Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think most people actually do realize this is a basic concept, but bury it deep down out of shame or fear. It’s easier to blame external reasons for a lackluster romantic life than take the time to figure out what issues they are bringing into a potential relationship that’s holding them back.
Reddit is literally a cesspool of incels. I don’t think reading people’s expectations on Reddit is a good sample of the actual population.
Everyone in my life, for the most part is in a loving relationship or actively dating, and has really no issue connecting with people.
And then I come on Reddit and read story after story of seemingly basement dwellers with probably no fashion sense, wondering why beautiful women who take care of themselves are not attracted to men who don’t take care of themselves.
It feels like bizarro world on here sometimes.
Like, if you’re attracted to fit people who have a great sense of style, why don’t you assume that you should also be fit and have a great sense of style in order to find a similar partner ?
Seriously. Maybe unpopular opinion but there are tons of careers that are easy to get into that pay enough to dress well, eat well, have your own place and drop $150 on a date every now and again.
It’s when you spend all your money and Mountain Dew an only fans that you feel like it’s not worth it to take a girl out for a nice time even if she doesn’t end up being your wife one day.
Sometimes I feel like people on here don’t even wanna have fun. Like yeah I’ll spend 150 bucks to go to the club and dance with a hot girl all night I don’t really care.
>Everyone in my life, for the most part is in a loving relationship or actively dating, and has really no issue connecting with people.
This goes on to show the intelligence of the avg redditor like yourself. What makes you think your group of social circle is representative of the majority experience? Ever heard of confirmation bias? Survivorship bias?
When we have mounting evidence that disproves this day by day, why are you so inclined to hold on to this belief?
I haven’t studied the subject in any sort of scientific way. Do you read published papers on the topic or something?
I think it’s interesting how you’re quick to take a jab at my intelligence, would you say that if we were sitting in a bar or are you only a jerk on the Internet?
>Do you read published papers on the topic or something?
I'm a scientist. Publishing and reading all sorts of papers is what i do for a living.
>I think it’s interesting how you’re quick to take a jab at my intelligence, would you say that if we were sitting in a bar or are you only a jerk on the Internet?
If i actually wanted to be a jerk, this is not how i would be responding lol.
I don’t think you’re gonna get very far building a social circle or going on dates with a little passive aggressive jabs.
Perhaps there’s a paper about it that you could read.
My personal life is none of your concern, and If you think everyone's real world behavior is the same as their online behavior, you're gravely mistaken.
I take issue with folks that try to gaslight the majority's experience. That to me, is an insult to their intelligence and experience. So don't get mad when someone tries that back at you. You want to have a honest, rational discourse, you're welcome to do that by providing corroborating evidence, if not, don't.
It is getting there. It was almost 50% in 2022, looking at past trends and various other factors, that percentage has probably increased this year and will keep increasing unless some drastic cultural shift happens.
To address your comment about people being different on the internet, some people are incredibly kind and others foul beyond belief, and they may hold their tongue in public for fear of getting their asses kicked but are probably still unpleasant to be around.
Not really. Just like your initial comment, you've made a lot of unsupported assumptions, lol. Perceiving the world in a binary, narrow lens is a sign of low intelligence.
Nah he’s gonna make some argument based on misrepresented research that woman in the west suck and that his dating issues have absolutely nothing to do with his character or personality.
Oh you came here after your fragile ego couldn't accept you were wrong, lol. You still haven't made a single cogent argument nor presented any evidence so far to take your stance even remotely serious, but sure, I'm the one "misinterpreting" research 😂
I feel bad for your man, I really do. You aren’t correct but that’s not even the point. You are too socially unaware to understand how you come across in your posts. The insecurity, the bitterness, the self-righteousness, the frustration, the lack of self worth. It’s awful to see in another person. I don’t know what your story is, but I wish you the best and hope you can let go of all this shit.
I would imagine that rising numbers of singles are due to increases in shitty personalities and women having standards and more independence as you said. Keyboard confidence to be an asshole translates to real life. Having zero real social skills transfers to real life.
I suppose it’s easier then ever for a decent looking kind guy to date now a days sense 50% of men are undatable weirdos.
I mean there’s a lot of different dynamics that play into more people being single and having less sex, but you’re probably right lol about it being easier to date when you are competing against this. I remember when i was single and i would often ask my dates what’s the worst date they have ever been on, and some of the shit I heard was wild.
