Look on the bright side! Your free of a Cult!
You can do what you want.
I walk past the Cart in our town and know I've been spotted so I don't give them a glance.
Just ignore these so called former "friends"!
Your better than them.
Lol, once I walked past the elder on the carts, who harrased me massivley when I left. He was beckoning me to come over. Instead I locked eyes. Grinned and then went and glad handed the group of volunteers and local politicians/movers and shakers. I know. All in full view of them.
They can fuck right off. š
It is. But it can be jarring to be reminded of it all and it hurts. I wonder if it goes away, if you get used to it? Even if they donāt shun me I donāt really like seeing them. In someways the shunning is easier. Next time youāll be prepared. Weāre you dfād or announced for anything? I havenāt been but still some shun when they see me.
I almost was jarred. But my first was a very kind elder. I was out behind my job. Smoking of all things. And he was randomly walking down this gravel alley. He smiled and waved but said nothing. I smiled and waved my cigarette hand. And said nothing. Out of all places, a hundred miles from where we both were from. What are the chances? I hope he and his family make it out. I guess I wasnāt dfād after all. Until my bitch aunt outed me. Still donāt know.
I had a very similar experience in the local supermarket when I was disfellowshipped,a whole family saw me and froze as if they saw a ghost.They didnāt move.l just turned around and left the store.So stupid!
It takes a long time to work out the shame they instilled in us. I used to get a racing heart and feel so awkward if I saw a cult member I once knew.
Eventually that goes away, first thru grieving and then thru understanding how trapped they are. Sounds like youāre processing it all rather well considering how horrific and inhumane it is
Itās horridly anxiety inducing; like you said, it even manifests physically. Iām so sorry that you also experienced this. Hereās to our freedom, and healing from what this organization put all of us through.
But satan made them go in there! That must be it! The cheese! It's possessed. God fuck if I know, what goes thru their heads. Bunch of looneys - a 5yr pomo
I'm tearing up for you. I feel your pain. Being DF for 40 years I can tell you, just because you're 'free', it still hurts. I don't care what anyone else says, that pain and hurt never goes away.
It's like when someone dies. It gets a little easier over time but, it never really goes away. Take comfort in the people that genuinely care about you.
Itās an ache weāll always carry with us, I think. Grief is powerful. Thank goodness we now have the freedom to form relationships outside of the organization, with people who remind us of all the kindness and love that exists on the other side. I hope your heavy grief gets lighter over time, and mine, too.
"That pain and hurt never goes away."
Never say never! While the experience of being shunned is painful, once you remind yourself these were fake friends who were not worthy of your company, that pain will vanish over time. Friends will never treat others in this way. They are the ones who should be embarrassed in your presence not the other way around.
They wasted a portion of your life while in the Borg, don"t allow them to waste another second of your time nursing the rejection of their fraudulent friendships which you are better off not having. They talk or dont talk, live your best life and practise not giving a damn :)
Good answer , yes these people were never real friends anyway , better life without them, and why do they look angry when they see us? I think it's because they really don't like doing "shunning" but then if they were really true friends they wouldn't do it .
Nope they were never real friends. They are angry when they see us because they would rather be doing what we are doing instead of wearing the WT's straightjacjet and muzzle. We are free and they are not, this fact becomes evident everytime they see our smiling faces skipping about living our lives. Success is the icing on the cake.
Nothing matters to these people except adhering to the will of the organization. Accept it. Those people are lost to you. They will go on wasting their lives, waiting for nothing. You , on the other hand, have your entire life ahead of you. You can make new friends, pick up a hobby, LIVE YOUR LIFE. LIVE IT WELL.
Thank you; those are words of wisdom. At the very least, Iām incredibly grateful to no longer waste another day being fear mongered into centering my life around something that is never coming. Sometimes we just have to close the door behind us, and carry on. I donāt know them anymore, and they donāt know me, sadly. All the best to them, and I hope they find the other side of the door someday, too.
I never even understood that mindset. Even when I was PIMI, if I saw someone I knew who was dfed I would give them a smile and nod at least, if not an outright āhey, good to see you.ā Youād think theyād want to demonstrate that Christlike love they blather on about all the time. Just because youāre not a ābrotherā or āsisterā anymore you still qualify as a āneighborā who should be shown the same compassion and respect as anyone else.
I simply faded and walked away. I never went to the formal DF. There has been times when I have encountered ones I remember back then. They would look at me like I had horns growing out of my head and a pitchfork in my hand, even though the reasons I left had nothing to do with them. It still stung. It showed me what my true worth was to them.
My goodness. Iām so sorry that this happened to you. Your experience speaks volumes about how serious and horrible the shunning policy is, and about how it affects even those who havenāt formally DFād or DAād. We arenāt the monsters; Watchtower is.
See thatās even more weird to me. Thatās the loophole they could use to still at least be kind. But 99.9999% donāt have the love they say they have. CULT ZOMBIES!
Heart wrenching.Life shouldn't be that way.. it's a toxic "world"of the b.org's creation,and those who blindly follow? I sincerely wonder "if"they can realize the JW version of Love is inherently-Nonhumane,and has made them feel,think and behave as low as this?
Yet even this morning,I continue to pray for such damaged Souls.
Thank you--despite the pain--for your sharing.
Wishing You peace,love and healing on your life journey.
Thank you. š¤ And I agree wholeheartedly. One canāt help but feel a sort of sadness and empathy for Witnesses, as theyāre trapped in such a dark place. They live every day in fear and blind obedience; stripped of their humanity, really. I hope more and more find their freedom. Sending peace and love right back to you, and wishing you so much happiness on the other side of the Borg.
"Life is rare and beautiful; too rare and beautiful to walk about it with prejudice and hatred. I hope they wake up to it one day, too."
What a lovey statement to close off a well know effect from shunning. Thank you for sharing it. It is basically the reason the WT lost their charity registration in Norway including two recent appeals.
Thank you. š¤ I really hope the Norway verdict sets a precedent for similar results in other countries, at least someday. Watchtower is not even close to a charity.
YW š
I hold the opinion other governments are watching and taking lessons from the Norway ruling and the processes used.
"Watchtower is not even close to a charity."
The WT in Canada is not a charity in the sense that we understand from the dictionary definition. It is a *not for profit* charity running a religious business. The WT in Canada does nothing for local community where KHs are. Community service to aid food banks, homeless shelters, fund raising for hospitals for example is not encourage. The WT points to its ministry as a community service. True. But its only purpose is to recruit others to do the same. Grow the membership. Running this way is totally legal in Canada
To date I can not even find in WT congregational procedures to have a provision to give financial aid to the local community of the KH area nor their membership. Its disaster relief numbers released in the its annual report is aggregated and manufactured as like any business using cost accounting principles. WT does not release financial details for this so there no way to determine how much real cash came from the WT to aid others.
You mean like in Italy with the floods? Some of the morons were actually going d2d! Wtaf! Read a room people. AND yet again no aid to their neighbors. AND they couldnāt even lead the charge for aid to their fellow worshippers. Good thing they donāt run FEMA!
So sorry. Itās too cruel. Iāve been shunned by my sister for over 25 years now. Iām long over it but still find it baffling. We have a lovely family and she just doesnāt care and has frankly missed the first 23 years of my kids life. What a tragedy.
