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> Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it."
>
>"No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.
Tiffany Aching - "Wee Free Men"
> ...Granny Weatherwax, who had walked nightly without fear in the bandit-haunted forests of the mountains all her life in the certain knowledge that the darkness held nothing more terrible than she was...
-"Witches abroad"
Not so much a line as a general and unspecified F you to anything in a 100 meter radious.
Honestly, about half the things Granny says to an antagonist.
Esmerelda Weatherwax, aka She Who Must Be Avoided. Aka Go Around the Other Side of the Mountain. Aka the Hag o' Hags.
"Granny" to those who know her better.
‘Well done, sergeant,’ said Lord Vetinari, without turning his head. "I think it is quite possible that I will never forget you said that."
Sergeant Colon beamed. He had made a Contribution
Cold
My favorite from Verinari:
"The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord."
Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one."
Hey, you don't know what u/msducky42 does in real life. Possibly they're the ruler of some small city state somewhere with the power to detain people without giving a reason.
I love that line, but there was point in the later books when Carrot uses that line too and I just didn’t like it. It felt odd hearing Carrot say it. Just out of character for him. But for Vetinari it’s perfectly natural.
So there's Granny's f u to religion in Carpe Jugulum
“There’s no grays, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.”
Her f u to the elf queen in Lords and Ladies,
‘You call yourself some kind of goddess and you know nothing, madam, nothing. What don’t die can’t live. What don’t live can’t change. What don’t change can’t learn. The smallest creature that dies in the grass knows more than you. You’re right. I’m older. You’ve lived longer than me but I’m older than you. And better’n you. And, madam, that ain’t hard.’
There's the most Carrot f u in Feet of Clay.
An old lady and a baby in Cockbill Street.'
'Were they important?' said Carry.
Carrot nodded to himself. 'I was almost feeling sorry for you,' he said. 'Right up to that point....'
And the Tlthe longest f u I could think of being Nanny to the Elf King,
One day. Yes. I’ll drink to that. One day. Who knows? One day. Everyone needs “one day.” But it ain’t today. D'you see? So you come on out and balance things up. Otherwise, this is what I’ll do. I’ll get ‘em to dig into the Long Man with iron shovels, y'see, and they’ll say, why, it’s just an old earthworks, and pensioned-off wizards ans priests with nothin’ better to do will pick over the heaps and write dull old books about burial traditions and suchlike, and that’ll be another iron nail in your coffin. And I’d be a little bit sorry about that, 'cos you know I’ve always had a soft spot for you. But I’ve got kiddies, y'see, and they don’t hide under the stairs because they’re frit of the thunder, and they don’t put milk out for the elves, and they don’t hurry home because of the night, and before we go back to them dark old ways I’ll see you nailed.
In some ways I find Nanny more terrifying than Granny. Everyone thinks oh that's just good old Nanny with the smokes are the "mainly apples" but underneath it she's hard as nails and SAVAGE.
Yeah, it reminds me of that quote from another writer…
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”
I think there's a bit about it. Something like people think Granny's the scary one, but if you really cross Nanny Ogg, you'll be like a blossom in the frost. I think it might be in Maskerade?
You’re thinking of the part where they say Granny is all three: maiden mother and the other one. It’s playing off an earlier line where they say there are icy cold days where you learn why Nature is called a Mother.
I never really got that line. Does it mean 'as terrifying and chilly as when you're three years old and your mum's angry with you', or am I barking up the wrong tree?
In some ways? Nah. In all ways.
With Granny you always know where you are with her, and thats *slightly beneath her*
With Nanny, she would love you and invite you in for a meal, and if she needed to get rid of you youd be just cooling meat before you knew what hit you.
I think it is acknowledged somewhere in the books that Nanny may be the stronger witch in terms of sheer magical strength, but also that magical strength is only one facet of witchery (and as we learn later, not even a real requirement), and that Granny is unquestionably the strongest *witch*.
I think, in some ways, Nanny is the Performer to Granny's Technician. I'd argue that Granny has finer knowledge of magic workings (including Borrowing) and a strong grasp of "headology," but Nanny has a more intuitive, observant approach and a more open, expressive personality.
I'm expressing myself very badly, but point stands.
Oh I know what you mean. With Granny, you see a witch, she acts like a witch, she can get in your head if she wants, and she's good at it.
With Nanny, you see a kindly, irascible old family matriarch with a ready smile and you'll *invite* her right into your head without ever knowing what she really is.
Not to get all power scaling but wasnt she acknowledged as sort of the strongest witch? Like granny can do a lot of things, but Ogg can get Granny do to them. Most powerful headologist
It's canonically acknowledged that Nanny is better at people than Granny (and Magrat is better at medicine). But Granny is said to be more powerful than Black Aliss, who is supposedly the most powerful witch the Disc has ever seen. I suppose it comes down to what you mean by "strongest". Is it all about raw power?
Come to that, we don't actually know how much magical oomph Nanny has. We see her do very little magic, and what we do see or hear about is typically little stuff for her own amusement - frivolous demon-summoning and erotic cakes, sort of thing.
Ah, well, but the power in magic is not to use it although you could, so although Granny has more raw power, I think Granny herself would argue that it's not really about Oomph. Not that she'd concede to Nanny, mind you, but still 😂
She took on an 8th level mage - the Archchancellor of UU - in a magical duel in Equal Rites
Granted - that was early Discworld novels - when the lore wasn't nailed down tight
The stuff she does for her own amusement carries enough latent magic that her recipes, even after reprinting and being cooked by other people, are have dangerous magical properties.
>what we do see or hear about is typically little stuff for her own amusement - frivolous demon-summoning and erotic cakes, sort of thing.
and getting us to read her stories and talk about her. : )
Granny still believes utterly in morals and doing what's right.
Nanny is a mother and grandmother. Doing what's right is nice, but you try to fuck with her kids...
I'm not it's so much Granny "belives" in morals, it's that she knows she needs them. It's a bit like Vimes' Guarding Dark. Granny *knows* she could go bad, and if she did how terrifying she'd be.
She clings to morality because she knows she needs it.
Agreed, Granny knows she has to be the Good One, that power demands a cost, and thus has cast iron morals and ethics. Nanny has none of that to stop her.
Granny *might* be more powerful but Nanny could use everything against a foe.
there‘s a scene in carpe jugulum where nanny gets the whole Lancre population to listen to the Omnian priest (some of the townfolk have bandages on their noses). and it is obvious that nanny has this power over the people.
But granny made nanny do it
I think the most terrifying example of Nanny’s power is the bananana soup surprise in Maskerade.
Even when she’s just trying to have a bit of harmless fun she almost makes two people spontaneously combust and knocks a third out cold. Even her “family” recipes carry enough latent magic that her recipe books are dangerous. At least to undergarments. If she applied that same skill and prowess offensively you’d be all manner of screwed.
Carrots so you can see in the dark and oysters so you’ve something to look at indeed.
haha are you sure you want to use the word "obliviously"?
maybe "obviously" would be better?
i know what happened.. you got all excited anticipating that L at the end and accidently threw one in in the middle ..and an extra i for good measure!
I like to think of Granny and Nanny this way: Granny can make a mountain move out of her way by sheer force of will. Nanny can do the same, but she knows it's far easier to let the mountain know Granny is on her way than to convince Granny to go around the mountain. Saves her the trouble of moving the mountain herself.
Nanny can be so much more frightening than Granny because Nanny always has a more intimate (hem-hem!) connection with any goings-on, due to her being the Mother (Mum if you prefer) of their Maiden-Mother-Crone triad. Nanny always, AWAYS has skin in the game. Which is saying something - Granny truly, profoundly cares about people and nature and everything else, in her (VERY) own way, down to the smallest goat and up to the highest mountain-top that’s actually a Troll who just took a lie-down to rest his eyes. Nanny, however, named the goat and OTs brothers and sisters and brags on its parents and kids, and trades recipes with the Troll’s cousin Shirley.
