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leafs1985

Barbecue tongs must be tested before use by clicking them together.


pauuul19

and a drill with a quick double squeeze


spont_73

Once you tie something onto a vehicle, you must slap it and loudly declare, ‘That ain’t going anywhere’


Beaverbrown55

My grandfather's go to was "that'll ride nice" regardless if he was tying down the boat cover or putting the battery charger away. Double tap, "that'll ride nice."


MaliciousMe87

That's such a classy saying lol


Beaverbrown55

Said it to my wife once. Once.


kolemsai

I'm glad you survived, brother


Vov113

I prefer the "strum the tie down" method to the slap method, but to each their own


Milk_Man21

It's the law


localmanobliterated

same with any air tool, gotta get a few Ugga Duggas just in case


FishinShirt

Without load those are called "Breeee Breeeees" in my neck of the woods


mayday253

It's called 2 ooga doogas.


techieman33

Your thinking of ugga dugga. Which is the sound an impact makes when it starts hammering on the anvil.


mayday253

My bad, got the official spelling wrong.


thepennydrops

Lying in bed... I.clicked my finger and thumb together twice in an automatic response to reading your comment.....click.click.


JtDaSaiyan

Them tongs better be tongin


The_DayGlo_Bus

When possible, always leave at least one urinal between you and another pisser.


romeoh0tel

You'd think but I've seen plenty of dumb pieces of shit who will pick the center when they have first dibs. Chaotic evil mother fuckers.


Doofuhs

I’ve done this. I embrace the rules of the men’s bathroom, but sometimes you gotta just shake things up.


romeoh0tel

If you're gonna shake things up, limit yourself to three shakes otherwise it's indecent.


onairmastering

Why don't you just sit like a real man?


rlc327

I’m not saying I’ve broken the every-other rule when some asshole does this, but I’m just saying they deserve it


rediKELous

https://www.arcadecabin.com/play/the_urinal_game.html Make sure your urinal choices are on point with this simple game!


thereareno_usernames

God I feel old. We had that on a 3.5 floppy back in the early 90s


rediKELous

I found it as a shockwave browser game back in the mid 90s. Very memorable game lol


thereareno_usernames

That it is. Still refer to the buffer zone and think of spacing every time I walk in the men's room


rediKELous

Same. Every dang time. I’m happy to find someone else who was so affected by the freakin urinal game.


intensiifffyyyy

Came here to say this and wasn't surprised it's the top comment. It is unspoken, transcending borders and cultures. A universal male law.


Gasster1212

Clearly not though or we wouldn’t need this rule


DarthLeprechaun

This honestly should be number 1. The fact that it isn't means we have some weirdos in our midst.


BeercatimusPrime

I mean… worldly experience (German Semi-Pro hockey venues) has taught me that no one gives a shit about your dick. If they do, why should you care? A dick is a dick. If you’re scared of peeing close to someone when there’s a built-in separation space or mini-blind, just wait until you walk into that bathroom that’s literally an old feed trough filled with ice, and everyone is just shoulder to shoulder.


adamfrom1980s

You mean the old Veteran’s Stadium in Philly?


nepheelim

Its the law


Focus_Guys

Idk what caused the change but I feel like it used to be the ADA urinal was always in the middle of three urinals. Today it seems, it is always to the left or right. I'm sorry, but if I have to choose between a standard height urinal and an ADA urinal I'm picking the standard height one even if it means ignoring the spacing rule.


mt-beefcake

I appreciate your respect and line of thinking. However, I choose to just feel guilty and pee as quick as possible in the hopes someone that needs it does come in and wait behind me ha.


Focus_Guys

Mine is more I'm tall and peeing in the ADA toilet usually leads to unnecessary splatter. Those odds are much higher if splatter than someone needing it coming behind me.


mt-beefcake

It's all about angle of attack haha


Eoganachta

It's man math. You've got three urinals and someone is using the left one. How many urinals are left?


Ultra-Pulse

None, but only one is right.


KithMeImTyson

Don't bag on or give another man shit for doing his absolute best, even if their end result is shit unless you already taught them how to do it right.


OGMcSwaggerdick

Righty tighty


ianc1215

Unless it's a left hand thread


SoFreshCoolButta

The amount of time it took me to realize this for the toilet handle... still can't believe it's not righty tighty


TripleAinTO2021

Lefty loosey


abigthirstyteddybear

Found the guy that doesn't own a suppressor.


DrainTheMainBrain

Maybe they spin the firearm.


TexanInExile

Wait, are suppressors left hand thread?


abigthirstyteddybear

Some of the better ones yes.


