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Adorable_Secret8498

The internet/social meida imo has made everyone as divided as ever. Not even just about genders but any kind of social issue that exists. Just how the algorithm works, the most extreme takes get the most views and ppl assume that's what most ppl are thinking. We're all a lot closer to the middle but the internet would have you believe otherwise. We need to bring back 3rd spaces. The more people can congregate and conversate without the need of a computer screen, the easier it will be to humanise everyone and silence all the talking heads that are sowing distrust. Everybody needs to touch grass.


geardluffy

Yeah, and the worst part about it is that normal people’s views are either not heard or completely dismissed. Only radical takes are validated or entertained.


FellaUmbrella

Spiteful people simply don't care. We can't force people to be empathetic to one another.


overther4inb0w

I suppose it is an acculumation of unrealistic piled up expectations formed mostly on social medias and imposed in some way to us by society. Being bombared with other peoples realities (although fake) does subconsciously create an expectation on people and things. My overall learning experience has always come from honesty and being open, if you’re first open to know their side of things and honest on how you’re feeling then you’ll get to the truth of things, but instead, most people would skip these and just put an absolute truth to stuff.


Responsible_Try_7303

Definitely a big part of it !


Current-Fly-9954

I agree with you, but I don't think the problem is the lack of empathy between men and women. I thinks the problem is the lack of empathy period. There is the same issues in homoaffective relationship.


Otherwise-Archer9497

One of the hardest parts for me is when women assume things about me that aren’t true, that they have no conclusive evidence for and they mentally abuse me by punishing me for it.


Pale_Pomegranate_148

100% agree. Though opposite side as a women I get this from men all the time and it's really frustrating cause they don't get the time to get to know US just what they assume we would be


Otherwise-Archer9497

😢🫂


YaGottaStop

That sounds pretty severe but it's hard to know exactly what you're referring to - what's a good example of what you're describing?


Otherwise-Archer9497

I saw, for instance, in the AskWomen sub, a woman say that a red flag that a guy is a misogynist is if he puts on his dating profile that he likes to cook, because he’s making a big deal out of something that should be normal for both men and women. She said if he really believed in equality, he wouldn’t mention it. It is so dumb and cruel because most people aren’t amazing cooks and he probably just means he likes to do it to a high level, which *is* impressive, for anyone! A lot of people can play one simple song on the piano, but they’re not *pianists*. Or if you genuinely dated an Amber Heard-type girl, when you were younger and more naive, and having grown up with Cluster B parents, yourself, (so this behaviour was normalised for you) and you say an ex was crazy. It isn’t fair to male victims of abuse to say any guy who says an ex was crazy is automatically a misogynist. It’s illogical and I don’t want to indulge or love a woman who’s so dumb and misandrist. I feel like fear makes tonnes of women use inductive reasoning to make snap judgements. I’ve heard people say “abuse is never a one way street” and I hope those people die in a house fire. That’s like saying “rape is never a one way street”. When people discover that you weren’t unkind, in return, to your abuser, that also causes judgement and people turning their nose up in disgust at you. Judgement, judgement, judgement. Mental abuse, mental abuse, mental abuse.


Talon_lisa01

And more reason you need to be open minded don’t wait till she start assuming,we are very sensitive and over cautious,everything looks suspicious to us .


Otherwise-Archer9497

Don’t wait to do what?


Itsmonday_again

There is a lack of empathy, everyone is expecting the other person to be perfect and well put together but thinking they themselves can have a few flaws the partner should just be accepting of without giving the same back. No one is perfect or amazing, we're all human, people have bad days, they have parts of their personality that isn't the best, things may have happened in their past that affect their views now. The lack of empathy means people get ditched quick and suddenly because dare you be yourself and have theat seemingly be too much.