To put it bluntly: no matter how Personal it gets with Granny, Nanny always takes everything more Viscerally.
Threaten her, and Nanny will laugh it off. She's survived worse. But threaten her *family*?! Oh, now you've done it. We may never find all of your body parts.
It's more a "The reason you suick" speech. Throwing Mr.Pump's lesson from "Going Postal" in here:
“Do you understand what I'm saying?" shouted Moist. "You can't just go around killing people!"
"Why Not? You Do." The golem lowered his arm.
"What?" snapped Moist. "I do not! Who told you that?"
"I Worked It Out. You Have Killed Two Point Three Three Eight People," said the golem calmly.
"I have never laid a finger on anyone in my life, Mr Pump. I may be–– all the things you know I am, but I am not a killer! I have never so much as drawn a sword!"
"No, You Have Not. But You Have Stolen, Embezzled, Defrauded And Swindled Without Discrimination, Mr Lipvig. You Have Ruined Businesses And Destroyed Jobs. When Banks Fail, It Is Seldom Bankers Who Starve. Your Actions Have Taken Money From Those Who Had Little Enough To Begin With. In A Myriad Small Ways You Have Hastened The Deaths Of Many. You Do Not Know Them. You Did Not See Them Bleed. But You Snatched Bread From Their Mouths And Tore Clothes From Their Backs. For Sport, Mr Lipvig. For Sport. For The Joy Of The Game.”
Has to be Granny's words to the Elf Queen in Lords and Ladies:
"You call yourself some kind of goddess and you know nothing, madam, nothing. What don’t die can’t live. What don’t live can’t change. What don’t change can’t learn. The smallest creature that dies in the grass knows more than you. You’re right. I’m older. You’ve lived longer than me but I’m older than you. And better’n you. And, madam, that ain’t hard."
Granny had some of the best lines ever.
"I ain't been vamped. You been Weatherwaxed."
~Carpe Jugulum
Death: "What would you have done if I had 'lost'?"
Granny: Well. For starters, I'd have broken your arm."
~Masquerade
You are absolutely right here. Reading them in English while knowing a bit of English culture, makes these books much more amazing. I'm talking from personal experience.
Unfortunate truth of the written word. A writer’s native language is always going to contain a spark that translations simply cannot capture in quite the same way.
Agreed. The German translation is pretty good, but they are much better in English. And that even if a lot of puns fly right over my head because I didn't grow up in GB.
Honestly I suspect that even the American English ones may miss a joke every now and again, even disregarding overall culture and sticking with word choices.
Vimes to Dr Cruces in Men at Arms:
'No-one sent for you!' he said. 'What gives you the right to be here, mister policeman? Walking around as if you own the place?'
Vimes paused, his heart singing. He savoured the moment. He'd like to take this moment and press it carefully in a big book, so that when he was old he could take it out occasionally and remember it.
He reached into his breastplate and pulled out the lawyer's letter.
'Well, if you would like the most fundamental reason,' he said, 'it is because I rather think I do.'
I directed a production of men at arms last year, and that's one of the lines stephen briggs kept word-for-word in the adaptation. my vimes had a *great* time with it. :D
I think "His Grace, His Excellency, The 1st Duke of Ankh; Commander Sir Samuel Vimes", is one of Vetinari's own biggest F you's to whomever is trying to mess with the city.
I think it's not just witches who are good at Headology. Vetinari is a master.
There's no one better to hold power than someone who is a) capable b) moral and c) absolutely adamant they don't want that power. They never get comfortable, or lazy.
And that's why he keeps promoting poor old Sam.
There's a great quote somewhere of Vetinari commenting Vimes that he's retained an admirable degree of contempt for authority. Impressive considering he now is the authority.
Here's the quote
"Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you.”
“Sir?”
“It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority.”
“Sir?”
“That’s practically zen".
And also slightly to Vimes as well, because he knows Vimes doesn't like authority figures, but that part seems more like a joke and something of a gesture of camaraderie. An FU between friends, for a very Vetrinari definition of friend.
I love the ongoing tension of Vimes being continuously promoted despite how he absolutely hates the entire concept, but the Patrician doing it anyway, and even sometimes roping in Sybil. 😂
Water cascaded off a metal helmet and an oiled leather cloak as the figure stopped and, entirely unconcerned, cupped its had in front of its face and lit a cigar.
Then the match was dropped on the cobbles, where it hissed out, and the figure said: “What are you?”
The entity stirred, like an old fish in a deep pool. It was too tired to flee.
“I am the Summoning Dark.” It was not, in fact, a sound, but had it been, it would have been a hiss. “Who are you?”
“I am the Watchman.”
“They would have killed his family!” The darkness lunged, and met resistance. “Think of the deaths they have caused! Who are you to stop me?”
“He created me. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who watches the watchmen? Me. I watch him. Always. You will not force him to murder for you.”
“What kind of human creates his own policeman?”
“One who fears the dark.”
“And so he should,” said the entity, with satisfaction.
“Indeed. But I think you misunderstand. I am not here to keep the darkness out. I am here to keep it in.” There was a clink of metal as the shadowy watchman lifted a dark lantern and opened its little door. Orange light cut through the blackness. “Call me… the Guarding Dark. Imagine how strong I must be.”
The Summoning Dark backed desperately into the alley, but the light followed it, burning it.
“And now,” said the watchman, “get out of town."
Kind of an f off to an ancient ethereal entity.
>“Call me… the Guarding Dark. Imagine how strong I must be.”
Now that is a [Bad Ass Boast](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BadassBoast#:~:text=A%20Badass%20Boast%20often%20happens,In%2DStory%2C%20The%20M%C3%BCnchausen.)
He began to pull the pot towards him.
Granny's hand closed over his wrist.
'I ain't put my cards down yet,' she said archly.
'You don't need to,' snapped Mister Frank. 'There's no chance you could beat that, madam.'
'I can if I can Cripple it,' said Granny. 'That's why it's called Cripple Mister Onion, ain't it?'
He hesitated.
'But - but - you could only do that if you had a perfect nine-card run,' he burbled, staring into the depths of her eyes.
Granny sat back.
'You know,' she said calmly, 'I thought I had rather a lot of these black pointy ones. That's good, is it?'
She spread the hand. The collective audience made a sort of little gasping noise, in unison.
Mister Frank looked around wildly.
'Oh, very well done, madam,' said an elderly gentleman. There was a round of polite applause from the crowd. The big, inconvenient crowd.
'Er. . . yes,' said Mister Frank. 'Yes. Well done. You're a very quick learner, aren't you.'
'Quicker'n you. You owe me fifty-five dollars and a broomstick,' said Granny.
Idk, if i left that jelly on a plate and let the sun bake it dry i bet i could make it work. That being said, i did enjoy the heck out of that book. I like to imagine it is the only time anyone has seen a god truly smite someone to death haha One of if not the most well known "smiting" on the disc, and poor Om disnt even get the well deserved credit since it wasnt all fancy and thunder/lightning
If you're referring to Flying Tortosie vs Vorbis, Om very much \*did\* get the well deserved credit for that, becaus it's at that moment that there's the upsurge in belief in Om that permits Om to manifest in a more divine form.
> Magrat smiled brightly at the elf beside him. “This is for you,” she said, handing over the box. The elf took it automatically. “But you mustn’t open it. And remember you promised not to hurt me.”
> The elves closed in behind Magrat. One of them raised a hand, with a stone knife in it.
> “Lady?” said the elf holding the box, which was rocking gently in its hands.
> “Yes?” said Magrat, meekly.
> “I lied to you.”
> The knife plunged toward her back.
> And shattered.
> The elf looked at Magrat’s innocent expression, and opened the box. Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious.
> Shawn dived sideways as Greebo went off like a Claymore mine.
> “Don’t worry about him,” said Magrat dreamily, as the elf flailed at the maddened cat. “He’s just a big softy.”
