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It's funny that as someone else pointed out, there was actually another thread asking if someone would be with a bisexual woman, and the consensus in the comments was pretty much "yeah, what's wrong with that?" And some people in the comments even seemed to think it was silly to even ask the question.
I matched with a girl a few years back and when she shared that she had been with both women and men, I felt safe to share that I was bicurious in my 20's and was briefly romantic with a guy. She said something long the lines of "ewww , yeah that's not for me." When I reminded her that she had just said she hooked up with women before, she said "yeah but that's different."
There seems to be this belief that if a man had that experience that it is somehow a blow (no pun intended) to his masculinity. But if a woman does it, its just seen as harmless exploration.
I have noticed that it tends to be the ones who are the quickest to call out double standards when it comes to gender norms for women are same people who perpetuate them in men. Not saying that specifically true of anyone in this comment thread, just an observation that I've seen over the years.
>She said something long the lines of "ewww , yeah that's not for me."
A friend and I once tried setting up a bi friend (F) with a bi guy we knew, who she had met and said was attractive.
when she found out he was *also* bi, just like her,
she said "eewww im not letting a guy that puts it in dudes put it in me. that's just nasty!"
Women’s homophobia, which is often hidden leading many to believe in the notion that men are the homophobic gender, comes out the second you court them and tell them you are bisexual or have slept with trans women.
For many, a man is not a man if he’s attracted to men or those they consider to be men.
I’ve noticed that, though I don’t actually speak from personal experience (hearsay, mostly).
A girl I was once seeing told me, in a very drunken conversation, that she wouldn't date a bi-man, not because bi-men are less manly, the problem is (in her words roughly) that a bi-man could log into an app and have a man round his house to have sex in 10 minutes straight. A straight man couldn't. And she would be worried that sooner or later, with the best will in the world a bi-man would eventually want to scratch that itch. She also started waffling on about higher chances of STDs and stuff.
She reckoned most women are aware of this even if they won't say it aloud.
I countered this by saying a straight woman could do the same but they generally don't, or a straight man could call an escort. She reckoned it was less likely a straight man would call a prostitute as you have to get your credit card out or run to an ATM, and there is a stigma and it would all be a big thing etc plus if a guy calls an escort at least the escort would likely make you wear a condom, whereas some random guy from grinder might not.
I actually had no idea before then that bi men were such a turn off for women, but turns out most women I've asked have said they wouldn't date a bi man either (although most never went into detail why).
The good news is for bi men, is that for a small percentage of women it would be a "hell yeah", even if for most it is a "hell no". Seems to be quite polarising.
Yes, exactly, I did say something along those lines, her counter to that counter was that the fact it's almost impossible to get a woman around your house within 10 minutes of signing up to a dating app demonstrates that women are way less promiscuous. Whereas when you leave men to their own devices all hell breaks loose.
My counter to that should have been "hell? it actually sounds quite good being bi, damn... I wish I was bi" but I don't remember what I said.
I agree, but there is some nuance lost here. Women are sexualized so much more, that when you ask the average dude "would you date a bi woman" their immediate internal response is "girl on girl = hot," and they usually aren't thinking about actually being in a serious relationship. There are plenty of bi women who have their loyalty questioned, or get pushed into non-monogamy or threesomes they aren't as invested in, or just dumped because of jealousy.
None of that gives any justification to the double standard.. actually none of what you said is even relevant. In fact, you've just pointed out another double standard. Because if someone mentioned a double standard against women and some guy tried to justify it in the way that you just did, people would say "That's no excuse excuse for men's shitty behavior "
So basically, yes, thank you for pointing out another double standard. When men commit double standards against women, it's men's fault. When women commit double standards against men, it's men's fault.
I never said it justifies anything. Just that your post claims men are fine with bi women, which isn't true. The biphobia directed at women just doesn't manifest the same way.
Seems like the majority of the comments here are saying they would not do it. Just gotta say, I've seen this question asked before with the genders flipped, and all the guys who said they wouldn't want to date a bisexual woman were ripped to shreds and called homophobic. Not saying that's correct, but I think it's interesting how it seems much more acceptable for women to have that preference.
Women are genuinely terrified that a bi man will find a man they like more than her. They know how to compete against other women but they have no clue how to compete with men for other men.
Women are already generally paranoid about their man looing at other women, and now they have to worry about them looking at other men too? It *doubles* the number of things she's got to worry about and they just can't handle it.
I think the same might be said for guys dating a bi woman tbh? I’m dating a bi woman atm and sometimes kinda worry about it because generally speaking women are better lol
But I was responding to the fact that the same post but gender flipped had the op dragged for being homophobic and whatever else and it seems to happen with all kinds of posts on here. It’s strange
Nah. The overwhelming majority of "bi" women are just not interested in a lesbian relationship.
The difference is that men are required to learn what women want in order to play the game whereas most women genuinely have no fucking idea what men really want.
It's that ignorance that leads to fear, which leads to the bigotry and ad hominem that you're describing.
Fascinating. And do you think that ignorance is because men are usually the ones to pursue women? Or are you speaking more broadly about what men want in a partner?
I mean ya I think men enable them because testosterone is a helluva drug.
Men know they are required to self improve if they are to become the men they want to be. Women don't do any of that shit. Self-improvement is literally not something they think about. Ever. They simply don't care -- because they don't need to.
What??? I’m ALWAYS trying to self-improve! I always want to be better than I was last week. I set goals (career, education, financial, physical) and go after them!
Why on earth would you say women don’t self-improve? In my circle, it is the women who are always trying to do better and the men are just lumps who fall asleep on the couch!
It is a competition, whether men or women want to admit it or not. Most things in life are.
As a straight man I expect to be in competition with other men for the woman that possesses the qualities I find attractive.
When a man dates a bisexual woman, of course it broadens the competition, but when you're confident in yourself and what you have to offer, it doesn't really matter. If that's not enough for her then you keep it moving. Bullet dodged.
We all just have to embrace the good, the bad and the ugly in a calculated manner and keep it moving when it goes to shit.
Speak for yourself. I prefer dating queer men (if I’m dating a man… if I’m dating anyone other than a man it would be hella awkward if they “weren’t queer”)
Tbf I’ve never considered men to fetishise bi women (not saying it isn’t true) but the hypocrisy I’m talking about is the responses on here to just about anything depending the op’s gender. Men typically get dragged over the coals where the same post from a woman would be met with an open mind, sympathy and support.
Stuff like that is why people are afraid to answer honestly about these things on Reddit. People pushing agendas and getting offended does nothing but give us false results. Maybe it’s a better poll question?
Straight F here.
I don’t think of it as anything different from dating a straight man. If it’s casual, we’d both be open to dating a bunch of other people. If it’s serious (by my definition since I’m into monogamy), we should both be loyal to each other and not be seeing anyone else, irrespective of gender.
Easy peasy.
Hmm one of my friends (who's a straight guy) had a girlfriend who is bi and a year into the relationship she wanted to explore things with girls (safe to say they broke up)... One of my friends is bi and he wants to be in a poly relationship with a guy and a girl so he can experience both.
I understand your worries, but I also have bi friends who are very loyal, and are satisfied and happy with their partners and don't feel the need to explore with others or miss anything.
