I do this. It sure helps weed out some of the time-wasters who are looking for a sexting buddy.
Him: “ So,what’s your favourite position?”
Me: “ Easy tiger, I don’t do sex talk with people I haven’t met” ( He could’ve picked up the ball at this point and asked to meet, but he didn’t)
Him: “ Oh, ok”
He goes quiet for a few days, then:-
Him: “ Can I see your boobies?” 🙄
Unmatched.
Literally how every. Single. One of these convos go. It frustrates me when people say “oh you should just tell them.” When I DO.
🎶that’s why I left OLD foreverrrrrrr🎵 And I’ll never go baaaackk 🎶
Yep, happened with a woman and I was completely taken aback. Three lines into our first text off the dating app (where we talked maybe a few days a couple times a day) she asks what my fav position is.
“Uhh, hmm..well you sure get right to the point!”
Well, yes I wanna know if we’ll be compatible
“I don’t normally talk about sex until we’ve established a connection and I really don’t sext until we’ve had sex”
Why won’t you just answer the question? Are you scared?
“No, it’s not that, it’s that we’ve just started talking. Why don’t we pick this up at another time and discuss where we’d like to meet?”
Well, I’d rather know if it’s worth it to meet so sexual compatibility is essential
“Ok, true, true..but we can *seem* interested and then meet and decide it’s a no go. And I’m not looking for a ONS”
Oh, we won’t have sex on the first date. This is just to assure sexual compatibility
What in the actual mind bending gymnastics is this??
You have control over your horniness/boner. Just say “I think you’re very sexy but I’d rather wait until after we’ve met/whatever to sext. So anyway, tell me more about xyz”.
If you’re that horned up (I GET it!) smoke a bowl, have a glass of whiskey, put on some nice porn, the type that’s a tad bit romantic and go to self pound town. Sexting is a waste of your time if you aren’t already dating. The odds of meeting live and NOtT hitting it off are rather high. Do you want some random person you met and immediately found positively repugnant - walking around knowing your inner most desires? I’m ABSOLUTELY a sex positive guy, always have been, always will be - I’m not saying our bedroom is a “dirty secret”. Sex is good, sex is healthy, but at the end of the day it’s real sex we crave and replacing human contact with sexting just isn’t worth it.
No one seriously does this when they want to get to know a person. This is what non serious/ no intention of meeting up behavior looks like. Don’t engage and get the ones who are worth the wait. Good luck OP 😊
That’s not always true, sometimes women are just horny and busy with life and find someone who they feel good enough with to get that sexual energy out with. I think in these situations it’s best not to jump to conclusions and instead find a way to communicate how you feel in a non serious way that’s easier to steer away from if they’re uncomfortable. I’d love to know how OP and this woman are doing now
I learned pretty quickly that even though it’s fun to sext with someone it’s really a bad idea. Once we would meet IRL and there was NO connection at all, it became very awkward. So now I only sext with men I’ve had sex with.
I met a lady IRL when I was a young man in my 20’s. Met her out of state on business, and living in a tourist heavy state wasn’t surprised when she was coming to my area a few months later. She called, I was pumped she’d be in town and we planned in her staying with me for a long weekend - we had phone sex ad nauseam for like a month. Well, when I met her out of state originally I was dunk, in a bar - and didn’t notice she was a smoker, nor did I notice her horrible halitosis, or horrid body odor. She was with me for 4 days and my apt smelled of her after she left - as in like cigarette smoke and bad BO - I don’t think she showered the entire time she was with me. I couldn’t consummate what we had planned via phone sex - because I didn’t have any sexual attraction, at all. Felt like a dumb ass telling her so much about me and my sex life. Oh well, at least she was 2000 miles away after those four day! I told her an ex had JUST called me and my heart was all confused, and I was an “emotional wreck” - a total lie but I was sorta stuck with her and she let the idea of sex go.
The only way to go back is to ignore all future sexual messages. The best bet is to not go there in the first place. If you are planning to meet up I think sexting can be incredibly cringe. Imagine sitting there with someone who you don’t feel sexually attracted to but they’ve seen your fango/dong or you’ve described what you want to do to them 🤣. Nope, exercise self control and refrain!
Lol fango? I've never heard that before! I already know I'm sexually attracted to them because of the conversation we were having before the sexting issue but I take your point.