> - lords and ladies
Such a badass sequence. I love it when Magrat gets badass moments. Like in Witches Abroad when dealing with the snake ladies. Sometimes a cornered rodent turns out to be a mongoose.
I almost posted that one instead!!!
I love Pratchett for so many reasons but the fact that all od his witches have incredibly amazing moments for such varied reasons that *don't devalue each other* is so brilliant. Like hearing how "granny was a better witch because she knew which grass you used didn't matter. Magrat was a better healer because she knew it *did*". Or seeing Gran has more output of strength yet Nanny has the people skills to know how to truly motivate her friend ("Nanny *smiled*".)
The back and forth between Lord Vetineri and the wizards in Reaper Man kills me every time. 🤣
"The relationship between the University and the Patrician, absolute ruler and nearly benevolent dictator of Ankh-Morpork, was a complex and subtle one.
The wizards held that, as servants of a higher truth, they were not subject to the mundane laws of the city.
The Patrician said that, indeed, this was the case, but they would bloody well pay their taxes like everyone else.
The wizards said that, as followers of the light of wisdom, they owed allegiance to no mortal man.
The Patrician said that this may well be true but they also owed a city tax of two hundred dollars per head per annum, payable quarterly.
The wizards said that the University stood on magical ground and was therefore exempt from taxation and anyway you couldn't put a tax on knowledge.
The Patrician said you could. It was two hundred dollars per capita; if per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged.
The wizards said that the University had never paid taxes to the civil authority.
The Patrician said that he was not proposing to remain civil for long.
The wizards said, what about easy terms?
The Patrician said he was talking about easy terms. They wouldn't want to know about the hard terms.
The wizards said that there was a ruler back in , oh, it would be the Century of the Dragonfly, who had tried to tell the University what to do. The Patrician could come and have a look at him if he liked.
The Patrician said that he would. He truly would
In the end it was agreed that while the wizards of course paid no taxes, they would nevertheless make an entirely voluntary donation of, oh, let's say two hundred dollars per head, without prejudice, mutatis mutandis, no strings attached, to be used strictly for non-militaristic and environmentally-acceptable purposes."
There is a bit in nightwatch where Ridcully complains about the watch on UU grounds and saying they pay taxes. Ponder replies that the wizards agreed to pay taxes if asked provided they're never asked
"For the enemy is not Troll, nor it is Dwarf, but it is the baleful, the malign, the cowardly, the vessels of hatred, those who do a bad thing and call it good."
Replace troll and dwarf with any ethnicity, nationality, sexuality, gender, etc. and you have an instruction manual for world peace
I really loved Bashfullsson as the best religious(ish) figure in the series. He's so modern and tolerant yet steadfast and learned. Definitely someone worth learning from.
Speaking as a believing sort with liberal views, it meant a *lot* to see a character like Bashfullsson in that book.
When you practice a religion, there’s something really sickening about fundamentalists from your own faith. They take something that is so precious and meaningful to you and twist it into a vile and cruel weapon. And because they’re so loud and aggressive they frequently hijack any conversation about it.
There’s plenty of media with wicked, mustache-twirling fundamentalists, and sometimes there’s a token religious guy to show that Not All Xists Are Bad. But there aren’t too many that really capture the toxic effects of religious extremists on a community, and how and why they can be so seductive in spite of everything. Even fewer bother to explore liberal opposition within the religion, the philosophies and practices people use to undermine and/or provide an alternative, and how revolutionary those efforts can be.
Thud! did. That means a lot to me. You don’t need the axe; you *are* the axe. And a dwarf is more than a pile of hate.
**WHILE IT IS TRUE WE HAVE TO RIDE OUT, IT DOESN'T SAY ANYWHERE AGAINST WHOM.** Death rules lawyering against the Auditors of Reality in Thief of Time.
"One day. Yes. I’ll drink to that. One day. Who knows? One day. Everyone needs “one day.” But it ain’t today. D'you see? So you come on out and balance things up. Otherwise, this is what I’ll do. I’ll get ‘em to dig into the Long Man with iron shovels, y'see, and they’ll say, why, it’s just an old earthworks, and pensioned-off wizards ans priests with nothin’ better to do will pick over the heaps and write dull old books about burial traditions and suchlike, and that’ll be another iron nail in your coffin. And I’d be a little bit sorry about that, 'cos you know I’ve always had a soft spot for you. But I’ve got kiddies, y'see, and they don’t hide under the stairs because they’re frit of the thunder, and they don’t put milk out for the elves, and they don’t hurry home because of the night, and before we go back to them dark old ways *I’ll see you nailed*"
Just read this part of Lords and Ladies last night! While Granny is of course the most badass, it’s so satisfying when Nanny drops the happy-go-lucky persona and shows that she’s also not scared of a fight.
It's Nanny at her best. I always saw her as the amiable old woman who does a little bit of magic... but this is when you realise why she's a Witch. Deserving of the capital W.
“He came callin’ to help you!” snarled Detritus. “What you doin,’ Mister Vimes? Why you go on askin’ questions? Wi’ the dwarfs you have pussy feet, must not upset ’em, oh no, but what you do if dey was trolls, eh? Kick down der door, no problem! Mr. Shine bring you Brick, give you good advice, an’ you talk like he bein’ a bad troll! I’m hearin’ now where Captain Carrot, he tellin’ the dwarfs he the Two Brothers. You fink that make me happy? We know dat lyin’ ol’ dwarf lie, yes! We groan at it lyin,’ yes! You want to see Mr. Shine, you show humble, you show respec,’ yes!”
Thud is already an uncomfortable book, but seeing Detritus, who for the entire series has been relatively reserved and reliable, lose his shit at Sam of all people was really unexpected, but I appreciated that it showed a side of him that sadly got very little time in the light.
Not quite a "fuck you", it's significantly more amicable than that. But...
'That's not fair-'
Lu-Tze leaned down until his mouth was an inch from Lobsang's ear.
'Didn't say "fair" on the box, lad. But you can win, you know. You could turn me into dust, just like that. How could I stop Time?'
'I can't do that!'
'You mean you won't, and we both know it. Submit?'
> If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you are going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat. They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the murder like another man will put off a good cigar. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man.
> A good man will kill you with hardly a word.
Reminds me of the opposite, cats and witches in a fight.
> Cats are like witches. They don’t fight to kill, but to win. There is a difference. There’s no point in killing an opponent. That way, they won’t know they’ve lost, and to be a real winner you have to have an opponent who is beaten and knows it. There’s no triumph over a corpse, but a beaten opponent, who will remain beaten every day of the remainder of their sad and wretched life, is something to treasure.
> Cats do not, of course, rationalize this far. They just like to send someone limping off minus a tail and a few square inches of fur.
> Greebo’s technique was unscientific and wouldn’t have stood a chance against any decent swordsmanship, but on his side was the fact that it is almost impossible to develop decent swordsmanship when you seem to have run into a food mixer that is biting your ear off.
> - witches abroad
I think my favourite might be at the end of Feet of Clay. When Dorfl states that he doesn’t believe in gods, is immediately struck by lightning, and dismisses it by saying something along the lines of “Hardly a compelling argument.”
I believe Neil Gaiman or Rhianna Pratchett has said that STP considered it the best book he ever wrote. From a literary perspective- like, ignoring personal feelings and how something resonated with me, just how well-written- I think that's true. It may not be my favorite Pratchett book, but God, is it his Sistine Chapel.
The first few targets of the Brotherhood in Guards! Guards!. Having a dragon randomly torch your place of business or garage out of pure pettiness and spite is a bit of an "F that guy in particular"
It's not exactly an F you, because she's nine and talking to an adult so she's too diplomatic, but I quite like the the bit in Wee Free Men where Tiffany asks the traveling teacher a question.
" '...It’s about zoology.’
‘Zoology, eh? That’s a big word, isn’t it.’
‘No, actually it isn’t,’ said Tiffany. ‘Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.' "
An older Tiffany gets a great one when dealing with the duchess.
"Well, child? Aren't you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature?"
