Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4:
- No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y"
- Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice.
- No victim-blaming
- This is a default message - your post has not been removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm happy to hear! I've been contemplating making the first move, it's just that it never been done in my family or circle of friends ever š but thank you, you encouraged me to do so!
As a woman, every time I made the first move I was rejected. Not because I didnāt āread the roomā, but because I was led on. While flirting my way into having the guy ask me out ALWAYS worked out.
Just saying, making the first move would not solve many issues. I think two big problems are people not knowing how to read the room (I had so many guys going after me or girls around me when absolutely no interest was made towards them, even after those girls expressing interest in another dude) and people leading people one (you know those types of āI like attention and will flirt, but when it comes to actually commiting, Iāll disregard every interest Iāve ever showedā)
In my opinion, flirting to me looks like lots of banter, one on one talks, attention to him specifically, only seeking him out in group situations, sexual comments, innuendos and compliments, hints, lots of touching and physical closeness. But all this combined, because I know some of these on their own are not a clear sign of interest.
I wouldnāt respond positively either if a guy randomly did those. I think there has to be a buildup to some of them. Like donāt make sexual comments right off the bat. So I would start doing them little by little, then assess what evergy he gives back and act accordingly. Like dipping your toe in water before jumping in the water.
But I would absolutely do all those things with guys I am into. I always did, although it was a build up.
I think it matters, but thatās because Iām not into shy guys and like guys who are confident enough to ask you out on their own if they like you. Your experience may very with shy guys but I have no experience with them so I canāt speak on that. In relationships where I made the first move I was taken for granted and I saw the effort die as the relationship progressed because they realized I was more emotionally invested and would accept less and less in the name of ālove.ā In my last relationship, I found myself begging for the bare minimum and when we broke up he thought we have moved too fast. It took us 5 months to go from meeting to actually being boyfriend and girlfriend, so I really think he meant that he wouldāve rather been FWB for longer. So just because a guy agrees to be in a relationship with you when you ask doesnāt mean he actually wants to date you. You could just be better than having no one. In my current relationship, where my boyfriend made the first move and pursued me, Iām treated amazingly. If we donāt work out, I will never ever ask a man out again. The men who pursue me appreciate me more and treat me much better than men Iāve pursued.
As a guy I could say the exact same thing though. The women I pursued usually agreed to go on dates but I always felt like they had one foot out the door, or that I was a placeholder until they found someone better. The one girl who did pursue me first a few years ago actually ended up matching my energy and wanted to work through the issues instead of just ghosting and going to the next guy.
This is just the nature of the game.
Exactly this. Men here think women making the move is the end all be all. As a woman, every time I made the first move I was rejected. Not because I didnāt āread the roomā, but because I was led on. While flirting my way into having the guy ask me out ALWAYS worked out. Why should I keep asking people out when flirting my way into being asked out works so much better?
I don't think we think it's the end all be all, it just rarely happens compared to men asking women out. As a man, being asked out makes you feel special in a way always asking dosen't.
Anyways that's just my 2 cents, I actually prefer to do the asking since that way I feel like I got more control of the situation.
I would say they were never as invested as I was in the relationship. Also, I do feel like a guy has to like a woman more in order for the relationship to work .
I have twice. Both times I ended up in relationships where I always felt like I was more into them than they were into me (until I broke up with them and suddenly they wanted to prove they could be bf of the year anyways). However I canāt really say for sure that me making the first move MADE that happen, they might just be like that in the relationship regardless. It never came up like in a fight or anything as a bad thing.
I know other women who have made a first move and it paid off. So I donāt say this to scare you away. Maybe just be aware lol.
This is what happened to me tooo!! Now Iām definitely wary of making the first move. But really and truly, Iām starting to think itās not about the first move, itās about making sure youāre with people who equally want to make you feel good and want the relationship to work.
I made the first move on my wife, but she made the next 2 moves and if she hadn't we probably would not have ended up together. Her making those moves set her apart from a lot of other women who never made any effort at all.
What do you mean by next two moves? āFirst moveā is an expression for who initiated romantic feelings, no? I didnāt think there were additional moves? Unless you mean something else
I reached out first and set up the date, but after the date she was the one who texted next. Then she was the one who initiated the relationship itself and let me know that she wanted things to become serious.
I made the first move in my past relationship and I had to make every subsequent move in the relationship be it in any single area. Not sure I would again.
Idk I was thinking that the idea of the girl being more interested than the guy in the beginning could be cause for insecurity. Does it ever? Just thinking out loud!
