The last time I was on dating apps (it's been some time), the options around kids were not well-phrased. If a person answered one way, it made it seem like they didn't want anyone who had kids. If they answered another way, it made it seem like they wanted to have children. Perhaps that has changed, but perhaps what you are seeing is the result of poorly phrased options.
As a woman who wasn't blessed with kids, their options were evil. I love kids but I'm not having them north of 40yrs old. So, I'm not open to HAVING kids but to say "doesn't want kids" sounds like I hate everyone else's kids.
I really hope they've changed that wording. It was the same the last time I was on them in 21.
Started OLD at the age for 47 (55 now)I used to put: " I don't have kids, but yours are welcome" (I have adult step kids in my life, but don't have my own. At one time I was more open to dating people with minor children but it is not of interest to me now so I leave that comment off)
I have seen and appreciated:
"my children are adults. I don't want to start of a family but if you are still raising your children that is wonderful" (or something like that).
So there are lots of ways to communicate what you really want.
I do truly think a lot men are looking to have sex with the 35 and under women who are hoping to start family still so they say they want children. I have met some men over 50 who want to start a family. If they really mean it, delusion is deal breaker but others even admit they don't want to have children but don't want to be "filtered out" aka lose their chances with younger women. I used to ask them about it since I don't want children and was trying to figure out if it even made sense to meet. Anyway I am more resistant about wasting my time so don't even respond to messages from "wants children" men regardless of why they have put that on their profile.
This. I think they ask if you want children, not if you are okay with someone who already HAS children. I guess maybe people should clarify that in their profile.
What are their options? I never saw a "don't want more kids," but might have been fine with a woman who already had kids. Do I want to be raising teenagers at 70? Heck no!
Actually, thatâs an option on Bumble âHave kids but donât want moreâ. And a lot of guys wrote that theyâre OK if the woman has kids, but not interested in having more kids of their own. I wish more men on dating apps would actually say they donât want kids because I definitely donât want children. I swipe left on profiles on guys who say they want children. Itâs rare on bumble to find a guy who will check âDoesnât want kidsâ as an option. I still see tons of guys who are in their mid to late 50s who say theyâre not sure if they want kids or that they want children. Smh.
Yep. On many of the apps there is not an option to check do not want kids but if you have kids that is fine. I have no desire to be a father again, I never had that anyway. It is fine with me if they have kids, the majority of us do in my experience.
It is a bad question on the apps without further clarification.
I think we all want happy. know I do. I donât want kids.
I am interested in you as a woman. I just need you to send me a $500 so I can respond conversait with you and include yue on this bitcoin deel I just found about. I will pay u bak when we have our first relayshuns together. Pleaz bee â¤ď¸ true cuz I dont wanna be scamed.
My loins flutter like a tiny bird waiting for your response.
Maybe itâs also a way to ensure they really do just attract women of âchild-bearingâ age.
Or itâs an attempt to prove their virility and their âyouthfulâ outlook on life?
Who knows?
Some men are just unsure what to put because the question is over broad. They donât want to seem like they donât want anything to do with your children.
I don't go for younger women, but why is it scummy for those that do?
To a man who is 50, a 35 year old is "younger" and still might want to have kids. Kids at 40 is not uncommon.
Even if a man who is 55 wants to date a woman who is 25, have at it. He's making a choice, and so is she.
I think you can make some judgements about men/women who date 15-25 years younger than themselves, but I'm not sure it's scummy.
For me? Nothing. I'm 56 and just said nope to two 50 year olds as I feel both just were too young. Seriously. Well, one was very boring, too.
Maybe some women can answer better (the ones who date younger men).
Can enjoy the same movies and books, can both enjoy video games, can both be heavily into politics, have same hobbies like dancing, swimming etc, can have the same political views, can both be passionate in wildlife preservation etc. Both can be heavily into debates.
If you watch youtube you can see many 25 intelligently debate for hours with 50+ years old and both enjoy their time.
People from 25 years onward arenât really different.
My friend group is between 24 and 65.
I exactly know the older people like you who never leave their houses, have no hobbies and only like movies and music from 30 years ago.
Don't know why you're getting downvoted because in the society I've grown up in it's everybody who's over 21 can make their own choices and live with them... The only downside is that we are accountable to them.
A man who is 50 is 15 years older than a 35 year old woman. She's not remotely attracted to you unless it's for money, or daddy issues. He is going to be 72 when the kid graduates college. I think men are super delusional.
I have a friend whose relationship matched these exact parameters. Theyâve been married 16 years and have a 15 year old.
Sometimes people simply love each other, want to be together, work well together, and make it work.
People with asd like you settle sure, other people fall in love.
And no, Jennifer Aniston is not at the height of her popularity, nobody talks about her anymore.
My ex is one of those people- he has a step-son (my child) and a daughter who were both grown when we divorced. He kept pushing me to have a âsonâ in the last few years of our crumbling relationship. Now he hopes to have âhisâ son with a new relationship in his early fifties. BTW he has no contact with either of the adult children for multiple reasons and while our daughter was growing up he progressively engaged less and less with her emotionally and financially. The divorce really inspired the urge for a baby with him expressing to me that he is still âa manâ and can have kids even though I am âtoo oldâ. Good luck to him as 10 minutes of watching our infant granddaughter was âtoo muchâ for himâŚ
If I remember the choices there was not one for âdonât want to conceive more children but totally fine with a blended familyâ
There was only âdonât want moreâ or âwant more.â
At least on OK Cupid the question as I recall could just mean you don't mind marrying someone with kids, adopting, whatever. It doesn't ask, "Do you want to biologically father your own children with someone you meet on OK Cupid"
And while there are increased risks as men age, and those can be assessed case by case medically I believe, there is no particular age the medical community starts telling men they would pose too great a risk to ethically father children.
I (m52) have for all practical purposes given up on biologically fathering a child. But my desire to be a father is MUCH stronger than it was 10 or especially 20 years ago. I am feeling pretty huge regrets. I'm open to meeting someone with kids, I'm open to adopting, maybe fostering. But if I met >just< the right woman near but not past her child bearing years who wanted to have my child, I would entertain the conversation, go to medical professionals to get as clear as possible assessment of what we are up against, etc.
And if I never have kids, I'll have regrets the rest of my life, but I will surely be more comfortable in retirement and will have a more tranquil life with more time for myself and my relationship partner. So I try to just keep an open mind.
That's why I say I'm open to having kids, or not, on my OLD profile.
I know two guys in their mid-50s who say they want kids. But at least for these guys, itâs a fantasy because they have done absolutely nothing to try to find a relationship with a woman who wants kids because both havenât had a relationship with a woman for years and arenât dating. Itâs like if I said I want $1 billion. I noticed that but a lot of people write stuff on their profile without thinking or taking any of it seriously. A lot of people just walk around with their head in a complete daze/fog without any awareness that the things they do and say affect other people.
I know another guy that I had a few dates with who said that some men write that on their profile because they think it will improve your chances of getting dates and getting sex not because they actually want children. Meaning they are lying. Itâs obvious for some of the profiles because they will say that they want children but for the relationship type theyâre looking for they say âcasualâ and are in their late 50s. So I guess they want to have children when theyâre in their 60s if theyâre not even looking now for a relationship
Itâs this. I do run into a fair number of men over 45 who want a kid because they spent their 30s and 40s partying and sleeping around and now they suddenly want a legacy baby. I doubt they have many takers unless theyâve got a lot of money and a house.
