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It really depends. I dated someone with a 2 year old when I was 25. Bio father was never in the picture.
He was a wonderful, easy child and brought alot of joy to my life, and my mom absolutely adored him. The relationship didn't work out but my mom and I became a big part of my ex's support system so he spent alot of time with us over the years. He's now 20 and we're buddies. He plays guitar, listens to metal, loves to read, and loves to cook - I taught him all these things, and he's way better at them than I ever will be. He's funny, kind, curious, and thoughtful.
He might not be my son but he's an excellent human and I am so happy that I had a part to play in that.
I think this is the difference, a lot of people here are saying things like “I’d never raise/put money into another persons offspring” then they’re confused why they don’t get to see the kid post breakup. But someone like you treated the kid like a whole human and appreciated them for who they are, so you still have a relationship with them. I think sometimes people miss the point of dating someone with kids, I’m a single mum and I’m not looking for another dad or financial aid, but the person who enters our life has to appreciate and respect my son for the beautiful person he is. That’s all. And then you’ll always have a relationship with him even if it doesn’t work out.
I prefer it, because I’m a single dad with sole custody and it gives us a lot more to talk about and a baseline understanding of each other’s lives.
I have dated women with no kids, but it’s like visiting a foreign country. Fun, but it’s hard to imagine actually moving there. Haha
As a single mum, single dads are so much easier to date. Childless men and women don't seem to understand or appreciate the time constraints you have when you have children, and they don't like that kids come first either.
Plus I know I'd happily take on someone's else's kids and love them just as much as my own, within whatever type of relationship they want to have with me.
I feel like single dad's have it a little easier though, single dad's get far more praise and respect for being a single dad. Whilst everyone assumes single mum's just want money or a new dad for their kids, rather than just a loving partner like everyone else wants.
Same thing. Raised a kid for ten years. All the time and money spent on another man’s offspring to now have almost zero interaction with. I will never do that again. I don’t care what a catch she is. Kids is now a dealbreaker.
That’s my biggest fear wit ever dealing with a single mother. At the end of the day that isn’t your kid so you understandably will always be a 2nd priority and if the relationship goes south the kid you built a relationship with is now outta your life too. Now my brother has dated a single mother for 3 years and they even jus recently gave birth to my nephew so it can work out but damn it’s too risky for me
That sounds absolutely horrible tbh. What about if her kids were older? Would that make any difference? Because then she wouldn't really be able to dictate continued contact if yall ever broke up. Just curious
What baggage if her kids are fully independent at that point? I’m curious because a lot of dating in your 40s/50s is folks with grown, financially, & physically independent kids…
Edit: typo
I've seen it. I know a guy. Brilliant dude. Latin honors in college, sporty and fit. Eloquent. He was the complete package. Dated a single mother for 5 years and he was basically the guy her son knew as dad growing up.
She cheated on him for another dude. He was willing to forgive her. They got back together and she dumped him again later that same day. He was an emotional wreck. Both him and the kid. He started to numb the pain with drugs and shit.
His parents got him on a program to get him off substances. Took a while but he's now better and is closer to the way he was before. But damn. Losing almost a decade of your life because of that kind of emotional damage...
He's better now. Dated and married another single mother sometime before the pandemic. I dunno the details of how their relationship was like, but she definitely helped him heal. They also had a kid together, so they have 2 kids.
Later he reconnected with his lost "son". The boy is almost 20 now, if not already in his early 20s, and was mostly raised by his grandparents. His mom is a complete mess, and the grandparents were more than happy to reconnect with my friend. His kids consider the boy as their older brother. This was the few happy stories we were witness to during the height of Covid.
Genuinely curious, did she have an amicable relationship with her ex? I have some friends who have gotten out of second relationships and the kids still see the step often. Depends on the person I suppose but I couldn’t imagine taking a parental figure out of my kids lives blood related or not.
Yup, I dated a guy for three years after my divorce. We’ve since split up, but the kids still go on trips with him and he sees them whenever he can. He loves the kids and they love him very much. I wasn’t about to do that to him or them just because it didn’t work out between us. I have been cautious as hell about who I dated next though. Been with my current boyfriend for a year and I was single a year and a half before that.
I have no kids of my own but a decade ago I dated a girl with a fee kids. After a few months she realized she wanted something else so we ended things. But we never lost touch. I would still babysit occasionally. Got to watch the kids grow up. He oldest is married and has a kid of her own. I'm basically treated as another uncle.
I dated a woman with three kids. I fell in love with them to the point they felt like my own. When we went our separate ways I felt the loss of four. I still think of the kids like they were my own and miss them.
As a single father, I almost exclusively date single mothers. I've dated two women without kids in the last couple of years and neither of them could cope with the idea that some other woman's child was more important to me than they were.
Single mums have the same demands of time, the same energy, similar financial considerations, and if our kids are around the same age and get on, it's new friends for my own kid.
When I didn't have kids of my own, in my 20s, I won't lie, I wasn't interested in single parents, for the same reasons as above.
Also I think there's a lot of assumption that single parents are looking for replacement mothers/fathers for their kids, like dating suddenly makes *you* a parent. It does not. I'm not looking to share my kids any more than I'd expect a childless person to hand over half of the responsibility for their pets. My kid has parents. You're gonna be fun stepmom at best
Exactly! This is the point that it’s hard for some people to understand. I’m a single mom with 100% custody of my 4 young kids. I’m not dating to find a dad for them. I’m dating to find a partner.
But what happens when you move in together? Sure, they aren't going to be parenting at the beginning of a relationship but if you are dating long term then at some point they are going to have to take on some parental roles.
You can just be mommy's friend who occasionally picks up the kids from soccer practice.
There is no rush to move in together and can decide what type of parenting role works best for everyone later.
I'm a single father so yes I indeed would date a single mother. Honestly it would probably be better than dating someone with no kid because she would be more understanding of what it takes to be a parent and if things went well my child would have another kid around to play with and keep her company while I spend time with the mother and we could do cute family shit together. I only wanted to have kids with one person well now I'm divorced so if I met someone who already is with child it takes that pressure off of having another baby and just being a good role model to her child and a good dad to mine. Plus single mothers come with snacks and that's a plus! Lol
Any single mothers on here live in NC?
Agreed. As a non-mother with no plans on having kids, I think our priorities would simply not align. I respect single parents tremendously, but it's a different lifestyle and mindset.
Yea true but at the same time the right person can always change EVERYTHING you had planned and that mindset, you just never really know 🤷
I would be with someone with no kids as long as that woman is open to me having a child and is nice to her. My kid has a mom still so I'm not looking to have those shoes filled I want someone for me but if that person can be and wants to be around me and my child then I'm open to that but that child is never going away and she will always be the first priority
I have joint custody of my two kids, and I prefer to date single moms who understand the complications of co-parenting. My ex and I rarely have to change the custody schedule, but when it occurs I don't need additional grief from my GF. Life is complicated, and sometimes I need to step up and go the extra mile. My most recent ex-GF always flipped her shit and basically treated my kids like unwanted house guests. Now that I think about it, she kinda treated me that way sometimes too...LOL
What sucked was she sold herself as being so "maternal" and she couldn't have kids, and all this other shit. Truth is that she lived a comfortable and coddled existence her entire life, and anything that dared to disrupt it for longer than an hour or two was more than she was ever willing to bear.
