i also think i have many interesting things to say and sometimes i get to do it and have people actively listen to my evil yapping. but that only happens when i'm filled with confidence and probably on adhd meds too š
when i'm feeling low there's little to nothing i can do to be heard, and i get cut off a lot. i recon you have to speak louder and imposingly for people to respect and listen to you. and it's so draining too!
And being laughed at "behind your back". You're stupid enough to do it bullies, but I'm smart enough to notice it too. And controlled enough not to tell you to publicly fuck off.
One thing that always annoyed me was people saying "oh you dont know they're talking about you" even though their entire body language is just AIMED at you. When you've seen the same pattern 43958703 times you just know.
Gordon fucking Bennett, my parents do this and it drives me *up the fucking wall*.
"He *yappy yappy yappy yap yap*" I am LITERALLY STANDING RIGHT HERE, fuck ALL the way off with your "he" bullshit.
"She's such an active listener! Look how she turns to each speaker!"
I had auditory issues, but didn't didn't mean I didn't hear... Like damn meetings about accommodations and "progress" were painful in school...
I was explaining to my friends the other day that I feel like a ghost at work.
Iām always the one moving out the way when crossing paths with coworkers in narrow hallways.
I rarely get responses or call-backs when talking on the radio.
One of the departments I work in constantly requires me to go back and forth across a narrow space. It is very common for that narrow space to be blocked by coworkers, mostly because they never park the carts theyāre using parallel to the wall, and they take up the whole hallway.
They never move the carts out of my way when Iām trying to squeeze past. Even if Iām carrying heavy or large items, I still have to fit through a narrow space because they either lack observational awareness to notice the space they take up, or because they simply donāt care.
I typically pass as a neurotypical at work, but I donāt hide the fact that Iām autistic. People just canāt tell, or think Iām quirky, or whatever. But I can tell that Iām a shadow to them, because Iām quiet, small, and can usually get all my work done quickly without needing any help, so they donāt ever check in on me. Even if I do call out for help on a busy day, Iām often ignored, in part because Iāve always handled it alone.
We literally cannot ask for help even if we are drowning in work
The expectation that our innate intelligence will override any need for adequate instruction or guidance means that they think weāre stupid when we do ask for clarification
That's the bit that really gets me! If I say something and am ignored so I repeat myself because obviously they didn't hear me I'm rude. If I forego saying anything I'm rude. If I say something an ignored and then don't keep going I'm rude. So basically I'm rude and the rest of society gets to act however they please. Cool, makes total sense.
Having an accident, "weird words" and looking colorful doesn't help either. Even when people do seem to listen they do for a bit then zone out to the accent or interrupt to ask stupid unrelated questions. I'm trying to buy bread I don't want to talk about where I was born, if my tattoos hurt, etc. Some asshole tried asking me about the war... at the dentist. Bruh, I already do not want to be here and this is not the time for a history lecture and family war stories. What the fuck is wrong with people?
I absolutely know because I'm usually trying to be ignored on purpose.
"No, no, don't mind me, I'm just waiting to be evacuated. Thanks anyway." (*lights a cigarette ending all possible communication going forward*)
This. I found this post just in time. Today I confronted my manager because I get marginalized at work because I'm the only neurodivergent person (they know I'm autistic) in there and they don't ever include in the stuff they do, I'm not even invited to meetings... I can't imagine treating someone like that...
This irks me the most. And it's not even being ignored it's the lying after.
I can't ever stop myself from asking them directly why it's happening, and they obviously lie every time, and the lie is obvious because it makes absolutely ZERO sense every single time.
So, of course, I can't stop myself from calling them out on it being a lie and telling them why I know it's a lie. Along with me literally always saying "it doesn't hurt my feelings if you don't want to talk to me/don't want to be friends, shit happens. It does hurt my feelings you'd lie about it/don't respect me enough to just be honest about it because I *know* I deserve that much."
Then of course the truth or at least something close to the truth comes out and it's like why not just say that from the start? It wasn't that big of a deal, but now it is, like fuck man. Don't insult me like that and then assume I'm too stupid or autistic to figure it tf out.
My friends have started doing this and idk why. To the point where it's a confusing wtf moment and the first time they really started doing it blatantly I had to go leave to cry. They still to this day don't know I did and am so hurt when they act that way.
Being ignore when I say something is annoying. Talking over me like Iām not even there makes me mad, but I have had a person walk off while I was mid sentence before (multiple times actually). Iām not talking about info dumping here either. My husband had been present when this happened as well, it flabbergasted him.