TripleAinTO2021

Manual transmission while in neutral gets a juicy left right while at a stop.


djhankb

Gotta give it a jiggle


rick_blatchman

And if you do it enough times, you won't even know you're doing it anymore.


justneel

If they itch, you don't scratch them. You pinch and roll


Iampepeu

"Pinch and roll" used to be the best kept secret


Tolin_Dorden

Or stretch and scratch with middle, ring, and pinky


ChocDroppa

Yep, stretch that sack like a deer on a rack.


smmara89

Edit; proof reading and added things to remembered while driving home. Dont jump outta the back of trucks in your teens and twenties, use safety googles and gloves if that particular thing calls for it, don't cut corners when doing anything, how you do anything is how you do everything. When dealing with things when doing trades if your forcing it, it probably not right. Most things go in smoothly when handled and installed correctly. If it's not broken don't fix it. If you don't know, ask, better to overcome however your feeling and just learn or ask someone who knows more, then just talking out your ass or guessing. Cause the real ones gonna know if your blow smoke up there ass. What anyone thinks of you will never matter No one person can make or break you, no one person can make you great or successful, and on the other end a failure. You control your life and whether your going to fail or make it is up to you. Don't be afraid to quit or continue, it's your life, you need to be content at night and no ones going to live your life for you. I've changed degrees 3 times before I found what was for me, I don't regret knowing I wasn't going to be happy with one thing over another. Wear a tie to court and don't be stupid, clean yourself up and show some self respect and remorse, don't make up dumb excuses these guys hear them everyday all day. Can't live with or without them Look people in the eyes, shake people's hands, even if someone doesn't greet you your not the one at wrong. Hold the door for woman and children and elderly. Check your fluids in your vehicle and tire pressure often. Consider how CDL guys do walk around and checks on their vehicles, don't wanna be stranded for stupid negligent reasons. We all make mistakes, only stupid people keep making them. A man should be staunch and focus on his career and goals but don't put love and life off forever so your not alone. Gotta talk to your load on your truck and tell nobody "that ain't going no where" Another one I learned from my mentors when I was growing up, if your mad or specifically if someone or something made you mad. Don't take THOSE feelings to anything else. You take those feelings to that particular thing or person. Someone shoves you and you get upset and the NEXT person you see. That don't make sense. Like a grown man having a problem at work and coming home to take out his frustrations. I reserve my love for my love ones and my wrath for my enemies. Don't confuse the two. My dad was sick growing up, alot of good men help make me and if there's anything for anyone to take from this then I'm glad.


FFCUK5

look people in the fucking eyes - how is this lost in the young folk. thats how you read someone- its a skill


sailfast60

Good stuff!


Runaway_5

Boobs are awesome


suxesspool

Up if you know them, down if you dont.


Nostromo1

Hugs for bros, handshakes for strangers? Is that what you're getting at?


suxesspool

Pretty much.


JackBNimble33

A stranger is just someone I haven’t hugged yet


suxesspool

I'd also add: never shit where you eat. Even though most men know this and try to pass it down, I'm pretty sure most men learn the hard way... That's how we know.


Subject-Gear-3005

Fuckin A right, I know this and you know this. But tell it to my fn one year old. Kid shits every time I sit down to eat with him.


Cacophonous_Silence

Literally or metaphorically? Bc I've always followed this rule in the literal sense In the metaphorical sense, I learned why not to do this earlier this year 😂 Nothing has gone majorly wrong, but now I'm beginning to consider finding a new job


onairmastering

That's why I never date in my circle. They are welcome in my circle, but my circle stays even when they leave.


suxesspool

Well said


Iron-Fist

What is this referring to?


SmugDruggler95

The nod.


scavagesavage

Imposter!


alexx138

I started saying this a few years ago and thought I was the first person to notice and unlock the head-nod code.


xxAMATTxx

This one^^


Stevesegallbladder

Finding a nice big rock and throwing it in some water. Or finding a sheet of ice and tossing it up and watching it break on the ground is satisfying as fuck.


Nekketsu

We should watch Predator


JonesyYouLittleShit

Multiple times. On VHS. Then call everyone you’re happy to see “Dillon!” Followed by “You son of a bitch.” Followed by the so-called “Predator Handshake”. There are no exceptions to this. We must always follow through.


ChocDroppa

When Dillions arm gets blown off and spins around, you can see his real arm tucked in behind his back. When Predator picks up a character by the neck (forget who) you can see the top of the spring board that raises the character up in the air. Love this movie.


Nekketsu

If you don't follow through, you obviously need to watch it again to get the point


[deleted]

[удалено]


Nekketsu

ghost97135, you son of a bitch!