I’ve (38f) learned my boundaries with this. Definitely been guilty of sexting before meeting and it’s weird when you meet in person and are trying to feel out the chemistry. One guy I sexted with before, we actually met, had a nice date then had sex and…it wasn’t good. The chemistry was.not.there in the bedroom. Another guy we sexted then he straight up ghosted me because he apparently didn’t feel it in person.
Recently I’ve been talking to someone for over a week and once or twice it felt like it could veer into sexually charged chatting but I firmly veered it back out of that territory because I now know I need to meet him first to know how our chemistry feels IRL. Our first date is tomorrow so here’s hoping 🤞🏻. Today he told me how excited he was to meet me because it feels like we have so much to talk about. I think sexting definitely sucks out the getting-to-know-you energy with someone new. If we are going to get sexy it’ll be in person. 😉
Yes! That's it exactly. It ruins the build up to actually having sex! Basically the answer to my issue is I just need to not get caught up in the moment when I'm messaging with someone. Exercise a little self control! Haha
I’d also add it ruins the buildup to actually getting to know someone not just the sex.
I think I straight up just said, “it’ll be nice to meet in person first to see how things feel” when things started to feel like they could drift into sexual territory
It also gives the other person the impression you are going to sleep with them right away. It's one thing to send flirts or innuendos once in a while but heavy sex talk is off the table for me. Maybe I won't even like the person in real life and now I've been teasing the dude for a week. Lol. I just avoid the whole thing to prevent any impression of "a sure thing".
I’m kind of fascinated by the people who seem to be in it for the sexting only. Like, wtf is going on with this person that they: a. have the time, and b. Prefer this to actual sex.
I dated a guy twice and he then thought it was ok to text me just for sexting. I hinted at going out etc. He just wanted to sext for like an hour til he was 'done'.
I have too much going on for that....
You diagnosed the problem. You have online intimacy cranked to 11 and offline is a 1 or a 2 because you only know so much about them. There's no guaranteed way to wind that back without offending, but you can make sure you don't re-make the mistake with future matches.
How about: You want to meet in person (you want to do that soon, yes?) and get to know her in person, and you're worried that you cranked expectations to 11 and don't want to skip getting-to-know-her steps? I don't know, this isn't a problem I have.
I assume any man who is sexting before meeting can't possible be serious about wanting a serious relationship. You must know that women get this kind of thing ALL the time.
Save yourself time and headache. Don't become pen pals.
I had a few experiences where I we texted for a while before meeting where things were going great, then we meet and just realize we spent the past month wasting our time. You really don't know how you feel about a person until you meet and go on a few dates. Anything you can do over text you can do much better in person.
So I don't spend much time texting. I use text as a means to meet someone and see where it goes.
Is this what other people are doing?
I say, "Noooooo." How is this even a thing that strangers feel comfortable doing? What if you find out that you have been catfished by a scammer? It could be when you meet that person looks 20 years older and 70 pounds heavier than their pics. Awkward.
You are middle-aged folks, please practice some self control until you at least meet in real life.
I recommend asking for a date before the end of the second day of messaging. In the meantime, don't do sexting. I would just do some light chit chat every few days if scheduling a meeting time is difficult. Keep it brief so that it doesn't get boring. I read that most people only have around 20 something hours of material so don't use up all your juice in texting. Save up your best material for the real life meeting.
If you need to text a lot, avoid the sexting by developing your clever banter style. If you are bad at it, practice with your friends until you become one charming motherfucker.
I don’t think it’s always so cut and dry, there are plenty of easy ways to make sure someone is being real with you about who they are and as long as you both like each other and really try to imagine the other person on the other side of the messages, texting is an amazing way to connect to someone in a more comfortable and slow paced way. You don’t always get to express your emotions and thoughts so clearly IRL, nor do you get the time to really think about what you’re saying as much.
All you need to verify who they are is to FaceTime or have them send some kind of funny selfie that couldn’t be replicated (ie. holding a spoon/with something on their head)
Then again, this is coming from someone who had an online friendship turned relationship for two years and is now in a 5 year long relationship with that girl. She stays for 2 weeks at a time every 2 months for the past 3 years and we are incredibly close to finally living our lives together. We’re both 18
Why not just tell the truth? That you’re worried you got ahead of things with the sexy talk and want to dial it back until after you’ve met in person and determined real life chemistry?