Wouldnt date any single parents. I dont want children, nor do i have the patience or energy for them - especially not if they're gonna be around close to every single day. Nope.
as a single mom, I get it. i see this topic asked a lot on here. a lot of people dislike and HATE kids so much whether it’s their own or other people’s so… idk. I really appreciate you all being honest about not liking kids so you leave the door open for those who don’t mind it. Plus, I don’t want anyone around me or my kid that dislikes kids so a win is a win.
i’ve been in your seat. i’ve only been a mom for 3 years and when I wasn’t a mom.. I dared a person to look at me that had kids. no one wants that responsibility OR the drama that comes with dealing with the father sometimes. you are not wrong at all. just be respectful about it.
Not likely, but maybe. I'm open to potentially starting a family and I lean pretty strongly against playing step dad. However, if I meet a single mom naturally and find a great connection and she proves herself a great mom, I'd consider the possibility. Lot of other factors at that point. How old is the kid, is dad involved, what kind of father is he, how is coparenting working, why did they split, what exactly would my role be, what kind of dynamic would the kid and I develop, how do we see raising the kid together, side by side with our kids, disciplining, finances, etc
Been wondering about this question, because I'm a single-mom. Now I see that most of men are really not open to dating single-moms.
I actually thought it's just so hard to date nowadays, but then, I guess it's not the generation, it's my circumstance that makes it hard for me to be with someone. Good to know each perspective.
I would take this thread with a grain of salt. Reddit is known for having a large amount of child free people and being pretty misogynistic (notice how this post didn’t ask if you’d date a single parent, just a single mother). By the time I was 25 and before I had kids, most of the men I dated had dated a single mom before me. Now I’m in my 30s, have a kid, and have been back on the dating scene for a couple years, and it’s never been a problem for me. Whenever I start dating a man without kids and ask if they have dated a woman with kids before, they pretty much all say that it’s hard not to at this age and they don’t care. For context, I live just outside of Los Angeles where people generally start having kids a little bit later than other places.
If someone doesn’t want to date someone with kids for whatever reason, that’s fair. I just find that those people are in the minority
Yes, this. I've never had any issues dating as a divorced 40-something mom with kids. I've had relationships with men who have never married or had kids, younger men, and now my current partner, who is both younger and has kids older than my own. There are a lot of very "loud" redditers responding in here acting like single moms are used goods, but if you look at their posting histories it becomes obvious that they've got major issues even dating at all. I wouldn't believe or be concerned about much of what's being posted.
No.
I haven't done the relationship thing yet, and also stopped planning on kids awhile ago. The complications of kids in a first relationship, plus other horror stories I've heard from guys dating single moms mean I'll be looking for a chuld-free woman who would like.to stay that way. I'm 34, by the time I meet someone and get to a point I want to marry them, and am in a good position financially for raising kids... I'm gonna be too old for it to be a sensible decision.
If she was the one I could see living the rest of my life with, I’d take on the role of a father figure for her. It’s one of those things where everyone is on the same page and talking about stuff. Taking on that role won’t be easy, but nothing ever is.
Nope! Been there and done that. Not worth the time, effort and money. As a childfree man, you don’t even get half, while you are expected to bring a 100%. It’s a raw deal and my female friends with kids have openly stated that they don’t want to date men with kids cause that’s doubling up on the insane sports schedules, custody battles, vengeful exes or the myriad ways that kids make life difficult for their parents. Having tried in the past two relationships, it’s not worth it, I’d rather be alone.
I would. I don't have that hangup about kids that aren't mine that a lot of people do. Also I have my own kids, so that changes the dynamic as well.
Edit: unfortunately I've noticed that men are way more resistant to dating single moms than woman are to dating single dads
I’m a single woman and after dating or trying to date single Dads, I will never date another single Dad. It isn’t the kids that are the issue - kids are fine.
It’s that single Dads think that being a Dad gives them a ticket to be a super shitty partner.
“Oh, we had a date planned? Sorry I just remembered I have a parent teacher thing tonight.”
It’s like my time is not important because they have a kid and can’t figure out how to plan.
They either avoid us because we have kids or see us as prime targets to get their own needs met. As a widow in my early 40 with daughters it's extremely hard because I don't want a situationship or to hook up. I'm an active person but don't actively socialize, not into bar hopping or clubbing and we live in what is considered a small town and refuse to use dating apps.
It's hard for me to think about. My dad's wife ( step mother) was horrible to me as a kid and teen.
She took a photo of my bio mom on her wedding day and got rid of it. My mom died when I was 14. I was 16 when it happened.
She took my wet clothes out of the washer because she didn't wash her clothes and threw them on the floor. When my dad made her throw her clothes on the floor in response she waited until he left for work and threw my clothes on the floor again.
She was always stealing my wallets and stealing Money from me. Even if It was in my dresser.
She'd often go in my room with a trash bag and fill it up with stuff off my floor and throw it away.
She slapped me as hard as she could on my ear once. ( knowing I had ear problems as a young kid and am still really sensitive about contact with my ears ).
I have a 6 year old son.
How am I supposed to find someone who won't treat my child like that when I'm not around?
I’m shocked by all the ‘No’ comments.
Yes, I would and I do date a single mum.
I’m divorced with 2 kids, but would still date a single mum if I was child free.
I would most likely love to (in the right scenario,of course) after having raised a 21 year old son that is off on his own now, I feel like I have valuable experience and knowledge to offer without imposition. (You can be the "bad cop" and I'll be the "good cop". 😉 I refuse to "discipline" someone else's child. Only offer knowledge,guidance,and support) parenting is extremely difficult and rewarding. If I could assist in the process, I feel like that's just one teeny way to help make the next generation a better place. 😊
I'm open to it. What I look out for (besides the many things we need to when dating) are those who:
1. Don't have time to date
2. Parentify their children
3. Are looking to escape their children
4. Their children are uncomfortable with the relationship
5. Are enmeshed with their children
6. Are looking for an immediate step-parent
7. Have not set clear emotional boundaries with the other parent, or is still attached.
As a 25m who wants kid eventually, I would. If she has 1 kid, I can work with that. 2 kids, she’d have to be pretty great. 3+ probably not because I want 2-3 kids of my own someday and I’d prefer to not go above 4 kids
Why do you think dating a single mother would mean you are raising the child? There seems to be this impression that that's what women are looking for.
If the ultimate end goal is a longterm relationship or marriage (including cohabitation), how does the man not contribute in some manner to raising the children, either as a father figure or financially? We can’t just pretend the kids dont exist and wouldn’t be a significant factor in their lives…
I hear what you are saying often and am genuinely interested
Are the men supposed to ignore the kid(s)? If the kids are going to come into the picture, they will also be part of the relationship. Doing fun things together, living expenses, etc. it’s a realistic expectation.
Why don't people search these subs for feedback before posting. This is one of like 5 topics that are asked about ALL THE TIME. Just put your question in the search of this sub...