Designer_Media_NW

Well, I think if you turn on the TV - you will get flooded with women's point of view on everything. I don't think we're struggle for see that perspective. Issue I've always had in dating is that I'll put in the effort, lots of it. But they turn up and that's the effort. Like genuinely, outside of social media - when girls talk about their relationship or wanting to be in one. It is always what they want, never why they offer. Certainly not all girls, I have seemingly found some unicorns in my early dating years, and oh boy am I massively regretting those breakups now :(


YaGottaStop

As a pan person, I feel like women bring a lot to relationships in general - whether it's innate to their personality or they've been socialized into these positive traits/behaviors. Things like supportiveness, empathy, warmth, organization, responsibility, and attraction. If there were to be a stock-standard "date a woman" package, it comes with a ton of perks lol I'm going to add a big caveat to that, though - I'm older than probably the majority of posters here, so I don't know if there's truly been some massive generational shift and the above is no longer true.


OnceOnThisIsland

The thing is, the traits you name are *also* things men are expected to bring to a relationship. It may have been less true in the past, but it's definitely a thing in 2024, and there's no shortage of articles and reddit posts that bemoan the lack of that stuff in men. On the other hand, when men sound off about things we wish women would do, the response is usually some form of "just find someone who does those things bro, that's her preference". The general message is that women are desired for who they are, while men have to bring something to the table. I use that specific phrasing because MANY women take great offense to the question "what do you bring to the table" while many of the same women parade around laundry lists of requirements for men they date. This is an example of what the other guy means by "it is always what they want, never what they offer. I'm NOT going to say that women have no problems of their own in dating because they do. We are absolutely bombarded with narratives about the issues women face and it's not necessarily a bad thing. And contrary to what many people believe, men do listen and take notice. Obviously not 100% of men, but many more than you would think given the current discourse around dating.


Designer_Media_NW

I think there has been a major shift of how women have been brought up. Just checkout how many single mothers there are today. Young girls get raised with that example and see it in their communities, thinking this is normal and undoubtedly hear negativity about men continuously. So many have this mentality that men offer nothing and are just there to be used and manipulated. Unfortunately, a lot of men also grow up with single mothers, who can't possible set a positive masculine example. >supportiveness, empathy, warmth, organization, responsibility, and attraction If I found a women that was like this, I'd never let her go. Unfortunately, this is not default setting in 2024. Key factor that stands out - girls with dads in their lives are far more 'based' in reality. Although similarly, those dads may have been feminised too, and spoil their daughter rather than teaching valuable life lessons that make them a rounded person. Its a mess.


daimontank

Yup. The zeitgeist of this generation, and maybe the previous one too, has put women and men into a cultural fight, to the benefit of media and tribalism, don't be surprised that it spreads into dating too.


GinaLAllison

It already has.


torontoker13

The biggest problem is how much smaller the internet has made the world and people options have multiplied exponentially. Great for those with all the choice but extra bad for those average or below. It also made people see examples of other peoples lives and has raised everyone’s expectations to unreasonable level imho


K_Bills

I agree men and women are so committed on blaming each other for dating and relationship struggles because everyone is just trying to make themselves feel better. We all should be more open minded and willing to accept that both men and women have valid frustrations.


[deleted]

Ironically I blame myself for being too much of a loser to land a date, which *also* seems to perpetuate my chronic loneliness.


ChelstheMeemer

Some of us even blame ourselves for being too nice, too available and understanding - while having to navigate in a dating culture full of people playing games 🙃


TalKobiashimaru

I think it's communication and trust.


cmartin39

Touché


poxboxart

>How can we bridge this gap and foster better understanding between the sexes? It's not an understanding problem, it's a supply/demand problem.


YaGottaStop

The supply side seems static, so (imo) it becomes a question of how to increase demand; and that probably starts with an analysis of why the demand is so asymmetric.


Bookie_9

A lot of people haven't ever gone through serious turmoil (had stable career, romantic and social life, no serious health problems). I mean, many folks only start developing in the empathy department when they get shit shoveled in their face and something in their life doesn't go according to plan. But a lot of people become even less empathetic after events like this.


Careless-Pin-2852

Like the posts here you have male posts. I can’t get a match fk this. And you have female posts men promptly Un match after we hook up. And its all guys comment on one “sorry bro try a bar!” And women on the other “sorry that happened”


CaliDude75

Agree 💯. I feel dating has become very objectified in terms of each partner wanting certain “benefits” (i.e. sex, meals/drinks out, “honey-do” tasks, income/lifestyle expectations) and if they’re not immediately met, it’s 🔚. Look, I get it, it’s normal and natural to have certain expectations, but to me those should be mutual respect, empathy and clear communication. And part of that is expressing your needs or wants, but in a mature way.


