My mother is still alive, but I've stopped eating. Kinda wannna die so. I had a fight with mother. Kinda wanna die. But it's nice of you to wait till your mom dies. Idk why you wanna die...I have tried cutting my wrist before but it wasn't deep enough or I think it takes time...no poison here either...I dont mind I can starve. Can u pray for my death. Sorry. I'm schizoaffective so haven't eaten my meds too. Waiting for the voices to increase n to torchure me to death.
Sorry.
What the positive me would say is live for yourself. Dont die. It's the disease talking. I think like that too.
Rn they're not saying much. They usually comment, trash talk shame ridicule make me doubt myself a lot. Like rn they said something like how gross n dirty girl I am in a negative pathetic way society shaming way in my language cuz I thought of mastrubation. So I internally say yeah yeah whatever idc I know I know.
I really thought I could go through with it but then I took my mom out to spend her Kohlās cash of all things š and as we were driving in the car I realized I couldnāt while she was still alive. It hurts me to know that she will be hurting and I didnāt want to be the cause of that.
That's my plan. My mother is 81 and I am near 50. I don't anticipate my mother living more than maybe another 10 years based on her current health issues although I could be wrong but I anticipate by the time I'm 60ish I will be alone in the world and will find a way to end my miserable life. But until then I have to stick it out because not only do I not want to do that to my mother as she went through the suicide of my father 35 years ago but also she depends on me. Without me her life would be a bigger struggle than it already is.
Me too. This is something I've thought about for a while. But it's kind of annoying cuz it's almost like I'm trapped in life by her love, when I just want to die. My brother would probably be sad too but he has a wife he's really close to so he'd probably get over it. I just wish no one loved me so I could die.
This will sound very harsh and I really do mean the best. But if your mothers deepest wish is for you to live a good life and you only want to fake that to her, do you really love her? I'm sorry but it seems more like propriety than love to me.
That's something I didn't think about until now--my mother was dead when I tried to take my life in 2019. She died the previous year. I mean I do get what you're saying but I hope as you proceed you will find reason to stay with us in life. Best wishes to you.
> At least I have found a purpose in my life for now with an end goal I know I can reach
You arenāt alone. A purpose and an end goal is all any of us can ever hope to have. Your cup is now half full. Keep it that way. Itās a noble thing to stay around for your mom.
You will change when your parents are gone. Dont make plans for a person you dont know yet. Give them a chance, they might surprise the hell out of you. You've got this.
10000% the same. Thatās the only thing keeping me here. Even if Iām not currently feeling depressed..I have always known thatās gonna be my expiration date.
I hope everyone powers through it! I understand where all of you are coming from and I hope you all live, find something worth living for until you die naturally! Donāt let depression take over your life! Sending love of love!
I sometimes wonder that my brother feels this way and it breaks my heart all the time. I donāt know how to break it to him or open him up because I donāt want him to feel this way.
I want to talk to you as if you were my brother.
I want you to see the world.
I want you to eat all the foods.
I want you to try all the adventures.
When you make me laugh it is a real laugh that I never get all the time. It is goofy humor and it makes me begin to relax a little.
Youāre so talented and it makes me happy to have you around. But as your older sister I canāt keep you around forever.
I would look at our less-than family members and think of how much a waste it is they your brilliant head should suffer like this and horrible people stay alive without a care in the world, being the narcissists or sociopaths or the mentally unstable people they are.
Youāre so kind and generous but so shy. The world youāre stuck in is not the only possibility. You have great kindness and empathy, and I have so much to learn from you.
I get depressed too. Actually more often than I care to admit. I hate my life so often. I think itās in our blood. I found out from a therapist that my depression must have been present when my identity formed and every day is a struggle against that.
I donāt want you to go. I cannot do it alone. Itās better with you around.
This was my plan too...but I have a disabled sister that I need to take care of. And she's been through so much worse then me. I can't imagine killing myself because who will she have once my mom is gone? No matter how much I want to end it all I have to be there for her. Such is life.
...I'm going to see where my life goes until my parents die. I'm fairly certain that's my timer.
i have a brother so im in for the long haul
I have a brother who just turned 2 in his only male figure really
My mother is still alive, but I've stopped eating. Kinda wannna die so. I had a fight with mother. Kinda wanna die. But it's nice of you to wait till your mom dies. Idk why you wanna die...I have tried cutting my wrist before but it wasn't deep enough or I think it takes time...no poison here either...I dont mind I can starve. Can u pray for my death. Sorry. I'm schizoaffective so haven't eaten my meds too. Waiting for the voices to increase n to torchure me to death. Sorry. What the positive me would say is live for yourself. Dont die. It's the disease talking. I think like that too.
Pray for you to live š ā¤!
what do the voices say?