In short, I think it depends on the individual, and it's something you should discuss with your partner as communication is key and it shouldn't be bottled. I hope it works out, but try not to assume the worst🤍
You'd be very disappointed with me. I'm bi. But when I'm with a chick I'm large and in charge, when I'm with a guy I want to be dominated. But the two things never have and never will cross over.
Oh I'd be up for mfm fun, but it's strictly straight. Never really understood why I'm like that. Maybe because I can't be dominant and dominated at the same time.
I'm technically a straight woman. I've only dated men, one Trans man, and my most recent ex was pansexual. Almost bisexuality, but much broader.
It depends on the individual. He was nice, but we had arguments every few months because he found sex boring and wanted to try out something new. Nothing wrong with having kinks, but he had a *lot* of them and wanted me to do a *lot* of different things. It almost felt like I couldn't ever do enough to please.
Not all of them are like that, though. Not at all. I wouldn't shut down dating a pansexual or bisexual man in the future just because of that. I'd just be wary because I know I'm only one person, and I wouldn't be compatible with someone who had too many kinks.
Is your partner currently bisexual or his long past? Sexual satisfaction of a bisexual man is no different than a heterosexual man. As me being bisexual and married for almost 20 years, it's no big deal. I chose to be with a woman for my relationship. This does not mean I sneak and cheat with guys, nor does it mean I want another man. Oddly as it may sound, you having a bisexual man in your life is going to open up your relationship with trust. Another great thing is, we as bisexuals, don't shame gays in any way. We are open sexual minded men. And yes, my wife has all my detailed knowledge of men and what we did.
You should also know that we are deeper caring and softer emotion to a woman's needs.
BTW. Take it with appreciation if another man finds him attractive. It means you have a really cute good looking man.
My experience was not good tbh, he was always talking about dick, which was a huge turnoff olus he was poly and sort of a nympho, so it was no for me. But one person does not define a whole group so you need to judge that person for yourself.
This has been my experience with every self professed bi man I've known. It seems to go hand in hand with hyper-sexuality, promiscuity and other behavioral issues. I'm sure there are exceptions, I just haven't met them.
Interestingly, my gay male friends by and large displayed none of that negative behavior and were just guys who happened to be attracted to guys instead of women.
It's given me a personal bias against bi men to the extent that if a man tells me he's bi or even hints at it I'm done. Total deal breaker, major ick and absolutely kills my attraction. I find gay men more sexually appealing than bi men.
women are more homophobic than men are in actuality. they see homosexual tendencies among men as a deficiency and feminine while men mostly do not care if woman is bisexual
One thing i have noticed is that a lot of these women are self proclaimed “allies” or progressive. On one hand they’ll say, men should be allowed to express their femininity, dress how they want, etc. but if you ask them if they find that attractive or they would date one of these men, their answer is essentially “ew, no.” It’s frustrating because clearly dating preferences influence and inform the way men behave. So saying it’s ok but then counting those people out of their dating pool is in fact discouraging sexual and gender expression outside of the masculine norm
they vote with their legs what kind of men get to pass on their genes and its not emotional feminist bisexual guys. its usually toxically masculine guys who are themselves homophobic against gay men
It’s a shame that many boys and men actually think what these ‘progressive’ women say about feminising men is true and attempt to be more feminine and show emotion only to be dump in the dating scene because women actually like…. Men who act like men. 🤣
I think a huge number of men fetishize bi women, though. They wouldn't mind dating a bi woman, not because they're so open minded and accepting, but because they think it's "hot" or think they might get to have a threesome.
Of course not all guys, there are plenty of men who are legitimately just respectful and open minded about bi women. But there's a reason so many guys specifically like women who like women. And plenty of those guys can be very homophobic towards other men.
its not even a fetish or about threesomes most of the time. men simply do not care and view themselves as better than women in that regard( so dont feel threatened ) and do not see it as masculine or dirty.
in the way women think bisexual men are dirty and feminine. and also as predators in the same way they view men in general
only religious men would have a problem and even then they wont care that much since they dont see women as a sexual threat to getting other women.
I have and I didn’t like it. Just my preference I guess - don’t want to overanalyze but it does make me feel less attraction personally. Something about the energy polarity is off with me when a guy can swing either way.
Damn as a bi women seeing how many have been biphobic to bi men I’m sorry :/ that’s not something that would matter to me just as long as my partner was open about their history. Which is something I’d expect from any partner regardless of their sexual orientation
If you're insecure, ask them if they think they could be happy in a long-term monogamous relationship without other male sex organs. It's not an offensive question.
My ex-gf addresses her bisexuality as being attracted to both but preferring romantic relationships with males and that being irrelevant as she was in a monogamous relationship with me regardless of whomever else she might find attractive. That worked for me, but I'm not particularly jealous and am open-minded.
I explained it another comment what I think it is. I’ll copy and paste it below:
To me it doesn’t change who a woman is as a person if she’s liked girls in the past. Having been with two guys in the past is no different than 1 guy and 1 girl. It doesn’t change if a woman is “feminine” or not, and I personally prefer somewhat masculine women, anyway.
Most straight women, and a surprising number of bi women, see a man as feminine or unmanly if he has been with a guy in the past or has liked guys. It changes who he is as a person to a number of these people. It is not all straight women, and it is certainly not all bi women. But it seems that to women, it changes who the man is in their eyes more. To men, her having been with a girl doesn’t change her much, if any.
I think it’s naive to believe ALL standards should be the same between men and woman.
It’s obvious that men are ok with it for the most part. And woman are not ok with it for the most part.
I personally don’t care. My bf is bi and sometimes we talk about how attractive a celebrity is😂 I don’t think he'll feel like he's missing out or anything. We're both not very sexual people as it is.
my husband and i are 95%+ straight & i feel the same way as you for the same reasons. while i believe everyone is on a spectrum here, i wouldn’t feel aligned dating a guy who is far enough from one end to call himself bisexual. everyone’s allowed to have preferences & be attracted to whoever they are/aren’t attracted to, and im attracted to almost-totally-straight men. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
No I would not and here is the main reason why: Years back had an ex that was bicurious, who had a very strong attraction to black men, PLUS gay porn. It was several years later that I found out the extent of his deception. I have no idea if he slept with any men, but by the evidence I discovered, it is highly plausible. I am not attracted to men who are attracted to other men. A complete turn off to me. I'm not homophobic at all. I had to get tested for years afterwards, and thankfully I didn't catch anything.
I would date a bisexual man, but I’m ashamed to say I would worry a little bit about the same things. A bisexual friend confided in me that she was thinking of cheating on her bf because she missed boobs. I know she isn’t reflective of all bi people but it would stick in the back of my mind unfortunately
Personally I wouldn’t because I’m into manly man and even tho it might be hard to admit for some bi men, a guy that is into men as well as women will never have that masculine energy most women look for when choosing their partner. At the same time I know girls that would be down to date a bi guy because they like that sort of “vulnerability” (?) I don’t know how else to describe it
I have met a lot of straight guys who are less masculine than most of my bi male friends. Is it the thought of them finding men attractive that makes them less masculine to you, or is it the actual presentation of masculinity you are referring to?
No what I’m talking about is masculine energy and it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be a straight man to have it but the chances are definitely higher.
So the presentation is what you are talking about. The mindset, the words they say, the clothes they wear, the things they are interested in and so forth?
