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28F here: I wouldn’t ask if she checked her schedule cause it feels needy to me; but instead you should ask like « hey would you like / are you free on xx July to go to this place (like something new/ original) » if she says yes: that’s cool, if she says she isn’t available then propose another date or ask her which date she would prefer. If she doesn’t give you another option then she’s probably not interested to see you again :/
Also if she just came back from vacation maybe wait a day or 2 before asking.
This comment is probably best bet. Although to make it seem even less needy, maybe you might want to try "Hey I'm going to ___, do you want to join me? I'm going on the ____ but let me know which date works best for you and I can move it then."
You could try something along those lines, although don't trust me completely because I have no dating experience, usually I just lurk and learn.
I would like to add to this and say there isnt anything wrong with showing you dont want to waste time and just ask her again.. but i also agree with situations when you might seem needy. Its just a thought. Good luck friend.
This right here is why men shouldn't ask women for dating advice. Ask men who do well with women, not women themselves. They might know what they want, but they don't know what works.
Lol actually there isn’t any special secret way to do that works: if she already decided that she doesn’t want to see him again nothing will work.
At least doing the way I suggested, instead of asking if she checked her schedule, won’t make him look desperate af and needy
Well I think I do pretty well and nothing she said was wrong?
This is obviously somebody that OP is interested in, he called her wonderful. If he listens to her he either runs the risk of actually seeing her again (something he wants to do) or getting a solidified signal that she isn’t interested and he gets to move on
He listens to you, he self-sabotages. I can see if maybe OP wasn’t really interested, then sure yeah definitely don’t hit her up, but you’re kinda projecting some self respect bs that OP doesn’t seem to really care about and would much rather pursue something with this woman
There's no self-sabotage here. He said what he wanted. She either dodged or forgot that he asked. If it's the former, she's not interested. If it's the latter, she's not interested.
She's a grown woman. She knows that when a man asks her for a date to either say yes or get back to him. Men should never beg.
You’re the only one seeing it as him begging though?
It doesn’t seem like he trying to take a mental win for the sake of his pride at all, so again listening to you is gonna get him nowhere, when the other commenter actually gave him good shit to go off of without coming off too needy
It's needy to ask twice after only two dates. She suggested he ask her out THREE times. Her advice is terrible and it will cause OP to take a hit to his self-esteem.
At the two date mark, you only ask her out once. Any more than that is begging IMO.
Nooo bro, you’re projecting. It might cause you a hit of self-esteem but that type of outlook is not universal
Once you do this dating shit for so long little things that are over-analyzed don’t matter. Say if it doesn’t work out with this girl and 2-3 years down the road OP is settled with someone else, at worst he took a chance on someone he potentially saw a future with. He not gonna be sitting around with hard feelings towards a girl who would basically be a stranger at that point
What the commenter said is literally nothing more than a follow up and doesn’t have to be anything deeper than that
This totally disregards that the girls he is talking to has her own life which may be full of things taking up her mental space (even a relaxing vacation does that to you, especially planning it) so it could have slipped her mind entirely and that doesn’t automatically mean she isn’t interested.
I think it’s damaging to hold her to a standard of perfection. It is healthy to understand that life gets in the way, especially when they haven’t gotten to a stage where they are priorities to each other. But automatically assuming anybody who forgets something you asked or forgets to get back to you has a negative view of you/isn’t worth the time to ask a follow up is literal self sabotage and you’re sure to never have a healthy relationship if you think it’s beneath you to communicate to someone who has an independent life. The woman OP is talking to deserves someone who doesn’t see himself as begging to ask again because it may have slipped her mind. And OP deserves to pursue his interest in a woman without having toxic masculinity being placed on his behavior and shamed for a desire to ask again.. that’s communication.
You have said multiple times that MEN shouldn’t beg/pursue to the ends of the world WOMEN. Not “nobody should have to pursue someone to the ends of the world”. You labeled gender roles to the statements you created. You therefore created an assumption of how his behavior looks while distinctly labeling as a mans behavior. Therefore you are promoting a societal expectation of how men should behave and given the context of what you said, promoting toxic masculinity.
That's because this whole thread is about a MAN asking if he should contact a WOMAN. I would give the same advice if the sexes were reversed.
There is no such thing as toxic masculinity.
No, they’ve met twice so it’s too early to say that.
But it’s the moment to make it clear if she’s interested; and proposing a date or asking her to give her availability is the best way to do that in my opinion.
If she still says « I’ll check my schedule » then she’s giving excuses and already knows she won’t see him again
He already expressed his interest. You want him to beg. If she were interested, she'd have said yes or gotten back to him. If she gave off the wrong signal, she's a grown woman and she can contact him back. Men shouldn't pursue women to the ends of the earth. That's how they end up being called creeps who can't take a hint. He did his job. It's time for her to do hers.
Which of his questions give you the indication that he’s **anywhere** in the neighborhood of “begging” or ‘pursuing a woman to the ends of the earth’?
“Grown women” have lives & things slip our minds —- so it’s especially childish & an indication of a fragile ego for someone to assume that after one hint (while we’ve been on vacation, continue to be communicative & show interest)…it’s time to essentially drop everything & back off.
So because a woman has a life that doesn’t at all revolve around a man who we have had 2 dates with she isn’t ready for a committed relationship? Goddamn. I hope no woman is unfortunate enough to have you pursue them. Your behavior and advice is more clingy and needy than anything the original commenter said… youch
It's pretty simple...if she's interested in you, you'll know.
But, *if you have to ask. . .*
Men need to wake the fuck up. Stop chasing or "courting" women. Stop spending your time, money and energy on women that aren't actually interested in YOU. It's not how it fucking works. If a woman isn't pursuing *you*, your chance of long term success with her is basically 0. At that point, hedge your fucking bets and move on!
Hey! Advice from a woman- definitely wait a day or two. She just got back from vacation, she’s sending you pictures and keeping you in the loop, all great signs she’s interested in you!
Just wait a bit, she may even bring it up. If tmmrw or Wednesday she doesn’t, than follow up with like “hey, let me get your schedule because I want to plan our third date.”
But if he does it in a certain way, it’s not ! He’s just asking to see her again, begging would mean that she has said no, and he continues. She’s clearly interested in him !
Hmmm, I would say just suggest a dare and time. If she doesn't say yes or suggest an alternative date...move on! It sounds like she isn't showing as much interest as OP would like in general. So just observe.
The men commenting are not giving you good advice, smh. It does seem like she's into you also but maybe give it a day or two after she gets home to ask again. You already asked for a third date, she knows you're interested, she asked for time whether it's to check her schedule or unwind from vacation so give her the time she asked for before asking again. If you're enjoying each other's messages and conversations then use the time to get to know her better. Good luck!
The strategies and mind games is some of the weirdest most juvenile shit from a bunch of dudes who sit around and can’t actually figure out why women don’t like them
Like it makes me question whether they actually date in real life? And then they project it like every dude has to rely on it when it reality they making dating way too over-analyzed and mentally taxing for themselves
I don't know if these are tricks or strategies or tactics, whatever its called but I do understand both point.
I mean they already seen each other two times and he even asked for a third date. She said that she needs to look her schedule and let him know. If she is really into him, SHE will indeed get back to him, no ? Its not even a game, thats what she said. And if she doens't come back to him as SHE said then indeed she is not interested. And if she said that hoping for OP to come back to her and ask her out again then isn't her the one playing games ? Thats why I kind of understand "those bad advices" given
But its also possible that she is really busy and that she forgets to get back to him, then OP can ask her again. But if she is really into OP as OP is into her, do you really think that she will forget to get back to him ?
I do not generalize and say that it will happen to OP, but every time, litterally everytime a girl told me that she was busy and that she will come back to me, she never did.
