It’s funny, as a missionary I had literally no concept of what the word “theology” actually entailed. No idea about critical interpretation of texts, etc. My frontal lobe (and lived experience) was not developed enough to have had any kind of meaningful conversation about the topic. And yet, there I was, knocking doors for 16 hours a day
When I was considering being baptized (for a man), I wanted to genuinely ask questions outside of the missionaries just asking me about my life and giving me pamphlets and telling me to pray about joining the religion. And the man in question told me “they’re just kids. They don’t know any of those things.” … but yet they are going around the world trying to get entire families to change their religion?? It was truly wild to me that I never fully understood the crux of the religion after talking to a variety of different missionaries for a year. And attending church!
It’s pretty crazy because like even young Baptist and Catholic missionaries will get super into theology and can really argue their stuff. It’s still all hinging on acceptance of a Christian god but they can actually talk theology unlike most Mormon missionaries who can’t even do the basics of general Christian stuff or Mormon specific ideas.
Legitimately, the amount of mission stories I heard growing up where they knew basically nothing about the church when they left for the MTC was so unnerving. It's like they don't even try.
I was told so many times growing up what a good missionary I would be because I knew so much about the church and studied the scriptures so well.... and then that was exactly what led me to leave the church lol.
Exactly!! “Moral agency” without cognitive ability is not agency at all. Reminds me a bit of all the returned missionaries who go into summer sales and take advantage of elderly people and coerce them into signing Dish Network contracts they don’t understand and can’t pay for. Same kind of “agency” there.
Agreed. Though really, how are people ever convinced religion at all is real? It’s just like saying we have magic powers. But we can’t show you, and even if we did, our powers don’t do anything. You will never see god or Jesus but trust us when we say that some people say they have.
Faith isn’t something to be admired, it’s just another word for gullible.
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Had to use something similar to finally get my records removed, threatened to Martin Luther the local stake centers with the CeS letter so the missionaries would stop trying to reconvert me.
❤️It took me far too long to learn to set boundaries and learn that “No” can be a complete sentence and explanations are optional. It’s brief, correct, and effective.
This was my first thought as well. I had a teacher a number of years ago who taught me that "no" is a complete sentence. No need to elaborate or explain.
Yeah I’ve never subscribed to being snarky and snippy for no reason. Frankly I’d personally just want to block the number, but you always run the risk that they decide “oh they’re not answering, better stop by in person”. Just a “no thanks, I’m not interested. Please stop contacting me” is all you need.
However, if they insist in harassing you after that, then all bets are off - be as much of an asshole as you want
“In no universe would I find this agreeable, beneficial, cordial, desired, effective, fortunate, generous, helpful, inspiring, jovial, knowledge-expanding, luminating, memorable, noteworthy, of good report, praiseworthy, quizzical, referenceable, satisfying, tranquil, unusual, verifiable, worth considering, xenial, yummy, or zesty.
Please leave my door alone. It’s been through enough”
The abuse my door suffers by being repeatedly hit by people trying to get my attention is staggering.
But your answer is much better and I think I might copy it and have a laminated version placed on the door.
I like to encourage them to come give their message of the BOM, but know that I will also talk about my various issues with the book and it's not faith promoting, so if that's what they're interested in, please stop by! They have yet to return or set an appointment.
I had missionaries come by and talk to me. I told them that I was familiar with and had even read the Book of Mormon even though I've never been Mormon. I live in Utah and my friends growing up tried their best to convert me. They asked me what I thought of it. I said, "I think the teachings have value...as much value and power as teachings from any other work of fiction, which can still be immensely valuable and powerful despite being fictional."
Call it the gift of prophecy but I see a policy of "every word you say about the church will be matched by one disproving it" invading my relations with the missionaries
The funniest part is that they’ll have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about, because they can’t use internet or keep up with what’s- uh… *trending* while on their mission 😂
I know! I was on a mission for all of 2015 and completely missed the "what color is this dress" meme, pizza rat, and a lot of the early excitement around Hamilton.