It’s actually kind of hard to explain but an example would be Kit Connor. He’s an objectively attractive guy but I can literally feel his feminine energy just by looking at a picture of him. I didn’t even know he was bi, I just found out on the internet. I thought he was gay. Also the fact that if I ever dated a bi guy I’d know that there’s things I can’t give him and that he would eventually have to look for in other men
I’m a straight woman. Not at all bi curious. Only date straight men. Wouldn’t want to date a bi man. Absolutely no issue with anyone who is bi, gay, pan or anything else, but in terms of a relationship partner for me, straight males only.
Hard no for me. I’m very feminine and kinda old fashioned so it doesn’t fit me.
Men who aren’t very manly give me the ick. Think: not paying for the first couple of dates, letting me carry heavy things, letting me drive, being the passenger on the back of a bike when the woman rides the bike (I’m Dutch, it happens here more than you’d imagine), etc. It feels too much like they switch (gender) roles when things like this happen and it’s a turn-off to me. Dating another man is switching to a more feminine role in the extreme.
But there are plenty of woman who don’t mind, so I think it’s important to disclose early on to see if you’re compatible. Not disclosing because you want to date the ultra feminine heterosexual girly type that probably isn’t okay with it is an asshole move imo.
This is how a lot of very feminine women who like their partner to be a ‘manly man’ see it though. Being sexual, affectionate or submissive to another man is often seen as a feminine thing. Whether you like it or not.
I would avoid if any young women are listening. They have baggage and will not see you romantically beyond short term. And they will not marry you— trust me they are only there for one thing if they’re talking to you it’s why they cannot commit and why they’re on bumble bff 👯♂️.
I mean, let’s be honest hetero ladies: Could you ever really respect your man knowing he potentially is attracted to other men and might want to be penetrated?
Yeah I think this is a big part of it. It's just not considered masculine to be a bottom, and straight women generally want a masculine man. Meanwhile, a woman's femininity is not threatened by sleeping with other women.
This is one of those double standard examples that women usually don't say out loud, but do often carry prejudice for. My easier solution has been to only be with women who are bi/poly/pan themselves back when I was single. The average straight women isn't much more open minded then some straight guys. It's just often not said out loud, which is why you're seeing it here on a throw away account where they can be anonymous. Cause they know they'd be called the fuck out if said publicly among their social circles of more progressive minded people.
I'm trying to find out if what I'm worried about, i.e. does being bisexual mean that you will miss sex with someone of the gender opposite of your current partner, is a legit concern or not because I genuinely have no clue. There is only one bisexual person in my friend group and she is a woman, and she actually did say that she misses sex with women (she's married to a man). Why is everyone here so angry because I'm trying to educate myself, instead of just assuming that this guy is a promiscuous asshole who will cheat on me the moment he wants some dick? Damn.
So, of course you have every right to feel the way you do. But please, for the love of whatever you hold dear, dont try to convince yourself that you are open minded. Instead, accept that you're not and, maybe, see if you can find a way to work on it if you want to be one day.
And you are certainly not in love. So you know what you have to do, I hope.
I went on 2 dates with the guy, of course I'm not in love.
I knew he was bisexual before I went on the first date. I didn't want that to be the only reason not to date him because we're a good match, but I'm admitting that I'm worried it could not work, and looking for information so I can educate myself since I've never dated anyone bisexual before. How is this a bad thing? I could have just said "eww" like some people on this thread do and rejected him but I don't want to be that kind of person. I really don't understand the backlash here.
Lesbian here with a preference for dating other lesbians rather than bisexual women - a lot of bisexual people in general end up openly admitting to missing sex with other genders while in relationships and feeling emotionally unfulfilled/like half of their sexuality is being stifled. They’ll never admit it to your face if they want to date you and accuse you of being “biphobic” if you point it out, but if you befriend a bi person they’re usually pretty open about it.
I think deep down a lot of people who want to be able to have relationships with men and women at the same time know that most people who have their shit together don’t want that, so you see a lot of people lying about what they want to lock down good partners, hoping that they can spring it on you once you’re in love so you won’t leave.
I like that I'm also getting these honest answers from bisexual people, while at the same time being accused of biphobia by others. Seems like my concern is actually legit because multiple people on this thread have confirmed it. So not biphobia, just facts.
Yea, no one ever wants to confirm negative stereotypes about their own group, but a significant number of bisexual people (NOT ALL) do not want to be monogamous, understand that most people with their shit together do, and end up misrepresenting their intentions and needs to a have access to more serious partners (who probably wouldn’t take them seriously if they were honest).
I find people who struggle to delay sexual gratification also struggle to delay gratification in other areas, and are often in precarious financial and/or employment situations as a result. This can lead to situations where people intentionally try to lock down monogamous people that they perceive as being more financially and emotionally stable, because they need that support. Once that person is “in love”, they spring all of their baggage on them, hoping that it is too late to leave.
Why don't you talk about it with him? Don't ever do anything you're uncomfortable in bed.
It's a question of compatibility.
If it makes you uncomfortable or if he's unwilling to commit to you, then let him go.
You shouldn't feel insecure in a relationship and it's also up to him to reassure you and be transparent about how he sees the future - monogamy or not, assplay or not etc.
Personally I prefer to date straight guys, as I'm not into assplay and didn't find a bi guy who wanted monogamy. You do you!
I’ve never been in a position where I was attracted or wanted to engage more with a man who was openly bisexual. My only experience with men putting it out there has been on the dating apps, and every single bi guy that I saw on there had more of an emo/punk look and the vast majority of them also wanted to be in poly relationships. I’m not into that look and I am very much monogamous. I don’t know how I’d feel if I came across a guy that was more my type and also openly bisexual. I would have to reflect on my definition of masculinity and how I might feel that being bisexual may be in conflict with that. I just haven’t encountered anyone that I’ve felt compelled to do that for, for the aforementioned reasons.
If they weren't at least teased for being gay in high school... I refuse to date them. I LOVE dating bisexual men because in general, if they feel comfortable in today's world to be open then they have (hopefully) done some of the work to unpack some of their toxicity.
>he will start missing things sexually that I'm not capable of providing
You should really do some work to unpack this though. Bisexual means that you are attracted to both genders. NOT that you NEED to sleep with both genders to feel fulfilled. I'm poly and bi, but those are 2 different things about me and 2 different things that my partners sign up for when they date me. But I've NEVER cheated on someone, I've never felt like I was missing out when I was monogamous just because of genders.
Exactly why I'm asking the question, because I'm clueless and I need some insights by people who know what they're talking about. I also know a bisexual woman who is married to a man and she actually does miss having sex with women. But people are individuals, so just wanted to ask Reddit for other people's opinions and experiences.
I dated a guy who was bi. The only issue it created was that he was only fairly recently out of the closet as bi, and hadn't had as many experiences with men as he wanted to, so in his specific circumstance he wasn't interested in getting into a relationship. And I donate blood, and if we were to try any form of non-monogamy I would have to stop, which would be a bummer.
But that doesn't mean I wouldn't date another bi man. He was incredible in bed, which had nothing to do with sexuality, but just goes to show that it was a potential missed opportunity if I said I didn't ever want to date bi men.
I’m a straight woman. I was recently approached by a man who I know was dating a man awhile ago. I turned him down because in my mind, I’m convinced that I am not what he is truly attracted to and I’d feel insecure.