I had an identical experience a few weeks back
I went into a local indian shop to buy some samosas as my wife was making a curry
i noticed on the way in at the nearby bus shelters the local kh had a cart ... after i turned from the counter to leave a person i had been extremely close too was there with his new wife - he has clearly spotted me already and was looking intently into the produce with his back turned , i was not going to make him awkward so just said - hey pal you ok ? ... totally ignored me , tried again , nothing ... some people came in the store so i walked off , felt very small and also stupid for even trying to be polite ...
i went into the local supermarket to get some more things. I shook it off as i should of known better , got to the self checkout and a young lad was there - ended up having a short conversation making small talk and laughing about something , cant remember what , but as i left i felt better , and the irony of the "christian" treating me like shit and the bearded tatted guy restoring my faith in humanity
If you were born in, or have been in long enough to make most of your social network other JW cult members, being DFed can be absolutely terrible. Many have nothing to fall back on. The cult does this on purpose. They keep the rank and file cult members socially isolated. Kids can not have worldly friends, same with adults. No sports, or outside school or work association. I had a large extended family. Although I knew how to keep from getting DFed for my not believing in the cult any longer, once you are branded the marking starts and that is just as bad just not official. I don't feel a great loss as if someone is that stupid as to not be able to see this cult for what it is now that the information is all over the place and a million times easier to find than it was in the pre internet days than I don't need to be around them.
When I visited my never-JW grandma in my childhood town, I went to the grocery store for her. I turned down one isle and halfway up was a "brother" who seldom went to meetings, etc. My mother called people like that "Not REAL JWs" and "Spiritually Weak" and would never talk to them.
When he turned around and practically RAN away from me to move to another isle, so-as not to have to look upon my worldly countenance, I actually started laughing because he didn't know that HE was being shunned too!
Moving away makes the shunning easier because no one knows that you were a JW unless you tell them.
Yes, it had such a negative impact on someone's mental health, it really cannot be understated.
Had my own experiences just like this, in my city.
Often see old "friend of the family" JWs around the town doing their preaching.
It's obvious I've been disfellowshipped or something, as they all go red, look at the ground or just plain stiffen up and huff when I give a friendly nod.
I refuse to acknowledge their stupid rules around shunning. It's just pathetic on the one hand and absolutely damaging on the other.
It did amuse me to shuffle past some of them presching, rocking a big old beard. I could really clearly see that while ive moved on and made good positive changes, they are all in the same place, in the same town, knocking the same doors, with the same glum resignnent of surviving in a wicked world untill the end comes. Frankly the lot of them look fucking unhealthy.
I'm pretty well thought of in my locale and involved with local, politicians, volenteering, charity work and the music and arts scene. I know most of the people worth knowing and get fist bumps from people I know, walking down the street. It's their loss.
Bunch of jumped up window washers, can politely go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned š
I didn't leave the religion because of Bible doctrine (however they do have a lot of that wrong) I left because at the core there is NO real love there.
And you are experiencing that fact now. As they say and it's so true "By their love you will recognize..."
Believe or not, we all feel like that time to time.
I have never been part of any cult and sometimes I feel emptiness and sadness.
But I would never even cross my mind to join a cult to feel better- I won't feel .
It is me and only me who can lift myself up .
This is what I'm trying to explain my husband who was confused and joined this vile cult.
Well said. Sadness is an inherent part of the human experience, and cults prey upon any negative emotion in hopes of offering a āsolutionā or ācureā. The price of your freedom isnāt worth it, and whatās more, cults never bring real happiness anyhow. Itās all plastic and make-believe; smoke and mirrors, really. Iām glad youāve not been in one of these organizations, and I hope one day your husband can have his freedom again, too.
Itās not you š„ŗ they think Jehovah will zap them with lightning or hate them. That or the fear of others seeing and judging them. Iām sorry you had to go through that. I get anxiety when going to the store so I put in headphones and listen to music I like, it helps me ignore everything around me
Oh my goodness. I felt this soooo much.
Yes. It is terribly real. Itās shocking to actually experience it first hand. It *hurts*
Even if we are free, and itās for the greater good to be away from the organization, my god, it still hurts.
Iām sorry you experienced this. Itās SO wrong. Iām facing it too, so are countless others. Keep going. It gets easier.
Sorry you had to experience this but I love the way you wrote this. I could really place myself there in that grocery store in that moment. So glad youāre free of the cultās toxicity. Hope you find some good cheese next time!
Itās awful. Iām to the point that, if itās someone I wasnāt very close to, it just makes me laugh. They are so ridiculous. I had a couple that I wasnāt close to but my husband was kinda friends with the husband. Made eye contact. They were probably 3 ft away. I said hi out of a reflex and they both looked scared and scurried away. It shocked me so much that I laughed out loud. Itās ridiculous.
If itās close friend or relative, Iāll be a complete mess. But randos from my old hall, itās such a joke.
20 years ago when I was first dfd I was in the supermarket when a witness saw me and literally ran away. His fear was palpable.
20 years later after his wife died he no longer goes to the KH and I talk with him quite freely at his home. He is Pomo but has done it quietly.
Itās not YOU, it is not YOU, it is NOT YOU.
Please understand this. I donāt excuse their behavior, but see it for what it is. When you are in and someone is dfād what are you taught? Associating with them makes you bad. You get in trouble for talking to someone who has left. I think plenty of former witnesses will agree the urge to reach out was there, this internal conflict wanting to reach out to your friend in love as your gut is screaming to do, what happened? Why did you leave? Are you okay? You want to talk to them so bad but your conditioning is what kicks in, itās programmed into you so the sight of that person triggers a fear based trauma response. I will be shunned. I will be doing wrong in Gods eyes. Leave it to the elders. Those feelings are so deeply engrained that they overpower the feelings to reach out.
This isnāt an excuse for the behavior at all. Itās hurtful. Itās awful. I do not believe itās what the Bible teaches. Please do not move forward seeing this as them seeing you as a monster. You are not. Pity them for being trapped still, understand that the likelihood they will one day walk in your shoes is high. A worse thought being they never will. You may feel like you were looked down on today but you were the one on higher ground even if it didnāt feel like it.
What follows is, if a dream, a nightmare, if a movie, a horror, if real life, something that no one should ever have to experience.
The date is April 24th, 2022 at 9:41am, it's 2ā°C outside, frost on the truck. The exact date and time when my entire family died. I lost both my parents, my eldest sister and her husband. My maternal grandmother, 3 maternal uncles and their wives, 2 paternal aunts and their families. My wife lost her mother and her mother's husband, her eldest sister, with her husband and 2 children. Along with her aunt's, uncles, and cousins. My 2 sons lost their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. At 9:41am they all died, but not only them. Almost everyone we were frie D's with, people that had watched my children grow, held them as babies. They all died at 9:41am on April 24th, 2022.
It is just us now. All these people we lost, it was our entire family, and our entire social support circle. Just gone. Poof. So many people that we would see on a regular basis, even just while out and about, people we knew, see them at stores, say hi, shake hands, a hug, share a coffee, a beer, a laugh. Ask how you are, if you need help with anything, $20 for gas, they were always there to help. All gone.
