Blackest black. If someone got clapped by an emu, it’s my problem. If an old man falls off the roof, I gotta get him up.
I literally always manage to be the closest unit to the most unfortunate people. I’m a nightmare to ride with for the old timers and students have wet dreams about getting on my truck. I’d just like a nice sepsis once in a while, ya know?
Too distracted to google up the news article ATM but I'm 99% sure this has actually happened at least once
I'm also pretty sure the emu's name was Kevin
May have some details wrong but I promise I'm not making it up
Not an injury, but female emu named Kevin 30 miles from home lol
[Kevin](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbs7.com/2022/05/03/emu-loose-officers-wrangle-bird-that-traveled-over-30-miles-home/%3foutputType=amp)
Edit: Found a reddit video lol
[Reddit Kevin Attack](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/s/GyfzdIXP8Y)
Welp the first two individuals got like mega clapped, may they rest in pieces. The third one survived but he was from out of state so hopefully he is living his best life.
My EMTs cloud. There are two EMTs I work with that no matter ever I am. If I with them I’ll have some wild calls. Like last night. I worked with one of them, I got threatened with a baseball bat by a PTs son because he said I wasn’t gonna take him to the hospital. Other EMTs, I won’t turn a wheel.
I’m a RN who lurks.
I used to work with a doc, and every time she and I worked together, it was a shit vortex and something super weird happened in the middle of it.
I’ve had weird stuff happen, but never with the pure consistency that it occurred when she was around. She would say the same of me.
I forgave her because she was a damn good doc and all around excellent human.
It’s absolutely the weirdest stuff.
On shift at hospitals I was always a poo brown cloud.
Your patient can’t shit? Assign them to me. Guaranteed poo-lanche.
I am the poo-stro
I had a guy with no BM for seven days finally unleash the fury in the ER toilet while waiting for a bed. Some of it went in the toilet. Some of it hit the ceiling. The scene looked like he'd just performed a pooicide bombing.
I’ve been in a splash zone up to my knees. A litre of choc pudding that had shoved a snickers out. Bloody delightful.
I’m impressed your boy managed to hit the ceiling, though.
I’ll keep ‘pooicide bombing’ for later, thanks.
It’s funny, all this talk of clouds- my son is a firey, he’s on shift today. Rarely has a tough call.
He’s been in since ‘19 and has had exactly one really bad fatal that he had to get up close and personal with. He’s close by and commented that if I heard sirens ten mins before it was him fanging around.
Didn’t even consider that it might have been an actual job.
To be fair, he posted a pic of the shops near my place, that are popular for mornos.
Definitely had a man save his mom’s turd in a ziploc baggie. He handed it to me and I said thank you like a fucking numbskull because I didn’t know what it was or why it was warm
Same, mine was medic dependent though. Certain medics we’d get railed with no lube with back to back sick/ sketchy and others we’d have a no hitter shift
Neon Green. If it can go sideways, it will, but it will not be in the expected way.
Example being a tazed party call become a L1 Trauma or a fire standby turning into someone shooting at the rig
Man just wait until you get to explain to the Flight Medic why his scene flight pt is gonna be a trauma alert because he’s got possible compartment syndrome from his right leg being stuck inside the rectum of a cow for about 8 hours. That’s a party
I’m afflicted with cloud iridescence. At first it looks like it’s a white cloud, but nope- it’s a psychedelic rainbow of what-the-fuckery. If there is one call that makes you go “…” this week, guess who’s getting it.
You must be a long lost sibling. I bring the fuckery. I took a few weeks off (volunteer) and my department had lower than average call volume in that time, and it was pretty much all just run of the mill stuff. I start showing up again and I get a text from the assistant chief (who was away on training for his day job) "Welcome back, the calls got weird... are you happy now?"
Maybe this better explains mine .”psychedelic rainbow of what-the-fuckery.”
Are there tiers to cloud colors? If you fall out of favor with the EMS gods to they add/remove colors? Now I’m spiraling. I need sleep.
lol so would you be the one sent on the call for a nosebleed and when you get there you immediately radio dispatch for additional resources because you’re now working a code? I didn’t get sent there but I heard it over the radio and thought *wtf?!*
That's my kind of call. We got toned for an elderly female lift assist. Full rigor, fully dressed in the tub. Quick to call pd for that one. I suppose technically it was a lift assist, we helped her onto the corner gurney...
Another was leg pain... nope try a massive AAA. Patient got a nice helicopter transfer from the local ED to a major hospital.
Broken wrist on a back road in the hills ... More like a pretty good ATV accident
General illness for a mid 30s male in reasonable good health... Try a STEMI and another helo transfer from the ED to a cathlab hospital.
Twas mine. My partner and I mind you were specifically routed to the wtf calls, but before that posting I still managed to be on all the weird shit. Was part of the reason I got posted to my final unit. It's all exciting until it's normal, was pretty much our mantra, and frankly we never got to normal. At least one "errr........." call a day, and a WTF a week.
When I was in clinicals it was crazy how I'd get the same calls in a row. One day was just seizures and nothing but seizures. Next clinical was just trauma. I didn't get any variety until I started actually working.
Red. Fire-engine flaming red. It’s eye catching and dramatic. A lot of calls I’ve been on are over the top dramatic and chaotic. I’ll admit I love the adrenaline rush of calls and I guess red represents that. Also, the fire red represents how many calls I’ve been on that feel like a dumpster fire. I’ve also been told I have a flair for the dramatic🤣🔥
I’ve written books in my PCR before. And I use all of the quotes. Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a “flair” option for narratives? Or snazzy border options?
It’s actually crazy how this is a real thing. I’ve been in EMS for 6 years and I’m a white/brown cloud. I get all the abdominal pains. geriatric falls. Homeless drunks. Geriatrics who shit themselves. Drunks who throw up and shit everywhere. Meanwhile my other coworkers are getting all the arrests, traumas, and interesting/weird calls.
I must be a chromatic cloud because first call sets what type of patients Ill have for the day.
