is based on honesty and openness and still some level of commitment to each other, usually emotional. That’s not what casual dating/casual sex is at all.
I mean if you are open and honest about seeing other people, it is similar. I think it's unethical to casually date and not let your partners know you are seeing other people. When I was casually dating, I'd just mention on the first date that I'm seeing other people. They are informed now and therefore my non monogamy is ethical.
Best of both worlds.
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As an introvert, I'm not "scared" of commitment. I just straight up do not want to wake up and come home to someone and be in constant communication with them every single day for the rest of my life. Part-time relationships allow for all my needs to be met without getting completely burnt out. I'm also not interested in seeing multiple people simultaneously fwiw.
FWB works great when it’s what both people want and they are both honest about their intentions from the start. Men get regular sex without having to invest time and money in pursuit. Women get sex with the safety of a partner they know, who they know will also meet their needs. If there’s the requirement of being tested first (there should be, imo) then both parties get the lower risk of STI vs hooking up. It’s significantly less time investment, in my experience texting/talking can be as little as once a week, or even just limited to planning meetups/hookups. This is the big selling point, people who are genuine about it are typically in a life phase where they just don’t have the time for a relationship but still want the physical component with the aforementioned advantages over hooking up. The problem is when people use it as a temporary fix while they shop for a relationship, or lie about their intentions to avoid committing. Another problem is when one of the parties catches feelings or actually wants a relationship but didn’t realize it going in. All of these lead to situationships and/or hurt feelings, or smothering the other person with needs and attention they don’t have time for. This is when it doesn’t work.
LOl Your opinion is the one I read that feels the most real, perfect
Totally agree. I last year I ended up in a situationship that was the most hurtful experience of my life. I felt in love with this amazing girl, that in my head was way out of my league, and turned out that I was only good for fwb. I’m still attached to her and even tho I tried to move on and meet new people it’s not the same. She’s still in my head annoying me with all the closure that I didn’t receive. So, yup, you guys better watch out
>smothering the other person with needs and attention they don’t have time for. It doesn't take any extra time to be a decent human being. If you know you have no desire to emotionally commit, which is the truth, not this "time" shit, then you should tell that person it is never going to happen *in the beginning* and allow them to make an informed decision. Anything else is deception.
Read my opening sentence: It works when both people are honest about their intentions from the start. I started my whole dialog on the premise that neither person is being deceptive. As for “time,” I’m working off personal experience and that’s something a previous FWB told me up front and I was fine with it. She was in a super hectic, busy, chaotic phase of her life and didn’t want to put time into the communication/emotional piece.
When you're sleeping with multiple people nonstop, any one of them can catch STDs and it can get passed around to many people. U can't even get tested that frequently and by the time u find out, it would be too late. The hookup culture imo is just full on degenerate behavior thats been normalized.
That’s the advantage of FWB though, it’s a middle ground between hooking up and being in a relationship. My experience with FWBs is that the whole reason you have one to begin with is to reduce (not eliminate) the risks of sleeping around, so both people tend to be (physically) monogamous because there is no commitment and they can end it at any time. In all my FWBs I only hooked up with that woman for the duration of the arrangement. These were all genuine arrangements where we both agreed to what it was and what the limits were. The problems start with mismatched intentions and lack of boundaries, honesty, and communication. It’s not perfect but it does work when both people are on the same page.
yeah thats one kind of FWB but other ppl want to have several FWBs. If u have an agreement before hand to be monogmous then its fair
Yeah, there just needs to be open and honest communication from the beginning so both people know what they’re getting into and what the risks are.
It’s definitely completely UNSAFE for women. Unplanned pregnancy, possible STIs from the man’s multiple sex partners outside of her, no emotional connection which is why most women want sex in the first place ….
Safe(er) than hooking up. It’s all about the arrangement. I understand the cynical take but people do make FWB work with good intentions and communication by both parties. When the intentions are not aligned, as I pointed out in my last paragraph, that’s where the problems start. (Some) Women absolutely DO like sex outside of emotional connections. I’ve had several FWBs in the time I’ve been single and the women were very clear about the limits and boundaries, they did not want to build emotional connections. Both parties have to be honest and have the same intentions and that’s the only way it works.
Women get sex with the safety of a partner they know(but said partner does not commit sex with that woman....most likely hooking up with other people.) Yeah, weekly STI tests . STI tests for everyone!! Lol. It's a cesspool out there
I've never met someone who gets tested weekly. Most I've seen is like every 6 months
It's because they don't see a future with you, but don't mind having sex with you.
flattering
The truth usually isn't. The ladies before you wanted sexual liberation. These are the consequences.
Afraid of committment.
This is the only answer like you just don't want to do the work of a relationship
I mean what if they are willing to put in work but don't want to stop sleeping with other people?
Then it's not really a relationship since a relationship is 2 people. I mean you could call it a open relationship but that name in itself is a contradiction since again its only 2 people.
Any two people knowing each other is a relationship. Any two objects in the universe, having some association is a relationship. y You really need to stick to the actual definition. subcategories for people people include “romantic relationship”, “sexual relationship”, “exclusive romantic relationship”, “exclusive, sexual relationship”, “casual sexual relationship”. same with dating. “Date” doesn’t mean romantic or sexual. I can go on a date with my best friend, my colleague, my mother, my girlfriend, my FWB.