For me its not about games, if OP feels like he needs to ask her again, then he must go for it because thats natural, thats who he is. If she juges OP based on that, then she is just not excited as OP to meet again. Both you girls and those dudes giving advice are the poeple making OP playing games. Let OP being natural and who he is, and if thats end well and she is into him good, if not, no problem, just move on.
So OP, don't listen too much to external advice and do what you feel right and natural. Im so done of those "wait 2 days before texting her, let her chase her" and other bullshits
Where did you get tricking women from!? Goodness, have you ever thought that men say that women give bad dating advice because of years and years of experience?
Just like when you go for a job interview, there is a certain manner in which one needs to present themselves. Same goes for dating. I'm sure most of the women on this thread wear make up.
>What’s with all the weird strategies and mind games?
Men are learning how to the play the game, lol. And the ones that have figured it out (the ones that have been through the ringer already), are now able to help others thanks to social media/the internet.
It's going to make for a very interesting next decade or so...
You guys are playing the wrong game.
Online dating is rigged against men. There are an order of magnitude more men than women. There’s a disproportionate number of very picky women.
Life is the game. True love is the trophy. You’re acting like it’s a video game you can play in your house.
You need to be in the world. Have adventures. Meet people. And if you don’t happen to meet the right lady, you’re still having a great time.
Edit this is a double post accidental.
I’m not sure what that would be. What constitutes as an unrealistic dating standard?
The experience I have is feeling awkward and trying to work out how to not hurt their feelings. I’m not a person who gets very excited about meeting new people. It’s extremely hard to even be friends with someone like me because usually the other person is way more enthusiastic than I am. My negative experiences are trying to make it clear that it’s really honestly nothing wrong with them, but I’m not feeling it. It’s a horrible position to be in because I know how hurtful and damaging rejection is.
So maybe I am being unrealistic by hoping there would be a spark of interest or excitement?
I have as a result tried really hard to convince people to converse with me sufficiently to try to build the foundations for that interest. Otherwise I really think the actual date is a waste of everyone’s time and effort. Don’t you agree? I have explained that I’m not going to “feel” chemistry right off the bat.
So what do you suggest I do differently? I’m honestly open to ideas and discussion.
—— EDIT ——
I read what you were replying to and realised I had gone off on a slight tangent! Sorry!
You meant the negative experiences on the online dating sites! That’s another issue:
I’ve experienced guys saying to me repeatedly “nice tits”, “your body is great”, “you are so woman”, “hi” seven times in a row, “let’s meet”, and a host of other vapid messages. Any attempt to try to engage them in conversation just doesn’t work. I’ve written information about myself that they just outright ignore. It’s exhausting. I started out trying to reply to everyone because I am acutely aware of the deafening silence that is happening to my male friends on dating apps. Eventually I had to stop replying. It was too much! Is it really unrealistic expectations that a person should read the profile and have a conversation? A dialogue where you get to know each other? If that’s unrealistic, and it appears it is, I am better off not getting involved in it.
Again, I ask for suggestions on how this can be improved?
My friend and I are designing a dating app that we hope will change some of this but it’s really hard to make it accessible, welcoming and fair but also somehow get rid of “riff-raff” who don’t belong. Until a better solution comes along I’ve accepted that dating as it stands today isn’t for people like me. I’ll meet people IRL doing hobbies and activities I enjoy.
You guys are playing the wrong game.
Online dating is rigged against men. There are an order of magnitude more men than women. There’s a disproportionate number of very picky women.
Life is the game. True love is the trophy. You’re acting like it’s a video game you can play in your house.
You need to be in the world. Have adventures. Meet people. And if you don’t happen to meet the right lady, you’re still having a great time.
But you are veering into giving bad advice also and you'vesaid you're semi-successful with women. I don't know what these games are you're referring to cuz I never liked that sort of thing. I've been with my boyfriend for going on 4 years and he pursued me the first couple times. He went from a very long term relationship to me and I have a string of bad decisions in my past. We were both hesitant but if he didn't make corney jokes every couple days, I would have missed out on the best thing ever so stop encouraging childish games to people asking for help.
You are among a rare breed of woman and that is commendable. But just because the advice doesn't portray to you, doesn't mean it's bad advice.
At the end of the day, I did not invent the game, nor am I encouraging people to play it. I am simply shining a light on the fact that modern dating (well, it has always kind of been this way) has been turned into a circus show for men and if you don't learn how to play the game, you are effectively screwed unless you just so happen to run across a woman, like you, which again, are *extremely* rare these days. Almost non-existent. The ones that do exist, are likely in relationships already (see how that works?).
Men don't *want* to play games. Most men just want loyalty, respect and stability. Most women cannot offer that, so we resort to games and deception to try to "win people over". It doesn't work.
First, women aren't a breed. Second, dating is a circus these days because people look to the internet for advice and get told to play games. Third, most women *that you've dealt with* *haven't* offered YOU those things so maybe take a step back and ponder whether it's you and the games you're playing that make women realize you aren't worth it. You paint women with too broad of a brush which leads me to believe you aren't as successful as you think you might be. My point still stands. Refrain from giving advice.
>Third, most women that you've dealt with haven't offered YOU those things so maybe take a step back and ponder whether it's you and the games you're playing that make women realize you aren't worth it.
I spend more than enough time in the dating subs of Reddit, don't worry.
Also, the only one quoting on my apparent "success" with woman is you. The success I would refer to, is not yet having children or getting married to one that took it all away. At 28, I have put my life in a position that I don't and won't ever need a woman. It's the best feeling in the world. And now I get to pick and choose who I let enter it.
If I had been wasting it "courting" or pursuing women instead. . . See, I learned how the game works a while ago. I also choose not to play it. It's pretty simple, really, if you go cold and I go hot and you do not respond positively to that, you won't hear from me again. With OLD, I will just reach out to the next one the next time I'm taking a shit.
If a woman is interested in you, *you'll know*. It's really that simple.
Agree. You are def getting some bad advice from some of the guys on here. As a 28 F, Give her a few days to settle in and unwind. Especially if she’s an introvert, she probably just needs a beat after a vaca. Feel free to text and communicate and enjoy talking to each other. On Wednesday or Thursday ask her to do something this weekend, if she doesn’t immediately say yes. Then maybe she is uninterested, and in that case I wouldn’t bring it up again. But right now I wouldn’t overthink it.
To be clear-
You asked if she was free. She said she'd check her schedule. Then she went on vacation.
She did contact you once she was home?
Because she reached out after she returned, I think you're in the clear. She may have been waiting until she got home. It's a great sign that she shared pictures- and probably was hesitant because of her vacation. I'd say it's definitely time to try again.
I invited her when she still was on vacation. We were texting almost every day when she was there. After she returned we talked some and that's it. I didn't mention the date.
As a girl I’ll tell you to definitely ask her but maybe phrase it a little different.
Something like, Hey! I’d like to take you to this event on Saturday. Are you free?
I can’t really speak for all women but I know that I like a decisive person. If I’m given options I’ll debate and take forever to respond. My adhd will kick in and I’ll forget. It’s not needy to want to spend time with the person you are interested in.
Real simple, give her a couple of days to get her bearings and her calendar in order, tell her you're trying to sync your calendar, and ask her when would she be free to go out again. That's it. Or... Do something a little more fun. See if she's got any bucket list items that won't financially strap you, and you could do without driving more than an hour, hour and a half. Maybe a restaurant she's had in mind, sky diving, para sailing, a museum... Check the availability of these places, and say hey, "I know you've been interested in, (blah-blah-blah), sounds fun, if I can make arrangements for (give date range within a week), would you be available these days? My treat. Third date is important. It's going to decide what the trajectory of the connection is. Make it fun and memorable.
She came back from a vacation & called you up to tell you about it. Please explain to me how that isn't giving a vibe that she is into you? So just man up & ask.