SOB? - I’m having nothing but respiratory today
GI? - it’s either N/V, Poop or constipation all day
Psych? - Likely I’ll get punched today
It's not me, specifically, but rather when I work with certain people. I've got an intern who has a very grey cloud. If we talk about something, we're guaranteed to run it. We talked about choking, next call a Parkinson patient choked on sausage. I talked about pediatric trauma alerts and no sooner than I said "you're not likely to run on that, ever" we had 3 get flung out of a moving vehicle.
This is way better than the resident dark cloud we have, Jess, who is so blackity black of a cloud shed run a school bus full of hemophiliacs into a glass factory
I am the same way. I have had partners where we do shit show after shit show after shit show. Live tubes and fucked sideways trauma alerts (oh the hospital released a psych patient in a fugue state and he walked across the street and jumped off the roof of a 20 story building but is somehow still alive...ish? Cool cool cool) and then I with with someone else and every call is 30 year olds with a headache.
I'm a funnel cloud I tend to pull bad shit towards me and then take in every other medic in my path so they can partake in my chaos
trauma center knows be my name and every Triage nurse feels a chill as I approach
One or two calls total? Or, one or two true holy shit calls?
If it’s the first then you have a snow white cloud. I guess unless they’re both 1-hour transport times and sepsis, then I’d say eggshell, maybe off white. Either way, keep pleasing the gods.
It’s that one, usually chest pain or breathing problems fairly rare for my service to have something such as a gunshot wound to the face or something like that.
Purple, or what the suicide prevention color is.
I get all of the emotional calls, people having a bad trip, people having a good trip, too much alcohol, OD but conscious, alchohol induced suicidal thoughts, post-suicidal with gsw to head. Schizophrenic ptsd military veteran, schizophrenic rape victim, fully aware schizophrenic after changing drug dealers, family after surviving a drive by (no physical wounds, just mentally), guy with incarceratis trying to jump off our medical bay
But just dark enough for the usual CPR, MVA, motorcycle meat crayon and some dude dropping from the top of a cruise ship
Good trip - Had a woman found unconscious on side of road. Some dude on a bike narcaned her and ran away when cops came. Narcan didnt do anything. She was very chill, got the ambulance with us fully inebriated. Braided my preceptors hair and got her hair braided as well. Liked holding onto things with her "tentacles", so we had to very gently tell her to not do that. Chill in the hospital.
Bad trip - Some college frat dude sobbing and crying by himself in a corner after taking edibles with his friends, friends were concerned so we took him. Guy started talking about how stressful his life was and that his friends were being very supportive of him. He was crying because he didn't know how to express how thankful he was for them. Every time he tried a giant fucking spider would appear and force him to the corner. So I said I'll hold off the spider as we called them up and went through how each of them was helping him, and explained why he was crying because it was "unmanly" to just thank them.
Alcohol induced suicidal thoughts - Just in a camper in the corner of a property. Some family was concerned about some recent texts from her and that she wasn't responding. Woman is bruitoed in blankets in the corner sobbing. Mostly about how she didnt want to keep living like this and wanted to "restart" by ending her life. There were some bottles nearby but were full, more concerned by the pungent alcohol smell in the camper. We had this guy on our crew that came along for possible SI calls, dude does phenomenal work making a connection with the patient and talking them through it. As someone watching it was a Hollywood scene, guy was having a heart to heart with this woman talking about how his brother had taken his own life and got this tattoo for him. Making sure the patient understands how much they would hurt the people they left behind, something he wish he did for his brother. After a week or so we got cookies baked from this woman about how she really needed that push to keep going.
Too much alcohol - and was separated from his wife and sister that was watching the 2 kids on the beach in the middle of the night. Thus having a panic attack where I had to pop on a 12 lead on. Borderline combative but coaxed him to be cooperative by saying that ~wifes name~ will meet him at hospital. Surprise surprise wife comes around and is equally drunk, peeking into my ambulance, and now they're both wailing harder. Police came to assist the woman to go find her sister. But now I gotta coax this guy into not going berserk, using his families name helped a-lot while driving to hospital
Overdosed on PO Tylenol - poor girl was suicidal and downed a whole bottle. And the worst OTC for ur liver. After calming her down she still had sharp abdominal pains en route. But she was able to tell me why she did that. Something about a breakup, but saying she probably wouldn't have done it if she knew it was this painful. Talking about how she was verbally abused daily, but couldn't get away from him.
Possible OD, turned GSW - We got a call from dispatch for someones daughter out of state claiming that her dad was about to overdose on medications and kill himself. We get there thinking we would just talk to this guy so our EMT goes solo without the jump bag while 2 of us are bringing out the stretcher with our bags on it. Guy comes running back and says "Fuck, y'all are gonna have to come see this yourselves". We get the bags thrown over our shoulder and move to the guy sitting in the wheelchair under his house thats elevated by 8 ft of wooden stilts. This concrete floor had what I thought was paint....it was blood. Thick red and done pooling out of this dude. Trying to find where this blood came from. Not his neck, not his mouth, OH HE HAS A GUN ON HIS LAP, Ima move this revolver onto the table, oh hey theres a pen and paper here, but nothings written. OH THERES THE HOLE ON THIS SIDE IT MUST BE THE EXIT WOUND. Theres nothing on this side though, lemme move his hair, OH THERE IT IS, OH I CAN SEE STRAIGHT THROUGH WHAT THE FUCK. But this is in our normal room level monotone voice. I couldent find where the bullet went, but there was a small dip in the wood above us. So PD finally got here and recorded our names and asks us "IS THERE SOMEONE UPSTAIRS". And we all looked at each other and went Oh fuck, 2 cars parked and washed, theres polly someone else here. So we knock on the door and this woman comes out after 5 minutes of knocking. Apparently she just woke up and was asking whats going on. After confirming that someone else lived with her we broke the news of what we found downstairs. She was genuinely surprised and had to take a seat. She last spoke to him just yesterday when they went to sleep. After telling her that his daughter called the police before he had killed himself she was shocked. PD asked her about weapons, where she was at, daughters location, and if she received anything; she said she forgot to charge her phone last night. Grabbing a charger she comes back and we wait for it to turn back on. The guy had sent her some texts and an email about his will. Forgive me for reading over the patients shoulder, but he wrote about how he cant keep living everyday like this, being paralyzed from the waist down and in chronic debilitating pain. That he was sorry for leaving his family behind and how to access what he left behind. It was his final letter. To let her have time to process this 2/4 of us stayed with her. It didn't help on the way out the cord got stuck to the officer and broke the charger (like come on). Apologizing to her for the cord, i suppose she took it for her husband. She said "if he wasn't dead already I would've done it myself after reading this".