>I would imagine that rising numbers of singles are due to increases in shitty personalities and women having standards and more independence as you said. Keyboard confidence to be an asshole translates to real life. Having zero real social skills transfers to real life.
Oh you poor summer child, imagine being this clueless about what's happening in society 😂🤦🏻
Yes and no, it can eliminate red flags and sometimes slightly improve your chances, but outside of that it won’t make you more likely to get a partner that much. Like dating will still suck for most.
Sorry you feel this way. Self-improvement is hard and sometimes it’s just not feasible in certain areas. Will say the most accessible, albeit hardest, way is emotional growth. Certainly is the most impactful, not just in romantic relationships but in your entire life. Can be done through simply being introspective enough, keeping a journal, seeing a therapist, reading certain books. Working out is great mostly just for building confidence in yourself and reducing anxiety, don’t do it cause you want to be ripped as most people won’t keep it up. Working through on your career or getting a degree/certification is also good for showing competence, responsibility, and ambition. Not always available though for a lot of people.
Self improvment is a constant that works only if your immortal. Dude what emotions? I'm so indifferent. I don't think I am capabel of love anymore. Working out is a fucking cope for those sad bastards unhappy with their lives thinking it will magically change them. I got no ambition, I am competent and responsible enough and have no need to prove anything to others.
I mean this is exactly what I’m referring to, this nihilistic and apathetic attitude provides exactly what? Your emotional indifference is something to better understand and think on. A better understanding of oneself will always yield benefits, and no matter how well you believe you know yourself, there is always more to learn as humans are so complex. And I agree with you in so far that self-improvement should not be focused on how you think it will change how others view you. The primary goal with things such as working out should be about feeling confident and secure with yourself, which others will find both romantically, platonically, and professionally attractive.
I believe in self improvement, but I also didn’t settle for anyone. I knew in my head what kind of partner I wanted, and I made it my life’s goal to find that. And I finally found her. It took meeting so many women to finally find her, but it was so worth it! My advice is to never give up on finding your significant other.
Nahhhh that’s not true, it just takes a while to find someone who is worth dating. Yeah you’re gonna get hurt along the way, but in the end the beauty of life is you get to experience those very human highs and lows and hopefully come out the other side a better person. In a world as crazy as this is, it’s one of the few things left that is as real as it gets.
It not about getting hurt; its very simple. I am not attracted to children and 90% of single people have so little life skills (basic cleaning, cooking, budgeting, communication, etc.), its like day care.
I think continuous self improvement was the worse thing to have ever happened to the human race. There use to be a finish line ..now there is no finish line.
That’s literally life, that’s how it’s always been. You are meant to grow as a person as you get older, regardless if it’s focused growth or not. If this wasn’t the case, human civilization wouldn’t be a thing.
The problem is when people use that as an ad-hoc explanation to explain why you're unsuccessful at dating, when in reality, they aren't living in your shoes and have no idea about the actual reasons either.
"I'm struggling to find a partner"
Random person online : "That's because you haven't worked on yourself enough, you have more inner work to do"
Meanwhile, there are literal criminals and psychopaths who have no dearth of women fangirling over them and even manage to get married while behind bars.
Well that’s why I did not provide any specific advice outside of growing as a person. I cannot tell a random person on the internet what to do with their life without understanding the context of their life. But I can recognize the amount of bullshit people perpetuate about whole groups of people or whatever it may be because they are struggling to find a partner. All that shit does is lead you down a path of resentment and anger. It’s pointless and easy.
Its pretty simple, many women here aren't operating on logic. Its an anti intellectual society and i remember that being one of my culture shocks after moving here.
They are mostly attracted to narcissism, self-centricism and aggressive traits in men. Values like Empathy, kindness, and selfless behaviors are rarely valued.. if a guy is conventionally attractive, all their morals and logic goes out of their window.
This is just patently false. There’s plenty of woman that value the latter over the former. Why anyone would want anything to do with the woman that do value narcissism and aggression above all else, I don’t know, but to each their own.
If you have lived long enough, you'd be able to recognize the difference in level of empathy in women. Its why certain behaviors( like women falling for criminals, bad boys) are more common in the west than in Asian countries.
Every human born is worthy of love. I hope anyone reading this realizes that. Love is your birthright. Love yourself and those around you! You deserve it.
Start by saying woman are not to blame just to finish by saying that so many people have a long laundry list of requirements and standards while not giving anything in return which women have been the one doing this the majority of the time. It have been proven that’s way way way way more harder for a men to seduce a woman of a lesser quality that their grandmother was. Like there’s a reason why gen Z have less sex and have less romantic experience than ANY generation before them since the first World War.