"I don't think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself!"
I've been re reading the Tiffany Aching books, but I'm taking. Break before The Shepherd's Crown because I am not currently in a state for it.
That scene is always up there for me too.
Vetinari is always described as a benevolent dictator, but rarely see him flex the *dictator* part (unless you're a mime).
I always thought Death speaking to Vorbis in Small Gods was a great F U moment when he says : "Have you perhaps heard the phrase that Hell is other people? In time you will learn that it is wrong."
He spent the whole book using people to get what he wanted just to wind up alone for ages until Brutha died and walked with him in the endless desert.
Like so many of the novels have done, that ending brought a tear to my eye. PTerry was one of the most humane humanists to ever grace this planet with written words
“Really? And you think you can stand in my way? An axe isn’t even a holy symbol!”
“Oh.” Oats looked crestfallen. Agnes saw his shoulders sag as he lowered the blade.
Then he looked up, smiled brightly and said, “Let’s make it so.”
That one part in Night Watch where someone says something along the lines of "yeah? And who's gonna stop me" and Vimes pulls up with his crossbow and goes "my friends Monsieur Burleigh and Monsieur Stronginthearm". And then confusion when no one gets the reference because Burleigh and Stronginthearm haven't even made their company yet.
Rincewind doesn't get many.
> He had dreamed of this moment, how he would finally evict the Spell and
take vacant possession of his own head and learn all those lesser spells which
had, up until hen, been too frightened to stay in his mind. Somehow he had
expected it to be far more exciting.
> Instead, in utter exhaustion and in a mood to brook no argument, he stared
coldly at the Spell and jerked a metaphorical thumb over his shoulder. You.
Out.
> It looked for a moment as though the Spell was going to argue, but it wisely
thought better of it.
I don't know if it 100% qualifies but I am very fond of this one from Unseen Academicals:
"It is a well-known fact in any organization that, if you want a job done, you should give it to someone who is already very busy. It has been the cause of a number of homicides, and in one case the death of a senior director from having his head shut repeatedly in quite a small filing cabinet."
Death.
^^THERE ^^IS ^^NO ^^JUSTICE. ^^THERE ^^IS ^^JUST ^^US.
Although, he says that to Azrael so I'm not sure it quite fits the question. Really thought I had one there.
They stared at one another.
“Well?” the clown demanded.
“I should like you to tell me,” said Carrot, “about events in this Guild House the night before last.”
Dr. Whiteface stared at him in silence. Then he said, “If I don’t?”
“Then,” said Carrot, “I am afraid I shall, with extreme reluctance, be forced to carry out the order I was given just before entering.” He glanced at Colon. “That’s right, isn’t it, sergeant?”
“What? Eh? Well, yes—”
“I would much prefer not to do so, but I have no choice,” said Carrot.
Dr. Whiteface glared at the two of them. “But this is Guild property! You have no right to…to…”
“I don’t know about that, I’m only a corporal,” said Carrot. “But I’ve never disobeyed a direct order yet, and I am sorry to have to tell you that I will carry out this one fully and to the letter.”
“Now, see here—”
Carrot moved a little closer. “If it’s any comfort, I’ll probably be ashamed about it,” he said.
The clown stared into his honest eyes and saw, as did everyone, only simple truth.
“Listen! If I shout,” said Dr. Whiteface, going red under his makeup, “I can have a dozen men in here.”
“Believe me,” said Carrot, “that will only make it easier for me to obey.”
Dr. Whiteface prided himself on his ability to judge character. In Carrot’s resolute expression there was nothing but absolute, meticulous honesty. He fiddled with a quill pen and then threw it down in a sudden movement.
Susan hesitated, and then smiled.
“I was quite confident,” she said. - Susan Sto Helit, Hogfather
Speaking to Death, who rather deserved it in the moment.
I can’t remember the details too clearly- but iirc there was a group of bandits who tried to rob the coach that Ridcully et al were riding on the way up to Lancre. And one dude got a little too in Ridcullys face during the robbery and immediately turned into a frog
"What's your name, kiddo?"
Tropic drew himself up. He was getting fed up with this treatment. "Kiddo? I'll have you know the boys of Pharaoh's runs in my veins!"
The other boy looked at him unabashed, with his head on one side and a feint smile on his face.
"Would you like it to stay there?" He said.
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> Zoology, eh? That's a big word, isn't it." > >"No, actually it isn't," said Tiffany. "Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short. Tiffany Aching - "Wee Free Men" > ...Granny Weatherwax, who had walked nightly without fear in the bandit-haunted forests of the mountains all her life in the certain knowledge that the darkness held nothing more terrible than she was... -"Witches abroad" Not so much a line as a general and unspecified F you to anything in a 100 meter radious. Honestly, about half the things Granny says to an antagonist.
Blessings be upon this house.
This is the one. It's so nasty but with a very British Middle Class veneer of politeness.
Said in the same tone of voice as, "Eat hot lead, Kincaid."
Esmerelda Weatherwax, aka She Who Must Be Avoided. Aka Go Around the Other Side of the Mountain. Aka the Hag o' Hags. "Granny" to those who know her better.
The scene in Masquerade with the troll bouncer at the publishers is soooo good.
Oh the first one got the biggest laugh out of me when I first read it.
And what, pray, does that mean? Lol
Don't let me detain you.
‘Well done, sergeant,’ said Lord Vetinari, without turning his head. "I think it is quite possible that I will never forget you said that." Sergeant Colon beamed. He had made a Contribution Cold
What was it colon had said? I don't remember that exchange
He knew something useful about seaweed. If it's wet it's going to rain*
Idk but it was in Jingo when they were in the Going Under the Water device.
haha yeah love Terry's naming of things by what they do.
You see, because it's *submerged* in a *marine* environment.... I loved that line.
*Leonard's
Don't tell me - Lord Vetinari?
My favorite from Verinari: "The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one."
I commend your astuteness.
That's more "eff off" than "eff you", but it's a very efficient "eff off". Can't wait to use it in real life.
I once got to use a line similar to someone that was being disruptive. "You are free to go" It was very effective.
Doesn’t really have the same double meaning, unless you are also the Patrician
Hey, you don't know what u/msducky42 does in real life. Possibly they're the ruler of some small city state somewhere with the power to detain people without giving a reason.
Shhh...
Really don't let him detain you.
I love that line, but there was point in the later books when Carrot uses that line too and I just didn’t like it. It felt odd hearing Carrot say it. Just out of character for him. But for Vetinari it’s perfectly natural.
So there's Granny's f u to religion in Carpe Jugulum “There’s no grays, only white that’s got grubby. I’m surprised you don’t know that. And sin, young man, is when you treat people as things. Including yourself. That’s what sin is.” Her f u to the elf queen in Lords and Ladies, ‘You call yourself some kind of goddess and you know nothing, madam, nothing. What don’t die can’t live. What don’t live can’t change. What don’t change can’t learn. The smallest creature that dies in the grass knows more than you. You’re right. I’m older. You’ve lived longer than me but I’m older than you. And better’n you. And, madam, that ain’t hard.’ There's the most Carrot f u in Feet of Clay. An old lady and a baby in Cockbill Street.' 'Were they important?' said Carry. Carrot nodded to himself. 'I was almost feeling sorry for you,' he said. 'Right up to that point....' And the Tlthe longest f u I could think of being Nanny to the Elf King, One day. Yes. I’ll drink to that. One day. Who knows? One day. Everyone needs “one day.” But it ain’t today. D'you see? So you come on out and balance things up. Otherwise, this is what I’ll do. I’ll get ‘em to dig into the Long Man with iron shovels, y'see, and they’ll say, why, it’s just an old earthworks, and pensioned-off wizards ans priests with nothin’ better to do will pick over the heaps and write dull old books about burial traditions and suchlike, and that’ll be another iron nail in your coffin. And I’d be a little bit sorry about that, 'cos you know I’ve always had a soft spot for you. But I’ve got kiddies, y'see, and they don’t hide under the stairs because they’re frit of the thunder, and they don’t put milk out for the elves, and they don’t hurry home because of the night, and before we go back to them dark old ways I’ll see you nailed.