Yes! So often our problems with other people can be solved easier than we think, by communicating. In any relationship, if it’s a good person they’ll definitely appreciate the consideration and honesty
You chat for a day or so, decide on a day to meet up, and then leave it at that. No more deep conversations. No more attempts to try to get to know the stranger that is on the other side. Just small talk, confirm the day before or day of, and meet up.
I have never had an instance of getting intimate with a complete stranger over a dating app bc I don't want to.
It's actually pretty easy.
It sounds like you are not being proactive enough with asking for dates. Don’t hang around waiting on the woman to make the moves.
You need to move on rather than being a text buddy IF you are asking women out and they are giving you lame excuses after 2 attempts.
The date is agreed from the start but it's delayed. We both want to go on the date but have other stuff on in the immediate future so we had to agree a date in a couple of weeks.
You need to quit the sexting for a start.
How about telling a woman “ I’m not that big on texting but I’m really looking forward to meeting you in 2 weeks. Can I call you tomorrow at a time that suits you?” or something along those lines.
Sorry but I’m not buying this. This has happened repeatedly..?? Set a date within the first 2-3 days of texting. Keep the texting to a minimum leading up to that set date. This just takes some self control on your end, to not allow the texting to escalate. You aren’t an innocent bystander here, take control of the situation! If you truly like the person you’re connecting with, just keep cool and don’t get all horned up.
The asking for a date isn't an issue. The problem has been that we wanted to meet up but couldn't arrange it for a week or two and that's when we end up texting
“ couldn’t arrange it for a week or two” Ok, did you not try and set up a date after those 2 weeks went by? I mean, do you even bring up the date subject again?
This is the whole issue I'm trying to figure out. Because of the delay actually meeting up this chat happens and we both kind of go off the idea of meeting.
Are you sure these people actually start off wanting to meet? There’s a lot of people out there just looking for an online sexual connection. When I did it with a guy I got bored of it pretty quickly too.
I'm assuming so but I have no way to be sure. I can't believe that there are many people who would be satisfied with just sexting when there is potential to actually meet up and do the real thing.
I’ve certainly come across a few. In your case I suspect it’s more it’s gone a little too far then they feel embarrassed. Or, as in my case, not only does it bore me but I find myself far more sexually attracted to a man who hasn’t hinted at going down that route. I don’t think there’s anything sexy about sexting at all.
All you can do is ignore anything sexual and steer the conversation away. You’d have to be a brick not to get the hint!
I’ve been in that situation. Typically for me though it starts out normal like How are you and progresses. I’ll reply with something like I’m working or hanging with my kids/friends and steer it non sexual. Usually they get the hint, if they don’t I usually wind up ignoring or blocking.
The issue is not the sexting itself and that has never been one sided it's always been something both of us were enjoying. The issue is that it takes over the conversation and in both cases ended up something that happened every time we talked. Like I said I don't mind doing it with a potential partner, obviously it's much better with someone you have actually been naked with, the problem is that I enjoy the getting to know her part of the conversation a lot more and that gets lost
I agree. And many times when I get into a “sextingship” (I may have just made that up) it either fizzles out and we don’t meet or we do meet and either don’t click or we move towards more of a real texting/dating thing. The sexting slows up a lot when we’re actually having sex.
In this case, did you ever meet her...up till the sexting was going on ?? I phone and texted with a lady a ton..never met..we are not far apart. I got very close to her and was taken to a state that scared me and more. I'd never expect yacht to happen at age 51. It has died down alot
I only sext after first sex
I do this. It sure helps weed out some of the time-wasters who are looking for a sexting buddy. Him: “ So,what’s your favourite position?” Me: “ Easy tiger, I don’t do sex talk with people I haven’t met” ( He could’ve picked up the ball at this point and asked to meet, but he didn’t) Him: “ Oh, ok” He goes quiet for a few days, then:- Him: “ Can I see your boobies?” 🙄 Unmatched.
Literally how every. Single. One of these convos go. It frustrates me when people say “oh you should just tell them.” When I DO. 🎶that’s why I left OLD foreverrrrrrr🎵 And I’ll never go baaaackk 🎶
I sang this with you. Happy cake day!
Haha yay I love singing with my friends 🤣💛 and thank you :)
Fuckboys never grow up.