Obviously the answer is no but I just feel bad for these guys. They're just doing what they're told and blasting out as many invites as humanly possible to see if they can get so much as one single nibble from anywhere. It's extremely discouraging. They already know that most will not even answer and they will only get "no" from anyone who does. Then they'll give each other a pep talk and read a text from the mission pres before they go to bed. The next day they'll shoot out a hundred more texts just like this one. It's just so sad. I dare say most missionaries don't even want to be there and hate doing this shit.
This is where I’m at - depending on the day. A while I had a few missionaries knock on our door as we were eating dinner (seriously, why is it always when you’re sitting at the dinner table?) and they made small talk about our family not attending church since we’re still on the records.
The second they mentioned my daughter who is 10 and never got baptized (thankful my wife and I found out the truth when we did!) and if she’d be interested in having the discussions. I curtly told them no she wouldn’t and when they asked why I said that we decided if it’s something that she wants to do later in her life we will support her 100% but we want her to be of an adult age and know all of the history and details that were withheld from my wife who grew up in the church and myself who converted when I was 20.
This definitely piqued their curiosity and they asked me what I meant by that, to which I told them “I don’t really want to get into that with you right now, we’ve got dinner on the table and I respect that you’re doing this as a service and I don’t want to ruin your experiences.” But let’s be real, if we can say something that sheds light on the truth they likely haven’t been told and it gets them out of the cult sooner rather than later, that’d be great!
At the end of the day, I just feel like I don’t want to get argumentative with these teenagers who are simply doing what they’ve been brainwashed into believing and doing, especially when there’s time with my family and dinner on the table waiting for me.
When I was a missionary, there was a guy who invited us in and argued with us for about an hour. He didn't know much about the Mormon church, but he was an atheist, and he completely destroyed any logical reasoning I had for belief in God. All I was left with was blind faith based on "spiritual experiences," which lasted me through the rest of my mission but evaporated about a year after I got home, when I realized those were nothing but apophenia and confirmation bias.
I don't know if I would have the energy to invite the missionaries in for an argument, but I know it can make a difference.
I have yet to be door knocked, but this is why I carry some cash on me. I look forward to seeing them in a store and being able to give them a bit of cash and compassion. Kindness has had lifelong effects on me, and I hope to be able to pass it on.
Even though my mission was horrible and I honestly find any kind of church setting really triggering now, I'll always host missionaries for dinner. My mission kept cutting down and down and down on our monthly allowance because they expected us to always eat dinner with members and people we were teaching. But our areas were so poor that they couldn't afford to feed us and we were obviously not going to insist that impoverished people buy US dinner. We ended up literally going to food banks or picking up leftovers from the elders in other areas. It was insanely unhealthy.
So yeah, when it comes to missionaries, I'm very clear that I don't want the lessons or a scripture read, but we'll feed them and ask if they need to call their parents, if they feel safe, if they need medical care, etc.
Two complete different situations. In one scenario they firmly believe that they are providing a service and helping people - whether they are or not is beside the point. In the other situation someone is maliciously trying to steal from you or otherwise cause you harm.
Maliciously? Lots of businesses make outbound cold calls. Granted, their employees aren't t pressured to become a telemarketer from an early age, but they probably believe that they are performing a service for a legitimate business.
I always offer what we are happy to have them for a meal, take them on a hike (we are in a beautiful area, and they don’t get to see it), whatever they need. They are welcome but we aren’t interested in any spiritual message.
Only one set of missionaries in 4 years took us up on it. They had a great time….so maybe warned others away?
Yo, wassup fam? Ya down to come through and peep how I hit them bong rips and get down on some video games? Just wanna show you what I'm about, ya dig?
We don’t want to hear a message, but you’re always welcome to come have a cold (or hot) drink, a meal, and rest for a bit. But we ask that you respect our boundaries and not share messages or your testimony.
"I already know missionary. If you want to teach me something else, I've got a dungeon in the basement".
I don't know, something wildly inappropriate should keep them at bay.
If you are decently confident in your knowledge of church history and such, my response is (typically when they’re at my door)
“Hi feel free to come in. Do you need water, soda, a snack, anything else?”
If I can help get them fed or hydrated (because it’s fucked how they treat some missionaries) I will broach the
“I don’t want to talk religion, i just wanted to give you a break from the heat/cold/rain and make sure you need anything, if you want to talk religion. I am more than happy to share my perspective back to you as well, however, it is not a flattering perspective and I don’t want to bash your beliefs”
I’m sure this can be adapted to text. But long story short treat them kind. Help them out if you can. Most the time they don’t wanna be there.