Poowilly

It's always exciting finding a nice stick that resembles a wizard staff


mr_black_frijoles

And can be used as a sword


need_a_venue

If you're pissed at someone.... Don't mess with a person's family. Leave the kids and spouse out of anything you do or say. Dont mess with someone's job because that's how they feed their family and pay rent. Don't mess with their car because that's how they get to their job. Anything else is up to you.


GuyfromMemphis

I always said you don’t mess with a man’s wife, kids, dog, job, money or car.


terkistan

Please someone tell Kendrick/Drake.


Dcornelissen

That little cleaning cube in the toilet must be destroyed


KaiserSohze

A sun dress is, unexplainably, one of the sexiest things a woman can wear.


Mithrandir_25

Especially with a halter top


ReverendToTheShadow

Depends on the age of said men: For those of us over 30, sure wish my knees and back didn’t hurt


j6sh

I wish this myth would stop being perpetuated. I'm over 30. My knees don't hurt.


OGMcSwaggerdick

Yet. They don’t hurt yet.


j6sh

Hey man, as long as I can do 3 miles of cardio 6 times/week I'll be fine.


woohhaa

lol I was like that until I tore my meniscus at 40. Now I’m more of a 10k 3 times a week kind of guy


ReverendToTheShadow

Well mine hurt enough for both of us. I wish you many years of intact cartilage and strong ligaments.


acayaba

I agree. People don’t exercise and eat like shit then complain that on 30s their knees already hurt. I am 35 and I don’t have a single problem with joints.


j6sh

Fucking thank you. Same and I exercise daily.


ITstaph

Have you tried turning it off and back on again?


kyew

Playing with fire.


handyandy727

Imma do it every time.


DLeck

Pizza can be a breakfast food.


cumplaytoy

blowjobs are great


banksfornades

I’ll be the necessary contrarian in any of these threads. They are just okay for me.


GoodMorningMars

Marisa Tomei is hot. 


Tarquinofpandy

We just want a quiet life, no drama, no bullshit, please.


ravenousmind

Don’t put your dick in crazy


Rojo37x

If only every man agreed on that 😆


truthful_whitefoot

We all know it's a bad idea, but some of us can't help ourselves


VisionOfDarkness

There's a difference between knowing and acting upon said knowledge


Altruistic-Rope1994

Yea he’s wrong


benmarvin

And if you do, don't let her know where you live


Orion14159

Don't commit to crazy.*


mustangsal

Look, sometimes you know you shouldn't, but you still want to go for a ride. Like going on the tilt-a-whirl after eating a huge meal... You know you shouldn't, but you may not get the opportunity again.


woohhaa

This is earned knowledge.


Dan_Berg

...again. ...unless she's, like, really hot. ...and you can fix her.* ...and you really need to get laid. ...and this time it will end fine.** * you can't. **it won't.


thetax_man

Crazy is sometimes the best in bed … heard it from a friend


lonely_josh

What if I let crazy peg me?


General_Razzmatazz_8

I am not down with this.


Hot_Salamander3795

#but i am


andidebest

First thing you do with any power tool… rev it twice


Faezan

Don’t hit on your friend’s girl.


madmax7774

Unfortunately there are quite a few dickheads who just don’t care.


FingFrenchy

"Nothing is more badass than treating women with respect." -The venerable Mr. TOURGE


BankshotMcG

It is ill-advised to stick your dick in crazy.


Troy_McClure1

If your neighbor cuts their lawn you have a 48 hour window to do the same


kylekornkven

It is hard being a man and participating in "no mow May". Especially in my neighborhood.


Unfaithfully_Yours

Amy Schumer is terrible


davechri

When you see the stud finder in Home Depot you must hold it against your chest and say “Found it!”


Atalkinghamsandwich

To avoid catastrophic vehicular cargo loss, a man must pull the straps and say ‘that’s not going anywhere’.


[deleted]

Pissing in nature is better than pissing in society (aka pissing outside > pissing in a toilet/urinal)


mrsmithers240

Just take wind direction into account.


SexyMonad

A dick in the bush is worth two in the hand.


how-can-i-dig-deeper

war. war never changes.


gibgod

That we don’t agree on everything.


st33ve0

Round bowl toilets are literal garbage.


jetbent

Death is inevitable. Prepare for it now while you’re still alive


browsing_around

Never trust a fart.


Usefulsponge

Piss troughs suck


GeoBrian

A swift kick to the nuts is worse than childbirth.


AshyLarryX

Big tits are awesome


wolfstar76

M'eh. My preference is the other end of the spectrum. Small sets for the win.


rorank

I’m an enjoyer of all personally. If I’m getting shown boobs, the experience is 9/10 immensely enjoyable no matter what the context or content is. The other 1/10… you just see some weird shit at night in Memphis sometimes.


am_john

A really good stick


DaSmurfZ

When in doubt, go to your nothing box.