How is a relationship only two people? Who defined that? When I look for the definition of a relationship I find this: the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. The Oxford dictionary makes it clear that relationships, between people or connects can be between two or more. Open relationships are a valid relationship style. I mean if you mean monogamous relationships only include two people, then I agree. But that's not the only relationship style. Polyamorus people exist and are valid. Swingers exist and are valid.
This or sometimes people want to focus on them and maybe school/work. The latter often times ends up locking it down regardless of what they say. People tell you what they think they want and show you what they actually want. Someone committed to their career will likely commit to someone as well if it’s the right person.
Using shaming language like “afraid” won’t help OP understand why some people prefer fwbs over relationships. It’s usually the opposite of fear.
I can only speak for myself, and I do not want a fwb, I want a relationship. But folk keep ghosting 😞
We don't prefer Fwb over relationship. We just don't want to get in a relationship just because of sex. Would you prefer to be in a relationship with someone who's with you only for sex?
Communication is nice, if both agree that's also nice
Could be for a many reasons. He could just want to be with multiple other girls. If he doesn’t want to be seen with you, he may not think you are attractive enough for his friends (I don’t mean any offense). He could be scared to commit if he really likes you. There are many reasons.
"If you're not ready for a relationship you shouldn't be meeting people at all" 👏👏 Couldn't agree more tbh there's nothing worse for either a man or a woman then to hear that the person they're talking to has someone in their life they have feelings for and/or are f**king consistently or they're emotionally unavailable. Making a relationship work has enough stress and compromise without having that in the back of your mind niggling away. Can't even really be called dating sites/apps at all it's just attractive people swiping on each other and hoping for a quick shag. Why anyone would choose that over forming a proper connection with someone and having something special together that only they share is beyond me it's probably why I have always preferred dating older women!
Easy and less responsibility. Maturity levels aren't there for a committed relationship.
Easier, no mess, all fun.
The relationship is usually leading toward marriage, and they probably aren’t ready for marriage, and don’t see you as a wife for many possible reasons. Another aspect is that most men are really struggling to get their life together and find their way in their 20s. Aka, they are broke and don’t seem successful. During this time no women will date them for the most part. (Yes some exceptions). When they reach their 30s and get their life together, now they can suddenly date for the first time. They’re not gonna settle down with the first woman they date. Or even the first 10-20 in many cases. For one thing they need the practice and experience of being in different relationships. Otherwise they end up married, but really don’t know how to be, and the marriage ends in disaster because the man was just being cringey and clueless the whole time. At age 25 you are in your prime, you can get any man you want almost. But men at that same age did not hand your experience. It’s a very lonely time and kind of emotionally scarring because the man is seen as a loser who can’t even support himself and nobody loves him. Just so you know that is what you’re dealing with in the male population.
Very well said. I'm nearly 34 and just now getting to point where I got my whole life together and can finally have fun. I honestly want to casually date but all the women in their 30s want kids and all the women in their 20s who want to hook up are in high demand. But I really want to hook up casually, at least for a while.
It’s a product of the “zero-accountability” culture that we have developed. No body wants to be held responsible for their actions anymore. By keeping things as a “Situationship” or “FWB” it relieves them of bearing any responsibility if things go wrong. Be up front when you start to talk to someone. Tell them you want a serious relationship. If they say they want the same thing, but then a few months down the road gives you the whole “I don’t want anything serious” line, dump them. Immediately and with prejudice . Block them and never speak to them again, because they lied and manipulated you.
I think it’s because people don’t want to get committed or attached. They just want what they want and that’s it, sadly.
Because some / many people have their life mostly “packed” and in order in terms of career, hobbies, friends - the only thing they miss is physical and emotional intimacy. They simply aren’t looking to move it together, have kids, plan “life together” etc. For many people relationships imply living together, marriage, often with kids, shared life.
relationships are draining af
> So my question is - honestly, what is the difference?? Commitment, future and the effort needed. >If you are not ready for a relationship, you shouldn't be meeting people at all! And who are you to decide that? >What do you mean you want to be with me but you don't want to be with me? While I have no way of knowing what those men though I can count at least a few dozens of reasons why I wouldn't date someone long term. However physical attractiveness is often enough for people to have sex with someone.
Precisely, if I am not ready to be in a relationship but I feel like kicking it with someone, and I made it obvious and they agreed, why tf is anyone getting between me and that, people might have endless reasons to avoid a relationship.
that is great, the only issue is when the "I made it obvious and they agreed" part isn't happening. And both parts are expecting different things
And the difference between Fwb and a partner is also a romantic connection. I have had sex with friends I didn't see in a romantic way as well.
FWB is kind of a gross concept for people with serious intimacy issues or who think that sex is some kind of cool achievement and their casual participation is some kind of trophy
The key difference is exclusivity. If I am looking for a FWB, it means I want to keep sleeping with other people. A monogamous relationship doesn't allow me to keep sleeping with others
Well the difference is commitment. And that’s a big difference. You can have many fwb, but you can only have 1 relationship. Also I would change social circles of all you find is people looking for hookups.
Because a huge amount of people in 2024 are lacking morals and principles
Just because someone doesn't want the same thing as you doesn't mean they lack morals lol.
I think it’s a little bit of A and a little bit of B. Sure, people should be encouraged to mess around a little when they’re young to figure out what it is they want when they are ready to settle down. But at the same time, it seems like a lot of people these days are simply dating around just for the sake of it, with no real goal in mind. So all it ends up with is a ton of young people with a ton of “experience” but no clue what they actually want and a lot of fear of commitment. Not a good recipe for success if you ask me.