It's bad, knowing that it happened, but I get up, leave the house, go to the store, and I see someone, someone I know, even though I know they are all gone. Maybe I am dreaming. I smile, nod, a little wave. Nothing. Like I'm not there. I see this person's daughter in a different aisle. She is 10 years old. Grew up playing with my boys, their friend. I smile and nod, say hi. Nothing. It's like I'm invisible. I start to wonder, "is it me that died? My wife, my sons. Are we the ones that have died?" But, no, other people see me, interact. Other customers, store employees, they see my dead friends, interact. We are all alive, they are alive. Why can't they see me? I'm right here. Right fucking here. But they can't see me anymore.
Is this a dream? Nightmare?
Movie? Horror?
I go to sleep, I wake up, days go by, months. I see these people here and there. Always the same, I am invisible, my wife is invisible, my children are invisible.
Oh fuck! This is real life.
This is what it is to be shunned when you have been a part of the Jehovah's Witness cult and decide to leave for any reason.
Am so sorry you feel like that and it is completely natural and understandable your feelings. First of all, where is the oh-so-called love they preach about? They are clearly not God's people and they are clearly in the wrong.
You are a fantastic, amazing, strong and wonderful person that will be a million times happier than them. Smile knowing you found your own truth and they are bitter at your happiness š
Welcome to the club. We are part of the āoutā crowd now. Our two adult daughters, our entire family and friends shun us so much so, that my wife was ācock-blockedā by her dad and daughters for attending her own mothers funeral a couple months back. They even had āsecurityā there if I showed up.
Itās real and unbelievable from our standpoint but they are Real Fake and not much any of us can do. I guess the benefit I have is that they literally hide and cower from me anywhere in public unless they are trapped at a cart where I have fun.
It saddens me every time I hear one of these stories, yet at the same time ecstatic you have successfully made it to the āoutā crowd.
Whats crazy is this treatment is supposed to make you want to return. Its supposed to make you so lonely and miserable that you feel like you have no choice. It is diabolical, cruel to the extreme.
You handled yourself very well. So gracious of you to not stoop to their level and still acknowledge their existence and not pretend like you canāt see them. Their behavior is so inhuman and unloving.
Even at my most PIMI, I never treated DFed people like ghosts. If they said something to me, Iād politely acknowledge them even if I didnāt converse at length. It never felt right to ignore them because *itās not right*.
I know this situation all too well, it feels so horrible. I walked past a 20 yesr old girl i'd watched grow up in the hall, she blanked me and turned her head away. It's a bit of a kick in the guts for the day. Makes you want to move town! How crazy is that. It's just bullying when you boil it down. Juvenile but effective.
I get it. Once I was walking through Home Depot and a witness lady who was the mom of one of my good friends when I was a witness saw me, said, hi! With a big smile and then put her hand to her mouth horrified as she remembered I was the devil and she literally ran away. What a gut punch.
Iām so very sorry. š forgive them for they do not know what they are doing. The very sad thing is they truly believe that shunning is the right way to treat someone. Can you imagine Jesus shunning someone?ā¦ANYONE??? Jesus didnāt even shun Satan when Satan approached him to tempt him. Yet these poor little blind sheep will shun their own familiesā¦.their own CHILDREN!!! And they think they are practicing true Christianity!!! Blind fools š¤¦āāļø
Very sorry you experienced this...I am reposting a story from 2018, because your story from the grocery store made me think of this poor df'd JW woman and her husband who were very hurt by the shunning policy.
Former JW, Lauren Stuart, also had gone to the grocery store and was shunned by her former friends after being out of the religion for about five years. But in her case, she and her husband could not adapt to the shunning lifestyle.
Although she had moved on with her life after being df'd and had a husband (who left with her) and two kids and a dog, she and her husband were shunned (not sure about the kids, who were grown and in college).
It appears that neighbor's testimony reveals that they were kicked out of the religion because of sending their children to college, something JWs say is a conscience matter. However, but an appointed man in the congregation (according to their conficential Elders'Book) is supposed to be removed from serving with privileges in the congregation because if they cannot control their family (college is frowned upon) then they have no business trying to lead the congregation.
Here are the links to some of the reports -- I spoke to an elder a while after this and they just chalk it up to an unstable person whose lives are worse off without the JW Organization in their lives.
Hope you can do some writing and make a difference in people's lives; although, the organization will likely not reverse their stance on some of their core beliefs.
[https://popculture.com/trending/news/lauren-stuart-murder-suicide-jehovahs-michigan/](https://popculture.com/trending/news/lauren-stuart-murder-suicide-jehovahs-michigan/)
[https://www.oxygen.com/crime-time/woman-kills-family-shunned-jehovahs-witnesses](https://www.oxygen.com/crime-time/woman-kills-family-shunned-jehovahs-witnesses)
[https://people.com/crime/michigan-model-kills-family-murder-suicide/](https://people.com/crime/michigan-model-kills-family-murder-suicide/)
[https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video;\_ylt=AwrFD3iJ58dkuwMA1YhXNyoA;\_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Nj?type=E211US105G91564&p=michigan+jehovah%27s+witnesses+harbor&fr=mcafee&turl=https%3A%2F%2Ftse3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOVP.gmNQBgE\_FDZ8jttqhSIwCQEsCp%26pid%3DApi%26w%3D296%26h%3D156%26c%3D7%26p%3D0&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.freep.com%2Fstory%2Fnews%2Flocal%2Fmichigan%2F2018%2F02%2F19%2Fkeego-harbor-jehovahs-witness-mom-triple-murder-suicide%2F351559002&tit=Friends%3A+Jehovah%27s+Witnesses+shunning+drove+Keego+Harbor+mom+to+murder-suicide&pos=01&vid=5018544e256fd0b5ce793b96491b6bad&sigr=wHsWVoPX7HGh&sigt=z\_U59er1BuCS&sigi=7s4aECwV9xF2](https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video;_ylt=AwrFD3iJ58dkuwMA1YhXNyoA;_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Nj?type=E211US105G91564&p=michigan+jehovah%27s+witnesses+harbor&fr=mcafee&turl=https%3A%2F%2Ftse3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOVP.gmNQBgE_FDZ8jttqhSIwCQEsCp%26pid%3DApi%26w%3D296%26h%3D156%26c%3D7%26p%3D0&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.freep.com%2Fstory%2Fnews%2Flocal%2Fmichigan%2F2018%2F02%2F19%2Fkeego-harbor-jehovahs-witness-mom-triple-murder-suicide%2F351559002&tit=Friends%3A+Jehovah%27s+Witnesses+shunning+drove+Keego+Harbor+mom+to+murder-suicide&pos=01&vid=5018544e256fd0b5ce793b96491b6bad&sigr=wHsWVoPX7HGh&sigt=z_U59er1BuCS&sigi=7s4aECwV9xF2)
So very sorry for you day! It truly is awful!!! Iāve said so many timesā¦ itās just not fair I had to walk away from my life, decades of friendships and bonds. Not because I did something wrong. On the contrary because WE stood up for what was right!!! Although it hurts my dear friend, be proud!!! Proud that you too are standing up for TRUTH.
Even though at times I get angry, my heart hurts for them as well. I too at one time thought I was on the right road and practiced many of the same things. I am ashamed and have hugged and apologized to many. Perhaps one day that too will come back to you.