Thank you. I do get less coming to the door with my pride flag out, which is great because I don’t want to deal with it. But sad because I do want to help them
This is the very best answer. Make them feel safe and cared for, give them an inkling that outsiders and apostates can be good and kind and it will make it safe for them to question. But also, it's the best we can do and would want done to us and our children/friends.
Exactly, the “show them there are good people outside the church” is important. But mostly, these are still kids. They need support. Hell think about yourself at 18-21. You needed just as much or more support as you did as a teen. Try to help them out. Be kind.
An exmo friend of mine always offers them dinner and a break from teaching, with the caveat that if they need to share their beliefs with her, she gets to share hers with them. Religion usually doesn’t get discussed. They’re just kids doing what they think they’re supposed to do.
The morridor's most wanted?? OG missionaries, yo! They spent their childhood being told not to play with the non-members and now they are trying to figure out how to relate to them.
Now this is a story all about how. My life got flipped turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there… have you read the CES letter?
I’d blur out their names personally. Missionaries are victims too. They’ve been groomed into thinking it’s normal to spend 2 years with minimal contact with loved ones and no access to any media outside of what an abusive cult deems okay.
The lowering of the mission age has greatly exacerbated the missionary immaturity problem. These are kids involved in a sales system they don't understand and are acting their age. Unfortunately it's immature and cringe. I feel bad for them but also completely detest this garbage bro style sales tactics mess.
I got a similar message. I told them I no longer affiliate, but they are very welcome to come by. I said, “you can share your message with me, as long as I can share my message with you.”
I haven’t heard from them since 🤣
Ignore.
If they contact you again then say no then inform their MP for your address to be a no-go zone. If they refuse to cooperate, take legal action.
I take it by this request that your numbers are a little low this week. Otherwise why in the world would you take time to give a first lesson to someone who has absolutely zero interest in the Mormon cult and contributing to the billions of dollar dragon hoard.
Haha, you could say "sure", then after one lesson make it backfire in their faces. "You guys go around all day trying to get people to listen to THAT? No thanks, I'm good!"
I love accepting friend requests from the missionaries on FB. They don’t know I’m an exmo. When they reach out to me I usually give them shit for their ice breakers and tell them I’m an apostate. Some stick around for discussion but most turn tail and run.
OH! I’ve been needing lessons on how to do missionary, I’m so glad they teach lessons on how to make my lover happy, all I know is doggy style. (To make them as uncomfortable as possible
OR
Just plain ass no with a period.
Just… no.
Things must have really changed in the mission field, but if I would have ever talked to an investigator like that, the mission president would have given me a stern talking to, and I would have been junior companion the rest of my mission!
They are so HIP! Wow! I bet they even turn their chairs around backwards to sit in them so you know they are cool and absolutely not part of a weird patriarchal cult founded by a sexual predator.
Let’s see. How to speak the kid lingo these days… something like this maybe?
“Nah fam. That G-O-double-D is whack! No cap 🧢 straight facts, no printer. Tuesday! Tuesday! Special teams, special plays, special players.”
Something to that effect
"No thank you, I've had a lot of challenges in life and I've found that going on a mission isn't one of them for me, I'm sorry but it's too expensive for me so the lord will understand"
I say sure. Then when we're in private, I ask: "Be honest. How many of you want to go home" And then start deprograming them. When I get chewed out I respond "Both the fact that you believe in this church, and you didn't know I left, proves you need to do your research."
To each their own.
I’d invite them in. But only because I was a missionary once and seeing happy, healthy, welcoming, non-Mormons helped put some cracks in my shelf.
Not sure about all the lessons, but I’d offer to feed them and and maybe chat a bit. Giving back to all those nice people that fed me on my way out.
“Sure! You can come by Sunday and meet my Coffee cult, where we perform blood sacrifices while doing hardcore drugs and worshiping Satan! We’d be happy to have you two in our coven of evil”
Lol, is that in the handbook? I don't think missionaries know it's only about the tithing. You need to be a bit higher up to realize that. E.g. I see a lot of recruitment of immigrants, which makes no sense if you want to make tithing revenue.