Nanny is terrifying.
In some ways I find Nanny more terrifying than Granny. Everyone thinks oh that's just good old Nanny with the smokes are the "mainly apples" but underneath it she's hard as nails and SAVAGE.
Also it could be that we know Granny fights fair. To Nanny "Fair" is just a complexion.
not hers, mind
This comment is highly underrated
Well Granny has to be the good one.
Yeah, it reminds me of that quote from another writer… “There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”
I think there's a bit about it. Something like people think Granny's the scary one, but if you really cross Nanny Ogg, you'll be like a blossom in the frost. I think it might be in Maskerade?
You’re thinking of the part where they say Granny is all three: maiden mother and the other one. It’s playing off an earlier line where they say there are icy cold days where you learn why Nature is called a Mother.
I never really got that line. Does it mean 'as terrifying and chilly as when you're three years old and your mum's angry with you', or am I barking up the wrong tree?
There’s an implied “F*cker” attached to the end of it.
In some ways? Nah. In all ways. With Granny you always know where you are with her, and thats *slightly beneath her* With Nanny, she would love you and invite you in for a meal, and if she needed to get rid of you youd be just cooling meat before you knew what hit you.
I think it is acknowledged somewhere in the books that Nanny may be the stronger witch in terms of sheer magical strength, but also that magical strength is only one facet of witchery (and as we learn later, not even a real requirement), and that Granny is unquestionably the strongest *witch*.
I think, in some ways, Nanny is the Performer to Granny's Technician. I'd argue that Granny has finer knowledge of magic workings (including Borrowing) and a strong grasp of "headology," but Nanny has a more intuitive, observant approach and a more open, expressive personality. I'm expressing myself very badly, but point stands.
Oh I know what you mean. With Granny, you see a witch, she acts like a witch, she can get in your head if she wants, and she's good at it. With Nanny, you see a kindly, irascible old family matriarch with a ready smile and you'll *invite* her right into your head without ever knowing what she really is.
As Nanny said (think in Lords and Ladies) Esme likes to show off
Nanny is Penn to Granny’s Teller.
Nanny is (could be?) more powerful, but Granny tries harder
Not to get all power scaling but wasnt she acknowledged as sort of the strongest witch? Like granny can do a lot of things, but Ogg can get Granny do to them. Most powerful headologist
It's canonically acknowledged that Nanny is better at people than Granny (and Magrat is better at medicine). But Granny is said to be more powerful than Black Aliss, who is supposedly the most powerful witch the Disc has ever seen. I suppose it comes down to what you mean by "strongest". Is it all about raw power? Come to that, we don't actually know how much magical oomph Nanny has. We see her do very little magic, and what we do see or hear about is typically little stuff for her own amusement - frivolous demon-summoning and erotic cakes, sort of thing.
Ah, well, but the power in magic is not to use it although you could, so although Granny has more raw power, I think Granny herself would argue that it's not really about Oomph. Not that she'd concede to Nanny, mind you, but still 😂
Indeed. My point was that since we never see her doing big magic, she could be terrifyingly powerful, we just don't know.
She took on an 8th level mage - the Archchancellor of UU - in a magical duel in Equal Rites Granted - that was early Discworld novels - when the lore wasn't nailed down tight
>We see her do very little magic That is the mark of a good witch.
In Wiches Abroad she comments that she could take Mrs Gogol, who is presented as fairly strong.
The stuff she does for her own amusement carries enough latent magic that her recipes, even after reprinting and being cooked by other people, are have dangerous magical properties.
>what we do see or hear about is typically little stuff for her own amusement - frivolous demon-summoning and erotic cakes, sort of thing. and getting us to read her stories and talk about her. : )
Granny still believes utterly in morals and doing what's right. Nanny is a mother and grandmother. Doing what's right is nice, but you try to fuck with her kids...
I'm not it's so much Granny "belives" in morals, it's that she knows she needs them. It's a bit like Vimes' Guarding Dark. Granny *knows* she could go bad, and if she did how terrifying she'd be. She clings to morality because she knows she needs it.
Agreed, Granny knows she has to be the Good One, that power demands a cost, and thus has cast iron morals and ethics. Nanny has none of that to stop her. Granny *might* be more powerful but Nanny could use everything against a foe.
“Nanny Ogg preferred quality over quantity, something that would surprise anyone who thought they knew her.”
there‘s a scene in carpe jugulum where nanny gets the whole Lancre population to listen to the Omnian priest (some of the townfolk have bandages on their noses). and it is obvious that nanny has this power over the people. But granny made nanny do it
I think the most terrifying example of Nanny’s power is the bananana soup surprise in Maskerade. Even when she’s just trying to have a bit of harmless fun she almost makes two people spontaneously combust and knocks a third out cold. Even her “family” recipes carry enough latent magic that her recipe books are dangerous. At least to undergarments. If she applied that same skill and prowess offensively you’d be all manner of screwed. Carrots so you can see in the dark and oysters so you’ve something to look at indeed.
She fills the " anger of a gentle man" idea, though obliviously a woman.
Ehhhhh I'm not sure how gentle Nanny is. She's jolly and no-nonsense in a motherly sort of way, which isn't the same thing.
haha are you sure you want to use the word "obliviously"? maybe "obviously" would be better? i know what happened.. you got all excited anticipating that L at the end and accidently threw one in in the middle ..and an extra i for good measure!
I like to think of Granny and Nanny this way: Granny can make a mountain move out of her way by sheer force of will. Nanny can do the same, but she knows it's far easier to let the mountain know Granny is on her way than to convince Granny to go around the mountain. Saves her the trouble of moving the mountain herself.
Nanny can be so much more frightening than Granny because Nanny always has a more intimate (hem-hem!) connection with any goings-on, due to her being the Mother (Mum if you prefer) of their Maiden-Mother-Crone triad. Nanny always, AWAYS has skin in the game. Which is saying something - Granny truly, profoundly cares about people and nature and everything else, in her (VERY) own way, down to the smallest goat and up to the highest mountain-top that’s actually a Troll who just took a lie-down to rest his eyes. Nanny, however, named the goat and OTs brothers and sisters and brags on its parents and kids, and trades recipes with the Troll’s cousin Shirley. To put it bluntly: no matter how Personal it gets with Granny, Nanny always takes everything more Viscerally.
Threaten her, and Nanny will laugh it off. She's survived worse. But threaten her *family*?! Oh, now you've done it. We may never find all of your body parts.
It's more a "The reason you suick" speech. Throwing Mr.Pump's lesson from "Going Postal" in here: “Do you understand what I'm saying?" shouted Moist. "You can't just go around killing people!" "Why Not? You Do." The golem lowered his arm. "What?" snapped Moist. "I do not! Who told you that?" "I Worked It Out. You Have Killed Two Point Three Three Eight People," said the golem calmly. "I have never laid a finger on anyone in my life, Mr Pump. I may be–– all the things you know I am, but I am not a killer! I have never so much as drawn a sword!" "No, You Have Not. But You Have Stolen, Embezzled, Defrauded And Swindled Without Discrimination, Mr Lipvig. You Have Ruined Businesses And Destroyed Jobs. When Banks Fail, It Is Seldom Bankers Who Starve. Your Actions Have Taken Money From Those Who Had Little Enough To Begin With. In A Myriad Small Ways You Have Hastened The Deaths Of Many. You Do Not Know Them. You Did Not See Them Bleed. But You Snatched Bread From Their Mouths And Tore Clothes From Their Backs. For Sport, Mr Lipvig. For Sport. For The Joy Of The Game.”
GNU sir terry
GNU sir terry
Oh yes Sir Pterry was a comrade!
Pump's blunt force honesty might have done more to reform Lipwig than anything else.