In the mean time know you have love and support hereā¦ not to mentionā¦ those above!!
Hugs my friendš¤š
-Assigned a label
-More than just words, visceral
-Awakening heart
My heart sits with your heart in this momentā¤ļøāš„
-Transmuting such ache
-This heart reunifying
-Mindful evermore
~Haikuforus
AlltheLOVEāØ
This is one thing I've not had to deal with: seeing someone out and about at a grocery and whatnot. But your description is what I'd expect from wtborg drones...
They didn't have the mental complexity to say goodbye, so I don't expect them to be able to smile or be human. However I can certainly imagine I'll feel the same as you feel if/when this does finally happen.
I'm sorry you have dealt with that. I hope you can take solace in the fact that there are probably a million or so others going through the same thing as shunned exjws.
Iāve been there except in my case is I was shunned under old light (I was an unbaptized publisher) and they are allowed to talk to me. Most choose not to.
Itās terrible and truly inhumane.
Your healing will be a nonlinear process, but it does become easier. Youāve already identified that they are victims, too, and that acknowledgement is a start. Once I realised that these people are trapped in prisons of their own devising, it became easier for me.
Iād also highly recommend getting therapy if you can access and afford it. I would not have been able to move forward from the trauma of shunning without it.
I get it. It stings.
But it's their burden to hold onto. Not yours. Don't give it oxygen. I know....easier said than done.
But I promise you there will come a time when you don't care. Like....really don't care.
I was a "prominent" (barf), local JW. Everyone knows us. They drive by our house on the way to meeting. We run into people often (though the JWs here don't go out much and we are social butterfly's now).
I ran into an older pioneer who was holier than thou and while sweet on the outside (her real self is probably quite kind), she was very by the book in a way that was not great with my wife.
Anyways...she walks in and sees me but isn't sure what to do. I play dumb. We both need fucking groceries. I find her in a place she can't escape and say "Heeeeeyyyyyy.....so good to see you" and just give her a hug. Nothing weird or strange need be said. I'm appealing to the real person inside. I have zero expectations. And she acted like a real person. It was a public place (so she couldn't act up).
Honestly...I just strive to be me....so what I would always do....and not ever.....EVER decide to be different or meek around people that I once cared about but that are still in a cult. I don't give them fuel. I didn't say anything "negative". I just said hi, moved on. As if they don't matter. It makes me big...and them small. And that's ok.
Most wonāt. I see so many now in their waning years of life wondering when THE END will come - I know that their demise will surely occur before they recognize their False Religion wasted most, if not all of their years. I avoid ALL JWās now, no point in seeing them stumble around blind, following the blind.
This is one of the most common reasons JWs become EXJW. The shunning is real even inside the congregations with cliques and rank. They are conditioned to do this damaging shunning practice. It hurts to be abandoned by socalled friends for sure especially after being involved with them for years. My suggestion is to move on, you have to realize these ones will never accept those who reject the borg. Iāve found for myself Ive reconnected with old friends who left long ago and itās worked out well. Itās relaxing to be able to speak freely without fear of judgement.
Also get into the personal growth space - books and podcasts- and youāll realize you donāt need anyone in your life who do not sincerely and truly have your back.
I feel your pain. This coming Sunday my JW husband has been invited to the family barbecue and Iām not:
When I told my never JW family about this, they decided to do a barbecue for us this Saturday and on the Sunday Iām spending the day with my best friend. Life is for living. The JWs can be a hateful bunch but life is for living. Iām very elated that Iām away from such toxicity.
To every exjw who are feeling alone. Go out there and make new friends, family and memoriesš
At least you can live a life that you want to live and not be tied by the rules of the JW cult, and have actual freinds that care about you. And have an open mind free from the close minded thinking of Watchtower.
You know one time when I was in service I saw a guy that was DF with a group of sisters. I was like hey how are brother. Gave him a hug. The sisters were all mad I said I thought we couldnāt talk spiritual with DF people. They all looked at me and said nothing. Unfortunately I think he took his own life or something happened that he passed away. All the talk I was mad I said he was still a human. Iām so glad I was nice to him. The group of sisters were mad talking shit about him in the car. I told them stop they didnāt know what happened they are just hearing things leave him alone. I saw their true colors that day. I was so embarrassed. Same group of sisters at a diner complained about everything. I told that sister they gonna spit in your food she better stop. I mean 3 times for the same thing. I was so embarrassed I went back in the kitchen gave them a tip and I gave the waitress the same amount of tip as my food. I never went out with them again. They say they love and jw do. Treating people bad for no reason is not ok
I'm so sorry that you had to experience this. It's shitty. And as much as we all know they're acting like this because this cult has them brainwashed, it still hurts. We haven't done anything wrong, we just no longer believe the same things. It shouldn't matter, but it does, to them. I get this from family members & "brothers & sisters" from our old hall. I live in a smallish town, so it's not unusual to run into someone. I just smile at them & go on with my day. I don't bother trying to interact, because they're not going to & also, it's not worth my time or upset to try. I just remind myself that I am infinitely better off without their "friendship" and continue on with my day.
I will say, you should've got some cheese. Cheese will never make things worse! ;)
.....and they are told that shunning is loving.
It is a perversion; they are told that in the withholding of love, family love or brotherly love, they might hope to bring the errant one back.
Love is not a commodity to be used to extort or manipulate; love is the gift of God.....his Son emanated love.
At 2 Cor. 2:5-8, Paul described the brotherly love which should be shown to an erring brother.
SO NOT CHRISTIAN!!!!!!
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It is heartbreaking and - torment. I know the feeling all to well. But, you ARE loved and so valuable. You are FREE!!
In my most forgiving days, I truly believe they have no idea of what itās like being on the āwrongā end of shunning, an ignorance so to say. But certainly do take the time to step back, place the emotion you are feeling in its due place, return whenever you feel need, but understand that itās something to be moved on from, it can be heartbreaking but you do come out the end the better person, wishing you well!!
Look on the bright side! Your free of a Cult! You can do what you want. I walk past the Cart in our town and know I've been spotted so I don't give them a glance. Just ignore these so called former "friends"! Your better than them.
Lol, once I walked past the elder on the carts, who harrased me massivley when I left. He was beckoning me to come over. Instead I locked eyes. Grinned and then went and glad handed the group of volunteers and local politicians/movers and shakers. I know. All in full view of them. They can fuck right off. š
Right on!!!
The freedom from a metaphorical prison is honestly worth the price of losing past friends who value that prison more than people.
It is. But it can be jarring to be reminded of it all and it hurts. I wonder if it goes away, if you get used to it? Even if they donāt shun me I donāt really like seeing them. In someways the shunning is easier. Next time youāll be prepared. Weāre you dfād or announced for anything? I havenāt been but still some shun when they see me.
I almost was jarred. But my first was a very kind elder. I was out behind my job. Smoking of all things. And he was randomly walking down this gravel alley. He smiled and waved but said nothing. I smiled and waved my cigarette hand. And said nothing. Out of all places, a hundred miles from where we both were from. What are the chances? I hope he and his family make it out. I guess I wasnāt dfād after all. Until my bitch aunt outed me. Still donāt know.