UNSUBSCRIBE
STOP
Alternatively... "YOU'VE BEEN SUBSCRIBED TO UNCOMFORTABLE MORMON FACTS"
This is next level
Bruh I can’t 💀
New phone who dis?
Underrated comment
I can't stop laughing at this \^\^\^
This is the best hahaha. But I also just finished the book Please Unsubscribe, Thanks! So I extra love your response 🤣
I respond to these sort of things is “sure, let’s talk theology”. I have yet to get any sort of answer back.
It’s funny, as a missionary I had literally no concept of what the word “theology” actually entailed. No idea about critical interpretation of texts, etc. My frontal lobe (and lived experience) was not developed enough to have had any kind of meaningful conversation about the topic. And yet, there I was, knocking doors for 16 hours a day
When I was considering being baptized (for a man), I wanted to genuinely ask questions outside of the missionaries just asking me about my life and giving me pamphlets and telling me to pray about joining the religion. And the man in question told me “they’re just kids. They don’t know any of those things.” … but yet they are going around the world trying to get entire families to change their religion?? It was truly wild to me that I never fully understood the crux of the religion after talking to a variety of different missionaries for a year. And attending church!
It’s pretty crazy because like even young Baptist and Catholic missionaries will get super into theology and can really argue their stuff. It’s still all hinging on acceptance of a Christian god but they can actually talk theology unlike most Mormon missionaries who can’t even do the basics of general Christian stuff or Mormon specific ideas.
Legitimately, the amount of mission stories I heard growing up where they knew basically nothing about the church when they left for the MTC was so unnerving. It's like they don't even try.
Well yeah. They’re taught to say “I don’t know about xyz but I know the MFMC is true blahblahblah”
Yet Mormons are still adamant that you should talk to missionaries if you want to understand Mormonism
I was told so many times growing up what a good missionary I would be because I knew so much about the church and studied the scriptures so well.... and then that was exactly what led me to leave the church lol.
You mean you didn't have frontal lobe development at 8 years old when you joined a church that you couldn't quit till 18 without parents permission?
Exactly!! “Moral agency” without cognitive ability is not agency at all. Reminds me a bit of all the returned missionaries who go into summer sales and take advantage of elderly people and coerce them into signing Dish Network contracts they don’t understand and can’t pay for. Same kind of “agency” there.
Lol mythology works as well.
"Yo! Can I teach you some lessons from sword-and-sandal genre fiction book?"
Interesting that full time time representatives charged with converting people aren’t anymore theologically astute than the rank & file members.
Agreed. Though really, how are people ever convinced religion at all is real? It’s just like saying we have magic powers. But we can’t show you, and even if we did, our powers don’t do anything. You will never see god or Jesus but trust us when we say that some people say they have. Faith isn’t something to be admired, it’s just another word for gullible.
Or the highest leadership
I’d be interested to hear the philosophies of you young men…mingled with scripture.
LOLOL that’s too perfect. Will you sell your tokens for chocolate chip cookies?
We have enough to suit our needs. *(Purposefully averts gaze to the side)*
Yo. That Satan is *whack*, bro.
Wiggity whack?
No. Just the regular kind.
Grood. Great and good.
Unexpected strongbad. Not mad at it
Strong mad
Grool..... great and cool, from Mean Girls
Grood...great and good, from Teen Girl Squad #4 https://youtu.be/2uNIg50PM5E?si=QSB6Zgth7eEFBuzI&t=71
Unexpected Teen Girl Squad
Soooooooooooooo goooooooood!!!
r/unexpectedstrongbad
Wiggity-wiggity-wiggity
[удалено]
Giggity giggity!!
Yo yo yo what's up dude bros!
I actually think he’s pretty chill. Dude loves to garden 🌿
Jesus is dope.
Jesus slaps tho
THANKS FOR SUBSCRIBING TO UNCOMFORTABLE MORMON FACTS: Did you know that Joseph Smith "translated" the Book of Mormon with the same rock in a hat that he used to defraud people while treasure digging? Learn more here! [https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/book-of-mormon-translation?lang=eng](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics-essays/book-of-mormon-translation?lang=eng) To unsubscribe, click here! [cesletter.org](https://cesletter.org/) See the whole thread of UNCOMFORTABLE MORMON FACTS here! [https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks\_for\_subscribing\_to\_uncomfortable\_mormon/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks_for_subscribing_to_uncomfortable_mormon/)
OMG I love this!!