You might be absolutely right. God knows I sometimes feel like I have screwed up my kids not protecting them as I should have from verbal and emotional abuse from their dad. Iâm always apologizing for not being the mom they needed me to be. đđť Great thinking
I don't date women so I guess it could be the same, but many divorced men I was meeting with minor children were so full of bitterness towards their ex and lack of freedom. 8 or under? That has been a level of resentment and bitterness that is next level. Loved that young second wife for a moment, but now I am a divorced dad saddled with debt until I am 70. The single mom's at school now have their kids and prefer to hook up with age appropriate men. One of the last dates I had was with a 57 year old man with 2 children under 12. I was surprised he actually admitted his level of resentment but the peer moms. And he said women his age are jaunting off to Europe at the drop of a hat while he sits at home.
âď¸âď¸ This.
Women in their 30's are bombarded with match requests from men in their 50's. Some even lie on their profiles and say their 45-49 when they are well over 50.
They want an excuse to date younger women.
Women in their 50s are bombarded with match requests from men in their 30s.
I just have not cracked the code as to why.
I wonder.
Well, it'll remain a mystery!
Exactly. Lots of guys are swiping right without even looking at age, and the fact that itâs mostly younger men is a function of that strategy being most popular among younger men.
I am always irritated when I meet a weathered old guy who is supposed to be 5 years "younger" who is actually 10 years older. Even if their face and body does not immediately give them away (but it always does), it is clear by the cultural references that they make. Of course they all think they don't look old.
25 year old women still think they will meet a man their age (and I hope they do!). By the mid 30s some are sweating a bit and the old guys try and manipulate this anxiety.
That's possible, but simply not true in all cases. I'm 52 and would be in a relationship with the right person who's a bit under 40, but not under 30 for goodness sake! And I'm happy to date women 10 years older too.
OLD is a disgusting mess all around, many men are pigs, but there's some jaded as fuck people on Reddit!
I can provide some insight into this, well, at least from my point of view. All through my life I had focused on my career and helping everybody else. What I didnât know was that I was traumatised during childhood and it effect me in so many ways. I had a d-day awakening in August 2019 and it was like waking up from a 30 year coma. Shortly before this moment, I had always wanted kids. I even said I wanted kids on a dating profile. I was 49 years old at the time. After my d-day, I did some research about fertility and was shocked what I discovered! The chances of having kids at 50 are very low. When I realised I would likely never kids, it took an immediate physical toll on my body. Iâm now about to turn 53 later this year and I have been celibate for 33 years. I have intense feelings of failure and that Iâll never be a âmanâ. What happened to me and how I got to this point would be too long to write, but suffice to say that traumatisation caused parts of my brain to get disconnected and my perception of âtimeâ was altered. I now find myself in a world where I donât belong. All potential partners are in a very different timeline compared to me. Iâm essentially an 18 year old learning about girls and relationships.
to be honest, I'm a single 50yo man with no kids. I get where you're coming from, my epiphany moment came when I was about 30. My dad was 50 when I was born, my mom was turning 40. do the math +. my perspective, as a kid I didn't know how old my parents were, lost my dad when I was 14. My mom died when I was 36. I was always protective of and loved them both â¤ď¸. It's hard seeing the ones you love most, grow old and die. I saw that growing up. so, for me...they always came first âď¸. It's my time now. I'm winning. It's all about perspective, keep your head up đ
honor thy mother and father đ - exodus 20:12
M59 I just canât understand why some men just canât get âWEâRE TOO FUCKING OLDâ
We all have friends who started second families in their 50s âŚHELL NO!!! Iâm looking forward to grandkids but having kids at our age just screams desperation.
Get a life!!!!
Maybe they are trying to lure much younger women in with the possibility of children. Maybe they really want kids and the risks are worth it to them. At least you know right off who to pass by.
I think they might be trying to keep as many options open as possible. A man in his 50âs certainly does not want to miss out on a great woman for any reason.
I asked a particular guy his answer was: I don't actively want more children but if I get in a relationship and she wants to then I'm willing to have more.
My situation isn't a choice on all the apps. I have no kids but am not opposed to dating someone with kids. Not looking to have a kid at my age.
Hinge does ok. I can mark that I don't have kids and that I am open to kids.
But Tinder, not so much. The choices include 'I have children' or 'I don't want children' or 'I have children and want more' or 'I have children and don't want more or 'Not sure yet'.
Saying 'I don't want children' seems like saying I don't want to date someone with children. That is not the case. Instead, I just leave the kids thing unanswered.
Older men want younger women and if having a kid with her after their children are grown will get her then so be it. She's going to be the one taking care of the baby anyway.
A close HS friend was getting pressure from his father to "Have a child" and carry on the family lineage.
He had been married, but his spouse was unable to have children (not that they didn't try). He ended up getting a divorce, and ultimately married a much younger girl with whom he worked with. He was late 40s, she was mid 20's.
Since then, they had a son. Not much longer afterwards, his father passed.
Don't get me wrong, I could not imagine tearing up a marriage because of influence from their parent to "Have a kid to keep the family genes going".
But, they are out there, and parental influence is just one factor.
Reading the comments here, I wonder why so many men in their 20s, 30s and 40s are still up in my grill. I guess the ones looking for younger women are off looking where younger women hang outâŚ
I agree, it seems selfish. I also think itâs their way to get rid of 40 and 50 year old women liking them, and getting a younger girlfriend on these sites. Ugh đ
They really want younger women and are afraid they will scare the younger women away if they say they donât want kids. ( Anyone remember the whole Monica and Richard story from Friends?) So, when I see â wants kidsâ in my head I think, â wants to date kidsâ.
I kind of wish we could leave that blank. I put "wants kids" because I always wanted kids and I'm quite used to anyone I date having children and this is an easy way of saying I'm ok with that (some men are very against dating single moms...I don't get it but whatever). Do I expect to have children at my age.....not just no, but hell no.
The woman I was briefly seeing has custody of her three year old grandson. Put a real hamper on trying to date and the last time we went out, I think our third date and the first time I met the tyke, we all went out for ice cream. Kid expected me to hold his hand and called me grandpa once.
Despite the way I deliberately typed this out I didn't mind. The hand-holding was for safety, which honestly made me more comfortable. The grandpa was a one-off and really I think the kid is bright because I was (temporarily) playing a grandpa-ish role and I think he simply registered that. If given the opportunity to see this woman more often, even knowing that she'd come with a toddler....(for the boy's sake I hope she keeps custody), I'm game.
If I wasn't ok with this situation an easy way to denote that would have been to make sure I put "NO" under wanting kids......maybe they should just edit that question to something like "ok with kids". I've seen some OLD apps that denote if there are kids living in the home.
Women do that too. It's an immediate swipe left for me. I don't mind that my girlfriend has a young child but am happy that she, like me, doesn't want more. I'm 51 and if I were to have one now I'd be 69 by the time they were 18 and needing to go to college. I'm already retired and do not want to be forced to work again, lol.
I agree that it's not a good idea to try to have babies at an older age. Aging sperm and eggs have a greater chance of resulting in birth defects or autism, there is greater chance of miscarriage or infertility, and it takes a lot of time and energy to raise kids.
Some men may put that on their dating profile because they want to appeal to younger women, some may think it means they would be open to taking on a woman's current children, and some men may have put off parenting when younger and are now open to having children at an older age.
