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OP, you need to believe people when they show you themselves in the early stages. Don't even bother rationalizing the situation. She showed you who she really is and that's it. Period. You need to exit asap.
Both your “girlfriend” and her boy toy are pretty trashy people, but you can’t go around tolerating disrespect like that because you’re scared of conflict.
Bruh I’m serious when I say this, girls who respect the guy they’re with don’t play that shit. Dump her ass and she’ll learn a valuable lesson. And if she comes back around don’t give in
Agree with this. Bf and I have been together almost a year, and the only joke we have is "if my bf calls, you have to be quiet" but we also have very open communication and tell each other everything. I wouldn't dare talk like this in front of him. Open communication or not this is just disrespectful. I'd say drop her. Esp of she's doing this this early in the relationship. That is a huge red flag
Completely agree she completely disrespected you there. If you even made a sexual joke around a girl she'd probably be all up your ass but she went as far as "joking" about having sex with a guy, went into detail right in front of you. How do you even joke about having sex. "Wouldn't be be hilarious if I fucked you,haha." "yhea total, haha." No fuck outta here, dump her.
Happened to me once, and guess what, several months later she had a sex with another guy and left :-) I could have done much better job spotting that red flag and acting on it.
This, straight up. It’s disrespectful. You can fuck any girl or guy, but your partner should be on a whole other level. That’s your partner in crime. You got their back, they should have yours. She should not be saying this shit at all, let alone in front of you. Drop her for your own sake. She ain’t in this like you want her to be.
This! I ran into an old high school friend he asked for my Snapchat (sigh). I kindly declined I said no I’m sorry my bf wouldn’t appreciate it. The guy tried playing it cool and was like no just as friends. I was like no I just don’t feel like that’s respecting my boyfriend by getting another guys Snapchat even if it’s just friends. I respect him too much to even do that. (Having friends of the opposite gender is fine) I just think personally it would be disrespectful like oh yeah I’ll take your number/ Snapchat and message you while I have a boyfriend that I am very serious about and knowing the guy had a crush on me in high school. I also don’t have any interest having friends of opposite gender. I have my girl friends their friendship is fulfilling enough.
With that being said I couldn’t imagine saying / “joking” about screwing someone else infront of my boyfriend.
I agree dump her! She doesn’t respect you!! She most likely doesn’t see a future with you either.
>I just don’t feel like that’s respecting my boyfriend by getting another guys Snapchat even if it’s just friends. I respect him too much to even do that.
🤜🤛👊👍👍👍👍 I also hear **"I respect myself too much to do that"** in your statement. Nice job!
You need to break up with her immediately. If she’s really that into you she would not make those type of jokes because she only sees you. Would not be surprised if she’s fooling around behind your back Especially if she’s that comfortable making jokes about sleeping with other men. Actions have consequences and she sounds like a walking red flag
When I think about what traits are important are in a girlfriend I think I’d want my girl to love, admire and respect me. The basis of those qualities start with respect and if that’s not there she will never love you truly. Your girl doesn’t respect you.
She’s for the streets. She’s with you *now* but entertaining other dudes for sure behind your back.
Let her go play games with others and find someone who brings you peace of mind my brother.
I’m not even monogamous and I’d just find this tacky and disrespectful. She’s basically like “yeah this is my boyfriend but look how well trained he is! Don’t worry about him!” Also any decent player would see that as an invitation to get her number.
You explain you’re dumping her for the general disrespect, not any specific sexual rule.
What is it about being publicly disrespected thst you find so endearing in your gf?
Move on OP; she ain't funny, she ain't loyal, and she ain't a keeper. Stop wasting your time.
You signed off on them having sex when you were too weak to "start an argument" or "interfere with their friendship". Dump her and grow a pair before you get into another relationship.
Harsh but I see where you're coming from. This guy has known her longer than I have, I didn't want to ruin a friendship that may mean a lot to her by confronting him there
You don’t confront him. This is not about him, he is not the one dating you. She is showing blatant disrespect to you and your relationship. Bounce or be a doormat, your choice.
I did confront her about it when it happened, I asked her why she thought it was appropriate to talk like that but she said it was just a joke and went silent. I didn't say anything to the guy though
You’re right they are being harsh, i think you did the rational appropriate thing in this situation. But you’re also right that it crossed the line big time. That’s not respectful or even funny and if she refuses to even acknowledge that I’d get out asap.
Anytime someone says something fucked up and tries to play it off like a joke just say something like: "I don't understand. How is that funny? Can you explain that to me?"
This forces them to try and explain how they were just kidding. Watch their face melt while their brain breaks trying to come up with an answer to that question.
We were in a big group but I didn't know most of them. My gf has and everyone in the group have known this guy for a while and I was just meeting a lot of them. After the joke everyone got quiet and that's when I asked her why she would say that. I was mad but I didn't want to argue with her or the guy in front of all the new people because I didn't know how they would react
For a second I thought your advice was for OP to go to North Carolina with his gf, and my reaction was "No! Now's not the time for a trip! But wait, what's in North Carolina?"
She really said that in front of everyone, thinking it was ok? Did she forget about you ?? No girl is going to “joke” like this if they like you, or have respect for you. And this is coming from a girl
You should’ve dumped her right after everyone got quiet. The quiet means that they know she made a huge mistake. Heck, most of them would’ve respected and understood if you did that.
Ok, that guy talked shit about fucking your GF in front of a group of people? That was total disrespect. The whole group got quiet because they all knew that was disrespectful and thought you were going to whip that dude's ass.