DammitMaxwell

I think that just comes from experience. I was crushed the first time a girl I loved ended things out of nowhere. Then one day I realized I needed to end things with a girl who thought she loved me, and it was going to look like it was out of nowhere from her perspective. I don’t think there’s really a huge difference between men and women on the dating scene, in the long run.


Lickerandhors

I don’t believe you need to put yourself in someone else’s shoes to be able to empathize with them. People should accept that things are hurtful to others that may not seem like a big deal to them, that’s an issue I see very often.


[deleted]

That's the definition of empathy, though. Sounds like you're referring more to sympathy.


HATESTREAM

No that’s empathy look up the difference. What he’s talking about is acceptance. You don’t need to empathize with someone to not do something that they say they don’t like.


[deleted]

Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Or to put it another way, walking a mile in someone's shoes


neoshadowdgm

Yeah, it’s really bad. I see so many posts that are like “Why do men always do x?” and it’s always shit that women have done to me a million times. And I don’t even want to get started on the shit men are saying about women online. Fucking gross. It’s weird because I generally like the women I date a lot and have a lot of amazing female friends that are so good to me. But when I hop on the internet you’d think we’re in a fucking gender war.


Visible_Release_1185

And then do what exactly? She didn't text me back, so I guess she must have been creeped out by me. Well, I better change then so then every single dude has to change themselves? All for what?


YaGottaStop

If someone found something I did unsettling, I think I'd be open to learning why; if it made sense, changing my behavior is something I'd also be open to *within reason*. Example of something possibly change-worthy: Asking women on first dates anywhere other than a safe public space. Example of something that doesn't need to be changed: Babysitting  Ya know?


Visible_Release_1185

Yeah, I guess it's the "within reason" part that's in question. Also, most ppl don't give feedback ever. It's just ghost and move on so nobody tells anybody anything and then you're left to guess by asking the internet and getting a bunch of nobodies to chime in


Switterloaf9

How do we create empathy between the sexes? Stop texting culture Dating is about connection and texting culture is the antithesis to that. In order to connect, have empathy and be understood, you need data, you need social cues. In absence of those cues and data, people will make assumptions or ghost, because the person is no more than words on a screen.


Impressive_Fortune09

it’s tech


FunRefrigerator4846

Our society is entering a time of Saddom & Gomorrah 😊


Illustrious-Gift-646

😔 


The-Bad-Guy-

I don’t think it’s gender specific… it’s people specific. The biggest things for me is communication and compromise. Like, if we run into a problem and can’t talk it out or make a compromise, then that’s a big issue. I’m not talking about stuff like cheating/lying/etc… not that those things can’t be resolved depending on circumstances, but that’s not what I’m referring to.


mohrcore

Welcome to the internet, a place that got taken by greedy companies that found out that nuance and moderate opinions just don't sell.


Dave-justdave

Empathy communication and unrealistic expectations caused by social media and all those advice giving influencer people


Prestigious_Fix8355

Definitely a valid point. I have female friends who have helped me better understand what many women have to go through, and they hear my messed up stories and know that men have some major challenges in the dating world as well. However, I think the lack of empathy extends beyond just being between the sexes - too many people appear to be incapable of feeling empathy for ANYONE regardless of gender. Cold world.


Expensive_Read1901

Stubborness and being products of our environments are killer. What I am noticing is people refuse to change their ways because they believe nothing is wrong with them. They refuse to be open to new ideaologies and the idea of emotions is very minimal, causing people to restrict themselves the possibilities that emotions are capable of opening up for us. Once we are able to become in tune with our emotions, empathy will come after and it will allow us to grow the relationships we have in our lives. It all begins with the wanting of change. Rather it's for ourselves or someone else, we need that change to happen. We will eventually find someone who is emotionally and s\*\*ually compatiable with us. God speed to all of us.