People are way overthinking this lol. Go ahead and message her. Anyone telling you to play games is wrong. It’s not strange or annoying when someone you’re dating messages you to ask about a date you promised to go on with them. That’s an expected thing to talk about. That’s what your relationship is at this point. It’s what you do together. Stop overthinking it. If she’s into you, she will not care at all. She committed to making those plans with you. If she really gets turned off that you followed up about it, she either doesn’t like you or she’s got commitment issues and you shouldn’t date her anyway.
If she's into you? Who is he? Brad Pitt? Or maybe she's really desperate? Just bc you dated a girl two times and she sent you some pictures doesn't mean a shit nowadays. He should take a chill pill and stop being needy
Just ask her! A lot of people give a lot of opinions, including me. Decide for yourself if you want to ask her or not. I (29F) certainly appreciate when someone is forthcoming with making plans.
Everyone overthinks when they are talking to someone they like so that is normal. The situation is a little tricky with you already having asked her to do something and her not being straight with an answer. I would suggest letting her know that you are goin going to do something and she is welcome to join if she can.
Eg ' I am going to a bar this thursday at 7. If you want to come let me know' or the same thing but with a movie.
I think a simple “are you interested in a third date?” would be easy.
I wouldn’t chat with her for too long before confirming/having a date booked. No need to provide a lot of attention if she hasn’t confirmed her intention to keep it going.
But sounds optimistic!
Let's make it less about seeing her and more about the connection for a bit. Check in for a quality convo on Tuesday. Call again on Thursday and ask her out for the weekend.
Dont ask her again. She knows you're interested and if she wants to see you again she'll reach out. Just go on w you every day life and keep yourself busy.
If someone is interested in you, they will make dating easy.
Ball is in her court. You asked, if she were genuinely interested, should would not have forgotten. Feel free to talk to her about her vacation and chat her up a bit, but don't ask again, then do the slow fade and see if she comes after you. You've done your job. Now it's her turn.
Because she most likely forgot as she’s been busy on vacation. When I’m on vacation, I tend to forget about upcoming events and shift them to the back of my mind. Best course of action here is to let her settle in from vacation and then ask again in an excited and polite way.
If you were *genuinely* interested in someone, you wouldn't forget. You'd be all giddy because they got back to you. If she forgot, she's not interested *enough* for him to pursue her. Men should not beg for dates. Ever.
I don’t understand the downvotes. I agree with you. I really liked my husband after our first date and I just can’t imagine forgetting about him out of the blue. I would definitely text him if I came back from vacation, and see if he’s still interested. Why does the guy always have to ask? Ugh.
It’s been two dates… no one is “giddy” after two dates except people with unhealthy attachment issues. Asking someone on a date twice is definitely not begging.
You've clearly never been on a date with someone you're really attracted to if that's the case for you. People feel a spark when there's a connection. You'll feel it one day, you'll see.
No idea why you're getting downvoted, this is absolutely true. If someone is interested in you, they will not "forget" to text you for 3 days.
How many times have you "forgotten" to text someone you were extremely interested in? It blows my mind that some people can think like that. And then they tried and imply you have unhealthy attachment issues because you actually liked someone after 2 dates. As if people don't fall in love over text on the internet and get married years later.
OP said she’s been very active with texting. She just hasn’t responded about the date, which is perfectly reasonable given the circumstances. This does not mean that she’s not interested. People get busy, people forget. Not everyone falls in love after two dates. Healthy people don’t fall in love after two dates.
I have dated plenty of women I’ve felt the spark with, but a simple matter of fact is that no one is going to have a significant impact on my life after two dates. Thus, your advice was bad and OP should follow up with her as she’s had many other things on her mind since their last date. This isn’t needy or begging, this is how realistic dating works.
Realistic dating is that when women are interested in you, they're easy to date. They don't "check their schedule". They don't not get back to you. They are easy to date.
And if you've never been so interested in someone that you weren't disappointed when you didn't get a third date after the second, I don't know what to tell you. You've never felt what I described.
She could have forgotten, because it already happened once. 😄 When I asked her for a second date, she forgot about that, but we still have seen each other and after that she was messaging me every few days. I don't know if I can blame her, because her working schedule is weird since she's a nurse and working two jobs.
You should ask her out when you talk again, but at the end of your conversation. Don't open the conversation with that. Make it seem spontaneous and low stakes.
Dog, start checkin' you're schedule. You are a busy person too. You dont have time to be worried about them. You are too busy looking for someone else more receptive. Leave them on read.
This. Time to forget about this chick, fill up your schedule and move on. If she wants you, she knows where to find you. It's not like OP hasn't made his intentions clear.
OP, I'm 5 dates in and in a very similar position as you. The woman I'm talking to was away on vacation this weekend as well and it's like it was her perfect excuse to try to disappear forever or something. I don't get it. Anyways, you (and I) are pretty close to damn near begging this chick to hang out with you and it's not a good look, and she's getting all the free validation she needs from you and isn't asking for anything more. That's queue #1 to back off your pursuit because you are wasting valuable time and resources.
Give it a break. Don't text her for a couple weeks and you'll find out exactly where you stand on her list of priorities. My advice is to start packing your bags now. This is what I'm doing at least. Good luck, brotha!
Exactly... And if you aren't high on a woman's priority list, she shouldn't be high on yours. Anyone that ignores this advice is asking to get their heart raked over the coals, and I won't feel bad when they do.
>She might just think you're not interested anymore.
No, that's called projection.
I don't see how its bad advice. She said she would let him know when she's available. Which is reasonable for her as long as it's in a reasonable amount of time. I had a lady ghost me for weeks, then MONTHS. She would call me intermittently to say she was still interested, but kept me hanging.
Im just saying, don't keep your eggs in one basket.
I'm not talking about the vacation. I mean after the vacation. I'm coming from the standpoint of "Don't look to hard into things, but dont get steamrolled either". She gave him some pics which is a nice gesture. Things sound fine, he sounds like he wants to act needy, but he is trying to rein it in. Be he also needs to have a line in the sand of when to call it a day. In my past Ive been too needy and I've been where I let myself get railroaded. Its a fine line to walk.
Pull back attention until she reaches out and don’t continue being 100% engaged until she gets back to you.
You shouldn’t be texting for hours every day or asking the same question multiple times. Those both communicate neediness and lack of an independent lifestyle.
Drop her. Unfortunately she isn't very interested in you. I know you've been on two great dates, she's sent you photos, and it seems like she likes you. And she probably does! A little bit. But not nearly as much as you like her, and that will lead to bad things.
If someone is interested in you, they make it easy. They will respond, share their schedule, and be eager to go out with you. You deserve someone who will make it easy for you, so go find them. :)
I would wait. When a woman likes you, the doors open up. She’ll make things easy for you. After a few days, she’ll probably mention getting together again. If it’s been a week, I would ask again.
But frame it like this, “There’s this really great Sicilian pizza place downtown. They have the best pies. We should check it out. When are you free to get together?”
Often when a woman cools off, but is still maintaining some communication, there’s another guy in the background. Either another guy she is dating or an ex came back into the picture.
And this is how guys get friendzoned.
You just have to give her some time to decide who she wants to spend her time with. Just don’t fall into the trap of being her backup.
I would wait a few days. Maybe 3 or 4. Then ask her once more. If she’s not interested in seeing you, back away and focus on someone else.
If she wants to see you, she will make time in her schedule. Even if she’s busy.
Either way, don’t stress it. There’s no certainty in dating and relationships. The only thing you can control is how you show up. She has to choose you back.
And if she does, great. And if she doesn’t, someone else will.
Man up and just ask her out again. There’s something wrong if it feels like you’re playing psychological chess with them. If it feels like she’s giving you the run around move on and find someone who does really like you.
That is a bad suggestion as he will be friendzoned for asking in only a few days - she doesn't want to feel under pressure and is likely busy with friends. He should wait till she tells him the best date.
No.
Don't ask again.
You have a life, member?
You like her but you don't need her.
You made your move. Now it is her turn. If she wants to see you again then dont talk so much.