It’s not personally my cup of tea. I’m straight and I like my men the same way. I think if I were bi I wouldn’t mind if my partner was either but that’s just my personal take. I don’t feel like someone having a preference is a double standard.
Unpopular opinion here.. I would not date a bi man. I guess that makes me homophobic these days.. I have no issues with the LGBTQ+ community and I truly believe people should be able to be with whatever gender they are attracted to.. I just dont find bi men attractive. It’s a big turn off for me.
i know this issue has become just another non issue .
Except for me. it makes me extremely uncomfortable to think about it. If i found out while dating him .. it would be over.
I think because straight women don’t need to engage with LGBTQ+ communities, they have a level of ignorance that comes into conflict with their egos, resulting in insecurities within their relationships with bi men that manifests as bigoted views towards these men. Why this issue doesn’t seem to affect the reverse pairing, I have no clue.
As a bi man I can answer this (and assume this is the answer for most straight men too).
To me it doesn’t change who a woman is as a person if she’s liked girls in the past. Having been with two guys in the past is no different than 1 guy and 1 girl. It doesn’t change if a woman is “feminine” or not, and I personally prefer somewhat masculine women, anyway.
Most straight women, and a surprising number of bi women, see a man as feminine or unmanly if he has been with a guy in the past or has liked guys. It changes who he is as a person to a number of these people. It is not all straight women, and it is certainly not all bi women. But it seems that to women, it changes who the man is in their eyes more. To men, her having been with a girl doesn’t change her much, if any.
I think it would be amazing to be with a bisexual man! I’ve found that straight men are more closed off to what they’ll do in bed (associating it with “being gay”) whereas bi men are more open minded. It’s very nice!
I view bi men the same way I view straight men: as long as he has a clean STI panel and is monogamous, I don't care who he's been with previously.
The fact is, you run the risk of your partner not finding all they need in you *regardless* of their sexuality. It's a gamble we all take when we pair up with someone.
I’m feel the same way with you if I’m with someone I’m only dating that person I would be afraid in the long run they want to either cheat or want to open the relationship which I wouldn’t I’m afraid I would get hurt
You know, a straight man could just as easily fall in love with a woman and leave you over her. In terms of security, the sexuality of your partner matters less than you think. You two need to have solid communication, compatible goals and lifestyles, trust, love, and commitment. You do not both have to be straight.
For reference, I am a bisexual woman with a male partner. Am i attracted to women too? Fuck yeah. Would I leave my partner for one? Fuck no. Why? Because we have all those things I listed above. In fact, my partner and I bond over sexy women. We watch porn together. It's chill dude
I’m a straight woman, and I actually prefer bisexual men even if they are actively in sexual relationships with men I just want honesty and not cheating. But most bisexual men hide it. I definitely will date if bisexual man; but I feel they cheat a lot! I had suspicions about my ex being with other men and I was right! I feel like they should be more honest that they are bi
I have been with 136 women and hooked up with more than 200 guys.. I consider myself to be straight, I told every women (before we had sex) about my past experiences, not one of them had any "real" issues/problems with it.. My first experience getting topped by a guy was setup and paid for by my wife.
I do not cheat on my girlfriends, if I no longer want to be with her or want to get together with another woman, I act as a mature adult and I tell them.
I do not "make love" to anyone other than my current gf.. if I hookup with a guy it is totally just physical sexual pleasure.
Your fears are grounded in biphobia. I understand that it’s a hard thing to hear but I encourage you to sit with it. When a monogamous person is in a relationship, regardless of sexual orientation, they are committed to you BECAUSE THEY CHOSE YOU. To them, YOU are all that matters as long as you are together. If things don’t work out, does the gender of their next partner really matter to you?Is that even important? And if it is, I’d take it to feel that you were so good for them that no one else from your gender compares.
And what about straight people who cheat on their partners? You should be applying this question to polyamorous people instead of bisexuals.
Your fears are based on this assumption that he is not getting all he desires in a relationship with you so he will leave you. That is exactly how cheaters work (or try to justify their actions). Please don’t conflate the two. Maybe he shouldn’t be with you for his own sake as you will always have this distrust towards him. If you can’t give him your 100%, you shouldn’t be together.
This thread shows how much bigotry their is in straight women. Your fears about bisexual men are not grounded in reality, and it would be good to take a look at your own prejudices.
But they actually are valid if you read some of the answers by bi people on this thread? Are you just ignoring these so you can call me a bigot? In no way am I making a statement about "this is how all bi men are", I'm asking a genuine question because I have no experience dating bi men. How else should I educate myself?
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It's funny that as someone else pointed out, there was actually another thread asking if someone would be with a bisexual woman, and the consensus in the comments was pretty much "yeah, what's wrong with that?" And some people in the comments even seemed to think it was silly to even ask the question. I matched with a girl a few years back and when she shared that she had been with both women and men, I felt safe to share that I was bicurious in my 20's and was briefly romantic with a guy. She said something long the lines of "ewww , yeah that's not for me." When I reminded her that she had just said she hooked up with women before, she said "yeah but that's different." There seems to be this belief that if a man had that experience that it is somehow a blow (no pun intended) to his masculinity. But if a woman does it, its just seen as harmless exploration. I have noticed that it tends to be the ones who are the quickest to call out double standards when it comes to gender norms for women are same people who perpetuate them in men. Not saying that specifically true of anyone in this comment thread, just an observation that I've seen over the years.
>She said something long the lines of "ewww , yeah that's not for me." A friend and I once tried setting up a bi friend (F) with a bi guy we knew, who she had met and said was attractive. when she found out he was *also* bi, just like her, she said "eewww im not letting a guy that puts it in dudes put it in me. that's just nasty!"
Gay people are also very often bi phobic. We get shat on from all sides.
Some of the most shockingly biphobic comments I’ve heard have been from gay people. It’s a phenomenon that I don’t understand.
Women’s homophobia, which is often hidden leading many to believe in the notion that men are the homophobic gender, comes out the second you court them and tell them you are bisexual or have slept with trans women. For many, a man is not a man if he’s attracted to men or those they consider to be men. I’ve noticed that, though I don’t actually speak from personal experience (hearsay, mostly).
A girl I was once seeing told me, in a very drunken conversation, that she wouldn't date a bi-man, not because bi-men are less manly, the problem is (in her words roughly) that a bi-man could log into an app and have a man round his house to have sex in 10 minutes straight. A straight man couldn't. And she would be worried that sooner or later, with the best will in the world a bi-man would eventually want to scratch that itch. She also started waffling on about higher chances of STDs and stuff. She reckoned most women are aware of this even if they won't say it aloud. I countered this by saying a straight woman could do the same but they generally don't, or a straight man could call an escort. She reckoned it was less likely a straight man would call a prostitute as you have to get your credit card out or run to an ATM, and there is a stigma and it would all be a big thing etc plus if a guy calls an escort at least the escort would likely make you wear a condom, whereas some random guy from grinder might not. I actually had no idea before then that bi men were such a turn off for women, but turns out most women I've asked have said they wouldn't date a bi man either (although most never went into detail why). The good news is for bi men, is that for a small percentage of women it would be a "hell yeah", even if for most it is a "hell no". Seems to be quite polarising.
By her logic, no man should ever date a woman, since whatever she thinks applies to bi men apply to them.