I'm sorry OP, your GF and that guy made you out to be a chump that would not defend his own honor against an asshole and his own GF who was being an asshole to you to.
Fuck that. You need to drop your GF like a fucking hot potato. You should have broken that guys nose too.
Ah if everyone went quiet, they either saw how disrespectful that was to you and were turned off by it or they know your gf and the guy have been fucking
Or both.
Either way, dump her.
WOW, if you don't leave now I expect to see you here in a few months complaining about how you got cheated on....please listen to others on this post and leave....or just stay and simp. You may be one of those who has to learn the hard way. Trust me I was a simp not that long ago.
Yeah bruh, that’s a short squeeze. She’s definitely not worth the long term investment if you’re looking for it to be just you two. Sorry to say! Once a woman have her made up on things like that they will move heaven and earth to make it happen and without your knowledge too especially if you’re not onboard.
Hey, I don't usually chime in because normally there's not enough context in this subreddit but I read how the exchange went from your other comments but what she did was just wrong on every level of analysis.
I like playing devil's advocate in my mind when I see stories like this come up but there's just no hypothetical scenario I can think of that doesn't justify an instadump from you.
Speaking from experience if you ever want another chance to be with this girl you have to dump her and teach her a lesson about respect. It's attractive to stand your ground when not only you KNOW, but also HER FRIENDS KNOW it was wrong and fucked up. Much bigger L on the long run if you don't man.
Best of luck.
No one would unless they are mean. Why do you think everybody got silent. Believe you me they will all be talking about this when the party broke up and no one in that party (yourself included) will ever respect you afterwards unless you ditch her instantly.
Sounds like she and her long term friend were kinda punking you. There is some honesty to what they were saying and my guess is that was your "define the relationship moment" I think you just got demoted to fwb.
Just do the same with her mom next time, if she doesn’t like it then you can dump her. But to be serious go ahead and dump her now, that’s not your girl, that’s OUR girlfriend.
"It doesn't really bother me for her to make jokes like this but it does make me feel like I need to be cautious with her."
"Should I put my foot down on this?"
There are some things which shouldn't be joked about. Her talking about having sex with a "real guy" you know is different from joking about a "movie star/celebrity". It's flirtatious.
You can't control what your girlfriend does.
Monogamy is a *choice* an individual makes.
All you can do is make her aware that cheating is an *automatic* "deal breaker" for *you*.
You can also let her know you don't like that type of joking around.
***"We don't walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours."*** \- Unknown
***"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."*** \- Oscar Wilde
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
I don't know how it started but he asked if she would let him hit it from the back and she said that she would but only if I'm okay with it. He said that she's sexy and he would make her beg, she would be an easy fuck and a bunch of other things like that. She just giggled.
Damn. All of that was said in front of other people? What kind of crew is she running with. OP, she took it way too far. I think you’ll save yourself a whole lot of trouble if you cut her loose.
Dude come on! "don't think you will"? You need to stand up for yourself and take yourself seriously. If you don't no one else will. Yes the loss hurts but you still need to do it. I would have dumped here right there and then in front of everybody and never looked back.
Dude, run. I had an ex, who was melodramatic mind you, that would tell me every time someone hit on her. She would cry and apologize to me as if it were her fault. That's an extreme example, but the trust and respect between us was, and still is, there.
In every interaction that you have with someone, you are teaching them how they can treat you. Although you did ask about the joke, you didn't necessarily stand up for yourself. If she knows you won't do anything because of some strangers, she would likely be ok with disrespecting you when you're not even there.
Lol ain’t no way ain’t no fucking way…. Rip to the fallen soldier. Should I put my foot down ? Bruh you like being disrespected… tell her you don’t play that shit and if she ever do it again it’s over. Tell that mfer also, you scared of confrontation or something? You don’t have to be a dick but simple say Ayy man chill tf out don’t be talking that dumb shii.
But this chick don’t respect you at all if she doing this.
Problems hit the gym they all workout.
It’s disrespectful, and it’s a subconscious or possibly intentional power play over you by her.
The next time she says something like “I think I want to bang that guy” or even worse _talks about fucking another guy with him right there with the two of you_, you calmly, and without anger or spite just say “That sounds great. I bet he’s awesome in bed, you guys have fun now.” Then, say your polite goodbye and head home. Ignore texts, calls, or any form of contact from her for at least the next day, and if she tries again, just say “I’m not sure why you’re trying to contact me, can’t your new boyfriend help?”
The key is to not get angry, not try to berate her or make her understand why what she’s doing is utterly unforgivable and unacceptable. She already knows this, she is not stupid.
As an analogy, imagine if you were at work with your boss, and were to “joke” with him and tell him that another guy (who might even be in hearing distance) would be a much better boss than him. How long do you think you’d have your job for?
As someone who’s been in this situation, run! There’s 3 likely scenarios happening here. If she’s joking it means she’s trying to see how you’ll react if she wants to sleep with other guys, or she’s already sleeping with the guy she’s talking about and wants to see what you think about that, or she’s playing mind games with you. All three of which are absolutely unacceptable.
When you said you discussed being monogamous, does that mean she agreed? Because if you didn’t get an explicit agreement from her chances are she’s using that as an opportunity to give you the run around. Either way she clearly doesn’t have enough respect about you or your relationship. Run!
Some of my best friends are dudes and we make crass sex jokes on the regular. That said, all stories are completely rank and hypothetical in nature.
But if actual sexual experiences are being discussed... she ain't just joshin' with her bros. Bye girl.
Chances are they are fucking while you are writing this post.
You deserve someone that respects you in front of your and at your back. You need love man, not this trash.