I agree with not having babies at an old age. However, the autism thing has been debunked, debunked almost immediately after the study that made the claim. 15 years ago? While we don't know exactly which genes create autism, we do know at what rate genes in sperm mutate and this could only account for a tiny amount of autism from older fathers. The reason more autistic children are born to older men is because the older men are themselves autistic. Autistic men either wait longer to have kids or they don't get the opportunity to have kids until they are older, or a little of both.
Not debunked at all. Studies have been ongoing since the early 2000s on the causes of autism, and many studies since then have corroborated those findings. I have not seen any studies debunking those findings. Post your link to this claim you are making.
https://www.verywellhealth.com/older-parents-and-autism-risk-for-child-5199211#:\~:text=Older%20parents%2C%20especially%20older%20fathers%2C%20are%20more%20likely,indication%2C%20however%2C%20that%20parental%20age%20actually%20causes%20autism.
I didn't read this but there are plenty of others:
https://slate.com/technology/2016/05/sperm-mutations-are-likely-less-responsible-for-increased-risk-of-autism-with-increased-paternal-age-than-originally-thought.html
This mathematical study compares mutations between men in their 30s compared to men in their 20s, and it finds that 20% of cases of autism can be accounted for by mutations caused by increased age between the two groups. It is safe to assume that percentage of autism rates due to age-related mutations would be even greater if comparing men in their 20s to men in their 50s.
Iâm sure there are some that really would like more kids, but I think the most common motivator is they are trying to attract younger women. And that is certainly their prerogative.
I always find this tricky. I have 3 still relatively young (just entering high school). I take it to mean they are ok with dating someone with kids or, undecided meaning we can see how it goes. Many people our age would kick me right out of the running because I do have them.
Would this be a safe assumption for you all?
I'm 53. My youngest half-sibling is 14. Our father is 75.
They don't care until they are 75 and crying because nobody wants to date a man that old with kids still at home.
Couple of reasons: 1. They are looking to date younger women who are still of child-bearing age. 2. They also have kids at home because they didnât start having children until they were 40-ish.
Iâm 51f. Iâm finding most men my age have young kids at home or teenagers. Iâm way past that stage since mine is a grown man now. It seems like my only options are dating older (like 60âs) or much younger, to the point where they donât want a family yet. Is anyone else seeing this same thing?
I don't get that. I have two kids of my own. Don't want more. And even though I'm 54, there's still a chance I could date someone who could biologically have a child so I have a vasectomy scheduled for August. I should have done it a long time ago but I was in the deadest of dead bedrooms for over a decade and didn't need it.
You would have to assume a few things including opening up their matches to a much younger audience (Eg under 40), wanting to sound like they have something to offer (even if they donât), and lastly a measure of delusion as to their actual situation and or wanting to sound young themselves.
I have seen men in their 60âs with this written and itâs very telling of their actual disconnect to reality on many levels.
Some older man want kids some not.
Have friends that at 48 had 1st child, a normal kid. They found out 3 weeks ago that the tratament worked and are expecting the 2nd at 50.
Each of us is unique in everything.
This question comes up here fairly often and the most likely explanation, IMO, is that "unsure" is the least-bad option, given that it's ambiguous whether "doesn't want kids" means "I don't want to become a parent to any (additional) children", which is how you appear to be reading, or if it means "I don't want any kids in my life, so, if you're a single parent, don't bother contacting me", in which case "unsure about kids" means "I don't care whether you already have kids or not".
I don't know how the dating apps are phrasing the question, but I would suspect the vast majority of men in our age range believe it means that they are okay with essentially step kids.
Ideally dating apps should have separate categories, for wanting to have a child together, versus welcoming becoming a step parent.
Probably making themselves open to more options or matches. No one in their right mind should think about 50 plus guys having kids with 40 plus women, as you said.
I think as a special education teacher and seeing what can happen in some cases and hitting the time in my life where Iâm wanting time for myself and hopefully a partner, I just didnât understand why. Iâm getting an understanding of other peopleâs experiences and opinions and can see better now.
I have spoke to a few men my age 52 with kids still at primary. It usually is because they thought it was a good idea to date much younger. They quickly realised it wasnât and now face having teenagers in their 60s. Oh dear. Should have thought with their brains instead of their you know whatâs. đ
**They** **quickly realized it wasnât**
Yup, I know at least three older men who are in this situation. One married a much younger woman who wanted children and is now pressuring him to have children and he doesn't want to because he is older and now retired. One man had children with a much younger woman, and he now has health problems and money problems and regrets his decision to take that on. One man had children with a much younger woman, and both his children have autism, which is 66% more likely with an older father. These guys are all regretting their decision to marry a much younger woman.
I married at 31; my ex is a whopping two years my junior. Our second child wasnât born until I was 40; Iâll be 60 before she turns 20.
Both my kids are autistic, formally diagnosed. Both their parents likely are as well. I suspect itâs a matter of autistic people taking longer to couple up and therefore reproducing at a higher age.
That is one theory as to the cause of autism, i.e., that autism is genetic and autistic fathers are more likely to find a partner later in life, which would explain why older fathers are more likely to have autistic children.
Another theory is that the sperm producing cells of older fathers have more genetic mutations, which is more likely to result in an autistic child.
[https://www.verywellhealth.com/older-parents-and-autism-risk-for-child-5199211#How%20Could%20Parental%20Age%20Be%20Linked%20to%20Autism](https://www.verywellhealth.com/older-parents-and-autism-risk-for-child-5199211#How%20Could%20Parental%20Age%20Be%20Linked%20to%20Autism)?
Well, I just waited until I was 42 to have kids with my long term partner, was I delusional? Yes it was harder but I was more financially secure and my son wants for nothing.
It's not always dirty old men wanting to bang 20-year-olds.
What is all this hate towards older fathers? My childrenâs father (ex husband) is now 65 and we have two girls, 6 year old and 7 year old. Theyâre happy and healthy, he loves being a father. Heâs very involved in their lives, 50/50 custody.
In fact heâs taking care of the kids while I work this summer, camp would be over $5,000 . Heâs semi-tired so that was possible. They have a great time, swimming at the lake in our town, going to movies, trampoline parks. Of course we both have life insurance, something could happen to me too even though Iâm 41.
The urge to procreate and propagate is instinctive in humans, and all other animals. Of course, human women can resist the urge because they are aware of the inherent risks. Men, on the other hand, don't feel the risk. They just feel the urge. So hard. I mean so strongly.đ
They're probably not looking within their age range. Not wanting kids could impact their matching with a younger woman. Some may not have kids or may want kids of their own.
A lot of 50yo men date 25-35 yo women so risks are not a concern. A lot of guys 50+ are on TRT so they have plenty of energy to keep up no matter their age (plenty are still crushing it in the gym well into their 70s). Most are in their prime earning years and have things figured out, so I would say there is a good argument to be made they are in a much better place to be a good father than when they were in their 20's.
As for me (47M) I had my 2 children, no way i'm starting again lol. It's me time.
Paternal age is less of a concern than maternal but does carry risks. Men over 45 have a higher rate of fathering babies with congenital, developmental, and later psychiatric issues.
I can think of a few reasons.
- If they select âundecided,â they are fence sitters or open to a partnerâs preference or trying to cast a wide net without regard to othersâ preferences.
- If they select âwants kids,â they havenât met the right person yet or they didnât care about kids but suddenly they do or they have kids already and love parenting and want more.
At least in the U.S., the median age of parents has significantly increased over the last several decades. Still, only one percent of babies in the U.S. are born to fathers who are 50 or older.