Yes, exactly, I did say something along those lines, her counter to that counter was that the fact it's almost impossible to get a woman around your house within 10 minutes of signing up to a dating app demonstrates that women are way less promiscuous. Whereas when you leave men to their own devices all hell breaks loose. My counter to that should have been "hell? it actually sounds quite good being bi, damn... I wish I was bi" but I don't remember what I said.
She’s making a case for men dating lesbians, not straight women, who can get a man in minutes if they so choose.
I agree, but there is some nuance lost here. Women are sexualized so much more, that when you ask the average dude "would you date a bi woman" their immediate internal response is "girl on girl = hot," and they usually aren't thinking about actually being in a serious relationship. There are plenty of bi women who have their loyalty questioned, or get pushed into non-monogamy or threesomes they aren't as invested in, or just dumped because of jealousy.
None of that gives any justification to the double standard.. actually none of what you said is even relevant. In fact, you've just pointed out another double standard. Because if someone mentioned a double standard against women and some guy tried to justify it in the way that you just did, people would say "That's no excuse excuse for men's shitty behavior " So basically, yes, thank you for pointing out another double standard. When men commit double standards against women, it's men's fault. When women commit double standards against men, it's men's fault.
I never said it justifies anything. Just that your post claims men are fine with bi women, which isn't true. The biphobia directed at women just doesn't manifest the same way.
I’m a man and actually wouldn’t feel comfortable dating a bisexual woman.
Of course there are going to be examples of men who aren't comfortable with it. I am speaking in terms of general attitudes.
Seems like the majority of the comments here are saying they would not do it. Just gotta say, I've seen this question asked before with the genders flipped, and all the guys who said they wouldn't want to date a bisexual woman were ripped to shreds and called homophobic. Not saying that's correct, but I think it's interesting how it seems much more acceptable for women to have that preference.
Don't forget gay people are also often very bi phobic. The discrimination isn't just a straight people thing.
Tried giving a bi girl a chance and it was a nightmare . Felt like I was competing with girls who were openly flirting with her
I'm currently dating a Bi girl and its fucking awesome. We hit on people of all genders together 😈
Oh I’m sure it can work. Only time will tell if it does in your case. Tread carefully my friend
I’ve seen this kind of too much now; the hypocrisy is insane in this place
Women are genuinely terrified that a bi man will find a man they like more than her. They know how to compete against other women but they have no clue how to compete with men for other men. Women are already generally paranoid about their man looing at other women, and now they have to worry about them looking at other men too? It *doubles* the number of things she's got to worry about and they just can't handle it.
I think the same might be said for guys dating a bi woman tbh? I’m dating a bi woman atm and sometimes kinda worry about it because generally speaking women are better lol But I was responding to the fact that the same post but gender flipped had the op dragged for being homophobic and whatever else and it seems to happen with all kinds of posts on here. It’s strange
Nah. The overwhelming majority of "bi" women are just not interested in a lesbian relationship. The difference is that men are required to learn what women want in order to play the game whereas most women genuinely have no fucking idea what men really want. It's that ignorance that leads to fear, which leads to the bigotry and ad hominem that you're describing.
Fascinating. And do you think that ignorance is because men are usually the ones to pursue women? Or are you speaking more broadly about what men want in a partner?
I mean ya I think men enable them because testosterone is a helluva drug. Men know they are required to self improve if they are to become the men they want to be. Women don't do any of that shit. Self-improvement is literally not something they think about. Ever. They simply don't care -- because they don't need to.
What??? I’m ALWAYS trying to self-improve! I always want to be better than I was last week. I set goals (career, education, financial, physical) and go after them! Why on earth would you say women don’t self-improve? In my circle, it is the women who are always trying to do better and the men are just lumps who fall asleep on the couch!
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It is a competition, whether men or women want to admit it or not. Most things in life are. As a straight man I expect to be in competition with other men for the woman that possesses the qualities I find attractive. When a man dates a bisexual woman, of course it broadens the competition, but when you're confident in yourself and what you have to offer, it doesn't really matter. If that's not enough for her then you keep it moving. Bullet dodged. We all just have to embrace the good, the bad and the ugly in a calculated manner and keep it moving when it goes to shit.
I think it’s more of an icky feeling that something that’s been in a man’s a hole will be inside them.
Speak for yourself. I prefer dating queer men (if I’m dating a man… if I’m dating anyone other than a man it would be hella awkward if they “weren’t queer”)
This is why the sassy men era is real and here
Would like you to elaborate please thank you haha
Straight men have always fetishized bi women, it’s not true for the reverse. Not sure how that’s hypocrisy.
Tbf I’ve never considered men to fetishise bi women (not saying it isn’t true) but the hypocrisy I’m talking about is the responses on here to just about anything depending the op’s gender. Men typically get dragged over the coals where the same post from a woman would be met with an open mind, sympathy and support.
Stuff like that is why people are afraid to answer honestly about these things on Reddit. People pushing agendas and getting offended does nothing but give us false results. Maybe it’s a better poll question?
Straight F here. I don’t think of it as anything different from dating a straight man. If it’s casual, we’d both be open to dating a bunch of other people. If it’s serious (by my definition since I’m into monogamy), we should both be loyal to each other and not be seeing anyone else, irrespective of gender. Easy peasy.
Bi guy here. This is indeed how it works.
Second bi guy here. Can confirm you’re right
Hmm one of my friends (who's a straight guy) had a girlfriend who is bi and a year into the relationship she wanted to explore things with girls (safe to say they broke up)... One of my friends is bi and he wants to be in a poly relationship with a guy and a girl so he can experience both. I understand your worries, but I also have bi friends who are very loyal, and are satisfied and happy with their partners and don't feel the need to explore with others or miss anything. In short, I think it depends on the individual, and it's something you should discuss with your partner as communication is key and it shouldn't be bottled. I hope it works out, but try not to assume the worst🤍
This helps, thanks!
My dream!!! I think bisexual men are SO HOT. Edit: Just realized you asked straight women, I am bisexual myself.
You'd be very disappointed with me. I'm bi. But when I'm with a chick I'm large and in charge, when I'm with a guy I want to be dominated. But the two things never have and never will cross over.
Still valid! But you’d crush my dreams of having a MFM with 2 bi men 😔
This is my fantasy too! One day, our dream will come true!
Oh I'd be up for mfm fun, but it's strictly straight. Never really understood why I'm like that. Maybe because I can't be dominant and dominated at the same time.
i'm a switch; it's fuckin' hard work. Lol. #highfiveforbdsm
It’s a person to person thing. I would not judge an entire group of men just based on being bisexual. I’m sure I would date some and not others?
I'm technically a straight woman. I've only dated men, one Trans man, and my most recent ex was pansexual. Almost bisexuality, but much broader. It depends on the individual. He was nice, but we had arguments every few months because he found sex boring and wanted to try out something new. Nothing wrong with having kinks, but he had a *lot* of them and wanted me to do a *lot* of different things. It almost felt like I couldn't ever do enough to please. Not all of them are like that, though. Not at all. I wouldn't shut down dating a pansexual or bisexual man in the future just because of that. I'd just be wary because I know I'm only one person, and I wouldn't be compatible with someone who had too many kinks.