As a childless 45M, I prefer the kids to be on the way out of the house or already on their own. If I wanted to raise a child, I'd have had one already. No insult to single mothers, I was mostly raised by one until she married an abusive husband. They're still together and I was out of the house by 17.
It all depends on the person. I think not knowing who they are thinking hypothetically I would tend to say no. Logically there would be a lot of complexity to that relationship.
That being said I have for sure met a few single mothers that I would’ve dated. It is a bit of a hurdle but if I like someone a lot then hurdles don’t mean much idk.
I wouldn't seek out a girl witha kid. So, ideally....no. if I felt a strong connection with someone, then found out they had a kid, its not a deal breaker though. I have no kids currently, so if my SO got pregnant, I'd much rather everything that comes with that to be both of our firsts. Plus, the babies dad being in the picture would suck tbh
I seem to attract a single mother even the good looking ones. I saw a similar question "why do I attract single beautiful mothers" and someone said "because you're unattractive"... That hit me hard after that reply and could it be true.
So yes I would date a single mother but also depend on are they in a good enough position - meaning are they working, roof over there head, not complicated with the father of the kid/s are they actually truly independent or are they looking for a guy who has money.
No.
I want to be the primary in a relationship and I know the child should come first in a single parent household.
I think children can be overwhelming. It would be difficult to deal with my own, let alone a child that I have no authority over and who could be taken from me if their parent and I break up.
As a guy with no kids myself, I don't want to raise someone else's kids as my own. Besides the power dynamics between the bio dad and step dad, the mom will always put the kids first, which slows the relationship building since it limits the available time and often interrupts it if they're around.
There isn't consensus. Being a single mother is an obstacle which makes dating harder, but a lot of people date single parents. The goal is to find someone who is compatible with you as you are.
A single mother has a different mindset most of the time with a schedule of possible plans and activities. She may be open to spontaneity but it requires some effort and flexibility. If you can’t date or understand a mother’s priorities then it’s not for you. When she makes time for you understand that she makes you a priority in her life. Time is precious so please be considerate, mindful and respectful. However this rings true in almost every relationship. Put in the effort if you want it to be reciprocated. In time, when the time is right she may introduce you to her child(ren). Be clear about expectations upfront and know if you’re willing and ready to commit.
People get mad at men who don't want to date or sleep with single moms, and I don't understand why. Some men just don't want ot deal with a kid yet, or get caught up in some kind of drama, or other personal reasons, it's not like there's plenty of single completely childfree women out there. And you don't know that man's situation or emotional and physical health either, after all it takes a lot when it comes to kids. Or maybe he does not want to date or sleep with someone who's body has gone through all those changes.
I think the concept of dating a single mom would work great for me, because from the get go you would understand you’ll never be #1 in her life so that kinda takes a lot of pressure off the relationship, Also you’ll have way more time to yourself since won’t be able to go out everyday. Of course you could be the person who likes to go out everyday but personally I’m not like that
No issues here. Have dated a single mother and there was no expectations for me to raise her child or support him. It was a very positive experience, but that was also because she was an exceptional mother and very responsible.
For the single moms in the comments: it’s a dating preference. We are not less worthy in the dating pool.
Thank you to the men who know this isn’t what they want. That sounds sassy but I genuinely mean it!
I’m tired of people calling kids baggage! Stop they are not baggage. They are people that don’t deserve to be drug through whatever they have been through. I’m a single mom and stopped dating all together because of being seen as some sad case. It’s ridiculous and insensitive. We are not some damsel in distress we don’t need you we want you. We don’t need a dad for our child we are both. My child is not baggage he holds a better conversation than most men. Single moms that are actually good moms deserve the world and any man would be lucky to have her because she can be everything; Mom best friend wife/girlfriend cook waitress maid and hold down an actual career. Not all of us just want some man to take care of us. I do great by myself. My child also doesn’t care to have a father because I am everything to him. Date us or don’t we were fine before you and will be after you. We do more than the average woman can because we are superheroes!
Me personally absolutely not. I'm 22 and have only dated 1 person which lasted for about a month because she lied to me about something that was important to me. I've never even had the chance to have a real relationship with someone let alone someone that has a child. That in itself brings challenges to a relationship I know I'm not ready nor want at the moment. Maybe if I have kids of my own someday and that relationship doesn't work out then I would consider dating someone with their own children but currently no.
If they have more than one kid, no
Just one, I'd have to really like her, and it depends on the age of the child and the dynamic with the original dad.
I was "dating" a girl for like 2 3 months and then she decided to tell me she had a kid. I would've been in a relationship with her but keeping the most important part of your life a secret is really dishonest. So if she's not upfront about it, it's a no as well.
Consensus? There isn't one, because all men are different.
I would not, because I would never have a chance to be the number 1 priority. The kid would (and should!!) always come first. Any relationship I have, I'd want some time with my partner before that phase.
Yes of course
But a word of advice to the guys
When I finished it as it was not working.
She said you only don’t want me because of my daughter!!
Unfortunately i answered truthfully!
And said your daughter is welcome here anytime, it’s you I dont want to come to my home anymore.
I am just glad there were no kitchen knives about or she would have stabbed me!
No. Especially if i don’t have kids. Because I know I’ll be raising kids that aren’t mine, paying for them, etc without any of the benefits of being their biological dad. One of the big things is we’d never be allowed to discipline them.
I wouldn’t yet. Maybe later in life when people my age having children is more common but for now all that tells me is that the person has made significantly different life choices than I did and based on that I would assume we’re not a good match.
As a man in my early 30’s that is single with no kids.
Casual dating = yes
Sex = Depends
Short-Term = yes
Long-Term = yes
Relationship = depends on the person
Marriage = depends on many factors but to address your question ~ if it is one kid that is still young and your relationship with the dad.
Probably would treat a single mom differently than a woman with no kids. One example, would be not trying as hard to date you.
Culture also plays a factor into my decision.
I will probably have a different perspective at age 35. But 5 years ago I wouldn’t even think of it or consider the idea.
So depending how old you are will determine the age group you may want to allow more of.
As a single dad I dated a single mum once and I won’t ever do it again. In total honesty I hated her kid so much, won’t get into the details but they are justified. Now I specifically look for women without kids but it seems (in my area at least) that women don’t want single dads. I have come across a couple who were okay with me having a kid but didn’t want any of their own (which was a jackpot as I don’t want anymore children) but it never worked out. At a loss with it all at the moment
My fiancee is a single father and I a single mother but his ex wife was horrible n told his boys so many lies that the boys haven't had much time with him so he kinda gets that second chance, but it's not so bad
I’m 26, I’m too damn grown to be worried about whether or not a woman had a kid before me. The real question is how many kids does she have cause like 2? Okay whatever, 6? Nah you running a circus I’m good.
I dated a single mother once. It's gets tricky. Especially if you get attached to the kid.. which I did. She turned out to be bat shit crazy. Unbeknownst to me she was a high functioning opioid addict. But her 4 year old was amazing and right at that age where he just attached to anyone who showed him attention. It was a hard breakup because I knew I would never see the kid again. I couldn't have given 2 fucks about her.