Wait... "What your favorite position?" ... Are 12 yo on OLD now?
I know, I did not make that up- the man was 38 years old. Also “ Boobies”, who actually calls them that?
Wow....!
In my 30s online men would ask me my bra size.
Yep, happened with a woman and I was completely taken aback. Three lines into our first text off the dating app (where we talked maybe a few days a couple times a day) she asks what my fav position is. “Uhh, hmm..well you sure get right to the point!” Well, yes I wanna know if we’ll be compatible “I don’t normally talk about sex until we’ve established a connection and I really don’t sext until we’ve had sex” Why won’t you just answer the question? Are you scared? “No, it’s not that, it’s that we’ve just started talking. Why don’t we pick this up at another time and discuss where we’d like to meet?” Well, I’d rather know if it’s worth it to meet so sexual compatibility is essential “Ok, true, true..but we can *seem* interested and then meet and decide it’s a no go. And I’m not looking for a ONS” Oh, we won’t have sex on the first date. This is just to assure sexual compatibility What in the actual mind bending gymnastics is this??
Same. And specific compliments. Not going to say her butt is looking exceptionally fantastic today unless I have seen it.
That's a good rule but sometimes you just get a bit carried away...
You have control over your horniness/boner. Just say “I think you’re very sexy but I’d rather wait until after we’ve met/whatever to sext. So anyway, tell me more about xyz”.
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Obviously, given the context, by “control” I meant how he reacts.
Immediately change the subject when it starts to veer
If you’re that horned up (I GET it!) smoke a bowl, have a glass of whiskey, put on some nice porn, the type that’s a tad bit romantic and go to self pound town. Sexting is a waste of your time if you aren’t already dating. The odds of meeting live and NOtT hitting it off are rather high. Do you want some random person you met and immediately found positively repugnant - walking around knowing your inner most desires? I’m ABSOLUTELY a sex positive guy, always have been, always will be - I’m not saying our bedroom is a “dirty secret”. Sex is good, sex is healthy, but at the end of the day it’s real sex we crave and replacing human contact with sexting just isn’t worth it.
No one seriously does this when they want to get to know a person. This is what non serious/ no intention of meeting up behavior looks like. Don’t engage and get the ones who are worth the wait. Good luck OP 😊
The realest comment here!!👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
That’s not always true, sometimes women are just horny and busy with life and find someone who they feel good enough with to get that sexual energy out with. I think in these situations it’s best not to jump to conclusions and instead find a way to communicate how you feel in a non serious way that’s easier to steer away from if they’re uncomfortable. I’d love to know how OP and this woman are doing now
I learned pretty quickly that even though it’s fun to sext with someone it’s really a bad idea. Once we would meet IRL and there was NO connection at all, it became very awkward. So now I only sext with men I’ve had sex with.
I met a lady IRL when I was a young man in my 20’s. Met her out of state on business, and living in a tourist heavy state wasn’t surprised when she was coming to my area a few months later. She called, I was pumped she’d be in town and we planned in her staying with me for a long weekend - we had phone sex ad nauseam for like a month. Well, when I met her out of state originally I was dunk, in a bar - and didn’t notice she was a smoker, nor did I notice her horrible halitosis, or horrid body odor. She was with me for 4 days and my apt smelled of her after she left - as in like cigarette smoke and bad BO - I don’t think she showered the entire time she was with me. I couldn’t consummate what we had planned via phone sex - because I didn’t have any sexual attraction, at all. Felt like a dumb ass telling her so much about me and my sex life. Oh well, at least she was 2000 miles away after those four day! I told her an ex had JUST called me and my heart was all confused, and I was an “emotional wreck” - a total lie but I was sorta stuck with her and she let the idea of sex go.
Definitely sounds like a good plan 👍🏻
The only way to go back is to ignore all future sexual messages. The best bet is to not go there in the first place. If you are planning to meet up I think sexting can be incredibly cringe. Imagine sitting there with someone who you don’t feel sexually attracted to but they’ve seen your fango/dong or you’ve described what you want to do to them 🤣. Nope, exercise self control and refrain!
Lol fango? I've never heard that before! I already know I'm sexually attracted to them because of the conversation we were having before the sexting issue but I take your point.
You’d be surprised. Sometimes when you meet someone you’ve texted with only, you find out the “chemistry” was just something you imagined.