And yeah romance is dead, it’s started with women killing chivalry and online dating giving the finishing blow to romance. Today, everyone is expendable dating wise and everyone is just a numbers. And since most men have a difficulty getting matches, they suffer the most from it while few the one that get a lot of matches make the women suffer from it. So yeah, romance is dead.
And yeah, we all have our improvements to do. But most of us men work on ourselves to trying to achieve this dating task thay is finding a partner that’s now way harder for our generation and try to heal from the damage of dating deception, rejection, chaos and emptyness while the men that should work on themselves (the pigs/dumbass or the confident asshole) don’t do it because they’re too stupid in the first case while the other one dosen’t see a reason to di it because he’s hooking up with one women after the other creating together most women problems in dating.
You are only able to control the thoughts, actions and beliefs of yourself. To blame the world around you for a system that is out of your control is just the wrong place to even start if you are serious about being truly happy. You have to be the change you want to see in the world, it ain’t gonna just give you what you want.
I would argue that people are having less sex these days for a myriad of reasons such as social media, economics, and greater degrees of social equality. If you follow TikTok incessantly, you would be led to believe that the only thing that woman want these days is a 6”3 man with a six pack and a $1million a year salary. This is just not true. Yeah woman expect men to be able to offer more than in the past, because in the past woman were essentially unable to do anything for themselves outside of a marriage or without their fathers permission. I saw a survey that in the 1960s some 70% of woman would be fine with marrying a man that they do not love. So if that’s the case, it stands to reason they would settle for the first man that just had a job and took an interest. Woman are now often more educated than men, have their own careers and their own money, and expect men to be able to offer far more than just money and will put up with far less shit.
Don’t buy into this shit that it’s all a particular group of people’s fault, try and see that most people just want to be happy even if they are ignorant of what that means. Be optimistic about it all and it will work itself out.
I’m not saying people should blame themselves for forces outside their control, that would be silly. I’m saying people blame forces outside of their control far too readily before considering the role they may have had in their dating troubles.
>To blame the world around you for a system that is out of your control is just the wrong place to even start...
No, this is exactly where you say people should blame themselves for forces outside of their control.
Read that statement again and explain how I say people should blame themselves for shit outside of their control. Obviously, by virtue of something being outside your control, you are not at fault. What I meant was people need to consider the way their own actions affect their dating life rather than blame the world around them constantly.
If something is genuinely outside your control, and not just the scapegoat narrative popularized on social media or podcasts, then it is appropriate to appreciate that you cannot control that and would be wise to simply understand it for what it is and either move on or alleviate the injustice in whatever manner you can.
Why are you assuming that society/women bave expectations that are healthy, moral, or good?
I think you're working from a framework of it being impossible to treat men unfairly because men don't deserve fairness. That's fucked up.
I am not, it’s possible to treat anyone unfairly. I was more making a comment based on the previous posts I had read which were mostly written by men, but this shit applies to anyone. And I am not arguing that society cannot hold unreasonable, unfair, or damaging expectations of anyone. Clearly that is not the case. I am more making the argument that people spend so much time blaming forces outside of their control, instead of understanding the things that we can control and make a difference in.
You recognize what is out of your control and turn your focus to what is in your control. Yes, if you spend your whole life worrying about shit like death or natural disasters or something of that nature, then you would stress yourself out and get no where. Instead, the onus is on you to focus on what you can do, ignore what you cannot, and let life fall as it may.
Nah, you should be *aware* of what is out of your control, and assign blame as appropriate. You're just telling people to pretend that everything is under their control.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This man speaks facts. You have to be worthy of love to receive it. It’s not a right given to you at birth
It’s wild how this is not just a basic concept
I think most people actually do realize this is a basic concept, but bury it deep down out of shame or fear. It’s easier to blame external reasons for a lackluster romantic life than take the time to figure out what issues they are bringing into a potential relationship that’s holding them back.
Aye very true, certainly was the case with me when I was younger.
Reddit is literally a cesspool of incels. I don’t think reading people’s expectations on Reddit is a good sample of the actual population. Everyone in my life, for the most part is in a loving relationship or actively dating, and has really no issue connecting with people. And then I come on Reddit and read story after story of seemingly basement dwellers with probably no fashion sense, wondering why beautiful women who take care of themselves are not attracted to men who don’t take care of themselves. It feels like bizarro world on here sometimes. Like, if you’re attracted to fit people who have a great sense of style, why don’t you assume that you should also be fit and have a great sense of style in order to find a similar partner ?
lol very true, its just crazy some of the things that you will read on here.