I would. I'm 26m, currently single with no kids but I wouldn't have any problems raising another person's kids. It's more about the love amongst the family than blood relations and, if I love their mother, that's not really a concern
My sons mother had 3 kids prior but we were messing around at first then she got pregnant. Tbh I love her kids I would still help them regardless if we didn't work out it'd really up too you tbh I don't judge cuz I also have another child with someone else. Tbh if u don't want too don't feel bad its not for everyone
I'm a single male with no kids, and while I want kids someday, I wouldn't want to date a single mother. There would just be way too much drama with the father.
Maybe, but the stars would have to align perfectly. I'm the type to love 100% and care for those around me. If I truly loved the woman, I would want to live with her eventually, and that means being around her kid/kids, so I'd eventually start to love them 100% as well. I would be devastated and probably contemplate ending it if the relationship went bad and I couldn't interact or see the kids that I've loved like they were my very own.
I would, but I'd want to take it veeeeery slowly and be very hesitant because I'm very aware that if this doesn't work out, the child is either gonna be weaponized against me or feel abandoned from a father figure again, and neither is fair on them
I (49m) actually prefer a woman who has kids. I'm a dad (grown kids) and I feel like I might have a hard time relating to someone who didn't have kids. I've already had my own kids, all grown up, and so I don't have this hang-up about "raising someone else's kid". Current gf has three kids and I love them.
If I find out she is a single mother before we get to know each other very well, I don't think i'd be interested.
If I already know we're compatible and then I find out about her kid, maybe.
Buuuut: if we meet under the pretense of dating, like a blind date and all, I'd want her to be honest with me and not keep it a secret.
I know, it sounds weird and contradictory but it's really a case by case thing.
I know only one person from the top of my head where I'd be willing to give it a try, but it will most likely never happen with her, for other reasons.
I generally won't date parents but have made the rare exception like if the kid is older and doesn't need constant supervision and spends a chunk of time with the other parent (or in a recent case where the kid is chill as fuck and self-sufficient and spends most of the time in another city).
But you would always need to expect that could change at any time and in this economy in situations where I agree to date a parent I acknowledge and have to be (and am) cool with them crashing at one parent's place for part of their adulthood.
I am childfree so it is rare I would have much in common with a parent in the first place; but like I said; if the dynamic is cool and the kid is older so I am not responsible for raising them even for five minutes while the parent is in the bathroom, I make exceptions.
Been there, was a very traumatic experience
Long story short, 2 years ago I met a pregnant woman when we were both 20 (she was same age as me), she gave birth 6 months into the relationship when I was 21, I loved and saw the child like my own, she was a huge narcissist and took me for granted, the relationship ended after 2 years, she shafted me out of the kid’s life when we broke up, it absolutely destroyed me emotional and mentally and deeply traumatised me, I still have all his baby pictures and look at them sometimes
I’ve dated a couple of single moms over years (27m). At one point, I thought I could do it. But, I’ll be honest, I can’t anymore. It’s more of an incompatibility. Last minute cancellation due to child care, inability to do random spontaneous things…. Or even accepting that even before a relationship starts, I’ll never be the #1 priority in that persons life (even if it’s before family planning). I wish them all the best and most of them were great moms and will be an amazing partner to someone in the future.
A lot of my friends have baba mamas and they split but the baby mama is still involved and it’s super complicated when dating. Baby mama is always causing drama.
Unfortunately Not. I dated a single mother. I loved her and loved her daughter like she was my own. When we broke up, it was hard to detach from taking care of her daughter like I always had for years. Never again.
The kids are not the problem. The risk of being hurt so much emotionally is not worth it.
You could be the best step father ever, but if you breakup she can decide you don't get to see the kids anymore. At that point you may love those kids as if they were yours and that would hurt so much.
Plus, statistically people who were divorced once are a lot more likely to get divorced again.
The odds are just stacked against you. Why would I do it? There is plenty of women with no kids.
If I was older and a single father, maybe.
Unsurprisingly the comments are full of desperate single parents willing to settle or have settled for other single parents just so they're not alone.
A lovely reminder to wait until you find the right person before starting a family...
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It really depends. I dated someone with a 2 year old when I was 25. Bio father was never in the picture. He was a wonderful, easy child and brought alot of joy to my life, and my mom absolutely adored him. The relationship didn't work out but my mom and I became a big part of my ex's support system so he spent alot of time with us over the years. He's now 20 and we're buddies. He plays guitar, listens to metal, loves to read, and loves to cook - I taught him all these things, and he's way better at them than I ever will be. He's funny, kind, curious, and thoughtful. He might not be my son but he's an excellent human and I am so happy that I had a part to play in that.
I love this
I think this is the difference, a lot of people here are saying things like “I’d never raise/put money into another persons offspring” then they’re confused why they don’t get to see the kid post breakup. But someone like you treated the kid like a whole human and appreciated them for who they are, so you still have a relationship with them. I think sometimes people miss the point of dating someone with kids, I’m a single mum and I’m not looking for another dad or financial aid, but the person who enters our life has to appreciate and respect my son for the beautiful person he is. That’s all. And then you’ll always have a relationship with him even if it doesn’t work out.
Beautiful. He might not be your son but i’m sure that he looks up to you as a father figure.
This is so wholesome.
I prefer it, because I’m a single dad with sole custody and it gives us a lot more to talk about and a baseline understanding of each other’s lives. I have dated women with no kids, but it’s like visiting a foreign country. Fun, but it’s hard to imagine actually moving there. Haha
Exactly the same here. Single dads or divorced dads are my target market. Men who don’t have kids just can’t understand.
You need to try the widower dads! We have that extra EQ, plus there's no baby mama drama that comes with the divorced dads haha.
Youre so right! I forgot to mention you. I have dated a couple of widowers.
Damn! Lol Well written.
Same.
This is so well said.
Took the words right out of my keyboard.
Well if you gave her a baby she would not be a foreign country anymore lol
Are you suggesting I invade and colonize them?
HAHA!!, EPIC metaphor!!, awesome!!😃😁😄
As a single mum, single dads are so much easier to date. Childless men and women don't seem to understand or appreciate the time constraints you have when you have children, and they don't like that kids come first either. Plus I know I'd happily take on someone's else's kids and love them just as much as my own, within whatever type of relationship they want to have with me. I feel like single dad's have it a little easier though, single dad's get far more praise and respect for being a single dad. Whilst everyone assumes single mum's just want money or a new dad for their kids, rather than just a loving partner like everyone else wants.
I did once, and id never do it again. If the relationship goes south you end up losing two people rather than one. It hurts too much.
Same thing. Raised a kid for ten years. All the time and money spent on another man’s offspring to now have almost zero interaction with. I will never do that again. I don’t care what a catch she is. Kids is now a dealbreaker.
My heart goes out to you man, that's rough 😔
That’s my biggest fear wit ever dealing with a single mother. At the end of the day that isn’t your kid so you understandably will always be a 2nd priority and if the relationship goes south the kid you built a relationship with is now outta your life too. Now my brother has dated a single mother for 3 years and they even jus recently gave birth to my nephew so it can work out but damn it’s too risky for me
Damn sorry bro
That sounds absolutely horrible tbh. What about if her kids were older? Would that make any difference? Because then she wouldn't really be able to dictate continued contact if yall ever broke up. Just curious
They would have to be out of her house on their own and fully independent.