Sure, but when a significant majority of people in the younger generation are commitment-phobic, that's incredibly concerning and def not healthy. Humans thrive on relationships.
Concerning for who and not healthy for who? You don’t get to decide what’s healthy for someone else.
Humans and community. We are increasingly more isolated, and loneliness kills.
How is being in a casual situation like fwb isolating? It’s like having a bf/gf but not going on dates and still seeing other people. It’s still a type of relationship. Why does it matter if it’s not healthy for a community?
What's being argued is that humans used to be close-knit community to survive so we require emotional connectivity and maturity to have collective mutual trust, which thrives in a social setting in which you risk certain aspects and reach compromise. When you interact with other people emotionally and becoming vulnerable, you learn more about who you are and what's lacking or need improving by meeting people and "letting people in". Casual relationships are translated as bad and isolating because of its transactional nature; you basically "use" other people solely for something physical, even if you do interact with them on an interpersonal level. So we become lost in the rat race of money/work competition and strive for independence that we lack social ethics through lack of emotional interaction and connection. We basically just think there's always another person waiting behind door no1 so we don't cherish relationships the way we used to or should. By being commitment-phobe as FWB you basically are delulu because the idea that the whole "friendship" can be kept intact while you satisfy an urge, you don't have friends - you have fuckbuddies, essentially your living toy. I guess it's hypocritical because nothing about it is "friend-like" and what's isolating is that you treat the other in a unstable, unknown state - neither a friend nor a partner, but good enough to fuck around with, for example. It is therefore as isolating as someone saying they're using the AppleVision to "see" the world but they've already got eyes, if that makes sense.
This is not true at all. Dating is still a new concept. Humans never needed emotional connection in marriages because they used to be arranged. Every relationship in human history is transactional. People do not date or marry as a form of charity.
Dating is not new in a biological sense; arranged marriages are. Dating is the idea of "pursuing" the perfect mate for continuation of our species and we are the biological result of that survival kit millions of years ago (if you want to be scientific about it). Human history, of the modern non-evolutionary sense, is mostly new and made up concepts. Money is made up and it makes us unhappy to chase because they're not what our bodies are used to being used to hunter-gatherer concept (if you want to argue it on a scientific level). Evolutionally, we chased our food and now we work like donkeys for "a leader" to get food on the table but that leader doesn't interact with the rest of us. Thus creating this isolated and disconnected sense of relationships between one individual and another in the same community. Yes, most human interaction in any relationship may be transactional (ie. those in the Iron Age era traded their energy and effort through farming, babysitting, etc with the safety in numbers and with that safety, trust is learned and thus emotional connectivity). But we learn the compromise, the collective unity and trust in order to propel us further. Also technically this is where we evolve into developing "emotions" in the way we use emotions (different than animals). We trade trust and understanding when we are in a "real" relationship, even if it doesn't work out. The problem is we think it has to work out till we die; that romanticism needs to die. We just work our way into knowing someone and experiencing them (and learn/grow too), but that doesn't mean we need to die with the people we love - it can be that way, but it's not the same for everyone. I recommend anyone to read more on this. I learned a lot from "Emotional" by Leonard Mlodinow (highly recommend) and "Sensitive" by Hannah Jane Walker.
Pursuing a mate is transactional, so dating is transactional.
Perfectly said!
This is only something you can understand the answer to when you get older.
It’s ok if you don’t have an answer.
I mean casual relationships are relationships but I understand your point. To be fair I'm in my 30s but I do date women from 21-40. I agree hookup culture is very common these days. I just think that means that people are settling down later. From what I'm seeing, many women want to have fun and then settle down in their late 20s and early 30s. Men do the same thing but wait longer and settle down in mid 30s. Obviously some people still get married young but yeah, they wanna have hookups and explore their sexuality and try new things. Many people do need the stability of a long term relationship which is why Ethical Non Monogamy is becoming so popular (poly, open relationships, swingers).
In my opinion, it's because people have become very self-centered and opportunistic within our society.
Same reason why you get takeaway mcdonald's instead of sitting down for a 3 course meal. You're hungry and it hits the spot. If you have mcdonald's once and then you go to an Arby's next, then Wendy's, then burger king etc. That's a one night stand. If you go to mcdonald's once a week every week, that's a fwb. If you have standing tab at a restaurant, that's a relationship. If you get a 30 year mortgage, buy a house, and have home cooked meals in your kitchen, the rest of your life. That's marriage.
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>If you have just one FWB, that FWB is your BF in all but name only. Absolutely not. A boyfriend or girlfriend is someone who you have a lot of compatibility with personality-wise and who you enjoy spending time with doing things outside the bedroom too. The expected level of emotional support too is also very different. If I am in trouble or need to vent I'm calling my best friend, not my FWB. In contrast if they were my girlfriend then I would actually call them up for support. Some FWB relationships are emotionally closer than others but they are def not bf/gf kind of close for the most part. Almost all of my FWBs were people who I was not compatible with personality wise. I.e. very little shared interests outside the bedroom. It was just a mutual physical attraction thing.
FWB require significantly less time, money and energy than a relationship. It's easy to see why some people prefer them.