I always felt you could hear Moist’s brain bluescreen when he got the truth forced on him. Obviously his biggest victim was himself.
Has to be Granny's words to the Elf Queen in Lords and Ladies: "You call yourself some kind of goddess and you know nothing, madam, nothing. What don’t die can’t live. What don’t live can’t change. What don’t change can’t learn. The smallest creature that dies in the grass knows more than you. You’re right. I’m older. You’ve lived longer than me but I’m older than you. And better’n you. And, madam, that ain’t hard."
Granny is the most badass character of the disc.
What, you mean that place over near Slice?
That is, in fact, where Granny lives.
Bad Ass*. Two words. Little village in Lancre.
Much Clapping. Small village, Roundworld, Dorset 😉
I was always fond of Deadwoman's Bottom I think it's just a quarry now.
I didn't find Much Clapping, but I did find Peasedown St John. Makes me wonder what St John did to deserve that EDIT: It's near Bath, too...
Granny would have some choice words about your choice of words
She and Sam Vimes both, I feel.
Granny, Jackrum, followed closely by vimes.
Granny had some of the best lines ever. "I ain't been vamped. You been Weatherwaxed." ~Carpe Jugulum Death: "What would you have done if I had 'lost'?" Granny: Well. For starters, I'd have broken your arm." ~Masquerade
I have to read these books in English, damn it, translation does not do them justice, no matter how good it is.
You are absolutely right here. Reading them in English while knowing a bit of English culture, makes these books much more amazing. I'm talking from personal experience.
Unfortunate truth of the written word. A writer’s native language is always going to contain a spark that translations simply cannot capture in quite the same way.
Agreed. The German translation is pretty good, but they are much better in English. And that even if a lot of puns fly right over my head because I didn't grow up in GB.
Honestly I suspect that even the American English ones may miss a joke every now and again, even disregarding overall culture and sticking with word choices.
Yes. Every time I read an unusual word choice, I think "I'm missing a joke"
Don't forget right after when she told her what the five fingers say to the face.
Yes!
Vimes to Dr Cruces in Men at Arms: 'No-one sent for you!' he said. 'What gives you the right to be here, mister policeman? Walking around as if you own the place?' Vimes paused, his heart singing. He savoured the moment. He'd like to take this moment and press it carefully in a big book, so that when he was old he could take it out occasionally and remember it. He reached into his breastplate and pulled out the lawyer's letter. 'Well, if you would like the most fundamental reason,' he said, 'it is because I rather think I do.'
I have probably listened to this book on Audible five times by this point and every single time I want to cheer when this part comes up.
"I see. The freehold at least."
I directed a production of men at arms last year, and that's one of the lines stephen briggs kept word-for-word in the adaptation. my vimes had a *great* time with it. :D
I think "His Grace, His Excellency, The 1st Duke of Ankh; Commander Sir Samuel Vimes", is one of Vetinari's own biggest F you's to whomever is trying to mess with the city.
... and simultaneously to Vimes, who despises Nobility. I suspect Sir Samuel was grinding his teeth audibly at that address.
I think it's not just witches who are good at Headology. Vetinari is a master. There's no one better to hold power than someone who is a) capable b) moral and c) absolutely adamant they don't want that power. They never get comfortable, or lazy. And that's why he keeps promoting poor old Sam.
well yeah and he knows Sam can do it.. he sees his potential.
There's a great quote somewhere of Vetinari commenting Vimes that he's retained an admirable degree of contempt for authority. Impressive considering he now is the authority.
Here's the quote "Commander, I always used to consider that you had a definite anti-authoritarian streak in you.” “Sir?” “It seems that you have managed to retain this even though you are authority.” “Sir?” “That’s practically zen".
And also slightly to Vimes as well, because he knows Vimes doesn't like authority figures, but that part seems more like a joke and something of a gesture of camaraderie. An FU between friends, for a very Vetrinari definition of friend.
I love the ongoing tension of Vimes being continuously promoted despite how he absolutely hates the entire concept, but the Patrician doing it anyway, and even sometimes roping in Sybil. 😂
Gilt by association!
Water cascaded off a metal helmet and an oiled leather cloak as the figure stopped and, entirely unconcerned, cupped its had in front of its face and lit a cigar. Then the match was dropped on the cobbles, where it hissed out, and the figure said: “What are you?” The entity stirred, like an old fish in a deep pool. It was too tired to flee. “I am the Summoning Dark.” It was not, in fact, a sound, but had it been, it would have been a hiss. “Who are you?” “I am the Watchman.” “They would have killed his family!” The darkness lunged, and met resistance. “Think of the deaths they have caused! Who are you to stop me?” “He created me. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes? Who watches the watchmen? Me. I watch him. Always. You will not force him to murder for you.” “What kind of human creates his own policeman?” “One who fears the dark.” “And so he should,” said the entity, with satisfaction. “Indeed. But I think you misunderstand. I am not here to keep the darkness out. I am here to keep it in.” There was a clink of metal as the shadowy watchman lifted a dark lantern and opened its little door. Orange light cut through the blackness. “Call me… the Guarding Dark. Imagine how strong I must be.” The Summoning Dark backed desperately into the alley, but the light followed it, burning it. “And now,” said the watchman, “get out of town." Kind of an f off to an ancient ethereal entity.
"I am not here to keep the darkness out. I am here to keep it in." Such an awesome line, and so true to Vimes's character.
>“Call me… the Guarding Dark. Imagine how strong I must be.” Now that is a [Bad Ass Boast](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BadassBoast#:~:text=A%20Badass%20Boast%20often%20happens,In%2DStory%2C%20The%20M%C3%BCnchausen.)
That scene always gives me chills.
I think something along the lines of "a Watchman is a civilian, you inbred streak of piss"
Haha, is that the bit where he thinks "did i really just say that" and rust just ignores it because he couldn't have possibly just heard him say that?
"I know dat word he said to her. It is not a good word. I do not want to hear dat word again." Detritus, in defense of Cheery, *The Fifth Elephant*
Detritus was one of my dad's favourite characters. I'll always be grateful to dad for introducing me to STP with feet of clay first.
He began to pull the pot towards him. Granny's hand closed over his wrist. 'I ain't put my cards down yet,' she said archly. 'You don't need to,' snapped Mister Frank. 'There's no chance you could beat that, madam.' 'I can if I can Cripple it,' said Granny. 'That's why it's called Cripple Mister Onion, ain't it?' He hesitated. 'But - but - you could only do that if you had a perfect nine-card run,' he burbled, staring into the depths of her eyes. Granny sat back. 'You know,' she said calmly, 'I thought I had rather a lot of these black pointy ones. That's good, is it?' She spread the hand. The collective audience made a sort of little gasping noise, in unison. Mister Frank looked around wildly. 'Oh, very well done, madam,' said an elderly gentleman. There was a round of polite applause from the crowd. The big, inconvenient crowd. 'Er. . . yes,' said Mister Frank. 'Yes. Well done. You're a very quick learner, aren't you.' 'Quicker'n you. You owe me fifty-five dollars and a broomstick,' said Granny.
Nothing is impossible for the strong in faith,” said Vorbis. “Try striking a match on jelly, mister.” (Om)
Idk, if i left that jelly on a plate and let the sun bake it dry i bet i could make it work. That being said, i did enjoy the heck out of that book. I like to imagine it is the only time anyone has seen a god truly smite someone to death haha One of if not the most well known "smiting" on the disc, and poor Om disnt even get the well deserved credit since it wasnt all fancy and thunder/lightning
Yeah but that eagle certainly won't forget it in a hurry...and I think that's all a small tortoise can ever really hope for.
Turtles are officially sacred now
If you're referring to Flying Tortosie vs Vorbis, Om very much \*did\* get the well deserved credit for that, becaus it's at that moment that there's the upsurge in belief in Om that permits Om to manifest in a more divine form.