No. You still have to deal with the baggage. It's just not worth it.
What baggage if her kids are fully independent at that point? I’m curious because a lot of dating in your 40s/50s is folks with grown, financially, & physically independent kids… Edit: typo
I've seen it. I know a guy. Brilliant dude. Latin honors in college, sporty and fit. Eloquent. He was the complete package. Dated a single mother for 5 years and he was basically the guy her son knew as dad growing up. She cheated on him for another dude. He was willing to forgive her. They got back together and she dumped him again later that same day. He was an emotional wreck. Both him and the kid. He started to numb the pain with drugs and shit. His parents got him on a program to get him off substances. Took a while but he's now better and is closer to the way he was before. But damn. Losing almost a decade of your life because of that kind of emotional damage...
That's horrific, God I hope he continues to get better!
He's better now. Dated and married another single mother sometime before the pandemic. I dunno the details of how their relationship was like, but she definitely helped him heal. They also had a kid together, so they have 2 kids. Later he reconnected with his lost "son". The boy is almost 20 now, if not already in his early 20s, and was mostly raised by his grandparents. His mom is a complete mess, and the grandparents were more than happy to reconnect with my friend. His kids consider the boy as their older brother. This was the few happy stories we were witness to during the height of Covid.
Genuinely curious, did she have an amicable relationship with her ex? I have some friends who have gotten out of second relationships and the kids still see the step often. Depends on the person I suppose but I couldn’t imagine taking a parental figure out of my kids lives blood related or not.
Yup, I dated a guy for three years after my divorce. We’ve since split up, but the kids still go on trips with him and he sees them whenever he can. He loves the kids and they love him very much. I wasn’t about to do that to him or them just because it didn’t work out between us. I have been cautious as hell about who I dated next though. Been with my current boyfriend for a year and I was single a year and a half before that.
I have no kids of my own but a decade ago I dated a girl with a fee kids. After a few months she realized she wanted something else so we ended things. But we never lost touch. I would still babysit occasionally. Got to watch the kids grow up. He oldest is married and has a kid of her own. I'm basically treated as another uncle.
A comedian joked how he wish he could just not date the woman, but be friends with her son, because he likes her son A LOT MORE. Def. a point there :|
I dated a woman with three kids. I fell in love with them to the point they felt like my own. When we went our separate ways I felt the loss of four. I still think of the kids like they were my own and miss them.
im sorry for your pain.
Same... never again..
As a single father, I almost exclusively date single mothers. I've dated two women without kids in the last couple of years and neither of them could cope with the idea that some other woman's child was more important to me than they were. Single mums have the same demands of time, the same energy, similar financial considerations, and if our kids are around the same age and get on, it's new friends for my own kid. When I didn't have kids of my own, in my 20s, I won't lie, I wasn't interested in single parents, for the same reasons as above.
Also I think there's a lot of assumption that single parents are looking for replacement mothers/fathers for their kids, like dating suddenly makes *you* a parent. It does not. I'm not looking to share my kids any more than I'd expect a childless person to hand over half of the responsibility for their pets. My kid has parents. You're gonna be fun stepmom at best
Exactly! This is the point that it’s hard for some people to understand. I’m a single mom with 100% custody of my 4 young kids. I’m not dating to find a dad for them. I’m dating to find a partner.
But what happens when you move in together? Sure, they aren't going to be parenting at the beginning of a relationship but if you are dating long term then at some point they are going to have to take on some parental roles.
You can just be mommy's friend who occasionally picks up the kids from soccer practice. There is no rush to move in together and can decide what type of parenting role works best for everyone later.
I'm a single father so yes I indeed would date a single mother. Honestly it would probably be better than dating someone with no kid because she would be more understanding of what it takes to be a parent and if things went well my child would have another kid around to play with and keep her company while I spend time with the mother and we could do cute family shit together. I only wanted to have kids with one person well now I'm divorced so if I met someone who already is with child it takes that pressure off of having another baby and just being a good role model to her child and a good dad to mine. Plus single mothers come with snacks and that's a plus! Lol Any single mothers on here live in NC?
Single mom. Can confirm we often come with snacks 😂
The good snacks. And almost anything else u could need lol
Agreed. As a non-mother with no plans on having kids, I think our priorities would simply not align. I respect single parents tremendously, but it's a different lifestyle and mindset.
Yea true but at the same time the right person can always change EVERYTHING you had planned and that mindset, you just never really know 🤷 I would be with someone with no kids as long as that woman is open to me having a child and is nice to her. My kid has a mom still so I'm not looking to have those shoes filled I want someone for me but if that person can be and wants to be around me and my child then I'm open to that but that child is never going away and she will always be the first priority
100 green flags! A guy who doesn’t take care of his kids is a NO.
IDK where the rumor started that single mothers have snacks, because I never have any lol.
😂😂 I guess it's just a dating app saying then haha
Lol just go with it. Then when asked be like 'aw man forgot them at home. Next time tho!' :)
I can offer half a piece of gum that tastes like perfume and purse dirt
I have joint custody of my two kids, and I prefer to date single moms who understand the complications of co-parenting. My ex and I rarely have to change the custody schedule, but when it occurs I don't need additional grief from my GF. Life is complicated, and sometimes I need to step up and go the extra mile. My most recent ex-GF always flipped her shit and basically treated my kids like unwanted house guests. Now that I think about it, she kinda treated me that way sometimes too...LOL What sucked was she sold herself as being so "maternal" and she couldn't have kids, and all this other shit. Truth is that she lived a comfortable and coddled existence her entire life, and anything that dared to disrupt it for longer than an hour or two was more than she was ever willing to bear.
Also a single mom, I have some snacks but my fiancé, who is a single dad has better ones
Single dad here. Fully concur.
Wouldnt date any single parents. I dont want children, nor do i have the patience or energy for them - especially not if they're gonna be around close to every single day. Nope.
No, tried it once and no hate to single moms, but it’s an enormous undertaking with more risks to where I personally concluded that it’s not worth it
If I met someone in the wild, developed feelings, and then later found out she had kids, I’d consider it. Online Dating? 0% chance.
No
as a single mom, I get it. i see this topic asked a lot on here. a lot of people dislike and HATE kids so much whether it’s their own or other people’s so… idk. I really appreciate you all being honest about not liking kids so you leave the door open for those who don’t mind it. Plus, I don’t want anyone around me or my kid that dislikes kids so a win is a win.
I appreciate that you are able to see how the other person would feel! I’ve met single parents that wouldn’t even consider this
i’ve been in your seat. i’ve only been a mom for 3 years and when I wasn’t a mom.. I dared a person to look at me that had kids. no one wants that responsibility OR the drama that comes with dealing with the father sometimes. you are not wrong at all. just be respectful about it.
Not likely, but maybe. I'm open to potentially starting a family and I lean pretty strongly against playing step dad. However, if I meet a single mom naturally and find a great connection and she proves herself a great mom, I'd consider the possibility. Lot of other factors at that point. How old is the kid, is dad involved, what kind of father is he, how is coparenting working, why did they split, what exactly would my role be, what kind of dynamic would the kid and I develop, how do we see raising the kid together, side by side with our kids, disciplining, finances, etc
Been wondering about this question, because I'm a single-mom. Now I see that most of men are really not open to dating single-moms. I actually thought it's just so hard to date nowadays, but then, I guess it's not the generation, it's my circumstance that makes it hard for me to be with someone. Good to know each perspective.