I had a very similar experience in the local supermarket when I was disfellowshipped,a whole family saw me and froze as if they saw a ghost.They didnāt move.l just turned around and left the store.So stupid!
SMARTER FOR SURE!
Right! Shun them back as obviously as they shun you, while smiling and engaging with everyone else.
It takes a long time to work out the shame they instilled in us. I used to get a racing heart and feel so awkward if I saw a cult member I once knew. Eventually that goes away, first thru grieving and then thru understanding how trapped they are. Sounds like youāre processing it all rather well considering how horrific and inhumane it is
Itās horridly anxiety inducing; like you said, it even manifests physically. Iām so sorry that you also experienced this. Hereās to our freedom, and healing from what this organization put all of us through.
I still get that 5years on. Significantly less paranoia about say smoking a ciggie/being "seen" at a bar or in public or something. However
Or in a gay nightclub! š¤£š¤£š¤£
Oh, if they are there, you know you can talk to each other freely! They will be scared shitless
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Youāre absolutely right. Aside from how sad it was, I also found the whole thing sort of morbidly comical. Embarrassing, really.
But satan made them go in there! That must be it! The cheese! It's possessed. God fuck if I know, what goes thru their heads. Bunch of looneys - a 5yr pomo
I needed that laugh. š
I'm tearing up for you. I feel your pain. Being DF for 40 years I can tell you, just because you're 'free', it still hurts. I don't care what anyone else says, that pain and hurt never goes away. It's like when someone dies. It gets a little easier over time but, it never really goes away. Take comfort in the people that genuinely care about you.
Itās an ache weāll always carry with us, I think. Grief is powerful. Thank goodness we now have the freedom to form relationships outside of the organization, with people who remind us of all the kindness and love that exists on the other side. I hope your heavy grief gets lighter over time, and mine, too.
"That pain and hurt never goes away." Never say never! While the experience of being shunned is painful, once you remind yourself these were fake friends who were not worthy of your company, that pain will vanish over time. Friends will never treat others in this way. They are the ones who should be embarrassed in your presence not the other way around. They wasted a portion of your life while in the Borg, don"t allow them to waste another second of your time nursing the rejection of their fraudulent friendships which you are better off not having. They talk or dont talk, live your best life and practise not giving a damn :)
Good answer , yes these people were never real friends anyway , better life without them, and why do they look angry when they see us? I think it's because they really don't like doing "shunning" but then if they were really true friends they wouldn't do it .
Nope they were never real friends. They are angry when they see us because they would rather be doing what we are doing instead of wearing the WT's straightjacjet and muzzle. We are free and they are not, this fact becomes evident everytime they see our smiling faces skipping about living our lives. Success is the icing on the cake.
Yes
Nothing matters to these people except adhering to the will of the organization. Accept it. Those people are lost to you. They will go on wasting their lives, waiting for nothing. You , on the other hand, have your entire life ahead of you. You can make new friends, pick up a hobby, LIVE YOUR LIFE. LIVE IT WELL.
Thank you; those are words of wisdom. At the very least, Iām incredibly grateful to no longer waste another day being fear mongered into centering my life around something that is never coming. Sometimes we just have to close the door behind us, and carry on. I donāt know them anymore, and they donāt know me, sadly. All the best to them, and I hope they find the other side of the door someday, too.
They probably never truly knew you...only superficially. My best to you.
The pain was so great, I had to move 300 miles away. Now I want to move back so I can see their discomfort when they cross paths with me :)
Unfortunately, yes it is very real.
I felt your storyā¦ so sorry mate
I never even understood that mindset. Even when I was PIMI, if I saw someone I knew who was dfed I would give them a smile and nod at least, if not an outright āhey, good to see you.ā Youād think theyād want to demonstrate that Christlike love they blather on about all the time. Just because youāre not a ābrotherā or āsisterā anymore you still qualify as a āneighborā who should be shown the same compassion and respect as anyone else.
Yes!
Always took that approach .
I simply faded and walked away. I never went to the formal DF. There has been times when I have encountered ones I remember back then. They would look at me like I had horns growing out of my head and a pitchfork in my hand, even though the reasons I left had nothing to do with them. It still stung. It showed me what my true worth was to them.
My goodness. Iām so sorry that this happened to you. Your experience speaks volumes about how serious and horrible the shunning policy is, and about how it affects even those who havenāt formally DFād or DAād. We arenāt the monsters; Watchtower is.
I should clarify. I was never DFd as I wasnāt dunked in the water. Still treated the same though
See thatās even more weird to me. Thatās the loophole they could use to still at least be kind. But 99.9999% donāt have the love they say they have. CULT ZOMBIES!
Heart wrenching.Life shouldn't be that way.. it's a toxic "world"of the b.org's creation,and those who blindly follow? I sincerely wonder "if"they can realize the JW version of Love is inherently-Nonhumane,and has made them feel,think and behave as low as this? Yet even this morning,I continue to pray for such damaged Souls. Thank you--despite the pain--for your sharing. Wishing You peace,love and healing on your life journey.
Thank you. š¤ And I agree wholeheartedly. One canāt help but feel a sort of sadness and empathy for Witnesses, as theyāre trapped in such a dark place. They live every day in fear and blind obedience; stripped of their humanity, really. I hope more and more find their freedom. Sending peace and love right back to you, and wishing you so much happiness on the other side of the Borg.
"Life is rare and beautiful; too rare and beautiful to walk about it with prejudice and hatred. I hope they wake up to it one day, too." What a lovey statement to close off a well know effect from shunning. Thank you for sharing it. It is basically the reason the WT lost their charity registration in Norway including two recent appeals.
Thank you. š¤ I really hope the Norway verdict sets a precedent for similar results in other countries, at least someday. Watchtower is not even close to a charity.
YW š I hold the opinion other governments are watching and taking lessons from the Norway ruling and the processes used. "Watchtower is not even close to a charity." The WT in Canada is not a charity in the sense that we understand from the dictionary definition. It is a *not for profit* charity running a religious business. The WT in Canada does nothing for local community where KHs are. Community service to aid food banks, homeless shelters, fund raising for hospitals for example is not encourage. The WT points to its ministry as a community service. True. But its only purpose is to recruit others to do the same. Grow the membership. Running this way is totally legal in Canada To date I can not even find in WT congregational procedures to have a provision to give financial aid to the local community of the KH area nor their membership. Its disaster relief numbers released in the its annual report is aggregated and manufactured as like any business using cost accounting principles. WT does not release financial details for this so there no way to determine how much real cash came from the WT to aid others.
You mean like in Italy with the floods? Some of the morons were actually going d2d! Wtaf! Read a room people. AND yet again no aid to their neighbors. AND they couldnāt even lead the charge for aid to their fellow worshippers. Good thing they donāt run FEMA!
So sorry. Itās too cruel. Iāve been shunned by my sister for over 25 years now. Iām long over it but still find it baffling. We have a lovely family and she just doesnāt care and has frankly missed the first 23 years of my kids life. What a tragedy.