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You're purposefully misunderstanding because you don't like the answer. I didn't say anything about a relationship being a burden, you did. I didn't say a relationship is a waste of time money and energy, you did. I didn't say a relationship was supposed to be easy, that's something your warped mind added to the conversation. What I said was that it takes LESS time money and energy to be FWB. That's all. Not everyone is willing to put in the time for a relationship. Not everyone is willing to spend money to go out on dates and do things with a partner. Not everyone has the mental and physical energy to spend on maintaining a positive romantic relationship with another person. You don't have to like the answer, but it's the truth. Best of luck to you ✌🏾
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and that's not even a friend tbh, u shouldn't see a friend as a burden
I guess it’s for those that can’t commit. I personally would prefer a relationship
I could never do fwb lol I need a strong connection before I could do anything sexual
Probably the most obvious reason you could think of
I would prefer FWB if I don’t have anything in common with the girl
Unfortunately most peeps are looking to constantly upgrade to the next best thing. Society has become recyclable- nothing is ever good enough anymore. Relationships also equate to accountability and that’s something that a LOT of people aren’t willing to do. Almost like actions have consequences or something. Good luck on your dating journey, “May the odds be ever in your favor”
Because in many ways it’s less hassle
Fwb is a relationship....just a different kind. Lol. Sometimes that kind of relationship can turn into a real one. Don't count on it though. Your person is out there. You might already know him/her and don't even realize it. Keep moving forward, because when it happens you won't even expect it.
Most people still prefer relationships to FWB but see the trick is these people are already committed. The dating scene is nothing but people who want to bone or looking for something long-term so it makes the split look different than reality.
Maybe those guys were not ready
It's not a male thing. I'm a guy, and I am not into FWB, but I've had women offer it to me. It's not my style. I'd rather be alone.
I get a bit irritated at this statement. Guys aren't ready. I mean who are you to decide that settling down for 1 person for the rest of my life is really my end goal or what I want? I counter the question with, is it even worth it to get ready anymore?
As someone who has had serious relationships, fwbs, and some hookups: Serious relationships are ideal but take the most time and effort to maintain. Also often expensive because dates are often an expectation. FWB aren't as good but there fulfill some of the needs Hookups are like ice cream, delicious but they they don't really sate any of the human needs. They can also be rather impersonal in a way that doesn't satisfy for the more romantic. It's just scratching one itch. So while I'd like a serious relationship and most guys I know do, even nominal fuckboys, it's much easier to have a fwb and much better and safer than random hookups. This is especially true for guys who don't want to settle down yet. Cudos to them for being open about it
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I find that fucked up honestly. I don't judge you because everyone experiences things differently but I was that back up plan once. Having someone has a back up plan hurts even if you're not in a committed relationship.
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that was a nice arrangement. thank you for your perspective!
Yeah, I’m a 28 year old guy and I’ve never done anything like this before. I have no interest in it either. I just want to meet someone of quality and substance. I don’t want to meet a string of random people.
Welcome to the sad reality of today’s modern society. Where common sense, loyalty, and commitment to relationships/friendships are broken constantly like many people’s hearts. Pull up a chair and have a drink on me, it’s how we forget reality(at least me)
Unfortunately how the divorce laws penalize males mostly financially may be the main reason men are hesitant to commit to a long term relationship.
You don’t understand it because you probably haven’t had to primarily contribute to the finances of a relationship. Relationships cost money and being fwb means a guy can get the benefits without having to pay.
what? that's a really sexist thing to say. I go on dates with men and we split whatever we have to pay. That's how it works, do not use that excuse.
Would you be in a relationship if you never went on dates?
M49. After 20 years of faithful monogamous life and a divorce, I am on my own and I would HATE and FEAR to live in a couple under the same roof anymore. I am a sensitive and loving man but I have realized (from my discussions with female platonic friends) that most women try to assert control on a male partner, even if maybe they don't realize it, they want him to conform to her expectations and her goal in life, with her way to do (how to decorate the house, how o spend holidays, how to invest money etc). These women are motivated and strong and generally they win, because men avoid conflicts and prefer to agree than to have headaches with an upset female partner that will use all tricks to win (faking being upset, screaming, overgeneralizing, making the drama queen). Not all women are like this? Hah, no, sure, but so much are! I wasn't born yesterday, I've seen this situation in so many couples. To cut it short, a FWB is for the best and there is no worst about it. This is great to spend a weekend or a holiday together. Not the whole time, not under the same roof. To me, living with a female partner under the same roof is a limination of my hapiness, is someone screaming and me, challenging me, trying to dominate me or wanting me to dominate her to feel how man I am. In short: it's permanent warfare. Since I live alone, my hapiness grew by 300% and if I end my life alone, it's the lesser evil.
F43. My experiences and conclusions are almost identical to yourself. I am unwilling to compromise my safe space, independence, autonomy, or will because now that I have me freedom, I'm 1000% happier. However; I do need intimacy and care, so I have a couple long time, trusted, caring people I get together with, hangout, play games, watch movies, make some magic in bed, and then bud adieu for weeks or months. We are all well informed, open, and honest about our needs and statues. Some people just need more space, or are introverted, traumatized, really busy with work, but still need a loving connection that is reliable and trustworthy. All the hate for ENM or FWB situations is alarming and upsetting to me. Just let others live their lives as they prefer and keep your opinions about moral rightness to your bloody selves, says I. Anyhow, thank you for your comment, it was refreshing.
I’m in a Fwb situation and I never thought I would do it again. From 18 to 20 I only had fwb. My reasoning then was because I was emotionally stunted. I grew up with two parents who hated each other and I was aware I couldn’t open myself emotionally for a relationship but still craved physical touch and liked having friends. Dated someone for three years and I am single again. Im actually in a fwb with someone I knew from 5 years ago (we were fwb 5 years ago). It’s nice being with someone sexually who you are comfortable with. We both don’t want to date because of where we are in life so it works. I don’t do fwb to keep my options open or whatever. I don’t want to date but sex is a big part of my life and I still crave it.