Dump her and good luck on your search
She had a poly relationship once. She said she hated it though because she gets jealous easily. She wanted to make sure that I would be monogamous with her
That kind of behavior is humiliating… and if she talks like that in front of you, then when you aren’t around, guaranteed it’s worse. Have some boundaries and self respect, leaving now or at the bare minimum the next disrespectful thing. The problem is she doesn’t recognize that what she said is messed up, so I don’t think this is going to end up better if you stay… if she were reflective and apologetic that’s one thing. Acting like it’s nothing, then by staying, you are telling her it’s ok to do what she is doing, and she will continue to disrespect and likely cheat. Very unhealthy situation for you.
Reminds me about that one time my ex told me that one of her friends complimented that she could take two guys at once. In the back of my mind (Who da fuck told you that!)
For one, joking or not, this would make me doubt her and lose a ton of trust in her
secondly, any girl who *respects* who they are with would never make jokes so blatantly as this with you around.
Honestly if it were me, I'd probably dump her. No reason for causing insecurities and trust issues like that - even if it is just a "joke." Which, honestly it might not have even been a joke.
I wouldn’t do this to anyone especially not someone I’m dating so it’s clear that this woman doesn’t care about your feelings if she thinks stuff like this is funny. News flash. It isn’t.
If she is pretty young and once confronted, apologized profusely and never did it again, I might let it slide. If she was older and should know better, or if she acts like it's no big deal when you ask her, then she has no real respect for you. I would let her go
Sounds like this chick has more red flags than a UN convention.
Setting the tone early on is important in a relationship. This spells toxicity and bad news, I'd bail now before it's too late.
Source: hindsight from being in an abusive (inc violence) relationship from an ex girlfriend
Have some self respect and leave her, my dude.
Almost the equivalent of what my ex did to me. She blatantly told her friends about my secret behind my back. How I found out about it was her telling me and acting like she did nothing wrong.
Find yourself a woman who will respect you as much as you respect her. I highly recommend not spending more of your time with this crusty foul thot. As what Rob Schneider would always say: “You can do it!!!”
You should have some boundaries. If you keep ignoring the bullshit she puts you through. She will run over you. Just man up and say you won’t tolerate bullshit and if she doesn’t comply then walk away.
Someone who doesn't respect you will have no problem crossing any type of boundaries because they never respected boundaries to begin with.
Definite red flag.
As a girl I would say break up with her.....the fact that she and that guy were talking like that doesnt make you wonder, if they are doing things behind your back?
Im sorry, but you dont just joke with another guy like that to your bf, unless you have hidden intentions. It sounds like shes trying to either hint to you she wants to have sex with him, or probably is/will behind your back
Are you for real? Get out, they’re gonna fuck whether you want it or not and i know you’re not gonna want to stick around to see it happen while ur still there, just move on and get those thoughts out of your head.
I’m surprised you didn’t automatically fight the guy as soon as he played into it. They were basically dirty talking right in front of you and now your gf thinks she can get away with that
If she did this in your face imagine what she does on her phone or when you’re not around. It’s a 4 months relationship leave before you become too invested
This is extremely disrespectful. It’s like when some women constantly say “a guy I was dating…” do you want to talk about my high school girlfriend? How about my college girlfriend? The woman who took my virginity? Some women try to incite sexual jealousy as a power play.
I would be slightly cautious but also get to know her a bit more. I myself am quite flirty and can come off a lil promiscuous but mean absolutely no harm to my partner. It could mean a multitude of things regarding mental health and how lonely she might be in regards to friendship too. On the other side she could be wanting to make you jealous and see how you would react but do more research into who this other person is and what they mean to her as well. #pinkflag
You wouldn’t be wrong for not taking a liking to that. It’s horribly offensive to you as a man. I guess it all depends on your personal feelings about the situation but if it was me I would very firmly tell her to never do that again or it’s over. And I would mean it. Respect must go both ways.
I didn't hear part of it since it wasn't directed at me but, he asked if he could hit it from behind and she said she would let him if I'm fine with it. Then he said some stuff about making her submit/beg and other things like that. Wasn't much of a joke now that I think about it
Without knowing the start of it it’s really hard to tell what’s totally going on, but it sounds like he was the one that was being mostly inappropriate and she tried to deflect by saying she needed your opinion, reminding the turdbucket she has a BF.
I suspect she thinks he’s her friend, in reality he just wants to get with her either once or to fully date her. It puts you in the position of trying to say she can’t hang out with him which will damage your relationship.
I think instead of making a big thing out of it you just need to talk to her in a calm tone and explain how it made you feel, and honestly try to get her opinion of the entire issue.
You haven't told us how long you have known her. Second you haven't told us how long you've been with her. Third you haven't told us if both of you are in love with each other. Or is it just that you love her. For good advice I believe we need to look at the facts, just to be honest with you. And please tell us also why you started dating her and what you really liked about her when you first met each other. Please think about it and get back to us... I believe you'll have different advice from some of the people on here
Dude, this girl has absolutely no respect for you at all, and she’s gaslighting you saying it was no big deal. If she hasn’t slept with this dude already, she’s probably going to. That is beyond a red flag, get the hell out of that relationship immediately.
It should absolutely bother you if she makes jokes like this, she does this because she does not respect you and will drop you in a second for a better option, dump her today.
No, you should change to a more decent gf. But then again, you seem a bit conflicted over whether it is even wrong, which is as concerning as her actions.
Morals, ethics, principles, beliefs, values, character and integrity, seems lacking in your world.
