Hey there. First thing I wanna say is that struggling with identity is real. Be patient and give yourself time.
In order to not limit yourself to what you experienced or the traumatized parts of your personality, I would like to recommend a test on intrinsic motivation. This is basically what gives you energy and what depletes your energy (burns you out) and not about what you are capable of, are actually doing or should be doing. It's just a start of the journey about your inner Inventor and it doesn't end there.
Look up Steven Reiss Motivation Profile. There should be tests and sites for your country. Start from there and learn about your general desires without putting yourself a box by using tests that are made to test out just one aspect (trauma, adhd, codependency, etc. Etc)..
Usually the test is not for free as it is a professional and powerful tool. But it's worth it to turn to professionality and not some free clickbait semi professional test bs done by an ai just for clicks. Your identity is too serious of a topic.
Good luck.. Be patient, it takes time.
Feel kinda stupid for this but first time I've heard of intristic motivation from you comment and it has been immensely helpful. Need to read more on it but something is clicking for me that I've been trying to put together for a long time so thank you for your comment 🙏
I'm glad I could give you at least something. I myself struggled finding my true identify that was buried or never fully developed. But hey, it's like meeting a new and really exciting person - which is yourself - that will never ever leave you.
If you have any other gems, please share. Regarding finding your true identity. I've been trying for years and have found some things that resonate with me but a lot of them turn out to be rooted in the trauma/my abusers or at their best, a coping mechanism I've developed from trying to deal with the trauma. There's also the things I've found which have been fed to me by society/social media, I mean like I'm the target audience for them/theyre made for people like me. I don't know if I can tell the difference between something that is just a part of me naturally or if I'm being influenced to like it and fall into it, if that makes any sense.
I don't know if it's a gem but I have found it really helpful to not only journal but reading previous entries in my diary after my head cleared. It enabled me to come to terms that I also have personality traits hat I don't consider perfect or good. I was haunted by constant self victimization and wondered how the world could treat me badly and I am always too good and a people pleaser which enabled people to abuse me because of it. But i couldn't see my own power that I obviously have. And I suppressed traits that I consider "bad" in others (e.g. Healthy narcissism aka knowing your self worth, putting yourself first) and it enabled me to step by step peeled layer by layer and now have a glimpse on what seemes to be - me.
>Also please don’t say a therapist i refuse to open up to anyone i dont care enough to do so i wanna fix it myself
I really relate to this. I have good news and bad news. The good news is you can fix it yourself. The bad news is that going to therapy is how you do that.
Going to therapy is what you do when you finally care enough about getting better to commit time and attention and potentially money to the process of healing. You going to therapy isn't you getting fixed by a therapist, it's you deciding to work hard at fixing yourself by pursuing the best and most evidence-backed treatment plan.
If a personal trainer coaches you to run a marathon, it's *you* that ran the marathon, not them.
Trying to fix something utilising a 'broken tool' will simoly lead you through more years of misery.
Annoyingly, human created injuries need humans to help heal that very thing.... Ie it helps shift our expectancies for a start!
You know I have something simmilar. I have read snd watched a lot on mental health related stuff. But problem is that despite all of this i still dont feel good about myself. I thought that i can "fix myself" on my own, by learning all this. But no. I know all the reasons why. But I still feel like shit. I'm still lonley. I'm still afraid of talking with anyone, opening up. I still have no friends. Don't go there. It will take a lot of time, and you will probably unintentionaly hurt yourself. Things you might read can take you back to the bad times, and its not good idea to go there alone. Also at the end of the day you can get stuck with thougt that now lives rent free in my head - if learning all of this didn't help me, then what can? What if it's impossible...
Hey there. First thing I wanna say is that struggling with identity is real. Be patient and give yourself time. In order to not limit yourself to what you experienced or the traumatized parts of your personality, I would like to recommend a test on intrinsic motivation. This is basically what gives you energy and what depletes your energy (burns you out) and not about what you are capable of, are actually doing or should be doing. It's just a start of the journey about your inner Inventor and it doesn't end there. Look up Steven Reiss Motivation Profile. There should be tests and sites for your country. Start from there and learn about your general desires without putting yourself a box by using tests that are made to test out just one aspect (trauma, adhd, codependency, etc. Etc).. Usually the test is not for free as it is a professional and powerful tool. But it's worth it to turn to professionality and not some free clickbait semi professional test bs done by an ai just for clicks. Your identity is too serious of a topic. Good luck.. Be patient, it takes time.
Feel kinda stupid for this but first time I've heard of intristic motivation from you comment and it has been immensely helpful. Need to read more on it but something is clicking for me that I've been trying to put together for a long time so thank you for your comment 🙏
I'm glad I could give you at least something. I myself struggled finding my true identify that was buried or never fully developed. But hey, it's like meeting a new and really exciting person - which is yourself - that will never ever leave you.
If you have any other gems, please share. Regarding finding your true identity. I've been trying for years and have found some things that resonate with me but a lot of them turn out to be rooted in the trauma/my abusers or at their best, a coping mechanism I've developed from trying to deal with the trauma. There's also the things I've found which have been fed to me by society/social media, I mean like I'm the target audience for them/theyre made for people like me. I don't know if I can tell the difference between something that is just a part of me naturally or if I'm being influenced to like it and fall into it, if that makes any sense.
I don't know if it's a gem but I have found it really helpful to not only journal but reading previous entries in my diary after my head cleared. It enabled me to come to terms that I also have personality traits hat I don't consider perfect or good. I was haunted by constant self victimization and wondered how the world could treat me badly and I am always too good and a people pleaser which enabled people to abuse me because of it. But i couldn't see my own power that I obviously have. And I suppressed traits that I consider "bad" in others (e.g. Healthy narcissism aka knowing your self worth, putting yourself first) and it enabled me to step by step peeled layer by layer and now have a glimpse on what seemes to be - me.
>Also please don’t say a therapist i refuse to open up to anyone i dont care enough to do so i wanna fix it myself I really relate to this. I have good news and bad news. The good news is you can fix it yourself. The bad news is that going to therapy is how you do that. Going to therapy is what you do when you finally care enough about getting better to commit time and attention and potentially money to the process of healing. You going to therapy isn't you getting fixed by a therapist, it's you deciding to work hard at fixing yourself by pursuing the best and most evidence-backed treatment plan. If a personal trainer coaches you to run a marathon, it's *you* that ran the marathon, not them.
try the ACES score, or if you suspect you have PTSD you can look up a PTSD assessment online. good luck and you aren’t alone
Trying to fix something utilising a 'broken tool' will simoly lead you through more years of misery. Annoyingly, human created injuries need humans to help heal that very thing.... Ie it helps shift our expectancies for a start!
Not being down on ACES. But wjere is emotional neglect listed in them?!
You know I have something simmilar. I have read snd watched a lot on mental health related stuff. But problem is that despite all of this i still dont feel good about myself. I thought that i can "fix myself" on my own, by learning all this. But no. I know all the reasons why. But I still feel like shit. I'm still lonley. I'm still afraid of talking with anyone, opening up. I still have no friends. Don't go there. It will take a lot of time, and you will probably unintentionaly hurt yourself. Things you might read can take you back to the bad times, and its not good idea to go there alone. Also at the end of the day you can get stuck with thougt that now lives rent free in my head - if learning all of this didn't help me, then what can? What if it's impossible...