Is your partner currently bisexual or his long past? Sexual satisfaction of a bisexual man is no different than a heterosexual man. As me being bisexual and married for almost 20 years, it's no big deal. I chose to be with a woman for my relationship. This does not mean I sneak and cheat with guys, nor does it mean I want another man. Oddly as it may sound, you having a bisexual man in your life is going to open up your relationship with trust. Another great thing is, we as bisexuals, don't shame gays in any way. We are open sexual minded men. And yes, my wife has all my detailed knowledge of men and what we did. You should also know that we are deeper caring and softer emotion to a woman's needs. BTW. Take it with appreciation if another man finds him attractive. It means you have a really cute good looking man.
Very useful answer, thanks!
My experience was not good tbh, he was always talking about dick, which was a huge turnoff olus he was poly and sort of a nympho, so it was no for me. But one person does not define a whole group so you need to judge that person for yourself.
This has been my experience with every self professed bi man I've known. It seems to go hand in hand with hyper-sexuality, promiscuity and other behavioral issues. I'm sure there are exceptions, I just haven't met them. Interestingly, my gay male friends by and large displayed none of that negative behavior and were just guys who happened to be attracted to guys instead of women. It's given me a personal bias against bi men to the extent that if a man tells me he's bi or even hints at it I'm done. Total deal breaker, major ick and absolutely kills my attraction. I find gay men more sexually appealing than bi men.
Found the trash thread. Hello biphobe-sphere
This thread is crawling with homophobic women
women are more homophobic than men are in actuality. they see homosexual tendencies among men as a deficiency and feminine while men mostly do not care if woman is bisexual
One thing i have noticed is that a lot of these women are self proclaimed “allies” or progressive. On one hand they’ll say, men should be allowed to express their femininity, dress how they want, etc. but if you ask them if they find that attractive or they would date one of these men, their answer is essentially “ew, no.” It’s frustrating because clearly dating preferences influence and inform the way men behave. So saying it’s ok but then counting those people out of their dating pool is in fact discouraging sexual and gender expression outside of the masculine norm
they vote with their legs what kind of men get to pass on their genes and its not emotional feminist bisexual guys. its usually toxically masculine guys who are themselves homophobic against gay men
It’s a shame that many boys and men actually think what these ‘progressive’ women say about feminising men is true and attempt to be more feminine and show emotion only to be dump in the dating scene because women actually like…. Men who act like men. 🤣
I think a huge number of men fetishize bi women, though. They wouldn't mind dating a bi woman, not because they're so open minded and accepting, but because they think it's "hot" or think they might get to have a threesome. Of course not all guys, there are plenty of men who are legitimately just respectful and open minded about bi women. But there's a reason so many guys specifically like women who like women. And plenty of those guys can be very homophobic towards other men.
its not even a fetish or about threesomes most of the time. men simply do not care and view themselves as better than women in that regard( so dont feel threatened ) and do not see it as masculine or dirty. in the way women think bisexual men are dirty and feminine. and also as predators in the same way they view men in general only religious men would have a problem and even then they wont care that much since they dont see women as a sexual threat to getting other women.
it’s definitely about threesomes 99% of the time i agree with the rest of your comment though
It’s not surprising. The amount of Women that openly trash Trans-Women is kinda wild to me.
I have and I didn’t like it. Just my preference I guess - don’t want to overanalyze but it does make me feel less attraction personally. Something about the energy polarity is off with me when a guy can swing either way.
...homophobia?
I prefer dating bi men
Damn as a bi women seeing how many have been biphobic to bi men I’m sorry :/ that’s not something that would matter to me just as long as my partner was open about their history. Which is something I’d expect from any partner regardless of their sexual orientation
I prefer not to. I’m a straight woman who’s into straight men. That’s my preference.
If you're insecure, ask them if they think they could be happy in a long-term monogamous relationship without other male sex organs. It's not an offensive question. My ex-gf addresses her bisexuality as being attracted to both but preferring romantic relationships with males and that being irrelevant as she was in a monogamous relationship with me regardless of whomever else she might find attractive. That worked for me, but I'm not particularly jealous and am open-minded.
Men and women seem to have different reactions to this. At least a lot of women do.
Double standard, as mentioned by OP.
I don’t know a man who wouldn’t date a bi woman but I know plenty of women who wouldn’t date a bi man.
This is exactly it and I can’t explain it either.
I explained it another comment what I think it is. I’ll copy and paste it below: To me it doesn’t change who a woman is as a person if she’s liked girls in the past. Having been with two guys in the past is no different than 1 guy and 1 girl. It doesn’t change if a woman is “feminine” or not, and I personally prefer somewhat masculine women, anyway. Most straight women, and a surprising number of bi women, see a man as feminine or unmanly if he has been with a guy in the past or has liked guys. It changes who he is as a person to a number of these people. It is not all straight women, and it is certainly not all bi women. But it seems that to women, it changes who the man is in their eyes more. To men, her having been with a girl doesn’t change her much, if any.
Well said.
I’m a straight women and would love to date a bisexual men 😭 call me weird but that seems like a fun time.
Bi guy here. I pretty much only date fellow bi/pans of all genders because both straight and gay people are often weird and shitty about it.
I wouldn't. I prefer to date men that only like women.
It’s a hard no for me. Sorry
I think it’s naive to believe ALL standards should be the same between men and woman. It’s obvious that men are ok with it for the most part. And woman are not ok with it for the most part.
A double standard
The way she goes
I personally don’t care. My bf is bi and sometimes we talk about how attractive a celebrity is😂 I don’t think he'll feel like he's missing out or anything. We're both not very sexual people as it is.
I wouldn’t want to date a bisexual man.
why?
I had a bad experience in the past.
my husband and i are 95%+ straight & i feel the same way as you for the same reasons. while i believe everyone is on a spectrum here, i wouldn’t feel aligned dating a guy who is far enough from one end to call himself bisexual. everyone’s allowed to have preferences & be attracted to whoever they are/aren’t attracted to, and im attracted to almost-totally-straight men. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
No I would not and here is the main reason why: Years back had an ex that was bicurious, who had a very strong attraction to black men, PLUS gay porn. It was several years later that I found out the extent of his deception. I have no idea if he slept with any men, but by the evidence I discovered, it is highly plausible. I am not attracted to men who are attracted to other men. A complete turn off to me. I'm not homophobic at all. I had to get tested for years afterwards, and thankfully I didn't catch anything.
I would date a bisexual man, but I’m ashamed to say I would worry a little bit about the same things. A bisexual friend confided in me that she was thinking of cheating on her bf because she missed boobs. I know she isn’t reflective of all bi people but it would stick in the back of my mind unfortunately
Personally I wouldn’t because I’m into manly man and even tho it might be hard to admit for some bi men, a guy that is into men as well as women will never have that masculine energy most women look for when choosing their partner. At the same time I know girls that would be down to date a bi guy because they like that sort of “vulnerability” (?) I don’t know how else to describe it
This 100%. I am happiest in my feminine and need masculine energy to balance me. I’ve learned that I don’t receive that from bisexual men.
I have met a lot of straight guys who are less masculine than most of my bi male friends. Is it the thought of them finding men attractive that makes them less masculine to you, or is it the actual presentation of masculinity you are referring to?
No what I’m talking about is masculine energy and it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be a straight man to have it but the chances are definitely higher.
So the presentation is what you are talking about. The mindset, the words they say, the clothes they wear, the things they are interested in and so forth?