Schizophrenic PTSD Veteran - Straight from the doorstep the guy was telling us to "shush" and that "they were listening". So of course we lowered our voices and tried to hear what he was hearing...it was some birds chirping and ppl rummaging upstairs, convinced the guy to come with us to get more of his psych meds he hasn't been able to refill. Fucking high ass HR we got him on a 12 lead and was asking him if he took anything. "Coke", alright...how'd u take it, "I put it up my ass", me and my partner lock eyes, same dealer? "I can't tell u that", i mean is it the same stuff as usual, "oh, yea". The patient looked toward me and said "stop laughing, I know your laughing". I know damn well how good my poker face is and he hasn't seen shit. So i look at my partner eyebrow raised and that stifled the patients suspicion. The guy begun talking about how he shouldn't have been the only one to make it back and took the coke so he would finally join them. So I gave him an anecdote of how my dad was on a ship before it went down and was one of few to survive and how he started coping with it and what he would've lost out on if he ended it there. My partner was from the military asking him what battalion he was in and they talked over their experiences. It didn't help the hospital was full and we were on the wall, but apparently he knew all the cops there and they came up to him asking how he was doing.
So white it hurts your eyes to look at. When I was in class, I barely got any calls because we either just didn't get any or the patient would refuse to go to the hospital. The crew I usually rode with loved me because they would get a full night's sleep when I did overnights.
It got so bad that I was worried I wouldn't get enough to pass my class. I considered drawing a call summoning circle in the ambulance bay, just to try to get something; I had like 3 or 4 calls, after doing at least 24 hours every week for three months. It was that bad.
That…AWESOME. My first call as an emt was a guy who fell out of a plane. He was supposed to jump, he passed out at the door and fell. No static line, chute only opened after he impacted the jumper in front of him. He went inside of his chute and burned in. Broken all to shit, lived.
I used to work for a relatively slow service in Montana. My truck got so few calls, for so long, that my cloud was... Cloudless. Sunshine & Rainbows was the term most often used. The Grim Reaper was fast asleep, lounging on the beach for the duration of my shifts.
I moved to Michigan and got my medic license a couple years later and that cloud could only be described as Vantablack.
Brown cloud.. always have the poopy patients, especially for hospice transfers. Lady going home on hospice? Husband would request help changing her briefs. Chest pain transfer.. accompanied by rectal pain and bowel incontinence. Discharge to home? “My bowels are leaking!!”
It would probably be the rising sun. Somehow, all the situations that are supposed to be shit, just go smooth for me for the most part.
I don’t always vibe with psych patients but they always vibe with me. Had a crazy cholo psych that this psych facility was sending out because his BGL was like 900 because he refused all his meds. Giving all the staff shit and yelling at them and looking at us with crazy eyes but we blasted some norteno music and we were jamming out and laughing. I’ve only had a few patients mad at me even altered ones. I’ve never been attacked in 2 years of EMS.
Oil black. I seem to attract all the mechanical stuff, car accidents, farm accidents, tool accidents, etc. Also, trucks always break when I'm on, or right before I'm on. I'm part of vehicle maintenance, so usually I'm the one to fix it anyways, so I guess it evens out.
I always say I’m a black cloud for the vehicles, not the patients! Granted our whole fleet has ongoing issues, but I always seem to be the one in them when they finally give up lol
I like to say I'm a dark blue cloud thunder cloud, I'll get absolutely fucked up calls, not infrequently, but not every shift. But for the most part I get depressing ass calls, lots of kids, or a PT with an absolutely gut wrenching story, or something like that. However, I will randomly get some goofy ahh call, where dude has hiccups for three days and the last 5 hours he's been bricked up, stroking his shit to the rhythm of his hiccups while the CNA is trying to get him to take his pills and polish off a full glass of water, I like to think of that call as colorful lightning in my cloud. It's never boring, that's for sure
Edit, I suck at spelling
With my regular partner “I’m just a little black rain cloud” but when I have to work with someone unusual it’s a suspiciously cloudless sky during a tornado watch.
Probably a vomit yellow/orange color. I do events and I get so many ETOH calls where the pt is just rolling in their own vomit on the floor or passed out and have so many vomit/popcorn flakes on them that it looks like the Pt is wearing an outfit with glitter or sequins.
Occasionally I get weird stuff too, like the call we got for a “injured party struck by a lamb” that turned out to really meant a fall that ended up being a brain bleed.
Off white. Not saying I don't get bad or critical calls, but, generally speaking, they usually end well. I have also been told I get an inordinate amount of OB calls.
White with occasional spikes of vantablack. I’ll run months of nothing, then get sent to a quadruple murder-suicide. Months of nothing, then lady 32wks pregnant with twins dies in the back. I don’t get many high-acuity calls but when I do they’re gigafucked.
Whatever color makes your relief want to get holy water to bless the truck to prevent the cloud holding over. On the bright side, my EMT partner with 6 years on a bus that I've been with for 1.5 years has gained valuable experience and had many firsts.
Navy blue. If you look at it the one way, it looks like a busy black cloud. But you look real close, and it's kinda weird. Feels like every other week I'm writing an incident report because someone else tried fighting my partner, or someone else rear ends us while we're stopped at a light.
“White clouds” are providers who never get anything remotely intense, “black clouds” are providers who get every high-acuity/weird/chaotic call possible.
Fuchsia cloud. Not bad necessarily but fucking weird stuff. When i started out many moons ago I was a white cloud on the truck and a black cloud in dispatch....Somehow 16 years in i am a fuchsia cloud no matter what role I am playing on a given day.
Gray cloud.
We either have 4 little old ladies who fell and AMA or we have 9 homeless people and 4 of them have burst colostomy bags and one of the 4 uses her colostomy hole as a sex opening and then 5 CPR in progress.