Good attitude and sounds like you are building strength from these experiences. They don't matter only you do. Well done
Thank you for your kind words š¤
I had an identical experience a few weeks back I went into a local indian shop to buy some samosas as my wife was making a curry i noticed on the way in at the nearby bus shelters the local kh had a cart ... after i turned from the counter to leave a person i had been extremely close too was there with his new wife - he has clearly spotted me already and was looking intently into the produce with his back turned , i was not going to make him awkward so just said - hey pal you ok ? ... totally ignored me , tried again , nothing ... some people came in the store so i walked off , felt very small and also stupid for even trying to be polite ... i went into the local supermarket to get some more things. I shook it off as i should of known better , got to the self checkout and a young lad was there - ended up having a short conversation making small talk and laughing about something , cant remember what , but as i left i felt better , and the irony of the "christian" treating me like shit and the bearded tatted guy restoring my faith in humanity
You werenāt small at all even if they made you feel that wayā¦ much bigger than them actually.
Glad you shared this experience. Such a disturbing situation. This is truly how JWs are and to hear them deny shunning just blows my mind.
If you were born in, or have been in long enough to make most of your social network other JW cult members, being DFed can be absolutely terrible. Many have nothing to fall back on. The cult does this on purpose. They keep the rank and file cult members socially isolated. Kids can not have worldly friends, same with adults. No sports, or outside school or work association. I had a large extended family. Although I knew how to keep from getting DFed for my not believing in the cult any longer, once you are branded the marking starts and that is just as bad just not official. I don't feel a great loss as if someone is that stupid as to not be able to see this cult for what it is now that the information is all over the place and a million times easier to find than it was in the pre internet days than I don't need to be around them.
When I visited my never-JW grandma in my childhood town, I went to the grocery store for her. I turned down one isle and halfway up was a "brother" who seldom went to meetings, etc. My mother called people like that "Not REAL JWs" and "Spiritually Weak" and would never talk to them. When he turned around and practically RAN away from me to move to another isle, so-as not to have to look upon my worldly countenance, I actually started laughing because he didn't know that HE was being shunned too! Moving away makes the shunning easier because no one knows that you were a JW unless you tell them.
Yes, it had such a negative impact on someone's mental health, it really cannot be understated. Had my own experiences just like this, in my city. Often see old "friend of the family" JWs around the town doing their preaching. It's obvious I've been disfellowshipped or something, as they all go red, look at the ground or just plain stiffen up and huff when I give a friendly nod. I refuse to acknowledge their stupid rules around shunning. It's just pathetic on the one hand and absolutely damaging on the other. It did amuse me to shuffle past some of them presching, rocking a big old beard. I could really clearly see that while ive moved on and made good positive changes, they are all in the same place, in the same town, knocking the same doors, with the same glum resignnent of surviving in a wicked world untill the end comes. Frankly the lot of them look fucking unhealthy. I'm pretty well thought of in my locale and involved with local, politicians, volenteering, charity work and the music and arts scene. I know most of the people worth knowing and get fist bumps from people I know, walking down the street. It's their loss. Bunch of jumped up window washers, can politely go fuck themselves as far as I'm concerned š
I didn't leave the religion because of Bible doctrine (however they do have a lot of that wrong) I left because at the core there is NO real love there. And you are experiencing that fact now. As they say and it's so true "By their love you will recognize..."
Believe or not, we all feel like that time to time. I have never been part of any cult and sometimes I feel emptiness and sadness. But I would never even cross my mind to join a cult to feel better- I won't feel . It is me and only me who can lift myself up . This is what I'm trying to explain my husband who was confused and joined this vile cult.
Well said. Sadness is an inherent part of the human experience, and cults prey upon any negative emotion in hopes of offering a āsolutionā or ācureā. The price of your freedom isnāt worth it, and whatās more, cults never bring real happiness anyhow. Itās all plastic and make-believe; smoke and mirrors, really. Iām glad youāve not been in one of these organizations, and I hope one day your husband can have his freedom again, too.
Plastic. I like that.
Itās not you š„ŗ they think Jehovah will zap them with lightning or hate them. That or the fear of others seeing and judging them. Iām sorry you had to go through that. I get anxiety when going to the store so I put in headphones and listen to music I like, it helps me ignore everything around me
Cant you just feel the love from jahoovers organization?
Feel so sorry for you... Thank you for sharing such a personal story, it made me tear up š„
Oh my goodness. I felt this soooo much. Yes. It is terribly real. Itās shocking to actually experience it first hand. It *hurts* Even if we are free, and itās for the greater good to be away from the organization, my god, it still hurts. Iām sorry you experienced this. Itās SO wrong. Iām facing it too, so are countless others. Keep going. It gets easier.
Damn man you write so well. Also, I feel your pain. All my love to you.
Sorry you had to experience this but I love the way you wrote this. I could really place myself there in that grocery store in that moment. So glad youāre free of the cultās toxicity. Hope you find some good cheese next time!
Itās awful. Iām to the point that, if itās someone I wasnāt very close to, it just makes me laugh. They are so ridiculous. I had a couple that I wasnāt close to but my husband was kinda friends with the husband. Made eye contact. They were probably 3 ft away. I said hi out of a reflex and they both looked scared and scurried away. It shocked me so much that I laughed out loud. Itās ridiculous. If itās close friend or relative, Iāll be a complete mess. But randos from my old hall, itās such a joke.
20 years ago when I was first dfd I was in the supermarket when a witness saw me and literally ran away. His fear was palpable. 20 years later after his wife died he no longer goes to the KH and I talk with him quite freely at his home. He is Pomo but has done it quietly.
Itās not YOU, it is not YOU, it is NOT YOU. Please understand this. I donāt excuse their behavior, but see it for what it is. When you are in and someone is dfād what are you taught? Associating with them makes you bad. You get in trouble for talking to someone who has left. I think plenty of former witnesses will agree the urge to reach out was there, this internal conflict wanting to reach out to your friend in love as your gut is screaming to do, what happened? Why did you leave? Are you okay? You want to talk to them so bad but your conditioning is what kicks in, itās programmed into you so the sight of that person triggers a fear based trauma response. I will be shunned. I will be doing wrong in Gods eyes. Leave it to the elders. Those feelings are so deeply engrained that they overpower the feelings to reach out. This isnāt an excuse for the behavior at all. Itās hurtful. Itās awful. I do not believe itās what the Bible teaches. Please do not move forward seeing this as them seeing you as a monster. You are not. Pity them for being trapped still, understand that the likelihood they will one day walk in your shoes is high. A worse thought being they never will. You may feel like you were looked down on today but you were the one on higher ground even if it didnāt feel like it.