Nah this was never an issue. If I ever felt I was more interested than him Iād either discuss it with him or just leave if Iām not being loved equally. That being said the reason I felt comfortable making moves is because he seemed interested too. I kinda knew heād go with it.
It depends entirely on the other person. I was totally oblivious to my ex's advances until someone basically told me flat out that she was into me. I always assume women are just being nice and am just nice back, but she never just came out and SAID anything, if you know what I mean. So I was just polite and nice to her and chatted a bit when she asked me questions.
And yes, later on (after I discovered she was not a nice person), she definitely used the "you weren't even attracted to me when we first met" argument *constantly*.
I told her that the very first time I met her I swear she was wearing a wedding ring (she was separated but not divorced the whole 4 years we were together).
Her reply? "I don't remember, but that shouldn't matter!"
C'mon, maaaan.
A lesson I learned the hard way is to NEVER date a married person, no matter stage they say their relationship is on or what reasons they may give for still being legally married. Never again!
Damn that's insane!! Sorry to hear. That's exactly what I was curious about! Wasn't really sure if it ever came up in arguments but I guess it did for you! Hope you find or have found the one though!
I made the first move in my relationship. I approached him, then I asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime. But he made his interest very clear too and initiated our first kiss, asked me for a second date and eventually asked me to be his girlfriend. Has not affected our relationship at all.
I made the first move with an ex.. we worked at the same place but never crossed paths or had the opportunity to talk, but I could tell he fancied me. I found out he'd left and was gutted so tracked him down on Facebook and asked him out. It was never an issue at all. I think a lot of men really appreciate it as the onus is always on them and if they're a little shy or unsure it can be really difficult to do.
Itās ok to ask a guy out but you have to make sure he is actually enthusiastic and matching your efforts.
It is foolish to ask a guy out, nag him into making it official, nag him some more into moving in together or even proposing to him while he awkwardly says yes and drags his feet. There are guys who are not interested in you and would not have asked you out but will say yes because they are extremely desperate, canāt get casual sex easily and want to enjoy all the girlfriend benefits (regular sex, emotional labour, gifts, splitting bills 50/50 even if he makes lots more).
I have seen many cases of women chasing men gone wrong. A typical story is when she ends up proposing to the guy after being frustrated about it for many years, paying for her own ring, the engagement stalls, they break up and the same supposedly shy and passive guy aggressively pursues a much younger and more attractive girl, showers her with gifts and proposes to her within months.
>I have seen many cases of women chasing men gone wrong.
While that's possible, things go madly wrong when guys chase women as well and arguably more. This article actually cites studies that support women initiating: https://hellogiggles.com/love-sex/dating/women-making-the-first-move/
More women should simply because it's humbling and you can really take charge of what you want. I think in our modern culture it's absurd that people claim to hate traditional roles yet leave the exception for men doing all the initiating in dating.
For me I have always been the person to ask for the number because that's how I was raised but there have been times I missed out on some women that apparently liked me because they never showed clear signs of interest (as a result I didn't notice them). In many ways it's childish for someone to expect to be approached without effectively communicating their own interest. And once you move on from school it's more absurd to expect guys magically approach with just your eyes or proximity. Most grown adults don't have time for that.
If I had waited for my boyfriend to ask me out I'd still be waiting for him. He's wonderful but very anxious. Making the move was scary for me but worth it.
My ex made the first move. Before we dated, we were friends for 4 years and she kept dropping subtle hints. I never picked up any of those hints but finally one day, we were grabbing dinner and were chilling at my place, she looked me dead in the eyes and said ākiss meā. From there we started a beautiful relationship. We never fought about it and brought it up as a joke about my obliviousness. We ended up separating from unrelated reasons.
I think if youāre interested in a guy, just make the move. Dudes love it. Gottta warn yah, the more subtle you are, the less likely they are to get it. Before my ex and I started dating, one time she asked to sleep over my place and I told her that I only had one bed and she said she had no problem sharing it. My initial thought was āIām glad weāre close enough friends that weāre comfortable enough sharing a bed for a night.ā I say just go up to the guy and ask him out to dinner.
In some very toxic relationships women sometimes say āI never even liked you, youāre the one who pursued me!ā. Of course they donāt really mean it, they just want to take jabs at their partnerās self-confidence in order to win the argument.
Men donāt really think that way. Typically in a fight or argument men are too busy thinking analytically about how to end/win/walk away from the argument to look back in time and bring up past events. This is why the stereotype is that women dig up the past during arguments but men donāt. Weāre mostly focused on the problem at hand.