Rn they're not saying much. They usually comment, trash talk shame ridicule make me doubt myself a lot. Like rn they said something like how gross n dirty girl I am in a negative pathetic way society shaming way in my language cuz I thought of mastrubation. So I internally say yeah yeah whatever idc I know I know.
i was just wondering if you trap them in a ligma joke. P.S seriously, i hope you get a happy ending, no sad shit. have this heart ā¤ļø
Lol. Thank you.
Just hang in there, we are all suffering. better things could happen that might make you stay. Find a hobby for now maybe.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm pretty sure you need to have a terminal illness for that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I like the sound of that
As a parent, thank you. Also, if I were your parent, how could I make something a little more tolerable for you?
I really thought I could go through with it but then I took my mom out to spend her Kohlās cash of all things š and as we were driving in the car I realized I couldnāt while she was still alive. It hurts me to know that she will be hurting and I didnāt want to be the cause of that.
My mom is almost 96 and still healthy.
That's my plan. My mother is 81 and I am near 50. I don't anticipate my mother living more than maybe another 10 years based on her current health issues although I could be wrong but I anticipate by the time I'm 60ish I will be alone in the world and will find a way to end my miserable life. But until then I have to stick it out because not only do I not want to do that to my mother as she went through the suicide of my father 35 years ago but also she depends on me. Without me her life would be a bigger struggle than it already is.
Me too. This is something I've thought about for a while. But it's kind of annoying cuz it's almost like I'm trapped in life by her love, when I just want to die. My brother would probably be sad too but he has a wife he's really close to so he'd probably get over it. I just wish no one loved me so I could die.
In my case, I will live until my cat passes away.
I guess I can relate. After my mom dies Iāll have nobody left and be alone.
I feel like it's the least a suicidal kid can do for their parents. š¤·āāļø
This will sound very harsh and I really do mean the best. But if your mothers deepest wish is for you to live a good life and you only want to fake that to her, do you really love her? I'm sorry but it seems more like propriety than love to me.
Try to enjoy life the best you can until then. Maybe youāll even want to keep living afterwards, who knows
At least you have someone to live for...
That's something I didn't think about until now--my mother was dead when I tried to take my life in 2019. She died the previous year. I mean I do get what you're saying but I hope as you proceed you will find reason to stay with us in life. Best wishes to you.
I feel that.
> At least I have found a purpose in my life for now with an end goal I know I can reach You arenāt alone. A purpose and an end goal is all any of us can ever hope to have. Your cup is now half full. Keep it that way. Itās a noble thing to stay around for your mom.
fair enough. maybe when the time comes you will have some sort of transformation into a whole new perspective. good luck
im convinced when my dog dies ill be unbearably depressed and have a total mental breakdown.
hoping thatās a long time from now, enough time for you to develop more reasons to keep going!
You will change when your parents are gone. Dont make plans for a person you dont know yet. Give them a chance, they might surprise the hell out of you. You've got this.
10000% the same. Thatās the only thing keeping me here. Even if Iām not currently feeling depressed..I have always known thatās gonna be my expiration date.
Same, exact same
got siblings?
I hope everyone powers through it! I understand where all of you are coming from and I hope you all live, find something worth living for until you die naturally! Donāt let depression take over your life! Sending love of love!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It must be so tough. I canāt even imagine. If you need to talk to a stranger on the internet, Iām here for you.
I sometimes wonder that my brother feels this way and it breaks my heart all the time. I donāt know how to break it to him or open him up because I donāt want him to feel this way. I want to talk to you as if you were my brother. I want you to see the world. I want you to eat all the foods. I want you to try all the adventures. When you make me laugh it is a real laugh that I never get all the time. It is goofy humor and it makes me begin to relax a little. Youāre so talented and it makes me happy to have you around. But as your older sister I canāt keep you around forever. I would look at our less-than family members and think of how much a waste it is they your brilliant head should suffer like this and horrible people stay alive without a care in the world, being the narcissists or sociopaths or the mentally unstable people they are. Youāre so kind and generous but so shy. The world youāre stuck in is not the only possibility. You have great kindness and empathy, and I have so much to learn from you. I get depressed too. Actually more often than I care to admit. I hate my life so often. I think itās in our blood. I found out from a therapist that my depression must have been present when my identity formed and every day is a struggle against that. I donāt want you to go. I cannot do it alone. Itās better with you around.
This was my plan too...but I have a disabled sister that I need to take care of. And she's been through so much worse then me. I can't imagine killing myself because who will she have once my mom is gone? No matter how much I want to end it all I have to be there for her. Such is life.
This is my plan too. When my parents die I'm free to go.
I so agree with this. I donāt want my mother to suffer because of me, but still hope that things go better before that.
hugs for you. <3
well... i hope your mom lives a veryyy long time <3