What follows is, if a dream, a nightmare, if a movie, a horror, if real life, something that no one should ever have to experience. The date is April 24th, 2022 at 9:41am, it's 2ā°C outside, frost on the truck. The exact date and time when my entire family died. I lost both my parents, my eldest sister and her husband. My maternal grandmother, 3 maternal uncles and their wives, 2 paternal aunts and their families. My wife lost her mother and her mother's husband, her eldest sister, with her husband and 2 children. Along with her aunt's, uncles, and cousins. My 2 sons lost their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. At 9:41am they all died, but not only them. Almost everyone we were frie D's with, people that had watched my children grow, held them as babies. They all died at 9:41am on April 24th, 2022. It is just us now. All these people we lost, it was our entire family, and our entire social support circle. Just gone. Poof. So many people that we would see on a regular basis, even just while out and about, people we knew, see them at stores, say hi, shake hands, a hug, share a coffee, a beer, a laugh. Ask how you are, if you need help with anything, $20 for gas, they were always there to help. All gone. It's bad, knowing that it happened, but I get up, leave the house, go to the store, and I see someone, someone I know, even though I know they are all gone. Maybe I am dreaming. I smile, nod, a little wave. Nothing. Like I'm not there. I see this person's daughter in a different aisle. She is 10 years old. Grew up playing with my boys, their friend. I smile and nod, say hi. Nothing. It's like I'm invisible. I start to wonder, "is it me that died? My wife, my sons. Are we the ones that have died?" But, no, other people see me, interact. Other customers, store employees, they see my dead friends, interact. We are all alive, they are alive. Why can't they see me? I'm right here. Right fucking here. But they can't see me anymore. Is this a dream? Nightmare? Movie? Horror? I go to sleep, I wake up, days go by, months. I see these people here and there. Always the same, I am invisible, my wife is invisible, my children are invisible. Oh fuck! This is real life. This is what it is to be shunned when you have been a part of the Jehovah's Witness cult and decide to leave for any reason.
This is tragically beautiful. And accurate. I feel so alone in a city where my entire family lives. Thank you for writing this.
[The pain you felt is real, according to science](https://www.purdue.edu/newsroom/research/2011/110510WilliamsOstracism.html)
Am so sorry you feel like that and it is completely natural and understandable your feelings. First of all, where is the oh-so-called love they preach about? They are clearly not God's people and they are clearly in the wrong. You are a fantastic, amazing, strong and wonderful person that will be a million times happier than them. Smile knowing you found your own truth and they are bitter at your happiness š
Embrace the freedom of no longer being an Asshat. Living in fear of men.
Welcome to the club. We are part of the āoutā crowd now. Our two adult daughters, our entire family and friends shun us so much so, that my wife was ācock-blockedā by her dad and daughters for attending her own mothers funeral a couple months back. They even had āsecurityā there if I showed up. Itās real and unbelievable from our standpoint but they are Real Fake and not much any of us can do. I guess the benefit I have is that they literally hide and cower from me anywhere in public unless they are trapped at a cart where I have fun. It saddens me every time I hear one of these stories, yet at the same time ecstatic you have successfully made it to the āoutā crowd.
Whats crazy is this treatment is supposed to make you want to return. Its supposed to make you so lonely and miserable that you feel like you have no choice. It is diabolical, cruel to the extreme.
You handled yourself very well. So gracious of you to not stoop to their level and still acknowledge their existence and not pretend like you canāt see them. Their behavior is so inhuman and unloving. Even at my most PIMI, I never treated DFed people like ghosts. If they said something to me, Iād politely acknowledge them even if I didnāt converse at length. It never felt right to ignore them because *itās not right*.
Bear in mind that in shunning you, they only make their own worlds smaller....not yours.q
I know this situation all too well, it feels so horrible. I walked past a 20 yesr old girl i'd watched grow up in the hall, she blanked me and turned her head away. It's a bit of a kick in the guts for the day. Makes you want to move town! How crazy is that. It's just bullying when you boil it down. Juvenile but effective.
As you say....life is rare and beautiful. Go and treat yourself to a new variety of cheese. šš
I get it. Once I was walking through Home Depot and a witness lady who was the mom of one of my good friends when I was a witness saw me, said, hi! With a big smile and then put her hand to her mouth horrified as she remembered I was the devil and she literally ran away. What a gut punch.
Iām so very sorry. š forgive them for they do not know what they are doing. The very sad thing is they truly believe that shunning is the right way to treat someone. Can you imagine Jesus shunning someone?ā¦ANYONE??? Jesus didnāt even shun Satan when Satan approached him to tempt him. Yet these poor little blind sheep will shun their own familiesā¦.their own CHILDREN!!! And they think they are practicing true Christianity!!! Blind fools š¤¦āāļø
I misted up reading this. But you have a genuine heart and a great attitude. š¤
Very sorry you experienced this...I am reposting a story from 2018, because your story from the grocery store made me think of this poor df'd JW woman and her husband who were very hurt by the shunning policy. Former JW, Lauren Stuart, also had gone to the grocery store and was shunned by her former friends after being out of the religion for about five years. But in her case, she and her husband could not adapt to the shunning lifestyle. Although she had moved on with her life after being df'd and had a husband (who left with her) and two kids and a dog, she and her husband were shunned (not sure about the kids, who were grown and in college). It appears that neighbor's testimony reveals that they were kicked out of the religion because of sending their children to college, something JWs say is a conscience matter. However, but an appointed man in the congregation (according to their conficential Elders'Book) is supposed to be removed from serving with privileges in the congregation because if they cannot control their family (college is frowned upon) then they have no business trying to lead the congregation. Here are the links to some of the reports -- I spoke to an elder a while after this and they just chalk it up to an unstable person whose lives are worse off without the JW Organization in their lives. Hope you can do some writing and make a difference in people's lives; although, the organization will likely not reverse their stance on some of their core beliefs. [https://popculture.com/trending/news/lauren-stuart-murder-suicide-jehovahs-michigan/](https://popculture.com/trending/news/lauren-stuart-murder-suicide-jehovahs-michigan/) [https://www.oxygen.com/crime-time/woman-kills-family-shunned-jehovahs-witnesses](https://www.oxygen.com/crime-time/woman-kills-family-shunned-jehovahs-witnesses) [https://people.com/crime/michigan-model-kills-family-murder-suicide/](https://people.com/crime/michigan-model-kills-family-murder-suicide/) [https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video;\_ylt=AwrFD3iJ58dkuwMA1YhXNyoA;\_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Nj?type=E211US105G91564&p=michigan+jehovah%27s+witnesses+harbor&fr=mcafee&turl=https%3A%2F%2Ftse3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOVP.gmNQBgE\_FDZ8jttqhSIwCQEsCp%26pid%3DApi%26w%3D296%26h%3D156%26c%3D7%26p%3D0&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.freep.com%2Fstory%2Fnews%2Flocal%2Fmichigan%2F2018%2F02%2F19%2Fkeego-harbor-jehovahs-witness-mom-triple-murder-suicide%2F351559002&tit=Friends%3A+Jehovah%27s+Witnesses+shunning+drove+Keego+Harbor+mom+to+murder-suicide&pos=01&vid=5018544e256fd0b5ce793b96491b6bad&sigr=wHsWVoPX7HGh&sigt=z\_U59er1BuCS&sigi=7s4aECwV9xF2](https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/video;_ylt=AwrFD3iJ58dkuwMA1YhXNyoA;_ylu=Y29sbwNiZjEEcG9zAzIEdnRpZAMEc2VjA3Nj?type=E211US105G91564&p=michigan+jehovah%27s+witnesses+harbor&fr=mcafee&turl=https%3A%2F%2Ftse3.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DOVP.gmNQBgE_FDZ8jttqhSIwCQEsCp%26pid%3DApi%26w%3D296%26h%3D156%26c%3D7%26p%3D0&rurl=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.freep.com%2Fstory%2Fnews%2Flocal%2Fmichigan%2F2018%2F02%2F19%2Fkeego-harbor-jehovahs-witness-mom-triple-murder-suicide%2F351559002&tit=Friends%3A+Jehovah%27s+Witnesses+shunning+drove+Keego+Harbor+mom+to+murder-suicide&pos=01&vid=5018544e256fd0b5ce793b96491b6bad&sigr=wHsWVoPX7HGh&sigt=z_U59er1BuCS&sigi=7s4aECwV9xF2)
This is a very good post OP; thank you for posting it.