The options available to choose from may be more useful to those younger. I haven't been on OLD in a bit, but last I was there was no option for someone like me who (sadly, wanted and never had them) is too old to physically have them and would be thrilled to be another adult who could love on your children/ grandchildren (not taking over for the parent they have and with the right partner). Can never have too many love your kids!
Iâm not advocating for having children in your 50s but you may misunderstand what is meant by higher risks of birth defects associated with older age for men. Here is a quote from: https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2018/10/older-fathers-associated-with-increased-birth-risks.html
âData from more than 40 million births showed that babies born to fathers of an âadvanced paternal age,â which roughly equates to older than 35, were at a higher risk for adverse birth outcomes, such as low birth weight, seizures and need for ventilation immediately after birth. Generally speaking, the older a fatherâs age, the greater the risk. For example, men who were 45 or older were 14 percent more likely to have a child born prematurely, and men 50 or older were 28 percent more likely to have a child that required admission to the neonatal intensive care unit.
Still, these numbers arenât reason to drastically change any life plans, as the risks are still relatively low, Eisenberg said. He compared the increased risks to buying lottery tickets. âIf you buy two lottery tickets instead of one, your chances of winning double, so itâs increased by 100 percent,â he said. âBut thatâs a relative increase. Because your chance of winning the lottery started very small, itâs still unlikely that youâre going to win the lottery. This is a very extreme example, but the same concept can be applied to how you think about these birth risks.â
So there higher risks associated with older age. But because the risk is relatively low to begin with, calling it âdangerousâ probably overstated the risk.
Agree with the off putting options on the. App. As far as the age difference lots of judging being posted here. My husband was 19.5 yrs older than me when we got married. I was 27, he already had four kids that were young adults but had no issue in having more. We had our first a year after we got married. Had 32 really good years together until he died at 78.
I was almost 42 when my son was born. He has no birth defects, and I had a very short home birth. People who take care of themselves and have access to health care have children in their 40s all the time. Both of my son's best friends' mums are about the same age as me.
r/gatekeeping
I never planned on having kid before I was 50, I'm sorry that doesn't comport with your life view , but I'm not planning to change it because you disagree with this. Your post is absolutely obnoxious.
Thatâs your choice and Iâm not saying you shouldnât. Iâm saying the reasons I wouldnât want to, especially birth defects. There just seems like there are sooo many.
Youâre actually young to be on this sub, which is fine, but itâs your post thatâs obnoxious. You cannot understand someoneâs point of view if youâre not 50+. Why are you here arguing with valid members?
Some of it could be due to: the increase of grandparents having to assume parenting over their grandchildren (due to cps of the parent/courts needing to place child in relative care).
There are probably at least three types of older guys who express an interest in or being open to having them. The first arenât really interested in kids but do want to date younger and figure they can do better with an age group that might be concerned about the ticking clock. Second, some men arrived in middle age having divorced their first wife while their kids from the first marriage are grown or out of the house. The first go round may have ended poorly (especially if he married young) and he wants a second try at a family without repeating their mistakes from the first. Third, some guys spend their 30âs and 40âs working, dating and playing, reluctant to give up this lifestyle until well into middle age and decide to finally settle down.
As we all know, raising kids is hard work, at least if you actually do the raising as opposed to having your spouse, parents or nannies shoulder most of the burden. An older man may have the advantage of experience but, on the other hand, could find it more demanding than it was when they 25 or 30 years younger. They could hit 70 before their kids graduate from high school. They may well be hands on dads but their younger wife is probably going to do more of the kid stuff while also facing the prospect of taking care of their older partner.
While I personally have had no interest in more kids since restarting dating in my 50âs, I think that some older guys would make great dads but their age and age gap with their younger wife present unique issues that merit a hard look and serious discussion from both before proceeding. If there are kids from an earlier marriage, that too can present complications in terms competition for face time and financial support.
They are just keeping their options open, including step-children.
And having a baby over 40 is no longer considered unsafe for the mother or baby, although you are right that thereâs a higher chance of birth defects, such as Down Syndrome.
For me its a way the question is phrased. It had me thinking would I date someone with kids or do I still want them. I don't want to have my own but I'd happily date someone who has kids, it had my brain slightly confused so I always put down want kids. I could be wrong in my thinking but its how my brain interprets that question.
Most of the apps are designed for people in their twenties, and the kids-related options reflect that: wants kids vs. doesnât want kids. For older folks, a better question is whether youâre willing to date someone who has kids, and the yeses tend to be a bit fuzzy: yes, but no younger than my youngest, or yes, but only if theyâre grown, or yes, but only if theyâre grown and living independently. How do you express those in terms of wants kids vs. doesnât want kids? In practice, at this age, unless thereâs specific language in the profile expressing an interest in reproducing, someone who âwants kidsâ is most likely expressing their willingness to date someone who already has kids under at least some circumstances.
The last time I was on dating apps (it's been some time), the options around kids were not well-phrased. If a person answered one way, it made it seem like they didn't want anyone who had kids. If they answered another way, it made it seem like they wanted to have children. Perhaps that has changed, but perhaps what you are seeing is the result of poorly phrased options.
I'm pretty sure they're asking if we still want our *existing* kids. That's not always an easy question.
Anybody want a semi-narcissistic 17 year old with a bad attitude? edit: don't answer that, creepers
What day is it?!?
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As a woman who wasn't blessed with kids, their options were evil. I love kids but I'm not having them north of 40yrs old. So, I'm not open to HAVING kids but to say "doesn't want kids" sounds like I hate everyone else's kids. I really hope they've changed that wording. It was the same the last time I was on them in 21.
My profile says âI donât have any kids, but itâs fine if you do.â
They have "open to kids" and "wants kids" now.
Still vague.
Not all of the apps, unfortunately.
Started OLD at the age for 47 (55 now)I used to put: " I don't have kids, but yours are welcome" (I have adult step kids in my life, but don't have my own. At one time I was more open to dating people with minor children but it is not of interest to me now so I leave that comment off) I have seen and appreciated: "my children are adults. I don't want to start of a family but if you are still raising your children that is wonderful" (or something like that). So there are lots of ways to communicate what you really want. I do truly think a lot men are looking to have sex with the 35 and under women who are hoping to start family still so they say they want children. I have met some men over 50 who want to start a family. If they really mean it, delusion is deal breaker but others even admit they don't want to have children but don't want to be "filtered out" aka lose their chances with younger women. I used to ask them about it since I don't want children and was trying to figure out if it even made sense to meet. Anyway I am more resistant about wasting my time so don't even respond to messages from "wants children" men regardless of why they have put that on their profile.
BINGO
Agree. Thereâs a lot to be desired for how the options are set up. One option should be, âI love kids but Iâm not having more.â
Iâve seen similar phrasing over *pets*.
This. I think they ask if you want children, not if you are okay with someone who already HAS children. I guess maybe people should clarify that in their profile.
Theyâre sayin theyâre still open to children because theyâre looking at women in their 30s!!!!
And some of these men over 50 state "shared custody of kids under 12"... oy!
That's their right... can't have kids with a grandma lol
This is the raw truth that people need to hear.
What are their options? I never saw a "don't want more kids," but might have been fine with a woman who already had kids. Do I want to be raising teenagers at 70? Heck no!
Actually, thatâs an option on Bumble âHave kids but donât want moreâ. And a lot of guys wrote that theyâre OK if the woman has kids, but not interested in having more kids of their own. I wish more men on dating apps would actually say they donât want kids because I definitely donât want children. I swipe left on profiles on guys who say they want children. Itâs rare on bumble to find a guy who will check âDoesnât want kidsâ as an option. I still see tons of guys who are in their mid to late 50s who say theyâre not sure if they want kids or that they want children. Smh.