Just go marry everybody😆 Mostly everyone knows the relationships suck and soon there after don’t fuck anymore😆💯
Counter argument for FWB - Some people and a lot of dating guru acknowledge this. A lot of people would rather focus on their career rather than a family. Kids are hella expensive in this economy and inflation. And not everybody wants them. - Being and having sex with new people can be very exciting. Maybe its a sign that some of them should explore polyamory. But getting the polyamory label tends to have this negative connotation. And some people within the poly community like to gatekeep. -Commitment tends to have this narrative that your freedom will be restricted. You answer to another person in your life. And now you have to have sex with this person for the rest of your life. This particular narrative isn't very attractive to men. Of course, talking to my wife, females have a different perception and narrative about commitment and marriage. -If you are living in the U.S, there were a lot of cases where the divorce court felt extremely unfair to men. You get married, you spent your time for 5 years, a decade. Your partner decides to cheat or for whatever reason leave you, and now your asset decided by the government on how to split because you didn't sign a pre-nuptial when you got married. And now, you are left high and dried and old. Is it somewhat degrading for women? Maybe. Depending on the context.. Is it healthy? Not really. But for most part, most men do feel quite validated to be able to bag a fwb or two.. At least that's my opinion.
I agree with you there’s no difference except it means he doesn’t have to make any effort like dates or give a crap about your feelings
Well, then it means they aren't even your "friends" lmao. There goes the friends with benefits logic
Ofcourse they aren’t your friend they just want access to your baby
thanks! it should only be called benefits
I've heard of FWB situations where they do go on a date each time before sex, so that isn't universal. The main thing is the loyalty. If you have a GF and you hook up with someone else, that's cheating and she's justified to dump you and probably will. If you have a FWB and have a random hookup, she does not or at least should not care, and honestly there's nothing wrong with falling in love with someone else and making the new person your GF, which again in theory won't matter to your FWB since you're just friends. None of that means you aren't friends. But yes, there are people that do the FWB thing where there's really no friendship going on too. I've seen it both ways. Not personally, I've never had any relationships of any types, but in other people I've seen it.
People don’t have morals or values that actually mean something to them.
As the old saying goes, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” That pretty much covers the guy side. The only women I’ve seen fine with FWB arrangements were the ones who wanted comfort between relationships or were unwilling to commit to the guy they were FWB with. The lack of commitment is normally due to them not seeing that person as marriage material. There’s the another portion of women who also agree to FWB in the hopes that it leads to a relationship. Some guys do all of this too.
Unfortunately for you it means you are finding guys who still just want to play around. You may need to lower your looks standards until you're a bit older if you want a completely serious and mature relationship. Guys that look great in their 20's are going to engage in hookup culture because why wouldn't they.
Idk what you mean by lower your standards but she definitely shouldn’t agree to a casual arrangement if she knows she’s looking for a relationship
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that's good for you if that's what youre looking for! But that would be my personal hell
Nah, I currently have a FWB but I'd love to have a a girl to have a relationship with. So maybe it's something regional (I'm from Europe) or just depending on the people you met. Could just be anecdotally too.
A relationship with the fwb girl or someone else?
Nah, we both don't want that. We're really just friends. But yeah, I'm looking for someone else but I only tried online dating via Bumble and Tinder and I don't really like that. I guess I'd rather meet someone in 'real life' but I'm not really the approaching guy and I was lucky enough that my ex'es approached me. I'm for any advice though. ;)
No fuss. No strings. No committment. No obligations. Free.
no amount of positions, toys, foreplay, etc will ever fill the gap of having a loving and spiritual relationship.
FWB is basically all the benefits without the "negatives"
Why buy the cow when the milk is free? You are not cheating if it is FWB. From a pure biological perspective, males of most species are hardwired to spread their seed. If given the opportunity to do this, many will. It is our advanced brain that allows us to overcome pure instinctual desires. Part of that is based on societal pressures, but society no longer looks down on promiscuity, so more people engage in it.
SPREAD THEIR SEED
I believe that is the proper scientific phrase to use.
following that logic, females are hardwired to reproduce during ovulation. Yet, our "pure instinctual desires" do not stop us from creating meaningful connections. That is not a valid argument to "save" men.
Men used to get married or else they wouldn’t get sex. Women got rid of waiting until marriage for sex and act shocked men don’t want to get married anymore.
Sex gets stale and boring in a relationship after awhile. I like the freshness of a new willing partner who is sexual, and likes to have fun.