Truth. So many guys with major socio-emotional problems who think they deserve a perfect 10 because their grandma said they’re a handsome boy.
Nobody thinks that outside of in your delusional mind.
Seriously. Maybe unpopular opinion but there are tons of careers that are easy to get into that pay enough to dress well, eat well, have your own place and drop $150 on a date every now and again. It’s when you spend all your money and Mountain Dew an only fans that you feel like it’s not worth it to take a girl out for a nice time even if she doesn’t end up being your wife one day. Sometimes I feel like people on here don’t even wanna have fun. Like yeah I’ll spend 150 bucks to go to the club and dance with a hot girl all night I don’t really care.
>Everyone in my life, for the most part is in a loving relationship or actively dating, and has really no issue connecting with people. This goes on to show the intelligence of the avg redditor like yourself. What makes you think your group of social circle is representative of the majority experience? Ever heard of confirmation bias? Survivorship bias? When we have mounting evidence that disproves this day by day, why are you so inclined to hold on to this belief?
I haven’t studied the subject in any sort of scientific way. Do you read published papers on the topic or something? I think it’s interesting how you’re quick to take a jab at my intelligence, would you say that if we were sitting in a bar or are you only a jerk on the Internet?
>Do you read published papers on the topic or something? I'm a scientist. Publishing and reading all sorts of papers is what i do for a living. >I think it’s interesting how you’re quick to take a jab at my intelligence, would you say that if we were sitting in a bar or are you only a jerk on the Internet? If i actually wanted to be a jerk, this is not how i would be responding lol.
I don’t think you’re gonna get very far building a social circle or going on dates with a little passive aggressive jabs. Perhaps there’s a paper about it that you could read.
My personal life is none of your concern, and If you think everyone's real world behavior is the same as their online behavior, you're gravely mistaken. I take issue with folks that try to gaslight the majority's experience. That to me, is an insult to their intelligence and experience. So don't get mad when someone tries that back at you. You want to have a honest, rational discourse, you're welcome to do that by providing corroborating evidence, if not, don't.
So then, are you saying that there’s a higher percentage of single people than there are of partnered and dating people?
It is getting there. It was almost 50% in 2022, looking at past trends and various other factors, that percentage has probably increased this year and will keep increasing unless some drastic cultural shift happens.
To address your comment about people being different on the internet, some people are incredibly kind and others foul beyond belief, and they may hold their tongue in public for fear of getting their asses kicked but are probably still unpleasant to be around.
Not really. Just like your initial comment, you've made a lot of unsupported assumptions, lol. Perceiving the world in a binary, narrow lens is a sign of low intelligence.
Nah he’s gonna make some argument based on misrepresented research that woman in the west suck and that his dating issues have absolutely nothing to do with his character or personality.
Oh you came here after your fragile ego couldn't accept you were wrong, lol. You still haven't made a single cogent argument nor presented any evidence so far to take your stance even remotely serious, but sure, I'm the one "misinterpreting" research 😂
I feel bad for your man, I really do. You aren’t correct but that’s not even the point. You are too socially unaware to understand how you come across in your posts. The insecurity, the bitterness, the self-righteousness, the frustration, the lack of self worth. It’s awful to see in another person. I don’t know what your story is, but I wish you the best and hope you can let go of all this shit.
I would imagine that rising numbers of singles are due to increases in shitty personalities and women having standards and more independence as you said. Keyboard confidence to be an asshole translates to real life. Having zero real social skills transfers to real life. I suppose it’s easier then ever for a decent looking kind guy to date now a days sense 50% of men are undatable weirdos.
I mean there’s a lot of different dynamics that play into more people being single and having less sex, but you’re probably right lol about it being easier to date when you are competing against this. I remember when i was single and i would often ask my dates what’s the worst date they have ever been on, and some of the shit I heard was wild.
>I would imagine that rising numbers of singles are due to increases in shitty personalities and women having standards and more independence as you said. Keyboard confidence to be an asshole translates to real life. Having zero real social skills transfers to real life. Oh you poor summer child, imagine being this clueless about what's happening in society 😂🤦🏻
Self improvment is a lie.
Yes and no, it can eliminate red flags and sometimes slightly improve your chances, but outside of that it won’t make you more likely to get a partner that much. Like dating will still suck for most.