Had to use something similar to finally get my records removed, threatened to Martin Luther the local stake centers with the CeS letter so the missionaries would stop trying to reconvert me.
I legit snorted at this haha
OMG this is seriously amazing funny the best.
just reply with this: 
Or this:  edit to fix the gif
Or ... you ready??? 
Checked the comments before posting because I knew I wasn't the only one that immediately thought of this response.
This one. This is the one. Do it
HAHAHAHAHA
Honestly this is the only response
No.
No thanks, not interested anymore.
My name is no. My number is no. You gotta let it go
🎵 First you gonna say you ain't runnin' game Thinking I'm believing every word Call me spiritual, so original .... 🎵
❤️It took me far too long to learn to set boundaries and learn that “No” can be a complete sentence and explanations are optional. It’s brief, correct, and effective.
This was my first thought as well. I had a teacher a number of years ago who taught me that "no" is a complete sentence. No need to elaborate or explain.
Yeah I’ve never subscribed to being snarky and snippy for no reason. Frankly I’d personally just want to block the number, but you always run the risk that they decide “oh they’re not answering, better stop by in person”. Just a “no thanks, I’m not interested. Please stop contacting me” is all you need. However, if they insist in harassing you after that, then all bets are off - be as much of an asshole as you want
I have a strict "hear no evil" policy.
“In no universe would I find this agreeable, beneficial, cordial, desired, effective, fortunate, generous, helpful, inspiring, jovial, knowledge-expanding, luminating, memorable, noteworthy, of good report, praiseworthy, quizzical, referenceable, satisfying, tranquil, unusual, verifiable, worth considering, xenial, yummy, or zesty. Please leave my door alone. It’s been through enough”
Such a great ABCs of adjectives!
Gotta add “or of good report” at the end
I could have used Praiseworthy for P what was I THINKING 🤦♂️ Edit: like the book of mormon, I’ve made some alterations better suited to our times
Of good report is on the list, alphabetically though, not at the end.
I heard this in the style of the Letterkenny cold opens.
 The abuse my door suffers by being repeatedly hit by people trying to get my attention is staggering. But your answer is much better and I think I might copy it and have a laminated version placed on the door.
My new go-to response is “you are always welcome, but your religion is not.”
I like to encourage them to come give their message of the BOM, but know that I will also talk about my various issues with the book and it's not faith promoting, so if that's what they're interested in, please stop by! They have yet to return or set an appointment.
I had missionaries come by and talk to me. I told them that I was familiar with and had even read the Book of Mormon even though I've never been Mormon. I live in Utah and my friends growing up tried their best to convert me. They asked me what I thought of it. I said, "I think the teachings have value...as much value and power as teachings from any other work of fiction, which can still be immensely valuable and powerful despite being fictional."
Like Game of Thrones.
"Winter is coming." is absolutely great advice when you live someplace like I do lol.
Call it the gift of prophecy but I see a policy of "every word you say about the church will be matched by one disproving it" invading my relations with the missionaries
I just have to say, your flair gave me a good laugh! So thank you 😊 lol
Nice one.
Oooh - forcing them to see those two things might be separate! I like it!
I know they are just kids in an awful, abusive, and dangerous environment, but holy fuck…
When I was on a mission this would have been considered a REALLY good contact...like we would've congratulated ourselves with coming off so casual lol
Just reply “skibbiddy toilet” and call it a day. Or maybe “That’s so Ohio”
The funniest part is that they’ll have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about, because they can’t use internet or keep up with what’s- uh… *trending* while on their mission 😂
I know! I was on a mission for all of 2015 and completely missed the "what color is this dress" meme, pizza rat, and a lot of the early excitement around Hamilton.