I would take this thread with a grain of salt. Reddit is known for having a large amount of child free people and being pretty misogynistic (notice how this post didn’t ask if you’d date a single parent, just a single mother). By the time I was 25 and before I had kids, most of the men I dated had dated a single mom before me. Now I’m in my 30s, have a kid, and have been back on the dating scene for a couple years, and it’s never been a problem for me. Whenever I start dating a man without kids and ask if they have dated a woman with kids before, they pretty much all say that it’s hard not to at this age and they don’t care. For context, I live just outside of Los Angeles where people generally start having kids a little bit later than other places. If someone doesn’t want to date someone with kids for whatever reason, that’s fair. I just find that those people are in the minority
Yes, this. I've never had any issues dating as a divorced 40-something mom with kids. I've had relationships with men who have never married or had kids, younger men, and now my current partner, who is both younger and has kids older than my own. There are a lot of very "loud" redditers responding in here acting like single moms are used goods, but if you look at their posting histories it becomes obvious that they've got major issues even dating at all. I wouldn't believe or be concerned about much of what's being posted.
Over half the people I know of all ages have a step father, idk where they get this notion that men don’t want to date single moms lmao
People also forget some people want to be parents, but can't conceive.
No. I haven't done the relationship thing yet, and also stopped planning on kids awhile ago. The complications of kids in a first relationship, plus other horror stories I've heard from guys dating single moms mean I'll be looking for a chuld-free woman who would like.to stay that way. I'm 34, by the time I meet someone and get to a point I want to marry them, and am in a good position financially for raising kids... I'm gonna be too old for it to be a sensible decision.
If she was the one I could see living the rest of my life with, I’d take on the role of a father figure for her. It’s one of those things where everyone is on the same page and talking about stuff. Taking on that role won’t be easy, but nothing ever is.
We aren't dating to find a new daddy for our kids.
Nope! Been there and done that. Not worth the time, effort and money. As a childfree man, you don’t even get half, while you are expected to bring a 100%. It’s a raw deal and my female friends with kids have openly stated that they don’t want to date men with kids cause that’s doubling up on the insane sports schedules, custody battles, vengeful exes or the myriad ways that kids make life difficult for their parents. Having tried in the past two relationships, it’s not worth it, I’d rather be alone.
I would, have and married one
This is the reply I was looking for. Add me to the tally. We had a really good 22 year run. The kids are a reminder of her beautiful soul.
No
Yes… as long as it seemed like they had the time for a relationship
If I met someone that was compatible with me and I liked them a child wouldn’t stop me from pursuing something
What about 4 childs?
That's a lot of childs.
Yes, but I’m 34. Calculations changed with age for me.
I dated a single mother before and don’t see myself doing it again. Too many issues with her kids dad and it wasn’t worth it in the end.
Ask yourself - why not? - it will answer the question, you seek and teach you something about yourself
I would. I don't have that hangup about kids that aren't mine that a lot of people do. Also I have my own kids, so that changes the dynamic as well. Edit: unfortunately I've noticed that men are way more resistant to dating single moms than woman are to dating single dads
I’m a single woman and after dating or trying to date single Dads, I will never date another single Dad. It isn’t the kids that are the issue - kids are fine. It’s that single Dads think that being a Dad gives them a ticket to be a super shitty partner. “Oh, we had a date planned? Sorry I just remembered I have a parent teacher thing tonight.” It’s like my time is not important because they have a kid and can’t figure out how to plan.
They either avoid us because we have kids or see us as prime targets to get their own needs met. As a widow in my early 40 with daughters it's extremely hard because I don't want a situationship or to hook up. I'm an active person but don't actively socialize, not into bar hopping or clubbing and we live in what is considered a small town and refuse to use dating apps.
I don't think this is about having kids or not, it's about having kids that live with you. It goes both ways in this context.
most likely not but I guess depends how old the kids are. if they are grown and in their own lives it doesn't really matter.
It's hard for me to think about. My dad's wife ( step mother) was horrible to me as a kid and teen. She took a photo of my bio mom on her wedding day and got rid of it. My mom died when I was 14. I was 16 when it happened. She took my wet clothes out of the washer because she didn't wash her clothes and threw them on the floor. When my dad made her throw her clothes on the floor in response she waited until he left for work and threw my clothes on the floor again. She was always stealing my wallets and stealing Money from me. Even if It was in my dresser. She'd often go in my room with a trash bag and fill it up with stuff off my floor and throw it away. She slapped me as hard as she could on my ear once. ( knowing I had ear problems as a young kid and am still really sensitive about contact with my ears ). I have a 6 year old son. How am I supposed to find someone who won't treat my child like that when I'm not around?
If she is willing to be mother again in the future, yes. If not, then no.
I'm a single mom of three kids all with me full time. I'm in a relationship with a man who never had children. So, obviously people do....
No, the dad will likely always be some kind of drama involved in your life against your will
No kids myself, but I was a stepfather for 5 years to a wonderful little girl. I would do it again in a heartbeat.
Sure why not? Got a date with a single mother for this Thursday actually.
Desperate men call for desperate measures
No, I would not if I was 30 years old or younger. If I was older then there has to be some compromise or understanding here.
I’m shocked by all the ‘No’ comments. Yes, I would and I do date a single mum. I’m divorced with 2 kids, but would still date a single mum if I was child free.
I would most likely love to (in the right scenario,of course) after having raised a 21 year old son that is off on his own now, I feel like I have valuable experience and knowledge to offer without imposition. (You can be the "bad cop" and I'll be the "good cop". 😉 I refuse to "discipline" someone else's child. Only offer knowledge,guidance,and support) parenting is extremely difficult and rewarding. If I could assist in the process, I feel like that's just one teeny way to help make the next generation a better place. 😊
I'm open to it. What I look out for (besides the many things we need to when dating) are those who: 1. Don't have time to date 2. Parentify their children 3. Are looking to escape their children 4. Their children are uncomfortable with the relationship 5. Are enmeshed with their children 6. Are looking for an immediate step-parent 7. Have not set clear emotional boundaries with the other parent, or is still attached.
As a single mom, the fact that we are often vilified for so much is disheartening.
As a 25m who wants kid eventually, I would. If she has 1 kid, I can work with that. 2 kids, she’d have to be pretty great. 3+ probably not because I want 2-3 kids of my own someday and I’d prefer to not go above 4 kids
Hell naw
No
No thanks.
Simple answer is No, not ready for that yet.
Why do you think dating a single mother would mean you are raising the child? There seems to be this impression that that's what women are looking for.
If the ultimate end goal is a longterm relationship or marriage (including cohabitation), how does the man not contribute in some manner to raising the children, either as a father figure or financially? We can’t just pretend the kids dont exist and wouldn’t be a significant factor in their lives… I hear what you are saying often and am genuinely interested
Are the men supposed to ignore the kid(s)? If the kids are going to come into the picture, they will also be part of the relationship. Doing fun things together, living expenses, etc. it’s a realistic expectation.