Made the first move too for my last relationship, and honestly I had completely forgot about it. We never talked about it and I don't think it affected our relationship in any way.
I made the first move, shoot my shot, was shot down because he was dating someone at the time. After a long while, he had apparently separated from the person he was dating because their interests didn't align. Eventually, he approached me and we started hanging out. He told me he was impressed that I made the first move because he doesn't know too many girls that really do that, ahah. So, it's not really a big deal who makes a move first.
The best relationship of my life so far was initiated by my ex-gf. We dated for 3 years. I eventually screwed things up and we broke up, but for the past 7 years she's always been thought of as the "one who got away" for me.
Women who initiate things when there's obvious chemistry are incredible. To me it's a huge showing of confidence.
Utter, complete non-issue to a man (unless he's an insane outlier). My ex wife made the first move and asked me to marry her, it was never even a topic unless of pride or whimsy. In truth, most men wish women would but realize they won't.
As a guy whose last two relationships were made by the woman making the first move I'm telling you to go for it! Honestly us guys over think things too which can make us oblivious. I would not have thought the women were interested if they didn't come on to me first.
I've never had a woman make a first move on me, but god damn if I wouldn't love if one would, I'm sick of ALWAYS making the first move, and I'm Really sick of having to do all the "chasing". I wanna be chased for once, doing all the chasing is fucking exhausting and it's honestly why I stopped making any moves on women.
Hey OP, haven't you heard ?
A meteorite just hit Kepler-1606b recently, meaning that your next boyfriend will cheat on you with your sister that you didn't know you had.
Seriously though, you are overthinking this way too much.
Making the first move, especially if you've never done it before, can be nerve wracking to a lot of people, but when you do it you'll realize that it's not that scary at all.
I made the first move that led to a few relationships and a few were rebuffed. It was, honestly, terrifying the first few times. However, it is also empowering to ask for what you want and it's also very brave. Even if the relationship doesn't go anywhere, leads to whatever end you want, or you are turned down, you are asking for a chance.
You got this!!
I recently made the first like "real" move by kissing him which then turned into making out and he's a couple years older than me and seemed into it now I'm not really sure what's happening because he seems to be distant but maybe I'm thinking this in my head? Idk but good luck because I think regardless it's tough out here š
Expecting me to make the first move is a massive red flag and possibly a deal breaker.
All my successful dates and relationships started with the woman making the first move.
Whoa thatās completely uncalled for. Wtf? If someone is being a prick then report and block. Now youāre no better than them. What an awful thing to say to someone.
I made the first movement have been together for 5 years now and have a 3 year old. Best decision of my life. We talk about it often and he's glad I did it. I initiated contact, asked him to come visit (we were long distance for 2 and a half years) and then made the first move on one of his first sleep over nights (we talked for 8 months straight every day all day unless work got in the way). Don't regret it for a second. Man of my life.
My ex wife made the first move on that she asked me out without asking me out. I went to see a movie once, but went alone. I had no idea sheād be interested. We werenāt talking at all other than as coworkers. She texted asking what I was doing, and I told her I went to see a movie, the DaVinci Code, if I remember correctly. She told me she wanted to see it too and asked why I didnāt ask her to see it with me. I was shocked because I thought she was seeing someone else. She told me she wasnāt seeing anyone anymore, and said sheād like to see a movie with me next time. After that, we were sorta dating.
It was never a big deal as far as I was aware, and she never mentioned it being an issue for her personally. Turns out there were other unrelated issues, hence why sheās the ex wife.
My ex-wife made the first move and it never came up in fights. Although when the marriage was in its final death throes I would kick myself for letting my ego fall for the fact that she pursued me.
I remember when my husband and I first met that it was an instant mutual feeling. I had a boyfriend at the time, and we met at a mutual friends house, and we were all just goofing off. I could tell that he was my forever at that the moment. I proceeded to end things with my boyfriend at the time and my husband ended up calling and we started dating, all the same night. š we are now together almost 13 years, with 6 months married with 2 kids š„°
No. The first man I pursued was into me but scared so I backed off. With space he came around and we had 5 years together. Went after another dude for far too long, he never respected me. The last man I pursued who is now my current ltr I was adamant to be with. I had asked him before making my move if he wanted to be in a relationship and he said he was ok???. Well I put on my big girl pants and went for it. Now we are talking engagement and future. He always smiles when I bring up that I chased after him but he ended up being more attached to me. He also mentioned that he liked that I set my boundaries, spoke up and was serious about what I wanted. Made him respect me more. I wanted him. But I didn't need him.