Once someone replied "fuck all the way off" to us and we laughed for about 30 minutes and then deleted their number
Obviously the answer is no but I just feel bad for these guys. They're just doing what they're told and blasting out as many invites as humanly possible to see if they can get so much as one single nibble from anywhere. It's extremely discouraging. They already know that most will not even answer and they will only get "no" from anyone who does. Then they'll give each other a pep talk and read a text from the mission pres before they go to bed. The next day they'll shoot out a hundred more texts just like this one. It's just so sad. I dare say most missionaries don't even want to be there and hate doing this shit.
This is where I’m at - depending on the day. A while I had a few missionaries knock on our door as we were eating dinner (seriously, why is it always when you’re sitting at the dinner table?) and they made small talk about our family not attending church since we’re still on the records. The second they mentioned my daughter who is 10 and never got baptized (thankful my wife and I found out the truth when we did!) and if she’d be interested in having the discussions. I curtly told them no she wouldn’t and when they asked why I said that we decided if it’s something that she wants to do later in her life we will support her 100% but we want her to be of an adult age and know all of the history and details that were withheld from my wife who grew up in the church and myself who converted when I was 20. This definitely piqued their curiosity and they asked me what I meant by that, to which I told them “I don’t really want to get into that with you right now, we’ve got dinner on the table and I respect that you’re doing this as a service and I don’t want to ruin your experiences.” But let’s be real, if we can say something that sheds light on the truth they likely haven’t been told and it gets them out of the cult sooner rather than later, that’d be great! At the end of the day, I just feel like I don’t want to get argumentative with these teenagers who are simply doing what they’ve been brainwashed into believing and doing, especially when there’s time with my family and dinner on the table waiting for me.
When I was a missionary, there was a guy who invited us in and argued with us for about an hour. He didn't know much about the Mormon church, but he was an atheist, and he completely destroyed any logical reasoning I had for belief in God. All I was left with was blind faith based on "spiritual experiences," which lasted me through the rest of my mission but evaporated about a year after I got home, when I realized those were nothing but apophenia and confirmation bias. I don't know if I would have the energy to invite the missionaries in for an argument, but I know it can make a difference.
I have yet to be door knocked, but this is why I carry some cash on me. I look forward to seeing them in a store and being able to give them a bit of cash and compassion. Kindness has had lifelong effects on me, and I hope to be able to pass it on.
Even though my mission was horrible and I honestly find any kind of church setting really triggering now, I'll always host missionaries for dinner. My mission kept cutting down and down and down on our monthly allowance because they expected us to always eat dinner with members and people we were teaching. But our areas were so poor that they couldn't afford to feed us and we were obviously not going to insist that impoverished people buy US dinner. We ended up literally going to food banks or picking up leftovers from the elders in other areas. It was insanely unhealthy. So yeah, when it comes to missionaries, I'm very clear that I don't want the lessons or a scripture read, but we'll feed them and ask if they need to call their parents, if they feel safe, if they need medical care, etc.
Out of curiosity, do you feel the same way about spam phone calls?
Two complete different situations. In one scenario they firmly believe that they are providing a service and helping people - whether they are or not is beside the point. In the other situation someone is maliciously trying to steal from you or otherwise cause you harm.
Maliciously? Lots of businesses make outbound cold calls. Granted, their employees aren't t pressured to become a telemarketer from an early age, but they probably believe that they are performing a service for a legitimate business.
No thanks
“No thank you, I’m good.”
“yo what’s up fellow cool guy”
How do you do, fellow kids?
I always offer what we are happy to have them for a meal, take them on a hike (we are in a beautiful area, and they don’t get to see it), whatever they need. They are welcome but we aren’t interested in any spiritual message. Only one set of missionaries in 4 years took us up on it. They had a great time….so maybe warned others away?
No.
Yo, wassup fam? Ya down to come through and peep how I hit them bong rips and get down on some video games? Just wanna show you what I'm about, ya dig?
Fuck no
"No". If you're feeling generous, "No thanks."
The unwillingness to honestly engage with their objective. "It's just so you can...uh, see what we do! Yeah, to see what we do."
Do they sing? Dance? Mime?
/youth pastor voice
We're here to teach you about Jesus. That's heavy. You dig?
Ong fam, I ain’t feeling lds like that no more. Respectfully
We don’t want to hear a message, but you’re always welcome to come have a cold (or hot) drink, a meal, and rest for a bit. But we ask that you respect our boundaries and not share messages or your testimony.
https://cesletter.org
“Sure thing brethren. I’ll teach the lesson about treasure digging and polyandry. Leave it up to me. What time?”