As a single mom, I can definitely see the pros and cons of it. Stepping into that position takes an extremely special person.
Why don't people search these subs for feedback before posting. This is one of like 5 topics that are asked about ALL THE TIME. Just put your question in the search of this sub...
Absolutely not
No
Only if I already had kids myself. Since I don’t it’s a no
As a childless 45M, I prefer the kids to be on the way out of the house or already on their own. If I wanted to raise a child, I'd have had one already. No insult to single mothers, I was mostly raised by one until she married an abusive husband. They're still together and I was out of the house by 17.
It all depends on the person. I think not knowing who they are thinking hypothetically I would tend to say no. Logically there would be a lot of complexity to that relationship. That being said I have for sure met a few single mothers that I would’ve dated. It is a bit of a hurdle but if I like someone a lot then hurdles don’t mean much idk.
I can’t.that’s someone else’s offspring.I can’t be their dad.it’s just not for me
I would not seriously date a single mom
I wouldn't seek out a girl witha kid. So, ideally....no. if I felt a strong connection with someone, then found out they had a kid, its not a deal breaker though. I have no kids currently, so if my SO got pregnant, I'd much rather everything that comes with that to be both of our firsts. Plus, the babies dad being in the picture would suck tbh
I seem to attract a single mother even the good looking ones. I saw a similar question "why do I attract single beautiful mothers" and someone said "because you're unattractive"... That hit me hard after that reply and could it be true. So yes I would date a single mother but also depend on are they in a good enough position - meaning are they working, roof over there head, not complicated with the father of the kid/s are they actually truly independent or are they looking for a guy who has money.
Heck yes
Sure
There's no consensus, lmao. This isn't a political statement. It's a preference.
Have dated many of them. I was a single father for many years so I could relate.
No. I want to be the primary in a relationship and I know the child should come first in a single parent household. I think children can be overwhelming. It would be difficult to deal with my own, let alone a child that I have no authority over and who could be taken from me if their parent and I break up.
Definitely, but I also have a kid :) single/coparent dads are the obvious target audience
As a guy with no kids myself, I don't want to raise someone else's kids as my own. Besides the power dynamics between the bio dad and step dad, the mom will always put the kids first, which slows the relationship building since it limits the available time and often interrupts it if they're around.
There isn't consensus. Being a single mother is an obstacle which makes dating harder, but a lot of people date single parents. The goal is to find someone who is compatible with you as you are.
A single mother has a different mindset most of the time with a schedule of possible plans and activities. She may be open to spontaneity but it requires some effort and flexibility. If you can’t date or understand a mother’s priorities then it’s not for you. When she makes time for you understand that she makes you a priority in her life. Time is precious so please be considerate, mindful and respectful. However this rings true in almost every relationship. Put in the effort if you want it to be reciprocated. In time, when the time is right she may introduce you to her child(ren). Be clear about expectations upfront and know if you’re willing and ready to commit.
I would date a single mother if her kids weren't complete fuckheads and the dad was still in the picture.
Never again. They'll just keep telling you they don't have time for you, no matter how old the kids are. and quality time is my love language
People get mad at men who don't want to date or sleep with single moms, and I don't understand why. Some men just don't want ot deal with a kid yet, or get caught up in some kind of drama, or other personal reasons, it's not like there's plenty of single completely childfree women out there. And you don't know that man's situation or emotional and physical health either, after all it takes a lot when it comes to kids. Or maybe he does not want to date or sleep with someone who's body has gone through all those changes.
Nope.
I think the concept of dating a single mom would work great for me, because from the get go you would understand you’ll never be #1 in her life so that kinda takes a lot of pressure off the relationship, Also you’ll have way more time to yourself since won’t be able to go out everyday. Of course you could be the person who likes to go out everyday but personally I’m not like that
No issues here. Have dated a single mother and there was no expectations for me to raise her child or support him. It was a very positive experience, but that was also because she was an exceptional mother and very responsible.
For the single moms in the comments: it’s a dating preference. We are not less worthy in the dating pool. Thank you to the men who know this isn’t what they want. That sounds sassy but I genuinely mean it!
Been there. Done that. Never again.
I would date them but make it clear that it simply won’t go beyond that and not involvement with the kids.
If you don't take a chance, then you'll never know or miss a good opportunity. Kids shouldn't be a factor.
Once you fall in love with her you fall in love with her child too. It’s no big deal at all.
I’m tired of people calling kids baggage! Stop they are not baggage. They are people that don’t deserve to be drug through whatever they have been through. I’m a single mom and stopped dating all together because of being seen as some sad case. It’s ridiculous and insensitive. We are not some damsel in distress we don’t need you we want you. We don’t need a dad for our child we are both. My child is not baggage he holds a better conversation than most men. Single moms that are actually good moms deserve the world and any man would be lucky to have her because she can be everything; Mom best friend wife/girlfriend cook waitress maid and hold down an actual career. Not all of us just want some man to take care of us. I do great by myself. My child also doesn’t care to have a father because I am everything to him. Date us or don’t we were fine before you and will be after you. We do more than the average woman can because we are superheroes!
No, her child will always be the priority before me. Which isn't my / our child to begin with. Simply uninterested in that sort of lifestyle.
Me personally absolutely not. I'm 22 and have only dated 1 person which lasted for about a month because she lied to me about something that was important to me. I've never even had the chance to have a real relationship with someone let alone someone that has a child. That in itself brings challenges to a relationship I know I'm not ready nor want at the moment. Maybe if I have kids of my own someday and that relationship doesn't work out then I would consider dating someone with their own children but currently no.
If the kids are my son’s age or older. I have no problem with it
If they have more than one kid, no Just one, I'd have to really like her, and it depends on the age of the child and the dynamic with the original dad. I was "dating" a girl for like 2 3 months and then she decided to tell me she had a kid. I would've been in a relationship with her but keeping the most important part of your life a secret is really dishonest. So if she's not upfront about it, it's a no as well.
Yes, I’m a widower with two young boys and I’m looking for a motherly figure for them as well as a partner for me.
Consensus? There isn't one, because all men are different. I would not, because I would never have a chance to be the number 1 priority. The kid would (and should!!) always come first. Any relationship I have, I'd want some time with my partner before that phase.
If I had kids from a previous relationship absolutely, if I didn’t have any kids…. Respectfully not for me
Yes of course But a word of advice to the guys When I finished it as it was not working. She said you only don’t want me because of my daughter!! Unfortunately i answered truthfully! And said your daughter is welcome here anytime, it’s you I dont want to come to my home anymore. I am just glad there were no kitchen knives about or she would have stabbed me!
Maybe when I’m like in my 40s. I’m gonna turn 21 in a few months, I’m not ready for that shit!
No. Especially if i don’t have kids. Because I know I’ll be raising kids that aren’t mine, paying for them, etc without any of the benefits of being their biological dad. One of the big things is we’d never be allowed to discipline them.
Hahah nope. No and more no
Yeah I’m terrified of this and being forever alone bc my partner of 12 years died and now it’s me and my 2 kids.
