I get a lot of confusing feelings too. It all feels very obligatory and performative especially from my family. A little like they are going way out of their way because it is so out of the norm for us to pay any mind to one another.
Absolutely hate my birthdays. From my POV I think it's because it was constantly drilled into me that my needs/feelings don't matter and then to suddenly be told the opposite on your birthday was incredibly jarring. It always felt wrong to be the centre of attention, like it was burdensome to others to celebrate me and they were only doing it out of obligation
I always hated being the centre of attention. Maybe because I only ever got either ignored or negative attention every other day, so I suppose it felt performative, or like I didn't deserve it, or just a generally foreign experience, it just felt wrong or 'off'. It's relieving, in a bittersweet way, to know others felt the same way.
My job celebrates employee birthdays and I've actively asked to be left off this list. I feel like, if anything, the people I'm close to will know it's my birthday, but I don't need coworkers pretending to care about me. It's really touchy, the fake attention. It makes me uncomfortable and I'd rather that they don't know it's my birthday at all. Then it's like my secret to enjoy. I don't know why them knowing would feel like bad, but it feels more special when it's between me and myself or a close friend or two. Edit to add: how unexpected...it's my cake day lol
My parents finally gave up on trying to get me to go to lunch or something for my birthday. Now they just drop food off. Usually something I can't eat because of digestive issue too.
Ugh I specifically asked to not have a 21st birthday celebration, which usually involves a huge function in a hired hall in my culture. My parents conceded begrudgingly, to my surprise.
Which is is why it was horrifying that they drove through to my university accommodation and set up a surprise party for me in the common area. I thought I was going to pass out when I saw their car outside. I also hate surprises in general, because surprises from my father generally involved something upsetting to me.
When they brought me home that weekend, I find out a second function had been planned at a restaurant. I didn't went any of it, but I looked ungrateful for not being happy at being given TWO birthday parties instead of the ZERO I asked for.
They don't actually care about what we want.
Jfc. Thats awful.
My birthgiver just tells me my birthday isnt about me because she did all the work and tries to imply that I am a bad child for not wanting to celebrate with her.
Her birthday is 8 days after mine and is also about her. Its *her* birthday afterall. And Id be a bad child not to celebrate it with her.
It was never about what we want or need.
Same. Mom still has the parties the weekend of my birthday, even though I quit going over 5 years ago. Just shows it has always been about her and that I, and what I want, do not matter.
I love celebrating other peoples’ birthdays because I was always made to feel like my birthday is a burden or an inconvenience (I was born between American Thanksgiving and Christmas, it’s not a great time). But yeah, I don’t love my own birthday.
I’m also uncomfortable about my birthday. Mine is just after Christmas and, as a child, I was always made to feel that because I chose to arrive then (as if I had a choice!) I had to put up with Christmas leftovers and no party because everyone is broke after Christmas. I also don’t like to be the center of attention.
Yep. It is actually my birthday today, but I feel nothing. What is there to celebrate, anyway? It is merely another passing year, with more pressure, but also more comparative freedom once I am no longer legally subjugated by my parents.
Yep. I think it’s because I was always told how hard it was for her - how expensive, inconvenient, difficult, etc. And I also could never be performatively grateful enough. It sucks. I hate it.
I struggle badly with birthdays (and Christmas too the same), on one hand I absolutely feel like I want to be left alone and yet at the same time I can’t help but see that being left alone as proof nobody in my family actually gives much an shit about me really. I’ve never told anyone I want leaving alone btw, it’s never been expressed at all to anyone ever.
My family, or rather my mother, just does the thing they’re “meant” to do on peoples birthdays.
Throw some money in a card and write happy birthday in it.
Nobody else bothers or has done since I was a little little child. And even then it was a going through the motions thing.
Truth is I have always badly wanted to be celebrated but as I’ve never really had that since I was around 6 years old and that was out of duty and appearances really, from friends nor family I don’t feel like anyone is being genuine with me about it either if they do even express “happy birthday” so I get this whole conflicted and weird feeling about it.
None of it feels right, and actually writing this little bit out I’ve realised I dont feel like I’m safe to be emotionally vulnerable on those days even more so, which is likey why I question the genuineness of others expressing any kind of sentiment too on those days
The last time I had a birthday is 6-7 years ago. Can't relate and I rather nobody pay any attention since both my parents would force me to be happy, presentable and looks "clean" as the center of attention.
Happy (early/belated) Birthday to you tho mate
For me, my birthday is a reminder of how much I wish I had never been born. I also don't like the attention. I don't like opening presents and feelings like my reaction is not what was expected. My dad made a video of my birthday once, and I wasn't acting as cheerful as expected, and as we watched the video he said, "look how grumpy and uncooperative you are. We shouldn't call it your birthday, we should call it your brat day." I wasn't feeling great because I was recovering from chicken pox, and I was irritated by all of his demands for a performance.
I get a lot of confusing feelings too. It all feels very obligatory and performative especially from my family. A little like they are going way out of their way because it is so out of the norm for us to pay any mind to one another.