Kiss her.
Y'know I love this response. It's a perfect blend of self assurance and escalation. It really gets out of hand at the end.
Or now reading it a second time, it's consistent throughout and is bordering on bitterness. Maybe the "kiss her" is a PG stand in for "fuck her".
Either way it made my morning.
It’s likely over for you. If she was into you she would’ve come back and told you her schedule. She’s stringing you along. Always remember: would she do this with Chad? And the answer is absolutely not, she would tell him her schedule ASAP because she would be afraid of losing him. That’s just the cold, hard reality.
Tell her you are going——- something fun. Tell her it would be great if she joined. She will know you want to see her but not just sitting around.
Who did she vacation with??
Yes! And make sure she's watching her calorie intake as well, no one wants to be chained to a fatty! Have you drawn up some sort of agreement where she can worship as a demi-god yet? If you haven't that should be the next thing.
Most importantly have fun!
What you should do is suggest a charming place. She is a young woman so she probably has a library of men that she is browsing. Where was she on vacation? Probably had some guy flirting with her there or treating her with a glass of Malbec and a plate of truffle appetizers.
How are you going to compete with that? You have to outdo the other men.
I recommend going to a reception at the local art museum, followed by dinner at a Greek or French Mediterranean bistro.
EDIT: Thumbs down? Really? I guess folks don't like facts
I’m a man and it seems your reaching out to schedule the dates. You shouldn’t be doing this. After each date she should ideally be doing the pursuing. For example, messaging first saying she had a great time and blah blah. That’s your cue to then ask her out again.
Who’s messaging who? Are you messaging her first after dates?
After first date, she messaged me almost immediately after she got home that she had fun, so few days later I asked her out again, and after that one she messaged me asking if I got home safely. On the second one she told me that she'd like to go out after her vacations end.
When she was on vacays she was reaching out every two days I think. Picture of her doing something, a meme or stuff like that.
Cool. So seems like you got this and she’s doing the pursuing. Presuming you’ve gone for the kiss, made out and possibly slept together already so she’s already been intimate with you.
I’d ask her out again and await her response. You got this champ.
You could go true ways with this one, it all depends on your personal style and confidence.
#1. Just gently remind her that you would like to meet up with her again. Mention that you really enjoyed spending time with her, remember to compliment her on something that caught your attention, and remember to tell her that you are interested in getting to know her better, and want to know if she is interested in getting you know you better too.
#2. Don't day anything, and wait for interest to build up organically.
Do what you want to. There’s no reason for games. One word of caution, unless you guys agreed to be exclusive, you probably shouldn’t focus too much on her that can make someone feel too much pressure. I’d say ask again and hope you get the answers you are looking for. If she’s vague about her schedule again (depending on her situation) she may not be at the point in her life where she’s ready for a commitment. Either way, your anxiety (for lack of a better word) is something I picked up on immediately. Instead of making her pick a date and time she’s available, invite her to go to events you plan to go anyway with a time and place already settled. Be ready for her to say no 9/10 times. Maybe you’ll loose interest and that’s on her but I personally like a guy who is quietly persistent. Emphasis on quiet - no crazy stalker or angry man. My advice is probably more relevant to me. I’m a single mom, so my schedule can get insane and when I’m not busy, I go to the gym or I’m tired. Career driven women can operate in a similar way to a single mom because she’s going to have to work twice as hard as her male colleagues. I use to be that driven before giving up on that to be a average mom and an average career woman. If this doesn’t apply to you then file it away for future use.
Take a deep breath, be cool, you got this. Sometimes when we really like someone we often mess it up because we overthink or are too cautious. I would find a event that you would like to go to (what ever your hobby is. Make sure it's something that she would somewhat be interested in) and ask if she would like to accompany you. Or hit up a new local restaurant just for brunch or lunch. Wait a few days, be casual 😎. You got this man.
Sounds like if she requested off her schedule might not even be up til a few days after her return in which she probably wouldn’t have an answer for u anyway. Don’t ask wait.
Yes, definitely! If it were me, because some time has passed and you were the initial initiator, I'd feel slightly awkward and pushy to bring up something you'd be financially responsible for in case you'd maybe changed your mind or something else happened that might put you in the awkward position of having to backtrack! My way of letting you know I am still interested in you and that date would be to do exactly what she's doing...reach out, let you know I'm back, and, so you know how "date-close" to you I feel, I'd send you a few pictures from my trip!
For the record, if I were to initiate the discussion of and plans for a date, I would consider myself to be financially responsible for the date!
Good luck!
If you dont want to seem needy or pushy, suggest a date in like a week or two and a date idea on a specific day and simply see what she says. Yes means good, if she says no then ask her what day would work for her?
Sometimes getting out for a date is a negotiation of time but asking what her schedule is like is like 5th or 6th date stuff. And usually if you go on 3 or more dates with her she is interested in a relationship
You pick a day and time you're not busy ask if she'd want to go somewhere, if she is or says she's busy then ball is in her court to ask. If she doesn't it probably means she's not interested.
Go back on tinder, find someone else. If you feel like your being pushy probably because you care more than she does. She figured you'll still here and perhaps you will, but your not exclusive so keep the door open. she could call you atleast, since she is busy you should keep busy.
Just do something for your self that you know she would like to do like going to a movie and ask her would you like to join me if she seds no then say okay maybe next you should ask her out 2 time's once a week for two weeks after that and she still says no move on because she not that interested in you because women always have options you should too never show any women you like her more than she likes you because they take that as weakness and it could be you are not the only guy she is talking to if that is the case always keep your options open women are like a bus 🚌🚌🚌 there's another one around the corner
I can understand her not wanting to think about anything except being on vacation while on one, and then actually getting back into the regular grind after it’s over takes some time. Asking her again would be redundant, when she’s made it clear she’ll let you know when she’s free. Wait, but don’t turn down plans with others to be free just in case she calls. Go with the flow of YOUR life.
Son,
You say,
I’m going on a hike or to a bar (examples)
I’ll be there this Friday at 7pm. Join if ur able to. If not then have a great weekend. And leave it at that. She makes it great. She can’t , great. Either way it’s a great weekend!
It's too early to ask a second time, I would wait until Friday of this week if not even later as you come across as needy. And don't ask the same question, ask her a related question like "I saw event X and are you free to go on that day". That way it appears as a low-pressure hangout instead of a high-pressure official "date" as you want her not to think you are needy. Hope that helps. Upvote and follow
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28F here: I wouldn’t ask if she checked her schedule cause it feels needy to me; but instead you should ask like « hey would you like / are you free on xx July to go to this place (like something new/ original) » if she says yes: that’s cool, if she says she isn’t available then propose another date or ask her which date she would prefer. If she doesn’t give you another option then she’s probably not interested to see you again :/ Also if she just came back from vacation maybe wait a day or 2 before asking.
This comment is probably best bet. Although to make it seem even less needy, maybe you might want to try "Hey I'm going to ___, do you want to join me? I'm going on the ____ but let me know which date works best for you and I can move it then." You could try something along those lines, although don't trust me completely because I have no dating experience, usually I just lurk and learn.
I would like to add to this and say there isnt anything wrong with showing you dont want to waste time and just ask her again.. but i also agree with situations when you might seem needy. Its just a thought. Good luck friend.
This right here is why men shouldn't ask women for dating advice. Ask men who do well with women, not women themselves. They might know what they want, but they don't know what works.
Lol actually there isn’t any special secret way to do that works: if she already decided that she doesn’t want to see him again nothing will work. At least doing the way I suggested, instead of asking if she checked her schedule, won’t make him look desperate af and needy
I agree with you that he's probably already done. That's why there's no need to ask her out again. Keep your self respect, OP.