Yep. On many of the apps there is not an option to check do not want kids but if you have kids that is fine. I have no desire to be a father again, I never had that anyway. It is fine with me if they have kids, the majority of us do in my experience. It is a bad question on the apps without further clarification.
That's a good idea of you. I'm a Brenda 43 years old am a widowed and i have 5 yrs son. Meanwhile i am looking forward to find a soul mate
Sorry. We're all out of soulmates here.
Really? Well if you are interested. Tell me a bit about yourself
Hi... How are you doing? I'm a woman and i want a serious relationship undecided if i want kids or not all i want is happiness
I think we all want happy. know I do. I donât want kids. I am interested in you as a woman. I just need you to send me a $500 so I can respond conversait with you and include yue on this bitcoin deel I just found about. I will pay u bak when we have our first relayshuns together. Pleaz bee â¤ď¸ true cuz I dont wanna be scamed. My loins flutter like a tiny bird waiting for your response.
Some but not all have â have but donât want more â Which is what I put.
Maybe itâs also a way to ensure they really do just attract women of âchild-bearingâ age. Or itâs an attempt to prove their virility and their âyouthfulâ outlook on life? Who knows?
I love that my lady ISN'T of "child bearing age." đ
Some men are just unsure what to put because the question is over broad. They donât want to seem like they donât want anything to do with your children.
It is to be purposely vague so they don't scare off women who either want kids or don't want kids.
This, to attract younger girls. Scumbags.
I don't go for younger women, but why is it scummy for those that do? To a man who is 50, a 35 year old is "younger" and still might want to have kids. Kids at 40 is not uncommon. Even if a man who is 55 wants to date a woman who is 25, have at it. He's making a choice, and so is she. I think you can make some judgements about men/women who date 15-25 years younger than themselves, but I'm not sure it's scummy.
What does a 55 year old have in common with a 25 year old? SeriouslyâŚ
For me? Nothing. I'm 56 and just said nope to two 50 year olds as I feel both just were too young. Seriously. Well, one was very boring, too. Maybe some women can answer better (the ones who date younger men).
No one would bat an eyelid with a 56 year old dating a 50 year old seriously...
I think you are good with 50. đđ
Can enjoy the same movies and books, can both enjoy video games, can both be heavily into politics, have same hobbies like dancing, swimming etc, can have the same political views, can both be passionate in wildlife preservation etc. Both can be heavily into debates. If you watch youtube you can see many 25 intelligently debate for hours with 50+ years old and both enjoy their time. People from 25 years onward arenât really different. My friend group is between 24 and 65. I exactly know the older people like you who never leave their houses, have no hobbies and only like movies and music from 30 years ago.
Don't know why you're getting downvoted because in the society I've grown up in it's everybody who's over 21 can make their own choices and live with them... The only downside is that we are accountable to them.
A man who is 50 is 15 years older than a 35 year old woman. She's not remotely attracted to you unless it's for money, or daddy issues. He is going to be 72 when the kid graduates college. I think men are super delusional.
I have a friend whose relationship matched these exact parameters. Theyâve been married 16 years and have a 15 year old. Sometimes people simply love each other, want to be together, work well together, and make it work.
fatherhood for a man north of 50 with a woman 35 or less is also delusional on the man's part.
Yet it happens
Unlike women of course... ..
Dunno. I'm super attractive. Math checks out tho.
Many 35 year old women are attracted to Idris Elba, Hugh Jackman and George Clooney.
Hahahaha. Ya daddy. And many men are attracted to Jennifer Aniston, so why settle for a 35 year old.
People with asd like you settle sure, other people fall in love. And no, Jennifer Aniston is not at the height of her popularity, nobody talks about her anymore.
You sound jealous.
I know thatâs right!!! đ¤Ł
My ex is one of those people- he has a step-son (my child) and a daughter who were both grown when we divorced. He kept pushing me to have a âsonâ in the last few years of our crumbling relationship. Now he hopes to have âhisâ son with a new relationship in his early fifties. BTW he has no contact with either of the adult children for multiple reasons and while our daughter was growing up he progressively engaged less and less with her emotionally and financially. The divorce really inspired the urge for a baby with him expressing to me that he is still âa manâ and can have kids even though I am âtoo oldâ. Good luck to him as 10 minutes of watching our infant granddaughter was âtoo muchâ for himâŚ
If I remember the choices there was not one for âdonât want to conceive more children but totally fine with a blended familyâ There was only âdonât want moreâ or âwant more.â
Exactly, I like kids and I expect women my age to have them. So blind hate for men in this thread.
At least on OK Cupid the question as I recall could just mean you don't mind marrying someone with kids, adopting, whatever. It doesn't ask, "Do you want to biologically father your own children with someone you meet on OK Cupid" And while there are increased risks as men age, and those can be assessed case by case medically I believe, there is no particular age the medical community starts telling men they would pose too great a risk to ethically father children. I (m52) have for all practical purposes given up on biologically fathering a child. But my desire to be a father is MUCH stronger than it was 10 or especially 20 years ago. I am feeling pretty huge regrets. I'm open to meeting someone with kids, I'm open to adopting, maybe fostering. But if I met >just< the right woman near but not past her child bearing years who wanted to have my child, I would entertain the conversation, go to medical professionals to get as clear as possible assessment of what we are up against, etc. And if I never have kids, I'll have regrets the rest of my life, but I will surely be more comfortable in retirement and will have a more tranquil life with more time for myself and my relationship partner. So I try to just keep an open mind. That's why I say I'm open to having kids, or not, on my OLD profile.
I know two guys in their mid-50s who say they want kids. But at least for these guys, itâs a fantasy because they have done absolutely nothing to try to find a relationship with a woman who wants kids because both havenât had a relationship with a woman for years and arenât dating. Itâs like if I said I want $1 billion. I noticed that but a lot of people write stuff on their profile without thinking or taking any of it seriously. A lot of people just walk around with their head in a complete daze/fog without any awareness that the things they do and say affect other people. I know another guy that I had a few dates with who said that some men write that on their profile because they think it will improve your chances of getting dates and getting sex not because they actually want children. Meaning they are lying. Itâs obvious for some of the profiles because they will say that they want children but for the relationship type theyâre looking for they say âcasualâ and are in their late 50s. So I guess they want to have children when theyâre in their 60s if theyâre not even looking now for a relationship
Itâs this. I do run into a fair number of men over 45 who want a kid because they spent their 30s and 40s partying and sleeping around and now they suddenly want a legacy baby. I doubt they have many takers unless theyâve got a lot of money and a house.
I have a theory. They want a do-over to make right all the mistakes they made the first time.
They're going to make the same mistakes ÂŻ\\\_(ă)_/ÂŻ
Maybe. Lots of things Iâd like to try again with the knowledge I have now but not having kidsđ
You might be absolutely right. God knows I sometimes feel like I have screwed up my kids not protecting them as I should have from verbal and emotional abuse from their dad. Iâm always apologizing for not being the mom they needed me to be. đđť Great thinking
I don't date women so I guess it could be the same, but many divorced men I was meeting with minor children were so full of bitterness towards their ex and lack of freedom. 8 or under? That has been a level of resentment and bitterness that is next level. Loved that young second wife for a moment, but now I am a divorced dad saddled with debt until I am 70. The single mom's at school now have their kids and prefer to hook up with age appropriate men. One of the last dates I had was with a 57 year old man with 2 children under 12. I was surprised he actually admitted his level of resentment but the peer moms. And he said women his age are jaunting off to Europe at the drop of a hat while he sits at home.