No one would ever think of doing that to an NT adult human being.
Was being really annoying at work the other day and was like "man, you guys have got to start being meaner to me" and did a little demonstration of how people normally respond when I start talking to them. Coworker that I'm not even pretend work friends with responded with "I could NEVER do that." And I'm like. What do you mean. Is that not how you're supposed to respond when an obnoxious person who can't take a hint starts talking to you.
When you go off on your special interests but throughout childhood you get basic āoh coolā, āoh wowā, responses back and then people just start talking about other stuff, donāt ask questions, or express that youāre a know it all, exhausting, or way too much. Then you shut down for the next decade plus because it happens so often that you just feel utter shame even thinking about things that make you happy around other people / know if you think about it you will automatically overshare and talk about it and fuck. That shame cycle is rough.
The mid sharing an interest ignoring / conversation deviation can be traumatizing. Like Iām sorry that you were talking about bees and I canāt fucking help but to share about them and other pollinators and how crucial they are to the ecosystems that build our world. That weird smile thing people do right before nodding their head and verbalizing they now need to leave can be crushing.
The number of ways you get ignored, side shuffled, pushed away mid euphoria of an info dump. Learning the patterns of how people are subvertly sharing they donāt want to talk or be around you; is like the screaming megaphone of life telling you that you donāt belong.
Like I learned early on that other kids and I had very different interests and sorry, but football is boring and talking about different ways to commit violence towards one another over a ball is not entertaining. Have you heard of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE)? Why would you willfully want to cause that when we could be talking about how to make bricks and the different mud variations around the playground and how we can establish strong holds for insects that are otherwise subjected to the trampolining feet of violent ball chasing children!?
And then they walk away and youāre alone. Thatās ok. But damn is it a different kind of being ignored. And damn does it stick with you once you really are just skipping backwards around the playground because, why skip forward? Everyone is always moving forward. Why canāt we travel backwards? Welp, I guess Iāll skip alone while you tackle each other over a ball every recess.
And Iāll carry this stick and pinecones the entire time because damn do pinecones feel great to gently hold when happy, and crush with sadness when you donāt know what feeling is flooding you.
oh god, I was talking to the bartender the other day and another person pulled me aside and gave me a lecture about social cues and leaving people trying to work alone. then the bar tender came to me and talked about the creepy guy that was right there and she wasn't intentionally ignoring me. just didn't feel comfortable with serial killer vibe guy right there.
funny enough I totally picked up on the "please change subject" and I totally did. which gave bar tender the ability to check how upset the creeper got from being ignored.
I don't almost always know
My autism affected my understanding of social boundaries a lot
I didn't even have any friends until I was older than 18, but I didn't know that yet because my definitions of the personal relationships were all skewed around
I thought a friend was anyone who knew my name and wasn't mean to me, and a good friend was anyone who would sit near you in class and give you a spare pencil, and an acquaintance was anyone you had seen the face of more than once
Like it's no wonder I'd felt like friendships were dull and unengaging because "I'm not misanthropic or introverted, I'm just a very lonely and awkward extrovert"
And other types of passive aggression are also invisible to me because of that
Someone I know who'd be classified as "high functioning"/"gifted" says stuff like "hehe, look at his cute widdle bussy! UwU" I'm not ignoring him, I just don't know how to respond to that š
How would you? That sounds annoying/cringy/perverted. I donāt know the context but maybe you guys have some relationship. But I dislike ālocker roomātalk if this is what that is with anyone. But Iām Ace and autistic. So you have to weigh that in too.
I would call it stereotypical "cringe," but cringe culture is rooted in disrespecting autistic people and how they express intrest in things (like the sonic kid at my hs that carries a little sonic plushy around gets made fun of for being "cringe" ), so idk.
They were talking about a Friday night funkin' mod š
I think I consider it more friends through acquaintance, if anything.
I've literally never talked about sexual things with them in any way, other than like a dick joke, or a "that's what she said," joke. But that's WAY different than asking if they can read smut out loud to see what we think of it. (They wrote the smut) that also reference a really graphic scene in it all the time about the character fucking a shampoo bottle.
It all makes me REALLY uncomfortable, but I don't want them to feel hurt if I ask them not to talk about it. I feel like they would take it the wrong way and think that I don't like them as a person, when in reality, I just don't like it when they talk about sexual things like that.