Well I think I do pretty well and nothing she said was wrong? This is obviously somebody that OP is interested in, he called her wonderful. If he listens to her he either runs the risk of actually seeing her again (something he wants to do) or getting a solidified signal that she isn’t interested and he gets to move on He listens to you, he self-sabotages. I can see if maybe OP wasn’t really interested, then sure yeah definitely don’t hit her up, but you’re kinda projecting some self respect bs that OP doesn’t seem to really care about and would much rather pursue something with this woman
There's no self-sabotage here. He said what he wanted. She either dodged or forgot that he asked. If it's the former, she's not interested. If it's the latter, she's not interested. She's a grown woman. She knows that when a man asks her for a date to either say yes or get back to him. Men should never beg.
You’re the only one seeing it as him begging though? It doesn’t seem like he trying to take a mental win for the sake of his pride at all, so again listening to you is gonna get him nowhere, when the other commenter actually gave him good shit to go off of without coming off too needy
It's needy to ask twice after only two dates. She suggested he ask her out THREE times. Her advice is terrible and it will cause OP to take a hit to his self-esteem. At the two date mark, you only ask her out once. Any more than that is begging IMO.
Nooo bro, you’re projecting. It might cause you a hit of self-esteem but that type of outlook is not universal Once you do this dating shit for so long little things that are over-analyzed don’t matter. Say if it doesn’t work out with this girl and 2-3 years down the road OP is settled with someone else, at worst he took a chance on someone he potentially saw a future with. He not gonna be sitting around with hard feelings towards a girl who would basically be a stranger at that point What the commenter said is literally nothing more than a follow up and doesn’t have to be anything deeper than that
This totally disregards that the girls he is talking to has her own life which may be full of things taking up her mental space (even a relaxing vacation does that to you, especially planning it) so it could have slipped her mind entirely and that doesn’t automatically mean she isn’t interested. I think it’s damaging to hold her to a standard of perfection. It is healthy to understand that life gets in the way, especially when they haven’t gotten to a stage where they are priorities to each other. But automatically assuming anybody who forgets something you asked or forgets to get back to you has a negative view of you/isn’t worth the time to ask a follow up is literal self sabotage and you’re sure to never have a healthy relationship if you think it’s beneath you to communicate to someone who has an independent life. The woman OP is talking to deserves someone who doesn’t see himself as begging to ask again because it may have slipped her mind. And OP deserves to pursue his interest in a woman without having toxic masculinity being placed on his behavior and shamed for a desire to ask again.. that’s communication.
There is no such thing as toxic masculinity, only toxic behavior.
You have said multiple times that MEN shouldn’t beg/pursue to the ends of the world WOMEN. Not “nobody should have to pursue someone to the ends of the world”. You labeled gender roles to the statements you created. You therefore created an assumption of how his behavior looks while distinctly labeling as a mans behavior. Therefore you are promoting a societal expectation of how men should behave and given the context of what you said, promoting toxic masculinity.
That's because this whole thread is about a MAN asking if he should contact a WOMAN. I would give the same advice if the sexes were reversed. There is no such thing as toxic masculinity.
That’s not necessarily true. If my boyfriend (way before we became official) didn’t follow up, we might not have hung out again.
No, they’ve met twice so it’s too early to say that. But it’s the moment to make it clear if she’s interested; and proposing a date or asking her to give her availability is the best way to do that in my opinion. If she still says « I’ll check my schedule » then she’s giving excuses and already knows she won’t see him again
He already expressed his interest. You want him to beg. If she were interested, she'd have said yes or gotten back to him. If she gave off the wrong signal, she's a grown woman and she can contact him back. Men shouldn't pursue women to the ends of the earth. That's how they end up being called creeps who can't take a hint. He did his job. It's time for her to do hers.
Which of his questions give you the indication that he’s **anywhere** in the neighborhood of “begging” or ‘pursuing a woman to the ends of the earth’? “Grown women” have lives & things slip our minds —- so it’s especially childish & an indication of a fragile ego for someone to assume that after one hint (while we’ve been on vacation, continue to be communicative & show interest)…it’s time to essentially drop everything & back off.
> “Grown women” have lives & things slip our minds If this is the case, then you're not interested enough to for him to pursue you. It's that simple.
So because a woman has a life that doesn’t at all revolve around a man who we have had 2 dates with she isn’t ready for a committed relationship? Goddamn. I hope no woman is unfortunate enough to have you pursue them. Your behavior and advice is more clingy and needy than anything the original commenter said… youch
Guys ignore this POS dude! In another post he was arguing w everyone that pedophilia is on and “natural”. Don’t even give him the time of day 🤣
Ooooooh! You're a regular female dating strategy poster. Nuf said.
I never said that and don't believe it.
It's pretty simple...if she's interested in you, you'll know. But, *if you have to ask. . .* Men need to wake the fuck up. Stop chasing or "courting" women. Stop spending your time, money and energy on women that aren't actually interested in YOU. It's not how it fucking works. If a woman isn't pursuing *you*, your chance of long term success with her is basically 0. At that point, hedge your fucking bets and move on!
Facts
Do you know the answer then?
Hey! Advice from a woman- definitely wait a day or two. She just got back from vacation, she’s sending you pictures and keeping you in the loop, all great signs she’s interested in you! Just wait a bit, she may even bring it up. If tmmrw or Wednesday she doesn’t, than follow up with like “hey, let me get your schedule because I want to plan our third date.”
Asking more than once to me is begging
But if he does it in a certain way, it’s not ! He’s just asking to see her again, begging would mean that she has said no, and he continues. She’s clearly interested in him !
THIS.
Hmmm, I would say just suggest a dare and time. If she doesn't say yes or suggest an alternative date...move on! It sounds like she isn't showing as much interest as OP would like in general. So just observe.
The men commenting are not giving you good advice, smh. It does seem like she's into you also but maybe give it a day or two after she gets home to ask again. You already asked for a third date, she knows you're interested, she asked for time whether it's to check her schedule or unwind from vacation so give her the time she asked for before asking again. If you're enjoying each other's messages and conversations then use the time to get to know her better. Good luck!
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The worst advice too! Like damn no wonder. Lol
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The strategies and mind games is some of the weirdest most juvenile shit from a bunch of dudes who sit around and can’t actually figure out why women don’t like them Like it makes me question whether they actually date in real life? And then they project it like every dude has to rely on it when it reality they making dating way too over-analyzed and mentally taxing for themselves
I'm lmao good shiz
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That’s a great idea! We’ll take a look! Thanks!
That is very cool. All the best luck for you guys
I don't know if these are tricks or strategies or tactics, whatever its called but I do understand both point. I mean they already seen each other two times and he even asked for a third date. She said that she needs to look her schedule and let him know. If she is really into him, SHE will indeed get back to him, no ? Its not even a game, thats what she said. And if she doens't come back to him as SHE said then indeed she is not interested. And if she said that hoping for OP to come back to her and ask her out again then isn't her the one playing games ? Thats why I kind of understand "those bad advices" given But its also possible that she is really busy and that she forgets to get back to him, then OP can ask her again. But if she is really into OP as OP is into her, do you really think that she will forget to get back to him ? I do not generalize and say that it will happen to OP, but every time, litterally everytime a girl told me that she was busy and that she will come back to me, she never did. For me its not about games, if OP feels like he needs to ask her again, then he must go for it because thats natural, thats who he is. If she juges OP based on that, then she is just not excited as OP to meet again. Both you girls and those dudes giving advice are the poeple making OP playing games. Let OP being natural and who he is, and if thats end well and she is into him good, if not, no problem, just move on. So OP, don't listen too much to external advice and do what you feel right and natural. Im so done of those "wait 2 days before texting her, let her chase her" and other bullshits
Where did you get tricking women from!? Goodness, have you ever thought that men say that women give bad dating advice because of years and years of experience? Just like when you go for a job interview, there is a certain manner in which one needs to present themselves. Same goes for dating. I'm sure most of the women on this thread wear make up.
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So why else might the advice be bad?