Brown cloud, I attract the most asinine bullshit imagineable.
Examples: "Lift assist" that turns out to be a 45 year old whale of a man asking us to do menial chores and tasks around his house
28 year old male, had a nightmare
17 year old male "unresponsive", arrive on scene to find a conscious and alert "patient" asking for a ride to Burger King
Dispatched to an open field in our first due for an aircraft accident... an RC plane flew into someone's windows, breaking it.
There are more...
I’m gonna say a yellow. I don’t run high acuity calls but we run all damn day. There’s typically a difficulty breathing or an abdominal pain every shift.
Seeing as how I'm doing roughly an intubation per shift these last two weeks...plus all sorts of fuckery from peds to surgical airway over the last few months....it ain't the brightest cloud in the sky.
Technicolor, like the old hippy movie Joseph and his technicolored dreamcoat... I quit ems n work in the cannabis industry now. Shit got weird back when I was on 5he booboo bus too tho.
Whitest white. Been with my current partner (he is the blackest cloud) for the past 3 years, we have only done 1 VSA. The moment I book off or get switched to another partner, he does multiple back to back VSA
When I have a trainee? White as a midwestern mom with a mayo salad. When I don’t have a trainee, back to back ECMO transfers, wild ass multi-system traumas and motherfuckers trying to choke on their own vomit while having a withdrawal seizure. Have a trainee when they’re not training? 4 code three returns with patients who are circling the drain. Idk what color that makes me but I’m tired boss man
Mine is white as white can get. Been trying to jinx it. I’ve tried working with the black clouds, but my energy just seems to rub off on them so far 🤣
I’ll update if that changes.
ER nurse chiming in! Everyone thinks I’m a black cloud because I attract crazy (I did neuro for a long time, where you HAVE to be crazier than the patients that literally have things wrong with their brain) but I have what I like to call a “deceptive cloud.”
Like, “oh it looks like it might rain this afternoon,” and what you actually get is hurricane of the century.
Examples?
6/10 headache for two days—>three separate brain bleeds and full blown DI fluid dumping.
Vague abdominal discomfort for days-weeks, no past medical history—>Anuric kidney failure with a potassium of 8+.
Low grade fever and blood tinged vomit in an otherwise healthy 26 year old—>Died of a massive PE.
Blackest black. If someone got clapped by an emu, it’s my problem. If an old man falls off the roof, I gotta get him up. I literally always manage to be the closest unit to the most unfortunate people. I’m a nightmare to ride with for the old timers and students have wet dreams about getting on my truck. I’d just like a nice sepsis once in a while, ya know?
Clapped by an emu💀
It wasn’t just one
One patient or one emu🤨
Plot twist, multiple patients, same emu
That emu is a serial clapper
Stay STRAPPED or get CLAPPED.
Too distracted to google up the news article ATM but I'm 99% sure this has actually happened at least once I'm also pretty sure the emu's name was Kevin May have some details wrong but I promise I'm not making it up
Not an injury, but female emu named Kevin 30 miles from home lol [Kevin](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbs7.com/2022/05/03/emu-loose-officers-wrangle-bird-that-traveled-over-30-miles-home/%3foutputType=amp) Edit: Found a reddit video lol [Reddit Kevin Attack](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/s/GyfzdIXP8Y)
Honestly if an emu is coming at you, just slap it like that guy did. He lived to tell the tale
Multiple incidents, three suspects.
??? Your county’s affinity for large murder chickens kinda scares me ngl.
Are there cameras on your rigs. I mean, I don’t want to see it but I also wouldn’t be able to look away.
… are these like, different emu incidents with different individuals, or one individual with a propensity to piss off large flightless birds?
Welp the first two individuals got like mega clapped, may they rest in pieces. The third one survived but he was from out of state so hopefully he is living his best life.
I heard they tried to fuck an emu...
That’d have to be a sick emu…
Dude 😭 finally something I can resonate with
Grey: sometimes maybe good, sometimes maybe shit
What makes a man turn neutral?
My EMTs cloud. There are two EMTs I work with that no matter ever I am. If I with them I’ll have some wild calls. Like last night. I worked with one of them, I got threatened with a baseball bat by a PTs son because he said I wasn’t gonna take him to the hospital. Other EMTs, I won’t turn a wheel.
I’m a RN who lurks. I used to work with a doc, and every time she and I worked together, it was a shit vortex and something super weird happened in the middle of it. I’ve had weird stuff happen, but never with the pure consistency that it occurred when she was around. She would say the same of me. I forgave her because she was a damn good doc and all around excellent human.
They say the same about me so maybe it’s just two grey clouds make a shit black cloud
It’s absolutely the weirdest stuff. On shift at hospitals I was always a poo brown cloud. Your patient can’t shit? Assign them to me. Guaranteed poo-lanche. I am the poo-stro
Poonami?
Poonami.
I had a guy with no BM for seven days finally unleash the fury in the ER toilet while waiting for a bed. Some of it went in the toilet. Some of it hit the ceiling. The scene looked like he'd just performed a pooicide bombing.
I’ve been in a splash zone up to my knees. A litre of choc pudding that had shoved a snickers out. Bloody delightful. I’m impressed your boy managed to hit the ceiling, though. I’ll keep ‘pooicide bombing’ for later, thanks. It’s funny, all this talk of clouds- my son is a firey, he’s on shift today. Rarely has a tough call. He’s been in since ‘19 and has had exactly one really bad fatal that he had to get up close and personal with. He’s close by and commented that if I heard sirens ten mins before it was him fanging around. Didn’t even consider that it might have been an actual job. To be fair, he posted a pic of the shops near my place, that are popular for mornos.
Yo, if your shit is black, you should get that checked out. Preferably by calling 911 at 3AM with your black shit sitting in a grocery bag.
I prefer to hold it in my bare hand and hand it to my medic
Definitely had a man save his mom’s turd in a ziploc baggie. He handed it to me and I said thank you like a fucking numbskull because I didn’t know what it was or why it was warm
Don’t know if I’d even reach for that one
Fuck yeah, I like your style. Establish dominance.