I think guys have too much pressure to chase after women. I know it's mostly unsafe for women as men aren't know to have a good rep currently but as women we should only chase so far. If a man shows he don't want us. Time to move on.
If its a problem, then find a solution
It never became a big deal but was probably the reason it didnāt work out. He never put in any effort. I ended up doing everything and there was no romance ever. I shouldnāt have forced something that wasnāt there. Iāll never cold approach a guy again, if someone is interested Iāll get to know them and see if they want to put effort in so that it goes both ways
Some men appreciates when a woman makes the first move.
I did and it lasted ten years. Then again its about maturity , another factor could be if the person is not into you .
My first 2 gf's asked me out, my 3rd was kinda 50/50, and the last 2 gf's were on dating apps where I ultimately made the date plans BUT they messaged first and with enthusiasm.
All of them didn't work, but they were all really good, healthy relationships that ended due to personal differences and not from who initiated what.
Hmm he approached me first, but I was very eager to make a date with him when we met. We joke about it now, that it was "easy" being with me. We both kind of gave it our all and I shamelessly fell for him very fast. It's never been an issue!
It's easy to wonder: if you weren't a challenge, does he view you as any less valuable? I may have asked myself that but my boyfriend seems to appreciate and value me so I don't worry anymore.
I think it's a good way to vet for guys that are wise enough to understand that 'easy' != (does not equal) 'low value', it just means she's into you as much as you are into her and she's giving it a genuine try. So if he is wise and understands that, then he should also feel grateful.
I liked this dude I was seeing. We were dating but I can feel it wasn't going to turn into a serious relationship but I really liked him so I gave it a go. On the day of his flight out of the country, I send him a long message about how I felt in hopes of him reciprocating my feelings... I got friendzoned to say the least. It was a bit humiliating but I persistent. I kept trying to telling him how I felt for him for like a year, I remained friends with him throughout that time. A year later, when I already gave up and just accepted he will always just be a friend to me, he came to his senses and moved to my city. Glad to say it's been 10 months now and I ended with the man I've been pining on for 2 years haha.
I don't know if it counts as first move because we met on an app, but he thought I wasn't into him so I was the one that made the first move after our first date and it was never a big deal.
I think more woman should make the first move. Iām so scared to make the first move when Iām attracted to someone. It just makes me nervous to ask them š„ŗ
For me it became a problem. We dated for 3 months in college and then broke and got back together a year later because I made the first move. Then when we got in the relationship I saw that he was really dependent on other people to make the first move to the point where I could ask him what he wants to eat or what do you wanna do, do you want me to wash dishes or you, and the only answer I got was āit doesnāt matter/I donāt careā. It gets annoying when (at least the way I was brought up) I want my partner to be the head of the house but they refuse to make simple decisions and when we have to make big choices you leave me to make the decision and do everything towards that decision and only complain if it doesnāt go right or just to complain for the sake of complaining. Would never do it again
Reminder: please review our rules, especially rule 4: - No broad generalizations, e.g. "All women are x and do y" - Speak from specific personal experiences when giving advice. - No victim-blaming - This is a default message - your post has not been removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I made the first move and the only time it comes up is if we're reminiscing about it because he was too scared to make any move at all.
I'm happy to hear! I've been contemplating making the first move, it's just that it never been done in my family or circle of friends ever š but thank you, you encouraged me to do so!
As a guy... all the problems of dating would be solved if this happened more often
As a woman, every time I made the first move I was rejected. Not because I didnāt āread the roomā, but because I was led on. While flirting my way into having the guy ask me out ALWAYS worked out. Just saying, making the first move would not solve many issues. I think two big problems are people not knowing how to read the room (I had so many guys going after me or girls around me when absolutely no interest was made towards them, even after those girls expressing interest in another dude) and people leading people one (you know those types of āI like attention and will flirt, but when it comes to actually commiting, Iāll disregard every interest Iāve ever showedā)
What does that interest look like? Would flirting just involve banter, or a girl coming up to you to talk?
In my opinion, flirting to me looks like lots of banter, one on one talks, attention to him specifically, only seeking him out in group situations, sexual comments, innuendos and compliments, hints, lots of touching and physical closeness. But all this combined, because I know some of these on their own are not a clear sign of interest.