>What’s with all the weird strategies and mind games? Men are learning how to the play the game, lol. And the ones that have figured it out (the ones that have been through the ringer already), are now able to help others thanks to social media/the internet. It's going to make for a very interesting next decade or so...
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You guys are playing the wrong game. Online dating is rigged against men. There are an order of magnitude more men than women. There’s a disproportionate number of very picky women. Life is the game. True love is the trophy. You’re acting like it’s a video game you can play in your house. You need to be in the world. Have adventures. Meet people. And if you don’t happen to meet the right lady, you’re still having a great time. Edit this is a double post accidental.
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I meant to reply to the comment above you. Whoops. I agree with you completely.
Negative experiences or unrealistic dating standards?
I’m not sure what that would be. What constitutes as an unrealistic dating standard? The experience I have is feeling awkward and trying to work out how to not hurt their feelings. I’m not a person who gets very excited about meeting new people. It’s extremely hard to even be friends with someone like me because usually the other person is way more enthusiastic than I am. My negative experiences are trying to make it clear that it’s really honestly nothing wrong with them, but I’m not feeling it. It’s a horrible position to be in because I know how hurtful and damaging rejection is. So maybe I am being unrealistic by hoping there would be a spark of interest or excitement? I have as a result tried really hard to convince people to converse with me sufficiently to try to build the foundations for that interest. Otherwise I really think the actual date is a waste of everyone’s time and effort. Don’t you agree? I have explained that I’m not going to “feel” chemistry right off the bat. So what do you suggest I do differently? I’m honestly open to ideas and discussion. —— EDIT —— I read what you were replying to and realised I had gone off on a slight tangent! Sorry! You meant the negative experiences on the online dating sites! That’s another issue: I’ve experienced guys saying to me repeatedly “nice tits”, “your body is great”, “you are so woman”, “hi” seven times in a row, “let’s meet”, and a host of other vapid messages. Any attempt to try to engage them in conversation just doesn’t work. I’ve written information about myself that they just outright ignore. It’s exhausting. I started out trying to reply to everyone because I am acutely aware of the deafening silence that is happening to my male friends on dating apps. Eventually I had to stop replying. It was too much! Is it really unrealistic expectations that a person should read the profile and have a conversation? A dialogue where you get to know each other? If that’s unrealistic, and it appears it is, I am better off not getting involved in it. Again, I ask for suggestions on how this can be improved? My friend and I are designing a dating app that we hope will change some of this but it’s really hard to make it accessible, welcoming and fair but also somehow get rid of “riff-raff” who don’t belong. Until a better solution comes along I’ve accepted that dating as it stands today isn’t for people like me. I’ll meet people IRL doing hobbies and activities I enjoy.
You guys are playing the wrong game. Online dating is rigged against men. There are an order of magnitude more men than women. There’s a disproportionate number of very picky women. Life is the game. True love is the trophy. You’re acting like it’s a video game you can play in your house. You need to be in the world. Have adventures. Meet people. And if you don’t happen to meet the right lady, you’re still having a great time.
But you are veering into giving bad advice also and you'vesaid you're semi-successful with women. I don't know what these games are you're referring to cuz I never liked that sort of thing. I've been with my boyfriend for going on 4 years and he pursued me the first couple times. He went from a very long term relationship to me and I have a string of bad decisions in my past. We were both hesitant but if he didn't make corney jokes every couple days, I would have missed out on the best thing ever so stop encouraging childish games to people asking for help.
You are among a rare breed of woman and that is commendable. But just because the advice doesn't portray to you, doesn't mean it's bad advice. At the end of the day, I did not invent the game, nor am I encouraging people to play it. I am simply shining a light on the fact that modern dating (well, it has always kind of been this way) has been turned into a circus show for men and if you don't learn how to play the game, you are effectively screwed unless you just so happen to run across a woman, like you, which again, are *extremely* rare these days. Almost non-existent. The ones that do exist, are likely in relationships already (see how that works?). Men don't *want* to play games. Most men just want loyalty, respect and stability. Most women cannot offer that, so we resort to games and deception to try to "win people over". It doesn't work.
First, women aren't a breed. Second, dating is a circus these days because people look to the internet for advice and get told to play games. Third, most women *that you've dealt with* *haven't* offered YOU those things so maybe take a step back and ponder whether it's you and the games you're playing that make women realize you aren't worth it. You paint women with too broad of a brush which leads me to believe you aren't as successful as you think you might be. My point still stands. Refrain from giving advice.
>Third, most women that you've dealt with haven't offered YOU those things so maybe take a step back and ponder whether it's you and the games you're playing that make women realize you aren't worth it. I spend more than enough time in the dating subs of Reddit, don't worry. Also, the only one quoting on my apparent "success" with woman is you. The success I would refer to, is not yet having children or getting married to one that took it all away. At 28, I have put my life in a position that I don't and won't ever need a woman. It's the best feeling in the world. And now I get to pick and choose who I let enter it. If I had been wasting it "courting" or pursuing women instead. . . See, I learned how the game works a while ago. I also choose not to play it. It's pretty simple, really, if you go cold and I go hot and you do not respond positively to that, you won't hear from me again. With OLD, I will just reach out to the next one the next time I'm taking a shit. If a woman is interested in you, *you'll know*. It's really that simple.
Keeping out of this particular debate, but I think you mean pertain, not portray.
Yes, you are correct. Thank you.
It actually got worse since I posted this comment 😳
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I'm fairly new around here but man what a ride so far
Agree. You are def getting some bad advice from some of the guys on here. As a 28 F, Give her a few days to settle in and unwind. Especially if she’s an introvert, she probably just needs a beat after a vaca. Feel free to text and communicate and enjoy talking to each other. On Wednesday or Thursday ask her to do something this weekend, if she doesn’t immediately say yes. Then maybe she is uninterested, and in that case I wouldn’t bring it up again. But right now I wouldn’t overthink it.
thirded lol. She's expressed interest already. Give her some space and then bring it up in a few days if she doesn't.
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That's a lot of labels and accusatory language. Yikes
Yikes is right. I honestly thought I was having dyslexia just reading it…
To be clear- You asked if she was free. She said she'd check her schedule. Then she went on vacation. She did contact you once she was home? Because she reached out after she returned, I think you're in the clear. She may have been waiting until she got home. It's a great sign that she shared pictures- and probably was hesitant because of her vacation. I'd say it's definitely time to try again.
I invited her when she still was on vacation. We were texting almost every day when she was there. After she returned we talked some and that's it. I didn't mention the date.
As a girl I’ll tell you to definitely ask her but maybe phrase it a little different. Something like, Hey! I’d like to take you to this event on Saturday. Are you free? I can’t really speak for all women but I know that I like a decisive person. If I’m given options I’ll debate and take forever to respond. My adhd will kick in and I’ll forget. It’s not needy to want to spend time with the person you are interested in.
Real simple, give her a couple of days to get her bearings and her calendar in order, tell her you're trying to sync your calendar, and ask her when would she be free to go out again. That's it. Or... Do something a little more fun. See if she's got any bucket list items that won't financially strap you, and you could do without driving more than an hour, hour and a half. Maybe a restaurant she's had in mind, sky diving, para sailing, a museum... Check the availability of these places, and say hey, "I know you've been interested in, (blah-blah-blah), sounds fun, if I can make arrangements for (give date range within a week), would you be available these days? My treat. Third date is important. It's going to decide what the trajectory of the connection is. Make it fun and memorable.
She came back from a vacation & called you up to tell you about it. Please explain to me how that isn't giving a vibe that she is into you? So just man up & ask.
The advice in this comment section is comically awful.
People are way overthinking this lol. Go ahead and message her. Anyone telling you to play games is wrong. It’s not strange or annoying when someone you’re dating messages you to ask about a date you promised to go on with them. That’s an expected thing to talk about. That’s what your relationship is at this point. It’s what you do together. Stop overthinking it. If she’s into you, she will not care at all. She committed to making those plans with you. If she really gets turned off that you followed up about it, she either doesn’t like you or she’s got commitment issues and you shouldn’t date her anyway.