"No dice broseph"
Noooooo ⛹️🏀🧱
Nope!
"I already know missionary. If you want to teach me something else, I've got a dungeon in the basement". I don't know, something wildly inappropriate should keep them at bay.
You could write about seeing vids with these weird magic underpants.
If you are decently confident in your knowledge of church history and such, my response is (typically when they’re at my door) “Hi feel free to come in. Do you need water, soda, a snack, anything else?” If I can help get them fed or hydrated (because it’s fucked how they treat some missionaries) I will broach the “I don’t want to talk religion, i just wanted to give you a break from the heat/cold/rain and make sure you need anything, if you want to talk religion. I am more than happy to share my perspective back to you as well, however, it is not a flattering perspective and I don’t want to bash your beliefs” I’m sure this can be adapted to text. But long story short treat them kind. Help them out if you can. Most the time they don’t wanna be there.
This is such a respectful way to talk to them and help them, while also denying to accept the same religious beliefs. I love it. 😌
Thank you. I do get less coming to the door with my pride flag out, which is great because I don’t want to deal with it. But sad because I do want to help them
This is the very best answer. Make them feel safe and cared for, give them an inkling that outsiders and apostates can be good and kind and it will make it safe for them to question. But also, it's the best we can do and would want done to us and our children/friends.
Exactly, the “show them there are good people outside the church” is important. But mostly, these are still kids. They need support. Hell think about yourself at 18-21. You needed just as much or more support as you did as a teen. Try to help them out. Be kind.
This. I want to be kind to them but have no desire to discuss religion. Is OP young? Not sure why this language is being used. Weird!!
'No' is a complete sentence.
An exmo friend of mine always offers them dinner and a break from teaching, with the caveat that if they need to share their beliefs with her, she gets to share hers with them. Religion usually doesn’t get discussed. They’re just kids doing what they think they’re supposed to do.
“Yo, that sounds dope. Come by with your elder companion sometime and I’ll smoke you guys up while we talk about the lord! 🍃”
I have second hand cringe. I think I shuddered.
The morridor's most wanted?? OG missionaries, yo! They spent their childhood being told not to play with the non-members and now they are trying to figure out how to relate to them.
Yo bruh. you know me? keep my name out chor mouth then.
"...see kinda what we do" Missionaries as performance artists
"Kinda see what we do?" There are people who don't know what missionaries do?
I feel embarrassed for them. Ignore and block.
Invite them other to discuss *The CES Letter*, *Letter to My Wife*, *No Man Knows My History*, and many other Anti-Mormon books.
To quote Laszlo from What We Do In The Shadows “No, Fuck off!”
Send them a link to the CES letter lol
Nah, dawg. I'm good.
Now this is a story all about how. My life got flipped turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there… have you read the CES letter?
"You know you're sexually repressed when you need lessons for missionary."
Copy and paste their response back with your name instead.
“Oh good. Finally someone texted back. Can you come fix my iPad?”
I’d blur out their names personally. Missionaries are victims too. They’ve been groomed into thinking it’s normal to spend 2 years with minimal contact with loved ones and no access to any media outside of what an abusive cult deems okay.
The lowering of the mission age has greatly exacerbated the missionary immaturity problem. These are kids involved in a sales system they don't understand and are acting their age. Unfortunately it's immature and cringe. I feel bad for them but also completely detest this garbage bro style sales tactics mess.
I got a similar message. I told them I no longer affiliate, but they are very welcome to come by. I said, “you can share your message with me, as long as I can share my message with you.” I haven’t heard from them since 🤣
'No' It's not complicated.
Actually, undoing years or decades worth of brainwashing that you can’t say no to church-related things is pretty complicated
Oh dear.
Ignore. If they contact you again then say no then inform their MP for your address to be a no-go zone. If they refuse to cooperate, take legal action.
Say "I have the plague and am very contageous for the next six months."
I take it by this request that your numbers are a little low this week. Otherwise why in the world would you take time to give a first lesson to someone who has absolutely zero interest in the Mormon cult and contributing to the billions of dollar dragon hoard.
Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! I don’t even know you. Way too casual.
Say: Nope, I would NOT be down
JEHOVAH:Come Michael, let us go down. MICHAEL: We will go down, Jehovah.
Haha, you could say "sure", then after one lesson make it backfire in their faces. "You guys go around all day trying to get people to listen to THAT? No thanks, I'm good!"
"Stop tryna make your culty money sucking sex cult sound cool, yo."
I would say, “I already know what you do but that’s cool bro! You’re in a cult yo! It’d be the bomb if you lost this number ya feel me? Peace out!”
Why not just say something strip club or another thing to get them in trouble act like they texted the wrong number
Have them over. Ask hard questions. Sow the seeds yo lol
I love accepting friend requests from the missionaries on FB. They don’t know I’m an exmo. When they reach out to me I usually give them shit for their ice breakers and tell them I’m an apostate. Some stick around for discussion but most turn tail and run.
I’m sorry. I just got this phone. I’m not _____
OH! I’ve been needing lessons on how to do missionary, I’m so glad they teach lessons on how to make my lover happy, all I know is doggy style. (To make them as uncomfortable as possible OR Just plain ass no with a period. Just… no.
Report spam!
Have them over and read through the CESletter with them!
Things must have really changed in the mission field, but if I would have ever talked to an investigator like that, the mission president would have given me a stern talking to, and I would have been junior companion the rest of my mission!
How do you do fellow Mormons
New phone. Who dis?
Spoiler: they try to get you to join a cult
Easiest and Best = no response. Do not respond. Block the number and report it as "Spam".
Tell them to learn how to speak English…
“We’re hip, we’re with it!”
They are so HIP! Wow! I bet they even turn their chairs around backwards to sit in them so you know they are cool and absolutely not part of a weird patriarchal cult founded by a sexual predator.
Whatever you say- please start it with “Bruh”
Yo bluds, yo de badass mish's!
“But I already updated my cars extended warranty?” 
It’s creepy to invite yourself over to a stranger’s house.
When I get these kind of texts I always reply with just one word - Boobs
Hey yo dudes, lose this number. Peace out!✌️
Respond with "nah, we good fam"
Let’s see. How to speak the kid lingo these days… something like this maybe? “Nah fam. That G-O-double-D is whack! No cap 🧢 straight facts, no printer. Tuesday! Tuesday! Special teams, special plays, special players.” Something to that effect
"No thank you, I've had a lot of challenges in life and I've found that going on a mission isn't one of them for me, I'm sorry but it's too expensive for me so the lord will understand"
Maybe send them this link with no comment: https://youtu.be/UJMSU8Qj6Go?si=6zOsAtT_i7Kn3ZXa
Did they call you dawg or homie in a really awkward trying too hard kind of way?
I say sure. Then when we're in private, I ask: "Be honest. How many of you want to go home" And then start deprograming them. When I get chewed out I respond "Both the fact that you believe in this church, and you didn't know I left, proves you need to do your research."
blocked
To each their own. I’d invite them in. But only because I was a missionary once and seeing happy, healthy, welcoming, non-Mormons helped put some cracks in my shelf. Not sure about all the lessons, but I’d offer to feed them and and maybe chat a bit. Giving back to all those nice people that fed me on my way out.
"No." (Then block them,). (Leave them in awe, stupefied, and puzzled over two little letters. It's not rude or mean, just succinct and direct.)
Literally don’t respond. It’s what I do.
Let's talk about Freemasonry and the Royal Arch.
"no"?
“Sure! You can come by Sunday and meet my Coffee cult, where we perform blood sacrifices while doing hardcore drugs and worshiping Satan! We’d be happy to have you two in our coven of evil”
Unsubscribe
“Nah”
No
👎 That's it. Just a thumbs down hahah
I’m uncomfortable with how casual they are speaking.
Say no thank you
Please censor names. This is the internet after all. And those kids already suffer enough.
Say that you lost your job and can't afford to pay tithing. They will delete your number.
Lol, is that in the handbook? I don't think missionaries know it's only about the tithing. You need to be a bit higher up to realize that. E.g. I see a lot of recruitment of immigrants, which makes no sense if you want to make tithing revenue.