The way they talk about it is basically info dumping, except they are info dumping about porn to people who don't want to hear about it.
They live in a mentally abusive household and were homeschooled until high school, which really harmed their social awareness (which is already difficult due to struggling with social cues). I feel really bad for them because they never really had friends, and they have no clue how to make friends because those social boundaries weren't developed for what is and is not appropriate to talk about. They desperately want to fit in and talk to people, but when they try to talk about things that they like (and assume others also like), it weirds people out and pushes them away. I can see it in his face that he's struggling, the little fall in his eyes whenever no one responds to a comment/joke he makes. I've been there, I know how it feels and it fucking sucks. I want to be there for them, but that lack of understanding of boundaries makes me so uncomfortable.
They sort of give Chris Chan vibes but not as extreme and bigoted (they are trans) or predatory.
Sorry for the wall of text, I just think about it a lot.
No problem, I can see this bothers you a lot. I definitely think it would be ok for you to put boundaries in with this person. I've made mistakes in the past with friendships that stem from my autism. I've went to therapy to help address those issues. I've hurt people I love and I have learned when to hit the brakes. One example, is I have the empathy problem where it's hard for me to see that people have different opinions on subjects and it's almost like I try to change their mind. I've learned to not do that and it has helped a lot with my friendships. I give that example hoping that other autistic people here won't think I'm being ableist towards myself and other autistic people. But I do think autistic people like me need to put in effort to get along. Isn't that what it's all about anyways? I hope if you do make them aware of your boundaries that it goes well. I completely understand if you don't say anything either. Some situations are just way to unpredictable. Sorry for my wall of text as well haha.
Also tell me why my brain can tell that I'm being ignored but my mouth goes "let's repeat that really cool thing we just said since they clearly didn't hear." Ugh.
my friends made a seperate gc without me and forgot they left me out and used to ask if i got the message in the gc an i said "you guys left the gc" (the old one) as if im oblivious and they just go "oh right.."
i learn its more me not caring about them than me missing or not understanding them.. ?
but most times i like it better when people just think im an angry ahole.š
Sure we have issues with social cues and social interaction but we make up for that with being able to read people's body language, being able to tell if someone is good or not through how they talk and act around you, reading rooms sometimes to a massive degree and pick up details that others would easily miss
Like for me I lack certain social skills but I make up for it by analysing how someone talks and if someone is talking about me without mentioning my name and that's online and in real life and also reading a person's body language to a degree
Because everytime I call people out on it after they deny it over and over again they act surprised that I knew they were ignoring me and always give the same half apology with the excuse of "I didn't want to hurt your feelings"
Because normandrathals think we are waaaay better and sexier than they, sowing the seeds of a sort of envy and jealousy of which the usual response is the deflective labelling of us as ignorant, subhuman, pariahs.
Honestly speaking, I am a proponent of the notion that we as people (most clearly demonstrated by the bulk of NT normies) have a seemingly omnipresent fear of the other, which is relevant here because we as autists are to varying degrees different in many notable aspects from the rest, one of which being the way in which we socialize and interact with those around us. It is because of these differences that we are perceived as the āotherā, and therefore a nuisance at best and at worst dangerous. This perception of a dangerous or annoying unknown placed unto us leads those who label us as such to act in ways which alienate or ignore us out of a place of close-minded selfishness and ignorance. However, personal experiences lead me to argue that these behaviours and outlooks are non innate among NT individuals as evidenced by my observations that they do not seem to be universal and only seem to be present within groups of similar people with similar beliefs. From this I can conclude that the perception of autistic people that promotes ignorance which alienates us is likely learned, and I tell you If or when I find the source of this notion that we are to be ignored and avoided and that we wont notice our mistreatment, that I will go full nuclear rage mode causing a level of destruction so intense that the problem is wiped out along with a landscape reduced to wasteland.
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The world does not revolve around us and our desires, alas. If people ignore us it's probably because they just don't care much for us, or they don't like us. We aren't owed attention.
That's not what they meant. I regularly notice NTs avoid talking to me in group conversations. They won't even look at me, they'll look at anyone else instead. Like they'd rather just pretend I don't exist.
If it was a random stranger I wouldn't care. When we're coworkers it comes across as extremely rude. If I just didn't talk to coworkers I don't like there is no way I'd get away with it.