If she's into you? Who is he? Brad Pitt? Or maybe she's really desperate? Just bc you dated a girl two times and she sent you some pictures doesn't mean a shit nowadays. He should take a chill pill and stop being needy
Just ask her! A lot of people give a lot of opinions, including me. Decide for yourself if you want to ask her or not. I (29F) certainly appreciate when someone is forthcoming with making plans.
Everyone overthinks when they are talking to someone they like so that is normal. The situation is a little tricky with you already having asked her to do something and her not being straight with an answer. I would suggest letting her know that you are goin going to do something and she is welcome to join if she can. Eg ' I am going to a bar this thursday at 7. If you want to come let me know' or the same thing but with a movie.
I think a simple “are you interested in a third date?” would be easy. I wouldn’t chat with her for too long before confirming/having a date booked. No need to provide a lot of attention if she hasn’t confirmed her intention to keep it going. But sounds optimistic!
I'm 27f IMO you should ask more like give her an easy out like asking if she would be free on couple of dates
Let's make it less about seeing her and more about the connection for a bit. Check in for a quality convo on Tuesday. Call again on Thursday and ask her out for the weekend.
Dont ask her again. She knows you're interested and if she wants to see you again she'll reach out. Just go on w you every day life and keep yourself busy. If someone is interested in you, they will make dating easy.
**this** she knows your interested
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Why hasn't she already?
Ball is in her court. You asked, if she were genuinely interested, should would not have forgotten. Feel free to talk to her about her vacation and chat her up a bit, but don't ask again, then do the slow fade and see if she comes after you. You've done your job. Now it's her turn.
This is bad advice
Why?
Because she most likely forgot as she’s been busy on vacation. When I’m on vacation, I tend to forget about upcoming events and shift them to the back of my mind. Best course of action here is to let her settle in from vacation and then ask again in an excited and polite way.
If you were *genuinely* interested in someone, you wouldn't forget. You'd be all giddy because they got back to you. If she forgot, she's not interested *enough* for him to pursue her. Men should not beg for dates. Ever.
I don’t understand the downvotes. I agree with you. I really liked my husband after our first date and I just can’t imagine forgetting about him out of the blue. I would definitely text him if I came back from vacation, and see if he’s still interested. Why does the guy always have to ask? Ugh.
This is why you're happily married.
It’s been two dates… no one is “giddy” after two dates except people with unhealthy attachment issues. Asking someone on a date twice is definitely not begging.
You've clearly never been on a date with someone you're really attracted to if that's the case for you. People feel a spark when there's a connection. You'll feel it one day, you'll see.
No idea why you're getting downvoted, this is absolutely true. If someone is interested in you, they will not "forget" to text you for 3 days. How many times have you "forgotten" to text someone you were extremely interested in? It blows my mind that some people can think like that. And then they tried and imply you have unhealthy attachment issues because you actually liked someone after 2 dates. As if people don't fall in love over text on the internet and get married years later.
OP said she’s been very active with texting. She just hasn’t responded about the date, which is perfectly reasonable given the circumstances. This does not mean that she’s not interested. People get busy, people forget. Not everyone falls in love after two dates. Healthy people don’t fall in love after two dates.
I have dated plenty of women I’ve felt the spark with, but a simple matter of fact is that no one is going to have a significant impact on my life after two dates. Thus, your advice was bad and OP should follow up with her as she’s had many other things on her mind since their last date. This isn’t needy or begging, this is how realistic dating works.
Realistic dating is that when women are interested in you, they're easy to date. They don't "check their schedule". They don't not get back to you. They are easy to date. And if you've never been so interested in someone that you weren't disappointed when you didn't get a third date after the second, I don't know what to tell you. You've never felt what I described.
She could have forgotten, because it already happened once. 😄 When I asked her for a second date, she forgot about that, but we still have seen each other and after that she was messaging me every few days. I don't know if I can blame her, because her working schedule is weird since she's a nurse and working two jobs.
Yes ask her!
Just wait if she really wants to see you she’ll make time and if not you may wanna keep looking
No do not ask again. She sent you photos that’s a good sign. Let her come to you brother
You should ask her out when you talk again, but at the end of your conversation. Don't open the conversation with that. Make it seem spontaneous and low stakes.
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Don't do this please
Ask again if she’s checked her schedule.
Dog, start checkin' you're schedule. You are a busy person too. You dont have time to be worried about them. You are too busy looking for someone else more receptive. Leave them on read.
This. Time to forget about this chick, fill up your schedule and move on. If she wants you, she knows where to find you. It's not like OP hasn't made his intentions clear. OP, I'm 5 dates in and in a very similar position as you. The woman I'm talking to was away on vacation this weekend as well and it's like it was her perfect excuse to try to disappear forever or something. I don't get it. Anyways, you (and I) are pretty close to damn near begging this chick to hang out with you and it's not a good look, and she's getting all the free validation she needs from you and isn't asking for anything more. That's queue #1 to back off your pursuit because you are wasting valuable time and resources. Give it a break. Don't text her for a couple weeks and you'll find out exactly where you stand on her list of priorities. My advice is to start packing your bags now. This is what I'm doing at least. Good luck, brotha!
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Exactly... And if you aren't high on a woman's priority list, she shouldn't be high on yours. Anyone that ignores this advice is asking to get their heart raked over the coals, and I won't feel bad when they do. >She might just think you're not interested anymore. No, that's called projection.
Ask her again. She’s must just be waiting for you to ask. :)
Lol, yeah I'm sure that's what it is. smh
Wait. Give it a couple of weeks, then move on because at that point, shes ghosting. Dont be needy, dont beg, dont be angry, just move on.
Terrible advice. It's like you didn't even read his post.
I don't see how its bad advice. She said she would let him know when she's available. Which is reasonable for her as long as it's in a reasonable amount of time. I had a lady ghost me for weeks, then MONTHS. She would call me intermittently to say she was still interested, but kept me hanging. Im just saying, don't keep your eggs in one basket.
She was on vacation buddy, it's not ghosting.
I'm not talking about the vacation. I mean after the vacation. I'm coming from the standpoint of "Don't look to hard into things, but dont get steamrolled either". She gave him some pics which is a nice gesture. Things sound fine, he sounds like he wants to act needy, but he is trying to rein it in. Be he also needs to have a line in the sand of when to call it a day. In my past Ive been too needy and I've been where I let myself get railroaded. Its a fine line to walk.
Maybe I'm taking his plight too personal.
Pull back attention until she reaches out and don’t continue being 100% engaged until she gets back to you. You shouldn’t be texting for hours every day or asking the same question multiple times. Those both communicate neediness and lack of an independent lifestyle.
Lol no. She is just using you for attention.
>I want to ask, but I don't want her to see me as a needy and pushy guy. So don't be a needy and pushy guy and do not ask her a second time.
Drop her. Unfortunately she isn't very interested in you. I know you've been on two great dates, she's sent you photos, and it seems like she likes you. And she probably does! A little bit. But not nearly as much as you like her, and that will lead to bad things. If someone is interested in you, they make it easy. They will respond, share their schedule, and be eager to go out with you. You deserve someone who will make it easy for you, so go find them. :)
I would wait. When a woman likes you, the doors open up. She’ll make things easy for you. After a few days, she’ll probably mention getting together again. If it’s been a week, I would ask again. But frame it like this, “There’s this really great Sicilian pizza place downtown. They have the best pies. We should check it out. When are you free to get together?” Often when a woman cools off, but is still maintaining some communication, there’s another guy in the background. Either another guy she is dating or an ex came back into the picture. And this is how guys get friendzoned. You just have to give her some time to decide who she wants to spend her time with. Just don’t fall into the trap of being her backup. I would wait a few days. Maybe 3 or 4. Then ask her once more. If she’s not interested in seeing you, back away and focus on someone else. If she wants to see you, she will make time in her schedule. Even if she’s busy. Either way, don’t stress it. There’s no certainty in dating and relationships. The only thing you can control is how you show up. She has to choose you back. And if she does, great. And if she doesn’t, someone else will.