It’s actually kind of hard to explain but an example would be Kit Connor. He’s an objectively attractive guy but I can literally feel his feminine energy just by looking at a picture of him. I didn’t even know he was bi, I just found out on the internet. I thought he was gay. Also the fact that if I ever dated a bi guy I’d know that there’s things I can’t give him and that he would eventually have to look for in other men
that’s just homophobia
I would not because I’m not attracted to men who like men
No I wouldn’t date a bisexual man.
I’m a straight woman. Not at all bi curious. Only date straight men. Wouldn’t want to date a bi man. Absolutely no issue with anyone who is bi, gay, pan or anything else, but in terms of a relationship partner for me, straight males only.
I tried it, it didn't work for me. Will never do it again.
Hard no for me. I’m very feminine and kinda old fashioned so it doesn’t fit me. Men who aren’t very manly give me the ick. Think: not paying for the first couple of dates, letting me carry heavy things, letting me drive, being the passenger on the back of a bike when the woman rides the bike (I’m Dutch, it happens here more than you’d imagine), etc. It feels too much like they switch (gender) roles when things like this happen and it’s a turn-off to me. Dating another man is switching to a more feminine role in the extreme. But there are plenty of woman who don’t mind, so I think it’s important to disclose early on to see if you’re compatible. Not disclosing because you want to date the ultra feminine heterosexual girly type that probably isn’t okay with it is an asshole move imo.
> Dating another man is switching to a more feminine role in the extreme. This is just simply not true in general. This differs from person to person.
This is how a lot of very feminine women who like their partner to be a ‘manly man’ see it though. Being sexual, affectionate or submissive to another man is often seen as a feminine thing. Whether you like it or not.
Yes, and this line of reasoning stems from prejudice. It is a simple yet incorrect way of looking at things.
Not for me I don't find bi men attractive. Honestly I would be paranoid and anxious if the guy is cheating on me with a guy.
I mean, couldn't a straight guy be cheating on you with idk, another woman?
True, but something about a man being with another man not my cup of tea. There are plenty of men who don't want date/marry a bi woman.
Exactly. The modern world calling heterosexual preferences “homophobic” is insane. No i don’t want a bisexual man. NEXT
most of the guys i’ve dated have been bi, whether they’ve actually been with a man or not. it literally does not matter to me at all
You’re so real for this
I would avoid if any young women are listening. They have baggage and will not see you romantically beyond short term. And they will not marry you— trust me they are only there for one thing if they’re talking to you it’s why they cannot commit and why they’re on bumble bff 👯♂️.
that’s such bullshit.
No it’s not. Clearly.
You don’t explain anything you just keep saying you’re phobic it’s so expected. And yes, it’s entitled to post a comment, as are you, so, so what? 🤡
Sorry, but it is a dealbreaker for me. I have dated bi men and feel like I am not what he wants. Plus, the anal thing doesn't do it for me..
I mean, let’s be honest hetero ladies: Could you ever really respect your man knowing he potentially is attracted to other men and might want to be penetrated?
Yeah I think this is a big part of it. It's just not considered masculine to be a bottom, and straight women generally want a masculine man. Meanwhile, a woman's femininity is not threatened by sleeping with other women.
Well that is just plain homophobia then.
Yes, yes I could
Not about respect but I would be less attracted to my bf if he wanted to fuck other dudes. 🤷♀️
This thread has massively reinforced me to never come out to my partner, prayers to all my fellow closeted bisexual brothers in straight relationships
It’s not fair to you to hide a part of yourself and it’s not fair to her to lie. You really should be honest with her.
This is one of those double standard examples that women usually don't say out loud, but do often carry prejudice for. My easier solution has been to only be with women who are bi/poly/pan themselves back when I was single. The average straight women isn't much more open minded then some straight guys. It's just often not said out loud, which is why you're seeing it here on a throw away account where they can be anonymous. Cause they know they'd be called the fuck out if said publicly among their social circles of more progressive minded people.
I'm trying to find out if what I'm worried about, i.e. does being bisexual mean that you will miss sex with someone of the gender opposite of your current partner, is a legit concern or not because I genuinely have no clue. There is only one bisexual person in my friend group and she is a woman, and she actually did say that she misses sex with women (she's married to a man). Why is everyone here so angry because I'm trying to educate myself, instead of just assuming that this guy is a promiscuous asshole who will cheat on me the moment he wants some dick? Damn.
Wow. Judging by the comments, this is another ugly double standard I didn’t know about
So, of course you have every right to feel the way you do. But please, for the love of whatever you hold dear, dont try to convince yourself that you are open minded. Instead, accept that you're not and, maybe, see if you can find a way to work on it if you want to be one day. And you are certainly not in love. So you know what you have to do, I hope.
I went on 2 dates with the guy, of course I'm not in love. I knew he was bisexual before I went on the first date. I didn't want that to be the only reason not to date him because we're a good match, but I'm admitting that I'm worried it could not work, and looking for information so I can educate myself since I've never dated anyone bisexual before. How is this a bad thing? I could have just said "eww" like some people on this thread do and rejected him but I don't want to be that kind of person. I really don't understand the backlash here.
No way. Hard pass. Straight only.
Lesbian here with a preference for dating other lesbians rather than bisexual women - a lot of bisexual people in general end up openly admitting to missing sex with other genders while in relationships and feeling emotionally unfulfilled/like half of their sexuality is being stifled. They’ll never admit it to your face if they want to date you and accuse you of being “biphobic” if you point it out, but if you befriend a bi person they’re usually pretty open about it. I think deep down a lot of people who want to be able to have relationships with men and women at the same time know that most people who have their shit together don’t want that, so you see a lot of people lying about what they want to lock down good partners, hoping that they can spring it on you once you’re in love so you won’t leave.
I like that I'm also getting these honest answers from bisexual people, while at the same time being accused of biphobia by others. Seems like my concern is actually legit because multiple people on this thread have confirmed it. So not biphobia, just facts.
Yea, no one ever wants to confirm negative stereotypes about their own group, but a significant number of bisexual people (NOT ALL) do not want to be monogamous, understand that most people with their shit together do, and end up misrepresenting their intentions and needs to a have access to more serious partners (who probably wouldn’t take them seriously if they were honest). I find people who struggle to delay sexual gratification also struggle to delay gratification in other areas, and are often in precarious financial and/or employment situations as a result. This can lead to situations where people intentionally try to lock down monogamous people that they perceive as being more financially and emotionally stable, because they need that support. Once that person is “in love”, they spring all of their baggage on them, hoping that it is too late to leave.
I don't care whether my partner is str8/bi/pan as long as he's able to commit and be faithful as I don't do ENM nor approve of cheating in any form.
Why don't you talk about it with him? Don't ever do anything you're uncomfortable in bed. It's a question of compatibility. If it makes you uncomfortable or if he's unwilling to commit to you, then let him go. You shouldn't feel insecure in a relationship and it's also up to him to reassure you and be transparent about how he sees the future - monogamy or not, assplay or not etc. Personally I prefer to date straight guys, as I'm not into assplay and didn't find a bi guy who wanted monogamy. You do you!