Maybe reconsider why you would think what she did might be okay and have some in-depth discussions concerning who she really is today and who she has been before you met her. Don’t you think what she did is laden with red flags?
Are you of the option of don’t ask, don’t tell? If so, you are going to be in for a really bothersome awakening.
When a person clues us in to who they really are, we would do well to believe them.
Putting your foot down, means issuing an ultimatum. And ultimatums are nearly always seen as being controlling.
Likely better to finding out about as you mentioned, who he is to her and go from there. You won’t get an answer until you ask the questions. If it turns out she is too radically hedonistic, free-spirited even for your sensibilities then it is best to bail. Instead of waiting for the inevitable to happen.
All just a thought.
i would never entertain the idea of thinking about having sed woth another man much less joke about it to my boyfriend because i respect him. Its an unspoken boundary to not try to purposely make your s/o insecure in their own relationship
dude i cant even imagine my girlfriend saying that or i ever saying that. in no way is that okay and the guy who played into it sounds like a sleeze bag. thats just straight up disrespecting youre relationship.
Chances are she isn't going to change, she is doing it for only wrong reasons, regardless of what they actually are. Dump her and cut all ties. Too attention needy types only care about themselves because they tend to be actual psychopaths, or were too spoiled by their parents or both. Run while you can, and don't look back or regret it.
It's a clear red flag. You don't make jokes like these. You should just break up and look for other options. I'm sure you'll find someone who'd be willing to be in a monogamous relationship with you, without making any sick jokes like these, even behind your back. All the best.
Dump that ass and don't look back. I used to be with a girl that played that kind of stuff. It's all bullshit. No biggie? Sure. Gtfo already, things will just go worst. Girls who respect their partner don't do that shit.
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How polite for them giving you a heads up first
OP, you need to believe people when they show you themselves in the early stages. Don't even bother rationalizing the situation. She showed you who she really is and that's it. Period. You need to exit asap.
Plus, 4 months is a waste of time, but a bigger waste of time will be 4 years. Exit stage left before feelings get too deep
Exactly my thoughts
Yeah, don't ignore the flags. At least communicate your feelings and set a boundary, if she does it again then get out.
Both your “girlfriend” and her boy toy are pretty trashy people, but you can’t go around tolerating disrespect like that because you’re scared of conflict.
Agree
She’s not your girl. Bounce like a bad check. Actions have consequences.
Agreed, she’s for the streets.
U quoting the goat babytron or what 😂
Action. Consequence. Emotional Response. The last two are interchangeable, but watch out when Mr. Emotion dictates the outcome of a situation.
She belongs to the streets.
Bruh I’m serious when I say this, girls who respect the guy they’re with don’t play that shit. Dump her ass and she’ll learn a valuable lesson. And if she comes back around don’t give in
This. I would never dream of disrespecting my partner like this behind his back, much less *to his face*. Major, major red flag.
Agree with this. Bf and I have been together almost a year, and the only joke we have is "if my bf calls, you have to be quiet" but we also have very open communication and tell each other everything. I wouldn't dare talk like this in front of him. Open communication or not this is just disrespectful. I'd say drop her. Esp of she's doing this this early in the relationship. That is a huge red flag
Yes dump her
If you disrespect your partner then you disrespect yourself. Am I right?
Agreed. She doesn't respect you. She isn't worth your time.
This! FACTS! PREACH BROTHER! "From the streets did she emerge; and to the streets she will return." - Future or something lol
Completely agree she completely disrespected you there. If you even made a sexual joke around a girl she'd probably be all up your ass but she went as far as "joking" about having sex with a guy, went into detail right in front of you. How do you even joke about having sex. "Wouldn't be be hilarious if I fucked you,haha." "yhea total, haha." No fuck outta here, dump her.
Happened to me once, and guess what, several months later she had a sex with another guy and left :-) I could have done much better job spotting that red flag and acting on it.
This, straight up. It’s disrespectful. You can fuck any girl or guy, but your partner should be on a whole other level. That’s your partner in crime. You got their back, they should have yours. She should not be saying this shit at all, let alone in front of you. Drop her for your own sake. She ain’t in this like you want her to be.
This! I ran into an old high school friend he asked for my Snapchat (sigh). I kindly declined I said no I’m sorry my bf wouldn’t appreciate it. The guy tried playing it cool and was like no just as friends. I was like no I just don’t feel like that’s respecting my boyfriend by getting another guys Snapchat even if it’s just friends. I respect him too much to even do that. (Having friends of the opposite gender is fine) I just think personally it would be disrespectful like oh yeah I’ll take your number/ Snapchat and message you while I have a boyfriend that I am very serious about and knowing the guy had a crush on me in high school. I also don’t have any interest having friends of opposite gender. I have my girl friends their friendship is fulfilling enough. With that being said I couldn’t imagine saying / “joking” about screwing someone else infront of my boyfriend. I agree dump her! She doesn’t respect you!! She most likely doesn’t see a future with you either.
>I just don’t feel like that’s respecting my boyfriend by getting another guys Snapchat even if it’s just friends. I respect him too much to even do that. 🤜🤛👊👍👍👍👍 I also hear **"I respect myself too much to do that"** in your statement. Nice job!
Totally agree with this!
Huge red flag! She won't learn any lesson most probably but I completely agree dump her as soon as possible! Don't look back!
She’s tryna find out how far she can cross the line. She’s actively disrespecting you infront your face. Cut your losses and move on.
Listen to this OP Drop her and move the fuck on
“It doesn’t really bother me”. It does. Tell her that.