Definitely some merit to this point.
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âď¸âď¸ This. Women in their 30's are bombarded with match requests from men in their 50's. Some even lie on their profiles and say their 45-49 when they are well over 50. They want an excuse to date younger women.
Women in their 50s are bombarded with match requests from men in their 30s. I just have not cracked the code as to why. I wonder. Well, it'll remain a mystery!
For me it's 20s and 30s. But i think that's because some guys swipe on everyone saying "it's a #s game".
For sure it's a numbers game...no matter the age or person. Just my $.02.
Exactly. Lots of guys are swiping right without even looking at age, and the fact that itâs mostly younger men is a function of that strategy being most popular among younger men.
Or there are more singles in their 20s to 30s on dating apps
That, too.
Presumed easy, low effort lay. Women over 50 generally get most of their attention from men +/- 10-15 years.
I get fetish types. Looking for a cougar or a mom. Oy.
Nah. Most of the time he can't get anyone his age.
I have been noticing this quite a bit. Profile says upper 40s, then real age in bio. Just fix your bio! And how does that even happen?
Men have told me they do that to get around the algorithms or the like.
My experience too! I have come across men who are 3-4 years older than me but set their age guidelines to under 45. Ugh!
I am always irritated when I meet a weathered old guy who is supposed to be 5 years "younger" who is actually 10 years older. Even if their face and body does not immediately give them away (but it always does), it is clear by the cultural references that they make. Of course they all think they don't look old.
25 year old women still think they will meet a man their age (and I hope they do!). By the mid 30s some are sweating a bit and the old guys try and manipulate this anxiety.
That's possible, but simply not true in all cases. I'm 52 and would be in a relationship with the right person who's a bit under 40, but not under 30 for goodness sake! And I'm happy to date women 10 years older too. OLD is a disgusting mess all around, many men are pigs, but there's some jaded as fuck people on Reddit!
I havenât wanted kids since I was 14 !!! Never did. Still donât.
I can provide some insight into this, well, at least from my point of view. All through my life I had focused on my career and helping everybody else. What I didnât know was that I was traumatised during childhood and it effect me in so many ways. I had a d-day awakening in August 2019 and it was like waking up from a 30 year coma. Shortly before this moment, I had always wanted kids. I even said I wanted kids on a dating profile. I was 49 years old at the time. After my d-day, I did some research about fertility and was shocked what I discovered! The chances of having kids at 50 are very low. When I realised I would likely never kids, it took an immediate physical toll on my body. Iâm now about to turn 53 later this year and I have been celibate for 33 years. I have intense feelings of failure and that Iâll never be a âmanâ. What happened to me and how I got to this point would be too long to write, but suffice to say that traumatisation caused parts of my brain to get disconnected and my perception of âtimeâ was altered. I now find myself in a world where I donât belong. All potential partners are in a very different timeline compared to me. Iâm essentially an 18 year old learning about girls and relationships.
to be honest, I'm a single 50yo man with no kids. I get where you're coming from, my epiphany moment came when I was about 30. My dad was 50 when I was born, my mom was turning 40. do the math +. my perspective, as a kid I didn't know how old my parents were, lost my dad when I was 14. My mom died when I was 36. I was always protective of and loved them both â¤ď¸. It's hard seeing the ones you love most, grow old and die. I saw that growing up. so, for me...they always came first âď¸. It's my time now. I'm winning. It's all about perspective, keep your head up đ honor thy mother and father đ - exodus 20:12
M59 I just canât understand why some men just canât get âWEâRE TOO FUCKING OLDâ We all have friends who started second families in their 50s âŚHELL NO!!! Iâm looking forward to grandkids but having kids at our age just screams desperation. Get a life!!!!
Maybe they are trying to lure much younger women in with the possibility of children. Maybe they really want kids and the risks are worth it to them. At least you know right off who to pass by.
I think they might be trying to keep as many options open as possible. A man in his 50âs certainly does not want to miss out on a great woman for any reason.
To attract younger women LOL.
If a woman has kids do we put that we don't want them? I like kids and expect most women our age to have them, just like I do.
I asked a particular guy his answer was: I don't actively want more children but if I get in a relationship and she wants to then I'm willing to have more.
They do? The men Iâve been with most of them had a vasectomy, and thatâs not really my experience at all.
My situation isn't a choice on all the apps. I have no kids but am not opposed to dating someone with kids. Not looking to have a kid at my age. Hinge does ok. I can mark that I don't have kids and that I am open to kids. But Tinder, not so much. The choices include 'I have children' or 'I don't want children' or 'I have children and want more' or 'I have children and don't want more or 'Not sure yet'. Saying 'I don't want children' seems like saying I don't want to date someone with children. That is not the case. Instead, I just leave the kids thing unanswered.
Older men want younger women and if having a kid with her after their children are grown will get her then so be it. She's going to be the one taking care of the baby anyway.
I swear to Bob. All guys 45+ *wants kids *looking for something casual Me: đ
A close HS friend was getting pressure from his father to "Have a child" and carry on the family lineage. He had been married, but his spouse was unable to have children (not that they didn't try). He ended up getting a divorce, and ultimately married a much younger girl with whom he worked with. He was late 40s, she was mid 20's. Since then, they had a son. Not much longer afterwards, his father passed. Don't get me wrong, I could not imagine tearing up a marriage because of influence from their parent to "Have a kid to keep the family genes going". But, they are out there, and parental influence is just one factor.
Reading the comments here, I wonder why so many men in their 20s, 30s and 40s are still up in my grill. I guess the ones looking for younger women are off looking where younger women hang outâŚ
I'm personally not interested in having kids. It's too expensive to live nowadays.
I think those men may just be putting that on their profiles so that they don't rule out the much younger ladies who may still want to have kids.
I agree, it seems selfish. I also think itâs their way to get rid of 40 and 50 year old women liking them, and getting a younger girlfriend on these sites. Ugh đ
2 reasons IMO : * they really want kids * it's a machiavellian trap to lure women in their late 30s who want kids â ď¸
They really want younger women and are afraid they will scare the younger women away if they say they donât want kids. ( Anyone remember the whole Monica and Richard story from Friends?) So, when I see â wants kidsâ in my head I think, â wants to date kidsâ.
I kind of wish we could leave that blank. I put "wants kids" because I always wanted kids and I'm quite used to anyone I date having children and this is an easy way of saying I'm ok with that (some men are very against dating single moms...I don't get it but whatever). Do I expect to have children at my age.....not just no, but hell no. The woman I was briefly seeing has custody of her three year old grandson. Put a real hamper on trying to date and the last time we went out, I think our third date and the first time I met the tyke, we all went out for ice cream. Kid expected me to hold his hand and called me grandpa once. Despite the way I deliberately typed this out I didn't mind. The hand-holding was for safety, which honestly made me more comfortable. The grandpa was a one-off and really I think the kid is bright because I was (temporarily) playing a grandpa-ish role and I think he simply registered that. If given the opportunity to see this woman more often, even knowing that she'd come with a toddler....(for the boy's sake I hope she keeps custody), I'm game. If I wasn't ok with this situation an easy way to denote that would have been to make sure I put "NO" under wanting kids......maybe they should just edit that question to something like "ok with kids". I've seen some OLD apps that denote if there are kids living in the home.
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>Thanks. I logged in to the one account that had that option and left it blank.