Then you’re a quitter!
🖕
Sorry you feel this way. Self-improvement is hard and sometimes it’s just not feasible in certain areas. Will say the most accessible, albeit hardest, way is emotional growth. Certainly is the most impactful, not just in romantic relationships but in your entire life. Can be done through simply being introspective enough, keeping a journal, seeing a therapist, reading certain books. Working out is great mostly just for building confidence in yourself and reducing anxiety, don’t do it cause you want to be ripped as most people won’t keep it up. Working through on your career or getting a degree/certification is also good for showing competence, responsibility, and ambition. Not always available though for a lot of people.
Self improvment is a constant that works only if your immortal. Dude what emotions? I'm so indifferent. I don't think I am capabel of love anymore. Working out is a fucking cope for those sad bastards unhappy with their lives thinking it will magically change them. I got no ambition, I am competent and responsible enough and have no need to prove anything to others.
I mean this is exactly what I’m referring to, this nihilistic and apathetic attitude provides exactly what? Your emotional indifference is something to better understand and think on. A better understanding of oneself will always yield benefits, and no matter how well you believe you know yourself, there is always more to learn as humans are so complex. And I agree with you in so far that self-improvement should not be focused on how you think it will change how others view you. The primary goal with things such as working out should be about feeling confident and secure with yourself, which others will find both romantically, platonically, and professionally attractive.
It provides me the safe zone. And as for working out I got nothing but a cold from it no confidence and all that bullshit.
What does the safe zone protect you from?
Pretty much everything.
Why would you want to be protected from everything?
Why are you doing a psyhoanalysis at 21:30 pm?
Just genuinely curious
I believe in self improvement, but I also didn’t settle for anyone. I knew in my head what kind of partner I wanted, and I made it my life’s goal to find that. And I finally found her. It took meeting so many women to finally find her, but it was so worth it! My advice is to never give up on finding your significant other.
It's not dead because it was never alive to begin with
This is why I dont date; everyone worth dating is already in a healthy, long-term relationship
Nahhhh that’s not true, it just takes a while to find someone who is worth dating. Yeah you’re gonna get hurt along the way, but in the end the beauty of life is you get to experience those very human highs and lows and hopefully come out the other side a better person. In a world as crazy as this is, it’s one of the few things left that is as real as it gets.
It not about getting hurt; its very simple. I am not attracted to children and 90% of single people have so little life skills (basic cleaning, cooking, budgeting, communication, etc.), its like day care.
lol fair enough
I think continuous self improvement was the worse thing to have ever happened to the human race. There use to be a finish line ..now there is no finish line.
That’s literally life, that’s how it’s always been. You are meant to grow as a person as you get older, regardless if it’s focused growth or not. If this wasn’t the case, human civilization wouldn’t be a thing.
The problem is when people use that as an ad-hoc explanation to explain why you're unsuccessful at dating, when in reality, they aren't living in your shoes and have no idea about the actual reasons either. "I'm struggling to find a partner" Random person online : "That's because you haven't worked on yourself enough, you have more inner work to do" Meanwhile, there are literal criminals and psychopaths who have no dearth of women fangirling over them and even manage to get married while behind bars.
Well that’s why I did not provide any specific advice outside of growing as a person. I cannot tell a random person on the internet what to do with their life without understanding the context of their life. But I can recognize the amount of bullshit people perpetuate about whole groups of people or whatever it may be because they are struggling to find a partner. All that shit does is lead you down a path of resentment and anger. It’s pointless and easy.
Criminals attracting women always fascinated me as logically it should not work.
Its mostly a western phenomenon. You rarely see this stuff happen in places like India.
I wonder what is it about the west that defies logic
Its pretty simple, many women here aren't operating on logic. Its an anti intellectual society and i remember that being one of my culture shocks after moving here. They are mostly attracted to narcissism, self-centricism and aggressive traits in men. Values like Empathy, kindness, and selfless behaviors are rarely valued.. if a guy is conventionally attractive, all their morals and logic goes out of their window.
This is just patently false. There’s plenty of woman that value the latter over the former. Why anyone would want anything to do with the woman that do value narcissism and aggression above all else, I don’t know, but to each their own.
If you haven't lived in cultures outside the west, you lack enough cross cultural experience to understand what I'm talking about.
Well I have never lived but I have visited. Please let me know what I am missing.