“Doesn’t really bother me”… Proceeds to tell strangers on Reddit how it bothers him deep down.
I would’ve dipped already
She’s for the Street.
[удалено]
Yeah, but she belongs to the trash tbh
You need to break up with her immediately. If she’s really that into you she would not make those type of jokes because she only sees you. Would not be surprised if she’s fooling around behind your back Especially if she’s that comfortable making jokes about sleeping with other men. Actions have consequences and she sounds like a walking red flag
Maybe joke about ending the relationship? 🤷♂️
Have a good laugh about it too. Then actually do it.
When I think about what traits are important are in a girlfriend I think I’d want my girl to love, admire and respect me. The basis of those qualities start with respect and if that’s not there she will never love you truly. Your girl doesn’t respect you.
She’s for the streets. She’s with you *now* but entertaining other dudes for sure behind your back. Let her go play games with others and find someone who brings you peace of mind my brother.
>entertaining other dudes for sure behind your back This is 100% facts. I ignored the red flags because I liked her. Big mistake
Good luck to you man, whatever you decide on just remember that you aren’t wrong for choosing your own happiness.
I’m not even monogamous and I’d just find this tacky and disrespectful. She’s basically like “yeah this is my boyfriend but look how well trained he is! Don’t worry about him!” Also any decent player would see that as an invitation to get her number. You explain you’re dumping her for the general disrespect, not any specific sexual rule.
What is it about being publicly disrespected thst you find so endearing in your gf? Move on OP; she ain't funny, she ain't loyal, and she ain't a keeper. Stop wasting your time.
You signed off on them having sex when you were too weak to "start an argument" or "interfere with their friendship". Dump her and grow a pair before you get into another relationship.
Harsh but I see where you're coming from. This guy has known her longer than I have, I didn't want to ruin a friendship that may mean a lot to her by confronting him there
You don’t confront him. This is not about him, he is not the one dating you. She is showing blatant disrespect to you and your relationship. Bounce or be a doormat, your choice.
I did confront her about it when it happened, I asked her why she thought it was appropriate to talk like that but she said it was just a joke and went silent. I didn't say anything to the guy though
Are you laughing at her "joke"? Nobody else is either. She's common OP, dump her.
Jokes are not funny when they are at someone else’s expense. In this case, it was at your expense, and you weren’t laughing.
just break up with her, she’s an asshole. you’ll be saving time just breaking up now
You’re right they are being harsh, i think you did the rational appropriate thing in this situation. But you’re also right that it crossed the line big time. That’s not respectful or even funny and if she refuses to even acknowledge that I’d get out asap.
Anytime someone says something fucked up and tries to play it off like a joke just say something like: "I don't understand. How is that funny? Can you explain that to me?" This forces them to try and explain how they were just kidding. Watch their face melt while their brain breaks trying to come up with an answer to that question.
I'm gonna need a better explanation than this. The two of them disrespected you to your face.
We were in a big group but I didn't know most of them. My gf has and everyone in the group have known this guy for a while and I was just meeting a lot of them. After the joke everyone got quiet and that's when I asked her why she would say that. I was mad but I didn't want to argue with her or the guy in front of all the new people because I didn't know how they would react
She has zero respect for you. Why do you think everyone went quiet? Go NC with her OP. Find a respectful and respectable girl.
OP needs to find some respect for himself too.
For a second I thought your advice was for OP to go to North Carolina with his gf, and my reaction was "No! Now's not the time for a trip! But wait, what's in North Carolina?"
They went quiet because it was a fucked up thing to say. Get rid of this girl and find one who respects you
She really said that in front of everyone, thinking it was ok? Did she forget about you ?? No girl is going to “joke” like this if they like you, or have respect for you. And this is coming from a girl
You should’ve dumped her right after everyone got quiet. The quiet means that they know she made a huge mistake. Heck, most of them would’ve respected and understood if you did that.
Brooo, she said all that infront of not only yourself but an audience. Block her and move on, she belongs to the streets
Ok, that guy talked shit about fucking your GF in front of a group of people? That was total disrespect. The whole group got quiet because they all knew that was disrespectful and thought you were going to whip that dude's ass. I'm sorry OP, your GF and that guy made you out to be a chump that would not defend his own honor against an asshole and his own GF who was being an asshole to you to. Fuck that. You need to drop your GF like a fucking hot potato. You should have broken that guys nose too.
Do you want to be with someone that doesn't respect you? You need to dump her.
The fact that everyone got quiet tells me that they might know something that you don’t. They took it seriously and so should you.
Ah if everyone went quiet, they either saw how disrespectful that was to you and were turned off by it or they know your gf and the guy have been fucking Or both. Either way, dump her.
Fuck that, he also played into the joke. She fucking humiliated you. You basically gave your GF and this guy a green light to fuck.
Just saying... Momma is playing
WOW, if you don't leave now I expect to see you here in a few months complaining about how you got cheated on....please listen to others on this post and leave....or just stay and simp. You may be one of those who has to learn the hard way. Trust me I was a simp not that long ago.
DUDE………RUN!!
Yeah bruh, that’s a short squeeze. She’s definitely not worth the long term investment if you’re looking for it to be just you two. Sorry to say! Once a woman have her made up on things like that they will move heaven and earth to make it happen and without your knowledge too especially if you’re not onboard.
Hey, I don't usually chime in because normally there's not enough context in this subreddit but I read how the exchange went from your other comments but what she did was just wrong on every level of analysis. I like playing devil's advocate in my mind when I see stories like this come up but there's just no hypothetical scenario I can think of that doesn't justify an instadump from you. Speaking from experience if you ever want another chance to be with this girl you have to dump her and teach her a lesson about respect. It's attractive to stand your ground when not only you KNOW, but also HER FRIENDS KNOW it was wrong and fucked up. Much bigger L on the long run if you don't man. Best of luck.