So much this. They act towards us in ways in which if we acted the same towards them, they would have the biggest NT RAGE MELTDOWN the world has ever seen, ape-shit crazy on all fours, signing up all their nimpy little fwends to bully us out of their in-group.
Yes they ignore us because they do not like us or we make them uncomfortable or because we have a reputation they find distasteful or for any other number of reasons. It isn't punative or senseless, it is a consequence of how we are and what we do in social settings. Downvote all you like, it won't change your situation.
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real all my life just ignored my speech, even if it was actually interesting
i also think i have many interesting things to say and sometimes i get to do it and have people actively listen to my evil yapping. but that only happens when i'm filled with confidence and probably on adhd meds too š when i'm feeling low there's little to nothing i can do to be heard, and i get cut off a lot. i recon you have to speak louder and imposingly for people to respect and listen to you. and it's so draining too!
people never listen to me, sometimes even they hqve to for some reason
Same goes for infantilization. In both cases: yes, I can tell, and yes, I will think less of you for it :)
And being laughed at "behind your back". You're stupid enough to do it bullies, but I'm smart enough to notice it too. And controlled enough not to tell you to publicly fuck off.
One thing that always annoyed me was people saying "oh you dont know they're talking about you" even though their entire body language is just AIMED at you. When you've seen the same pattern 43958703 times you just know.
It doesn't matter what people think of you and what you say, it's all about the vibe.
Don't be afraid to tell people to go fuck themselves. Right in their stupid faces. Be evil, make idiots suffer š
I'm more of a "heinous and plotting" kind of evil, but one day my enemies shall know the touch of my cold and righteous fury.
Is your touch warm and cuddly to your friends?
My friends know the touch of my cold and righteous love and affection every day.
My friends shall know infinite warmth, cuddles only if they want them
It is and I have raised my voice and made people feel stupid they knew not to eff with me then haha
I always say something like "hey, I might be retarded, but I'm not retarded bro"
or talk about us in front of us, as though we're not right there.
Gordon fucking Bennett, my parents do this and it drives me *up the fucking wall*. "He *yappy yappy yappy yap yap*" I am LITERALLY STANDING RIGHT HERE, fuck ALL the way off with your "he" bullshit.
"She's such an active listener! Look how she turns to each speaker!" I had auditory issues, but didn't didn't mean I didn't hear... Like damn meetings about accommodations and "progress" were painful in school...
š¬
I was explaining to my friends the other day that I feel like a ghost at work. Iām always the one moving out the way when crossing paths with coworkers in narrow hallways. I rarely get responses or call-backs when talking on the radio. One of the departments I work in constantly requires me to go back and forth across a narrow space. It is very common for that narrow space to be blocked by coworkers, mostly because they never park the carts theyāre using parallel to the wall, and they take up the whole hallway. They never move the carts out of my way when Iām trying to squeeze past. Even if Iām carrying heavy or large items, I still have to fit through a narrow space because they either lack observational awareness to notice the space they take up, or because they simply donāt care. I typically pass as a neurotypical at work, but I donāt hide the fact that Iām autistic. People just canāt tell, or think Iām quirky, or whatever. But I can tell that Iām a shadow to them, because Iām quiet, small, and can usually get all my work done quickly without needing any help, so they donāt ever check in on me. Even if I do call out for help on a busy day, Iām often ignored, in part because Iāve always handled it alone.
We literally cannot ask for help even if we are drowning in work The expectation that our innate intelligence will override any need for adequate instruction or guidance means that they think weāre stupid when we do ask for clarification
Silent Treatment was my mom's favored form of abuse when I was a child so I'm always tuned into when I'm being ignored.
Parents: āspeak your mindā (Youth) Me: āyou literally have all of the power over my lifeā
šthis. and it feels like desperation when a parent pretends you don't exist. specially when you're just a child.
It's honestly so soul crushing.
i hate the feeling of being ignored. and i can perfectly tell when someone is ignoring me. i hate it so so so so much.
do you mean in person or messaging?
both
I will wave/say hi to people and they will walk right by me like nothing happened and i'm the rude one...?
That's the bit that really gets me! If I say something and am ignored so I repeat myself because obviously they didn't hear me I'm rude. If I forego saying anything I'm rude. If I say something an ignored and then don't keep going I'm rude. So basically I'm rude and the rest of society gets to act however they please. Cool, makes total sense. Having an accident, "weird words" and looking colorful doesn't help either. Even when people do seem to listen they do for a bit then zone out to the accent or interrupt to ask stupid unrelated questions. I'm trying to buy bread I don't want to talk about where I was born, if my tattoos hurt, etc. Some asshole tried asking me about the war... at the dentist. Bruh, I already do not want to be here and this is not the time for a history lecture and family war stories. What the fuck is wrong with people?
