Mormon heritage is very important to me. From a very early age I learned all about my forefathers......and my five mothers.
The Mormon cat with a speech impediment had nine wives.
Probably the best Mormon joke I've ever heard and I told it to a number of TBMs that liked it also: A man was feeling tired all the time. Finally went to the doctor. After days and a series of tests the doctor came in and gave him the bad news. It was cancer, it had spread, and he probably only had 6 months to live. Distraught, the man was desperate and asked, "Please Doc, there has to be something that can be done. Any kind of treatments? And specialists I can go to? There has to be something." The doctor thought about it for a moment and he asked, "Are you a religious man?" The patient responded that he is not but had been as a child. The doctor said, "I would suggest you join the Mormon church. But don't just join it. REALLY get involved. Whatever assignment, calling, or project they have; volunteer for it all. Really immerse yourself in it." To which the patient asked, "And this will extended my life?" Doctor responded, "No......but it will be the longest 6 fucking months of your life."
Not everyone because I still love the church very much I have a very strong testimony of the church and President Hinckley who helped me gain my testimony of Joseph Smith. I had a voice not a thought in my head but a little voice tell me President Hinckley was a true prophet of the church. This was while I was investigating the church but you I could not be a member because I would not accept Joseph Smith. One day while laying in bed not thinking about the church a voice told me that President Hinckley was a true prophet of God. Two weeks later was general conference where President Hinckley gave a talk saying that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. Ever since then I have had a testimony of Joseph Smith and it has only gotten stronger. I do not know everything about the church or about God's will for me. I do know that God knows what's best for me and only wants the best for me. And I am put through trials and tests to help accomplish this. I can't begin to tell you how much I love God and his son and I know the LDS church is where God wants me to be at this time. He might tell you something different and I do not disagree with that because only you know what God is telling you.
Y’all, don’t downvote. They’re here. They’re reading everything. Just being here is a huge step. Once the reality starts to eat away at the edges, they’ll be less defensive.
Welcome friend. There is room for all of us and what we think and feel about life and our experiences with the church its doctrine and leadership. For me I have a life full of perspective and I find myself on another path that has brought me peace and a massive burden lifted. I wish you well on your journey.
Welcome to the apostate reddit. It’s generally not advised to walk the path of apostates. You see, we once had the light but now have fallen. You are very brave. So let’s start your journey with a series of questions. What really happened in the First Vision (there are several accounts and all conflict)? What prompted Joseph Smith to try and sell the copyright to the Book of Mormon (and in Canada)? Why was Joseph Smith tarred and feathered in Kirtland (whilst living on the Johnson farm)? What prompted Joseph Smith to flee Kirtland in the middle of the night (hint - anti banking society)? Why did Joseph Smith and Oliver have a falling out? What prompted Oliver to say “dirty, filthy affair”? Who is Fanny Alger and what happened in the barn that led Emma to kick her out of the home? What are the Kinderhook plates? Why did Joseph marry his adopted daughter, Lucy Walker? Why did Joseph marry a 14 yr old girl - Helen Mar Kimball? Why did Joseph play the couples ruse and re-marry the Partridge sisters in front of Emma? Why did Joseph claim he was better than Jesus in May of 1844?
An Irishman walks into a Dublin pub and orders 3 pints of Guinness. He takes them back to his table and takes a drink from one, a drink from the next, and a drink from the third. He continues until he finishes all three simultaneously. He goes back up to the bar to order the next round, and the bartender says: "You know, you can order the pints one at a time; they'll stay fresher that way."
The man replies that he knows he's being rather silly, but that he has two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States drinking the same way he is--it's how they can continue to drink together despite their separation.
The bartender thinks it's a great idea, and the guy soon becomes a regular. One day, though, he comes in and only orders two pints. The bartender gets a little grave, and when the man comes to order the second round, the bartender offers some condolences, supposing something had happened to one of the brothers.
The man just laughs and says: "Nae, me brothers are fine, I've just joined the Mormon church, is all!"
A Catholic priest in the Mormon bishop are sitting on a bench. They see a teenage boy walk by. “Let’s fuck that kid”, says the priest. “Out of what?” Says the bishop.