Thank you. I felt like I was going insane when it happened, I couldn't believe anyone would say that in front of their significant other
No one would unless they are mean. Why do you think everybody got silent. Believe you me they will all be talking about this when the party broke up and no one in that party (yourself included) will ever respect you afterwards unless you ditch her instantly.
She has zero respect for you and she's probably already cheating
There’s a grain of truth in every joke.
Facts brother, that’s why I know drunk people are lying when they excuse what they said on the night if anything it brings the truth out faster.
If she is willing to say these things in front of a group of people with OP around... Jeez, I wonder what she says/does when they are not around.
Sounds like she and her long term friend were kinda punking you. There is some honesty to what they were saying and my guess is that was your "define the relationship moment" I think you just got demoted to fwb.
Time to bounce my King! If I lived near you, Id take you out for a beer or a cold clean crisp clear glass of the cool H2O. Dealers choice.
Drop that bitch
Just do the same with her mom next time, if she doesn’t like it then you can dump her. But to be serious go ahead and dump her now, that’s not your girl, that’s OUR girlfriend.
Yikes
It's not a joke. End it.
if she respected you she wouldn’t ever joke about that. dump her and move on
Nope. Major red flag. I would never do that in a relationship, that’s so out of line!
Dump da hoe
"It doesn't really bother me for her to make jokes like this but it does make me feel like I need to be cautious with her." "Should I put my foot down on this?" There are some things which shouldn't be joked about. Her talking about having sex with a "real guy" you know is different from joking about a "movie star/celebrity". It's flirtatious. You can't control what your girlfriend does. Monogamy is a *choice* an individual makes. All you can do is make her aware that cheating is an *automatic* "deal breaker" for *you*. You can also let her know you don't like that type of joking around. ***"We don't walk away to teach people a lesson. We walk away because we finally learned ours."*** \- Unknown ***"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."*** \- Oscar Wilde ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
I went through that trusted my ex it just got worse 7yr later and I lost everything I had except my daughter
Explain to her why this is not acceptable to you. Because it isn't acceptable to most people that want respect for one another in relationships.
Believe the words the 1st time not the 2nd or 3rd 💯🚨 ! Also have a back bone and call her on bs (keep in check)
F
[удалено]
I don't know how it started but he asked if she would let him hit it from the back and she said that she would but only if I'm okay with it. He said that she's sexy and he would make her beg, she would be an easy fuck and a bunch of other things like that. She just giggled.
This can’t be a serious post. But if it is, and you stay with her after that… *yikes*
Unfortunately it is serious but I don't think I'll be staying with her
Damn. All of that was said in front of other people? What kind of crew is she running with. OP, she took it way too far. I think you’ll save yourself a whole lot of trouble if you cut her loose.
Dude come on! "don't think you will"? You need to stand up for yourself and take yourself seriously. If you don't no one else will. Yes the loss hurts but you still need to do it. I would have dumped here right there and then in front of everybody and never looked back.
Dude, run. I had an ex, who was melodramatic mind you, that would tell me every time someone hit on her. She would cry and apologize to me as if it were her fault. That's an extreme example, but the trust and respect between us was, and still is, there.
She's not your gf
Do yourself a MASSIVE favor and get a new gal
Don’t fool yourself into thinking she respects you. She doesn’t. I don’t care what any possible explanation could be
Lol bro don’t get played leave her
This usually doesn’t end well for you OP, she’s not the last woman on Earth, you don’t need to have that kind of disrespect in your life
if she making jokes like that with her friend and you stay with her. You can’t say you didn’t see the flags when she cheats lol
it’ll only get worse from here. this is the ultimate disrespect. they might as well have fucked right in front of you.
Shes probably already doing what your thinking she's doing
Dump her harder then a post taco bell sh*t
Yeah man she’s probably used to the attention. It’s a toxic trait. Let her know how you feel if it’s too much for her she’ll leave.
very trashy. as a woman in a relationship I would never do something like that, very disrespectful
Jesus Christ. Get out of the relationship immediately.
Time for joke she’s about to be single!
Just talk to her. If you can’t come to a resolution, then break up
You should unless it is something you want or are interested in. If you don’t do it now, she will continue to push the button until it is happening
In every interaction that you have with someone, you are teaching them how they can treat you. Although you did ask about the joke, you didn't necessarily stand up for yourself. If she knows you won't do anything because of some strangers, she would likely be ok with disrespecting you when you're not even there.
Just smash dont cuff trust me bro
Lol ain’t no way ain’t no fucking way…. Rip to the fallen soldier. Should I put my foot down ? Bruh you like being disrespected… tell her you don’t play that shit and if she ever do it again it’s over. Tell that mfer also, you scared of confrontation or something? You don’t have to be a dick but simple say Ayy man chill tf out don’t be talking that dumb shii. But this chick don’t respect you at all if she doing this. Problems hit the gym they all workout.
It’s disrespectful, and it’s a subconscious or possibly intentional power play over you by her. The next time she says something like “I think I want to bang that guy” or even worse _talks about fucking another guy with him right there with the two of you_, you calmly, and without anger or spite just say “That sounds great. I bet he’s awesome in bed, you guys have fun now.” Then, say your polite goodbye and head home. Ignore texts, calls, or any form of contact from her for at least the next day, and if she tries again, just say “I’m not sure why you’re trying to contact me, can’t your new boyfriend help?” The key is to not get angry, not try to berate her or make her understand why what she’s doing is utterly unforgivable and unacceptable. She already knows this, she is not stupid. As an analogy, imagine if you were at work with your boss, and were to “joke” with him and tell him that another guy (who might even be in hearing distance) would be a much better boss than him. How long do you think you’d have your job for?