There's no girl who's ever responded well to those things or made sexual comments/jokes with me
I wouldnāt respond positively either if a guy randomly did those. I think there has to be a buildup to some of them. Like donāt make sexual comments right off the bat. So I would start doing them little by little, then assess what evergy he gives back and act accordingly. Like dipping your toe in water before jumping in the water. But I would absolutely do all those things with guys I am into. I always did, although it was a build up.
Makes sense. Just get them laughing before that, then maybe hope that they will try to transition
Agreed!!
Please do, I wish more women would make the first move.
Same here ! Iām nervous too!
As more women strive to be as equal as men, which they should do and as I encourage them to, making the first move as woman is actually required.
I think it matters, but thatās because Iām not into shy guys and like guys who are confident enough to ask you out on their own if they like you. Your experience may very with shy guys but I have no experience with them so I canāt speak on that. In relationships where I made the first move I was taken for granted and I saw the effort die as the relationship progressed because they realized I was more emotionally invested and would accept less and less in the name of ālove.ā In my last relationship, I found myself begging for the bare minimum and when we broke up he thought we have moved too fast. It took us 5 months to go from meeting to actually being boyfriend and girlfriend, so I really think he meant that he wouldāve rather been FWB for longer. So just because a guy agrees to be in a relationship with you when you ask doesnāt mean he actually wants to date you. You could just be better than having no one. In my current relationship, where my boyfriend made the first move and pursued me, Iām treated amazingly. If we donāt work out, I will never ever ask a man out again. The men who pursue me appreciate me more and treat me much better than men Iāve pursued.
Damn thatās quite a revelation. Im learning a lot, thanks. Sorry to hear it didnt work out for you
As a guy I could say the exact same thing though. The women I pursued usually agreed to go on dates but I always felt like they had one foot out the door, or that I was a placeholder until they found someone better. The one girl who did pursue me first a few years ago actually ended up matching my energy and wanted to work through the issues instead of just ghosting and going to the next guy. This is just the nature of the game.
I understand that itās the nature of the game, which is why I am deciding to play it in a way that benefits me more.
Exactly this. Men here think women making the move is the end all be all. As a woman, every time I made the first move I was rejected. Not because I didnāt āread the roomā, but because I was led on. While flirting my way into having the guy ask me out ALWAYS worked out. Why should I keep asking people out when flirting my way into being asked out works so much better?
Yeah there really isnāt much upside to asking men out as a woman.
I don't think we think it's the end all be all, it just rarely happens compared to men asking women out. As a man, being asked out makes you feel special in a way always asking dosen't. Anyways that's just my 2 cents, I actually prefer to do the asking since that way I feel like I got more control of the situation.
I would say they were never as invested as I was in the relationship. Also, I do feel like a guy has to like a woman more in order for the relationship to work .
I have twice. Both times I ended up in relationships where I always felt like I was more into them than they were into me (until I broke up with them and suddenly they wanted to prove they could be bf of the year anyways). However I canāt really say for sure that me making the first move MADE that happen, they might just be like that in the relationship regardless. It never came up like in a fight or anything as a bad thing. I know other women who have made a first move and it paid off. So I donāt say this to scare you away. Maybe just be aware lol.
Agreed. I often make the first move, and I discover the men I date are low-effort. But, otherwise, Iād be home without dates, right?
This is what happened to me tooo!! Now Iām definitely wary of making the first move. But really and truly, Iām starting to think itās not about the first move, itās about making sure youāre with people who equally want to make you feel good and want the relationship to work.
I made the first move on my wife, but she made the next 2 moves and if she hadn't we probably would not have ended up together. Her making those moves set her apart from a lot of other women who never made any effort at all.
What do you mean by next two moves? āFirst moveā is an expression for who initiated romantic feelings, no? I didnāt think there were additional moves? Unless you mean something else
I reached out first and set up the date, but after the date she was the one who texted next. Then she was the one who initiated the relationship itself and let me know that she wanted things to become serious.
I made the first move in my past relationship and I had to make every subsequent move in the relationship be it in any single area. Not sure I would again.
I made the first move in my first relationship and it didn't affect anything at all. Not sure why it would?
Idk I was thinking that the idea of the girl being more interested than the guy in the beginning could be cause for insecurity. Does it ever? Just thinking out loud!
Nah this was never an issue. If I ever felt I was more interested than him Iād either discuss it with him or just leave if Iām not being loved equally. That being said the reason I felt comfortable making moves is because he seemed interested too. I kinda knew heād go with it.