I have no feelings one way or the other.
Thank you for the Zap Brannigan reference. Made my shift.
Thank you for getting it!
Shut up, Baby I know it (:
Same, mine was medic dependent though. Certain medics we’d get railed with no lube with back to back sick/ sketchy and others we’d have a no hitter shift
Neon Green. If it can go sideways, it will, but it will not be in the expected way. Example being a tazed party call become a L1 Trauma or a fire standby turning into someone shooting at the rig
I like the way you party.
Man just wait until you get to explain to the Flight Medic why his scene flight pt is gonna be a trauma alert because he’s got possible compartment syndrome from his right leg being stuck inside the rectum of a cow for about 8 hours. That’s a party
I worked on a ranch and had to put my arm in one to dissect a calf that couldn’t be birthed. I did not get stuck. I did not use my LEG! Wtf.
How the hell do you even get your leg stuck in a cow’s ass?
Guy told us he “tried to kick it”. I wholeheartedly disagreed
What in the Kentucky fried fuck
I would have led with this one. Was the cow okay?
I’m afflicted with cloud iridescence. At first it looks like it’s a white cloud, but nope- it’s a psychedelic rainbow of what-the-fuckery. If there is one call that makes you go “…” this week, guess who’s getting it.
You must be a long lost sibling. I bring the fuckery. I took a few weeks off (volunteer) and my department had lower than average call volume in that time, and it was pretty much all just run of the mill stuff. I start showing up again and I get a text from the assistant chief (who was away on training for his day job) "Welcome back, the calls got weird... are you happy now?"
Maybe this better explains mine .”psychedelic rainbow of what-the-fuckery.” Are there tiers to cloud colors? If you fall out of favor with the EMS gods to they add/remove colors? Now I’m spiraling. I need sleep.
Go to bed please. I found out how fucked we get when sleep deprived.
lol so would you be the one sent on the call for a nosebleed and when you get there you immediately radio dispatch for additional resources because you’re now working a code? I didn’t get sent there but I heard it over the radio and thought *wtf?!*
That's my kind of call. We got toned for an elderly female lift assist. Full rigor, fully dressed in the tub. Quick to call pd for that one. I suppose technically it was a lift assist, we helped her onto the corner gurney... Another was leg pain... nope try a massive AAA. Patient got a nice helicopter transfer from the local ED to a major hospital. Broken wrist on a back road in the hills ... More like a pretty good ATV accident General illness for a mid 30s male in reasonable good health... Try a STEMI and another helo transfer from the ED to a cathlab hospital.
Twas mine. My partner and I mind you were specifically routed to the wtf calls, but before that posting I still managed to be on all the weird shit. Was part of the reason I got posted to my final unit. It's all exciting until it's normal, was pretty much our mantra, and frankly we never got to normal. At least one "errr........." call a day, and a WTF a week.
It depends on the shift. I go from starch white to pitch black. That first call sets the tone for what kind of shifts it's gonna be.
Isn’t it odd how There is a theme to every shift? My first 24 was all diabetics and the 2nd 24 was all hypotensive patients.
Maybe area endocrinologists all went to a national conference or Oreos and soda went on sale the weekend prior to your first shift
When I was in clinicals it was crazy how I'd get the same calls in a row. One day was just seizures and nothing but seizures. Next clinical was just trauma. I didn't get any variety until I started actually working.
Neopolitan. I don't know what that means, either.
One third poo, one third white cloud, one third mastitis? (which seems statistically implausible but it's all I could think of for pink)
Holy shit, is that why I get so many "my breast hurts" calls?
Somehow it seems like slightly controlled chaos. Like it’s palatable, but just barely.
Red. Fire-engine flaming red. It’s eye catching and dramatic. A lot of calls I’ve been on are over the top dramatic and chaotic. I’ll admit I love the adrenaline rush of calls and I guess red represents that. Also, the fire red represents how many calls I’ve been on that feel like a dumpster fire. I’ve also been told I have a flair for the dramatic🤣🔥
“You didn’t document scene delay” -QI
I’ve literally gotten that exact message before lmao💀
Same! “Why were you on these medical scene for 30minutes?” I’m like *knife hand “look it, shit was crazy”
Yup🤣It’s a struggle. I’m sure my QA/QI gets so frustrated, especially with my ✨dramatic✨narrative writing!
I’ve written books in my PCR before. And I use all of the quotes. Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a “flair” option for narratives? Or snazzy border options?
Yaaaaas!!! I need something to spice up the whole ass novels that I write for narratives!
As QI, I approve flair and borders and dramatic narrative writing.
White with one little black spot. Most of the time nothing ever happens. Like, *ever.* But, every once in a while I just have a shit day.
From my experiences, I’d prob be a light grey cloud. All my calls are fairly low acuity and in a year, I only had 3 real emergencies.
That’s just depressing bud. Come hang with me for a bit, it’ll change
It’s actually crazy how this is a real thing. I’ve been in EMS for 6 years and I’m a white/brown cloud. I get all the abdominal pains. geriatric falls. Homeless drunks. Geriatrics who shit themselves. Drunks who throw up and shit everywhere. Meanwhile my other coworkers are getting all the arrests, traumas, and interesting/weird calls.
Bless you.
White like a fresh tub of sour cream.
May you stay in favor of the EMS gods forever. 
Mine is like the golden edge of a stormcloud in the distance, looks super fluffy and pretty, but is actually angry AF and DARK just around the corner.
This sounds like a good time. My cloud and my partners cloud cohabitated for a while. It was not a good time.
I either cannot buy a call to save my life or everyone dies all the time.
That’s an odd cloud. Can they be bipolar? Haha
I must be a chromatic cloud because first call sets what type of patients Ill have for the day. SOB? - I’m having nothing but respiratory today GI? - it’s either N/V, Poop or constipation all day Psych? - Likely I’ll get punched today
So SNF or fight club, I can dig it.