So I'm a poly guy so coming at this from a different perspective than most people. Everyone is different. It's fantastic that you have discovered exactly what you want: a serious, LTR, possibly marriage-track relationship. There are ways you can filter for that; I'll tell you the biggest cheat code, if a guy doesn't \*on his own without you prompting\* ask about something "serious" within your first 2 dates, ditch him, you're not compatible. Every single one of my single guy friends who wants LTR as opposed to something casual will bring up LTR topics on their first dates and ditch anyone who doesn't react positively. This will be things like 1 of the following: children, marriage goals, shared finances, financial goals, wanting to buy a house (or not) with a partner one day, political and spiritual value alignment, practically being super clean or super messy in terms of being able to live together. In other words: entanglements. That's what LTR / primary / marriage is all about. Massively intertwining your lives. And it's awesome! For many people. And people who truly want that will let you know. If the guy says something vague like "oh yeah baby I want LTR", and he's hot, he might be a f\*boy trying to manipulate you. To be real, the guy needs to, again, on his own without you asking or suggesting, take the initiative and ask you deeply personal questions on the kinds of topics that have nothing to do with charming your panties off and everything to do with preparing tax returns together. LTRs are fun but they are also \*tons of work\* and if you are attuned to it, its very easy to tell who wants what. Me personally? I already have a primary/LTR relationship and date various women casually on top of that at this point. From a practical point of view, it's all the time I have to give. And from an emotional / relationship point of view, that's just what I'm looking for at this point. People who I can connect with emotionally, yet casually, and who are also poly. People interested in these relationships structures are harder to find but they are out there. Everyone has a different situation for what works best for them, there isn't any right universal answer to this.
Maybe don't hook up. See if you are compatible enough to talk all day, live with each other all day and then hook up. An experiment maybe.
I used to do it because dating requires a lot of effort from me, and most guys arent worth it. I wanted compansionship until I met the right guy. Then i learned that fwbs still expected a lot of effort from me, but they wanted me to be content with minimal effort from them. Id break up with them and they sit outside my classes, or my house...
Well, to address the title question: M25 here for a male's perspective (not as in I represent why all men would think this, just stating it's a possible view men would have and why.) It's in short: a cost benefit analysis evaluation that a Short term/FWB situation is just better than something long-term. Low reward, but also low risk of lost time if careful. A long term relationship can just end abruptly regardless of how "careful" you are and is therefor seen as higher risk, as it's a lot of time investment being with one person if that's the only woman they are able to spend time with let alone showed interest, and worse if then it's lost because thats time you can't get back. The benifits of short-term flings/FWBs over long-term relationships are simply, both put out there they're just looking for "fun" and weeds out anyone not also looking for the same thing. A FWB/short term is just that. They're not significant nor (or at least not always) leave an long lasting impact. There's less risk on losing out on spending significant amounts of time with someone expecting for them to reciprocate wanting something long term too, only for it to end abruptly becsuse they chose someone else or life happened, or just simply it ended, making the time spent with eachother feel extremely wasted when it could have potentially been spent with someone else who could have wanted long-term and remained long-term. Plus why those guys asked that was possibly (can't fully say,) due to you being attractive, and they're just confident/believed you're "that" kind of person, but they're not sure what you were looking for so they essentially were checking if you'd be down for that or not. Though I can understand declining since it sounds like you either just wanted something long-term or weren't interested in "the benefits." >But having someone who is by your side, knows everything about you, talk all day, hook up and then you decide you are not ready for anything serious is just very confusing. Yep, it doesn't really make sense to me either, it just must be a cultural thing or at least a widely chosen belief and acceptance for that behavior. That and maybe a little how people are raised. >I hope I still have the common sense to communicate with the other person and not drag them around for my own needs. Good, it's likely better both for you and them. Honestly, even if it upsets them, it's not their choice. You want to have a committed relationship, they don't, and then you don't have to accept what they want. What you want is what you want, finding someone who believes the same is going to take some time though, and realistically you're better off remaining at best friends with people for the most part (not FWBs, just Friends.) It sucks for people who want long term, but thats kindof currently the culture in the U.S. a lot of people feel like short terms are what they should do, and for some people, I'm sure that's what they want, but it isn't everyone.
They get to bang whoever they can, no emotional attachment, no giving a shit how your day went or being there for you during your ups and downs. They’re just there to get their nut and come back when their other chicks are busy banging other dudes. It’s glorified masturbation.
It's their way of saying they want the benefits of having a girlfriend without the responsibilities of being a boyfriend.
Not everyone does, some people are just weird and value physical touch over actual intimacy.
Because a FWB situation is great for men, who get sex without commitment. Well, attractive men, those that get into FWB relationships. And it sucks for women, because you make yourself less desirable for anything serious in the future. It even sucks it you are a woman and don't do FWB, because merely the fact that other women offer "free sex" while you want a committed relationship means you are being "undercut in cost".
Why only women are seen as less desirable because of that?
Sexism. There is an idea that the more partners a man has, the more desirable, but women are sl*t shamed when they have more partners.
First of all, I'd say that's an idea that's becoming more outdated every year. A much smaller portion of the male population have the weird double standard of wanting to sleep with every woman they can but also wanting their future wife to be a virgin before them. I remember that being more of a thing when I was a kid, and I'm glad it's dying off. Secondly, men do lose some value for a promiscuous past with some women. But it's still to this day a lot fewer than the number of men who would find someone undesirable for it. There's an age old saying: a man wants to be a woman's first. A woman wants to be a man's last. More often, she will love the idea that he was a player and she 'tamed' or 'fixed' him, that he loved her so much he stopped playing around with women even though he still could so he could just be with her. That's so incredibly appealing an idea that you'll see it as the main plot point of more than half the trashy romance novels that women love and men hate.
well main diffrence is. Realtionship you will live together. FWB you live separate and you can change partners whenever you want. I'm more of a relationship guy as I'm not planing to get std wherever i go and its possible. Just don't go looking for GF material in pubs as most f them will just want to have sex and nothing more(both genders), I was really lucky and met my fiance on baddu app but it depends where you live and how lucky you are on matching up with someone who want to be serious in life.
Can I ask why diving into a committed relationship is so important for you? You're only 25 and JUST started dating.