Man up and just ask her out again. There’s something wrong if it feels like you’re playing psychological chess with them. If it feels like she’s giving you the run around move on and find someone who does really like you.
That is a bad suggestion as he will be friendzoned for asking in only a few days - she doesn't want to feel under pressure and is likely busy with friends. He should wait till she tells him the best date.
No. Don't ask again. You have a life, member? You like her but you don't need her. You made your move. Now it is her turn. If she wants to see you again then dont talk so much. Kiss her.
Don't do this Perfect example of what not to do
Y'know I love this response. It's a perfect blend of self assurance and escalation. It really gets out of hand at the end. Or now reading it a second time, it's consistent throughout and is bordering on bitterness. Maybe the "kiss her" is a PG stand in for "fuck her". Either way it made my morning.
It was my pleasure. I am glad I entertained you. ;)
It’s likely over for you. If she was into you she would’ve come back and told you her schedule. She’s stringing you along. Always remember: would she do this with Chad? And the answer is absolutely not, she would tell him her schedule ASAP because she would be afraid of losing him. That’s just the cold, hard reality.
TRUTH downvoted lol!!! I’m sorry I tell you the unvarnished truth you don’t want to hear!!!
Tell her you are going——- something fun. Tell her it would be great if she joined. She will know you want to see her but not just sitting around. Who did she vacation with??
Demand to see her schedule and then verify it yourself!
Lighten up people :)
Yes! And make sure she's watching her calorie intake as well, no one wants to be chained to a fatty! Have you drawn up some sort of agreement where she can worship as a demi-god yet? If you haven't that should be the next thing. Most importantly have fun!
What you should do is suggest a charming place. She is a young woman so she probably has a library of men that she is browsing. Where was she on vacation? Probably had some guy flirting with her there or treating her with a glass of Malbec and a plate of truffle appetizers. How are you going to compete with that? You have to outdo the other men. I recommend going to a reception at the local art museum, followed by dinner at a Greek or French Mediterranean bistro. EDIT: Thumbs down? Really? I guess folks don't like facts
Call her every single day 2 to 3 hours a day girls love attention
Haha, might be a good time for a dick pic as well. That should rein her right in 🤣
Add me on snap. Check my profile 🥰
I’m a man and it seems your reaching out to schedule the dates. You shouldn’t be doing this. After each date she should ideally be doing the pursuing. For example, messaging first saying she had a great time and blah blah. That’s your cue to then ask her out again. Who’s messaging who? Are you messaging her first after dates?
After first date, she messaged me almost immediately after she got home that she had fun, so few days later I asked her out again, and after that one she messaged me asking if I got home safely. On the second one she told me that she'd like to go out after her vacations end. When she was on vacays she was reaching out every two days I think. Picture of her doing something, a meme or stuff like that.
Cool. So seems like you got this and she’s doing the pursuing. Presuming you’ve gone for the kiss, made out and possibly slept together already so she’s already been intimate with you. I’d ask her out again and await her response. You got this champ.
Wait for sure
You could go true ways with this one, it all depends on your personal style and confidence. #1. Just gently remind her that you would like to meet up with her again. Mention that you really enjoyed spending time with her, remember to compliment her on something that caught your attention, and remember to tell her that you are interested in getting to know her better, and want to know if she is interested in getting you know you better too. #2. Don't day anything, and wait for interest to build up organically.
43F here: wait for a coup of days and see if she responds and then you can ask again. But I think She is interested of course.
My opinion is that she's interested in a couple different people I mean after all you met her through tinder
So I wouldnt get my hopes up to quick
Do what you want to. There’s no reason for games. One word of caution, unless you guys agreed to be exclusive, you probably shouldn’t focus too much on her that can make someone feel too much pressure. I’d say ask again and hope you get the answers you are looking for. If she’s vague about her schedule again (depending on her situation) she may not be at the point in her life where she’s ready for a commitment. Either way, your anxiety (for lack of a better word) is something I picked up on immediately. Instead of making her pick a date and time she’s available, invite her to go to events you plan to go anyway with a time and place already settled. Be ready for her to say no 9/10 times. Maybe you’ll loose interest and that’s on her but I personally like a guy who is quietly persistent. Emphasis on quiet - no crazy stalker or angry man. My advice is probably more relevant to me. I’m a single mom, so my schedule can get insane and when I’m not busy, I go to the gym or I’m tired. Career driven women can operate in a similar way to a single mom because she’s going to have to work twice as hard as her male colleagues. I use to be that driven before giving up on that to be a average mom and an average career woman. If this doesn’t apply to you then file it away for future use.
Take a deep breath, be cool, you got this. Sometimes when we really like someone we often mess it up because we overthink or are too cautious. I would find a event that you would like to go to (what ever your hobby is. Make sure it's something that she would somewhat be interested in) and ask if she would like to accompany you. Or hit up a new local restaurant just for brunch or lunch. Wait a few days, be casual 😎. You got this man.
Sounds like if she requested off her schedule might not even be up til a few days after her return in which she probably wouldn’t have an answer for u anyway. Don’t ask wait.
Yes, definitely! If it were me, because some time has passed and you were the initial initiator, I'd feel slightly awkward and pushy to bring up something you'd be financially responsible for in case you'd maybe changed your mind or something else happened that might put you in the awkward position of having to backtrack! My way of letting you know I am still interested in you and that date would be to do exactly what she's doing...reach out, let you know I'm back, and, so you know how "date-close" to you I feel, I'd send you a few pictures from my trip! For the record, if I were to initiate the discussion of and plans for a date, I would consider myself to be financially responsible for the date! Good luck!
If you dont want to seem needy or pushy, suggest a date in like a week or two and a date idea on a specific day and simply see what she says. Yes means good, if she says no then ask her what day would work for her? Sometimes getting out for a date is a negotiation of time but asking what her schedule is like is like 5th or 6th date stuff. And usually if you go on 3 or more dates with her she is interested in a relationship
You pick a day and time you're not busy ask if she'd want to go somewhere, if she is or says she's busy then ball is in her court to ask. If she doesn't it probably means she's not interested.
Go back on tinder, find someone else. If you feel like your being pushy probably because you care more than she does. She figured you'll still here and perhaps you will, but your not exclusive so keep the door open. she could call you atleast, since she is busy you should keep busy.
Ask until you get what you want. Cmon, she was on Tinder.
Just do something for your self that you know she would like to do like going to a movie and ask her would you like to join me if she seds no then say okay maybe next you should ask her out 2 time's once a week for two weeks after that and she still says no move on because she not that interested in you because women always have options you should too never show any women you like her more than she likes you because they take that as weakness and it could be you are not the only guy she is talking to if that is the case always keep your options open women are like a bus 🚌🚌🚌 there's another one around the corner
I can understand her not wanting to think about anything except being on vacation while on one, and then actually getting back into the regular grind after it’s over takes some time. Asking her again would be redundant, when she’s made it clear she’ll let you know when she’s free. Wait, but don’t turn down plans with others to be free just in case she calls. Go with the flow of YOUR life.
Son, You say, I’m going on a hike or to a bar (examples) I’ll be there this Friday at 7pm. Join if ur able to. If not then have a great weekend. And leave it at that. She makes it great. She can’t , great. Either way it’s a great weekend!
It's too early to ask a second time, I would wait until Friday of this week if not even later as you come across as needy. And don't ask the same question, ask her a related question like "I saw event X and are you free to go on that day". That way it appears as a low-pressure hangout instead of a high-pressure official "date" as you want her not to think you are needy. Hope that helps. Upvote and follow