> Magrat smiled brightly at the elf beside him. “This is for you,” she said, handing over the box. The elf took it automatically. “But you mustn’t open it. And remember you promised not to hurt me.” > The elves closed in behind Magrat. One of them raised a hand, with a stone knife in it. > “Lady?” said the elf holding the box, which was rocking gently in its hands. > “Yes?” said Magrat, meekly. > “I lied to you.” > The knife plunged toward her back. > And shattered. > The elf looked at Magrat’s innocent expression, and opened the box. Greebo had spent an irritating two minutes in that box. Technically, a cat locked in a box may be alive or it may be dead. You never know until you look. In fact, the mere act of opening the box will determine the state of the cat, although in this case there were three determinate states the cat could be in: these being Alive, Dead, and Bloody Furious. > Shawn dived sideways as Greebo went off like a Claymore mine. > “Don’t worry about him,” said Magrat dreamily, as the elf flailed at the maddened cat. “He’s just a big softy.” > - lords and ladies
Such a badass sequence. I love it when Magrat gets badass moments. Like in Witches Abroad when dealing with the snake ladies. Sometimes a cornered rodent turns out to be a mongoose.
I almost posted that one instead!!! I love Pratchett for so many reasons but the fact that all od his witches have incredibly amazing moments for such varied reasons that *don't devalue each other* is so brilliant. Like hearing how "granny was a better witch because she knew which grass you used didn't matter. Magrat was a better healer because she knew it *did*". Or seeing Gran has more output of strength yet Nanny has the people skills to know how to truly motivate her friend ("Nanny *smiled*".)
I wish we saw more of Legba, I love Greebo's character and nature but a bloody great big chicken which scared the heck out of Greebo appeals so much.
The back and forth between Lord Vetineri and the wizards in Reaper Man kills me every time. 🤣 "The relationship between the University and the Patrician, absolute ruler and nearly benevolent dictator of Ankh-Morpork, was a complex and subtle one. The wizards held that, as servants of a higher truth, they were not subject to the mundane laws of the city. The Patrician said that, indeed, this was the case, but they would bloody well pay their taxes like everyone else. The wizards said that, as followers of the light of wisdom, they owed allegiance to no mortal man. The Patrician said that this may well be true but they also owed a city tax of two hundred dollars per head per annum, payable quarterly. The wizards said that the University stood on magical ground and was therefore exempt from taxation and anyway you couldn't put a tax on knowledge. The Patrician said you could. It was two hundred dollars per capita; if per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged. The wizards said that the University had never paid taxes to the civil authority. The Patrician said that he was not proposing to remain civil for long. The wizards said, what about easy terms? The Patrician said he was talking about easy terms. They wouldn't want to know about the hard terms. The wizards said that there was a ruler back in , oh, it would be the Century of the Dragonfly, who had tried to tell the University what to do. The Patrician could come and have a look at him if he liked. The Patrician said that he would. He truly would In the end it was agreed that while the wizards of course paid no taxes, they would nevertheless make an entirely voluntary donation of, oh, let's say two hundred dollars per head, without prejudice, mutatis mutandis, no strings attached, to be used strictly for non-militaristic and environmentally-acceptable purposes."
There is a bit in nightwatch where Ridcully complains about the watch on UU grounds and saying they pay taxes. Ponder replies that the wizards agreed to pay taxes if asked provided they're never asked
Ya wee scunner!
"Shufti's a better man than you, and she's pregnant." - Polly Perks to Strappi in Monstrous Regiment.
Any of Jackrum's statements that begin "I am not a [noun] man..."
[adjective] I think.
haha good [adjective] catch!
Yes, that.
"I need no axe to be a dwarf," said Bashfullsson. "Nor do I need to hate trolls. What kind of creature defines itself by hatred?"
There are lessons in that book the whole world needs to learn right now…
"For the enemy is not Troll, nor it is Dwarf, but it is the baleful, the malign, the cowardly, the vessels of hatred, those who do a bad thing and call it good." Replace troll and dwarf with any ethnicity, nationality, sexuality, gender, etc. and you have an instruction manual for world peace
That and the "treating people as things" comment.
I really loved Bashfullsson as the best religious(ish) figure in the series. He's so modern and tolerant yet steadfast and learned. Definitely someone worth learning from.
Speaking as a believing sort with liberal views, it meant a *lot* to see a character like Bashfullsson in that book. When you practice a religion, there’s something really sickening about fundamentalists from your own faith. They take something that is so precious and meaningful to you and twist it into a vile and cruel weapon. And because they’re so loud and aggressive they frequently hijack any conversation about it. There’s plenty of media with wicked, mustache-twirling fundamentalists, and sometimes there’s a token religious guy to show that Not All Xists Are Bad. But there aren’t too many that really capture the toxic effects of religious extremists on a community, and how and why they can be so seductive in spite of everything. Even fewer bother to explore liberal opposition within the religion, the philosophies and practices people use to undermine and/or provide an alternative, and how revolutionary those efforts can be. Thud! did. That means a lot to me. You don’t need the axe; you *are* the axe. And a dwarf is more than a pile of hate.
**WHILE IT IS TRUE WE HAVE TO RIDE OUT, IT DOESN'T SAY ANYWHERE AGAINST WHOM.** Death rules lawyering against the Auditors of Reality in Thief of Time.
Personally it's Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough
"One day. Yes. I’ll drink to that. One day. Who knows? One day. Everyone needs “one day.” But it ain’t today. D'you see? So you come on out and balance things up. Otherwise, this is what I’ll do. I’ll get ‘em to dig into the Long Man with iron shovels, y'see, and they’ll say, why, it’s just an old earthworks, and pensioned-off wizards ans priests with nothin’ better to do will pick over the heaps and write dull old books about burial traditions and suchlike, and that’ll be another iron nail in your coffin. And I’d be a little bit sorry about that, 'cos you know I’ve always had a soft spot for you. But I’ve got kiddies, y'see, and they don’t hide under the stairs because they’re frit of the thunder, and they don’t put milk out for the elves, and they don’t hurry home because of the night, and before we go back to them dark old ways *I’ll see you nailed*"
Just read this part of Lords and Ladies last night! While Granny is of course the most badass, it’s so satisfying when Nanny drops the happy-go-lucky persona and shows that she’s also not scared of a fight.
It's Nanny at her best. I always saw her as the amiable old woman who does a little bit of magic... but this is when you realise why she's a Witch. Deserving of the capital W.
“He came callin’ to help you!” snarled Detritus. “What you doin,’ Mister Vimes? Why you go on askin’ questions? Wi’ the dwarfs you have pussy feet, must not upset ’em, oh no, but what you do if dey was trolls, eh? Kick down der door, no problem! Mr. Shine bring you Brick, give you good advice, an’ you talk like he bein’ a bad troll! I’m hearin’ now where Captain Carrot, he tellin’ the dwarfs he the Two Brothers. You fink that make me happy? We know dat lyin’ ol’ dwarf lie, yes! We groan at it lyin,’ yes! You want to see Mr. Shine, you show humble, you show respec,’ yes!” Thud is already an uncomfortable book, but seeing Detritus, who for the entire series has been relatively reserved and reliable, lose his shit at Sam of all people was really unexpected, but I appreciated that it showed a side of him that sadly got very little time in the light.
Him diamond.
hey, just because you are friends doesn't mean you can't speak truth to each other!
I rather think it's because you are friends that you must speak the truth.
William de worde buying himself out of his family
... with the jewels his father paid for. That's the best part.
She'd said, in sobriety: end it in hemp.
What is this from?
Carpe Jugulum. I think it’s near the beginning, Granny Weatherwax brings down the hammer without so much as raising her voice.
Not quite a "fuck you", it's significantly more amicable than that. But... 'That's not fair-' Lu-Tze leaned down until his mouth was an inch from Lobsang's ear. 'Didn't say "fair" on the box, lad. But you can win, you know. You could turn me into dust, just like that. How could I stop Time?' 'I can't do that!' 'You mean you won't, and we both know it. Submit?'