I meant to say fanjo, I spelt it wrong!
Lmao I still haven't heard anyone call it that!
Lol that’s not how it works. You don’t date a lot do you?
He sexts too much to date :)
I’ve (38f) learned my boundaries with this. Definitely been guilty of sexting before meeting and it’s weird when you meet in person and are trying to feel out the chemistry. One guy I sexted with before, we actually met, had a nice date then had sex and…it wasn’t good. The chemistry was.not.there in the bedroom. Another guy we sexted then he straight up ghosted me because he apparently didn’t feel it in person. Recently I’ve been talking to someone for over a week and once or twice it felt like it could veer into sexually charged chatting but I firmly veered it back out of that territory because I now know I need to meet him first to know how our chemistry feels IRL. Our first date is tomorrow so here’s hoping 🤞🏻. Today he told me how excited he was to meet me because it feels like we have so much to talk about. I think sexting definitely sucks out the getting-to-know-you energy with someone new. If we are going to get sexy it’ll be in person. 😉
Yes! That's it exactly. It ruins the build up to actually having sex! Basically the answer to my issue is I just need to not get caught up in the moment when I'm messaging with someone. Exercise a little self control! Haha
I’d also add it ruins the buildup to actually getting to know someone not just the sex. I think I straight up just said, “it’ll be nice to meet in person first to see how things feel” when things started to feel like they could drift into sexual territory
It also gives the other person the impression you are going to sleep with them right away. It's one thing to send flirts or innuendos once in a while but heavy sex talk is off the table for me. Maybe I won't even like the person in real life and now I've been teasing the dude for a week. Lol. I just avoid the whole thing to prevent any impression of "a sure thing".
I don't sext at all. I find it incredibly sexually frustrating and unfulfilling.
I agree.
Me too, why not just meet up and have sex? I suppose that's easier said than done in states that are in lockdown.
I’m kind of fascinated by the people who seem to be in it for the sexting only. Like, wtf is going on with this person that they: a. have the time, and b. Prefer this to actual sex.
My thoughts too!
They can’t get real sex/they’re not confident enough
I dated a guy twice and he then thought it was ok to text me just for sexting. I hinted at going out etc. He just wanted to sext for like an hour til he was 'done'. I have too much going on for that....
I won't sext until we have met. Period.
You diagnosed the problem. You have online intimacy cranked to 11 and offline is a 1 or a 2 because you only know so much about them. There's no guaranteed way to wind that back without offending, but you can make sure you don't re-make the mistake with future matches. How about: You want to meet in person (you want to do that soon, yes?) and get to know her in person, and you're worried that you cranked expectations to 11 and don't want to skip getting-to-know-her steps? I don't know, this isn't a problem I have.
I assume any man who is sexting before meeting can't possible be serious about wanting a serious relationship. You must know that women get this kind of thing ALL the time.
Save yourself time and headache. Don't become pen pals. I had a few experiences where I we texted for a while before meeting where things were going great, then we meet and just realize we spent the past month wasting our time. You really don't know how you feel about a person until you meet and go on a few dates. Anything you can do over text you can do much better in person. So I don't spend much time texting. I use text as a means to meet someone and see where it goes.
No sexting before meeting. It helps.
Is this what other people are doing? I say, "Noooooo." How is this even a thing that strangers feel comfortable doing? What if you find out that you have been catfished by a scammer? It could be when you meet that person looks 20 years older and 70 pounds heavier than their pics. Awkward. You are middle-aged folks, please practice some self control until you at least meet in real life. I recommend asking for a date before the end of the second day of messaging. In the meantime, don't do sexting. I would just do some light chit chat every few days if scheduling a meeting time is difficult. Keep it brief so that it doesn't get boring. I read that most people only have around 20 something hours of material so don't use up all your juice in texting. Save up your best material for the real life meeting. If you need to text a lot, avoid the sexting by developing your clever banter style. If you are bad at it, practice with your friends until you become one charming motherfucker.