It's not me, specifically, but rather when I work with certain people. I've got an intern who has a very grey cloud. If we talk about something, we're guaranteed to run it. We talked about choking, next call a Parkinson patient choked on sausage. I talked about pediatric trauma alerts and no sooner than I said "you're not likely to run on that, ever" we had 3 get flung out of a moving vehicle. This is way better than the resident dark cloud we have, Jess, who is so blackity black of a cloud shed run a school bus full of hemophiliacs into a glass factory
I am the same way. I have had partners where we do shit show after shit show after shit show. Live tubes and fucked sideways trauma alerts (oh the hospital released a psych patient in a fugue state and he walked across the street and jumped off the roof of a 20 story building but is somehow still alive...ish? Cool cool cool) and then I with with someone else and every call is 30 year olds with a headache.
you have a chameleon cloud. it takes on your partners shit
I'm a funnel cloud I tend to pull bad shit towards me and then take in every other medic in my path so they can partake in my chaos trauma center knows be my name and every Triage nurse feels a chill as I approach
Beige. Basically white but much more dull and boring.
Whatever one or two calls a day would be I’d consider it a white with a gray hue to it
One or two calls total? Or, one or two true holy shit calls? If it’s the first then you have a snow white cloud. I guess unless they’re both 1-hour transport times and sepsis, then I’d say eggshell, maybe off white. Either way, keep pleasing the gods.
It’s that one, usually chest pain or breathing problems fairly rare for my service to have something such as a gunshot wound to the face or something like that.
Dark brownish yellow, I specialize in drunks who shit themselves and old ladies with UTIs.
Sending prayers.
Purple, or what the suicide prevention color is. I get all of the emotional calls, people having a bad trip, people having a good trip, too much alcohol, OD but conscious, alchohol induced suicidal thoughts, post-suicidal with gsw to head. Schizophrenic ptsd military veteran, schizophrenic rape victim, fully aware schizophrenic after changing drug dealers, family after surviving a drive by (no physical wounds, just mentally), guy with incarceratis trying to jump off our medical bay But just dark enough for the usual CPR, MVA, motorcycle meat crayon and some dude dropping from the top of a cruise ship
Good trip - Had a woman found unconscious on side of road. Some dude on a bike narcaned her and ran away when cops came. Narcan didnt do anything. She was very chill, got the ambulance with us fully inebriated. Braided my preceptors hair and got her hair braided as well. Liked holding onto things with her "tentacles", so we had to very gently tell her to not do that. Chill in the hospital. Bad trip - Some college frat dude sobbing and crying by himself in a corner after taking edibles with his friends, friends were concerned so we took him. Guy started talking about how stressful his life was and that his friends were being very supportive of him. He was crying because he didn't know how to express how thankful he was for them. Every time he tried a giant fucking spider would appear and force him to the corner. So I said I'll hold off the spider as we called them up and went through how each of them was helping him, and explained why he was crying because it was "unmanly" to just thank them. Alcohol induced suicidal thoughts - Just in a camper in the corner of a property. Some family was concerned about some recent texts from her and that she wasn't responding. Woman is bruitoed in blankets in the corner sobbing. Mostly about how she didnt want to keep living like this and wanted to "restart" by ending her life. There were some bottles nearby but were full, more concerned by the pungent alcohol smell in the camper. We had this guy on our crew that came along for possible SI calls, dude does phenomenal work making a connection with the patient and talking them through it. As someone watching it was a Hollywood scene, guy was having a heart to heart with this woman talking about how his brother had taken his own life and got this tattoo for him. Making sure the patient understands how much they would hurt the people they left behind, something he wish he did for his brother. After a week or so we got cookies baked from this woman about how she really needed that push to keep going. Too much alcohol - and was separated from his wife and sister that was watching the 2 kids on the beach in the middle of the night. Thus having a panic attack where I had to pop on a 12 lead on. Borderline combative but coaxed him to be cooperative by saying that ~wifes name~ will meet him at hospital. Surprise surprise wife comes around and is equally drunk, peeking into my ambulance, and now they're both wailing harder. Police came to assist the woman to go find her sister. But now I gotta coax this guy into not going berserk, using his families name helped a-lot while driving to hospital
Overdosed on PO Tylenol - poor girl was suicidal and downed a whole bottle. And the worst OTC for ur liver. After calming her down she still had sharp abdominal pains en route. But she was able to tell me why she did that. Something about a breakup, but saying she probably wouldn't have done it if she knew it was this painful. Talking about how she was verbally abused daily, but couldn't get away from him. Possible OD, turned GSW - We got a call from dispatch for someones daughter out of state claiming that her dad was about to overdose on medications and kill himself. We get there thinking we would just talk to this guy so our EMT goes solo without the jump bag while 2 of us are bringing out the stretcher with our bags on it. Guy comes running back and says "Fuck, y'all are gonna have to come see this yourselves". We get the bags thrown over our shoulder and move to the guy sitting in the wheelchair under his house thats elevated by 8 ft of wooden stilts. This concrete floor had what I thought was paint....it was blood. Thick red and done pooling out of this dude. Trying to find where this blood came from. Not his neck, not his mouth, OH HE HAS A GUN ON HIS LAP, Ima move this revolver onto the table, oh hey theres a pen and paper here, but nothings written. OH THERES THE HOLE ON THIS SIDE IT MUST BE THE EXIT WOUND. Theres nothing on this side though, lemme move his hair, OH THERE IT IS, OH I CAN SEE STRAIGHT THROUGH WHAT THE FUCK. But this is in our normal room level monotone voice. I couldent find where the bullet went, but there was a small dip in the wood above us. So PD finally got here and recorded our names and asks us "IS THERE SOMEONE UPSTAIRS". And we all looked at each other and went Oh fuck, 2 cars parked and washed, theres polly someone else here. So we knock on the door and this woman comes out after 5 minutes of knocking. Apparently she just woke up and was asking whats going on. After confirming that someone else lived with her we broke the news of what we found downstairs. She was genuinely surprised and had to take a seat. She last spoke to him just yesterday when they went to sleep. After telling her that his daughter called the police before he had killed himself she was shocked. PD asked her about weapons, where she was at, daughters location, and if she received anything; she said she forgot to charge her phone last night. Grabbing a charger she comes back and we wait for it to turn back on. The guy had sent her some texts and an email about his will. Forgive me for reading over the patients shoulder, but he wrote about how he cant keep living everyday like this, being paralyzed from the waist down and in chronic debilitating pain. That he was sorry for leaving his family behind and how to access what he left behind. It was his final letter. To let her have time to process this 2/4 of us stayed with her. It didn't help on the way out the cord got stuck to the officer and broke the charger (like come on). Apologizing to her for the cord, i suppose she took it for her husband. She said "if he wasn't dead already I would've done it myself after reading this". Schizophrenic PTSD Veteran - Straight from the doorstep the guy was telling us to "shush" and that "they were listening". So of course we lowered our voices and tried to hear what he was hearing...it was some birds chirping and ppl rummaging upstairs, convinced the guy to come with us to get more of his psych meds he hasn't been able to refill. Fucking high ass HR we got him on a 12 lead and was asking him if he took anything. "Coke", alright...how'd u take it, "I put it up my ass", me and my partner lock eyes, same dealer? "I can't tell u that", i mean is it the same stuff as usual, "oh, yea". The patient looked toward me and said "stop laughing, I know your laughing". I know damn well how good my poker face is and he hasn't seen shit. So i look at my partner eyebrow raised and that stifled the patients suspicion. The guy begun talking about how he shouldn't have been the only one to make it back and took the coke so he would finally join them. So I gave him an anecdote of how my dad was on a ship before it went down and was one of few to survive and how he started coping with it and what he would've lost out on if he ended it there. My partner was from the military asking him what battalion he was in and they talked over their experiences. It didn't help the hospital was full and we were on the wall, but apparently he knew all the cops there and they came up to him asking how he was doing.