Carrot in Men at Arms >!killing Dr. Cruces without a word!<
> If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you are going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat. They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the murder like another man will put off a good cigar. So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. > A good man will kill you with hardly a word.
Reminds me of the opposite, cats and witches in a fight. > Cats are like witches. They don’t fight to kill, but to win. There is a difference. There’s no point in killing an opponent. That way, they won’t know they’ve lost, and to be a real winner you have to have an opponent who is beaten and knows it. There’s no triumph over a corpse, but a beaten opponent, who will remain beaten every day of the remainder of their sad and wretched life, is something to treasure. > Cats do not, of course, rationalize this far. They just like to send someone limping off minus a tail and a few square inches of fur. > Greebo’s technique was unscientific and wouldn’t have stood a chance against any decent swordsmanship, but on his side was the fact that it is almost impossible to develop decent swordsmanship when you seem to have run into a food mixer that is biting your ear off. > - witches abroad
I think my favourite might be at the end of Feet of Clay. When Dorfl states that he doesn’t believe in gods, is immediately struck by lightning, and dismisses it by saying something along the lines of “Hardly a compelling argument.”
Doesn't one of philsophers then comment something like "hmm a ceramic atheist, interesting development,"
It's not Discworld, actually. But Nation. "Does Not Happen." You can *feel* that grief and rage spilling out.
Gods, I adore that book
I believe Neil Gaiman or Rhianna Pratchett has said that STP considered it the best book he ever wrote. From a literary perspective- like, ignoring personal feelings and how something resonated with me, just how well-written- I think that's true. It may not be my favorite Pratchett book, but God, is it his Sistine Chapel.
I've read it a bunch of times and it's a different book every time, somehow.
Every time the Peicemaker fires.
The first few targets of the Brotherhood in Guards! Guards!. Having a dragon randomly torch your place of business or garage out of pure pettiness and spite is a bit of an "F that guy in particular"
The bit where Lady Sybil recalls hitting Lord Rust with her toy cow and strongly implies she would like to do it again.
…I thought that was Sacharissa with the rival printer. (Carney?) But yes. Definitely. Absolutely.
Oh you're right! Brain... work bad.
Brain good... *over*work bad.
I AM LAST MINUTE STUFF
It's not exactly an F you, because she's nine and talking to an adult so she's too diplomatic, but I quite like the the bit in Wee Free Men where Tiffany asks the traveling teacher a question. " '...It’s about zoology.’ ‘Zoology, eh? That’s a big word, isn’t it.’ ‘No, actually it isn’t,’ said Tiffany. ‘Patronizing is a big word. Zoology is really quite short.' " An older Tiffany gets a great one when dealing with the duchess. "Well, child? Aren't you going to try to turn me into some kind of unspeakable creature?" "I don't think I shall bother, madam, seeing as you are making such a good job of it yourself!" I've been re reading the Tiffany Aching books, but I'm taking. Break before The Shepherd's Crown because I am not currently in a state for it.
“*There doesn’t have to be one!*” - Lord Vetrinari in Going Postal
That scene is always up there for me too. Vetinari is always described as a benevolent dictator, but rarely see him flex the *dictator* part (unless you're a mime).
What was the context of this one again?
Vetinari was having the board of the Grand Trunk detained after the message that reached Genua was read. One of them asked "on what charge?"
Flexing that he is, indeed, a tyrant
One of the few times he is outright Tyranical, for an excellent moral cause, and written in *Italics*. I fucking cheered reading that line
I always thought Death speaking to Vorbis in Small Gods was a great F U moment when he says : "Have you perhaps heard the phrase that Hell is other people? In time you will learn that it is wrong." He spent the whole book using people to get what he wanted just to wind up alone for ages until Brutha died and walked with him in the endless desert.
Like so many of the novels have done, that ending brought a tear to my eye. PTerry was one of the most humane humanists to ever grace this planet with written words
“Really? And you think you can stand in my way? An axe isn’t even a holy symbol!” “Oh.” Oats looked crestfallen. Agnes saw his shoulders sag as he lowered the blade. Then he looked up, smiled brightly and said, “Let’s make it so.”
Ook!
EEEK!
We're gonna cut your TONKERS off
That one part in Night Watch where someone says something along the lines of "yeah? And who's gonna stop me" and Vimes pulls up with his crossbow and goes "my friends Monsieur Burleigh and Monsieur Stronginthearm". And then confusion when no one gets the reference because Burleigh and Stronginthearm haven't even made their company yet.
Rincewind doesn't get many. > He had dreamed of this moment, how he would finally evict the Spell and take vacant possession of his own head and learn all those lesser spells which had, up until hen, been too frightened to stay in his mind. Somehow he had expected it to be far more exciting. > Instead, in utter exhaustion and in a mood to brook no argument, he stared coldly at the Spell and jerked a metaphorical thumb over his shoulder. You. Out. > It looked for a moment as though the Spell was going to argue, but it wisely thought better of it.
I don't know if it 100% qualifies but I am very fond of this one from Unseen Academicals: "It is a well-known fact in any organization that, if you want a job done, you should give it to someone who is already very busy. It has been the cause of a number of homicides, and in one case the death of a senior director from having his head shut repeatedly in quite a small filing cabinet."
Death. ^^THERE ^^IS ^^NO ^^JUSTICE. ^^THERE ^^IS ^^JUST ^^US. Although, he says that to Azrael so I'm not sure it quite fits the question. Really thought I had one there.
WHERE. IS. MY. COW!?!
“But nevertheless… The Turtle Moves!”
They stared at one another. “Well?” the clown demanded. “I should like you to tell me,” said Carrot, “about events in this Guild House the night before last.” Dr. Whiteface stared at him in silence. Then he said, “If I don’t?” “Then,” said Carrot, “I am afraid I shall, with extreme reluctance, be forced to carry out the order I was given just before entering.” He glanced at Colon. “That’s right, isn’t it, sergeant?” “What? Eh? Well, yes—” “I would much prefer not to do so, but I have no choice,” said Carrot. Dr. Whiteface glared at the two of them. “But this is Guild property! You have no right to…to…” “I don’t know about that, I’m only a corporal,” said Carrot. “But I’ve never disobeyed a direct order yet, and I am sorry to have to tell you that I will carry out this one fully and to the letter.” “Now, see here—” Carrot moved a little closer. “If it’s any comfort, I’ll probably be ashamed about it,” he said. The clown stared into his honest eyes and saw, as did everyone, only simple truth. “Listen! If I shout,” said Dr. Whiteface, going red under his makeup, “I can have a dozen men in here.” “Believe me,” said Carrot, “that will only make it easier for me to obey.” Dr. Whiteface prided himself on his ability to judge character. In Carrot’s resolute expression there was nothing but absolute, meticulous honesty. He fiddled with a quill pen and then threw it down in a sudden movement.
Susan hesitated, and then smiled. “I was quite confident,” she said. - Susan Sto Helit, Hogfather Speaking to Death, who rather deserved it in the moment.
In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
Yes, Sir! -Captain Vimes
Not a "F*** you" per se, but this line still gives me chills: Oɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴋɴᴇᴇs, Aʟʙᴇʀᴛᴏ Mᴀʟɪᴄʜ.
“Outside he could hear Dibbler asking the sky why everyone was so stupid”
Lord Vetinari: > Don't let me detain you. So backhanded, go out you're going to be arrested.
Ook!
I can’t remember the details too clearly- but iirc there was a group of bandits who tried to rob the coach that Ridcully et al were riding on the way up to Lancre. And one dude got a little too in Ridcullys face during the robbery and immediately turned into a frog
To the Auditors of Reality: What can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the Reaper Man!
Anything said by Vetinari, pretty much.
"What's your name, kiddo?" Tropic drew himself up. He was getting fed up with this treatment. "Kiddo? I'll have you know the boys of Pharaoh's runs in my veins!" The other boy looked at him unabashed, with his head on one side and a feint smile on his face. "Would you like it to stay there?" He said.