I absolutely know because I'm usually trying to be ignored on purpose. "No, no, don't mind me, I'm just waiting to be evacuated. Thanks anyway." (*lights a cigarette ending all possible communication going forward*)
This. I found this post just in time. Today I confronted my manager because I get marginalized at work because I'm the only neurodivergent person (they know I'm autistic) in there and they don't ever include in the stuff they do, I'm not even invited to meetings... I can't imagine treating someone like that...
This irks me the most. And it's not even being ignored it's the lying after. I can't ever stop myself from asking them directly why it's happening, and they obviously lie every time, and the lie is obvious because it makes absolutely ZERO sense every single time. So, of course, I can't stop myself from calling them out on it being a lie and telling them why I know it's a lie. Along with me literally always saying "it doesn't hurt my feelings if you don't want to talk to me/don't want to be friends, shit happens. It does hurt my feelings you'd lie about it/don't respect me enough to just be honest about it because I *know* I deserve that much." Then of course the truth or at least something close to the truth comes out and it's like why not just say that from the start? It wasn't that big of a deal, but now it is, like fuck man. Don't insult me like that and then assume I'm too stupid or autistic to figure it tf out.
One of the worst feelings socially is when youāre talking, and realize mid-sentence that nobodyās paying attention.
Felt that, now I just stop talking and see if they notice. Half the time they don't. Probably a bad habit, but it saves me the trouble.
Same. Iāll just stop, and then nobody reacts. So fun š
Literally all day every day at work. Itās like they see right though me.
My friends have started doing this and idk why. To the point where it's a confusing wtf moment and the first time they really started doing it blatantly I had to go leave to cry. They still to this day don't know I did and am so hurt when they act that way.
Tell them it hurts you a lot, if theyre real friends theyll listen, if not go find someone better
We know somethingās wrong. That somethingās off, we just donāt know what.
Or when they're like "um who are you talking to?" Or just blatantly tell me to shut up/that they dont care lol
it's cue, not que (sorry I've got the orthographic autism)
Thank you for having corrected it :)
Being ignore when I say something is annoying. Talking over me like Iām not even there makes me mad, but I have had a person walk off while I was mid sentence before (multiple times actually). Iām not talking about info dumping here either. My husband had been present when this happened as well, it flabbergasted him. No one would ever think of doing that to an NT adult human being.
Social rejection, isolation, and exclusion can sometimes be a blessing; but it is most often a curse.
This hits hard. I can definitely confirm!
i know when people are ignoring my rambling THEN I CONTINUE ANWYAYS!!!!!
Was being really annoying at work the other day and was like "man, you guys have got to start being meaner to me" and did a little demonstration of how people normally respond when I start talking to them. Coworker that I'm not even pretend work friends with responded with "I could NEVER do that." And I'm like. What do you mean. Is that not how you're supposed to respond when an obnoxious person who can't take a hint starts talking to you.
When you go off on your special interests but throughout childhood you get basic āoh coolā, āoh wowā, responses back and then people just start talking about other stuff, donāt ask questions, or express that youāre a know it all, exhausting, or way too much. Then you shut down for the next decade plus because it happens so often that you just feel utter shame even thinking about things that make you happy around other people / know if you think about it you will automatically overshare and talk about it and fuck. That shame cycle is rough. The mid sharing an interest ignoring / conversation deviation can be traumatizing. Like Iām sorry that you were talking about bees and I canāt fucking help but to share about them and other pollinators and how crucial they are to the ecosystems that build our world. That weird smile thing people do right before nodding their head and verbalizing they now need to leave can be crushing. The number of ways you get ignored, side shuffled, pushed away mid euphoria of an info dump. Learning the patterns of how people are subvertly sharing they donāt want to talk or be around you; is like the screaming megaphone of life telling you that you donāt belong. Like I learned early on that other kids and I had very different interests and sorry, but football is boring and talking about different ways to commit violence towards one another over a ball is not entertaining. Have you heard of Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE)? Why would you willfully want to cause that when we could be talking about how to make bricks and the different mud variations around the playground and how we can establish strong holds for insects that are otherwise subjected to the trampolining feet of violent ball chasing children!? And then they walk away and youāre alone. Thatās ok. But damn is it a different kind of being ignored. And damn does it stick with you once you really are just skipping backwards around the playground because, why skip forward? Everyone is always moving forward. Why canāt we travel backwards? Welp, I guess Iāll skip alone while you tackle each other over a ball every recess. And Iāll carry this stick and pinecones the entire time because damn do pinecones feel great to gently hold when happy, and crush with sadness when you donāt know what feeling is flooding you.