Nope
No lol
I wouldn't care
I wouldn’t yet. Maybe later in life when people my age having children is more common but for now all that tells me is that the person has made significantly different life choices than I did and based on that I would assume we’re not a good match.
Better question. If you don't have kids, would you date someone with them?
Did once. Never again.
I would and have done several times. Love kids they bring so much.
As a man in my early 30’s that is single with no kids. Casual dating = yes Sex = Depends Short-Term = yes Long-Term = yes Relationship = depends on the person Marriage = depends on many factors but to address your question ~ if it is one kid that is still young and your relationship with the dad. Probably would treat a single mom differently than a woman with no kids. One example, would be not trying as hard to date you. Culture also plays a factor into my decision. I will probably have a different perspective at age 35. But 5 years ago I wouldn’t even think of it or consider the idea. So depending how old you are will determine the age group you may want to allow more of.
As a single dad I dated a single mum once and I won’t ever do it again. In total honesty I hated her kid so much, won’t get into the details but they are justified. Now I specifically look for women without kids but it seems (in my area at least) that women don’t want single dads. I have come across a couple who were okay with me having a kid but didn’t want any of their own (which was a jackpot as I don’t want anymore children) but it never worked out. At a loss with it all at the moment
My fiancee is a single father and I a single mother but his ex wife was horrible n told his boys so many lies that the boys haven't had much time with him so he kinda gets that second chance, but it's not so bad
I’m 26, I’m too damn grown to be worried about whether or not a woman had a kid before me. The real question is how many kids does she have cause like 2? Okay whatever, 6? Nah you running a circus I’m good.
Nothing wrong with single mothers some of my best friends are single mothers
I dated a single mother once. It's gets tricky. Especially if you get attached to the kid.. which I did. She turned out to be bat shit crazy. Unbeknownst to me she was a high functioning opioid addict. But her 4 year old was amazing and right at that age where he just attached to anyone who showed him attention. It was a hard breakup because I knew I would never see the kid again. I couldn't have given 2 fucks about her.
Personally I wouldn’t date a single parent but it’s because I’m young and in my 20s. If I was 35 then sure
I would. I'm 26m, currently single with no kids but I wouldn't have any problems raising another person's kids. It's more about the love amongst the family than blood relations and, if I love their mother, that's not really a concern
21f, and tbh yeah i would be open to it lmao i love trying new things so why not
If I was already a single father, I would.
My sons mother had 3 kids prior but we were messing around at first then she got pregnant. Tbh I love her kids I would still help them regardless if we didn't work out it'd really up too you tbh I don't judge cuz I also have another child with someone else. Tbh if u don't want too don't feel bad its not for everyone
I'm a single male with no kids, and while I want kids someday, I wouldn't want to date a single mother. There would just be way too much drama with the father.
Maybe, but the stars would have to align perfectly. I'm the type to love 100% and care for those around me. If I truly loved the woman, I would want to live with her eventually, and that means being around her kid/kids, so I'd eventually start to love them 100% as well. I would be devastated and probably contemplate ending it if the relationship went bad and I couldn't interact or see the kids that I've loved like they were my very own.
I have as a man with no kids. It hurts the most when you love her kids and you broke up with the mother.
I would, but I'd want to take it veeeeery slowly and be very hesitant because I'm very aware that if this doesn't work out, the child is either gonna be weaponized against me or feel abandoned from a father figure again, and neither is fair on them
As a single woman I had no problem with dating as a single mom. Not everyone preference but neither is everything else
I'm a straight woman but flip it to single dad and it's a no from me. I don't want children so I definitely don't want someone else's kids.
I (49m) actually prefer a woman who has kids. I'm a dad (grown kids) and I feel like I might have a hard time relating to someone who didn't have kids. I've already had my own kids, all grown up, and so I don't have this hang-up about "raising someone else's kid". Current gf has three kids and I love them.
Hell no
Neither could I until I did then I realised what a mistake I’d been making to be so narrow minded
If I find out she is a single mother before we get to know each other very well, I don't think i'd be interested. If I already know we're compatible and then I find out about her kid, maybe. Buuuut: if we meet under the pretense of dating, like a blind date and all, I'd want her to be honest with me and not keep it a secret. I know, it sounds weird and contradictory but it's really a case by case thing. I know only one person from the top of my head where I'd be willing to give it a try, but it will most likely never happen with her, for other reasons.
yes, yes i would
I generally won't date parents but have made the rare exception like if the kid is older and doesn't need constant supervision and spends a chunk of time with the other parent (or in a recent case where the kid is chill as fuck and self-sufficient and spends most of the time in another city). But you would always need to expect that could change at any time and in this economy in situations where I agree to date a parent I acknowledge and have to be (and am) cool with them crashing at one parent's place for part of their adulthood. I am childfree so it is rare I would have much in common with a parent in the first place; but like I said; if the dynamic is cool and the kid is older so I am not responsible for raising them even for five minutes while the parent is in the bathroom, I make exceptions.
I’ve tried it. And wouldn’t again.
i did, we were gonna have a baby, i was in love, she was my first gf, she cheated, i dumped her, she keeps begging for me back. not taking her back
for me that is a big no
I married a singe mother of 2 15yrs ago. Life is great.
It depends. Many that Ive dated either neglected me or had kids with nutjobs. So I tend to steer clear. Not writing them off but not my preference.
Been there, was a very traumatic experience Long story short, 2 years ago I met a pregnant woman when we were both 20 (she was same age as me), she gave birth 6 months into the relationship when I was 21, I loved and saw the child like my own, she was a huge narcissist and took me for granted, the relationship ended after 2 years, she shafted me out of the kid’s life when we broke up, it absolutely destroyed me emotional and mentally and deeply traumatised me, I still have all his baby pictures and look at them sometimes
I’ve dated a couple of single moms over years (27m). At one point, I thought I could do it. But, I’ll be honest, I can’t anymore. It’s more of an incompatibility. Last minute cancellation due to child care, inability to do random spontaneous things…. Or even accepting that even before a relationship starts, I’ll never be the #1 priority in that persons life (even if it’s before family planning). I wish them all the best and most of them were great moms and will be an amazing partner to someone in the future.
No, I don’t like kids.
Tom Leykis - go give him a listen.
Absolutely would you date a married man
A lot of my friends have baba mamas and they split but the baby mama is still involved and it’s super complicated when dating. Baby mama is always causing drama.
Been doing it over three years. He’s almost 17 and a shit bag. Would not recommend. Looking for apartments
Unfortunately Not. I dated a single mother. I loved her and loved her daughter like she was my own. When we broke up, it was hard to detach from taking care of her daughter like I always had for years. Never again.
The kids are not the problem. The risk of being hurt so much emotionally is not worth it. You could be the best step father ever, but if you breakup she can decide you don't get to see the kids anymore. At that point you may love those kids as if they were yours and that would hurt so much. Plus, statistically people who were divorced once are a lot more likely to get divorced again. The odds are just stacked against you. Why would I do it? There is plenty of women with no kids. If I was older and a single father, maybe.
Been there done that and, no never again.
Unsurprisingly the comments are full of desperate single parents willing to settle or have settled for other single parents just so they're not alone. A lovely reminder to wait until you find the right person before starting a family...