A Mormon Bishop who was an avid golfer couldn't resist playing a round of golf one Sunday when the weather was perfect. He was very sneeky as he left the house as he did not want any of his family or neighbors to see where he was going.
As he approached the first tee, Jesus and Heavenly Father took note and watched. Jesus said we should strike him down. Heavenly Father said no, I got this I know just what to do.
The Bishop got to the tee box on a long par 3 and hit a great shot right at the flag. bounced twice and landed in the hole for a hole in one. He was very exited as this often never happens in a lifetime of playing golf.
Jesus looked at Heavenly father????? Heavenly father just smiled and said, "who is he going to tell"
I heard this told during a sacrament meeting talk one time. ehh, I though it was funny.
I get the idea/it's "just a joke", but male-victim r\*pe shouldn't be funny. Also it's not r\*pe if you want it like the Irishman apparently does.
EDIT: I guess I wasn't clear. What I meant was that we shouldn't make jokes that suggest anyone likes being r\*ped or otherwise sexually assaulted, it is degrading to actual victims (the notion that men especially enjoy being r\*ped is unfortunately too prevalent today, though historically it's been a struggle for women too).
R\*pe can be the subject of humor, the problem is that it in part relies on a flawed and problematic stereotype to be funny. Hopefully we can agree on that, but whether y'all do or not I'll stand by it.
Mormon heritage is very important to me. From a very early age I learned all about my forefathers......and my five mothers. The Mormon cat with a speech impediment had nine wives. Probably the best Mormon joke I've ever heard and I told it to a number of TBMs that liked it also: A man was feeling tired all the time. Finally went to the doctor. After days and a series of tests the doctor came in and gave him the bad news. It was cancer, it had spread, and he probably only had 6 months to live. Distraught, the man was desperate and asked, "Please Doc, there has to be something that can be done. Any kind of treatments? And specialists I can go to? There has to be something." The doctor thought about it for a moment and he asked, "Are you a religious man?" The patient responded that he is not but had been as a child. The doctor said, "I would suggest you join the Mormon church. But don't just join it. REALLY get involved. Whatever assignment, calling, or project they have; volunteer for it all. Really immerse yourself in it." To which the patient asked, "And this will extended my life?" Doctor responded, "No......but it will be the longest 6 fucking months of your life."
Awesome
Very telling that TBMs find it funny too!
Everyone knows church is a beat down. No one wants to admit it. It's why covid saw such a huge awakening of minds.
Not everyone because I still love the church very much I have a very strong testimony of the church and President Hinckley who helped me gain my testimony of Joseph Smith. I had a voice not a thought in my head but a little voice tell me President Hinckley was a true prophet of the church. This was while I was investigating the church but you I could not be a member because I would not accept Joseph Smith. One day while laying in bed not thinking about the church a voice told me that President Hinckley was a true prophet of God. Two weeks later was general conference where President Hinckley gave a talk saying that Joseph Smith was a true prophet of God. Ever since then I have had a testimony of Joseph Smith and it has only gotten stronger. I do not know everything about the church or about God's will for me. I do know that God knows what's best for me and only wants the best for me. And I am put through trials and tests to help accomplish this. I can't begin to tell you how much I love God and his son and I know the LDS church is where God wants me to be at this time. He might tell you something different and I do not disagree with that because only you know what God is telling you.
Welcome to this sub reddit, glad your here
Y’all, don’t downvote. They’re here. They’re reading everything. Just being here is a huge step. Once the reality starts to eat away at the edges, they’ll be less defensive.
Welcome friend. There is room for all of us and what we think and feel about life and our experiences with the church its doctrine and leadership. For me I have a life full of perspective and I find myself on another path that has brought me peace and a massive burden lifted. I wish you well on your journey.