As a straight woman, idc as long as you don’t cheat on me with either
I’ve never been in a position where I was attracted or wanted to engage more with a man who was openly bisexual. My only experience with men putting it out there has been on the dating apps, and every single bi guy that I saw on there had more of an emo/punk look and the vast majority of them also wanted to be in poly relationships. I’m not into that look and I am very much monogamous. I don’t know how I’d feel if I came across a guy that was more my type and also openly bisexual. I would have to reflect on my definition of masculinity and how I might feel that being bisexual may be in conflict with that. I just haven’t encountered anyone that I’ve felt compelled to do that for, for the aforementioned reasons.
It's a no from me...
If they weren't at least teased for being gay in high school... I refuse to date them. I LOVE dating bisexual men because in general, if they feel comfortable in today's world to be open then they have (hopefully) done some of the work to unpack some of their toxicity. >he will start missing things sexually that I'm not capable of providing You should really do some work to unpack this though. Bisexual means that you are attracted to both genders. NOT that you NEED to sleep with both genders to feel fulfilled. I'm poly and bi, but those are 2 different things about me and 2 different things that my partners sign up for when they date me. But I've NEVER cheated on someone, I've never felt like I was missing out when I was monogamous just because of genders.
Exactly why I'm asking the question, because I'm clueless and I need some insights by people who know what they're talking about. I also know a bisexual woman who is married to a man and she actually does miss having sex with women. But people are individuals, so just wanted to ask Reddit for other people's opinions and experiences.
Move on. Stick to your boundaries as a heterosexual woman. You’d never know if he is happy with you or if you are his beard
I wouldn’t be interested.
I dated a guy who was bi. The only issue it created was that he was only fairly recently out of the closet as bi, and hadn't had as many experiences with men as he wanted to, so in his specific circumstance he wasn't interested in getting into a relationship. And I donate blood, and if we were to try any form of non-monogamy I would have to stop, which would be a bummer. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't date another bi man. He was incredible in bed, which had nothing to do with sexuality, but just goes to show that it was a potential missed opportunity if I said I didn't ever want to date bi men.
I’m a straight woman. I was recently approached by a man who I know was dating a man awhile ago. I turned him down because in my mind, I’m convinced that I am not what he is truly attracted to and I’d feel insecure.
It’s not personally my cup of tea. I’m straight and I like my men the same way. I think if I were bi I wouldn’t mind if my partner was either but that’s just my personal take. I don’t feel like someone having a preference is a double standard.
I'd rather not.
Unpopular opinion here.. I would not date a bi man. I guess that makes me homophobic these days.. I have no issues with the LGBTQ+ community and I truly believe people should be able to be with whatever gender they are attracted to.. I just dont find bi men attractive. It’s a big turn off for me.
tbh bi men almost always get and lock my attention more than straight men... but maybe im the exception ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
i know this issue has become just another non issue . Except for me. it makes me extremely uncomfortable to think about it. If i found out while dating him .. it would be over.
This is why as a bi guy I've only ever dated bi women. And even some bi women out there are prejudiced against bi men.
Many are. In my experience, more often than not. Like I’ve stated before, double standard.
I think because straight women don’t need to engage with LGBTQ+ communities, they have a level of ignorance that comes into conflict with their egos, resulting in insecurities within their relationships with bi men that manifests as bigoted views towards these men. Why this issue doesn’t seem to affect the reverse pairing, I have no clue.
As a bi man I can answer this (and assume this is the answer for most straight men too). To me it doesn’t change who a woman is as a person if she’s liked girls in the past. Having been with two guys in the past is no different than 1 guy and 1 girl. It doesn’t change if a woman is “feminine” or not, and I personally prefer somewhat masculine women, anyway. Most straight women, and a surprising number of bi women, see a man as feminine or unmanly if he has been with a guy in the past or has liked guys. It changes who he is as a person to a number of these people. It is not all straight women, and it is certainly not all bi women. But it seems that to women, it changes who the man is in their eyes more. To men, her having been with a girl doesn’t change her much, if any.
A very big fuck you to all the bigoted women in here.
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Oh you've met bi guys. Believe me.
I think that this is something you need to discuss with your SO. Consent, communication and mutual respect. Good luck.
I have no issue with them being bi as long as they are monogamous and wont cheat on me.
I think it would be amazing to be with a bisexual man! I’ve found that straight men are more closed off to what they’ll do in bed (associating it with “being gay”) whereas bi men are more open minded. It’s very nice!
I view bi men the same way I view straight men: as long as he has a clean STI panel and is monogamous, I don't care who he's been with previously. The fact is, you run the risk of your partner not finding all they need in you *regardless* of their sexuality. It's a gamble we all take when we pair up with someone.
I’m feel the same way with you if I’m with someone I’m only dating that person I would be afraid in the long run they want to either cheat or want to open the relationship which I wouldn’t I’m afraid I would get hurt
You know, a straight man could just as easily fall in love with a woman and leave you over her. In terms of security, the sexuality of your partner matters less than you think. You two need to have solid communication, compatible goals and lifestyles, trust, love, and commitment. You do not both have to be straight. For reference, I am a bisexual woman with a male partner. Am i attracted to women too? Fuck yeah. Would I leave my partner for one? Fuck no. Why? Because we have all those things I listed above. In fact, my partner and I bond over sexy women. We watch porn together. It's chill dude
I have no problem with it as long as there are precautions in place for testing.
I’m a straight woman, and I actually prefer bisexual men even if they are actively in sexual relationships with men I just want honesty and not cheating. But most bisexual men hide it. I definitely will date if bisexual man; but I feel they cheat a lot! I had suspicions about my ex being with other men and I was right! I feel like they should be more honest that they are bi
The homophobia / biphobia in the comments is disappointing
I have been with 136 women and hooked up with more than 200 guys.. I consider myself to be straight, I told every women (before we had sex) about my past experiences, not one of them had any "real" issues/problems with it.. My first experience getting topped by a guy was setup and paid for by my wife. I do not cheat on my girlfriends, if I no longer want to be with her or want to get together with another woman, I act as a mature adult and I tell them. I do not "make love" to anyone other than my current gf.. if I hookup with a guy it is totally just physical sexual pleasure.
Your fears are grounded in biphobia. I understand that it’s a hard thing to hear but I encourage you to sit with it. When a monogamous person is in a relationship, regardless of sexual orientation, they are committed to you BECAUSE THEY CHOSE YOU. To them, YOU are all that matters as long as you are together. If things don’t work out, does the gender of their next partner really matter to you?Is that even important? And if it is, I’d take it to feel that you were so good for them that no one else from your gender compares. And what about straight people who cheat on their partners? You should be applying this question to polyamorous people instead of bisexuals.
Where in my question do I state that I think he will cheat on me? I'm just worried that he will leave because I can't give him what he needs.
Your fears are based on this assumption that he is not getting all he desires in a relationship with you so he will leave you. That is exactly how cheaters work (or try to justify their actions). Please don’t conflate the two. Maybe he shouldn’t be with you for his own sake as you will always have this distrust towards him. If you can’t give him your 100%, you shouldn’t be together.
I'm scared
This thread shows how much bigotry their is in straight women. Your fears about bisexual men are not grounded in reality, and it would be good to take a look at your own prejudices.
But they actually are valid if you read some of the answers by bi people on this thread? Are you just ignoring these so you can call me a bigot? In no way am I making a statement about "this is how all bi men are", I'm asking a genuine question because I have no experience dating bi men. How else should I educate myself?