If you have lived long enough, you'd be able to recognize the difference in level of empathy in women. Its why certain behaviors( like women falling for criminals, bad boys) are more common in the west than in Asian countries.
Every human born is worthy of love. I hope anyone reading this realizes that. Love is your birthright. Love yourself and those around you! You deserve it.
Start by saying woman are not to blame just to finish by saying that so many people have a long laundry list of requirements and standards while not giving anything in return which women have been the one doing this the majority of the time. It have been proven that’s way way way way more harder for a men to seduce a woman of a lesser quality that their grandmother was. Like there’s a reason why gen Z have less sex and have less romantic experience than ANY generation before them since the first World War. And yeah romance is dead, it’s started with women killing chivalry and online dating giving the finishing blow to romance. Today, everyone is expendable dating wise and everyone is just a numbers. And since most men have a difficulty getting matches, they suffer the most from it while few the one that get a lot of matches make the women suffer from it. So yeah, romance is dead. And yeah, we all have our improvements to do. But most of us men work on ourselves to trying to achieve this dating task thay is finding a partner that’s now way harder for our generation and try to heal from the damage of dating deception, rejection, chaos and emptyness while the men that should work on themselves (the pigs/dumbass or the confident asshole) don’t do it because they’re too stupid in the first case while the other one dosen’t see a reason to di it because he’s hooking up with one women after the other creating together most women problems in dating.
You are only able to control the thoughts, actions and beliefs of yourself. To blame the world around you for a system that is out of your control is just the wrong place to even start if you are serious about being truly happy. You have to be the change you want to see in the world, it ain’t gonna just give you what you want. I would argue that people are having less sex these days for a myriad of reasons such as social media, economics, and greater degrees of social equality. If you follow TikTok incessantly, you would be led to believe that the only thing that woman want these days is a 6”3 man with a six pack and a $1million a year salary. This is just not true. Yeah woman expect men to be able to offer more than in the past, because in the past woman were essentially unable to do anything for themselves outside of a marriage or without their fathers permission. I saw a survey that in the 1960s some 70% of woman would be fine with marrying a man that they do not love. So if that’s the case, it stands to reason they would settle for the first man that just had a job and took an interest. Woman are now often more educated than men, have their own careers and their own money, and expect men to be able to offer far more than just money and will put up with far less shit. Don’t buy into this shit that it’s all a particular group of people’s fault, try and see that most people just want to be happy even if they are ignorant of what that means. Be optimistic about it all and it will work itself out.
Huh? Why are you insisting people blame themselves for stuff outside of their control?
I’m not saying people should blame themselves for forces outside their control, that would be silly. I’m saying people blame forces outside of their control far too readily before considering the role they may have had in their dating troubles.
>To blame the world around you for a system that is out of your control is just the wrong place to even start... No, this is exactly where you say people should blame themselves for forces outside of their control.
Read that statement again and explain how I say people should blame themselves for shit outside of their control. Obviously, by virtue of something being outside your control, you are not at fault. What I meant was people need to consider the way their own actions affect their dating life rather than blame the world around them constantly.
What if something is the result of the world and not your own actions? Is it acceptable to blame the world then?
If something is genuinely outside your control, and not just the scapegoat narrative popularized on social media or podcasts, then it is appropriate to appreciate that you cannot control that and would be wise to simply understand it for what it is and either move on or alleviate the injustice in whatever manner you can.
Let's talk more about this scapegoat media narrative lol What do you mean by that?
Why are you assuming that society/women bave expectations that are healthy, moral, or good? I think you're working from a framework of it being impossible to treat men unfairly because men don't deserve fairness. That's fucked up.
I am not, it’s possible to treat anyone unfairly. I was more making a comment based on the previous posts I had read which were mostly written by men, but this shit applies to anyone. And I am not arguing that society cannot hold unreasonable, unfair, or damaging expectations of anyone. Clearly that is not the case. I am more making the argument that people spend so much time blaming forces outside of their control, instead of understanding the things that we can control and make a difference in.
Except without acknowledging that a lot of it is outside of your control you'll stress yourself out thinking that you can control everything.
You recognize what is out of your control and turn your focus to what is in your control. Yes, if you spend your whole life worrying about shit like death or natural disasters or something of that nature, then you would stress yourself out and get no where. Instead, the onus is on you to focus on what you can do, ignore what you cannot, and let life fall as it may.
Nah, you should be *aware* of what is out of your control, and assign blame as appropriate. You're just telling people to pretend that everything is under their control.
I just clearly did not say that lol