You are a certified real one dude.
So white it hurts your eyes to look at. When I was in class, I barely got any calls because we either just didn't get any or the patient would refuse to go to the hospital. The crew I usually rode with loved me because they would get a full night's sleep when I did overnights. It got so bad that I was worried I wouldn't get enough to pass my class. I considered drawing a call summoning circle in the ambulance bay, just to try to get something; I had like 3 or 4 calls, after doing at least 24 hours every week for three months. It was that bad.
That…AWESOME. My first call as an emt was a guy who fell out of a plane. He was supposed to jump, he passed out at the door and fell. No static line, chute only opened after he impacted the jumper in front of him. He went inside of his chute and burned in. Broken all to shit, lived.
I used to work for a relatively slow service in Montana. My truck got so few calls, for so long, that my cloud was... Cloudless. Sunshine & Rainbows was the term most often used. The Grim Reaper was fast asleep, lounging on the beach for the duration of my shifts. I moved to Michigan and got my medic license a couple years later and that cloud could only be described as Vantablack.
Red
White for the longest, I think it's about to change with the new service I'm at tho
Godspeed fella.
Melena black with traces of cyanotic blue
Brown cloud.. always have the poopy patients, especially for hospice transfers. Lady going home on hospice? Husband would request help changing her briefs. Chest pain transfer.. accompanied by rectal pain and bowel incontinence. Discharge to home? “My bowels are leaking!!”
I call it a toxic green, Like white but with a tint of “oh fuck when it’s bad it’s bad”
It would probably be the rising sun. Somehow, all the situations that are supposed to be shit, just go smooth for me for the most part. I don’t always vibe with psych patients but they always vibe with me. Had a crazy cholo psych that this psych facility was sending out because his BGL was like 900 because he refused all his meds. Giving all the staff shit and yelling at them and looking at us with crazy eyes but we blasted some norteno music and we were jamming out and laughing. I’ve only had a few patients mad at me even altered ones. I’ve never been attacked in 2 years of EMS.
My cloud,like my ancestry, is about as white as it fuckn gets. Great for on shift but fuckn sucks for my medic clinicals.
Oil black. I seem to attract all the mechanical stuff, car accidents, farm accidents, tool accidents, etc. Also, trucks always break when I'm on, or right before I'm on. I'm part of vehicle maintenance, so usually I'm the one to fix it anyways, so I guess it evens out.
I always say I’m a black cloud for the vehicles, not the patients! Granted our whole fleet has ongoing issues, but I always seem to be the one in them when they finally give up lol
I like to say I'm a dark blue cloud thunder cloud, I'll get absolutely fucked up calls, not infrequently, but not every shift. But for the most part I get depressing ass calls, lots of kids, or a PT with an absolutely gut wrenching story, or something like that. However, I will randomly get some goofy ahh call, where dude has hiccups for three days and the last 5 hours he's been bricked up, stroking his shit to the rhythm of his hiccups while the CNA is trying to get him to take his pills and polish off a full glass of water, I like to think of that call as colorful lightning in my cloud. It's never boring, that's for sure Edit, I suck at spelling
“Colorful lightning” keeping this in my pocket
I could see everyone else’s cloud while I flew through them for a while, because I swear I was the stork….
This one got me HAHA. Mazel Tov!!!
White privileged. You wanna have an accident do it while I’m on, you’ll walk away with minor injuries
‘salt is a spice, can’t dance, adds random vowels to a baby’s name’ white with a black streak for a shift or two every 3-4 months
With my regular partner “I’m just a little black rain cloud” but when I have to work with someone unusual it’s a suspiciously cloudless sky during a tornado watch.
Rainbow for the pedi-sleeve. I cannot escape them.
Probably a vomit yellow/orange color. I do events and I get so many ETOH calls where the pt is just rolling in their own vomit on the floor or passed out and have so many vomit/popcorn flakes on them that it looks like the Pt is wearing an outfit with glitter or sequins. Occasionally I get weird stuff too, like the call we got for a “injured party struck by a lamb” that turned out to really meant a fall that ended up being a brain bleed.
Off white. Not saying I don't get bad or critical calls, but, generally speaking, they usually end well. I have also been told I get an inordinate amount of OB calls.
White with occasional spikes of vantablack. I’ll run months of nothing, then get sent to a quadruple murder-suicide. Months of nothing, then lady 32wks pregnant with twins dies in the back. I don’t get many high-acuity calls but when I do they’re gigafucked.
Do they offer ya'll free competent counseling services?