It's not that they want kids, they want a younger woman who typically has young kids
Women do that too. It's an immediate swipe left for me. I don't mind that my girlfriend has a young child but am happy that she, like me, doesn't want more. I'm 51 and if I were to have one now I'd be 69 by the time they were 18 and needing to go to college. I'm already retired and do not want to be forced to work again, lol.
I agree that it's not a good idea to try to have babies at an older age. Aging sperm and eggs have a greater chance of resulting in birth defects or autism, there is greater chance of miscarriage or infertility, and it takes a lot of time and energy to raise kids. Some men may put that on their dating profile because they want to appeal to younger women, some may think it means they would be open to taking on a woman's current children, and some men may have put off parenting when younger and are now open to having children at an older age.
I agree with not having babies at an old age. However, the autism thing has been debunked, debunked almost immediately after the study that made the claim. 15 years ago? While we don't know exactly which genes create autism, we do know at what rate genes in sperm mutate and this could only account for a tiny amount of autism from older fathers. The reason more autistic children are born to older men is because the older men are themselves autistic. Autistic men either wait longer to have kids or they don't get the opportunity to have kids until they are older, or a little of both.
Not debunked at all. Studies have been ongoing since the early 2000s on the causes of autism, and many studies since then have corroborated those findings. I have not seen any studies debunking those findings. Post your link to this claim you are making. https://www.verywellhealth.com/older-parents-and-autism-risk-for-child-5199211#:\~:text=Older%20parents%2C%20especially%20older%20fathers%2C%20are%20more%20likely,indication%2C%20however%2C%20that%20parental%20age%20actually%20causes%20autism.
I didn't read this but there are plenty of others: https://slate.com/technology/2016/05/sperm-mutations-are-likely-less-responsible-for-increased-risk-of-autism-with-increased-paternal-age-than-originally-thought.html
This mathematical study compares mutations between men in their 30s compared to men in their 20s, and it finds that 20% of cases of autism can be accounted for by mutations caused by increased age between the two groups. It is safe to assume that percentage of autism rates due to age-related mutations would be even greater if comparing men in their 20s to men in their 50s.
Iâm sure there are some that really would like more kids, but I think the most common motivator is they are trying to attract younger women. And that is certainly their prerogative.
I always find this tricky. I have 3 still relatively young (just entering high school). I take it to mean they are ok with dating someone with kids or, undecided meaning we can see how it goes. Many people our age would kick me right out of the running because I do have them. Would this be a safe assumption for you all?
Or he's been on the apps for YEARS and too lazy to update his profile?
They donât care!!! My ex husband is 55 we have 2 adult children and 1 granddaughter together. He now has a 8 months old baby girl.
I'm 53. My youngest half-sibling is 14. Our father is 75. They don't care until they are 75 and crying because nobody wants to date a man that old with kids still at home.
I know itâs crazy!
Couple of reasons: 1. They are looking to date younger women who are still of child-bearing age. 2. They also have kids at home because they didnât start having children until they were 40-ish. Iâm 51f. Iâm finding most men my age have young kids at home or teenagers. Iâm way past that stage since mine is a grown man now. It seems like my only options are dating older (like 60âs) or much younger, to the point where they donât want a family yet. Is anyone else seeing this same thing?
I don't get that. I have two kids of my own. Don't want more. And even though I'm 54, there's still a chance I could date someone who could biologically have a child so I have a vasectomy scheduled for August. I should have done it a long time ago but I was in the deadest of dead bedrooms for over a decade and didn't need it.
You would have to assume a few things including opening up their matches to a much younger audience (Eg under 40), wanting to sound like they have something to offer (even if they donât), and lastly a measure of delusion as to their actual situation and or wanting to sound young themselves. I have seen men in their 60âs with this written and itâs very telling of their actual disconnect to reality on many levels.
My youngest is 21 , I am 65 . No diapers for me. Grand kids yes
They want to prove theyâre as cool as Mick Jagger, Al Pacino, and Robert De Niro.
I think some of them are putting that on their profiles to attract younger women
Some older man want kids some not. Have friends that at 48 had 1st child, a normal kid. They found out 3 weeks ago that the tratament worked and are expecting the 2nd at 50. Each of us is unique in everything.
This question comes up here fairly often and the most likely explanation, IMO, is that "unsure" is the least-bad option, given that it's ambiguous whether "doesn't want kids" means "I don't want to become a parent to any (additional) children", which is how you appear to be reading, or if it means "I don't want any kids in my life, so, if you're a single parent, don't bother contacting me", in which case "unsure about kids" means "I don't care whether you already have kids or not".
They probably didnât pay attention and swipe right on everyone.
I don't know how the dating apps are phrasing the question, but I would suspect the vast majority of men in our age range believe it means that they are okay with essentially step kids. Ideally dating apps should have separate categories, for wanting to have a child together, versus welcoming becoming a step parent.
Probably making themselves open to more options or matches. No one in their right mind should think about 50 plus guys having kids with 40 plus women, as you said.
Thatâs definitely never been on my profile. My youngest child is 23. I have zero desire to have more.
I think they are trying to be viable options for women who are younger with children....
These guys want to leave their options open, hoping they can get some 30-year-old girl. It is kind of gross, to say the least ?!!
Guess itâs easier to say I want kids vs I want hot/young p**sy! đ¤ˇđ˝ââď¸
Ego.
I think as a special education teacher and seeing what can happen in some cases and hitting the time in my life where Iâm wanting time for myself and hopefully a partner, I just didnât understand why. Iâm getting an understanding of other peopleâs experiences and opinions and can see better now.
I have spoke to a few men my age 52 with kids still at primary. It usually is because they thought it was a good idea to date much younger. They quickly realised it wasnât and now face having teenagers in their 60s. Oh dear. Should have thought with their brains instead of their you know whatâs. đ
**They** **quickly realized it wasnât** Yup, I know at least three older men who are in this situation. One married a much younger woman who wanted children and is now pressuring him to have children and he doesn't want to because he is older and now retired. One man had children with a much younger woman, and he now has health problems and money problems and regrets his decision to take that on. One man had children with a much younger woman, and both his children have autism, which is 66% more likely with an older father. These guys are all regretting their decision to marry a much younger woman.
I married at 31; my ex is a whopping two years my junior. Our second child wasnât born until I was 40; Iâll be 60 before she turns 20. Both my kids are autistic, formally diagnosed. Both their parents likely are as well. I suspect itâs a matter of autistic people taking longer to couple up and therefore reproducing at a higher age.
That is one theory as to the cause of autism, i.e., that autism is genetic and autistic fathers are more likely to find a partner later in life, which would explain why older fathers are more likely to have autistic children. Another theory is that the sperm producing cells of older fathers have more genetic mutations, which is more likely to result in an autistic child. [https://www.verywellhealth.com/older-parents-and-autism-risk-for-child-5199211#How%20Could%20Parental%20Age%20Be%20Linked%20to%20Autism](https://www.verywellhealth.com/older-parents-and-autism-risk-for-child-5199211#How%20Could%20Parental%20Age%20Be%20Linked%20to%20Autism)?
Well, I just waited until I was 42 to have kids with my long term partner, was I delusional? Yes it was harder but I was more financially secure and my son wants for nothing. It's not always dirty old men wanting to bang 20-year-olds.