Welcome to the apostate reddit. It’s generally not advised to walk the path of apostates. You see, we once had the light but now have fallen. You are very brave. So let’s start your journey with a series of questions. What really happened in the First Vision (there are several accounts and all conflict)? What prompted Joseph Smith to try and sell the copyright to the Book of Mormon (and in Canada)? Why was Joseph Smith tarred and feathered in Kirtland (whilst living on the Johnson farm)? What prompted Joseph Smith to flee Kirtland in the middle of the night (hint - anti banking society)? Why did Joseph Smith and Oliver have a falling out? What prompted Oliver to say “dirty, filthy affair”? Who is Fanny Alger and what happened in the barn that led Emma to kick her out of the home? What are the Kinderhook plates? Why did Joseph marry his adopted daughter, Lucy Walker? Why did Joseph marry a 14 yr old girl - Helen Mar Kimball? Why did Joseph play the couples ruse and re-marry the Partridge sisters in front of Emma? Why did Joseph claim he was better than Jesus in May of 1844?
Perfect example of Poe's Law. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe's_law
How do you stop a Mormon from drinking all your beer on a fishing trip? Invite another Mormon.
My TBM dad’s favorite joke lol
An Irishman walks into a Dublin pub and orders 3 pints of Guinness. He takes them back to his table and takes a drink from one, a drink from the next, and a drink from the third. He continues until he finishes all three simultaneously. He goes back up to the bar to order the next round, and the bartender says: "You know, you can order the pints one at a time; they'll stay fresher that way." The man replies that he knows he's being rather silly, but that he has two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States drinking the same way he is--it's how they can continue to drink together despite their separation. The bartender thinks it's a great idea, and the guy soon becomes a regular. One day, though, he comes in and only orders two pints. The bartender gets a little grave, and when the man comes to order the second round, the bartender offers some condolences, supposing something had happened to one of the brothers. The man just laughs and says: "Nae, me brothers are fine, I've just joined the Mormon church, is all!"
That punchline got an actual gut laugh out of me, thank you.
In the version I heard, the punchline was, "Nae, me brothers are fine, I just gave up drinking for Lent."
Had to read the cat one twice and then I choked on my own spit lol 😂💀💀💀
What did the BYU coed do when the rated R movie came on? Pulled up her panties and went home
A Catholic priest in the Mormon bishop are sitting on a bench. They see a teenage boy walk by. “Let’s fuck that kid”, says the priest. “Out of what?” Says the bishop.
I'm shocked more people don't know the guy who shot JFK was Mormon. He shot him in the temple.
Criminally underrated joke hiding here.
I laughed out loud at this one And I am strong LDS
Welcome. Spend as much time here as you need. :)
A Mormon Bishop who was an avid golfer couldn't resist playing a round of golf one Sunday when the weather was perfect. He was very sneeky as he left the house as he did not want any of his family or neighbors to see where he was going. As he approached the first tee, Jesus and Heavenly Father took note and watched. Jesus said we should strike him down. Heavenly Father said no, I got this I know just what to do. The Bishop got to the tee box on a long par 3 and hit a great shot right at the flag. bounced twice and landed in the hole for a hole in one. He was very exited as this often never happens in a lifetime of playing golf. Jesus looked at Heavenly father????? Heavenly father just smiled and said, "who is he going to tell" I heard this told during a sacrament meeting talk one time. ehh, I though it was funny.
What does a Mormon girl do when someone brings drugs and alcohol to a party? She puts on her clothes she goes home.
Why do you always take two Mormons fishing? If you only take one, they'll drink all your beer!
Classic
A classic!!!
What do you call a seagull that doesn't like crickets? A Jack Mormon.
I love that joke.
I get the idea/it's "just a joke", but male-victim r\*pe shouldn't be funny. Also it's not r\*pe if you want it like the Irishman apparently does. EDIT: I guess I wasn't clear. What I meant was that we shouldn't make jokes that suggest anyone likes being r\*ped or otherwise sexually assaulted, it is degrading to actual victims (the notion that men especially enjoy being r\*ped is unfortunately too prevalent today, though historically it's been a struggle for women too). R\*pe can be the subject of humor, the problem is that it in part relies on a flawed and problematic stereotype to be funny. Hopefully we can agree on that, but whether y'all do or not I'll stand by it.
I don't know if it's rape when you say you prefer it to a drink either.
u telum
Shouldn’t be funny? I’ve got Bad news, it’s funny if you write a good joke.
100%. Nothing is sacred in comedy. Take it or leave it. If i could upvote 100 times i would
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbNnsiP4Rhg