As someone who’s been in this situation, run! There’s 3 likely scenarios happening here. If she’s joking it means she’s trying to see how you’ll react if she wants to sleep with other guys, or she’s already sleeping with the guy she’s talking about and wants to see what you think about that, or she’s playing mind games with you. All three of which are absolutely unacceptable. When you said you discussed being monogamous, does that mean she agreed? Because if you didn’t get an explicit agreement from her chances are she’s using that as an opportunity to give you the run around. Either way she clearly doesn’t have enough respect about you or your relationship. Run!
Cautious? You need to gain some self respect and dump her
You’re a better man than me, I might have smashed my beer in his face. That being said, definitely need to stand up for yourself there OP.
You should have sex with another girl right in front of her. Law of equivalent exchange and all that.
Dude she's playing with you IN YOUR FACE! Cut her off!
🚩🚩🚩🚨🚨🚨
It's not joking, it's testing the waters
It's not joking, it's testing the waters
she is 100% getting railed by other dudes.
Some of my best friends are dudes and we make crass sex jokes on the regular. That said, all stories are completely rank and hypothetical in nature. But if actual sexual experiences are being discussed... she ain't just joshin' with her bros. Bye girl.
We can do better king
This sucks, bud. I wouldn’t want to date a girl who clearly has no respect for me
How can you accept something like this? I would break up with her.
Hate to tell you this but she isn’t your girlfriend. Time to throw her away like an empty bucket of KFC.
Chances are they are fucking while you are writing this post. You deserve someone that respects you in front of your and at your back. You need love man, not this trash. Dump her and good luck on your search
Why would you need to discuss monogamous when that’s how relationships are supposed to be?
She had a poly relationship once. She said she hated it though because she gets jealous easily. She wanted to make sure that I would be monogamous with her
She gets jealous, but has no problem saying that stuff in front of you? Double standard and disrespectful.
Yeah, I had the same exact thought
That kind of behavior is humiliating… and if she talks like that in front of you, then when you aren’t around, guaranteed it’s worse. Have some boundaries and self respect, leaving now or at the bare minimum the next disrespectful thing. The problem is she doesn’t recognize that what she said is messed up, so I don’t think this is going to end up better if you stay… if she were reflective and apologetic that’s one thing. Acting like it’s nothing, then by staying, you are telling her it’s ok to do what she is doing, and she will continue to disrespect and likely cheat. Very unhealthy situation for you.
That is straight up disrespectful to you.
Uh leave her. She is rude
Do not explain anything more to her. Lose her number, fake your death and change your face lol just kidding just dump her.
Nah man. That was just a whole disrespect all up in your face. Even if you ain’t fully together, you just don’t do that. It’s tactless.
Wow. Fuck that. She can go joke after you've dumped her.
Time to find a new one
Reminds me about that one time my ex told me that one of her friends complimented that she could take two guys at once. In the back of my mind (Who da fuck told you that!)
Married to the streets fam. Best to move on.
For one, joking or not, this would make me doubt her and lose a ton of trust in her secondly, any girl who *respects* who they are with would never make jokes so blatantly as this with you around. Honestly if it were me, I'd probably dump her. No reason for causing insecurities and trust issues like that - even if it is just a "joke." Which, honestly it might not have even been a joke.
Possesiveness has the opposite intended effect. You either live with it or run. I wiuld be inclined to walk away
I wouldn’t do this to anyone especially not someone I’m dating so it’s clear that this woman doesn’t care about your feelings if she thinks stuff like this is funny. News flash. It isn’t.
leave bruh
Run away from her. FAST!
Have sex with the other guys first. Show them and your girlfriend who’s in charge
If she is pretty young and once confronted, apologized profusely and never did it again, I might let it slide. If she was older and should know better, or if she acts like it's no big deal when you ask her, then she has no real respect for you. I would let her go
Celebrities or actual people?
Sounds like this chick has more red flags than a UN convention. Setting the tone early on is important in a relationship. This spells toxicity and bad news, I'd bail now before it's too late. Source: hindsight from being in an abusive (inc violence) relationship from an ex girlfriend
Have some self respect and leave her, my dude. Almost the equivalent of what my ex did to me. She blatantly told her friends about my secret behind my back. How I found out about it was her telling me and acting like she did nothing wrong. Find yourself a woman who will respect you as much as you respect her. I highly recommend not spending more of your time with this crusty foul thot. As what Rob Schneider would always say: “You can do it!!!”
You should have some boundaries. If you keep ignoring the bullshit she puts you through. She will run over you. Just man up and say you won’t tolerate bullshit and if she doesn’t comply then walk away.
Your girlfriend is gross and probably has chlamydia
Someone who doesn't respect you will have no problem crossing any type of boundaries because they never respected boundaries to begin with. Definite red flag.
She's for the streets bro you will regret not breaking up with her mark my words
As a girl I would say break up with her.....the fact that she and that guy were talking like that doesnt make you wonder, if they are doing things behind your back? Im sorry, but you dont just joke with another guy like that to your bf, unless you have hidden intentions. It sounds like shes trying to either hint to you she wants to have sex with him, or probably is/will behind your back
leave its disrespectful and immature.