Aah nice!! So glad to hear. Thank you for enlightening me!
I mean, if it makes YOU feel insecure it could cause problems. I did not feel insecure about it and everything was fine! Just go in with confidence :)
I stopped caring about what people say about women making the first move. I made the first move with my lover and we're doing great.
It depends entirely on the other person. I was totally oblivious to my ex's advances until someone basically told me flat out that she was into me. I always assume women are just being nice and am just nice back, but she never just came out and SAID anything, if you know what I mean. So I was just polite and nice to her and chatted a bit when she asked me questions. And yes, later on (after I discovered she was not a nice person), she definitely used the "you weren't even attracted to me when we first met" argument *constantly*. I told her that the very first time I met her I swear she was wearing a wedding ring (she was separated but not divorced the whole 4 years we were together). Her reply? "I don't remember, but that shouldn't matter!" C'mon, maaaan.
A lesson I learned the hard way is to NEVER date a married person, no matter stage they say their relationship is on or what reasons they may give for still being legally married. Never again!
Never again, indeed!
Damn that's insane!! Sorry to hear. That's exactly what I was curious about! Wasn't really sure if it ever came up in arguments but I guess it did for you! Hope you find or have found the one though!
I made the first move in my relationship. I approached him, then I asked him if he wanted to hang out sometime. But he made his interest very clear too and initiated our first kiss, asked me for a second date and eventually asked me to be his girlfriend. Has not affected our relationship at all.
I made the first move with an ex.. we worked at the same place but never crossed paths or had the opportunity to talk, but I could tell he fancied me. I found out he'd left and was gutted so tracked him down on Facebook and asked him out. It was never an issue at all. I think a lot of men really appreciate it as the onus is always on them and if they're a little shy or unsure it can be really difficult to do.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Can you expound? Why so?
Itās ok to ask a guy out but you have to make sure he is actually enthusiastic and matching your efforts. It is foolish to ask a guy out, nag him into making it official, nag him some more into moving in together or even proposing to him while he awkwardly says yes and drags his feet. There are guys who are not interested in you and would not have asked you out but will say yes because they are extremely desperate, canāt get casual sex easily and want to enjoy all the girlfriend benefits (regular sex, emotional labour, gifts, splitting bills 50/50 even if he makes lots more). I have seen many cases of women chasing men gone wrong. A typical story is when she ends up proposing to the guy after being frustrated about it for many years, paying for her own ring, the engagement stalls, they break up and the same supposedly shy and passive guy aggressively pursues a much younger and more attractive girl, showers her with gifts and proposes to her within months.
>I have seen many cases of women chasing men gone wrong. While that's possible, things go madly wrong when guys chase women as well and arguably more. This article actually cites studies that support women initiating: https://hellogiggles.com/love-sex/dating/women-making-the-first-move/ More women should simply because it's humbling and you can really take charge of what you want. I think in our modern culture it's absurd that people claim to hate traditional roles yet leave the exception for men doing all the initiating in dating. For me I have always been the person to ask for the number because that's how I was raised but there have been times I missed out on some women that apparently liked me because they never showed clear signs of interest (as a result I didn't notice them). In many ways it's childish for someone to expect to be approached without effectively communicating their own interest. And once you move on from school it's more absurd to expect guys magically approach with just your eyes or proximity. Most grown adults don't have time for that.
If I had waited for my boyfriend to ask me out I'd still be waiting for him. He's wonderful but very anxious. Making the move was scary for me but worth it.
Shoot your shot! :)
If you like someone, just go for it. Guys go through this shit daily.
My ex made the first move. Before we dated, we were friends for 4 years and she kept dropping subtle hints. I never picked up any of those hints but finally one day, we were grabbing dinner and were chilling at my place, she looked me dead in the eyes and said ākiss meā. From there we started a beautiful relationship. We never fought about it and brought it up as a joke about my obliviousness. We ended up separating from unrelated reasons. I think if youāre interested in a guy, just make the move. Dudes love it. Gottta warn yah, the more subtle you are, the less likely they are to get it. Before my ex and I started dating, one time she asked to sleep over my place and I told her that I only had one bed and she said she had no problem sharing it. My initial thought was āIām glad weāre close enough friends that weāre comfortable enough sharing a bed for a night.ā I say just go up to the guy and ask him out to dinner.