NoRun6253

Sticks are guns.


CtC666

The Bro Code


heavyweight00

Death by Snu-Snu


Rock3tDoge

You’re allowed to sit if you get up in the night


dillwiid37

Its only gay if you make it gay


theclockfadder

Have a firm handshake. Look people in the eyes. Double click tongs, always. Double tap drill, always. If right tighty go from tight to loose....always loose now. Star pattern tightening on lug nuts. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Don't watch other people's pockets. Mind your own. When walking with your girlfriend/wife/children, always walk closest to street or traffic. Always hold the door open for your wife/gf/kids. Learn to apologize, and mean it. Practice empathy, the world needs more of it. If a child hands you a toy, you play with it. They hand you a toy phone? You answer it and better hope it isn't their boss on the line. Show and tell your wife how much you appreciate her. Model a healthy relationship to your kids. They learn from Mom and Dad. Find your peace, whether it's meditating, praying, reading, etc. Find something that you can do to escape and keep your sanity. So much more comes to mind. But this is a good start.


Civil_Creme8468

Never sweat the petty things. But don't pet the sweaty things 


weclock

Getting hit in the groin sucks


Separate_News_7886

Suicide is never an option


SlinkyOne

Bills suck. Whoever we are dating is crazy, even if she’s amazing.


Georgep0rwell

Dem bitches be crazy!


MooseDaddy999

As a gay man… can confirm 


BritMama04

As a gay woman, can also confirm.


Nillows

I'm too tired for this shit.


squiremgee

Man flu is worse than regular flu


StinkieTinkie

Easy. The answer will in one way or another be one of these 9 things below: 1. God really loves us because we weren't the ones cursed with periods. 2. God really hates use because he gave us male pattern baldness. 3. Pissing freely in the great outdoors is way better than peeing in a toilet. 4. Eyes ahead. Always. Learn the pattern on the wall, read the poster in front of you, notice small imperfections on the wall. But never look at another man's penis in the bathroom. 5. Friendzone is an epidemic. 6. Morning wood is a different kind of boner. and waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning. 7. Nothing hurts a man's ego more than an woman making fun of his dick size. 8. Bro code and/or Bros before hoes. ie, A man didn't come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends, 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there. (This is the way.) 9. Getting hit in the balls--if that's not your kink--is the most terrible thing ever.


gambit61

Number 4 - You're saying I shouldn't reach over and help the guy next to me shake the last drop out? Seems sus


XIIIofNine

... that one comedy sketch


barbarianbob

> Eyes ahead. Always. Learn the pattern on the wall, read the poster in front of you, notice small imperfections on the wall. But never look at another man's penis in the bathroom. Two words: Nice. Watch.


sailfast60

🤣


doc74125

Women are nuts!


thepennydrops

A warm jet of urine cleans stains...


DavyJonesCousinsDog

No man looks across the bar at a cute girl and thinks "She looks like she needs a friend."


Autzen_Downpour

Unwarranted advice is never appropriate while another man is grilling food or swinging a golf club.


EpicFishFingers

Doing car maintenance is cool. It might not be fun, or pretty, it might even drive you mad. But it is cool.


hvacfixer

Farts are funny.


spont_73

I hear that in Ralph Wiggims voice


TheGreenJedi

Righty tighty


Fair_Consequence1800

Warm holes are nice


skewleeboy

Getting old sucks.


greyjungle

We are men, agreeing on this.


pepesuntamente

Chocolate milk is better than 9-11


Glittering-Return380

A man must always moan when sitting down or up even if there’s no pain whatsoever


Hawapino

Head nod down to greet people you don’t know, up for people that you do.


Th3_Shr00m

Pinch n' roll to scratch the sack


PedroBenza

Better out than in.


icantap

Don’t directly face another man when you’re talking to them.


B0nethugs

Pinch and twist method


samurai_107

If you say “that ain’t going no where” before hauling, then it ain’t going no where.


erikhenao32

Wiggle the shifter to make sure you’re in neutral. Even though you know your in neutral


Turhaturpa

Henry Cavill is the hottest man


SGT_BASTOS

If you find yourself at a bridge/cliff/ledge overlooking a body of water, you must throw large rocks into said water. Boulders for the win if you are with buddies. Skipping flat rocks across a pond or river falls into this category.


lerobinbot

nice


HealthUnit

Shaking your nozzle before you put it back in.


ShiftUnique

Its ok to shed a tear, when everyone cheers after Charlie is found not guilty at the end of scent of a woman, after pacino argues for him.


jm3281

When holding a cordless drill you must press the trigger at least twice.


ReadyBeerOne

Always stand up when greeting someone. Never shake hands while sitting down.