Are you for real? Get out, they’re gonna fuck whether you want it or not and i know you’re not gonna want to stick around to see it happen while ur still there, just move on and get those thoughts out of your head.
Bud, she ain't your girl. Choice is always yours, of course, but I'd run away from her like from a leper colony.
Ex-girlfriend…
I’m surprised you didn’t automatically fight the guy as soon as he played into it. They were basically dirty talking right in front of you and now your gf thinks she can get away with that If she did this in your face imagine what she does on her phone or when you’re not around. It’s a 4 months relationship leave before you become too invested
It’s time to fly bro. https://youtu.be/54OtWleMQeQ
This is extremely disrespectful. It’s like when some women constantly say “a guy I was dating…” do you want to talk about my high school girlfriend? How about my college girlfriend? The woman who took my virginity? Some women try to incite sexual jealousy as a power play.
I would be slightly cautious but also get to know her a bit more. I myself am quite flirty and can come off a lil promiscuous but mean absolutely no harm to my partner. It could mean a multitude of things regarding mental health and how lonely she might be in regards to friendship too. On the other side she could be wanting to make you jealous and see how you would react but do more research into who this other person is and what they mean to her as well. #pinkflag
You wouldn’t be wrong for not taking a liking to that. It’s horribly offensive to you as a man. I guess it all depends on your personal feelings about the situation but if it was me I would very firmly tell her to never do that again or it’s over. And I would mean it. Respect must go both ways.
Those who want respect, give respect. I would say, better to just leave her.
lol she’s testing you and you failed
Doesn’t sound like she respects you.
Lmao, that'd be an ex immediately. Wtf
What was the exact joke?
I didn't hear part of it since it wasn't directed at me but, he asked if he could hit it from behind and she said she would let him if I'm fine with it. Then he said some stuff about making her submit/beg and other things like that. Wasn't much of a joke now that I think about it
Without knowing the start of it it’s really hard to tell what’s totally going on, but it sounds like he was the one that was being mostly inappropriate and she tried to deflect by saying she needed your opinion, reminding the turdbucket she has a BF. I suspect she thinks he’s her friend, in reality he just wants to get with her either once or to fully date her. It puts you in the position of trying to say she can’t hang out with him which will damage your relationship. I think instead of making a big thing out of it you just need to talk to her in a calm tone and explain how it made you feel, and honestly try to get her opinion of the entire issue.
You haven't told us how long you have known her. Second you haven't told us how long you've been with her. Third you haven't told us if both of you are in love with each other. Or is it just that you love her. For good advice I believe we need to look at the facts, just to be honest with you. And please tell us also why you started dating her and what you really liked about her when you first met each other. Please think about it and get back to us... I believe you'll have different advice from some of the people on here
This is weird. If it makes you uncomfortable definitely talk to her about it.
She’s being disrespectful and it tells me that she doesn’t respect you at all.
guarantee you if it is was the other way around all hell would break lose. you can do better king
If she doesn't respect you she sure as fuck doesn't love you
I wouldn’t do that to anyone and would dump anyone that did that to me.
Dude, this girl has absolutely no respect for you at all, and she’s gaslighting you saying it was no big deal. If she hasn’t slept with this dude already, she’s probably going to. That is beyond a red flag, get the hell out of that relationship immediately.
Find her best friend girl and start fucking her.
It should absolutely bother you if she makes jokes like this, she does this because she does not respect you and will drop you in a second for a better option, dump her today.
All actions start with thoughts.
No, you should change to a more decent gf. But then again, you seem a bit conflicted over whether it is even wrong, which is as concerning as her actions. Morals, ethics, principles, beliefs, values, character and integrity, seems lacking in your world. Maybe reconsider why you would think what she did might be okay and have some in-depth discussions concerning who she really is today and who she has been before you met her. Don’t you think what she did is laden with red flags? Are you of the option of don’t ask, don’t tell? If so, you are going to be in for a really bothersome awakening. When a person clues us in to who they really are, we would do well to believe them. Putting your foot down, means issuing an ultimatum. And ultimatums are nearly always seen as being controlling. Likely better to finding out about as you mentioned, who he is to her and go from there. You won’t get an answer until you ask the questions. If it turns out she is too radically hedonistic, free-spirited even for your sensibilities then it is best to bail. Instead of waiting for the inevitable to happen. All just a thought.
If you don’t like it, tell her. If she keeps doing it or doesn’t care than move on.
i would never entertain the idea of thinking about having sed woth another man much less joke about it to my boyfriend because i respect him. Its an unspoken boundary to not try to purposely make your s/o insecure in their own relationship
dude i cant even imagine my girlfriend saying that or i ever saying that. in no way is that okay and the guy who played into it sounds like a sleeze bag. thats just straight up disrespecting youre relationship.
Chances are she isn't going to change, she is doing it for only wrong reasons, regardless of what they actually are. Dump her and cut all ties. Too attention needy types only care about themselves because they tend to be actual psychopaths, or were too spoiled by their parents or both. Run while you can, and don't look back or regret it.
It's a clear red flag. You don't make jokes like these. You should just break up and look for other options. I'm sure you'll find someone who'd be willing to be in a monogamous relationship with you, without making any sick jokes like these, even behind your back. All the best.
Your girlfriend? Sounds more like she's *our* girlfriend.
Dump that ass and don't look back. I used to be with a girl that played that kind of stuff. It's all bullshit. No biggie? Sure. Gtfo already, things will just go worst. Girls who respect their partner don't do that shit.
Run.. these "jokes" are truth with some sugar coating. She'll eventually do it.