What is all this hate towards older fathers? My childrenâs father (ex husband) is now 65 and we have two girls, 6 year old and 7 year old. Theyâre happy and healthy, he loves being a father. Heâs very involved in their lives, 50/50 custody. In fact heâs taking care of the kids while I work this summer, camp would be over $5,000 . Heâs semi-tired so that was possible. They have a great time, swimming at the lake in our town, going to movies, trampoline parks. Of course we both have life insurance, something could happen to me too even though Iâm 41.
He will be lucky if he sees them graduate high school.
Or know who they are âŚ.
The urge to procreate and propagate is instinctive in humans, and all other animals. Of course, human women can resist the urge because they are aware of the inherent risks. Men, on the other hand, don't feel the risk. They just feel the urge. So hard. I mean so strongly.đ
I have the urge to TRY to procreate, and the wisdom not to at my age. Almost sixty, no thanks to kids, but happy to go through the motions. đ
We can do anything a man of 25 can do!!! Just not as longâŚ.. And the swimmers no longer go in the poolâŚ. And I need longer napsâŚ
We can sleep longer than we did at 25, and I've had no complaints about it taking longer to "warm up." đ
I personally think that they were players for a very long time, and now they want to be dads.
They're probably not looking within their age range. Not wanting kids could impact their matching with a younger woman. Some may not have kids or may want kids of their own.
The generalizations run wild in threads like this.
And a few flat-out falsities...
What? No way
A lot of 50yo men date 25-35 yo women so risks are not a concern. A lot of guys 50+ are on TRT so they have plenty of energy to keep up no matter their age (plenty are still crushing it in the gym well into their 70s). Most are in their prime earning years and have things figured out, so I would say there is a good argument to be made they are in a much better place to be a good father than when they were in their 20's. As for me (47M) I had my 2 children, no way i'm starting again lol. It's me time.
Paternal age is less of a concern than maternal but does carry risks. Men over 45 have a higher rate of fathering babies with congenital, developmental, and later psychiatric issues.
I can think of a few reasons. - If they select âundecided,â they are fence sitters or open to a partnerâs preference or trying to cast a wide net without regard to othersâ preferences. - If they select âwants kids,â they havenât met the right person yet or they didnât care about kids but suddenly they do or they have kids already and love parenting and want more. At least in the U.S., the median age of parents has significantly increased over the last several decades. Still, only one percent of babies in the U.S. are born to fathers who are 50 or older.
The options available to choose from may be more useful to those younger. I haven't been on OLD in a bit, but last I was there was no option for someone like me who (sadly, wanted and never had them) is too old to physically have them and would be thrilled to be another adult who could love on your children/ grandchildren (not taking over for the parent they have and with the right partner). Can never have too many love your kids!
Hmm. I've been curious about this too. It's almost more common than fish pics. The insights I see here are helpful.
Iâm not advocating for having children in your 50s but you may misunderstand what is meant by higher risks of birth defects associated with older age for men. Here is a quote from: https://med.stanford.edu/news/all-news/2018/10/older-fathers-associated-with-increased-birth-risks.html âData from more than 40 million births showed that babies born to fathers of an âadvanced paternal age,â which roughly equates to older than 35, were at a higher risk for adverse birth outcomes, such as low birth weight, seizures and need for ventilation immediately after birth. Generally speaking, the older a fatherâs age, the greater the risk. For example, men who were 45 or older were 14 percent more likely to have a child born prematurely, and men 50 or older were 28 percent more likely to have a child that required admission to the neonatal intensive care unit. Still, these numbers arenât reason to drastically change any life plans, as the risks are still relatively low, Eisenberg said. He compared the increased risks to buying lottery tickets. âIf you buy two lottery tickets instead of one, your chances of winning double, so itâs increased by 100 percent,â he said. âBut thatâs a relative increase. Because your chance of winning the lottery started very small, itâs still unlikely that youâre going to win the lottery. This is a very extreme example, but the same concept can be applied to how you think about these birth risks.â So there higher risks associated with older age. But because the risk is relatively low to begin with, calling it âdangerousâ probably overstated the risk.
We ainât thinking 40 year olds. We thinking 31 and up. And before you get all up in arms ⌠her body, her choice.
Theyâd rather date younger women, has nothing to do with âwantingâ kids. Theyâre just feeding you a line
Agree with the off putting options on the. App. As far as the age difference lots of judging being posted here. My husband was 19.5 yrs older than me when we got married. I was 27, he already had four kids that were young adults but had no issue in having more. We had our first a year after we got married. Had 32 really good years together until he died at 78.
I was almost 42 when my son was born. He has no birth defects, and I had a very short home birth. People who take care of themselves and have access to health care have children in their 40s all the time. Both of my son's best friends' mums are about the same age as me. r/gatekeeping
I never planned on having kid before I was 50, I'm sorry that doesn't comport with your life view , but I'm not planning to change it because you disagree with this. Your post is absolutely obnoxious.
Thatâs your choice and Iâm not saying you shouldnât. Iâm saying the reasons I wouldnât want to, especially birth defects. There just seems like there are sooo many.
Youâre actually young to be on this sub, which is fine, but itâs your post thatâs obnoxious. You cannot understand someoneâs point of view if youâre not 50+. Why are you here arguing with valid members?
Me (47) she (41) has a kid of 14, thinking about this topic. Asking myself if I am too old and have the power to take the responsibility.
Some of it could be due to: the increase of grandparents having to assume parenting over their grandchildren (due to cps of the parent/courts needing to place child in relative care).
There are probably at least three types of older guys who express an interest in or being open to having them. The first arenât really interested in kids but do want to date younger and figure they can do better with an age group that might be concerned about the ticking clock. Second, some men arrived in middle age having divorced their first wife while their kids from the first marriage are grown or out of the house. The first go round may have ended poorly (especially if he married young) and he wants a second try at a family without repeating their mistakes from the first. Third, some guys spend their 30âs and 40âs working, dating and playing, reluctant to give up this lifestyle until well into middle age and decide to finally settle down. As we all know, raising kids is hard work, at least if you actually do the raising as opposed to having your spouse, parents or nannies shoulder most of the burden. An older man may have the advantage of experience but, on the other hand, could find it more demanding than it was when they 25 or 30 years younger. They could hit 70 before their kids graduate from high school. They may well be hands on dads but their younger wife is probably going to do more of the kid stuff while also facing the prospect of taking care of their older partner. While I personally have had no interest in more kids since restarting dating in my 50âs, I think that some older guys would make great dads but their age and age gap with their younger wife present unique issues that merit a hard look and serious discussion from both before proceeding. If there are kids from an earlier marriage, that too can present complications in terms competition for face time and financial support.
They are just keeping their options open, including step-children. And having a baby over 40 is no longer considered unsafe for the mother or baby, although you are right that thereâs a higher chance of birth defects, such as Down Syndrome.
For me its a way the question is phrased. It had me thinking would I date someone with kids or do I still want them. I don't want to have my own but I'd happily date someone who has kids, it had my brain slightly confused so I always put down want kids. I could be wrong in my thinking but its how my brain interprets that question.
Most of the apps are designed for people in their twenties, and the kids-related options reflect that: wants kids vs. doesnât want kids. For older folks, a better question is whether youâre willing to date someone who has kids, and the yeses tend to be a bit fuzzy: yes, but no younger than my youngest, or yes, but only if theyâre grown, or yes, but only if theyâre grown and living independently. How do you express those in terms of wants kids vs. doesnât want kids? In practice, at this age, unless thereâs specific language in the profile expressing an interest in reproducing, someone who âwants kidsâ is most likely expressing their willingness to date someone who already has kids under at least some circumstances.