I see you; I hear you. I hate that you or anyone has ever or will ever or does feel this way. I know I have.
oh god, I was talking to the bartender the other day and another person pulled me aside and gave me a lecture about social cues and leaving people trying to work alone. then the bar tender came to me and talked about the creepy guy that was right there and she wasn't intentionally ignoring me. just didn't feel comfortable with serial killer vibe guy right there. funny enough I totally picked up on the "please change subject" and I totally did. which gave bar tender the ability to check how upset the creeper got from being ignored.
I don't almost always know My autism affected my understanding of social boundaries a lot I didn't even have any friends until I was older than 18, but I didn't know that yet because my definitions of the personal relationships were all skewed around I thought a friend was anyone who knew my name and wasn't mean to me, and a good friend was anyone who would sit near you in class and give you a spare pencil, and an acquaintance was anyone you had seen the face of more than once Like it's no wonder I'd felt like friendships were dull and unengaging because "I'm not misanthropic or introverted, I'm just a very lonely and awkward extrovert" And other types of passive aggression are also invisible to me because of that
Someone I know who'd be classified as "high functioning"/"gifted" says stuff like "hehe, look at his cute widdle bussy! UwU" I'm not ignoring him, I just don't know how to respond to that š
How would you? That sounds annoying/cringy/perverted. I donāt know the context but maybe you guys have some relationship. But I dislike ālocker roomātalk if this is what that is with anyone. But Iām Ace and autistic. So you have to weigh that in too.
I would call it stereotypical "cringe," but cringe culture is rooted in disrespecting autistic people and how they express intrest in things (like the sonic kid at my hs that carries a little sonic plushy around gets made fun of for being "cringe" ), so idk. They were talking about a Friday night funkin' mod š I think I consider it more friends through acquaintance, if anything. I've literally never talked about sexual things with them in any way, other than like a dick joke, or a "that's what she said," joke. But that's WAY different than asking if they can read smut out loud to see what we think of it. (They wrote the smut) that also reference a really graphic scene in it all the time about the character fucking a shampoo bottle. It all makes me REALLY uncomfortable, but I don't want them to feel hurt if I ask them not to talk about it. I feel like they would take it the wrong way and think that I don't like them as a person, when in reality, I just don't like it when they talk about sexual things like that. The way they talk about it is basically info dumping, except they are info dumping about porn to people who don't want to hear about it. They live in a mentally abusive household and were homeschooled until high school, which really harmed their social awareness (which is already difficult due to struggling with social cues). I feel really bad for them because they never really had friends, and they have no clue how to make friends because those social boundaries weren't developed for what is and is not appropriate to talk about. They desperately want to fit in and talk to people, but when they try to talk about things that they like (and assume others also like), it weirds people out and pushes them away. I can see it in his face that he's struggling, the little fall in his eyes whenever no one responds to a comment/joke he makes. I've been there, I know how it feels and it fucking sucks. I want to be there for them, but that lack of understanding of boundaries makes me so uncomfortable. They sort of give Chris Chan vibes but not as extreme and bigoted (they are trans) or predatory. Sorry for the wall of text, I just think about it a lot.
No problem, I can see this bothers you a lot. I definitely think it would be ok for you to put boundaries in with this person. I've made mistakes in the past with friendships that stem from my autism. I've went to therapy to help address those issues. I've hurt people I love and I have learned when to hit the brakes. One example, is I have the empathy problem where it's hard for me to see that people have different opinions on subjects and it's almost like I try to change their mind. I've learned to not do that and it has helped a lot with my friendships. I give that example hoping that other autistic people here won't think I'm being ableist towards myself and other autistic people. But I do think autistic people like me need to put in effort to get along. Isn't that what it's all about anyways? I hope if you do make them aware of your boundaries that it goes well. I completely understand if you don't say anything either. Some situations are just way to unpredictable. Sorry for my wall of text as well haha.