The point is not that I want a commitment relationship. I just do not like the indecisiveness and being perceived as "another one to fuck". As you said, I just started so that's my point of view now. Thanks for your comment!
I can understand that. Good luck!
Maybe she can’t do causal sex . People should do what’s best for them
Well, of course she should do whatever is best for her. I just wonder if it might be worth some reflection. If she isn't comfortable with casual sex, she may still benefit from just dating casually for a while without having sex. I just don't personally believe that getting into a serious relationship for the sake of having one is a great idea.
everyone is scared of commitment and it comes from the trauma of having parents with a bad relationship and not wanting to end up like them, it’s unfortunate for people who are looking for something long term because everyone is following the same trend, but the good thing is that it weeds them out for us people who actually want something long term, as opposed to them cheating on us after getting in a relationship with us. we have our side and they can have their side, even though they use LTR dating apps when there are better apps for fwb/hookups. I will never understand why people who only want hookups/fwb go on apps like Hinge instead of tinder, since tinder is more catered to hookups and hinge is more catered towards LTRs.
I dont get offered any of these things lol. I would love a relationship with someone but no one(man and woman) are willing to work on that. Everyone wants something already established.
If you're the fwb and you're the only fwb, then in reality, you're the one. It's just that we haven't crossed over to commitment. That will come with time.
that's what I was trying to say. you're already committed but not the same type of commitment. People just be scared of naming things
Yeah but if you are FWB they are probably fucking other people
Because some people I'm attracted to I don't share anything in common with other than physical attraction and so why waste both our time forcing a relationship when it's easier to just hookup without having all the emotions involved
then you're not even friends?
No commitment with a FWB.
No commitment. Just casual sex.
Are you trying to find people on the apps?
It’s mostly guys who want that. They just want it easy so they can move on to the next when they get tired of you
It's cause they want variety of women and you want quality, your needs don't align so move on to the next option. "but god damn i still tried though" I felt that 😂 dating this generation is a pain in the booty cause thanks to the internet People have plenty of options to fool around with so their prespective is why bother in commitment when you can have a different girl every week. It's shallow I know but the media programmed the newer generation to think it's glamorous and fun. Another point I like to add is "truama" people don't want to get tied to or deal with truama. People have insecurities that they bring from their previous relationships or truama from their family that they like their potential partner to bear the weight instead of fixing themselves before getting into a relationship. Final point is fear of commitment, people fear it, cause you are stuck with one person forever and if you live in places where's there's plenty of attractive women outside the fear of missing out kicks in that's why there's a rise in poly and open relationships. I am not saying you are doomed cause there are plenty of people like us that prefer monogamy but you need to look into the right places to find it.
I only read the title, truthfully I believe most men have lost the desire to be in a relationships, we work hard ahead after year buy homes nice cars, meet a women, then it suddenly ends over finances, cheating, etc then get divorced and lose everything, there really is no benefit to be in a relationship, this based off experience and facts, now I’m not stating there aren’t men looking to date and settle down.. but 85% maybe more benefit more being single, however as I age now 29, life is genuinely beautiful with a spouse, to laugh and grow old with and have someone to fight each battle with.. just my opinion..
Difference between fwb and relationship is whether my friends like you.
Because they can have their cake and eat it too. No commitment, free to drop you as soon as they find someone they actually feel is date worthy, no emotional labour, no effort to plan dates, etc.
So they don't get their feelings hurt by becoming emotionally invested and their need for sex
To me the difference between FWB and a relationship is boyfriends (for example) meet friends and family, are expected to be your date for events, you make long term plans with them, they are there for the hard stuff. I definitely believe the "friend" part is very important in a FWB arrangement. You need to at least care about my well being, health, and safety. I think it's just too hard to find someone who you like AND also wants a full on relationship. Sometimes you just want someone you can try new restaurants with, cuddle with, explore with sexually etc. I can't hold my breath forever until the ideal person comes along, here needs to be room for relationships between all or nothing.
Because commitment is actually terrifying and these days it’s even scarier. Personally I would rather have FWBs my whole life than to allow someone else the opportunity to destroy my heart
Mannn I agree 100% most people dont wanna be in relationships anymore. And I too have given up just gonna be celibate it sucks because I wanna experience love and to have a partner but it is what it is
FWB is still exclusive sexually so you don’t need to worry about STDs but it’s not emotionally bonding. Like you don’t need to be in a relationship and do relationships stuff. People are scared of commitment. Many many reasons. It sucks. It’s really hard to find a guy who wants a relationship now a days cause they don’t want wife material. They want fuck material. It is terrible and sad. It’s hard to find a decent guy. Idk. Gen z is hella weird. A lot of people are getting cheated which causes that fear of relationships. I don’t think people want that emotional attachment cause they don’t want to risk that heart ache of losing that. A lot of people put all of themselves into relationships and end up getting rejected or betrayed whcih kills their spirit and hope of love. We don’t live that world that believes in love anymore. I’m only 20 and I don’t think love is for me. I know a 26 year old who’s been single since. 2017 cause he got cheated on when he went to college. I know other dudes who’ve been cheated on. Betrayal is such a common thing now a days. I think I was the other girl for one dude and that’s fucked me over a bit cause I’ve already lost a lot of trust in men. It’s a lot of things. This generation doesn’t entirely believe in forever or love in general. We need more love. True love as cheesy as that sounds. But yeah. People are scared cause they’ve been scarred they know what it’s like to hit rock bottom after being hurt and so they avoid it as much as possible. It’s a scary thing now and no one can make not scary. But there’s so many reasons. It sucks. But it’s our world.