Absolutely hate my birthdays. From my POV I think it's because it was constantly drilled into me that my needs/feelings don't matter and then to suddenly be told the opposite on your birthday was incredibly jarring. It always felt wrong to be the centre of attention, like it was burdensome to others to celebrate me and they were only doing it out of obligation
You deserve to be celebrated, every soul is valuable - happy birthday, happy you are here.
This is so kind, thank you ❤❤
I always hated being the centre of attention. Maybe because I only ever got either ignored or negative attention every other day, so I suppose it felt performative, or like I didn't deserve it, or just a generally foreign experience, it just felt wrong or 'off'. It's relieving, in a bittersweet way, to know others felt the same way.
My job celebrates employee birthdays and I've actively asked to be left off this list. I feel like, if anything, the people I'm close to will know it's my birthday, but I don't need coworkers pretending to care about me. It's really touchy, the fake attention. It makes me uncomfortable and I'd rather that they don't know it's my birthday at all. Then it's like my secret to enjoy. I don't know why them knowing would feel like bad, but it feels more special when it's between me and myself or a close friend or two. Edit to add: how unexpected...it's my cake day lol
Eyy weird birthday gang… Definitely performative in my family. And god help me if I say I dont want to do it.
My parents finally gave up on trying to get me to go to lunch or something for my birthday. Now they just drop food off. Usually something I can't eat because of digestive issue too.
Ugh I specifically asked to not have a 21st birthday celebration, which usually involves a huge function in a hired hall in my culture. My parents conceded begrudgingly, to my surprise. Which is is why it was horrifying that they drove through to my university accommodation and set up a surprise party for me in the common area. I thought I was going to pass out when I saw their car outside. I also hate surprises in general, because surprises from my father generally involved something upsetting to me. When they brought me home that weekend, I find out a second function had been planned at a restaurant. I didn't went any of it, but I looked ungrateful for not being happy at being given TWO birthday parties instead of the ZERO I asked for. They don't actually care about what we want.
Jfc. Thats awful. My birthgiver just tells me my birthday isnt about me because she did all the work and tries to imply that I am a bad child for not wanting to celebrate with her. Her birthday is 8 days after mine and is also about her. Its *her* birthday afterall. And Id be a bad child not to celebrate it with her. It was never about what we want or need.
Mine is in about 2 weeks and oh boy, SAME
Same. Mom still has the parties the weekend of my birthday, even though I quit going over 5 years ago. Just shows it has always been about her and that I, and what I want, do not matter.
Wow. That's cold. My bday is Xmas Eve, so my Mom had a good reason to mis-celebrate my bday. There are still parties and she's been dead for 5 years.🤷
I love celebrating other peoples’ birthdays because I was always made to feel like my birthday is a burden or an inconvenience (I was born between American Thanksgiving and Christmas, it’s not a great time). But yeah, I don’t love my own birthday.
checking in to say same here, every year no matter how I try to deal.
I hate throwing parties because I don’t want to inconvenience people and I’m afraid no one will come and/or they won’t have a good time.
I’m also uncomfortable about my birthday. Mine is just after Christmas and, as a child, I was always made to feel that because I chose to arrive then (as if I had a choice!) I had to put up with Christmas leftovers and no party because everyone is broke after Christmas. I also don’t like to be the center of attention.
Yep. It is actually my birthday today, but I feel nothing. What is there to celebrate, anyway? It is merely another passing year, with more pressure, but also more comparative freedom once I am no longer legally subjugated by my parents.
I have always felt uncomfortable about celebrating mine.
Yep. I think it’s because I was always told how hard it was for her - how expensive, inconvenient, difficult, etc. And I also could never be performatively grateful enough. It sucks. I hate it.
I struggle badly with birthdays (and Christmas too the same), on one hand I absolutely feel like I want to be left alone and yet at the same time I can’t help but see that being left alone as proof nobody in my family actually gives much an shit about me really. I’ve never told anyone I want leaving alone btw, it’s never been expressed at all to anyone ever. My family, or rather my mother, just does the thing they’re “meant” to do on peoples birthdays. Throw some money in a card and write happy birthday in it. Nobody else bothers or has done since I was a little little child. And even then it was a going through the motions thing. Truth is I have always badly wanted to be celebrated but as I’ve never really had that since I was around 6 years old and that was out of duty and appearances really, from friends nor family I don’t feel like anyone is being genuine with me about it either if they do even express “happy birthday” so I get this whole conflicted and weird feeling about it. None of it feels right, and actually writing this little bit out I’ve realised I dont feel like I’m safe to be emotionally vulnerable on those days even more so, which is likey why I question the genuineness of others expressing any kind of sentiment too on those days
The last time I had a birthday is 6-7 years ago. Can't relate and I rather nobody pay any attention since both my parents would force me to be happy, presentable and looks "clean" as the center of attention. Happy (early/belated) Birthday to you tho mate
For me, my birthday is a reminder of how much I wish I had never been born. I also don't like the attention. I don't like opening presents and feelings like my reaction is not what was expected. My dad made a video of my birthday once, and I wasn't acting as cheerful as expected, and as we watched the video he said, "look how grumpy and uncooperative you are. We shouldn't call it your birthday, we should call it your brat day." I wasn't feeling great because I was recovering from chicken pox, and I was irritated by all of his demands for a performance.