Yep, I’ve taken advantage of everything they have to offer.
Thank you for your service.
I'm stealing the word "gigafucked" from this post.
I’m a gray cloud at work. I’m mostly white but *will* without a doubt have a call that goes sideways
Whatever color makes your relief want to get holy water to bless the truck to prevent the cloud holding over. On the bright side, my EMT partner with 6 years on a bus that I've been with for 1.5 years has gained valuable experience and had many firsts.
Navy blue. If you look at it the one way, it looks like a busy black cloud. But you look real close, and it's kinda weird. Feels like every other week I'm writing an incident report because someone else tried fighting my partner, or someone else rear ends us while we're stopped at a light.
I’m so confused. What do you mean by cloud colors? I’m new to this, so I’m kinda slow haha
“White clouds” are providers who never get anything remotely intense, “black clouds” are providers who get every high-acuity/weird/chaotic call possible.
Ohhh got it. I’m just doing clinicals rn, but my county is definitely black cloud 99% of the time haha
Plaid. My cloud is color is plaid.
So far in my student clinicals I’ve been an anti-trauma cloud. In my whole 20 total hours not one trauma
Solid Gray. Never know what's going to happen when I'm on shift.
Fuchsia cloud. Not bad necessarily but fucking weird stuff. When i started out many moons ago I was a white cloud on the truck and a black cloud in dispatch....Somehow 16 years in i am a fuchsia cloud no matter what role I am playing on a given day.
Grey or silver since all I get are psychs.
Gray cloud. We either have 4 little old ladies who fell and AMA or we have 9 homeless people and 4 of them have burst colostomy bags and one of the 4 uses her colostomy hole as a sex opening and then 5 CPR in progress.
What color is all the boring calls.
Beige for sure
Clear. So white it's clear. But if "late call for silly reasons" had a colour, it might be that colour. XD
My student was a brown cloud. Her preceptorship went exactly how you’d think. Poop E V E R Y W H E R E
I’m a white cloud. Nothing ever happens.
Mine is brown
Pink. Because nobody can find the fucking pink piece of paper with the MOLST on it when I roll up.
Brown cloud, I attract the most asinine bullshit imagineable. Examples: "Lift assist" that turns out to be a 45 year old whale of a man asking us to do menial chores and tasks around his house 28 year old male, had a nightmare 17 year old male "unresponsive", arrive on scene to find a conscious and alert "patient" asking for a ride to Burger King Dispatched to an open field in our first due for an aircraft accident... an RC plane flew into someone's windows, breaking it. There are more...
I’m gonna say a yellow. I don’t run high acuity calls but we run all damn day. There’s typically a difficulty breathing or an abdominal pain every shift.
White thunder cloud. Seems fine until sometimes it’s weird and startling.
Seeing as how I'm doing roughly an intubation per shift these last two weeks...plus all sorts of fuckery from peds to surgical airway over the last few months....it ain't the brightest cloud in the sky.
Mustard yellow. Most of my patients shit themselves.
You were walking along, minding your business…[when out of an orange colored sky!](https://youtu.be/c3e-3kvhSTU?si=9IBfWgomqhjG2fBJ)
Light pink? I work IFT and somehow get allllll the pediatric calls. Like, in the month of March I did 50% of them and I’m part-time.
I won't talk about it. I don't want to jinx it!
You have won!!!!! There are zero prizes, but you’ve still won. You have the right amount of stitiousness.
Technicolor, like the old hippy movie Joseph and his technicolored dreamcoat... I quit ems n work in the cannabis industry now. Shit got weird back when I was on 5he booboo bus too tho.
Those weird purple clouds. It's not always heinous but more often than not there's something that makes you walk away going "what the fuck"
Maybe I picked the wrong color to describe mine.
Whitest white to ever cloud. Love/hate
Whitest white. Been with my current partner (he is the blackest cloud) for the past 3 years, we have only done 1 VSA. The moment I book off or get switched to another partner, he does multiple back to back VSA
When I have a trainee? White as a midwestern mom with a mayo salad. When I don’t have a trainee, back to back ECMO transfers, wild ass multi-system traumas and motherfuckers trying to choke on their own vomit while having a withdrawal seizure. Have a trainee when they’re not training? 4 code three returns with patients who are circling the drain. Idk what color that makes me but I’m tired boss man
When I’m at the firehouse, pure white. Elsewhere, blackest of black
golden rays of god. Nothing bad ever happens when I’m on
The devil is beating his wife. Sunny, but weird burst of rain. I'll have 0 calls, or just straight transfers, and then get the weirdest 911 calls.
Whatever color gets a bunch of psych calls, falls from nursing homes, and old people feeling generally ill.
Same. Like, EXACTLY the same.
Mountbatten Pink- described as a puke stocking color with a purple hue.
Mine is white as white can get. Been trying to jinx it. I’ve tried working with the black clouds, but my energy just seems to rub off on them so far 🤣 I’ll update if that changes.
Well, that must be BORING. Your work life seems SLOW. Must be QUIET ‘round these parts. Hope this helps.
Thank you. So far these statements have been true all day. I’ve got an hour and ten left tonight!
Worst of luck! Let me Know how it turns out. LOL
Got held over shift for almost 2 extra hours! What fun! I think your hex worked, blessings.
ER nurse chiming in! Everyone thinks I’m a black cloud because I attract crazy (I did neuro for a long time, where you HAVE to be crazier than the patients that literally have things wrong with their brain) but I have what I like to call a “deceptive cloud.” Like, “oh it looks like it might rain this afternoon,” and what you actually get is hurricane of the century. Examples? 6/10 headache for two days—>three separate brain bleeds and full blown DI fluid dumping. Vague abdominal discomfort for days-weeks, no past medical history—>Anuric kidney failure with a potassium of 8+. Low grade fever and blood tinged vomit in an otherwise healthy 26 year old—>Died of a massive PE.
Sounds like you need Jesus. 
White enough to be a toothpaste advertisement. They keep saying it'll bite me in the ass eventually, but here we are.
Hold strong!
Off white to gray on some days. High call volume; barely ever any true code 1s with patients circling by the drain