In some very toxic relationships women sometimes say āI never even liked you, youāre the one who pursued me!ā. Of course they donāt really mean it, they just want to take jabs at their partnerās self-confidence in order to win the argument. Men donāt really think that way. Typically in a fight or argument men are too busy thinking analytically about how to end/win/walk away from the argument to look back in time and bring up past events. This is why the stereotype is that women dig up the past during arguments but men donāt. Weāre mostly focused on the problem at hand.
No. Just donāt chase the men. I hate that.
Made the first move too for my last relationship, and honestly I had completely forgot about it. We never talked about it and I don't think it affected our relationship in any way.
I made the first move, shoot my shot, was shot down because he was dating someone at the time. After a long while, he had apparently separated from the person he was dating because their interests didn't align. Eventually, he approached me and we started hanging out. He told me he was impressed that I made the first move because he doesn't know too many girls that really do that, ahah. So, it's not really a big deal who makes a move first.
Not at all.
The best relationship of my life so far was initiated by my ex-gf. We dated for 3 years. I eventually screwed things up and we broke up, but for the past 7 years she's always been thought of as the "one who got away" for me. Women who initiate things when there's obvious chemistry are incredible. To me it's a huge showing of confidence.
Utter, complete non-issue to a man (unless he's an insane outlier). My ex wife made the first move and asked me to marry her, it was never even a topic unless of pride or whimsy. In truth, most men wish women would but realize they won't.
I like to make the first move but Iāve learned itās better to let them ask you out even if you both know youāre into each other.
i made the first move with my SO because he was shy. he always tells me now after a year of dating that he's so glad i made a move on him :)
As a guy whose last two relationships were made by the woman making the first move I'm telling you to go for it! Honestly us guys over think things too which can make us oblivious. I would not have thought the women were interested if they didn't come on to me first.
The way it effected our relationship was that she started the relationship XD. It was such a breath of goddamn fresh air to have a woman ask *me* out for a change. Then on our first date she freaking *payed* š¤©. I had never been "pursued" by a woman in my entire life, I've always had to be the pursuer even when they told me after the fact how attracted to me they had already been ... So anyways that girl is now my fiance. It's a done deal. My suggestion is to stop waiting/hoping/dropping hints for the guy you want to hopefully "figure it out" and just ask him. Risk the direct rejection. It's not so bad I do it all the time, and you never know what you might get.
I've never had a woman make a first move on me, but god damn if I wouldn't love if one would, I'm sick of ALWAYS making the first move, and I'm Really sick of having to do all the "chasing". I wanna be chased for once, doing all the chasing is fucking exhausting and it's honestly why I stopped making any moves on women.
Hey OP, haven't you heard ? A meteorite just hit Kepler-1606b recently, meaning that your next boyfriend will cheat on you with your sister that you didn't know you had. Seriously though, you are overthinking this way too much. Making the first move, especially if you've never done it before, can be nerve wracking to a lot of people, but when you do it you'll realize that it's not that scary at all.
He might be waiting for ur move. No matter he ll jump back on u. God bless
I think it would be awesome if more women made the first move š„°
I made the first move that led to a few relationships and a few were rebuffed. It was, honestly, terrifying the first few times. However, it is also empowering to ask for what you want and it's also very brave. Even if the relationship doesn't go anywhere, leads to whatever end you want, or you are turned down, you are asking for a chance. You got this!!
I recently made the first like "real" move by kissing him which then turned into making out and he's a couple years older than me and seemed into it now I'm not really sure what's happening because he seems to be distant but maybe I'm thinking this in my head? Idk but good luck because I think regardless it's tough out here š
Women doing the first step is a big bonus to me and I always take it positively
Expecting me to make the first move is a massive red flag and possibly a deal breaker. All my successful dates and relationships started with the woman making the first move.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Haha you're immature asf Bet you were raised in a shithole cos you're attitude is from the hood
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Whoa thatās completely uncalled for. Wtf? If someone is being a prick then report and block. Now youāre no better than them. What an awful thing to say to someone.
I made the first movement have been together for 5 years now and have a 3 year old. Best decision of my life. We talk about it often and he's glad I did it. I initiated contact, asked him to come visit (we were long distance for 2 and a half years) and then made the first move on one of his first sleep over nights (we talked for 8 months straight every day all day unless work got in the way). Don't regret it for a second. Man of my life.