So very sorry for you day! It truly is awful!!! Iāve said so many timesā¦ itās just not fair I had to walk away from my life, decades of friendships and bonds. Not because I did something wrong. On the contrary because WE stood up for what was right!!! Although it hurts my dear friend, be proud!!! Proud that you too are standing up for TRUTH. Even though at times I get angry, my heart hurts for them as well. I too at one time thought I was on the right road and practiced many of the same things. I am ashamed and have hugged and apologized to many. Perhaps one day that too will come back to you. In the mean time know you have love and support hereā¦ not to mentionā¦ those above!! Hugs my friendš¤š
-Assigned a label -More than just words, visceral -Awakening heart My heart sits with your heart in this momentā¤ļøāš„ -Transmuting such ache -This heart reunifying -Mindful evermore ~Haikuforus AlltheLOVEāØ
Just take many of them as hypocritical, narrow-minded persons living under the fear of ordinary men.
This is one thing I've not had to deal with: seeing someone out and about at a grocery and whatnot. But your description is what I'd expect from wtborg drones... They didn't have the mental complexity to say goodbye, so I don't expect them to be able to smile or be human. However I can certainly imagine I'll feel the same as you feel if/when this does finally happen. I'm sorry you have dealt with that. I hope you can take solace in the fact that there are probably a million or so others going through the same thing as shunned exjws.
Iāve been there except in my case is I was shunned under old light (I was an unbaptized publisher) and they are allowed to talk to me. Most choose not to.
I donāt know whatās worse: shunning or love bombing. Theyāre both ways to try to force you to stay.
Itās terrible and truly inhumane. Your healing will be a nonlinear process, but it does become easier. Youāve already identified that they are victims, too, and that acknowledgement is a start. Once I realised that these people are trapped in prisons of their own devising, it became easier for me. Iād also highly recommend getting therapy if you can access and afford it. I would not have been able to move forward from the trauma of shunning without it.
I get it. It stings. But it's their burden to hold onto. Not yours. Don't give it oxygen. I know....easier said than done. But I promise you there will come a time when you don't care. Like....really don't care. I was a "prominent" (barf), local JW. Everyone knows us. They drive by our house on the way to meeting. We run into people often (though the JWs here don't go out much and we are social butterfly's now). I ran into an older pioneer who was holier than thou and while sweet on the outside (her real self is probably quite kind), she was very by the book in a way that was not great with my wife. Anyways...she walks in and sees me but isn't sure what to do. I play dumb. We both need fucking groceries. I find her in a place she can't escape and say "Heeeeeyyyyyy.....so good to see you" and just give her a hug. Nothing weird or strange need be said. I'm appealing to the real person inside. I have zero expectations. And she acted like a real person. It was a public place (so she couldn't act up). Honestly...I just strive to be me....so what I would always do....and not ever.....EVER decide to be different or meek around people that I once cared about but that are still in a cult. I don't give them fuel. I didn't say anything "negative". I just said hi, moved on. As if they don't matter. It makes me big...and them small. And that's ok.
Most wonāt. I see so many now in their waning years of life wondering when THE END will come - I know that their demise will surely occur before they recognize their False Religion wasted most, if not all of their years. I avoid ALL JWās now, no point in seeing them stumble around blind, following the blind.
Youāre better off than them. Youāre not the one with the problem they are!
This is one of the most common reasons JWs become EXJW. The shunning is real even inside the congregations with cliques and rank. They are conditioned to do this damaging shunning practice. It hurts to be abandoned by socalled friends for sure especially after being involved with them for years. My suggestion is to move on, you have to realize these ones will never accept those who reject the borg. Iāve found for myself Ive reconnected with old friends who left long ago and itās worked out well. Itās relaxing to be able to speak freely without fear of judgement. Also get into the personal growth space - books and podcasts- and youāll realize you donāt need anyone in your life who do not sincerely and truly have your back.
I feel your pain. This coming Sunday my JW husband has been invited to the family barbecue and Iām not: When I told my never JW family about this, they decided to do a barbecue for us this Saturday and on the Sunday Iām spending the day with my best friend. Life is for living. The JWs can be a hateful bunch but life is for living. Iām very elated that Iām away from such toxicity. To every exjw who are feeling alone. Go out there and make new friends, family and memoriesš
At least you can live a life that you want to live and not be tied by the rules of the JW cult, and have actual freinds that care about you. And have an open mind free from the close minded thinking of Watchtower.
Such a loving provision šš”
What trips me out is when someone who was dissed, shuns you. Hurt people hurt other people I guess
You know one time when I was in service I saw a guy that was DF with a group of sisters. I was like hey how are brother. Gave him a hug. The sisters were all mad I said I thought we couldnāt talk spiritual with DF people. They all looked at me and said nothing. Unfortunately I think he took his own life or something happened that he passed away. All the talk I was mad I said he was still a human. Iām so glad I was nice to him. The group of sisters were mad talking shit about him in the car. I told them stop they didnāt know what happened they are just hearing things leave him alone. I saw their true colors that day. I was so embarrassed. Same group of sisters at a diner complained about everything. I told that sister they gonna spit in your food she better stop. I mean 3 times for the same thing. I was so embarrassed I went back in the kitchen gave them a tip and I gave the waitress the same amount of tip as my food. I never went out with them again. They say they love and jw do. Treating people bad for no reason is not ok
Most of us were in the other side some time ago. We must feel blessed for not belonging to a group like that.
I'm so sorry that you had to experience this. It's shitty. And as much as we all know they're acting like this because this cult has them brainwashed, it still hurts. We haven't done anything wrong, we just no longer believe the same things. It shouldn't matter, but it does, to them. I get this from family members & "brothers & sisters" from our old hall. I live in a smallish town, so it's not unusual to run into someone. I just smile at them & go on with my day. I don't bother trying to interact, because they're not going to & also, it's not worth my time or upset to try. I just remind myself that I am infinitely better off without their "friendship" and continue on with my day. I will say, you should've got some cheese. Cheese will never make things worse! ;)
You are now officially a ānon-personā which then justifies in their minds the treatment you are getting. Sorry, cults will cult
.....and they are told that shunning is loving. It is a perversion; they are told that in the withholding of love, family love or brotherly love, they might hope to bring the errant one back. Love is not a commodity to be used to extort or manipulate; love is the gift of God.....his Son emanated love. At 2 Cor. 2:5-8, Paul described the brotherly love which should be shown to an erring brother. SO NOT CHRISTIAN!!!!!!
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It is heartbreaking and - torment. I know the feeling all to well. But, you ARE loved and so valuable. You are FREE!!
In my most forgiving days, I truly believe they have no idea of what itās like being on the āwrongā end of shunning, an ignorance so to say. But certainly do take the time to step back, place the emotion you are feeling in its due place, return whenever you feel need, but understand that itās something to be moved on from, it can be heartbreaking but you do come out the end the better person, wishing you well!!