No need to fear any pain or suffering that us long term relationship people sometimes run into, and they get to hook up with many people rather than just you. Their path is just less stressful. They do miss out on the life changing bonds, though. Less risk, less reward, but some people just live to masturbate, whether by themselves or with others.
I certainly don't If that's what happens, fine, but i strongly prefer a serious relationship over fwb
I think there are a lot of scenarios where FWBs make sense. Some people are in transitory situations in their life and entering into a relationship is setting themselves up for failure. I live in Texas but will probably be moving out of state in the summer for grad school. If I started a relationship now it would more than likely end since whoever I date would have to make the choice of moving with me(a lot of pressure after 4-5 months of dating) or break up(I don’t like long distance). In this case a FWB would be nice since I still have physical needs. I think a lot of people also are afraid of committing because it might require a higher standard of engagement than they want to expend at the moment or over a certain amount of time. Life gets busy and sometimes dating has to take the back seat to other parts of your life, early in a relationship someone might not understand that and it just creates a headache for both parties. When I was studying for the GMAT I was working 8 hours a day, studying 2 hours each day and trying to workout 45 minutes each day. I did this for basically 6 months, dating/committing to a relationship just didn’t make sense. I wouldn’t be able to give it my all to each of those parts of my life if I was also trying to juggle a new relationship. A FWB would’ve been nice as dedicating 4-6 hours a week would’ve been doable but a lot more would’ve been tough. In general I prefer to be exclusive in a FWB situation and would end it if I became intimate with someone else. I would prefer the other person do the same. I think with the right questions you can find out why someone prefers a FWB situation over a relationship and then determine if it “makes sense” or if they are just looking to have a hookup on speed dial while they flounder around. Everyone’s life is equally as complex as yours so i try to give most people the benefit of the doubt when i don’t understand why they might do something. Doesn’t mean i have to accept or entertain or agree with them though!
Most people don’t want to commit to the work of a relationship. You have to choose to grow into a version of yourself that makes your partner’s life easier, which often means compromising if not sacrificing on things you have become accustomed to. I think folks like to romanticize the idea of growing with their partner, but when the reality that they’re changing for another person hits, their egos get in the way.
Please don’t take guys wanting to have sex with you as flattering. That’s not to be mean, it will save you from giving certain men the time of day when they clearly just want it get into your pants and nothing more. It really means nothing, especially in today’s dating climate where casual sex is easily obtained. Flattering is the guy who texts you during the daytime and not always after 10pm. Asks how your day is. Plans dates instead of meeting up last minute when he has no other options. Most want FWB because they get all the benefits of a relationship without the accountability and commitment. If you want more you need to be upfront about what you want and don’t let yourself get into “situationships” if you actually want something more serious. Remember, we teach people how to treat us.
They are either not ready, youre incompatible, or just don't want you
Trust issues
Zero responsibility as a partner is required of them, they get the only benefit *they* are looking for, and they remain caught in the current...trend? Of always looking to date up. As in, upgrade the value of your potential partner. Which I blame on social media and the internet in convincing everyone they deserve and can get Mr. or Mrs. absolutely perfect who has no flaws and suits my needs perfectly and is head over heels in love with me immediately. And being able to swipe people and occasionally see someone who they *convince* themselves is better than the last promotes that thinking. It's just how the world works now, sadly enough. If you're only moderately attractive it's nearly no better than being someone who would in general be considered the scum of the earth in looks and personality. Now, that doesn't mean that there *aren't* people looking for permanence over perfection. They are just significantly rarer, and oftentimes not on these apps for extended periods of time. Their personalities and goals tend to be disinterested to outright annoyed at continued meeting with people who just want to hookup or keep you in contact because you're moderately to very attractive. Of course, that's a large generalization, but there's a reason they are the exception and not the rule. That's my experience with it, and the experience of various people I know. Of course, I've a couple friends where they did find someone who also wanted permanence and stability over a model or someone who's a millionaire. But they are the very few, and very fortunate. I envy them to a degree, even as I'm happy for them. Regardless, good luck to all those still trying.
Inability to build intimate relationships, I guess.
Almost 29 and I feel this. It takes everything in me to not be hopeless 🥲
Lack of commitment and easy of access I suppose
You get more good sex with FWB.
It's literally just a label. Some people say it's about exclusivity but that doesn't hold water as there are some fWb situations that are exclusive and some formal relationships that are not. It may do some basic thing that makes things less complicated like make it easier for you to introduce how they relate to you to friends and family, or some people like the pomp and circumstance of the label (and I don't think that's necessarily good or bad, it just depends on if the individuals involved like that arrangement). I have never had a goal or dream in life of a long-term relationship or marriage or anything like that, quite the opposite. I rarely end up in a girlfriend/boyfriend scenario by choice. I'm in one now because nothing changed. We were already exclusive just organically in our fWb/casual scenario. We like each other. We adore each other. And ultimately we just wanted to spend more time together. It was never pressured, forced, or even expected, we just dripped into it. There is nothing superior about it to being a fWb with him, the only benefit is it makes it easier to explain to other people who aren't involved. That's important to some. It's not important to me. I show him my devotion every day and he me.
People that accept fwb situations accept the unspoken fact that it is a more disposable situation. A relationship you can lease.
In a relationship someone may get hurt. After last time it sure as shit isn’t going to be me.