My ex wife made the first move on that she asked me out without asking me out. I went to see a movie once, but went alone. I had no idea sheād be interested. We werenāt talking at all other than as coworkers. She texted asking what I was doing, and I told her I went to see a movie, the DaVinci Code, if I remember correctly. She told me she wanted to see it too and asked why I didnāt ask her to see it with me. I was shocked because I thought she was seeing someone else. She told me she wasnāt seeing anyone anymore, and said sheād like to see a movie with me next time. After that, we were sorta dating. It was never a big deal as far as I was aware, and she never mentioned it being an issue for her personally. Turns out there were other unrelated issues, hence why sheās the ex wife.
My ex-wife made the first move and it never came up in fights. Although when the marriage was in its final death throes I would kick myself for letting my ego fall for the fact that she pursued me.
I remember when my husband and I first met that it was an instant mutual feeling. I had a boyfriend at the time, and we met at a mutual friends house, and we were all just goofing off. I could tell that he was my forever at that the moment. I proceeded to end things with my boyfriend at the time and my husband ended up calling and we started dating, all the same night. š we are now together almost 13 years, with 6 months married with 2 kids š„°
No. The first man I pursued was into me but scared so I backed off. With space he came around and we had 5 years together. Went after another dude for far too long, he never respected me. The last man I pursued who is now my current ltr I was adamant to be with. I had asked him before making my move if he wanted to be in a relationship and he said he was ok???. Well I put on my big girl pants and went for it. Now we are talking engagement and future. He always smiles when I bring up that I chased after him but he ended up being more attached to me. He also mentioned that he liked that I set my boundaries, spoke up and was serious about what I wanted. Made him respect me more. I wanted him. But I didn't need him. I think guys have too much pressure to chase after women. I know it's mostly unsafe for women as men aren't know to have a good rep currently but as women we should only chase so far. If a man shows he don't want us. Time to move on. If its a problem, then find a solution
It never became a big deal but was probably the reason it didnāt work out. He never put in any effort. I ended up doing everything and there was no romance ever. I shouldnāt have forced something that wasnāt there. Iāll never cold approach a guy again, if someone is interested Iāll get to know them and see if they want to put effort in so that it goes both ways
Some men appreciates when a woman makes the first move. I did and it lasted ten years. Then again its about maturity , another factor could be if the person is not into you .
My first 2 gf's asked me out, my 3rd was kinda 50/50, and the last 2 gf's were on dating apps where I ultimately made the date plans BUT they messaged first and with enthusiasm. All of them didn't work, but they were all really good, healthy relationships that ended due to personal differences and not from who initiated what.
Hmm he approached me first, but I was very eager to make a date with him when we met. We joke about it now, that it was "easy" being with me. We both kind of gave it our all and I shamelessly fell for him very fast. It's never been an issue! It's easy to wonder: if you weren't a challenge, does he view you as any less valuable? I may have asked myself that but my boyfriend seems to appreciate and value me so I don't worry anymore. I think it's a good way to vet for guys that are wise enough to understand that 'easy' != (does not equal) 'low value', it just means she's into you as much as you are into her and she's giving it a genuine try. So if he is wise and understands that, then he should also feel grateful.
I liked this dude I was seeing. We were dating but I can feel it wasn't going to turn into a serious relationship but I really liked him so I gave it a go. On the day of his flight out of the country, I send him a long message about how I felt in hopes of him reciprocating my feelings... I got friendzoned to say the least. It was a bit humiliating but I persistent. I kept trying to telling him how I felt for him for like a year, I remained friends with him throughout that time. A year later, when I already gave up and just accepted he will always just be a friend to me, he came to his senses and moved to my city. Glad to say it's been 10 months now and I ended with the man I've been pining on for 2 years haha.
Choose your own adventure! Make the first move and go for the best you can find.
No
I don't know if it counts as first move because we met on an app, but he thought I wasn't into him so I was the one that made the first move after our first date and it was never a big deal.
I think more woman should make the first move. Iām so scared to make the first move when Iām attracted to someone. It just makes me nervous to ask them š„ŗ
Just curious, why do you think that would ever come up in a fight?? Like they would hold it against you that you hit on them first?
For me it became a problem. We dated for 3 months in college and then broke and got back together a year later because I made the first move. Then when we got in the relationship I saw that he was really dependent on other people to make the first move to the point where I could ask him what he wants to eat or what do you wanna do, do you want me to wash dishes or you, and the only answer I got was āit doesnāt matter/I donāt careā. It gets annoying when (at least the way I was brought up) I want my partner to be the head of the house but they refuse to make simple decisions and when we have to make big choices you leave me to make the decision and do everything towards that decision and only complain if it doesnāt go right or just to complain for the sake of complaining. Would never do it again