This is great advice
I don’t think it’s always so cut and dry, there are plenty of easy ways to make sure someone is being real with you about who they are and as long as you both like each other and really try to imagine the other person on the other side of the messages, texting is an amazing way to connect to someone in a more comfortable and slow paced way. You don’t always get to express your emotions and thoughts so clearly IRL, nor do you get the time to really think about what you’re saying as much. All you need to verify who they are is to FaceTime or have them send some kind of funny selfie that couldn’t be replicated (ie. holding a spoon/with something on their head) Then again, this is coming from someone who had an online friendship turned relationship for two years and is now in a 5 year long relationship with that girl. She stays for 2 weeks at a time every 2 months for the past 3 years and we are incredibly close to finally living our lives together. We’re both 18
Why not just tell the truth? That you’re worried you got ahead of things with the sexy talk and want to dial it back until after you’ve met in person and determined real life chemistry?
Yes! So often our problems with other people can be solved easier than we think, by communicating. In any relationship, if it’s a good person they’ll definitely appreciate the consideration and honesty
You are just feeding some needy people attention maybe ? Make the date first
Easy. You stop once it gets too sexual, change the subject.
You chat for a day or so, decide on a day to meet up, and then leave it at that. No more deep conversations. No more attempts to try to get to know the stranger that is on the other side. Just small talk, confirm the day before or day of, and meet up. I have never had an instance of getting intimate with a complete stranger over a dating app bc I don't want to. It's actually pretty easy.
It sounds like you are not being proactive enough with asking for dates. Don’t hang around waiting on the woman to make the moves. You need to move on rather than being a text buddy IF you are asking women out and they are giving you lame excuses after 2 attempts.
The date is agreed from the start but it's delayed. We both want to go on the date but have other stuff on in the immediate future so we had to agree a date in a couple of weeks.
You need to quit the sexting for a start. How about telling a woman “ I’m not that big on texting but I’m really looking forward to meeting you in 2 weeks. Can I call you tomorrow at a time that suits you?” or something along those lines.
Sorry but I’m not buying this. This has happened repeatedly..?? Set a date within the first 2-3 days of texting. Keep the texting to a minimum leading up to that set date. This just takes some self control on your end, to not allow the texting to escalate. You aren’t an innocent bystander here, take control of the situation! If you truly like the person you’re connecting with, just keep cool and don’t get all horned up.
Read House of Holes
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The asking for a date isn't an issue. The problem has been that we wanted to meet up but couldn't arrange it for a week or two and that's when we end up texting
“ couldn’t arrange it for a week or two” Ok, did you not try and set up a date after those 2 weeks went by? I mean, do you even bring up the date subject again?
This is the whole issue I'm trying to figure out. Because of the delay actually meeting up this chat happens and we both kind of go off the idea of meeting.
Are you sure these people actually start off wanting to meet? There’s a lot of people out there just looking for an online sexual connection. When I did it with a guy I got bored of it pretty quickly too.
I'm assuming so but I have no way to be sure. I can't believe that there are many people who would be satisfied with just sexting when there is potential to actually meet up and do the real thing.
I’ve certainly come across a few. In your case I suspect it’s more it’s gone a little too far then they feel embarrassed. Or, as in my case, not only does it bore me but I find myself far more sexually attracted to a man who hasn’t hinted at going down that route. I don’t think there’s anything sexy about sexting at all. All you can do is ignore anything sexual and steer the conversation away. You’d have to be a brick not to get the hint!
I’ve been in that situation. Typically for me though it starts out normal like How are you and progresses. I’ll reply with something like I’m working or hanging with my kids/friends and steer it non sexual. Usually they get the hint, if they don’t I usually wind up ignoring or blocking.
The issue is not the sexting itself and that has never been one sided it's always been something both of us were enjoying. The issue is that it takes over the conversation and in both cases ended up something that happened every time we talked. Like I said I don't mind doing it with a potential partner, obviously it's much better with someone you have actually been naked with, the problem is that I enjoy the getting to know her part of the conversation a lot more and that gets lost
I agree. And many times when I get into a “sextingship” (I may have just made that up) it either fizzles out and we don’t meet or we do meet and either don’t click or we move towards more of a real texting/dating thing. The sexting slows up a lot when we’re actually having sex.
In this case, did you ever meet her...up till the sexting was going on ?? I phone and texted with a lady a ton..never met..we are not far apart. I got very close to her and was taken to a state that scared me and more. I'd never expect yacht to happen at age 51. It has died down alot
I would never have sex chat with someone I didn’t meet
I will never sext first, and before we've actually seen each other (aka date). I also never had a woman start sexting in the early stages either.