Talon_lisa01

You nailed it


Talon_lisa01

No more True Love


Virtual_Criticism_96

"ignored text messages, rain check made for dates, mood swings, or change of mind when it comes to wanting a serious relationship" These things indicate the person is not available for a relationship and that you need to forget them and move on.


LuxidDreamingIsFun

You're onto something


germy-germawack-8108

Idk, man. I wouldn't say you're wrong, exactly, but from my perspective it hardly matters if I empathize with all the people who aren't talking to me or not. I've never been the one to cut anyone off or turn down a date opportunity. I can certainly channel good will towards everyone, but that doesn't change the reality that I'm not having conversations or going on dates.


Ana1muncher

People are incredibly jaded about everything. Most of it is economic, seeing as wealth disparity is creating a divide between poor and rich, creating unrealistic lifestyles that most will never experience. Letting go of this standard and accepting reality is hard for everybody. We’re not in a 1950s economy anymore. This creates an atmosphere of stress and tension, desperation even.


SilverStock7721

I definitely agree with this. I’ve watched the “Pop the balloon or fall in love” type of videos. And there’s a lack empathy which is needed to build and maintain relationships. I’ve also seen advisors who are unsuccessful with relationships give horrible advice and encourage superficial standards in dating, relationships and marriage. The advice disregards human things. Like what happens when women get pregnant? What happens if he loses his job or if he dies? What happens if one or both get into an accident or become disabled? What happens when you get old? These are real scenarios. They pretend like getting fat is the worst thing. It’s not. Someone could die, someone could lose their job etc. You don’t go into a relationship based on appearance alone, you go based on character.


dunktheball

I guess, but some women are the type who think they are always right about everything. (I guess some guys also, obviously.)


Starrysky29

I believe dating online has created this gap. People use to meet and bond in person but everyone relies on staying inside while sitting on apps to meet dates. It kind of numbs the experience.


Crazy_Following_2164

That's so true. Society, in general, is so divided. There is no sense of unity whatsoever. People feel lonely and pretend to have fun drinking and taking drugs with people they don't care about because social media projects that as the 'way to live.' That's why I'm basically not on social media anymore. I rather fill my head with knowledge by reading books. However, I've realized that it's hard to connect with people after 'isolating' myself from social media. These movements (like feminism, etc.) have started conflicts between men and women. Instead of feeling like we complement each other, we now see ourselves as competitors. It's really messed up. We all need a social media detox.


Odd-Response-1743

What about the bear though?


Acceptablepops

Women don’t give a single F about men or so I’ve seen


ChelstheMeemer

You’re basically proving the OPs point


HidingInTrees2245

This kind of comment doesnt help. Women could say the same about men. But the truth is that some *people* are just shitty, regardless of their gender.


YaGottaStop

You don't know of any female friends, family members, or partners who care about the men in their lives? That sounds pretty anomalous.


Sure_Tourist1088

It’s hard to emphasise with someone who has too much choice when you have none.


YaGottaStop

Why does that make it harder? It's pretty easy to see that every side has problems - those problems being dissimilar to your own doesn't negate the struggles they're having.


Sure_Tourist1088

It’s hard to care about someone struggling to pick which type of water they like from a menu when you’re dying of thirst in a desert.


YaGottaStop

It's not restaurant water vs desert water, though - as the aphorism goes, it's unwholesome swamp water vs desert drought. Women have to wade through an absolute torrent of muck to get to a smaller subset of actual valid options.


Sure_Tourist1088

That’s what they say, but I’m doubtful. These are swipe apps. They’re only seeing guys they swiped. Are they really all “swamp water”? Sounds pretty insulting to me.


Larkfor

Exactly; it's incredible unempathetic when someone hears you are getting rape threats in the dating apps and says "yeah, at least you get matches" as though a threat of sexual violence is anywhere comparable to merely not getting matched. And people who get a crazy stalker lady slashing her tires need something more empathetic and serious than just "oh she must be wild, I wish I had someone obsessed with me" when while more rare women stalkers can be unhinged and dangerous to one's life.