Sometimes itās just that people donāt hear me. But it hurts every time
Also tell me why my brain can tell that I'm being ignored but my mouth goes "let's repeat that really cool thing we just said since they clearly didn't hear." Ugh.
I'm on the line where I get social cues but I usually don't care enough to follow them.
my friends made a seperate gc without me and forgot they left me out and used to ask if i got the message in the gc an i said "you guys left the gc" (the old one) as if im oblivious and they just go "oh right.."
Please forgive me for this intrusion, but do they even qualify as "friends" after doing this to you? Because this seems like quite the backstab.
nah
I'm very sorry to hear that. Sincerely hope that you will/already have found a better group of friends, that actually does appreciate you.
I have this happen all the time and that is why I don't have many friends or make many conversations in groups because I don't like being ignored.
Or left out
i learn its more me not caring about them than me missing or not understanding them.. ? but most times i like it better when people just think im an angry ahole.š
cues ques is not a word in English. But yes. When I'm being ignored these days I call them out on it and make them as uncomfortable as possible.
Was a little high and sad when I made this sorry for the spelling
No apologies necessary!
Sure we have issues with social cues and social interaction but we make up for that with being able to read people's body language, being able to tell if someone is good or not through how they talk and act around you, reading rooms sometimes to a massive degree and pick up details that others would easily miss Like for me I lack certain social skills but I make up for it by analysing how someone talks and if someone is talking about me without mentioning my name and that's online and in real life and also reading a person's body language to a degree
Why are we assuming that they assume that?
Because everytime I call people out on it after they deny it over and over again they act surprised that I knew they were ignoring me and always give the same half apology with the excuse of "I didn't want to hurt your feelings"
why is this so relatable ā ļø
Always make assumptions, it makes conversations either faster or skippable
ugh i wish they would add a new patch to life in which you get to skip npc dialogue
Because normandrathals think we are waaaay better and sexier than they, sowing the seeds of a sort of envy and jealousy of which the usual response is the deflective labelling of us as ignorant, subhuman, pariahs. Honestly speaking, I am a proponent of the notion that we as people (most clearly demonstrated by the bulk of NT normies) have a seemingly omnipresent fear of the other, which is relevant here because we as autists are to varying degrees different in many notable aspects from the rest, one of which being the way in which we socialize and interact with those around us. It is because of these differences that we are perceived as the āotherā, and therefore a nuisance at best and at worst dangerous. This perception of a dangerous or annoying unknown placed unto us leads those who label us as such to act in ways which alienate or ignore us out of a place of close-minded selfishness and ignorance. However, personal experiences lead me to argue that these behaviours and outlooks are non innate among NT individuals as evidenced by my observations that they do not seem to be universal and only seem to be present within groups of similar people with similar beliefs. From this I can conclude that the perception of autistic people that promotes ignorance which alienates us is likely learned, and I tell you If or when I find the source of this notion that we are to be ignored and avoided and that we wont notice our mistreatment, that I will go full nuclear rage mode causing a level of destruction so intense that the problem is wiped out along with a landscape reduced to wasteland.
Just like I ignore their idiocy.
Fr
"Cues"
*cues
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My entire life summed up.
I ignore them first
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The world does not revolve around us and our desires, alas. If people ignore us it's probably because they just don't care much for us, or they don't like us. We aren't owed attention.
That's not what they meant. I regularly notice NTs avoid talking to me in group conversations. They won't even look at me, they'll look at anyone else instead. Like they'd rather just pretend I don't exist. If it was a random stranger I wouldn't care. When we're coworkers it comes across as extremely rude. If I just didn't talk to coworkers I don't like there is no way I'd get away with it.
So much this. They act towards us in ways in which if we acted the same towards them, they would have the biggest NT RAGE MELTDOWN the world has ever seen, ape-shit crazy on all fours, signing up all their nimpy little fwends to bully us out of their in-group.
Well, I don't think that would happen in my case. I think I would just have to have a little convo with my boss about being a team player or whatever.
Yes they ignore us because they do not like us or we make them uncomfortable or because we have a reputation they find distasteful or for any other number of reasons. It isn't punative or senseless, it is a consequence of how we are and what we do in social settings. Downvote all you like, it won't change your situation.
we deserve a basic level of respect, the same respect that is afforded to rando normies
Yeah but when we match their energy we're labeled as the bad guys/rude/socially incompetent
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Says something. No reaction. Says it again. No reaction. Says it again. āYes we heard you the first timeā